Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan

The Gap and The Gain

1-Page Summary

The Gap and The Gain describes two ways of thinking that measure
your progress in life. Gap-thinking is focusing your thoughts on the
“gap” between where you are now and where you want to be. Gain-
thinking is focusing on how far you’ve come, or the “gains” you’ve
made. According to the authors, both styles of thinking have
significant consequences for your well-being: Gap-thinking is
detrimental to your happiness, self-esteem, and physical health,
whereas Gain-thinking improves these aspects of life.

(Shortform note: Although the authors argue that Gap-thinking

damages your well-being, other experts suggest that thinking about
the gap between your current self and your ideal future self can
motivate you to achieve your goals. Researchers recommend two
strategies to ensure that this gap is motivating rather than
discouraging. First, make sure your goals are realistic enough that
you can achieve them. Second, consider the obstacles that prevent
your future from becoming a reality. This will allow you to figure out
ways to get around these obstacles.)

Dan Sullivan, an entrepreneurial coach, provides several actionables

he’s developed during his career to maintain a Gain-oriented
mindset. While Sullivan provides these ideas, organizational
psychologist and co-author Benjamin Hardy writes them into the
book. Hardy also supplements Sullivan’s ideas with the
psychological processes that explain how they operate.

In this guide, we’ll first examine the core traits that define Gap- and
Gain-thinking. Then, we’ll describe how each style of thinking
impacts your life. Finally, we’ll discuss Sullivan’s techniques for
staying in the Gain mindset. Throughout this guide, we’ll focus on
expanding the book’s discussions of psychological theories as well
as examining empirical research that supports or contradicts the
book’s arguments.

Defining Characteristics
Gap-thinking and Gain-thinking are two different ways to interpret
your progress or achievements in life, assert the authors. Knowing
this, what are some key attributes of these mental frameworks that
help you distinguish and understand them? In this section, we’ll
elaborate on what Gap-thinking and Gain-thinking are by discussing
the direction of comparison and the source of motivation for each.

Direction of Comparison

Comparison is the driving force behind Gap- and Gain-thinking,

write the authors. Both mindsets involve comparing your present
self to something else as a measurement of your achievements. The
direction of comparison is what differentiates these two ways of
thinking. Gap-thinking is measuring forward, or using your ideal
future self as the object of comparison. Gain-thinking is measuring
backward by using your past self instead.

(Shortform note: The authors also mention the practice of

comparing yourself to other people—known in psychology as social
comparison—which they classify as Gap-thinking. However, social
comparison doesn’t fit neatly into this category because it can
actually produce positive feelings under the right circumstances.
For example, social comparison can motivate you when you focus
on the similarities between yourself and a more successful person.)

The authors argue that measuring forward is unhealthy because of

hedonic adaptation—a phenomenon in which you achieve your goal
only to feel unfulfilled and wanting more. Because of this, you’re
constantly updating your goals to be more ambitious, and you’re
never satisfied with what you currently have. Instead, you should
measure backward, because your past self is objective and
immutable. This way, you have a consistent standard upon which to
improve.

(Shortform note: Hedonic adaptation is a well-documented

phenomenon that limits the amount of happiness you get from a
positive event or situation. Fortunately, psychologists have found
several techniques you can use to bypass the effects of hedonic
adaptation and increase your overall happiness. One method is
making time for hobbies—activities during which you enter a “flow”
state and lose track of time—because these are pleasurable in and
of themselves. Another method is rotating your pleasurable
activities so that they always feel new and exciting.)

Internal vs. External

Another distinguishing feature of Gap- and Gain-thinking is the

source of motivation. When you fall into Gap-thinking, external
factors motivate you. Your reference point—the standard against
which you compare yourself—is an idealized version of yourself
based on external standards set by other people. According to the
authors, this removes any control you may have over defining what
success means, which can leave you feeling helpless and
unmotivated.

(Shortform note: The authors argue that to feel successful, you must
believe you can control your success. This includes not only your
reference point, but also your inherent ability to improve your life
situation at all. In The Happiness Advantage, researcher Shawn
Achor notes that when you relinquish this control and blame
external factors for your lot in life, you eliminate any incentive to try
to improve your situation. You may think, “Nothing I do will change
anything, so why bother?” Lacking control also means that you don’t
take credit for your accomplishments, depriving you of the positive
emotions that reinforce success.)

The authors contend that social media exists to create and

encourage these external reference points. It’s nearly impossible to
scroll through your social media feed without comparing your life to
the happy moments and attractive pictures that others choose to
share with the world. Since the objects of comparison are almost
always people you perceive to be “better” than you, this type of
comparison will automatically put you in the Gap mentality.

(Shortform note: As previously mentioned, social comparison can

be motivating when you examine the similarities between yourself
and someone successful. However, people only present small
fragments of the best parts of their lives on social media. These
fragments distort our perception of their happiness: We tend to
forget that they can struggle just like everyone else, which makes it
difficult to relate to them. For this reason, social comparison in the
context of social media is almost always detrimental to your mood
and self-esteem.)

On the other hand, when you are in the Gain mindset, you are
intrinsically motivated, assert the authors. You use your past self as
an internal reference point. You are in complete control of what
progress looks like because your past self sets the standard of
success. According to the self-determination theory of psychology,
having this control is crucial to feeling motivated and accomplished.
Because Gain-thinking gives you control over how you define
success, it helps you become more successful.

(Shortform note: Aside from control, there are two other

psychological needs listed in the self-determination theory that
play an important role in motivation: competence and
connectedness. Gain-thinking can fulfill both needs. For example,
thinking about the gains you’ve made in learning a skill can make
you feel more competent. And as we’ll discuss in the next section,
Gain-thinking is fundamentally optimistic, and optimism has a
positive correlation with social support and reciprocity. This can
allow you to feel connected with others.)

Cumulative Effects
Now that you know exactly what Gap- and Gain- thinking are, you
may be wondering about the impact they have on your life. Hardy
and Sullivan state that both Gap- and Gain-thinking have
cumulative effects, meaning these effects accumulate and amplify
themselves over time. In this section, we’ll explore how these effects
manifest in your daily life.

A Longer, Happier Life

Because your mind is focused on your personal growth, Gain-

thinking is an inherently optimistic outlook. The authors reference
research that suggests that optimism can prolong and improve the
quality of your life, so they conclude that Gain-thinking has
therapeutic benefits for your body and mind.

Is Optimism Always Better?

While there is much research supporting the link

between optimism and increased well-being, optimism
can actually be counterproductive in some situations. For
example, if someone lacks the skills necessary to perform
a certain task, it isn’t helpful to be optimistic and say to
them, “you can do it!” Doing so will only cause them to
waste time on something at which they can’t succeed. In
addition, extreme optimism is associated with financial
impulsivity and other types of poor decision-making.

On the flip side, extreme pessimism is also

counterproductive. Fatalistic pessimism assumes that
negative events are bound to happen regardless of what
you do; in other words, you have no control over these
situations. Having this external locus of control—just like
when thinking about your success—can lead to feelings of
anxiety and depression.
 Psychologists suggest that it’s best to find a middle
ground between these two extremes by being as realistic
as possible. Prepare yourself for unexpected, negative
outcomes, but don’t assume they’re inevitable.

Toxic Stress and Trauma

According to the authors, while Gain-thinking can prolong and

enhance the quality of your life, Gap-thinking does the opposite by
creating persistent, long-term stress. It’s normal to experience stress
in your day-to-day life, and a moderate amount can actually benefit
you by strengthening your body’s reaction to it. However, staying in
the Gap mindset consistently can create toxic stress—a chronic
form of stress that corrodes your mind and body over time.

(Shortform note: Hardy and Sullivan recommend avoiding Gap-

thinking entirely to prevent stress from becoming toxic. Other
experts suggest managing stress more proactively by channeling
your anxiety into productive behaviors that work against your fears
coming true. For example, you may be anxious about the decline of
your health as you age. You can channel this anxiety into making
healthier choices in the present, such as eating healthy foods and
exercising.)

Trauma is the most extreme form of Gap-thinking. According to the

authors, trauma occurs when you have a maladaptive belief about a
past event that creates dysfunction in your present day-to-day life.
For example, imagine that you walked home from a friend’s house
late one night, and a group of hockey players beat you up and stole
your wallet. You may be so frightened by the event that you avoid
every subsequent hockey player you meet. Your dysfunctional belief
about the past—that all hockey players are dangerous—affects how
you act in your current and future life.

Traumatic memories are incredibly painful, so you tend to avoid

thinking about them. This causes your thoughts and feelings
regarding the event to be unorganized and confused in your mind.
Unorganized memories prohibit growth because you can’t learn
from an experience you don’t understand. So rather than focusing
on the gains, you focus on your resentment of the fact that it
happened at all—you’re stuck in the Gap mentality.

Trauma Goes Beyond Misconception

Even in the field of psychology, trauma doesn’t have a

clear-cut, uniform definition. It’s an umbrella term that
covers a wide range of symptoms. Psychologists agree
that trauma involves having misconceptions about past
experiences, as the authors state here. But to understand
the weight of trauma—how debilitating it can be—it’s
more accurate to think of trauma in terms of the effect it
has on your brain and body. The unifying characteristic of
all people who experience trauma is their physical and
neurological reactions to the traumatic event. These
reactions can include nightmares about the event,
hypervigilance, insomnia, and flashbacks.

The mental and physical effects of trauma also impact

your memories of the event. Traumatic memories are
unorganized not only because you avoid thinking about
 them, but also because your brain doesn’t process them
as sequential events with a beginning, middle, and end.
Instead, these memories come back to you in bits and
pieces of sensory information (such as smells or sounds)
that trigger a physical response in your body.

Gain-Thinking Techniques
Now that we’ve covered what Gap- and Gain-thinking are and how
they can affect your well-being, we’ll discuss what you can do to
focus on Gains instead of Gaps. In this section, we’ll provide
techniques that will help you frame your past and present
experiences in a way that promotes Gain-thinking.

Transform Your Past

There are two steps to overcoming trauma, say the authors. The first
step is to organize your thoughts and feelings regarding the
traumatic event (in other words, to understand the impact the event
has had on you) by actively thinking about it instead of avoiding it.
The second step is to transform your memory by thinking about the
positive impact the event has had on your life. Think about what
you learned from the experience and what about the event you’re
grateful for. (For a more detailed explanation of this thought
exercise, refer to Chapter 6 of the book for Dan Sullivan’s The
Experience Transformer® activity.)

(Shortform note: The Experience Transformer® is an example of a

psychological practice known as cognitive reappraisal, or altering
your perception of something by viewing it from a different
perspective. Cognitive reappraisal is the core principle behind
cognitive behavioral therapy, a popular subset of psychotherapy
used to treat anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse
disorders, and other mental illnesses.)

Hardy and Sullivan believe a healthy outlook on the past will shape
how you view the present. Transforming your negative, traumatic
memories into positive learning experiences will lead to post-
traumatic growth—you’ll not only be resilient to trauma, but you’ll
also be better because of it.

(Shortform note: Psychologists measure the positive outcomes of

trauma using a tool called the Posttraumatic Growth Inventory. With
this scale, researchers found that people who experienced
traumatic events reported more positive changes in their lives than
those who didn’t experience anything out of the ordinary. This
reinforces the argument that trauma can strengthen and improve
you.)

Gains Today, Gains Tomorrow

After you transform your past, be vigilant in the present about

staying in the Gain mindset. There are three basic tenets of
maintaining Gain-thinking: 1. Practice gratitude, 2. Plan ahead for the
future, and 3. Hold yourself accountable.

Tenet 1: Practice Gratitude

Gratitude keeps you in the Gain mindset by keeping your mind

oriented around what you have instead of what you don’t have.
Hardy and Sullivan strongly recommend keeping a journal so you
have an objective record of your past self against which you can
compare your current self. The authors propose the following two
exercises as examples of journaling techniques.

1. Actively contemplate the gains you’ve made over various spans of

time (for example, what gains have you made over the past 10
years? Three years? One year? Six months?). Write down these gains
so you can see your concrete progress.

2. At the end of each day, write down three gains you’ve made that
day (for example, “I walked over 10,000 steps today” or “I cleaned
out half of the garage”). This way, you are actively and consistently
orienting your mind around your personal growth and
achievements, no matter how small.

Gratitude Research

Research in positive psychology strongly supports the

link between practicing gratitude and increased well-
being. Journaling is the most popular and straightforward
method. Studies suggest that keeping a gratitude journal
provides a broad range of benefits, including better job
performance and improved sleep.

However, some research indicates that the link between

gratitude and happiness may not apply to everyone. For
example, one study found that this link only existed in
participants who had PTSD. Another study involved a
group of middle-aged Mormon women. These women
were recently divorced and used daily gratitude
 journaling to process their emotional pain. Results
showed the treatment didn’t improve life satisfaction for
any of the women.

Mental subtraction is another exercise you can use to increase

gratitude, write the authors. Take someone or something in your life
that you enjoy and imagine that you did not have that thing or
person in your life. Chances are, you will feel a greater appreciation
for it once you stop taking it for granted.

(Shortform note: According to psychologists, mental subtraction is

an exercise best done in moderation. Taking something for granted
—assuming that it’s a stable and permanent aspect of your life—can
sometimes be necessary to protect your mental health. For
example, taking your own life for granted is an illusion—no life is
permanent or guaranteed. But applying mental subtraction to your
own life is a universally terrifying concept, and it can lead to feelings
of anxiety and depression when done in excess.)

Tenet 2: Plan Ahead

In addition to practicing gratitude, prepare yourself for the future so

you can focus on gains and pull yourself out of Gap-thinking as
quickly as possible. Hardy and Sullivan recommend making these
plans during the last hour before you go to sleep. They argue this is
the most important time of the day because what you do during it
affects how well you sleep and how you approach and navigate the
next day. Use this time to write in your journal. You can start with
three gains for that day, as mentioned previously, but also write
down three gains you hope to make tomorrow. This will prime your
brain to plan for the next day subconsciously as you sleep.

(Shortform note: Researchers are conflicted about what time of day

is best for journaling. In the seminal 1992 self-help book The Artist’s
Way, Julia Cameron suggests writing “morning pages,” or three
pages of stream-of-consciousness writing that you complete first
thing in the morning. She argues this boosts creativity by
decluttering your mind of worries and allowing you to start your day
fresh.)

You can also create and utilize implementation intentions. These are
plans for worst-case scenarios that are likely to put you in the Gap
mindset. This way, you’ll feel better equipped to handle negative
situations that occur unexpectedly and less likely to fall into Gap-
thinking. For example, if you’re trying to quit smoking, an effective
implementation intention would be deciding beforehand how you’ll
unwind after a stressful day without smoking. This way, you can
avoid falling into the Gap mentality of resenting that you can’t
smoke and instead focus on gaining healthier coping mechanisms.

Finally, the authors suggest using linked habits, which are another
form of precautionary planning created by behavioral scientist BJ
Fogg. These consist of adding new, healthy habits into your daily
routine by placing them immediately after habits you already have.
Planning ahead in this way will help you pull yourself out of the Gap
mindset when you inevitably fall into it.

To create linked habits, use the formula “After I X, I will Y.” An

example would be, “After I start feeling like I’m failing in life, I will ask
myself, ‘am I measuring forward or measuring backward?’”
 Creating a Roadmap to Success

Psychologists distinguish implementation intentions

from goal intentions. The latter is simply thinking, “I want
to achieve Z,” whereas the former is thinking, “When X
happens, I will do Y in order to achieve Z.”
Implementation intentions are more effective than goal
intentions because they explicitly illustrate when and
how you can work towards these goals.

Similarly, linking habits together provides concrete steps

you can take to attain your goals. One method to
accelerate and solidify this process is to celebrate after
you complete a new habit. This could involve patting
yourself on the back, doing a victory dance, or bowing to
an imaginary audience applauding you. Associating
positive emotions with new habits will strongly reinforce
these habits.

Tenet 3: Hold Yourself Accountable

Finally, the authors recommend holding yourself accountable as a

means of avoiding Gap-thinking. To get yourself out of Gap-thinking,
you must first be self-aware enough to realize that you are there in
the first place. Call yourself out as soon as you realize you’re falling
into Gap-thinking. Don’t let yourself stay in this mindset for longer
than five minutes. Once your time is up, spend the next few minutes
mentally transforming the experience into a gain by contemplating
what you’ve learned from it. Then, move on.
 How to Move On

Psychologist Tara Brach suggests using the meditative

practice of Radical Acceptance to “move on” from
thinking about negative past experiences. There are two
equally necessary steps to this practice: The first is self-
awareness. As the authors suggest here, self-awareness is
the first step in healing from the past. You should observe
your thoughts and emotions rather than trying to avoid
them or block them out.

The second step is to have empathy for yourself as you

observe these thoughts and feelings. Reacting with
judgment puts you in the Gap because you’re fixated on
how you don’t measure up to your ideal self. Reacting
with compassion expands your ability to think positively
about the event, which helps to transform it into a Gain.

Hardy and Sullivan also suggest explaining to those around you

what Gap- and Gain-thinking are and then encouraging them to call
you out for Gap-thinking. Find someone to be your success partner.
Tell this person about the gains you’ve made today and the gains
you want to make tomorrow. Reporting your progress to someone
else is an effective way to improve and accelerate your
performance.

(Shortform note: For accountability to work, you must create

significant consequences for your behaviors that don’t align with
your goals. These consequences have to be just as (if not more)
potent than the benefits you gain from these behaviors. This is why
success partners are effective—our desire for respect and approval
from other people is a powerful motivator that usually outweighs
the benefits of giving in to problematic behaviors.)

Exercise: Turn Misfortune Into a Gain

Consider how you can shift your Gap-thinking to Gain-thinking

using a recent event in your life.

Think about a recent event in your life that put you in the Gap
mentality. What were your Gap thoughts? In other words, what was
going through your mind as you were stuck in the Gap? What
idealized version of your future self were you comparing your
present self to?

What did this event teach you about yourself, other people, or the
world at large?
How will you use what you’ve learned from this event to act or think
differently in the future?

What about this event are you thankful for? Why?