SAY YES Model

A Conflict Mediation Model

SAY YES outlines a step-by-step process for a third party mediator to work with
two or more parties in conflict. Remember that, as a mediator, you are “omni-
partial.” You are NOT partial to one side or the other side, but instead, you are on
all sides at the same time. It is not your job to find a solution or solutions. Your
job is to help the parties find a solution through this guided, collaborative
process, a solution to which all parties can agree.

Step 1: S Share the Problem (State What They Want)

 Give everyone a few minutes to say what’s on their minds related to the issue.
 The mediator may list each parties “WANTS” on a flip chart.
 Use statements like: “I think…,” “I feel…,” “I don’t understand…”
 The mediator may demonstrate listening skills and/or coach participants to utilize
the steps from the H.E.A.R. Depth Listening Model
 Avoid interrupting, or being judgmental; the mediator

Step 2: A Alternative Approach

The mediator gains a commitment from all parties to work in a new, more
collaborative way.

 Would you be willing to try an alternative approach, go for a WIN/WIN

agreement? OR: Would you like to do it a different way?

Step 3: Y Your Ground Rules

The mediator facilitates the creation of ground rules. Write the ground rules on a
flip chart and post them where everyone can see the ground rules during the
mediation.

 Will you agree to abide by mutually identified ground rules? For example: One
person talks at a time, No personal attacks, No yelling, No leaving
 Add your own ground rules.
 In the event one party violates the ground rules, the Mediator reminds the party
of their agreement to abide by the ground rules and gets the mediation back on
track.
Step 4: Y You Listen to their Wants

The mediator explains that each party will have the opportunity to be heard
without interruption. One of the parties will volunteer to listen first. The listener
may ask clarifying questions.

 Will you allow me (LISTENER) to listen to what you (RESPONDER) want and
ask you questions until I understand your point of view? (The flip side of this
question is “And then will you agree to listen to what I want and ask questions
until you understand my point of view?”) As the mediator, you may guide the
RESPONDER to explain each of the Wants that you listed earlier. You may ask,
before they finish, if there are other Wants they need to explain.
 When the RESPONDER completes the list of Wants, have the LISTENER
explain each Want in their own words.
 The RESPONDER agrees or disagrees with the LISTENER’S explanations.
 Once the RESPONDER agrees that they have been heard by the LISTENER,
the mediator has the parties reverse roles. The RESPONDER becomes the
LISTENER, and vice versa.
 Repeat the process.

Step 5: E Expected Results

I refer to this step as “Asking the Critical Question.” The mediator encourages
both parties to listen carefully for new information. The Expected Results are
frequently a more accurate representation of what the person wants than their
listed WANTS. In Step 5, the potential solution may begin to emerge.

 Will you agree to answer questions about what you will gain if you get what you
want?
 (This question provides a time for exploration. Ask exploratory questions.)
If you get what you want, what will change in your life? What will you have that
you did not have before?

Step 6: S Steps Forward (Create an Action Plan)

 Identify and list the steps or actions agreed upon to create a WIN/WIN
agreement.
 Identify the specifics (who does what, when, where, how much) that clarify the
required Action Steps.