22582VIC Certificate in Tertiary Preparation Date:

VU23095 Prepare for Tertiary Reading and Writing Name:

Teacher: Christine McIntyre ID

Teacher signature: Student signature:

Academic Writing
You are the teacher (or professor).
What advice can you give these students on their academic
expression? Can you suggest a way to re-write any of the
sentences? Use the following checklist.

Vocabulary  Are any expressions too colloquial?

 Are there phrasal verbs which could be replaced
by a better expression (“add up” -> “calculate”)
 Does the writing contain contractions (“don’t” -
> “do not”)
 Could you replace any simplistic words with
ones that sound more academic?

Grammar  Does the writer use personal pronouns or write

in the first person? (I, we, our,)
 Can you add professional distance between the
writer and the audience? (“I think” -> “evidence
suggests” or “according to experts”)
 Can you change any sentences to the passive
tense?
Specific details  Does the writer use terms which are too vague
(“thing,” “etc,” “and so on”)

Concise sentences  Are there any sentences which are overly long
or could say something more efficiently?
 Are there any negative sentences which could
be changed to positive? (He did not fail the
exam -> he passed the exam)
22582VIC Certificate IV in Tertiary Preparation, Prepare for Tertiary Reading and Writing VU23095,
July 2021
  Can you nominalise any verbs (change them to
nouns) in order to make the sentence more
concise?

Part A
Circle what is wrong with these sentences and offer a correction if you can.

1. In his report, Gorgonson (2008, pp30-31) argues there are some things
we can do to halt climate change.
Gorgonson(2008, pp30-31) debated that there are some things we can
do to stop climate change.
2. I might be wrong about this, but I just don’t understand why Helson
(2015) put up with all those other whingers at the University of Chicago.
It is difficult to understand that why Helson (2015) put up with all other
questioners at at the University of Chicago.
3. He did not consider the facts.
The facts were not considered by this individual.
4. Freidrickson (2013) just can’t seem to conceive how awesome the
theories relating to the speeds of light, sound etc are when he wrote his
thesis
The thesis written by Freidrickson (2013) like speed of light, sound is not
believed to be beautiful by Freidrickson.
5. Farmers too often feed their sheep, cows, chickens and so on,
substandard food in order to save money.
Farmers too often feed their livestock’s substandard food in order to
save money.
6. I agree with researchers who have studied the issues of famine in sub-
Saharan Africa. We need to tackle the issues of corruption within
central and local government, before we can consider overseas aid
programs successful.

22582VIC Certificate IV in Tertiary Preparation, Prepare for Tertiary Reading and Writing VU23095,
July 2021
 Individuals need to deal with the issues of corruption within central and
local government, before it is believed that overseas aid programs are
successful.

7. The copper said that “The young man involved did not judge the
situation very well when he decided to rob the bottle shop.”
According to copper, the situation was not judged by the young man
before robbing the bottle shop.
Part B
This paragraph has good content knowledge but the language is not very
“academic.” Correct the sentences after the topic sentence (bold) with a
partner.
Some technological progress has not been benficial for society, instead it has
returned us to our old skool, caveman days. For example soldiers have killed
bejillions of people with weapons, causing them to die, dividing nations and
families and so on. When we invented things like nuclear bombs we let go of
our more civilised ideas which we have been learning for years. Heaps of
people have died as in too many for this to be seen as a benefit.
Invention of things like nuclear bombs vanished our cilised ideas that we have
been learning from years. To divide the nations, soldiers killed billions of
people and families with weapons. The murder of these people is seen as a
benefit by some individuals.
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22582VIC Certificate IV in Tertiary Preparation, Prepare for Tertiary Reading and Writing VU23095,
July 2021
22582VIC Certificate IV in Tertiary Preparation, Prepare for Tertiary Reading and Writing VU23095,
July 2021