Isabela Rodriguez

18 september 2022

MYP ELA

3rd hour
 SURVIVING MENTAL ILLNESS

Living with diagnosed depression and anxiety disorder as well as borderline personality

disorder is not easy. When I first let people know, some thought I was begging for attention

rather than being truthful, which wasn’t the case. I used to fake my happiness; when I wanted to

cry, I would suck it up and smile like nothing had happened. It is a hard thing to do, wanting to

cry but cannot, being afraid to show emotions and wondering if people would prosecute me for

actually doing it. Even though it seems easy when you see others do it, it is actually a really big

struggle. It is probably one of the hardest things to do. Bottling up these emotions is a big no no;

the more one hides it and fakes everything makes life harder to finally release those emotions.

The idea that nobody will believe you or understand what it going on is the worst. These mental

illnesses usually stem from either what happened in the past or through a chemical imbalance in

the brain, meaning a person is born with it, or suffered from tremendous trauma.

I remember being scared of going or meeting new people and places. I would always

avoid leaving the house. I remember being afraid of moving to a new school filled with a lot of

new people and students. I knew if I didnt go I would be disappointing my mom. I decided to go

and I thought ¨maybe it is not as bad¨.

I could not be more wrong.

I regretted having to go to school almost everyday and having to go home everyday and

with everything that was happening on at home was like if going to school wasn't already bad

enough.

I remember as a young girl, I was never heard I never had the opportunity to express

how I really felt. Since then I never really felt comfortable enough to express myself. My mom
would never really care if I was sad she just thought I was throwing a tantrum and didnt care to

ask.

People tend to beautify and misconstrue mental illness as if it was something one can just

call a phase or get attention for. Mental illness is way more than just a trend. If anything, it isn’t

a trend whatsoever. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain, which can also be triggered by

trauma, something I can’t control. Being a part of the stigma is probably one of the hardest

things, especially when it feels as if you are being a burden or if people think you are faking it,

all because people romanticize it. Certain mental illnesses can cause a motivation deficiency

and what I mean by this is with depression; for example, one tends to lose most motivation for

anything and/or everything.

These experiences I’ve been through have caused different mental illnesses. I know the

struggles. I understand how it feels to be in pain everyday. The stress, anxiety, and depression

has really been kicking in, but I know I can get through it. Mental illness has become a big

problem and it continues to affect many of our youth today and we need more awareness. Youth

struggle with mental illness every day, but one day I will see that this isn’t the end-- I am strong,

I can get through it!