PERSONAL

RELATIONSHIP
Personal Development
GRADE 12
 “
SURVIVAL was the primary reason
why human beings have the
fundamental need to belong.

”
- Pre-historic Era

Show love, affection, loyalty to a group and hunt together for food.
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BENEFITS OF HAVING PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIP
- BELONGING TO A GROUP generates many
benefits like having a support system when
you need some shoulder to cry on or draw
some strength from.

- RELATIONSHIPS are essential to one’s

happiness. Berscheid 1985, Berscheid and Reis, 1998

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ABSENCE OF CLOSE RELATIONSHIP
- Negative Effect to an individual deprived from
it:
❑ feeling worthless
❑ powerless, and
❑ alienated.

- Research further concluding that our very

humanity is defined by our relationships.

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Kinds of Relationship
- Business Transactional Relationship
- Professional Relationship
- Family Relationship
- Friendly Relationship
- Romantic Relationship

Specific objectives of a relationship depends

on the need, want and desire.
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 RELATIONSHIP

“ The way in which two or more

people, groups, countries, etc.,
talk to, behave toward, and deal

”
with each other.
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

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 PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

“ The type of relationship which is

closely associated with a person,
and which can only have

”
meaning to this person.
Privacy and Intimacy, characteristics that define personal
relationship. It involves degree of commitment to another person.

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 “ HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?

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” 8
 “
Our succeeding relationships in
the future are all shaped to a
large extent by our attachment

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to our parents.
The Rozenberg Quarterly, Bowlby (1982)

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Three Attachment Styles
1. Secure Attachment – when primary
caregiver is always present and available
and when all emotional needs of an infant
are met. They will grow up to have more
secure and stable relationship.
2. Avoidant Attachment – primary caregiver is
cold and detached and unresponsive to a
child’s need. Avoid getting into meaningful
relationships in the future.
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Three Attachment Styles
3. Anxious-ambivalent Attachment – primary
caregiver is not consistent in terms of
presence and in meeting child’s emotional
needs. May develop separation anxieties
with loved one or may have mixed feelings
between hesitancy and commitment.

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What Drives Attraction?
ATTRACTION is the first stage in a continuum of
stages that lead to intimacy and commitment.
(British Broadcasting Company (BBC), Science: Human Body and
Mind)

ATTRACTION based on physiology or certain

hormones that person who get attracted to
others often pick up with their noses.
(Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey)
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Three Stages of Falling in Love:
1. Lust – driven by sex hormones, testosterone and
estrogen.
2. Attraction – lovestruck phase, involves
neurotransmitters in the brain such as dopamine,
norepinephrine, and serotonin.
3. Attachment – oxytocin, which is released during
childbirth to help in breastfeeding and during
orgasm, promote intimacy and vasopressin.
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 “ Since LOVING has a generic
basis, this is a natural drive that
is as powerful as hunger.

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Fisher

” 14
• Phermones, an odorless chemical found in urine
and sweat and can only be detected through an
organ as the nose, are also involved in the
assessment of future mate, this is an indication of
a person’s immune system.
• Women are also attracted to men who smell
similar to their father.
• Constantly looking to a parents facial features
develop an infant to be attracted with someone
that resembles like his/her parents.
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Rozenberg Quarterly Theories and
Research Results on Attraction
1. Transference 5. Physical
3. Similarity
Effect Attractiveness

6. Personality
2. Propinquity
4. Reciprocity Characteristics
Effect
and Traits

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Rozenberg Quarterly Theories and Research Results on Attraction
1. Transference 5. Physical
3. Similarity
Effect Attractiveness

6. Personality
2. Propinquity
4. Reciprocity Characteristics
Effect
and Traits

1. Transference Effect
- These people remind us of someone in the past who
has affected our sense of self and our behavior.
2. Propinquity Effect
- These people who live close to us, work with us, or
go to school with us, which leads us to liking them
more.
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Rozenberg Quarterly Theories and Research Results on Attraction
1. Transference 5. Physical
3. Similarity
Effect Attractiveness

6. Personality
2. Propinquity
4. Reciprocity Characteristics
Effect
and Traits

3. Similarity
- These people who we have similarities with, such as
social class background, religious beliefs, age, and
education.
4. Reciprocity
- These are the people we like who like us back.
Reciprocity is a stronger basis for liking another person
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Rozenberg Quarterly Theories and Research Results on Attraction
1. Transference 5. Physical
3. Similarity
Effect Attractiveness

6. Personality
2. Propinquity
4. Reciprocity Characteristics
Effect
and Traits

5. Physical Attractiveness
- Major factor in liking someone is primarily “first
impression”.
6. Personality Characteristics and Traits
- Liking person in two characteristics: empathetic person
and socially competent person.
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 There are many ways of expressing

“ one’s attraction: words of

appreciation and liking, or act such
as winking smiling engaging in small
talk, giving gifts, doing errands,

”
writing or sending messages or simply
admitting that you are attracted to
someone.

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 “ HOW DO YOU DEFINE
LOVE?
IS IT A FEELING?

”
IS IT A THOUGHT?
IS LOVE PHYSICAL?

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 “ LOVE is a feeling of deep
affection, passion, or
strong liking for a person

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or thing.

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The American Heritage Dictionary:
• a strong feeling of affection and concern toward
another person, as that arising from kinship or
close friendship;
• a strong feeling of affection and concern for
another person accompanied by sexual attraction;
• a feeling of devotion or adoration toward God or a
god;
• a feeling of kindness or concern by God or a god
toward humans; and sexual desire or activity: the
pleasures of love; a night of love.
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The American Heritage Dictionary:

Several angles of what love is.

• It is an emotion, a feeling, a virtue, an
action, and an experience.
• Love is also defined differently in
different cultures.

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TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
Intimacy

Robert
Stenberg

Passion Commitment

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Intimacy
Passion Commitment

• “That lovely moment when someone

understands and validates us.” Reis, Clark, and
Holmes (2004), and Reis and Shaver (1998)
• “It is an absolute human certainty that no one
can know his own beauty or perceive a sense
of his own worth until it has been reflected
back to him in the mirror of another loving,
caring human being.” Reis, Clark, and Holmes (2004), and
Reis and Shaver (1998)
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Intimacy
Passion Commitment

• Being open and vulnerable to whom we

deeply trust, who we feel connected with,
values with unconditional positive regard.
• Communication where self-disclosure is
practiced which leads to profound and
meaningful conversations that strengthen
intimacy.
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 Intimacy

Commitment
Passion

• An act of deciding to consistency fulfill and

live by agreements
• In love relationship, it is expressed
continuously in caring and loving actions for
the beloved.

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 Intimacy

Passion
Commitment

• Is the intense state of being that drives and

consumes a person to pursue an interest, a
vision, or a person.
• In romantic love, it connotes sexual attraction
and intimacy.

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 Sternberg Triangular Theory of Love
Liking ✓ The eight form of love
(intimacy alone)
based on the

Intimacy
combination of three
components: intimacy,
Romantic love
(intimacy +
Compassionate love
(intimacy + commitment and
passion) commitment)

Consummate Love
passion.
(intimacy + passion +
commitment)
✓ The eighth type of love is
the absence of the three
components and is
Infatuation
Fatuous love
Empty love
(commitment alone)
referred as “non-love”.
(passion alone)
(passion +
commitment)
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Sternberg Triangular Theory of Love

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Three Variables on Commitment
1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship
– most important determinant of satisfaction in
relationship, rewards include,
• Support from partner
• Sexual satisfaction
• Adventure
• Novelty
– Mutually rewarding of couple to continually
reinforce commitment to each other.
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Three Variables on Commitment
2. Temptation of alternative partners – it destabilizes
the commitment of couple. The fewer options a
party in a relationship gets exposed to, the lesser
the possibility of breaking the relationship.
3. Investment made by the couple in the relationship
– it may include time spent together, common
beliefs and experiences, mutual experiences, and
bearing children. Includes religious beliefs.
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Three Behaviors that predicts divorce or separation
1. Criticisms – constantly finding fault. Positive and
constructive criticism.
2. Denial of the existence of conflict – refuses to
discuss and belittling problem resulted to
frustrations of one side.
3. Contempt – someone who looks down on the other
party as inferior and superiority over the other.

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Responsibilities in a Relationship
1. Be responsible for what you think and say to the
other person. Being sensitive.
2. Be responsible for what you promise to do or not
to do. Integrity.
3. Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial. Give
and take.
4. Respect the other party or parties involved.
5. Be ready to provide support when needed.
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