How To Write Effective Sex Scenes

Modern romance novels that reach the top ten of reader boards seem to be the ones with “high heat content.” In
other words, our readers like their romance novels “dirty.” But it’s not just a matter of writing “insert Tab A to Tab
B.” The most important part of creating a sex scene is the pathos or rather, the emotion behind it. Otherwise, it’s
just porn. Not that there’s anything wrong with porn because there’s certainly a healthy market for it, but that’s not
what we’re looking to write here.

But first let’s review the important elements of a good romance novel (this is based on "Romancing the Beat" by
Gwen Hayes):

1. Introduction of H1 – show life of h1 before meeting h2 and how ready for a change this person is

2. Introduction of H2 – show life of h2 before meeting h1; make sure you create a good external plot that will
bring the H1 and H2 together

3. Meet Cute – a compelling way to bring H1 and H2 together

4. No Way 1 – They hate each other, there’s no way they’re getting together. He’s an arrogant dick. She’s a bitchy,
mouthy broad. Make sure there’s lots of unresolved sexual tension.

5. A hint of “This could work” – they realize maybe each other is not so bad and… this could work

6. No Way 2 – nope, they were wrong. This could never work. She thinks he’s a cheating douchebag. He thinks
she’s a gold-digging ho. They both have preconceived notions about each other that will prove to be very wrong.

7. Deepening Desire – but if it’s so wrong, why do they want each other so badly? Show LOTS of CHEMISTRY

8. Maybe This Will Work – Hey, let’s work things out… you’re not that annoying and you have a rocking bod.
Maybe we can start dating or whatever. Let’s just have lots of sex and whatnot.

9. Midpoint of Love – montage, montage, montage. Lots of sex, kissing, mornings in bed. Farmer’s market on
Saturdays, Movie nights, awkward meetings with parents, pregnancy scares. Everything is awesome.

10. An Inkling of Doubt – Neither of them can believe their luck; it’s all too good to be true. They’re both shitty
people. How can anyone possibly love either of them?

11. Deepening Doubt – They’re starting to be suspicious of each other, but still lovey-dovey.

12. Retreat – Take your external plot and mix it with your internal plot. Let’s say your heroine initially suspected
that the hero was just trying to seduce her to get to some corporate secrets. Well, then, make something happen
that resurrects your heroine’s suspicions and has her doubting the hero again. She starts to avoid him. He wants to
know what’s wrong. She tells him nothing. He gets pissed off.

13. Shields – Take your “No Way” beat and reinforce it. For example, if your heroine didn’t want to get involved
with the hero in the first act because she thought he was a player, write in something that would reinforce her
worst fears about him. If she’s afraid he’ll cheat, he’ll cheat (or have the appearance of cheating). If he’s afraid
she’s a gold-digging ho, he’ll find evidence that’s she’s a gold-digging ho. This is when the shields come up. If
your heroine had a preconceived notion about not deserving love because her parents never loved her, reinforce it.
They’ll realize later that this is all about self-fulfilling prophecies.

14. Breakup – THIS HAS TO BE A GIGANTIC BREAKUP. As Taylor Swift once said, “We are never ever ever
ever getting back together.”
15. Dark Night of the Soul – they’re both at home, dealing with the breakup on their own in terrible ways. Eating
gigantic bowls of mac and cheese, binge-watching awful shows on Netlflix, going to strip clubs with dude-bros
and not having any fun, listening to mixed tapes of breakup songs, hearing from sidekicks about how stupid they
were for letting go of the H1/h2

16. Wake Up/Catharsis – This is the big wake-up moment. Maybe your H is provided with evidence that H2 is not
a ho, but an altruistic vampire who saves lives or something. Whatever, your H2 is redeemed and your H1 was all
wrong about this person and now H1 is very very sorry and wants to apologize

17. Grand Gesture – Can’t just pick up the phone and say, “My bad.” They gotta do something big. This is usually
the “Running through the airport scene” or like in the movie “When Harry Met Sally,” when Harry runs through
the streets of New York on New Year’s Eve to get to Sally’s side before midnight to tell her he’d always loved her
and she’s the only person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

18. Whole-hearted Love – She accepts her own faults, he accepts his own faults. They are healed and they love
each other. This is the power of love.

19. Epilogue – They got married, everything is resolved, they’re having quintuplets.

All right, let’s figure out the best places we can insert the sex scenes.

A couple of the CEO, Billionaire-type tropes involve a one-night stand that’s in the first chapter of the book before
we meet the H1 and H2. We don’t know who these people are. Most of the time, the story begins in the morning
after. In the previous night, they had wild, drunken sex that neither of them will ever forget and will kick off the
story as we know it. You don't have to show that sex scene. You can just imply it was a hot through a series of
flashbacks.

Let’s say your heroine is trying to get on with her day in her dreary office or something, but she’d get random
images of holding a dark head to her breasts, or having someone behind her kissing her back or hearing a deep,
velvety voice in her ear whispering how beautiful she is, and she’d get super uncomfortable or something because
she’s forced to think about the hero in a sexual way when she doesn’t want to.

Intimacy doesn’t even really have to be about the actual sex act. Imagine if your H1 and H2 were out on a date in
public when they start feeling a little heated, so they touch each other here and there, steal kisses in dark corners,
and whisper dirty, suggestive things to each other. Even H1 looking at H2 from across the room could be super
sexy if written the right way.

Think about your word choices and images you associate with sensuality. Choose the right verbs. Use verbs like
caress, stroke, glide, slide, massage, nibble, kiss, lick.

There is also a trick called Euphonics, which is basically creating sound effects for your own prose. Think about
sounds and how the words flow together when your prose is read out loud by your audience. What resonates?
What atmosphere does it invoke?

For example, for sexy scenes you’d want:

M sounds like

Moan, mist, mouth, melt, mold, manage, maneuver, massage, murmur, mmmm, more, moment, marvel, mellow,
manhood, mow, mermaid (!), moist (yeah, I know)

Hard C sounds - coat, coax, core, corner, court, coast, caress, care, cuddle, cradle, come, cave, alcove, cozy
F sounds- fun, flick, fondle, flicker, flatter, finesse, flirt, further, foot, fever, feeling, favor, frolic

L is for Lazy, languid, lounge, luxury, long, leisure, lust, lull, lay, love, live, loom, loose, lucky, allure, allow, allay

Think of O sounds.

Oh, slow, go, low, row, galore, more... it's kind of a long slide down, isn't it?

That trick up there lulls or hypnotizes your reader because as they read the text, the sounds resonate in their head
and they give your prose a mesmerizing rhythm where your reader is almost pushed to predict what sound comes
next and so they are compelled to read. That’s just brain science.

Don’t be so obvious about it, though, or your reader will notice.

What you don’t want to do is be vulgar. Be as filthy as you want, but vulgarity has a tone of disrespect that has no
place in sensuality, so again, this is why word choice is super important.

Where I put in the sex scene depends on the story. In my book “The Trouble With Sexy CEOs,” the heroine
Helena has sex with someone in third chapter who isn’t the hero, but it is important to her storyline and her
character development. In another book of mine, “Daddy Dearest,” I have readers complaining about the lack of
sex when we’re already at Chapter 35 and the heroine and who they “perceive” to be the hero haven’t had sex yet
(here’s a clue: she’s only 17). The sex has to matter in these cases and not just included for the sake of sex. It has
to be integral to the story.

In my book “The Trouble With Sexy CEOs,” there are a lot of sex scenes because the heroine is more comfortable
communicating her feelings for the hero with her body since she doesn’t like to openly discuss her emotions. Their
relationship is tempestuous and passionate, so when they’re not fighting, they express themselves in physical
ways. That is their “love” language.

Where you place your sex scenes in your storyline is important because what you want it them to do is enhance
your narrative, not clutter it. There must be specific circumstances that lead to the act. Your H1 and H2 don’t just
start taking each other’s clothes off and boning right in the middle of a board meeting.

There are also all different types of sex scenes, which must be written in a way that is dictated by the scene that
precedes it or follows it. For example, if the H1/H2 are in a flirtatious mood, then the mood of the scene will be
light and flirtatious. If your H1/H2 are angry with each other, then the next sex scene may be harsh in tone and
ultimately, unsatisfying for either. The sex scene right before they break up will probably be bittersweet. Likewise,
the reunion sex would be wondrous and there would be trumpeting angels descending from the sky.

The amount of sex scenes you put in your book should be in direct proportion to how long your book is. In a 100k
romance novel manuscript, I would say five or six. Two before MIDPOINT and two after. Of course there is the
sex scene right at midpoint.

Be sensitive about how you write your sex scenes. If your H1/H2 is a victim of a sexual crime, learn the
psychology behind it, understand it, and write it with that understanding in mind. You must remember that you
might have readers who would find the content objectionable and call you out on being insensitive. Consider the
feelings of others. Ask yourself, “Does this feel exploitative?” That was a trick question. If you have to ask
yourself that one, then the answer is always yes.

Be mindful of the kink community and “lifestyle” people. If you don’t know anything about BDSM and don’t
bother doing the research, don’t write about it. You’ll insult the intelligence of the people who actually practice it
and look like an idiot. The “Fifty Shades” author received a lot of flack from the kink community because of her
inaccurate and laughably inept portrayal of the BDSM lifestyle in the books. If you’ve never been to a sex club and
don’t know what goes on inside, don’t write about it. That’s akin to being a 14-year-old-boy telling your bros that
you felt up your girlfriend’s boobs last Friday and boobs feel like bags of sand.

Lastly, if you’re a cisgendered (the same sexual identity as the genitals you’re born with) heterosexual writing
“Boy Love,” recognize that it is a form of exploitation. And by that I mean, what would you know, as a straight
female, about the struggles of growing up gay in Middle America? I’m not saying you shouldn’t write them, but
recognize that it is exploitation. Imagine straight guys writing about lesbians in love (unfortunately, those don’t
sell very well). If you’re not a member of the LGBTQ, be cognizant of what you’re writing about. Make sure
you’re writing your characters as people who just happen to be gay and not have gay as their only identity. Sure,
you can write a sexy BL novel, but remember that your characters have to be written as people, not caricatures.
Show your respect.

Gone are the Romance novels where the curtains slowly close upon your H1/H2 as they pull closer together for a
kiss. Now we get play-by-play descriptions. What makes these scenes sexy is not the “Insert Tab A to Tab B”
stuff, but the emotions behind it. Would you care to read a whole chapter’s worth of a sex scene about two side
characters you don’t care about? Of course not. The secret is to make your reader care about your characters before
you put them in bed together. Your goal is to make your reader think, “Omg, I can’t wait till they do it.”

Remember that word choices are important. That goes triple for what you call body parts. If you refer to a
woman’s sex organ as something that starts with a “p” and ends with an “ussy” in that scene, maybe use a
euphemism or another word for it in another paragraph. The point is not to sound repetitive. It’s not like the word
“said.” Your brain won’t automatically start skipping it.