RESUME III

MARRIAGE COUNSELING

“Purpose of Marriage and Role of Individuals in Marriage”

Lecturer :
Dr. Nurfarhanah, S.Pd., M.Pd., Kons

Created By:
Azahra Hardi Cusinia
19006069

DEPARTEMENT OF GUIDANCE AND COUNSELING

FACULTY OF EDUCATION

UNIVERSITAS NEGERI PADANG

2022
 Purpose of Marriage and Role of Individuals in Marriage

A. Wedding Destination
One of the principles and principles of Law Number 1 of 1974, that the
purpose of marriage is to form a happy and eternal family. For husband and wife
need to help each other and complement each other, so that each can develop his
personality to help and achieve physical and spiritual well-being. In other words,
the purpose of marriage is to form a happy and prosperous family forever, so the
law adheres to the principle of making it difficult for divorce to occur, there must
be certain reasons and must be done before the court. In connection with the
above opinion, the main objectives of marriage include:
1. To enforce and enforce religious law, normal human beings, both men and
women who adhere to a certain religion, must obediently try to uphold the
teachings of their religion, maintain the sanctity of their religion, otherwise
they are not adherents of a devout religion. In Islamic teachings, marriage is
an act regulated by Islamic law with certain conditions and pillars. So people
who get married mean upholding their religion, while people who commit
adultery, commit obscene acts, prostitutes, commit rape and others are
degrading the Shari'a of their religion.
2. To justify the biological relationship between men and women who are not
related. As it is known that the husband and wife are from other people, there
is no close family relationship or not yet married, so it is not permissible to
have sexual relations between them, but through marriage, sexual relations or
biological relationships between the two are lawful. , innocent and even
beneficial.
3. Give birth to legal offspring according to the law. A child born to a mother
without clearly knowing who the father is, or the father has many because his
mother has relationships with many men without being bound by marriage, or
he is born from relationships outside of his mother's marriage with men,
 according to Law no. 1974 the child only has a civil relationship with his
mother. He only has the right to inherit or inherit from his mother. If she is a
woman, then no man has the right to be her guardian when she becomes the
bride, then her guardian is the guardian of the judge. Therefore, the purpose of
marriage in Islam is to give birth to legal offspring according to the law, then
the children born to a husband and wife who are already married are their two
children who have a legal relationship with their parents. has the right to
inherit and inherit between parents and their children. If it is a daughter, then
the father has the right to be a guardian when he becomes the bride. The status
of the children is clear as to who is the child, who is the father and who is the
mother. (Seeds Suprapto, 1990)
4. Maintaining human nature as God's creatures who are blessed with creativity,
taste and intention as well as religious guidance. That is, this marriage is a
legitimate distribution of human sexual instincts, and has sexual instincts that
cannot be observed or sold. So marriage is an institution to humanize humans
in channeling their sexual instincts, or to maintain human values and human
nature. According to human nature, humans are the most noble creatures, so
that the channeling of their instincts must also be noble, namely through
marriage.
5. To maintain a peaceful life. Marriage is an institution to maintain the peace of
a person's life, married people generally have a more peaceful life, especially
in terms of sex, sexual crimes, can carry out a normal sexual life. Although it
is easy to be lulled by the eyes, the beauty of the face, the body shape of a
woman who is curvaceous and so on, usually humans after marriage can
control it, can brake all stimuli that come to him, if he is attracted to women
other than his wife, he also has such a woman, namely his wife. alone. getting
married also brings peace to a person, also his mother's family or his parents,
after they form their own family means family peace, and marriage also brings
social peace.
6. Cultivate brotherly relations. Marriage is also a means to strengthen the ties of
brotherhood or ukhuwah, for Muslims, of course, ukhuwah Islamiyah, both in
a narrow and broad scope. In a narrow or small scope, namely the scope of the
family, with the existence of marriage it is expected that between the two
families or the two besans can establish closer kinship relations (brotherhood),
therefore marriage between close relatives is avoided, especially in Islamic
law which stipulates that it is not permissible to marry a muhrim himself.
Marriage with close relatives is not good because it cannot expand the
network n kinship / between distant families, so the brotherhood only ranges
from there to there in a small circle, the offspring it produces is weak. In
addition, in the event of a conflict or divorce, Family rift will occur because
Besan is one family. With the divorce between their respective children,
families tend to defend their own children, so that the family ties that are still
close between besans become tenuous and even cracked. Marriage between
distant relatives or other people is very good because it can add siblings, can
create a new brotherhood between extended families of other people, if the
word divorce does not create many family rifts.
Therefore, to realize the purpose of marriage, Allah SWT says which
means:
"O mankind, indeed we have created you from a male and a female and
made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another" (Surah Al-
Hujarat (49): 13)
In another surah Allah says which means: "O mankind, fear your Lord,
who made you from one self and then made you a mate, then He multiplied into
many men and women" (Surah An-Nisa (4): 1). Allah does not want to make
humans like other creatures who live freely according to their instincts and relate
between men and women freely and there are no rules that regulate them. In
order to maintain human dignity, Allah sent down the appropriate lawwith
human dignity.
B. The Role of Individual in Marriage
A legal marriage is only a marriage that meets certain conditions through
certain procedures that have been stipulated in Law Number 1 of 1974
concerning Marriage. Furthermore, there are 6 principal principles in this
Marriage Law:
During the first and second years of marriage a married couple usually has
to make adjustments to each other, with their respective family members and
friends. The most basic adjustment problem that is first faced by a new family is
adjustment to their partner (Hurlock, 2006). There are those who take marriage
to the extreme, that the romance of marriage ends right after the couple finishes
their honeymoon (Mossholder, 1997).
Purnomo (in Natalia & Iriani, 2002) states that the adjustment for men and
women is actually the same, but there is an assumption that women adjust more
to their role in marriage. After marriage, women will act as wives, mothers, and
even working women. Wives also play a bigger role in domestic affairs. This
statement is also supported by Horsey (in Natalia & Iriani, 2002) who says that
the role of women in marriage is very strong because traditionally women take
many roles in the house, especially wives tend to have a greater responsibility to
have a good relationship. with their husbands. husband's family because they are
on good terms with their own family.
Changes in status and roles from single to family require husband and
wife to adjust. This change resulted in changes in the development of
increasingly complex tasks. After marriage, each individual has the development
of tasks both for himself and for his family (as husband and wife). Furthermore,
after husband and wife have children, their status, roles and duties are
increasingly developed for the needs of each individual husband and wife, their
families and children.
Elkind (1994) discusses the shift in the meaning of marriage between
traditional, modern and postmodern societies in relation to gender relations. The
changing times brought social, economic and technological changes that resulted
in changes in husband and wife towards family institutions. Marriage is no
longer something sacred and must be fought for/maintained until deathseparate
husband and wife. Changing the age of marriage is only a choice that considers
the rational side such as advantages and disadvantages, not as a spiritual meaning
that is used as a guide for the world and the hereafter. Therefore, changing times
demands a change in the division of roles and interaction strategies between
husband and wife.
Mattensich and Hill (Zeitlin, 1995), family functions consist of the
function of physical maintenance, socialization and education, the acquisition of
new family members through procreation or adoption, control of social and
sexual behavior, maintenance of family and adult morals through the formation
of sexual partners. , and releasing adult family members. . United Nations (1993)
functions of the family include the function of strengthening marital bonds,
procreation and sexual relations, socialization and education of children, naming
and status, basic care of children, protection of family members, recreation and
emotional care, and exchange of goods and services.
In the family there are roles of husband and wife with their respective
identities which may be different or change when married. Therefore, conflicts
often arise when one or both have different roles and identities.
According to child and adult psychologists, couples must determine what
their roles will be when they get married. Who will make a living, take care of
the household, how much time is allocated for the family, and what are their
plans for the future. In addition, it should be noted that times have changed, the
construction of the roles of husband and wife no longer respects the husband in
the traditional grip that requires earning a living and the wife taking care of the
household. So that gender socialization is needed between the two partners to
form a good understanding of each other's desires, abilities, and expectations.
Examples are as follows.
1. Boundary Rules Between Family and Friends
Couples pay attention and pay attention to the outer boundaries of marriage. It
is important to determine the extent to which husband and wife can interact
with family and friends. These limits include how often a husband or wife
visits each other's family, plays with friends, and the extent to which partners
can have problems with family and friends compared to their partners.
2. Husband and Wife Restrictions
When someone is married, let alone has children, one of the problems that
often arises is how the husband or wife is able to maintain the essence of
themselves as individuals. The loss of privacy barriers often makes a person
experience a crisis of self-identity when married. To prevent this, couples
need to set boundaries in the husband and wife relationship. “You need to
know which behaviors you like and don't like. What are the things that make a
couple, and the extent to which we can interfere in the affairs of a partner. All
of that is needed so that we have consideration in vior behavior,” said Tri
Kurnia in the Family Life and First 1000 Days webinar held by the Faculty of
Psychology UNAIR, Saturday (10/24/2020).
3. Financial management
In a mini survey conducted by Tri Kurnia in the webinar, the majority of
webinar participants chose love as the main reason for getting married.
However, when asked about the main preparations for marriage, the
participants answered quite rationally and chose financial matters as the main
aspect. "Love alone is not enough, but we must remain rational," he added.
The management includes how savings and accounts will be created, who is
responsible for paying bills, day-to-day financial management, and various
other financial interests. Generally, the most complicated and exhausting
financial aspects are day-to-day finances, so finances are not only borne by
one partner. This strategy itself can be said to be successful if the partner is
satisfied with the control and power that is given fairly. Besides that,
 Adjustment factor in married life on the grounds that at the beginning of
the year of marriage there will be many dynamics that occur in husband and wife
relationships such as serious difficulties and problems (Lasswell, 1987).
Adjustment in an effort to achieve experience and a deeper understanding of
differences and sources of problems in order to foster unity between husband and
wife, (Dewi, 2009). Therefore, an important stage in marriage is when each
partner learns to adjust to a new life, namely marriage. Previously, each husband
and wife lived alone, now they have to live alone with new people and new
families. Adjustment is also very necessary because adjustment in marriage is an
important variable for the success of marriage (Iqbal, 2018).
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