A Change of Pace

By Kinnon Rockness

“Have you considered looking into a labrum tear?” Coach Bradley asked. No, I hadn’t. To be
quite honest, I didn’t even know what a labrum was. But here I was, going on five months with a sharp
pain in my hip and desperation for an answer. After several weeks of doctor visits, x-rays, and MRI scans,
I received a diagnosis. Coach Bradley was right—my right hip labrum was torn, and I would need surgery
to correct the problem.

As mentioned before, the term “labrum” was something that I was completely unfamiliar with
before discovering that mine needed to be fixed. The acetabular labrum is a ring of cartilage connecting
the pelvis to the head of the femur. The most important role of the labrum is to keep the hip joint in its
socket. Labrum tears, like mine, most often occur due to high-impact sports and exercise. My injury
developed as a result of my passion for running, specifically on the track team. And the only way I would
be able to run again was through surgery and three months of intense physical therapy.

August 7, 2019. Every moment from this day will be ingrained in my mind for the rest of my life.
I put on my “Save Ferris” t-shirt that morning, drove to Charlotte with my parents and older sister, and
waited in the cold lobby of the surgery center for what seemed like an eternity. When reflecting upon it,
one word comes to mind: Fear. Fear of the surgical procedure and any possibility of something going
wrong. Fear of how I would feel after. Fear of the problem being bigger than initially expected. The
biggest sense of fear was a question lurking in the back of my mind—What if the surgery didn’t work? I
had already committed to the track and field program at Wheaton College and the fear of this being
ruined was invading all my thoughts.

Running has always been for me what most people would describe as their “go-to” or outlet. I
realized this passion for running in middle school after exceling on the track team. Ever since seventh
grade, track has become a major part of my identity and who I am as a person. Throughout high school I
could always be found running laps or charging up the steep steps of the stadium after school. I
surrounded myself with my fellow track and field teammates during classes and lunch periods. While
looking at colleges, the main focus was whether or not I would be able to run on the team. After
deciding on Wheaton College with a guaranteed spot on the track team, I knew that the next four years
would be the best years of my life. In that moment, sitting in anticipation before my operation, I was
terrified because I knew that my future would be drastically changed.

In the weeks following a successful surgery, I found myself lost in thought of what this future
would behold. For one, my chances of actually competing during my freshman year were (and still are)
very slim to none. In fact, it would be at least twelve weeks before I would be able to start jogging again.
Physical therapy was a slow process and I would come home frustrated with my limited physical
capabilities. I began to dread walking by the sports complex where I would see the track team gathering
for fall practices. I was a part of the track team, but I wasn’t satisfied because of my inability to exercise
and practice with everyone. The “track star” I had once been known as became a person of the past. I
began questioning who I was as a person and how I wanted others to perceive me.

Throughout this journey, I have come to realize the amazing works that God has done in my life.
Before my injury, I had been putting my identity in who I was as an athlete and runner. I focused on
making myself better as a runner because I felt that I needed to show everyone what I was capable of.
When the Lord placed this obstacle before me, I was able to see that I must ultimately put my trust in
Him. When I felt that I had no purpose and no value, I found that I could rely on God in order to find
who I truly am. I found that I am a child of God, and this is who I want to be known as for all of eternity.