W H AT I S C O M P E R S I O N ?

COMPERSION:
A RADICAL LOVE
PHENOMENON

What is compersion?
Compersion is our wholehearted participation in
the happiness of others. It is the sympathetic joy
we feel for somebody else, even when their
positive experience does not involve or benefit us
directly. Thus, compersion can be thought of as
the opposite of jealousy and possessiveness.

Why is it radical?
Compersion depends on viewing other people as
intrinsically autonomous and self-determined—
and celebrating their own unique path to
fulfillment. This might not seem radical when we
feel happy for a friend getting a promotion at
work, a family member reaching a fitness goal, or
a child delighting in learning how to walk. But
what if our romantic partner were to experience
happiness and growth from an intimate
relationship with somebody else? Could we possibly
rejoice with them?

When compersion happens in a situation where

jealousy is the more common or conditioned
response, we are, in a sense, entering the radical,
outer reaches of love. Therefore, people who
experience compersion in those unexpected places
can be considered pioneers of a significant human
potential. This is why I decided to conduct
research on this phenomenon—so I could learn
about this unconventional yet powerful expression
of human love.

Why does it matter?

Learning about compersion can benefit people in
all types of relationships. Whether one is in a
consensually non-monogamous relationship (a
designation that includes polyamory, open
relationships, swinging, relationship anarchy, and
others) or not, compersion conveys to another
person that we genuinely support them on their
chosen path to wellbeing. This encourages
authentic emotional expression, which in turn
reinforces a sense of togetherness and being on the
same team. Generosity begets generosity, and love
begets love—creating a positive emotional
feedback loop. Thus, compersion is fundamentally
an expression of deep friendship and support, and
it can be cultivated as a way to strengthen any
connection. (Check out my latest blog to read
more on this)

How did the word come

about?
The term compersion was coined and defined in
the early 1990s by the Kerista community, a San
Francisco-based polyamorous group that has since
disbanded, as the feeling of taking joy in the joy that
others you love share among themselves. In the
context of consensually non-monogamous
romantic and sexual relationships, compersion
refers to the empathetic feeling of joy one
experiences when their partner takes pleasure from
another relationship.

Although polyamorists were the first to coin this

term in the English language, the concept had
existed long before.

Buddhists had long considered sympathetic joy

(referred to as mudita in Sanskrit) to be one of the
four qualities of the enlightened person—the
other three being loving kindness (metta),
compassion (karuna), and equanimity (upeksha).
According to this tradition, mudita remedies the
illusory separateness between self and others and
can therefore be a powerful vehicle on the path to
liberation. You can learn more about the
connection between compersion and mudita in
this article.

How does one cultivate

compersion?
My research has revealed the specific factors that
promote and hinder compersion for consensually
non-monogamous individuals. This dissertation is
the most comprehensive piece of writing
published to date on the topic of compersion, as it
contains a thorough background of the literature,
interview transcripts of real people’s compersion
stories, and a practical map to understanding what
invites vs. blocks compersion in intimate
relationships.

Please download my full dissertation here, and

check out my blog as well as a compiled list of
resources and media appearances.
If you enjoy and find value in this work, please
consider making a donation to support my
continued dedication to disseminating knowledge
around this important concept!

Should you want personal support around

developing more compersion into your
relationships, please learn about my coaching
services & book a free 30-min exploratory
session here.

I am sending you warm wishes & look forward to

meeting you!

COACHING WITH DR. MARIE

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