Download as pdf or txt
Download as pdf or txt
You are on page 1of 11

powered by

Important information
from SOAS, University of London

Feedback provided by the Studiosity service will help you to improve your academic writing skills by indicating
areas for improvement related to structure, writing style, language use, spelling and grammar.

This service DOES NOT assess the quality of your response to the assessment task and how this meets the
assessment criteria and therefore any feedback received here DOES NOT provide any indication of your
FINAL mark / grade - this can only be determined by your teacher / course convenor.

The Student Learning Centre at SOAS can help you further develop your academic writing and study skills.

We offer:

One-to-one study skills tutorials, online or face to face.

A programme of online study skill workshops.

Online study skills resources.

For further information on how to access resources (including digital literacy and library) or make bookings
please visit:
https://mysoas.sharepoint.com/sites/AcademicDevelopmentResourcesandGuidance/SitePages/Study-
Skills.aspx

If you have any questions about your academic writing or study skills please email to arrange a study skills
one-to-one: tutorbookings@soas.ac.uk

If you’re looking for support to create, check, discuss or update your CV, please contact the SOAS careers
service via their website: https://www.soas.ac.uk/careers/

File: RATIONAL_CHOICE_ASSIGNMENT.docx

Student: Byron Dzinoreva


- 703975703975@soas.ac.uk

Word count: 2130


Assessment task: Essay

Feedback areas:
Structure

Choice of language

Spelling

Use Of Sources

State of document: It's my first draft

Submission ID: 4cdad242-8866-4bba-8526-68042dff85e1


Glossary

Click here to see a full glossary of English writing terms and their definitions.

RATIONAL_CHOICE_ASSIGNMENT.docx

Please note that the specialist has not proofread your work but has highlighted examples
of the types of errors you need to look out
for. Please review your entire document with
these examples in mind before you submit your assignment.

General Comments

Punnoose C Hello! We appreciate your file submission to Studiosity.


Joined in 2022 I note that this is your first copy, and you stated that this work is an
MB, Canada essay. I appreciate you including this data. The annotations that you will
find in your work should be read in conjunction with my comments in
this feedback summary.

Feedback on the structure, grammar,language, and use of sources has


been given as asked. The Studiosity service does not check to see if your
referencing is accurate because there are numerous reference formats.
However, I have examined your formatting for errors. There are only a
few things left to do in order to sharpen your writing.

In your writing, you have incorporated many significant facts. To make


sure that your arguments have been well stated, there are a few errors
that you will want to be sure to check before submitting your final
document.

I sincerely hope that my recommendations will help you with future


projects and modifications.

Structure

Your task has a strong framework overall. Because of the clear, logical division of your work into sections, it
is very easy for the reader to grasp the fundamental idea of your contention.

Your response is well developed, with relevant information leading to a logical conclusion.
Choice of language

Repetition is kept to a minimum or avoided, where possible.

There are no inappropriate instances of slang language, conversational tones, or colloquialisms evident in
the writing.

Avoiding the passive voice

Be aware of using the passive voice unnecessarily as it can make your writing more wordy and difficult to
digest for the reader when it is overused. You should aim to use active voice where possible. For example,
in this sentence, the passive voice has been used unnecessarily, leading to wordiness: 'It is considered by
many public health professionals that not all spending on health has been properly researched'. Rather,
using the active voice will make the sentence more direct and concise. For example: 'Public health
professionals believe that not all spending on health has been properly researched.'

For more information, watch this:


https://vimeo.com/725502480/d5b4411db6

Using personal pronouns

Our system found some personal pronouns such as I, you or we in your writing. While this is widely
accepted, it’s a good idea to ensure that this is permitted in this particular task. It is possible that these were
in your task description or references in which case please feel free to disregard this comment.

Spelling / Grammar

Sentences contain a subject and a predicate and express cohesive thoughts/ideas.

Spelling is accurate and consistent.

Using commas with interrupting phrases/clauses

A comma should be used to separate interrupting words/phrases/clauses from the rest of the sentence.
These interrupting words/phrases/clauses should add extra information, but they should not change the
actual meaning of the sentence if removed. For example: That student, John, was very helpful today. Mrs
Smith, the new sports teacher, showed us a new technique. John, who has just been made a Student
Councillor, is presenting his speech at assembly.

Avoiding unnecessary commas

Commas are used to separate words and clauses in a sentence or list, and help improve communication by
making our writing clearer. It is important to ensure that commas don't disrupt a clause or phrase in a
sentence, as this can confuse the reader. In the sentence 'the report, was written by Ava' has an
unnecessary comma. As the main clause needs a subject and a verb to make sense, a comma cannot be
used to split up the subject (the report) and the verb (was written) here.

Using commas with introductory phrases/clauses

In a sentence that begins with a connective word, such as however, a comma can be used to separate the
connective word from the rest of the sentence: 'However, the reporter did not interview any students.' In
sentences that begin with introductory phrases and clauses, a comma is used after the introductory phrase:
'Because of this, the article was biased.' 'Although the students were unhappy, they did not complain.'

Missing hyphen in compound adjective

Compound adjectives are two words which act as one to modify a noun, and commonly require a hyphen to
connect them. Some common examples are: absent-minded, well-known, run-down. Compound adjectives
that use numbers also often require a hyphen, for example, twentieth-century. Some words will not
require a hyphen when used as a compound adjective, for example if they come after the noun. If unsure,
check your dictionary.

Unnecessary indefinite articles

There are instances where you have used the indefinite article (a/an) incorrectly within your work. We use
'a' or 'an' when referring to a non-specific singular noun. For example, 'she is a doctor' or 'they are writing a
report'.

Missing the definite article (the)

In the following sentence, the definite article 'the' is used before the noun 'ability'. In this case it is used
because it is definitely 'this proofreading ability' that is being referred to. 'Finally, students who can
proofread will have the ability to find their own mistakes and make the necessary corrections.'

Using American-English spelling

Our system detected the use of American English in your writing. While both American and British English
are correct as long as they are used consistently, we wanted to highlight this in case this was unintentional.
When you mix up the different spellings, it can look like you've made a mistake or even change the
meaning of the word. For example, the British English colour, metre, rationalise, mum, practise (verb) and
spelt; compared to the American English color, meter, rationalize, mom, practice (noun and verb) and
spelled.

Avoiding unnecessary words

There are some instances in your writing in which words have been used that are either not necessary, or
affect the clarity of your sentences. While it is easy to accidentally leave an unnecessary word in a
sentence, as you edit and revise your work it is very important to check closely for these. Unnecessary
words can make a sentence grammatically incorrect or break the flow of the writing so that your reader can
no longer understand your meaning. I have highlighted some examples for you to review and assess
whether the words have been correctly used. If you have any doubt about whether a word is necessary or
relevant to your sentence, try reading the sentence with and without the word and choose the option that
feels easier to follow, or if in doubt, the shorter option.
Using capitalisation

Ensure you use capital letters for proper nouns such as names of people, organisations and institutions as
well as qualifications and personal titles. For example, 'John Smith', 'University of Western Australia',
'Master of Commerce', 'Dr'. Capital letters are also needed at the start of sentences.

Subject-verb agreement

The subject and verb in a sentence need to agree in number. A singular subject needs a singular verb e.g.
'The student writes', while a plural subject needs a plural verb e.g. 'The students write'. Ensure that all the
subjects agree with the verbs in your sentences.

For more information, watch this:


https://vimeo.com/725503054/5b4a59edbc

Correctly using prepositions

Some of your prepositions in your text are incorrect, which is impacting your overall clarity. Prepositions are
words that show the relationships between nouns, noun phrases and other parts of a sentence. These are
words like to, on, in, from, with and for.

Use of sources

No significant errors were discovered in either the reference list or the in-text citation. However, be careful
to reference in accordance with the institution's guidelines.

Ideas in the writing have been understood, supported, and justified using evidence.

Referrals

There are many referencing systems and different conventions depending on what you're studying. The
two main referencing systems used are (a) the Harvard system (in-text referencing), and (b) the footnote
system.
https://www.soas.ac.uk/library/subjects/politics/starting-your-research/file92359.pdf

View Reviewed Document

Submission Details

Student: Byron Dzinoreva


- 703975703975@soas.ac.uk

Word count: 2130

Assessment task: Essay

Feedback areas:
Structure

Choice of language

Spelling

Use Of Sources

State of document: It's my first draft

Submission ID:
4cdad242-8866-4bba-8526-68042dff85e1

RATIONAL_CHOICE_ASSIGNMENT.docx

Introduction
The
rationality of the public policy-making process has been a topical
issue in the policy-making field,
with various schools of thought
being put forward to explain how rationality affects the
policy-making
process. The basis of this phenomenon can be best
understood through a deep analysis of the rational
choice model,
which gives the theoretical foundations of the policy-making process
as a rational process.
This essay argues that although it is
challenging to accomplish rationality as a goal in the policy-making
process, it is crucial to keep rationality in mind because the model
deals with the creation of effective
and efficient public policies to
significantly affect people's living standards.
However,
the idea that public policymaking is a rational process is more
theoretical and fails to account
for various factors such as diverse
governance structures, political influences, competing interests,
policy formulation process, and agenda setting among other
determinants of the policy-making process,
which relegates the idea
of rationalism. This essay makes dominant the idea that policy-making
is not a
rational process as there are many factors to consider that
affect the policy-making process in the global
and ever-changing
world. Nevertheless, the writer also appreciates that theoretically,
rationalism has a
modest role to play, relying on its theoretical
underpinnings of viewing policymaking as an evidence-
based process
but rather too weak to overwhelm significant factors that are driving
policymaking in the
real world.
What
is rationalism
Dye
(1998) posits that rationalism stresses that sound policy, value
preferences, and policy alternatives
must be identified [This sentence uses passive voice. To make this sentence more powerful,
you should switch to active voice. For more of an explanation about the difference
between passive voice and active voice, please see the Feedback Summary.] and their
respective possible consequences are analyzed to come up with the
most efficient and effective policy. In
this sense, rationalism
assumes that groups and decision-makers hold equal amounts of power
and that
any discrepancies have a minimal impact on the
decision-making process. However, in authoritarian
regimes, this is
not feasible and realistic where political realism of power retention
is dominant. In other
words, because of the nature of public
institutions in authoritarian states, policy-making and analysis are
more oriented toward politics than rationalism. To support this view,
Umar and Kuye (2015) posit that,
because of their centrality in the
process, public institutions face the daunting challenge of trying to
balance the competing and frequently at-odds values of the state
apparatus and various stakeholders this
sense, public policymaking,
therefore, relies upon political power rather than rationalism. For
instance,
in authoritarian states like the Chinese model of
governance, most policy sub-systems rely on the state,
where the
state has overall control of the public policy-making process, and
undue influence of political
power on the policy-making process thus
supplanting rationalism. The zero-covid policy in China
explicitly
shows that despite the scientific findings of world health
policymakers, that covid-19 [Make
sure to capitalise proper nouns, as well as words at the start of sentences.] is now under
control due to fewer
infections and transmissions, the state has overall control over
lifting strict
restrictions. This is due to the political statecraft
of the state to maintain their censorship of the free
movement of
people, purportedly to limit public gatherings and crush dissent.
Hence, the public policy-
making process is a political process that
relies on state power rather than a rational process, in
authoritarian states, a key idea that rationalism fails to account
for.
In
addition, this essay presents a strong conviction that the idea of
rationalism in public policy-making is
more of a Westernised
phenomenon, which fails to account for the different States,
especially in the geo-
political landscape of Africa, but focuses more
on liberal Western governments. African governance
system is highly
dictatorial, where there are no strong institutions in place to make
public policy making
a rational process through bargaining and
arguing the best way forward. According to Durevall (2003),
formal
frameworks of the principal-agent relationship tend to be displayed
by informal lines of authority
based on patronage, ethnic
affiliation, and corruption. In essence, policymaking overlaps the
criteria of
rationalism due to the complexity of public institutions
in the African context. The political structure in
Africa neutralizes
the building of strong institutions which are core to making
effective public policies
and the interference of the state in the
operations of public institutions cripples the idea of rational
policymaking. As a result, political figures in charge of state
political power can dictate policies
according to their whims. For
instance, Zimbabwean private media have [The subject and verb do
not agree. Depending on whether the subject is plural or singular you will need to use a
plural or singular verb.] been criticizing the Ministry
of Agriculture for ejecting over 12 000
indigenous people from their
land in Chiredzi District to pave way for a Dendairy project of
lucerne
grass farming. The President of Zimbabwe is a shareholder in
this dairy company, and this explains why
High Court Orders to stop
the eviction of these people have failed. The challenging task of
attempting to
satisfy conflicting and frequently incompatible values
from the state apparatus and the numerous
stakeholders is faced by
public institutions of the Ministry of Agriculture because of their
key role in the
policy process. This presents an overwhelming
challenge to rational policy-making.
In
the same vein, the idea of a dysfunctional separation of powers
phenomenon in Africa relegates
rational policy-making, as the State
is heavily involved in directing and controlling the executive,
judiciary, and legislature. These are key actors that are supposed to
engage in rational policy-making
through credible policy analysis and
formulation. All these arms of government are more influenced by
politics rather than by rationalism due to the nature of public
institutions in Africa, and Zimbabwe in
particular. This means public
policymakers serve at the pleasure of politicians and will at all
costs
preserve the interests of politicians rather than citizens. In
Zimbabwe’s public sector, emphasis is
typically hierarchical and
places a strong premium on seniority, procedure, and authority which
is top-
down. In essence, a directive from a president or minister
could be considered policy. For instance, the
Zimbabwean President in
1999 declared that the Government of Zimbabwe was sending troops to
fight
the Democratic Republic of Congo war which was against the
promulgated budget statement which had
earlier rebuked this idea.
This became a policy even though it was against the economic
situation of the
country, a key policy that had been promulgated by
the treasury and economic analysts. This resulted in
the devaluation
of the Zimbabwean dollar and led to raising inflation rates. This
poses a significant
challenge to the rationality of the policymaking
process where policy outcomes are heavily embedded
and influenced by
the ruling elite in their power retention strategies. This argument
is augmented by the
realist perspective which values the idea of
state preservation where the state is always self-interested in
retaining and restoring its power. This is against the key principles
of rationalism which dictates that
rather than being based on the
opinions of individuals, key policy decisions be made after debates
based
on the examination of values, research, and data. Be that as it
may, this essay posits that rationalism is
unrealistic in the African
context where separation of powers is compromised in African public
administration systems which are highly centralized and captured by
the executive, making public
policymakers rely more on ruling elites
than rationality.
To
add more, according to Olum (2002) policy-making depends on the
nature of the social, economic,
and psychological dimensions of
political life as well as the outlook of major institutions and
structures
of the political system. Rationality has failed to explain
the formative stages of the policy process
thereby disregarding the
fact that policymaking is a process with a series of stages.
Rationalism fails to
examine how policymakers are introduced to the
problems or challenges that are part of the agenda in
the
policy-making process. Hill (2013) asserts that rationalists are
considered to have failed to ask where
the issues or problems that
get on the political agenda come from. This is due to the social and
political
construction of problems and their direct relationship to
the views, representations, interests, and values
of the key players
in the process of formulating policy and agenda-setting in the
policy-making process.
Rationalists assume that there is a universal
agreement over what constitutes a problem when the reality
is very
different. In reality, what is considered a problem by another group
of people may not necessarily
be a problem for other groups. Unlike
rationalism, agenda-setting factors power play into the analysis of
policy making, where some groups may hold more power than others and
can influence the outcomes of
policy debates. In this sense,
rationality is inconsiderate of the agenda-setting process in policy
formulation, where challenges are placed on the agenda not because
they are rational, but rather because
of the influence that various
actors have over the agenda-setting process and the outcomes of the
policy.
The failure of rationalism to recognize the importance of
agenda-setting in the policy-making process
makes rational
policy-making a misconception in the modern world. This essay,
therefore, has a strong
conviction that public policymaking is not a
rational process, but rather factors in other important
elements that
have to be considered in the policy-making process.
Any
argument against the rationalist model should take into account the
objections made by Lindblom
(1959) in his paper titled "the
science of muddle through". Lindblom observes the idea of
non-
comprehensive analysis where he accepts that ideally, rational
comprehensive analysis is important in
focusing on most [Remember to use the definite article 'the' before nouns when you are
referring to a specific example of a noun or group of those nouns.]important
things. He
however [Commas should be used to separate interrupting words/phrases/clauses from
the rest of the sentence. You will need to include the comma before and after the
interruption.], notes that it is impossible to take everything
important into consideration. This point of
view recognises that the
intellectual limitations imposed by the information that is currently
available
place clear boundaries on the ability of men to be
comprehensive in the analysis of information. This is
in contrast
with the rationalist view which presumes an evidence-based policy
making [This is a
compound adjective, which means we need a hyphen to connect these two words. ]process
where all evidence and alternatives would be
considered during the policy making process. This paper
concurs with
the view of limits on human intellectualism where it is not
practically feasible and viable to
examine all evidence and policy
possibilities regarding making a particular decision especially [This is
another example of an interrupting word/phrase/clause which hasn't been separated from
the rest of the sentence correctly. Please see my notes in the Feedback Summary section
for more help with this issue.] in
times of crisis where public policy makers [This is another
example of a compound adjective which is missing a hyphen. I will talk about this in more
depth in the Feedback Summary.] should come up with a fast
decision. For instance, the outbreak
of the Covid-19 pandemic shows
how public health policy makers (WHO) were taken off guard and
were
not able to act swiftly and contain the virus in China , [A comma is not needed here, as the
information before and after it is part of the same clause, and it is not part of a list.]until
the
virus has [This word is not needed here and affects the meaning of the sentence. Try
and avoid the use of unnecessary words as it can lead to wordiness, make your sentence
grammatically incorrect or obscure your meaning.]spread over the rest of the world. This is
illustrative of
how rationalism falls short when it comes to thorough [You will also need to include
the definite article 'the' before this noun. Please see my notes in the Feedback Summary
section for more help with this issue.], evidence-based
examination, particularly during times of
crisis when quick action is
necessary. This is where the idea of limitations on human
intellectual capacity
comes into play. Hence, rationalism is ideally
correct on [The preposition you have used here is
not correct for the context and needs to be reviewed.]evidence-based decision making but in
reality [A comma should be used after introductory words, phrases and clauses in a
sentence.]it is
practically impossible due to limits on human intellectual capacity
to access and process
every information at their disposal, thus
public policy making is not a rational process.

According
to John (2012 ) [This is another introductory phrase which should be followed by
a comma. Please see my notes in the Feedback Summary section for more help with this
issue.] rationalism examines the choices involved and how
decision makers interact over time , [This
is a further place where a comma is not needed. See the Feedback Summary for more
details.]and believe this kind of modeling
can help researchers and policy makers to understand what is
going on
in the real world.
IS
PUBLIC POLICY A RATIONAL PROCESS

Political
influence in the public policy making process makes the process not
entirely rational,
where there are competing interests that are
self-interested to tilt the policy making [This is a
further instance of a compound adjective which needs to be connected with a
hyphen.] process in their favour
and influence the outcomes.

Hebert
Simon, policy makers do not optimize but rather satisfy. To him, a
good decision will
do even if it is not the best decision. A
rational decision depends on having a [You have
used the indefinite article (a/an) incorrectly here. The indefinite article is used before
a non-specific singular noun, so it is not needed here. ]clear and well-defined goals
as well
as sufficient authority to coordinate action.

Conclusion:
It is difficult to achieve rationality as a goal in the policy making
process, but it is
important to keep rationality in mind , [This is another instance where a comma is not needed.
Please check your work for further unnecessary commas.] because the
model deals with the
devising of public policies that are effective
and efficient with an ultimate goal of making a considerable
impact
to the living standards of people.

[This preposition is also not correct for the context and


This
is a good essay - well written, good
needs to be reviewed. Please see my notes in the Feedback Summary section for more
help with this issue.]engagement with the question of
the model itself. It could have been improved by having a
clearer
thesis statement - don't investigate the answer to the question, but
rather state your argument in the introduction and
then structure the
essay to support that argument.  The structure at the moment is
not very clear, so think about what precisely
each paragraph is
trying to say and be clearer around this (ask yourself how does this
paragraph support my argument?). In
particular, a better response
would have engaged with the issue of 'obsolete' which was key to the
question posed.  Finally,
there is value in explaining your
positionality, but it is better to try and take the personal out - so
rather than expressing 'your
view' if you speak about it as 'this
essay argues' you take the personal element out of the essay (part of
a masters programme
is learning to practice arguments even if they
are not straightforwardly your view, so thinking about these views as
only for
this essay might help strengthen  your writing). 

Your draft has been checked for text


that matches existing public sources. Finished reviewing your submission?

Powered by

You might also like