Charis Castaneda Cordero

Mrs. Schenck

ERWC Period 1

13 January 2023

Scholarship Essay

Rubric

After completing your Scholarship Essay Assignment, highlight in yellow the words that

describe your Scholarship assignment on the rubric below.

6 5 4 3 2 1
W 11-12.4 A little Reflection is thoughtful and The student reflects on The student Attempt No
Produce clear and more reveals the author has his/her essay and how reflect on the to reflect evidence
coherent writing successful reflected on specific aspects he/she revised. The changes he/she
in which the than a 5 of the essay and how to student shares some of the made but the
development, revise. The writer seems specific techniques and reflection might
organization, and genuinely engaged in the changes he/she made but be more surface-
style are process of reflecting and could go into more detail. level or to just
appropriate to revising by writing about “get it over with”
task, purpose, and the changes she/he has
audience. made.

W 11-12.5 A little Develop and strengthen Develop and strengthen Develop writing Attempt No
Develop and more writing multiple times as writing as needed by by revision or to revise evidence
strengthen writing successful needed by planning, planning, revising, planning.
as needed by than a 5 revising, editing, rewriting, editing, rewriting, or
planning, or trying a trying a new approach,
revising, editing, new approach, focusing on focusing on addressing
rewriting, or addressing what is most what is most significant
trying a new significant for a for a specific purpose and
approach, specific purpose and audience.
focusing on audience.
addressing what
is most significant
for a specific
purpose and
audience.

Original Essay

Write the essay’s prompt (recreate to the best of your ability) here:

Consider a current issue in the world that you think should be changed. Draft an email of at least

500 words to your senator or congressional representative addressing a current issue in our
world. Your email should aim to inform your audience about the topic as well as to persuade

them to act to improve it.

To the best of your knowledge, what scores did you earn on this essay? If you can’t

remember the scores, what were some of the things you struggled with in this essay? What

needs to be improved?

This essay was written junior year in my AP English Language and Composition class so the

grading scale was different but I got a 4/6. I got the point for the having a good thesis but I got ¾

points for the evidence and commentary. I remember struggling with trying to tie in the sources

to the and expand on them sometimes. Usually, I struggle to continue with my point when I have

the resources in my writing because the source itself says what I want to say in the best wording

possible. I also struggled with making my argument, argumentative therefore I did not earn the

sophistication point. I can never make any argumentative essay, argumentative because I can see

both sides of the argument very well and I just don’t make good, strong points in my writing. I

will definitely try to work on the sophistication and evidence and commentary better.

Dear Senator Feinstein:

My name is Charis Castaneda Cordero and I reside in Temecula, California. I am in the

11th grade at Great Oak high school.

Fast fashion is the making of fast, easy, cheap clothes being made and sold.The

dictionary definition is: inexpensive clothing produced rapidly by mass-market retailers in

response to the latest trends. Fast fashion is cheap in two ways: price and material. Over the

years we’ve seen how much people buy new clothes, global warming has increased, anfills are

becoming more full, water is wasted, polluted air and oceans. Fast fashion is the cause of the
sustainability movement which is a movement and process of fostering change to fashion

products and the fashion system towards greater ecological integrity and social justice.

I am writing to ask that you reduce your fashion carbon footprint and help others do the

same. According to Engel, Allison, and Margaret Engel, writers of, "Getting Wise to the Real

Cost of Wearing it and Throwing it Away.", 2019, Americans will throw away more than 35

billion pounds of textiles, according to the Council for Textile Recycling." We can’t be wasting

this much on clothes. Either we take it two ways: we slow down trends or reduce the amount of

clothes we buy and don’t wear. The growth of consumerism has led to many fast fashion brands

to produce clothes faster and keep up with the latest trends. Trends have a big influence on

consumerism and people. They want to seem in style and be socially accepted so they will go out

of their way to buy the latest trend. Once that trend dies out, it’s either sitting in their closet,

donated, or thrown away. Donating to charities and thrift stores is a small step to letting clothes

stay away from lanfills. In the same article, Getting Wise to the Real Cost of Wearing It and

Throwing It Away, they had spoken to Rose Marcario, Patagonia's president and CEO who had

stated, "As individuals, the best thing we can do for the planet is to buy less and keep our stuff in

use longer,"..."The simple act of extending the life of our garments through proper care and

repair reduces the need to buy more over time." Clothes are not meant to be worn once and

thrown away.

Fast fashion will negatively impact the environment. The use a lot of water consequently

resulting in water waste. Also, clothes are made with synthetic fiber called polyester, which these

micrfibers and dyes will come off in the wash resulting in going into the ocean and affecting
marine life. Acording to, , ”"It's estimated that the global textile industry uses 98 million tons of

resources a year, chiefly water and energy. Fabric dyes have polluted major rivers in India,

Bangladesh, China and other countries." This shows how much goes into fabricating clothing.

All of these contaminate the earth and cause health problems. Clothes make people self

conscious in many ways. For example, they can be worried about keeping up with trends, health

issues, what they feel comfortable in, how much they’re spending. Some people become self

aware of whether the dyes have some sort of effect on the human body. Whether they’re allergies

or texture sensitivity, there are also other harmful effects from the dyes in chemicals; the dyes

can cause cancer, thyroid, liver problems, toxic build up in the body, and hormone disruption.

Dyes can be harmful not only to marine life and the environment but to humans because we all

wear clothes. You should consider researching the chemicals used to make clothes and consult a

doctor and make sure you’re ok. As a result, companies/manufacturers are beginning to use

organic materials to make dyes. “It uses upwards of 20 trillion gallons of water a year. What’s

troubling is they don’t reuse or recycle or treat the water.”

Fast fashion companies abuse their employess. Employees are over-worked, underpaid

and mistreated. Companies like Shein uses childlabor. Many companies will neglect the

importance of a child and see them as a resource to help their company. Many companies take

advantage of and underpay their workers. The employees aren’t being "The 2019 Ethical

Fashion Report surveyed 130 fast fashion companies and looked at their policies, transparency

and traceability, auditing and supplier relationships, environmental management, and

workerempowerment.Out of the 130 companies surveyed, only 5% could show they were paying

their workers a living wage." This proves how many big corporations take advantage and find it
easier to employ people whom are misinformed and believe that working is prioritized over

education.

What is the specific thing you would like them to do? (Support a bill, write legislation, provide

resources, vocally [) help with creating a campaign and reduce your consumption of fast fashion.

I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know if you are

able to reduce your fashion carbon footprint and encourage others to do ‘ Don’t forget to reduce,

reuse, and recycle.

Thank you for taking the time to read about the effects of fast fashion and for considering my

request.

Sincerely,

Charis Castaneda Cordero

Works Cited:
Boyce, Haley. "The Quick Consequences of Fast Fashion." University Wire, 11 Jun 2021. SIRS
Issues Researcher, https://explore.proquest.com/sirsissuesresearcher/document/2553596441?
accountid=145020.

Engel, Allison, and Margaret Engel "Getting Wise to the Real Cost of Wearing it and Throwing
it Away." Washington Post, 02 Sep 2018. SIRS Issues Researcher,
https://explore.proquest.com/sirsissuesresearcher/document/2263477046?accountid=145020."

Provos, Jessica “ Health Risks Associated with Chemical Dyes.” Trusted Clothes Post, 13 Dec
2019
https://www.trustedclothes.com/blog/2019/12/13/health-risks-associated-with-chemical-
dyes-in-your-clothing-2/
"Half of 'Fast Fashion' Online is made from New Plastic." Daily Telegraph, 12 Jun 2021, pp. 17.
SIRS Issues Researcher,
https://explore.proquest.com/sirsissuesresearcher/document/2550826244?accountid=145020.

Revised Essay

Let’s Stop Fashion Fashion Consume Us

Dear Senator Feinstein:

My name is Charis Castaneda Cordero and I reside in Temecula, California. I am in the

11th grade at Great Oak high school.

We are all victims of fast fashion. Fast fashion is the making of fast, easy, cheap clothes

being made and sold. The dictionary definition of fast fashion is: inexpensive clothing produced

rapidly by mass-market retailers in response to the latest trends. Fast fashion is cheap in two

ways: price and material. Over the years, we’ve observed that there have been many affects to

the world through consumers. People began to buy new and more clothes, there has been an

affect on global warming, landfills, water waste, polluted air and oceans. Fast fashion is the

cause of the sustainability movement which is a movement and process of fostering change to

fashion products and the fashion system towards greater ecological integrity and social justice.

(*removed "is increasing, (landfills) are becoming more full of water")

(*changed "water is wasted" to "water waste")

I am writing to ask that you reduce your fashion carbon footprint and help others do the

same. According to Engel, Allison, and Margaret Engel, writers of, Getting Wise to the Real

Cost of Wearing it and Throwing it Away., 2019, Americans will throw away more than 35
billion pounds of textiles, according to the Council for Textile Recycling." We can’t be wasting

this much on clothes. Either we take it two ways: we slow down trends or reduce the amount of

clothes we buy and don’t wear. The growth of consumerism has led to many fast fashion brands

to produce clothes faster and keep up with the latest trends. Trends have a big influence on

consumerism and people. The term “fashion forward” is the most up-to-date trends. People want

to seem in style and be socially accepted so they will go out of their way to buy the latest trend.

Once that trend dies out, it’s either sitting in their closet, donated, or thrown away. Donating to

charities and thrift stores is a small step to letting clothes stay away from lanfills. In the same

article, Getting Wise to the Real Cost of Wearing It and Throwing It Away, they had spoken to

Rose Marcario, Patagonia's president and CEO who had stated, "As individuals, the best thing

we can do for the planet is to buy less and keep our stuff in use longer,"..."The simple act of

extending the life of our garments through proper care and repair reduces the need to buy more

over time." Clothes are not meant to be worn once and thrown away. Clothes is meant to last, but

due to producers noticing how much people are willing to spend and buy latest trends, they

noticed that their biggest target audience is women. After making this observation, I’ve noticed

when shopping that women’s clothing does not have the best quality as it used to. For example,

women’s pants does not have the most durable fabric by reason of the quality being more

stretchy and thinner making it more likely to tear or wears out faster. Men’s pants are a lot more

durable simply due to the fact that men don’t buy that much clothes for themselves, especially

since there clothing last longer. Men’s pants are made to be durable, real thick denim. They last

much longer and don’t wear out as much.

Fast fashion will negatively impact the environment. The use a lot of water consequently
resulting in water waste. Also, clothes are made with synthetic fiber called polyester, which these

microfibers and dyes will come off in the wash resulting in going into the ocean and affecting

marine life. Acording to, Engel, Allison, and Margaret Engel. "Getting Wise to the Real Cost of

Wearing it and Throwing it Away." Washington Post, 02 Sep 2018. SIRS Issues Researcher, “It's

estimated that the global textile industry uses 98 million tons of resources a year, chiefly water

and energy. Fabric dyes have polluted major rivers in India, Bangladesh, China and other

countries." This shows how much goes into fabricating clothing. All of these contaminate the

earth and cause health problems. Clothes make people self conscious in many ways. For

example, they can be worried about keeping up with trends, health issues, what they feel

comfortable in, and how much they’re spending. Some people become self aware of whether the

dyes have some sort of effect on the human body. Whether they’re allergies or texture

sensitivity, there are also other harmful effects from the dyes in chemicals; the dyes can cause

cancer, thyroid, liver problems, toxic build up in the body, and hormone disruption. Dyes can be

harmful not only to marine life and the environment but to humans because we all wear clothes.

You should consider researching the chemicals used to make clothes and consult a doctor to test

the chemical and dyes so that they’re safe for all to wear. As a result, companies/manufacturers

are beginning to use organic materials to make dyes. “It uses upwards of 20 trillion gallons of

water a year. What’s troubling is they don’t reuse or recycle or treat the water.” The water used

to manufacture clothes can enter many other bodies of water such as oceans, lakes, or rivers

affecting the quality of water. It could and has affected agriculture, especially on land that people

use to farm therefore, it penetrates the food causing toxins to enter the water used to water the

plants.
 Fast fashion companies abuse their employees. Employees are over-worked, underpaid

and mistreated. Companies like Shein uses childlabor. Many companies will neglect the

importance of a child and see them as a resource to help their company. Many companies take

advantage of and underpay their workers. The employees aren’t being treated well. For example

in the 2019 Ethical Fashion Report, surveyed “130 fast fashion companies and looked at their

policies, transparency and traceability, auditing and supplier relationships, environmental

management, and worker empowerment. Out of the 130 companies surveyed, only 5% could

show they were paying their workers a living wage." Boyce, Haley. "The Quick Consequences of

Fast Fashion." University Wire, 11 Jun 2021. SIRS Issues Researcher. This proves how many big

corporations take advantage and find it easier to employ people whom are misinformed and

believe that working is prioritized over education. They also demean the health and safety of

their employees by making them work for long periods of time in an unsafe environment. They

can be and are exposed to harsh chemicals that affect their breathing quality which can affect

their body long-term.

I encourage and hope you help by creating a campaign and reduce your consumption of

fast fashion. I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know

if you are able to reduce your fashion carbon footprint and encourage others to do so as well.

Don’t forget to reduce, reuse, and recycle. Thank you for taking the time to read about the effects

of fast fashion and for considering my request.

Sincerely,

Charis Castaneda Cordero

Works Cited:
 Boyce, Haley. "The Quick Consequences of Fast Fashion." University Wire, 11 Jun 2021. SIRS
Issues Researcher, https://explore.proquest.com/sirsissuesresearcher/document/2553596441?
accountid=145020.

Engel, Allison, and Margaret Engel "Getting Wise to the Real Cost of Wearing it and Throwing
it Away." Washington Post, 02 Sep 2018. SIRS Issues Researcher,
https://explore.proquest.com/sirsissuesresearcher/document/2263477046?accountid=145020."

Provos, Jessica “ Health Risks Associated with Chemical Dyes.” Trusted Clothes Post, 13 Dec
2019
https://www.trustedclothes.com/blog/2019/12/13/health-risks-associated-with-chemical-
dyes-in-your-clothing-2/
"Half of 'Fast Fashion' Online is made from New Plastic." Daily Telegraph, 12 Jun 2021, pp. 17.
SIRS Issues Researcher,
https://explore.proquest.com/sirsissuesresearcher/document/2550826244?accountid=145020.

Reflection

1st Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining specifically what you revised in your essay and

why. Go into thoughtful details! How did these choices improve your essay? What skills do you

now have that you were able to use to help enhance your essay?

What I specifically revised in my easy was a few grammer and spelling errors and I

added to my essay. I tried my best to fix all of the citations that were made because they weren’t

complete or there. I added my citations because reading it again, I saw that there were no
citations to some of them which is so strange because they were in my workcited page. I reread

my essay, paragraph by paragraph so that I wouldn’t get overwhelmed and so that I could point

out my mistakes easier and make changes without forgetting. After fixing my citations, I added

and branched from the citations that I made so that I could back that evidence with my own

words and understanding. I gave more examples about the effects after the quotations. These

choices improved my essay because it helped to give more explanation to my argument and

made my argument stronger. I am able to extend the quote by adding my own information and

thoughts. I also had my partner read my essay so that I could have a second opinion of what I

should write, to point out any grammar or spelling errors I missed, and to point out anything that

sounds weird. We would read the paragraph on our own, we would point out the same mistakes

and revise or rewrite my essay. I am glad that I was able to take this next step to improve my

writing. I don’t like people reading my essays since I’m always so scared people might think that

I’m not the best writer, even though I know writing isn’t my strongest skill, but I have grown and

improved over time, which is something I am proud of. I was able to rephrase or fix the sentence

structure which improves my writing.

2nd Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining how you’ve improved as a writer since your

freshman year: What did you struggle with before? What are you proud that you can do now?

I have immensely improved my writing skills since freshman year because now I can

finish my essays. Looking at past essays, I realized my class would mainly write written essays

and sometimes they were online essays. I used to not do so well when it came to going deep and

giving more detail. Now, I am able to write more and give more explanation about my topic. I

have also improved in my understanding of the prompt and answering the prompt meeting the

requirements and earning the point. I have improved my evidence skills by integrating it into the
my essay and using it to build up my writing rather than just having it there and not knowing

what to do with it. I have also improved on my research skills because now I can go deep into

research and inform myself which builds up my writing since I have more to say about the

prompt whether or not I understand it completely or agree. Moreover, I have improved at earning

the point for the prompt by answering the prompt well than freshman year and I would say that

AP Lang and Comp really helped me improve my writing skills. Although, the score I received

isn’t a score i’m necessarily proud of, I am proud of myself for being able to go into explanation

and for all the research I did. Reading this essay just helped me to look at what I was missing and

I realized why I received said score. I’m just glad that they were quick improvements made to

the essay.