THE

The Beginner’s Series DESIGN

THINKER ©

The Four Steps to Nonviolent

Communications.
The Design Thinker’s reference guide

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 THE The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 1
DESIGN
THINKER ©

“NVC comes down to

removing judgments and
identifying needs.”
Eric Moore

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 2

The Four Steps

01 / 02 /
Observations: Feelings:
Making observations without Expressing feelings without
judgments or criticisms. confusing them with thoughts.

03 / 04 /
Needs: Requests:
Identifying and articulating Make requests not demands
needs so they can be met. for unmet needs.

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 3

01 /
OBSERVATIONS

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 4

01 /OBSERVATIONS For tough or difficult conversations,

observations are comments about actions
without judgments or criticisms. You state
clearly what you have witnessed without flowery
or overblown language.
Observations move in two ways: sending and
receiving messages. You must send messages
without blame or criticism. You must also listen
without guilt or shame.
See the next page for examples.

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 5

OBSERVATIONS EXAMPLES Sending Before NVC:

Janelle, you’re so lazy and that’s why your work
is always late.

Sending After NVC:

For the past two projects, I’ve noticed your work
has been late, Janelle.

Receiving Before NVC:

I’m not lazy, I just work smarter not harder.

Receiving After NVC:

You’re right, I’ve had some random IT issues that
coincided with the delivery of those projects.

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 6

02 /
FEELINGS

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 7

02 /FEELINGS For many of us, we’ve been told not to share our
feelings, especially in a professional setting. But
conventional attitudes towards feelings are
shifting to more acceptance in the workplace.
NVC promotes the expression of feelings in a
way that helps people recognize what is
prompting your message. It also reinforces the
contrast between your feelings and thoughts to
communicate your message clearly.
See the next page for examples.

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 8

FEELINGS EXAMPLES Feelings Before NVC:

Janelle, I feel like you’re lazy because your work
is always late.
You can’t feel like someone else is lazy, this is
an assessment of abilities.

Feelings After NVC:

Janelle, for the past two projects, I’ve noticed
your work has been late and I am worried about
your progress.
In this example, the sender is expressing their
own feeling (worry) and not an assessment of
Janelle’s work ethic.

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 9

03 /
NEEDS

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 10

03 /NEEDS Needs can be about identity, belonging,

creativity, safety, and so much more.
Expressions of feelings are statements of unmet
needs and the two components go
hand-in-hand: feelings and needs.
Expression of needs does not make us needy.
We share our needs clearly and often so
co-workers can identify ways to help you.
See the next page for examples.

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 11

NEEDS EXAMPLES Before NVC:

I am upset by your recent late work, Janelle.
How embarrassing for the team.
In this example, the sender isn’t expressing a
clear need. Sure, it could be about turning the
work in on time or it could be about supporting
the team. These two expressions may not
address the same needs for the sender.

After NVC:
Janelle, for the past two projects, I’ve noticed
your work has been late and I am worried about
your progress. It’s important to me that our
team members grow and flourish.
In this example, the sender is expressing a clear
need to help Janelle grow and flourish, not just
scold her for late work.

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 12

04 /
REQUESTS

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 13

04 /REQUESTS Now that you’ve expressed a need, it is time to

request for that need to be fulfilled.
Requests are a call for help, guidance, or
support in the workplace. You must ask your
request in a way where the other person can
negotiate the strategy for fulfilling the request.
Requests are not demands, where the answer
only serves your exact strategy with no
agreement or compromise.
See the next page for examples.

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications. 14

REQUESTS EXAMPLES Before NVC:

Chris: Hey Janelle, I’m working a little late tonight and would
appreciate your help on my project.
Janelle: Oh Chris, I’m so tired and it’s already 6pm. Can you ask Eric
to spend time with you? I know he was intending on working late.
Chris: How typical, Janelle…you never want to work with me.

After NVC:
Chris: Janelle, I’m working a little late tonight and would appreciate
your help on my project.
Janelle: Oh Chris, I’m tired. Can you ask Eric to spend time with
you? I know he was intending on working late.
Chris: Oh, okay. Long week?
Janelle: Yes, I received a last-minute revision on the Bonobos site,
and I want to conserve my energy for that.
Chris: I totally get that. I am just feeling helpless on the direction of
my project and need some guidance. Is there any chance you could
spend some time with me before next week?

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2022 The Four Steps to Nonviolent Communications.

Get
Nonviolent communications has four key
components: Observations, Feelings, Needs, and
Requests. Each component has unique success
factors that won’t take long to learn.

started
To start your journey into the practice of
nonviolent communication, begin with
Observations. For the first two weeks, focus only
on making observations without judgments.

today!
Keep track of how many times you insert a
criticism or judgment versus times you do not.
Note how people react to your use of pure
observations versus critiques.
Don’t worry if it takes you longer than two
weeks, just keep going and encourage others to
join your exercise.

To learn more about how I can

help you or your team improve
communications visit:
www.thedesignthinker.org

Read the seminal book:

Nonviolent Communication A
Language of Life
Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD

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