Skills 360 – Adapting your Communication Style (2)

Discussion Questions

1. What are some ways of building trust with a team you collaborate with?
2. In social situations with colleagues, do you tend to talk about work or personal
matters more?
3. How does your communication style change during a crisis or emergency?

Transcript

Hello and welcome back to the Skills 360 podcast. I’m your host, Tim Simmons, and
today I want to talk about how to adapt your communication style to different
situations.

No doubt you’re aware of different communication styles, but do you think everyone
has just one style? More likely your style on a good day looks different from your
style on a bad day. Your style during a regular staff meeting might be different from
a meeting where you’re going to read the riot act. Indeed, your style in a crisis
should be different from your day-to-day communication.

Clearly, different situations require different approaches and different kinds of

language. And underlining everything here is the importance of relationships. If
you’re a solo entrepreneur working with your own money and with no staff, well,
chances are you’re not listening to a podcast about communication styles!

Far more likely is that you work on a team and have to collaborate. And this means
you care about cohesion and trust. So team meetings typically call for some small
talk to get things going. Teamwork develops at the speed of trust, as they say. So
take the time to ask people how they are, create the space for some friendly chatter,
conduct a round of personal check-ins, and keep it light.

Then, when the time is right, transition to work. You can do that by listening for
something that relates to a work topic, and using that as a transition. Say someone
mentions a cool new website, you could say “speaking of websites, we should
probably take a look at some of this online marketing stuff.” Or you can make a
transition with one or more transition words, like “Okay everyone, well, I think it’s
time we got down to business.”

When you’re collaborating with others, it’s wise to remember that different people
think in different ways. Some are more detail or process-oriented. This kind of
person prefers a very direct and clear type of communication. Other people are more

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intuitive and big picture thinkers. These people don’t like too many constraints and
might like to look at different angles. As in all things, a balanced approach usually
works best.

Speaking of balance, it’s often good to have a bit of social time with colleagues, like
going out for lunch or drinks. How does leaving the office impact your
communication style? Well, you’ll have to read the room – or the table - and get the
right mix of business and social conversation. Some people hate talking business
outside of the office, while others can’t seem to talk about anything else. One thing
to remember is that there are a lot of people in this world who don’t really enjoy
small talk. Or they’re not good at it. Don’t get offended by this. Just find things they
do like to talk about.

Regardless, social settings are a chance to let your guard down and adopt a more
informal style. If you’re curious how a colleague’s project is going, you wouldn’t say
“could you give me an update on your project?” That’s office talk. In the pub, you’re
more likely to say something like “hey, so what’s up with that project you’ve been
working on?”

Now, a job isn’t always smooth sailing. Sometimes things happen that push us out of
our comfort zone. I’m talking about dealing with a crisis. And your style in crisis will
really depend on the nature of the crisis. A crisis related to the work itself will
require a different approach than an interpersonal crisis. In work crises, there’s often
no time to waste and no margin for error. This means a very direct, clear, and
assertive style is optimal. Leading in crisis may sound a bit more like command and
control than leading on a regular workday.

So what qualifies as direct, clear, and assertive? Imagine someone suggests a

course of action that you think is a bad idea. Don’t say “Well, I guess that might
work. But we could take a different approach.” Those kind of hedge words like “well”
and “I guess” and “might” and “could” are just muddying the waters. Instead, try
“no, that won’t work. We need a different approach.”

But when it comes to tough interpersonal issues, a softer approach may be

necessary. If emotions are running high, show you’re an active listener. If you sense
that someone just needs time and space to vent, then resist the urge to problem-
solve. And if you’re the one having difficulties with a person, avoid being accusatory.
A good practice is to avoid saying “you” and instead say “I.” Like “I get kind of
frustrated when you interrupt people during meetings,” rather than “you always
interrupt people during meetings.”

As you can see, different situations require different communication styles. You don’t
have to be a total chameleon and just take on whatever style the people around you
are using. But you do need to be sensitive to circumstances, to emotions, and to the
requirements of the task. With this kind of flexibility, you’ll be able to build good
relationships and get things done.

That’s all for today. So long. And see you again soon.

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Vocabulary

To read the riot act: to warn someone they will be punished if they continue
behaving or performing poorly; “I read Daniel the riot act last week, but he was still
late for work this morning.”

Crisis: a very difficult, urgent, or dangerous situation; “We need to cancel this
morning’s staff meeting because of a safety crisis in the factory.”

Day-to-day: happening as a regular part of work or life; “We have a maintenance

team that handles special repairs and an on-site property manager who handles the
day-to-day matters.”

To underline: to emphasize; “So, among all these current issues affecting businesses, I
want to underline just how important it is to focus on the HR problems.”

Solo: alone; “After so many years of working solo as an independent consultant, I’ve
joined a large multinational team.”

To collaborate: to work together to achieve something; “We’d like to see the

marketing and sales departments collaborate more closely to reduce confusion.”

Cohesion: unity, or the act or feeling of working together tightly; “Employees who
went through the rough times together as a team have developed a strong sense of
cohesion.”

To call for: require; “Congratulations on completing 30 years of service with the

company Dave! I think this calls for a celebration!”

Small talk: polite but informal conversation about trivial things; “I don’t mind small talk
about the weather and family, but sports is a topic I really don’t know anything about.”

To get things going: to start something; “Let’s meet at 10:00am, with the
understanding that we really won’t get the meeting going until 10:30 or so.”

“At the speed of trust:” when we emphasize the importance of trust in a working
relationship, we sometimes say the work happens “at the speed of trust;” “I know
you’re frustrated this new partnership hasn’t been very productive yet, but give it
time; we need to move at the speed of trust.”

Chatter: informal conversation; “I found the chatter at the back of the room really
distracting while I was giving my presentation.”

Personal check-in: a conversation to ask someone how they are doing or to check on
their status; “Okay everyone, let’s start this meeting with a round of personal check-
ins. Francine, you want to start?”

Light: pleasant and not too serious; “I thought lunch with the boss would be light
and friendly, but she wanted to get deep into some work problems.”

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To transition: to change from one state or situation to another; “Transitioning to a
management position is challenging when your former friends now report to you.”

To get down to: to start doing something seriously; “Have a seat Jamie, and let’s get
down to the real issue right away here: what’s going on between you and Kelly?”

Process-oriented: focused on how things happen, rather than the end result; “Maybe
I’m too process-oriented, but can we talk about exactly how we’re going to conduct
this survey, using what tools, etc.?”

Intuitive: based on feeling rather than facts or evidence; “Yeah, the candidate looks
good on paper and interviewed well, but I have an intuitive sense that he won’t fit in
very well.”

Big picture: the complete situation, rather than just one part of it; “Everyone seems
focused on the details of this agreement, but can we back up and look at the big
picture? Why are we even doing this?”

Constraint: something that limits what you can do or accomplish; “With winter
approaching, time is going to be an important constraint when it comes to this
building project.”

Angle: perspectives or ways of looking at something; “Let’s call in some folks from
research and development just to get their angle on this technical problem.”

To read the room: to understand the mood, feeling, or perspectives of the people
you are talking with, usually so you can adapt accordingly; “It seemed to me like
most of the staff were frustrated about the changes, or did I read the room wrong?”

Offended: upset or angry because of something someone said; “I was rather offended
when Charlie made that comment about northerners not working very hard.”

To let your guard down: to relax because you feel you can trust people; “It’s okay to let
your guard down at the Christmas party, but don’t say anything you’ll regret later.”

To adopt: to start using an idea, approach, or plan; “Once we adopt this new
timesheet system, everyone’s going to have to pay closer attention to how they
spend their time.”

Informal: friendly, relaxed, and casual; “The Board of Directors is hosting an

informal holiday party for everyone to get to know each other.”

“What’s up?” as a friendly greeting, meaning “how are you” or “what’s happening,” we
can say “what’s up?” “Hey Gwen, haven’t seen you in ages! What’s up these days?”

Smooth sailing: progressing well without any problems; “We had some difficulties
early in the project, but it’s been smooth sailing since we resolved those issues.”

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Comfort zone: the range of things a person is familiar and comfortable with;
“Seriously Tom, you’ve been doing the same thing for 15 years. Isn’t it time you got
out of your comfort zone and applied for a different position?”

Interpersonal: between different people; “Ashley is a great designer, and she knows
the market, but her team tells me her interpersonal skills aren’t so good.”

No margin for error: a situation where no mistake or inaccuracy is acceptable; “With such
a tight budget on this project, there’s no margin for error in our cost estimates.”

Assertive: confident and able to speak forcefully; “Vera was pretty shy when she first
joined our team, but she’s developed into an assertive and effective salesperson.”

Optimal: best in the situation; “I really feel I need more information before deciding
which of these three options is optimal.”

Command and control: an approach to management emphasizing hierarchy, where

managers direct everything; “After spending so long with the command and control
style of a traditional company, working at a tech start-up feels so free!”

Hedge: to avoid speaking too directly or responding clearly; “Did you notice that
Henry hedged when you asked him how long he’ll stay with us? Do you think he’s
considering leaving?”

To muddy the waters: to cause confusion or make a situation unclear or difficult;

“Rather than bringing in a bunch of people to muddy the waters, let’s keep things
clear and work this little problem out between the two of us.”

Emotions are running high: when people feel strongly about a situation, especially if
they are angry or upset, we say that “emotions are running high;” “Just a heads up
before you go into that staff meeting Lana, emotions are running high among the
staff, so be careful what you say.”

To vent: to express your anger or frustration; “I’m sorry to go on and on about how
frustrated I am, but I think I just needed to vent. All good now.”

Urge: a strong feeling of wanting something or wanting to do something; “I have an

urge to just tell Helen how angry I am, but I know I should be diplomatic.”

Accusatory: showing a belief that someone has done something wrong; “I don’t
mind constructive criticism Marty, but your feedback feels really accusatory.”

Chameleon: a person who changes their ideas or behavior depending on the

situation; “Brad will have no problem fitting in at the office in Germany, as he’s kind
of a chameleon when it comes to working with different groups and cultures.”

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Review

1. What kinds of activities can help build trust and cohesion?

A Serious discussion.
B Informal conversation.
C Quick transitions to work issues.
D Focus on details.

2. Which of the following are good ways to transition to work topics after some
small talk? Select all that apply:

A Okay everyone, I think it’s time to talk about the marketing plan.
B It is time to talk about our marketing plan.
C This meeting is about our plan for marketing.
D Speaking of marketing, we should probably talk about the plan.

3. Process-oriented people may prefer _________ communication, while big

picture people might dislike too many _________.

A intuitive / perspectives
B balanced / clarifying questions
C social / facts
D direct / constraints

4. Which of the following would be an appropriate way to ask about someone’s

work during a social event?

A What type of work is occupying your time now?

B Please provide me with an update on your work.
C So, what’s going on these days on the work front?
D Tell me about your work.

5. When leading during a crisis, your communication style may have to become
more… Select all that apply:

A direct
B authoritative
C diplomatic
D empathetic

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6. Which of the following are aspects of a good approach to interpersonal issues?
Select all that apply:

A Say “you” instead of “I.”

B Don’t offer too many solutions.
C Solve people’s problems for them.
D Be direct and accusatory.
E Be sensitive to how people feel.
F Show active listening.

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Answers

1. What kinds of activities can help build trust and cohesion?

B Informal conversation.

2. Which of the following are good ways to transition to work topics after some
small talk? Select all that apply:
A Okay everyone, I think it’s time to talk about the marketing plan.
D Speaking of marketing, we should probably talk about the plan.

3. Process-oriented people may prefer _________ communication, while big

picture people might dislike too many _________.
D direct / constraints

4. Which of the following would be an appropriate way to ask about someone’s

work during a social event?
C So, what’s going on these days on the work front?

5. When leading during a crisis, your communication style may have to become
more… Select all that apply:
A direct
B authoritative

6. Which of the following are aspects of a good approach to interpersonal issues?

B Don’t offer too many solutions
E Be sensitive to how people feel
F Show active listening

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