Empathy: Real Stories to Inspire and Enlighten Busy Clinicians >A Brief Clinician's Guide to Empathic

Expression
Daniel E. Epner+

Traditional Approach Empathic or Exploratory Approach

“I don't want to talk to my kids about this. I need to be strong for them.”

“We have counselors who can talk to you about having these conversations with your children.” “I can see how much you love and want to fight for them. How much do you think they already know?”

• “I'm worried about how much this is costing them.”

• Or
• “I feel like a burden on my family.”

• “You've always been the one to take care of everyone else. It sounds like you did a great job raising
“You've helped them all these years. I'm sure they will be happy to help you now.” your kids.”
• Or
• “I can't imagine how difficult it is to be the one who needs help now.”

“I moved into my son's house when I got sick so he could help take care of me. He takes time off from his job to take me to my appointments. I enjoy seeing my grandkids every day.”

•Provider: “I can see how important your family is to you. It sounds like you have done a great job
raising them.”
“I'm sure he doesn't mind taking care of you.”
•Patient: “I don't feel like the same person anymore. My son does so much for me. I feel like a burden.”
•Provider: “I can only imagine how hard it is for you to depend on others when you've been the
provider your whole life.”

“What will happen to my kids? My family needs me.”

•Provider: “Tell me more about your concerns.”

•Patient: “I worry about them, like, who's going to take them to school, who's going to cheer for them at
“I'm sure someone in your family will step up. Let's focus on you.”
soccer, that sort of thing.”
•Provider: “It must be scary to think about not being there for them. I can see that you care deeply for
them. Would you like to meet with one of our psychosocial team to discuss this further?”

“What if I'm not there for my daughter's sixth birthday?”

•“That must be a really scary thought. (pause as patient cries) I can see how much you love her and
“Let's try to get you stronger.”
can't stand the thought of not being here for her.
•Provider (after patient settles down): Have you considered doing legacy work?”

“I want to be able to walk her down the aisle. Can you make that happen?”

“I can see how important it is for you to be there for your daughter on such a big occasion. I'm
“We'll do our best.” concerned this is as strong as you will get. Do you want to talk about how to celebrate her wedding
even if you can't walk her down the aisle?”

“Will my children remember me?”

 •Provider: “Tell me more about your children. How old are they?”
•Patient: “My son is 3 and my daughter is 8 months old.”
“I am sure they will. You shouldn't worry about that, because you must have many pictures they can
•Provider: “The thought of not being here for them as they grow up must be heart-wrenching for you. I
admire as they grow up. Your memory will live on forever in their hearts.”
dearly wish we could cure your cancer. However, under these circumstances, many people find it
helpful to do legacy work. Do you know what I mean by legacy work? Would you like to meet with a
counselor to learn more about it?”

Date of download: 12/29/22 from AccessMedicine: accessmedicine.mhmedical.com, Copyright © McGraw Hill. All rights reserved.