NEXT-STEP 4.4 Date : August 4th & 5th, 2018 VENUE : DAGSHA\, HIMACHAL CAnup ClAmit OSunny OManish ONitin DAjayC. O Ajay S.C Gopal Day 1 Saturday, 4th August, 2018 6.30AM : Wake-Up 7.00 to7.30AM : Walk with Nature (in Silence) 7.30 to 9.00AM : Bath, Shave, Shit, etc. 9.00to9.45AM : Breakfast 10,00AM—12.10AM :Session1.1 Prayer: God, Thank you for bringing us together. We begin our journey in your name. Help us to be Humble, Honest, Trusting and Willing in the process of recovery. Guide us to focus on the things that matter the most. Show us the way through our most difficult challenges. Bless us to fulfil today's objectives. Serenity Prayer REQUEST: - Please switch off your mobile phones. - Be present on time for all sessions - Create and maintain an atmosphere of recovery - Participate actively - no one will judge you - Maintain anonymity and confidentiality Welcome, Orientation and Introduction of new members: 10.10 -12.10 PM : Inventory -What decisions had | taken? - How were my actions? - What feeling did | experience while putting in actions? - Did I take on additional goals than what | had told the group? - Did make full use of the group and Buddy ? -Whathave been the results ?Day 1 Saturday, 4th August, 2018 12.15PM—01.15PM :Session1.2 01.30 PM—02.30 PM :LUNCH 03:00 PM-05:30 PM :Session1.3 MANAGING OUR DEFECTS: - Our defects drain us of all our time and energy. - These defects grow in the dark, and die in the light of exposure, - We examine our Fourth Step inventory and get a good look at what these defects are doing to ourlives. We begin to long for freedom from these defects. - Letting go of character defects should be done decisively. - We sit down with paper and pen and ask for our God's help in revealing the defects that are causing pain and suffering. We pray for the courage to be fearless and thorough and that this inventory may help us to put our lives in order. When we pray and take action, it always goes better forus. -We are told that if we keep these defects inside us, they will lead us back to using - Indulgence in these character defects clouds our ability to think logically. Instincts of Survival, Sex, Security, Society Our inventories will show us that whenever our instincts of Survival, Sex, Security or Society has been threatened or “perceived to be threatened’, we find ourselves caught in the Triangle of Self Obsession (Fear, Anger, Resentment). Most of the times, our instincts grow out of proportion and causes us to become self-obsessed. This self-obsession leads us into indulgence in our character defects and makes our lives unmanageable. Our inability to manage our feelings and our instincts and the seemingly in-built compulsion to seek quick fixes gives rise to our defects. 2Our defects are compulsive and impulsive behavior patterns arising out of our reactions to people, situations and events. We almost automatically use our defects to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings and actions, WE OFTEN USE OUR DEFECTS TOFEEL GOOD. LET US QUICKLY IDENTIFY WHAT DEFECTS WE HAVE -DO HAVE THESE DEFECTS? DO I EVER DENY HAVING THEM? -WHICH INSTINCTS ARE THREATENED? -DOES IT MAKE MY LIFE UNMANAGEABLE? Antagonism Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility Bitterness Deep anger and ill-will Bigotry Hatred of people who are different from me in a clearly definable way, such as race, gender, or political affiliation Covetousness Having a desire for another's possessions, power, wealth, or relationships Judging, blaming, finding fault with someone or something Denial False systems of beliefs that are not based on reality; self-protecting behavior that keeps us from honestly facing the truth, Dishonesty Lying, cheating, or stealing, not upright in my dealings with people Em usness Wishing to have something someone else has, disliking someone who has more than I do Escapism/Avoidance A feeling which makes you turn away or run from something False pride A form of dishonesty; acting, boasting, or pretending to myself and others that | am better than | actually am. Gluttony Excess in any area, particularly in eating or drinking; greedy Gossiping Idle talk, not always true, about other people and their affairs Greed Wanting more than my fair share Hate A feeling of intense anger or bitterness, extreme dislike toward someone; a feeling of intense ill will toward another Hoarding Saving money or things in excess; storing up more than could reasonably be used Impatience Annoyance because of delay or opposition Intolerance Unwilling to allow others to have opinions or beliefs that are different from mine Jealousy Dislike or fear of rivals; envy; anxious or suspicious watchfulness Lack of trust Not being able to trust; not being able to depend on someone or something; doubt; lack in belief in the goodness of 3Day 2 Sunday, 5th August, 2018 6.30AM : Wake-Up 7.00to7.30AM : Walk with Nature (in Silence) 7.30 to 9.00AM : Bath, Shave, Shit, etc. 9,00to9.45AM : Breakfast 10.00 AM-01.00AM :Session2.1 01.30 PM—02.30 PM :LUNCH 03:00 PM -05:30 PM :Session2.2 Laziness Dislike of work; unwillingness to work or be active Strict adherence to rules of conduct without regard to the principles behind them; dependence on my behavior for my sense of self- worth Lust Strong desire; unhealthy appetite of desire, especially in the area of sexual indulgences Lying Not telling the truth, exaggerating, boasting Meanness Being selfish in small things, stinginess Phoniness Deceiving, being insincere, not being genuine; also includes emotional phoniness Pride Too high opinion of myself; high opinion of my own worth or possessions Procrastination Putting off to some future date something | feel | should have done sooner to avoid unpleasant or undesirable consequences Quarrelsome Too quick to find fault; fond of fighting and disputing Resentment Sulking, vindictiveness (getting even), reliving emotional hurts and pain Sarcasm A sneering or cutting remark; act of making fun of someone to hurt their feelings; harsh or bitter irony Self condemnation —_To find myself guilty of a crime or wrong; express strong disapproval of myself Self importance Having or showing too great an opinion of my own importanceSelf justification Minimizing Obsession ‘Over scheduling Passivity People pleasing Perfectionism Pettiness, Self pity Self-centeredness Selfishness Stinginess Undisciplined Vulgar thinking Giving a good reason for my actions; showing my behavior to be just or right; clearing myself from blame for my actions or attitudes Making excuses for or making less of my behavior to make myself and others think | am not “that bad” ‘Always thinking on the bad side of a situation, refusing to see good in anything that happens‘not looking at things from God’s point of view Overwhelming attention to a particular thought, action or person which you can not escape Planning too many activities in my life so that | do not have time to think about my life Accepting ideas without giving them any thought; failing to act when action is needed Doing activities based upon the positive reactions of people around me; making myself feel better by getting the approval of someone else Working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it is faultless according to my standards Focusing on the small, meaningless things in my life; giving those things more importance than they deserve To feel sorry for myself, to live in regret of my past actions; continually reviewing my miseries, often blaming others for my troubles Being overly concerned with my own welfare or interests, having little or no concern for others- what I want is the most important thing Caring too much for myself and too little for those around me Mean about spending or giving money, thinking more of material possessions than about people Untrained; lack of order, lack of self control; disobedient Immoral thinking about things that are unhealthy or immoral; making a practice of dwelling on these thoughts for pleasure or comfortWhich of these defects are harming me most? List your Top 10 Defects. aA OMONanhONS IS THERE A PATTERN TO MY DEFECTS? Many of us are caught in our own patterns of indulging in our defects. We may even have adequate justifications for it. However, only we know how true the justifications are. Truth is, we do not want to let go. We experience a strange security in our dependence on our defects even though itis seen to be detrimental to our recoveries, (Our defects are our subile and silent companions whose consequences are neither silent nor subtle ur self-obsessed living keeps us in a perpetual spiral of gralification seeking, approval seeking, pain avoidance, pain, guilt, discomfort and destruction. - WHICH OF MY DEFECTS DO | NOT WANT TO LET GO? - AM I AFRAID TO LET GO OF MY DEFECTS? - AM I POWERLESS AND DEPENDENT ON MY DEFECTS?Using the Table below can help us understand ourselves better. Note your choices by ticking / marking the columns: (R) Rarely - (S) Sometimes - (O) Often - (I) Intense/very Important. These Pattems are being violated or complied with R{S|°|1| # | Violated and complied with are just two sides to the same rule/pattern. ‘Awakening to the Presence of our Higher Power. ‘Awakening to the Love that we are. ‘Awakening to the individual we were created, with purpose, meaning. ‘At some level | know | am of more worth or value than | can prove. worth, meaning, purpose, happiness, sadness, fulfilment, etc. T compromise myself to get what | need or want, then resent it Thave been in denial, 7 2 3 4 55 | [00k to other people, places and things to determine my 6 7 g practice the “law” of lack, never enough of (love, money, time, etc.). ¢@ | am quick to forgive. | seek correction. | realize that guilt and punishment are an illusion, like a drug, a quick fix. 70 || "know” that all must be controlled with guilt and punishment, even myself. 11_| I project my experience and beliefs, and call it reality 12 | At some level | know | am far more loving than | am able to give or receive ‘The beginning of a relationship (love, friends, business, etc.) is ike this: 13 | | believe you believe in me, that | am special. The beginning of the end of this relationship is when I no longer believe you believe in me. 14 | I resist change. | am likely to procrastinate. 15 | I blame the past, project negative stuff on the future, and fear the present 76 | Texperience fear in most areas of my life including success and love. 17 | Thaveto eam everything lwant or know the “right” people or getluck; 18 | Ihave hurt others, but the harm was done without malice. 19 [1judge by such high standards that all must fail. | am driven by perfectionism: 720 | ! change roles within the same pattern, thinking | have changed: i.e., once a victim, next time the aggressor; or a user & next time | am being used. 21 | I make “deals” and promises, but | don't keep them. ‘22 | What | can have | don’t want, and what | want | can’t have 23 | lack the ability to form a true relationship with another human being, 24 | Ifeel like | don't belong. | feel an emptiness that no one ot no thing can fil 25 | Ikeep attracting the same kind of sick relationships (love, business, friends, etc.) 26 | Tjust cannot find the willingness to do whatever "it" takes. 27 | I'm doing just great, and then I fall back into an old rut. | am having a rebound 28 | 1am too negative, fearful and angry so | withhold and withdraw. 29 | Thave a lot of problems with jealousy. 34INTO ACTION - WITH THE 6 Ps 1. Perspective - These are old ‘survival skills’ that no longer work for us. At one point they did, but now they recharge our unmanageability. Our Higher Power wants more than survival for us today, so we can letthem go. 2. Pain - When clinging on to a defect or survival skill becomes more painful than our fear of letting it go, we have become entirely ready to surrender to a higher power, 3. Prayer - God removes the defects, not us addicts. Our part is to pray for openness and willingness. So, God shows us the defect, and we do the footwork of listing, sharing and becoming willing to have God remove the defects. 4. Patience - God is in charge of the outcome and chooses how and when our defects are removed due to our lack of humility. 5. Process - Becoming entirely ready involves a process, like a grief process, where we walk through our denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and work toward surrender and acceptance. Each defect goes through this process, and they can be tough. At the end of this process we write each survival skill, create a good bye letter, thanking it, but letting it know that itwill no longer be required. 6. Payoff - When we are struggling with a defect, we need to see what quick fix mechanism is being fed. if we are having a hard time letting it go, what is so good about it? Are we being self-righteous, unforgiving, proving that only we know what's best? Are we justifying, rationalizing, or any number of the usual suspects? Write about each situation that keeps a defect frozen so we can become entirely ready Prayer: God, Help me to remember that | am a channel of Your Love, Your Grace and Your Bounty. Help me to understand and accept my purpose. Let your Love and Grace shine through me in this world so that people who touch me can experience you and your power. God, help me to become a better human being .. Serenity Prayer os... a —Checklist of Flaws and Assets Character Defect Opposite Asset Character Defect Opposite Asset Character Defect good-natured, Torgetful, nresponsible Tesponsible sarcastic ialutionous, excessive moderate selFimportant gossipin ih, Kind, praising self-centered apprehensive, alvaid 3. courageous | ‘aroody ‘argumentative, quarrelsome agreeable hatet Torgiviny arrogant ‘unassuming, humble hypersensitive tolerant, doesnt person: attacking empered, bitchy. good-tempered, calm avoidant Thess pro n blocking: ive, reckless] consistent, considered actions selfless, concerned for others boastful thoughtful, considerate aftuistic, concerned with others fem, 4 outgoing Tndusirious, aking a ‘open-minded, Hexible self-confident, secure sincere, honest stubborn r mnderstanding, pai sullen 7 contrary, intractable, pigheaded e responsible superior, grandiose, pretentious 's g0, esp, of other's lives Sociable, outgoing. super ie, no magical brave: ous, admiring suspicious ‘wusti ‘non judgmen I, praising, tolerant, Thonest, accepting accopis help but is self-reliant depressed, morose] dirty, poor hygiene st bbroadminded, tolerant alm, serene hhonest, frank, candid purposeful idustrious, conscientious tasteful. quiet unfriendly. hostile, bitchy ‘ungrateful thankful grateful ‘unkind, mean, mal ‘unsupportive of others fl exaggerating Taithless, disloyal Talsely modest ble, dishonest ‘untrustworthy, un vulgar ‘wasteful ‘Other dysfunctional ways of acting, feeling or thinking which cause me or others pain. 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