Understanding Verity
and Verity’s doctors
By Her Mother - Mrs. G. HEMKEN
The problems of communication between doctors
and the parents of handicapped children have always
given rise to misunderstanding, the onus usually
being on the professional workers to make themselves
clear. There are, however, reasons why parents do
not comprehend, no matter how clear the explanations
are, and this should also be considered. For instance
parents are unlikely to confess to not understanding,
so the doctor may be givcn the wrong impression. In
my case I never realised what I didn’t know.
Perhaps it is different if the child is obviously
abnormal, when parents seek a n explanation for what
they can see. My first daughter, Verity, was a
beautiful baby with a delightful shock of red curls.
However, by the age of two she was still not talking.
toilet trained or making contact with the rest of the
family, so I re-read my Dr. Spock and decided she
had regressed because of jealousy of the new baby.
The health visitor seemed impressed by my conclusions
and my determination not to be a “worrying mum”,
but did suggest that I consult the doctor.
I only did that because I had been told to; so sure
was I that nothing serious was wrong. I was surprised
when the doctor tested Verity and said she was
probably deaf. I then felt very guilty at all the
demands I had made on a deaf child and bought her
a doll on the way home! Deafness was a familiar
handicap to comprehend so I never allowed myself to
consider that Verity always toddled into the kitchen
when she heard the biscuit tin rattle.
At this time I saw a film on television about a sad
group of difficult children who had withdrawn into
a strange world o€ their own. Sitting with my own
deaf child, who was mercifully taking time off from
her destructive sessions and screaming bouts, I felt
very sorry for the children and their families but in
no way connected them with myseli.
Later, when I saw the paediatrician for an audiology
test, I was impressed by his thorough-going box of
tricks and not at all surprised when he said Verity
was not deaf, because I had obliged the doctor and
remembered thc biscuit tin and other “anti-deaf”
evidence. I was able to believe anything I was told
but in reality understood few of the implications.
We were to see a child psychiatrist and the relief of
being in the hands of specialists and therefore having
Verity cured - specialists and cures were synonymous
to me - was very great and I returned home much
happier.
The psychiatrist duly arrived for a home visit and
svmpathised with my position, with an eighteen month
old baby and another on the way, as well as the
handicapped child.
“It’s not as bad as all that”. I said cheerfully and
obviously expected a cure within months.
8
“I have to tell you Verity is psychotic”, he said.
deciding I needed the blunt truth. I must not have
given the right reaction because he asked il: I knew
what “psychotic” meant and, rather offended, I gave
a dictionary definition. Today, knowing a good deal
more, I should hesitate to define “psychotic”!
When we all visited his hospital for autistic and
severely disturbed children, I had the first break-
through in understanding as I witnessed the bizarre
children fingering buttons, making odd noises and
doing many of the eccentric things which I had not
seen as symptoms in Verity but had accepted as part
of her personality. I felt quite ill and didn’t seem
to be asking Matron any intelligent questions at all.
The relief when Verity went into hospital was
enormous; the house no longer looked like a battle-
field, our nights weren’t broken Sy a screaming three
year old and I had the new word “autistic” to conjure
with. Few books for parents had then been written
on autism and those that were led me to accept
uncritically the theory of “refrigerator mothers” and
blame myself, without ever asking how a “refrigerator
mother” managed to bring up subsequent children
to be normal?
As the years passed and Verity progressed through
the hospital school, sometimes showing promise, I still
hoped she would be able to go eventually to a normal
school, but I was slowly realising she was handicapped
and a complete cure would be a miracle.
Early puberty made Verity difficult to handle in
junior school and her behaviour at weekends in the
town, especially in shops, made us reluctant to take
her out. It was suggested we transfer her to the
adult subnormality hospital and I understood that to
mean “no hope, finished, a human dustbin”, but
fortunately I was beginning to think that a lot of
my so-called understanding amounted to blind hope.
trusting optimism and downright prejudice, so we all
went for a visit and our worst fears were allayed. Now
after Verity has spent two years in the adult hospital
and in the week of her fourteenth birthday, I hope I
am beginning to understand a little more wisely that
although there is going to be no miracle cure, it
should be possible for Verity to live a good life in a
progressive hospital and that if she does become
“institutionalised”, as we become too old to help care
for her, it need not be understood as a dirty word.
It must be very difficult to know whether parents
have fully comprehended the implications of a child’s
handicap and how to deal with unfounded optimism
or excessive despair, but I am very grateful for all
those in the Health and Education Service who have
given our family their time and patience as we
progressed in our understanding over the years.
 Monoamine oxidase inhibitors
have passed through a phase of
somewhat uncritical acceptance
followed by one of mistrust because of
hypersensitivityto their potential
dangers.It may be remembered that
the fox-glove leaf passed through
similar phases before i
value was fully realised
Brit. J. Hosp. Med.(1973)9,795

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