Your Name

Instructor Name
Student Name
Due Date
Dear (student’s name),
So, I found your essay engaging and emotionally charged without being overly
aggressive with your emotions (which matched the person I envisioned you to be in this story). I
felt the knot develop with clarity as the essay progressed. On the top of page 2, I saw a knot
begin to develop with more conciseness when you stated that “And there were always more trips
in between, visits to her home and mine.” The latter half of this remark appeared to develop the
question “how can we be so close to someone and yet, so far away from them at the same time?”
At this point, there is not much hinting around your feelings for Alicia except that the title leads
me to believe there is some sort of romance here due to the word and meaning provoked in the
word “Honeymoon.” So, that question develops not only the idea of closeness regarding to
physical distance, but also (possibly) emotional at this point. Your use in the descriptions of the
setting act as an interesting parallel in this story to the internal struggle and acceptance you are
on a journey of, but also reinforces and clarifies the knot. On page 6 you state,” And then we exit
the tunnel, light sharp and blinding.” The word *blinding* represents not only the physical
impact of being blinded by a sharp light, but how you are maybe processing information
regarding the status of yours and Alicia’s relationship. She is this “sharp light” in your life,
perhaps you’ve been blinded by your affection that you didn’t realize the signs she was giving
that led to the ultimate rejection. This moment pushes the essay more into the direction of how
do we reconcile our emotions for another when they don’t return them? How do we process and
deal with rejection? I found this to be the journey the essay takes the rest of the piece, and the
ending works in reinforcing and clarifying this knot.
The ending was something I really enjoyed (among the juxtaposition you set up between
how you view Alicia – bright and shining – versus the heaviness of the physical setting and the
symbolism of the water I find in this piece). The ending is simple, as is much of the essay, in its
actual statement; however, it is so loaded with emotion and meaning, like much of the essay as
well. So, I found the ending to leave me wanting more, but also understanding your readiness to
move forward from that moment. There is this sense of leaving behind something in that
moment, not just the physical moment and scenery itself, but you almost arrive at an acceptance
of the friendship status you and Alicia will have – almost being the key word here. The very last
phrase – “wonder if this will be enough” – leaves the knot clearer in my mind: How do we move
forward with someone when our heart wants so much more? How do we reconcile differing
emotions between two parties? It is almost suggestive that your heart is still at stake in this
relationship and builds a more emotionally charged ending where your rejection can be felt.
Where I felt could be expanded with the physical distance between you and Alicia. You
mention it in the line “And there were always more trips in between, visits to her home and
mine,” and again when you say you are moving internationally, and she is staying in Japan. But
beyond that, I don’t get a sense of the physical distance in the relationship. I think it might pull
more meaning into what is at stake (your heart, possibly friendship) in this essay and create more
tension for what is at stake if readers can also visualize the physical distance the exists between
you, drawing a parallel there more clearly between physical and emotional distance that exists in
this relationship.

Best
Lauren