Over the past three months, I volunteered for Crisis Text Line at least once per week.

When I
first started volunteering, I wrote in my application how I hoped to gain skills and confidence in
helping people through crisis. I do actually feel more confident about responding to these kinds
of situations after this experience.

The conversations I encountered covered such a variety of topics, but by far the most common
stressor mentioned was issues with relationships. In times like that, when people described
breakups or tension with their loved ones, I could really imagine how lonely they felt. I felt like I
was offering genuine help by listening.

In one conversation, a high-school aged boy told me how much he wanted to die, because that
felt like the only way his girlfriend would be able to understand how much pain he felt about their
breakup. It was one of my first conversations, and I remember staring wide eyed at the screen,
thinking, what do I do with this information? I relied on what I had learned about reflecting and
validating people’s experiences back to them, and let the boy know I heard how much pain he
was in. He ended up forming a self care plan with me and signing off peacefully.

It felt hard at times to connect with the people texting in, since I had no knowledge of any
possible identifying features about them unless the person mentioned them in our conversation.
In those times, I felt a lot of empathy for them, but also like I wasn’t really there in the way a
close friend could be. But I think the amount that I was removed from the texters’ personal lives
served to protect me when the conversation topics were especially dark.

Now that I have fulfilled my 20-hour commitment to this organization, I feel I’ve strengthened
skills that I can offer to those in crisis, but I also feel distressed about the limitations of my help. I
would often get on the platform late at night because I’m a terrible sleeper and thought I would
put that to good use. Seeing the queue of hundreds of desperate people with only 20-50
counselors to respond to them was always a little disheartening. Because of this, I plan on
continuing to volunteer on the platform.

I am coming to the end of my summer job in Baltimore, where my days were filled with diapers,
stroller walks, and baby talk. My biggest goal was met: the baby is safe and happy. And, he has
even started rolling over and trying to sit up--this is probably due to the passage of time, but I
like to think playing with him has helped.

In these two months, I have learned a great deal about taking care of babies. They have regular
sleeping habits--I was amazed at how on schedule Asha was with his naps. They can bite pretty
hard with their toothless mouths, and their laughter really does make you smile involuntarily.
And this baby loved to be held, rocked and talked to, and I enjoyed doing all those things. I do
not feel like having kids anytime soon, though. I admire the resilience and caring exhibited by
my host parents, and yet I really liked my free weekends. This was the longest stretch of time I’d
been away from my home state, and now that it is nearly time to go home, I feel capable of
traveling for an extended period of time. I have enjoyed the novel experience of being in a new
city and living with a host family so much that I am applying to the Peace Corps.