1894 Sasquatch Ave.

Hialeah, FL 54370

February 31, 2004

Jimmy John
1894 Sasquatch Ave.
Hialeah, FL 54370

Dear Mr. John,

Thank you for sending us your letter. I grew up in the French Alps and enjoyed skiing my entire life.
When I moved to Florida, I was disappointed to find no snow or mountains anywhere near Miami, so I
decided to open a uniquely Floridian ski resort so I could share a semblance of the joys I felt in France
with the people of Florida. Unfortunately, the things you described as problems are simply facts of my
attempt to run a Floridian ski resort and cannot be solved in a feasible manner.

Moving a mountain is not viable. The costs of labor, gas, and equipment for digging up a literal mountain
would be astronomical, the logistics of moving it would be a nightmare, and reassembling it is
impossible. I’d have better luck moving one of the Appalachian Mountains because those are smaller
and much closer, but even if I somehow got every miner and engineer in the country to work on it, I
would be long dead by the time the process was even partially complete. Fake snow is far more cost
efficient than hauling real snow from one location in the United States to another. As I’m sure you’re
aware, southern Florida has a tropical climate, and we therefore cannot reasonably expect any snow any
time of year. Stronger cooling systems to accurately replicate the conditions in the Rocky Mountains are
simply not worth the money. The kind of clothing needed to be prepared for such weather isn’t sold in
Miami, and I’m not going to risk giving my clientele hypothermia for the sake of “authenticity.” Finally,
my venue simply cannot contain a ski lift. I’m in the process of getting an escalator for my largest slope,
and hopefully I can eventually get some for the others.

I understand that I couldn’t offer an authentic French Alpine (or Rocky Mountain, for that matter) ski
resort experience in Florida, so I decided that Avalanche would be a unique experience; the kind you
could only get in Florida. You may have noticed this from the advertisement, which clearly shows a man
skiing in sunglasses, a Hawaiian shirt, flip-flops, shorts, and a straw hat. I promise that the resort delivers
excellent thrills if you know what to expect. If you still insist on an authentic Rocky Mountain experience
but cannot leave Florida, I regret to inform you that you are simply out of luck.

Best Regards,

François de Champlain
François de Champlain