1

NARRATOR: Have you ever wondered why women are the ones who wash the dishes? There
was a tale in a small town of Santa Rosa. Among the village homes stands a firm stilt house.
There lived a couple named Hugo and Imelda, also known by their neighbors Ka Maldang and
Ka Ugong.
Ka Maldang: Imelda was a very big woman, stand and proud, muscular than my poor husband.
Ka Ugong: Hugo was a thin man and small in size compared to his wife, lazy at times yet
reliable well…sometimes.
NARRATOR: After every meal, they quarreled over who’s going to wash the dishes. Imelda
would often scold Hugo if he refused to wash the dishes. Sometimes, she would become so
angry and call him names, and if he ever talks back, she would get something near her and
throw him with it. He would run to the house of his compadre and hide there. till his wife’s anger
had passed.

NARRATOR: One day, just as they were finishing their lunch, Ka Ugong announced:

Ugong: He threw out his chest and l lifted his chin and said, I will not wash the dishes anymore!

Maldang: Why do you say so? (asked Ka Maldang, holding up her chin, higher than his.)

Ugong: I say so! l work so hard in the field all day,I am not going to wash the dishes!

Ka Maldang: Ka Maldang stood up and with her arms akimbo, she glared down at Ka Ugong
across the table. Her arms were stourt. Her voice was also big.

Maldang: And who, Mr. Hugo, is going to wash these dishes?

Ka ugong: Ka Ugong’s chest sank again. His chin also went down. He held on to the edge of the
table nervously.

Ugong: Well why of course, you. You're the woman in this house, you do all the housework.
Maldang: (Ka Maldang began to walk around with chin still up, mocking her husband) Oh, I am
so sorry... my poor poor husband who works in the fields. You tie the carabao in the reeds and
lie down and just watch it! You call that hard work? I stay here in the house to wash your
clothes, cook your food, clean the floors, and tend your groceries! And when I ask you to simply
help me to wash the dishes, you just simply refuse? You don’t even make love to me anymore!
(Shouted ka Maldang while sobbing uncontrollably)

Ka Ugong: Anak ng patuka! Eto nanamang asawa ko wala nang ginawa kung hindi dada ng
dada! Hindi niya ba alam ang hirap ng pagsasaka?! hayss

Narrator: Ka Maldang’ s voice was now raised to a high pitch and her tears posed on her eyelids
at Ka Ugong. Glancing at her plate. She then grabbed and raised her plate up above her head.

Maldang: “You, you, you lazy man!”

(Ka Maldang Began to throw her plate, following by the other utensils such as the glass cup and
the spoon and fork)
Narrator: Ka Ugong ducked under the table,

Ugong: (Ka Ugong cried.) “Don’t, “Stop throwing!” I have a solution!

Maldang: (She stops but, still sobbing)

Ugong: Ayan buti nalang gumana, kung nagpatuloy pa naman ang pagbabato niya baka wala
na talagang platong malilinisan

Maldang: And what is your solution...?

Ugong: (slowly going out under the table) A wager...

2
Ugong: Alright, this is what I propose, either of us who will speak first after I say the word
“begin” will wash the dishes. This time it will be all the time, not one.

Maldang: Only that? (Said Ka Maldang.) “The first one who talks will always wash the plates,
bowls, and pots and pans. Always.”(While whispering to herself, facing away ka ugong)

Maldang: Napakadali naman ng hamon ng aking tingting na asawa, kaya ko pang manahimik
ng isang taon pero siya?! Hah utoto niya isang minuto palang magsasalita yan akala niya,
mwahaha

(WE DON’T TALK ANYMORE PLAYS)

I overdosed
Should've known that this was a game
Now I can't get this outta my brain
Oh, it's such a shame
That we wont talk anymore, we won't talk anymore
We won't talk anymore, like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we won't talk anymore, like we used to do

Ugong: Are you ready?

Narrator: Ka maldang nodded her head and compressed her lips
Ka Ugong: “Begin”
NARRATOR: They both sit in silence. They both stared at each other across the unwashed
plates and bowls.

Narrator: They never lose sight and leave each other in fear that one will talk to themselves
when one is gone.
Narrator: Amidst of the silent staredown between the two, a figure suddenly appears on the
kitchen room, a black slender cat, approaching the table. However, the couple never paid
attention to our feline friend.

Cat: (do the thing in the legs in the couple(hindi ko alam exact na action basta ganun), purring)

Cat: Meow!(licking her paws)

Narrator: Madlang did not drive the cat away neither did Ka Ugong.
Narrator: The cat licked the plates, rather...seductively
Cat: Meow!( looks at ka maldang and ka ugong, the cat approaches ka ugong looking at him
while licking the paws)

Narrator: the cat then overturned a cup and spilled its contents then jumped off the table. Ka
Ugong pretended nothing had happened, he continued to sit still, and so did Ka Madlang.

NARRATOR: Hours pass and the both of them are still staring mutely at each other. It all seems
quiet, until... (COMPADRE ENTERS THE STAGE)

Compadre: Hey compadre Ugong, are you home?

NARRATOR: He only received nothing but silence.

Compadre: Comadre Maldang are you there? Yoohoo! (Followed by silence) Hmmm...perhaps
nobody is home, but what's with the ladder on their door? They usually remove the ladder when
they're not at home. Eh, I'll just go get the bamboo and return it later.

(The compadre took the bamboo and notices the deadbeat couple)
Compadre: Oh hey! there you guys are...Guys? Why are you guys ignoring me?...What is
happening to you. Comadre? (shakes Maldang) Compadre?... (shakes Ugong),

NARRATOR: But the poor fellow only received nothing but silence.
Compadre: Good Heavens, Have you guys eaten something to make you stupid or something?
I must tell the whole village!

(Compadre runs to the neighbors)

Compadre: Guys! Something happened to compadre Ugong!

Man#1: What? Are you sure?

Compadre: Yes, quick, quick! You must come.

3
NARRATOR: After what the compadre did, within the next few seconds the hut is now
surrounded by curious spectators. They were trying everything to make the couple talk but alas
none of their methods worked.

Woman#1: Look at them, they are not themselves!

Man#1: Have they eaten something poisonous?

Man#2: This is bad, tsk tsk! They might be ill.

Woman#2 and what kind of illness would that be? We must do something call the herb doctor!

Man#2: Wait, Mang Jojo the herb doctor?

All Neighbors: (Gasp loudly)

Woman#1: Eto nanaman tayo kay Mang Jojo, hindi na ba sila nasiraan ng ulo?

Woman#2: Oh yes, why do you seem so shocked?

Man#2: Oh didn’t you all know?

(WE DON’T TALK ABOUT BRUNO PLAYS)
Seven-foot frame
Rats (on) along his back
When he calls your name
It all fades to black
Yeah, he sees all your dreams (dreams)
And feasts on your screams
We don't talk about Jojo, no no
We don't talk about Jojo
He told me my fish would die
The next day, dead (oh no)
He told me I'd grow a gut
And just like he said
He said that all of my hair would disappear
Now look at my head
Your fate is sealed when your prophesy is read
4
Woman#2: But we must call the herb for the sake of our neighbors! Brace yourselves and I will
go get him.

Man#2: The herb doctor is here!

Woman#1: Yes finally, we've been trying to make them talk but it's not working at all!

Herb doctor: Yes...yes...(checks the couples wrists) yes... I have seen this before... This couple
is...bewitched/ (EVERYBODY GASPS)

Herb doctor: I will see what I can do for them... (Grabs his leaves and sprinkles it in a bowl)
Come sit here on the floor with me...

(Ugong sits on the floor while Maidang refuses to sit with them)

Herb doctor: Ah, the spirit within her is too stubborn. must break this spelll

Narrator: He spits in the bowl of leaves and chants weird magical chants

Herb doctor: (Chanting weirdly)

All neighbors: (disgusted sound such as, eww! Yuck! Eek, vomit sounds.)

(The herb doctor lifts his hands in the air and sprinkles the leaves into the air, blowing them to
Maldang and Ugong)

NARRATOR: But despite the herb doctor's efforts the couple still refuses to talk. The only
reaction he got. was the disgusted looks the neighbors were giving to him.

Herb doctor: Phew, the spell is too strong! I'm afraid if don't break it the spell might cast out to
others by nightfall!
(EVERYONE GASPS)

Man#2: Do something then, we can't just leave them!

Woman#3: Yes, please do something, think about them!
Narrator: The herb doctor just nods and continues his chant and gross routine

5
Herb doctor: I am afraid I cannot do anything to break this spell, it is simply too powerful.

Man#1: Oh no! What are you going to do?

Woman#2: Are they dead?

Herb doctor: This is the first witchery of its kind that I have met here. By their silence I believe
that they are dead. Their spirits, driven away by the witch, have left their bodies. The only thing
to do to keep their souls in peace and to prevent this witchery craft from spreading among us is
to bury them.

Woman#2: Oh my, poor Maldang...poor Ugong... (Points at man 1 and 2) go two clean white
clothes and let us have a proper ceremonial for our late neighbors.) You two!

Man#1 and 2: Yes we will!

Woman#1: Now quick before night comes...

Man 1 and 2: Yes, quickly before night comes. (The men walk away)

Woman #2: Thank you herb doctor...you did your best

Herb doctor: It is my pleasure... Now be careful. You might be a victim of the spell... (Walks out)
6
NARRATOR: It is now time to put the so called “bodies” of Maldang and Ugong, but both of
them have not uttered a single word, wonder how they feel about this “burial”…
(The women appear to be crying while the men have now found white cloths for the couple)

Man 1 and 2: We have found the cloths!

Woman#2: Oh well... let's put them to rest.
Narrator: The men easily lifted Ka Ugong and places him inside his coffin. Surely, he thought to
himself, he would win the wager. He would not be afraid of being buried. Why, he would just get
cut of the grave when the neighbors were gone.
Narrator: He thought everything going on was great fun and he was enjoying himself. How he
would frighten them all when he returned from his grave! The herb man approached Ka
Maldang. Although her eyes were closed, she had been listening to his directions. She was
afraid that he would surely force her into the coffin if she did not tell him to go away.
Narrator: But she did not want to talk. She hoped her husband would object to the men’s lifting
her into the coffin.

Ka Madlang: “Surely, Hugo will not let me be buried tomorrow. Uh, I’m afraid to sleep in that
coffin tonight. No, I’ll not let them lift me into it,” she thought to herself.

Narrator: But she did not hear Ka Ugong speak. She opened her eyes just as the herb man,
aided by two other men,put his arms around her to lift up from her chair.
Ka Maldang: (Ka Maldang pushed the men, got up to her feet, and shouted,) “Don’t touch us!
Get out! Get out of my house. Shame on you for coming here, meddling with our lives!”

Narrator: As Ka Madlang pushed the people away, he turned around to see if his husband was
fine, she looked at him and she was convinced that Ka Ugong was sleeping deeply.

Ka Madlang: HAHAHAHA, he will never know that I talked first, as soon as he wakes up, I’m
sure he is going to open his mouth.
(IM STILL STANDING STARTS TO PLAY)
You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use
And did you think this fool could never win?
Well, look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing, you just fade away
Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind
I'm still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'm still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Ka Ugong: Ka Ugong leaped to his feet. He shouted,

Ka Ugong: HAHA! I heard you the first time! You talked first!”
Narrator: He jumped about clapping his hands
Ka Ugong: “She talked first. We had awager. Now she will always wash the dishes!’

(MY WAY STARTS PLAYING)

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Yes, it was my way.

(HELLO GOODBYE STARTS PLAYING)

Pita: oh no?

Pita:You say goodbye

Jose: and you said hello

both: Hello hello

Jose; I don't know why I say goodbye,

Pita: I say hello
Hello hello

Jose: I don't know why I say goodbye,

Pita: I say hello

Pita: You say yes

Jose: I say no

Jose: I say stop

Pita: and I say go go go oh
Oh no

Both: You say goodbye and I say hello

Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello hello

(END)

CASTS:
KA UGONG – CHRISTIAN PITA
KA MADLANG – AKISHA JOSE
COMPADRES – RUSSEL LIM AND JOHN PETALINO
WOMAN NEIGHBOR – JHOANA ESTUYE
HERB DOCTOR – EARL JASMINEZ
CAT – AKA NARRATOR (PUPPET SOCK)