7a Cruel to be kind

Reading
1 Work in pairs. Look at the photo. What do you
think might be happening here?

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2 Which of these things (1–7) do you think should be: a) controlled strongly by
parents; b) controlled a little by parents; or c) left to the child to decide?
Give reasons.

1 watching TV
2 playing computer games
3 practising a musical instrument
4 going out to play with friends
5 doing homework
6 choosing what subjects to study at high school
7 choosing activities outside school (e.g. sports, hobbies)

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3 Read the article and answer the questions.

1 What is a ‘tiger mother’?

2 What are a tiger mother’s attitudes to the first five things in Exercise 2?
3 How do these attitudes compare to the attitudes of a ‘western’ mother?
4 What are the results of Amy Chua’s ‘tiger mother’ parenting?

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Track 59

Is there a right way to bring up children? Some parents read books to find an
answer, some follow their instinct. Whatever they do, a doubt always remains:
‘When my children have grown up, will I have any regrets about my parenting?’
But ‘doubt’ is not in the vocabulary of Amy Chua, a successful lawyer, professor
and author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, a guide to a Chinese approach
to bringing up children. According to Chua, western mothers are too soft on
their children. They praise them for every effort, even if the result is coming
last in a race or playing a piano piece badly. Often, when their children ask to
go out and play rather than do their homework, the parents just give in to
them.

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Track 59

The tiger mother’s approach is very different. They accept nothing less than ‘A’
grades in every subject; if the child fails to achieve these, it simply shows they
have not worked hard enough. They encourage their children not with praise
and reward, but with punishment and shaming. ‘Unless you learn this piano
piece,’ Chua told her daughter, ‘I will take your doll’s house to a charity shop.’
She even rejected her daughter’s homemade birthday card because it had
been drawn in a hurry.
But Chua says that this is a more honest and direct approach. If her child has
been lazy, she says, she will tell them – that is the tiger mother’s way. In the
same situation, western parents tell their children not to worry: if they keep
trying, they will do better next time.
A strict routine of work before play, no TV or computer games, plus the
constant nagging of the tiger mother – it doesn’t seem much fun for the
children. But perhaps it works. Chua’s children have not rebelled against her.
They regularly get top grades at school and are proficient at violin and piano.
Chua is convinced that as long as she continues to push them, they will have
successful careers like hers.

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Vocabulary raising children: verbs
4 Work in pairs. Look at the pairs of verbs in bold. You will find the first verb in
each pair in the article. Discuss the difference in meaning between the verbs.

1 bring up and educate children

2 praise and reward good behaviour
3 rebel against and disobey your parents
4 encourage and force your children to do something
5 give in to and spoil your children
6 nag someone and tell someone off
7 shame and punish someone

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Grammar zero and first conditionals

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5 Look at the grammar box. Answer the questions.

1 Which tenses / verb forms are used in zero and first conditional
sentences?
2 Which type of conditional do we use to talk about these things?
a a fact or something that is generally true
b a particular possible future event or situation
3 In which sentences can you use either if or when with a similar meaning?
4 How are the words as long as and unless different in meaning from if?

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6 Choose the correct options to complete the zero and first conditional
sentences.
1 If Charlie carries on / will carry on drinking fizzy drinks all the time, it will
ruin / ruins his teeth.
2 Children become / will become very confused if they won’t have / don’t
have an established routine.
3 We’ll go / We go to the playground after tea as long as you’ll have
finished / you’ve finished all your homework.
4 If a child will be misbehaving / is misbehaving, it will be / is important to
understand why.
5 When parents will be / are too strict, it is / will be natural for children to
rebel against them.
6 On the whole, it will be / is difficult for a young child to know how to
behave if no one will tell / tells them.
7 When I will have / have children, I will try / try to be the kind of parent
that praises, not punishes.
8 I will always feel / always feel very uncomfortable if I will see / see
parents shouting at their children.

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7 Look at the grammar box again. Choose the correct option to complete the
rule.
In a sentence about the future where two clauses are connected by a time
linker, we use a present / future verb form after the time linker.

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8 Look at the prompts. Write complete sentences about the future using
appropriate verb forms.

1 I / go and get / some milk / before / the shop / close.

___________________________________________________________
I will go and get some milk before the shop will close

2 She / stay / in her job until / she / find / a better one.

___________________________________________________________
she will stay in her job until she finds a better one

3 I / not / be / able to call you while / I / drive.

___________________________________________________________
i won't able to call you while i'm driving

4 She / meet / us / after / she / finish / work.

___________________________________________________________
she will meet us after she had finished work

5 As soon as / everyone / board / the plane / we / be / able to leave.

___________________________________________________________
as soon as everyone goes board , we will be able to leave

6 I / not / make / a decision / until / I / speak / to Emma about it.

___________________________________________________________
7 I / have / to take the bus to work next week / while the car / be / repaired.
___________________________________________________________
i will............................

8 Dinner / be ready / for you / when / you / get / home.

___________________________________________________________

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9 Choose the best options to complete the sentences.

1 I’m going to live at home as long as / until I can find a reasonably priced
flat to rent.
2 My dad says he’ll teach me how to drive as long as / while I pass all my
college exams.
3 I think he’ll change his mind about going to university until / after he has
had time to think about it.
4 Unless / If you do as you’re told, we won’t be going to the festival on
Saturday.
5 Los Angeles is a great place to live after / if you have a car and plenty of
money.
6 I’m sure you’ll be able to watch the match while / until you’re waiting at
the airport.

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10 Complete the sentences said by adults to or about children in your own
words. Then compare your answers in pairs.

1 ‘If you don’t finish your supper, …’ EXAMPLE ANSWERS

2 ‘Children only appreciate how difficult it is to be a parent when …’
3 ‘If you study hard at school, …’
4 ‘If you treat your children as your friends, …’
5 ‘It’s fine for children to live at home until …’
6 ‘As long as my children are happy, …’

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Speaking
11 Think of five traditional rules of behaviour that parents have given to
children. Then work in small groups and discuss which are still good rules
and which you think are old-fashioned or no longer appropriate.

‘Don’t speak until you are spoken to.’ I think this is old-fashioned and wrong
because if you tell your children not to speak, they won’t develop good
communication skills.

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