Approaches to Grammar for Language Teachers

ASSESSMENT 1. FEEDBACK ON LEARNER WRITING

Student name: TRAN MY LINH ID: U3230366

Instructions:
In-class assessment
Time given: 1 hour 30 minutes
Word length: 500-800 words. (You can write more but you should not write less than 500
words in total. Your mark will be affected by the quality and quantity – length, detail – of
your response.)
Instructions:
a. Read the learner’s writing.
b. PART A: Identify the strengths and weaknesses of the writing from the point of view
of sentence-level grammar, lexico-grammar and overall text. This section should be
written following normal conventions of academic English. Refer to the numbered
sentences in your discussion.
c. PART B: Provide feedback to the learner/writer on the basis of your analysis. This
section should be written as a teacher writing to a learner.
d. Make sure that your response in both sections includes specific examples from the
learner’s writing. You can refer to the numbered sentences, or rewrite the example
but it is your responsibility to make the example and its relevance clear to the
reader.
e. Submit your paper to Canvas when you finish.
 Approaches to Grammar for Language Teachers
ASSESSMENT 1. FEEDBACK ON LEARNER WRITING
PART A. Strengths and weaknesses of the writing.
The writing has met the approved criteria for an IELTS writing part 2. To analyze it through a
text-level grammar perspective, the learner adapted the correct structure (opening, body and
conclusion). The topic sentence is also written at the beginning of each paragraph in the body
carrying the main idea and supporting ideas with clear examples. The learner also tried to
maintain cohesion by using transition words (on the one hand, on the other hand, further-
more, also), which also helps the readers follow a chronological order. The learner also ex-
pressed his ideas throughout the text with an objective perspective; he discussed both views
and finally concluded a clear opinion at the end of the essay. He also attempted to use differ-
ent sentence structures, mainly complex sentences and delivered good enough writing. He has
suitable vocabulary ranges since the variations are used flexibly and hardly repeated. 
Besides the good points, there are some areas that the learner needs to improve in his writing.
First, the text is a bit unclear regarding the linearity among the sentences. To make a text co-
herent, the writer should use reference words clearly. For example, in sentence 2, “Some peo-
ple argue that printed newspapers, books, and magazines will be on the verge of extinction in
the future since they will be able to read everything online without any fees while some dis-
agreed”, it will be hard for the reader to follow because too many subjects appear in the sen-
tence. The pronoun they will be confused between “some people” and “printed newspapers,
books and magazines”.
Second, the learner made some mistakes regarding sentence-level grammar. One of the points
that appeared the most in writing is misusing the structure of complex sentences. A complex
sentence requires an independent clause and a dependent clause connected with conjunction
and separated with a comma. However, the complex sentence structure in this writing is not
correct. For example, in this sentence, “Without the internet, people would have to pay up to
$14 a week and nearly $780 a year for newspapers, not to mention magazines or books
whereas reading online does not cost you a single penny.” (sentence 5), a comma should be
added before the word whereas, separating the independent and dependent clauses. This mis-
take is also repeated in sentence 7. 
The next point is misusing the verb form. Because Vietnamese is a non-infected language,
verbs do not have different forms as they do in English; therefore, misuse of such variations
is common among Vietnamese learners. In sentence 9, “So, the newspaper company will go
bankrupt and will be disappear.”, it appears that the form of the verb disappear does not
work with be in this sentence. The same thing happened with sentence 11 “Firstly, the news-
paper has exist for a long time and has definitely been a huge part of human life.”, when the
verb exist should be in the past participle form. 
Another type of grammatical error is the number marking on noun. For example, in sentence
10, “On the other hand, there are several reason why the traditional newspaper is unreplace-
able.”, the singular countable noun reason follows the quantifier several, which requires a
plural noun. The writer should consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier here. 
One more thing that can be mentioned here is the use of prepositions. Some examples are
sentence 3 “express my thoughts of the arising problem” and sentence 4 “it is free with every-
one”. The prepositions use may be incorrect here, as the writer should correct it as “express
my thoughts on the arising problem” and “it is free for everyone”. 
Third, there are some mistakes related to lexicon-grammar, specifically the writer’s word
choice. In sentence 1, the phrase “around the world” is a bit wordy and can be replaced by the
word worldwide. Some words such as “huge” in sentence 11 or “strongly” in sentence 16
can be replaced by more academic words like “massive” or “firmly” to avoid overusing and
improve the sharpness of the writing.
PART B. Feedback to the learner (write as if you are giving feedback to the student).
 Approaches to Grammar for Language Teachers
ASSESSMENT 1. FEEDBACK ON LEARNER WRITING
Not bad. I can see you put effort into this writing, and you could cover the requirements of
this task.
First, for the Task Response criteria, you addressed the topic question and discussed both
views equally. You also presented an overview with information.
Second, for the Coherence and Cohesion criteria, the paragraphs are organized logically and
clearly. The topic sentences are well written, carrying the main idea for each section. The
supporting arguments are also listed with detailed examples. You used a range of cohesive
devices appropriately, although there may be some over-use, such as the word "so". 
For the Lexical Resources, you used a sufficient range of vocabulary, and less common lexi-
cal items. I can see you tried to put some collocations in writing and used them correctly.
However, you should pay more attention to the word choice. In sentence 1, the phrase
“around the world” is a bit wordy and can be replaced by the word worldwide. Some words
such as “huge” in sentence 11 or “strongly” in sentence 16 can be replaced by more academic
words like “massive” or “firmly” to avoid overusing and improve the sharpness of the writ-
ing.
For the Grammatical Range and Accuracy, you used a mix of simple and complex sentence
forms. However, pay attention to the use of comma in complex sentences. 
Example:
(5) “Without the internet, people would have to pay up to $14 a week and nearly $780 a year
for newspapers, not to mention magazines or books whereas reading online does not cost you
a single penny.”
Correction: add a comma before whereas
You also have good control of grammar but may make a few errors about verb forms, prepo-
sition uses and singular/plural nouns.
Example:
(9) “So, the newspaper company will go bankrupt and will be disappear.”
Correction: eliminate be
(10) “On the other hand, there are several reason why the traditional newspaper is unreplace-
able.”
Correction: add s to reason or use a different quantifier
(4) On the one hand, it is evident that reading online is economical as it is free with everyone.
Correction: free for everyone
I hope you will pay attention to these notices and make good improvements for your next
writing.
 Approaches to Grammar for Language Teachers
ASSESSMENT 1. FEEDBACK ON LEARNER WRITING
Learner’s task
In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read
everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this statement?

Context
The learner was preparing for IELTS exam in Vietnam.
Learner’s writing

(1) In recent years, high-end technology has made our life more convenient in every
way including receiving news around the world. (2) Some people argue that printed
newspapers, books, and magazines will be on the verge of extinction in the future
since they will be able to read everything online without any fees while some dis-
agreed. (3) In this essay, I will discuss both views and express my thoughts of the
arising problem.
(4) On the one hand, it is evident that reading online is economical as it is free with
everyone. (5) Without the internet, people would have to pay up to $14 a week and
nearly $780 a year for newspapers, not to mention magazines or books whereas
reading online does not cost you a single penny. (6) Also, individuals can have access
to all kind of newspapers, magazines, books, novels, articles dated from the begin-
ning of the internet in less than a second. (7) For instance, online readers can find a
piece of article about a 40 years old car easily whereas traditional readers can not.
(8) Furthermore, online reading will become dominant in the future as younger gen-
erations enjoy catching up with news online. (9) So, the newspaper company will go
bankrupt and will be disappear.
(10) On the other hand, there are several reason why the traditional newspaper is
unreplaceable. (11) Firstly, the newspaper has exist for a long time and has defi-
nitely been a huge part of human life. (12) The primary reasons for its importance is
that it has been the main source of information for people in the past. (13) Sec-
ondly, a physical book might create an emotional connection for the readers. (14)
Many people keep their bedtime storybook for years, even passed them down to
later generations. (15) So, printed books will retain their value among us.
(16) In conclusion, I strongly believe that in the future, digital newspaper might be-
 Approaches to Grammar for Language Teachers
ASSESSMENT 1. FEEDBACK ON LEARNER WRITING
come ubiquitous and replace the traditional ones, due to the development of tech-
nology. (17) However, the demand for physical copies of books will remain in the
time to come.