Ode to a Nightmare

It’s easy now, breathing, sitting, walking, running, smiling.

Living.
Yes I know, there’s more, but I’m putting it lightly, because those same things
weren’t easy some time back.
Take it easy, as I try to tell you a bit about it, maybe you’ll begin to think,
maybe you’ll understand it, maybe you’ll understand yourself a bit better,
maybe you’ll be able to get something out from all of this or maybe just
maybe, you’ll sprite a smile and ask yourself : “What the hell is he talking
about? What’s this all about all of a sudden? What’s he got to say? Is he
acting prepotent once agai” – Hey! Maybe I am and I think that’s okay.
To reiterate: Maybe you’ll be able to get something out of all this.
Sorry, I already wasted too much time blabbering but you know me.
I’ll start!

I used to curse all the things that gave me so much hapiness, made me smile,
made me eccstatic more times than I can count, gave me a backbone in a way
that I couldn’t think of until it happened, made me fight.
They made me and they gave me, I’m overjoyed to say they still do.
When it all began to lose colour a few years back, “I had it all” as some would
probably say, money, good grades, nice clothes, the best family you could ask
for, and a hobby I would and I proudly do give my heart and soul to.
Sounds excellent, doesn’t it?
Well it was, but as I had everything I didn’t really interact with it and it felt
odd, they way something feels odd, like it’s fine but it shouldn’t be that way.
I thought too much, money, I would buy the things I couldn’t but it doesn’t
last forever, good grades but it felt like a time of dying like I had to give too
much of myself for a system and future that could go off the rails at any time,
nice clothes I would try to look a certain way in order to be percieved more
seriously, as I was turning 18 that same year.
Aren’t you supposed to be serious, sharp, cunning, responsible and have your
shit together when you’re an adult?
You already know my answer to that, don’t you?
Ode to a Nightmare