Chapter 4

Nondirective Listening Skills

I. Why is this important?
A. Nondirective listening is essential to grasp an accurate understanding of what the
client is saying
B. Goal of nondirective listening skills is to get the client talking more
C. Includes clarifying
1. Spacing out happens, but you should ask them to clarify if you missed
what they just said
D. Clients may run decisions by you
1. Guide them to make a decision
E. Client brings up intentions
1. May help them explore the intention as a possible goal
2. Change-talk - evidence that when people engage in change talk, they are
more likely to follow it through
F. When someone is crying or making a disclosure - that is the time to just LISTEN
1. Can thank them for sharing afterwards
G. Silence - why is it important?
1. Crucial in therapy
2. Timing is important
a) When to speak
b) What are the options for speaking at that time
3. You can sit with what the client said for a second, if you need to digest or
understand
a) May lead to more client disclosure
4. Silence leads to more client disclosure
H. Possible responses to client disclosure examples
1. Thank you
2. I’m sorry
I. Gratitude - why is this important?
1. Why say thank you after a client discloses information
 2. A form of positive reinforcement
J. Reflecting skills
1. Intervention skills for deep exploration
II. Adopting a Therapeutic Attitude
A. Neurogenesis and Listening with Empathy
1. Neurogenesis - the birth of neurons
a) Insula or insular cortex - separates temp lobe from frontal and
parietal lobes; linked to empathy experience, self-regulation, and
other compassionate counseling-type responses
b) Want to thicke insula = more empathy
2. Lovingkindness meditation
a) Committing to the intention of becoming a person who can listen
to others in ways that are accepting, empathic, and respectful.
b) Developing an empathic listening practice. This could involve any
form of regular interpersonal experience where you devote time to
using the active listening skills described in this chapter. As you
engage in this practice, it's important to have listening with
compassion as your primary goal.
c) Engaging in the active listening, multicultural, and empathy
development activities sprinkled throughout this text, offered in
your classes, and obtained from additional outside readings.
d) When watching television, reading literature, and obtaining
information via technology, lingering on and experiencing the
emotions that these normal daily activities trigger.
e) Reflecting on these experiences and then . . . repeating . . .
repeating . . . and repeating some more.
B. Communication is always Two-Way
1. A constant sending and receiving of verbal and nonverbal messages
C. Attending behavior
1. Attending behavior - nonverbal and minimal verbal behaviors that assure
clients you’re listening; aka minimal encouragers
D. Visual/eye Contact
1. Sustain eye contact most of the time with White clients
2. Minority cultures may prefer less eye contact
E. Vocal Qualities
1. Use loudness, pitch, rate, rhythm, inflection, fluency, and tone
strategically - ex. Speaking soft, slow, and gentle to encourage self-
expression
F. Verbal Tracking
1. Restating some protion of the content of your client’s speech
2. Avoid leading, you are not adding in your input
3. Minimize internal and external personal reactions
4. Focus remains on client
5. Do not become distracted into your own thoughts
G. Body Language
1. Positive body language
2. Leaning slightly toward the client
3. Maintaining a relaxed but attentive posture
4. Placing feet and legs in an unobtrusive position
5. Keeping your hand gestures unobtrusive and smooth
6. Minimizing the number of other movements
7. Matching you facial expressions to your feelings or the client’s feelings
8. Sitting approximately one arm’s length from the client
9. Arranging the furniture to draw you and the client together
10. Mirroring - being in sync with client, can enhance rapport and empathy
but if overdone will lead to client taking offense
H. Negative Attending behavior
1. Head nods - excessive is bothersome
2. Saying “uh huh” - excessive is bothersome
3. Eye contact - too much feels like scrutiny
4. Repeating the client’s last word - overuse can feel like they are being over
analyzed
 5. Infrequent eye contact
6. Turning 45 degrees or more away from the client
7. Leaning back from the waist up
8. Crossing legs away from client
9. Folding arms across chest
III. Why Nondirective Listening is also Directive
A. Social reinforcement to influence client’s verbal behavior
B. Selection is necessary as clients talk about so many topics
C. Be conscious and intentional with listening focus
IV. The Listening Continuum in 3 parts
A. NONDIRECTIVE listening behaviors (left edge) - facilitate client talk
1. Attending behaviors or minimal encouragers
2. Therapeutic silence
3. Paraphrase
4. Clarification
5. Reflection of feeling
6. Summary
B. DIRECTIVE listening behaviors (middle) - facilitate client insight
1. Feeling validation
2. Interpretive reflection of feeling
3. Interpretation (classic or reframing)
4. Confrontation
5. Immediacy
6. Open questions
C. DIRECTIVE action behaviors (right edge) - facilitate client action
1. Closed and therapeutic questions
2. Psychoeducation or explanation
3. Suggestion
4. agreement/disagreement
5. Giving advice
6. approval/disapproval
 7. Urging
V. Nondirective listening behaviors: Skills for encouraging client talk
A. Attending behavior
1. Eye contact, leaning forward, head nods, facial expressions, etc.
2. Facilitates or inhibits client talk
B. Therapeutic silence
1. Absence of verbal activity
2. Allows clients to talk. Provides “cooling off” time. Allows the clinician to
consider next response.
3. Well timed silence that facilitates client talk, respects the client’s
emotional space, or provides clients with an opportunity to find their own
voice regarding their insights, emotions, or direction
4. Allows clients to reflect on their own words
5. Can facilitate free association
6. How to talk about silence
a) Prompt client to sit in silence to notice emotions
b) Explain yourself and purpose - why it would be helpful and if they
would be okay doing so
7. Using silence therapeutically
a) When a client pauses after making a statement or after hearing
your paraphrase, let a few seconds pass rather than jumping in
verbally. Given an opportunity, clients can move naturally into
important material without guidance or urging.
b) As you're waiting for your client to resume speaking, tell yourself
that this is the client's time for self-expression, not your time to
prove you can be useful.
c) Try not to get into a rut regarding silence. When silence occurs,
sometimes wait for the client to speak next and other times break
the silence yourself.
 d) Be cautious with silence if you believe your client is confused,
experiencing an acute emotional crisis, or psychotic. Excessive
silence and the anxiety it provokes can exacerbate these conditions.
e) If you feel uncomfortable during silent periods, use attending skills
and look expectantly toward clients. This helps them understand
that it's their turn to talk.
f) If clients appear uncomfortable with silence, give them instructions
to free associate (e.g., “Just say whatever comes to mind”). Or you
can use an empathic reflection (e.g., “It's hard to decide what to
say next”).
g) Remember, sometimes silence is the most therapeutic response
available.
h) Read the interview by Carl Rogers (Meador & Rogers, 1984) listed
at the end of this chapter. It includes examples of how Rogers
handled silence from a person-centered perspective.
i) Remember to monitor your body and face while being silent.
There's a vast difference between a cold silence and an accepting,
warm silence. Much of this difference results from body language
and an attitude that welcomes silence.
j) Use your words to explain the purpose of your silence (e.g., “I've
been talking quite a lot, so I'm just going to be quiet here for a few
minutes so you can have a chance to say whatever you like”).
Clients may be either happy or terrified at the chance to speak
freely.
C. Paraphrase (or reflection of content)
1. Must listen carefully
a) You cannot listen to others if you are listening to your own
thoughts
b) This is why it is important to not think about what you are going to
say next and just focus on what the client is saying
2. Reflection of rephrasing of the content of what the client said
 a) Portrays understanding, not judgment
3. Do not want to paraphrase too early - make sure you have sufficient
information first
4. Assures clients that you hear accurately and allows them to hear what they
said
5. Simple paraphrase
a) Does not add meaning or direction
b) Does not include every detail, but don’t oversimplify
6. Sensory-Based paraphrase
a) Using sensory words to paraphrase
b) Ex. I see or it looks like, or I hear or it sounded like, etc.
7. Metaphorical paraphrase
a) Using a metaphor in your paraphrase
b) Ex. it seems like you are fighting an uphill battle
8. Intentionally directive (or theoretically informed) paraphrases
a) Using theoretical orientations
b) Ex. client nervous to talk in class and freezes
c) Ex. (cont.) therapist responds “ it’s like you’re saying to yourself ‘I
want to speak up’ but for some reason, on the inside you feel
anxiety or nervousness about that
d) You can also add on an emotion to the event when you paraphrase
D. Clarification
1. Restating a client’s message, preceded or followed by a closed question
(ex. Do I have that right?”)
2. Clarifies unclear client statements and verifies the accuracy of what the
clinician heard
3. Ex. “Do you dislike being called on in class or is it something else?”
4. Why is this important
a) Go into it with a humble approach
b) You are not sure and are double-checking with them
c) “Did I get that right”
 d) “Am I understanding this correctly”
E. Reflection of feeling (aka empathy)
1. Restatement or rephrasing of clearly stated emotion
2. Enhances clients’ experiences of empathy and encourages further
emotional expression
3. Lets clients know through an emotionally focused paraphrase that you are
tuned in to their emotional state
4. Reflecting only the emotion even though the statement contained other
information
F. Summary
1. Brief review of several topics covered during a session
2. Enhances recall of session content and ties together or integrates themes
covered in a session
3. Expanded paraphrase
4. Demonstrates accurate listening
5. Comes at the end of a statement or at the end of a session
a) End of session ex. “So, today we talked about how…[recap topics
discussed in the session]”
6. Guidelines
a) Informal - “let’s make sure I’m keeping up with what you are
talking about”
b) Collaborative - “What seemed most important to you during our
meeting?” or pause periodically for the client to intervene
c) Supportive - “I appreciate your openness today”
d) Balanced - want to touch on issues as well as strengths
G. Pull to reassurance
1. Reassurance is a technique and should not be used regularly, just like self-
disclosure and compliments
VI. Ethical and Multicultural Considerations
A. Ethics of not directing
1. Some cultures may prefer more direction
 B. Gender, culture, and emotion
1. Be conscious of emotions across different cultures
2. What may seem like one emotion to you may not be the same in a
different culture
3. You can use emotionally vague words instead to avoid conflict
VII. Not knowing what to say
A. Happens to everyone
B. Become more comfortable pausing sessions to reflect on what to say next
C. Listen more carefully at what the client is saying, it will come to you