College Essay

Essay #2 -In lieu of flowers

In Lieu of Flowers
They covered her body with flowers. I watched it happen--over the phone. I couldn't
afford to cry, I refused to let go. I smiled instead because I had to be strong. It was too late for her
now. Maybe if I had screamed out her name before her end, maybe if I had not hesitated.
To come home one day, and open the door to my parents sitting at the dining table
revealing that my grandmother had a hole in her head.
I was fourteen, mad or perhaps disappointed with myself. My parents had wanted to
protect me from the concept of death or maybe themselves from accepting the truth. Even as my
grandmother’s life approached the end, I still couldn’t comprehend what death meant; I was
trying to grasp how I had deserted my grandmother to play with friends and stare at a screen for
endless hours. Wounded that my parents deceived me from reality and my own stupor, I
dedicated myself to a better me, the me that would make my grandmother proud, well even
prouder. I guess in my head I was redeeming myself.
I did my best to bring to the table a gourmet meal: extra points, more pencil shavings,
high test scores, good grades, and far too many open tabs. As I learned about engineering in
school, I told myself that I needed to absorb every design and every formula. I needed to free
myself from the shackles of ignorance. While I thought about what to behold in my future, I
realized that the knowledge I was acquiring was the pathway to a trademark. So tomorrow would
be mine to give hope, create, and advance.
However, a stroll in India burst the bubble that I had created. Nothing monumental
occurred; rather, the silence of the streets shifted my focus from the typical distractions of my
mind. As my bare feet scraped the ground, the gravel emerged between my toes. I put my hands
up, in an attempt to feel the warmth of the parting sun, but it only grazed my fingertips. The tall
trees, in contrast, were intertwined boundlessly, wet with slight hope of a rainbow. I had almost
reached my clearing, and my expression changed as I re-entered the wrath of reality. Maybe it
was the silence that hurt my ears; I had yet to drown out the voices, the hallucinations. As I
perched upon a crumbled rock, I realized before I could resolve my regrets, I was to broaden my
perspective of society as well as my contribution to humanity.
Months after my grandmother’s passing, I volunteered at my grandpa's health center,
which helped me navigate my existence. When I saw patients, prisoners of not only the hospital
but also trapped in a juncture of time by their ailment, I talked to them. During my time there, I
helped my grandfather with hospital management and administration. One of the women I met
there, Anita, came to the hospital 3 times a week, for 3 hours a day. Each time she was
surrounded by medical instruments and caregivers that quietly but constantly remind her of her
illness. Her face was dim and fatigued but warm–no different from my grandmother's. Somehow,
she found the strength everyday to work at the function house. I needed only to smile to see life
return to her face.
Without even getting up, we–Anita, my grandmother, and I–had taken a stroll together.
Ailment, invincible as it may seem, is a minor fragment of a person’s life. Forgetting that
is easy when one’s mind and body are so vulnerable. I want to be there as an engineer and a
manager to remind people to go for a walk sometimes. While I do not physically treat people, I
want to lend people strength to keep living and evolving. Through my work, I can accept my
grandmother’s flowers without being caught up in a bush of thorns. Instead I will make my own
path, a flowery road uphill as an engineer.