Galaxy of Skills

Emotional Intelligence

The problem is, Women are labeled as more “emotional” but the reality behind all the successful
women in the world is their emotional intelligence. They are bold, confident, courageous, and fearless.

Your goal should not be to control your emotions—it should be to understand and learn from what your
emotions are telling you. In that way, you can see your emotions as objective, and more than likely
when they come around again, you will recognize them and won’t feel so out of control.

Tips on How to Control Your Emotions as a Woman:

1. Take a breath and get objective

When you start to feel emotions like overwhelming anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, or grief
coming on, begin to recognize them.

Once you realize that you’re experiencing these emotions, start to detach “good” or “bad” from
emotions and just call them all “emotions”.

Tell yourself, “It’s okay to experience emotions.”

Take a couple deep breaths. If you need to, remove yourself from the situation that triggered you. Close
the door, step away from the conversation, or hang up the phone.

Put yourself in an environment that is safe for you so you can cool off.

2. Label the Emotion

The next step is to label whatever the emotion is. It’s important to be able to pinpoint what exactly
you’re feeling.

Give yourself the facts and tell yourself them, either aloud or in your head. You can write them down
too, if you like to journal. “I’m feeling frustrated right now.”

If you’re having a hard time deciding what you feel, you can always take a breath, go about your day,
and revisit it later. But if you want to get the insight and learn to control those emotions, it’s important
to think about it deeply.

Here are some common “negative” emotions, and their definitions:

1. Sadness- the state of feeling sorrow
2. Anger- a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong.
3. Frustration– a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from
unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems
4. Grief– mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss.
5. Disappointment– to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of
6. Resentment– the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as
causing injury or insult
7. Fear– a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real
or imagined.
 3. Accept the Emotion to Control Your Emotions:
Next, start to accept the emotion. Give yourself permission for the way you feel. Remember, it’s that old
toxic masculine trait to try to “control”. Tap into your feminine state and accept your emotions.

“It’s okay and completely normal for me to feel frustrated.”

“I give myself permission to feel afraid.”

Moving into a state of acceptance can help you lower your blood pressure, heart rate, cortisol response,
and overwhelm. Acceptance is the catalyst for having full control of our faculties when we experience
states of raised “bad” emotions.

4. Examine why you are feeling this way:

Look at reasons why, or possible triggers for this emotion that you’re feeling.

“I felt frustrated when….”

“I feel angry because…”

Thinking about the “why” can help you learn to recognize, and, more importantly, anticipate your
triggers.

A trigger is basically an object or scenario that causes you to feel severe emotional intensity. Usually, it’s
related to trauma, whether big (like physical or sexual abuse) or smaller (like gas lighting or disrespect).
Anticipating your triggers means that you can catch yourself before your emotions fly off the handle.
This is a great technique for when you take things too personally as well.

5. Examine why this emotion makes you feel out of control

As mentioned above, usually a trigger relates to something from your past.

Often, the reasons we feel so emotionally overwhelmed or out of control is because whatever the
original situation was for us, we felt dreadfully out of control.

For example, you might find yourself triggered when someone doesn’t appear to be listening to you.
This may stem back to your childhood when your siblings were talking, and as soon as you started
talking, everyone changed the conversation or stopped listening.

Yes, it can literally be that small of a trigger.

6. Think about the people around you

Sometimes, especially when these emotions overwhelm us in front of others, we can feel embarrassed,
judged, or worse. One thing to think about, is that, perhaps your own emotional reaction was called for,
but the other person had unacceptable expectations of your emotions in that moment.

Think about these people for a moment to determine if they are people who are true, genuine friends,
who love and support you, or if they are projecting, shutting you down, or trying to gaslight you.
Remember, if you’re feeling overwhelmed because of an emotion or reaction that someone else is
feeling, you’re not responsible for how they feel, only how you feel.

7. Treat yourself like a toddler

When we try to teach toddlers about their emotions, we usually try to follow some principles. For
example, we usually tell our toddlers that it’s okay. We explain that it’s okay to feel bad, but it’s not
okay to be mean to someone.

We usually validate their emotions and we may ask them why they’re feeling that way. Another thing
that works well when dealing with toddler tantrums (BIG emotions), is that we don’t use extreme or
never/always statements.

For example, if a toddler says, “I can’t do it.”

You might say, “Let’s try again until we get it right.”

If they say, “I’m just NOT good at this.”

You’ll say, “You just need more practice.”

Treat yourself like a toddler when you have big emotions. Give yourself room, and give yourself some
space.

Most importantly, give yourself a hug and be gentle with yourself.

8. Plan a response accordingly

When you’re all done examining your feelings, it’s a good time to think about how you want to respond.

How can you reply to someone who has frustrated you without losing control of your emotions?

How can you turn a negative inner state to a positive outer experience?

9. What are the next steps?

Your next steps may be to seek out that person to clarify the situation and respond in a way that you’ve
planned above.

But you might also want to do some more soul searching to determine more about your trigger and why
you frequently feel this way.

The next steps are completely up to you.

However, it is always a good idea to wholeheartedly confront anyone that may have been in the
situation when you felt emotionally overwhelmed. This may or may not mean apologizing. But it also
might mean confronting someone who hurt you.

10. Write it down

Don’t forget that writing things down in a journal or planner can help you process what you’re going
through. Emotions can be messy, and sometimes when you are very precise with your words, you can
give yourself more insight.

Here’s a few ways to journal about your feelings:

Stream of consciousness
Write dialogue with your inner child
Write what you’re grateful for
Log of successes

11. Let it go
One of the last things for you to do is to let go of those negative emotions you’re experiencing.

Letting go of emotions is NOT easy. In fact, a lot of the time, it feels good to hold onto our anger or
disappointment, because it makes us feel like we’re in control. But really, we’re more a slave to those
negative feelings when we hold onto them.

Letting go is difficult, but it helps us move past the emotions, for good.

Affirmations for Letting Go can also help you get into a more healthy mindset.

12. Surround yourself with people who also practice responding and reflection.
Last, make sure you have excellent role models and partners in your life for responding in an
emotionally neutral and appropriate way.

Whether it’s your husband, sister, or some friends, these people can be there to bounce ideas off of and
help you through any tough emotions you’re experiencing.

They can also help you draft some responses to others without blowing up or even just commiserating
with you.

The value of having a community of high EQ people is priceless.

Conclusion
Follow these 12 steps to unearth your emotions, accept those “bad” emotions that you experience, and
let go.

It is possible to control your emotions as a woman, but you won’t get there by pushing them away,
controlling them, or grasping them tightly.
The only way is to embrace them and work through them with femininity, acceptance, and love. Best of
luck as you work through all your own difficult emotions!

Thank you
Pratham Pandey
Galaxy of Skills