ISSUE 66

DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING £5.99

Embrace
Dare to your flaws
dream
of a good night's sleep
You could learn a
lot from wabi-sabi

Return from
rock bottom
How three real people
made their way back

SPOTLIGHT ON
Sleep paralysis Haunted
(and what to do if it by their ex?
happens to you) You might have
retrospective
jealousy...
 Anything seems possible
at night when the rest of
the world has gone to sleep
DAVID ALMOND

Photography | Tony Detroit

2 | Issue XX | happiful.com
 Dream a
little dream
I’ve noticed recently that I’m tired. In
fact, dare I say it, I’m exhausted.
I’ve never really been a morning
person; as a kid I was the night owl,
reading under the covers with a
torch until some ungodly hour, letting
my imagination rule the night.
As adults, we don’t have that
luxury. Our sleeping and waking
schedules are determined by our
responsibilities – what time our
next shift starts, or the traffic on our
commute, getting the kids ready
for school, or caring for someone
else. Suddenly we have to fit into
an entirely new rhythm, one that
our bodies and brains might not be
geared up for.
Now, when I roll out of bed and start
my day, getting some fresh air first
thing helps, but still I often notice I’m
lethargic by lunchtime. It’s almost like
my body is ready for the day, but my
mind needs more rest.
It’s so easy to forget the impact of
our night the moment we leave the
bedroom. No point ruminating or
longing for that bed, we have to
crack on with the day and put it to
the back of our minds. But how we’ve
slept can signal so many things; why
Rebecca portrait | Studio Rouge
are we ignoring the lessons?
In this special issue, we’re putting a
spotlight on slumber – from five top
tips to stop snoring in its tracks, to
scientifically-proven, natural ways to
help you nod off.
We’re taking a deep dive into the
connection between our waking
and night lives, and asking what our
dreams could really be telling us. Plus
we’re putting sleep paralysis under
a microscope, sharing counsellor-
approved questions to improve your
pillow talk, and we have a dream diary
within our print-exclusive journaling
pages, to not let those fleeting
glimpses of your true feelings pass
you by.
It’s time we reclaimed the night, and At Happiful, inclusivity,
took power over our pillows. So, if representation, and creating
you’re tired of being tired, or at a loss a happier, healthier society
for what is keeping you wide awake, are at the forefront of our
read on to see if we can make restless mission. To find out more
nights a thing of the past. about our social and
environmental pledges,
Let’s dream big, visit happiful.com/pledges
together.
W | happiful.com
F | happifulhq
T | @happifulhq
REBECCA THAIR |
EDITOR I | @happiful_magazine
 28 36
The sleep guide
33 Snore off: here's the solution

36 What do my dreams mean?

An in-depth dive into the connection
between our waking lives and dreams

43 Science-backed sleep tips

Forget fads, explore these
tried-and-tested tips for better sleep

48 The stuff of nightmares

What sleep paralysis is, why it
happens, and what to do about it

56 Sleep support for kids

63 How to create calm

Techniques to settle you down

Food & health

50
34 Food that tackles anxiety

50 Rooting for wellbeing

In hard times, could gardening
hold the key to better wellbeing?

68 Thoughtful creations
Recipes that show them you care

Culture
8 Good news

13 The wellbeing wrap

63
40 Things to do this month

47 Pick up a good book

 Relationships
16 Haunted by the past?
What is retrospective jealously,
and how can you tackle it?
30 Empty nest syndrome
Spot signs and spread your wings
30
46 Autumn date ideas
Whether you're going solo, with
friends, or looking for romance
65 How to avoid silent divorce
Keep emotional intimacy and
communication alive with these Qs
Try this at home
18 Signs you've grown
43 80 Help hibernators
As the temperatures drop, step
up to help your local wildlife
82 Give your brain a rest
Positive pointers
14 What is wabi-sabi?
Are there lessons to be found
in nature's imperfections?
22 Give it a rest
Grace Victory on the power of pausing
60 Top dog
Which breeds are best at
supporting our mental health?
73 Louise Pentland
The power of the written word
16
76 Reaching rock bottom
What happens next? Three people
share their real recovery stories
Wellbeing
19 ADHD in adulthood
What's it like to get a late diagnosis?
25 Yoga for low energy
28 Equality for everyone
How can we support and
promote mental health equality?
53 Past-life regression
Could the past be key to our future?
58 The curious truth about grief
70 Student support
*
Where to get help if you need it
Expert review
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited
counsellor, to ensure we
deliver the highest quality
content while handling
topics sensitively.
The goal to be perfect is
an impossible feat, that will
regularly disappoint. This is
the harsh reality, but one that
many people struggle with as
they create expectations of
perfection, and when it doesn’t
happen it reinforces negative
feelings. Check out p14 for help
with challenging this cycle –
as nature defines, nothing is
perfect. Sometimes it can be
hard for us to accept this fate
but, upon doing so, you will
feel more liberated than ever.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor
and psychotherapist
with more than 10
years' experience.
 Happiful Community
Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance,
and insight throughout this issue
LOUISE BRADSHAW
CertDip HypDip CounsDip CBT NLPMstr
Louise is a life coach
supporting confidence,
happiness, success.
GERALDINE MACÉ
HDip
Geraldine is a life coach
supporting clients through
difficult life transitions.
SOPHIE MEDLIN
BSc Hons RD FHEA
Sophie is a dietitian
and director of City
Dietitians.
CARL EDEN
DCH Adv.DPLT
Carl is a hypnotherapist
specialising in past life
regression.
JULIE HOWARD
BSc (hons) MBACP FdSc
Julie is a integrative
counsellor and
psychotherapist.
LORRAINE BALLINTINE
BA (Hons) DipCouns MBACP
Lorraine is a person-centred
therapist specialising in
anxiety and trauma.
BARBARA OCELLO
PsyD PGDip
Barbara is a psychologist
and psychotherapist working
with individuals and couples.
UTA BOELLINGER
DipNut mBANT rCNHC
Uta is a registered
nutritional therapist
and lecturer.
BHAVNA RAITHATHA
BSc (Hons) MSc MBACP (Accred)
Bhavna is a
psychotherapist, coach,
supervisor, and trainer.
ANGELA BROWN
DHP HPD CHS Dip Med CBTI IARTT
Angela is a hypnotherapist
and psychotherapist
specialising in anxiety.
ALEX FRAYSSE
CNM DipNut
Alex is a nutritional therapist
and naturopath, helping
clients find health.
GERALDINE JOAQUIM
DSFH HPD CBTi CNHC AfSFH
Geraldine is a
hypnotherapist specialising
in stress and sleep issues.
Our team
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Features Editor
Lauren Bromley-Bird | Editorial Assistant
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
Grace Victory, Bhavna Raithatha | Columnists
Lucy Donoughue | Head of Multimedia
Ellen Lees | Head of Content
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
ART & DESIGN
Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product
Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus | PR Manager
CONTRIBUTORS
Joanne Murphy, Jenna Farmer, David Bone,
Caroline Butterwick, Lorraine Ballintine,
Uta Boellinger, The Kennel Club
SPECIAL THANKS
Louise Bradshaw, Barbara Ocello, Carl Eden,
Geraldine Macé, Sophie Medlin, Angela Brown,
Julie Howard, Alex Fraysse, Geraldine Joaquim,
Iain Ross
MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
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ort
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p19 To learn more about ADHD, and to access advice
shop.happiful.com
and services, visit adhdfoundation.org.uk

WORK WITH A HYPNOTHERAPIST

p53 Interested in working with a hypnotherapist? Find and connect
with a professional using hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

DISABILITY INFORMATION AND COMMUNITY

p70 Find practical advice and emotional support One undeniable truth is that
by visiting scope.org.uk finding the right help for each
individual is a journey – what
works for one of us will be
different for someone else. But
don't feel disheartened if you
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NUTRITION
An apple a day could keep anxiety at bay
We’ve all heard the phrase ‘an
apple a day keeps the doctor
away’, but a new study has found
that there could be some truth in
the sentiment when it comes to
taking care of our mental health.
In research published in the
British Journal of Nutrition, it was
discovered that eating fruit on a
regular basis had the ability to
decrease levels of depression and
anxiety, regardless of the portion
size or type of fruit.
Looking at a group of 428
healthy adults, the researchers
8 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
The Uplift
measured their eating habits,
psychological health, and lifestyle
behaviours, through a series of
questionnaires. One of these was
a cognitive failure questionnaire,
which is designed to measure
lapse in attention, memory, and
action-related tasks – chosen
to assess how diet might affect
our cognition – and included
questions such as: ‘Do you leave
important emails unanswered for
several days?’ and ‘Do you often
walk into a room and forget why
you entered it?’
Researchers found that eating
fruit regularly had more of an
effect than eating vegetables, the
reason being that, while both
are rich in antioxidants, fibre,
and essential micronutrients
that promote brain function, we
are more likely to eat fruit raw,
which helps to retain nutrients
that are often lost during the
cooking process.
So, it seems that this healthy
habit and wellbeing boost could
be low-hanging fruit.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
MEN’S HEALTH
Surge in men seeking help following UFC winner’s speech
In a clip that went viral online,
Ultimate Fighting Championship
fighter Paddy Pimblett chose
to make men’s mental health
the theme of his victory speech
following his win over Jordan
Leavitt – and, now, it’s having a
real knock-on effect.
In his speech, Pimblett shared
that a friend had recently
completed suicide, going on to
ask men to start reaching out to
each other, and opening up when
they’re going through something.
SUPPORT
Pioneering live chat supports
victims of domestic abuse
Getting support in a discreet and
safe way has been an ongoing
dilemma for victims of domestic
violence, but a new option is
making its way to the frontline.
Suffolk Police has teamed up
with live chat provider Futr,
to pilot a revolutionary way to
communicate safely with those
experiencing abuse.
A national directive to support
victims of domestic violence was
prompted after statistics from the
National Domestic Abuse Helpline
showed a 65% increase in calls
between April and June 2020,
compared to the previous three
months.
“UK police forces receive more
than 100 calls every hour regarding
“There’s a stigma in this world
that men can’t talk,” he said, in a
clip that has racked up millions
of views. “I know I would rather
have my mate cry on my shoulder
than go to his funeral next week.
So please, let’s get rid of this
stigma. Men, start talking.”
The call out comes at a time
when men are three times more
likely than women to die by
suicide, and much needs to be
done to address men’s mental
health. But it appears that
domestic abuse, which is only the
tip of the iceberg as it is estimated
that just 18% of all victims report
domestic abuse to the authorities,”
explains Rob Jones, assistant chief
constable of Suffolk Police.
“A lot of people, especially when
anxious or scared, don’t want to
speak on the telephone – often
in a language that isn’t their first
language – to someone they don’t
know. Our live chat pilot has
instant language translation which
enables us to explain people’s
options better in their first
language.”
The live chat also features safety
functions like a quick exit button
that leaves no trace of the chat in
the browser history.
Pimblett’s speech is already having
an impact, as one mental health
group, Andy’s Man Club, say it has
seen a 22% rise in attendees since
the speech.
Beyond that, in an interview with
Sky Sports, Pimblett revealed how
he has been receiving messages
and comments thanking him
for sharing such an important
message. “It blows your mind,” he
said. “Messages like that will mean
more than any win ever will.”
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Fitting in with the National
Policing Digital Strategy 2020–30
(which looks to harness the power
of digital technologies to protect
communities), this pilot saw more
in-depth information being shared
than in-person or over-the-phone,
paving the way for making support
more accessible.
Writing | Kat Nicholls
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 9
10 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
HEALTH

New album claims

to reduce anxiety
linked to sleep loss
Wouldn’t it be great if we could
improve our wellbeing, without
needing to schedule extra time into
our already packed schedules? A new
album could do just that...
Hoping to bridge the gap between
music and wellness, the album,
Spatial Sleep Music, from award-
winning sound designer and
composer Tom Middleton, is the
world’s first anxiety-reducing
(anxiolytic) spatial audio experience.
Studies have shown that listening
to music or sounds spatially may
be able to help us process issues
including anxiety and stress, while
improving our concentration and
focus. Recent studies have also
shown that this can boost our blood
flow, breath, and even how well our
nervous system functions.
Talking about his new release,
Tom said: “This album was born
from a moving conversation about
transforming human suffering,
which can be caused by anxiety and
sleep loss. Sleep is the foundational
pillar of health and wellbeing.
Anxiety is a key cause of poor and
disrupted sleep, and I wanted to
investigate the potential for spatial
audio to reduce anxiety.”
If you’re looking to find a way to
switch off while dialling up your
mental health, it sounds like Spatial
Sleep Music could be the dream
solution.
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

happiful.com | Issue 66 | 11
Take 5 How d
i
do? V d you
i
Relax your mind and take some time to unwind ‘Freeb sit t
ies’ se he
by enjoying a few moments of puzzling fun shop.
h
ction
o
to fin appiful.co n
d the m
a
and m nswers,
ore!
Spot the
difference
Keep your eyes
peeled for six
differences
between the two
images – can you
spot them all?

Riddle me this
1 What has a tongue, but never speaks, and has no legs but sometimes walks?

2 I can be cracked, made, told, and played. What am I?

3 What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters two it?
 The
wellbeing
wrap
ONE OF A KIND
Showing that
kindness always lives
NHS workers on, Simon Gibson,
were surprised who passed away
with a free ice
cream during
in May last year,
the heatwave, has left most of his
thanks to several £100 million fortune
independent to charity. The
bodies and ice
cream vans philanthropist, known
for driving around
in a yellow VW
Beetle, also gifted all
current and former
employees £30,000.
Tasmania has
become one of
the first states CRYING OVER
in the world
to go carbon
SPILT MILK?
Understanding babies’
negative
cries is not an innate
skill, and instead must
be learned, a new
study in Current Biology
has revealed. So, if
From September, you’re new to caring
a type of HRT for a baby and feel like
will be available
over the counter you’re not on the same
without a wavelength, don’t worry.
prescription Just give it a little time.
Waitrose has
become the latest UK
supermarket to scrap
‘best before’ dates on
produce, following
in the footsteps of
Marks & Spencer and
WhatsApp is
launching a new Tesco. These dates
‘stealth mode’ to
indicate food quality
allow users more
rather than safety, so
control over their
privacy, and who removing them can
can see when encourage less waste
they’re online in households.
Spellcheck
engaged
After an in-depth
study of social media
platforms, Motive PR
has revealed Brit’s
10 most misspelled
words, and ‘they’re’
findings might
surprise you (that joke
pained me!). In the
top spot was ‘their’,
incorrectly written
as there and they’re,
followed by ‘you’re’,
‘too’, ‘they’re’,
and ‘off’. So,
while these aren’t
complex or lengthy
words, it seems that
we’re mixing up our
homophones, or
slipping up when
typing. Time to
brush up on our
proofreading...
STRAWBERRY
FIELDS FOREVER
If you’re a fan of the fruit,
we have some good news.
It’s believed that eating
strawberries could protect
against Alzheimer’s disease
by reducing inflammation
in the brain, according to
an observational study
by Rush University,
Chicago. It’s thought
that the pelargonidin
in these berries is a key
anti-inflammatory, but
you can also find it in
raspberries, plums, and
kidney beans. So, eat up!
Building a buzz
In Brighton and Hove, the
council set a requirement
for all new buildings above
5m to include ‘bee bricks’, as
well as bird nesting boxes.
With this renewed focus on
environmental protection, will
more areas of the UK jump on
board, and make supporting
wildlife a cornerstone of their
development plans? Fingers
crossed for what could ‘bee’.
Counting sheep?
Experts at Forbes Advisor
have been counting a few
more things as well, in an
effort to determine which
country around the world
has the best night’s sleep.
Analysing sleep-related
online searches, vs the
number of internet users in
each location, it suggests
those in Turkey are sleeping
the most soundly, followed
by Belgium and Norway –
with the UK in 13th.
SURF’S UP
Combining two powerful wellbeing
boosters – blue spaces and four-legged
friends – this summer saw the return of the
UK’s annual Dog Surfing Championships in
Poole, Dorset. With various surf heats, and
even a doggy paddleboard race, plus
a lot of fun, with attendees and canine
characters making a splash, it was an
event to get a lot of tails wagging,
and leave a lot of hearts
full!

wabi-sabi?
What can the imperfections found in nature teach us about our own lives?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
O
n the expansive
grounds of Blenheim
Palace, Oxfordshire,
there stands a very
unusual tree. The cedar was first
planted when Capability Brown re-
modelled the landscaped gardens
between 1763 and 1774,
and it’s still there today,
overlooking the lakes
and the palace
beyond.
14 | Issue XX | happiful.com
What is
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
The tree attracts a lot of
attention because it appears to
be a fluke of nature. It’s held up
by cables attached to nearby
trees, its branches crooked
and serpentine, and the 20ft
diameter trunk is almost entirely
hollow. It’s odd, and imperfect,
yet visitors flock to it, season
after season, because there’s
something beautiful about it.
The Japanese have a phrase for
the feeling this evokes: wabi-sabi.
A world-view that learns from
the imperfect beauty of nature,
appreciates the passage
of time, and accepts all
things in their incomplete and
impermanent forms.
Wabi-sabi has its origins in
Taoism, between 960–1279,
and then was adopted by
Zen Buddhism. ‘Wabi’
roughly translates to
‘the elegant beauty of
humble simplicity’, and ‘sabi’
means ‘the passing of time
and subsequent deterioration’.
Explained this way, there’s
an undeniably melancholic
feeling at the heart of wabi-
sabi, just like the hollow tree at
Blenheim, but the acceptance
and appreciation of transience
and imperfection can be
empowering, especially in 2022.
“Perfection is an unattainable
goal, and its pursuit can lead
to feelings of inferiority and
shame as we effectively never
‘measure up’,” says life coach
Louise Bradshaw. “The stress
caused by not achieving
perfection, or pushing ourselves
to our absolute limits, can lead
to burnout, low self-esteem,
depression, and anxiety.”
We see this kind of thing
presented to us
constantly, on

TV, social media, and in adverts
trying to convince us that we
can buy our way to a perfect life.
But, for many, the pursuit of
perfection starts much earlier.
“The roots of perfectionism
can be traced back to childhood
– beliefs about ourselves and
our worth are developed in
those formative years,” Louise
explains. “If the message that
we receive is that we are ‘less
than’ in some way, then we may
well develop perfectionism as
a means to prove our worth.
Equally, if we experience
unrealistic expectations growing
up, or are subjected to excessive
praise, we may feel the need to
achieve perfection in order to
maintain these conditions.”
These days, many of us are
trying our best to be conscious
about our impact on the Earth
– one key part of that being to
reuse and recycle things, to
repair what has become worn
or broken before swapping it
for a newer model. When it
comes to nature, we can observe
how things weather over time,
how living things grow, bloom,
and wilt, how they respond
to sustenance, and how each
example is entirely unique. So,
if we can be so forgiving and
accepting of the world around us,
isn’t it about time we did the same
for ourselves?
By embracing
imperfections we
give ourselves the
gift of freedom
“In order to unlearn
perfectionism, we must first
understand the feeling or core
belief about ourselves that we are
trying to avoid,” Louise says. “Is
it that we don’t feel good enough,
worthy, or loveable? Are we trying
to please another or avoid feeling
inferior? Once we are aware of
its origins, then we can practise
challenging that belief each and
every time we feel the need to
ensure something is perfect.”
Louise challenges you to
embrace ‘good enough’ rather
than perfect, something that
might be a challenge at first as
your push back against a fear or
rejection and shame, but which,
in the long run, will help you
positive pointers
move beyond past beliefs, and
create new neutral pathways in
the mind.
“By embracing imperfections we
give ourselves the gift of freedom,
to live life on our own terms, and
show up as the perfectly imperfect
human beings we were meant
to be, without the burden of the
beliefs and expectations given to
us so long ago,” Louise says. “As
a reformed perfectionist myself,
I can wholeheartedly say that
embracing imperfection is one of
the most worthwhile things you
can do for yourself.”
As humans, we are as much
made up of nature as trees, rocks,
and soil – all things which evolve
and weather with time, and which
we accept and celebrate for their
ability to do so. So, this is your call
to embrace imperfection, after all,
it’s only natural.
Louise Bradshaw coaches for
confidence, happiness, and success.
Find out more by visiting
the Life Coach Directory.
happiful.com | Issue XX | 15
 How to deal with
retrospective
jealousy
Is envy over a partner’s past
clouding a happy future?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

A
ccording to
onlinedoctor.com, in
the UK, the average
person has seven sexual
partners across a lifetime but,
whatever your own experience, it’s
fair to say that most people will go
into a new relationship bringing
their own history. So, what
happens when the past gets in the
way of present happiness?
“Retroactive jealousy is the
jealousy of the past, and a
series of uncertainties related
to the partner’s previous love
affairs,” psychologist Barbara
Ocello explains. “It manifests in
disproportionate jealousy for the
partner’s romantic past, often
becoming a cause of conflict,
hindering the grounds for
harmony within the couple.”
As Barbara explains, retroactive
jealousy can lead to obsessive,
intrusive, and negative thoughts
that can encroach on an otherwise
happy and healthy relationship,
and this risks bringing with it
anxiety, anger, and sadness. So,
what steps can you take to address
these feelings?

16 | Issue XX | happiful.com

1 Become aware of
what you experience
Putting a name to a feeling can
really help us start to feel more
in control of it, and also allows
us to connect with other, similar
experiences.
“Sometimes, you can become
so overwhelmed by the flow of
events that you cannot understand
what is really happening,” Barbara
explains. “Think about what
you are experiencing, name the
feelings you have, and think about
the images that come to mind.
It may be helpful to write down
what is happening, to ‘let out’ the
anger and become aware of it.”
When you’re in the throes of
retrospective jealousy, the feelings
of distress are very real, but trying
to take a step back to name and
examine it is a gateway to giving
yourself permission to move
forward.
2 Stay in the present
“A useful strategy to deal with
such jealousy is to rationalise
feelings and thoughts,” Barbara
says. “One way to do this is to
think back to your past rather
than your partner’s. Look back
over your experiences, both good
and bad. Think about the times
when you felt loved or have loved.
Also, reflect on what you were
like in your past relationships.
If it doesn’t take anything away
from how you feel in your current
relationship, why shouldn’t it be
the same for your partner?”
When we’re missing info, it can
be easy to fill in the gaps with
things that aren’t necessarily
grounded in facts. If this is
something you find yourself
doing, take a moment to pause
and consider where reality ends
and intrusive thoughts take over.
For example, Barbara
recommends keeping in mind
that if your partner ended the
relationship with their ex, there
must have been problems, and
that they have now chosen to stay
with you, to build a life together.
3 Try to avoid
controlling behaviours
The point at which retrospective
jealousy can become a more
serious problem is if you begin to
act on unfounded feelings. You
might then breach trust in the
relationship, or be constantly on
the lookout for new information
about your partner’s past, which
will only spur on your fears.
Above all, don’t
compete with their
ex. After all, if it is
over with this person,
there must be a
reason, right?
“Stop investigating the past by
looking for info on social networks,
or asking family and friends about
previous relationships,” Barbara
says. “These are self-destructive
behaviours. Don’t nag your partner
with questions, and above all, don’t
compete with their ex. After all,
if it’s over with this person, there
must be a reason, right?”
Try to identify whether there are
any particular triggers to these
behaviours, and then see what
relationships
you can do to mitigate them. For
example, if you see an ex-partner
on your social media feed, and that
causes you to spiral, unfollow, mute,
or hide their account.
4 Consider what the
feelings are telling you
“Admitting the problem is the first
step to facing it. However, if the
emotions of retroactive jealousy feel
too overwhelming, psychotherapy,
individual or joint, can help,”
Barbara suggests.
There might be more to your
feelings than first meets the eye,
such as fear of abandonment and
rejection, and this is something you
may choose to explore further in a
supportive environment.
“An individual path will be useful
to learn how to manage your
emotions, thoughts, and impulses
in order to modify your vision of
the past, and live in the present,”
Barbara continues. “Often, those
who suffer from retroactive jealousy
have a need for control in a broader
sense, so it will be important to
learn to let go.”
Approach your feelings with
compassion and curiosity, and
create a strong foundation to explore
the root of your retrospective
jealousy, from which you can work
on moving forward.
Barbara Ocello is a psychologist
and Jungian psychotherapist.
Find out more by visiting
the Counselling Directory.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 17
 You know you’ve
grown when…
YOU VIEW CHALLENGES
AS OPPORTUNITIES

You enjoy going

at your own pace

You don’t allow the past

to dictate your future

You’ve let go of comparison

You will do what’s necessary,

though not necessarily what’s easy

You know the value in

your own voice and beliefs

YOU SPEND TIME

REFILLING YOUR CUP
18 | Issue XX | happiful.com

What’s next after
a diagnosis of
ADHD as an adult?
Long thought to only occur in children, more and more adults are
now realising that their daily mental health issues could also be
down to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
W
hen Kat Brown, a
freelance journalist,
was diagnosed with
attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
almost two years ago, at the age
of 38, she was finally able to find
the right treatment after years of
battling depression, anxiety, and
insomnia.
Like so many of her generation,
she had no information about
disorders like ADHD, and had
relied on food and alcohol as
coping mechanisms for most
of her life. “It was interesting
looking back and going, ‘Oh, well
that makes sense,’ and matching
things up,” she says.
For a disorder once thought to
only occur in children, data shows
Writing | Joanne Murphy
that diagnoses of adult ADHD are
growing four times faster than
among children in the US.
COMING TO TERMS
WITH YOUR DIAGNOSIS
With information from experts
and personal experiences now
readily available, more adults are
realising that their daily struggles
can be explained by a missed
diagnosis of ADHD.
Adults without proper diagnoses
are often given non-specific
medications and therapies, which
have a minimal impact on ADHD
symptoms.
In gathering material for
this article, a tweet was sent
out asking for people who had
been diagnosed as adults to talk
wellbeing
about their experiences. Within 24
hours, there were more than 200
people ready to tell their stories. A
common feeling reported following
diagnosis, was relief.
One of these people was John-
Michael Aurednik, from West
Virginia, who says his diagnosis
allowed him to make sense of many
things in his life. “Getting diagnosed
puts into context every single
‘trivial’ struggle that this disorder
contributes to,” he explained.
UNDERSTANDING
YOUR ADHD
Developing an awareness of
how your ADHD affects your life
is essential in finding the right
treatment, and improving your
wellbeing. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 19

Stephen V Faraone, professor
of neuroscience at the State
University of New York Upstate
Medical University, explains
how studies have shown that
adults with ADHD frequently
struggle to be insightful about
their symptoms. Hearing the
perspective of those close
to you can be beneficial in
understanding your symptoms
from an outside perspective.
Kat Brown began “taking
charge” of her mental health,
and researching how to look after
herself after her diagnosis, which
allowed her to figure out what her
life was going to look like moving
forward.
20 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
ALLOW YOURSELF
TO GRIEVE WHAT
COULD’VE BEEN
It’s no surprise that those who
were diagnosed as adults felt
that their life would have been
different if they had received an
earlier diagnosis. Nevertheless,
half of the respondents said that
their diagnosis allowed them
to offload feelings of guilt and
shame as they understood how
their ADHD had influenced their
experiences.
But the truth is that only
120,000 out of the estimated 1.5
million adults in the UK who
have ADHD have received a
diagnosis still, and it was not
officially recognised as an adult
condition until 2008. So there is
a long way to go.
Developments in the research
of ADHD have played a huge
role in adult diagnosis, but
Professor Faraone also explains
how “social, emotional, and
intellectual scaffolding” has
contributed to late diagnoses.
Resembling the role of
temporary structures outside
buildings, the scaffolding
theory was described by the
psychologist Lev Vygotsky as the
support we receive from parents
and teachers during learning and
development.
Increased responsibility
in adulthood challenges our
emotional and intellectual
strengths, and can lead to
the exacerbation of ADHD
symptoms.
FINDING THE
RIGHT TREATMENT
Becoming more aware of your
ADHD is the first step after
diagnosis, but a care plan will
incite change. Professor Faraone
says many patients have found
medication “essential” in being
able to achieve their goals, citing
data from The World Federation
of ADHD International
Consensus Statement.
John-Michael likened his
experience with ADHD
medication to when “a puzzle
piece gets put into place”, and
said it helped his anxiety.
Several medications have
proved to be effective in
reducing symptoms of ADHD,
and are often used alongside

ADHD is one piece of
a person, and that
doesn't define them
non-medication treatments –
including cognitive behavioural
therapy (CBT) – which have been
shown to be less effective alone,
but which appear to help in
developing life skills in areas such
as self-regulation and planning.
FIND OTHER WAYS TO
SUPPORT YOUR ADHD BRAIN
Other practices have been
reported to improve the general
wellbeing of adults with ADHD.
Professor Faraone stresses the
importance of not “missing
the specific treatments for
the disorder”, but encourages
maintaining a healthy lifestyle
because of the all-around benefits.
Pippa Simou, specialist ADHD
coach and founder of the ADD-
vantage specialist ADHD support
service, encourages the women
she works with to follow an
“ADHD-friendly diet”, and to
stay hydrated, to improve their
symptoms.
She also highlighted the benefits
of exercise and nature, which is
something other ADHD adults
have found valuable. “Being in
the natural environment can be
soothing and calming,” she says.
While research to back-up
the anecdotal benefits of diet,
exercise, and meditation on
ADHD is ongoing, from a wider
perspective, all these things are
known to support your overall
wellbeing.
Time spent in natural
surroundings has been linked
to an increased ability to focus
in adults with ADHD, according
to studies carried out at the
University of Illinois by Professor
Frances Kuo.
CONNECT WITH OTHER
ADULTS WITH ADHD
The good news is you can now
connect with thousands of
ADHD adults in person, and
online at the touch of a button.
Pippa started the ADD-vantage
support service to help women
manage their ADHD. She runs
a regular support group (or as
she likes to say, “chat group”),
workshops, and coaching for
women with the disorder.
“There is magic right there in
their company. You will learn the
things that are going to help you
be the best version of yourself,”
she says.
wellbeing
The ADHD Foundation,
#ADHDwomen on Instagram, and
the Reddit ADHD Group, have
provided essential support and
information for adults diagnosed
with the disorder. Many adults
value online communities for
helping them understand and
accept their diagnosis.
CAPITALISE ON
YOUR STRENGTHS
Having ADHD has its challenges,
but that does not make you
any less capable of achieving
your goals. Examples in many
industries show that the right
support and management of
symptoms helps adults with
ADHD to be successful.
Kat Brown has built a career
as a journalist, writing for
publications such as The
Telegraph. She has used apps like
Rainforest to focus on tasks, and
the Pomodoro Technique for time
management.
Adults with ADHD have
been shown to embody many
creative skills, which boost their
wellbeing. Professor Faraone
emphasised that it’s important for
all people, regardless of having
a disorder, to capitalise on their
strengths to achieve goals.
“ADHD is only one piece of a
person, and that doesn’t define
them,” he says.
There is no ‘one trick’ to
living life to the fullest as an
adult with ADHD. But through
a combination of treatments,
support networks, and knowledge
of the disorder, you can start
taking control of how you live
your life.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 21
 Rest to recover
The power of giving yourself a break
Society conditions us to think that we must always keep going, that fortune
favours the busy, and to applaud the relentless hustlers. But columnist
Grace Victory is here to share the real urgency, and necessity, to cut
yourself some slack. This is your rallying call to rest – you deserve it
Writing | Grace Victory

R
ecently, I’ve found
myself trying to rest,
but then immediately
telling myself to ‘just’
unload the washing, to ‘just’
put that pile of stuff away, to
‘just’ reply to one last email, to
‘just’ sort out Cyprus’s bag for
tomorrow… There’s always just
one more thing. My mind tells
me to keep going when my body
is screaming to just stop.
I think rest is complicated for
a lot of us, including myself. It’s
not necessarily about feeling as
if rest isn’t deserved, but more
about believing other things are
more important. Or, sometimes,
it’s simply the fact that our to-do
list is nowhere near finished, and
the thought of going to bed to
wake up to the shit we ‘should’ve’
done before going to sleep is
counter-productive.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe our
need to feel productive stops us
from being able to slow down.
However, if the past two years
have taught me anything it’s that
resting when needed and when
called to do so, is probably one
of the most productive things we
can do for ourselves.
Within the Western world,
we have normalised constantly
doing, moving, and working
so much that rest, recovery,
and rejuvenation is few and
far between. “I’ll sleep when
I’m dead” is a great example
of the state of our society, but
things are slowly changing – and
rightly so. Our wellbeing is in
the gutter, we are more burnt
out than ever, and if we aren’t in
despair at our government, we
are in despair at global crises,
and you know what? Something
simply has to give.
The grind culture isn’t fulfilling
us anymore, and working nine-
to-five with little to show for it
doesn’t seem as acceptable as
it once did. We want more. We
deserve more. We’re demanding
more, and I’m here for it.
But I also think we deserve a
little more love and compassion
from ourselves, too. We need to
recognise that, actually, sleeping
five hours a night, skipping
breakfast, and binge drinking
on the weekend, is taking its toll,
and maybe we need to pause,
slow down, and stop filling every
waking moment with ‘stuff’. That
it’s healthy and empowering to
have moments within our lives
that are quiet, somewhat boring,
and unhurried.
I really recommend reclaiming
rest and making it something
you actually enjoy, because rest
looks different for everyone,
and different circumstances
will require a different form
of relaxing, too! Sometimes
you just need to forget about
everything and go to sleep.
Other times you might only need
a break from work, so going on
a walk to listen to a podcast with
an iced coffee would benefit you
better. Maybe it’s a hot bath?
Maybe it’s dropping your kids to
your parents house so you can
hear yourself think. Maybe it’s

22 | Issue 66 | happiful.com

slobbing out in front of the TV,
Photograpy | Rebecca Byford
ordering a pizza, and watching
your fave crime show. Maybe
it’s literally sitting in silence and
deep breathing. The important
thing you need to remember is
that whatever you’re doing, it
should be filling up your cup, not
emptying it.
Rest is how we recover, come
home to ourselves, and are
able to give and be in service –
whether that’s showing up for
our kids, completing our uni
work, or stepping into the office.
Without rest we are exhausted,
irritable, and unhappy. And
look, I know it’s bloody hard
sometimes to even get an hour
to yourself without someone
needing you, or something
needing your attention, but what
about what you need from you?
Giving yourself some downtime,
a quiet moment, and a breather,
is so much more beneficial
@GRACEFVICTORY
I really recommend
reclaiming rest
and making it
something you
actually enjoy,
because rest
looks different
for everyone
than constantly pouring into
everyone and everything else.
So this is your sign to just slow
down a bit more; take some
time off if you can, reset and
recharge your batteries, and
remember that your to-do list,
that pile of washing, and that
return text message can wait.
The world will not crumble
if you put yourself first
sometimes. But you will
crumble if everyone else always
comes before you.
And with that being said, I’m
off to drink a giant glass of water
and collapse into bed, because
it’s 20:52 and mama needs her
rest!
Love
Grace x
happiful.com | Issue 66 23
 We are such stuff
as dreams are made on
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Photography | Marco Xu
24 | Issue 66 | happiful.com

Yoga for
low energy
When energy reserves are
running low, try this yoga flow
to restore and replenish
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
E
xercise might not be the
first thing you think of
when you’re overtired
and looking for ways to
boost your energy levels – but
perhaps it should be.
The science behind this works
in a few different ways. Firstly,
when you exercise, cellular
changes take place inside
your body, with the exertion
prompting you to produce more
mitochondria – often described
as the ‘powerhouse of the cell’
– which creates fuel from the
food you eat and the air you
breathe. This, in turn, increases
your energy supply, giving you a
boost to keep on going. Beyond
that, exercise also increases
the oxygen circulation inside
your body, plus it triggers the
release of endorphins, feel-
good chemicals that’ll give you
that up-and-at-’em attitude. Of
course, finding the motivation
to actually move can still be a
challenge. But here’s where yoga
comes in…
“Being overtired is a sure
sign that the body needs rest,
so I would always recommend
keeping movement gentle and
almost always floor-based,” says
yoga teacher Iain Ross. “Often
when tiredness or fatigue sets in,
forcing yourself into a dynamic
physical practice can be counter-
productive. At best, you’ll feel
totally unmotivated, at worst it
can lead to injuries. Listen to your
body and respond as necessary.”
Iain’s golden rule is: always
let your practice meet you
where you are – a sentiment
that stresses the importance
of listening to your body, and
moving in ways that make you
wellbeing
feel good. He recommends
focusing less on what you think
your practice should look like,
and more on what you need
from it. “Sometimes that may
simply be 10 minutes in a
meditation and that’s enough,
others it may be some gentle
strengthening or perhaps
a longer Yin or restorative
practice,” he explains. “Let
your body guide you into what’s
needed, rather than sticking
with anything too rigid.”
With all that in mind, if you
find yourself low on energy,
give this sequence a try. Take
it at your own pace, let your
intuition guide you, and open
your heart to the energising and
empowering effects of yoga. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 25

Cat-cow
Over to you
Try this yoga sequence, created
for you by Iain Ross.
• Seated twists. Sit up tall on
the sit bones and let the spine
be long as you inhale. As you
exhale, place the left hand to
the outer right thigh and the
right hand behind you as an
anchor point. Inhale here, and
as you exhale allow your body
to move deeper into the twist.
Repeat on the second side,
and then flow between the
two shapes, using the inhale to
bring you through the centre
and then exhale to twist.
• Seated side bends. Place the
right hand beside you and reach
your left hand upwards, as you
26 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
inhale to create length in the
side body. On the exhale, bend
the right arm to a side bend
towards the right. Repeat on
the second side, and then flow
between these two shapes
using the breath. Inhale to
come through the centre and
exhale to bend.
• Seated heart openers. Inhale
to bring your hands into prayer
position at the heart centre.
Exhale as you interlace the
fingers and push your palms
forward. Inhale and raise
your hands above your head,
keeping the interlace of the
fingers if it’s available. Exhale
and make a cactus shape
with the arms, squeezing you
shoulder blades together and
C h i l d’s p o s e
shining the heart up and out.
Inhale to bring hands into
prayer, and repeat up to five
times.
• Cat-cow. From all fours, inhale
into cow pose as the belly
drops while the chest and
the gaze lift forward and up.
On the exhale move into cat
– push through the palms as
you round the spine, tucking
the chin into the chest and the
tailbone under. Flow through
these two postures as much as
you need, or explore some free
movement around your mat.
• Melting heart. From all fours,
walk the hands forward as you
allow the chest to melt down
towards the floor. Keep the hips

Savasana
aligned over the knees, and
grab a pillow or a block for the
head if the ground feels like it’s
miles away. Breathe into the
space across the front of the
chest, bringing the hands wider
than shoulder distance if the
shoulders are a bit tight.
• Sphinx. From your ‘melting
heart’, slide the chest through
between the arms so you end
Let your body
up laying on your front, resting
on your forearms. Try to align
guide you into
shoulders over elbows to
support your weight and gaze
what’s needed
forward.
• Low lunge with heart
• Child’s pose with side
stretches. Bring the knees as
wide as the mat and the big
toes together to touch while
you sit your bum back towards
the heels, reaching your
hands forward and letting the
forehead rest on the mat or a
block. Reach the hands to the
top right corner of the mat
while trying not to lift the left
hip, breathing into the left side
body. Repeat both sides.
• Optional sun salutation:
1. Upward salute (inhale)
2. Forward fold (exhale)
3. Halfway lift (inhale)
4. Supported plank (exhale)
5. Low cobra (inhale)
6. Downward dog or child’s
pose (exhale)
opener into supported half
hanumanasana flow. Find a
low lunge with the front knee
over the front ankle and the
back knee lowered, turning
both hips to face the front of
the mat. Inhale as you sweep
the hands high, then exhale
the arms into a cactus shape.
Inhale once more to bring the
arms high, then exhale into
half splits, bringing hands to
the mat as the hips move back
and the front leg straightens.
Flow between these two
postures three to five times,
each time using the inhale to
lift the arms.
wellbeing
• Twisted low lunge. Staying
in your low lunge, bring both
hands to the mat. As you
inhale, twist towards the front
leg as you peel the hand up
towards the sky (e.g. if your
right leg is forward in your
lunge, you’ll twist towards your
right and lift the right hand).
Repeat on the second side.
• Bridge or supported bridge.
Come to a reclined position and
bring the heels close in towards
the bum, around touching
distance from the fingertips.
Inhale as you push through the
heels, squeezing the bum to
lift the hips high. For a more
supported version, place a
bolster or a brick under the
lower back.
• Savasana. Keep it short and
sweet so as not to drift away
back into deep relaxation, but
allow your body time to settle.
Lay on your back on the mat,
either extending the legs long
or bringing soles of the feet to
the floor (especially if the lower
back is at all uncomfortable).
For more from Iain Ross, follow him
on Instagram @proud.yoga, or join
him for classes at Yoga Hero, Leeds.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 27
Ask the experts
How can we promote equality in mental health?

Counselling therapist Lorraine Ballintine answers your

questions on making mental health a priority for all

Read more about mental health on the Counselling Directory.

Q
What are some of plague our society on multiple
levels. Experts advise that mental
the key issues driving
ill-health has little to do with genetic
inequality when it comes predisposition, but rather is to do
to mental health? with adverse social circumstances,
including racism and hardship.
treatment and mental health
support as it causes an air of
distrust, leading to delays in
treatment and support. Black
people are 1.3 times more likely
than white British people to be

A The lack of awareness,

dismissal and underplaying
of racism, and how it affects
marginalised people and their
mental health, continues to
Denial supports a disparity
that is driven by the view there
is no issue to be addressed. This
is why marginalised groups can
sometimes struggle to access
receiving mental health care.
I am sure there will be those
that disagree, however, there is
plenty of evidence out there to
support this.

Q
What do you believe in the access, treatment, and
support of mental health.
needs to happen to Race and discrimination as a
make a change? compulsory module in mental
health training could begin the
Continual open and transparent
conversations regarding
discrimination should be a priority
for all working in mental health.
The world of intersectionality is

A We all need to increase

our awareness of how
racism affects people from
marginalised backgrounds,
to address racial disparities
learning and understanding
process. Attending a two-hour
unconscious bias training course ​​
– however fleetingly useful – just
won’t cut it.
complex and ever-changing –
without continual conversations,
our learning and ability to create
change can become static and
out of touch.

Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

Lorraine’s top tips for engaging in community care:
1. If you’re a therapist, join
a mental health group/
organisation aimed at people
of colour who have ally
membership – the BAATN is one
of them (The Black, African and
Asian Therapy Network).
2. Get to know communities
outside of your own by
attending different events. I, on
occasion, push my boundaries
by attending sports, arts, and
wellbeing events held outside
my immediate community.
It’s fun, and a great way to
network.
3. Voluntary work is a good
way to engage in community
care, and can be as simple
as becoming a member of
a forum or focus group with
minimal commitment, but
access to a wealth of learning
and understanding.
Q
How can we (on an
individual level)
support and promote
change to make mental
health a priority for all?
A As mentioned previously,
the research is out there,
with plenty of knowledgeable
individuals, experts, and
organisations doing the
groundwork with regard to
diversity, equality, and inclusion.
This is more than just an
area of interest if we speak
in terms of our society ​​– it is
our individual responsibility to
ensure we continually refresh
our understanding of society’s
ever-changing landscape, to best
support wellbeing for all.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 29
 Empty nest syndrome:
how to unruffle your feathers
and spread your wings
We explore the signs of empty nest syndrome and
how you can manage this big life transition
R
aising children and being
a parent sets us up on a
rollercoaster of emotions.
One minute you’re feeling
the joy and pride of seeing them
thrive, the next you’re filled with
worry, doubt, and frustration as
they veer wildly off-track. A lot can
be said about parenting… but no
one can say it’s a boring endeavour.
Throughout the journey, there are
a number of transitions. One that
may take you by surprise is the day
your child(ren) leaves home and,
suddenly, you’re alone again.
“Some parents may find the
departure of their child to school
or university a relief, time to get
their space back, and get on with
the goals they’ve been holding
back on during the years of
30 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Writing | Kat Nicholls
parenting,” life coach Geraldine
Macé explains. “For some,
however, it leaves a big empty
space that they have no idea how
to fill – an empty nest.”
Empty nest syndrome is a term
used to describe the grief, anxiety,
and sadness some parents and
caregivers feel at this time. Here
are some signs to look out for:
Loss of purpose
A feeling some empty nesters
may resonate with is being
‘redundant’. Geraldine notes,
“Parents may be feeling
incredibly sad with a loss of
focus, spending hours on their
own thinking back to the times
they had with their child.
Sometimes that can be with a
sense of regret for the things
that they did or didn’t do while
their child was at home.”
Becoming a parent or
caregiver changes your life
in a huge way, often having
an impact on your sense of
identity. So it makes sense that,
once you don’t have kids in the
house to look after, you may
feel a little lost.
Languishing
Some empty nesters may also
feel generally ‘off’, noticing a
lack of motivation. Perhaps
you think you should feel
exhilarated now that you
have more time to dedicate
to yourself but, instead, you
struggle to focus and lack

the energy to do what you used
to. The term languishing is
used to articulate this sense of
listlessness.
Using numbing techniques
“Other signs to look out for
are using things to distract
themselves so that they don’t
have to think about how they
feel, such as with food, drink,
shopping, watching TV, gaming,
or exercise,” Geraldine says. If
you’re trying to distract yourself
from the difficult emotions you’re
feeling, this could be a sign of
empty nest syndrome.
Restlessness
For some parents and caregivers,
having an empty nest paves the
way for some true relaxation,
however, those experiencing
empty nest syndrome may find
this a struggle. Instead of being
able to switch off, empty nesters
may find themselves worrying
about their child(ren) excessively,
and unable to concentrate.
More emotional
There are a range of feelings
that can come up during this
time, so you may notice your
emotions are close to the
surface. “As parents try to
negotiate this transition, they
may find themselves feeling
more emotional than normal,”
Geraldine explains. “Tears come
readily, or they may find that
they get angry more easily.”
relationships
Relationship conflict
Raising a family will likely have
an impact on your romantic
relationship, so it may take a
little getting used to once the
nest is empty. If you live with
a partner, and the two of you
are now alone, you may find
yourself navigating some new
territory as you remember what
it’s like to be a couple away from
the kids. This may bring about
some arguments, especially if
you have different ideas about
how you should be spending
your time. Remember, people
can react to the same situation
in different ways.
How to navigate
empty nest syndrome
If you recognise these signs,
know you’re not alone in how
you’re feeling. “It’s important for
parents to know that, whatever
they are feeling, it is a perfectly
normal and natural reaction
to what is a huge change,”
Geraldine says. It can be easy
to compare our experiences
with others, whether that be our
partners or friends who have
gone through it, but Geraldine
explains that this wouldn’t be the
best idea.
“We are all unique and
individual in the way we
experience loss and change, so
comparing ourselves to others in
the same situation would not be
helpful.” >>>
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 31
 Make a plan, set
some new goals, visit
some new places,
learn something new
– now is the time to
concentrate on you!
Instead, Geraldine says it can
help to focus on self-care. “I would
say, above all, that parents try to
be kind to themselves during this
transition. Look after themselves
as they would their own best friend
in the same situation.”
Take this time to focus on you,
ensuring you’re keeping up with
any wellness routines you have
in place, such as exercising and
prioritising sleep. If you’re finding
it hard to get stuck into the hobbies
and interests you once had, start
slow. Take small steps forwards,
and acknowledge that it may take
time to feel ‘back to normal’. might feel a bit scary, most goals, visit some new places,
Bringing awareness to how you’re close friends and family will learn something new – now is the
feeling is also a helpful tool to welcome the chance to offer time to concentrate on you!”
manage the transition. “If they feel support.” Empty nests may seem like
sad, many parents try just to get on Acknowledging how you feel lonely places, but perhaps they
with things as normal, and stuff and finding a way to process it can offer the space you need to
their emotions down, but it’s OK is key. This may be journaling, spread your own wings.
not to feel OK,” Geraldine explains. speaking with friends, or even
“There are some parents that working with a professional.
feel a sense of freedom when Finally, Geraldine suggests
their children leave, and then feel making a plan and setting
guilty. Whatever feelings come some goals to regain a sense
up, it’s important to acknowledge of direction. “Any kind of
them and allow them to be there. transition can bring up feelings
It can really help to do some of uncertainty and loss, but
Ready to set some goals? Learn
journaling around how they taking some kind of action can more about Geraldine Macé’s work
feel at this time. Also, although help bring a sense of control. and how coaching can help on
sharing how they feel with others Make a plan, set some new the Life Coach Directory.

32 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
 xxxxxxxxxxxx

5 TOP TIPS
to help you
stop snoring
If a silent night sounds like a pipe dream, we have the
secrets to help. Whether it’s disrupting your slumber,
or causing a restless night for loved ones, here are five
ideas to try to help stop snoring in its tracks
Writing | Rebecca Thair

1. Swap your sleep position might find that we’re suddenly

When lying on your back, gravity
will naturally draw the base
of your tongue and soft palate
towards the back of your throat,
which can result in a vibrating
snore. Avoid this by sleeping on
your side where possible – if you
struggle to stay in one position,
perhaps try a body pillow to give
you more support.
2. Avoid alcohol
Even those who aren’t usually
prone to snoring may find they
do after a few late-night drinks.
This is because alcohol relaxes
our muscles, and brain, which
can result in the throat muscles
feeling obstructed, or needing
to inhale more deeply to draw in
oxygen as we sleep. It’s advised
to avoid drinking alcohol around
four to five hours before bed to
help counter this.
3. Develop good sleep hygiene
When we’re overtired, which
could be due to burning ourselves
out and working too hard, we
snoring more when we do hit the
hay. This can be because over-
tiredness causes more relaxed
muscles, like with alcohol, and
so trying to enforce healthy
habits throughout the day, and
taking care of yourself by setting
boundaries and utilising self-care,
can help to counteract this.
4. Take a hot shower
Constricted nasal passages can be
a cause of snoring too, so opening
these up with the steam from a
nice hot shower or bath before
bed could ease your breathing
overnight. You could also try nasal
strips as an alternative, or make you particularly struggle at night
sure you’ve blown your nose to and currently have feather ones,
keep airways as clear as possible. in case this is prompting mild
allergy symptoms for you as well.
5. Change your sheets
Allergens and dust can cause our Remember, if you’re worried
airways to constrict or become about your snoring, or it’s
irritated, so it’s important to try becoming a bigger issue, speak
to wash your bedding once a to a doctor to rule out any deeper
week, and give your bedroom a issues and get support. We all
good dusting regularly. It could deserve a restful night, so it’s time
be worth changing your pillows if not to sleep on snoring.

happiful.com | Issue 66 | 33
 What to eat to
soothe anxiety
Food has the ability to transform our
wellbeing – so here’s how to use it
Writing | Uta Boellinger
F
rom meditation and
mindfulness tools,
including classes and
apps, to a broader
offering of therapies, and a wide
variety of courses involving
movement such as yoga – there’s
a lot on offer when it comes to
effectively soothing anxiety.
However, one key topic has not
had as much publicity, even
though it plays a crucial role in
our mental health and mood, as
well as providing the foundation
for our body to function and
restore balance.
After creating and delivering
numerous presentations on
the link between nutrition and
mental health, I really felt so
passionate about this subject and
it has now become a major part
of my clinical practice. So, to give
you an idea of how powerful food
can be when it comes to mental
health, I will share my top tips on
what to eat to soothe anxiety.
1. Healthy fats
Healthy fats, such as omega 3,
are crucial for brain function,
and are strongly linked to our
mental health. Research shows
that an imbalance of omega 3 and
34 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
omega 6 fats can increase our risk
of developing mood disorders.
To help restore balance, try to
include three portions of oily fish
in your diet per week – such as
salmon, mackerel, anchovies,
sardines, and herring.
While oily fish are the best food
source of omega 3 fats available,
you can also include shelled
hemp seeds, ground or soaked
flax/linseed, and soaked chia
seeds on a daily basis. These are
an excellent source of omega
3, as well as protein, fibre, and
other beneficial nutrients. You
can sprinkle these over salads,
stir them into porridge or
overnight oats.
Also, try to limit processed
foods made with sunflower
or corn oil (crisps, biscuits,
chocolates, cakes, and many
ready meals), as these are
particularly high in omega 6 fats.
2. Tryptophan
The amino acid L-Tryptophan is
a crucial precursor of serotonin,
our happy hormone. While
serotonin also has many other
functions in the body, it is best
known for its role in stabilising
our mood. Without enough
tryptophan, the body can’t
make adequate amounts of this
essential hormone.
To ensure you get plenty of
tryptophan in your diet try to get
at least 1g of protein per kilogram
of body weight each day. Getting
adequate protein is one of the best
ways to cover your tryptophan
needs, and remember to always
eat protein with carbohydrates
(from vegetables, fruit, or whole
grains) as the body can only
properly utilise tryptophan when
consumed with carbs. This is
because carbs are needed in order
for tryptophan to cross the blood-
brain barrier, and be converted to
serotonin. I often see clients who
report chronic low moods and
increased anxiety when trying
to lose weight on a very low-carb
diet. Some foods, which are
particularly high in tryptophan,
to add into your meal rotation are
turkey, oats, nuts, seeds, bananas,
and cherries.
3. Magnesium
Otherwise known as ‘nature’s
chill pill’ (among nutritionists),
magnesium aids relaxation
and helps to regulate
neurotransmitters. A 2017 review

There’s a lot on
offer when it comes
to effectively
soothing anxiety
that looked at 18 different
studies found that magnesium
did reduce anxiety. The studies
looked at mild anxiety, anxiety
during premenstrual syndrome,
postpartum anxiety, and
generalised anxiety. Including
plenty of magnesium-rich
foods is important not just for
anxiety, but also helps build
stress resilience, and improves
sleep quality. To meet your
daily needs, I recommend the
following: include at least one
portion of leafy greens each
day. Spinach, kale, chard, and
dark leafy salad leaves are
all good sources. Add these
into soups and stews, make a
side salad or put them in your
smoothie. Other good sources of
magnesium to include regularly
are nuts (especially almonds),
avocado, dark chocolate, and
bananas.
4. Blood sugar balance
A growing body of evidence suggests
a relationship between mood and
blood-sugar. Symptoms of low blood
sugar can mirror anxiety’s symptoms
or worsen existing anxiety.
Shakiness, fast heart rate, irritability,
nausea, difficulty concentrating,
and panic are all shared symptoms.
To keep blood sugar levels stable and
avoid exacerbating anxiety, follow
these tips: include plenty of fibre
with all your meals (from veggies
and wholegrains); always include a
source of protein with every meal
and snack, and limit processed sugar
and carbs; and try to eat roughly
around the same time each day, plus
stick to main meals and one snack.
5. Feed your microbiome
Your gut microbiome is a
collection of trillions of bacterial
cells located largely in the colon.
It is directly connected to the
brain. Your gut bacteria produce
many neurotransmitters such as
food & health
dopamine and gaba, which
are critical for mood, anxiety,
concentration, reward, and
motivation. Research shows
that if your microbiome is not
balanced (something scientists
call dysbiosis), the bacterial
activities can have a negative
impact on our mental health. To
look after your gut, be sure to eat
plenty of fibre, moderate sugar,
avoid artificial sweeteners, and
include probiotic food such as
live yoghurt, kefir, kombucha,
sauerkraut, and kimchi on a
regular basis.
Uta Boellinger is a
registered nutritional therapist
and lecturer. To find out more visit
the Nutritionist Resource.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 35
 The meaning
of dreaming
Teeth falling out your mouth and stumbling walks... what can our
dreams tell us about ourselves? And how can we learn to interpret them?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
H
uman’s have been
searching for the
meaning of dreams for a
very, very long time. In fact, the
Babylonian Dream Tablet offers
a series of dream interpretations
– including “If he carries beer in
the street his heart will be glad. If
he carries water in the street his
sins will be forgiven” – and dates
all the way back to about the 15th
century B.C. Beyond that, dreams
appear in everything from myths
to religious texts, literature, art,
and psychology, as for millennia
people have tried to figure out
what our nighttime creations
were trying to tell us.
The latest science has some
theories. In a 2021 study by the
American Academy of Sleep
Medicine, results found that
53.5% of dreams were traced
back to a memory, and nearly
36 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
50% of reports with a memory
source were connected to
multiple past experiences. What’s
more, the study also found that
25.7% of dreams were related to
specific impending events, and
37.4% of dreams about the future
were also related to one or more
memories of past experiences.
With that in mind, what can
these dreams tell us about
ourselves, and our wellbeing?
Here are some clues…
A window to our minds
“I believe dreams offer us a little
window into the mysteries of
the psyche and subconscious
mind,” says Rhian Kivits, a
psychodynamic therapist and sex
and relationship expert. “What’s
normally unseen is able to be
seen, in such a fascinating and
vibrant way. I believe that when
we remember our dreams, there
may be something powerful to
be learned from their signs and
symbols through dream analysis.
Perhaps a wise inner part of
ourselves is speaking? If this is
the case, it feels important to me
to listen.”
Rhian points to how our dreams
can help us to process things,
something that tends to occur
in REM sleep, where we have
our most vivid dreams. During
this time, the region of the
brain responsible for functions
including self-awareness,
inhibition, and emotional control
– known as the dorsolateral
prefrontal cortex – closes down.
The result is a period of time
where our emotions can be
explored without boundaries.
“I believe dreams help us work
through and organise >>>
 xxxxxxxxxxxx

happiful.com | Issue 66 | 37

What’s normally unseen is
able to be seen, in such a
fascinating and vibrant way
information about past memories
and present situations that we
may not have the capacity to
consciously or fully process in
our busy, waking lives,” Rhian
explains.
“Since they can be highly
detailed, colourful, and packed
with emotion, dreams can make
an intense impression upon us.
I’ve certainly noticed that I can
relate aspects of my own dreams
to dilemmas in my life in an
extremely helpful way. Although
science can’t confirm exactly why
we dream or what our dreams
mean, clients who share my
belief that dreams have meaning
find dream analysis supportive.”
Catch feelings
When it comes to dream
interpretation, there’s no rule
book that can tell you a definitive
answer. Instead, Rhian suggests
that you should consider the
feeling of the dream, and what
that might tell you about your
current wellbeing.
“For example, if you feel happy
and excited during the dream,
then I believe it could be offering
38 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
a positive message of hope and
expectation,” she says. “If you
feel desperate and sad, perhaps
you’re processing anxiety or
something heavy.”
Consider a dream about your
teeth falling out. It’s a common
dream – in fact, according to
a study published in Frontiers
in Psychology, 39% of the
population have had it. It’s
unlikely that all those people are
about to go through the same,
very specific thing (for example,
you’re about to ‘reach a turning
point in your life’, as dream
dictionaries might claim), and
more likely to be that our teeth
falling out is an unpleasant
experience in our society, and
the image is triggered by real
life anxiety.
Journaling is a great way to
tune-in to this kind of dream
interpretation. Over time, you
might be able to pick up on
themes in your dreams – do
particular dreams, for example,
tend to crop up when you’re
going through periods of
anxiety? What can the feelings
of your dreams tell you about
you? Do you dream of situations
where you respond in a certain
way, and what does that tell you
about the real, waking life you?
Up for interpretation
“I believe that we each know
ourselves far better than anyone
else ever could, and that the
signs and symbols in our dreams
are highly personal and unique,”
says Rhian, when we ask her for
tips on making sense of your
dreams. “So, the first piece of
advice I’d offer is to trust your
own interpretations rather than
rely on the internet or books.
“Keeping a dream diary next
to your bed can be useful, so
that you can make a note of your
dreams as soon as you wake
up, because your memories
can fade and you can forget
important details once you’ve
started the day.
“You don’t have to write out a
long narrative of each dream
– you could mind map, draw
images, or simply list out a few
key words to remind you of the
content of the dream.”
Rhian adds that you can
also make a note of a few key
questions, like: how did this
dream make me feel? What
were the most prominent
features? Who were the main
players? What could I see,
hear, smell, taste, or touch in
this dream, and what was my

response? And can I relate this
dream to something specific in
my past or present?
“I believe we often see
metaphorical information in our
dreams,” she continues. “Just say,
for example, a significant person
appears in your dream. It may
not be that the dream is telling
you something about this specific
person, but it may be more about
what they represent to you. You
might dream about making more
sales than a colleague at work,
but rather than the dream being
literal or predictive, perhaps
you’re exploring your competitive
nature or processing some stress
related to how hard you’ve been
working recently.”
At this point, Rhian dishes out a
warning not to take our dreams
too literally. We really don’t have
all the answers when it comes
to what our dreams may or may
not be telling us, and we should
try not to let them intrude on our
waking lives. For example, if you
dream about your partner being
unfaithful, when all the while
they were sleeping soundly next
to you, try not to give them the
cold shoulder in the morning.
Noting the dream down in a
dream journal and questioning
why it might have cropped up,
the sleep guide
and how it makes you feel, is a
much more productive avenue.
Dream on
The inside of your mind is a
complex place, and so it makes
sense that the answers to its
deepest mysteries aren’t something
you can read off a list someone else
has made. Our dreams are a deeply
personal thing, no one theory or
interpretation will apply to all of
us. But, on a mission to untangle
our nighttime sojourns, we could
uncover a whole lot more about
our wellbeing, our character, and
the people we are when we’re wide
awake.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 39
 Happiful recommends
From connecting with nature to a film about a rock ‘n’ roll legend, and a podcast that’ll
inspire you to make a change, try something new with our enriching suggestions
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

3
ACT OF KINDNESS

Regift your Happiful magazine

1
Are you guilty of throwing away your magazines once
you’ve finished reading them? If so, try passing on the kindness by
dropping off a magazine to your nearest and dearest, or offer to
donate it to a local salon or doctor’s surgery so they can make use of
it in the waiting rooms. That way, your magazine can be enjoyed by
others over and over again – and remember Happiful is recyclable!
PAGE-TURNERS
LEND US YOUR EARS

4
You Need To Hear This: 365 Days
Of Silly, Honest Advice You Need
Right Now by Chronicle
It’s the pocket-sized agony aunt
you never knew you needed, and
this trusty book comes with 365
pieces of advice, affirmations,
and jokes for your everyday
conundrums. It’ll help to keep you
grounded when anxiety strikes,
‘The Climate Question’
How can oceans help us capture carbon? How does
climate change affect our mental health? These are
just a few of the questions discussed by BBC specialists
in this informative podcast about climate change. If
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and have questions that you
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5
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OUT AND ABOUT If you’re looking
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Make a pine a heavy news
cone bird feeder cycle, meet the hedgehog who’s
There can be less injecting Instagram with doses
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feed on during autumn, but, fortunately, September is the month The wholesome, hand-drawn
that pine cones start to fall. Use this opportunity to connect with illustrations explore the daily
nature and make a pine cone bird feeder for your feathered struggles of a hedgehog, each
friends. Head outdoors and select your pine cone, then simply with their own reminder to slow
spread peanut butter over the scales and dip or roll it in bird seed. down and take a moment.
(Visit countryhillcottage.com for more inspiration) (Follow @talesofeleanor)

40 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
 culture

7
TECH TIP-OFFS

CoastSnap
CoastSnap is the innovative environmental app that
requires you to take repeat photos of the coast, to
help scientists monitor changes over time in order to
protect the coastline. Next time you’re by the sea, take a moment to

6
LESSON LEARNED snap some photos. You’ll be contributing to life-changing research.
(Available on the App Store)
Take your unwanted clothes

to your nearest H&M
If you make some more space in
your wardrobe, or have a good
closet declutter, simply take a bag
of your unwanted clothes to your
nearest H&M to partake in their
recycling scheme. You’ll even be
rewarded with £5 off your next
shop when you spend a minimum
of £25, to help you save money and
live more sustainably, one step at a
time. (Visit hm.com for more)
8
GET GOING
Hot yoga
Hot yoga is the art of practising
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humid conditions in a studio room.
The heat makes the class more
challenging compared to a typical
yoga session, encouraging you to
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and breathe deeper, all while
improving your flexibility. (Visit

9
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happiful.com | Issue 66 | 41
 Sleep is the
best meditation
DALAI LAMA

Photography | Andalucia Andaluia

42 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
 the sleep guide

Natural
sleep support
Science-backed ways to help
you sleep soundly
With research showing almost three quarters of us don’t get enough sleep, how
can we stop tossing and turning and start sleeping soundly? Here, we uncover
the best natural sleep support techniques that are proven to work
Writing | Jenna Farmer

W
hether it’s scrolling
on TikTok or your
mind racing at
3am, many of
us struggle with sleep. In fact,
research by Bed SOS has found
that half of us don’t think we get
enough sleep, and 20% of us feel
exhausted the next day.
But it’s not just about the
amount of sleep we get; the
quality of our sleep is essential,
too. In the UK, 25% of adults feel
fretting about money impacts
their sleep, and 37% said work
leaves them feeling less in
control of their sleep. With so
much going on in our lives, it’s
no wonder our sleep can suffer,
but it’s important to prioritise
it where you can – the health
benefits of sleep are vast, helping
support our immune system, our
mental health, and even keeping
our heart healthy. Let’s explore
some natural ways that you can
support your sleep that are all
scientifically backed.
1. Ditch the caffeine Ditch the
Caffeine is known for stimulating
the brain, which makes it great
caffeine
when you need to get through
your morning meeting, but less
helpful if you’re trying to drift off
to sleep. While you don’t have to
go caffeine-free, coffee can help
you stay alert up to four to six
hours after drinking it, which is
why most experts recommend
avoiding it in the evening, with
one study finding that 400mg >>>

happiful.com | Issue 66 | 43

Use your bed just
for sleep, as you
want your brain
to associate it with
sleep, not scrolling
social media and
watching TV
of caffeine (which you’ll find in
around four cups) consumed
up to six hours before bed
significantly disrupts sleep.
However, not everyone is as
sensitive. “Everyone is different
when it comes to caffeine; some
of us can drink tea and coffee
in the evenings and still get a
normal night’s sleep, while others
may need to limit caffeine intake
from the afternoon onwards,”
advises Sophie Medlin, consultant
44 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Log off before you
hit the pillow
Choose the
right workout
dietitian at City Dietitians. If you
fall into the latter camp, it could
be worth swapping your coffee
for a non-caffeine alternative,
such as herbal tea or chicory
root coffee.
2. Log off before
you hit the pillow
Finding a bedtime routine
that’s phone-free could be
worth trying – even if it’s
leaving your phone in the
other room, and reading a book
in bed instead. It’s thought the
blue light from your phone
screen can interfere with the
sleep-hormone,
melatonin, as well
as making you
more alert as you
scroll online and
take in information.
When we use our phone in
bed, not only are we likely to get
less sleep (if our phone keeps
us busy), but we also reduce the
amount of REM sleep – the stage
of sleep when we vividly dream.
“For many people, technology
has crept into the bedroom,
making the bed a place of
work, entertainment, eating,
etc. It equates the bed with lots
of activities other than sleep,”
says clinical hypnotherapist
Geraldine Joaquim. “Use your bed
just for sleep, as you want your
brain to associate it with sleep,
not scrolling social media and
watching TV.”
3. Choose the right
kind of workout
A workout gives you
energy, so many think
it’s best to do first thing
rather than before bed, as we
don’t want a burst of energy right
before we turn in. However, that’s
not always the case. Research
published in Sports Medicine has
found that exercising before bed
helps us get to sleep faster and
sleep more deeply, as long as you
don’t do high intensity exercise
(such as circuits). Something like
yoga is ideal and has been proven
to help reduce stress and, as a
result, improve sleep.

Eat foods
high in fibre
4. Try magnesium
Magnesium is a mineral
that’s vital for nerve and
muscle function – and is
often recommended to help
relieve cramps by relaxing
muscles. According to the Sleep
Foundation, research has shown
magnesium can help the body
relax and improve insomnia,
which may be because it helps
regulate the neurotransmitters
that are related to sleep.
“Magnesium has been shown
to help maintain the release of
GABA, a neurotransmitter that
aids relaxation – it improves the
quality of sleep, as well as helping
you doze off in the first place,”
says Sophie.
5. Drink a glass of
milk before bed
Having a glass of milk before
you go to sleep may actually
help you sleep better. “Dairy
foods have been shown to aid
sleep, as they’re a great source
of tryptophan (an amino acid
that’s involved in the production
of sleepy hormone melatonin),
and nutrients such as
magnesium and B Vitamins,”
says Sophie. If
you’re dairy-
free, it could be
worth trying a
nut-based milk,
since nuts have also been linked
to melatonin production.
6. Avoid foods high in G.I.
As we want to make sure our
blood sugar is balanced before
bed, it’s important to opt for
choices that are low in the
glycaemic index. “Foods with
a high glycaemic index, like
wheat bread, sweets, and sugary
drinks, will rapidly increase
blood sugar levels and may
contribute to a worse night’s
sleep,” explains Sophie. This
may also be why eating a fibre-
filled snack before you hit the
hay could help, too. “Increased
fibre intake has been linked
to improved sleep quality, and
this is thought to be due to its
impact on sugar absorption.”
Finally, don’t forget
that mindfulness
is important at all
parts of the day,
7. Don’t eat right before bed
Is there anything actually wrong
with tucking into your dinner
right before bed? Well, there’s not
one definite answer, but there
is concern around indigestion
and reflux, which can make it
the sleep guide
harder to get a good night’s sleep.
In fact, studies, including one
published in the American Journal
of Gastroenterology, have found
that those who go to sleep less
than three hours after dinner,
significantly increase their odds
of reflux.
8. Build mindfulness into
your evening routine
Finally, don’t forget that
mindfulness is important at
all parts of the day, including
evenings. “There’s no one-size-
fits-all solution, but there are a
range of tools that people can
use, from gratitude journals to
relaxation audios,” says clinical
hypnotherapist Geraldine
Joaquim, who also runs the
online programme How to Sleep
Well. “The more you practise
calming activities – like gratitude
journaling or meditation – the
less sensitive your stress response
is, and over time there’s a
physical response to your brain.”
There’s no magic solution for
everyone to get a restful night’s
sleep, but working on adding the
right food and drink to your diet,
along with mindful practices and
screen-free time, can make a real
difference to both the quantity
and quality of your sleep.
Sophie Medlin is a
dietitian and director of
City Dietitians. Visit the
Nutritionist Resource.
Geraldine Joaquim is a
hypnotherapist. Head
to the Hypnotherapy
Directory to find out
more.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 45
 Falling for you
Simple and cute autumn date ideas, whether
it’s one-on-one time with the one you love,
a catch-up with your best bud, or some
much-needed ‘me-time’

Chance for Fun with Quality

romance friends you-time
Go pumpkin picking Try pumpkin carving Go apple picking

Get chatty on an Host a games night Bake up a seasonal storm

adventure hike
Go on a group bike ride Take a sunset stroll and soak
Go thrift shopping in the view
Play a game of rounders
Cuddle up at drive-in movie Make a date with a new
Grab the popcorn book at a local cafe
Attend a fireworks display for a scary movie
Go horseback riding
Make s’mores together Enjoy a ‘bring your
own platter’ party Get stuck into a jigsaw puzzle
Hold hands at a
haunted house Have a nostalgic sleepover Enjoy a peaceful
picnic at a local park
Head to a farmers’ market Go to a bonfire night
Volunteer with a
Road trip somewhere Belt out some karaoke cause close to your heart
random
Join in a pub quiz Try a wreath-making class
Sleep beneath the
stars camping Build a blanket fort Get crafty and express yourself

46 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
 Happiful
reads...
From a rescue dog’s heartwarming tale to
learning how to navigate a good night’s sleep,
we share four books you won’t want to miss
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird
D
ogs are known
as being ‘man’s
best friend’, and
for good reason.
The life-enhancing nature
of our furry companions
is scientifically proven to
have a positive effect on our
wellbeing. This was certainly
the case for Tess Swan,
whose Carpathian/Mioritic
shepherd cross named Kratu
changed her life.
Must reads
The
Unhoneymooners
by Christina Lauren
Out now
Honeymoons are
reserved for happy
newlyweds, not
for two people who hate each
other, right? Olive’s worst enemy
Book covers | amazon.co.uk
happens to be the best man at
her identical sister’s wedding,
and an unlucky turn of events
causes them to go on her sister’s
honeymoon together. Will it be the
holiday from hell, or the get-away
that changed it all?
Incredible Kratu is the
moving biography about the
powerful bond between the
legendary Cruft superstar
and his owner. From drug
addiction to violence, Tess
survived a series of traumatic
events and was ready to give
up, until she was inspired
If In Doubt, Wash
Your Hair by Anya
Hindmarch
Out now
If you’ve ever
found yourself
struggling to
balance family life and the
demands of a career, this is for
you. Comforting and refreshingly
honest, the businesswoman and
mother of five draws on her own
experience to create this practical
guide full of tips and advice on
how to live a less stressful and
more fulfilling life.
Incredible Kratu: The
Happy-go-lucky Rescue
Dog Who Changed His
Owner’s Life by Tess
Eagle Swan & Lynne
Barrett-Lee
Out now
to adopt a rescue dog from
Romania. She had no idea that
Kratu would also be the one
to help her through a journey
of self-discovery, while being
diagnosed with autism.
Teach Yourself
to Sleep: An Ex-
insomniac’s Guide
by Kate Mikhail
Out now
When you have
insomnia, trying
to fall asleep and stay asleep is
often unimaginable. Fortunately,
there are sleep experts who can
help you achieve a good night’s
rest. Kate Mikhail has spent years
trying to find an answer to her
sleep dilemmas, and she is now
enlightening us with her tried and
tested methods.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 47
 Sleep
paralysis explained
What exactly is it, why does it happen, and what can
we do about this mysterious sleep condition?
I
t’s the sleep condition that
comes with a lot of fear
attached, but what exactly is
sleep paralysis? Well, it can
be identified as a brief loss of
muscle control, known as ‘atonia’,
which makes you feel as though
you are not able to move. This
tends to happen just after falling
asleep, or as you begin to wake,
and it can fall into two categories:
isolated (when the episodes are
not regular, and are not linked to
another underlying diagnosis) and
recurrent sleep paralysis, which
involves multiple episodes over a
period of time.
An estimated 75% of people who
experience sleep paralysis will
also have hallucinations, which
might feel different to, and more
intense than, typical dreams.
Generally, hallucinations during
sleep paralysis fall into one of three
categories: intruder hallucinations,
where you might perceive danger
or an unwanted presence;
chest pressure hallucinations,
48 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
where you may feel like you are
suffocating; and vestibular-motor
hallucinations, which can feel
like movement, or an out-of-body
sensation.
But what causes sleep paralysis in
the first place? We asked Dr David
Oyewole, consultant psychiatrist
and medical director at Nightingale
Hospital. “Sleep paralysis happens
more frequently than commonly
thought,” he says. “Some studies
have shown about 30% of people
have experienced at least one
episode of sleep paralysis. In the
general population though, it is
thought to be closer to 8% having
experienced an episode.
“People experience sleep
paralysis when they become
‘partially awake’ while asleep. To
explain, when in a stage of sleep
associated with dreaming (rapid
eye movement, or REM), the brain
normally switches off, or reduces
the ability of the body to move.
“However, some people
become awake before the brain
switches the body back to normal
movement. If that happens, one
then experiences being awake but
not being able to move, which can
understandably feel quite scary.”
There is a lot of fear around sleep
paralysis, not least due to the fact
it crops up in horror films – which
are bound to keep you up at night,
anyway. But the good news is
that, as long as it doesn’t cause
significant health problems, sleep
paralysis is usually classified as a
benign condition. That said, it can
still affect your overall wellbeing.
You might start to develop anxiety
around sleeping, which can then
lead to poor quality sleep, in turn
affecting your health when you
don’t wake up feeling rested.
So, what can cause sleep
paralysis, and what can you do to
help prevent it?
“It is known that stress and
emotional challenges can increase
the chances of sleep paralysis, as
well as eating, drinking alcohol or
coffee, or exercising just before

bedtime,” Dr Oyewole explains.
“Good sleep hygiene (such as
prioritising sleep, sticking to
a routine, and staying active
throughout the day) will help
minimise your chances of being
affected by sleep paralysis.
“Avoid drinking alcohol or
caffeine, eating, or exercising for
four hours before bed. There’s also
evidence to suggest you should
avoid sleeping on your back.”
Having said this, Dr Oyewole
notes that you should speak to
a mental health professional to
the sleep guide
address any potential underlying
problems, though he adds that
many people who do experience
sleep paralysis, tend only to have
it for a limited time, and it often
clears up without the need for
professional intervention.
“Any mental health problem can
increase the risk of sleep paralysis,
but anxiety, PTSD, and obstructive
airway sleep apnoea may be linked
more than other conditions,” he
adds. “It isn’t thought that sleep
paralysis causes mental health
problems, but more an indicator
that there may be some already
present.”
Although, if sleep paralysis is
causing anxiety around sleeping,
Dr Oyewole recommends taking
time to understand what is
happening physically in the body. If
it becomes recurrent, however, you
should speak to your GP.
“Being referred to a specialist,
and then assessing or treating any
underlying mental health disorder,
is likely to be the next step and
helpful in overcoming sleep
paralysis,” he says. “A few people
may need to see a specialist for
their sleep paralysis, but be wary of
unproven treatments or self-help
methods that one can just find on
the internet.”
So, while it’s not caused by ghosts
or ghoulies, and most experiences
are far too boring to warrant
horror film-level reactions, if
you’re troubled by sleep paralysis,
reach out. Take some time to
consider your overall wellbeing,
and what you can do to support
a strong foundation of self-care
in your daily life. With time, you
should be able to put this sleep
condition to bed.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 49
 Down to Earth
Explore the glory of gardening, and how it can help sow the seeds of wellness
I
t was May 2022. My first
batch of parsnip seeds
failed to germinate
because it was too cold.
Slugs had eaten the first leaves
of the runner beans that I had
planted two weeks before. The
courgettes had suffered the
same fate. My plans for the year
were wrecked by a seemingly
unsympathetic nature. Welcome
to the world of gardening for
absolute beginners! It’s good for
you, honestly.
I was 35 when I got a garden.
I possessed only a rudimentary
knowledge of plants, seasons
(plant in spring, harvest in
autumn), and crop rotation, but
was keen to learn more and to
experiment, knowing that failure
would occur. And indeed it did.
Repeatedly.
Some of my thoughts were
surreal. In my mind I could
bargain with the ‘King of Slugs’,
and provide him with a humble
offering of a broccoli plant that
would satiate his kind, allowing
me to harvest the rest of my
produce in relative peace. He
betrayed my trust in what turned
50 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Writing | David Bone
out to be a Faustian bargain, and
he also allied himself with the
cabbage butterflies to further
wreak havoc on my small,
defenceless, vegetable kingdom.
However, each disaster brought
me back to the drawing board.
Some issues such as yellowing
(under- or over-watering, or a lack
of nutrients) or infestation can be
identified. But in a similar manner
to much that will happen to you
in life, sometimes there is no
clear explanation for misfortune.
Depending on your outlook, it
is either cosmic chance, a Gaian
malaise, a Darwinian struggle
on the micro-scale, divine
intervention, or just plain bad
luck. And you have to resiliently
accept this, and either adapt
quickly, or try again next year
while being as stoic as you can.
But remember, you are not
alone in this struggle, and of
course, each disaster will lead
to a profusion of opinions about
what you did wrong, and what to
do again, and may lead to some
conversation on non-Covid/cost
of living/environment/Ukraine
issues.
This more
seasonal outlook
can make us
slow down,
appreciate the
now, and realise
that nature has
its own rhythm
I have pleasantly chatted about
the difference between ‘second
earlies’ and ‘main crop’ potatoes.
I have been provided with
divergent ways to ripen green
tomatoes. “Put them in a brown
paper bag and leave them on a
radiator,” one person said. “Move
your tomato plants into the living
room,” said another.
Colleagues who never discussed
gardening before, and who I
thought had no interest in the
subject, have told me that broken
egg shells or a spray bottle filled
with cayenne pepper can deter
slugs. Ever discussed parsnips

with a man who owns beehives?
I have. If someone asks what you
did at the weekend, tell them you
planted something. I would wager
that they will take an interest.
The day I was asked by a friend
when her dad should plant his
potatoes, my heart could have
burst with pride. “Are they first
earlies, second earlies, or main
crop?” I sagely enquired. There
are also numerous Men’s Sheds
(menssheds.org.uk) and local
allotment groups on the internet
that would be willing to help you.
Of course, trying to grow plants
in itself is a valuable ecological
lesson. You can see that, without
direct intervention, many of our
food crops are so vulnerable
food & health
and require the near constant
overwatch of their human
custodians to avert catastrophe.
The ‘green revolution’ of the
mid-20th century vastly increased
yields, but also vulnerability.
Without the correct input of
sunlight, water, and nutrients,
things go awry, rapidly.
They cannot be rushed either.
A cabbage seed planted in April
may not reach maturity until early
the following year, but this more
seasonal outlook can make us
slow down, appreciate the now,
and realise that nature has its own
rhythm, that we can often forget
about, moving from cosseted
building to cosseted building as
we go about our lives.
Unfortunately, too, you can also
witness anthropogenic changes.
The aforementioned slugs and
cabbage butterflies are the few
insect species that I see now. But
this can also provide an impetus
to make positive changes. For
example, use organic fertiliser,
plant some wildflowers, buy
an ‘insect hotel’, and use wool
pellets to deter slugs rather than
pesticides.
In this era of globalised ‘mega-
trends’, you can often feel listless
and despondent. Events seem
beyond control, and Vladimir
Putin will likely be around
wrestling bears in 2023 no matter
how many times the Daily Mail
tells you otherwise. But in a small,
human-sized space, you can take
affirmative action with a degree
of positivity, and then take this
attitude out, writ large on to the
world. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 51

Don’t have sufficient space? Get
some potato sacks and compost.
Chillies and some species of
tomatoes can all be grown on a
windowsill or in a basket. Have
a look for an allotment through
your local authority website. A
small hydroponics system can be
brought online for £40–70. Now
you can have the chance to make
the same mistakes as me, from
the comfort of home!
So, say you do have a
moderately successful harvest,
and you have more than enough
cucumbers than you know what
to do with? Now what?
Well, make something. Creation
in itself can be of major benefit
to our mental health, giving
us a similar sense of control
and satisfaction to gardening.
From nothing to something.
This can equally apply to home
52 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
produce, and unlike our over-
commodified food chain, you
can actually witness the entire
production cycle, rather than just
being a despondent consumer
at the endpoint. Try pickling.
Vinegar, a few spices, and you’re
done. Likewise, chutneys
require a saucepan and easily
obtainable ingredients. A ‘shrub’
is a diluted drinking vinegar (sort
of like a spicy kombucha). You
won’t feel quite so dependent
on the current food production
system, and you’ll have greater
confidence in your abilities in
the future.
But beyond all this, did you
know that just being outside in
the garden can greatly benefit us?
If you’re pottering about in the
soil, evolutionary-wise you are
engaging in behaviour far closer
to our ancient ancestors, even
Chillies and
some species of
tomatoes can all
be grown on a
windowsill or
in a basket
pre-homo-sapien. There will be
just enough cognition to occupy
you and put you ‘in the zone’, but
not enough to overstimulate you.
With the cost of living crisis, and
food costs spiralling upwards,
there is probably more interest in
gardening and growing your own
food since the days of ‘Dig for
Victory’ in the second world war.
No one is suggesting abandoning
civilisation, living off the land,
or travelling into the wilderness
in a McCandlessesque sojourn.
Just do something small, and
start from there. Engage people
in conversation about your
green-fingered activities. Notice
the changes in the weather, and
the shifting of the seasons. Take
responsible stewardship of a
small patch of the earth to see
what you can learn, and slow
down for a minute.
The key is
in the past
Could our present-day problems be caused
by experiences in our past? Past life regression
hypnotherapy could be the key to unlocking
personal growth moving forward...
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
H
ave you ever felt stuck
in your life, but unsure
how to move forward?
Or perhaps you’re
experiencing something you can’t
explain – a specific fear, phobia,
habit, or even memory. These
situations might sound familiar,
but there’s an unconventional
therapy you may not have heard
of that could be worth exploring.
Here, we’re diving into past life
regression – what it is, what it can
help with, and how to know if it’s
right for you.
What is past life regression?
A therapeutic technique that
requires an open mind, past
life regression looks to utilise
hypnosis to recover memories
of your past lives, and, through
exploring these, it’s thought you
can rediscover personal stories
to help explain who you are
now. By addressing traumatic
events in a past life, it’s hoped
that you can heal, move
forward, and reduce stresses or
other impacts.
As past life regression focuses
on the idea that we are able to
be affected by experiences and
memories from past lives, it
is a type of hypnotherapy that
often works best for those who
feel spiritual, or who believe in
reincarnation. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 53
 What can past life
Why do people try it?
People try past life regression

regression help with?

for all different reasons. Some
are curious about who they once
might have been. For others, it
can be the start to a pathway of
personal growth and healing.
Whatever your motivations,
ensuring you have a specific
intention when approaching past
life regression is key.
This is because having a clear
focus and goal will enable
you to make the most of your
sessions. While being open to
any memories from your past life
can be a good way to approach
things, having a specific
intention is thought to allow for
better context to understand and
process what you remember.

What can you expect?

An active type of hypnotherapy,
during past life regression you
fully participate in the process,
meaning that many individuals
have a full sensory experience.
You may visualise past situations,
hear sounds, and even recall
specific smells. A professional
hypnotherapist uses a hypnosis
technique to help you relax,
and encourage you to open your
mind. Then, using suggestion
techniques, they help you to
recall past life experiences using
specific questions designed to
help you uncover memories.
Not all past life regression
sessions focus on negative
experiences, emotions, or
• Recurring nightmares
or dreams
• Relationship issues (both
romantic, e.g. inexplicable
attraction; and platonic, e.g.
aversion or revulsion)
• Phobias or fears with
no specific cause
• Addiction issues
• Understanding chronic
illnesses
• Experiencing déjà vu
• Feelings of being stuck in life
or unable to move forward
By using hypnosis to
remember the experiences
from past lives that first
signalled a problem, a
hypnotherapist can help
you to make connections
between current issues and
past experiences. Through
hypnosis, you can gain a sense
of explanation, resolution, or
of inner peace, addressing
these past incidents that
have continued to affect you
between one life and the next.

54 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
traumatic events. Many who work
with an experienced past life
regression hypnotherapist will
also focus on positive aspects of
past lives, helping them to create
a clearer pathway to allow them
to move towards personal growth,
development, and happiness.
In terms of how long you can
expect to be in treatment for, or
how you feel following a session,
it really is unique to the individual.
Some people may feel lighter, as
though a burden has been lifted.
Others express feeling like they
have gained new perspectives
on issues, as they now better
understand thoughts or feelings
that have unconsciously held
them back in their past. On the
other hand, some people may find
they need several sessions before
they notice any clear or lasting
positive impact.
Should I try
past-life regression?
We asked a clinical
hypnotherapist specialising in
past life regression, Carl Eden,
to share his top questions to
consider when deciding if this
therapy is right for you.
1. Does the idea of reincarnation
fit my worldview?
2. Am I generally an open-
minded person, willing to try
new experiences?
3. Is hypnosis right for me?
4. Do I intuit that my issue
may stem from a past life
experience such as:
a. Am I drawn to, or even
obsessed with, a particular
time or place?
b. Have I been having vivid
and recurring dreams?
c. Do I have ‘memories’ that
seem to be not my own?
5. Has some small event triggered
an unease within me that I can’t
explain?
6. Do I have a phobia that is hard
to explain?
7. Do I just feel drawn to the idea
of past life regression at this
time for no obvious reason?
8. What is my understanding
of hypnosis? Do I need more
information?
What about when it comes
to picking a hypnotherapist?
Carl says you should consider
if your therapist has serious
experience in conducting past
life regression sessions, if they
believe in what they are doing,
and, most importantly, if you feel
drawn to a particular therapist.
Carl explains: “This will make a
great starting point for exploring
your own attitude to past life
work, and help you understand
Some people feel like
they have gained new
perspectives on issues,
as they now better
understand feelings
that have unconsciously
held them back
whether a past life session
may be right for you. However,
nothing can beat having a chat
with a qualified and experienced
hypnotherapist, particularly
if they specialise in the area.
Most therapists are delighted to
answer your questions via email
and many, including myself,
even offer a free initial phone or
video consultation for you to ask
questions, and learn more about
the process before you go ahead
and book.”
Carl Eden is a hypnotherapist
specialising in past life regression.
To find out more about
hypnotherapy, or to book a
free initial chat with a qualified,
experienced hypnotherapist, visit
the Hypnotherapy Directory.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 55
 Five ultimate tips to help
kids get a good night’s sleep
It’s the essential fuel that sees them through
the day, so help youngsters get the sleep they
need with these insightful ideas
M
any children will
go through periods
when they struggle
to sleep, wake up
regularly, or feel tired throughout
the day. Like adults, this may be
the result of a number of triggers,
from stress and anxiety, to
lifestyle habits.
“Sleep is such a fundamental
human requirement that,
when it eludes us, it can have a
negative impact on our day-to-
day lives,” says hypnotherapist
Angela Brown. “The impact of
poor sleep can range from poor
concentration to challenging
behaviour, inability to learn
new tasks, stress, anxiety, and
depression.”
Angela also points to the
benefits of a good night’s sleep,
including feeling better prepared
to take on new challenges, as well
as more energy to fuel the day. So,
how can you support a child who’s
having problems with sleeping?
ESTABLISH A ROUTINE
“Keep to a routine with a set
amount of sleep,” Angela suggests.
56 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
“This helps to get our circadian
rhythm back on track, so we feel
more alert and able to function
effectively.”
The NHS recommends children
start to wind down 20 minutes
before they usually fall asleep.
If they’re in the habit of going
to sleep later (e.g. during school
holidays), you can try bringing this
time forward by five to 10 minutes
each week. Plus, for younger kids,
you may want to incorporate a
bath, or reading, into this routine.
SET THE SCENE
As Angela points out, our
bedrooms are often our
sanctuaries, and somewhere we
look forward to being following
a busy day. “If we can control
the stimuli in the bedroom, it
can have a positive effect on our
sleep,” she says. “Things to think
about are the weight of the duvet
– lighter for summer, heavier for
winter. Thick curtains or black-
out blinds, so our brains know
it is time to sleep. No blue light,
so no phones, TVs, or electrical
devices in the bedroom.”
Creating a tech-free space can be
a challenge in modern times, but
taking steps to cut out blue light
before bed can have a big impact
on the quality of our sleep.
ENCOURAGE EXERCISE
There’s truth in the technique of
wearing out children during the
day to help them sleep better.
“With as little as 30 minutes of
activity, such as walking, running,
and playing, we increase our
ability to concentrate, giving us
a chemical reward by generating
positive endorphins, which help
us to cope with life’s ups and
downs,” Angela says.
That said, try to leave two hours
between exercise and bedtime.
CONTROL THE LIGHT
“Our sleep is affected by the
amount of sunlight we get. If we’re
sitting inside on a computer by a
window for 30 minutes, we might
get 300 lumens of light on a sunny
day. Whereas if we went outside
and had a drink in the sunshine
we might get as many as 25,000
lumens of light. That means more

vitamin D and melatonin, which
are both important for sleep.”
Sunlight is turned into melatonin
by our bodies. This hormone
regulates our circadian rhythm,
helping us to fall asleep, and feel
balanced throughout the day.
“If we have excess melatonin, it
will be converted to serotonin – the
wonderful coping chemical that
helps us feel balanced,” Angela
adds. “A win-win combo!”
MINDFULNESS EXERCISES
Mindfulness exercises can be great
for kids who have a lot of thoughts
racing around their heads.
“Look at a rectangle – it could be
a phone, ceiling, radiator, piece
of paper, or in your head. Focus
on the corner of the short line as
you breathe in for seven, then
with your eye follow the long line
as you breathe out counting for
eleven, holding for one second on
the corners if you can. Repeat this
for a couple of minutes.”
Angela also recommends
progressive muscle relaxation, a
technique where you tense and
relax your muscles from the top
of your head all the way down.
“Pull a funny face (no one will
see you!), then relax it, push your
neck into the pillow and relax,
then shoulders, arms, fists, back,
buttocks, legs, heels, and then
scrunch up your toes.”
Finally, for busy brains, Angela
suggests getting those thoughts
down on paper. “We can all get
overactive brains from time to
Sleep is such
a fundamental
human requirement
time. It could be about things
that have happened in the day, or
that might be happening the next
day, and that can prevent us from
getting a good night’s sleep, it can
even wake us up.
“If you have a very busy brain,
it can help to write down your
worries, then we know we are not
going to forget anything and can
let our minds switch off.”
Angela Brown is a hypnotherapist and
psychotherapist. Find out more by
visiting the Hypnotherapy Directory.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 57
 A guide to grief
While it’s inevitable, discussions around death can be
taboo. Here, our expert columnist Bhavna explores
the ways grief can enter the rich tapestry of life
G
rief is a curious
thing. It invites us,
sometimes against
our will, to visit
an internal world that leaves
us shaken, staggered, broken,
and bereft. It appears in our life
unannounced, even at times when
we know it is imminent – the
end of a relationship, or through
a terminal illness. Grief doesn’t
always relate to death as a finality,
but is a beacon that points at a loss
that can feel just as devastating.
We know grief exists, but we
rarely prepare ourselves to
experience it. Grief is inevitable
and natural. It hurts, which
is normal. How much it hurts
depends on how deeply we were
affected by the person who
died. It is also impacted by our
relationship to ourselves – how
well are we prepared to deal with
a loss or death?
Grief can present itself in
many guises and point to an
end. It could be in relationships
– perhaps the end of intimacy,
or one partner coming out, or
one partner having an affair. Or
it might be at the end of a job –
58 | Issue 65 | happiful.com
through a promotion, demotion, or
complete end even when through
choice, as a resignation. Perhaps
it’s the end of an era of our lives
– moving from one decade into
another, leaving home, ending a
friendship, or losing a pet. The loss
of health perhaps is a great cause
of grief, the loss of independence
and autonomy, of relying on
others. Grief can also come about
through regret about missed
opportunities, chances not taken,
choices not made.
Of course the final ending is one
through death. This is absolute,
and leaves us in many states. We
go through phases as we navigate
a loss, anger, shock, numbness,
denial, bargaining with a higher
power, and finally acceptance.
There are different kinds of death
– natural, expected, unexpected,
sudden, suicide, murder, or
accident for example – and will
significantly impact how we are
able to process our reactions and
affect the duration of our recovery
from grief.
Recovery is informed and
affected by the level of support
we have from friends, family, and
Bhavna Raithatha
BSc (Hons) MSc MBACP (Accred)
Bhavna is an international
psychotherapist, coach,
critical incidence debriefer,
supervisor, and speaker who
has worked with more than
17K clients in the past 25 years.
Find out more by visiting the
Counselling Directory
professional or pastoral services.
Most people will gradually come
back from the depths of grief as
they gain some distance through
the passage of time. While
there isn’t an exact timeframe
for recovery, most people are
generally able to return to some
level of normality within months,
some within years. Some, however,
will struggle, become stuck in their
grief, which then becomes chronic
and debilitating. For some, it may
be that they are not able to grieve
at the time, thus delaying the grief.
This may cause an increase in
feelings of distancing from others
and from day-to-day life and deep
depression. For others, grief can be
delayed indefinitely, for example
in cases of murder or suicide, or
where there is no body.

So how can we help someone
who is bereaved? The greatest gift
is that of time. It is normal for
everyone to offer support and be
available in the immediate days
after a loss. However, while that
helps hugely, it is during the time
after the funeral when everyone
goes back to their ‘normal’ that the
bereaved most need support. As
the dust and shock settles and they
gain clarity, this is when the reality
of the loss is felt more acutely.
Let’s look at some practical steps
you can take with a bereaved
person.
Step one: Check in on them, give
them a call or a text. They may
not feel up to talking, but let them
know you are there when they feel
ready. Send them a card or letter,
you will be amazed at how deeply
touching this gesture is. Make this
a regular thing. If there’s a group of
you, make a rota.
Step two: Go to see them. People
are sometimes scared of spending
time with bereaved people, because
they don’t know what to say! You
can start with hello, and a hug if
they are OK with one. Know that
you’re not expected to say anything;
your physical presence will have
a huge positive impact on them.
Make them a cup of tea, help them
tidy, feed and water them. Bereaved
people are in shock, their heart
is broken, they need to be tended
EXPERT COLUMN
gently with love until they come
back to themselves.
Step three: It is OK to ask ‘How
are you doing?’ You may get a
response, or a shrug or a flood of
tears – all of this is normal. You
don’t have to fix it, just be there.
You can offer to just listen and to
hold their hand if they would like
some physical contact. Take some
tissues and chocolates.
Step four: As the dust settles,
offer to go for a little walk or
coffee, if they feel up to it. For
many bereaved people, it can
feel frightening to go out for the
first time. Keep it short, go with
what they need. Being out can be
wonderful, but it can also be very
triggering. Be ready to whisk them
off to the safety and comfort of
their home if needed.
Step five: Know that everything
will be OK in time. However,
if there is little or no change in
your loved one’s state of grief and
despair after a couple of months,
and they are struggling with
depression, sleep disturbance,
lack or loss of appetite, angry
outbursts, or have withdrawn
and are unable to take care of
themselves, get in touch with their
GP and help to find professional
support. You don’t have to do this
alone.
happiful.com | Issue 65 | 59
 Discover dogs
6 breeds to benefit
your mental health
Explore the wellbeing power of pups, and find out which breeds might
best suit your lifestyle. It’s time to start barking up the right tree
Writing | The Kennel Club

F
riendship has long been
considered a tonic for
our mental wellbeing,
and research from
The Kennel Club, the UK’s
largest organisation dedicated
to dogs, shows that canine
companionship in particular
can positively impact how
owners feel, and improve their
wellbeing.
The survey revealed that 95%
of owners find that their dog
improves their mental health and
wellbeing generally, with two in
five owners crediting their dog
with easing feelings of loneliness.
It is no coincidence that over
the past couple of years, during
periods of lockdowns and social
isolation, many people struggled
with loneliness, and thus the UK
saw an unprecedented rise in dog
ownership.
Dogs help throughout our lives,
from teaching responsibility to
younger children to developing
compassion among teens, and
helping adults find or maintain
a purpose and structure in
their lives. One can never
underestimate the power of a
dog in getting their owner out
for their daily walkies! And
who can forget their ability
to remind us of the power of
unconditional love, often when
we need it most.
No matter what the breed,
age, size, or shape, it’s clear dog
owners unite in agreement on
the benefits of having a furry
friend in their lives. However, for
those ready for dog ownership,
and seeking a breed particularly
renowned for their loveable,
friendly, and supportive nature,
The Kennel Club has shared
some suggestions to help find
the therapeutic four-legged
friend you might be looking for.
Of course, an individual dog’s
behaviour will be dependent
on training, socialisation, and
personality, but the following
can serve as a useful guide to
help you find your own canine
companion.
Golden Retriever
These dogs have a big heart.
Perfect for families, they are
known for their friendly nature,
and their confidence can be
infectious. They are intelligent,
which often means they pick up
on their owners’ emotions, and
tend to enjoy training, too. They
are large in size, so love a long
walk, which can benefit you both
by getting you out in the fresh air
and reaping the benefits of being
in nature!
Labrador Retriever
The loveable Labrador has long
been a family favourite – their
happy and playful nature makes
them a wonderful companion.
Their historic background as a
fishing dog makes them highly
trainable and intelligent, meaning
they can make wonderful
assistance and therapy dogs, too.

60 | Issue 66 | happiful.com

Staffordshire Bull Terrier
Maltese
Bull Terrier: Heidi Hudson, Greyhound: Emily Arundale
Photography | Maltese: Monika Lecinska-Ruchniewicz,
Maltese
A small but smart dog, the
Maltese is a great choice for
anyone in a smaller living space,
and perhaps not as able to go on
the long walks required by larger
breeds. Their loveable nature and
sweet characteristics make them
a welcome companion to have
around the home and by your
side. Their long and soft coat
requires lots of grooming, which
many can find to be a calming
and therapeutic task.
Staffordshire Bull Terrier
Staffordshire Bull Terriers can
make a wonderful family pet, and
are known for providing much
emotional support to their owners.
They are highly intelligent,
sensitive, and affectionate,
especially with children.
Havanese
The Havanese is a small dog
requiring less walking, around
30 minutes a day, and a smaller
garden, making them a good
choice for urban dwellers. They
are highly affectionate, but have
lively and intelligent characters,
too. They can offer valuable
companionship for anyone,
though those who are more
introverted can benefit from their
friendly nature.
positive pointers
Greyhound
Dogs help throughout
our lives, from
teaching responsibility
to younger children
to developing
compassion among
teens, and helping
adults find or maintain
a purpose and
structure in their life
Greyhound
Greyhounds can be a more
independent breed at times,
but still tend to be affectionate,
sensitive, and docile, making
them a supportive pet and best
friend for the right owners. The
breed tend to enjoy a slower pace
of life in general, though equally
love to whizz around the park or
garden as well! >>>
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 61

Labrador Retriever
Of course, it’s important that
prospective owners carefully
consider whether their lifestyle
suits dog ownership, and, if so, to
research all aspects of different
breeds, to ensure they can meet
their dogs’ health and wellbeing
needs. With the current cost of
living crisis, would-be owners
must consider the financial
aspects of ownership and the
associated costs of a pet and
whether it’s something they can
commit to for the long-term.
The Kennel Club runs London’s
biggest dog event, Discover
62 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Dogs, which, across two days,
will showcase more than
150 diverse breeds to help
those considering owning a
dog start their search, and
make an informed decision.
Everyone is welcome to meet
and greet the breeds, speak to
experts, and ask questions to
current owners. The popular
Cuddle Corner also provides
visitors with de-stressing and
comforting canine cuddles with
their favourite breeds. So, even
if you aren’t ready or able to
take those first steps towards
Havanese: Karolina Hedstrom
Photography | Labrador Retriever: Diane Pearce,
Havanese
dog ownership, you can still reap
the wellbeing benefits at this
unique event.
Discover Dogs 2022 takes place
at the Excel London from 15–16
October. Tickets can be purchased
at discoverdogs.org.uk, and find
more information about the mental
health benefits of dog ownership at
thekennelclub.org.uk/mentalhealth
 Countdown to
calm in 3, 2, 1…
Try these three different mental exercises
to help prepare your mind for rest
1 VISUALISATION
When your mind is racing,
counter those stressful and
anxious thoughts with this
scientifically-proven technique to
help you fall asleep. Simply recall
a place, scene, or activity that
brings you joy. Try to visualize
every last detail, whether you’re
watching the sunset from your
favourite spot on a beach,
exploring a woodland scene with
friends, or simply cooking a heart-
warming dinner. This can help
distract your mind, focusing on
your chosen positive place, and
helping to induce calm.
Writing | Rebecca Thair
2 AUTOGENIC TRAINING
This exercise is similar to a body
scan, but adds in statements to
encourage calm, with the aim of
relaxing each area of your body.
As you lie in bed, start with a
few minutes of deep, conscious
breathing, and say “I am
completely calm.” Move through
your body parts, e.g. focusing on
your feet, and repeating “My feet
are very heavy, I am completely
calm.” Repeat this six times,
before moving through the rest of
your body. By the end, you should
hopefully feel much more relaxed,
warm, and ready for sleep.
3 BROWN NOISE
You’ve probably heard of white
noise – containing all frequencies
across the spectrum of sound,
sometimes described as being
like radio ‘static’ – but brown
may have passed you by. This is
ambient noise with only low-
frequency sound, which people
say reminds them of a roaring
river, or rumbling thunder. These
noises are believed to help with
improving focus and relaxation,
but remember to always keep
music at a healthy volume. Could
tuning-in to some brown sounds
help bring you some calm?
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 63
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Pillow talk problems?
Over time, people – and relationships – change. But what happens when, little
by little, it feels like you’ve lost your sense of togetherness? Try these 25 questions
to encourage emotional intimacy and break the bedroom silence
H
ow do you know when
you’re no longer in love
with your spouse? It
seems like something you should
just know, doesn’t it? But… what if
it isn’t? What if, slowly, over time,
you find yourself losing little bits
of the bond that created your
togetherness?
For some couples, there is no
big fallout. You may not be able
to pinpoint when it happened,
but over the weeks, months,
or even years, you may have
reached a state of ‘silent divorce’.
What is a silent divorce?
The phrase ‘silent divorce’ refers
to a relationship where you are
still together, but have drifted
apart. There may be no obvious
conflict, but there’s also nothing
else clearly happening in your
relationship: no passion, no
excitement, no overly strong
feelings towards your partner
either way. For some couples,
this can make the breakdown in
your relationship feel that much
more frustrating, as there’s no
clear issue to tackle or big change
to be made.
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
To find out more about the
importance of communication
and emotional intimacy in
our relationships, we turned
to integrative counsellor and
psychotherapist Julie Howard.
“Relationships don’t just
happen, they take effort in
maintaining them. It’s all too
easy to just settle into a routine,
it can evolve without either
person becoming aware,” Julie
says. “I feel relationships rarely
break down for no reason.
Usually, there are warning
signs, it just depends whether
we recognise them. Sometimes,
we put off facing up to
unsettling feelings through fear
of the unknown. However, on
occasion, a person is completely
blindsided by the sudden
announcement that their loved
one isn’t happy anymore.”
What are the warning signs?
Being able to enjoy comfortable
silence can signify intimacy
and connection. But when the
silence comes from a lack of
things to say, or lasts for a long
period, it can be a sign that you
the sleep guide
are growing apart – you exist
in the same space, but are not
sharing the same ‘togetherness’
in a meaningful way.
Julie explains that there can
be many early warning signs
that something may be wrong
in your relationship – you just
need to know what to watch
for. “Some things to look out
for could be small, intimate
gestures that were once normal
are now becoming infrequent,
such as kissing and cuddling, or
holding hands while out. Little
communication at mealtimes,
or even silence. More time spent
on devices – it’s easy to zone out
on social media – or choosing to
spend more time away from the
home.”
One big warning sign that
many of us can overlook, Julie
shares, is a feeling of something
being wrong. “Sometimes we
can just ‘feel’ that something is
wrong in a relationship. Often
that uneasy feeling can be
brushed off during a busy day,
but can be more prevalent at
bedtime when you don’t have
any distractions.” >>>
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 65

Making a conscious effort
For many of us, we have grown
up with this idea that love (and
relationships) should be easy.
Isn’t that what our happily ever
afters are meant to be? But the
reality of life, and love, is that
things are busy. They take time
– and effort – to maintain.
On this topic, Julie says:
“Relationships don’t just
happen, they take effort and
maintenance to keep alive.
Relationships can be taken
for granted, like a shiny new
car. Initially, it’s gleaming and
perfect, however, if neglected,
over time shows signs of wear
and tear. Without upkeep,
things start to go wrong, and
in the end would probably
break down.”
66 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
1. What’s the best
advice you’ve ever
received?
2. What do you think
your perfect day
would involve?
3. How are
you really doing
right now?
4. What would your
ideal work-life
balance look like?
How to reconnect
with your partner 5. What was the most
Spending quality time together surprising thing
talking, having fun, listening, and
you’ve learned
supporting each other is key to
rekindling the intimacy you once
about yourself?
had, and even improving on it.
Julie says: “Being heard is
different from listening. Anyone
6. When have
can listen, but being heard allows you felt most
us to feel understood. It helps the confident?
natural flow of communication
without fear of judgement.
Emotional intimacy creates 7. Do you think that
a peaceful and constructive
communication to explore how
your values have
you both feel.” changed?
Here, we share 25 counsellor-
approved questions to help you
get started on your journey
towards emotional intimacy and 8. What do you most
being heard. want to get out of life?

9. Is there anything
you are worried
about? (At home,
work, with friends,
family, healthwise.)
10. Has our relationship
taught you anything
about yourself?
11. How do you
like to show/be
shown love?
12. Is there anything
you would like to
change in your life/
day-to-day routine?
13. What is your favourite
memory of us spending
time together?
14. Do you have a
memory that makes
you feel most loved?
15. If you could go
back and recreate one
experience together,
what would it be?
16. Is there anything you
would love to try together for
the first time?
xxxxxxxxxxxx
17. Do you feel able
to talk to me when
you’re upset?
18. What’s the best gift
you’ve ever received?
25. What does family
mean to you?
19. What three
things do you
most admire
about yourself?
No matter what their answers
are, ensure you are listening
and reflecting on them. Avoid
interrupting or talking over each
20. Is there anything other, give yourselves space to
you miss that we used talk about how you are feeling
to do together? without distractions. Really
listening to each other shows
that you value your partner’s
experiences and feelings, that
21. Is there a smell you care and are invested in their
or sound that always wellbeing. Showing empathy,
makes you smile? understanding, willingness,
and interest in them, can all be
important factors in creating a
22. Do you have a new, stronger sense of emotional
intimacy.
bucket list? What
would you put on it?
23. Which fictional
couple do you think has
the perfect relationship
and why?
Julie Howard is an experienced
integrative counsellor and
24. Is there anything psychotherapist. For more relationship
you wish you had support or to contact Julie, visit
more time for? the Counselling Directory.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 67
 Thoughtful
foods
Show someone you care with
these edible delights
Writing | Alex Fraysse

F
or many of us, food is a
way to socialise and show
our love for each other.
Whether you go big and
have a passion for hosting, or you
prefer the smaller acts – buying
your friend a coffee or their
favourite snack after a bad day, or
ordering a fresh juice to a loved
one’s door when they’re sick –
simply gifting a person something
because you can, well, it can have
a huge impact on how they feel.
And what’s more special
than when the edible gift is
homemade? Here are three
recipes that are quick and simple
to make, taste delicious, and can
be packaged up and gifted to a
friend (or enjoyed together over a
cup of tea).
Superfood cookies
Ingredients
• 80g rolled oats
• 70g desiccated coconut
• 2 tbsp nut butter
• ½ tsp cinnamon
• 1 tbsp honey
• 1 tsp apple cider vinegar
• ¼ tsp baking soda
• 100ml nut milk (of your choice)
For decoration, add a handful of
dark chocolate chips (85%) and
goji berries.
Method
• Preheat the oven to 170oC,
gas mark 5.
• Line a baking tray with
parchment paper.
• Place the oats, desiccated
coconut, nut butter,
cinnamon, honey, vinegar
and baking soda in a blender.
Add 50ml of nut milk,
gradually adding more if
needed.
• Blend until a thick but
smooth consistency
(hummus-like, not a
smoothie).
• Spoon small piles of batter
on the tray until you have
none left (you may need to
use two trays, or bake in
batches!).
• Place a couple of chocolate
chips and goji berries on each
cookie to decorate, if desired.
• Bake for 10–12 minutes.
• Set aside to allow to cool.

68 | Issue 66 | happiful.com

Homemade pick ‘n’ mix
Serves 1
Ingredients
A handful of each:
• Brazil nuts
• Walnuts
• Pine nuts
• Dried mango
• Dried figs
Repurpose a jar (don’t forget
the lid) to hold the pick ‘n’ mix.
Simply clean and dry the jar,
and adorn the outside with
whatever you have available –
stickers, ribbon, or even doodle
little patterns with a Sharpie.
When you’re happy, add the
ingredients. Your surprise pick ’n’
mix is ready to go!
Red lentil pasta salad
Serves 1
Ingredients
• 100g red lentil pasta
• 50g feta cheese
• 2 tbsp black olives
• Knob of butter
• 3 mushrooms
• ¼ tsp salt
• ¼ tsp chilli flakes
• 4 broccoli florets
• ½ clove of garlic, minced
• Drizzle of extra virgin olive oil
• Juice of half a lemon
Method
• Bring a pan of lightly salted
water to boil.
• Once boiling, add the pasta.
• While the pasta is cooking,
crumble the feta and slice
the olives.
• In a separate pan, add the
butter. Once melted, add the
mushrooms, salt and chilli
flakes. Sauté for 5 minutes.
• Add the broccoli and garlic,
and cook for a further 3–4
minutes.
• Drain the pasta, and rinse
under cold water to cool.
• In a bowl or Tupperware, add
the mushrooms, broccoli,
olives and feta.
• Drizzle with olive oil and a
squeeze of lemon.
food & health
The healthy bit
The cookies are made with love
and, best of all, without any of the
additional nasties shop-bought
cookies contain: no preservatives,
refined sugar, or fructose syrup
(which can have a negative impact
on our wellbeing). This recipe
contains enough fibre and blood
sugar balancing compounds
(cinnamon, nut butter, apple cider
vinegar, goji berries, and dark
chocolate) to negate any possible
blood sugar spikes later on.
Red lentil pasta is a wonderful
alternative to regular pasta due
to its higher protein and fibre
content (which causes a much-
reduced blood sugar spike).
Reducing spikes in blood sugar is
a key aspect of long-term health,
while feta and olive oil contribute
to that Mediterranean flavour,
plus essential fats that are key to
our overall health. Mushrooms,
broccoli, chilli, and garlic are
great for the liver and the gut, as
well as helping boost the function
of our immune system.
The dressing is light and zesty
to keep the salad fresh and full
of beautiful benefits for the skin,
liver, gut, and immune system. All
that without a salad leaf in sight!
Finally, this homemade pick ‘n’
mix shows that you care about
the person and their health.
This selection is great for brain,
gut, and mood health. It is a full
package of nutrients needed to
support these!
Alex Fraysse is a qualified
nutritional therapist, herbalist,
iridologist, and naturopath.
To Find more, visit the
Nutritionist Resource.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 69
How to get
health and
wellbeing
support
as a student
Starting university comes with fresh challenges,
so here’s how to find the help you need
Writing | Caroline Butterwick

70 | Issue XX | happiful.com
G
oing to university can
be an exciting time.
With the chance to
focus on a subject you
love, make friends, and try new
experiences, many find student
life enjoyable and fulfilling. But
starting university can also be
daunting. And if you have a mental
health problem, or another health
condition, it can be even harder to
adjust to student life.
Thankfully, there’s lots of support
available to help you make the
most of your time at university.
Here’s how to access it.
Speak to the disability team
Often, the first port of call is
speaking to the disability team
at your university. This service
is there for students with any
additional needs, including mental
health conditions, dyslexia,
sensory impairments, and physical
disabilities. They are used to
supporting people, so don’t be
nervous about approaching them.
It’s best if you can reach out to
them before you start, to make
sure they can arrange support
from your first day, but don’t worry
if you’ve already started – they are
available to help you anytime.
Disability teams often have
disability advisors who you can
meet with to talk through what’s
known as ‘reasonable adjustments’.
This, for example, could mean
they recommend you get extra
time on exams, because you have a
condition that affects your reading
or concentration.
Your university’s website should
have the contact details for the
disability team, as well as info
about what they provide.
Apply for Disabled
Students’ Allowance
You may be eligible for Disabled
Students’ Allowance (DSA).
This is additional funding that
helps cover extra costs of being
a disabled student – including
having a support worker, or help
towards the cost of equipment.
What you get depends on your
individual circumstances – you
have to fill in a form and have an
assessment to decide what would
be best for you. There’s more
information about DSA at gov.uk.
Don’t worry if you feel daunted
by the application process, the
disability team at your university
will be able to help.
Speak to someone
If you’re struggling, it’s OK to
reach out. Lecturers and staff are
used to helping, whether you’re
finding it hard living in halls or
are overwhelmed by work. And if
you’re worried about deadlines or
feel stressed, letting your lecturers
know means they can be more
understanding. Sometimes, having
a chat is enough to make you feel
better. They may also be able to
suggest practical ideas to help.
Universities usually have their
own counselling service for
students, offering the chance talk
about anything that’s troubling
you. Check your university’s
website or speak to the student
support team to find out what’s
available where you are.
You may also find that your
university runs wellbeing sessions
that are open to all students. These
can cover things like dealing with
stress or learning mindfulness,
and are worth checking out.
Often, the first
port of call is
speaking to
the disability
team at your
university
Support from your
students’ union
Students’ unions are run to
support students, and are great
resources. Many will have their
own student advice service,
and are useful to speak to if
you’re having an issue with your
university.
You may find that your students’
union has a group or runs events
especially for disabled students,
or those with a mental health
condition. These can be a fantastic
way to meet new people, as well as
access mutual support and raise
any concerns you have.
Students’ unions run clubs and
societies that are led by students,
and are a perfect way to make
friends. These are one of the
best ways to meet new people
and settle in at university, as well
as giving you the chance to try
something fun. If you’re feeling
anxious about joining a group, you
can contact someone involved to
introduce yourself and ask any
questions beforehand, or to ask
them to look out for you when you
first come along to a session.
Whatever stage you’re at in your
student journey, remember that
there is support available to help
you flourish and enjoy your time
at university.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 71
 Integrity is doing the
right thing, even when
no one is watching
C S LEWIS

Photography | Elyas Pasban

72 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
 positive pointers

Author of her
own story
Writer, creator, campaigner, and
mum-of-two Louise Pentland shares
the rollercoaster ride that comes with
completing a novel, and the healing,
happiness, and opportunities for
growth, her daughters bring to her life
Writing | Lucy Donoughue

W
“ hip it off!” bestselling
author and ‘OG’
content creator
Louise Pentland exclaims. It’s
the hottest day of the year, and
although we’re chatting over
Zoom, we’re both struggling with
the heat. Louise has spotted that
I’m self-consciously wearing
a cardigan over my sleeveless
dress, and she wants me to be
more comfortable. It’s the first
time I’ve ever been encouraged
to shed clothing during an
interview, and I have to tell you, I
love her for it.
A lot of people know Louise
to be exactly as she is in this
moment: friendly, funny, and
here for the real talk about
life’s ups and downs. If you’ve
followed her on social media,
you’ll also know that Louise is
open about her mental health,
and has bravely shared the
childhood experiences of abuse
that led her to become an active
ambassador for the NSPCC. >>>

happiful.com | Issue 66 | 73
 It’s this combination of
cheerleading, courage, and
charisma that makes Louise
such a pleasure to talk to. There’s
something incredibly down-to-
earth about her, and while she
may have four novels under
her belt, a highly successful
media career, and more than
2.2 million subscribers to her
YouTube channel, she’s emphatic
that she still has a lot still to
learn about life.
As Louise says, 2022 has been a
good year for evolving, and she’s
relieved that things are looking
up after a tough 2021.
Last year was a
bit of a bleak low
year, a bit more
of a survival year,
and now I feel like
I’m thriving again
“I don’t know if it’s because
during the pandemic everything
was put on pause, including my
own mental growth, but I feel
as though I am having a period
of coming out of myself a bit,”
she says. “Last year was a bit
of a bleak, low year, a bit more
of a survival year, and now I
feel like I’m thriving again. I’m
like a sponge and I’m soaking
everything up!”
Embracing her post-book
publication period is just one way
Louise is taking the opportunity
to reflect before moving forwards.
74 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
Her latest novel, the charming
Time After Time, hit shelves in
August, and Louise is now happily
contemplating the central role
that writing plays in her life.
“I think it’s being able to pour
everything out on the page,”
she says. “When I was little I
had diaries, then I’d write in
notebooks, then my blog was a
continuation of that. Now I have
my books.”
Keen to show that there are two
sides to life as a published author,
Louise tempers her enthusiasm
by explaining the real process of
writing novels, and where her
passion truly lies.
“I love coming up with the idea,
the characters, and I really like
creating child characters because
they are so playful,” she says. “I
enjoy mapping the story out, but
the hardest part is the first draft,
when you have to get everything
in your head out onto the paper.
“That’s when I come crashing
down. I think it’s rubbish, the
worst book I’ve ever written, it’s
embarrassing, and I’ll have to pull
the contract because I can’t send
this book out into the world! Then
my editor goes through it, gives
me a pep talk and, like magic, it
gets really exciting again!”
Hearing people’s reactions to the
final work produces a feeling of
euphoria, Louise says, but that’s
far from where the story ends.
She continues her relationship
with the novel’s characters as
she visualises their lives beyond
the last page. This love of deep
character creation is, in part,
down to the imagination skills she
developed as a coping mechanism
in her own early years.
“I was a lonely child, and I think
that has really helped me,” she
acknowledges. “I was that kid
who would play alone all day with
dolls, and make up little lives for
them, and now I’m sort of doing
that again, but by choice and not
loneliness.”
Louise has publicly shared
how difficult her childhood
was after her mum died when
she was just seven years old.
After this huge loss, Louise
was abused by someone in her
immediate caring circle, and
she experienced isolation and
loneliness as a result.
Earlier this year, Louise shared
this experience for the benefit of
the NSPCC and those the charity
supports. As a grown woman with
a greater understanding of the
charity’s work, Louise created the
#NowIKnow campaign to raise
awareness.
“I really wanted to highlight
the things I now know about the
NSPCC that would have made me
call them when I was younger,”
Louise says. “I thought, I’ve got
this audience, why am I not
sharing this? A lot of people who
follow me are mums or know
a child, and I wanted to make
them aware of what the NSPCC,
and specifically Childline, can
do. They’re not only there for
children, there’s a number to call
if you’re concerned about a child’s
wellbeing and safety, and they’ll
signpost you to the right place,
because it can be hard to call the
police or social services, so this is
a good first step.”
As well as spreading the word
about the NSPCC’s invaluable
work, Louise set herself a
 positive pointers

fundraising target of £30,000 to

represent the cost of operating
Photography | Nicky Johnston

the charity for one day, the years

since her mum died, and the
days in April (her mum’s birthday
month). By the end of the
campaign, she raised a whopping
£36,000, and has plans to
continue supporting the NSPCC.
While her own mum is always
in her thoughts and deeds, Louise
is a mum herself, and positively
lights up when she mentions her
two daughters, Pearl and Darcy.
“As well as a mother/daughter,
carer/being cared for relationship,
we enjoy each other’s company
and a friendship, which is really
rewarding,” she says, smiling. “It’s
also very healing for me.
“I had a really bleak childhood,
where I was abused and also
neglected, and I say that in
the literal sense. I didn’t go to
clubs, I didn’t have nice packed
lunches made for me, I didn’t
have beautiful clothes carefully
put together. So doing that for
the girls is nice, because they are
benefitting from it, but I’m also
redressing that balance. There’s a
wrong inside me, and I’m making
it right. I’m enjoying growing
through that.”

The NSPCC offers support and help

for children affected by abuse.
If you are worried about a child,
email help@nspcc.org.uk or call
‘Time After Time’ by Louise Pentland
0808 800 5000. If you are 18 or
(Bonnier Books, £14.99) is out now.
under and need help, call 0800 1111. Listen to the full interview with Louise
on Happiful’s podcast ‘I am. I have’.

happiful.com | Issue 66 | 75
 N I N G
U R
RET R O C K
FR O M
T T O M
B O
C
What does it feel like to reach rock bottom, and start onsuming the news right
to recover from that? We hear from three people now can be alarming,
especially if you need help
who’ve reached out and received much-needed with your mental health and
support from charities in the toughest of times. By wellbeing. We’re constantly faced
sharing their experiences, they hope to help you, or with stories illustrating how
someone you love, to reach out, too… stretched NHS and mental health
services are, and the ongoing
Writing | Lucy Donoughue economic uncertainty, which

76 | Issue 66 | happiful.com

could impact the money we have
available to even consider private
counselling or support if we
can’t endure the waiting lists for
referrals from GPs.
While this might seem like
a bleak way to start an article
about returning from rock
bottom, it’s our collective
reality right now. That’s why
it’s more important than ever
to look out for each other,
signpost the amazing charities
and peer support groups who
are doing incredible work, and
for Happiful to champion the
websites, phone lines, and chat
services that are available to us
all in our times of need.
However, we know from
personal experience that taking
the first step to call, email, or
attend a support group can be
daunting, even though it’s clear
that what’s possible on the other
side of that step could be life-
altering, or at least better than
the situation we currently face.
That’s why we’re grateful to
the following people who have
kindly shared their stories about
making that initial move.
If any of these stories resonate
with you, please consider
checking out the websites listed,
and remember you can also find
more information at
happiful.com/where-to-get-help.
No-one understands
an alcoholic like
another alcoholic.
Jane*, a member of AA, shares
how she began her life of sobriety
after a long-standing detrimental
relationship with alcohol.
From the outside, and to a
stranger, I would have looked like
a perfectly fine and functioning
positive pointers
person, but on the inside my
life was utter chaos. By the time
I attended my first Alcoholics
Anonymous meeting at the age of
30, I couldn’t even imagine a world
without alcohol.
You could say I was in denial
the first time I went. I think I was
just focusing on the differences
between myself and everyone
else’s experiences of drinking,
and the impact it had on their
lives. It wasn’t affecting me in the
same way at all, and so I left that
meeting and the AA behind. It took
me a further 10 years to attend
another meeting and to start my
journey with sobriety.
By that point, the stories I’d heard
before were ringing true for me.
Alcohol was affecting my daily
life, I wasn’t getting to the same
point of oblivion when I drank,
I was experiencing the delirium
tremens, intense feelings of
shame, guilt, and I was spiralling.
It was having an impact on my
family, too, in so many ways. I even
missed my son’s wedding because
of my relationship with alcohol.
The thing I found from attending
AA, is that no one understands an
alcoholic like another alcoholic.
There’s no bullshitting when you’re
speaking to someone who has
been through what you’re going
through. They know the signs, the
look, and the behaviour to watch
out for.
Ultimately, AA saved me, and
gave me more life than I would’ve
had if I’d continued drinking. I’ve
been sober for nine years now, and
during that time I’ve welcomed
three grandchildren into my life
who’ve never seen me with a drink
in my hand. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 77
 AA saved me and
gave me more life than
I would’ve had if I’d
continued drinking
When my dad was dying with
Alzheimers, I was able to care for
him. That really meant the world
to us both.
I now do service for AA and
help the still-suffering alcoholic
to understand how the fellowship
can support them. There’s a
misconception that religion plays
a part in AA, but that’s not the
case. Yes, it’s a spiritual journey,
but what that entails is up to the
individual. It’s about surrender,
accepting support, and welcoming
sobriety.
To anyone who’s ready to take
that first step but is unsure, I a bit of a blur; one minute I was
would say please reach out in on a train with my headphones
whatever way you can right now. Mentally, I was in and the next I was in A&E. I
You can call our helpline, visit challenged. found out that I’d developed sepsis
the website, or attend a meeting. after being bitten by a tick on my
There are so many people, like Kay, a listening volunteer for dog walk, and it’d gone straight to
me, who’ve been in a similar Samaritans, shares the moment my bloodstream. By the time I’d
position to the one that you’re she knew she needed help, and passed out, it was beginning to
in now, and they’ll be ready to the call that changed everything shut down my organs.
welcome and support you. for her. When I woke up in the hospital
I was physically on the mend,
alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk “I commute into London every but mentally, I was challenged.
0800 9177650 day, and on one of my journeys in Talking therapy seemed like the
help@aamail.org I became ill and collapsed. It’s all next step for me, but there was

78 | Issue 66 | happiful.com

an 18-month waiting list with
the NHS, and a six-week waiting
list through my work’s medical
insurance.
As luck would have it, I was
standing on the platform waiting
for the train to work one day and I
saw the Samaritans’ sign. I called
the number, and I can honestly
say that the person I spoke to that
day saved my life.
Now I’m a Samaritans volunteer
myself. I’ve learnt the power of
just listening to someone and
giving them a safe space that’s
non-judgemental. There’s also so
much signposting we can do when
you call Samaritans. If you have a
particular challenge you want to
talk about, the listening volunteer
can point you in the direction of
groups that will help, and give you
the foundations and tools to cope.
To anyone reading this who
needs help, please get in touch
whatever way suits you best. We’re
here all year around. Someone
will be there to support you, we
want to help. That’s why I do it. I
want people to be supported in the
way I was, because my life would
be very different, I feel, had I not
phoned Samaritans.”
samaritans.org
116 123
jo@samaritans.org
It makes you feel like
you’re not by yourself.
Cara, a therapist and the author
of ‘The Eating Disorder Recovery
Journal’, shares how BEAT, the
UK’s eating disorder charity, and
its online forums, have been of
significant support to her.
I was in eating disorder treatment
under CAMHS (Children and
Adolescent Mental Health
Services) until I was 18, and then
adult services for a short period,
but when that finished, because
the service is time limited, I didn’t
feel like I was ‘done’ in terms of
talking about what was going on
for me.
At that point, about 10 years ago,
I accessed an in-person group
I found via the BEAT website. It
was scary going the first time,
but everyone was really lovely.
Typically, at least one of the
facilitators would have lived
experience of EDs, and they’d ask
everyone how they were doing or
if there was anything they wanted
to talk about.
Being around people who have
similar experiences to you makes
you feel like you’re not by yourself
positive pointers
with it. There can be a level of
fatigue that comes with being a
carer and, sometimes, I could feel
like I was a burden. I didn’t feel like
that in the group. It was a really safe
space.
The in-person groups stopped
because of Covid, so more recently,
I used the BEAT’s online services
while I was waiting to go back into
treatment. That was a lifeline when
I felt like I was on my own. I used
the chat rooms because sometimes
I wanted to be anonymous. I wanted
to share what I had to say without
anyone knowing it was me, because
there can be such a pressure to
maintain a good level of recovery
at all times. It was really validating
to speak with others and have
reassurance while I was waiting for
treatment again. It helped to put my
situation into perspective.
I honestly love BEAT, so I’d say to
anyone reading this to definitely
visit their website. There’s so much
on there that could help you today.
beateatingdisorders.org.uk
0808 801 0677
help@beateatingdisorders.org.uk
Read Cara’s full story at happiful.com
and visit caras-corner.com
*Name has been changed.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 79
 Autumn watch:
how to help hibernators
As winter draws closer, you might be wondering how you can best support
local wildlife. While, in the UK, only hedgehogs, bats, and dormice are officially
known to hibernate, many other species rest up and hide away to conserve
energy – and there are numerous ways you can help!
Writing | Rebecca Thair Artwork | Charlotte Reynell

HEDGEHOGS BATS DORMICE

These little creatures are perhaps
the most likely hibernators to be
found hanging around a British
garden, so the best advice is to
be cautious when tidying any
potential hibernation spots near
your house from late autumn.
If you have a compost pile, or
are considering creating one, this
is a particular favourite sleeping
spot of hedgehogs, so you’ll be
helping already! Just be careful
when aerating or adding to your
pile. Or, if you’re looking for
other proactive ways to help, you
could buy a specially-designed
‘hedgehog house’, or build a
makeshift one from piles of
discarded logs and leaves.
Tip: Leave out tinned dog or cat
food to help any travelling hogs
build fat reserves. While it used
to be common, it’s best not to
leave milk out, as this can cause
digestive problems for them.
Bats typically hibernate in
groups, in quiet, cool areas –
about 75% in trees in the UK,
while the remainder might
choose to roost under the eaves
of buildings, or find their way
into crevices in old brickwork.
The best thing you can do to
help bats is simply not disturb
them. Waking a hibernating
creature can cost it a lot of its
energy reserves, and, according
to the Bat Conservation Trust,
could lead to starvation for bats,
as they lose their fats stores.
But if you want more proactive
suggestions, you could put up
a bat box in a sheltered spot,
roughly 4m above the ground.
Tip: Invite more nocturnal flying
insects into your garden, as food
sources for bats, by planting
night-scented flowers such as
white jasmine, honeysuckle, and
evening primrose.
While they spend the summer
months primarily in hedgerows
or tree branches, in the winter
these small mammals descend
to the ground to nest in piles of
logs or in grass clumps at the
base of trees.
Leaving out food supplies can
be helpful for when dormice
do wake up, including berries,
buds, and, in particular,
hazelnuts, which are a great
source of fat for them. If you
have, or can plant, hazel trees,
these are ideal habitats for
dormice – and given their
dwindling numbers, any help
we can give to create mini
sanctuaries for these mammals
could be a huge bonus.
Tip: Allow brambles and ivy to
grow a little more wild where
you can, as this can offer
another good shelter option for
visiting dormice.

80 | Issue 66 | happiful.com

FROGS
Amphibians often rest at the
bottom of ponds over the
winter months, so it’s best to
clean them out before winter
arrives. This gives frogs a clean
and healthy environment, and
helps prevent gas building up
from decomposing materials
below the surface if ice forms.
If freezing conditions do occur,
remember not to ‘smash’ the ice,
as this could do more harm than
good. Instead, heat the bottom
of a pan, and rest this against the
ice to melt air holes in it for any
creatures within.
SQUIRRELS
Help squirrels stock up on their
food supplies by leaving out
various nut options for them
to collect throughout autumn
(including walnuts, almonds,
and hazelnuts).
try this at home
Level-up your
hosting skills
Proactive steps to take to
create a wildlife-friendly
haven in your backyard:
Create an insect hotel: rewild
sections of your garden by
stacking up piles of logs,
stones, or old bricks, and cover
with leaves and twigs to make
a cosy corner for critters.
Check your bonfire: always
be cautious before lighting any
bonfires or burning garden
materials, in case creatures
have found their way in for
shelter.
Provide water: give non-
hibernating animals a source
of unfrozen water they can
drink and bathe in.
BEES
Consider keeping plants that
offer sources of winter nectar
for any remaining bees, such as
winter heather, common ivy, and
winter honeysuckle. Additionally,
be wary when doing any DIY
projects or renovations in case
you disturb their nests.
BUTTERFLIES
Including ivy in your garden can
offer shelter for butterflies over
the cooler months, but also watch
out as butterflies and moths
can also be drawn inside your
home by the heat (they believe
it’s a ‘false spring’), and try to
gently guide or move them out to
somewhere cooler.
happiful.com | Issue 66 | 81
 Late night
reminders
When your brain is racing and won’t let you rest, remember…

For every time

You can’t something
One mistake
change the goes wrong,
doesn’t make
past, but you there will be
you a bad
can learn countless
person
from it moments where
it goes right

You can’t You have

Someone
control so much to
out there
what others offer the
loves you
think or do world

82 | Issue 66 | happiful.com
 The Happiful family

Are you a wellbeing Register

now!
professional?
Whether you’re a counsellor, life coach,
nutritionist, hypnotherapist, or therapist, we
appreciate just how much of a difference
you can make to someone’s life – which is
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