Handout Report

10 tips to rediscover your social self

1) What are social skills?

Social skills are the verbal and nonverbal communication skills  required to

foster connections and appropriately navigate social settings. Think about
socializing a puppy: The more interaction it has with other puppies when it’s
young, the better it knows how to act when it’s older. Humans are similar. 

Most of the time, when people think of “social skills,” they think of their
everyday interactions. It’s how they gain acceptance from their colleagues
or peers and involves being comfortable when speaking to strangers, easily
making friends, and earning the respect of your co-workers.

These things don’t always come naturally. Individuals with social anxiety , for
example, might have trouble connecting with others. Introverts or shy
people who like to keep to themselves may actively avoid social interactions
— and appear rude as a result. Or, sometimes, we get uncomfortable
around people we don’t know and lose some of our social confidence.

No matter the case, it’s nice to have some basic principles to fall back on.
Knowing how to develop your social skills will help you in the long run. 

2) The benefits of having good social skills

So what’s in it for you? Well, a lot. Improving your social skills is essential

for your social health and overall well-being.

In terms of mental health, people with strong social ties have lower rates of
anxiety and depression . They also have higher self-esteem, greater
empathy, and are more cooperative. 
For your physical health, researchers knew as early as 1988  that lack of
social connection is more harmful than obesity, smoking, and high blood
pressure. And, more recently, they learned that isolation is associated with
a 50% increased risk of dementia  as you age. 

Sharpening your social skills will also pay you back in the form of social
capital. Entire university programs are devoted to studying this concept. But,
to keep it simple, we can define social capital as the sum of all benefits from
being part of a social group.

Social capital comes with its own list of benefits:

 People will like working with you. Social capital often translates to

goodwill from your colleagues; if you’re easy to work with , people will
be in your corner when you need it — like when you’re gunning for
that next big promotion. 
 When you ask for help, people provide it. What goes around
comes around . If you’re kind and helpful to others, they’ll do the same
for you. 
 Others will understand your boundaries. Don’t want to go to a
social event? It’ll be easier to refuse when people trust there are no
hard feelings. When you use your social skills, you can help others
see where you’re coming from and better communicate your feelings. 
 Clients will love you. Whether you’re a freelancer, salesperson, or
customer service rep, social skills are essential to winning and
keeping clients. People like good work with a good attitude. 
 You’ll nail your job interviews. Job interviews are about making
great impressions. This is the perfect environment to flex your social
skills. Use open body language , eye contact, and friendly facial
expressions to impress your interviewers.

In today’s gig economy, social capital is critical. It can earn you a higher
salary, win you more interesting projects, and may be the deciding factor in
your next job application. Consider working with a BetterUp coach  to
improve this area of your career. 

3) How can I enhance my social skills?

We’re glad you asked! You can definitely learn or improve your social life.
Here are some general guidelines to get you started:

3-1. Improve your emotional intelligence

Put yourself in their shoes . Imagine what they might be going through and
try to understand their feelings. You’ll better understand their perspective,
which will help you respond appropriately. 

3-2. Look inwards

Pay attention to your emotions , thoughts, behaviors, and triggers. Then it

will be easier to control them while interacting with others.

3-3. Practice effective communication  skills

Use tactics like active listening and open body language to demonstrate
attentiveness. This opens the door to more positive interactions.

3-4. Fake it ‘till you make it

Try acting like your more social peers, even if it’s just small talk. It will
become easier every time you try it.

3-5. Ask more than you speak

You don’t have to worry about speaking up; ask open-ended questions  and
use active listening. People love talking about themselves.

3-6. Give compliments

Everyone likes a good compliment. Tell someone that they were great in
that meeting, or their project was top-notch. Be specific.

3-7. Be polite

Good manners go a long way. Words like “please” and “thank you” are small
but powerful ways to soften requests.

3-8. Use open body language and non-verbal communication

Face the person with whom you’re speaking. Pay attention to your tone of
voice. Make eye contact. Use your body language  to show you’re present
and paying attention.

3-9. Read the news

So many conversations revolve around current events; try to keep up so you

can chime in.

3-10. Don’t let your thoughts get the best of you

It’s okay to feel a little anxious, but don’t let it get the best of you. You’re not
your thoughts. Take a deep breath  and try to let them go; this will help you
relax in a social situation.

3-11. Start small

Start by spending time in a coffee shop or practicing your conversation skills

with family members. Then you can ease into larger social settings. Before
you know it, you'll be making new friends at your next social gathering.