I am an only child.

I didn't have a lot of people around me who were the same

age. When I was younger, I sought out connections with family members. My cousins
are a very important part of who I am. I’m overjoyed whenever they get to visit.

My cousins would come up every summer to work on the train. Even though I love them
I would still run to my bedroom and pretend that they weren't there. It was partly
because they would flip me over their back and hang me upside down but the very next
day I would want to be around them the whole day. This one summer, my cousin
brought up his girlfriend at the time, and I was very nervous because I’m not very
friendly when people meet me. Even though I was nervous I was open to getting to
know her because he was one of my favorite cousins that I had, so I found her really
important.

We were getting ready to go on the train with Michaela (his girlfriend) and my cousin
Sam. I was having second thoughts about going because my parents and grandparents
weren’t coming, it was just going to be us. No one could understand me when I was
younger, so they didn’t know how anxious I felt. I was in my own world and had a
speech impairment, which made it very hard for me to connect with people. I also had a
hearing impairment, so I couldn’t understand other people, either. I was very nervous
about how she would like me. The train stopped to get water and Sam went
somewhere, and it was just Michaela and me. We were eating breadsticks. As I look out
the window saw a chipmunk sitting on a rock. I asked her if we could feed it some of the
breadstick crumbs. She said yes we started giving the chipmunk crumbs. In the moment
it felt like all my fear wisped away.
They were leaving to go back to Boise. I hugged her, which was really big for me
because it was only 2 days since they were here. It showed how close and comfortable
I was with her, in such a short time.

A few years later, Sam came back to Durango by himself on the last day he shows me
the ring he going to propose with. He asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was very happy
that he asked me but it would be the first wedding that I ever went to. I told him that I
need to think about it. The biggest worry was standing the whole time I heard that
weddings were long. I already had a hard time standing for a long time but with heels, it
felt like I could mess up the whole event by moving too much or accidentally sitting
down. After a week i said that i would i wanted to be part of my cousins big day. I felt
joyous that my cousin picked me out to stand with them and I got to help her join our
family. I look forward to seeing her when I can.

I think back a lot to the day i hugged her. I’m still surprised that I gave her a hug when I
was younger. I don’t think I would have done that if I met her now.
Now hat my hearing and speech are better, I’m still self-conscious about talking to
people. I’m not sure if I’m saying the right thing or if they’re hearing me correctly. t