- The Supreme Court is

about to make a decision

in what is likely their most

important case of the year.

In 2013, Aimee Stephens

was fired from her job

as a funeral director and embalmer

at a Detroit area funeral

home, not for anything she did,

but because of who she was.

Stephens wrote a letter

to her boss explaining

that she was trans and

after a years long process

of acceptance, she would

be returning to work

as her true self, wearing the

appropriate business attire

of a woman, which was a skirt not pants,

because Harris Funeral

Homes, her employer,

did not allow women to wear pants.

(dramatic music)
Hmm.

Two weeks later, Stephens was fired.

Her boss, Thomas Rost,

not even trying to hide

the fact that he fired

her for being transgender,

claiming Stephens would be a distraction

to the grieving families.

So Harris Funeral Homes was sued

by the Equal Employment

Opportunity Commission.

The case made it all the way up

to the United States Supreme Court,

who will decide whether Title VII

of the Civil Rights Act of 1964,

which prohibits employment

discrimination on the basis

of sex also protects transgender people.

Basically, can you be fired

because of your gender identity?

To be honest, it's sort of fitting that

this massive gender identity

discrimination case started

at a funeral home because funeral homes

are the place where I

think anti-trans bigotry

can have some of the most

paniful, violent effects.

Many of you will know the

case of Jennifer Gable,

who died of an unexpected

aneurysm at only 32.

When her friends came to her funeral,

they were horrified to

discover her body in a casket,

wearing a man's suit, no

makeup, with her hair cut short.

Even though Jennifer had

been assigned male at birth,

she had transitioned years prior and had

a whole life, friends, colleagues,

chosen family as a woman.

But, because your next of

kin has all the legal power

in arranging your funeral,

Jennifer's estranged father

swooped in and told the funeral director:

"This is what you're gonna do,

"this is how you'll

prepare my child's body,
"this is the kind of
viewing we're having."

So, how much power does

the funeral director

or funeral home have in this situation?

This is where it gets tricky.

The funeral director in

Jennifer Gabel's case

told the media, "This is

what I'm legally bound to do.

"I was honoring the wishes

of the next of kin."

Yes, but that's really only half correct.

Let's say we had Jennifer

Gabel at my funeral home.

It is true that if her father

is the only next of kin,

I can't go against his wishes.

That is to say, I can't cremate

her if he wants her buried.

I can't just hold a public

viewing with her presented

in a way I think she would have wanted

or her friends say she would have wanted.

It would be illegal for me to do so.

However, funeral homes

are private businesses.

So if Jennifer Gabel's father

came into my funeral home

and said, "This is how

we're presenting the body,

"cut the hair, get a man's suit," no.

Not in a million years

would my funeral home

be involved in doing
something like that to a body.
I would tell Jennifer's
father that we cannot do this

and he will have to find

another funeral home.

As a funeral home, you have the right not

to be involved in such nonsense.

So the excuse of, I had

to do it, not really.

You only have to do it

if you're not willing to,

what's called, lose the

case, aka, the money,

to another funeral home.

What's especially frustrating

here is that Jennifer Gable

had ways to protect

herself that she probably

had no idea were available to her.

And given that her death was unexpected,

maybe never even occurred

to her to think about.

But many of you are thinking

about this possibility.

Anecdotally from book

events, social media,

message boards, a large

portion of people who follow

this death awareness, death

positive movement are LGBTQ+.

I think the reason for that,

if you have more thoughts,

tell me in the comments, is

because stories like this

illuminate the real

threats that still need

to be faced in both life and death.

You come to this movement

because you want knowledge
so you can't be taken advantage
of or misgendered in death.

And that's what this video is about,

how to create a death

plan that protects you,

your wishes, and your identity.

FYI, this advice I'm

going to give you here

sort of works for everyone.

Terrible parents or
ungrateful children that you

don't want in charge of your

funeral can happen to anyone.

You can embroider that on a pillow.

(bells tinkling)

First, know what you want.

This seems sort of self explanatory,

but it's an important

phase, a more personal,

introspective phase, a fact-finding phase.

This is the hard work of asking yourself

what your opinions about

dying, death and funerals are.

Do you wanna be kept alive

even if you're determined

to be brain dead, do you

wanna donate your organs,

do you want a funeral of any kind,

do you wanna be cremated,

aquamated or buried?

Before you ask someone else to execute

these choices for you, you

have to know what they are.

Otherwise, it's like asking

someone to pick you up
a few things while they're at the store.

And when they say,

"Sure, what do ya need,"

you're like, "I don't know.

"It's too painful to think about."

I get it, but are we talking ice cream,

veggie chicken nuggets?

There are thousands of

things at the store.

Second, know who you want.

Who will be legally in

charge of your body?

Now, your legal next of

kin, parents, spouse,

may already be exactly who you want

making all these decisions for you.

I don't mean to make all

the parents of transpeople

sound like the villains here.

We had a family at our

funeral home recently

where the mother of our

decedent was loving,

affirming and got friends

involved in caring for the body.

So, your mom might be your top choice.

But if your dad or your

brother or whoever your next

of kin is happens to be a
delightful bag of bigotry,

or even if they're fine,

like 75% of the time,

but you're just not that close,

you don't need a reason

to bump them from the top

of the list and install someone

totally new on the throne.

This decision is also

personal and introspective.

My mom is my choice, not

only because she's my mom,

but because that woman gets shit done.

Who is that friend, partner

or relative in your life

who is a combination of kind,

affirming and logistically saavy?

Third, ask and explain what you

want to your trusted people.

You gotta ask the person

before you make them legally

in charge of your death

and funeral arrangements.

Otherwise, that's not a fun surprise.

Corpse surprise is the

least fun of the surprises.

(playful music)

Tell the person what it is you are asking.

I find it's best to speak

from both logic and emotion.

An example might be, "As you know,

"I am no longer on good

terms with my family.

"That's painful for me for many reasons

"but a big one is that I'm

afraid what will happen

"to me when I die.

"I know this is a lot but you've been

"an amazing friend and

I trust you so much.

"I'm wondering if you would consider being

"on my end of life documents.

"That means you would be my trusted person

"to handle my death and

funeral arrangements.

"The paperwork is very simple

"and I have a very clear

idea of what I want."

You see there, you're

appealing to their emotion

as a friend, and you're also showing them

you've given this thought, you

know how to do the documents

and you know what you want.

If you gave that speech

to me, I would be like,

it would be my greatest honor.

But, of course, some people

might sill be freaked out

by the mere idea of death.

In that case, don't force it.

It's not about you, move on.

Keep asking, Goldilocks, until

you find your just right.

Fourth, get it in writing.

This is the most important step.

I can't stress this enough.

Make it official, get it in writing,

put a leucocratic paper ring on it.

(lively music)

What you'll need is an advanced directive.

You've probably also heard

words like living will,

or medical power of attorney

or health care proxy or funeral agent.

It can be confusing.
It's confusing for me and my whole job

is to make this less confusing

for you, so... (sighing)

What you want is a combination

of a document and a person.

The document will state your

wishes regarding medical care

at the end of your life.

It could also include

how you wanna be named

and identified by medical professionals.

Then you want your person,

your health care proxy.

This person carries out the

wishes you put in the document.

If you do nothing, the

person with all the power

will be your next of kin.

What's very important here is that this

is state and country specific.

The paperwork you need

in Alabama is different

than the paperwork you need in London,

which is different than the

paperwork you need in Toronto.

Some places have before

death and after death wishes

in one document, and

sometimes, they're separate.

Get 'em all, get all the documents.

They don't take that long.

Fifth, share those documents.

If an advanced directive
exists at the bottom

of a pile of tax returns

from 2013 at the back
of your closet, does it exist at all?

Once you have your documents in order,

here's how Harvard Medical

School recommends you share them.

You have a copy and your

trusted people have copies.

Your doctor or medical

professional should have a copy.

If you end up in the hospital,

your hospital chart should have a copy.

The original should be

in a super safe space

that everyone knows.

Your freezer, for instance,

or in a folder labeled advanced directive,

important, important.

Here I am, hi, you hoo.

Finally, you may even

wanna put a small card

in your wallet that

has the name and number

of your health care agent.

These steps are important for everyone.

And unfortunately,

they are especially

important for transpeople.

We want our government and our

laws to protect our rights,

to keep us safe from

bigotry and discrimination.

But the fact is, until

that unambiguously happens,

we also have to protect ourselves

and our communities the best way possible.

We've been prepping this video for months

because we wanted it to
also have as many resources

outside the video as possible.

On the order website,

we'll have resources that

will not only provide you

with guidance and information,

like advice on choosing

your trusted person,

but also step-by-step instructions

and all the legal forms

you'll need to protect

your end of life wishes and identity.

We've also teamed up with Cake,

which is an end of life

website that makes it very easy

to store and share your

end of life preferences.

When you go to
www.joincake.com/the6good death

which sounds like a sponsored link.

It's not, we just decided

to do this together,

you can sign up for

free or just poke around

and check things out.

You'll have access to documents,

legal specifics for

your area, and support.

If you didn't see this

announcement on social media,

late last year, our organization was able

to make a $6,000 donation

to Trans Lifeline,

because all of you bought

these gorgeous shirts
by artist, Sonia Lazo.

This will help countless people

with hotline support

and legal name changes.

No matter who you are,

it's time to get those documents in order.

(clapping hands) Chop, chop,

do it, tell your friends.

Have you heard that millennials

are the death positive generation?

This video was made

with generous donations

from death enthusiasts just like you.

(lively music)

Mm, mm, not in a million

years...okay, I heard her talking.

So chatty out there today, isn't it?

Wait, I lost the title.

Hold on.

Title VII, (laughing),

okay, what's the title?

Who knows?

Title nya, of the title VII.

This is how we're presenting the body.

God, what is going on?

Woo, okay.

It would be my greatest honor.

It would be my greatest honor.

It would be my greatest honor.

It would be my greatest honor.

The pile of tax returns from 2013

at the back of your closet.

(rolling tongue)

Put a bureaucratic paper ring on it.

We're getting there, though.

Buddy, tell ya what, almost there.

No, no, no,

no, no, no ma'am.