WRITING TASK 2: Discuss both views and give your opinion

Question: Nowadays, sport has become a big business which a lot of companies have
involved in financially and in other ways. Many people think that it is such a welcome
trend, while others believe it is a negative development.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, top athletes can earn a great deal of money as sports have become a
profitable business. Furthermore, this business is supported by many companies in
various ways, including sponsorships and so on. While some people claim the
development is negative, I would contend this is positive, AND MY RATIONALES
WOULD BE PRESENTED BELOW. In my passage, I will mention both sides and give my
reasons why it is positive.

On the one hand, it is believed that sponsorship by a particular company IN THE FIELD
OF SPORTS is a negative effect. THIS IS MAINLY BECAUSE Athletes who pay much
attention to commercial activities for sponsors can neglect their professional careers. It
is obvious that if sportsmen FOR EXAMPLE, SOME TOP FOOTBALL STARS IN VIETNAM
USED TO BE PUBLICLY CRITICIZED FOR spendING too much time and energy shooting
advertisements or DOING many side hustle works FOR SOME BRANDS LIKE SHOPEE
AND SABECO. BY DOING THIS, They will DID not have enough PHYSICAL AND MENTAL
conditions to practice and improve their professional skills. Consequently, they tend to
fall FELL behind others in the same team or field and WERE also be dismissed from the
NATIONAL team IN MAJOR TOURNAMENTS if they do not meet the criteria. Moreover,
they can receive public criticism.
On the other hand, this sponsorship brings many DISTINCT benefits to the individual
athletes, the sponsors themselves, the sports fans, and the government. Looking at the
negativity I've mentioned EARLIER from another angle, with huge/ GENEROUS/
LUCRATIVE sponsorships, athletes will have access to the best training methods. For
sponsors, elite athletes often have a great influence and a huge fan club. Sponsors can
promote the image of companies that invest in the events that they take part in. As the
result, the company can raise its brand awareness and increase its profits. For sports
fans, they get to watch better quality matches thanks to a large investment from
sponsors. Last but not least, the government does not have to spend huge amounts of
money to invest in the country's sports industry, instead investing in other necessary
sectors, such as education, health care, ...

Đoạn này của Lan cover 4 ideas liền nên mỗi ý chưa đc sâu. Em rút xuống focus vào 2
đối tượng cụ thể và dùng các cách why-example-consequence-compare để phân tích ra
ha. Theo cô em focus vào lợi ích cho 2 đối tượng chính là athletes và brands ý nhé. Em
có thể đọc bài cô chữa cho các bạn khác thì các bạn chỉ viết khoảng 2 ideas/đoạn thì cô
cmt kỹ được nhé.

In conclusion, DESPITE SOME POTENTIAL PROBLEMS, I believe sports can benefit a

great deal from becoming a business as it will help to improve the popularity of playing
sports and lead a healthy lifestyle, while professional athletes will have more financial
incentives to improve their performance AND COMPANIES CAN ALSO TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES TO RAISE THEIR BRAND AWARENESS.

(344 words)

Bài của Lan nhìn chung khá sạch sẽ chỉn chu, khung bài tốt và quan điểm rõ ràng, ideas
cũng hợp lý cơ mà ở body 2 thì nên giảm bớt số ideas và tập trung phân tích sâu nhé.
Còn body 1 thì khá ổn áp rùi đó em mình. Vocab và grammar cũng đa dạng và đc sử
dụng hiệu quả rùi nha, Lan chú ý có 2-3 câu sai thành phần câu xíu thui.