Intoxicated By Matthew Perrett www.mattperrett.com mperrett@mattperrett.com "So, what did you want to talk to me about?

" Tidus asked Auron, lacing his hands behind his head. The older man had dragged him to a remote corner of the Luca docks to 'have a private talk about an important matter,' but had refused to elaborate. Auron gazed coolly at the young warrior. "You are a stranger here, and there are many things you do not understand. You will adapt to the local culture, but until then, we need to cover for your odd behavior. Have you heard of Sin's toxin?" Tidus nodded. "A little, yeah. The others mentioned it a couple times. It makes people forget things, right?" "Yes," Auron answered, "and it also causes them to act in any number of unusual ways. People will accept it as an explanation for almost any strange activity." Tidus considered this for a moment before an idea suddenly dawned on him. "That means," he said in a thoughtful tone that swiftly transmuted into pure, childlike joy, "that I can do whatever I want!" Taken aback by his charge's response and the shit-eating grin plastered on his face, Auron struggled to find an appropriate response. "That's...not exactly what I" Before Auron could stop him, Tidus dashed off the docks towards the blitzball stadium. Seeing a large gathering of people, he whistled to get everyone's attention. "Hey everybody, guess what?" he shouted gleefully as they turned to look at him. "BLASPHEMY!" A collective gasp of shock and horror arose from the crowd as the young athlete grinned at them wildly, his hands on his hips. "Don't mind me, folks, I got Sin's toxin on the brain! Woo!" The group talked amongst themselves briefly before a man addressed Tidus. "Well, I, um, I guess that's okay then," he said with some hesitation. "Yeah, I guess it is," Tidus responded merrily. He paused for a beat, his grin growing even broader. "BLASPHEMY!" The crowd gasped again as Tidus raced off, not bothering to wait for their reaction. He skidded to a halt in front of a concession stand and leaned on the counter roguishly. "What I get for you, sir?" inquired the young female cashier.

Plucking her cap off of her head and placing it on his own, Tidus held up a hand. "I'll take five hot dogs, with everything!" The woman prepared Tidus's order and set the tray down on the counter. "That'll be 50 gil," she stated. "I don't know what gil is," replied Tidus cheerfully, "but I'll give you this hat for them." "But that's my hat!" the cashier protested. "It is now," declared Tidus while playing keep-away with the woman's cap. "It's all about Sin's toxin, baby!" Hearing this, the young clerk's irritation turned into pity. "Oh...I hope you get better soon." "I don't!" Tidus exclaimed. He tossed the hat onto the grill, where it quickly started to smoke. When the woman turned her back on him to rescue her cap, he snatched up the hot dogs and bolted, laughing maniacally. -------------------------------------------------Wakka joined Auron sometime later, the elder guardian glowering balefully as Tidus cavorted in a fountain with a hot dog in each ear and one on his head. The two observed the youth in silence for some time before Wakka finally spoke up. "Wow," he said, his voice full of awe and sympathy, "that's the worst case of Sin's toxin I've ever seen. Do you think he'll be okay?" "I think he'll be just fine," growled Auron. Wakka tilted his head and blinked several times. "Where are his pants?" he asked with some confusion. "Who knows," Auron responded wearily, "but let's get him out of there before he exposes himself to children, or does something equally stupid." Wakka nodded in agreement. He hoped that Tidus wouldn't beat himself up over his behavior while under the influence; after all, he wasn't in control of his actions. He resolved to pray for his young friend's swift recovery...after they got him cleaned up and found his pants. Truly, Sin's toxin was a terrible thing.