I'm having trouble finding the feeling good

place with the end of a relationship.

It ended in October and I moved out.
Not because I didn't love him, but because it was
in an unhealthy place and about some time and space.
This would be good to sort things out.
Then we had a big meeting in the park and he tells
me a month later that he has met the love of his
life three weeks just after we separated and married her.
Two months later.
And I felt that space, that space,
big space on cleaning up my energy.
Got to the angry spot that felt so good.
Got my life force back, got to be on the place of
oh, I should have done this, I should have done that.
He called my mom in February and
that kind of threw me off.
And then a month ago I actually ran
into him and I had your car.
Actually he pulled up behind me in
his car and I had a meltdown.
And I was just why is this impacting me so much?
And I love him.
And even a few days ago he called my mom again.
And this is all like just that connection.
So here's my question, is that it doesn't feel good.
Just like never again anything because
I miss him, I love him.
Like just that he's never in my life anymore.
Yet if I see him and I'm just going to fall apart
and I so want to clean up my energy from this.
I mean, I feel like somehow I'm
in a holding or stuck pattern.
So I'm asking for some broader perspective here.
The thing that is very interesting about situations
like this is that there is often the
sensation that before I can move on.
In other words, you were talking about wanting to move
on and so then you talked about wanting some space.
And there is this feeling that now because
of what action he has taken, there is
now some permanence to our current situation that
precludes me from making any other decisions.
It's the thing that is
most interesting about cocreating.
When you are interacting just you relative to things, sometimes
you feel less hindering because you say, well, I can
just clean up my vibration and then the universe will
cooperate and bring to me the things that I want.
But when you are talking about the
thing being a relationship, then it feels
more like cocreating when everything is cocreating.
But it feels like now even if you are
to get clear about what you want that now
another person has made other decisions that keep you
from now being able to get what you want.
And we want you to understand that even though we
know how strongly it must feel that way, it is
never that way because all you ever had to or
ever still now have to tend to is the gap
between where you are and where you want to be.
Now, we do not believe that when you decided to
move out, when you decided to cause that what you
thought would be a temporary separation, that is looking like
a more than temporary situation, we do not believe at
that point you knew what you wanted, you really knew
what you did not want.
And we started to say to you before the story
got longer, that it's not so much that you wanted
to run away from that, it's not that you want
to leave behind a relationship that isn't working, it is
that you're wanting to walk toward one that is working.
But prior to all of this, in fact, even now, we
can feel that you have not started moving toward anything that
you want, that it is still, and especially when you first
left, it was what I'm trying to get away from.
So it isn't unusual for things to begin going screwy when
you know really clearly what you don't want and you haven't
yet let yourself know what you do want and you haven't
taken the time to find the feeling place of what you
do want, so that you can begin moving toward it.
Now, having said all of that, it
doesn't matter what has happened, it doesn't
matter how much time has gone by.
Still your work is the same.
Your work would be exactly the same if you
said to us I left and this other person
is still percolating and waiting and I'm just trying
to decide whether I want to go back.
It would not be different than if you say to us,
as you just did, doesn't seem to be waiting, seems to
have made another decision, it still makes no difference.
Your work is exactly the same in any case, and
what that is, is to reflect back on the relationship.
Clearly it wasn't the way you wanted it to
be, or you wouldn't have taken such strong action.
And it is always nicer if you can
clean up your vibration before you begin moving.
But there is never a reason to have regret,
because you can always clean up your vibration.
And further, we want to say in a very strong
way that if you now clean up your vibration and
if what you ultimately want is a renewal of that
relationship, it will not matter in the short or the
long run what he did in the interim, any more
than it matters what you did in the interim.
Is that clear? In other words.
It does not matter what decisions have been made.
Once you clean up your vibrant.
Once you first identify what it truly is you want.
And you have not done that yet.
Once you truly understand what it is that you want.
And if what you want is a renewal of that relationship.
And if you do bring yourself
into vibrational alignment with that.
It will not matter to you after it all is said.
And done and settled that he
had an excursion in the meantime.
It will not matter now.
We don't know that that's the
conclusion that you will come to.
We think that the way you feel is exacerbated a
little bit because you just went out and slammed the
door and then he locked it and you liked it
better when you had control of the door slamming.
And so there is a little bit of feeling
of I would have done something differently if I'd
known what his response was going to be.
But that's the interesting thing about all of this.
We cannot say to you that what you did or his
response to what you did is in any way threatening the
happy life that you have conjured out of all of this.
Now, before you went into greater detail with your story, we
wanted to say to you that when you have such a
strong sensation that you really want to move away like you
did often, that powerful impulse is a very good reading on
what would be the best plan of action for you.
In other words, there is so much more
that is before you than is behind you.
There is so much wonderful potential for joyous life experience
and frankly, it will be easier for you to achieve
alignment with the desires that your life has caused you
to fashion if you start new than if you go
back and try to clean up old.
And ultimately what you want is just
to be joyous in a relationship and
you were not joyous in that relationship.
So don't let the fact that you weren't really sure
you wanted to go and you weren't the one that
got to say really goodbye and somebody else did.
Don't let that cause confusion about
where you were ultimately headed.
It felt good to you to get moving on and
if we were standing in your physical shoes we would
not stop now and secondguess ourselves about that decision.
Can you help me?
I have tried the focus wheels, all those kinds of
things and I can't, you're right, make that leap of
feeling good about even another relationship or not feeling good,
but just I guess will I ever be attracted to
somebody like I was with him?
Or I just try and then I write at the top, try
again, try again, I can't seem to even find the starting place.
Well, if we were standing in your physical shoes we would
try to mentally put ourselves in the position that we were
in the day that we decided to move out and in
other words, try to recapture that feeling, that decision and then
say to yourself that was a good decision.
In other words, that's a good starting place
for you, that was a good decision.
And we think that if you will start
there, it will be easier for you to
leap into good feeling things of other images.
But you're not starting there.
You're starting in an attitude of regret.
In other words, feel the difference between conjuring an
image that makes you say good for me and
then moving up the scale, or conjuring an image
that makes you say, what was I thinking?
And then try to move up the scale.
In other words, it's a whole
different place that you're starting.
And a focus wheel, while it is designed to
help you from even lower, not good feeling vibrations.
It's much easier to start a focus will
from a place of feeling good about a
decision than from a place of feeling regret.
Regret is one of the lowest, most resistant
vibrations that exists because not only is it
a feeling of powerlessness, but it's a feeling
of powerlessness that's pointed right at me.
In other words, I messed up my life in a
very powerful way and I can't do anything about it.
So it's that combination of powerlessness and
self depreciation that is very crippling.
It's a hard place to start.
The next thing that we would encourage you to do is
recognize that some days you feel much better than others.
And the next thing that we would like you to
remember is that things are always working out for you.
And so we think that what's troubling you about this.
And we know this will resonate with you.
As you hear this, when you were resolved that
you were going, you felt strong and clear minded.
That's what resolved is.
And there was more alignment in that.
When he did something then that made it appear
that now you couldn't reverse your decision, like you
were locked in, you felt more powerless.
Then you begin regaining your balance.
You begin feeling better.
And in doing so, you draw
him back into your experience.
And he calls your mother, or he
shows up in his car near you.
And when that happens, it causes
your decision to fluctuate again.
So it's that lack of decision.
And what we can feel you saying is
what if I made the wrong decision?
Or how do I keep from continuing the wrong decision?
We can feel you haven't made a decision
whether you want that to be the relationship
that you are trying to bring around or
whether you're wanting another relationship.
And if we were standing in your physical shoes,
we would be reaching for a fresh new relationship.
Now, that doesn't mean that it can't end up
being a fresh new relationship with a person that
was not so fresh and new at one time.
But if you would get focused, in other words,
remember what was it that made you move out? Tell us.
In other words, what culminated that
made that rocket of desire happen?
It had gotten to a very unhealthy place.
He was drinking a lot, doing pot a lot.
Things were out of control with his daughter.
In fact, he has fallen away.
He's estranged from his core group
of friends over similar issues.
I had a three and a half week
migraine and friends just actually did an intervention
just to pull me out of that environment.
So thinking back, did it feel better then or now?
You have to think about that.
I mean glad to be out of that.
And it was at that point, we understand,
but things have improved dramatically for you.
So does that mean you made a
wrong decision or a right decision?
In other words, it was the right decision.
You were stepping in the right direction.
And so if we were standing in your physical
shoes, we would keep stepping in that direction.
Because the worst thing that can happen is that
you can get so tuned in, tapped in, turned
on, that you evolve from him alignment so that
the two of you go off in harmony together.
The worst thing that could happen is that you
get in alignment with who you are and in
alignment with your images of what a relationship should
be like, which you've launched many, many, many rockets
of desire about and source would deliver to you
another person with whom to have that relationship.
In other words, in any event, you cannot lose.
You just don't have to figure
out who, where, when, how.
And so you've lived the life that did
the work and you followed your impulse.
Now don't secondguess and just let your work say things to
yourself such as I've come this far and it's easier for
me to get into a better feeling place now than it
has been before and I'm just going to keep.