Liability | Larry Stylinson

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/37616986.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: Falling - Harry Styles (Song), Only The Brave - Louis Tomlinson (Song),
One Direction (Band), Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Harry Styles -
Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, niall horan - Fandom, zaynmalik -
Fandom, liam payne - Fandom
Relationship: Larry Stylinson, mlm - Relationship, BoyxBoy - Relationship, Harry and
Louis, Zayn and Liam - Relationship, gay - Relationship, LGBT -
Relationship
Character: Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik,
OC - Character, Trixie Mattel, Katya Zamolodchikova
Additional Tags: Minor Violence, Religious Guilt, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Friends
to Lovers, New York, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles
- Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Liam Payne - Freeform, Zayn
Malik - Freeform, Trixie Mattel - Freeform, Side Trixie Mattel/Katya
Zomolodchikova, Lesbian Character, Larry Stylisnon, Beards
(Relationships), Reunited and It Feels So Good, ziam, Traveling,
rich/poor trope, Poor Harry, Rich Louis, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Smut,
Angst and Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, mlm, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering,
Drag Queens, RuPaul's Drag Race References, Sexual Harassment,
Praise Kink, Shower Sex, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, they’re in
love they are just scared to say it, Ass Play, Ass to Mouth, Louis
Tomlinson in Heels
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2022-03-09 Updated: 2022-12-26 Chapters: 22/? Words:
67846

Liability | Larry Stylinson

by heylarrystylinson

Summary

Based on the song “Liability” by Lorde.

Harry and Louis are competing for a job at a literary publishing firm after they graduate
from NYU. Louis comes from wealth, his mother a famous author who is known for
controversial religious values in her writing. Harry works constantly to afford his
apartment, and is working tirelessly to prove himself worthy to make it in New York City.
The two have clashed like fire and gasoline until a tiny mistake with coffee throws them
into the storm of each other’s life.
 1. another day
Chapter Summary

Hi! This chapter is just to introduce the dynamic and character, I can't wait to write the
next one :) this will also be cross posted to my Wattpad: Heylarrystylinson.

The vibrations of Harry's phone against his nightstand combined with the ringing is enough to jolt
him awake Monday morning. It takes him a minute to flutter his eyes open and groan at the thought
of another taxing day. The only thing that can motivate him enough to leave the warmth and
comfort of his bed is the thought of not living in his apartment complex anymore. It isn't so bad,
the pipes drip and the floor creaks with every step but it's a roof over his head, and with his hectic
schedule its as if he spends no time here at all.

Harry makes his way to the bathroom, the cold wooden floor against his feet once again
convincing him that maybe sleeping in socks isn't the unspoken deadly sin that society has made it
out to be on social media. He turns the knob for the hot water on his shower and waits for the water
to turn lukewarm before stepping inside. The water pelts against his chest enough to remind him
that the water pressure is less than desirable, but it rinses the suds of his coconut smelling shampoo
enough for him to not care too much about the matter.

With a towel wrapped around his waist when he's done, he scrummages his closet to find an outfit
that looks like he spent more than thirty dollars at a thrift store. After a minute or two of
consideration he decides on the black dress pants that clings to his legs fittingly with a light blue
button up collard long sleeve shirt. He'd never be caught dead trying to dress this posh on a night
out, but impressions matter. Harry used to be naive a few years ago, thinking only first impressions
matter, but damn, it turned into an everyday occurrence since he walked into his first day at his
internship.

He remembers the words his mother tells him every time he can mutter up the time to call her, "one
more day towards living your dreams." And that suppresses any challenging hill he has been made
to climb, so far at least.

The subway per usual, is busy, crowded and loud. There's a mother holding her child's hand, guys
discussing the latest basketball game, teenage girls looking at whatever the hell is trending on
Twitter, and Harry who is blasting Hard Times by Paramore to drown out the sounds of all of that
noise.

And damn it, if it wasn't hard times for Harry. He's exhausted, stressed and every other synonym
for tired or burnt out. Who knew making your dreams come true meant you don't ever sleep
enough to dream about anything at all. Luckily coffee, a killer taste in music and concealer can
keep him awake long enough to get him to his internship venue.

The building stands tall, among all of those parallel to it doing the same. Green's Publishing Firm.
Founded by a rich asshole named Richard Green in 2004 and ran by his great grandson, Landon
Green, who arguably to Harry is a bigger and richer asshole than his predecessor.

He walks in, immediate making his way to his desk adjacent to the mentor supervisor assigned to
him by NYU's communications department. If it wasn't for her guidance that Harry is appreciative
of, he probably would have dropped out and moved to a farmland in North Carolina to farm cows
or something. Paula is about twenty seven and just got married to her husband, her marriage is
typical but from what Harry hears is full of love. He sometimes wonders if Paula has any friends
outside of work or if she's just one of those people that have to talk about anything and everything
to get through the day. It caught Harry off guard his first day working with her because she went
into full detail about how certain she was that she was pregnant. On his first day. They barely
knew each other. Harry did ultimately decide that her warm personality combined with how much
she did know about the publishing industry he's so desperate to be apart of was endearing, thus
making their mentor relationship a pleasant dynamic.

The last thing Harry needed was a stone cold entry level executive who yells, kicks or screams
when there's a mistake or misunderstanding. She always repeats the mantra, "treat people with
kindness," which is good advice, and he does take it to heart with everyone. Well...almost
everyone. Comedic timing puts him riding in the same elevator to the copy room for Paula with the
last person he'd want to be around. Enter, Louis Tomlinson.

The two interns glare at each other, and if Harry's honest, he definitely rolled his eyes when Louis
stepped in the elevator. Not too worry, Harry's pettiness was matched with a scoff from Louis, so at
least the feeling is mutual, and boy, have they discussed it. Harry damns the elevator for being
slow, and the copy room being nine floors down from the office. Anything more than thirty
seconds of alone time with Louis makes him ill.

"Styles," Louis, says, condescendingly to Harry, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Big meeting today, hope you're prepared, you'll need it," Harry replies, over confident.

"Don't think I have much to worry about, I think our material is sound, yours on the other
hand...another romance novel, is it? Because Barnes and Nobel must have another enemies to
lovers trope collecting dust on the clearance rack," Louis replies.

"At least romance is captivating and a hot commodity, what was it your team is trying to curse the
press with this go around? Another story of a kid hitting their head and seeing Jesus?" Harry scoffs.

The two are literally poisonous to one another, bringing out the absolute worse in each other.
Luckily, the elevator comes to a stop and Harry wastes no time stepping out of it, practically prying
the doors open to get to the copy room. He hastily shuffles the papers that Paula wanted copies of
for the upcoming meeting before lunch. Once a month each paired group gets to make a pitch for
novels that will level up to the junior executives, the ones who hold higher positions than Paula,
but less than Landon. If the junior executives like the novel from that point, then it moves to
Landon and his team for final approval. Pitch, pitch, pitch, approval, press, bookshelves. It's almost
like a dance to the facility. The dance that must be won this month has four potential different
genres. Science fiction, religious non-fiction, historical fiction, and romance. Each group has to
read and annotate why their manuscript is better among the other's, a competition that Harry has
'won' the pitch three months in a row. Paula and Harry don't always have to push romance novels as
the next best seller, but the interns who intake potential manuscripts from literary agents usually
keep everyone in the category they first got assigned to, ergo the hostility between Harry's romance
novels and Louis' religious non-fiction.

Harry doesn't mind reading romance novels, sometimes he often wishes that he could romanticize
train rides and strangers you meet in an elevator the way some of the material he's read does.
Unfortunately the train is annoying and so is Louis, so the momentary escape he gets reading is
cherished.

"Okay, Harry, are you ready for the pitch today?" Paula asks him when he gets to the board room,
having him set sheets of paper at each seat for each executive and every intern.

"Ready as ever, should be an easy pitch, enemies to lovers tropes sell like hotcakes," Harry replies,
confidently.

As the crowd of twenty pile around the huge oval table, Harry and Paula organize the presentation.
Paula introduces the romance novel and gives a brief synopsis and her opinion on the piece. The
presentation goes smoothly. Paula has a way of captivating the room, and evokes an emotion when
talking about the plot of the story.

"Reese Daniel hated Kenley Batten, the two were polar opposites, but had to see so much of each
other due to them both being resident assistants for a co-ed dorm building," Paula presents, sharing
about how the two eventually became romantically involved after getting locked in the laundry
room in the basement.

Harry notices the glaring perspectives from the executives, they look pleased...captivated, exactly
what Paula and Harry were hoping for this morning. The only person oozing with displeasure is
none other than Louis, looking disgusted. Harry beams a snarky smile at him as the executives clap
when they're done presenting the assigned novel, "The Laundry Room," by an upcoming author,
Gina Lopez. Harry earns an eye roll from Louis, giving Harry the exact reassurance that their pitch
went off without a hitch. Louis being mad or jealous or even disgusted equals a potential gain for
Harry. He nearly gets off on the thought of being better than Mr. Rich of Status and Wealth.

When the science fiction novel is presented by their peers, Harry almost falls asleep. Everyone
thinks romance is a recycled genre, never read "Aliens of Mischief," and the same goes for the
historical fiction, "Gates of Washington," which to be frank, didn't even earn a pity clap among
others in the meeting.

Last but certainly least is Louis and his executive mentor, Niall Horan.

Harry wishes he could say they pondered and flailed around the narrative of their novel, but if
Harry was honest with himself, if he was a person who remotely cared about God, would be
moved by the manuscript had he not already read it. Harry remembers reading it, and definitely it's
being presented as gold when in reality the book was rather shit.

It has a plot of a young girl playing on a playground when she hits her head falling off the slide.
She is rushed to the hospital and miraculously sees Jesus or God or whatever. Then it just goes on
to her finding herself as a Christian in her teen years and the religious conflict with being a
teenager in modern sinful America. Classic Christian propaganda for parents who want to still push
anti-vaccine, pro-life abstinent rhetoric.

What's even more shocking is the executives are eating it up, it could be they even like this story.
They've been wrong before but for the sake of not seeing Louis gloat, Harry hopes they chose right
in their choice again.

Harry spends the whole lunch nervous, not even wanting to touch the company provided catering
sandwiches that he usually succumbs to in order to not starve throughout the day, even when they
taste like soggy cardboard. He tries to distract himself with reading new manuscripts and emailing
back literary agents for Paula, but his mind is cluttered with the thought that Niall and Louis could
win the pitch to the junior executives.

Harry finally gets the long awaited email.

Thank you all for working hard in presenting potential best sellers for Green's Publishing. As the
head junior executive I'd to congratulate Seeing Angels Fly by Riley Burgess as our next novel per
Landon's approval.

-Helen Roberts: Junior Executive: Green's Publishing

Fuck.

Harry lets out a deep sigh and as the timing works out he hears joyful cheers from Niall and Louis'
station. Who would have known? Rich twat and his Irish leprechaun gets the gold.

Motherfuckers.

Paula shrugs off the loss a lot better than Harry, seemingly as it's not her first rodeo and having
three novel pitches pushed upwards isn't a bad run. Harry still can't help but to feel embarrassed or
like a utter failure. He knows soundly that it isn't that big of a deal, but he has sacrificed so much
time and hard work into being the front runner for the entry level executive position after
graduation.

But alas, he can sulk at work, the job he actually gets paid for at least.

He catches the ride back to his apartment and replaces his posh looking outfit for a flowing floral
top that reveals the swallow tattoos on his chest and black skinny jeans ripped at the knees.

He walks down the corner into the bar, The Rave. At least here there's always booze, tips and
entertainment, something that makes the long work days more bearable.

"Hi hottie," Liam, his manager says to him as Harry punches the clock.

"That's sexual harassment," Harry reminds smugly, laughing.

Much like the routines in his life he's accustomed to, Liam's borderline unprofessional greetings
are one of them. Harry knows in any alternate or parallel universe he'd never fuck Liam, because in
every alternate universe, Liam is fucking the owner, Zayn.

Harry used to be super nervous around Liam, only because him and Zayn don't hide the fact
they've been married for years. Harry is thankful though for the night Liam took shots with him
after closing as an informal way to get to know each other. The two have been best friends ever
since, so much so Harry can sass Liam and not worry about his job security.

Harry wipes the bar off to get ready for it's opening in a half hour. He fills the ice maker, makes
sure all the booze is lined up and filled. He is happy that tonight is live entertainment night, he
could use a laugh with the way today went at the firm.

"If I had a dollar for every cigarette Katya hides in my Texas wigs, I could pay for her therapy,"
Trixie yells. The borderline barbie drag queen going through a Dolly Parton hyper-fixation comes
out with half of her make up done, combing out cigarettes from her volume exceeding wig.

"Sounds like a lot of talk for a bitch who fell off the stage last month," Katya yells from the
backstage of the bar.

"Oh honey, why the long face," Trixie asks, noticing Harry's less than amused demeanor as he
stacks glasses in a pyramid.

"Didn't get the pitch today," Harry explains, feeling defeated. Trixie applies a bright pink lipstick
kiss to Harry's cheek.
"If the lord can lead ya to it, he can lead ya through it," Trixie jokes in an over exaggerated
southern accent.

"That's the thing, the Lord killed the pitch for me and my executive," Harry replies, earning a
confused look from Liam and Trixie.

"I'm sorry," Liam sympathizes, taking a damp paper towel to wipe the lipstick off Harry's cheek.

"You'll get the next one, besides you told us last time we were here you got your third pitch moved
forward, not bad odds," Trixie says, still fishing cigarettes out her wig. "This bitch to my left has a
promising drag career after three failed attempts at being a dog groomer," she adds, thumbing to
Katya who is decked out in a Russian red body suit.

"It wasn't my fault that bitch Brenda gave me the dogs who always bite," Katya exclaims.

"I think she just needed an excuse to fire me after I hit on her grandpa at the grand opening," Katya
jokes, making Harry laugh.

He loves when Trixie and Katya are in town, they always know the right discourse of banter to
make him feel better.

Harry goes on to rant about the elevator confrontation before the meeting in which everyone agrees
that Louis is a snarky bitch. That is Harry's side of the story though, and Harry loves nothing more
than the dramatics of a mortal enemies dueling for the crown.

If one thing is for certain, today lit the fire under Harry's ass to make him work twice as hard at
what he's doing.

Harry will never let Louis of all people get the upper hand over him again.
 2. cinnamon
Chapter Summary

Vanilla lattes with a cinnamon energy boost never hurt anybody...right?

*author's note* : I promiseeeeeee it gets better :D also I didn't look at a calendar for 2018 so the
days are just as followed without being the correct day of the week lolllll.

The next day, Harry peels himself out of bed to start the next day at the internship. When Trixie
and Katya are in town the whole bar staff takes a few shots to close the night. Perhaps with the way
things went the night before, Harry took a few more than intended.

Today Harry swears to not hold such a grudge against the past, which is becoming increasingly
hard to do because he has a constant reminder of his lackluster moments in his career before it's
even began. Harry goes for a classic white shirt and navy blue pants. Then the usual day proceeds.
Bus. Music. Coffee. Email. Copies. Emails. Run around.

The day does take an unusual turn when Louis and Harry are individually called into a meeting
with Landon. Harry tries not falter or seem nervous sitting in the chair across from Landon who
just sits and types relentlessly on his keyboard, not saying a thing.

Louis sits beside Harry, but Harry can't see Louis cracking any nervous jitters either, he's like a
wall, the same as him.

"Gentleman, glad you could join me," Landon greets, finally breaking his eyes away from his
computer.

"I called you hear today to let you both know you're the top two I'm looking at for the upcoming
position after NYU's graduation," Landon announces to the two previously nervous men sitting
across from him. Harry feels a wave of relief over his entire body.

"That's good news," Louis chirps, annoyingly (at least to Harry it's annoying).

Harry smiles to himself and then pays attention to the things that will determine Landon's decision.
He seems to check off all the markers that Landon is looking for in an executive. He's also
momentarily clouded from thinking that Louis must also be mentally checking off those same
boxes.

As the meeting with Landon concludes Harry finds himself in the same elevator with Louis...again.
The two roll their eyes at each other as they usually do.

"No commentary, Curls?" Louis asks Harry, making Harry a lot more annoyed once more, the high
of being told he's considered for the position wearing off and the hangover headache turning up
decimals when it vibrates with Louis voice. Yes, because to Harry, Louis is equivalent if not worse
than a hangover headache. Wanker. "Cat got your tongue?" Louis agitates.

"Acting like a proper fucking twat won't get you that position," Harry says abrasively, but then
again, he is irritated and in pain, rubbing his temples.

"Neither will vulgarity, Styles," Louis says as if the statement didn't even phase him, which only
annoyed Harry even more.

The two finally go their seperate ways and then Harry marches to his desk by Paula, slamming
down a folder when Paula looks up at him.

"C'mon Love, you just got good news, wish I could've been the one to tell you, so why the
attitude?" Paula asks, so innocent and maternal. She really is like a work mother to Harry more
than some naggy boss, he's going to miss her for the six week paternity leave that's coming up for
her.

"I hate Louis Tomlinson," he says, as if he hasn't told her that statement a hundred times before.

"What'd he do this time?" She asks as Harry sends out a list of details for one of the literary agents.

"He's just....a fucking twat, you know? He prances around getting his way around here, flying by
on his mom's status and wealth. He's just a proper wanker who needs to be knocked off his
pedestal," Harry complains, popping a Tylenol for his headache.

"Well, Love, just know you have the power to do just that, don't let his money or status interfere
with what you're working with darling. You've got true grit and resilience, that will get you way
farther in this city. What's he got? A mother who published a string of problematic religious novels
that convince women to feel bad about themselves?" Paula says, encouraging Harry to keep his up.

The day drags on and on until Paula rushes over to Harry at their last hour, telling him that Landon
wants everything perfect for tomorrow so everyone needs to stay late and update all the editing for
the publications this week. Paula is such a kind soul for this cruel town, she tells Harry to go buy
everyone staying late a coffee to keep their spirits up, which Harry gladly does considering he
needs to tell Liam that he'll be doing bar service alone today. Luckily Liam and Zayn know how
hectic Harry's internship is, and it's a slow day for the bar anyways.

Harry puts in his headphones as he makes his way to the nearest coffee shop, ordering the same
thing for everybody because in his mind, beggars can't be choosers.

"A dozen medium vanilla lattes with a double cinnamon energy boost please," Harry says to the
barista who is undressing him with his eyes hazel eyes. Evan. Harry will keep the cup that has the
phone number written on it for himself, probably for a late night shag that will prevent him from
ever coming to the coffee shop again.

On the few steps back that it takes to get back to the firm, he rides the elevator, miraculously able
to balance three trays of hot coffee. People on his floor start hovering over him like vultures,
grabbing the cups almost as quickly as he can set them down.

Louis is the last in line, Harry realizing he made a mistake. There are thirteen people here people,
including Harry. It's a harmless mistake, one that happens to everyone, but it comes down to who
gets the last coffee, Harry or Louis?

Harry revels in the split seconds he has to make a choice, to give Louis the coffee, or to send him
on his way caffineless and fuming? Paula sits at her desk and sadly he makes eye contact with her.

"Treat people with kindness," he can hear her saying through her glare.

But he doesn't want to treat Louis with kindness, shit, he doesn't even want to treat Louis with basic
human decency. Maybe being told that he can't have something will finally show him that life
doesn't give you everything you want when you hold out your needy little grabby hands.

"Here," Harry finds himself mumbling, forking over the latte to Louis.

Louis looks at Harry nearly shocked, but taking the coffee. Harry glares at him through his
smoldering green eyes, perched lips and towering stance. Right as Harry's about to walk away,
Louis makes a retching noise.

"What, coffee's not to your standards, princess?" Harry asks Louis, who is throwing the coffee in
the nearest waste basket.

"God, what in that?" Louis asks, making Harry fume, steam practically shooting out of his ears.

"It's a vanilla latte with cinnamon flavored energy boost," Harry spits, he goes to walk away, not
wanting anything more to do with the conversation, but when he sees Louis' eyes widen and a
genuine look of fear on his face.

"You said cinnamon?" Louis asks, scratchy throat. He loosens the top button of his black button
down shirt and fans himself with his hand, coughing.

"Yeah..what's the big deal?" Harry asks, confused.

"I need to go to the emergency room," Louis says, scratching his neck and coughing again.
"Allergic, like...bad allergic," Louis repeats as Harry turns pale white.

"Fuck, Tomlinson, is this a joke?" Harry asks.

"I don't know, is this funny?" Louis coughs again, pulling up his sleeve to show the hives already
littering Louis' once porcelain skin.

"Is there a problem, boys?" Paula asks, concern in her eyes.

"I need to take him to the emergency room, allergic to cinnamon," Harry says as Louis continues to
cough and scratch at his neck.

"Shit, I forgot to tell you, yes, go, I'll let Niall know," Paula says, nudging Harry who is frantically
dragging Louis out of the door to hail a taxi. Typically anywhere else it would make more sense to
get an ambulance but this is New York City and Harry isn't completely stupid.

It all happens so fast, Louis' allergic reaction, Harry's immense guilt and the nurse frantically
checking in Louis who can barely breathe and is covered in welts from the reaction. The nurse
hands Harry a clipboard and asks him to fill it out as they take Louis into a room but before he can
explain that he doesn't know much about Louis other than surface level knowledge and the fact
he's an utter asshole when he's breathing proper, the nurse is whisked away to service others.

Harry sits in the waiting room of the emergency department, seeing quite a few people crowded in
chairs for it to only be a Monday morning. There's a child holding ice to his ankle and a mother
cuddling him trying to calm him down. There's a middle age gentleman holding a bloody rag to his
hand, and an elderly couple.

Harry feels very out of sorts, and very guilty? Yeah, the feeling is most definitely guilt. He hated
Louis, but he didn't want him to die via accidental cinnamon poisoning. Harry clicks the blue pen
against the paper, assuming this is a formality and he needs to kill time while not remaining overly
anxious so he starts filling out the forms the nurse handed him.
Name of Patient: Louis Tomlinson

Age: 22 but acts like a five year old

Date of Birth: Don't know, don't care

Reason for Visit: Vanilla latte with cinnamon

Allergies:....allergic to cinnamon

Emergency Contact: Rich mother who writes all the bigoted novels on how to raise God fearing
children, missed the mark with Louis, who is the devil

Medication: Needs a chill pill...possibly an epipen

Harry feels thoroughly entertained with his answers before the nurse, Cassandra, comes to let
Harry see him. Louis is sleeping, and Harry notices that he looks actually kind of....peaceful, which
was not used in his thesaurus of words to describe Louis Tomlinson. He's in a hospital gown under
blankets, ruffled brown hair hanging at the sides, his quiff fully evaporated from the commotion of
The Accident. His skin is free of welts, although the redness of his arms, neck and face hasn't
completely been rid of the coloration yet.
"He'll be asleep a few hours, would you like to stay with your friend? His emergency contact is
listed in England, not sure his mother needs the worry since he'll be fine," Cassandra tells Harry
who runs his fingers through his hair.
"I-I guess I'll stay with him, tell him to call his mother in the morning I suppose," he replies to her,
giving her a small smile as she exits the room.
Harry sends emails throughout the office, and lets everyone know that Louis will be fine and there
needs to be more discussion about food allergies so this never happens again. Harry is truly
horrified, he not only practically and ACCIDENTALLY nearly killed Louis Tomlinson, he also
knows that now he has to apologize.

Harry has to apologized to Louis Tomlinson.

The thought alone makes Harry queasy. He can't help but to read through the next novel assigned
to himself and Paula. The book unfortunately doesn't read effortlessly, knowing this will be a
challenging novel to sell to the higher ups.

Romona York didn't intend to find love when coming back to her less than desirable hometown,
but when Wade Stewly, the town librarian sends for an overdue book she'd checked out in high
school, things will change.

Harry nearly groans at the synopsis, this will definitely be a hard read, and probably will not even
get close to any best seller award if he and Paula can even get this rubbish published.

A couple hours later after painfully reading what Harry believes is the worst excuse for a romance
novel ever, Louis flutters his eyes awake.

"Hello," Harry says, eyes beaming up from the manuscript in his hands.

"And what are you doing here?" Louis mutters, wiping arm across his forehead. "Had to make sure
you quite finished the job on your attempted murder plot?"

"Now, Louis, you know true crime isn't my preferred genre," Harry replies, sarcasm heavy. "But
I...I....wanted to apologize and make sure you were okay," Harry says, nearly through gritted teeth
as Louis scoffs, pushing his now volume-less hair out of his face.
"Even if I did think you were being sincere, which believe me I know you're not, how could you be
so stupid?" Louis snaps.

"Me? Stupid? You're the one who carelessly took my coffee, should have let your spoiled princess
brat falter for not getting your way once," Harry spits. He then takes a deep breath, trying to center
his anger.

"I plenty don't get my way, not getting a hazardous coffee would have not put a damper in my day,"
Louis scoffs but goes to clear his throat.

"Here," Harry says, pouring a glass of water from the pitcher.

"What did HR send you to try to make nice with me?" Louis asks, his throat scratchy, reluctantly he
does take the water.

"Actually no you elated tosser, I came to apologize and make sure you were okay," Harry replies,
trying to keep his patience, which Louis finally acknowledges.

"Accidents happen," is all Louis replies with, leaning back into the pillow, yawning. "God, how
much Benadryl did they put in me," he replies, stifling another yawn.

"Look, I just wanted to make sure you didn't die, and then I wanted to apologize for almost being
the reason. So you're not dying anymore, and I'm still sorry," Harry says, crossing his arms. "How
would you like to make it up to you? Would you like another drink, cinnamon free guarantee?"
Harry asks.

"I'd like you to kindly fuck off," Louis replies. "And let me sleep," he adds, shooing Harry away.

"So be it Princess," he replies, angrily shuffling his things into the messenger bag Paula had an
intern drop off hours ago so Harry wouldn't fall behind in his work.

Now Harry knows two things for certain, he cannot stand Louis Tomlinson, nor his cinnamon
allergy.
 vodka straight? no gay

A few days pass by and neither Harry nor Louis have spoken a word to each other, not even their
usual jabs of insults in the elevator. Harry actually enjoys the peace around the office, speeding by
and trying to help Paula come up with the pitch for the novel they have to present next month.

Harry relentlessly is typing an email to an agent he's worked with a few times. Nothing seems more
trivial to him right now because he went over to Liam and Zayn's for a late dinner after the club
closed. If it wasn't for Zayn's cooking skills, Harry would have refused to stay out until three in the
morning.

As he types out the email about having a meeting with the author of the horrible, horrible, horrible
book, someone's knuckles tap his desk. His eyes shoot upwards to reveal Louis, standing in front of
him, not meeting his eyes. Louis twiddles at the corner of a paper, clearly uncomfortable.

Louis is dressed in a tight black pants and a vibrant yellow button down with black suspenders
peaking through the opening of a black blazer. His hair isn't quiffed, just like when all the product
got whisked away in the chaos of the emergency room.

"Hi," Harry says, Louis still not looking to Harry. "Can I help you?" He asks, halfway annoyed
since he's wasting time Harry could be using to cram pleas to an email, begging the author to make
edits to her story.

"Come with me," Louis orders, walking away from Harry's desk, into the hallway, leading to the
elevators.

"What?" Harry groans, not being a fan of Louis' melodramatics. It's not until Louis finally meets
Harry's eyes that he understands why Louis pulled him into the hallway.

"That drink you promised," Louis says with tired eyes, that looked like they'd recently been crying.
"I'm taking you up on the drink you offered...for the um, cinnamon fiasco," he says, stumbling over
his words.

"Uhh, tonight? It's Friday," Harry answers. "I have plans, and like-"

"Cancel them," Louis blurts, sighing.

"Coffee? On a Friday night?" Harry asks, confused.

"No you idiot," Louis snaps, "alcohol, liquor, whatever, just-"

"Then that will work," Harry interrupts, trying to use any empathy he has for Louis to calm him
down. "Everyone's packing up their things for the day, let me make a phone call and we can grab
drinks," Harry says as Louis enters the office to collect his messenger bag.

"Liam," Harry blurts out on the phone, nearly stunned.

"Harry, good for your shift tonight? If something came up I understand, the other guy we've hired
to help out can pick up your shift," Liam assures.
"Well...I can come in tonight, as a customer," Harry says, picturing the look of confusion on Liam's
face. "So...okay, remember the Louis Tomlinson cinnamon accident?" Harry asks.

"Yeah...."

"Okay get this, he just demanded that I fulfill the promise of cinnamon free drinks, I panicked and
said I would get him drinks tonight," Harry says, not even believing this is some joke himself, let
alone Liam.

"You're kidding," Liam chuckles. "The rich bastard you're always gripping about is demanding you
take him for drinks and your first instinct is to bring him here?" Liam laughs.

"Yes, oh my god, I don't even know what to do, like...why? He is surely my age, and I'm certain he
can afford his own liquor," Harry laughs.

"Well, shit, I don't know, maybe this duel battle to the death is over and you can be civil. Don't
start a bar brawl please," Liam begs.

"Of course not, I'll see you later," Harry says, hanging up his cellphone.

Louis shuffles out of the office, him and Harry exiting the building. Harry scratches the back of his
head and ponders his thoughts for a few moments.

"So...I take the bus to my flat," Harry says to Louis who has been quiet the whole time, eyes glued
to his cellphone. He parts to look at Harry with a borderline disgusted face.

"Gross, no, we'll take my driver," Louis says, snapping his fingers to his chauffeur in a black range
rover. The older gentleman opens the door and Harry awkwardly slides inside beside Louis who is
once more on his phone.

"Where to?" The older gentleman asks.

"Uhh. 52nd Street," Harry says as Louis scoffs.

"Fancy," Louis replies sarcastically, still glued to his phone. Harry rolls his eyes.

"Why don't we just go to the stupid bar?" Louis asks, annoyed.

"I am not going to a bar dressed in this," Harry scoffs, motioning to his button down salmon shirt
and tight khakis. He earns a scoff from Louis.

"I wouldn't go anywhere dressed in that, so I suppose you're right," he responds as Harry half
smirks.

"Keep talking bumble bee," Harry replies, motioning to Louis' outfit.

Louis rolls his eyes, returning to his phone, mindlessly scrolling through Twitter until they arrive at
Harry's apartment building. Louis gleams up, eye's judging the run down building that probably
costs less than the range rover they rode in to get here.

They silently trollop up the stairs into Harry's apartment and Louis dumps his messenger bag on
Harry's cheap red futon in the extremely small living space. Harry unbuttoned his tight collar and
walked over to the corner space that is a sad excuse for a kitchen.

"Would you like tea?" Harry asks, trying to be a good host as Louis pivots the room, trying to get a
feel of how people live this deprived of space.
"Um...sure," Louis says, sitting at a bar stool.

Harry puts on a kettle while he excuses himself to his bedroom to change. He decided on ripped
black skinny jeans, black ankle boots and a navy blue knitted cardigan with a white t-shirt
underneath it. He wraps a matching navy blue headband into his hair and finishes right when when
the kettle starts ringing.

Louis straightens up his posture when Harry enters the room, Harry grabbing the tea cups and
preparing the tea. He pours a dollop of milk in each cup with the bags and slides it to Louis.

"So, why all of a sudden the change of heart?" Harry asks Louis, taking a sip of his tea.

"Uhhh, I don't know, it's owed to me after attempted murder I suppose," Louis replies, humming
his lips against the cup.

"Fair, but you did look upset when you asked is all," Harry answers.

"Yeah...well, stressful week, are you done getting ready?" He asks and Harry nods, grabbing his
wallet and keys.

The two get dropped off by Louis' chauffeur who was kind enough to wait for the two in Harry's
flat. Harry tells him the address and when they get out of the car, Louis looks uncannily
displeased.

"A gay bar?" He asks, motioning to the pride flag sticker laminated on the tinted windows.

"Oh, will mother not approve?" Harry asks, rolling his eyes. Louis bites his bottom lip, waving his
hand and not even responding to Harry's jab of words. Harry cuts the line and fist bumps the usher.

"Oh, so you have pull here," Louis comments entering inside the moderately filled crowd full of
people. Harry makes a path to the bar, and is cheerily greeted by Liam.

"I work here," Harry finally answers, sitting on a leather stool, pulling out his card to start a tab.
"So I can assure you that when you say no cinnamon, it's no cinnamon," he adds as Louis shuffles
in the stool next to him.

"You don't work here, you work as an intern," Louis answers, dryly.

"Internships don't pay my rent," Harry remarks as Liam makes eye contact with Harry and
immediately skips his way to the end of the bar where the two men are sat, body language
uncomfortable and hostile.

"Harry, so nice seeing you here," Liam cheers, already knowing Harry's preferred drink. Vodka
red-bull. "And you are?" Liam asks Louis, playing dumb as if he doesn't already know.

"Louis," Louis responds in a mumble.

"I'm Liam, I'll be your bartender tonight, what can I get you?" Liam asks Louis, who's face drops.

"Ummm, just whatever you gave Harry I guess," Louis replies, earning a confused look from
Harry.

"No champagne?" Harry asks.

"I've never had alcohol," Louis admits as Harry nearly spits his drink out onto the bar's counter top.
"No way," Harry coughs, "maybe you haven't had a proper mixed drink, but you're telling me all
the fancy book readings your mother drags you to, you've never had even a sip?" Harry asks.
"You're over the American drinking age, no ragers where you didn't get totally sick from cheap
shooters?" Harry asks him in total disbelief.

Harry looks towards Louis who is wiping his palms on his lap, then grabbing the drink and holding
it in his hands. He swirls it around in the clear plastic cup and looks at it as he turns to Harry.

"Never. My mother always had such a rule about it, said drinking alcohol distances my relationship
with God and whatnot," he tells Harry who half smirks at him.

"Are you sure you want to do this then? Drink?" Harry asks. "I won't judge if it's not your thing,
not like we don't already have a world of differences between us," he says to Louis, trying to make
him aware he doesn't want to pressure Louis into drinking.

"Fuck that," Louis says, nearly gulping the whole drink in one swig. "Another, please?" He asks
Liam when he passes by Louis and Harry.

"What's this about?" Harry asks. "Why the sudden urge to drink, and with all people, me?"

"You owed me a drink for the millionth time," is all Louis says, starting to sip on his second drink.
Louis seems stressed and as if something is bothering him, but Harry can't bring himself to pester
Louis further about it.

"Well then....let's make the best of it," Harry replies, toasting Louis' glass.

The two silently drink a few more vodka redbulls as the club slowly fills with more people. The
lights dim lower to reveal only flashing disco lights. Harry orders a round of tequila for him and
Louis, teaching him to properly throw back a shot so it doesn't taste bad going down.

Another half hour passes and both Louis and Harry are drunk, Louis a bit more than Harry, but only
because he hasn't built up the same tolerance Harry has to drinking. Harry hears the beginning of
the song: I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor and everyone screams at the introduction.

"Louis, come to the dance floor," Harry begs, and Louis drunkenly agrees, whisking himself into
the crowd.

"At first I was afraid, I was petrifiedddddd," Louis sings with the rest of clubbers. Harry screaming
the lyrics as well.

For a moment the two almost seem as if they were friends, laughing and singing the lyrics to a
song that runs rampant in the gay community. Harry looks at Louis, examining his eyes on him,
and the one thing he notices is that Louis almost seems happy. He's not uptight, or uneasy.

It isn't until Louis wraps an arm around Harry's neck and they begin dancing together, now closely
grinding to the beat of the song, swaying back and forth. Harry's taken aback, not used to seeing
Louis so carefree. If it wasn't the own alcohol buzzing through his system he may even be
compelled to push Louis away. But confusion, plus shots and vodka redbulls, equals neither of
them remembering they hate each other in the moment.

The two inch closer together, only centimetres away from each other's face. Harry and Louis glare
into each other's eyes, drunken and vibrating in the moments. Louis inches closer, lips agape and
Harry is waiting for the moment before their lips collide but it never comes. Louis just vanishes out
of the crowd. Harry chases him out of the door, but can't locate Louis on the street where people
are smoking or waiting on an Uber or taxi.
It's not until he turns the corner, and sees Louis leaning against the wall, breathing heavily. His
hands are gripped to his knees and his head is bowed. Harry walks over, timidly leaning against the
wall next to him and Louis looks straight ahead, not daring to meet Harry's gaze.

"You alright?" Harry asks Louis, doing the math in his head of how he ended up behind the bar he
works at trying to comfort the person he can't stand the most in this world.

"M'fine, just got really intense in there for a bit, got caught up being....I'm drunk," Louis replies,
pondering around a million thoughts, his words not making any sense to Harry.

"C'mon, we can go back inside, drink some more, and dance," Harry answers and Louis nods.

The two go back inside ordering a few more rounds of shots while sitting at the bar again. Louis
rubs his palms into his eyes. Louis is intoxicated, Harry is just as bad, laughing with other men
who talk to them as they wait for drinks.

"Not having fun?" Harry asks, "cause if you're gonna puke we can go back outside," he adds when
he finally looks over to Louis.

"I'm not supposed to be here," is all Louis can reply. "Like my mother would kill me if she found
out I was at a gay bar," he adds.

"You're twenty-two, who cares if she knows you're gay?" Harry answers, earning a quick snap of
Louis' eyes darting towards him.

"I'm not gay," Louis replies, a stunned look in his eyes.

Harry went from confused to completely dumbfounded in seconds. Harry's gaydar is pretty on
point, never having been wrong in the past. He could have swore that Louis was gay, especially
after the way he was about to kiss Harry on the dance floor.

"You're not?" Harry asks, a humorous tone.

"I'm not," Louis replies, sternly and agitated. "Look, I get the confusion, I'm not built or muscular,
I know how to dress, and act pretty….uhhh flamboyant, I sort of look the stereotypical type, I'm
still not gay," he adds. "Not that I have a problem with other who are, or like gay rights or
anything, it's just not me," he rambles.

"Uh huh," Harry replies, trying not burst into laughter. "Does mumsie know you're allying with
the....what did she call us in that one book....the wrong examples?" Harry says jokingly, making
Louis snicker.

"Listen, me and my mum are nothing alike, or at least not anymore," Louis answers. "The whole
going off to college changes a lot of the opinions you grew up with thing," Louis adds.

"I see, what does your mum think of it?" He asks, taking a sip of his drink.

"She, well, she doesn't know much about my life in New York, I suppose I wear a sort of mask
around her, I'm not off the hinges, I think I just kind of...I don't know...I just live two different
lives."

Harry starts sympathizing with Louis, and they continue drinking shots until Harry's favorite
Britney Spears song comes on, in which drags Louis on the dance floor again.

"Who is this?" Louis asks.

"It's BRITNEY BITCH!" Harry screams as womanizer starts it's intro, laughing alongside Louis.

Harry is a clumsy dancer, but it amuses Louis, as Harry sings the lyrics and twirls and dances
around Louis, trying to get him to loosen up.

"Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer," Harry sings, dancing with body rolls to a random man next
to him, the other guy looking amused, grabbing Harry's hips as Louis rolls his eyes with a smirk on
his face.

As the song continues, Harry draws his attention to the man he's dancing with only to look over a
few verses later to see Louis gone once more. He looks in the bathroom, outside, through the crowd
and there's no sign of Louis.

Harry's demeanor changes, from amused and drunk to anxious. He goes over to the bar to grab
attention from Liam who is refilling the ice machine.

"Have you seen Louis?" Harry asks, concerned.

"Um yeah, he closed out your tab and replaced it with his card then said he was leaving, gave a
nice tip at least," Liam says. "Why what's wrong?" He asks Harry, furrowing his brow.

"I don't know," Harry replies, "thought we were having fun."

"Oh well, maybe he's just as pretentious as you made him out to be," Liam shrugs. "See you for
work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I guess I'll head out." Harry replies.

Harry walks back to his apartment, throwing his keys on the table and grabs a water bottle from his
fridge. He rubs his fingers over his temples trying to sort out the night in his head, it all finally
coming down on him like a ton of bricks. He glances at the messenger bag Louis must of left at his
flat.

Louis isn't gay, but he was definitely giving Harry that look, as if he was about to kiss him. But
maybe Harry is just reading too much into a drunken moment on the dance floor. Harry has plenty
danced, canoodled and even kissed people he'd never give a second look to on the street.

He takes his clothes off and takes a quick shower and rolls onto his bed, promising to himself he'll
never bring Louis to The Rave ever again.

Harry is back and ready for another dreadful Monday at the office. He and Paula talk more about
her baby shower she had over the weekend than the book they're supposed to be trying to get
published. The author's literary agent hasn't gotten back to Harry yet, so he decides to catch up on
more paperwork for Paula than reading.

He peers his eyes over to Niall's work station where he's yet to speak to Louis. He and Louis are
working on god knows what, laughing and cheering. Harry rolls his eyes, mad that Louis had
nothing to say to Harry about why he left the bar so abruptly.

Harry then decides to take the messenger bag Louis left at his flat and walk towards the elevator
where Louis finally glances at him. Louis excuses himself from Niall's entertainment and rushes to
the elevator, stepping in before the doors close.
"Here's your bag," is all Harry says, tossing the bag at Louis' feet. He shuffles through the papers
he needs to make copies of, double checking if he grabbed the right ones.

Louis looks up to Harry, scoops the bag and follows Harry into the copy room.

"Look, I know you're mad," Louis says, glaring at the way Harry angrily shuffles papers into
folders as he makes copies. "But I had to leave, you were seconds away from kissing that guy, and
I thought it wasn't right for me to intrude."

"You have no idea what you're saying. I was dancing to a Britney song with someone else who
knew to have fun," Harry scoffs. Louis licks his lips, trying to bite his tongue.

"I didn't like it," Louis blurts out, finally getting Harry to raise his head.

"What? Me dancing on another guy?"

"No, just being there, it was.....difficult. I was having fun, I'll admit, but I felt so guilty, my entire
life I was told to stay away from places like that, from people like you, and I don't know, I was
having a shitty day when I made you take me for a drink. So, this is me apologizing for leaving
you hanging," Louis explains.

A dozen questions run through Harry's mind. Why should he feel so guilty for doing something
that nearly everyone his age is doing? He just stands there, glaring at Louis who is stepping
towards him, looking at him the same way he did at the bar.

Harry inches closer, his green eyes peering into his blue ones. Harry's body towers over Louis' their
height difference prominent and obvious. Louis bites his lip, looking upwards at Harry, parting his
lips. The heat in the room runs through both of them, and Harry can't believe what he thinks is
about to happen.

Harry is caught off guard when Louis tangles his curls in his hand softly, pushing their faces closer.
Louis is hesitant, his mind fluttering with a thousand alarms telling himself that this is wrong but
the heat of Harry's breath is intoxicating Louis all over again.

Before either of them can pull away, Louis connects their lips, and Harry melts into it, softly
kissing Louis back, attaching his hands to Louis' tiny waist. Louis' grip on Harry's hair tightens as
he gently slides his tongue into Louis' mouth. Harry lowers his hand, gripping onto Louis ass as
Louis whimpers against Harry's mouth. Harry then pulls Louis onto the counter top where the copy
machine lays and continues to dominate the kissing until Louis pulls away, breath shaking.

Louis' once steamy and erotic advances become confusing to Harry as Louis pushes himself off the
counter and grabs his bag, fixing his fringe and pulling his pants in the crotch area, painfully hard
right in front of Harry. He wipes his mouth and peers into his eyes, looking disheveled, hot and
bothered but shakes his head.

"This isn't me, I'm not gay," he scoffs, before quickly pacing out of the room far away from Harry
who just sits there, arms crossed.

"What the fuck?" Harry asks himself, touching his own lips and running his fingers through his
hair like Louis was only a few moments ago.

The kiss happened so quickly, and ended so confusingly. What the fuck is Louis' deal with Harry?
Why did he kiss him in the copy room? Why did he insist he isn't gay knowing full well he was
melting into Harry's touch?
What the fuck? What the fuck? What. The . Fuck.
 sleepover

Saturday approaches quickly for Harry the remainder of the week. Louis is avoiding him like the
plague, as if Harry doesn't exist at all. Luckily, Harry doesn't have to worry about seeing Louis
avoid him until Monday, so he cheerfully gets ready for work. Trixie and Katya are performing, so
he expects a good time to finally let loose.

Harry makes his way inside, doing his usuaally opening routune for the bar. Liam grills Harry
about what happened with Louis like he did all the days prior. Liam and Zayn definitley look out
for Harry, they know he's alone in this big city, and Harry usually doesn't mind their mentoring.

"Harry, I know something happened, why don't you just spill?" Liam pesters Harry, spraying the
windows from the inside of the bar.

"Liam was telling me all about the dancing, that wasn't very mortal enemies of you both," Zayn
teases, checking the neon lights.

"Okay, we were drinking and having a good time, almost as if he was being friendly," Harry
startss, sitting in a barstool seat as Liam and Zayn join him. "But we were dancing and I swear to
God it's not my ego talking, he was going to kiss me, but then he vanished," Harry explains.

"Yeah, I remember that," Liam replies, "but you both came back inside and drank some more," he
adds. Harry runs his hand through his curls, sighing and taping the counter top.

"Yeah, then some guy was dancing with me and he left. He went home. After that, work was
awkward, then we were making out in the copy room, and then he said he wasn't gay afterwards.
Now it's just radio silence. We don't even argue or insult each other, it's just quiet."

"So he tries to kiss you, ends up making out with you and then claims he's straight?" Zayn asks. "I
get it, I think all of us had a stage of pretending to be someone we aren't, but to be that far in
denial?" Zayns adds, sighing. "There's got be more to it than that," he states.

Harry nods, then returns to working on opening the bar, people pouring in through the door. Trixie
and Katya help get his mind off the Louis Tomlinson Soap Opera by doing an outrageous number
on stage, shooting confetti into the club goers. The room is packed, and flooded with people
singing Moving Parts by Trixie Mattel. Harry looks over to everyone swaying with drinks in their
arms, holding on to each other. Katya careeses a silicone chicken as Trixie sings. It's not until he
looks over to the wall and sees someone mesmerized by the performance on stage. Harry's jaw
drops when he points out to see Louis.

Louis looks so out of place, leaning against the wall, watching the drag show before him. His hand
isn't occumpanied by a drink, and he almost looks sad even. Harry slaps Liam's arm making him
turn his attention to Louis, Liam looks over, confused.

"What's he doing here?" Liam asks Harry and Harry just shrugs. "Now come on, just go talk to
him," Liam urges. Handing Harry a vodka redbull.

Harry is very hesitant, he doesn't want anymore confrontation with Louis because it gives him
mental whiplash. Louis coming back to the bar? That bewilders Harry even more. After Liam
shoos Harry out of the bar, practically having to push him from behind the bar, Harry makes his
way to Louis.

"Hi," Harry mumbles, catching Louis' eye who was watching Trixie and Katya perform strip teases
to the song: Fuck U Betta. Both Trixie and Katya are singing and lap dancing to men on chairs,
which makes Louis chuckle.

"Hello," Louis says, stepping towards Harry.

"Enjoying the chaos that's Trixie and Katya?" Harry asks, handing the drink that Louis takes
reluctantly.

"Friends of yours?" Louis asks.

"You could say that, they're by far my favoirite drag queens," Harry tells him, earning a smile from
Louis.

"They're definitley....something," Louis laughs.

"So what are you doing here tonight" Harry asks.

"Don't know, was in town I guess," Louis shrugs, taping his fingers against the plastic cup.

"Whatever," Harry replies, going to walk away. Harry isn't in the mood for Louis' mind games, or
whatever he has going on with him. Before he can start making his way back to the bar, he's is
stalled in his path by Louis grabbing his arm.

"Don't leave," Louis begs.

"I'm not going to continue to stand with you if you're just going to lie to me, why are you here?"
Harry asks Louis once more.

"I don't know. I had a good time the first time," he says taking a sip of his vodka redbull. "I'm here
trying to do that again, I don't know if that's a good enough reason, but I'm here," Louis explains.

"Well, I'm also at work, so why don't you come over to the bar, and stop being a proper stranger,"
Harry orders, bluntly. Louis seems to be so out of place he without hesitation follows Harry, taking
a free stool at the crowded bar.

Harry starts pouring drinks alongside Liam and Zayn, a break arising between the three of them.

"Sorry, Louis, didn't mean to not greet ya, this is my husband, Zayn," Liam says as Louis and Zayn
shake hands.

"Nice to meet you, Harry has.....um told me a lot about you," Zayn introduces awkwardly as Harry
throws his head back.

"I'm sure it's all been positive words of affirmation and him dotting on what a good intern I am,"
Louis replies sarcastically, smirking at Harry.

"You've got it," Zayn answers, toasting his drink with Louis, making a huge joke. "Good to see
you've burred the hatchet," he adds. Harry and Louis look at each other and Harry throws a shot of
tequila back with no chaser.

"I wouldn't be so quick to say that," Harry mumbles, walking over to the D.J station, announcing
that it's last call at the bar.

He doesn't want to entertain any thought that he and Louis could actually be friends. Friends don;t
try to kiss you, they don't abandon you on a night out, and they surely don't kiss you in the copy
room after avoiding you for days at a time. Nope. Friends don't do that at all, wankers do though,
and that is what Louis is through and through.

The bar quickly becomes fluttered with people closing their tabs and ordering last drinks. Liam,
Harry and Zayn once again become overly busy trying to sift through the clubbers. He looks over
to Louis who is crossing his arms and bowing his head, upset.

Once the bar is closed, and everyone leaves an half hour later, Harry, Zayn and Liam start
cleaning. Harry cleans behind the bar, wiping down all the surfaces and stickiness away from the
flavor syrups. He refills the ice machine, sanatizes the dishes and throws away all the cluttered
beer bottles and plastic cups. He continues helping Liam and Zayn sweep and mop, all while Louis
just burns holes in the back of his head.

Trixie and Katya make their way out over to the bar, bags packed and out of drag. They make their
way over to the group of men sitting, counting their register and tips. Trixie and Katya sit on the
oposite sides of Louis.

"So who's are friend?" Katya asks, running her fingers through Louis' unquiffed hair, making him
blush.

"Even more importantly, what is your skincare routine? I don't see a single blemish," Trixie asks,
caressing the side of Louis cheek.

"Hi, I'm Louis, nice to meet you Trixie and Katya, I liked your performance," Louis compliments,
smiling at both of them.

"Harry's arch nemisies Louis?" Katya asks, barking into laughter.

"Yes, we have establised me and Louis aren't best friends, but must we give him a rundown of
every thing I've said about him while he's right here?" Harry groans, taking another shot.

"Well I'm quite curious, he must rant and rave about me all the time considering you two weren't
here the last time I was here," Louis giggles.

Louis giggles.

Harry feels a rush to his heart, and instant flutters in his bones. He chucks it up to the shots he's
taken finally making their way to his system. Liam pours a round of shots for everyone, and they
all start drinking and talking about all the things Harry has gosspied about Louis to Louis himself
who is throughoughly intrigued.

"The way Harry described you I'd think you be a bit more snobby and prissy," Trixie laughs,
beyond drunk from the drinks she's had all night.

"He can be," Harry swears, crossing his fingers over his chest.

"Name one time," Louis demands, smirking at Harry.

"Oh please, do you not remember the face you made when your driver pulled up to my apartment
complex? This face," Harry asks, mockingly making the face Louis had when he saw Harry's flat
last week.

"Okay, personally, you do not dress the part of poor boy, I was more shocked than disgusted,"
Louis laughs, taking another shot with all the men.

"I don't dress the part because I have a sense of style, unlike Mr. Poshy Posh who dresses like a
modern day man from the 1920s," Harry replies.

"Touche, touche," Louis replies, making the crowd laugh.

"So, how's everyone getting home?" Liam asks, being the total daddy of the group before him.

"Me and Katya ordered our uber to the hotel, we have a plane to catch to Boston tomorrow," Trixie
replies.

"We have to do inventory so we'll be sobering up here," Zayn says to everyone, rubbing Liam's
shoulders.

"Gonna walk home," Harry slurs, a little too drunk to stumble his way home.

"I can get my driver to take you home," Louis giggles, his face red hot, alcohol buzzing through his
system the same as Harry.

"I can walk, you don't have to worry about it," Harry replies, taking one last shot before Zayn takes
the bottle and ruffling Harry's curls.

"No," Louis insists, "mortal enemies don't let mortal enemies walk home drunk," he protests.

"Fine," Harry replies, throwing his hands up and shrugging.

Louis' driver holds the door open for Harry, who stumbles and trips his way into the range rover.
Louis does the same thing, lifting himself into the backseat with Harry, slipping on the lift and
falling into Harry's lap. Louis quickly rises up, not parting his gaze from Harry. Harry smiles at
Louis.

"You can come inside," Harry blurts out when the driver stops at Harry's building. The alcohol is
causing a million thoughts to run through his mind, Louis has a way of getting Harry to say things
before he can filter it through his mind. Louis smiles once more at Harry, nodding his head.

Louis stumbles outside with Harry and they climb their way into Harry's flat. Harry locks the door
behind him and throws his keys onto the table. Louis sits at the bar stool he had sat at the first time
he came over to Harry's flat.

"So, party of two continuing?" Harry asks, pouring whipped cream flavored vodka into two shot
glasses. The two of them, toast and throw the shots back, round after round. After about five
rounds, Harry and Louis are piss drunk, the alcohol practically seeping through their pores.

Harry and Louis' faces gleam red, and their eyes glaze over. Harry spends the next hour and half
educating Louis on the importance of Britney Spears. He glosses over Womanizer, 3, Circus, and
Gimmie More, as well as I'm a Slave 4 U. Louis isn't sure if he's thoroughly entranced by the pop
culture icon that is Britney Spears or the way he's seeing Harry's passion behind her.

The two dance and sing until it's four in the morning. Harry goes to swirl but trips on the ledge of
his futon, accidentally bringing the two of them down to the floor. Louis starts wheezing, lifting
himself against the edge of Harry's coffee table, facing Harry who is also laughing uncontrollably,
clutching his stomach.

"Your downstairs neighbors must hate us," Louis chuckles.

"Probably, but they also throw their fair share of noise," Harry excuses.
Harry and Louis look at each other, and Louis shifts to sit beside Harry. The booze is running
through their system, both their body heat rising and a sheer layer of sweat glistens on their
foreheads.

"Harry how did you know you were gay?" Louis abruptly asks. Harry sits up straight, caught off
guard by the question.

"I-I don't know, it was just a moment for me, when you know you know," Harry replies.

"What moment?" Louis asks, pushing a stand of his hair out of his face.

"When I had sex with a woman," Harry mumbles, Louis looking absolutely shocked.

"Excuse me, what?" Louis coughs.

"Yeah, it wasn't like a bad thing, I guess, it just confirmed what I wasn't ready to know about
myself. I guess it just made me unable to run from it anymore, I had run from it all my life, in total
disbelief," Harry explains. Louis looks confused, and scoots closer to Harry.

"It wasn't just an expiriemental thing, like I wasn't seeking out a girl to find out if I was gay. Part of
me wishes it was, because it was the hardest thing to do, to end that relationship. It was my last
year of high school. Me and my now friend, Jocelyn dated for four years, and I really loved her.
The love I had for her though, was never what I expected love to be, that irresistible, undeniable,
passionate young love. It was fun, and it was simple, we kissed, we made out, but it wasn't until
prom where we finally decided together to be apart of the movie cliche where you lose your
virginity on prom night.

We discussed it for weeks, how we were going to trick our parents into believing we weren't
spending the night with each other in a hotel room, birth control, the whole lot. After prom we got
to our hotel room, and we started kissing like we did many times before, and then we had sex, but
the whole time I was focused on trying to stay hard, and make sure she was enjoying it. I was
petrified because she was very attractive, and I loved her, and wanted to work but it's like my body
just didn't match with her's.

I remember when she climaxed, I faked it, and when she fell asleep, I just looked at myself in the
bathroom mirror. I cried, looking at this broken boy in the reflection, he was just staring at me, and
that's when I knew.

As for Jocelyn, I couldn't ask a better person to have had that humbling experience with, because I
was very scared to tell her, but I'd been lying to myself for years, so it wasn't okay for me to lie to
her. That was a hard day, I'd taken her to this tree by a pond behind my mother's house. And I
explained it wasn't her in any way, and it wasn't her body, her personality or anything she did
wrong, I just couldn't be live this lie.

She was rightfully upset at first, and we both cried for an hour, just sobbing, trying to comfort each
other, then she finally said, 'now you know who you are' and it gave me the most uplifting
validation that I needed. She's now one of my closets friends, and whenever I can scrounge up the
money to fly back to Cheshire, we meet up, and her kids adore me, her husband cooks the best
steak and we talk for hours.

But, yeah, that's how I realized I was gay, and how I came out," Harry rambles, and Louis has a
glimmer in his eyes. Harry is trying to figure out if the glimmer is a tear, or if it's just the alcohol
running it's course through both of their systems.
"I'm glad you had someone who was understanding, someone who could accept you for who you
are," Louis replies.

The room is weighing down on both of them as Harry looks into Louis blue eyes. Harry hadn't
noticed it before, but Louis' eyes look like oceans, and Louis is drowning, trying to swim to the
surface. Louis sinks his head into his lap, the booze to radiates from his hand to his kneecaps.

"I can be that person for you," Harry finally says, Louis' face snapping quickly to look at Harry.
"Because if you need that person, I can be it. And shit, everyone thinks we're mortal enemies, so no
one would believe me anyways, it'd be like-"

"I'm....." Louis starts.

"I'm.....I'm......um....fuck," Louis says through a tearful glare.

"I'm gay," Louis finally exhales, a weight being lifted off his chest. Harry rests his hand on Louis'
shoulder, Louis places his hand over Harry's, tears falling from his eyes. Louis doesn't dare meet
Harry's eyes, embarrassed because he's drunk crying with Harry.

"I'm proud of you," Harry tells Louis, lifting his chin to make Louis look at him. Louis' eyelashes
are wet, and tears filling his eyes.

Louis sinks into Harry's arms, Harry holding Louis, trying to let him know he's safe. If it wasn't for
the alcohol, the laughter or the feelings in the room, maybe Louis wouldn't have been compelled to
let Harry connect their lips, but the moment is completely aligned.

The two make out on Harry's living room floor, and Harry falls backwards, not parting their kiss,
pulling Louis' weight on top of him. He traces his hands down Louis' back, squeezing his ass and
hearing Louis' breath hitch as his pelvis grinds onto Louis'.

"We should stop, get some sleep," Harry says, parting the two.

"Oh, was I bad?" Louis asks, nervously.

"No, not at all, but we're going to fuck, it should be when we're sober, so you can remember every
second of it," Harry smirks.

"Fair enough, but that doesn't mean we can keep doing this for the night?" Louis asks, tracing his
fingers down Harry's chest.

Harry smiles into the kiss, and the two make out sloppily on the floor until they make their way
into Harry's bedroom. Harry removes his shirt, revealing his tattoos and Louis completely
mesmerized by the ink pressed into Harry's skin.

Louis takes off his shirt as well as both of them strip into only their boxers, kissing for a few
seconds until they fall asleep together.
 secrets revealed
Chapter Summary

Louis regrets everything, and this isn't him....perhaps.

very long chapter, but a lot comes to surface
enjoy :)

Harry wakes up, and his head is busting with the world's worst headache. He turns over to his side
to see Louis turned over, hogging the blanket with his feathery brown hair sprawled across the
pillow. Harry rubs his eyes, trying to wake up and face the light peeking in through the window.
He can't afford a lot of nice things, but in the moment he decides a blackout curtain for the
bedroom will be worth the investment the next time he drinks too much. Louis wakes up shortly
after, groaning and shoving the pillow over his face until he realizes where he's at, then he perks up
out of bed as if he's not enduring the same amount of drunken regret that Harry is right now. He
quickly covers his body with the pillow, embarrassed that he's standing in front of Harry in only his
boxers.

"Don't be shy," Harry smirks, glaring at Louis who is blushing, cheeks turning red.

"What happened?" Louis asks, his chest beating up and down, nervous.

"Nothing, we made out a little after having a Britney Spears dance party and slept," Harry tells him
as Louis frantically nods.

"I'm going to head out, and pretend that this didn't happen," Louis says, peering around Harry's flat
to find his clothes. Harry lets out a frustrated sigh, and drags himself out bed to see Louis sitting on
his sofa, staring down at his phone.

"Pretend what didn't happen? The making out? The after party at the bar? What part would you
like to pretend didn't happen?" Harry chuckles to himself.

"The thing about me being gay, I was just really drunk and confused," Louis stammers, shoving his
phone into his pocket. Harry's humorous expression turns to disappointment. He thought he'd made
genuine progress with Louis, not for himself but he'd thought Louis was closer to accepting himself
for he was last night. Louis' words burn, Harry knowing he can't be mad when someone shoves
themselves back into the closet. The senses in the room aren't right to feel angry, but deep down
Harry is resenting Louis for pretending that everything he does with Harry, every argument, every
kiss, every conversation can just be swept under the rug. Louis walks to Harry's front door,
probably having his driver there to pick him up. Harry follows him and stops Louis from leaving
by pressing his weight on the door, peering into Louis' sky blue eyes. They're glazed over, and
from what? The feelings of regret? Sadness?

"No matter how long you hide, there's some things you can't change, Louis," Harry says, opening
the door and letting Louis rush out.

The following week is hallow for Harry, neither he or Louis' group get their novels pushed up to
publication. Harry likes to pretend that it was solely based on the fact their novel was a hard piece
to sell, but mostly it's the fact that Louis hasn't even looked at Harry all week, which is surprisingly
more distracting than when they were constantly at each other's throats.

By the time he gets out of the office and back to work, he's met with more disappointment when
Louis doesn't awkwardly become a wallflower at The Rave. He drags himself around the club all
night, making people's drinks, wiping down spills and taking out the trash. Liam finally notices
Harry's lackluster energy for work tonight and places a hand on his shoulder.

"Everything okay?" Liam asks.

"M'fine, just thought maybe he'd show up here tonight so he can regret me all over again," Harry
confesses.

"What happened?" Liam asks, sipping from a beer bottle, handing Harry one.

"So we had drinks, and he was supposed to drop me off at my house," Harry starts, letting out a
sigh, "and then I ended up inviting him into my flat," he tells Liam, who smirks at the words.

"Okay so you hooked up? Whiskey dick or something?" Liam asks.

"No, no, nothing like that, quite the opposite. He asked me about how I realized that I was gay, and
then told me some stuff, we made out, went to bed. It was a good night. But the next morning he
told me to pretend that none of that ever happened. It wracks my brain, it's as if one second I hate
him, and then he throws a curve-ball my way that keeps me sucked in," Harry rambles to Liam,
sipping his beer.

"Are you sure it has nothing to do with the article?" Liam asks, and Harry furrows his brow,
confused.

"What article?"

"Well I have a Google alert for when our club is mentioned in any news article or publication.
Here," Liam says, handing Harry his cellphone while Harry reads aloud.

"Son of famous religious parenting author, Teresa Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson, sparks gay rumors
after attending an LGBTQ+ bar in New York (The Rave). He is seen leaving and getting into his
car pictured below. Gay rumors confuse fans of Mrs. Tomlinson as her books heavily dictate to
raise children to respect the sanctity of marriage being between a man and woman. Could it be this
bird strayed far away from the nest?" Harry reads in disbelief, eyes wide, feeling worried.

"This is bad," Harry says to Liam, and Liam hugs him. "This is really bad."

"It's not that bad, it's not even that famous of a news outlet, just for super religious people and their
weird cult," Liam reassures.

"I can't imagine how scared he must be," Harry says aloud, mostly talking to himself.

"What are you going to do?" Liam asks. "There's not a lot you can do, you know? He can't
magically go back in time and not get papped, maybe just lie low for awhile."

"Not as if I have a choice, he's been avoiding me for over a week now," Harry replies, frowning.

"Are you actually sad your arch nemesis is avoiding you?" Liam grins. Harry half smiles up to
Liam, because it's true. He kind of misses the digs in elevators, the snide comments, because it's
not the quite the same.
"I don't know what it is, there was just something different that sparked between us. But there's this
carousel that doesn't slow down with him, I try to jump off but I end up with my head spinning,"
Harry confesses, feeling discombobulated by the situation that is, and continues to be Louis
Tomlinson.

The thoughts run through Harry's head on what to do, how to make some sort of peace with Louis.
By the time he mentally makes notes on what he should do, the club is closed for the night and he's
making his way home. There's no telling how he can make it up to Louis tomorrow, but maybe if
Harry just talked to him, he could help him feel better.

And that's what he decides to do.

Harry wakes up extra early to be at the publishing firm before Louis or Niall. Harry stops at the
coffee shop and runs into the same worker who had put his phone number on his cup, Evan. The
boy smiles when he sees Harry first thing in the morning, and Harry offers him a gentle smirk in
return. He orders himself his usual caramel latte, and does the same for Louis, stressing over and
over that there not be a single speck of cinnamon.

"So, you never called," Evan says, handing Harry the coffees. The statement catches Harry off
guard and he stumbles with the money in his hand, embarrassed, picking up the coins on the
counter.

"Yeah, about that, I'm just really busy, it wasn't that I didn't find you attractive," Harry answers,
handing the money over to Evan.

"Yeah? Can't squeeze me into a busy schedule for a late night?" Evan asks, smirking at a now
blushing Harry.

"I saved your number if it counts for everything," Harry chuckles. "So I might call you if there's no
cinnamon in these lattes," Harry adds, leaving the shop.

Harry is the first one at the office besides the janitor, he sits the lattes on his desk and takes a
sharpie to scribble the words, "this one is cinnamon free," and sits the beverage on Louis' desk.
Shortly after, everyone starts pouring into the office as Harry starts reading the next novel he and
Paula have to pitch after the holidays. Louis is one of the last interns to enter the building, and
Harry glances over to him as he enters the room.

His facial hair is now present, no longer the clean shaven posh looking guy he's used to seeing. His
outfit is also different, no suspenders, no colorful coordination. He watches Louis as he peers over
to his desk talking with Niall, and sees the latte. His eyes immediately shoot to Harry, and the
slightest grimace appears on his face. He takes a sip, and sits down, not walking over to Harry like
Harry had hoped.

Harry dives into his wok but then those knuckles tap his desk like they once had before a few
weeks ago. Harry looks up to a displeased looking Louis, his face is a bit sunken, and his eyes are
tired. Louis doesn't even say anything to Harry, just points his head towards the elevator. Harry
follows a few minutes later to not cause any curiosity.

"I know about the article," Harry says dryly, to Louis, who rises his gaze to meet Harry's.

"Yeah," is all Louis replies, "I can't be seen there ever again," he adds.

"Are we not going to talk about it?" Harry asks. "That night?" Harry questions, and Louis sighs
pursing his lips.

"It's not that I don't know who I am, that's something you easily decoded. The problem is I can't be
that person, not while my mother is still socially relevant in the media. Even the religiously bigoted
ones have been prying for years, trying to figure out why I'm not engaged to some elitist snob from
Yale, or seen out with girls on the town every night," Louis explains, and Harry is saddened. "I
don't pretend because I want to, I pretend because I have to."

"Louis, I'm sorry, I wouldn't have introduced you to The Rave if I knew people were out to slander
you," Harry apologizes.

"Circumstances you know, not your fault," is all Louis says. "Once my mother heard, she was
angry. Her reputation, my family's reputation means the world to her, if it came out that she had a
gay son, it would ruin her legacy, as close minded as it is," Louis explains.

Harry frowns, and puts his arm to rest on Louis'.

"It's ruining her son," Harry says, stepping off the elevator to the copy room.

"Y-yeah, you're right," Louis mumbles, frowning. "It's not all bad though, I've gone many places,
and had many opportunities at the expense of-"

"At the expense of your happiness?" Harry interrupts, sternly. "You cannot tell me you're happier
living this double life just because what? So you can live a lap of luxury built on generational and
religious bigotry?"

"I can't beat it, and sometimes it's easier to hide when your whole life is just a pawn for journalism
and gossip," Louis says to Harry, tears sweltering in his blue eyes. "But sometimes I think it's why
I've hated you for so long, you have something I'll never have," Louis confesses.

"What? Student debt bills and a drafty flat?" Harry scoffs.

"No," Louis sighs, "freedom."

Harry feels a lump in his throat. He had never considered that Louis' hatred for him boiled down to
envy, or jealousy. Harry always thought their mutual hatred came from an economic privilege that
Harry very so much lacked, or came down to social status. He'd never taken into account that while
Harry may be nobody socially relevant, or popular in the public eye, he has the kind of freedom to
be who he is, and that's something Louis has craved since he was just a little boy.

"Louis," Harry starts, tugging at Louis' black blazer. "You may not be able to be who you are, but
you know who are, and I know who you are, and that person is way better than this alter ego posh
snob that you've painted yourself out to be. I'm not saying I want to be your best friend, but if you
ever need to have drunk Britney Spears karaoke nights, you know where to find me, no paparazzi
would dare to come to m neighborhood," Harry says, trying to make the mood a little more
lighthearted. The heaviness is swept away by Louis' giggle, that crinkly smile, covering his face.

"I'd like that," Louis says while smiling, gleaming up to Harry.

"Louis, are you coming to read over this proposal?" Niall asks, walking into the copy room,
grinning at Louis and Harry. Harry swiftly lets go of Louis' jacket, rubbing his hands on his torso
and shifting away.

"Yes, Lucky Charm, I'm coming," Louis chuckles, nervously, hoping that Niall didn't pick on the
body language between him and Harry.
-

Harry expects the next few days to be filled with conversations in passing at work, but the days are
dry, the elevator rides are nothing more than talks about the weather, or the upcoming holiday.
When he returns to his desk after lunch there's a white envelope on it with a golden embroidered
sticker that has an 'L' on it, and he picks it up. He glides his finger through the crease of the
envelope to not rip the sticker holding it closed. There's a black and white card-stock card that
reads, "You've been cordially invited to the 23rd celebration of Louis Tomlinson, Friday,
December 8th, 8-? at The Desire of New York hotel, RSVP with Louis' party planner, Rena to
receive the surprise dress code."

Harry finds himself grinning, and walking over to Louis' desk when Niall gets up to take a smoke
break. Harry flips open the card and Louis smiles back at him. Harry sits in Niall's chair, and turns
to Louis, biting his bottom lip.

"Quite the celebration for age 23," Harry hums.

"Yeah, well, my friends wouldn't let me live it down if I didn't give them the opportunity to make a
trip to New York," Louis says, typing on his computer.

"Louis Tomlinson has friends?" Harry asks, slightly serious, but mostly sarcastic.

"You're hilarious," Louis starts with a blank tone, "some people find me to be enjoyable company,"
he smiles.

"So is this Bible study in it's luxury era or is it a party?" Harry asks, receiving an eye roll from
Louis.

"Just London's batch of heirs and heiresses, not everyone's wealth derives from helicopter parents
who write about controversial issues that are on the wrong side of history," Louis explains. "So to
answer the question, it will be fun," Louis adds.

Harry finds himself slightly nervous, his idea of a fancy party is skipping dinner for two nights to
eat at Cheesecake Factory. Heirs and heiresses? There's no way he will fit in remotely with Louis'
crowd, he probably doesn't own anything that could resemble a knockoff Gucci suit or whatever
the dress code is for this party tonight. Maybe this whole hot and cold act is a ruse for Louis to lore
him to this hotel so he and his friends can chat about the peasant before him over tea.

"So will you be there? I would like it if you were there," Louis says, breaking the silence.

"I will ask Liam for the night off," Harry tells Louis, knowing that Liam has been trying to get
Harry to venture out more and have more social interactions than hot guys he meets at bookstores
or the club that ultimately end in one night shags and ghosting, the ghosting being on Harry's part
(of course).

Harry goes back to his desk and Paula smiles at him, knocking her knuckles at the desk.

"Love letters is it?" She chimes.

"An invitation to a party that I'm not even sure I'm going to," Harry tells her, making her drop her
pen from writing. Paula glares at Harry and snaps her fingers at him.

"OH, you are so going to that party, I have not listened to monologues of how much you hate Louis
only for him to invite you to a party. The plot writes itself," she demands.

"There is no plot, I don't hate him as much anymore, and there's a party, and I'm invited, and I'm
me, and he is Louis, and that is it," Harry replies.

"Whatever you say," Paula starts, "but if I come back in Monday morning with nothing to talk
about in terms of office gossip seeping out into the real world, I'm docking your recommendation
report," she teases.

"You wouldn't dare," Harry smirks.

"This mama bear has claws," she replies, rubbing her incredibly pregnant baby bump. "And she's
sick of only having conversations about if I'm going to bottle or breast feed, so please, I'm begging,
let me live vicariously through you," she chuckles, making Harry laugh.

"Fine," Harry groans. "I will go if you promise to stop putting off your maternity leave," he
negotiates.

"Harry, I'm taking four weeks off when this baby arrives, you know I'm going to be working until
it's not humanly possible," she replies.

"So be it, but please do not go into labor unless we are sinking a presentation into the ground.
Make them give us a sympathy publication," he jokes, as she nods, laughing.

At the end of the day, Harry texts Liam to ask if he can have the night off, which to no surprise
Liam accepts. Damn Liam's coolest boss ever trope. Harry thought he could have the excuse that
Liam is a tyrant boss who never accepts last minute day off requests. When he gets home he calls
Rena to RSVP.

"Hello, this is Rena Bails, whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?" The woman asks on the
phone.

"Um, hi," Harry answers awkwardly. "I have received an invitation to RSVP for a party," Harry
adds.

"Is this the Louis Tomlinson event? Invitations went out weeks ago, very well though, I've
accommodated for extra guests, can I have your name?"

"Harry Styles," he says.

"Alright, I have you down to attend. The dress code is elegant black and red, that also goes for
swim attire if you chose to use the hotel's indoor pool."

"Got it, thank you," Harry replies, receiving a "you're welcome," on the other line before it goes
dead.

After hours of polishing himself to dress up for Louis' party, Harry finds himself getting out of his
taxi in front of the towering building before him. A doorman collects his invitation and checks the
list, all while escorting Harry inside to the lobby. A concierge guides him to the elevator where he's
taken to the rooftop where the party is being held. There's so many people when he enters, all of
which are dressed prestigious, in red or black, or a combination of red and black. Tall, thin blonde
models in little black cocktail dresses that probably cost more than Harry's rent for the year, men
who look like they belong on the bachelor with their perfectly combed hair and black suits.
Meanwhile, Harry is dressed in black skinny jeans that are ripped at the knee with a red button
down and black blazer with some leather ankle boots. He has never felt more like he didn't belong,
everyone is socializing, sipping champagne from glasses and laughing.

His anxiety amps upwards to a concerning level when he sees Louis from across the rooftop, in a
black suit with a red turtleneck underneath, quiffed hair and he still has his scruffy beard. There's a
brunette girl on his arm, laughing tat the joke from a red hair guy dressed in all black. She's
bobbing her head, and locked arms with Louis in a skin tight black dress that hugs her curves.
Harry awkwardly walks through the crowd of people talking about having a New Years celebration
in Paris. He scoffs because his will be spent cleaning puke off the back patio of The Rave.

"Harry, I'm so glad you could make it out tonight," Louis chimes. "This is my best friend, Oli, he's
flown down from Doncaster," he introduces as Harry shakes his hand, smiling at the shorter guy
who returns the gesture.

"Nice to meet you," Harry says, warmly.

"And this is my girlfriend, Lexi," he says as Harry stands there for a few seconds, dumbfounded.
His mouth opens, and he feels like the room is spinning, but shakes her outreached hand, still
saying nothing.

"I also flew in, but I'm from London," she says to Harry. Her eyes are sympathetic, and she is
beautiful no doubt, but Louis never mentioned anything about a girlfriend. Ever. Not even once.

"N-nice to meet you, Lexi," Harry stutters, taking a champagne glass from the table covered with a
gothic looking black cloth draped over it with red rose centerpieces.

"Oli, have you gotten a chance to talk to Kristen? She's been hammering me about you every time
my mother drags her family to dinner with us on breaks," Louis says, looking at Harry's eyes. Oli
takes the opportunity to make his way over near to the DJ's station where the blonde girl decked
out in a lacy red dress stands with her copycat friends.

"I should leave," Harry says abruptly, trying to not sound rude or intrusive since Lexi is still
standing there.

"Wait-before you go, let me explain," Louis stops Harry.

"Actually, babe, let me," Lexi chuckles, confusing Harry further. "I'm a lesbian," she says, and
Harry takes a huge swig from his class because frankly, this confusing game Louis is playing
would drive anyone to drink like a fish.

"What?" Harry asks.

"Come, sit, we'll tell you all about it," Louis laughs, dragging Harry to one of the empty black
lounge couches on the rooftop.

"You see, Lexi and I grew up in the church together, her parents host Godly 101," he tells Harry,
and Harry's eyes widen.

"You mean the show that has classroom propaganda skits on what to do if your child is acting
unholy or whatever? I've heard nightmares about it," Harry says. "No offense," he adds.

"None taken, imagine growing up gay around it," she says, toasting her drink into the air before
taking a sip. "Louis' mother is huge friend of the show, so naturally growing up our parents tried to
play matchmaker, but as bubblegum soft as Louis was, he didn't meet the criteria," she laughs, and
Louis chuckles with her.
"Yeah, we've 'dated' since like eighth grade," Louis starts, putting his hands in air quotes around
the words 'dated'. "So it just so happens one year at Bible Camp, I wanted to throw Oli a surprise
birthday party and so I needed to make some birthday hats," he explains. "What do I find when I
enter the craft room? My girlfriend of a whole three weeks kissing another girl," Louis adds, his
voice speaking with the tone of fake outrage while he laughs.

"She was so pretty," Lexi says. "She taught me how to suck a honeysuckle, her name was Paisley,
she's in a punk band in Manchester now," she says, fake swooning.

"That's when I told her about my Johnny Depp obsession, and then it was clear, we could be
codependent on each other for not ruining each other's family's reputations," Louis says as Harry
puts the puzzle pieces together.

"God, you rich people are complicated," Harry says. "But that's sweet in a way, but bearding for
each other can't be fun," Harry sympathizes.

"No, it's not," Lexi starts, "but neither is the treat of conversion therapy after you try coming out to
your mother," Lexi says, frowning, and so does Harry.

"I'm so sorry," Harry apologizes.

"S'fine," she says, taking another sip from her glass. "It's only until my modeling career takes off,
then I can be who I am with or without their support, or the trust fund," she toasts once again.

Harry is saddened that these two young kids in his community have to hide in plain sight. His mind
flashes through what every event must have been like for them. Prom, graduation, family reunions,
birthdays, it must have been hard to pretend that the person next to you is the love of your life but
you're too afraid to even look at someone without somebody's judgment.

Harry talks to Lexi and how her plan is once she gets signed to a modeling agency to break up with
Louis and slowly hint that she's bisexual to the press. She explains that her coming out directly
would affect Louis, so she's willing to say that their relationship was genuine, so that when the
press run to Louis for comment he can play off the holy sheep straying far from the heard trope his
mother's people would spew for him.

By the time they've discussed the ins and outs of their fake relationship, a few things start making
sense, and Louis is being dragged away by Oli and his friends from home while Harry is still
sitting with Lexi. She gets a filled glass from a waitress passing by, and eyes her up and down,
obviously checking her out.

"So how does your little arrangement work when it comes to...outside factors?" Harry finds himself
asking.

"Do you mean like hooking up with people? Or relationships? Usually I tell Louis, so he has a
heads up if he needs to fly out for a pap walk if there's suspicions that I'm in a relationship, which
hasn't happened for quite some time. Mostly it's just one night stands, and NDA's. Louis on the
other hand, is a lot less riskier than I am, he's always played it safe. That article that I'm sure you're
aware of? That's the worst speculation people have had in years about Louis. Never not once has he
shown any interest pursuing anything with a man, he just hasn't taken that risk. Well, up until
tonight I suppose," she explains, and Harry raises a brow.

"What do you mean by tonight?"

"Hmm, I figured he was finally going to make a move tonight if he invited you out here," Lexi
says, "he must really trust you."

Harry's chest sinks at the thought of Louis trusting him. Just a few weeks ago, they couldn't be in
the same two feet without wanting to rip each other to shreds. Now Harry's sitting on a lounge
couch with Louis' fake girlfriend, sipping champagne surrounded by the richest inner circle of his
enemy's life. He looks over his shoulder, and sees Louis laughing with his friends. They don't
know that Louis likes vodka and redbulls, or enjoys dancing that doesn't require ballroom
technique courses, or that when he reads you can tell what part of the book is happy, or sad, or a
plot twist and-no? No. Harry is not admiring Louis, that is absurd. Louis has everything, and he's
up against Harry for this executive position. This is just, fun. Just mindless sexual tension that only
comes to dance in the dark. That is all this is, certainly.

"Dearest Lexi, love of my life," Louis laughs, "do you mind taking the room adjacent to mine
instead of a sleepover?" He asks, and she rolls her eyes.

"Ha, as if that wasn't arranged prior, shall we we make our grand exit before we close the night
out?" She asks, getting up to take her arm into Louis' as a few eyes glance their way. Harry watches
them, and thinks the both of them deserve an Oscar for this performance. Louis bends down to sit
his glass on the table in front of him, carefully placing a small piece of paper under it before
glaring into Harry's eyes.

Harry doesn't jump at to reach for the glass, instead he just stares at it, looking down at the small
note under it, pondering if he should play this tango with Louis. When his curiosity gets the best of
him, he reaches for the piece of paper and unfolds it. A smile appears across his face when it the
words are scribbled in Louis' handwriting.

Room 294.

When enough time passes to where it wouldn't cause for speculation, he gets up and finishes off
the rest of his glass. He walks to the stairs that lead him to the elevator, pressing the button to get
to Louis' floor. He thinks to himself how one simple mistaken cinnamon fiasco whipped him into
dancing in the middle of the storm that is Louis Tomlinson.

When Harry knocks at the door, Louis quickly opens it to let him inside so that nobody can see him
enter. The hotel suite is out of a cinematic movie of wealth that he only thought big screens could
capture. The chandelier dimly lights across the room with a sizable white couch and a coffee table
with a crystal vase and red roses freshly planted. There's a huge television, a kitchen space with
elegant china. Harry is mesmerized that Louis can just leisurely drop his yearly wages on a room
this extravagant for one night.

Louis walks him over to the couch and pours Harry a glass of water, handing it to him and sitting
next to him.

"Why did you invite me here?" Harry asks, sipping the water.

"I thought maybe we could have a party of our own. Now that you know the truth, now you
know...me," Louis says, peering into Harry's green eyes, biting his bottom lip. Harry leans in, his
mouth near Louis' ear, his hand gripping Louis' inner left thigh.

"Do you trust me?" Harry whispers against his ear, and he feels Louis' breath shutter.

"I trust you," Louis whispers back as Harry pulls him into a kiss that puts the electricity of
lightning to shame.
Harry wishes he could bottle up the feeling of Louis' touch and save it for rainy days, because it's a
game that confuses him, frustrates him even, but a game he's enjoying nonetheless. Louis moans
into Harry's mouth when Harry pulls him on top of him, Louis' thighs straddling his lap, Harry's
thickness pressed against Louis.

"Fuck," Louis moans, when Harry grips onto Louis' ass. Louis' kiss moves towards Harry's neck,
then upwards to his jawline when he then nibbles on the lobe of Harry's ear. It drives Harry up the
wall how Louis can kiss every sweet spot that makes him want to rip off Louis' clothes right there.

Harry swiftly with little effort sweeps Louis into his arms, standing him up and carrying him into
the room with a giant bed. The comforter is off-white and draped with a fancy matching canopy.

"Harry, I-I've never done this before, so...I-I might not be good," Louis stammers, causing Harry to
pause the kisses he's planting on Louis' neck. Harry rises up and smiles at him.

"You'll be perfect, just let me make you feel good," Harry smirks as Louis smiles and nods. "And if
you need to stop, just say so, we can take it slow," Harry reassures when Louis pulls Harry back
into the kiss.

Harry wastes no time taking off the layers of shirts off of Louis, Harry admires the waistline Louis
has, his curves. Louis puts his arms over his body, only having been this revealed to Harry when he
was plastered. Harry removes Louis' arms back to his sides, and traces his hands to grip his hips.
He plants kisses down his neck, his chest and down his stomach.

Harry looks into Louis glimmering blue eyes as he slowly undoes the button of Louis' trousers,
Louis' member hard and peeking through his black boxers. Harry reaches into Louis' boxers, Louis'
boner popping into the air, and Harry attaches his lips to the tip. Louis shifts under Harry,
anticipating Harry's every move. Harry is a pro when it comes to giving head, Louis is no
exception, panting sweet nothings when Harry lowers his mouth, taking all of Louis into it, sucking
and bobbing his head.

"God," Louis groans. "Feels so good," he praises, causing Harry to go mad.

The room has an eccentric chemistry flowing through the heat of the two of them. Louis is coming
completely unraveled with Harry's mouth moving on him in the swiftest movements. Louis' hands
flutter from tugging at the curls of Harry's hair and the bed sheets. All Harry can focus on is
making Louis feel good, hearing him whimper and beg for more of him is causing pressing matters
in Harry's pants as well.

"Can I try...you know, can I try?" Louis asks, his breath shaking as he tugs at Harry's belt buckle.
Harry smirks at him, combing his hands through Louis' damp hair.

"You don't have to," Harry replies, "can't explore the world in a day," he adds.

"While that is true," Louis starts, rising to his knees and pushing Harry to his back, "we can try," he
whispers, removing Harry's shirt, revealing all of his tattoos. Louis traces down with his mouth, the
heat of his breath brushing against Harry's neck, sending chills down his spine. Louis repeats the
motions Harry tried on him, and Harry keeps in mind not to judge if Louis doesn't live up to the
standard Harry was pushing on him.

God was he wrong, Louis' mouth is eager. The way his mouth suckles at the tip of Harry's cock
combined with the swirling of his tongue sends a heat pool to Harry's stomach. Harry savors every
moment of Louis giving him head, the last few weeks have been dry. Even before getting wrapped
up in whatever is happening between he and Louis, no one has ever been this good at sucking his
dick.

Harry gently presses his hand to the back of Louis' head, not pushing it forcibly but caressing the
hair in his fist. Louis, with his lips puckered and still attached to Harry's shaft, looks up at Harry
with his sinful blue eyes. Fuck. Oh my god. Fuck. That mental image will definitely be cause for
later sexual frustrations during a boring day. Fuck.

"Shit, Lou, you look so pretty like that," Harry says, bucking his hips in an upward motion, gaining
hums from Louis as he continues.

Harry pulls Louis back on top of him, their naked bodies grinding against each other, lips
intertwining.

Louis whispers down to Harry's ear, "I want to feel you inside of me."

Louis' words are motivation enough for Harry to flip Louis to his back, he bites Louis' bottom lip in
the kiss, trying to assert dominance over him because yes, Louis is dominating in every other
aspect, work, school, social and financial status, but Harry getting to power over him in bed is a
glowing moment that Harry takes pride in.

"Do you have anything? I didn't know we'd be-"

"In my suitcase," Louis interrupts, eagerly.

Harry looks over to the cream chair across the bed, by the terrace and sees Louis' Gucci suitcase.
He unzips the smaller zipper of the suitcase, and fumbles through the things, seeing a bottle of
cologne, a pair of black glasses, and mint gum. Seconds later, he sees the bottle of lube and a pack
of condoms and rushes back over to the bed.

"Are you ready?" Harry asks, and Louis nods, blushing and turning his face away.

"Will it hurt?" Louis asks nervously, biting his bottom lip while Harry spreads lube across his
finger to prep Louis.

"It will feel different, it shouldn't hurt too much, we will go very slow," Harry reassures, parting
Louis' legs.

Harry takes his hand and intertwines it with Louis'. Louis takes a deep breath as Harry circles
Louis' entrance with his pointer finger. Harry slowly inches his finger inside, not going too fast to
make sure Louis' discomfort is minimal. Harry can feel Louis clench around his finger, and Harry
takes his other hand and caresses his face.

"Shh, relax your body," Harry orders and he feels Louis' muscles release.

Harry's finger moves in and out and he waits for Louis' pleads for another before he does just that.
Harry brushes his fingers against Louis' prostate, Louis' grip on Harry's shoulders as Harry fingers
him gain more traction, his nails piercing into Harry's skin as Louis' moans fill the air. Harry
makes sure that Louis is well prepared for sex. Louis begs over and over, panting the words, "fuck
me, fuck me please," each time Harry brushes against the magically bundle of nerves inside of
him.

Harry wastes no time putting on the condom and coating his impressive length with lube. He eases
the tip of his dick at Louis' hole, Louis is begging for friction at this point, trying to press himself
downwards. Harry is slow and teasing, watching Louis squirm underneath him is almost enough to
for him to come right then and there.
"P-please," Louis begs again, gripping onto Harry's wrists that are resting on his his hips.

Harry leans down and presses a soft kiss to Louis' lips, then down to his neck. Harry then starts
pushing his hardened dick into Louis, seeing Louis try to adjust to the sensation. Louis is so
fucking tight, the constriction around Harry's dick is nearly sending both men to their climax.
Harry doesn't move a lot at first, giving the world's slowest strokes until Louis is fully comfortable
with Harry inside of him.

Harry starts picking up his pace of strokes, inching back and forth, Louis' grip on his wrists not
faltering a bit. Harry bites his bottom lip as he pumps faster into Louis, pulling their bodies closer,
chest to chest. Louis' hands wrap around Harry's back, as well as their legs getting tangled together
in the sheets of the bed. Louis cradles his face into Harry's neck, his breath sending Harry to a new
world as the heat of it blows onto the surface with each moan.

As Harry continues fucking Louis into oblivion, Louis' nails trail into the skin of Harry's back after
each stroke, all of which Harry is sure will leave marks for later. Fair payback for the bruises
sunken into Louis' neck via Harry's adventurous lips.

Harry can tell Louis' is getting close when the moans aren't able to be stifled, his body clenching
and face turning red with the glimmer of sweat across his forehead. This is what being truly
wrecked looks like, and Louis has probably been to many exotic vacations, has received many
luxurious gifts, but in this moment nothing feels better than Harry fucking him, Louis know it and
Harry surely knows it too.

Harry spits into his hand and starts pumping his fist around Louis' cock, knowing that Louis is
about to come any second, Harry not far behind him. Louis tries to make the words out that he's
about to hit his high, but all that he can do is roll in the heat of every part of his body being
stimulated by Harry. He comes all over both of their chests and stomachs, shaking, moaning, nails
penetrating Harry's muscular back to try to ease the friction inside of him.

"God," Louis moans, eyes glazed over as Harry removes himself from Louis.

"You were so good," Harry praises, as Louis looks up at him, biting his bottom lip. Louis' face is
beet red, sweat is dripping all over his body, his hair stuck to his forehead. Louis then struggles for
a few seconds, but rises to his knees, his chest colliding with Harry's once more as he pulls Harry
into a kiss. Louis inches his lips downwards, removing the condom off of Harry to take his cock
into his mouth.

"Only fair you get to finish too, yeah?" Louis asks, looking upwards into Harry green eyes. Fuck.
That look has some sort of power over Harry. The look screams, "I want to please you, these eyes
are only meant to reassure you that I can make you feel so, so good."

Harry runs his hands through Louis' damp hair as he starts sucking Harry off again. It doesn't take
long, less than a few minutes for Harry to feel a heat pool in stomach once more. He can't even
stop himself to push Louis away when he starts coming all over his face, he just takes takes in the
moments of his come dripping onto Louis' tongue, cheeks and getting in his hair.

The two afterwards wipe themselves clean with Harry's red shirt before flopping on their backs
beside each other trying to catch their breaths. Their chests move rhythmically with their breathing
almost in sync. Neither man says anything for a few minutes, just laying together trying to recover
from the work that was put in before them.

"W-was I good?" Louis finally asks nervously to Harry. "Or was that just something you say to
everyone?"
"You were so good, if you weren't I'd wouldn't be laying here next to you feeling like I just ran a
marathon," Harry jokes. "Can I get you anything before I go? Water, a damp towel?" He asks.

"You can spend the night," Louis mumbles.

"Oh," is all Harry can say. He wasn't aware of what them sleeping together entailed, he never
makes it a goal to spend the night with hookups if he can help it.

"If you want," Louis says, trying to take the tension of the question away. "There's a Jacuzzi
bathtub, if you wanted to wash up with me," Louis invites.

"Sure. I would like that," Harry says as the two of them peel themselves off of the bed and walk
into the bathroom (Harry definitely takes a little pride in seeing Louis' walk more like a waddle
than anything). The walls are tiled white with illuminating bright lights, then sits the the marble
Jacuzzi tub. Louis turns on the jets and grabs two towels from the counter. Harry pours the
lavender body wash to create a bubble bath and helps Louis in the heated bath water that is
pulsating. The two of them sit as the water pulsated on their backs, both of their bodies tired and
sore.

Harry pulls Louis to sit in his lap, pouring water onto his head as he washes Louis' hair. Harry's
long fingers massage Louis' scalp and Louis hums at the feeling, merely like a kitten who purrs
when you rub their sweet spot. Harry is the king of aftercare, after all.

Afterwards they wrap towels around their waists and get back into bed. Harry didn't intend to
sleepover but the bath experience mixed with the softness of the bed, combined with Louis
nuzzling himself onto Harry's chest is enough to make him drift off to sleep shortly after sees Louis
snoozing next to him.

Sweet dreams.
 blindsided
Chapter Summary

Nothing worth fighting for comes easy.

Follow me on twitter: minors DNI, no stunts :) @ heylolvelarry

The next day, Harry is woken up by a knock at the hotel room door. He can hear Louis talking with
a woman and then there's a silence. Harry makes sure to hear the door close before he peeks out
into the kitchen area, Louis has his back turned and the sight of him is daunting beautifully upon
Harry's eyes. Louis' back is toned, his waistline and his skin is perfectly sun kissed.

"Good morning," Louis chimes, smiling at Harry. "I've ordered room service, hope eggs Benedict
is alright with you," he replies, sipping his cup of tea as he sits at one of the bar stools, uncovering
the silver lids to the meals.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asks, sipping on a glass of orange juice.

"I'm okay, I do need a favor from you though," Louis says, making Harry grin.

"Already wanting to go for another round?" Harry asks, leaning in for a kiss, but Louis nervously
backs away.

This cannot be happening, a-fucking-gain.

"I need you to sign this, I planned on making you sign it before but...got caught up in a moment,"
he says.

Harry sees the paper that Louis slides towards him. He starts reading them and gets increasingly
frustrated when he finds the paper is a non disclosure agreement. Listing that Harry cannot discuss
anything to do with Louis Tomlinson. He cannot discuss personal details, conversations, to sum up,
according to the press and general public, he has nothing to do with Louis.

"The fuck is this?" Harry asks, brows furrowed, chest beating up and down.

"Listen I know-"

"Why the fuck do you think I should sign this?" Harry asks, completely belligerently angry.

"Harry, I know it's not ideal, but you have to believe signing this can protect the two of us," Louis
tries to reason as Harry shoves his clothes on from the night before. He's ignoring Louis' pleads for
him to calm down, he's practically begging for Harry to sit down to reason, but Harry is hurt. That's
the word, hurt.

"Harry please," Louis begs, him trying to block the taller man from leaving.

Harry takes a deep breath, and holds the pen in his hand.
"Louis, when I sign this paper, then I will never talk about it to anyone again," Harry says, tone
calm and steady. Louis breathes a sigh of relief as Harry scribbles his name at the bottom of the
sheet. "But I also, will never talk to you again. Because it's sad, not that I have to sign this mess,
because I know it's a world that you're used to and it was a dance that I thought I was getting the
hang of, but the fact you wouldn't trust me and the fact you'd have me sign this at all, well...that's
not someone I want to talk about to anyone."

Louis' facial expression drops, Harry notices it, of course. Louis opens his mouth to say something,
but the words won't fall out.

"See you around, Louis," is all Harry says, walking out of the door, trying to erase that look in
Louis' glistening blue eyes. He secretly is hoping as he walks down the hotel hallway that he will
come running after him, but the tears spill over as soon as he steps in the elevator, seeing the doors
close and not a sight of the shorter man striding his way.

And once again for Harry, the dripping pipes in his apartment and the creaking floors feel extra
loud.

Harry's life continues on, because, well...he doesn't get the luxury to let each emotion he has pass
like a storm, he has to feel the impact of thunder, lightning and rain and run away from it. His days
continue as they did before, but there's a grey shear because he and Louis don't even talk anymore.
Which is what Harry thought he'd needed to move past Louis, who is seemingly fine, laughing
with Niall, buried in his work. He'd be lying he said he wasn't disappointed that Louis wasn't
carrying the hurt along with him.

"Good morning folks," Landon greets. "As you know, it's my family's tradition to work hard all
year, with the exception of the holidays, so I'm sure everyone is looking forward to our last round
of proposals until the new year! I'm sure our staff, and especially our team of NYU interns are
ready for the break, so give it all you've got today and good luck!" He says, clapping his hands
together as everyone cheers. Harry is sure everyone else is excited, and it will be nice to only have
one job to juggle for two weeks. It's one glimpse of happiness in the last shitty days he's had.

"So, why won't you tell me what happened last week with Louis," Paula chimes. She's asked about
it frequently, because ever since he'd came back that Monday after the party, he hasn't been the
same, he's tried, but having to see the person who you thought trusted you the most but didn't trust
at all is very taxing on a person, especially as someone who goes through each day with many
other struggles on their back.

"Nothing happened, just some drinks and good fun," he fake laughs, Paula rolling her eyes at him.

"That can't be all, but I'll rest my case," she chuckles, earning a faint smile from Harry.

The two of them start going over their proposal for the novel they have to present today. Leaving
Frankie to the Wolves by upcoming author Imogene Jonah. It's nothing like the romance novels
they've read, it's actually quite sad. It's about two women who grew up in the same hometown their
entire life, and their senior year of high school they get assigned to work on a science project and
end up realizing they're in love. The main character, Drew, gets a boyfriend to distract from her
feelings for Frankie, but feels absolutely no connection with him. A decade goes by after they go
different paths and Frankie is really sick, and her one wish is to see Drew before she passes away,
so after after all of that time, Drew sees Frankie, after she's been in a heterosexual marriage for
seven years, but realizes she has left Frankie to the wolves, and then Frankie passes away, holding
Drew's hand.

The book in it's entirety made Harry cry off and on, because there are lots of themes of religious
shame, trauma and queer guilt. It's something he's dealt with very reverently, Louis even more so,
so it's a knife being twisted in his wounds.

Paula starts scribbling notes on an index card but winces and grabs her stomach. Harry draws his
eyes to her, praying that what he's afraid is happening is happening.

"Harry..." She breathes, earning eyes from a few people in the surrounding office. "I need you to
call my husband," she sighs.

"Paula, no, really,?" Harry asks, in a panic, taking her phone.

"Everything alright?" Niall asks, Louis treading behind him.

"Looks like Harry will be flying solo today," Paula says between contractions.

"Can I get you anything? Can I call an ambulance for you?" Niall asks.

Sometimes he forgets that with what an absolute wanker Louis can be, that Niall is a fucking saint.

An ambulance is called, and a crowd surrounds Paula, who is somewhat relaxed between her
contractions, thankfully they're far apart.

"Here," he hears Louis say to Paula, handing her an ice pack that she presses to her forehead. Paula
smiles up to him, Niall goes to let Landon know that Harry is going to present alone, and Harry is
trying to talk to the soon to be mom, trying to breathe with her. To be fair, Paula is less anxious
about giving birth than Harry is about presenting.

"Where is she?" he hears Paula's husband ask, frantically. There's a paramedic behind him, with a
wheelchair out, and everyone applauds, because Paula deserves it. To work as hard as she does, up
until the point of going into labor at your job, is applaud-able. Or sad. Fuck capitalism for making
that kind of grind something to be proud of, but damn she did it alright.

"Good luck," Harry says, gripping her hand, "I'll see you when you get back."

"Good luck today as well, I can't wait to hear how your presentation went," she says as they wheel
her away.

Everyone's cheering, talking among themselves in a crowd, and Harry feels a tug at his sleeve. To
his misfortune, it is Louis, guiding him to the hallway away from their coworkers. Harry does
follow Louis, but doesn't say a word, he won't be the first to crumble.

"Can we talk about what happened?" Louis asks, stepping into the elevator. Harry follows him, and
earns a, "thank you," from Louis.

"I have nothing to say to you," Harry says, crossing his arms, hesitant and thinking he's already
given too much leeway to Louis.

Louis' head is bowed, his palms tucked away in his crossed arms. Louis eventually mumbles
something under his breath, Harry can't make it out but he thinks he's saying, "any boy to be proud
of won't cry," Harry hopes that he is wrong, but the beep from the elevator finally brings light to
Louis' face, and it's dark.

The smaller man in front of him looks broken, his lip is quivering, his eyes are glossed with tears
that are refusing to fall.He can tell by the hallowing of his cheeks that Louis is biting the inside of
his mouth. He steps into the copy room, the scene playing over like deja vu.
He sits at the small table, crossing his ankles, and pulls something out of his pocket. Harry glares
at him, Louis' eyes dart back and forth to Harry's green ones, then back to the piece of paper on the
table.

"I trust you," Louis says, muffled. ""I trust you," he says again. "I trust you," falls out of his mouth
once more, audibly louder, almost as if he has to convince himself. Harry walks closer, and Harry
examines his eyes down at the piece of paper. The NDA with Harry's angst ridden signature signed
at the bottom.

"Louis," Harry stammers, trailing his fingers to gloss over Louis' smaller hands gently. Louis
quickly gets up from his seat, snatching the paper in his movements. Louis reminds Harry of a
timid creature in a forest, maybe a fawn, maybe a bunny, anything that doesn't let you approach it
with ease. Sweet creatures nonetheless, but fleet at the first sign of enclosure.

"I trust you," he repeats, turning to the paper shredder behind him, he glance once last time at
Harry, meeting eyes. He think's Louis' tear ducts may be similar to dams, obvious water trying to
break through but they just...don't. He slides the paper in the crease of the shredder, and with zero
hesitation, presses the start button. They both glare at the shredded pieces of paper that fall into the
collection container below.

And for once, Harry believes the words.

"Louis-"

"Hey guys, everyone's getting ready for presentations, let's go yeah?" Niall interrupts. "Louis are
you okay?" Niall asks, his blue eyes floating through the two of them, brows arched in suspicion.

"M' fine," Louis croaks, "we were just talking about Paula, got a little overwhelmed," Louis says,
his tone more controlled. Harry nods and smiles a grin that doesn't even lift his cheek bones, but
it's enough to convince Niall. Maybe.

Niall leads the two out the copy room and Louis trails beside Harry, in silence. Harry knows there's
so much unspoken so all he can manage to do is slowly trail his fingers down the back of Louis'
arm, its small, quick and gentle, the movement doesn't startle Louis, which Harry takes as a win.

"Good luck today," Louis says before taking his seat with Niall, Harry sitting next to Louis.

Fuck, fuck, he didn't get to prepare to fly solo today, he's doing this alone today. FUCK.

Harry ticks nervously as each group is called, he watched Niall and Louis give a seemingly decent
perspective of their book but for the rest he tries to mentally prepare how he's going to portray,
Leaving Frankie to the Wolves. His palms are damp and his foot anxiously tapping, cracking his
knuckles. Louis glances at him as the historical fiction book is being presented in front of them.

Louis feels a small tap on his outer thigh, and sees Louis carefully tap his fist before meeting his
eyes with Harry's. A small grimace appears on Louis' face and Harry feels all his nerves suddenly
at bay.

The email later in the day is wishing the staff a happy holiday.
Harry won the pitch solo.

The staff parts ways, a few executives come by to congratulate Harry, and for once Harry feels
proud of himself. Deep down he thought he'd always rely on someone else's leadership as a crutch,
and now? He's proven himself to be independent. Harry is so excited he texts his mother, and then
Paula, then Liam and Zayn. All the replies confirming their confidence in him, Liam and Zayn
offer to let Harry have the night off to celebrate but he declines.

Harry changes into a casual outfit when he's home, a grey t-shirt, black and grey flannel with black
jeans and shoes. He throws a grey beanie on his head since it's getting a little colder outside, but
the bar is warm. Friday nights are busy as usual, but a lot of people are more generous around the
holidays, tipping Harry more than usual weekends. Maybe this year he can afford to send his
mother a Christmas present since he won't be able to afford to travel back to England.

Trixie and Katya are performing a few lipsynces and maul over Harry's accomplishments. Harry is
serving a few people a round of shots when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket. He goes to to
turn off the ringer but recognizes the number and let's one of the other workers finish serving the
round of shots. Harry steps into the back room where extra booze is stored.

"Harry," a feminine voice answers. "I need you to come to my hotel, now, please," she says.

"What? Why?"

"Please just come, I'll text you the hotel, it's Louis" she says, clicking on the line.

Harry's hands start shaking, receiving the text message from Lexi. What is she doing in town? Isn't
Louis supposed to leave for holiday like everyone else is doing today at NYU?

Harry walks up to Liam, clearly frightened.

"What's wrong Harry? Everything okay?"

"I-I don't know, I think something's wrong," Harry replies, anxious, his chest tightening.

"C'mon Harry, we're going," Liam says, walking Harry out into the people and walking over to
Liam. Liam greets Zayn with a kiss sees Liam's look of concern draws Zayn away from the DJ's
station. Liam explains what's going on and Zayn assures Liam he will be okay to close the night
out since it's nearing 2am anyways.

Liam gets into his his car and drives the twenty minutes to the hotel Lexi is at, the doorman gives
them the hotel number, probably figuring they're all going to have an after party. Liam and Harry
rush to the room and Lexi opens the door, dressed down in sweats and and a black tanktop. She
waves for the two of them to come inside.

"What's going on? Is he okay?" Harry says frantically.

"He's really drunk, and upset, I didn't know what to do," she apologizes, motioning to Louis on the
sofa.

Harry walks over to him, Louis is sobbing, cradling a bottle of wine. Liam and Lexi walk onto the
balcony and Harry timidly approaches the couch, sitting on it when Louis finally notices. Harry
doesn't say anything, just removes the empty bottle from Louis' arms. Louis doesn't say anything
either, just cries when he looks at Harry.

"Harry, I'm sorry," Louis sobs.

"Shh, shh, just lay down," Harry orders, taking Louis' sneakers off, his hoodie. Harry gets up and
goes into the kitchen where Louis continues to cry and Liam and Lexi follow. Harry assures both of
them that he'll take care of Louis as he pours a glass of water for Louis. Lexi and Liam hug him,
and Liam leaves, Lexi goes into her room, telling Harry that if he needs her to enter her room.

Harry trails his way back with the glass of water, and Louis is sitting up, still crying and bowing
his head. Harry tilts his chin up, ordering him to drink the water as he chokes back sobs. Louis
keeps trying to apologize and explain himself but Harry just tells him that now isn't the time to talk
about it. Louis. Just. Keeps. Crying.

"Lou, you're gonna make it worse, try to calm down," Harry says, rubbing his back. Louis starts
retching, and Harry is quick to grab a trashcan by the coffee table, Louis throws up whatever
contents were in his stomach, but it still doesn't help quiet the crying. Harry himself is at a lost for
words. He's been down, and he's been drunk but this is different, and scary.

"Shhh, take a deep breath, and try to match it with mine, inhale, exhale," Harry says, handing Louis
a mint. The breathing and chewing helps stall the sobbing, Harry takes it as a cue to place his hands
on Louis' shoulders to lay him on his side on the huge sectional couch of the hotel room. Harry
drapes a black fleece blanket over Louis once he's fully calm. The room is silent, and Harry sits in
the chair adjacent to Louis.

"Harry," Louis croaks, "please come lay with me," Louis requests, in a murmur.

"Of course," Harry replies, getting behind Louis on the coach.

The blanket covers both of their bodies, and Harry can feel a few tear drops land on the back of his
hand the way he's positioned to holding Louis. Harry strokes the strands of Louis' damp hair, and
feels the heat coming off of Louis' body.

Harry waits until tears stop falling on his skin via Louis, and when he hears a soft snoring noise
from Louis, he trusts that he can fall asleep is well, and somehow with Louis pressed against his
body, knowing Louis is now safe, makes slumber come to him a bit more easier.

The only thing present in the back of Harry's mind, it what's to come for them in the morning.
 up in the air
Chapter Summary

Louis opens up. The holidays are approaching. Smutty. Lairport.

Chapter Notes

I know the chapters are really long, I thought about splitting them up, and I'm still
unsure of how many chapters I want to write for this fic. There is a timeline but I'm
never sure how many plot points to write until I've written so many of them and decide
to lay off of it. I don't think there will be more than twelve chapters, but that's just an
estimation. :) Anywayssss, I hope HLD comes back, and I'm gatekeeping Grapejuice
:')

Harry carefully moves himself off of the couch making sure not to wake Louis, he's honestly afraid
to wake him up for two reasons. One, being the fact that he knows Louis is going to have a
hangover from the pits of hell to deal with whenever he awakens. Two, he's not sure he's ready to
hear what Louis has to say, or why he was so upset. Harry ponders the thought after reading the
note Lexi left in the kitchen.

Feel free to order whatever you want from room service, my treat. Thank you for helping me,
Harry. I have a meeting with my agent or I would stay, but figured you two needed to talk. Mine
and Louis' flight doesn't leave until 11pm, I will be back around 7.

xoxo, Lexi.

Harry puts the note down and orders a hangover curing breakfast from room service. Fruit, eggs,
toast and fish. Louis groans a few minutes after room service delivers and Harry tends to him,
aspirin already in his hand with water. Louis smiles upwards to him, awkwardly, rubbing his
fingers to his temples after taking the medicine. Harry twiddles his thumbs, unsure of what to say
at the given moment.

"Where's Lexi run off to?" Is all Louis asks, getting up from the couch and walking over to the
kitchen, grabbing a piece of toast. He glances down at the letter she left on the table for Harry and
it makes him chuckle. "Ah, hope she gets signed," he says, taking a bite of toast. "Last I heard she
was invited to a Gucci after party."

Harry joins Louis for breakfast, eating toast beside him. The air has an awkward tension, the two of
them can barely look at each other. Louis excuses himself for a shower, and Harry continues
picking grapes off the vine, but Louis halts himself before he goes into the bedroom.
"You coming?" Louis asks.

The question catches Harry off guard, he furrows his brows and coughs. Louis smirks at him,
walking into Lexi's room that leads to the bathroom. That smirk is all it takes for Harry to follow
behind Louis. The shower is a standing shower that isn't too big, but fancy nonetheless, something
Harry will never get used to with his interactions with rich people. Louis oddly enough isn't shy
anymore, removing his sweatpants, and turning on the hot water to the on.

"Can't shower with these on," Louis grins, jerking at the belt buckle of Harry's jeans, Harry half
grins at him, barely revealing his dimple. He starts removing his jeans from his hips, along with his
boxers. Harry gets inside the shower, and Louis follows. The hot water drips down, making Louis'
hair stick to his face, Harry gets the idea to grab the shampoo from the shower shelf. He turns
Louis around to lather his brown hair in whatever luxury peach smelling shampoo Lexi brought
with her on her flight.

When most of the suds subside, Louis turns back around, and presses his lips to Harry's ears to
whisper something.

"I never got to say a proper thank you for taking care of me last night."

Louis sinks to his knees, tugging at Harry's cock while Harry braces himself on the wall.

"Fuck," Harry moans, when Louis takes his hardened length into his mouth, flicking his tongue on
Harry's slit. Harry starts combing his fingers through Louis' hair, tugging at the strands when Louis
starts licking down the shaft, and sucking.

Louis moans against Harry's shaft, then looks upwards to Harry with his blue eyes.

That look.

"Fucking Hell," Harry groans. "You look so pretty like that," he grins, causing Louis to go faster
with a rhythm no song dares to copy. Harry starts feeling the heat all around him, the steam, Louis'
mouth and the vibrations from within his core warning him he's going to come any moment.

"Fuck my mouth," Louis begs, "fuck it."

Harry is more than happy to oblige with Louis' demands, Louis letting Harry thrust to the back of
his throat, taking all of his shaft with only minimal gagging. Harry bites his bottom lip, trying to
starve his quickly approaching orgasm. The water is starting to grow cold against his skin, which
would be more helpful if he wasn't getting sucked off in a way he'd never been before, Louis is
such a quick learner when it comes to this stuff.

"L-Louis," Harry stammers, trying to make a coherent sentence, "fuck," is all he can add to that
sentence.

Harry's grip on Louis' hair as he fucks Louis' mouth hasn't let up a bit, and neither are the nails that
Louis has digging into his thighs.

He looks down once more, into Louis' eyes when he feel he can no longer resist the urge to come
for much longer. Louis attaches his eyes to Harry and nods, giving Harry the permission to come in
his mouth. A few strokes later, he does. The fluid filling Louis' mouth as he swallows and rises up
to attach his lips to Harry's. Harry shuts the water off after the cold water becomes a bit more
excessive to bare than before.

He and Louis wrap towels to their waists and head back onto the couch. Harry is confused at first
why he let that happen, but with the look plastered across Louis' face, the feeling is mutual.

"Look, Harry what we just did-"

"Didn't happen, forget it happened at all, I know," Harry replies, cutting Louis off. "You know,
Louis, with all we've done, that I've had to forget, I'm kind of used to the amnesia by now," he adds,
and Louis noticeably frowns at the statement.

"I wasn't going to tell you to forget it," Louis says to break the silence. "I was going to say, is that
I'm sorry about last night, it wasn't right for Lexi to call you while I was upset, but thank you for
being there anyways."

"What do you mean she shouldn't have called me? She cares about you Louis, a lot of people care
about you," Harry replies.

"The NDA thing, it wasn't that I didn't trust you, I'm just so used to signing those, I've probably
signed hundreds since I was a teenager, I've never really had to worry about needing anyone to sign
one for me, because this whole breaking the rules, trying to be authentic with myself thing, it's
hard."

"Maybe I reacted too harshly as well, plus it's the holidays and all, so for the sake of Christmas, it
is my gift to you that we can really forget the last few weeks happened," Harry jokes.

"Thank you, I feel a lot better traveling to London knowing you aren't angry with me anymore,"
Louis smiles. "When does your flight leave?" He asks.

"Oh, uhh. I'm not going home for the holidays," Harry replies, awkwardly.

"No? Why not? Thought you and your family were close?" Louis asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"We are, I'll FaceTime them on Christmas," Harry smiles, trying to put a questioning Louis at
ease.

"No, that won't due, you're coming to London," Louis says, throwing Harry a pair of sweatpants.

"Absolutely not, I can't repay you what it costs, for a plane ticket, and there probably are no
tickets, Christmas is next week and-"

"Then it's my gift to you," Louis smiles, "so suck it up, and-"

"Louis, no, it's too much to ask," Harry interrupts.

"Did we kiss and make up?" Lexi asks, entering the room abruptly.

"Tell Harry he needs to fly to London with us to see his mother on Christmas," Louis argues, and
Harry rolls his eyes.

"I have no problem with it, Harry, you don't want to see your mum?" Lexi asks Harry.

"I just can't afford the ticket," Harry says once again, feeling more and more poorer each time he
repeats himself.

"Ticket? You don't need a ticket," Lexi laughs. "Please, we insist, you can fly in with us to London
and we'll have a driver take you to your mum's house, then bring you back to New York with
Louis. It's not a big deal, swear," Lexi agitates. "We owe it to you."
"Harry, seriously think about it, if not for us to pay you back, do it as a gift to your mum,
seriously," Louis begs.

"Okay, okay," Harry finally surrenders as Lexi and Louis cheer.

After Harry clears an impromptu holiday break back to London, he goes to his flat to pack a bag.
He shoves countless jumpers, jackets and pants into his bag. Making sure he's appropriately
packed for the journey back to Cheshire. He decides on not warning his mother, step-father or
Gemma that he's going to be there to spend Christmas with them, even though he can't ignore the
excitement building up in his core. Harry's family means the world to him, and he hates that he's
missed so many gatherings, and reunions for the sake of his education, but he knows his mother
understands, especially since she was the one to push him to go to NYU.

Harry doesn't come from wealth, so all the hard work he put into high school very much
determined his options to create a sustainable, different life for him. He narrowed his picks down
to University of London, a few schools in Dublin, Ireland and NYU, NYU being the school he
wanted to go to the most, but wasn't sure he was qualified to get in. When Harry pictured
graduating college, it was always in a purple gown, and it was always NYU, but he knew he had to
be realistic. It was a shock when his mother came home from work, running inside Harry's room
with a purple envelope.

The last time he saw his mother was when she was helping him unpack boxes into his dorm room
freshman year, so the thought of getting to see her before graduation is a pleasant feeling that Harry
can't resit.

"All ready?" Louis asks, as his driver takes the bags from Harry and throws them into the trunk.

"Are you sure about this?" Harry asks one last time, "I don't want to intrude on your trip back
home," Harry adds.

"Harry, please trust and believe that you being on the flight back to London with me would make it
the most fun I've had traveling. I do want to warn you though, my mum usually arranges paps at the
airport, so me and Lexi will have to play up the relationship stick, but having you on the way there
will be perfect," Louis reassures for the twenty-eighth time, his eyes and smile beaming.

Harry wishes Louis didn't have to pretend, his and Lexi's life must be more exhausting as luxurious
as it may seem from the outside. Harry thinks back to when he dated his ex girlfriend before
realizing he was gay, it wasn't easy to break up with her, but he simply had the freedom to not play
pretend with someone. He wishes that freedom on Louis and Lexi. That one day they can just stop.

The ride to airport isn't long, but the terminal they pull up to isn't the nearest one by NYU, maybe
the airline is a bit fancier. Louis senses Harry's nervousness as the plane pulls up, and he places his
hand on Harry's knee, its small and swift, but the touch lingers to calm Harry's nerves just in time
for the driver to announce their arrival.

"A private fucking jet," Harry grumbles.

"See, no ticket needed," Louis giggles when his driver opens the door.

Lexi's driver immediately pulls u behind them, a massive private jet only feet away. She gets out of
the car, sunglasses on, sweatpants and a red flannel. Harry questions in his mind why they aren't
dressed up for proper staged pap photos, but pushes the thought in the back of his mind as they
walk up the flight of stairs.
Harry is in shock.

Harry would be satisfied with sitting coach on a commercial flight, this jet is probably nicer than
his entire apartment combined. What. The. Fuck. It has a huge interior, two separate bedrooms, a
lounge, and huge plasma screens, mini fridges filled with all sorts of snacks, liquor, and hot dinner
already prepared as they get their luggage inside. It's truly as if diamonds were being waved in
front of Harry's face, and to Louis and Lexi, it's just a plane.

"This is....a lot," is all Harry can mutter out. "This is insane," he adds, earning a chuckle from
Louis.

"Lou, I just took my Xanax, so I'm going to knock out, wake me up when we get there yeah?" She
says. "Harry, enjoy whatever you like, sorry to not join the party," she adds, giving him a side hug
as she drags herself and suitcase to one of the bedrooms in the jet.

"Shall we eat? I'm starving, hope spaghetti is okay," Louis says, sitting at the edge of the couch
with two plates ready, still steaming.

Little things run through Harry's brain, did the pilot cook this, or is this jet staffed, or does someone
who works for the jet company outsource spaghetti for it's flyers. Why is Lexi taking Xanax? How
the fuck did accidentally buying a cinnamon flavored latte land him going to see his mother for
Christmas in a private jet?

Harry clears his throat and sits next to Louis, who has already started started playing F.R.I.E.N.D.S
on the plasma screen and started eating. Harry starts eating as well and Louis opens a bottle of
white wine that is far too elegant for Harry's palate that he audibly moans when he takes a sip. The
meal is spent mostly in silence, their eyes glancing to each other and sharing a chuckle when
something funny happens.

Louis moves the dishes away onto a side table and leans his head back.

"Nervous?" Harry asks, leaning back on the couch with him.

"'S always hard around the holidays, my family is pretty intense, and pushy," Louis confesses,
trying to give Harry a smile but it doesn't reach his lips.

"Tell me about it, I'm all ears, what happens up here stays in the air."

"Well, obviously you know my mother and step father are raging homophobes. They have been
pushing for me to get engaged to Lexi for years, it's hard enough pretending my closest gay friend
is my partner. But to act like she's my fiance, my wife? It feels like the pretending never ends, and
the lies grow deeper."

"But you both have a breakup staged, yeah? It would buy you both time to get out of the financial
grips your parents have over you."

"Yeah, that's the plan, it mostly works in Lexi's favor. The relationship ends when she's an
established model, mine ends, whenever I'm ready to cut off my family. I know I'd lose them by
coming out. Lexi tried coming out before we came up with the fake relationship, her parents
threatened conversion camp, but they figured a young girl like herself could deal with conversion
therapy, ten quick sessions, our summer camp plan and she was magically straight. Just classic
pre-teen confusion. It took quite the toll on her, and her family was never the same. I'm scared
mine would turn out similar, it's far too hard to imagine it."

"Is that where Lexi's Xanax problem comes from?" Harry asks, immediately turning the dim
conversation into one filled with laughter.

"No, no, I promise Lexi doesn't have a substance issue, she just has never liked flying, needs the
Xanax to sleep though the flights," Louis laughs.

Harry covers his face in embarrassment, laughing along with Louis. Louis nuzzles in Harry's chest,
laughing into it.

"I cannot wait to tell her about this in a few hours."

"Don't," Harry playfully begs.

"You're going to have to buy my silence, Styles," Louis teases.

"How's this?" Harry asks, planting a kiss to Louis' lips. It catches Louis off guard but soon he opens
his mouth and allows Harry's tongue to explore his mouth. Harry starts feeling himself firm against
Louis, and can feel the growth in Louis' pants. Louis let's out a small whimper when Harry bites his
bottom lip, the skin grazing against his teeth, it almost sends Louis over the edge when Harry starts
palming Louis through his pants.

"Let's move this to my room yeah?" Louis asks in between their lips meshing together. Harry once
again doesn't allow Louis to walk to his room, he quickly tosses Louis on the bed, attacking him
once again with his lips.

Tasting Louis' skin could get Harry drunker than any amount of alcohol. He's wasted on Louis'
touch. Louis' fingers in his hair, Louis' hands trying to pry Harry's shirt off as their tongues twirl
around each other. The feeling is intoxicating, thousands of feet in the air, dancing in Louis' storm.

"Mile high club?" Harry asks, teasingly.

"Y-yes, please," Louis begs under his breath, kissing at Harry's jaw.

Harry tears Louis' clothes off and starts slowly kissing down Louis' body, tracing his fingers along
the curves of his waist. Louis' breaths are labored, feeling the sensations of Harry's mouth trailing
down his neck, collarbones, then his chest and stomach. It's not until Harry starts kissing Louis'
inner thighs that Louis has to dig his nails into the upper parts of Harry's back. The nails dig deeper
when Harry takes Louis into his mouth after grabbing lube from his bag. Harry gives Louis a
combination of foreplay by sucking Louis' hardened cock and fingering Louis to open him up.

"Please, Harry, let me ride your fingers, please, oh god," Louis moans, pulling Harry to lay on his
back. Harry exchanges a smile with Louis before they start kissing and Louis guides Harry's wrist
to bring his fingers to his hole once more. Louis lets himself adjust against Harry's fingers as they
make out, gasping when he's pressed all the way downwards.

Harry's fingers move with Louis' body, properly stretching Louis out. Harry cannot get over how
good Louis looks when he's wrecked. Louis' hair pressed against his forehead, his mouth slightly
agape except when he's kissing Harry and moaning into Harry's mouth.

"Can we try something new?" Louis whispers in the nape of Harry's neck where he can barely hear.

"What did you have in mind?" Harry asks, smirk planted across his face.

"Let me ride you," Louis replies, kissing Harry on his jawline and down his neck.

Harry removes his fingers and rolls Louis onto the bed so he can quickly dig condoms and lube out
of his bag. Harry has trouble keeping up with the whiplash that Louis causes him, but he's at least
getting a little better at knowing what being alone with him leads to, so he definitely prepared for
this flight.

Harry coats his hard dick in lube after putting a condom on, Louis watches him, noticeable biting
his lip. Louis straddles himself on top of Harry, lining himself up with Harry's member. It takes
time to adjust to Harry's length but once Louis is pressed all the way down onto Harry's cock,
Harry's eyes roll into the back of his head. Louis is so tight, and the feeling of himself inside him
already has him fighting to starve off his orgasm.

Louis starts rocking back and forth, trying to adjust to all the angles that are hitting his prostate.
Once he's passed the threshold of slight pain, into the portal of pleasure, Louis starts pouncing, up
and down while Harry thrust upwards. Harry's movements matches the rhythm of Louis' hips,
Harry is pumping Louis' cock in his hand, stimulating all of Louis' senses.

It doesn't take much for Louis to fold, dispersing his come all into Harry's hand and on Harry's
chest. Louis powers through the aftershock of his orgasm, legs trembling, heart beating fast so that
he can bring Harry to his climax. The heat builds up in Harry's core, and soon he's digging his nails
into Louis' hips, his orgasm pulsing through his body.

Afterwards the two men clean themselves up with a towel provided by the plane. Harry brings
Louis into his arms, and kisses his forehead. They pull the cover over each other and fall asleep in
each other's arms.

Hours later into the morning Harry, Lexi and Louis prepare to land. Louis throws on a comfortable,
but sophisticated outfit of grey plaid pants, black dress shoes and long sleeve shirt. Harry is
obsessed with Louis' recent fashion choices, not that he doesn't miss the suspenders he used to wear
before the gay bar article. Lexi matches a grey trench-coat looking dress with black heels to
compliment Louis, and Harry wears an old dark emerald green coat that he had thrifted in New
York with black jeans.

When the trio is dressed in their best jet set elaganzas, the plane boards soon after.

"So, my driver will take you to Cheshire, and Lexi and I will ride together, I'll have him pick you
up as well, yeah?" Louis says.

"Yeah, um thank you, Lou, I really appreciate this," Harry smiles. Lexi and Louis join arms as the
stairs of the jet fold down for them to get off. As anticipated, there are flashing cameras
everywhere. Louis' people rush in to grab his and Lexi' bags, but Harry takes his own dufflebag
into his arms and follows a respectable amount behind the 'couple' so he isn't pictured.

"Louis," a woman chimes, kissing him on the cheek. Louis makes eye contact with Harry, but the
look of horror quickly flutters away as he greets her back. "And how could I forget my future
daughter in-law?" The woman greets Lexi.

"And who is this?" The woman asks when her eyes finally meet Harry. Teresa Tomlinson is
studying Harry up and down, but she seems very intrigued and not totally dissatisfied with Harry's
presence.

"Oh, um, this is my friend from NYU, Harry's flight got canceled last minute and I'd hate for him to
miss Christmas with his family," Louis lies. Harry takes notes on how easily Louis can fib.

"Well, I'm glad Louis could help you, hope he wasn't too rambunctious on the flight over," she
says, shaking Harry's hand.
"Oh, not to worry Mrs. Tomlinson, he was quite the flight host, first class," Harry replies, and
Louis coughs, clearing his throat.

"So are you staying in London?" Mrs. Tomlinson asks.

"I am actually from Cheshire, so a bit away," Harry chuckles, not wanting to converse with this
woman for longer than he has to, he's almost afraid she has a sixth sense for sniffing out sinners,
but then again if that were the case, she wouldn't be so dead set on Lexi being her future daughter
in-law.

"Oh, but you'll still be coming our Christmas Eve gala in two days, yeah?" She asks, and Harry
looks to Louis for saving.

"Mum, he really wants to spend time with his family for the holid-"

"Oh pish-posh, we'll have you to your mother on Christmas, I never get to meet any of Louis'
friends," she insists, and it's easy to tell with the tension in the air that Teresa Tomlinson isn't
someone you can easily say "no" to.

Like mother like son.

 swimming in pools, drowning in thoughts
Chapter Summary

Harry spends the day at the Tomlinson estate.

"For Christ sakes, why would you agree to this?" Louis asks Harry after they've arrived at Teresa
Tomlinson's estate.

"She's intimidating, I can leave, say something came up, or play sick," Harry schemes.

"You can't leave now, she will definitely suspect something," Lexi says, as Harry and Louis sit on
her and Louis' bed. The bedroom is down the hall to Harry's guestroom. Lexi called an emergency
meeting right after Teresa's party planner got her away from them. Louis looks beyond anxious,
because he's good at acting as if he was attracted to Lexi, but it's really hard to act as if he wasn't
attracted to Harry. Louis isn't even sitting near Harry, hardly making eye contact with him, his eyes
just stayed glued to Lexi unpacking a few things from her suitcase. And that makes Harry sad, but
he tries to push that feeling out of his mind. What does it matter to him if Louis pays him any
attention?

"Yeah, and I'm sure she's already told my grandmother that one of my friends are here, we just re
going to have to make it through the next two days without raising suspicions," Louis says.
"Tonight's dinner won't be so bad, the Christmas Eve Ball my mother is hosting is where we'll have
to stay clear from each other. There will be cameras, paps, news stations, publishers, everyone
who's everyone will be there."

"Speaking of the dinner tonight, and the party tomorrow, Harry, we need to go shopping," Lexi
says, smiling at Harry who is already shaking his head.

"No, no, and no," Harry answers immediately, and Louis snickers.

"I promise she's quick, remember that she's being scouted by modeling agencies, so Lexi has quite
an eye for fashion, it won't take long," Louis says, finally looking at Harry and smiling.

"You're not coming?" Harry asks him.

"No, I'm going to go see my grandmother, I haven't seen her in a bit," Louis smiles with a sparkle to
his blue eyes. Harry can tell he doesn't have the same anxiousness towards his grandmother that he
does with his mother.

Lexi calls for the driver and she and Harry drive into the shops of London, finding a Gucci store.
Lexi walks in and exchanges a few conversations with one of the older women running the store.
They grab a few articles and motion for Harry, staring at him and measuring his waist, shoulders,
legs and torso.

"Try this one," the saleslady orders, handing Harry a red suit, Harry tries it on, and it fits, but it
doesn't quite fit, making him feel like Santa's gay nephew or something.

"This one I think you'll like," Lexi says, handing him the next suit.
Harry stares at himself in the mirror, not recognizing himself looking like royalty. He admires how
the suit fits, and how the ruffles of white on his chest make him feel like a young prince. Lexi
dusts off his shoulders and says, "this could be your Jack in the Titanic in the dinner scene suit,"
which makes Harry laugh.

"Do you like him?" Lexi asks, off guard, and Harry purses his lips.

"Not all of the time," Harry chuckles, making her laugh as well. "I enjoy his company mostly, and
I guess I see someone who is broken in different ways than I am, but someone that I can't seem to
get out of my head, someone who I can't stay away from. It's weird you know? We could barely
ride an elevator together, now it's rides home from bars, hotel rooms, private planes. When I really
got to know him, what he likes, I discover something new, or another cloud in his storm fades into
the sky. Now I'm used to him, his smell, his touch, the way he sounds in the morning, his
contagious laugh, he's quite the man. But we are broken in very different ways Lexi, and that
scares me, because this all feels temporary. One day he's going to see how I'm broken, and I'm
afraid that will scare him away," Harry finds himself confessing, trying on the next suit. Lexi hugs
him, resting her face into his chest.

"What makes you so broken, Harry? Or what makes you think the way you can like the damaged
pieces of Louis wouldn't be returned by him?"

"They're entirely different, he's super rich, the prodigy of a famous author, and I'm poor, always
stressed and sacrificing, I feel like it wouldn't work. I guess that's why I just end up enjoying the
small parts of his life that he wants to share with me," Harry replies, and Lexi frowns.

"Look, I've known Louis most of my life, I know him better than anyone else I've gotten close to,
he is my closest friend. I knew from the second he brought you to that party that there was
something between the both of you. You're the first person he's allowed himself to break down his
walls for, I've tried for years, trying to get him to meet guys who are also on the down low, trying
to get him to experience the whole reason we've hidden ourselves for so long, he just wasn't having
it. Then you come along, and it's always 'I think I made Harry mad with an NDA', 'I miss Harry',
'For fuck's sake he has an unbuttoned shirt on at work'. There's something there," Lexi tells Harry
as she pays for the suits.

The conversation continues on the ride back to Louis' home. Harry reveals things about himself
that he's shared with Liam and Zayn, and he appreciates the friendship he's gotten with Lexi, but
Harry's conclusions about Louis are blurry. It's hard to trust himself.

"I guess it's time to get ready, yeah?" Lexi says as they get to the floor with their rooms. Harry
carries the suits and enters his guest room, no sign of Louis anywhere, as if Louis' one mission is to
avoid him at all costs.

Harry puts on the the suit with all the ruffles in the chest, and attempts to style his long hair. Once
he's ready one of the house staff inform him that Lexi and Louis are already downstairs in the
dining hall. The nice older man guides him down the staircase into the dining hall where all eyes
fall onto him. There's a sizable round table with elegant flower bouquets and fine china
everywhere. Harry nervously takes the seat next to Louis and shuffles in his chair.

"Thank you for having me for dinner," Harry greets, a light smile planted across his face. One of
the house staff hands a wine glass with sparkling lemon water to Harry and then they start handing
out bowls of broccoli soup.

"So Harry, you've met my mother, Teresa, her boyfriend, James couldn't make it, busy with work,
ummm, this is my Gram, Alexandra, but everyone just calls her Gram," Louis introduces, a
nervousness to his voice. The three gays in the room definitely feel as if they're under a
microscope, Teresa's eyes glancing to Harry and staring into his soul, but Louis' grandmother, has a
kindness to her eyes, just like Louis. They're not the same shade of blue, but the same kindness and
a venerability is there in her hazel eyes, and Harry feels easy when taking her frail hand into his to
properly greet her. She is surprisingly shorter than Louis, small frame, huge rimmed Burberry
classes and poufy silver hair with two butterfly broach clips imbedded with blue Topaz stones on
each side.

"It's nice to meet you, Harry," she says.

"Shall we join hands in prayer?" Teresa exclaims, everyone joining hands.

Harry is reluctant to take Louis' palm into his, but that little spark of electricity that flows from
Louis' touch to his is sacred to Harry, especially in the last few weeks he's gotten to know him. If
the only time he can unapologetically hold Louis' hand out in the open is through the sham of a
prayer, he will take it. Louis brushes his thumb across Harry's hand the entire prayer, and it let's
Harry know the hand holding is appreciated on each end.

The dinner goes according to plan, for the most part. Harry shares about how he and Louis met and
became friends, avoiding the cinnamon fiasco and gay bar, the improv Britney Spears dance party
at his flat, Louis' birthday celebration in New York, as far as Louis' family is concerned, Harry is
no different than Louis' other friends, like Oli.

"So Harry, are you seeing anyone back in the states?" Teresa asks, catching Lexi, Louis and Harry
off guard.

"Um, no, not at the moment, too busy with the internship," Harry successfully excuses. It isn't a
good enough excuse for Teresa, though.

"Oh, but the girls must be pining over you," she says. "A young man like yourself can't just be
totally invested in your school work," she adds. Harry clears his throat, he hasn't had to put himself
in the closet for years.

"You know, from time to time someone peaks my interest, but it's rarely a long lasting connection
because I've found that no one is really in New York for any other reason than to make it, and that's
what I'm doing," Harry responds, rambling to throw any focus that he isn't interested in women
off.

It works.

After dinner, Teresa takes Gram to bed and bids everyone else a goodnight. Harry gets settled in
the comfortable bed, it's a king which he finds a bit much for a guestroom, but it's the softest bed
he's ever slept in, so it's not going to be hard for him to fall asleep, that is until he's awoken by
someone right before his mind shuts off for the night.

"Wanna go swimming?" Louis asks after Harry catches his breath after being startled.

"What? It's so late and it's so cold outside," Harry grumbles as Louis throws a pair of yellow swim
trunks at him.

"It's indoor, and it's heated," Louis responds, laughing. "Now put those on."

Harry reluctantly obeys Louis' pleads and follows Louis to the backyard of his home, revealing a
greenhouse looking building, but instead of plants it's a pool. It's dimly lit with garden fairy lights,
but the interior is warm compared to the bitter coldness of December that lurks outside. It's just
Harry and Louis, sitting in the shallow section of the heated pool. Harry throws his head back,
letting the water stream through his curls, and letting it consume his reality.
“I’m kind of glad you’re here with me,” Louis finally says, breaking the silence. He smiles at
Harry, the crinkles by his eyes, the way Louis’ eyes sparkle, even in dim lighting, and that always
makes it contagious, Harry smiling back, dimples prominent.

”Why’s that?” Harry asks, nuzzling into Louis.

“Because I don’t have to pretend with you, and even when I have to parented around you, I still feel
safe? Is that weird, that’s probably weird, you probably think I’m crazy I’ll just stop talk-”

”Shhh,” Harry interrupts, kissing Louis’ lips. “When I promised you didn’t have to pretend around
me, that will always stand true.”
“Thank you for dodging my mother’s invasive questions, I know it’s not ideal to put yourself back
in the closet, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone,” Louis replies, laying his head on Harry’s shoulder.

”Well, perhaps I wouldn’t have done it for no other reason than to spare your Gram a heart attack,”
Harry chuckles, and Louis laughs.

“I love my Gram, if I had to come out, perhaps she’d be the first one I tell,” Louis admits. “I hate
knowing that her health is bad, and I won’t beat the mortal timer. I guess it’s all in good thought, I
don’t think she’d take it well.”

“How certain are you that she wouldn’t take the news well,” Harry says, tailing his hand in Louis’
hair, and Louis sighs.

”She’s never said anything homophobic, and she’s nothing like my mother. When my mother was
doing book tours, television interviews, putting her input on film adaptions of her books, my Gram
would be the one in charge of me. We did everything together when I was little, played in the
snow, baked cookies, finger painted. We used to have dance parties to The Beatles. I think my
favorite thing is we would make up little songs about whatever emotion I was feeling or something
that bad happened. My favorite is one time I scrapped my knee riding my bike and we did this silly
song that went,

‘Oh no I scrapped my knee,

hurts less than a tummy ache,

and more than being stung by a bee,

Gram will give ice pops, and kisses to heal,

and maybe tomorrow, I won’t still need my training wheels.’

and we sang that song everyday until I learned to ride my bike on only two wheels.

My Gram is my rock, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to let her go, but it would hurt even
more if she came to realize that the boy she basically raised is everything my family went against,”
Louis tells Harry, and Harry caresses Louis’ jaw line softly with his hand, pressing a peck to his
lips.

“She sounds like an incredible person, someone who would love you unconditionally,” Harry
starts, “and maybe if you told her, she would understand that you can do things like learn to ride a
bike, but she would also understand that you can’t learn to live a lie,” he adds, “but that is your
decision, and either way, you are valid, whenever you are ready,” Harry finishes.
“I’ll think about it, but for now I kind of like this bubble, where I can still be who I am with the
people that know me, and I can protect the ones who don’t know.”

“That’s usually how it goes, you’ll get there,” Harry smiles into another kiss.
“Harry,” Louis starts, but he stops himself before continuing.

”Louis,” Harry answers, tucking a strand of hair behind Louis’ left ear.

”I just wanted to thank you for the last few weeks. I know my life can be a lot, but I’m happy now
that you’re in it.”
“Likewise,” Harry replies, and Louis kisses Harry’s jawline, in the sweet spot Harry loves.

Harry gets so scared knowing that Louis’ lips on his skin is no longer foreign, it’s as if Louis’ skin
meshed with his becoming more frequently native. The heated water, pouring between the two
men brings warmth to their bodies, their kiss only igniting the electricity that sparks amongst their
flesh. They don't have sex, though, it's probably one of the most intimate moments they've spent
together.

The night is late, and the conversations are nothing of importance or seriousness. For the first time,
Harry and Louis both can feel at peace with nothing bothering them from the inside of the four
walls, the twinkly lights and pool water. The conversations go from the hometowns they grew up
in, Harry's sister, Gemma, the time Niall slipped on the freshly mopped floor in the break room,
funny stories about The Rave with Trixie and Katya, Liam and Zayn. They talk for what seems like
hours, kissing in between the midst of each other's words.

"Happy birthday, Louis," Harry smiles, when they step out of the pool, Harry attaches his hands to
Louis' hips, kissing him lightly once more.

"Thank you," Louis grins, turning his face away from Harry to hide his smile, in which Harry takes
a finger to move Louis' face back into his gaze.

"No need to hide that," Harry smirks, only making Louis smile and blush a little more. "Shall we
get some rest, something tells me there will be a wake up call," Harry adds.

"Yes, I'm getting quite tired, you can sleep in my room if you'd like, Lexi took your bed after we
came out here," Louis invites, tracing his hand down Harry's arm.

"Now, I wonder who gave her those instructions?" Louis laughs.

"Please, for the amount of times I've slept in a hotel lounging room so she could have a girl in a
hotel room? She owes me," Louis chuckles, as they jog back into the house, trying to avoid
catching a cold.

It's only when they enter to the kitchen, is Louis' Gram, and both Harry and Louis look like a deer
caught in a headlight. The two glance at each other and back to Gram who is innocently smiling at
the two men, with very damp, tussled hair, in their swim trunks and towels. Louis looks mostly
shocked, than scared, but Harry focuses on trying to not let his face show that he just spent the last
hour or so making out with her grandson.

"Gram, it's so late, do you need help getting back to bed?" Louis asks, stepping towards her, but she
just pinches Louis' cheek and smiles.

"Oh, no, Lou, just woke up wanting hot chocolate, I made plenty if you boys want to join me, must
have been cold outside," she replies, taking two red mugs from the cupboard.

"Yes, it was very cold outside, that's why Lexi decided not to join us," Harry replies, coming to
Louis' rescue, "as for the hot chocolate, it smells too good to say no to."

They gather around the island as Louis' Gram pours from the kettle, and watches as her frail hands
add marshmallows to the beverage.

"Thank you so much," Harry says, his shivery body being warmed by the liquid.

"You are so very welcome," she says, standing in her long sunflower printed nightgown.

"This is good, thanks Gram," Louis says, kissing her on the cheek.

"I've missed you, Lou, I missed all the times we'd stay up after your mum went to bed," she replies,
warmly, pressing her palm to his cheek.

"I know, New York is so far away, but you know, I have to finish the internship," Louis answers.

"Yes, of course I know, but I always thought you'd grow up to be an actor like you always dreamed
of," she says, which brings surprise to Harry's expression.

Little does she know, Louis has been acting for a lifetime.

"You know mother would never approve," Louis half smiles, trying to brush off the sentence like it
doesn't bother him.

"Your father would have," Gram says, leaning her head on his shoulder, "he'd want you to shoot for
the starts until you are one," she sheepishly smiles. Louis twiddles his fingers against the glass,
looking at Harry who's curiousity has been peaked, but he knows Louis' face when he doesn't want
to talk about something, and this is definitely one of those things.

"I'm sure he would have, but I'm happy in New York, I learn something new about myself
everyday," Louis excuses.
“That I’m sure you do, and you seem happier for it,” Gram responds. “I think I’ll go to bed now, it
was lovely getting to stay up past my bedtime with you, love you Louis, goodnight Harry, so lovely
to have you join us.”

Harry and Louis sneak off into Louis’ room, and it’s surprisingly way different than Harry would
expect, because it’s not much like the guest room Harry was given to stay in, Louis room is so
personable. Book shelves, tickets thumbtacked to the wall from various plays and concerts. The
walls are an ashy-grey, and the bed is covered in black sheets. He has pictures of him and Lexi
from their prom, where of course, she was his date, and photos of his graduation holding a cake
that says ‘Off to NYU’ on his desk. There’s a crocheted baby blue blanket, probably courtesy of
Gram.
“Your room, I like it,” Harry says.
“I’m not here as often, but this room is like my safety net, where I can dance to I Will Survive,
where I can cry, I like this room too,” Louis responds.
“So you wanted to be an actor?” Harry asks, the question catching Louis off guard.
“Yeah, I did a lot of theatre club, a lot of school plays, grease, hairspray, it felt good,” Louis
answers.
“But you pursued English and communication? Public relations?”
“My mother wouldn’t have approved of me doing drama, she never even went to any of my plays,
always so busy you know?” Louis smiles, but his eyes are miserable when the words fall off his
lips.
“But you’re dad would, like your Gram said,” Harry says, but that isn’t really the response Louis
was expecting, he can see Louis retreat into a shell.
“Too bad he’s not here to convince me,” Louis says, sitting on his bed, and Harry sits next to him,
wrapping an arm around him.
“My dad left me too, he’s not in my life, but we still have to follow our dreams, they’ll be the ones
missing out,” Harry replies, trying to make the conversation better.
“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Louis starts, trying to open up to Harry. “So my mom, and
my dad are my adoptive parents. My mother, the one everyone knows, adopted me after her and
my adoptive dad named, Willard couldn’t have biological children. My mother never really told me
much about my birth parents, but my Gram used to tell me a lot about my birth mother. She was
sixteen, and Willard worked with my birth mom’s dad at a law firm in Doncaster. I guess my bio
mom’s dad was confiding in how hard my bio mom’s teenage pregnancy has been on their family,
and that my bio mother wasn’t ready to be a mom, so it’s like the cards fell into place. I don’t
remember Willard at all, but he and my mother decided to adopt me from a woman named Jay. I
know her name, and my Gram told me before I turn eighteen that I should look into meeting her.
But I chose not to, because I’m kind of afraid that she won’t reciprocate. I mean I obviously wasn’t
planned, and I’d hate to cloud into her life after all these years,” Louis confesses to Harry. “But as
for Willard, he had died in a car accident when I turned two, then my mother did grief counseling
at Gram’s church, then started writing books about raising a child in a Christian manner, and it’s
snowballed into this,” Louis says.

”Louis….”

”And now you know me, probably more than anyone,” Louis says.
“I bet Willard would have accepted you in any of your dreams, and Jay would be so happy to see
you start living the life you deserve, not manufactured evidence for a book,” Harry says, and he
can feel the tears sweltering in his eyes, matching Louis’.
“Maybe one day I’ll be ready to meet Jay,” Louis says, “my Gram said she met her a bunch of
times when she was pregnant with me, said she was there when she had to hand me over to my
adoptive parents. My Gram explained that she’s never seen a woman so torn apart to lose me, and
that she promised to matter what she’d tell me all about her and what she did for our family. I’ve
made peace with knowing that I wasn’t just like a thrifted item someone needed to get rid of, but
I’m just not ready to meet her, and it would break my adoptive mother’s heart.”

”Whenever you’re ready, Louis, she sounds like someone who had to make an impossible decision,
I’m sure giving you up couldn’t have been the choice that would have come easy, for anyone,”
Harry says through choked back tears, and that’s when Louis starts silently letting his drip down
his face.
“Sometimes I wonder if she hadn’t given me up… if she’d had kept me, what would have
happened. Would we be poor? Probably, would I grow up with someone who would be excited to
go to my plays, or football games? Would I be able to tell her I was gay and not fear being exiled
from my family?” Louis responds, wiping tears from his eyes. “Probably.”
“Oh, Louis,” Harry says, wrapping Louis into his arms, and Louis cries. Louis is being venerable
with Harry, and Harry takes it into account.
The sympathy he’s grown to have for Louis overpowers any judgment he had when he’d initially
have for him. Harry wouldn’t have expected Louis to have the life he has at such an expense to his
well being, something that’s more expensive than anything money could buy, Louis can’t afford.
“You’re going to be okay, yeah? It won’t be this way forever,” Harry tells him, continuing to hold
Louis, brushing his fingers through his hair.
Louis sniffles his nose, wiping the tears from his cheeks and smiles up to Harry.
“I will be okay,” Louis replies. “Now that you’re here.”
 does he know?
Chapter Summary

Harry attends the Tomlinson Christmas Eve Ball

Lexi knocks at Louis’ door the next morning, extremely early so she and Harry can switch places.
Louis is sound asleep, head pressed on Harry’s chest, he almost doesn’t want to move him so he
can get out of Louis’ bed.
Lexi sits on the bed beside Louis, but just plays on her phone because, well they rarely sleep
together in the same bed if they don’t have to, usually when they’re visiting Lexi or Louis’ parents
is the only time they have to do this.
When the family arrives back to the table, everyone still in their pajamas, they once again all take
hands in prayer. Teresa, the only exception, is already dressed and on the phone with their party
planner.

After Gram, Lexi, Louis and Harry are taking amongst themselves about the event, Teresa finally
gets off the phone.
“It’s always such a beautiful time, there’s a lot of music, dancing, food, you’ll have so much fun,”
Gram is telling Harry.
“Harry, I know it’s last minute, but you can always bring a date,” Teresa says to him, and Harry
clenches his jaw at the words.
“Oh, no, it’s okay, I don’t mind flying solo, besides, afterwards, I have to go to my mother’s house
and surprise her for Christmas Day,” Harry replies, smiling but Teresa just glares at him, almost as
if she’s judging him, or curious, or just plain annoyed with his existence.
Harry brushes off the look, and lets it roll off his body like water. He does contemplate what he’s
done to take up so much space in Teresa’s seemingly huge world. Maybe it’s the longer hair, or the
tattoos, or maybe she can sniff out gay people like bloodhounds, but if that were the case, Louis
wouldn’t have to pretend Lexi is his girlfriend.
“As long as you save a dance for me,” Gram chimes in, smiling and handing Harry the pitcher of
orange juice.

”How could I not dance with the most graceful woman there?” Harry smiles back, kind of as a dig
to Teresa, but no one really catches the diss except Louis who is visibly choking back a chuckle.

Once breakfast is over, Harry, Louis and Lexi head back upstairs and hang out in Louis’ room.

”So Harry? Are you equipped to ballroom dance?” Louis asks, and Harry smiles up at him, Lexi’s
phone starts ringing and she steps outside of the room to take a phone call.
“Now, I wouldn’t promise your grandmother a dance without knowing a waltz,” Harry giggles,
holding his hand out to Louis who shakes his head.

”C’mon, you know we won’t be able to dance together at the ball,” Harry pleads.
“I’m a shit dancer,” Louis replies, “ask Lexi how many times I’ve stumbled on her toes at these
things,” he adds while Harry grabs his wrist.
“Harry, no,” Louis, laughs, being pulled to his feet.
“Watch,” Harry says, “put your hand here,” he says, attaching one hand to Louis’ waist, “and the
other you hold,” Harry instructs, following the motions with his words. “Then you waltz, just like
this,” he says, starting to ballroom dance with Louis in his room, humming the tune of the
Nocturne by Chopin, a classic ballroom tune.
Louis to no surprise does stumble at first, but relaxes into Harry’s touch, then the dance flows,
somberly and beautifully.

To say Harry is nervous is an understatement. He feels like a fish out of water, he knows his face is
unfamiliar to the rest of the crowd that will be arriving shortly.
He’s in his room, combining through his curls, trying to make himself look presentable. Louis
knocks asking if he’s about ready, and when he opens the door, his jaw drops to the floor.
Harry looks good, Louis looks godly. Slicked back hair, clean shaven face, an all black suit that
hugs his figure tightly, Harry just wants to throw him against the wall and have his way with him
right now, however he’s too stunned to entertain the idea.
Lexi’s black heels clap onto the floor, loudly, her black ballroom gown flowing accordingly. The
trio looks like royalty.
“Pick up your jaw, Love,” Louis teases as Lexi and him join arms and walk down into the
beginning event.
Harry trails behind to not ruin their entrance, and immediately Louis and Lexi are swept away to
mingle with Teresa’s company.
Everyone is dressed so elegantly, harp players, violinist fill their music in the room, caterers
serving mini quiches and caviar, truly the most extravagant party Harry’s ever been to.
A couple hours pass of Harry playing wallflower before Gram demands a dance from Harry, which
Harry obliges.
A slow, melodic tune fills the room as couples join on the dance floor. Louis finally catches his
eyes drawn to Harry’s, peering into each other. Harry sways, and dances slowly with Gram,
making sure to slow the pace for her fragile age.
The entire time his eyes don’t move from Louis’, and Louis’ don’t falter either. The two are
mesmerized. Flourished in the eye contact, it’s a dance they should be sharing together, but as fate
would have it, the thought is short lived, as the song.
“Harry,” Gram says, walking over to one of the tables, sitting with Harry.
“Yes, is there anything I can get for you?” Harry chimes, with a smile.
“Answer me one question?” She asks, putting her wrinkled hand onto Harry’s.
“Of course,” he says, taking a sip of sparkling cider.
“Does my little one with the cheekbones, know the prince is in love with him?”

Shock. Pure shock runs through Harry’s system. Eyes wide, trembling.
“Gram..we are just like….we are, me and Louis are…um really good friends,” Harry attempts to
lie, but he doesn’t believe it anymore than Gram.
“Friends don’t stare at each other like that,” is all Gram says, “not that longingly with that much
lust,” she adds.
Harry’s breathing is shaky, this conversation could ruin Louis’ livelihood, his relationship with his
family, everything.

“Gram, I..I, it’s not what you think,” Harry replies, because it is the truth, Harry and Louis aren’t
together, and neither have once mentioned anything beyond being friends who sleep together.
“Harry, Love, I may not see all too well in my age, but I’m not blind,” she smiles. She smiles?
Shouldn’t she be causing a scene? Exposing Harry and Louis under the spotlights? Being outraged?
“I’ve had my suspicions for a long time, Harry, gee, I think the only one still clueless is Teresa. He
looked more in love with you in the last two days than he ever did with Lexi.”
“I told him, since he loves you so much, that he should tell you,” Harry replies.
“And he will, when he’s ready,” Gram smiles. “I’m just finally glad to see him accept himself, and
be brave,” Gram adds.
Relief. It’s all Harry can feel coursing through his veins. Gram isn’t homophobic, her daughter in
law is, but Gram loves Louis regardless so their secret rendezvous may continue.
“Does he know though? That you love him?” Gram asks.
“It isn’t that simple,” Harry smiles. “I care about Louis, but we are not together.”

”I hope you both realize one day that you only get to look into someone’s eyes like that once and
you’ll never look into anyone else’s the same,” she smiles, kissing Harry on the cheek. “You were
the most lovely guest we could have had here this holiday,” she says before getting up to mingle
with other guests.
Lexi and Louis finally break away from the other party guests and join Harry at the table.
“Thanks for dancing with her,” Louis chuckles. “She loves to dance.”

”I could barely keep up,” Harry replies, drawing away from the conversation they just had.
“Now that we can all have a moment, I have some news,” Lexi says, smiling. “I signed to walk the
Victoria Secret fashion show,” she says smiling and the two cheer for her. “They’re offering me a
really high signing since it’s going to make headlines that I walk in their show.”

”That’s amazing, looking forward towards our breakup?” Louis cheers, clanking his glass with
her’s.

“I’m ready to be free,” She says, smiling. “Im so ready to finally not rely on my parent’s wealth.”

“I’m happy for you,” Harry compliments. “I’m proud.

”Shall we get you to Cheshire now?” Louis asks.

“Would you like to come with me?” Harry asks, immediately regretting how easy the question fell
out of his mouth.
“Christmas at the Styles residence? I don’t see why not,” he chuckles. “I’m just going to tell my
mother that Lexi and I have other arrangements,” he says, getting up from his seat.
“Lexi do you have anywhere you’re staying? Surely you’re not going to stay here?” Harry asks
her.
“I have a friend I can stay with, she won’t mind me dropping in,” Lexi says, already sending the
text out, smile plastered across her face.

So it’s planned. Louis is staying with Harry for Christmas Day.

 missing puzzle pieces never fit so soundly
Chapter Summary

Harry and Louis arrive at Harry’s house in Cheshire.

Chapter Notes

smut warning, and also, Niall’s character will make a lot of sense in upcoming
chapters, I promise he’s not on the back burner for no reason.

“So, this is it,” Harry says to Louis, arriving in the middle of the night to Harry’s house. It’s just as
he remembers it, a small brick house, Christmas lights on the patio and the pond is frozen over.
Harry is nervous because this is nothing compared to where Louis lives, but Louis is smiling,
nonetheless.
“Is your family sleeping?” Louis asks quietly as they walk up the driveway.

“They’re actually visiting Robin’s family, last I spoke to my mother, so they probably won’t get in
until tomorrow. I texted Robin so he’s in on the surprise,” Harry explains, using the key under the
welcome mat to unlock the door.
When the two step inside, it brings back memories for Harry, his graduation and baby pictures
framed on the walls, the novelties of little cat statues on every side table, pictures of Gemma.
Harry never realizes how much he’s missed home when he’s been somewhere so differently for
awhile.
“I know it’s not as fancy as yours but-”

”Harry, your house is lovely,” Louis interrupts, “oh my god is that you?” Louis asks, laughing,
looking at a picture of Harry as a child with a bra over his shirt giving a thumbs up. Harry looks
mortified and snatches the picture frame out of Louis’ hand.
“I do not why she insists putting that picture on the entry way table,” Harry gasps. Louis is still
laughing, almost uncontrollably.
“No, I think it’s perfect,” Louis giggles, “how could you walk into someone’s home and not be
happy to be there when this little guy is there to greet you,” he continues laughing and Harry
pouts.
“You can laugh at this photo but when my mother comes home please promise to decline any offer
to look through photo albums,” Harry pleads, embarrassed.
“I’m not making a promise I can’t keep,” Louis teases, chuckling. Harry rolls his eyes and sits the
picture frame back on the table, face down and starts walking towards the living room. Louis fixes
the picture frame back before following him.
“You can have a seat on the couch,” Harry says and then goes to the kitchen to grab two glasses of
water.
Harry and Louis sit on the tan couch, and Louis leans his head on Harry’s shoulder, resting. Harry
is so happy to be home, especially when not a lot has changed in the house, same furniture, same
smell of sea breeze candles, tears swelter in his eyes. Harry feels so overjoyed and emotional.
“Hey, are you alright?” Louis asks, noticing the tears in Harry’s eyes.
“Yeah, just- I want to thank you for bringing me back to England for the holidays,” Harry
says, sniffling.

“Don’t cry, it was the least I could do,” Louis says, smiling up at Harry.
“I haven’t seen my family, my friends for four years, I’ve always tried to find the time and money
to do it, but I’ve always fell short, and it just is the best Christmas present anyone could give me,”
Harry replies, overly grateful.
“I cannot wait to meet your family,” Louis says, wiping away the one tear the manager to escape
down Harry’s cheek.
The emotions are heavy in the room, and Harry leans in, kissing Louis.
It’s strange. He never in a million years wouldn’t think he would be so thankful for Louis storming
into his life, but no matter what happens between them, Harry will always be grateful that Louis
brought him home.
“Do you want a tour? It should take all of one minute,” Harry chuckles, standing up from the
couch. Louis nods and they each pick up their bags as they make their way upstairs.
“This is Gemma’s room but my mom turned into a guest room when she and her fiancé bought a
house, and that over there is my parents room, and this is mine,” Harry says, opening the last door
on the right.
His bedroom has been kept thanks to Anne and her aversion to dust. His royal blue bedset is tucked
and neat, his desk mostly cleared and shelves of things Harry grew up collecting. Post cards from
different field trips, Polaroids of him and his school mates, books, movie tickets, his prom king
sash and high school graduation cap. In a way, it’s similar to Louis’, just severely smaller, but
Louis doesn’t mind, just marveling at Harry’s belongings.
“I do want to give you something for your birthday, it isn’t expensive or fancy or anything like
that,” Harry smiles, walking over to the bookshelf.

”Harry, you didn’t need to get me anything,” Louis insists but by the time the sentence is belted,
Harry stands there giving Louis a book. It’s old, water stains bending the pages, post it notes and
highlighter marks all throughout the paper, and Louis looks… displeased? Or is it confusion?
“The Lovely Bones?” Louis asks, “never heard of it,” he adds.
“It’s my favorite book of all time. As you can probably tell by the condition it’s in, I’ve read it
maybe over a dozen times.”

”What’s it about?” Louis asks.

“I was thinking maybe when we aren’t around each other, like when you’re about your leisure and
I’m working at The Rave, you could read it and give me your thoughts. I love this book and would
love your thoughts on it,” Harry explains and Louis smiles.
“It’s now at the top of my reading list,” he answers, smiling into a kiss, shoving Harry down onto
his bed that creaks when they land on it.
“You said no one would be home until morning?” Louis asks, and Harry grins, starting to unbutton
the causal grey button down shirt Louis has on. The two make out on the bed and Louis straddles
Harry, feeling his hardened cock through his pants pressed against his own.
“You looked so good at the Christmas Ball,” Louis whispers, “like royalty,” he says, kissing
Harry’s lower jaw.
The compliment almost feels just as good as Louis’ lips pressed against his neck. Louis takes
Harry’s Paramore band t-shirt off and starts kissing down his torso and pelvis.
Harry runs his fingers through Louis’ hair as Louis starts sucking him off, his lips working the
same magic they’ve been doing for weeks now.
Harry moans at the friction of Louis’ hand pumping Harry’s dick, it feels like a million lightening
bolts through his system.
“Your turn, yeah?” Harry pants, trying to prolong his approaching orgasm. Harry grabs lube and a
condom from his bag, spreading the lube on his finger. Louis’ submissiveness to Harry allows his
legs to spread open for Harry to have easy access.
“Actually, no,” Harry says, stopping himself. “I want to see you do it yourself,” he smirks and
Louis’ eyes widen.
“Like..you mean like finger myself, while you watch?” Louis asks, timidly. Harry nods taking
Louis’ left hand and rubbing lube on Louis’ pointer finger. Louis leans upwards and starts tracing
his hole as Harry presses kisses onto Louis’ thighs. Louis inserts a finger, and Harry can visibly
watch as Louis’ muscles relax and he melts into his own touch. Harry moves his lips to Louis’ and
starts moving Louis’ arm to make Louis fuck himself. Harry has his eyes drawn to Louis who is
moaning as he inserts another finger inside of himself, and it’s abundantly clear this image will be
burned into Harry’s brain for a lifetime.
“You look so hot like that, Lou, I don’t even have to touch you,” he whispers against Louis’ ear.
He traces his fingers down the arm Louis has occupied, brushing his fingers gently against the
skin. He grabs the bottle of lube and squirts some onto Louis’ hard dick, and takes Louis’ other
hand which Louis then uses to stroke himself. Harry could watch this forever if their stamina
would allow it, but as fate would have it, Louis is uncontrollably moaning and it’s due to his own
work.
“P-please,” Louis begs.

”Are you sure? You’re doing such a good job of wrecking yourself on your own,” Harry teases.
Another moan escapes from Louis’ mouth.
“Please, wanna feel you,” Louis begs once more, desperate for Harry’s cock inside him.
Harry reaches for the condom, but Louis frees the hand he’s jerking himself off with to stop him
from unwrapping it.
“All of you,” Louis interrupts. Harry complies, coating his dick with lube. Louis removes his
fingers from his hole, properly prepared for Harry’s dick. He wraps his arms around Harry as
Harry starts pushing himself inside of Louis, muffling his moans into Louis neck. Feeling himself
with no barrier around Louis’ walls will continue to drive Harry to madness, their bodies just
connect like puzzle pieces.
“Oh fuck,” Louis cries, when Harry lifts one of Louis’ legs into his grip to pound into him harder.
The two of them are fighting for their lives to not come prematurely but the feeling is almost too
euphoric.
The two mange to hold on for about twenty minutes, Harry’s back ends up clawed to pieces, Louis
is definitely going to have to work extra hard to not waddle tomorrow and the room is hot as they
approach their orgasms.
Louis first, coming all over his and Harry’s stomach, entire body trembling, sweat causing his hair
to stick to his forehead. Harry quickly is next, making sure to not come inside of Louis, (no matter
how much he desperately wanted to) and manages to pull out just in time for it to land onto Louis’
pelvis.
“That was,” Harry starts.
“Everything,” Louis pants, as Harry flops down next to him, using Louis’ shirt to wipe themselves
off.
“Yeah,” Harry breathes.
It’s then the two decide to quickly shower together in Harry’s small bathroom, washing themselves
down with whatever Anne bought for guests to use while Harry’s been away. It smells like
lavender, which is the final needle to make the two men sleepy enough to curl together in Harry’s
bed to prepare to surprise Harry’s parents in the morning.
 homecoming
Chapter Summary

Harry surprises his family for the holidays. When they return back to New York,
Harry and Louis celebrate New Years Eve. Check end notes for content warning.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Harry and Louis hide inside the dark kitchen awaiting for the keys to jingle in the door for Anne
and Robin to come home.
When Anne and Robin enter the house, they’re discussing how nice it is to see Robin’s family
once again. Harry peaks to see his mother turned away from the entrance of the kitchen and he
creeps towards behind her, hugging her from behind and it causes her to shriek before Harry
shouts, “SURPRISE!”
Instantly Anne starts crying, wrapping her entire body around her son, savoring the hug.
“What are you doing here?” She asks, wiping tears away from her eyes as Harry hugs Robin.
“Thought I would surprise you for the holidays, my friend, Louis came with me and brought me,”
Harry says, motioning for Louis to come out of the kitchen.
Louis shakes both of Harry’s parents’ hands, but Anne looks him up and down, obviously
recognizing Louis from somewhere.
“As in Louis Tomlinson?" Anne asks, shaking Louis' hand. Her eyes warm and inviting but her
tone is a bit off-putting, probably wondering why one of England's most prolific homophobes'
child is doing with her very, openly gay son.

"Yeah," Louis smiles, not knowing how to ease the tension of the elephant in the room.

"I'm so sorry," Anne blurts, covering her mouth.

"Mom!" Harry exclaims, looking to Louis who chuckles.

"It's fine, I get that all of the time," Louis reassures Harry's parents. "Really, no need to apologize."

"It's not that I don't think she's a lovely woman, but I got my hands on one of her books right after
Harry turned four and it was...a lot," Anne explains, and Harry furrows his brows. "I just couldn't
bring myself to parent that way, not that I'm sure you didn't turn out just fine," Anne says, rubbing
Louis' hand with hers, Louis is clearly trying not to let his smile falter in front of Harry's parents,
but Harry can always tell a fake smile, especially on Louis of all people.

"Shall we get started for dinner? Lots of cooking to do now there are two extra guests," Robin
says, thankfully changing the subject.

Louis follows Robin into the kitchen, they strike up quite the conversation about England's
probability at the World Cup. Anne pulls Harry into the hallway, a concerning look in her eyes,
attaching her hands to Harry's shoulder.

"Are you together?" She asks him, and Harry scoffs, uncomfortable.
"No, we're just....seeing each other?" He replies, because how does he explain to his mother he's
fucking his once arch nemesis but is getting quite attatched to the little shit that used to be at the
top of is stressor list?

"So he is gay," his mother replies.

"But you can't tell anyone, please," Harry begs. "He's still very much in the closet," Harry adds.

"You know I wouldn't," Anne smiles, "and you know he's welcome to be himself under our roof
any day," she smiles, pinching Harry's cheek. "But the books his mother has written...Harry they're
concerning, I'm sure there's a lot of baggage that you might not know what to do with."

"That's why we're just having fun, we're just, I don't know, mom, just seeing each other, getting to
know each other," Harry tries to explain.

Harry and Anne wrap up the conversation and begin helping Robin and Louis, (who are
completely clueless when it comes to cooking), prepare everything.

”Louis...these tomatoes….they are….atrocious,” Harry jokes.

"They’re edible, give the boy credit,” Anne laughs, picking up a very uneven, thick chunk of
tomato. “Let me teach you, Love,” she says, stepping towards Louis, taking his hands and slowly
showing him how to properly slice a tomato. The two laugh, and Harry fonds at the sight of Louis
having mindless fun over cooking Christmas dinner.
It’s not until he can peel his eyes away from the sight to look over to Robin, who has a grin on his
face. Harry shares a smile back at the approving nod Robin gives him.
When the table is set, and everyone is seated to eat, Harry is mostly observant if anything.
He watches how he can bounce the conversations with Robin and Anne. He looks through photos
of bouquets that Anne makes in her florist shop, he tells Robin about his Gram, when she was more
mobile, and was able to teach Louis all about football. Louis has his real, genuine smile plastered
on his face the entire time. And the sight leaves a feeling in Harry’s chest that he isn’t really used
to, only felt maybe once or twice but never this strong or loud. What is this feeling?

“So here’s a bouquet I made for Harry’s graduation,” Anne says, showing Louis pictures on her
phone when the dinner party moves to the living room couch over cheap wine. “When he was 7 he
had such a fixation on daisies and morning glory’s. When I wasn’t having flowers imported for
formal floral arrangements he’d cry when I’d cut the weeds in the home garden. He’d say,
‘mommy just because these flowers aren’t considered flowers doesn’t make them less like other
pretty floweries’.” Harry sits next to Louis, looking at pictures of the smaller framed version of
himself, no tattoos, shorter, curlier hair, smiling in his graduation gown holding a bouquet of
daisies, morning glory’s, and other weeded grass that somehow looked beautiful rested in Harry’s
arms.
“Here’s Harry decorating a cake for Gemma’s birthday,” Anne says, Harry rolls his eyes as she
singlehandedly embarrasses him in front of Louis with all the pictures.

"Okay mom, I think Louis has seen enough," Harry protests.

They all bid each other goodnight, and it's a trip well spent for Harry. He almost doesn't want to
leave England, but New York has become a second home to him, and he's started making a life for
himself so he can live his dreams and not have to sacrifice going this long without seeing his
family. He and Louis cram into his bed once again, and pillow talk to each other all night.
"I like your parents, Harry, they’re so down to earth, like, I don’t know how to explain it,” Louis
says, curling into Harry’s chest.
“They are pretty great, they really like you too,” Harry tells Louis, kissing the top of his head.
“Really? Or are you just saying that?”
“You got invited to the couch for wine and pictures, she only does that to the boyfri-, friends she
really likes, the rest she’d just use the headache excuse to close the night early,” Harry nervously
finishes, but Louis didn’t seem to catch the fuck up.
Louis. Is. Not. Harry’s. Boyfriend. How could he fuck up and almost call Louis his boyfriend?
Especially right in front of Louis.

Thankfully, Louis is sleepy enough he’s spared the humiliation, and it puts Harry at enough ease
for him to sleep as well.

Returning home for the remainder of break puts Harry headfirst back into The Rave, preparing for
the craziness of New Year’s Eve. He and Liam, Zayn and the rest of the staff over stock the bar,
the bathrooms, they even brought in security to make sure the event is as safe as possible.
“You know I can’t come,” Louis says to Harry over the phone. “Happy New Years!”
“There’s an after party you should come to, it’s at the penthouse Katya and Trixie have rented.
Only a small party, no one there will care, or probably even know who you are,” Harry begs. “Or
you can just meet me back at my flat? Wanna see you,” He pleads.
“Send me the address for the party,” Louis giggles. “I think I’m owed a New Year’s kiss though,
yeah?”

”Deal,” Harry smiles.

“You whore! Why weren’t you here for our Christmas together at Zayn and Liam’s?” Katya
curses, applying red lipstick.
“Was spending the holidays with Louis and my family,” Harry replies, wiping out shot classes.
Liam grins at him and Zayn pats Harry on the back, giving him a shot of Tequila.
“Oh my god, has our little commitment-phobic baby finally settled down?” Trixie teases. “And we
are the last to know? Bitch!”
“There’s no strings, we’re still just only hanging out and stuff,” Harry explains, rolling his eyes.
“Spending the holidays with your family? With Louis, who’s guts you hated months ago and now
you’re constantly texting me about? Baby, you’re attached, like it or not,” Trixie replies.
“He’s…you know, closeted, and hasn’t shown me any interested in being in a relationship,” Harry
tells them.
“Spending nights in hotels, meeting each other’s families, fucking in private jets, gifting him your
favorite book after he tells you all these deep dark secrets about his life that you won’t even share
with us? Call it fuck buddies, friends with benefits, hooking up, but you’re smitten with him, admit
it,” Zayn says, surprising everyone in the room. Zayn usually is a silent supporter for the antics of
Harry’s life, but rarely comments on them. “I know this story, because it’s exactly what happened
to me and Liam. Someone, or both of you are afraid to admit you have feelings for each other, so
you use the comfort bubble of fucking and doing everything exclusive partners do together without
calling it what it truly is. I’m telling you one day, one of you are going to break, and I have such a
strong indication it isn’t going to be Louis,” Zayn lectures.

“Louis is like-“

”A gazelle, one wrong move and he’s ran miles away, we know,” Liam chuckles. “But sometimes
the gazelle’s thirst being quenched is more important than escaping the tiger,” Liam interrupts.
“Just admit it, you aren’t a scary tiger, and Louis is drinking the water knowing the dangers, but he
doesn’t care.”

Harry takes the words to heart, especially from Liam and Zayn. Their words are a nice distraction
for the night, that, combined with the loud music, the strobe lights, Trixie and Katya’s
performances, it’s easy to push Louis in the back of his mind. For the most part.
“3…2…1….HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Everyone cheers when the clock strikes midnight and the
television screens reveal the ball dropping.
Louis texts Harry, congratulating the new year and that he’s getting ready to head over to The Rave
where Liam said he can hang in the office until everyone leaves.
Once the patronage picks up and more customers need Harry to tend to them, he loses track of time
until Zayn pops over to give Harry a ‘smoke break’. Harry doesn’t smoke, but Zayn smokes often,
and Harry always covers for him, so this smoke/see Louis break is well deserved.
“Sorry, it’s been proper busy tonight,” Harry apologizes, kissing Louis, smiling.
“Its alright, this book has been keeping me entertained,” Louis smiles, pulling out The Lovely
Bones book that Harry gifted him. “Very sad actually, but the concept of having your own personal
Heaven is kind of creative from a murder victim’s point of view,” Louis says, putting the book
down.
“I’m glad it’s not one of those books you don’t have to force yourself to read,” Harry smiles,
nuzzling into Louis, kissing him.
“I’m forcing myself to put it down,” Louis laughs into the kiss. “Happy New Year.”

”Happy New Year indeed,” Harry replies, smiling. “Just give us time to close up? Apparently this
party is going to be sick,” Harry laughs.
“And no one will know I’m there?” Louis asks.
“No, I mean, it’s a party full of gay people, drag queens, no one is going to be focused on you,
other than me of course,” Harry flirts, causing Louis to turn his face away to smile.
“Then I look forward to it,” Louis finally answers, pulling out his phone that is ringing. Harry
points to the door, letting Louis know he has to get back to bartending. He smiles before Harry trots
off to finish serving.

Harry doesn’t have another chance to sneak off to see Louis before closing time. Liam, Harry, and
Zayn work on cleaning and Katya and Trixie start making a lot of cheering noise to celebrate
closing.
“Need help?” Louis sheepishly asks, revealing himself from outside of the bar’s office area.
“Oooh la,la,” Trixie coos to Louis, looking up and down at his black skinny jeans and a Burberry
plaid sweater. Louis always looks fit but the combination of unquiffed hair and a bit of scruff is
enough to make anyone gawk or be in awe.
“You don’t have to do anything, we’ve got it,” Liam smiles.
“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” Louis insists, grabbing a broom and starting to sweep. Seeing Louis clean
for some reason makes Harry smile, just like it did when he saw Louis attempting to help cook.
Very domestic, and very satisfying to watch for Harry for an unknown reason, even if he isn’t the
best at either.
The bar gets closed and cleaned in record time so the staff and Louis can head to Trixie and
Katya’s vacation penthouse in Trixie’s Uber where there’s an alarming amount of cars outside. The
whole city seems to partying, so why not Harry and Louis?
“We can’t get too drunk, we have to be back at Green’s tomorrow,” Louis jokes.
Maybe that’s why they should take it easy tonight. Work tomorrow morning.
The whole staff smiles, walking into the party, where everyone cheers for Trixie and Katya, then
they’re quickly swept into their other friends conversations.
Harry, Louis, Liam and Zayn make their way to the table with all of the alcohol where Louis picks
up a bottle of pink lemonade vodka with gold flakes floating in the bottle.
“That drink has had me fighting demons,” Zayn jokes, making everyone laugh.
“It’s definitely strong,” Liam laughs, taking shot glasses from the table. Everyone starts taking
shots, Louis being able to down more of them faster than the rest of the group. Harry realizes by
the time that it’s too late that Louis is drunk, his alcohol tolerance nothing in comparison to the rest
of the group.
“We’re gonna take off yeah, you two will be alright?” Liam asks while Zayn whispers into Liam’s
ear, grinning.
“We’ll be just fiiineeee,” Louis slurs, hugging on Liam and Zayn. Liam double checks Harry with a
look until Harry assures them they’ll be okay. Zayn and Liam always usually check out of the
parties they go to together first. In the past Harry would have a drunken hookup with someone
who’s name he’d forget in the morning, but that’s different tonight.
Harry and Louis dance with everyone, mingling with groups of different queens that are coming
back to party from their gigs. A lot of people have rainbow confetti blasters so periodically it falls
all over them with a combination of pink balloons.
“I’ll be right back, have to pee,” Louis slurs, leaving Harry to finally find Trixie.

”Is Louis having a good time?” She asks.

“I think so, we’ve been dancing and drinking, he just went to the bathroom,” Harry says, taking a
sip of water.
“Should seriously consider telling him how you feel,” Trixie insists. Katya makes her way over to
them quickly, pushing through groups of people a few minutes later.
“Harry, baby, your boyfriend just took Molly with someone in line at the bathroom,” Katya
announces, and Harry instantly feels panicked.
“He what? Why?” Harry asks. “Is he still there?”

“Yeah, some of the queens like to give out ‘party favors’, thought you should know,” Katya
explains.

“And that will probably be our cue to leave, thank you for the heads up, love you both,” Harry
says, rushing his way up the stairs to the bathroom. When he finally finds Louis stumbling out of
the bathroom, he takes his hand immediately dragging him downstairs again.
“Harry….where are we goinggggg,” Louis slurs.
“Why did you take Molly?” Harry asks.
“She’s a good friend of mine,” Louis laughs.
“Oh so you’ve done it before?” Harry questions.
“No, but the nice lady who gave it to me said it would help me relax and have a good time,” Louis
laughs. Harry huffs, dragging him outside the party, he analyzes Louis’ pupils that aren’t dilated
yet, so thankfully he can maybe get Louis somewhere else before it kicks in.
“Why can’t we stay?” Louis pouts.

“I need to get you home, where do you live?” Harry asks.

“4….9….wait no 4,” Louis slurs, sitting on the sidewalk. Jesus Christ Louis is so fucked up.

Harry sits next to him, pulling out his phone and opening the Uber app, and then takes Louis’
wallet and finds his NYU student ID card that has his mailing address on the back. He types in
Louis’ address and pays for the Uber. Louis showing little protest before getting inside the ride.
“Take this, chew,” Harry orders Louis, handing him gum. Louis rolls his eyes, his increasingly
more dilated eyes at Harry. But Louis also rests his head on Harry’s shoulder and Harry can’t stay
annoyed with him for long. It’s not long before Louis is kissing at Harry’s neck, and while the
feeling is good, he has to get Louis into his own flat which is actually a huge fucking townhouse.
The brick building surrounded by others is massive, and puts Harry’s flat to shame. Harry thanks
the Uber driver and has to basically drag Louis out of it. Then he ends up profusely apologizing to
the Uber driver, who is an old grandpa looking man in his late 50s.
“Its quite alright, wish they had this service when I was your boy’s age, probably would have
found me in a ditch until morning,” he chuckles, waving them off. He drives away and Harry wraps
Louis’ arm around his neck. The more time that passes, the more intense the drug becomes, and the
drunker Louis seems to get, he can barely walk.
“C’mon Louis, one foot, then the next,” Harry says, having to practically drag Louis’ to his front
door. Harry props Louis on the steps leading up to the door so that he can unlock it with the keys
he had to dig out of Louis’ pocket.
When he finally gets inside he gets Louis to sit at his antique wooden dining table. When Harry can
take a second to breathe, he can admire the Victorian features of Louis’ townhouse. It doesn’t last
long before Louis is slumped, head on the dining table and singing ‘Wannabe’ by the Spice Girls.
Louis. Is. So. Beyond. Wasted.
“I’m going to cook you something,” Harry chuckles, because while he’s mildly annoyed that Louis
isn’t even on the same planet, it’s funny to hear him sing the classic song from their adolescence.
“Why? Not really hungry,” Louis slurs, getting up and pressing Harry against his fridge. “At least
not hungry for good,” he adds. Harry notices now that Louis’ eyes have the smallest ring of blue to
them, his eyes are now 90% pupil.
“Because you need to put something on your stomach, Lou,” Harry whines, sitting Louis back into
the chair.
“Why put something on my stomach when you could be in it, yeah?” Louis flirts, which would
usually have Harry bending him over in seconds, but not tonight.
“Louis there’s almost nothing to eat here,” Harry scolds, examining his fridge and pantries.
“I mostly order out,” Louis slurs, face in arms on the table. Now he’s singing ‘We Can’t Stop’ by
Miley Cyrus. Jesus Christ.
Harry manages to find in-date Muenster cheese and bread, and butter. Perfect. Grilled cheese. Easy
assembly, quick cook time, food on Louis’ stomach so he doesn’t get sick. Perfect.
“Here, eat this, please,” Harry begs, sliding the plate towards him after he cooks it.
“Awww, you cut it into little bitty triangles,” Louis coos, taking a bite. Louis moans as soon as he
starts eating which is a good sign for Harry. Thank. God. He doesn’t finish the sandwich , but eats
enough to Harry’s liking and drinks water.
“Lets get you to bed, yeah? We have to work tomorrow and it’s already…for fucksake, it’s 5am,”
Harry announces, looking at the clock. “Where’s your bedroom?” He asks Louis.

“Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy,” Louis chuckles.

“Its upstairs isn’t it?” Harry sighs.

“It’s upstairs,” Louis giggles.

When Harry can finally get Louis upstairs, which is more of assisting Louis in crawling than it is to
get him to walk, he finally finds Louis’ bedroom. A huge bed, a PlayStation with a big television.
The blankets are a dark maroon color and the headboard is engraved with Victorian, black features.
There’s a huge desk covered in books he’s had to read at their internship, along with a computer
AND a laptop.

Harry finally finds the walk in closet while Louis is sprawled on his bed. Harry finds plaid pajama
pants and a grey night sweater for Louis.
He tried handing them to Louis but ends up changing Louis into them, because, well as stated
before, Louis is gone.
Harry takes off his jeans and shirt, leaving himself in his black briefs.
“Lay down, time to sleep,” Harry orders, trying to get Louis to bed. The room is dark and the only
sound is from Louis’ running comedic singing.
“Hey!” Louis finally snaps out of song.
“Yeah?” Harry questions.
“Do you know Harry Styles?” He asks.
With the combination of alcohol, Molly and the darkness in the room, it makes sense why Louis is
 confused.
“Because you smell just like him, and your hair, Jesus, your hair, I just love feeling it, feels just
like his hair,” Louis whines, rubbing his hands all through Harry’s medium length curls.
“I do know him,” Harry chuckles.
“Do you think he knows I’m hopelessly in love with him?” Louis asks.
Harry is stunned, mouth agape, heart pounding through his chest. Did Louis just? Yeah, he just
said it. Louis is in love with Harry. Louis just unknowingly confessed his love for Harry, right in
front of him.
“Because I keep waiting for him to ask me to be his boyfriend, but I don’t know if he loves me
back,” Louis adds. Harry says the one thing he feels comfortable saying knowing Louis won’t
remember it in the morning.
“Give it time, I know he loves you too,” Harry says, finally with no response from Louis. Just
Louis sleeping. Harry doesn’t sleep, because, yeah, that just fucking happened. It’s quite
meaningless, although, it’s true, but Harry knows those words won’t make it out of this bedroom
by the morning.
Harry doesn’t know if Louis’ proclamation of love is just from the alcohol, but it finally brings
relief to Harry knowing that he said the words he’s been wanting to say to Louis for the last few
weeks.
Harry loves Louis Tomlinson. And Louis Tomlinson might love him back.

Chapter End Notes

Just to note there’s substance use of designer drugs and alcohol in this chapter.
 bravery
Chapter Summary

The next day Louis has a hangover and gets the shock of a lifetime.

The next morning it’s abundantly clear that Harry and Louis will be using a sick day. Louis
shuffles in bed next to Harry who is also groggy from the night before. Louis groans at the sight of
sunlight beaming in his bedroom, Harry is quick to draw the curtains, blocking out the daylight.
“How are you feeling?” Harry asks in a hush tone, having been in Louis’ position countless times.
“Must you be so loud?” Louis snaps, which Harry would usually be taken aback by since that
hasn’t happened in months, but again, Harry has been there before. “I’m sorry, my head hurts so
bad, how’d we end up back here?” Louis apologizes, rubbing the temples of his forehead,
groaning.
“After you took Molly I had to fish your wallet out and call an Uber,” Harry whispers.
“I don’t remember any of it, what I can was fun, I vaguely remember singing Miley Cyrus but
everything else is blank,” Louis chuckles. “Hope I didn’t make too much of an ass of myself,” he
adds, making Harry grin.
“You were very…hands on, but I put you to bed,” Harry jokes, “here let’s get you some water and
pain reliever.”
Louis faintly smiles and goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth, he keeps extra new tooth
brushes for when he travels, so luckily he gives Harry a spare pink one.
Downstairs they send emails to Niall and Paula to let them know they won’t be in today, and Louis
gets both of them water.
“Shower?” Louis asks after he orders them in waffles for breakfast. Harry nods.
Harry unravels the sweater off Louis’ body. There’s a few bruises on his arms and legs from the
stumbling and falling from the night before. Harry pushes Louis’ hair behind his ear and takes his
arm, he plants kisses on the bruises that adorn his body. They’re so gentle Louis can barely feel
them, but Louis sinks into Harry’s touch. Louis takes his hands and drapes them over Harry’s
shoulder, kissing him as Harry’s hands meet his waist.
They step into the shower, hot water bouncing off their skin and Louis takes body wash onto a grey
loofah.

The two wash each other up, something they’ve only done a handful of times. There’s something
about washing the hectic nights they’ve shared, off in the morning. On the outside, Harry knows
they have to pretend, on the outside they can’t share a kiss or hold each other, but in the
confinement of these walls, behind the steam, they can be clean and adorned in each other’s
pureness. They’re washing away more than dirt when they shower together, they’re washing away
all the pressure to be perfect, they’re washing away all of the expectations, when it’s just the two of
them alone, they are free.
After the shower is over, Louis offers Harry grey sweatpants and a black Nike sweatshirt that
hadn’t fit him. Louis changes into a pair of Calvin Klein boxers and they get back into bed.
Louis lays his head on Harry’s chest, snuggling into his grasp. Harry wishes the one thing Louis
could remember about last night was telling Harry he loved him, because Harry has never felt the
feeling stronger. The way Louis looks when he’s resting, the way he immediately smiles after
Harry kisses him, and the way he tries to hide it.
It’s weird now that it’s something that was put out in the open, but only one party remembers.
Harry supposes that it’s for the best, there’s so much in the air and the timing isn’t right. Will there
ever be a right time? Harry paces the thought in his head, and it makes him sick to think there will
never be a moment where Louis could consciously say his true feelings. It’s an issue that makes it
hard to rest.
“Mmmm,” Louis moans into Harry’s chest, finally waking up from his nap. “Did you sleep okay?”
Louis asks.
“Perfectly," Harry lies, "but it's only noon, what should we spend this glorious day off doing?"

"I have a few ideas," Louis hums into Harry's ear, kissing down his neck.

"Oh, do tell," Harry replies, grabbing Louis by the jaw to bring him into a kiss. "You were all over
me last night," he adds.

"Is that so? I could be all over you this afternoon if you ask nicely," Louis flirts, sliding his hand
underneath the fabric of Harry's hoodie, grazing his hands across Harry's chest. Harry pulls Louis
on top of him, attaching their lips together. They make out, lazily, not putting a lot of heated
passion into the kissing, it's just nice, and soft. The pace of the kissing, and the increasing
momentum eventually picks up, Louis whimpering as his hips grind along into Harry's pelvis.

Suddenly there's a loud thump at Louis' bedroom door and it flies open, Louis' face instantly grows
pale and scared.

"Oh...um my bad, sorry, sorry, sorry," the man apologizes, closing the door, but Harry recognizes
exactly who it is, Oli. Why is Louis scared? Harry was sure Oli knew Louis was gay.

"Fuck, fuck," Louis curses under his breath promptly getting off Harry. He tugs at his hair, pacing
the bedroom, cursing over and over.

"Louis, doesn't he know?" Harry asks, rising up on his elbows. Louis shakes his head, looking like
he could be sick. Harry gets up, stopping Louis in his tracks, noticing sweltering tears in Louis'
eyes and heavy breathing. "Okay, Louis, please breathe," Harry adds. "It's going to be okay," Harry
says in attempts to calm Louis' nerves.

"I'm not ready to have that conversation with him," Louis panics. "He's been my best mate since we
were kids, and I've been lying to him this entire time, he's going to hate me, he's going to hate me
so badly that he tells everyone and then my life is over, and-"

"Shhh, you don't know that, you just said that he's your best mate, meaning if that were true, he'd at
least let you explain yourself," Harry interrupts.

"I'm not ready to tell him," Louis says, burying his face into his hands while Harry holds him.

"Ready or not, I'm afraid that conversation is coming."

"Stay with me, yeah?" Louis begs, and of course Harry nods.

Louis takes a deep breath, before turning the door knob of his door. He'd put on red sweatpants and
a black shirt from ADIDAS. Hesitantly, Louis opens the door and walks downstairs, Harry
following behind him. Oli, stands awkwardly by the door, twiddling the handle of his suitcase.
Louis takes a deep breath walking up to Oli, biting the nail of his thumb.

"Can we um, can we talk for a sec?" Louis asks, waving Oli over to the couch.

Harry's eyes meet Oli's, expecting a judging, or disgusted glare, but it's met with a smile. That
sends a wave of relief to Harry, but Louis doesn't notice and is nervously tapping his foot. Harry
sits next to Louis, and Oli sits on the coffee table. The tension in the room is uncomfortable, and
everyone seems a bit uneasy except for Oli.

"What are you doing here?" Louis eventually asks, his voice a little shaky.

"You told me last night to fly over ASAP, you said you missed hanging with me and that it's been
too long, so I flew over this morning, you even sent me money for the ticket," Oli replies,
confused. But that puts the impromptu visit that was being questioned into perspective. Louis was
out of his mind drunk with access to his phone, so of course he'd drunk dial his friend. It's
happened many times for Harry.

"Oh," Louis says. "Sorry, was proper drunk last night, I'd forgotten," he adds, making Oli chuckle.

"Wow, drinking AND kissing a man, New York's really changed you," Oli laughs, which makes
Louis perch up, wanting to be defensive but it's true. New York has changed Louis, he's trying to
find himself in a community he's had to go against his whole life.

"I- Oli, I'm gay," Louis finally says, addressing the elephant in the room. Oli stands up from the
coffee table and pulls Louis into bear hug, squeezing him tightly. A wave of relief flows through
both Louis and Harry's body.

"Louis, I've kind of known that since we were like fourteen," Oli chuckles. "Thank you for finally
telling me."

"What do mean you've known for quite some time? I've never-"

"Louis," Oli starts, "if it wasn't painfully obvious that your girlfriend is a lesbian, I'd still know you
were gay, you don't cover your tracks too well," Oli jokes.

"What do you mean?" Louis replies, pulling out the hug.

"Well, my first indication was the one time I asked to borrow your laptop freshman year because
I'd spilt water all over mine, and you left a tab open on one of those 'Am I Gay' internet quizzes.
You scored a 97%, but I just thought maybe the algorithm of the quiz was throwing off the results.
Then a few years later we had a sleepover during summer vacation, I wanted to over load your iPad
storage with a bunch of stupid selfies but when I unlocked the iPad it was open on the Safari app
and there was you know, gay porn. Plus when I asked why you stayed with Lexi for so long last
year you said it was because she was cool to hangout with, didn't even think to say she was the
love of your life who you couldn't imagine living without. That kind of solidified that it was just a
coverup. Plus every time you've kissed her for show, it looked off putting for both of you. But I
don't blame you, lad, it's scary, and I was hoping you'd tell me one day, because well? You're my
closest friend, you shouldn't have to hide, I'm sorry you had to tell me by me walking in on you
having a moment with Harry, but-"

Oli's words are cut off by a hug initiated by Louis, and Harry can't help but to smile and be happy
for Louis. Harry wishes that Louis could do this with all of the people closest to him, and be met
with the same energy Oli has, but Harry knows that isn't the case.

But Harry doesn't truly understand how dark the closet Louis' in and how long that darkness has
brewed into Louis' adult life.

The rest of the day is spent with he three of them, and Louis looks so fucking happy telling his best
friend all about what he's been doing recently the last few months. He urges that he and Oli go to a
gay bar one day to see Trixie and Katya perform, or hangout with Liam and Zayn. It's refreshing to
see a glimmer of Louis' happiness being outreached to Oli about finally accepting himself for who
he is and the beauty of inching his way into the community he's had to shun himself out of his
entire life. It confirms one thing certainly for Harry.

Harry wants to see Louis Tomlinson this happy every single day.
 if i am just a piece of cake, i am just a piece of cake
Chapter Summary

MOTHERFUCKING FAITH IN THE FUTURE GOT ANNOUNCED, which is really

happy considering this chapter is about to be sad as fuck sorry, bad timing.

Chapter Notes

Please check tags for trigger warnings. Especially through the rest of the work.

Harry wakes up the next morning in his flat, deciding that he and Louis walking into Green’s after
the both of them using a sick day wouldn’t be a good look. He showers, puts on his boring intern
clothes, and takes the subway towards the firm.
Paula is back and gleams happily at Harry’s appearance when he walks in the room. Her eyes have
dark circles, a newborn probably makes things a bit more difficult, Harry knows he’ll work even
harder to make her workload a bit more easier.
“How’s mom life?” Harry asks, sitting at his desk.
“I’ll tell you all about it if you tell me why you and a certain other beloved intern both used your
first sick day ever,” she grins.
“That obvious, huh,” Harry chuckles. “Just some shenanigans, is all, partied too hard for the New
Year,” Harry excuses.
“And your emails about finally getting to go home for Christmas? Were those also some
shenanigans?” Paula asks.
“You could say that,” Harry replies, vaguely. “I met the infamous Teresa Tomlinson,” he adds, and
Paula nearly chokes on her coffee.
“Really, how did that go over? Can’t seem to think she rolled out a future mother in law rug out for
you,” she laughs.
“She’s quite cold, like not seemingly involved with him, it was mostly just two days of publicity
and getting to know his grandmother, who is quite possibly sunshine in human form.”

”You didn’t recoil at the future mother in law comment. Could it be? The unattainable Harry Styles
has finally fallen in lo-“

”Yes, but he doesn’t know, and I’d prefer to keep it that way,” Harry replies, glancing over as
Louis enters, dressed in a casual white button down and black pants. He flashes a quick smile at
Harry before Niall tackles him in a hug and messes up his hair with his knuckles.
Things seemingly go back to normal, reading, emails, catching up on neglected paper work,
scheduling appointments with other literary agents, reading, reading and more reading.
“Harry, mind stepping into my office? After lunch,” Landon asks, waltzing into the work area.
“Um, yeah. Yeah sure,” Harry replies as Landon pats his back. Harry feels a shiver down his spine,
Landon isn’t his favorite person, never has been, yet seeming, he needs his approval if he’s going
to be able to sustain a life in New York after graduation. Everything rides on Harry’s internship,
and securing a job here until he gets discovered as an author.
Could it be that his sick day is going to count severely against him? The internship program at
NYU stated very clearly you’re allowed to miss 7 days in your assigned internship. Harry has only
ever used one, so it can’t be that. Paula doesn’t have any intel to give Harry, and that makes his
stomach tighten even more, any appetite he’d have before his lunch break has disappeared.
Even worse, Landon personally came into their sector to ask for the meeting, he’s only done this
once before, and it didn’t put Harry at ease being here, matter of fact, it only solidified that for him
that Landon was a shit human.
Landon doesn’t ask for Louis, and with break lounge chatter amongst other workers and interns,
Harry and Louis weren’t the only absent ones yesterday. What does Landon want?
Harry’s nerves grow more anxious the closer the clock ticks through his scheduled lunch time,
unable to eat, he works through the allotted time off.
“Nervous?” A soothing voice chimes, he looks over to Louis, who smiles up at him.
“What would make you think that?” Harry scoffs, trying to play it cool.
“You furrow your brows really bad when you’re confronted with something. A trait I used to notice
in you all too well when we couldn’t stand each other,” Louis chuckles, closing the copy room
door.
“Landon wants a meeting,” Harry admits.
“Oh? That sounds like good news then, yeah?” Louis replies.
“Do you not hate the guy?”
“Well, he’s pretty buddy buddy with my mother’s people, industry games and whatnot so he’s not
the best person to grace publishing. He’s just some daddy’s money wannabe tyrant, not really a
whole lot to be intimidated by,” Louis replies, taking Harry’s papers out of the copy machine and
sitting them in the folder. He inches closer to Harry trying to console his nerves.
“Wouldn’t you know something about that?” Harry teases, and Louis playfully slaps his chest.
“Here I am, trying to ease your anxiousness and you’re making fun of me,” Louis jokes back.
“I wouldn’t call it making fun, more so slight jealousy of your financial situation, but now knowing
what it’s like for you, money seems to be the only perk of your family inherited wealth ,” Harry
laughs, leaning against the counter.
“True, money is nice. But money isn’t everything, I don’t remember growing up without it, but
from what my Gram says, our family was so much better before it came into play,” Louis explains.
“But enough about Landon and my problematic upbringing, I came here to make you feel good, we
got blocked by Oli yesterday you know,” Louis says, walking towards the door and locking it.
Harry is confused by what Louis means, but it becomes clear when Louis inches back towards him
into a kiss.
The truth at hand is Louis’ lips do calm Harry down, they’re soft, and pleasing, a perfect remedy.
Harry plants his hands on Louis’ waist, pulling him a bit closer as they make out.
“Won’t someone come in?” Harry asks, breaking the connection.
“Please, everyone’s went out to lunch to catch up on what they did over the holidays,” Louis scoffs,
reconnecting their lips. “Plus I’ll be quick, with time to spare, yeah?” Louis asks.
Harry can’t pull Louis close enough into his grasp, it seems so unfair there’s a barrier of clothes
and the thought of someone trying to open the copy room door in between them, it’s a bit
exhilarating though.
Louis kisses down Harry’s neck, feeling Louis’ firmness against him as Harry grows thicker.
Before he knows it, Louis has sank to his knees, unbuckling the belt of Harry’s black pants, only
pulling them down enough for Louis to take Harry’s member in his mouth.
Harry is not only satisfied with how good Louis has gotten at sex in recent weeks, but also loves
how confident he’s gotten in initiating it. Maybe everyone’s right, maybe Louis isn’t so timidly
frightened by much at all.
“God, you get better and better at this every time,” Harry says as Louis bobs his head effortlessly
down Harry’s shaft.
Louis continues to blow Harry, Harry feeling the friction of Louis’ tongue against him has him
having one hand gripped into Louis’ hair and the other bracing himself against the counter to keep
his knees from buckling under the pleasure.
It doesn’t take long for Harry to come, maybe ten minutes top. Stress for some people makes
sexual pleasure, climax specifically, impossible. Not for Harry. Being able to escape stress via
orgasm is the equivalent of someone cracking their neck, or meditating or some other means to get
a temporary release.

“Now, whatever that meeting entails, I’m sure you’re more than ready to tackle it,” Louis whispers
against Harry’s ear, kissing his jaw.
“What about you?” Harry asks, “your turn, yeah?” Harry adds, tracing his hands to squeeze Louis’
bum.

“We’ll consider this edging, I’m sure my time will come, literally and metaphorically,” Louis
replies, making Harry burst into laughter.
Harry can’t grasp how Louis’ quick remarks went from annoying to being the funniest person on
planet in his eyes, but he’s glad the switch happened.
When it’s time for the meeting, Harry nervously gets to Landon’s office, he timidly opens the door
and Landon smiles up to him from his desk.
“Harry, nice of you to join me,” he greets, motioning for Harry to sit in a chair across from the
desk.
“Of course,” Harry, says, tapping his fingers at his thighs.
“As you know, we are only choosing one intern for a position at Green’s post NYU graduation. A
lot is riding on this for isn’t it?” Landon asks and Harry stops moving his body, only to see the
uneasy smirk on Landon’s face. He’s been in this position before, and he thought there was a stop
in the tracks.
“Well, yeah, my future in making a life in New York is riding on this, yeah,” Harry mumbles,
anxiously trying to ignore the lump in his throat.
“I’m glad you’re focused on making a life for yourself in this city, you see, New York is an
amazing place for opportunists. Either you know someone to give you a leg up, or you’re getting
laughed out agency offices. I seem to be particularly familiar of a NYU student who emailed me
countless times of their dreams to be a published author and how badly an internship here was
needed to make his dreams come true,” Landon recalls, standing up from his desk and walking to
face Harry with his body. Harry knows he’s trying to be intimidating, and it’s working, and Harry
HATES that it’s working.
“And I’m sure you know by now, Harry, that getting a leg up in any industry in this city means
sometimes scratching one’s back in order to get the favor in return. I took a chance on you, a
scholarship NYU student living in a rundown apartment working in a bar part time,” Landon adds,
and the words sting as the insult rolls off his tongue. Harry grits his jaw, trying to not let his anger
show on his face. If only Landon knew that Harry’s lack of wealthy privilege and silver spoons
made him more of a candidate for this company than anyone else. And no, his family’s never been
so poor they couldn’t provide opportunities, he’s just not rich enough for the ones that super rich
kids of rich families get to have.
“We've had this conversation before, my patience, as you know, runs very thin. You still need to
consider the offer that I gave you months ago,” Landon says, caressing the bottom of Harry’s chin.
Harry’s quick to grab his hand and push it away, getting up from his seat.
“I’ll have you know, Landon, my work speaks for itself. No one else is jumping through hoops,
staying up all hours of the night writing emails from their second job, reading book after book and
collaborating with their mentor to provide the best presentation of these novels. You reducing me
to you and your friend’s executive booty-call piece of meat is insulting to not only me, but the rest
of hard working interns here. If you’re going to give me the position it shouldn’t be under the
premise of how good I can get you and your closeted buddies off in a Times Sqaure penthouse
party,” Harry insists. Harry’s standing his ground, as he should.
He remembers first starting looking into internships, and Landon eyeing him during the greeting
orientation before he met Paula, Louis or anyone else. He came to NYU his junior year to talk to
the English and Communication department seminar about why applicants should choose Green’s
Publishing for their required final year internship. Harry knew that long before Green’s was the
opportunity of a lifetime, he was gleaming.
After talking over and over about what it meant to be chosen Harry couldn’t help but introduce
himself, and Landon took a liking to it, but Harry was just a bit naive, thinking Landon’s interest
was about his academic achievements. Top in his class, working constantly, studying every second
of free time he got, writing. But it wasn’t until Landon exclusively invited him to a party with
executives, directors, publishers, and even a few music producers were there that Harry realized he
was a fish in a shark’s tank.
Landon took him to a guest room, trying to kiss Harry after making him sign an NDA that he was
even at the party to begin with. Landon had two friends, names he’d forgotten, thankfully.
They were all trying to convince Harry to prove himself, trying to get him to kiss them and do other
things below the belt. But Harry immediately left, pretending he wasn’t feeling well, because to be
honest, he was sick to his stomach that they were treating him like a piece of cake to be devoured.
Harry never spoke of it, one because he legally couldn’t and two, because nothing really happened,
they attempted to pressure him into sleeping with them, offering Harry his pick of them, offering
him money, to be put up into a nicer flat, all of it.
Fast forward, Harry knows all along that him being chosen for this internship has been a ploy just
for Landon to manipulate him into sleeping with him for a promotion.
“Very well, but just know there’s interns here who have the same work ethic as you, with more
useable connections than that brain of yours, I think Louis Tomlinson rings a bell for me. Oh, and
his mother is a friend in the industry, yeah? Many books published under us, as well as others,
selling thousands of copies with movie adaptions, Louis is seeming like such an asset to Green’s
now to think,” Landon snarls. It’s so clear now that Landon had such a huge part into Harry and
Louis not getting along.
Harry sees red, but he’s not allowed. All he can do is stand up from his chair, backing away from
Landon Green, the asshole of the fucking century.

“Then I guess my big brain is just going to have to work even harder to prove myself,” Harry says
through gritted teeth, trying to remind himself to not punch Landon’s out of his snarky fucking
mouth.
Harry wants to cry walking out of that office, truly he just wants to curl into a corner with wine and
sob. This city can do amazing things for a career in literature, music, acting, art, but it can also
make you feel like you’re not shit at the same time. And now, especially today, Harry doesn’t feel
likes he’s anything.
“Everything go well?” A voice asks, to his dismay, it’s Louis in the hallway by the work stations.
“Yes, all is great,” Harry smiles, hoping louis will believe it. “He just wanted to make sure I wasn’t
coming down with the flu,” Harry adds. Louis smiles back at Harry, believing the lie. They return
back to their mentors and Paula can see right past Harry’s facade.
“What happened?” She asks.
“We need to present the next book as if it would sell more copies than the Bible itself,” Harry
replies, sternness to his voice.
“Sounds good to me, and Harry, I’m here if you need to talk about anything,” she says. Her voice
is kind, and her eyes are empathetic, but Harry squeezes her hand to let her know he will be okay.
“I hope to be half the mentor you are,” Harry replies, a gentle smile on his face.
They spend the rest of the day talking about the next novel to be presented. It’s a historical period
drama about two women who fell in love during the Salem witch trials, trying to avoid the mass
accusations of witchcraft while maintaining a secret love affair. Harry finished the novel in one
day because it was such a page turner. Now he and Paula only have to present it as the amazing
novel it was, piece of cake. Harry’s determined and knows one thing for sure:

Harry’s more than a piece of meat.

 you talk of the pain like it’s all alright
Chapter Summary

Harry makes new revelations about Louis’ childhood.

(Please check notes for trigger warnings for this chapter, or check tags.)

Chapter Notes

trigger warning: childhood abuse

“Harry, why would you make me read this?” Louis audibly sobs over an audio message sent on
iMessage. “I’m in fucking tears,” the voice message continues.
Harry sends an audio message back while on break at The Rave. He and Louis haven’t gotten to
see much of each other the last week. Crunch time for projects at Green’s and Harry picking up
lots of doubles at The Rave on weekends has left little time for them.
“It’s sad yeah? But so well written, The Lovely Bones is a literary masterpiece, sorry it made you
cry, but don’t feel so bad, everyone does, I think people could be qualified to be a psychopath if
they had no emotions towards the book,” Harry replies in an audio message.
When his “smoke” break is over he returns to the bar with Liam and Zayn. He’s got a faint smile
on his face, even compared with drowsy eyes.
“Get off the phone with Louis?” Liam coos and Harry rolls his eyes.
“I’m making him read my favorite book,” Harry chuckles. “The review is good, but the book is
sad,” Harry explains.
“Lovely Bones, right?” Zayn asks, sharing a love of reading alongside Harry. Harry nods and Zayn
scoffs.
“Nothing says ‘I love you’ quite like a book narrated by a murder victim in the afterlife,” Zayn
replies.
“Your turn for a smoke break, right?” Harry ignores the comment, Zayn rolls his eyes and heads
out the back to smoke.
“You do love him,” Liam comments. “I’ve known you for three years, you’ve never even seen
someone you slept with a second time,” Liam comments.
“Maybe being a slut was getting exhausting, good to have someone you can talk to and have mind
blowing sex with, someone who although is very different, can understand you better than anyone
you’ve ever hooked up with,” Harry replies, wiping down countertops.

”You know some people call that a relationship,” Liam chuckles, counting the money in the
register behind the bar. Harry shakes his head, serving a customer in-between the conversation.
“Relationships are a weird territory,” is all really Harry can say to justify the badgering of his and
Louis’ status.
“What do you mean?” Liam asks, and hell, Liam’s mentor lectures haven’t steered him wrong
before, and Harry has an hour left on his shift.
“I like Louis, love him even. I do. It’s not something I would say if I truly didn’t feel it, but loving
someone can’t possibly be enough. Not when he’s rich, I’m poor, or the fact his mother is a well
known name, not when his entire image thrives on how well he can hold up to those standards.
And what makes things worse is we have to compete. Normally being able to surpass Louis for a
position at Green’s Publishing would make me gloat and cheer. But now it doesn’t. It actually
makes me sick. It would make him a laughing stock to his family if this non-formally educated,
scholarship at NYU nobody got the job over someone who grew up in the industry, and has been in
private schools his entire life. It’s not fair. And I don’t have much of a choice, my student visa will
expire and I’ll have to move back to England after graduation anyways. This was so much more
fun when I hated Louis,” Harry vents, because honestly, he needs to, Harry’s a brick wall when it
comes to talking about feelings and having emotions laid out for people to see. Vulnerability was
never Harry’s forte.
“But you love him, that is so much stronger than pressures from the media, his family, your
wealth. Me and Zayn met when I was a waiter at his rich nieces’ sweet sixteen. Zayn grew up
extremely wealthy, and I was scraping pennies together to keep the lights on in my flat. Money,
work, misunderstanding family, paparazzi, none of those things can be more important than loving
someone. And yeah, maybe it would be a shit storm if you were both ever together publicly, but
you have to find that person who is worth sitting through that shit storm with,” Liam replies, and
oh god, it’s making Harry’s heart jump in his chest. He pulls out his phone to show the articles of
when Louis was pictured outside the Rave, to show him what he’s up against.
“But look, I almost ruined his image once, what more could I put him through?” Harry says,
holding his phone to Liam, trying to remind him all those months ago why everything they do has
to be so hush hush.
“What’s this?” Liam asks, nonchalantly blowing off Harry’s response.
Harrys finger slipped and pressed a button to a different article in the process of shoving his phone
in Liam’s face. Harry reads the title of the article and goes cold.

Louis Tomlinson: The Boy Nobody Saw Crying.

Harry can’t help but to click open the blogpost from one of those modern mommy bloggers that
have infiltrated the internet. Paula was reading them excessively in their downtime at Green’s,
trying to collect a million opinions on things like car seats, cribs, and formula.

This blog post article isn’t anything like that, and Louis isn’t some international super star that
everyone on the planet knows. But he’s well known enough to be in public eye. Harry can’t stop
reading, and he feels sick to his stomach after each sentence ends into another paragraph.

“I remember when I got pregnant right out of college. I was terrified, 22 and pacing around the
1 bedroom flat I’d been sharing with my then boyfriend (husband now), at the time. It wasn’t
supposed to happen, we’d just gotten to that point in our relationship where we were navigating
living together at the time. We were both scared, still working retail as we hadn’t gotten any
“grownup” jobs at the time.

I remember wanting to collect as much parenting advice as possible, as this was going to be my
first baby. I picked the brains of my mother, my aunt, my cousin, my older sister, my older
sister’s best friend’s cousin, anyone who had children, I wanted to know how they did it without
feeling sick to their stomach every single day that what they were doing wasn't wrong.

And one day, I met Janice, a nice older lady in my mother’s Bible study group. She gave me one
of Teresa Tomlinson’s first parenting books, “The Lord’s Guidance to Parenthood.”

I remember that book being about how she was single-handedly raising an adoptive baby boy,
Louis, after the death of her husband. It went into how emotional it was to see every milestone,
every late night, everything about what it took to raise a baby with an emotional toll being taken
on you every single moment in the process. I fell in love with the words written. I’m not super
religious, but I needed faith in everything and anything in order to be confident raising a child
as young as I was.
So I did a bit of deep diving on the internet. I was so desperate to cling to any information I
could get on parenting, and Teresa had made herself an incredible name through religious
parenting, single parenting, new parenting. But the more I fell down the rabbit hole, the more
angry I got, rightfully so, spoiler, she’s an awful person.
So many themes of raising children out of wedlock, or in homosexual marriages, alternative or
lacking religious homes being the wrong example for children. I was angry, but I could see how
people could be brainwashed into her standards of raising a child. She was a prolific writer, who
definitely could pull on the heartstrings of readers with the sob story of her husband’s passing
right as they adopted this beautiful baby boy.
But the darkest part was seeing the baby boy himself, Louis. I saw countless interviews from
different locations all over the world where he looks so sleepy, and exhausted. I could imagine
being exploited as the project to your mother’s fame can be exhausting on a child. But what got
me was behind the scenes footage of one interview in London. The interview itself, looked very
good if you didn’t know what to look for. Louis would smile at the interviewers, giving them
polite and mannerly answers about his love for his mum. But those eyes. They’re so tired, and
depressed, and he’s only five.
What engulfed my rage was a worker who has stayed anonymous, leaking a video to the internet
that either nobody cared for, or not a lot of people saw. But I saw it, and I cried for almost an
hour after seeing it, only thinking about how many times that probably has happened and no
one was there to record it. Or even worse, no one cared to speak up. I, in good conscience
couldn’t keep this to myself, so I’m here to blog it now.”

Harry’s hands tremble, opening the video link attached to the article. He watches it several times.

Aged five year old Louis, screaming and crying while being pelted with a hairbrush by Teresa.
Young Louis was pleading and begging for her to stop, promising he will be good and not yawn on
television ever again.
Harry’s read a few books of Teresa’s to try to understand Louis, abusive physical punishment was
never in god’s plan for parenting.
Harry feels so fucking sick. He can’t even read the rest of the article on the blog post. Because it
makes sense now. Louis was the boy nobody saw crying. No one cared enough to step in and stop
her from doing this. Nobody. Fucking. Cared.

“Are you okay, Harry? You’re looking a bit pale,” Zayn says. Harry quickly shoves his phone into
his pocket, getting strange looks from both Liam and Zayn.
“Can I go?” Harry asks Liam, which of course he obliges. Harry runs to the subway station, taking
it as close to Louis’ townhouse as possible. He’s sure Louis’ gone to bed now but he can’t help it,
he needs to see Louis.
He rings the doorbell over and over until he hears the stumbling towards the door.
“Harry? What’s going on?” Louis asks, drowsily. "Do you know what time it is?"

“You cannot let Teresa win, Louis,” Harry blurts out, stepping inside. Louis looks confused,
restless.
“I think we’ve established how awful my mother is, homophobia and all, but why are you having
this revelation at 1am?” Louis asks. “Seems I could move on in life at an appropriate hour,” Louis
yawns.
“That was before I knew she hit you,” Harry replies. The room grows cold at the sentence. Harry
has his phone pulled up to that article so Louis can see. Louis’ body visibly wakens up, and looks
beyond guarded. "I saw the video, Louis, she used to hit you, repeatedly, and drag you all over the
globe as a kid for interviews and book tours until you were bone tired."

"I don't see how that's relevant now, nor any of your business," Louis scoffs, his tone stern and
unlike anything Harry's ever heard, even when they didn't like each other in the past.

"Louis, I didn't know how truly awful she was to you, you were just a defenseless child," Harry
sympathizes, reaching out to touch Louis' shoulder but Louis backs away from Harry's touch. Harry
recoils his hand back, nervously not knowing what to do. He just wants to be there to let Louis
know he didn't deserve that, that someone should have been there to wipe his tears, tuck him in for
bedtime, and to be nurturing.

"Again, none of your business," Louis snaps.

"Why are you mad at me?" Harry asks, noticing the anger building up in Louis' tone,

"Because, again. It's none...of your...FUCKING business," Louis growls, in a way Harry's never
heard before, almost like he's defending her? Why?

"Louis..."

"Matter of fact, why don't you consider for a second that I was a shit kid, with a shit attitude, who
needed the shit knocked into him? I was always bad, a true fucking devil child, one who spent the
day on planes drawing instead of sleeping so I'd be tired for television appearances. Or maybe all
the times my mother would want me to smile for paparazzi photos but I didn't because I was such
an ungrateful little shit, or how about all of the times I would scream at the top of my lungs
because we had to film for press all day and I just wanted a snack? I was a proper problem child,"
Louis spits at Harry, his words harsh and dark.

"Louis, do you really honestly think you deserved to be hit for those things? Genuinely, do you not
see the problem with what you just said? Those are such normal kid things, being tired and cranky,
and unaware of how important bedtimes are, and-”

”Maybe normal kids could have normal lives! But when you have thousands, if not millions of
people watching you grow up to see if your mother knows her shit or is just a fraud, you don’t get
to be a normal kid, you get to be a kid with responsibility, yeah, but you always get to be the kid
who gets to go to all over the world, and-“

”Louis, why are you so defensive over your mother?” Harry ask.

”Because she may have been shit to me growing up but at least she was there! She’s the only parent
that stuck around, who gave a fuck at least just a tiny bit to look at me and STAY. NO ONE
FUCKING STAYS. Everybody leaves, shit, before I was even born people were waltzing out of
my life like it was the easiest thing in the world. Teresa didn’t, my mother stayed even when she
could have attached a return to sender tag on me when her fucking husband died, yeah, did you
ever think about that Harry? Did you ever think that she loved me at least just little? Or is anyone
loving me such a wild fucking concept? You surely have a problem with it! Teresa will always,
even if it’s conditionally, will always be there if I stick to the script, which is a lot more than I can
say about you! It’s only a matter of time before you get bored of me. Think I haven’t asked what
your fucking deal is? Mr. Harry ‘I could fuck anything that walks but will leave the second shit hits
the fan’ Styles? You know, how about you do, what you should have done months ago, instead of
staying around to make shit worse, why don’t you just FUCK OFF!” Louis shouts.
Harry is so taken aback but the cruelty in Louis’ voice. He could choke on the tension in the room.
His mind flashes back to that day, to the coffee incident. He could have just dropped Louis off at
the emergency room, gotten word he’d be okay, and left before he woke up. But Harry didn’t
leave. Something kept him in that hospital with Louis that day, whether it was the urge to apologize
profusely or if it was just sheer curiosity, he stayed until Louis woke up and now they’re here.
Fighting in Louis’ townhouse.
“Louis-” Harry starts, trying to inch closer to the man who is visibly choking back tears but won’t
allow himself to cry.
“Get out,” Louis interrupts. “Leave,” Louis demands.
Harry doesn’t want to, but what can he do? Louis now officially hates his guts more than he’s ever
disliked him in the past. And it’s all because Harry tried jumped into everything too quickly. Harry
turns to the door, let’s his hand linger on the doorknob for a second.
“Did you look at the article name? The boy nobody saw crying? Maybe no one did then, or maybe
people did and they just couldn’t do anything about it, but Louis, I’ve seen you cry, for months
now I’ve seen you cry, and I never ran. Remember that.”

”OUT!” Louis shouts at him through tears that are being stubbornly held back. Harry leaves, he
shuts the door behind him. And all he can hear on the other did is a deep wail from Louis and it
breaks Harry’s heart, because not only did Harry make him cry like that, there’s not a thing he can
do about it.
The ride home is bleak, and unbecoming. Harry wants to sob, he wants to run and scream until his
lungs collapse. But he sinks into his bed, and feels sick. Unable to sleep, he just lies in bed, numb
and staring at the ceiling, not knowing what the fuck he can do, especially having to see him
tomorrow at the firm.
He knows one thing for sure, Louis Tomlinson hates him.
 now you know me
Chapter Summary

A lot comes to light about Harry’s past and why he’s not one to jump into a
relationship blindly. Check tags/notes for content warning.
twitter: heylolvelarry

Chapter Notes

tw: grooming, ghosting, and childhood abuse.

It’s a big day today, crunch time at Harry’s internship, where every single move is under a
magnifying glass. His future is up in the air like never before, each presentation, each novel pitch
from this point on will determine if he will thrive in New York or go back to England as a failure.
But all Harry can concentrate on as he gets ready is how much Louis hates him. Harry tried
sending texts, calling, all of them ignored to no avail. Last night happened so quickly, and ended so
harshly.
Every time Harry thinks about what happened, he feels queasy. Harry just wanted to let Louis know
that he’s seen what Louis went through as a child, and that wasn’t okay, and Louis didn’t deserve
that. He never in a million years would have expected Louis to justify it.
Harry’s eyes have dark rings around them from the sleepless night before. He tries to conceal them
so they don’t look puffy. The only advantage from no sleeping is that there’s no excuse to not be
the first one at his internship this morning.
Harry decides to grab coffee in hopes there’s no exhaustion showing during the pitches today. He is
sure to purchase one for himself, Paula, and although it’s a weak peace offering, he buys a coffee to
sit on Louis’ desk.
“Late night? I can tell,” Evan, the flirty barista comments to Harry. And Harry faintly smiles at
him, it would have probably been so much easier to fall in love with someone like Evan.
Harry makes up a fake reality where instead of getting caught up with Louis he shags this barista
and they end up falling in love. Evan surely can’t be filthy rich working at a coffee shop? Nor does
he probably have a famous narcissist for a mother, and doesn’t have access to private jets or fancy
hotel rooftop parties. He probably has a run down flat with no space, scapes together tips to pay for
99 cent cupped noodles. Harry finds himself dancing with the idea that this stranger, Evan, who
openly flirts with him could be the one he was meant to fall in love with all along.
But that’s bullshit, and Harry knows it. It’s so redundant, it’s laughable. Because here’s Harry,
borrowing this barista’s sharpie to write, ‘I’m so sorry, can we talk about it please?” On a fucking
coffee.
“Very long night, and they never end,” Harry settles for a joke, trying to make conversation.
“The city that never sleeps and all,” Evan chuckles back to him.

”It’s one downside I suppose,” Harry jokes back.

”Oh come on, this city’s restlessness can’t be the only downside, give the rudeness of people on
the passing street and that weird mildew smell that lingers all around some credit,” Evan replies,
and it’s the first time Harry’s probably smiled since last night. Maybe it’s a good omen for the
apology coffee he’s gotten Louis. Getting coffee for Louis has only happened twice so there’s a
50/50 chance it goes to shit or works out.

Harry sits the beverage on Louis’ desk, just like he did the last time. And throughout the next half
hour everyone comes flooding through the door.
Harry of course, has been headstrong, scribbling relentlessly on index cards, reading, and very
briefly, checking out his looks in the bathroom mirror. Not in a conceited, ‘I’m so hot everyone
should be on their knees for me’ way, but a ‘I did a stellar job throwing gel in my hair to tame the
longness and this white button down looks good with these black pants and shoes’ way.
Harry’s sitting at his desk, going over notes with Paula. There’s rumors that Landon and some of
his colleagues will be at this presentation to observe the interns, so everything has to be perfect.
The presentation, their outfits, the book itself, which luckily, is a real page turner and not a dud
they they have to polish in hopes it’ll sell. They’ve got this, Paula even bought a new blazer, she
wants nothing more than to be working alongside Harry after NYU’s graduation.
Then, walks in Louis, with the same tired eyes as Harry. Harry knows, because he looks directly at
him as soon as he walks in the door, but the glance is so quick and not returned with any emotion.
Louis is also wearing black pants, but has a emerald green button down on with a black blazer. His
messenger bag lays at his side, and his feet drag towards Niall. It’s giving Onceler Business attire,
but in a good way. Paired with black shoes, and slicked back hair, and a cleanly shaven face, Louis
is always one to gawk at in terms of beauty. Harry tries not to stare, because Louis is most
definitely not looking back at him. And it hurts.
It doesn’t hurt as bad when Louis looks at the coffee sitting on his desk, reading the words
scribbled on it, and throwing it in the waste bin next to his and Niall’s work area. Harry loses all
train of thought, and excuses himself from Paula momentarily to walk over towards Louis who
isn’t even paying attention.
Not until suddenly there’s a collision with another intern, Bri, and her fruit punch smoothie doused
all over Harry’s white shirt. Harry stands in shock as Bri profusely apologizes for not looking
where she’s going, everyone’s staring at Harry, even Louis. She runs to grab paper towels but, even
if the mess on the floor gets cleaned, Harry’s shirt is fucking ruined. No tide stain stick is going to
fix the fruity beverage seeping into his white shirt. Harry stands frozen for a few moments until a
voice booms through the office.
“Harry, my office please,” Landon calls, Harry is still standing frozen in place, but now he’s not
sure he can even move. His feet go through the motions though, watching everyone look, and some
people giggle at him trailing behind Landon, feeling the stickiness of the smoothie attach to his
skin under his shirt. The thread Harry’s hanging on by is thinning with each step.

”Seems you’re in a bit of a pickle,” Landon comments, rummaging through his desk. Harry hates
Landon, let’s be clear, but when he pulls out a yellow button down shirt for Harry to wear, he feels
somewhat grateful. “You can change here,” Landon comments, noticing his eyes drawn onto
Harry’s body. “Let me see what you have to work with when you eventually cave and give me
what I’ve been asking for,” Landon says creepily. Harry has a choice, what’s left of his dignity or
to cater to this asshole for the shirt.
Harry chooses his dignity, handing the shirt back and gunning for Landon’s office door. But
Landon calls his name and Harry freezes.
“Don’t think I won’t call you out in front of everyone in that room if you try to present a novel in
that mess. You may be fine with making an embarrassment in front of me, but I’ll be damned if I
let you do it in front of my colleagues,” Landon sternly says, trying to assert his power over Harry.
“Didn’t know we doubled as a fashion firm too,” Harry replies, witted, slamming the door behind
him. But as soon as that door closes he feels tears pooling in his eyes. He has twenty minutes to try
to scrub his shirt clean, but it’s no use. There’s no getting out red dyed syrup with bathroom hand
towels and cheap soap.
He sits at his desk with Paula, unable to focus on everything needing to be done, he’s feeling his
mind shut down and trying to block out the thoughts of being pelted with his life falling apart at
the seams.
He sits with his fist pressed to his forehead, trying to stop tears from falling out of his eyes. This
cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. This. Cannot. Be. Happening.
“Harry…please talk to me, what can I do to help?” Paula asks, and Harry’s response is quick and
he feels like shit afterwards.
“I’m fine! Can we just get this shit show over with?” He snaps, loudly, and everyone looks up,
including Louis. Paula doesn’t respond, she just looks concerned, as do a lot of people in the room,
even Louis has a sympathetic look in his eye. Harry doesn’t yell, Harry doesn’t reply with
aggression, matter of fact, he’s always been one of the most helpful and kindest interns to everyone
else’s accord.
“Excuse me,” Harry says, voice quivering and shaking. He runs towards the bathroom, locking the
door to the multiple stalled restroom. He just starts crying. Completely falling apart, tugging at his
hair, tears falling down his face. Everything is so fucked, and it’s all going downhill so rapidly. His
boss has been nonstop pressuring him into sleeping with him in exchange for a promotion, he’s
poor, he’s going nowhere in life, the one guy he’s in love with hates him, his shirt’s a mess, his
hair’s a mess, his life’s a mess. Harry can’t even catch his breath, choking on on tears and a lack of
air. Harry’s been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and now it feels like it’s
crushing him into the ground. He’s so in his head he’s drowned out the knocking at the bathroom
door. He temporarily stops crying, sniffling and looks into the mirror, wiping tears from his face.
“Harry, let me in,” a familiar voice calls from the other side of the door. Harry stops in his tracks.
“Harry, please,” the voice calls.
“Go away,” Harry attempts to say through choked back tears. His breathing is off, and heavy, but
it’s not totally obvious that he’s crying.
“Harry, please just let me in the bathroom,” the voice begs one more time.
Harry tries to attempt to wipe off the tears from his face, but his eyes are so red and puffy it’s no
use to disguise the crying. Hesitantly, Harry opens the bathroom door.
“Thank you,” Louis, responds, looking into Harry’s eyes, and Louis’ expression makes a complete
circle from what it was this morning. Louis locks the door behind him, and walks over to the
bathroom countertop. Harry bows his head, trying to not let Louis look at him. What does Louis
want? To get a first row seat to Harry’s downfall?

”Take that off, yeah, unless the book you’re trying to get published is about an assortment of
berries falling in love with a white shirt, it’s not going to be a good look,” Louis jokes. “C’mon,
off,” Louis orders one more time, taking one of the hand towels in the bathroom and heating warm
water onto it.

Harry reluctantly starts unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his chest that’s slightly tinted red and
sticky. Louis starts taking the washcloth to Harry’s skin, and the contact is warm, just like Louis’
eyes.
“Louis,” Harry stammers. “I’m sorry,” Harry apologizes.
“Shhh, not here, not now,” Louis responds with a small smile pressed to his lips as he wipes away
the mess on Harry’s skin. Louis brought his messenger bag into the bathroom, and starts
rummaging through it.
“The one good thing about being the world’s messiest eater is knowing to always bring a spare
shirt to work in case you get a bad stain,” Louis chuckles to himself, handing a black collared long
sleeve shirt to Harry. “It might be a bit snug to be fair, but it’s quite big on me, it should fit,” Louis
adds. Harry takes the shirt, putting it on as Louis starts buttoning the buttons.
“Louis, I’m sorry,” Harry apologizes again when Louis attaches a red string tie around the collar of
the shirt.
“I’m sorry too,” Louis responds, fixing Harry’s hair. He takes another hand towel and pours cold
water from the sink onto it. “Let’s get this puffiness under control, yeah?” He says, not
acknowledging the fight they had last night, or the crying, the coffee, he’s just there, taking care of
Harry.
“Louis-”

”Shhh, we can talk about it after today, if that works? We can table all the shit from last night and
this morning, a timeout if you will,” Louis chuckles. “Join me for dinner? Pasta?”
“Okay,” Harry replies, taking a deep breath.
“Need you to calm your nerves, don’t really have a lot of time to blow you like last time,” Louis
smirks, “lots of big names here today,” he adds, kissing Harry softly. The kiss is painful, because
there’s so much being left unsaid, but at the same time, it’s calming in a sense. Harry can
physically feel his heart return to a normal pace, and can feel his mood instantly change from
Louis’ lips making contact against his, it’s kind of magical and scary at the same time the effect
Louis has on Harry.
The two make their way back to their mentors, Louis joining Niall and Harry sitting next to Paula,
who gazes at him.
“Is everything good now?” She asks, faintly smiling at him and then back at Louis from across the
room.
“For now,” Harry says, “and I’m sorry for snapping at you,” Harry apologizes.
“Don’t worry about it, Love, I would have probably dueled Bri to the death if that happened to
me,” she jokes, making Harry chuckle.
When it’s Harry and Paula’s turn to present, it goes off without a hitch, getting a lot of seemingly
approving nods from executives, Landon’s colleagues and the rest of the staff. Their jokes are
winning punchlines, receiving laughs, and a lot of gasps as they go over the plot and the author’s
biography. It all goes according to plan.
All of course, except Landon who has an evil smug on his face, noticing Harry pulled off finding
something to wear other than his fruit smoothie elaganza.
“Good work,” Landon announces and then moves onto the next pair.
By the end of the day Harry awaits the announcement, and to his liking, Paula and Harry get the
book moved up to be published.
Louis and Harry are the last to leave Green’s for the day, and Louis’ driver takes them Louis’
townhouse.
Already awaiting arrival, the postmates has a takeout bag of what smells like fettuccini Alfredo.
Louis brings the bag to his kitchen table, and Harry sits awkwardly, playing with the plastic as
Louis grabs wine glasses from the cupboard.
“Is red moscato okay?” Louis asks, corking open a bottle of expensive looking wine. Harry nods,
taking the class from Louis when he brings it over to the table.
“So I don’t know how I could ever apologize for what happened last night, but I am sorry for what
I said,” Louis starts, opening the bag and styrofoam tray of pasta. “It’s not that I don’t want you to
know anything from my childhood. You know far more about it than I’ve ever told anyone. It’s
just, there are bits and pieces that I felt were mine to share, when I was ready. Seeing that video,
that I’ve seen a few times in my life, just was a reminder that I don’t get to hold a lot of secrets
back like regular people get to do. And that makes me angry, sad, and having it all presented to me
without warning was a shock to the system. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you,” Louis explains.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have hightailed it over here unexpectedly. It’s just, I knew your childhood was
dark, and sad. But, I think seeing it with my own two eyes evoked something inside of me, I just
wanted you to know that I would do anything to support you in dealing with that.”

”And I know that, I’ve always known that. But you scare me Harry Styles. You really do, because
at first, I didn’t like you because you get to be open, and free, you can hang your rainbow flag in
the cup of pens at your desk, you can mingle and flirt with whatever man you want, you can be best
friends with older married gay couples and work in their bar, and you can befriend the drag queens
that come to perform there. But then you gave me a coffee. I don’t know how vividly you
remember that day, but I just remember being in disbelief when you handed it to me versus
keeping it for yourself. But stubborn as I am, I was mean to you at the hospital, which, to be fair
wasn’t entirely unorthodox given the cinnamon allergy fiasco. And I tried to stay away each time
after that, constantly. From the first time I kissed you I knew we were both two mysteries trying to
solve each other, that hasn’t let up since, but now that you know so much about me, and haven’t
ran away, it scares me. What’s going to be the thing to make you give what we have up? Will the
sex bore you? Or will I show too much affection and it will run you off? Or perhaps, will you find
someone who you won’t have to jump through thousands of hoops to be with? Do you ever find
yourself falling for me, the way I have been trying to not fall for you?” Louis asks, the food is
going cold, and the wine is going stale, and so is the air in which Harry can’t find. Commitment
and confrontation are terrifying.

”I’ve been in love before,” Harry starts. “And I mean theatrical, cinema, run towards him on the
beach and jump into his arms love with someone before, but that’s the thing, love like that is hard
to find twice, especially when it wasn’t real once. I was so young, freshly graduated from high
school. I had three top legue schools who wanted me, NYU, Manchester and Cambridge. NYU has
always been the dream, but if I told you that summer after high school I was considering
Cambridge instead? Dating apps are funny like that, one day you’re just curious to see what’s out
there beyond your hometown and then there’s a first year professor talking to you all about what
fucking Cambridge can do for you.
Professor Kirk was a looker, tall, dark hair with a bit of grey pouring through the ends, brown eyes,
smarter than either of us could begin to imagine being. We talked on the phone, on Skype, on
messenger, even through email while he was at meetings. And I loved him, I really did, or I wanted
to be like him, or what I knew of him at the time. He was just so charming and confident, that’s
why it didn’t take much convincing for me to take a bus all the way to his home in Cambridge,
way past London, far away from Cheshire of course.
I read every article on what to prepare for when hooking up with someone for the first time, what
preparations to take, should I eat before? All of it, and it took maybe all of 30 minutes before we
were tearing each other’s clothes off. Making out in the study of his two story ancient looking
home. I was not only in love, but losing my virginity, or at least my virginity to a man, and thinking
to myself the entire time, ‘fuck New York, I belong at Cambridge’,” Harry continues, “but that
fantasy of having a really intelligent older boyfriend who works at an Ivy League school was short-
lived. It felt so normal, kissing him goodbye that morning, like how couples kiss before they go to
work. I nearly sobbed on the way back because we’d talked for weeks, had sex, pillow-talked and
now we had to say goodbye? It seemed so unfair. Obviously I was so exhausted from the travel,
that I vividly remember setting my phone on my desk and flopping into bed. When I woke up, I
was blocked. On the dating app, on the phone, his email changed, his Skype account was deleted,
and I, of course was devastated. I had read the entire situation wrong, I cried for days, but then had
to do a silly little task of moving out of the country. I guess I just never saw the appeal of falling
for anyone that blindly again. I’m rambling now, sorry. What I’m trying to say is, now you know
me, and now I know you, and we know that we care for each other but both have a lot in the air. I
don’t know what more I can say other than I couldn’t imagine, or find myself wanting to fall for
anyone else and I hope that’s good enough because you, Louis Tomlinson, scare the hell out of me
too because I’ve never in my life been so-“

Harry’s on going rambling is caught off by Louis grabbing Harry’s collar and colliding their lips.
“Stay the night?” Louis asks. “We don’t have to say what we feel, just, spend the night?” Louis
asks, kissing him once more. Harry responds by pulling his chair out to pull Louis onto his lap.

The two make out for a few minutes, feeling as if everything’s out on the table now, quite literally,
their shirts are both off.
Harry’s tongue slides against Louis’, tasting the wine on his breath and getting intoxicated by the
kiss. It’s not long before Louis is dragging Harry’s hand to lead him to his bedroom.
He pushes Harry on his back and straddles him once more, not breaking the kiss as he unbuckles
Harry’s belt and reaches into his underwear to start stroking him. Harry’s mouth is agape as a
moan falls into the air, Louis’ body, Louis’ lips, and touch feels too blissful to wrap his head
around.
Harry trails his hands down Louis’ frame, squeezing his bum as Louis moans into Harry’s mouth.
Louis leans towards his bedside table, grabbing a bottle of lube. He lays it next to them on the bed
and helps Harry shuffle out of his pants, immediately taking Harry’s dick into his mouth. Harry
flutters his fingers through Louis’ hair as Louis continues to get Harry hard.

Harry pauses to spread lube on his finger and Louis removes his remaining clothes. Louis then
allows Harry to insert a finger while Louis grinds down on it, having been a while since they’ve
had sex.
A few moments later Harry adds another when he feels Louis is ready, opening him up. Louis’
then grabs the bottle, spreading lube all over Harry’s cock, lining himself up and gently inserting
Harry’s member inside of him.
Once Louis is adjusted, Harry grabs onto Louis’ hips, moving Louis up and down on his length.
“God, Louis, you feel so good,” Harry whispers against Louis’ ear, Louis kisses Harry’s neck, then
gently tugging Harry’s ear lobe between his teeth.

The sensation is enough to drive Harry up the wall, Harry could not live with the thought of being
anywhere but here, so engulfed in the passion.
Harry momentarily flips Louis to his back, reinserting himself, gripping onto Louis’ left leg in
between the calf and thigh. Harry drapes Louis’ leg over his hip, gripping Louis’ leg tightly.

Harry’s moans match Louis’ in the rhythm in which he’s fucking Louis, thrusting with so much
power in his hips that Louis is nearly gone, mouth slightly open, thighs trembling, and sweat
dripping down his forehead. Absolutely gone for Harry.
“God, oh god,” Louis pants, opening his eyes to look at Harry. Louis is being fucked like never
before, (although Harry is the only one who’s ever fucked him, but still), and by the volume of
Louis’ moans, Louis agrees that Harry is putting in work.
“It’s been a while since we’ve fucked, no?” Harry groans as he attacks Louis’ neck with kisses.
“Almost forgot how good you feel, and how much you beg,” Harry adds, knowing that praising
Louis is exactly what drives Louis to come.
“We’ve gotten so busy….and…and….” Louis tries to speak in between being wrecked by Harry.
“And what? Did you really think you’d forget how much I lust after how pretty those moans melt
the air?” Harry teases, slowing his strokes. “You do a good job of letting me know if it’s good or
not,” he continues. “And you do a better job of showing me, come on, why don’t you show me?
Show me how good you can take it,” Harry moans into Louis’ ear before kissing him again.
Harry doesn’t even bother to remove himself from Louis, he just lays back and hoists Louis’ frame
on top of him again. Louis bites his bottom lip in a smirk, softly smiling down at Harry before he
kisses him. Harry pulls himself closer to lay against the bed’s headboard in a sitting up position,
trailing his hands down Louis’ back and planting kisses to his chest as Louis begins to ride him
again.
Louis’ grip on Harry’s shoulders don’t falter with the movements, giving him momentum to slide
up and down on Harry’s dick. Harry doesn’t even bother to search for the lube in the blanket, just
spits into his hand to tend to Louis’ neglected cock.
“You’re doing so good, Lou, so, so good,” Harry moans into Louis’ mouth as they make out.
Harry can feel Louis starting to tense up, knowing he’s coming close to his climax, Harry continues
the same rhythm he’s jerking Louis off in, and it’s driving Louis insane. Louis’ nails are digging
into Harry, and Harry pulls Louis closer, where his face is completely smothered into Louis’ neck,
only leaving enough room for him to jerk him off.
“Yeah, Lou, you’re doing such a good job, now faster, I’m almost there,” Harry orders, and Louis
listens, and quickens his pace.

”Please let me, can I?” Louis begs, losing all train of thought while riding Harry, Louis biting his
bottom lip and staring down at Harry. Harry’s abdomen tightens, and soon he’s coming inside of
Louis, but he doesn’t slow down for Louis, continuing to pump his hand down his length.
“Let it go baby, you’ve done such a good job,” Harry whispers against Louis’ neck, planting kisses
to it while noticing the chills it sends down Louis’ body.
Louis’ breath hitches in a gasp, and then a soft sounding, but loud moan leaves his mouth and his
entire body shakes in the mass of all the pleasure. Come drips down Harry’s hand onto his chest
and gets onto Louis’ stomach also.
The only sound filling the air are shallow breaths as the two separate and lay next to each other.
Louis leans over onto Harry’s chest, lightly brushing his lips over Harry’s bottom lip before he
kisses him. Harry doesn’t want to lose this feeling ever. He cups Louis’ face with his hand to kiss
him back.
“You felt amazing,” Harry whispers, “everything about you feels amazing,” he adds, reconnecting
their lips.
And the two end the night with a shower, nuzzled into each other as they rest for tomorrow. Louis
drifts off to sleep half an hour before Harry even begins feeling tired. Harry’s used to staying up
much later. But as the time passes, curled into Louis and stroking his brown feathery hair, it
doesn’t take long to fall asleep.
 jade green colored blankets and tattoos
Chapter Summary

Liam, Zayn, Louis and Harry have a get together for Zayn’s birthday.

Chapter Notes

omg so much intimacy and fluff and sweetness and blue greening and also, HAPPY
LARRYVERSARY.

“Happy Birthday , Zayn,” Harry greets at the door of Liam of Zayn’s house. He’s been here quite
often, their house isn’t too far from the Rave and the last two years he was a frequent visitor.
“Thank you,” Zayn says, ushering him inside as snow falls from the sky. January has bitterly cold
weather this time of the year.
“Louis, glad you could make it,” Liam says, taking both Harry and Louis’ winter jackets and
hanging them on the wall, Louis’ coat being a black Burberry jacket with their signature plaid on
the inside, and Harry’s being a thrifty forest green trench coat with a fuzzy hood.
“You’ve got snowflakes all over your head,” Louis chuckles as Harry shakes quickly melting flakes
out of his hair.
“What do you have there?” Liam asks Louis, as he leads them to their den with a fire going.

“Me and Harry got gifts for Zayn,” Louis tells them and Zayn smirks at them as Louis sits them on
the coffee table. Liam sits and wraps his arm around Zayn.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Zayn replies, “but thank you,” he adds with a smile.
“Go on, open them, we think you’ll like them,” Harry says, rubbing his hands together to get
warm.
“This one is mine,” Louis says, handing him a green gift bag.
Zayn takes it and sits it in his lap while removing the matching green tissue paper.
“No way, you really shouldn’t have!” Zayn exclaims. “This is sick!”

”What is it?” Liam asks. “Oh you didn’t, Louis,” Liam side eyes, “he’s going to be insufferable
with this.”

”I heard you talking about wanting to get one at the New Years after party,” Louis laughs, “now
you can put all that doodling you do to good use,” Louis explains.
“Hmmm, I think a blank canvas would help him out, don’t you think?” Harry jokingly says to
Louis and Louis’ eyes broaden nervously.
“It’s only fair, you did buy the best tattoo kit money can buy. And it will certainly suit you better if
I do it now rather than when we go through these two bottles of Chardonnay. ” Zayn teases, Louis
looks even more nervous.
“You don’t have to,” Harry laughs. “We’re just playing,” Harry reassures, and Liam looks to Louis
with kind eyes.
Louis has always made little comments about Harry’s tattoos, the moth, the swallows, the bird
cage, the naked mermaid. He never had anything bad to say about them, just was curious why
they’re so random and to be frank, a bit meaningless. But with Louis’ upbringing and how the
community he’s known his whole life goes against things like tattoos, drinking, premarital sex,
homosexuality, (the list could go on), Harry didn’t take much offense to it. One night as they were
pillow talking to sleep Harry just explained how some people just like the abstract artistry of
tattoos, and some people want permanent sketches on skin to come alive with a memory, or deep
meaning.
“I’ll do it,” Louis says, “after you open Harry’s present of course,” and everyone looks a bit
stunned, because Louis has changed a lot this year, but permanently having evidence of it on his
skin wasn’t anything anyone intended with certainty.
“I’d love to,” Zayn says, taking Harry’s blue gift bag. He does the same as he did with Louis’ gift,
stripping the bag of it’s blue tissue paper and grabbing inside.
“Not as fancy, but, happy birthday, Zayn!” Harry says.
“Thank you, Harry, and you made this yourself?”
“I did, took three months,” Harry replies, smiling as Zayn nuzzles it against his cheek and Liam
plays with the tassels.
“I love it!” Zayn says, draping it over his back. The red blanket lays over Zayn’s shoulders as Liam
pours everyone a glass of Chardonnay.
“Is there anything you can’t do?” Louis asks, jokingly to Harry, admiring his crocheting skills.
“Play football and properly convey my emotions,” Harry jokes back, making everyone in the room
laugh as they sip from their glasses.

“So what tattoo are you wanting?” Liam asks, “and where are you going to get it?”

“I’m thinking a coffee mug with a little steam on my forearm, about right here,” Louis says, lifting
the long sleeve of his checkered cashmere sweater. “Reminds me of the simpler things in life, like
from being a kid, hot coco days with my Gram, and tea and coffee while waking up in the morning.
Gives me a perspective for a good day, you know?” Louis asks, as Zayn starts sketching a dime
size coffee mug with steam coming from the cup, making a stencil.
“I think that’s beautiful,” Liam says to him.
“Simple, but effective,” Harry smiles assuringly to Louis.
The party then moves into Zayn and Liam’s kitchen where the lighting is much better. Zayn does
all the proper sterilizing for a tattoo, (as much as you can for an at home tattoo). He opens a new
needle, sets up the tattoo machine over their kitchen table, puts on gloves, shaves any arm hair
surrounding the area where Louis is getting tattooed, and then disinfects his skin with a sanitizer
towelette.
“Are you ready?” Zayn asks, after peeling the stencil off Louis’ forearm. Harry notices Louis’
tapping his foot and biting his bottom lip, common nervous traits of Louis, so without being
noticed by Zayn and Liam, he trails his hand under the kitchen table, squeezing Louis’ inner thigh
and then rubbing his leg to calm him. It works. Louis grins and nods his head and Zayn gets to
work. Louis inhales at the initial piercing of the needle into his skin, but it quickly subsides and is
marked and finished before any long term intense discomfort can even begin.
“Finished!” Zayn says after about 10 minutes, smiling to Liam as Louis marvels at the small
artwork adorning his arm.
“I love it, Zayn! This is so incredible! And didn’t even hurt half as bad as I thought it would,” he
answers, gratitude sternly in his tone. Zayn takes proper after care procedure for tattoos by
wrapping the area with plastic Saran wrap after moisturizing the area. Liam heads to their
bathroom and gives Louis some spare tattoo aftercare ointment left over from one of Zayn’s
pieces.
The small group spend the rest of the night talking about their tattoos, drinking the two bottles of
Chardonnay in a medium pace. Harry goes on and on about how the moth on his sternum made
him need multiple breaks between the session, and Liam talks about how painful the roses on his
hand were to get during his tattoo tour, Zayn agrees with Liam that hand tattoos are really painful
and a lot of upkeep, but when done with care, are quite beautiful. The night concludes with a
FaceTime call from Trixie, where Katya and Trixie wish Zayn a happy birthday.
“Harry’s got a birthday coming up, only a few more weeks out, the big two three,” Liam chuckles
on the phone. Trixie and Katya say they’ll try to make their way to The Rave for the big day, and
Louis winks at Harry.
“Oh, I may have something in the works for that,” Louis laughs, taking a sip of his drink.
“Oh really?” Harry comments, his first time hearing this bringing shock to his face.
“You gave me the best birthday present at my birthday party, only fair I live up to the standard you
set,” Louis teases, raising his eyebrows and looking Harry up and down.
Harry groans on about how he doesn’t need an extravagant gift, or another private jet adventure,
but Louis rolls his eyes.
“You care entirely too much about money,” Louis sasses.
“It’s hard not to when you don’t have a lot of it,” Harry replies, not in an arrogant, mean way, but
Louis rolls his eyes again.
“Just wait, this gift is all me, and special,” Louis says back to change the tension that their financial
differences cause.
After a few more laughs, and a bunch of yawns from all four men, it’s evident it’s time to get to
bed, so Harry and Louis open the door but Liam stops them.
“We have a guest room, you’re both welcome to use it to sleep over, kind of cold and dangerous
out there now with all the snow,” he says. Harry looks to Louis and Louis nods his head as Zayn
takes them upstairs to see the rest of their home. Behind the door is a smaller, full size mattress
with a jade green quilt. The room is pretty nippy so Zayn turns on the portable heater and gives
hugs and thanks to the both of them before disappearing to down the hallway with Liam. Louis
shuts the door behind him, and Harry starts removing his jeans and black NYU sweatshirt. Leaving
him only in a black t-shirt and orange boxers. Louis does the same, climbing into the bed, under
the covers, with Harry. He rests his head on Harry’s chest and Harry takes in Louis’ smell, the
peach shampoo. Harry strokes through the strands of Louis’ hair, getting glimpses of snowflakes
pressed against the window through the majority closed curtains in the guest room.
“You know if ever need help with money…it’s not an object for me,” Louis says, filling the
silence in the air.
“That’s really nice of you, but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t feel right,” Harry explains. “I don’t know,
with what my mother sends me for extra things like subway fair and food, and with Liam and Zayn
paying me an acceptable wage with tips added, I’m not as bad off as most people trying to make it
in this city. I just can’t afford Gucci suits, and to go home on occasion, or buy name brand cereal,
I’ve made myself contempt with not living the New York life with affluence. I’m surviving.”

”Are you positive?”

”I’m sure, I’ve lived this way for almost three and a half years. Who knows, maybe my karma will
be good and I can be a published author and I’ll be in a comfortable house like Zayn and Liam.”

”As long as you’re okay and happy,” Louis smiles, raising up on his elbow to kiss Harry. The kiss
is soft, and warm, starving off the cold in the room.
“And as long as you’re here to kiss me, that’s it’s own kind of wealth and glamour,” Harry
whispers, kissing Louis back.
The two start making out, slowly and softly, intimately and sensual. It’s beautiful when their lips
meet, and to Harry it feels like it melts away all his problems in life. When Louis’ lips graze
Harry’s, there’s a whole world that is shunned because all he can focus on is wanting Louis to kiss
him forever. Louis gets on top of Harry, straddling his sides as Harry places his hands on Louis’
waist. Their tongues collide, and there’s a fair amount of lip biting and graceful kissing of Harry’s
jawline and neck but for almost an hour it stays as just kissing, until Louis sinks into the nape of
Harry’s collar bone and neck.
”I don’t ever want this end, whatever this is,” Louis whispers, “I want to kiss you for as long as I
can have you,” Louis adds. And Harry brushes a streak of Louis’ fringe out of his face after Louis
looks up to him.
“I don’t either, Louis,” Harry says back, going back in for more kissing.
They don’t have sex that night, but spend a lot of time kissing, cuddling, and talking about nothing
and everything.
And it’s everything to Harry.
Louis Tomlinson is secretly everything to Harry.
 circus
Chapter Summary

Harry’s birthday arrives, and Louis has a HUGE surprise in store, that is until Liam
and Zayn need him to work an extra shift. (I’ve teased this chapter on my twitter so to
remain free of spoilers just skip over the notes.)
If you’re unfamiliar with Drag Race queens, I’ve included some of my favorites in this
chapter, knowing their personalities and/or mannerisms/talents aren’t super key, but
can help. :))))

Chapter Notes

dance inspiration: https://youtu.be/XJavTsCLsiQ

song: circus by britney spears
drag queens involved: Trixie Mattel, Bob the Drag Queen, Tatiana, Katya
Zamolodchikova, Alyssa Edwards.

Twenty-Three. Harry wakes up at the crack of dawn on Friday, and he’s twenty-three. He gets a
text message from his sister, Gemma, a long paragraph about he’s the sweetest little brother she
could ask for and how much she can’t wait to come to his graduation in a few weeks. As he reads
it, his mother calls, Anne is usually good about using the time zone differences to call at an
appropriate hour.
“Good morning,” Harry replies, happily, but groggy.
“Happy Birthday,” Anne and Robin chime over speaker phone. Harry smiles and chuckles.
“Thank you,” he replies.
“Any plans?” Anne asks him.
“Not much, Louis is going to invite me over for dinner at his place, but other than that, just
internship stuff, big presentation today,” Harry explains, shuffling out of bed.
“Well that sounds lovely, hopefully next year we can all spend your day together, but we will let
you get started, Happy Birthday, we love you!”
“Thank you,” Harry says, finishing the call.
He gets a few texts from old friends in Cheshire, Jocelyn, (Harry’s ex), and Paula. Nothing from
Louis, which Harry tries to not take notice in, but he knows Louis is awake.
Nothing bad has happened the last few weeks since Zayn’s birthday get together, they’ve actually
spent a lot more time together, cuddling, watching movies.
“Happy Birthday!” Paula says as Harry walks in the door, handing him a cupcake. Harry smiles
and immediately starts eating it. Once everyone piles in the office, ready to start the weekend,
Louis finally makes an entrance.
“I made this one without cinnamon especially for you, Louis,” she announces as she hands them
out in the break room as people place their lunches in the fridge.
“Thanks,” Louis smiles, taking the cupcake.
He looks over to Harry, and keeps walking.
Harry feels a knot in his stomach, does he not care about birthdays? But that can’t be true, he’s
gone out for his own birthday, Zayn’s birthday, why isn’t he even willing to just tell Harry the
sentiment?
Harry can’t think about it now, because he has to present a novel with Paula in ten minutes.
The whole presentation Louis’ eyes never meet Harry’s and Harry tries to distract himself from the
lack of it, but it’s increasingly pressing. When Harry’s finally had enough after people start
packing up for the day, he marches over towards Louis and Niall’s desks.
“So tonight, are we still on? You said we’d have dinner,” Harry complains to Louis.
“Oh, about that, sorry, Lexi is in town and we have to start getting the ball rolling for project
breakup,” Louis says in a nonchalant tone. Harry is now dramatically offended.
“Oh, okay,” Harry smiles, faintly. “Maybe another time,” he adds before walking away, into the
bathroom.
He gathers his composure, because Harry’s bothered how insignificant Louis is treating him. He’s
never really shut Harry out like this, and of all days? It makes him feel terrible. But alas, just
because Harry’s sad doesn’t mean there’s not work to be done, so he goes home to get ready for a
shift at The Rave. He wears a black Calvin Klein sweatshirt, black skinny jeans with the knees cut
out, (not his smartest idea since it continues to be freezing outside,) and black converses. He tries
to maintain the curly strands of hair that have now grown past his shoulders and then grabs his
house key.
On the outside he looks good, but on the inside he’s just wanting to get the day over so he can curl
into bed and hope Louis realizes what today is, he doesn’t even need a gift.
Zayn and Liam of course, give Harry a nice present, a new coffee maker. But on Friday night they
can’t really pine around his birthday, because it’s busy, even they aren’t making more of a
spectacle of the day than they have in recent years. Did Harry do something to piss off nearly
everyone before today?
He serves drinks, cleans, clears tabs, starts new ones as The Rave has yet another busy night. Zayn
DJ’s as usual, Liam helps with bar service, and when they’re finally done closing Harry is ready to
clock out and go home.
“Mmm Harry, if you could just wait, we are auditioning an up and coming queen who could work
regularly, we’d like your opinion,” Liam says after Harry clocks out. Harry furrows his brows,
because yes, Harry likes drag as much as everyone else, and has a real knack for determining which
queens help liven a bar, but he’s just tired, sad, and wants to go home.
“Honestly can you and Zayn do it, I just want to go home,” Harry groans.
“Pleaseeeee,” Liam whines, which however convincing it is, makes Harry sigh.
“Fine, okay, one song, and if it’s lame in the first minute I’m leaving,” he replies grumpily.
“Deal,” Zayn laughs, getting ready to get behind the sound booth. “Sit in the chair, on the stage,”
Zayn orders. And Harry rolls his eyes, an interactive queen? Who does lap routines? How original.
Harry does, facing the crowd(or at least where the crowd would be), sitting in the chair with his
arms crossed. He doesn’t even look the slightest bit entertained when the lights dim. That is until
he hears the intro music to “Circus” by Britney Spears start. That gets Harry’s attention. Then he
sees the one and only, one of the most glamorous , electric and ethereal queens in Drag Race
herstory, Tatianna. She’s wearing a yellow, sparkle studded two-piece, a long black wig that comes
down to the small of her back. Her makeup is a subtle glam, poising in on her beautiful features,
she smiles at Harry and then looks to the other side of the stage where none other, Katya enters the
stage in the same outfit, with similar makeup to Tatianna, her hair is about the same length, except
it’s in her signature bleach blonde. This night just got so much more fun, seeing the two of them
interact by swirling around Harry, swaying their hips to the beat of the song.
Right before Britney’s lyrics start, he feels two hands slide down his chest from the back, they
have fake press on nails, studded with a red glittery varnish, they remind Harry of Dorothy’s shoes
in the Wizard of Oz.
When he turns around he’s almost in shock, but the biggest wave of relief flows through his body.
Louis lipsyncs “There are two types of people in this world, the ones that entertain, and the ones
that observe,” as he pulls Harry’s head backwards to look up at him from behind.
Finally, Louis comes from behind Harry, walking up to the front of the stage, standing in front of
him where the crowd would be, instead it’s just Liam cheering with Trixie as he records.
Harry finally gets the full view of Louis’ outfit. A tight fitting black spandex one piece with black
garters, fishnets and heels. Louis has a dirty blonde wig on, with a ringleader’s black top hat and
impressively long black stilettos that show off his toned, tanned legs, (that are shaven smooth). To
pull the look together Louis is wearing a red blazer, and black bow tie, looking like a feminine
ringleader at a circus. Derrick Berry and Britney Spears would be so proud.

Louis, Tatianna, and Katya start doing a complicated dance routine to the music, swaying their
hips, with sharp movements of the arms and legs that match up perfectly to the song. When the
chorus arrives, Louis turns to Harry, straddling his lap, pulling his head in towards him as he grinds
his hips into Harry’s before the next verse starts.
“There are two types of guys out there, the one’s that can hang with me,” Louis mouths, his lips
only inches away from Harry’s, “and the ones that are scared.”

Then Tatianna and Katya exit the stage, surrounding Liam, Trixie and Zayn as Louis continues.
“So, baby, I hope that you came prepared, I run a tight ship,” Louis mouths, cracking a whip prop
then straddling Harry once more, “so beware.”

Tatianna and Katya rejoin the stage and give a perfect routine to the rest of the song, and honestly,
Louis kills it. Harry knew Louis loves theatre, musicals, anything to do with performing but, Jesus,
this was so well rehearsed, no wonder he didn’t want to draw suspiciousness to the act.
Louis rolling his hips, Louis and the other queens being a perfect trio of dancers, all taking turns to
swoon Harry with their moves, this feeling is unbeatable.
By the end of the last line, “everybody let go we can make this dance-floor just like a circus,” red,
black and yellow confetti fly from the ceiling.
Harry is amused, laughing, and quite frankly, turned on, he forgets how upset he was earlier.
When the dance is over, Louis tosses the ringleader top hat to Harry, throwing it on his head and
kissing him.
“You didn’t think I would miss out on this special day, did you?” Louis asks. “Told you I had this
planned,” he laughs as more people come out behind the stage. Two notoriously talented queens
come forward, Bob The Drag Queen and Alyssa Edwards, both walking up and wishing Harry a
happy birthday. Harry’s so starstruck. Zayn then disappears, coming from the back of the bar with
a cake decorated with red piped roses that says, “Happy Birthday Harry!” Everyone chants as
Harry blows out the candles.
“How did you orchestrate this?” Harry asks, this must have taken weeks.
“It did,” Trixie answers, “we got a text message, begging for help,” she laughs, feeding Harry a
piece of cake.
“So, we called in for backup,” Katya announces.
“Everyone had their own little job in it, Bob taught Louis how to master heels. Twirling, dancing,
walking, it was a process,” Katya laughs.
“Not exactly the most subtle on an elevated shoe, but we worked up to the stilettos from flats in a
few weeks,” Bob replies, taking a bite of cake.
“And the dancing?” Harry asks.
“When it comes to Britney at the gig girl, you bring it,” Alyssa chimes in, making everyone laugh
when she does her iconic mouth pop.
“I, of course was makeup,” Trixie says.
“Then why can I see Louis’ eyes?” Bob teases and Trixie makes a bird cackling laugh sound.
“Tatianna of course needed to be here, anyone who can go up against Alyssa when it comes to
dancing was crucial,” Bob says, applauding Tatianna.
“Thank you,” Tatianna says in her iconic posh voice, making Harry chuckle.
“And yours truly made this snatched outfit,” Katya announces, grazing her hands down Louis’
body. And Louis does look good, like a circus leader hooker, which must have been Katya’s vision
all along.
Everyone eats cake, has a few drinks and takes pictures. But the night does grow late, and everyone
one by one goes about their night, Louis throwing on a beige trench coat and hoping into a rental
car, where he drives to Harry’s. Louis explained he didn’t want to have to explain the antics to his
driver, so he rented a Prius.
“You did fantastic tonight,” Harry replies, glaring at the deep red lipstick that lays across Louis’
lips, and the mascara layered on his eyes lashes.
“That wasn’t the final show,” Louis teases, taking the keys from the ignition and leaning into
Harry, his breath brushing against Harry’s mouth before he slowly kisses him, trailing his hands
down Harry’s thigh.
Harry can’t unlock his door quick enough, truly. As soon as gets the door shut between the two of
them he instantly starts kissing Louis, who is still in full drag. The kissing knocks a duffel bag out
of Louis’ arm.
“First thing’s first, birthday boy, I need to change into something more comfortable,” Louis replies,
and Harry’s a bit sad he won’t get to worship Louis’ drag persona any longer, but he craves Louis
nonetheless.
Harry takes his pants and sweater off as Louis shuffles around in Harry’s bathroom for a few
minutes.
“Are you okay in there?” Harry asks from the other side of his bathroom door.

”I’m ready, but you need to sit on your bed and not look, yeah?” Louis asks from the other side of
the door. Harry obliges.
“Okay, you can look now,” Louis says in a soft voice.
“Louis, you look-“

Harry smiles up to Louis, who is leaning against Harry’s bathroom doorframe. There’s a silky red
robe and a black laced lingerie body suit. Louis’ hair is still replaced with the dirty blond wig, the
makeup is still there as well, although the fishnet tights, along with the tuck is gone. Louis looks
irresistible. Harry immediately gets up and starts kissing Louis. Louis and Harry grow firm against
each other, and Louis smells intoxicating. Harry sensually peels the robe off Louis’ shoulders,
peering into his eyes. He tosses the robe onto his bed.
“God, you look so fucking pretty, it’s driving me insane,” Harry says, his lips pooling into Louis’
collarbones. Harry trails his hands downs Louis’ waist as Harry sinks to his knees.
“Turn around,” Harry orders, and Louis doesn’t hesitate, letting Harry unzip the back of the
lingerie bodysuit and take it off, revealing Louis’ ass.

Harry kisses down the small of Louis’ back, then planting kisses to his cheeks. He’s been wanting
to eat Louis out for months, and now feels like the perfect moment. Louis braces himself on the
doorframe of the bathroom, gripping into the wood as Harry spreads Louis apart.
Harry starts rimming Louis, grazing his tongue in-between Louis’ cheeks, teasing his hole. Louis
moans, arching his back. Harry sinks his tongue deeper, spitting and licking, taking all of Louis at
once, he tastes amazing. Louis tastes clean, and faintly like baby wipes, (probably freshened up
while he was changing), and Harry can’t get enough.

”Fuck, Harry, that feels so good, yes, yes,” Louis pants, his moans breathily filling the air. Harry
continues to go farther, deeply penetrating Louis the best he can with his tongue.
Louis coming undone via Harry’s mouth is driving Harry insane, he’s painfully hard in his boxers,
but before he can even think to reach a hand into his underwear, Louis moves away, turning
around. Louis sinks to his knees, and motions for Harry to stand up.
“As much fun as that was for me, this night is about you birthday boy,” Louis says, biting his
bottom lip. He then pulls Harry’s underwear down and starts giving Harry head. Louis sucks down
the shaft, letting Harry buck his hips into into his mouth, properly deep-throating Harry.
Harry opens his eyes to pool into Louis’ that are looking up to him, with the same look that can
instantly make Harry come in a second. This time is a bit different, because this time there’s
mascara running down Louis’ hallowed cheeks and lipstick smeared against lips. Harry is so turned
on he can barely stand not coming with Louis on his knees working this magic with his mouth.
“Jesus, Lou,” Harry groans, heat swirling around in his stomach. “Want you so bad right now.”

Louis rises off his knees, putting his mouth to Harry’s ear before he whispers something. Louis
reaches down, still stroking Harry’s dick. “Then take me,” Louis whispers.
In no time, Louis is in Harry’s bed, and Harry is prepping Louis, fingering him to open him up.
Harry thrusts into Louis, grazing his hands across Louis’ now smooth legs, admiring Louis curves,
Louis’ face, Louis’ moans, Louis.
“Harry, fuck,” Louis moans, sinking his nails into Harry’s back.
“I am,” Harry says, and the two start laughing. The smart ass remark slipped from Harry’s mouth
before he could reply in his head. Louis is laughing almost hysterically, Harry is also doing the
same.
“Oh, but I think you could rougher,” Louis says, after he catches his breath. Harry takes it as a
challenge when Louis willingly puts his hands over his head, crossing them.
Louis is being kinky. Harry has kinks. Louis, presumably has kinks, they just never acted on them.
Harry takes it upon himself to keep thrusting into Louis, restricting Louis’ hands from moving.
Louis can’t move, and it has him begging for more of Harry. Harry then reaches over on the bed,
seeing the robe he threw onto the bed earlier. He takes the drawstring out of the robe and ties
Louis’ hands to the bed frame. Louis bites his bottom lip when Harry goes faster, fucking into
Louis harder than he ever has before, he knows because Harry is dripping sweat as the moments
continue.
Louis is so close, his dick leaking pre-come into the hand Harry’s using to stroke him with as he
fucks. He can also tell because Louis is begging for traction, trying to move his bound hands that
would otherwise be leaving his signature scratch marks into Harry’s back.
“I’m so close,” Harry whispers into Louis’ mouth before kissing him.
Before Harry can even think to tell Louis to wait for him, he’s coming, shaking Harry’s bed,
arching his back. The sight alone doesn’t make it hard for Harry follow, coming a few minutes
later. He leans down to kiss Louis again, untying the drawstring from the robe.
The two then wrap into each other’s arms, laying there before they make their way into Harry’s
shower. Louis takes a bit longer, having to removed fake nails and a blonde wig. But once they’re
joined together, showering, washing away the night they’ve had, there’s no place Harry rather be
than with Louis laying on his chest, humming the happy birthday tune.
“Its technically not my birthday anymore,” Harry murmurs, groggy and tired.
“True, but technically, I don’t think birthdays are over until after you fall asleep,” Louis retorts,
brushing his hand over Harry’s chest.
“It was the best birthday ever, thank you for caring so much to make it special,” Harry thanks,
kissing Louis by lifting Louis’ chin delicately with his finger.
“Like I said, you made mine pretty special too,” Louis replies, kissing Harry back.
And they fall asleep in each other’s arms, and Harry knows one thing for certain,

He could not love anyone more than Louis Tomlinson….

but there’s a lot Harry doesn’t know.

Like will his love for Louis be enough?

 lovesick
Chapter Summary

harry comes down with a cold on valentines day and louis takes care of him and it’s
super cute and domestic ok

Chapter Notes

you’ll see why Niall is just now coming into the picture very soon ;) also perfect
timing because he just got announced as being a judge on The Voice!!

Harry and Louis have only gotten closer the last few weeks, spending as much time together as
possible. When Harry isn’t working at the Rave he’s trying to teach Louis how to cook for himself,
and fortunately it’s going quite well, other than Louis’ ability to slice tomatoes. Louis will never be
able to slice tomatoes, ever, but that’s okay, he looks so cute doing it. The two switch off on nights
at each other’s place, usually Louis will rent a rental car and have dinner ready for Harry at his flat
when he’s working late. The intention was to spend the night, but most nights Louis falls asleep
before Harry is home. But cuddling with Louis is too precious of a moment to be angry that Louis
isn’t up waiting for Harry at 3 in the morning. Usually on nights where Harry isn’t working at The
Rave, he goes to Louis’ and they play video games, read, sometimes drink, and always hook up.
It’s been a nice routine the last few weeks.
“This is so shit, Harry,” Louis laughs, after burning pancakes, tossing them into the garbage can in
his kitchen. “But, freshly squeezed orange juice never failed anyone, yeah?”
Harry walks into the kitchen, rolling off the sofa at Louis’, there’s a novel to present in a few
weeks so the two have been up late often reading and making presentation notes. The two must
have fallen asleep on the couch.

“Here, you went grocery shopping right?” Harry asks, peering into Louis’ fridge. “I’ll make us
something.”
And Louis props himself against the counter, scrolling on his phone.
“Looks as if there’s trouble in paradise,” Louis laughs. Showing Harry his phone.
“Oh no,” Harry giggles, “not the Louexi breakup,” Harry chuckles, throwing his hand over his
forehead for dramatics.
Lexi and Louis’ fake breakup to their fake relationship hasn’t come out yet, but Lexi has been
liking posts on Instagram and Twitter which has been getting people talking. Textposts that say
stuff like “no matter how much you love someone you have to love yourself first,” or, “sometimes
letting go opens a new chapter,” and other posts that don’t scream “I’m single I’m single I’m
single” but ones that are enough for nosy Christian magazines to post articles about Lexi and
Louis.
“So the ball is finally rolling?” Harry asks, chopping up onions and peppers to make an omelette.
“Yeah, finally, she’s been wanting to come out for so long, she deserves it. And I think she will
flourish without her parents breathing down her neck,” Louis says, setting his phone down, helping
Harry whisk the ingredients to the omelettes.
“You will too, Louis, you deserve to come out too,” Harry tells Louis, and Louis shrugs.
“One day, but first I need to not be the one holding Lexi back from living her truth,” Louis
responds.
“So, once Lexi comes out, what do you think will happen?”

“I think her parents will completely cut her off, trust fund, bank account, cars, her flat in London, I
think all of that will be taken from her. I think they’ll trash her in the media, as they’ve done with
anyone who criticized their lame television show. I think my mother will chime in and speak for
me and my ‘heartbreak’, but I think a whole community will come together support her. I mean, a
Christian prodigy since birth, who’s parents created a platform to deface gay people, women, and
other religions or atheism? Her walking the Victoria Secret Fashion Show is going to raise
eyebrows, her coming out is going to blow the roof off,” Louis says. “She’s brave.”

“I can’t wait for her to be free from living a lie, I’ll be sending her thousands of messages and calls
when the day comes,” Harry replies, making the omelettes and sitting them on a plate for him and
Louis to share. Louis moans, because, well Harry can cook, and these omelettes are perfect.
“I can’t wait either,” Louis smiles, cheering his orange juice glass to Harry’s.
“And what about you? When do you think you’ll be able to do the same?” Harry asks, pressing the
topic.

“I don’t know, and I know that’s not the answer you want,” Louis starts, “it’s not the one Lexi
wants either, she’d love for me to be right behind her saying that I’ve been gay the whole time as
well, and I wish I was that confident,” Louis continues, but he stops, “it’s just, I don’t know, her
family is nothing but assholes, Teresa is the same, of course, just as ignorant and tyrannical, but my
Gram, she’s so old and I don’t want what time I have left with her in my life to be wasted because I
tore my family to shreds in the media,” Louis says, and Harry’s face drops. Because he wants
Louis to know the truth about what Louis’ Gram said to him at the Christmas ball.
“I don’t think your Gram will mind, truthfully,” Harry responds. “I think she’s always going to be
on your side.”

”How can you be sure?” Louis asks.

“The Christmas party,” Harry finally admits, and Louis quirks a brow, confused.
“What do you mean?” He asks.
“I mean, she saw me looking at you, I tried playing it off as if she’s looking too much into it, but
she knows something was going on with us.”

”She knows? And she wasn’t mad?” Louis asks, his blue eyes gleaming with a hopeful sparkle.
“And she wasn’t mad,” Harry says. “Like you said, she’s someone who’s shown you love your
whole childhood. You being gay doesn’t change that.”

And Louis smiles, and Harry guesses whatever Louis’ plans are for coming out have been moved
up on the timeline. But Harry doesn’t push further, he just wants Louis aware that he has more
support than he thinks.

The two eat breakfast and get ready at to head to Green’s. Louis drives his rental car, his driver not
needing to take him anywhere for a few weeks. It’s fun driving with Harry, the two show each
other different music, and the music they both mutually know, they scream the lyrics to.
“Ahhh, another day,” Louis sighs in the parking garage.
“You don’t want to present another novel about finding Jesus with Niall?” Harry laughs, sipping
his coffee.
“Niall’s great, the genre isn’t, neither is the job,” Louis says, nonchalantly. Harry’s taken aback.
“You don’t want the job?”
“My mother wants me to have the job,” Louis says.
“But what do you want?”

”To be in a musical,” Louis responds. “Or just any stage performance ever, that’s where my
passions lie,” Louis responds, tapping the lid of his coffee.
“I think you could do an amazing job at that,” Harry smiles, rubbing his hand on Louis’.
“You think?”

”Umm, for your first performance since high school being a drag performance for my birthday, I’d
say you’re not rusty at all for the flair of theatrical performance,” Harry jokes.
“I’ve been thinking about it, you know?” Louis replies, “and I think, if I’m offered the job here,
I’m just going to take ‘internship completion’,” Louis adds, and Harry widens his eyes.
“What?” Harry asks.
Internship completion means if your internship placement from NYU offers you a job, you can
take an ‘internship completion’ and decline their job offer while not losing credit for your
internship. A lot of people do it, different majors even, like med school students in clinicals don’t
accept the job offer from the hospitals they’re assigned to.
“So you don’t want it if it’s offered to you?” Harry asks.
“I don’t, I think you should have it,” Louis says. “Your passions for reading, the way when we
hang out you’re writing diligently, the way you rehearse and revise for you and Paula to present
these books, that is where you belong, not me. Sure, I’d do a good job, I grew up with a mother
who’s a famous author, I’ve sat through literary agency meetings my whole life, been on book
tours, I know what truly goes into publishing, I could mimic that if need be, I can be that person,
but I can’t take that away from you, Harry,” Louis explains. “I won’t.”
“Well, just because you don’t take the offer doesn’t mean they’re going to offer it to me,” Harry
excuses, and Louis rolls his eyes.
“Please, there’s a reason we were designed to compete for this, we’re both so good at it, but what
makes you different from me? You worked so hard all year, not only have you worked at Green’s,
which is a lot of work in of itself, you work the closing shifts at The Rave to support yourself,
you’re self made Harry, they’d be idiots to not offer it to you.”

And Harry’s heart is bursting at the seams, truly. He’s never wanted to scream from the rooftops
that he loves somebody so loudly. Louis could take the job if he wanted, and that would leave
Harry to go back to England a failure, and what they have together in New York would vanish. But
now, if Louis pursues stage acting, and Harry purses a literary career, they can be together
whenever Louis comes out.
Everything is falling into place.
That is until Landon comes back into the picture, emailing Harry for a meeting. He hates this guy.
If he could spit on him, he would. Harry trails into Landon’s office, and Landon shuts the door
behind him.
“Thank you for meeting me this morning,” Landon greets, smug and glaring through Harry.
“As you know, I’ll be judging the internship presentations in a few weeks, and I think you need to
consider my offer, we’d like to have you here at Green’s,” Landon replies.
“If youd like me here, you’d respect that I have a lot admiration for the work we do here, but being
sexually deviant with my boss is not what I want, I’m asking you, please, to just stop pining after
me for what you think I could do for you sexually, and what I could bring to this company.
Please,” Harry pleads, heat pooling in his throat, he’s angry he even has to beg this man for
anything.
“Have it your way, and that way may very well be back in England,” he says before Harry can
leave the office. He rolls his eyes, because he’s over it, he’s over the constant harassment and
being treated like a challenge or project, or something to ogle.
Harry goes to the bathroom to compose himself, not wanting to storm back into the work area
angrily.
“You alright?” A voice asks, and Harry turns around quickly to see the person coming beside him
to wash his hands.
“Yeah, Niall, just fucking hate Landon,” Harry vents and Niall dries his hands on his pants.
“I totally get it, he’s a dick,” Niall replies. “What’s he done?” Niall asks curiously.
“He’s just- it’s like he can circle in on what irks me and he does just that very thing just because he
can,” Harry replies, trying not give too much about the situation away.
“If I may ask, what do you want to do if you were to get the job offer from him? Is being a literary
agent or publisher your life’s dream?” Niall asks.
“To be a published author, so I think being the industry would help make that happen,” Harry tells
him.
“That is good, it’s an amazing way to get through the door, but don’t put all your eggs in one
basket with this place. Is it a widely accredited publishing firm? Yes, but don’t let this place
determine how far you want to go,” Niall says, patting Harry’s back.
“You were the intern that got selected last year right?” Harry asks Niall.
“I was, from Columbia Uni, you know, you kind of remind me a lot of how I was last year. We’re
really alike, both from the UK, both from working class families, I had to work as a waiter just to
afford living here, you work at the club right? The Rave?”
“I do, and just for making me feel a little less like I’m losing my mind here, I’ll hook you up with a
free drink,” Harry laughs.
“Sounds good, I’ll have to stop by sometime, make sure to tell Louis it’s all friendly though,” Niall
chuckles. Harry’s face drops because he doesn’t realize whether Louis talks that much about
Harry, or if Niall’s just taking a huge guess. “Don’t worry, I know about the Harry and Louis
saga,” Niall reassures.

”It’s that obvious?” Harry asks, scratching the back of his head.
“It’s only obvious to me and Paula, and only because we both lost our lunch buddies,” Niall
laughs. “Kind of taking bets to when you both will make it official,” Niall adds, jokingly. “I think
Louis likes you too much for his own good.”

”What do you mean?”

”It’s not a bad thing, because I think you’re both obsessed with each other, but he doesn’t even
know where to start with you. I think you mesmerize him, from what I can tell at least.”

”He’s an amazing person, I’m thinking about asking him to be my boyfriend at graduation,” Harry
replies and Niall smiles. “Don’t tell him though, I don’t want to jinx it.”

”Your secret is safe with me,” Niall says leaving the bathroom.

The rest of the day goes as usual, lunch with Louis, then work at the Rave with Zayn and Liam,
then afterwards back to his place where Louis has a takeaway pizza waiting for Harry, which Harry
eats a few slices of and climbs into bed with Louis, who is already asleep.

Around four in the morning Louis shuffles in bed and it wakes Harry up momentarily, and Louis is
now awake. Harry drapes an arm across him while they lay facing each other. They look at each
other in the darkness for a second, and Louis goes to kiss him.
“Happy Valentines Day,” Harry says, scratchy throat.
“How was work?” Louis asks in a groggy voice.
“It was good, I-”

Harry is interrupted by his own sneeze which he luckily turns away in time so he doesn’t sneeze on
Louis. Harry sniffles and tries to go to talk again but it’s followed by another sneeze.
“Are you feeling alright, Harry?” Louis asks, putting the back of his hand on Harry’s forehead.
“You’re a bit warm.”

”I’m okay, just a little cold,” Harry excuses, clearing his throat.
“Harry, I think you’re sick,” Louis answered, getting out bed.
“I’m fine, Lou, really, it’s just a little cold,” Harry replies, obvious hoarseness in his voice.
“I don’t think you should go to work today, you’re burning up,” Louis says, turning on the lamp on
the side table. He gets out of bed and hands Harry a tissue, then Harry starts coughing. Okay, so
it’s a big cold he’s come down with, but he’s worked sick before, Louis is just always on time with
being dramatic. Louis puts on sweatpants and one of Harry’s hoodies, (he’s become quite the
sweater thief lately), and grabs the keys to his rental.
“I’ll be right back, try to get some more sleep,” Louis orders, and Harry would argue, but Harry’s
body is exhausted, so he does just that, shivering under his blankets.
When his alarm goes off to get ready for work a couple hours later, Harry groans, he feels even
worse than he did when he initially woke up. He wraps his blanket around his entire body,
sweating, but unable to get warm at the same time. The duality of a fever is cursed. He looks into
his bathroom mirror, pale skin, lips and a clammy forehead look back at him in the reflection, his
nose is red from being stuffed, and his throat is killing him.
“Harry, are you up?” Louis asks from outside Harry’s bedroom. Harry drags himself to the
bedroom door and is greeted by a diligently working Louis surrounded by a bunch of grocery
bags. Louis must have stopped back by his place before coming back here, he’s already dressed for
Green’s.
“You look awful,” Louis says, looking up from a pot that’s steaming on Harry’s stove.
“Thanks,” Harry replies, hoarse and nasally.
“No, not like that, you just look like you feel horrible,” Louis half smiles, using a wooden spoon to
stir something Harry can’t even begin to get the aroma of due to his illness.
“I do feel pretty bad, what is all of this?” Harry asks, sitting on his stool by the countertop.
“I got you everything you need for when you’re ill,” Louis smiles, pouring contents into a class
bowl. “Is chicken noodle okay?” Louis asks, sliding the bowl over to Harry.
“You made this?” Harry asks, stirring it with the spoon.
“I’m no chef, but google does a pretty good job at lying out the instructions, and worst case
scenario, I’m sure you can’t taste it,” Louis chuckles. “Also I called Paula and asked her if she
needed you today, and she said if you come in within one hundred feet of her with a contagious
cold after her husband and baby just got over one that she’d personally tank your progress report to
NYU, so it seems no work,” Louis says, pouring tea from a kettle into a glass.
“You didn’t have to do all of that, Lou,” Harry yawns as he sips on the soup. From what Harry can
taste, it’s really good.
Harry falls more in love with Louis every single day, who else would leave to get a pharmacy
worth of stuff to treat a cold?
Harry takes a few swallows of tea and soup, and it does makes him feel a little better. Louis sits
next to him, and makes sure Harry has the fanciest tissues, the best nasal spray, cough drops,
plenty of soup, Gatorade to get his electrolytes, fever reducer, literally, a whole pharmacy of stuff.
“Okay, I’m going to get to Green’s, try to get some rest, yeah?” Louis orders, kissing Harry on the
cheek. “I’ll come back after to check on you.”

“I’m sorry I ruined our plans for Valentine's Day,” Harry apologizes.
“We can fuck like rabbits in a hotel honeymoon suit under different names another time, plenty of
opportunity for that,” Louis laughs before he leaves.
And since Louis has gone through the trouble of making sure Harry has a day to get better, Harry
takes it, pulling out his own work in progress but soon feeling beyond drowsy that he ends up just
falling asleep with it in his lap. Yeah, no work is being done here today.
 spilled milk
Chapter Summary

Landon contunes to pester Harry. Louis finds Harry's manuscruipt.

Chapter Notes

ahhhhhh we're so close to the liabilty chapter, bring your tissues for the next update.

A few weeks after Harry recovers from being ill, Harry has a meeting with Landon per an email his
assistant sent at midnight, and he wants to get it over with as soon as possible. Mid-March is a
usually hectic but things have altered a bit at the firm.

Landon hasn't had much opportunity to pester Harry lately, or harass him, just having opened an
office in London and another to open in Spain this July. Green's seems to be going global, and it's
stretching Landon and his associates pretty thin, thank god. Paula, Niall, Louis and Harry have
been taking extended lunches, getting their work done, of course, and everyone else just seems to
have a better flow and morale when there's not a spoiled rich dictator breathing down their necks.
Harry has been appreciative of the fact that he and Paula don't have to pester literary agents or
authors for chapter revisions or updates. Life gets to move at its own pace for the last few weeks,
and it's beautiful.

But the skies do cloud grey now that Landon is back in the office for the day, but Harry just tries to
brush off any uneasiness by thinking about Louis. The way Louis looks up at him with through his
eyelashes in the morning, the way he's made Harry a 'slow dance in the kitchen at 3 in the
morning', 'teach Louis how to cook a proper meal', and 'scroll mindlessly through twitter' type of
person. It's so comfortable, enchanting, and Harry gears himself up to ask Louis to be his boyfriend
every single time he makes his heart flutter, but Harry has a grand schemed plan the night before
NYU graduation in a few months, so he holds off.

Harry drags his feet along down the hallway towards Landon's office, he hears Landon's raised
voice, the first indicator that he isn't in a great mood, oh joy for Harry. Harry doesn't see anyone
lurking near his office so he presses his ear to the door, listening to him grovel to his assistant, Ella,
who is just trying to calm him down.

"For Christ's fucking sake Ella, you'd think after the way I've siphoned funds from author royalties
to open firms globally, you'd think these rats would have more respect for me, only two groups
successfully getting their proposals ready? Are you kidding? I leave the office for a few days at a
time and our New York firm slacks, and to think of all I've done for them!" He complains to her.

"Sir, I know, I've sent email reminders to executives, the editors, literary agents, I really have," she
says quickly, trying to savor his mood, but for the most part he mutters obscenities before she
hastily opens the door. Harry backs away as if he wasn't eavesdropping the entire time. Landon
looks up from his desk, a bottle of scotch and a half-drunk class sitting out in the open.
Landon is embezzling, stealing funds from authors and their royalties from book sales, for either
his pockets or the company. Something so vile, illegal and immoral, but oddly enough, Harry isn't
shocked, nor surprised. Landon is the exact type of person to pull something like this, Harry didn't
put it past him for a second.

"Sorry I'm late for the meeting," Harry apologizes, a bit more comfort in his stride to the chair in
front of the desk.

"That's quite alright, Landon smiles through the grit of his teeth, taking a sip of his glass before
hiding the bottle of scotch into the drawer of his desk. "I've called you here to reason with you, you
know the final presentations are coming, the one where the communications director at NYU is
sitting in on your internship speech, helping correlate with me on who to chose for the job."

"I'm aware," Harry says, "I'm prepared."

"I'm not so sure you are, you see, there's one thing you haven't checked off on my roster," Landon
smirks. "I can give you anything, Harry. Maybe even a book deal, or even better, a book deal with
an office in London closer to that family you never get to see," he teases, but Harry isn't buying it,
he knows he'll just be a discarded subject the moment after giving into Landon. Harry's huffs his
chest, and then smiles up to his boss.

"Can you give it to me without embezzlement?" Harry asks, a smirk look on his face appearing as
the creepy smile from Landon fades.

Landon doesn't even try to call a bluff from Harry, Landon knows that Harry is aware of his
indiscretions, because someone like Landon, a rich piece of shit of course, knows how to cover his
tracks. He knows Harry wasn't late for this meeting. It doesn't stop Landon from being crude and
glaring at Harry with glass eyes. Harry refuses to falter.

"If that's how you want to play this, Harry, I sincerely wouldn't," Landon rebuttals.

"Why? Because you have money? Connections in entertainment?"

"I hold your entire future in New York in my hands," Landon starts. "You have no idea what I'm
capable of."

Harry rises up, leaning over Landon's desk, and getting right in his face.

"Bring it," Harry says, smug. Leaning back up and walking out of the door.

Harry doesn't stand up for himself often, not when customers at The Rave tip him poorly, not when
his neighbors blast music on nights he has to be up early, or when people bump into him without
saying sorry when he took the subway before Louis become a reoccurring character in his life. It's
a breath of fresh air to not take anyone's bullshit.

Speaking of Louis, Harry storms over towards where he and Niall work, feeling on top of the
world. Louis looks so good today, his hair in a frontward swirl type of style, khakis that hug his
bum, his thighs, cuffed at the ankles. Louis' black blazer combined with a baby blue button down
brings out his eyes, and combined with this power trip, he and Harry need to leave the office now.

"Niall, do you mind if I borrow Louis for an early extended lunch break?" Harry asks, and Niall
grins.

"Be my guest," Niall replies, holding up his coffee to cheer Harry. Louis smiles and wastes no time
to follow Harry to get out of this building as soon as possible.
"Harry what's this about?" Louis asks, as Harry firmly plants Louis on the couch at Harry's flat,
attacking his neck with kisses. Harry backs away momentarily.

"Landon is a piece of shit, and I don't care if he picks me, you, or some other unfortunate fuck to
work for him, as long as we end up in the same zip code, where I can kiss these lips, this neck, this
body, I don't care anymore," Harry growls, doing exactly what he says, kissing Louis' lips, his
neck, and tearing off Louis' clothes. Louis complies, noticing that Harry's meeting with Landon
probably didn't go according to plan, but if it means Harry taking his frustrations out by fucking
him, Louis can live with that.

Louis trails his fingers through Harry's long, curly hair as Harry fucks him in missionary. Harry's
hands grip onto Louis' thighs. Is it the most soft, lovemaking, sensual encounter the two have
shared? No, absolutely not, it's actually just a glorified quickie because Harry is in a bad mood. But
the fact that the only thing that puts Harry into a good mood is Louis, and that scares Harry. He's
never had to restrain himself from not using the words, "I love you," when he whispers sweet
nothings to someone. Harry is consumed with worry, anxiousness, doubt and perseverance, and
being madly in love with Louis Tomlinson. For the first time in his life, Harry can live without
worrying about what's next, because who knows? Maybe Landon won't hire him, maybe he has to
move back to the UK and support Louis' acting adventures, or the two of them stay in New York
and figure it out. As long as he's with Louis. That's the only thing Harry wants in his future

As before stated, the sex is quick, but it serves it's purpose and neither man goes left unsatisfied,
Harry having to pull out right before he comes, leaving Louis' stomach coated, Harry returns the
favor by blowing Louis, and promptly wiping each other down from a towel that was thrown onto
the couch this morning.

"So is that why you needed to pull me away for an early lunch?" Louis asks, his body leaned back
towards Harry, cradled in his arms.

"What?" Harry asks.

"Landon, he must have said something pretty out of the way to you," Louis replies, brushing his
hand down Harry's thigh, tracing the tiger tattoo Harry had gotten a year prior.

"You could say that, he's been saying things out of the way to me for quite some time," Harry
replies, vague.

"Like what?" Louis asks as Harry combs through Louis' disheveled hair with his fingers. Harry
decides that Landon's prompt for him to fuck his way to the top is better left unsaid, and so it goes
just like that, unsaid.

"Mocking me, you know? Saying he doesn't really know why he bothers with someone in my
status when he has someone just like you to fulfill the role," Harry responds, because it's not a lie.
He's purposely tried to villainize Louis in hopes to get what he wants from Harry. Disgustingly so,
had Harry and Louis never connected in the way did, Harry may have actually fallen into that trap.
Harry's thankful everyday that he didn't, but the thought of that being a reality makes his stomach
turn.

"Take it from one spoiled rich brat to another, he's bluffing, he wants something more out of you
than he does me, he's obviously trying to pit us against each other for this job opportunity after
graduation. He knows you'll be more than likely to give in than me just because I have money.
Honestly, I'm not fond of having to do a full year internship just to get a degree, but you mean
more to me than any silly job, Harry. You know you don't have to work for him, there's so many
publishers, so many opportunities for you."
Harry siltently agrees, because after all, it is true, Landon initially was putting the two against each
other because Harry and Louis are arguably the best interns for this program, but if only Louis
knew it goes so much deeper than a job opening.

The two sit in silence for a few minutes, Harry trailing his fingers down Louis hair to his
collarbones, down his chest. Louis turns his head to kiss Harry, and then his eyes dart forward to
the side table by Harry's couch.

"What's this? The next book for presentations?" Louis asks, mindlessly grabbing it. But before
Harry can stop him, Louis sees it.

"Spilled Milk, by Harry Styles.....is this? Oh my! It's your manuscript, you finished it!" Louis
exclaims, holding the thick stack of printed off papers in his hands. Harry huffs, and is
embarrassed when Louis gets off of him to turn facing him.

"I did, when I was sick. It probably needs some more revisions but-"

"Can I read it?" Louis asks, smiling at him.

"You want to read it?" Harry asks.

"Of course I do, you've been working so hard on it," Louis says. "If it's okay with you, that is, I
know it's probably personal and there's that author's shyness when someone close to the author
wants to read-"

"I'd love for you to," Harry cuts Louis off. "But let me email you the file, that way I can go
through and look for more corrections on my paper draft," Harry says, kissing Louis on the
forehead. "I don't know how much you'll like it, or if it's even good."

"Of course it's going to be good, you know what makes a book readable, and you've put so much
effort into this, but don't tell me the plot, I want to be surprised," Louis smiles as Harry sends the
file from his phone to Louis' email.

"Should we head back? We might even make it back on time if we go back now," Harry says.
"Unless you're hungry, we did say it would be an extended lunch," Harry chuckles.

"Not really hungry, but I just want to stay in your arms for a little while longer, have to go London
this weekend," Louis sighs.

"For?" Harry asks, wrapping the two of them in a grey throw blanket.

"The Victoria Secret Fashion show of course," Louis smiles. "Or as me and Lexi have been calling
it, the last couple outing before her outing," he laughs.

"So this is it? The last hurrah before she finally gets to move on in life?"

"Maybe a forced kiss for paps, but we're leaving the show in separate cars and going to different
hotels, trouble in paradise has to look a bit more windy for the inevitable breakup," Louis explains.

"My condolences to the both of you, ah, such love parting too soon," Harry snickers.

"I guess poor Lexi will never be Mrs. Tomlinson, prayers for Teresa," Louis dramatically throws a
hand over his forehead.

"Congratulations," Harry says, "your turn next," he says, kissing the top of Louis' head once more.
"Me next," Louis repeats.

As they're putting their internship corporate outfits back on, they can't keep their eyes or hands off
each other, buttoning up each other's shirts, lint rolling their jackets. Quite domestic and natural is
all that Harry can think of as he sees Louis water his houseplants.

"Do you work The Rave this weekend?" Louis asks. "You can hide out backstage if you'd like."

"Yes, so sadly I cannot make it, but it shouldn't be too crazy," Harry starts, "everyone's gearing up
for Spring Break so it usually slows down a bit the two weeks before," Harry explains.

"Never would give college kids the benefit of trying to savor their livers, good on them," Louis
jokes, making Harry laugh. God, Louis is so funny, pretty, thoughtful, charismatic, and- okay,
Harry needs to get a grip and hold out for NYU graduation.

"Typically it will be the post-grads who have no spring break to look forward to this weekend, so
still moderately busy, especially it being The Rave, but not as busy when everyone's trying to save
for plane tickets to Daytona Beach."

"Makes sense," Louis says, "I probably won't get to see you before I go, so have a good weekend,
you should come over Sunday night when I get back to make up for lost time," Louis smiles,
kissing him as they head to Louis' rental car, Harry nods in agreement.

If only they both knew of the mess that's about to come.

But all Harry knows, is being in solitude with Louis Tomlinson.

 sacrifice
Chapter Summary

Tw: minor violence.

All comes to a head when Louis is gone for his final stunt with Lexi.

When Saturday approaches, Harry messages Lexi a long paragraph, wishing her luck on her new
journey not only as a model, but her inevitable outing soon to come. He gives her advice on what it
was like when he came out after leaving high school, and that he's built a community of friends that
accept him for who he is and she sends back a long message thanking him. He remembers meeting
Lexi and being immediately intimidated, of course because she was introduced to Harry as Louis'
girlfriend. That night feels like forever ago, Louis' birthday party, traveling to England for the
holidays, all of it seems like a lifetime ago. Life with Louis Tomlinson moves at a quicker pace, but
you can't help but to enjoy the ride along.

Liam and Zayn, and Harry gear up for the night ahead which is as predicting, seemingly less busy
because everyone is preparing for spring break. The television is tuned into the Victoria's Secret
Live Fashion Show, and many models are prancing the runway as they start filling the ice bay, and
stocking the bottles.

The night doesn't pick up until midnight, not as much as usual but it is quite busy so not a lot of
time to sit and focus on the show. Harry makes vodka cranberries, (the special), until he sees a
familiar face walk through the door closer to one.

"Niall, hey what will you have?" Harry greets from behind the bar, remembering he'd invited Niall
to come drink one night.

"I'll have a vodka martini," Niall smiles as Harry gets to work on it. Zayn and Liam serve a few
more people before they make their way to Harry and Niall who are chatting about Louis and
Green's.

"Hey, this is my friend Niall, he's Louis' mentor at Green's," Harry introduces as Zayn pours the
four of them shots to cheer over.

"So what brings you out tonight? Other than my promise of a drink?" Harry asks Niall as the night
starts heading to its end.

"Needed a night off, Landon has been on my ass about these upcoming projects, the man really
irks me," Niall complains as Harry pours him a second drink. Niall slams it back and laughs. "You
know? Sometimes I wonder if I made the huge mistake of trying to make it in this city, at the end
of the day is it worth not having a social life, an overpriced condo and having to kiss the ass of a
rich rat who has never known what it's like to struggle? I have to make myself believe all my hard
work hasn't gone to waste, but to be honest with you Harry, my heart is not in this industry
anymore. I thought being a mentor, and a publisher would lead me into working beyond that
building but I feel stuck," Niall confesses, and Harry's heart sinks because Niall is one of the most
happy-go-lucky people he's ever met. Quite literally, Niall is a breath of fresh air, always making
jokes, always working with a smile on his face, so if someone's bothering Niall to the point he's not
upbeat or eccentric in his work, then they must really be an issue.
"Niall," Harry says, trying to sympathize with his gaze, "you are worth beyond what Green's can
offer you, you can do anything you set your mind to. Like you said, we both know what it's like
coming up from nothing, you've got this, no matter where you go."

"You and Louis really are the voice of reason," Niall chuckles, grinning as Harry feels his cheeks
heat up.

"Never thought anyone would say our names in the same sentence like that," Harry replies as Zayn
makes the last call announcement. "If anyone muttered that sentence to me a few months ago I
would have laughed."

Niall laughs and gives Harry a glaring look, like he's holding back.

"Louis wouldn't have," Niall says shortly, sipping his martini, a sly smile on his face.

"What do you mean?" Harry asks curiously. "Louis most certainly didn't like me months ago."

"So you think," Niall says, vague, and Harry can't stand it.

"Niall....spewing daily insults in an elevator was not flirting," Harry insits.

"To you," Niall smiles, cheering his drink towards Harry.

No fucking way.

"You mean to tell me...."

"That he's had a major crush on you since day one of this internship? Yeah," Niall laughs
hysterically. "He didn't tell you that?"

"No!" Harry gasps, shocked.

So all this time, Louis has had a crush on Harry. And all the back and forth, fussing and arguing,
trying to one up each other was completely misread. And Harry feels guilty, but also...relieved,
because maybe a part of himself...deep, deep down, was the same way since the beginning.

"We can discuss this over more drinks at my place," Harry invites Niall. "Just need a few moments
to close up," Harry adds, and Niall smiles.

"I'll wait outside and order us an Uber? It may take a while since it's a weekend," Niall replies.
Harry nods, Niall could be waiting a while for an Uber, and it gives Harry plenty of time to clean
up.

Harry, Zayn, and Liam start the closing up procedure, Liam doing his regular cash register
counting, Zayn gets a heads up on inventory, and Harry takes on the cleaning, finishing in record
time, only having the trash left to take out. He bags up the final bag to take to the dumpster in the
back of the alleyway. He let's Liam know that he's almost done after he runs the trash outside.

Harry walks down the dimly lit alley, nearing the dumpster when he's suddenly pressed against the
wall by a strong body. It catches him off guard, and he can't break free from the larger man
holding him against the brick wall. He goes to shout but the man's hand quickly covers Harry's
mouth. Harry feels himself trying to fight out the man's grip, his heart rate increasing from the
anxiety and panic. Harry thrashes around his arms, legs, he really, really tries.

"So if you're not going to give me what I want, this must be the way it has to be Harry," another
voice trails from the darker side of the alleyway. Harry's eyes are bulging out of his face, trying to
fight against this large man who is seemingly helping Landon who stands before him.

"I wouldn't shout, or run when Ellington removes his hand, that's something you definitely
shouldn't do," Landon warns, and Harry nods in defeat, finally getting to breathe a breath of air that
isn't stifled from a large, meaty hand.

"Look, if you want me so badly, going through all this trouble, fine, just please-"

Harry's pleas to be out of this grasp is cut off by Landon coming face to face with Harry, clicking
his tongue. Landon traces his hand down Harry's cheek and pokes the dimple.

"Harry, I'm afraid we're past all of that," Landon answers, "you're going to keep your mouth shut
about everything one way or another. The advances, the embezzlement, all of it," Landon
demands.

"Or another," Harry answers, sly. Landon's nostrils flare, and Harry struggles under the arms of this
large man. Landon peers into Harry's soul, slicked back hair with a few silver stands, mean, cruel
eyes, that don't even compare to the softness of Louis'.

"Very well," Landon says as he throws a punch while the stocky man holds him in place. The
abrupt collision on his face is right in his cheek bone, and is painful, sharp. Harry's legs buckle to
fall but the man keeping him standing allows for Landon to make another punch, landing on his
lip, causing Harry to immediately taste blood. It all happens so fast, but seems agonizingly long,
Harry tries to shout but each time, it's met with another punch, so all he can do is flail his limbs and
hope to break free.

The stocky man throws Harry to the ground, Harry's cheek grazing the rough asphalt and he can
feel his cheek cut open. Harry refuses to back down, he will let Landon and this man do their
worst, he won't be defeated. Harry tries to crawl but both of the men before him kick into his side
and his ribs. Harry feels the blood rolling from his lip onto the ground, it's all he can focus on. It's
silly, Harry thinks to himself, being hyper focused on the feeling of blood dripping down the skin
of his bottom lip, down the side of his face and onto the ground. But that is until he hears someone
shouting.

"Hey, HEY STOP!" Niall shouts, stampeding towards Landon and landing a punch right at
Landon's jaw. It knocks him to the ground and the man attacking Harry is now focused on getting
to Niall but Niall backs away, and Harry uses whatever strength inside him that it takes to crawl
towards the brick wall, leaning his back against it, feeling weak everywhere, the taste of copper in
his mouth.

Niall tries to get to Harry without either Landon, who is back on his feet, or Landon's protection
getting to him. Time is ticking slowly and all too fast for Harry, all he can focus on is the pain. He
tells himself, "my ribs, my arm, my face, this all hurts, " inside of his head, "it all hurts, everything
hurts," his mind plays on a loop, because the truth is it's the only thing keeping him from crying.

The bodyguard, friend, protection, whatever you want to call the larger man, gets to Niall and body
slams him to the ground and makes his way back to Harry, grabbing a fistful of his hair forward to
yank his entire body back to the ground. The man then steps on Harry's leg, close to the ankle and
Harry wails in pain, almost certain that he's broken something.

Niall is trying with all his might to pull the larger man off of Harry who can't catch his breath. It
makes him think of when he'd fall down really hard on his back as a child at the playground, that
feeling of impact knocking the air from your lungs, but this pain, which is far more than physical,
feels like falling on your back from a skyscraper. Niall backs away from the man who's just
stepped on Harry's leg. Landon squats down to be eye level with Harry and gives him an evil grin.

"Let me know when you've had enough," Landon spits at Harry. And in all the time that Harry has
known Niall, he's never, not once, seen Niall turn into an angry being, but the rage that's painted on
Niall's face is a quick glimpse until Niall lunges towards Landon, getting a few more punches in
before Landon's tag along throws him to the ground once more.

"I think this is done," a voice yells from the alley, it takes Harry a moment to distinguish that it's
Liam, with a broken wine bottle, jagged edges outward pointing to the men. Harry blinks a few
times to see Zayn holding what looks like a baseball bat but he can't be certain. Everything is
blurry and a mess. Harry wishes he had a better way to describe all of this, but it's just blurry and it
is just a mess and there's nothing he can do about it. Harry sits there, frozen in place, bleeding.
Niall shuffles towards him, trying to lean Harry against the wall again.

"And what makes you so certain," Landon's sidekick says, getting in Liam's face, seemingly not
intimidated by the bottle in Liam's hand at all. Zayn steps in front of Liam, always ready to protect
him. Niall is creating a barrier between Harry and Landon, but Landon's attention is now on Liam
and Zayn, so Niall holds Harry in his arms. All Harry can do is watch the scene before him in
horror.

"Well, three things if I'm certain," Zayn replies. "My ability to call the police, this baseball bat
cracking your fucking skull, or the security camera that's recorded this entire matter, what will it
be? I'm not particualary in the mood to give anyone permant brain damage, considering you and
your friend here already have enough of that, so I suggest you leave before this gets uglier."

To be fair, the larger man could probably easily take Zayn as well, but there's three against two,
and Landon spits blood from his mouth where Niall punched him, patting the stockier man to back
away.

"Now, now, I think everyone's made their point...for now. We will be on our way," Landon says.
"Ellington, shall we?" he says to the man. Ellington, Landon's muscle behind this travesty, shoves
Zayn into Liam, but walks away and they get into an escalde vehicle parked not too far from the
alley. Harry gets what feels like the first breath he's had in moments. The chill air burns his lungs
and he can hear Niall, Liam and Zayn crowding him but his ears muffle everything until he can
snap back into the reality of what's happened.

"Let's get him inside, now," Liam says, reaching an arm under Harry and helping Niall bring him
to his feet. Harry goes to put pressure on his left foot but winces before immediately taking his
weight off of it. Niall and Liam help Harry hoble back into The Rave before sitting him at the
nearest chair. Zayn locks the door and pulls down the curtains over the windows. Harry is trying to
stay calm, and not breakdown, all he wants to do is shout and cry.

"Do you want us to call the police, what's hurting? Where are you hurting? Do you need to go to
the hospital?" Liam says really fast, Niall too, talking about how insane Landon is, the commotion
plus what just happened has Harry in a haze, eyes wide and panicked, like a gazelle before it runs
off.

"Guys, stop, just for a second, let him breathe," Zayn says, coming over and running his fingers
through Harry's hair. "Let him have a moment."

"I want to go home," Harry replies, not having said a word at all in ages. He bows his head, feeling
defeated.
"You can't go home, Harry, he can easily find out where you live, it's not a good idea," Liam says.

"He's right," Zayn says, pouting his lips.

"You can stay at my place, sleep it off and revisit this in the morning," Niall answers. "I have a
really good security system, you'll be safe, it's pretty roomey too, Zayn and Liam can help get us
there?" Niall offers, and Harry is at a lost on what to do, so he just nods.

Niall's condo reminds him of Louis', just a bit smaller. A lot of modern appliances, less windows,
but but it's big, and spacious, and needs a good security code to get inside. Niall and Zayn help get
Harry onto the couch. Liam sits next to Harry, letting Harry lay his head on his shoulder. Liam
strokes Harry's hair, Zayn and Liam know him so well, it's calming.

"You two can go home, I'll be fine," Harry mumbles, but Liam and Zayn are hesitant.

"Harry, call us when you wake up? Or call us if you need anything, okay?" Liam says to Harry
before turning to Niall. "He's got our number if you need anything, let us know so we can make
sure he's okay," Liam says to Niall hugging him.

Zayn grabs the stationary notebook on Niall's coffee stable, scribbling down his number.

"If you guys need anything, please, don't hesitate, Zayn says, before leaving.

Niall sits next to Harry, bumbarding him with questions on if he's hungry, thirsty, or if he's
rethinking about needing a doctor. And Harry just shrugs and lays his his head on the couch and
staring off into the distance, out of the window. He sees the lights of the city, nearby cars way
down below on the street, a few people closing the night out differently than Harry intended to.
The city that never sleeps, and now neither can Harry.

"Let's get you cleaned up," Niall says, propping an arm under Harry to help him. Harry hops with
Niall's assistance into Niall's spare bedroom and Niall helps him sit on the the bed before turning
the light on. He goes into the bathroom that's attatched to the bedroom, hearing water trickle and
seeing Niall return with a wet washcloth. Niall then grabs a nearby chair and sits on it across from
Harry.

"Your nose or anything doesn't look broken, a little swollen but it should go down in the next few
days. Mom's a nurse and I wasn't a stranger to being accident prone," Niall says, trying to smile,
but there's nothing to smile about. Niall starts at Harry's forehead, gently rubbing the small gash
near his temple. He moves towards Harry's nose, gently tilting Harry's head back to make sure all
of the dried blood is cleaned from Harry's face.

It isn't until Niall grabs Harry's hand and start's brushing the dirt off that Harry suddenly loses it.
He starts sniffling, but it quickly turns into tears. Niall brings him into a hug, unsure if it's the right
move, Harry plants his face into Niall's chest, the reality of everything setting in. He wails these
deep cries and Niall tries to comfort him by hugging him, rubbing his back.

"A very bad thing just happened to you, cry as loud as you need to," Niall says. And Harry does
just that, cries, mainly because he can't stop, and the thought of uncertainty on how things are
supposed to be now is even worse.

"What can I do for you Harry? Do you want me to call Louis?" Niall asks and Harry's crying stalls
as he begs Niall not to.

"Not a word of this to Louis please, I'm begging, I don't want him to know this ever happened,"
Harry says. Niall looks shocked, assuming Louis probably knows everything about Harry. "He
doesn't know Landon has been tormenting me at Green's, and I don't want him to know that
Landon did this," Harry continually begs.

"Okay, okay, you have my word, I won't tell him, but I think you should," he says to Harry, starting
to rid Harry's hand of dirt again.

"How about you tell me about Louis, about how he never hated me, I find that hard to believe,"
Harry sniffles. Even when Louis isn't present, the mention of him calms Harry's nerves.

"Oh, yeah," Niall chuckles to himself. "So it goes back a little further than that, right when he
became my intern to mentor, I have since learned that you shouldn't flat out ask someone if they're
gay. But I did, and ya know, his mother being a prolific homophobe and all, the question was
scary. His face dropped, and he tried denying it, and for a few seconds it was believable, even
showed me pictures of him and that Lexi girl," Niall laughs, and Harry does too.

"Lexi was a bit of a jumpscare when I met her as well, not because she was mean, it just looked so
artificial," Harry chuckles. Niall then places a small bandaid on Harry's forehead.

"You're right, it did, and so I asked him to be real with me, and he eventually invited me to dinner
and explained. I think it was shortly after you two stopped clawing at each other. But what's so
funny to me is that he never really hated you. Before you accidently gave him cinnamon coffee, he
would always just mention you in passing. Stuff about if I knew what major you were here to
complete, or would ask me if you liked Italian food. But mind you, this was all before Louis and
you started hanging out outside of Green's. So you, obviously didn't like Louis, and Louis was
oddly happy, because as you know, by human nature, whether it's pure hatred, competiteveness,
what have you, that feeling makes you drawn to that person. Of course, you didn't like Louis, and
too be fair he used to be a lot to tame, but every argument, every passing in the elevator or hallway,
he'd immediately come back to our desks and talk about it. It wasn't until you gave him that coffee
that he felt like he had a chance. He wasn't dumb, he knew your feelings of anger towards him
were real, but it was the only way he felt like he could be intertwned in your story. Funnily enough,
the coffee thing really did piss him off, but you offering it to him gave him hope. Then of course,
as you know, the reaction to it happened, but at the hospital, when you invited him to drinks? It
meant the world to him, he just was pining over how to get you to go, but he was brave," Niall
smiles, tending to Harry's wounds. Harry's feeling every emotion under the sun, but the thought
that Louis has wanted Harry this entire time, makes the scrapes, the brusies and his ankle feel not
existant.

"I don't know what's supposed to happen anymore, I love him, Niall. But obviously Green's is no
longer a viable option, what will any of us do?" Harry asks, speaking a bit louder when Niall
leaves the room to grab frozen peas out of his freezer. He attaches them to Harry's sprained ankle,
and he looks at Harry with a kind and assuring glance.

"If you both love each other, nothing can tear you two apart," Niall smiles. "I think it's like the rule
of soulmates, you know? Good mood, bad mood, thriving, suriviving, all of that."

"It's a hopeful notion," Harry starts, "but every time I think about what's going to happen after all of
this, I get so- I feel," Harry tries to explain without choking on tears again. "I can't help but feel as
if everything's ruined. How are you supposed to go on? Surely I've costed you your job, and I don't
even think I can graduate, and Louis...I don't know what to do, Niall," Harry says, crying again.
Niall wraps an arm around him and lets him cry again.

"Louis has a funny thing about him," Niall chuckles, trying to cheer Harry up. "He's resilliant, I
mean, you kinda have to be when you're gay and raised in bigotry, and also have a cinnamon
allegery," Niall says and Harry sniffles and laughs.
"He is, quite reslliant."

"But so are you, Harry, so, so resilliant."

And Harry sleeps on the thought of ressliance. How much strength he and Louis have, surely
they've got their own issues, and this one must be the biggest, the hardest hurdle. Harry assures
Niall that Niall can sleep in his own room, mainly because Harry's cried enough on his shoulder.
Harry weeps into the morning, tears soaking the pillow, and praying for relief of the burdens that
surfaced tonight. He tries to focus on the fact that Louis has liked him this entire time, tries
focusing on how many times Louis has seen Harry at his worst and still manged to stick around.
Harry feels that maybe it was always that way on his end as well, guised by hatred he was resisting
what he's been too scared to admit. It's always been Louis.

The next morning Harry wakes up around seven, Niall is sound asleep in the room over. Harry
quietly limps out of Niall's condo, not wanting to disturb him. Getting to the bus, and back to his
own place is a bit of a challenge, but he gets his keys and is able to get through the door, but there's
someone else sitting on his couch and his stomach turns.

"Harry," Landon says, and Harry goes pale, backing away.

"Where did you- how did you get into my house?" Harry asks, frantically, noticing the bruise Niall
gave him last night.

"Sit, I'm just here to talk, sort this mess out, didn't even bring Ellington."

Harry's obviously reluctant, and scared, but he does, he sits across from him and he pulls out a
stack of papers.

"Clearly, we are at a Cold War standoff here, and you obviously cannot come back to Green's,"
Landon spits. Harry bites the skin on the inside of his lip, trying not to quiver. "Good call on not
reporting me to the police, maybe perhaps you aren't as dumb as you come across."

"Okay," is all Harry can muster out, because he doesn't like the direction of this conversation.

"So that being said, you have leverage, you have pull, so I've come up with a propastion, where
you can get your degree from NYU, all credits applied, and I get your silence, and distance."

"What?" Harry asks. "My distance?"

"I have a check here for fifty thousand dollars, under the Green's Grant we present usually as a
scholarship, but consider it a parting gift."

"I don't know what you mean," Harry stares in confusion. "Hush money?"

"Hush money and going away money, more like."

"Where possibly do you want me to go?" Harry asks, a lump in his throat.

"Wherever the hell you came from, telling by the accent, England."

"I-I, why would I go back to England? Why would I accept this?"

"So you can still get your diploma, and get out of my hair," Landon rolls his eyes, shifting the
check towards Harry across the coffee table.
"I don't want to leave New York," Harry says, "this is where I live, NYU, Green's or not, I have a
life here."

"And it can't be here anymore, the department head over English and Communications at NYU is
on board with me, we can't allow you to walk or stay here with information you have, you've
created a mess of this program and it's predicesors."

"I think that's all your doing, besides, I doubt it, because the department head trusts me, and she
was quite fond of me throughout the years, I was even her assistant at one point to cover tuition."

"Oh you didn't know?" Landon asks smugly. "She's on bereavement leave, seemingly permanent
considering her age. NYU needed a fresh new face to the department board, Professor Kirk, if you
recall? Transferred from Cambridge, got to work with him closely these last few weeks," Landon
smiles.

It takes every muscle inside of Harry to not throw up, he himself feels nauseous. Professor Kirk,
Harry should have known, grime and dirt doesn't clean so easily.

"He's all over this, willing to let bygones be bygones."

"If I'm gone," Harry breathes.

"Precisely, do we have a deal?"

"You're not getting rid of me so easily, you have skeltons in your closet, Landon, far darker and
more believeable than harrassment. What did you think? If I refused this deal I would run to the
police telling them you beat me up, or go to NYU saying my internship host has been harrasing me
for months? I'm not dumb, justice wouldn't be served, but I know one thing about America as a
whole...the government will get their money or see to it they get revenge when people cheat the
system."

"Thought you'd be smart enough to not bring up the alleged embezzlement," Landon says with a
click of the tongue. "But it's funny you mention closets. Clearly, you're not in one, but does the
name Louis Tomlinson ring a bell?" Landon replies, and Harry can feel the ice in his veins freeze
and weigh him down.

Landon wouldn't dare.

"I'm unaware of my co-intern's sexuality, nor do I see how it would be relevant here," Harry replies,
confident, trying to bluff his way out of causing trouble.

"Do you think this rings a bell?" Landon asks, pulling out his cellphone and showing a video
montage of Harry and Louis. Harry would typically look at a video of him and Louis kissing in
various locations in the firm admriably, but this is cruel, it is torture. From the copy room, to the
elevator, vacant hallways, every small moment they shared kept in a vault used for blackmail.

"How do you think Louis would feel if this was all over the press. Plenty of speculation about him
and his girlfriend, she just walked a fashion show as I recolect. I'm afraid Teresa wouldn't take to
her adoring Christian son being tainted by none other, Harry Styles."

Harry's never felt more defeated. He's lost, he has no choice but to send the white flag souring.

"When would I have to leave New York?"

"I'll give you two days. Ellington will take you the airport at 9 a.m."
Harry doesn’t know anything anymore other than he just made a deal with the devil. Fuck Landon
Green.
 liability
Chapter Summary

Louis comes back home from London, Harry has to tell him he's leaving New York.

Chapter Notes

sad, so sad, so, so sad, bring tissues, and maybe a backup set of tissues.
also it's dawned on me that i'm a heavy dialogue abuser, oh well life will go on

Harry doesn't know what pain he could compare this to, how does anyone compensate what it feels
like to be losing everything in the blink of an eye? He feels, hallow, as if he's not even there at all.
He should be packing all of his things up, but what's there to take? There's nothing left here for him
worth taking, except Louis, and that won't happen. So Harry lays in his bed, unknowing of what he
could do to fix this, but there's nothing. He can't risk telling Louis about what happened this
weekend, because Harry loves him, and he thinks Louis loves him too. Love can make people do
selfless things, things that they'd later on resent, and Harry can't risk letting Louis come out to
allow Harry to stay in New York.

Louis has been so courageous this year, allowing himself to slowly find himself in his community.
Coming out, is something that he deserves to do in his own time, and Harry will do anything and
everything in order to protect him and let Louis come out when Louis is ready. No matter how
miserable it may make Harry in the process.

Harry hasn't had it in him to look at his phone, though it's been going off all day. He suspects it's
from Zayn, Liam, Niall and maybe Louis, and when he looks, he sees it's right.

Niall: Hey man, checking in, you were gone when I got up, are u ok???

Zayn: Please take a couple days off to rest. Call me if you need anything. Me and Liam love you!

Liam: Did you want to come over for dinner? Maybe get you out of the apartment? Love you so
much!!

Louis: Good news and bad news, good news, your book is fucking amazing, bad news, I'm only
getting to read it because I can't fly until this storm front in London blows over, should make it in
by Monday morning, first stop is your apartment :))))))

Louis: sorry I've been busy and haven't messaged you much ):

Louis: Harry???

Harry starts crying, unable to send anyone anything back, he just...can't. He just wants to be back in
Louis' arms, but all he can do is breathe him in, his scent that lingers in Harry's sheets. The cotton
fabric is stained with Harry's tears, and he can't stop. Nothing was ever perfect, but it worked for
them. Harry only stops crying when there's a knock at the door and it's Liam and Zayn. Harry
wipes his tears and opens the door.

"Oh Harry," Zayn says, hugging him in the doorway. And Harry just sinks into Zayn's hug, crying
even more than before. Liam ushers them inside and sits the pizza they'd brought over down on
Harry's bar.

"Harry, talk to us please," Liam begs, cramming on the couch with Zayn and Harry. Harry lays in
Zayn's lap. And Zayn curls his fingers into Harry's hair, letting Harry get it out of his system.

"When...I got home this morning," Harry whimpers, "Landon was here, I don't know how he got in,
he was here."

"I'll kill him," Liam says, immediately angry, "what did he do? Did he hurt you? Threaten to have
you beaten up again?"

"No, no," Harry rises up. "I have to leave in the morning, I have to move back to England," Harry
sniffles.

"WHAT?" Zayn asks, angry.

"You can't let him intimidate you forever, please don't move away because you're afraid of him,
Harry," Liam begs.

"I have to leave-" Harry starts, trying to find the words in the air. "Because if I don't then Louis
gets outed, Landon will leak all the information he has about me and Louis to the press."

Liam and Zayn look at each other, unable to make a coherent sentence.

"There's nothing else you can do?" Liam asks, rubbing Harry's back.

"I can ask Louis to come out, but I can't ask that of him. I can't let him be blackmailed into doing
it," Harry sighs.

"And if you tell him you're certain he'll do that?" Liam asks.

"I'm afraid he'll ask me to leave to save his reputation, and I'm scared he won't."

"So when are you telling him?" Zayn asks.

"When he shows up here in the morning," Harry sniffles, trying to choke back tears. "Will you two
watch out for him? You know?"

"Of course, always, we love both of you," Liam says, and Zayn and Liam hug Harry in a
sandwich.

Liam and Zayn stick around for many hours into the morning, it falls to about seven. There are
heartfelt goodbyes with tears with all of them. They hold each other and Liam makes Harry
promise to not let this destroy him. It's a hard promise to make, not one he's even sure he can keep,
but he does. They've helped him pack two bags, because he doesn't really feel the need to move his
crappy furniture to another continent.

Harry's stomach is in knots, knowing Louis will show up any second, and he's going to have to end
their time together. He sits on the couch where they'd gotten drunk that night over four months ago,
dancing to Britney Spears and trying to navigate each other's intentions. Harry's all cried out, he
feels numb, as if he's not even there anymore. Maybe if he had to psychoanalyze it he'd think to
himself that he's keeping up every wall as a defense mechanism. He's tired, he's sad, he's done.

And then Louis knocks on the door. And Harry answers. Louis greets Harry with a kiss, a little
sleepy looking, but thrilled to see Harry, coming inside and hugging Harry all the way to his couch.
Harry's chest sinks into the ground, his heart and stomach feel like they're weighing his body down
to where his mind or mouth can't move.

"What happened to your face?" Louis asks when he finally lets himself look at Harry. Harry
furrows his brows. "You've got bruises everywhere, Jesus Christ."

"Just got scuffed up at work the other night, I'm okay," Harry replies, lightly moving away from
Louis.

Louis examines Harry, and his fruitful look grows cold, and concerned. He rubs his fingers down
Harry's cheek with the back of his hand. Louis then, looks behind Harry, getting a view of Harry's
bags in sight. There's a Nike duffle bag and an old red rolling suitcase. Louis sits away from Harry,
backing up slowly on the couch.

"Going somewhere?" Louis asks, a nervous laugh escaping his mouth.

"I'm leaving, going back to England today," Harry says slowly, because the words cut the air like a
knife, a sharp, evil, knife. Louis shakes his head, confused, with a panicked look on his face.

"Harry, what do you mean? Like for a visit?" Louis breathes, the volume in his voice leaving an
anxious tone in the room.

"Louis, this has been fun, great even, but I think this has reached it's expiration date, I'm not getting
picked for the internship, and NYU has generously offered to send me my diploma early, so I
think-"

"No, no, no," Louis says really hastily, "no, no, you're not being serious," Louis laughs, with tears
in his eyes. Harry can't bare to see the sight. The five stages of grief.

Stage One: Denial.

"This isn't happening, this is some funny joke you and Niall came up with, come up with it that
night at The Rave? The selfie he sent me? Nice try," Louis chuckles, but the laugh isn't genuine.
It's waiting. Waiting for Harry to laugh and tell him that it is some huge prank that he Niall
concocted that night. Harry wishes it was a sick, cruel joke.

"I'm sorry, Louis, it's not a prank, I'm leaving," Harry says, trying to not let his walls break down
and because now Louis is breathing really fast, and he can see the next stage start to form.

Stage Two: Anger.

"So what, Harry, you're just fucking leaving? You're going? And you didn't even ask if maybe I'd
want to come along? So what Landon didn't pick you, you're just going to leave me here and
pretend I don't exist? Did you not consider my feelings in this at all? Do I mean that fucking little
to you?" Louis yells, standing up and rubbing his eyes. "I mean, fuck, Harry, we both know that
I'm not one of those bar goers you take home for a quick shag, yet here you are treating me as
such? Fuck you!"

Harry knows that Louis isn't wrong, and he knows that this is the hurt Louis is feeling talking to
him, it's not Louis.

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel differently, or led you on, but I have to leave," Harry replies.

Stage Three: Bargaining.

"Wait, no, this is dumb, please just cancel your flight, and talk this out with me, please. Let me
convince you to stay and not give up on your life here in New York. Your book, what about your
book?" Louis says, shoving Harry's manuscript in his face.

"You're so passionate about this, leave me behind if you must, but you love writing, please," Louis
begs.

"I don't care anymore," Harry replies, coldly throwing the book across the room.

Stage Four: Depression.

Louis starts crying.

"Why are you doing this?" He sobs.

"Why now? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything, I just think this has taken its course, and now it's time for me to leave,
there's nothing left here for me," Harry says, in a haze almost. He can't believe he's even saying
this to Louis.

"I'm here, Harry."

"And I'm a liability to you, Louis."

And Louis starts crying again, trying to stop, but Harry's reluctant to do anything. He doesn't want
to send Louis mixed signals.

Stage Five: Acceptance.

"You know, Harry. I've been left by a lot of people in my life, so I'll get over this, I always do, but
fuck you for being the one person I thought would never leave," Louis cries. "Because, I know you
love me. I know you love me, and you're going through something, and you leave when shit gets
tough. But you love me, and that's not my stupid ego, or your friends telling me that, I know you
love me, because you told me you did. That night I got too fucked up on New Year's. You told me
you loved me by getting me home safely, again when you made me a grilled cheese and helped me
upstairs."

"Those were kind actions, I didn't tell you that I loved you."

"Give it time, I know he loves you too," Louis replies, repeating the words he'd said to Louis that
night when he thought Louis was too far gone to remember. "I gave it time."

"You were drunk and rolling off of party drugs," Harry coughs.

"And you...you weren't lying," Louis says, slamming the door to Harry's apartment, still sobbing in
tears.
And Harry wasn't lying to Louis that night.
 possibility
Chapter Summary

one year later, we see how life has progressed with harry and louis.

Chapter Notes

tw: substance use

One Year Later

"Harry can you grab this last round of shots and then you can take your break," Harry's boss,
Danny, calls out from the other side of the bar. Harry takes the order and pours nine shot glasses of
tequila for a bachelor party.

He brings it over to the group of men cheering at the male dancers on stage as their friend in a faux
tux gets a lap dance. He serves the shots and a few guys tuck money into Harry's neon blue short
shorts. Harry gives a small smile and wink as a thank you before walking back from the bar and
into the dressing room where employees can get ready.

The Rainbow Room kind of fell into his life when he'd moved to Manchester. The money he was
going to spend to take Louis on a trip to the mountains after graduation, and after asking him to be
his boyfriend ran out a few weeks into him landing himself back in England. He refused to spend
Landon's dirty bribe money. He still does, so after a glowing recommendation from Zayn and
Liam, he'd gotten the job here. As a strip bartender. So he doesn't dance but still parades around
half naked for patrons.

"Hey lad, is it busy out there?" A guy asks by the mirrors, he's applying a light layer of highlighter
on his stomach and collarbones.

"Yeah, quite a few bachelor parties," Harry smiles, sitting on the bench and pulling out a book.

"God, I don't know why so many people insist on getting married in March," the new guy, Connor
says. "It's like, what the fuck is so special about March, you know?" He asks.

"Fuck March," Harry replies, but then he sees Connor pull a dime bag of coke out his carry on.

It's not uncommon, a lot of people here do drugs to keep the energy alive. Connor is no exception,
but Harry tries to mind his business and read a tragic book called 'The Butterfly Garden'. Connor
lies out a few lines on a portable mirror and starts snorting.

"Do you want a bump?" He asks Harry. And usually Harry would say no, but March has been
harder than usual, he really misses Louis and that can suck all of the energy out of Harry, so Harry
shrugs.
"Sure," Harry smiles, taking the cut straw Connor hands him and snorting a line. "Thanks."

It doesn't take long for Harry to feel like he'd just chug ten coffees. His heart beats erratically in his
chest and he feels it in the back of his head. Soon after, Harry takes a sip of water and heads back
into the club. The music vibrates his body, the techno-dj is working magic with the remixes and
Harry feels amazing. And it's been a long time since he's felt that. Harry gets back behind the bar,
interacting with the patrons more than usual, smiley and happy.

Luckily Connor is one of the last dancers so it means it's the last call. The new guys always go last
until they prove themselves. Harry watches and Connor is definitely erotic at best, less control
movements and more sensual than anything, which isn't a bad thing. Harry starts closing out tabs,
and cleaning. Ready to clock out and go home. No wonder the drug is considered an upper because
he's frantically getting things done way more quickly than he usually does.

When Harry gets back to his flat, that's a bit smaller than one he was renting in New York, he
collapses on the couch after grabbing a beer from the fridge. He sits for a while when he gets an
alert on his phone. It's about Louis.

Harry struggled hard after leaving New York, many days cooped in a hotel praying that he hadn't
done it. Every second he wanted to call Louis and tell him the truth, but he couldn't toy with Louis'
emotions. A few weeks in, he set an alert on Google to notify him every time Louis' name came up
in an article.

The first one he got a month after he left.

Louis Tomlinson announces a breakup with long time model girlfriend, Lexi Writhe. The two have
decided to remain friends.

In June, another headline came out: Like Mother Like Son, Louis Tomlinson Accepts Job at Top
Publishing Firm, Green's.

That one hurt, because attached was a photo of Louis and Landon shaking hands at a dinner party.
Harry remembers his heart dropping when he saw it. Overthinking was killing him, thinking
maybe they were hooking up makes him sick, he doubts it, he never showed interest in Louis
unless it was to torment Harry. Harry drew the conclusion that maybe Landon wanted Harry to see
that article, rubbing salt in the wound and whatnot.

In December was the next headline: Louis Tomlinson Celebrates Birthday with Ex-Girlfriend Lexi
Writhe and Her Partner, Stephanie Jenks.

He would have been happy to see Lexi coming out, and meeting her girlfriend. But Louis looks sad
in the photo, and the hug in the photo didn't seem like they were celebrating Louis' birthday, more
like comforting him. Harry knows what Louis looks like when he's sad, and he hates thinking he
was the reason.

The article illuminating Harry's phone today reads out: After Only A Few Short Months, Louis
Announces He's Parting Ways With Green's Publishing Firm to Focus on Other Passions.

And Harry can sleep on that article, because it's probably the one thing bringing him joy, plus the
combined crash of the cocain he'd taken early now has him feeling drowsy and icky. He takes a
shower, and falls asleep soon after.

During work the next night, Harry's eyes are rimmed with bags because he's slept like shit. He
wishes he could have his old life back, not that he'd gotten any more sleep than he gets now, but
that restlessness used to mean he was working for easier days, now none of his days are easy.

"Harry, do you mind serving that guy over there, I'm swamped?" His fellow bartender, Ben asks.

He looks up and sees a ghost, and by ghost, he means Louis. Louis Tomlinson. The love his life.
Louis Tomlinson. He can't believe his eyes, and then rushes from behind the bar as Louis runs up
to him and embraces him in a hug. The two have tears in their eyes and they start kissing.

It's not too soon after that Harry has Louis pinned against the employee bathroom wall. Marking
his neck with kisses and fucking him as Louis moans into his mouth. Louis' breath hitches each
time Harry moves him down on his dick. God, he'd missed this.

"Harry," Louis whispers against Louis' mouth.

"Harry," Louis moans again in Harry's ear.

"Harry, wake up," Louis whispers.

And Harry does, he wakes up, alone, in bed. The feeling chokes him, he physically feels his chest
twist inside of him as he starts sobbing, taking a long gasp of air trying to breathe. He misses Louis
so much, and he'd thought these recurring dreams with him were in the past, but that one came out
of nowhere. His alarm is ringing on his phone, but he can't bring himself to remove his hand from
his chest to try to catch his breath.

When he finally does, he lays there, numb, nearly sick. There's no relief, no easy days, everything
once started with Louis and it never stopped. The worst part is that it's been so long that Harry is
slowly forgetting the sound of his voice. He's read about this in many novels for Green's.
Forgetting the sound of a loved one's voice, is the one thing that makes the dreams worth having,
there their love is timeless, it's still there, until suddenly, it isn't and Harry opens his eyes.

The sweater Harry had packed that belonged to Louis is losing its smell, even though Harry
promised himself he'd only sleep with it on the bad nights, but they've added up over the last year.
Sometimes if it's slow at work, he daydreams of that chestnut brown hair and those long eyelashes
that cover Persian blue eyes. God, he longs to wake up with Louis' cold feet against him wrapped
with his smaller framed body. He misses the softness of Louis' touch, how in the morning he
caresses Harry's face in his hands.

Harry's off from work today, and so he decides to drink. He doesn't drink every time he misses
Louis, but he does it more often than he'd like to admit. He tries washing the ick of drunkness off
in the shower, but even those remind him of Louis. Everything. Is. About. Louis. Sometimes he
tries to think of the person who could replace him, if it'd be some guy from a hookup, or if he'd
meet someone at a coffee shop, but that thought is more disgusting than the thought of losing
Louis.

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