The Constant in the Inevitabilities

Growing up, you’ve always had to puzzle out the challenging tests thrown at you. You were taught lessons

but never how to maneuver this life. You can’t blame them, you say; no one has the ultimate manual or

handbook on living life, though that may depend. Some consider their religious books, their novels, their

philosophy books, and all that as the manual. But you, you’ve always been uncertain. You’d ask yourself,

“do I really need this “book”? If so, which one?”

You strived to be the perfect daughter–– religious, top student, reliable, etc.–– to feel validation. Perhaps

you thought that you could live your life “judgment-free” once you achieved that, which was the goal.

Being the achiever that you are, you became her—yet continued to be criticized.

In your teen years, your mentality was much mature for your age. Having to be responsible for everything,

you felt all the weight on you. Unfortunately, you kept up with the image of being the ideal daughter. You

lived a pretentious world.

At that time, you followed what every religious person would say, “Just pray, turn to the Almighty,” you

turned to your religion to feel at ease, but it didn’t last long as another confusion came about. You became

skeptical of everything. You were so curious to the point you questioned your anchor to keep on living; a

higher being and moralities. Your “calm in the chaos” became the chaos.

Time went by and questions after questions were piling up. “Did I choose to put myself into this position?”,

that is the question that was continuously revolving around your head.

Instantly you decide, yourself is to blame. You kept self-sabotaging yourself and asking yourself why do

you even try to continue living when you felt unfree, exhausted, and anxious; you found life meaningless

yet demanded an explanation. You asked yourself, “Why don’t I just end it?” That was a serious matter

to ponder on and you were stuck in that chapter of your life for quite a long time.

Thanks to your curiosity, you got into philosophy. You started reading various books and readings every

day, writing or typing down every quote or insight you’ve read, thought, and heard. Later on, you realized

you were living an absurd life due to constant distress. You also agreed that life is meaningless but not

necessarily harmful and disagreed with the notion that we can fix ourselves. For you, ourselves are never
a problem to fix but to improve. Only you can truly help yourself become the person you want to be; no

longer the ideal daughter but who you really are.

However, you started feeling overwhelmed, and it became so difficult you once again fell into the void of

misery. Somehow that one verse Sūrah Ash-Sharh from the Qur’an came running back to you, “Verily,

with every hardship comes ease.” You burst into tears as you remember this. You recognized that there

is always a favorable outcome after sorrow, regardless of how small or big it is. That one verse kept you

going.

Though you got better, that didn't mean you always felt good. There were those days that you thought

you had to be all perfect, to maintain the better you. Eventually, you found a coping mechanism–– humor.

At first, you thought this was unhealthy since you felt like you were escaping instead of dealing with your

problems. You felt like taking a pause was going to erase all the progress you’ve made from feeling

better, until, your Philosophy teacher shared the concept of Kierkegaard on responding to the horrors of

life through laughter or humor.

All you had to let go of was the validation you long from others. While listening to an audiobook of

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, "Do not waste the remainder of thy life in thoughts about others." the

phrase that caught you the most. After that, you've always tried to remember that by. Merely focusing on

others' ideas or opinions of you is not something we should live by.

The thing is, there is no manual on living life; there are books to aid us and we define those books,

regardless if it’s just one book or several books. It’s up to us whether we ought to live by or with it. We

give meaning to the world that makes the most sense to us.
Everything is all about growth. It's inevitable, but we own it. It's pretty much like change. Growth defined

the world you never thought you would have. It's ironic how change made you constant in the demise of

life. We never stop growing for as long as we’re living and it’s not something absurd, it’s what aids one

to keep living their lives absurd. After all, quoting Socrates, the unexamined life is life not worth living.

Even in your death, you share your freedom with others. That is why in this eulogy, your story is shared

and embraced, not only for the memory of you but to be of help to others to find their true freedom.

You lived your life constant despite all inevitabilities. Through your mind and principles, you continued to

battle and lived the impediments of this world. Though you are no longer with us physically, you will

remain constant in our hearts and minds. I truly am proud of what you have become. May you rest in

peace, absurd hero.