THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF CLINICAL SEXOLOGISTS

AT MAIMONIDES UNIVERSITY

THE SECRET AND NOT SO SECRET LIFE OF SWINGERS

A VIEW INTO THE MANY FACETS OF THE SWINGING LIFESTYLE

A DISSERTATION SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF THE AMERICAN

ACADEMY OF CLINICAL SEXOLOGISTS AT MAIMONIDES

UNIVERSITY IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR

THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY

BY

GEORGE JAMES KALLAS

NORTH MIAMI BEACH FLORIDA

APRIL 2006
 DISSERTATION APPROVAL

This dissertation submitted by George James Kallas has been read and

approved by three faculty members of the American Academy of Clinical

Sexologists at Maimonides University.

The final copies have been examined by the Dissertation Committee and the

signatures which appear here verify the fact that any necessary changes have been

incorporated and that the dissertation is now given the final approval with

reference to content, form and mechanical accuracy.

The dissertation is therefore accepted in partial fulfillment of the requirements

for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy.

Signature Date

_________________________________ _____________________________
W. A. Granzig, Ph.D., FAACS
Advisor and Committee Chair

__________________________________ ____________________________
J. Walker, Ph.D.
Committee Member

___________________________________ ____________________________
A. Leight, Ph.D.
Committee Member

ii
 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank my wife, Shannie Dipnarine Kallas, for all her love,

encouragement, and her incredible level of trust and understanding in the pursuit

of this project. I could not have accomplished many of my goals without her

support. I would like to acknowledge my parents, Basil and Anthe’ Kallas, for

instilling in me the importance of a good education and for all their love and

support. To my best friend, Roald Garcia, Psy.D., for always being there when I

needed him and for setting high standards for himself that helped me learn the

importance of self-discipline. I would like to thank my friends in the Florida,

New Orleans, and Colorado Lifestyle community for opening doors that would

have been closed to me otherwise, for all the invaluable information that they

provided, and for being such wonderful people. Confidentiality precludes me

listing their names, but they know how thankful I am to each of them. Thanks to

all the people that shared their stories with me and let me into the most private

areas of their lives. Thanks to Hillary Bozzuto, M.S. for her assistance. In

addition, a special thanks to William Granzig, Ph.D. for his supervision as chair

of my committee, and to James Walker, Ph.D., and Arlen Leight, Ph.D. for

serving as members of my committee for this study.

iii
 VITA

George James Kallas is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice

in Hollywood, Florida, U.S.A. His masters of science degree in clinical

psychology was awarded in 1994, from Barry University, Miami, Florida, U.S.A.

He received a bachelors degree in psychology in 1983 from Florida International

University, North Miami, Florida, U.S.A. He is currently pursuing a Psy.D. in

clinical psychology from Carlos Albizu University, Miami, Florida, U.S.A. and

completing a Doctor of Philosophy degree at Maimonides University in Miami,

Florida, U.S.A.

George James Kallas is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology, a

certified sex therapist, a certified hypnotherapist, a student affiliate member of the

American Psychological Association, a member of the American Society of

Clinical Hypnotists, the American Mental Health Counselors Association and The

Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.

iv
 ABSTRACT

During the summer of 2003 through the spring of 2006 the researcher

interviewed and observed the activities of individuals involved in the swinging

lifestyle. This study reviewed the literature on swinging and followed the

participant-observer model used by Bartell (1971) in his anthropological study of

swingers. Information was gathered by conversations with swingers at three

separate on-premise clubs, two Lifestyle conventions, and through meetings

arranged by contacts made in these venues. Observations were made of the social

interactions, sexual play behaviors, and the business of swinging. A total of 500

surveys were handed out at two conventions with a return of 24 useable

completed surveys. Over 100 individuals participating in the lifestyle were

informally interviewed at conventions, clubs, and other venues.

v
 CONTENTS

Introduction - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 – 6

Who are the swingers? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 6 – 11

Why swing? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 11 – 14

Why drop out? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 14 – 16

The Rules - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 16 – 19

Single men - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 20 – 24

Single women - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 24 – 27

Swinger’s speak - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 27 – 34

The Club scene - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 34 – 35

Purpose of the study - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 35

Method section - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 35

Participants (surveys) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 36

Materials - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 37

Results (survey) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 37 – 54

Interviews (Sarah) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 55 – 58

Interviews and observations (clubs) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 59

Club A - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 59 – 73

Club B - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 73 – 83

Club C - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 83 – 89

vi
The conventions - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 89

Convention in Key West 2003 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 89

Day 1 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 90

Day 2 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 90 – 101

Day 3 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 102 – 107

Day 4 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 107 – 115

Convention in Las Vegas 2005 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 115

Day 1 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 116 – 120

Day 2 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 121 – 131

Day 3 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 132 – 138

Day 4 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 139 – 145

Beach parties - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 145

Conclusions - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 146 – 150

References - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 151 – 154

Appendix A - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 155 - 158

Appendix B - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 159

Appendix C - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 160

Appendix D - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 161

vii
 THE SECRET AND NOT SO SECRET LIFE OF SWINGERS

A VIEW INTO THE MANY FACETS OF THE SWINGING LIFESTYLE

Introduction

The bulk of the research on swinging, the phenomenon currently referred to as

participating in the lifestyle, is over thirty years old. According to individuals

interviewed for this study, swinging is continually evolving and what was true

even five years ago has changed.

Gilmartin (1978) referred to swinging as a form of consensual adultery and

defined it as:

Comarital sex (or swinging) is that form of extramarital sexual

behavior, which involves legally married couples sharing coitus

and other sexual behaviors with other legally married couples in

a social context defined by all participants as consisting a kind of

recreational-convivial play (p.16).

This definition is inadequate as a description of the modern swinger. The part

that seems to be a useful descriptor for the current phenomenon is that swinging is

a form of recreation-convivial play, what could be described as adult play. For

the purpose of this study the definition of swinging must be broadened to account

for the changes in the lifestyle. Bartell (1971) used the term group sex to describe

the phenomenon, as it was a more flexible description and was not limited to

married couples. Strict definitions did not apply to this population. The

researcher observed and interviewed swingers that were married and unmarried

1
couples; single, straight or bisexual men; and single, straight, bisexual and lesbian

women that identified themselves as swingers.

The sexual activities that could fall under the term group sex have existed

since ancient times in many different cultures and early civilizations. Group sex,

orgies, mate sharing, and other multi-partner sexual activities have been

documented in ancient Greek, Roman, Indian, Native American and other cultures

throughout history and throughout the world (Gould, 1999; Bartell, 1971).

Today’s swinger differs from the swinger of the 1970’s. Marks and Marks

(1995) included pre-op female transsexuals (male to female) as swing partners.

Bartell (1971) related a story where a man attempted to join a sexual situation by

placing his hand on one of the males and ended the whole scene. Homosexuality

and bisexuality among men was a taboo in the swing scene only until recently.

Some of the more conservative swingers who were interviewed agreed with the

Gilmartin (1978) definition and felt that only married couples could be called

swingers. They, however, thought the term adultery did not apply to them and

that this was a moralistic church based term. There were some activities such as

the conventions that allowed only couples to attend but did not require they be

married. Clubs have couples only nights that may or may not include single

females but do not include single males. Some clubs even have bisexual nights

for males, something that did not exist or was extremely rare as little as ten years

ago. For the most part swingers currently used the term lifestyle to describe their

group.

2
 Gould (1999) reported that the term lifestyle was adopted in the 1980’s

because many of the people attending events did not participate in swinging. He

found that lifestyle parties did not always end in comarital sex and that around

10% of the individuals attended because they enjoyed being in the situation where

there was a possibility of swapping. They found it exciting. The researcher found

several couples at the lifestyle convention in Key West who claimed that they

were in the lifestyle but did not have sex with people other than their spouses.

One couple with a strong Baptist background reflected that the people from their

church got to be boring to talk to after a while and tended to be very judgmental

when it came to others. The husband stated that he and his wife enjoyed getting

away once or twice a year to be around people who were so open sexually and

could talk about anything. They were not bored. This couple considered

themselves to be in the lifestyle but kept it secret, their children and family were

told they were going on a cruise for vacation (anonymous personal

communication, August 24, 2004).

During a recent conference of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality,

held in November of 2005 in Atlanta, a representative from the Center for Disease

Control gave a presentation on high-risk groups and the spread of sexually

transmitted infections. After discussing risk factors for a number of groups she

brought up the logo of the North American Swing Club Association on the power

point display. The presenter joked that little was known about this group because

they were very discreet and secretive and that many of them did not have

concerns about STI’s because they only had sex with nice married couples.

3
 Swingers have good reason for discretion. Many swingers have careers that

could be endangered by being outed, and fears that family members and straight

friends would reject them if their secret were exposed. For these reasons

individuals in the lifestyle do not usually openly share personal information.

Many go to great lengths to keep their activities separate from the other parts of

their lives. It was not unusual for the researcher to find that people knew each

other only by their first names. For these reasons, researchers have had to be

inventive to gain information about this group. The names of all participants in

this study have been changed to protect their privacy and to maintain

confidentiality.

Bartell (1971) was studying the wife sharing practices of the Eskimo (Inuit)

peoples and came across an article written in the Chicago Daily News about wife

swapping in the Chicago area in 1967. Bartell (1971) later decided to study this

cultural phenomenon using anthropological methods. The study began in the late

sixties and Bartell (1971) interviewed some individuals that claimed to have been

swinging for 20 years. The participants reported that a surge in swinging occurred

around 1963 and 1964, when oral contraceptive use became popular (Bartell,

1971). He decided to approach the study of this American subculture from a

socio-psychological and a structural-functional model. The method of participant

observer allowed the researcher to participate personally in the activities and

events that the group being studied was involved to the point of being accepted by

the group. The researcher disclosed the purpose of the study, but did not violate

ethical boundaries (Bartell, 1971).

4
 Bartell (1971), with the help of his wife, spent three years researching the lives

of swingers. They were both in their mid thirties and took on the role of a couple

who were interested in learning about swinging. Later in the study he took on

different roles to see the effect it would have on the group. Bartell (1971) took

younger research assistants to parties to see how an unmarried couple would be

treated. Bartell and his wife took an African American couple to a party without

mentioning their guest’s ethnicity and received a very cold response from the host

(1971). He reported that they never misrepresented themselves, always explained

what they were doing and gave their university affiliation to the people they

interviewed. However, Bartell (1971) found that most of the swingers assumed

that they were interested in getting into swinging and using the research as a ruse

to gather information.

Varni (1974) and his wife presented themselves as a couple interested in

swinging to gain access to swingers. He (Varni, 1974) placed advertisements in

an underground newspaper that read Young sociologist and wife desire to learn

about swinging and Couple, attractive, 26 and 25, who have not yet swung, desire

to meet swinging married couple (p.247). They were able to interview sixteen

married swinging couples whose ages ranged from nineteen to sixty. Varni

(1974) reported that in an effort to insure validity in the collection of information

he chose not to identify his role as a researcher to any of the individuals

interviewed. Varni (1974) and his wife presented themselves as novice swingers

who wanted to find out about swinging before actually experiencing it. This

method would seem to ensure that the information the subjects gave was not

5
skewed by the relationship. The researcher chose not to misrepresent his identity

to the participants and always identified his role. However, he could not control

for participant’s perceptions that the researcher was just using this identity as a

guise to find out about swinging for personal reasons.

The reader is cautioned that much of the information for the study was

obtained through interviews and observations. The researcher made every

attempt to remain objective and some of the descriptions may be considered

graphic. There however was always the potential for bias in this type of study.

Who are the Swingers?

Currently there are no reliable population statistics to represent this group.

Bartell (1971) estimated that 1 percent of the population was involved in some

manner of group sex. Weiss (1983) suggested that approximately 2 to 4 percent

of married couples in the U.S. participated in some form of swinging. McGinley

(1995) president and founder of the North American Swing Club Association

(NASCA) estimated that approximately 15 percent of the couples in the U.S. have

tried swinging.

The demographics of this population were limited to information from studies

most of which were over ten years old. Many of the studies suggested that over

90% of the swingers in the U.S. are Caucasian (Bartell, 1970; Jenks 1985). The

recent study by Bergstrand and Williams (2000) that had a population of 1092

participants, reported that 90.4% were Caucasian, 4.1% were African American,

and 3.0% were Hispanic. Early studies found swingers to be made up of

individuals that were politically conservative to moderate and identified with the

6
Republican party (Bartell, 1970; Jenks, 1986). The Bergstrand and Williams

(2000) study found swingers to be more to the center politically with 31.7%

identified as Democrat, 27.7% as Republican, 27.0% as Independent, and 13.5%

identified as other.

Swingers tended to be middle to upper class in economic status and tended to

be employed in professional or management positions (Jenks, 1985; Levitt, 1988;

Murstein, 1978; Weiss, 1983). The researcher found that of the over 60 couples

interviewed at the conventions, only one reported an annual income below

$90,000. A couple the researcher interviewed, John and Sally, who reported that

they attended around eight conventions and swingers events per year. Those

events usually lasted 3 – 5 days and required that they stay at a hotel. When food

and entertainment expenses were factored in they stated the cost for attending

each event was around $2500.00 to $3000.00. This did not include the cost of

taking the time away from their business (personal communication, February 6,

2006). Swinging at the level that John and Sally experienced the lifestyle was

apparently a very expensive past time. People who could not afford to attend

events such as the conventions or go to clubs regularly had numerous alternate

ways to experience the lifestyle. Private parties, free events and hook ups from

the Internet classifieds are some of the other ways swingers get together.

Most of the studies found that swingers tended to be middle aged. Bartell’s

(1970) sample ranged from 28 to 34 years old. Jenks’ (1985) population had a

mean age of 39.4 years and Levitt’s (1988) had a mean age of 40.7 years.

Participants in the Bergstrand and Williams (2000) study had a mean age of 39.

7
 The researcher recently browsed a website called MySpace.com that seemed to

be popular among a younger group. The site allows the user to set up a profile to

communicate with other users. The profile questions included swinger under the

marital status section. The researcher randomly selected 40 profiles to browse

and found that the mean age of the users was around 22 and the majority had

chosen swinger to describe their status. This suggested that a possible bi-modal

distribution might exist in the swinging realm with a much younger group

participating in events geared more to their interests or possibly a

misinterpretation of what the term swinging meant on the part of the younger

crowd. Some of the younger swingers interviewed by the researcher at the

conventions had intimated that there were other events with a much younger

crowd.

In the 1970’s Bartell (1971) had described the swingers he was researching as

pretty segregated racially and somewhat racist in their attitudes toward African

Americans participating in swinging. Jenks (1985a) surveyed 100 swingers and

300 non-swingers to assess the perceptions non-swingers had about swingers.

Non-swingers thought that swingers used alcohol, marijuana, and drugs at

significantly higher levels than reported by swingers (Jenks, 1985a). Non-

swingers also overestimated the percentage of minorities involved in swinging

(Jenks, 1985a). They thought that swingers were philosophically more liberal

than they actually were and overestimated their affiliation with the Democratic

party (Jenks, 1985a). Non-swingers in the study rated themselves as distant to

swingers on 7 of 10 attitudinal scales and felt that 50% of swingers required

8
counseling (Jenks, 1985a). Jenks (1985a) reported findings that swingers were

significantly more liberal than the non-swingers in the areas of divorce, premarital

sex, pornography, homosexuality, and abortion. Bergstrand and Williams (2000)

described swingers, based on their findings, as predominantly Caucasian, socio-

economically in the middle class, middle aged, religious, and politically more to

the center than previous studies reported. They found swingers to be more liberal

than non-swingers in their attitudes about sex and marriage and proposed that they

may be less racist, less sexist and less heterosexist when compared to the non-

swinging population of the U.S (Bergstrand and Williams, 2000).

Varni (1974) identified several types of swingers on a continuum related to the

level of emotional connection that they preferred from other swingers. The

continuum included movement from unstable to very stable group or couple

relationships, from husbands that were coercive users to those who were

encouraging individuals, and from only having friendships with non-swingers to

incorporating both swingers and non-swingers into their lives (Varni, 1974).

Hardcore swingers were described as preferring no emotional connection with

their swing partners and were not selective in their choices (Varni, 1974). Their

main goal was to have sex with as many couples as possible and tended to be

described as cold and superficial by other types of swingers (Varni, 1974). The

wife was usually coerced to swing by the husband and never fully embraced

swinging (Varni, 1974). The documentary film Sex With Strangers (Gantz &

Gantz, 2003) presented a couple who traveled the country in a recreational vehicle

having sex with couples they met along the way. These individual’s discussed

9
their plans for swinging in terms of the number of people they planned to have

sex with and demonstrated little interest in developing any deeper connection with

most of their partners. The husband appeared to be charming and seductive until

his needs were not met. His wife supported his behavior. Films are edited to

present the director’s goals and ideas and therefore the reality depicted may be

distorted. However, the depiction observed in the film would probably place

these individuals on the continuum somewhere between the hardcore and

egotistical types described by Varni (1974).

Egotistical swingers also preferred little emotional connection with swing

partners but were fairly selective when choosing them (Varni, 1974). Varni

(1974) reported that these individuals chose others who would fulfill their sexual

needs and desires such as the need to be seen as: manly, sexy, attractive and

wanted by others. They needed their egos to be fed by their partners. They

considered their swinging lives separate from their regular lives and did not want

friendships or social relationships with swingers outside of that context (Varni,

1974). The wife, in this relationship, tended to be used by the husband to help

fulfill his needs and usually did not become a devoted swinger (Varni, 1974).

Recreational swingers, according to Varni (1974), viewed swinging as a social

activity and were members of fairly stable groups. They were not interested in

deep emotional involvement with swing partners and participated in swinging as a

hedonistic pursuit (Varni, 1974). They had both swinging and non-swinging

friends and even though their wives were used, they tended to become devoted to

the swinging lifestyle (Varni, 1974). This description would fit most of the

10
swingers that the researcher came into contact with at the conventions and clubs.

They described their swinging experiences as being a way to meet wonderful

people and have a great time. The atmosphere at the conventions was akin to

attending a country club where people knew each other and wanted to socialize.

For the most part the friendships did not appear to reach the depths sought by

Interpersonal swingers.

Interpersonal swingers were interested in deep emotional connections with

their swing partners and were very selective in the choices they made (Varni,

1974). They preferred one-couple situations and desired close friendships with

their swing partners. Usually the husband was very encouraging and the couple

considered swinging to be an integral part of their lives (Varni, 1974).

Communal swingers were similar to the Interpersonal type but advocated

some form of group marriage and would most likely fit under the polyamory

groups of the present day (Varni, 1974).

Why Swing?

Several theories have been posited for why people would choose to explore

group sex or swinging. Jenks (1998) proposed a social psychological model to

explain the steps that individuals pass through on the path to joining the Lifestyle.

The first stage required that there be a strong interest in sex and/or that the person

started sexual activity at an earlier age than the norm (Jenks, 1998). The second

stage referred to the personal characteristics the individual had that complimented

the Lifestyle. These were characteristics like being open sexually, having good

communication skills and a low tendency towards jealousy (Jenks, 1998). Jenks

11
(1998) referred to the third stage as the passive phase where the individual or

couple explored information about swinging and began to discuss the possibility

of becoming involved in the lifestyle. The fourth stage was called the active

phase and involved testing the waters by actually making contact with swingers

and making the decision as to whether the lifestyle represented a good fit for them

(Jenks, 1998). The last stage was the commitment phase where there was actual

participation in the lifestyle and a strengthening or solidifying of the reasoning the

individuals used to decide to become swingers (Jenks, 1998).

The question still remained as to why individuals chose to swing. King (1996)

described the concept of sexual habituation as a normal change in the marital

relationship that occurred at around three to seven years into a marriage. The

amount of stimulation that it took to create a certain level of sexual arousal

increased over the years and things could become stale in the sexual relationship

(King, 1996). Infidelity occurred most often during this time, but couples that are

willing to explore novel sexual experiences and to grow together sexually seemed

to handle this period more successfully (King, 1996). Bergstrand and Williams

(2000) suggested that swinging might be a way of countering habituation. Sexual

variety, exciting experiences, and the opportunity to live out their sexual fantasies

as a couple may serve to actually strengthen the marital bond (Bergstrand &

Williams, 2000).

The assumption that swinging would affect marriages in a negative manner

was countered in much of the research. Gilmartin (1974, 1975) reported that 85%

of the swingers surveyed felt that swinging posed no threat to their marriages.

12
The majority reported that swinging actually enhanced their marriages (Gilmartin,

1974, 1975). Jenks (1986) found that over 91% of the male swingers and 82% of

the female swingers stated that they were happy being involved in the swinging

lifestyle. Less that 1.0% of the females surveyed and 0.0% of the males

complained of being unhappy with their choice to swing (Jenks, 1986). The

Bergstrand and Williams (2000) study found that 62.6% of the swingers surveyed

felt that swinging improved the quality of their marriages/relationships. There

were a number of respondents that felt their relationships remained unchanged

(35.6%), and 1.7% said that they were less happy (Bergstrand and Williams,

2000). Of the individuals that claimed to be happy with their relationships before

joining the lifestyle, 49.7% reported an increase in happiness (Bergstrand and

Williams, 2000). The more controversial finding according to conventional

wisdom and even in swinging was that of the population that claimed to have

been unhappy before, 90.9% reported being happier in their relationships after

they started swinging (Bergstrand and Williams, 2000).

Jenks (1986) reported that one of the primary reasons given for joining the

swinging lifestyle was to enjoy a variety of sexual partners and experiences.

The researcher was told by many couples that the lifestyle strengthened their

marriage and allowed them to safely explore their sexual fantasies. Butler (1979)

suggested that middle-aged individuals from restrictive sexual backgrounds

reached a point in their lives where they had established their careers and families

and found that they had time to devote to other interests. The couple had grown

together and reached a stage when they were ready to explore their sexuality freed

13
from the reproductive pressures that came with starting a family (Butler, 1979).

Swinging allowed the exploration of sexuality beyond the restrictions and limits

imposed by traditional marriage (Butler, 1979).

Jenks (1986) reported that the second most common reason given for swinging

was the experience of the pleasure or excitement that included the idea of

rebelling against social norms and doing something forbidden.

Why drop out?

Finding information on why people leave swinging appeared to be very

difficult. Most of the couples interviewed did not know much about why couples

left swinging and were not aware of many who did. They speculated that some

might of stopped because it was not for them, their expectations were too high, a

spouse got jealous or they got too old. Others noted life situations related to

employment, raising children, and money problems as factors.

Denfeld (1974) sent out questionnaires to marriage counselors in an effort to

understand the reasons why people left the swinging lifestyle. Out of the 966

surveys returned (out of 2,147 sent) information was gathered on 467 drop out

couples seen by marriage counselors (Denfeld, 1974). Jealousy was the main

reason given for leaving swinging (23%) followed by guilt (14%), which were

both thought to contribute to the third reason, the marriage was threatened (14%)

by the activity (Denfeld, 1974). Denfeld (1974) reported that the most common

explanation was that the husband or wife could not overcome the jealous feelings

that occurred from their spouse having sex with someone else. Husbands reported

being more jealous than wives and the reasons given had to do with the wife’s

14
popularity, endurance, and appearing to have more fun than the husband (Denfeld,

1974). Smith and Smith (1974) concluded that although men appeared to initiate

the couple into the swinging lifestyle, women seemed more able to handle and

adjust to the sexual freedom than men after the initial entry into the lifestyle.

Couples that are able to handle jealousy seem to be more able to

compartmentalize the issue. Smith and Smith (1974) explained the issue of

jealousy using the concept of stimulus differentiation from learning theory. They

suggested that because swingers created a perceived difference between

consensual adultery and conventional adultery they were less likely to react to the

former with jealousy (Smith & Smith, 1974). However, if the spouse became

involved with another in a conventional adultery situation, the rules of swinging

would be breached and the jealous response evoked (Smith & Smith, 1974).

Some swingers attempted to avoid the possibility of developing emotional

connections with others by only swinging once with each couple. Denfeld (1974)

and Sarah, a woman interviewed by the researcher, both reported hearing of

couples that divorced and remarried the other’s spouses after an emotional

connection from swinging. Sarah later notified the researcher that she had

stopped swinging because it became too much trouble (anonymous personal

communication, March 12, 2006). Developing an emotional attachment to a

swing partner was the fourth reason (11%) given according to Denfeld (1974).

Denfeld (1974) found for people dropping out of swinging. Boredom or loss of

interest was ranked fifth (11%), disappointment, sixth (7%), and divorce or

separation, seventh (7%) in the study (Denfeld, 1974). The wife’s inability to

15
handle swinging was ranked as the eighth (7%) reason for dropping out (Denfeld,

1974). Discretion and secrecy remains necessary for many swingers today and

Denfeld (1974) ranked fear of being outed to the community or children, ninth

(3%) on the list. The impotence of the husband ranked tenth (3%) according to

the Denfeld (1974) study.

The researcher observed that the successful middle-aged swingers

communicated with their spouses openly, were careful not to threaten the spouse’s

ego by praising another partner too highly, and had developed thick skins when it

came to rejection. They were supportive of each other and kept the sexual aspect

of swinging separate from deep emotional connections.

The researcher only met two women who dropped out of swinging. One was

Sarah who gave no reason except that swinging had become too much trouble and

Rebecca, who, due to illness, was planning to drop out but voiced concern that her

husband would not react well to the news.

The Rules

Gould (1999) delineated the three primary rules generally agreed upon by

swingers. Swingers should always show consideration for their spouses, they

should be decent, and polite (Gould, 1999). Bellemeade (2003) suggested that

swingers who have more than five rules about swinging were probably not ready

to swing. She related that as long as partners agreed, swinging could be free of

rules, but stated that most couples had basic rules like the use of condoms and

notifying each other if they were leaving the room with someone else

(Bellemeade, 2003). The basic rule the researcher heard from most of the people

16
he interviewed was that when a swinger rejected a situation or sexual advance it

was to be respected and those that did not were labeled pushy. In the polite lingo

of swinging, pushy was synonymous with aggressive and uncouth. Discussing

what was acceptable to each partner and what was definitely off limits prior to

swinging was deemed important to most of the people interviewed. There was a

consensus of opinion that it was also very important to keep the lines of

communication open and to discuss any problems that may occur. Bellemeade

(2003) suggested that as the couple got more involved in swinging the rules

continued to evolve and became less restrictive. Generally, it seemed that as

individuals became more secure that they were not going to lose their partners,

they were able to adjust their personal rules to allow greater freedom for their

mates and themselves.

McGinley (2006) reported that the swinging social scene had developed a

number of unspoken rules over the years that new swingers would benefit from

learning. The full version can be located in the NASCA international directory of

swing clubs, events and publications (McGinley, 2006, pp. 15-18). An

abbreviated version of the rules suggested by McGinley (2006) includes the

following:

1. Swingers should make party reservations where appropriate, especially for

private parties, and call to cancel if they cannot attend for some reason.

2. They should arrive on time unless the hosts have agreed to other

arrangements, and should call the hosts if running late.

17
3. Couples should arrive and leave together unless previous arrangements

have been made with the party host or the party is open to singles.

4. They should follow the host’s instructions for parking, and avoid creating

problems for the hosts with their neighbors.

5. Swingers should dress nicely in fashionable casual party clothes, keeping

jewelry to a minimum to avoid losing it, and should come prepared with a

robe, negligee, or other night wear in case it is needed.

6. Personal hygiene and grooming are very important and swingers should be

aware of body odor and bad breath in consideration of others.

7. Swingers have the right to say no, they should be honest with their desires

and respect others honesty. They should give and receive rejection

tactfully and gracefully.

8. Swingers should not use a ticket (a person accompanying the swinger to

get into the party, but who is not there to swing) to enter a party.

9. Swingers should not bring people that are unaware of what to expect to a

swingers party.

10. Smoking and drinking in the bedrooms or swing area is one of the most

frequently broken rules of etiquette. It should not be done.

11. Loud or lengthy discussion should be avoided in bedrooms or swing areas

as it is disturbing to others.

12. Swinging in the group rooms is meant for groups, swingers will approach

each other to join in the activity. The right to refuse remains in effect but

couples needing privacy should use a private room.

18
 13. Club swing parties have dues or entry fees that should be paid at the club

office, and some private parties may expect donations of a predetermined

amount. Bringing party food or donating money to offset expenses is good

form for private parties.

14. Swingers consider it to be bad manners to cruise bedrooms out of curiosity.

Moving room to room, pulling back curtains between beds and turning on

lights, or going into a private swing area as a single person looking for

action, are all considered bad form.

15. Illegal substances are prohibited at most swing venues.

16. Swingers should report problem individuals to the club management or

host of the party.

17. If a club or party is not to their liking, swingers should simply leave.

Complaining about the club or party to others who are having a good time

is seen as bad manners.

18. Swingers should not attend theme parties if they are not planning to follow

the theme.

19. Swingers should be responsible, polite, pleasant and gregarious.

(McGinley, 2006, pp. 15-18).

The group that seemed to have the most rules applied to them was that of

single men. The researcher observed this group breaching many of the rules

delineated above in all the clubs he explored.

19
Single men

The issue of the single male in swinging was full of complexity. When

browsing the swinger’s ads in any number of lifestyle websites it became clear

that many couples did not want to be contacted by single males. There were

cautions in swingers literature about false couple’s ads that were focused on

trading photographs suggesting that fakers, usually single males, traded fake or

stolen pictures to get unsuspecting couples to send them their more explicit

photographs (Bellemeade, 2003). Many of the couples that were interviewed

shared stories of problems with single men at clubs. The clubs the researcher

visited had certain days set aside just for couples to attend and they all had

couples only rooms. When the topic came up in chat rooms and internet groups

there tended to be a flurry of stories that focused on the problem couples had

because of too many single men at a particular club on the night they attended.

John explained that the problem that arose at the club level usually occurred

from ignorance or lack of information of what was expected from single men in

the lifestyle (anonymous personal communication, June 16, 2004). The men had

paid a membership fee and a door charge that was usually higher than the fees

paid by couples or single women. Some men mistakenly thought that they were

paying for a sexual experience and expected to have sex with someone that night.

Some just didn’t know how to behave in the situation and thought that they

needed to show off, others sat quietly and hoped someone would approach them

offering sex. These individuals were not aware of the rules of etiquette and made

mistakes that ensured that they would not have a good experience. The researcher

20
observed men in all the clubs he visited making these social errors. He attended

two couples only conventions and noted the expressions of concern, disapproval

or discomfort that passed over the faces of couples when the researcher was in

situations where his presence had not been explained.

Ken and Barbi (Leigh & Leigh, 2004, 2006) developed a set of rules and

informative guidelines to help single men function more successfully in the

Lifestyle, club and party scenes. The following is a condensed and paraphrased

version of those guidelines. The complete version is available online at

http://www.sexypartyclub.com/singleguys.htm.

Swing clubs are members only private clubs that provide privacy and

discretion for the people who join them. Due to the importance of privacy in the

lifestyle, background checks were not normally done on members. Club members

and management tended to be vigilant when it came to dealing with inappropriate

people. These are social clubs and people got to know each other over the years

so information tended to spread quickly among the members. Positive or negative

opinions about an individual or couple could be developed very rapidly. Problem

people had their memberships revoked and could be banned from further attempts

at membership.

Single men were encouraged to behave like gentlemen. They were expected to

be polite and respectful when approaching a couple and should do nothing to

alienate or insult the husband or boyfriend. They should seek to make friends

with both partners and should understand that friendship does not equate to the

21
promise of a sexual liaison. Couples swing for their own personal enjoyment not

to fulfill the fantasies of others (Leigh and Leigh, 2004, 2006).

Single and married men should take care to dress appropriately with class and

style. Swingers can be obsessively clean and personal hygiene was extremely

important. At one of the clubs, John pointed out a man who was dressed in a

black t-shirt with biker’s insignia and a pair of Bermuda shorts to the researcher

(anonymous personal communication, June 16, 2004). He said that the women

that come to the club spent time preparing themselves and made an effort to dress

and look as sexy as they could. The guy that came in dressed casual on a Friday

night insulted all the women in the club. Unless the club was having a theme

night, men should always be well dressed and well groomed (Leigh and Leigh,

2004, 2006).

Couples in the lifestyle felt that they were very open in their sexual

communication, they were also very polite and may send messages that are subtle

in an effort to protect another person’s feelings. Single men must avoid making

assumptions about the couple’s intentions unless there was clear communication.

The basic rule of any situation in the lifestyle was that when someone said no they

meant no and should not have to argue the point with anyone (Leigh and Leigh,

2004, 2006). Some single men and women did not understand the concept of sex

as recreational play and became emotionally involved, creating a relationship that

did not exist. Swingers who had sex with people other than their spouses, with

their spouse’s approval did not consider this cheating. They avoided singles and

couples that became too possessive or emotionally attached to their spouses

22
(Marks & Marks, 1994). The men that entered the club thinking that they would

steal a woman away from her spouse by romancing her or impressing her with

their sexual prowess would be disappointed (Leigh and Leigh, 2004, 2006).

The successful single male swinger, it seemed, must demonstrate a high level

of emotional intelligence. He must be able to read the subtle non-verbal signals

of couples, understand the rules and context of the situation he was participating

in, and present himself in a manner that was confident but not aggressive (Leigh

and Leigh, 2004, 2006). He had to realize that he was not in a competition with

the male counter part of the couple and should take pains not to insult, ignore or

intimidate him in any way. The successful single male swinger did not go where

he was not invited and accepted rejection pleasantly and gracefully (Leigh and

Leigh, 2004, 2006). He should not join in to group sex without permission and

must take his cues from the environment he was in to make good decisions. For

example, a single man in a towel should not approach a fully dressed couple, as

this was seen as a breach of etiquette and inappropriate (Leigh and Leigh, 2004,

2006). Single men that put on a towel early in the evening and cruised the club

mingling with the clothed guests were called towel sharks and have a bad

reputation.

The successful single male acted as a good guest to his hosts. When asked to

join a couple he should take the lead from them and not make any assumptions. If

the rules were unclear he should ask a member or the staff at the club for

clarification (Leigh and Leigh, 2004, 2006).

23
 Bellemeade (2003) stated that many couples have experienced bad situations

with single men and have become wary and guarded around them. She suggested

that single men should leave a party or event if no one approached or showed

interest in them. Being aggressive and obnoxious did not appear to be effective.

She shared that she personally would love the variety that single men could bring

to the lifestyle if they would only develop a more relaxed and pleasant demeanor

(Bellemeade, 2003).

Single women

The single female held a much higher standing than the single male in the

swinging community. Bellemeade (2003) reported that single women came to

clubs for different reasons than single men. She suggested that they came to clubs

and parties out of curiosity or because they were exhibitionists and swinging was

a venue available to them to show off (Bellemeade, 2003). Some women went to

join in group sex or to have same sex experiences and did not attend clubs or

parties with the intention of stealing the mates of other women. She reported that

single women were frequently invited to parties and events in the lifestyle because

they increased the excitement and fun (Bellemeade, 2003). This preference

seemed to be true for internet connections that swingers made.

When a couple was not just seeking another couple exclusively, the next most

common advertisement found by the researcher was couples seeking single

women. The researcher could not find any complaints in the different chat rooms

and bulletin boards that swingers frequent, about the problem behavior of a single

woman at a club or party. Bellemeade (2003) reported that in the several years

24
that she had been in the lifestyle, she had never heard a complaint about the

behavior of single women. There have been some negative experiences reported

in the literature related to swingers inviting single women into their homes.

Marks (1994) shared that she had arranged for a female friend to join her to

have sex with her husband as a birthday surprise for him. The couple was new to

group sex and had not set ground rules or discussed how they should approach the

experience given the nature of the situation. Things did not turn out well because

the friend became emotionally involved and consequently the friendship between

the two women ended. Marks (1994) treated the situation as a learning

experience.

The researcher interviewed a woman with ties to the club scene in Miami. She

reported that some of the young women she was acquainted with went to the clubs

with the hope of making a connection with a wealthy couple who would take care

of them. The ideal situation, according to the interviewee, was to be asked to

move in with the couple and enter their sexual and social lives. These women

benefited as the status of their lifestyle improved greatly. This did not seem to be

a common practice, however, the researcher observed a situation that reflected

this possibility.

The researcher observed that one of the couples he met at the convention in

Key West in 2004 had a female accompanying them at the convention in Las

Vegas in 2005. One of the participants explained that the couple had taken in the

friend and her children. The relationship included swinging among the adults and

now they presented as a trio at swingers events.

25
 Bellemeade (2003) cautioned against developing relationships with single men

or women that went beyond what was considered successful swinging. Feelings

that became too intense or intimate changed the relationship from swinging to

having an affair (Bellemeade, 2003). She shared the story of a couple that took in

a young woman they had been swinging with after the woman suggested that they

live together. The female spouse found out later in the relationship that the

woman had been trying to persuade the male spouse to get a divorce. The woman

apparently wanted to replace the female spouse. The couple had some difficulty

repairing the damage done to their relationship and extricating the woman from

their home (Bellemeade, 2003).

The researcher observed single women attending the three clubs he visited and

had the impression that they were a welcome addition. There were no complaints

overheard or shared by interviewees with regard to single women. Couples and

single men approached them and the women seemed to handle each situation

well. The concerns some married female swingers discussed had to do with fears

that another woman would fall in love with their spouse and attempt to steal him

away. These women were in the minority of those interviewed.

Marks (1994) described the unacceptable behavior of the female partner of a

couple that attended a private party that she and her husband attended. She

reported that the woman went around the room flirting and seducing the men at

the party while totally ignoring the women. The woman quickly received the

label of bimbo by the other women at the party and it was unlikely that the couple

would be invited to another event. Attractive young single women, in general,

26
appear to be highly sought after at clubs, parties and by couples placing ads on the

internet.

Swinger Speak

Prior to the birth of the internet, the swinging community connected with each

other by placing ads in underground newspapers, swinger’s magazines or by

posting ads on bulletin boards in adult bookstores. Bartell (1971) discussed the

difficulties that people new to swinging had in deciphering the code words of the

usual swingers advertisement. With the advent of the internet, literally thousands

of lifestyle member sites, chat rooms, and groups have formed within the last few

years. Many of the sites gave free memberships that provided limited access to

the site and member’s profiles. They then frequently advertised the perks of the

paid, full membership in an effort to make a profit. The members usually

developed a profile from a list of characteristics provided by the company and

could upload a picture to their ad. The profile listed likes and dislikes,

descriptions of sexual interests and the type of person they were looking for in a

swing partner. Born out of the early need for brevity due to the cost of ads and

from the need for discretion, swingers developed a list of terms to convey

information to other swingers. A typical advertisement might state:

Slim and discreet MWC. She’s bi-curious; he’s STR8. No heavies,

Drugs, or pain. Both safe, clean, love French culture, interested in

meeting similar couple for fun and games. P/P required for contact.

The following list of terms and definitions was compiled from several sources

that included interviews, lifestyle magazines, the Swingers Board website

(Thomas, 1993; The Swingers Board, 2006).

27
Terms related to Lifestyle activities:

Swapping, is the exchanging of partners during a sexual encounter.

Full Swap refers to full sexual intercourse with an alternate partner.

Soft Swap can mean watching, touching, oral sex, anything but intercourse.

Soft Swingers are couples who only have intercourse with their own partners.

Soft Swinging means same room sex with the primary partner, voyeurism/

exhibitionism, or any sexual encounter without intercourse.

Hard Swinging, Hardcore refers to a swing party or encounter where sexual

activity is expected.

Recreational Swinger refers to individuals who swing as a recreational

diversion and are not interested in long term friendship or emotional

attachment.

Open Swinging, Open Door, means that the couple will swing in the same

room with another couple.

Closed Swinging, Closed Door, couples swap partners and move to other

rooms.

Terms related to forms of sexual activity:

Greek, Greek Culture, Anal, all refer to anal sex or anal intercourse.

Analingus, Rimming, refer to oral stimulation of the anus with the tongue, lips

or teeth.

Animal Training, Beastiality, sexual activity using animals.

French Culture, Head, 69, Giving Head, refers to oral-genital stimulation that

includes cunnilingus and fellatio.

28
 DP, Double Penetration, means the person likes to be penetrated in two

orifices at the same time or one orifice with two penises or objects.

Golden Shower, Water Sports refer to urine play.

Swedish Culture is the use of the hands to massage or stimulate sexually.

Roman, Roman Culture, Group Sex, The Party Scene, Orgy, refers to sexual

activity between more than two individuals. Includes trios, threesomes,

foursomes, moresomes, ménage-a-trois, gang-bangs, etc.

FFM, FMF refers to sex between one male and two females.

MFM, FMM, refers to sex between one female and two males.

All Cultures, means the couple enjoys all types of sexual activity.

Bizarre, Way Out, refers to unusual sexual desires.

Bukkake is a Japanese term that means sperm shower, refers to a group of

men ejaculating on a woman.

Terms related to sexual preference or orientation:

AC/DC, Bisexual, Bi, Versatile, refer to a person who enjoys sexual activity

with both sexes.

Gay in advertisements can refer to a homosexual male or a lesbian female.

Lesbian refers to a woman who is sexually attracted to women exclusively.

Straight, STR, STR8, in the swingers context can mean any person who is

only interested in heterosexual sex, or a person who is drug free, can also

be a reference to being a non-swinger.

Transvestite, TV refers to a male that gains sexual satisfaction from wearing

women’s garments.

29
 Transsexual, Trani, Trans, describes a person who has undergone, or is in the

process of undergoing, a conversion from one gender to the other through

hormonal treatments and surgery.

Club Terms:

Director refers to the owner or manager of a club.

Online Club is a lifestyle website that is an online community with chatrooms,

personal ads and information about swinging, swinging events, and

swingers news.

On Premise Club means that the club allows sexual activity on the property.

These clubs usually have group and private areas available for swingers to

have sex with each other.

Off Premise Club usually means a venue where swingers meet each other and

make connections to have sex somewhere else.

Party House refers to a non-membership club that offers a regular schedule of

on-premise swingers parties.

European Style Club means that club members are required to be nude or to

disrobe at a set time during the evening.

House Party is a swingers party held at a private home, usually by invitation.

Matroom, Matress Room, Hospitality Suite, are terms that refer to rooms set

aside for group sex at parties, clubs, or conventions.

Ticket is the term used to refer to a woman brought to a swing party solely to

allow a male to gain entrance. The ticket usually does not swing or is not

free to swing.

30
Descriptive Terms Found in Swinger Ads:

420 means marijuana use.

BBW stands for big beautiful woman and refers to women who are not their

ideal weight but are comfortable with their size. In the ads it can mean

anything from a few pounds overweight to a morbidly obese woman.

Voluptuous refers to women with large well formed breasts and full well

formed hips.

HWP means the person’s height and weight are proportionate.

Can Entertain, Entertain, means that the swingers are willing to meet and play

at their own home.

Can Travel means that the swinger is willing to go to another swinger’s home,

or to meet at another location such as a motel.

Meet For Pleasure means that the swinger will meet for sex and that no other

relationship is sought.

D/D Free, Clean, means the swingers are free of sexually transmitted diseases

and are drug free.

CPL, Couple, refers to a man and a woman together for swinging, not

necessarily married or in a relationship beyond the one for this purpose.

Recently, ads have referred to the term couple as two women as well.

F and M refers to female and male.

Generous refers to money for sex and usually represents a Pro, or prostitute

using the ad to make contacts.

Horny means sexually tense or in need of sexual pleasure.

31
 Hung refers to a man with a large penis.

IR means interracial.

IRL means in real life.

ISO means in search of.

MWC stands for married white couple

MBC stands for married black couple.

Newcomers, Newbies, are people new to the lifestyle or first timers.

Photo, means the swingers are looking for others to exchange photos with.

Photography means that the swingers are looking for others to exchange

and/or to participate in the making of nude or sexually explicit pictures,

slides or movies.

P/P means that a photo and phone number are required for contact to occur.

TAN refers to a person who has tested antibody negative for HIV.

Triolism is a term used in ads to seek threesomes.

Swinger’s advertisements are more frequently including BDSM and fetish

terms either as statements of interest or to screen out people with interests that are

not acceptable to them. The researcher has included some of these terms since

these two groups have started to overlap in membership.

Fetish and BDSM terms:

Arts, Fetish, Culture, are terms that represent interest in sexual fetish

activities.

All Cultures means that the person or couple enjoys all fetishes and sexual

activities.

32
B&D or B/D refers to bondage and discipline which is the use of

restraints while administering discipline of some form.

BDSM is a combination of BD (bondage and discipline), DS (dominance

and submission), and SM (sadism and masochism) representing a

wide variety of sexual activities with a foundation of power,

control and sexuality.

Bondage is a sexual fetish that utilizes restraints to bind the sexual partner.

Discipline refers to the sexual activity where a dominant partner punishes

a submissive partner using a variety of methods that can include

uncomfortable physical restraint, spanking, beating, and/or

humiliation.

Docile/Submissive refers to the partner that is willing to receive bondage

and/or discipline.

Domestic Training refers to the submissive obediently doing household

chores of a personal and humiliating nature.

English Culture encompasses sexual arousal or stimulation derived from

the act of receiving or dispensing punishment in the form of

spanking or caning. Caning is a spanking fetish using a light cane

made of bamboo or some other light wood.

Flagellation refers to sexual stimulation from whipping or spanking.

Leather is a term for individual’s that get sexual arousal from wearing or

touching leather.

33
 There are many other terms and abbreviations used in swinging and the BDSM

subcultures but an exhaustive list was beyond the scope of this paper.

The Club Scene

McGinley (2006) reported that the first group to openly hold swing parties was

the Sexual Freedom League in Berkeley, California during the 1960’s. Some of

the earliest membership swing clubs started in California and New York utilizing

cocktail lounges and bars as meeting places with the actual swinging occurring off

premise at motels or private homes (McGinley, 2006). By 1972 eighteen on

premise party houses had sprung up throughout Southern California (McGinley,

2006).

On the East Coast, Plato’s Retreat gained notoriety when articles about the on

premise swing club appeared in Playboy and Penthouse magazines at the same

time (McGinley, 2006). Plato’s, according to McGinley (2006), was the primary

force that brought on premise swinging to the east coast. Florida had on premise

clubs like Deenies Hideaway and Playhouse South in the 1980’s. Deenie’s

continues to function as an on premise swinger’s club and is located in Pompano

Beach. Deenie’s is open during the daytime as well as night and advertises nude

sunbathing, swimming, volleyball and swinging. Their web address is

www.deenieshideaway.com.

The 2006 directory of The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA)

lists approximately 304 swingers clubs and organizations active in the U.S. and

lists 28 different conventions and special events. They also list international clubs

and events as well.

34
 The purpose of the present research study was to explore the phenomenon of

the swinger lifestyle in current times and to provide first hand information

through interviews and observations. To find answers regarding:

1. Who are the present day swingers?

2. What types of activities are available to swingers?

3. What are the reasons people give for becoming swingers?

4. How does swinging impact their relationships?

5. What concerns do they have related to the lifestyle?

Method

The researcher used the socio-psychological and structural-functional model

used by Bartell (1971) and Varni (1974). The method of participant-observer

allowed the researcher to enter the group and peripherally attend activities to the

point of being accepted by the members of the group. The researcher openly

disclosed the purpose of the study to all the individuals he interviewed formally

and informally when possible. Ethical boundaries were maintained and names of

participants were changed to protect their privacy and maintain confidentiality.

Interviews and observations of swingers and lifestyle activities were recorded

from attendance on three separate occasions at three local on-premise lifestyle

clubs, and from attendance at two lifestyle conventions. The researcher also

interviewed a number of swingers individually and used surveys to collect

qualitative information (see Appendix A).

35
Surveys

Participants. Twenty-four people (14 males, 10 females) completed surveys

handed out at the Key West convention in August of 2003. Two individuals

completed surveys handed out at the Las Vegas convention in November of 2005.

The average age of the male participants was 50.2 years of age with a range of 34

to 62 years. The mean age for the female participants was 44.6 years with a range

of 22 to 53 years. All twenty-four respondents were Caucasian although there had

been some minorities present at the events. Ten individuals claimed no religious

affiliation, five were Catholic, two were Baptist, two were Lutheran, two were

Buddhist, one was Methodist, one was Protestant and one wrote Christian in the

space marked other. Two individuals claimed to have doctorates, three had

masters degrees, seven had bachelors degrees, five had associates degrees, six

were high school graduates and one had two years of high school. Several of the

individuals with high school and associated degrees also claimed professional

certifications. For yearly household income: one participant claimed to be within

the $50-$60,000.00 range, four were in the $60-$70,000.00 range, three were in

the $70-$80,000.00 range and fourteen claimed to have an income of over

$100,000.00. Two of the respondents did not answer this question. Eleven of the

males reported they were heterosexual and three identified as bisexual. Three of

the females claimed to be heterosexual and seven identified as bisexual. The

average age of sexual initiation reported by the males was 16.6 years with a range

of 12 – 26 years of age. The average age of sexual initiation in females was 15.2

years with a range of 14 – 20 years.

36
 Materials. Two hundred survey packets were handed out to couples at the

Florida convention that contained: directions, consent forms, a one dollar coin,

and the survey. Twenty-six of the two hundred surveys were returned completed.

Two of the surveys were not used because the individuals were not swingers.

Three hundred survey packets without the dollar payment were placed into the

convention information and gift bags that were handed out to each of the

participants at the Las Vegas convention in November of 2005. Two were later

returned by mail with only one individual having signed the consent form.

Results. The following answers came from analysis of the participant’s

responses to the twenty-nine questions of the lifestyle survey.

Question 1: How did you first hear about the lifestyle/swinging? What was

your first reaction?

Six of the twenty-four respondents stated that they learned about the lifestyle

on the internet. Five participants were introduced to the idea by their

spouses/partners. Four individuals reported that a friend, co-worker, or

acquaintance told them about it. One person related that he had been introduced

to swinging at parties while attending college. One of the older participants stated

that he had learned about swinging from magazines in a porn shop. The rest of

the respondents only answered the second part of the question. According to their

responses the participant’s first reactions to learning about the lifestyle ranged

from disbelief and uncertainty to curiosity, intrigue and amazement. Some

individuals claimed to be apprehensive when they initially decided to become

37
involved. However, all the participants expressed positive sexual excitement once

they started swinging.

Question 2: From your experience with other couples, who initiates

conversations about swinging, the man or the woman?

Eighteen of the participants wrote that men initiated conversations about

swinging with other couples. Four respondents thought that men and women

equally shared in initiating conversations of this type and some said that it

depended on the situation. In some cases men spoke to men and women spoke to

women to avoid offending anyone. One respondent wrote that he felt women

initiated the conversations.

Question 3: How long have you been in the lifestyle/swinging? In your

experience with other couples, who usually ends the couple’s participation in the

lifestyle?

The average length of time that the respondents reported being involved in the

lifestyle was 5.8 years with a range of 1 to 30 years. The second part of the

question regarding who ended the involvement in the lifestyle was either skipped

or answered with a statement that the information was not known, by thirteen of

the respondents. One participant felt that it was usually the man that ended

things. Four wrote that it was the woman and six participants felt it was usually a

joint decision made by the couple.

Question 4: In your opinion what is a man’s reason for swinging? The

majority of the male and female respondents felt that the main reason men

became involved in swinging was to add variety into their sex lives.

38
 Female respondents suggested that there was the need to boost men’s egos and

to avoid having affairs to fulfill these needs. Voyeurism, flirting, sexual

exploration, and the excitement of watching their partners having sex with other

men and women, was also reported.

Question 5: What is the woman’s reason for swinging? Four males from the

group wrote that women joined the lifestyle in order to please their spouses or

partners.

Most of the respondents felt that: variety, sexual discovery, fantasy

fulfillment, and a desire to enhance their marriages were the reason’s women

became involved in the lifestyle. The majority of the women reported that women

started swinging to feel sexy, valued, attractive, and desirable. Swinging seemed

to be a way of improving self image and self worth in these individuals. The rest

of the responses included being aroused by watching their husbands/partners with

another woman or they themselves having a sexual experience with another

woman, sexual excitement and fun from being in a sexually charged atmosphere,

and developing friendships made up the rest of the responses to the question.

Question 6: What is your view of the lifestyle? What type of people are

involved? Do you feel it is normal or natural?

All of the respondents viewed the lifestyle as a positive experience that was a

sexual, social, and recreational aspect of their lives. Some stated that the lifestyle

was not for everyone, but gave people another way to enjoy and express their

sexuality. They described the lifestyle as being made up of a diverse group of

people from working class to wealthy. Most respondents suggested that the

39
members tended to be more intelligent, open minded, accepting of others,

sociable, and well mannered than the general public. The majority stated that

they felt the lifestyle was normal and natural. Some respondents suggested that

monogamous relationships were unnatural and contrived by artificial social

restrictions created by sexually repressive groups.

Question 7: In your opinion what is the general public’s view of the lifestyle.

Most participants felt that the public would be shocked by the lifestyle because

they could not understand it. Several suggested that this response was an

American phenomenon because censorship and religious taboos regarding sex are

so strong in this country. They suggested that the public would openly reject the

lifestyle, but secretly quite a few would like to get involved. Three of the

respondents felt that people would be curious to try out the lifestyle, but that they

would be too afraid to broach the subject with their spouses. One man wrote that

the public’s view of the lifestyle was limited to outdated notions of wife swapping

and indiscriminant orgies that would threaten the stability of the relationship. He

said that another notion was that participation would threaten the perceived

control that the spouse felt he or she had over the relationship. Generally, the

respondents felt that due to a lack of understanding, the public tended to view the

lifestyle negatively as a deviant group and was not accepting of it.

Question 8: How do you go about meeting other couples? What has been

your experience with the internet, clubs, conventions, swingers vacations? What

has worked best for you and what has not work?

40
 The majority of those surveyed (16 participants) stated that they met other

swingers via the internet, and at clubs (18 participants). People that reported

positive experiences with the internet used it as the primary way to find other

swingers and to get to know them before they met in person. There were a

number of internet lifestyle clubs that posted swingers profiles and provided email

and the ability to upload photographs. Five of the respondents reported a negative

view of using the internet to meet others. They complained that it tended to be

time consuming and resulted in few connections. They stated that some

individuals on the internet tended to misrepresent themselves, their pictures were

out of date or altered, some were picture collectors that posed as a couple to get

graphic photos of swingers. During later interviews the subject of couples that

sent pictures that were 10 years old and 100 pounds lighter came up frequently.

One participant wrote that there were no truth in advertising rules on the internet.

Most of the participants agreed that meeting face to face in clubs was preferable

because what you saw was what you got and the atmosphere allowed for

socializing, dancing and getting to know the other couple before playing.

The surveys were passed out at a swingers convention so all the participants,

not surprisingly, had a positive view of conventions. Some suggested that

because of the number of people and activities it would be difficult to make

friends. Others felt that the laid back atmosphere of conventions and the swinger

vacations provided great opportunities to make new friends. This seemed related

more to how extroverted or introverted the couple was as a whole.

41
 Question 9: How do you hook up with other couples in clubs? Who initiates

the hook up with other couples?

Most of the participants met other couples by initiating conversations, dancing,

and flirting with each other. They decided if a couple was attractive to both

partners and then introduced themselves to the other couple. Through

conversation and socializing the couples determined if they agreed that there was

chemistry between them. Some couples asked the others if they wanted to play

during the same evening, while others always made plans to meet for dinner and

dancing at another time before moving toward having sex.

Most of the respondents reported that either partner could initiate a hook up

with another couple as long as both partners agreed. Five of the respondents

wrote that men usually initially started the conversations and that the women later

joined in, both using courting language with the target couple. Four respondents

reported that women initiated connections with other couples.

Question 10: When/if you go to sex clubs, please describe what you will and

will not do. What agreements, boundaries and rules do you have as a couple?

Fifty percent of the respondents listed having sex in the same room as a rule.

Four individuals reported that they had no rules and that their rules were anything

goes. One couple reported that their rules only applied with couples that they did

not know. Some of the rules that the rest of the respondents noted were: safe sex,

no pain, respect for their partner, open communication about what they thought of

the other couple, oral sex only, no cum in mouth, must use condoms, no anal sex,

42
no fisting, no animal play, no blood, urine or scatology, no intercourse with

others, no bi-male encounters and no taking one for the team.

Participants reported that the rules were mutually agreed upon and that there

was no good reason to change them without prior discussion. Rules tended to

evolve and become less restrictive as some of the couples gained more experience

and became more involved in the lifestyle. Some participants claimed that they

joined the lifestyle to get away from rules controlling their behavior in the first

place so they did not burden their partners with rules and did not expect their

partners to create rules for them.

Question 11: What concerns, if any, do you have about sexually transmitted

illnesses? What do you do to protect yourself?

Nine individuals gave responses that ranged from concerned to greatly

concerned about sexually transmitted illnesses. The rest of the participants wrote

that they had minimal to no concerns regarding sexually transmitted illnesses. Of

those who reported concerns, four individuals stated that they did not have sexual

intercourse with other couples, only oral sex. Seven of the twenty-four stated that

they always used condoms during intercourse. Four reported using condoms only

with couples that they did not know. Six people reported that they used no

protection or used condoms only if asked by the other person. Several

participants wrote that they had regular check ups with a physician to rule out

sexually transmitted illnesses. The rationales given by those individuals who

wrote that they were not concerned about STI’s and did not use protection were

that: the couple was very selective in choosing their partners; the partners they

43
had sex with were close friends; the lifestyle was a lot safer than picking up

someone in a bar; most all people in the lifestyle were very clean; they wouldn’t

be in the lifestyle if they had a problem; since the lifestyle was couples oriented

the chance of contracting STI’s was lower than that of the general population;

they were playing with other couples in committed relationships so sex with them

was safe.

Question 12: What problems have occurred in your relationship as a result of

swinging? How were they resolved?

Eight individuals reported that they had experienced no problems in their

relationships related to their involvement in swinging. Eight participants reported

that jealousy was the main problem when they first started swinging. All of these

individuals wrote that the problems they had with jealousy were resolved through

communication of feelings and the development of agreements and acceptance

between the partners. One woman wrote that her husband liked the lifestyle more

than she did and that she just went along to make him happy. Another participant

related that sometimes it was difficult for all the members of both couples to like

each other. One couple reported that they needed to figure out their boundaries

and issues to achieve balance between the social/sexual aspects of the lifestyle and

the other parts of their life together. Two individuals complained that there was

too much sexual activity all the time resulting in their not having enough time to

themselves.

Question 13: What positive changes have occurred in your life/relationship

because of your participation in the lifestyle/swinging?

44
 Participants stated that being part of the lifestyle made them appreciate their

spouses more, brought them closer together, opened their communication with

each other, and enhanced their relationships. Most participants reported that they

felt they were more secure about their experience of sexuality, more self

confident, with a better self image and freer to communicate about sex with

others. Overall, respondents reported that participation in the lifestyle had

strengthened their relationships. Respondents reported that they had developed

greater honesty, less jealousy, more sense of community and enhanced sex lives.

Question 14: How have you changed personally because of swinging? What

positive changes have you noticed in yourself? What negative changes?

Eleven of the participants reported greater openness with an increase in self-

acceptance, a more positive body image with increased motivation to take better

physical care of themselves. Seven of the participants wrote that they had become

more sexual, more outgoing and secure. Few reported negative changes except

the dislike that some had of having to keep their involvement in the lifestyle secret

from their friends and family.

Question 15: How do you feel about the sex you have with other couples, is it

good, do you reach orgasm? Are you sexually satisfied after sex with another

couple, do you experience satisfaction of another kind? How do you rate the sex?

A majority of the participants rated the sex with other couples as good. One

male respondent wrote that sometimes it was good, sometimes mediocre, and

sometimes bad. Of the ten females, two reported that they did not experience

orgasms with other couples, one related that she seldom had orgasm with sex but

45
usually felt satisfied. One woman wrote that she needed a couple of beers and a

lot of foreplay to start, but most of the time she felt satisfied and rated the sex as

great when she achieved orgasm. The rest of the women reported that they

reached orgasm most of the time and felt satisfied. Of the male participants, six

stated that they always had orgasms but varied in their satisfaction about the

encounters, rating some better than others. Two men wrote that the orgasms with

their partners were always the best. Four of the men reported that they had

orgasms about half of the time and were generally satisfied with the sexual

experience. Two men stated that they did not have intercourse with other partners

but found the voyeurism and soft play with other couples to be very sexually

stimulating.

Question 16: Have you developed lasting friendships with any of these

couples? Please describe your relationship with them.

Seventeen of the twenty-four participants stated that they had developed

lasting friendships with other swingers. Seven people reported that these

friendships were very close and intimate and that the couples were considered

family and attended personal family functions regularly. Ten of the respondents

described their relationships as normal friendships with bonuses. They went to

movies, dancing, and dinners with these couples. Two individuals wrote that they

only saw their friends in the lifestyle at the conventions. Three of the participants

stated that they were new to swinging and had not had time to make friends. Two

participants reported that they were not looking for friends just play couples.

46
 Question 17: Do you socialize in other areas of your life with friends in the

lifestyle?

Twenty participants reported that they socialized with lifestyle friends outside

of the lifestyle. Some of the activities they related were going out to dinner

together, movies, dancing, shopping, camping, going out for drinks and attending

family get-togethers. One male participant reported that he did business with

lifestyle friends. Two respondents wrote that they had not socialized with others

yet and one wrote that she did not socialize with swingers outside of the lifestyle.

Question 18: Are most women who swing enthusiastic about it? Do you think

that they enjoy the sexual experiences?

Seven of the female respondents reported that they thought most women were

enthusiastic about swinging. One suggested that if they were not that they should

not do it. One participant wrote that some women were enthusiastic but not most.

One woman reported that some women were just doing it to please their partners

and that those couples were avoided by her and her spouse. Nine of the male

respondents felt that most of the women in the lifestyle were very enthusiastic

about it. One man reported that it varied, some women handled things well and

some could not get enough of the lifestyle, he referred to these women as

hardcore. Three of the male participants wrote that most women were shy or

reticent at first but once involved, sometimes became more enthusiastic than the

men. One man suggested that they had days that they loved it and days when they

could leave it. Most of the participants felt that women enjoyed the sexual

experience. The reasons given were that they enjoyed dressing sexy, shopping for

47
party clothes, flirting, self expression, multiple stimulation and girl on girl

experiences.

Question 19: What was the best experience you have had in the

lifestyle/swinging?

A female respondent wrote that the overall experience of the lifestyle was the

best and added the personal changes and the changes in her relationship were the

reasons that she felt that way. Another woman related that the best experience

was always the one with her primary partner and the best play was when everyone

played together, boys together, girls together, all playing. The sexy friendships,

the convention where the survey was distributed, and an interlude with another

woman were some of the answers given by the female participants. One woman

shared that the best experience she had was with two men at the same time, her

husband and best friend’s husband, both attending to her sexually without

reciprocation from her. Another female swinger wrote that her best experiences

were at house parties she and her spouse hosted in their home that ended up with

all those invited participating in an orgy. Similarly, another woman reported that

she loved participating in an all day or all evening group party with three to five

couples, where they all swam, talked, played, fucked, ate, talked, played, fucked,

swam and had fun together. One male wrote that meeting new friends and having

erotic experiences with them was the best. Another reported that he met a girl

that he had super chemistry with and became very close, his best friend. One man

shared that his best experience was with two women, his wife and her best friend,

having sex with him and then enjoying when he and another man made love to his

48
wife. One swinger wrote that on his birthday his wife and another woman, who

he stated loved him, got naked and covered his body with whipped cream then

proceeded to lick and rub it off. The rest of the male respondents made general

statements about how wonderful the lifestyle was and that there were too many

great experiences to list.

Question 20: What was your worst experience swinging?

Two female respondents denied having had any bad experiences in the

lifestyle. Being mistaken for a prostitute, feeling awkward in a sexual situation

and taking one for the team, (having sex with someone one did not find attractive

so that the spouse could have sex with the other partner), were some of the

experiences reported by women. Being mislead by another couple who said that

they were soft swingers but ended up being very aggressive was one woman’s

worst experience. Another shared that during her first or second experience at

swinging the male partner of the other couple was “a little nuts,” and into rough

sex, she stated that she had since learned that she could refuse to continue if she

felt uncomfortable. The rest of the women reported mildly negative experiences

of other couples being pushy, rude or just not being compatible sex partners. Two

of the male respondents wrote that they had never experienced any problems in

the lifestyle. Two men reported that the female counterpart of another couple had

demeaned and emotionally abused their spouses in front of their spouses and

them. One couple said that their worst experience was when a couple vomited in

their room. One male reported having a poor experience with one of the partners

of a couple they were courting while another male said that being impotent at one

49
meeting was his worst experience. Two males reported experiences with couples

that were into S&M and pain. Both described the experiences as negative. One

man reported that he and his wife met the couple from hell at the very beginning

of their involvement in the lifestyle. He described the female of the couple as a

300+ pound hulk of a woman and the male as a scrawny bisexual who wore

women’s panties and had just been released from prison. They proudly confessed

to the participant and his wife that they were finally now really off the drugs.

Another man reported that a rude male got into the hot tub with him and his wife

at a club without saying a word to either of them and proceeded to try to have sex

with her. The rest of the male respondents reported situations where the couples

were not compatible, were pushy or were just not nice.

Question 21: What kind of problems have you had at clubs?

Five of the respondents stated that they had not experienced any problems at

clubs. Seven participants listed single men or aggressive single men as the

biggest problem they had experienced at the clubs. Several respondents

complained of rude, pushy, or weird people that ignored signals that the couples

were not interested in them. Three people felt that the clubs they attended were

cliquish and that it was difficult for new couples to meet people. A few people

complained that some clubs were not cleaned frequently enough, that there was

too much cigarette smoke, and that the music was too loud. One couple reported

that commercial clubs catered to a younger crowd and that it was hard to find

suitable partners. One couple, new to swinging, stated that they had a problem

with guys “who pimped their ladies so they can get a nut off with another lady.”

50
 Question 22: Are there differences between clubs? What are they? Which are

the best in your opinion? What would you like to see in the clubs? What would

you like to see discontinued?

The majority of the respondents felt that there were great differences between

clubs. They reported that they found that the best clubs were especially clean and

care was taken to keep the atmosphere classy. Some of the respondents preferred

on-premise clubs with private areas for couples, they did not like it if too many

single men were allowed to attend. Some people wrote that they would like clubs

that limited or prohibited smoking. Couples seemed to like clubs that were

upscale and had dance floors with a stripper pole, special lighting systems and

good music. They liked it when the club provided fresh sheets, clean towels and

private rooms, a hot tub and swimming pool. Some of the couples wrote that

most of the clubs they went to seemed dirty and one couple commented that clubs

created from converted homes were the worst.

Question 23: Do you feel the lifestyle is run by women or men?

Three respondents left the question blank. Three wrote that the lifestyle was

definitely run by men. Twelve respondents reported that both men and women

ran the lifestyle. Six participants suggested that females were in charge because

without women there was no lifestyle. Of the individuals who believed that men

and women were in charge, there were differing conceptualizations of the role

each sex had. Some felt that men ran the business part of the lifestyle but that

women controlled the atmosphere and style. One male reported that women had

all the power in the lifestyle and that all activities revolved around them and their

51
desires. Another male wrote that it was obvious that the focus of the clothing and

activities was typically geared to women. He suggested that the environment was

designed to make women feel safe and comfortable to express their sexuality.

Question 24: How do you let a couple know that you do not want to have sex

with them?

Individuals responded to this question by describing several different

approaches to the question. Some participants were polite but very direct, making

clear statements that they were not interested in the other couple for sex or simply

saying no to the offer. A number of respondents relied on more covert techniques

that required the other couple to read the situation or the couple’s body language

correctly. They shared that they did subtle things like not returning touches,

acting less friendly, avoiding them in the group, or ignoring the question and

changing the subject. Several couples gave excuses for why they could not have

sex that day and scheduled a future meeting with the couples and then never

followed up. Half of the participants used the direct approach.

Question 25: How do you feel when you are rejected? How does your partner

handle being rejected?

Several of the respondents reframed the question stating that since they did not

know each other that it was not rejection, it was just a compatibility issue when

couples chose not to hook up. Some took a positive view of the rejection stating

that it freed them up to look for other couples and that they appreciated not having

to waste time on a couple that was not interested in them. Six participants wrote

that rejection was part of the process of meeting people in the lifestyle and

52
something to be expected and accepted. Eight of the participants shared that it

emotionally hurt them or their partners to be rejected by another couple but that

they tried not to take it personally. One couple stated that when they were

rejected by another couple that they laughed, checked their deodorant, brushed

their teeth, laughed some more and got right back into the mix and mingle.

Question 26: What activities and events have you participated in at the clubs?

Whose enjoyment are they geared to, men or women?

Five participants did not answer the question. Eight participants described

meeting and having sex with other couples or group sex in the orgy rooms. Ten

of the respondents wrote that they participated in events such as: theme parties,

sexually oriented games, mixer dances, strip contests, body painting, massage,

musical birthday chairs, best boobs contest, best butt contest, best faked orgasm,

chocolate and whipped cream licking contests, and costume play. Five

participants reported that these events were geared toward women, three felt they

were designed for the men’s pleasure and seven felt that the focus of the events

was for couples’ enjoyment.

Question 27: Have you participated in any lifestyle conventions or trips? If so

what did you like or dislike about the events you attended.

Five respondents reported that the convention where the survey was distributed

was their first one. Fourteen participants stated that they had attended more than

one convention. Generally, the respondents reported that what they liked the most

about conventions was the mix of people that attended them. They enjoyed the

parties, events, and the vacation with fringe benefits. Several people wrote that

53
they liked the workshops, dancing and hospitality rooms. Four of the participants

complained that the music was usually too loud at the dances and this interfered

with conversation and sexy slow dancing. One individual wrote that the worst

thing was the reaction of the communities in which the conventions were held,

which he surmised, resulted in the hosts having to use second rate

accommodations in some cases.

Question 28: At what age did you become sexually active?

The average age of sexual initiation for the female participants was 15.2 years

of age (n=10), with a range of 14 to 20 years of age. The mean age of sexual

initiation for men was 16.6 years of age (n=14), with a range of 12 to 26 years. If

the outlier (26) was removed the average age for men dropped to 15.8 years.

Question 29: What were your views about sex before you joined the lifestyle?

Have they changed and, if so, in what way?

One female respondent stated that before joining the lifestyle she hated sex,

was very modest and had a difficult time giving herself orgasms. After she

became involved, she found sex to be an exciting experience to enjoy. She shared

that she felt the openness had allowed her to experience orgasms more easily.

Another woman reported that she had the normal hang ups, equated love with sex

and felt that having sex meant you had to love your sex partner. This woman

related that the idea of having recreational sex was freeing to her, another woman

who had equated sex with love in the past responded similarly. Some of the male

respondents shared that before they joined the lifestyle, they worried about getting

partners, performing sexually, or were envious of other people’s sexual

54
experiences. One answered the question “I was a novice monk, duh?” Most of

the male and female respondents wrote that they had viewed sex positively before

becoming involved in the lifestyle and that their participation had only enhanced

their views.

Interviews and Observations

Interview with Sarah (anonymous personal communication, March 2, 2004).

Participant. Sarah volunteered to be interviewed about her experiences

regarding the lifestyle.

The researcher’s introduction to the first Lifestyle club explored in this study

was initiated by Sarah. He met her at a seminar on Tantric sex where she shared

that she was a swinger and suggested that he should explore the Lifestyle. Sarah

asked the researcher to meet her during the daytime at a Fort Lauderdale swing

club. Due to the expense involved in exploring the lifestyle club scene, the

researcher was limited to observing the activities occurring at three area clubs on

three separate occasions. However, club members interviewed at each club told

the researcher that what he observed was an average occurrence for that particular

club.

Sarah was in the process of decorating the building to give it a different

atmosphere. She met the researcher at the back door that led through the

Luvnasium, which was a large open room with mattresses placed together like a

large mosaic, creating a giant bed. The place was in disarray with sheets pulled

off the beds and condom wrappers on the floor. Some of the mattresses were

stained and the smell of the room was a combination of mildew, wet fabric and a

55
staleness that occurs when the air conditioner in a building has been off for a day.

The club was not scheduled to open that evening so the cleaning crew had not

been around to set things up. The club has since undergone renovations and the

group room has been modernized. The floor mattresses have been removed and

replaced with modular beds and what appeared to be washable vinyl mattresses.

Sarah was clearing a utility room to use for her supplies and was interviewed

as she worked. She stated that she had been in the swinging scene since the

1970’s in southern California. She was very open about her views on sex and the

lifestyle with strong opinions about both. Sarah began the interview by stating

that the lifestyle was the most threatening group to marriages because if the

couple’s marriage was not intact and they considered swinging there are many

things that could and have happened. She felt that people should be afraid, that

the reason there are so many rules for swinging was that things happened. It was

her opinion that many women came into swinging because they wanted to find

romance and that the lifestyle and male swingers in particular were not romantic

entities. Clubs were not set up to make women feel adored and sexy according to

Sarah. She felt that the myth of coming to the club and finding the perfect

stranger who would romantically sweep them of their feet was the reason many

women agreed to go to a club. She had the experience of seeing couples meet

with other couples and end up divorcing their spouses and switching partners.

These were the dangers that she reported could cause great upheavals in people’s

lives (anonymous personal communication, March 2, 2004).

56
 Another danger Sarah felt was very important to face was jealousy. She said

that many swingers stated that they did not have jealousy in their marriages. She

felt that the agreements couples made not to be jealous were tantamount to denial

and could damage the relationship if not openly explored. She suggested that

couples needed to discuss as many possible issues or scenarios that could occur

and what they would do to deal with them, prior to swinging. The important thing

was to agree to face problems and openly communicate feelings, in this way,

Sarah felt that swinging could be an opportunity for developing a very strong

relationship. Sarah stated that when this was accomplished one of the most fun

experiences in swinging could occur, “the conversation on the way home, there is

never any lack of checking people out and them doing strange things”

(anonymous personal communication, March 2, 2004).

Sarah felt the many women did not ever experience orgasms in the club but

rather, faked it and would not admit it. She stated “the guy jumps on his wife and

she starts moaning and all the women know she’s full of it.” She stated that

having an orgasm in a club is difficult,

there‘s too much going on, I have to concentrate, I have to train

somebody, I have to have one guy that knows my body, that’s

willing to take the time, that’s got a strong wrist, that will stay with

me no matter what, that I can trust will stay with me (anonymous personal

communication, March 2, 2004).

Consequently, she shared that she does not have orgasms in the clubs and does

not think that many of the other women do either.

57
 Sarah felt that men love to go to the clubs because they get to see naked

women and have the possibility of having sex with a strange woman. Women on

the other hand had the problem that once they agreed to go to the clubs they could

not go back to the way the relationship was before. They felt pressure to go so

they developed avoidance strategies according to Sarah. Some of the strategies

included, finding many reasons for not having sex with another couple because

something was not perfect, the setting of extremely high standards, or claiming to

be out of commission due to menses. Another strategy was to delay until the end

of the night to have sex when there was little time and they were inebriated.

Then, according to Sarah, “they just lie down and put up with it and they don’t

say anything and don’t complain about not having their own orgasm” (anonymous

personal communication, March 2, 2004). Sarah reported that some women love

swinging because someone else took care of their husband’s needs and relieved

the pressure placed on them (anonymous, personal communication, March 2,

2004). One single male that approached the researcher in a Miami club shared

that he and his ex-wife used to swing together but that she would be extremely

picky. He reported that he would approach a couple that he felt was attractive and

she would not like something about the male. This individual remarked that his

wife only wanted Brad Pitt so they could never enjoy swinging. He denied that his

divorce stemmed from this issue (anonymous personal communication, May 6,

2005).

Sarah stated that she and her husband did not have intercourse with other

couples. They both liked oral sex and Sarah liked to practice a repertoire of

58
techniques to keep things interesting. She spoke about many of her experiences

and opinions about sex for several hours and suggested that the researcher go to

the club when it was open to see things for himself (anonymous personal

communication, March 2, 2004).

Interviews and Observations at Clubs

Particpants. The members of three South Florida on-premise swing clubs

were observed and those that approached the researcher were informally

interviewed.

The researcher went to three different South Florida, on premise, private clubs.

He chose not to name the clubs because it was not his intention to show

preference for one club over another, or to suggest that the limited observations he

made represented the general functioning of the particular club he explored. The

researcher presented his experience of the lifestyle as it was observed on

three separate nights at three popular clubs.

Club A – July 7, 2004

The researcher was invited to a Ft. Lauderdale club before opening to meet the

owners and apparently to help Sarah put up decorations. She had invited the

researcher to join her at 5:00 p.m. and the club did not open until 7:00 or 8:00

p.m. This left a great deal of time to explore the club. There were several other

people in the club and the researcher observed two women dressed in schoolgirl

outfits decorating the main dance floor area. Sarah introduced the researcher to

Sally and John, the hosts of the party to be held in the club that evening.

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 When asked how they started hosting these club parties, John shared that he

and Sally and been in the lifestyle for several years and that things had started to

get boring (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). They would go to

the clubs and nothing would be happening. When they connected with a couple

online and decided to meet, he said it felt like they were getting ready for a first

date each time. They never knew what to expect and the anticipation was

stressful. John and Sally would dress up and head to the meeting place only to

have the other couple either not show up, or to have sent them pictures that were

ten years old and taken when they weighed 100 pounds less. John said the last

straw was when they were waiting thirty minutes for a couple that had written that

they liked mountain biking in their email. He saw a car with mountain bikes drive

by slowly with the occupants looking at them. John said what they were doing

was scoping them out to decide whether to even show up to the meeting. When

they finally arrived, he asked them if that was what they were doing and they

admitted it was. John related that not only were they thirty minutes late but they

were rude enough that they might not even have come. He got very frustrated and

decided then, that there had to be another way to meet people so why not have a

party for that purpose (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004).

Club A had started to decline in member attendance at that time, according to

John, and he approached the owners with a proposal to increase business on their

worst day of the month. He was told that the last Thursday of the month was

always the slowest because people usually had bills due around that time and did

not frequent the clubs. He offered to host a party to bring in business on that

60
night and worked out a financial arrangement. John and Sally then got online and

created chatter about the great party at Club A last night and all the things that

went on at the fabricated party event. They stated that there would be another

party the next month on the last Thursday of the month that should not be missed.

They continued to promote the myth of the great party that everybody missed and

the next month people were lined up down the street to attend the party. John and

Sally have run very successful parties for many years since that time and

attendance remains high due to their reputation (anonymous personal

communication, July 7, 2004).

John stated that Sally was an exhibitionist and had been famous for public

flashing so after the party events became so successful they decided to start a

website which, according to him, became world renowned. This was at the

beginning of the era of websites and John intimated that they had made a great

deal of money early on. They started taking pictures at the parties and put them

on the website where people who had paid memberships could access them. Over

the years, what started out as a recreational activity to have fun and meet people

became a business that they took on the road to other clubs. They developed

theme parties where the attendees would come dressed up as schoolgirls or in the

sheerest clothes they had, fetish clothes, etc. (anonymous personal

communication, July 7, 2004).

John, Sally, and her friend hung party steamers, blew up balloons, and put out

cards and brochures for their website. They planned to give away seven trips to

lifestyle resorts in Cancun and Jamaica as prizes that evening. The music was

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tested on the equipment and a list given to the DJ to follow. Things were set up

following rigid guidelines developed by John and Sally to go with the games they

would be presenting. The DJ was given some control to change music if the

people were not dancing, but was required to follow the program set up for the

most part. John and Sally brought their own music CD’s because they left

nothing to chance at their parties (anonymous personal communication, July 7,

2004). Sarah had related that there were times when the DJ played music that did

not appeal to the crowd and no one got up to dance for the whole night. Gauging

the taste of the crowd seemed to be an important issue at the clubs because when

people were not dancing and having a good time, the researcher observed, they

were telling each other how boring or dead the club was that night.

The room was a large open area with two stripper poles on small platforms, the

requisite disco mirror ball and colored light machine hung in the center of the

ceiling. There was a bar at the far northeast section and the DJ’s stage was on the

southeast section. There were television sets over the bar and at several strategic

points throughout the room that played a constant loop of pornographic films.

Sarah commented that this added a sleaze factor that she was trying to get the club

owners to change (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). However,

this seemed to be common to all three clubs and may have the intended function

of keeping a sexual charge in the atmosphere. There was a buffet area set up in

the southwest corner of the room and the entrance to the Jacuzzi room was across

from it down the short hallway to the entrance. Restaurant style tables with

folding chairs were located at two areas around the dance floor where people

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could sit down to have drinks and eat their meals. The Jacuzzi room was an

enclosed area with frosted French doors and pillows surrounding a small pool

sized Jacuzzi. The sign on the door made it clear that only members wearing

towels were allowed in the area. Sarah invited the researcher to take a dip with

her before the club opened but the invitation was respectfully declined.

Sarah’s husband arrived and they went into the back room for about an hour

then returned and had dinner. Sarah’s husband suggested that the researcher

mingle with the members and attempted to introduce several people to him but

none seemed interested in speaking to the researcher. Sarah greeted a couple that

was in line at the buffet table and the woman came over the say hello. She was

very tall and appeared to be in her late sixties. The woman was dressed in a

schoolgirl outfit with a white spandex top that hardly maintained her ample

breasts. Sarah introduced the researcher and asked her if she would be willing to

fill out a survey. She initially declined asking if her name would be used and still

declined after being assured that the survey was anonymous. The woman told

Sarah that she felt uncomfortable in the cloths she was wearing; she complained

that she felt she was exploding out of them. Sarah reached up and pulled down

the front of the woman’s top exposing her breasts and arranged them so that the

spandex was folded under each one. Sarah told her that she should wear them that

way the rest of the night because that was what the men liked. The woman

commented that she thought she looked like she was really exploding and pulled

the top back up. The invasion of the woman’s personal space and physical being

did not seem to bother or offend her, it was treated as if someone had straightened

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a friend’s collar or brushed lint off a shoulder. People at the clubs functioned at a

much more liberal level when in came to situations like the one observed above.

It was not unusual to see people greeting each other with kisses and intimate

caresses.

The researcher’s hosts decided to leave at 9:30 p.m. after they finished eating

and suggested that he stay past 11:00 p.m. when people started moving to the

back rooms.

The researcher returned to the table and observed the members as they began

to arrive. There was another bar to the right of the entry doors and past that room

were others that were set up for couples, one had a pool table and more

televisions. Smoking was allowed and permeated the air in all the rooms. The

researcher went to the back of the club where the group sex room was located.

There was a strange looking piece of equipment in the corner of the hallway

before the first left turn. It was made of black lacquered metal pipe and the type

of padding found on gym equipment. The sex chair had places where a couple or

group could sit in different positions for sexual activity. Down the hall to the

right was the group sex room, which was vacant at the time the researcher passed

through. The room had been set up with clean sheets on the beds and the

decorations seemed to glow in the muted light. There were black leather couches

along the wall facing the beds, which had been moved together to create one large

bed. In the northeast corner of the room there was a small room with curtains that

could be closed for privacy. The room had a black leather massage table with

straps attached that could presumably be used for tying someone down. Directly

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across the hall were several small private rooms each decorated differently and

containing a mattress with clean sheets on the floor. The dressing room was at the

end of the hall and looked like a high school locker room except that it was coed

and had an attendant. The attendant assigned lockers to those members that

wanted to change into a towel, he also provided the members with condoms if

asked.

The researcher returned to the main room where most of the tables were filled

with people eating and socializing. The members started arriving in greater

numbers and the researcher was joined at his table by a young Latin American

couple. Jeff and Lisa shared that they had been dating for two years and had

recently moved to Florida from Pennsylvania (anonymous personal

communication, July 7, 2004). They reported that they had been to clubs up north

but had not had sex in one yet. They had been to a club called Kama Sutra in

Philadelphia and described it as an incredible experience for them. According to

Jeff and Lisa the club had two stories and the ceiling of the first story, which was

the usual nightclub style bar, was the glass floor of the orgy room upstairs. The

researcher found later that on November 13, 2005 the City of Philadelphia

ordered Club Kama Sutra to close and cease operations, they are currently in

litigation according to Red’s blog at www.clubkamasutra.com. Jeff was in his

late twenties and Lisa was in her early twenties. Lisa shared that they had

experienced group sex before, on one occasion, by bringing a man home that they

met at a bar. She said that she still had not let Jeff bring home another woman

65
because she felt she would get too jealous. Jeff said that he was letting her move

at her own pace (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004).

The party started at around 10:30 p.m. when John took the stage and began

letting the crowd know what a great time they would have that night. He talked

about the music and encouraged people to get up and dance. One of the first

events of the night was to celebrate Sally’s birthday. The cake was brought out

and people had pictures taken with her blowing out the candles while they

exposed themselves. Sally then was placed in a chair by the stage and the

bartender came over with bottle of liquor that was lit like a Molotov cocktail, he

proceeded to blow flames over the heads of the onlookers in an impressive

display. He pulled the flaming cork from the bottle and asked the crowd who was

going to drink this particular liquor from Sally’s clit. A woman from the crowd

immediately volunteered and the bartender poured the alcohol down Sally’s chest

as the woman licked it from her labia. Several men and women joined the line

and did the same. The bartender poured the liquor on Sally’s breasts and two

women started licking and sucking them while the others continued taking turns

with her genitals. After some time Sally got up from the chair and another

woman took her place bending over the chair while the bartender poured the

liquor down her back to be licked from that direction. This woman had shaved

her pubic area and had affixed a business card to the area above her pubic bone

advertising her website. John joked that she had placed her advertisement in the

best location, where everyone was bound to see it that night.

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 Jeff and Lisa returned to the table and shared that they had been to a party at

another club where, as a contest, the men stood behind a wall that had holes at

groin level placed in a line. The men were each told to place their penis through

the hole in front of them and to stay silent. The women were blindfolded and had

to pick out their partner just by the feel of his penis. Lisa proudly stated that she

won the contest (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). The

researcher discussed the study with Lisa while Jeff went to get drinks at the bar.

Shortly after Jeff left the table a tall man in his fifties bent down and whispered

something into her ear totally ignoring the researcher. Lisa told him no several

times and he moved away as Jeff approached with drinks. She shared that he had

told her that if he were her date he would never leave her alone sitting at a table

and that she should go with him to the back room. Lisa said she had tried to be

polite, but this was the second time that evening he had approached her and been

rejected and the next time she planned to use stronger language. She excused

herself to use the ladies room and Jeff explained that when they had been

watching Sally earlier, Lisa had pulled off her panties while standing on the

platform with the stripper pole and gave them to Jeff. Jeff said that the guy

moved his hand up her thigh from behind and she had told him she was not

interested (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). This was a clear

example of a single man breaking the rules of etiquette.

Between events the crowd danced and several women were nude while many

were dressed in the school girl theme of a plaid mini skirt and white shirt. Two

well-nourished women at the end of the table kept looking back at the researcher,

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smiling and whispering to each other. The one on the left gave the other a deep

French kiss while staring at the researcher, then pulled open the woman’s shirt

and started fondling, sucking and licking her breasts as the other watched him.

The researcher focused on the crowd dancing. Initially it would have been hard to

distinguish the group from what would be normally seen at any club. However,

as the evening continued, women started to pull up their skirts to reveal that they

were not wearing panties and people began to go topless or completely nude and

to rub against each other provocatively.

The people ranged in age from early 20’s to late 70’s with a mean age of

approximately 35 to 40 years. The group was mostly Caucasian, but there were a

few minorities present. Lisa joked that most of these people were older than her

parents and wondered what her parents did when she was not around. One man,

who appeared to be in his late seventies, arrived with a woman who looked to be

in her teens. They sat behind the researcher and the man seemed to only speak

French, as the young woman translated for him. Jeff and Lisa both gave the

researcher a comical look.

The next event was the white panty dance where Sally and five other women

got on the bar and were encouraged to take off their underwear to the music in the

sexiest manner they could. Most of the women tossed their panties into the

crowd. Sally was not wearing underwear so she just pulled up her skirt and

flashed people. Sally and the women continued to strip until they were

completely nude. They danced and kissed, fondled and licked each other. John

called for other women in the crowd to join the ones on the stage. There was a

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Latin American couple near the front of the crowd and the women pulled the

female up onto the stage. She was a strikingly beautiful woman with dark black

hair, who was obviously uncomfortable with the situation. John enthusiastically

encouraged her and the crowd, stating that her husband approved. She appeared

very nervous but started dancing on the stage. The woman next to her began

removing her leather skirt. The dark haired woman looked embarrassed as her

skirt was removed but kept dancing in her black panties. The woman next to her

tried to pull the dark haired woman’s panties off at the encouragement of John

and the crowd. The dark haired woman crouched down, nervously laughing, and

would not allow the other woman to pull them off. Failing to accomplish her

goal, she instead pulled off the dark haired woman’s top. She continued to dance

topless with the other nude women. They tried again to pull off her panties and

she resisted by crouching down again. John again chided that her husband

approved and she continued to dance with a nervous smile on her face. Finally,

the woman next to her kneeled down in front of her as if she were going to kiss

her on the upper thigh and pulled her panties off with her teeth. The crowd

cheered and John exclaimed how beautiful she was. Shortly after she was

completely nude, the woman got off the stage and quickly dressed. Participation

seemed to be coerced in this particular situation but the researcher was unable to

make contact with that particular couple due to the events that unfolded at the

party. The couple remained at the party and was observed smiling and joking

with each other later that evening. Sally and John kept the show going.

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 Sally could be described as a very attractive petite blonde woman with a

dancer’s body. The other women dancing on the bar ranged from attractive to not

so conventionally attractive. One woman dancing on the stage nude looked to be

in her sixties, her face was fleshy and wrinkled, she had huge false breasts with

one inch diameter hoop rings piercing her nipples and a huge surgical scar across

the sagging flesh of her belly. Some women looked like models, some were

obese, while others appeared anorexic. The interesting observation was that all

these women were treated as if they were equally beautiful. When they got naked

the crowd cheered. Being polite and making people feel good about themselves

was apparently a big factor in this particular club. Swingers, the researcher

observed, went out of their ways to build up each other’s egos and self esteem.

Every woman appeared to be treated as sexually attractive even though they might

be politely rejected as a sexual partner. The group gathered together for a school

picture for Sarah’s website then moved on to the next event.

Musical chairs swinger’s style was the next game of the night. Approximately

fourteen men that volunteered were placed in a circle with one knee on the floor,

facing out with their backs to the circle. The fifteen women were nude or mostly

nude (some wore panties) and were told to circle the men while the music played.

When the music stopped the women had to sit on the closest man’s knee and the

one left out lost and was taken out of the game along with one of the men. John

kept up a vocal patter, telling the women to keep moving and that they would be

disqualified if they stopped in one place too long. Women used tricks to stay in

the game, some lingered around a man by placing their genitals in his face to be

70
licked and no one chided them to move when they were doing something sexually

provocative. So naturally many of the women adopted this strategy. Sally

participated in the event as a wild card, meaning she couldn’t win any prizes but

the others had to compete with her. Sally was more physically fit than most of the

participants and was able to move very quickly. Near the end there were five men

and six women left. Two of the women were rather obese but quick and the

smaller women could not push them out of the way. When it got down to four

men and five women, the men were told to lay down face up with their legs in the

circle. The women circled the men and when the music stopped they sat on the

closest man’s face. There was still one obese woman in the game and it seemed

that things could be dangerous if this woman rushed and slipped on to a man’s

face. But the atmosphere was highly charged and the group cheered them on.

The women tried the same tricks to stay in the game, they would squat down on a

man’s face and linger as the man licked them while they moaned or made ecstatic

expressions. Then they would slowly stand up and quickly move to the next man

and do the same thing. The prize was a trip to Cancun so people were trying their

best to win. The game neared the end with three women and one man. Sally

remained in as the wildcard and two other slim blonde women circled the man as

the music played and John made comments. When the music stopped the woman

nearest the man’s head planted herself on his face, the other attempted to push her

off and take her place but failed. The crowd cheered as John awarded the prize to

the winner. By that time the club had begun to fill up with a more diverse crowd.

Some African American and African Caribbean couples and singles had joined

71
the outer fringes of the observers and more Latin American couples began to

show up.

The dancing started to get more erotic and more people were naked, women

were dancing using the stripper poles while onlookers touched them. Guys on the

prowl could be seen approaching women and being rejected. The researcher

observed Lisa once again being approached by the older man and this time her

expression was angry and after a verbal exchange he retreated quickly.

John announced that for the next event a woman who had given thirty

blowjobs at the last party wanted to break her own record and that participants

should line up. She was a slim blonde in her mid-thirties. He stated that this

event would be photographed for their website so if men wanted to remain

anonymous they had masks to pass out to them. A man in his seventies was first

in line and the woman began performing fellatio on him. John called for men to

leave the dance floor while the event was going on and naked women started

dancing as a background to the woman giving blowjobs. Two of the dancers

started performing fellatio on men from the crowd and one started performing

cunnilingus on Sally. Then a man started licking the genitals of the woman that

was servicing Sally and soon moved into position for intercourse, penetrating her

doggie style while she continued working on Sally. Another couple laid down on

the floor in a 69 position and started having oral sex with each other. An African

American male that had been walking around in a towel all night, opened the

towel and a woman from the crowd began performing fellatio on him

immediately. The crowd was laughing and joking, enjoying the activities that

72
they were watching. John called all the women that had been having oral and

vaginal sex with the crowd to come up on the stage. He held his hand above the

head of each of the women and let the crowd vote on who would win the trip with

their applause.

Earlier in the evening, Sally had been on stage throwing party favors out to the

crowd. The researcher did not see what they were but she had stated that the

boxes contained something for him and her. The researcher suspected that these

were not cheap party favors judging from the responses of the crowd. John

shared that from one of their parties they make more money than most people

make in a month (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). It was

apparent that the crowd felt it was well worth it. John announced that anyone

who wanted their picture to appear in Sally’s website had to come forward and

sign a consent form.

The Sally’s party ended and people continued dancing, couples could be

observed on the couches and chairs having sex. Four couples were in the Jacuzzi

and one man in a towel stood in the doorway of that room watching the action.

At around 1:30 a.m. some couples started moving to the back room. However,

the researcher noticed that single men in towels appeared to be in the majority and

may have been the reason why the majority of couples remained in the main

room. The single men came out of the back room in robes or towels, appeared to

search the room and then returned to the back alone. Many of the couples moved

to the front bar where they smoked, drank and socialized.

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Club B – July 16, 2004

The second club the researcher explored was also located in Ft. Lauderdale and

was advertised as South Florida’s #1 on premise swing club. The researcher

arrived at the club at 9:30 p.m. He drove into the parking lot and valet parked. It

was necessary to valet park because the place was in what looked like a little

warehouse area and there was no other parking except for a small pub across the

street. Upon passing through a door marked private club the researcher entered a

small foyer where two men were standing behind a counter. The experience was

like entering a small hotel lobby. They were talking to each other and when they

saw the researcher they offered their assistance. The least expensive membership

available for a single male was $100.00 for 1 month. The entry fee for a single

male on Friday night was $75.00. The membership fees were posted on the wall

behind the counter. The researcher gave them $175.00 and they produced two

sheets of information that had to be signed. The paper had a list of ten items that

had to be initialed. This was basically an agreement that the person signing was

not offended by public nudity, would not be offended if approached for sex, and

would not be offended by seeing sexual activity. The researcher was asked to

sign the form. He was then asked for a driver’s license to confirm identity and a

membership contract was signed swearing that he was not offended by sexual

activity, that he was aware that this was a private club, that he might see various

sexual activities going on and that he had the right to leave. Basically, it stated

that the researcher was completely aware of everything going on in the club and

that he was entering at his own risk.

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 Initially when entering the club it appeared larger because the back wall was

mirrored and gave the illusion of a second room beyond the dance floor. There

was a bar area to the right side of the entrance, with bar stools and café tables with

very nice chairs. On the left side was another section of the café chairs, which

were positioned around the edge of the dance floor. The dance floor had one

stripper pole, the requisite disco mirror ball, and disco lights. There was a DJ at

the left hand corner behind where the people sat to eat and drink. The Club A DJ

was right up front and in the middle of the action. The DJ at Club B played from

a less obvious location. People were dancing when the researcher arrived and

there were no seats available. He immediately went to the bar to get a club soda

and decide where to position himself since the plan had been to get a table and

then sit and observe the activities. The researcher was about to choose a position

in a corner by the bar when he heard someone call his name. Sally and John were

at the front table and they invited him to join them. They were eating dinner,

which looked very appetizing. The entree’ appeared to be a Beef Wellington with

potatoes and vegetables. There was a chef present to slice and serve the meat.

The evening entry fee includes a buffet style dinner with dessert. Coffee, soft

drinks and drink mixers are all free. Members were encouraged to tip the

bartenders and the staff for their service. The members were allowed to bring

their own bottle of liquor. John explained that, when a member brings a bottle his

or her membership number is placed on the bottle and they take it to the bar. The

member simply goes to the bartender and gives him his or her number or gives the

number to a waitress and a glass of the liquor is delivered. The bartender will use

75
the member’s liquor to make mixed drinks at their request. Members could

literally have any type of drink that they wanted as long as they brought the liquor

to make it (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004).

John and Sally took the researcher on a tour of the place to show him the back

rooms before the activity started. They took him into the couples room, where

single men were not allowed. The room had a row of mattresses along the wall

creating the impression of a large rectangular bed. An attendant was posted at the

door at 11:00 p.m. His job was to turn away single men if they tried to enter the

couple’s area. John shared that the only problem with this set up was that

sometimes they ended up with couples on each side of them that they did not find

attractive. They then had to get up and move to a better position near a more

compatible group. He said that the large square set up at club A allowed them to

reach out in many directions. They would simply scoot towards a couple they

were more comfortable with and not seem rude (anonymous personal

communication, July 16, 2004).

There was another large room with beds where single men were allowed to

enter next to a lounge area. The lounge area had black velvet couches shaped in a

square along the center of the room. Approximately 15-20 people could sit

comfortably in that area and there was a small bar to the left of the entrance with

8-9 bar stools and some comfortable chairs near the wall. This was an area where

clothing was not allowed. Members were required to take their clothes off in the

locker room and put on a towel. The lounge served as the next stage before

couples and singles hooked up and went into the sex rooms. John stated that at

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this stage you found people fondling each other and doing other things. This was

where people got to know each other enough to decide whether they were

compatible sex partners. Some people had sex right in the lounge. Club B had a

second lounge that was sealed with a glass partition. This was a small non-

smoking area that was very nice because the other clubs did not provide a place to

escape the smoke. The non-smoking room had several small couches, was dimly

lit and seemed to be a more intimate setting.

John explained how process of hooking up with a couple worked. The couple

(or single) approached the couple they were interested in and the male may

initiate the conversation. The male may come and give a complement about the

outfit the other wife is wearing, or the shoes she is wearing and the women can do

the same. Usually the woman made the connection for sex, John joked that Sally

was the bait to catch good couples. Both partners then must approve of the couple

and visa versa. One person could veto the connection if they were not attracted to

the other spouse (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004).

The researcher observed an interaction between John, Sally and a couple that

approached them. John did not find them attractive and commented to the

researcher that they were not in their league. Sally was talking to them and was

very polite. The couple stated that they had been at Sally’s party the other day but

had not really enjoyed it because they had not found anyone to hook up with.

John was visibly insulted by this and began enumerating to the researcher the

reasons he felt they had not found anyone. He spoke in a joking but sarcastic

manner in a tone that could be overheard. He basically chased them away. John

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shared his feelings about the interaction the researcher had witnessed. He said the

couple approached them and said hello but misread the polite response as an

invitation to join them at their table. They then proceeded to complain about the

lifestyle in the area and mentioned that they had not cared for the party that John

and Sally hosted. They were dressed in casual street clothes and were rather plain

in appearance. John said that he knew that Sally would not be rude so he had to

do something to send the message that they were not welcome to latch onto them

for the whole evening (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004).

After the couple left, a young attractive women introduced herself to Sally and

they went to the dance floor together. They danced together in a very sexually

provocative manner. Sally got behind her and the woman grinded her hips into

Sally’s pelvis, in very erotic looking dance. Sally pulled down the top of her

dress and pulled up the bottom so that she looked like she was only wearing a

colorful sash around her waist during the dance. John was attracted to the young

woman when he saw her. He said that he needed to check out the husband to

make sure that he was Sally’s type and proceeded to where the woman’s spouse

was sitting. The spouse apparently fit the type and it appeared that everything

started to move in the right direction for them. John sent Sally over to talk to the

couple then they came back sat down. He told the researcher that things looked

good and they danced some more. The researcher was amused by observing the

couple’s excitement and enjoyment of the subtle negotiations of hooking up with

another couple. They seemed to glean pleasure from every part of the process.

78
 If a couple was attracted to another couple or a single male or female, usually

the husband approached the male and struck up a conversation with him. Then

after the initial introductions, if his wife approved, they moved to the next stage.

It was apparent from what the researcher observed that the women did the

hunting, as John had said. The woman was sent out to make the connection, so

even though the man had actually sent the woman, she experienced the rejection if

the other couple was not interested. John commented that man’s role was to be

the cheerleader and to ease rejection by telling his mate that it was the other

couple’s loss (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004). Later, he

went over to the couple they were interested in to speak with them again.

Sally shared that John had involved her in the lifestyle and that initially when

she had come to the club she was terrified at what she thought might happen and

clung to him very closely. She was sitting next to the researcher, topless while

she spoke. This extraverted individual who has had sex parties, orgies, fetish

parties and has played out all kinds of roles for her website, said that she still

would never come to a club alone and never strayed very far from John. Sally felt

safe because John was there to protect her if she needed protection (anonymous

personal communication, July 16, 2004). Even in the safe atmosphere of the club

some of the women are still not comfortable alone.

There were women there who did come alone and Sally pointed to a rather

large woman in a brown dress. She stated that the woman comes to all the clubs,

goes to the nude beach and hooks up with other couples and women. She was a

well-nourished lady with masculine facial features that the researcher did not

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think would be considered attractive by conventional standards. However, Sally

said that she attended nearly every event and that they knew her very well.

Apparently, there were some women that were comfortable coming to the club

alone.

The researcher mentioned that the couple that had been rejected earlier had

complained that people were not friendly at this club. Sally disputed their claim.

She shared that she was originally from the South and that when she first came to

Florida she did not realize how different the people were. They were not as

friendly as people were in her home state. She clarified that her perception

applied to people outside the Lifestyle. She said that people in the Lifestyle were

polite, nice and they “don’t have airs.” She said that you might run into someone

outside and they will “put on airs.” She commented that with her what you see is

what you get. Sally said that she was the same person shopping at Publix as she

was sitting here in the club. John returned and Sally again pulled her dress up so

that it looked like a sash around her waist and went to dance.

She was approached by a man in a towel who the researcher had noticed

approaching other women. She appeared to politely decline whatever he asked

and continued dancing. John said this man was what they called a towel shark.

These were men that did not understand the way things worked or chose to ignore

the implicit rules of etiquette. He said that they usually got undressed and came

out into the main rooms long before the other members began disrobing. Some of

them could be pretty aggressive and obnoxious but the clubs had staff around to

quickly remove anyone who became a problem. He said that some clubs give out

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shark repellant to women that ask for it. This consisted of a wristband that was a

signal for single men not to even try. It meant that the women were not interest in

talking to, dating, or seeing single men. John felt that this was a bad policy for a

club to adopt because if a man paid $175.00 to get into the club and everyone was

wearing shark repellant, then that person was never going to come back again. He

felt it was unlikely that the man would take the chance again because he had

wasted $175.00 to be rejected. However, if the men come to a club without the

wristbands and got rejected by a few couples, they still could think they had a

chance and may return. They would get to tell their friends they went to the club

and saw everything and they may come back and try again (anonymous personal

communication, July 7, 2004). The towel shark character was very obvious but

there were other men that seemed to be staying on the fringes of the activity.

They watched the activities and did not seem to approach anyone.

John and Sally excused themselves from the table at around 12:30 a.m. They

said that they were going to the back room and the researcher observed them

leaving the main room with the couple they had approached earlier. Throughout

the evening people were dancing to the music. Sometimes there were many

people on the dance floor. As it got later more women began to expose their

breasts and one woman performed fellatio on her partner. After 12:30 a.m. it

seemed that everyone had stopped dancing. The lights were turned down, the

music kept playing and some of the people remained seated at the little bars and

tables.

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 The majority of the people moved into the back rooms so at that point the

researcher walked to the back room. He passed by the non-smoking area and it

was completely dark. The silhouettes of people could be made out through the

glass but it was not possible to observe what they were doing.

The researcher noticed that in the men’s bathroom that the door to the stall

was very short so that anyone walking into the bathroom could look directly into

the toilet stall. It was suggested by a friend in law enforcement that this was done

to ensure that no one was using illicit drugs in the bathrooms. The researcher

found it interesting that this was such a policed area. The researcher was

informed by a friend that many of the club members were in law enforcement.

There were no illegal drugs allowed in the building. The contract stated that if an

individual was caught using illegal drugs, they would be asked to leave the

building and would be permanently barred from the club.

Earlier in the night, the researcher noticed that there were some people who

seemed more confident, flashing and doing other sexually provocative things.

There were other people who were dressed in regular clothes who seemed more

subdued and just danced. The researcher had observed one woman that seemed to

fit the subdued category. She had long hair and was dressed in nice jeans and a

plain blouse. Her boyfriend or husband was with her and they danced all night

but did not expose anything or do anything provocative. The researcher

wondered if this couple would move to the back room or leave at the end of the

evening. When the researcher entered the locker area the woman he had seen on

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the dance floor walked out wearing only a towel around her waist. Her spouse or

boyfriend followed behind her and went into the lounge area.

The researcher noticed that there were five people in the locker room

disrobing. The locker room was well lit, coed and attended by a male staff

member. Everyone undressed there and was given a towel from the attendant as

they left the room. The researcher did not enter the group sex area when it was

occupied because he was not sure of the rules at the time. He left the club at

12:45 a.m. and was sent off with a cheerful good night by the manager. The

researcher noted the professional and courteous manner in which the staff treated

the members. It had the feel of a very classy nightclub with a disco theme. The

crowd was much nicer than in the usual club scene and definitely much more

polite.

Club C – May 6, 2005

The researcher enlisted the help of a female friend to enter a swingers club in

Miami as a couple and observe the activities from that perspective. The assistant

was a young attractive blonde woman in her early twenties. She dressed for the

part in black revealing club wear. The researcher, a graying, long-haired, man in

his late forties, wore a black dress shirt and black slacks. The assistant

volunteered to help gather information and guidelines to ensure her comfort and

safety were discussed prior to entering the club. She did not have any problems

during the evening or after the experience and proved to be extremely helpful.

She reported that her friends had been to Club B in Ft. Lauderdale and that she

had been curious to check out a lifestyle club.

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 The night was advertised as Freaky Friday and the researcher and female

assistant arrived at the club at approximately 10:00 p.m. The valet parked the car

and the researcher observed that the parking lot was not very crowded. The

researcher and assistant signed up as a couple and filled out the paper work for a

three month membership. The membership and entry fee for the night came to

$130.00. The front door of the club was locked and required pressing a buzzer to

be allowed to enter. This required people to enter the alcove where fees were paid

and the rules for membership were explained. There was a sign that stated no

prostitution and don’t even joke about prostitution on the wall above the check in

counter. After all the papers were signed the bottle of champagne the researcher

brought was labeled with the new membership number and he was told to give it

to a bartender. The greeter then buzzed the researcher and his assistant through a

set of frosted French doors that led to the club. The bottle was given to the

bartender at the bar across the room to the right of the entryway and he opened it

and filled two champagne glasses.

The entrance opened into the main room, which had the usual dance floor with

the requisite disco mirror ball and dancer pole. There was a bar along the wall to

the right of the entrance with small tables and chairs positioned around the dance

floor. The DJ was upstairs above the entry door and there was another small bar

to the left of the entrance as well as a raised seating area with tables and chairs.

There were some smaller rooms across from the main bar on the other side of the

dance floor and people could be observed playing billiards in that area. In a small

room next to the billiards area there was another sitting area with small tables and

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chairs. Next to it was a buffet area with trays of cheese and ham, hot dogs, and

several steamer trays of hot food that looked like chicken and fish. Past this area

were the bathrooms and the locker room manned by an attendant. On the left side

at the end of the hall was the door to the group room that required members to be

wearing only towels to enter. Returning to the main room there was a private

room and a voyeur area. The private room was an enclosed area with a large bed

against the wall. The room next to it had a television playing pornographic

movies and a large glass window that looked into the private room.

The couples danced and conversed with each other. A couple that was passing

by stated that things were very slow that night. Time passed and more people

started dancing but there was no nudity or sexually provocative behavior. The

researcher had been informed that the members of this club were very aggressive.

This did not seem to be the case as the members were very polite and friendly.

The DJ played salsa music and popular dance music but was not able to

consistently keep people on the dance floor. The researcher observed several

couples approach each other and get rejected. The difference he noted was that in

this venue it seemed that more men attempted to make the connection than

women. This may have been due to a cultural difference as more individuals at

this club appeared to have a Hispanic or Caribbean background.

Things seemed to move very slowly, one woman changed into a see through

dress at around midnight and then other women started changing into more

revealing clothes. People started to go to the back room and the first single man

in a towel appeared around 11:30 p.m. The researchers went to the voyeur room

85
where several men in towels watched two men and a woman in bed through the

window. The woman was Caucasian and in her late 50’s to early 60’s. She was

attempting to have oral sex with a man lying on his back while her mate lay

beside him watching. She seemed to have difficulty bending down to bring his

penis to her mouth and kept repositioning herself on the bed. There were five

men watching, one elderly man attempted to masturbate while he watched but

seemed to be having difficulty gaining an erection.

The researcher and his assistant returned to the main room upon hearing the

announcement that the Freaky Friday contest was to begin. There was quite a

buildup by the DJ as he approached couples to participate in the contest for a

chance to win a gold membership. The researcher and his assistant were

approached to sign up for the whipped cream contest and respectfully declined.

They observed the people on the dance floor and those who had started to make

out on the sidelines. Things remained pretty tame on the dance floor. They

returned to the voyeur’s room where a large African American man was having

intercourse in the missionary position with a petite African American woman

while her mate lay beside them and fondled her breasts. The private room was

very dark and it would not be possible to identify the participants from the

window. The elderly gentleman was still there pulling at his flaccid penis and

watching. An obese younger man, wearing only a towel, left the room when the

researcher and his assistant entered.

The researcher and his assistant returned to the main room as the DJ

announced that the contest was about to begin. Six couples were called to the

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center of the dance floor. The staff placed towels on the floor for each woman to

lay down on while the rules were explained. The women were told that they

could choose to have whipped cream placed anywhere on her body. Each of the

contestants had the same amount of whipped cream applied to their bodies. When

the signal was sounded the male partner had to lick the whipped cream off his

mate’s body. Some of the women had the whipped cream placed on their bared

bellies. One woman on the far end had it sprayed between her rather large

breasts. A very attractive young woman nearest the researchers pulled up her

dress and spread her legs exposing her shaved genitals and had the whipped

cream placed on her labia and pubic area. She also pulled down the top of her

dress exposing her breasts. The contestants were told to begin and the men dove

into the whipped cream. People were laughing and joking, the man nearest the

researchers scooped whipped cream off his partner’s labia, and stated, “I need to

spread some of this around” offering it to those in close proximity. One of the

women that had placed the whipped cream on her belly won and the contest ended

with people toweling off excess whipped cream.

After the contest people went back to what they were doing before, talking at

the bar and milling around. People started moving to the back room at around

1:30 a.m. to 2:00 a.m. and others started leaving.

The researcher and his assistant moved in the direction of the locker room and

stood in the hallway. The researcher’s assistant attracted quite a bit of attention

from the single and couples crowd. A man walked up and said something

unintelligible as he caressed the side of her face. He was wearing only a towel,

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was in his late 40’s with a protruding belly and stood about 5’ 4”. He said that his

wife was in the back room and that they should join them. He said the backroom

was just about sex and fun. The research assistant courteously declined thanking

him for the offer and explained that tonight we were just watching.

The researcher and his assistant returned to the main room and got a table in

the far edge near the DJ. People started to come out of the back room in towels

and some woman came with their breasts exposed.

While we were talking a single male in his mid thirties sat at our table and

began talking to the assistant. He asked her if she came here often and was told

that it was our first time and that we were doing research on the lifestyle. The

researcher asked him several questions, which he answered while looking only at

the female assistant. He responded as if she had asked the questions. He said that

he and his wife had been divorced 2 years ago. He shared that she would come to

the swing clubs with him but would only swing with a couple if the male looked

like Brad Pitt (anonymous personal communication, May 6, 2005). The research

assistant told him she was the same way in an attempt to signal she was not

interested in him. He ignored or did not get the message she felt she was sending.

While we were talking a young African American couple passed by us on their

way out. The woman was dressed in tight, skimpy electric orange hot pants with

a matching bra top. The research assistant commented about the clothing and the

male table guest stated that he had seen them fighting in the parking lot earlier

during the night. He stated that the African-American woman was telling her

partner that the lord did not want them to do this. This seemed contradictory, as

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the couple had been observed throughout the evening, dancing and talking. They

appeared to be having a good time. The researchers thought that she was the

woman participating in the threesome observed in the voyeur room earlier, but

neither could be sure and after this statement it seemed unlikely. The single male

continued to ignore the researcher and tried to make conversation with his

assistant until a German couple dressed in towels approached the table. The

German man asked why we were not undressed and when he was told that we

were new and just observing for research he said, “that’s unacceptable.” He said

that he and his wife would provide a tour of the back room and would be gentle.

The couple was thanked for their generous offer but told that it was time for the

researcher and his assistant to head home. It was nearly 4:00 a.m. and the

researcher asked for the tour to be done another time. They were very polite,

made one last attempt to have the researcher and his assistant join them, and then

said goodbye. The disappointed single male also said his goodbye and the

researcher and his assistant left the building.

Interviews and Observations at Two Lifestyle Conventions

Participants. Observations were recorded of the activities of approximately

200 to 300 couples that attended each convention and informal interviews with

some of the individuals attending the events.

The Conventions

Key West – August 25-28, 2003.

The couple that the researcher first encountered at Club A, John and Sally,

made attendance at the couples convention in Key West possible through their

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connection with the hosts, Tom and Sage. The couple had invited Tom and Sage

to stay at their home during the trip to Key West. John discussed the researcher’s

study with their guests and suggested that he be allowed to attend the function.

John called the researcher and recommended contacting the convention hosts after

explaining that he had gotten them interested in the project. The hosts were

contacted and after some discussion were assured that the researcher planned to

observe without the intent of pathologizing the group. After checking the

researcher’s credentials and making sure the school existed, they gave the ok to

attend (anonymous personal communication, August 22, 2003).

Key West Day 1- Wednesday 8-25-2003.

The researcher was unable to attend the first day (Wednesday) of the

convention due to scheduling conflicts. According to the program, the welcome

reception was scheduled from 5:00 – 7:00 p.m. at the Tiki Bar by the pool. There

was an Erotic Art Exhibit at Casa Marina Resort from 8:00 p.m. until 11:00 p.m.

sponsored by www.sensesatplay.com. There were still guests in the hotel that

were not part of the convention on Wednesday. The next day after the last non-

convention guest was checked out, the doors were closed to outsiders, cloth

barriers were erected to block views of the pool area from outside the courtyard

and security was posted to keep any individual without a wristband from entering.

Thursday August 26th – Day 2

The researcher arrived at 11:30 a.m. on Thursday morning and Sage was called

to personally take care of his registration and room assignment. The researcher

was checked in and told that everyone was waiting for the non-convention hotel

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guests to leave, a convention rules document was signed and a copy given to the

researcher at his request. A list of the convention rules can be found in Appendix

B of this paper. Sage provided a name badge and a wristband that allowed access

to all areas of the convention. Sage suggested that the word researcher would

give people a reason to ask what the study was about and recommended that it be

written on the nametag she provided. This turned out to be a great idea as people

were immediately drawn to the word and it gave them a reason to break the ice

and speak to the researcher.

According to the program, there was a fishing tournament scheduled from 8:00

a.m. until 12:00 noon for a fee of $35.00. Attendees were given the chance to win

a trophy and a years worth of bragging rights. The researcher did not arrive early

enough to attend this event.

The first event the researcher attended was a pool party scheduled to start at

11:00 a.m. and run until 2:00 p.m. This event could not get completely under way

until the rest of the guests checked out. The pool party was clothing optional and

one of the hosts of the Orlando and Dallas conventions, Ted, acted as the DJ. The

vendor mall opened at 11:00 a.m. at poolside in several rooms selling clothes, sex

toys, jewelry, etc.

The other host of the convention, Tom, arrived some time after noon and

welcomed the researcher. Tom shared that when he had met Sage he was a

straight-laced church going guy. He described Sage as the wild one and they have

been together for more than 20 years. Sage introduced Tom to the idea of

swinging and their activities became part of their business. Tom explained that

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the convention crowd was a different group from the club crowd. Tom related

that many of the people did not frequent clubs, but instead hooked up through the

internet or at private parties (anonymous personal communication, August 26,

2003). This was substantiated by the later interviews. Many of those interviewed

did not find the club scene attractive. Tom said that he tried to plan events that

involved the local attractions and businesses, rather than just being closed up in a

hotel for the whole convention. He also stated that this particular convention was

not only for swingers, it was open to couples in other alternative lifestyles as well

as non-swingers that were curious about the lifestyle. Tom had to return to work

and encouraged the researcher to mingle with the attendees (anonymous personal

communication, August 26, 2003).

The researcher was approached by a woman who was interested in finding out

what the study was about. She explained that she and her husband were former

club owners, both were in their late fifties or early sixties. They said that the

convention the researcher was attending was run by the friendliest group of

people. The wife stated that the convention run out of California was geared to a

younger and more age and body focused group. Apparently she had been

snubbed at the other convention and this had hurt her feelings (anonymous

personal communication, August 26, 2003). This same group had politely

declined the researcher’s request to observe their convention when it was in

Miami last year but the contacts approached had all been middle-aged. Her

husband also remarked that the convention group was very nice and a much

different group than found in the club scene. He said that the club scene had

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changed a great deal since he was an owner. The researcher wondered if the

change was related to aging and moving into different status levels of swinging.

Bartell (1971) had mentioned this stratification by age in his study where the

younger crowd considered people older than themselves to be moldy. There was

a group of men and women in their mid-twenties who were physically attractive

and athletic looking. This group seemed to stick together and the researcher

overheard some of the older female swingers making negative remarks about their

exclusionary behavior. The club owner said that he had a friend at the convention

that was a club owner as well. He reported that his friend’s club had been raided

by the police, and that the friend had been arrested and placed in prison for two

years. According to the interviewee, the fallout destroyed his life and his career

for many years (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). He later

introduced the author to the ex-club owner. When the subject of his arrest was

broached the ex-club owner became emotional and said it had been a very bad

time in his life and he was trying to put it behind him. The researcher respected

his privacy and moved out to the pool area where most of the couples were

completely nude by that time (anonymous, personal communication, August 26,

2003).

The researcher started a conversation with an attendee at the Tiki Bar. He was

from Naples Florida and explained that he and his wife no longer had many

friends outside the lifestyle because it was too difficult to limit the range of what

was appropriate to discuss in casual conversation. He said that people in the

lifestyle are very open, that no subject is taboo for them so one got used to

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speaking his or her mind with few boundaries. He stated, “Once you’ve

exchanged bodily fluids you can pretty much talk about anything to that person”

(anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). The researcher found

this to be true with the swingers he interviewed. The man said that when he and

his spouse first moved to Naples from San Diego they did not know anyone so

they looked up the local swingers club and within three months they had met and

made friends with nearly 20 couples. His new neighbors noticed all the activity at

his home and began asking him who all these people were. He told them that he

and his wife had joined a social club to meet people. This couple said that they

provided an initiation/beginners class for people interested in swinging at their

local swingers club. In their class they went through club rules, swinging

etiquette, and issues that could come up in the lifestyle with beginners. They

offered to complete the author’s survey and gave him their phone number with an

invitation to contact them for more information (anonymous personal

communication, August 26, 2003).

John and Sally arrived poolside in the early afternoon. They said that they

were back from a business meeting. They tried to arrange their time at the

conventions around their business ventures. John set up some of their website

posters. Sally was soon naked sitting by the pool and John encouraged the

researcher to join their group in the water. He introduced the researcher to Dr.

Robyn who has a radio show in Tampa and a website promoting the lifestyle,

www.TheDr.RobynShow.com. She was interested in the study and said that she

was a sex therapist and had made a video about swinging that the researcher could

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use as a resource. She later sent a copy of Dr. Robyn Presents…Swing Lessons!:

An Alternative for Open Minded Couples, which provided useful information to

the researcher. The researcher entered the pool for about 30 minutes making

conversation with people and encouraging participation in the survey part of the

study. One attractive naked woman asked the researcher if he was a swinger and

if he planned to participate in activities as part of the study. The researcher

explained the limits of being a researcher and observer and that as such he could

not participate. She said that he shouldn’t tell this to people at the convention,

“they might take it as a challenge to get you to participate” (anonymous personal

communication, August 26, 2003). One of the men in the pool moved behind her

and began rubbing his penis between the cheeks of her buttocks. She laughed and

told him to rub lower.

The researcher swam to another couple and introduced himself to the male.

They shared that they were not married but had been together for two years. The

man’s girlfriend was very young and beautiful and had attracted the attention of

the men and women in the group nearest the researcher. The girlfriend said that

they had just started swinging and she was not sure whether she wanted to

actually trade partners. They said that they were at the convention to have fun

and meet people (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). John

swam over and said that the blonde woman a few feet away was giving hand-jobs

if the researcher was interested. The researcher decided it was time to go to his

room and prepare for the evening. There was a couples massage class from 2:00

p.m. until 3:00 p.m. in the hotel meeting room.

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 The next scheduled event was a sunset cruise of the historic Key West Seaport

onboard the Mirage from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. The ship was a two story, glass

encased, air condition tour boat. Once out to sea it became a clothing optional

party with sexual behavior thrown in, some women and men stripped. The

researcher observed a man with a naked woman over his lap spanking her. He

observed another woman kissing and sucking the breasts of her friend (or the

closest woman available to her) while others were dancing to a Latin beat

downstairs waiting for the sun to set. The researcher noticed the host, Tom,

talking to a group of people that seemed to be working on a project of some sort

and joined them. Tom introduced him to the group.

Tom was working with the publishers of a magazine for swingers called

Lifestyle Magazine whose premier issue was expected to come out in September.

The publishers were debuting the first issue and soliciting advertisements and

articles. Tom was very excited about this publication because he did not consider

it to be the typical swingers magazine filled with pornographic pictures and

purchased by single or married men to use for masturbation. This was a serious

publication designed to educate the public and promote the lifestyle. Tom seemed

to be a tireless positive crusader for the lifestyle which he felt should embrace the

label of swingers because it described the energy of the people involved better

than the ambiguous lifestyle label (anonymous personal communication, August

26, 2003). His interest was in promoting cooperation and integrity among

lifestyle businesses and for being an advocate for sexual freedom, swinging and

other adult play (See Appendix C). Tom introduced the researcher to Ted and

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Constance, hosts of the Orlando and Dallas conventions. Ted shared that he and

Tom were actually rivals in the convention business but had come together to

support each other to create a better environment for swinging in general

(anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). The researcher

continued to mingle and was invited to sit down with a couple from New Orleans.

The husband stated that he and his wife were not swingers. They participated

in these events because their church friends at home were so judgmental and

boring. They enjoyed the social aspects of the conventions and liked to observe

the wild behavior of others. While he was speaking, John and Sally passed by

and John pulled her skirt up flashing her pierced genitals. The husband turned to

his wife blushing and stated “isn’t he terrible,” she just smiled (anonymous

personal communication, August 26, 2003). The music was playing and the

researcher moved to the lower deck where people were dancing provocatively and

socializing. After sunset, Sally disrobed along with a young woman named Tina

and an Austrian woman and led the group to take some posed group pictures for

their websites. This attracted the attention of a number of people who gathered to

watch and participate.

One gentleman spoke about the lifestyle as being very civilized and very

polite, explaining that you had to take the good with the bad to truly experience

what it was all about. As we spoke a sexy young woman walked by and he

greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the lips, then playfully squeezed her behind

as she left. He said, “see, that’s the good part.” A moment later, a woman in her

sixties greeted him in the same way and he turned to the researcher and whispered

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“and that’s the other part” (anonymous personal communication, August 26,

2003). The researchers observed that most people acted in this manner, politely

receiving fondling and kissing as part of their greetings without regard to age or

level of attractiveness.

The researcher moved to the upper deck and a man in his late fifties engaged

him in a discussion. He admitted that he had too much to drink and wanted the

researcher to understand something. He said that he had already turned down two

blow jobs because he drank too much, didn’t think he could get an erection and

had sex twice earlier in the day. He asked the researcher rhetorically, where a

man his age could experience such a thing except in the lifestyle (anonymous

personal communication, August 26, 2003). He was inebriated but friendly and

the group looked out for him, making sure he got everywhere safely. As the boat

returned to shore Tom informed the crowd that people should begin to put their

clothes back on and head straight to a local seafood restaurant after we docked.

The evening event was a Margaritaville theme party at the restaurant. The

program suggested tropical casual wear. Tom had phoned ahead and prepared the

restaurant management for the two hundred people who would be showing up at

the same time. The researcher was invited to sit with John, Sally, Tina, David and

about six other couples. Tina had a website that she starred in and was

maintained by her husband, David. They also sold personal shavers for removing

pubic hair called the Pussy Shaver. The researcher asked if there were any

problems having to always come up with new sexual experiences to depict on the

website. He joked that “the only problem I see is you can get jaded, after a while

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you need the one legged, black midget this week just to be interested”

(anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). They met a couple of

years ago when Tina was nineteen and she had quickly taken a liking to the

lifestyle. David stated that her life was pretty boring before she met him. Things

seemed to move along in the restaurant without any problems.

People started dancing to the music and an attractive blond at our table

massaged her mate’s shoulders while hiking up her tight dress to reveal she was

not wearing underwear. Soon many women were topless and some were

completely nude. The researcher noticed that one of the waitresses seemed very

upset and left the room quickly, the other waitress showed an expression of

disgust as she glanced at the nude women. The researcher later interviewed the

waitress that had left at the beginning of the nudity. She was from Central

America and said that she had noticed a woman fondling another man and

exposing herself while the woman’s husband was standing nearby. The waitress

thought there was going to be a big fight between the men, when she later saw

that this wasn’t the case she felt comfortable returning to work (anonymous

personal communication, August 26, 2003).

The researcher found out later that this was not a clothing optional event and

that Tom had scrambled to the restaurant management to be sure they were not

going to have a problem. He suggested indirectly that he had paid them extra not

to be upset. They seemed very happy to comply when Sally invited women to

jump up on the bar and do a strip tease dance. People were cheering, dancing,

taking pictures and having a great time. Then Tom called the men to go up and

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do the same. The waitress, who had appeared so disgusted by the women

stripping, reappeared and positioned herself to get the best view of the men. She

was blushing and giggling but kept her attention focused on the men stripping on

the bar. One woman started sucking the penis of the man positioned at the end of

the bar near the windows and several other women followed suit. Tom, who was

on the bar, said he looked over and noticed that there were women outside the

restaurant with their faces pressed up to the window. Just then the woman

playing with the man’s penis shook it in the direction of the women watching.

Tom said that he was thinking, “this is not a good idea, I don’t think this is legal

and we could get into trouble” (anonymous personal communication, August 26,

2003). The party continued with very sexually provocative dancing, fondling, and

oral sex occurring in several areas of the restaurant. It was a fun-filled, sexually

charged atmosphere and there was no coercive behavior visible to the researcher.

People participated to the level that they felt comfortable, and it was a wild party

from beginning to end.

Sage left early to let people into the hospitality rooms in the tower of the hotel.

The researcher left with Tom at the end of the restaurant party and was invited to

come to the Hospitality Suites. When we arrived Tom told the researcher that he

expected that people would be having sex, instead there was a discussion about

the restaurant experience. There was a man from Key West that explained to

Tom that they probably wouldn’t get into too much trouble if the women got

naked, but he felt that the police would definitely arrest an exposed male

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(anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). The researcher took in

the room as the men discussed the issue of male nudity and arrest.

The hospitality suite had two bedrooms. The room to the left of the entrance

was decorated with a red Christmas string light that was trailed around the two

queen sized beds, along the wall, and into the bathroom. This was named the Red

Light District and the other room, decorated in the same manner with blue lights,

was called the Blue Bayou room. The Blue Bayou room had a roman tub and two

queen-sized beds. When we arrived several couples were sitting watching TV, as

more people arrived some commented that nothing was happening. Tom

explained that this is how it was, sometimes things were hot and sometimes

people just enjoyed each other’s company (anonymous personal communication,

August 26, 2003).

The club owners from Colorado arrived and the female owner started filling

the roman tub with warm water and turned on the jets. She took off the

nightgown she was wearing and entered the tub. A man pulled off his boxer

shorts, entered the water and started kissing her. They laughed and the woman

called for a woman in the main room to join them. The people on the couch

moved into the Blue Bayou room and another woman entered the water. The

researcher was speaking with the male representative from the Hedonism III

resort, Andre’, when he suggested that our presence might have been cramping

the couples’ style and that we should probably leave. The researcher did not get

the impression that any one was concerned he was there but decided to leave

anyway.

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 The author arrived at his room and began to record the experiences of the day,

when a tap was heard coming from the window. The researcher’s room

overlooked the pool and about five nude couples were engaged in sexual play in

the pool below his balcony. Some of the couples were throwing pebbles at the

window to get the researcher’s attention. He declined their invitation to join them

in the water and closed the drapes. People appeared to be having a very good

time.

Friday August 27th – Day 3

The pool party was scheduled to begin from 11:00 a.m. until 2:00 p.m. but

people started reserving chairs around 9 a.m. The Hotel had a pool and hot tub

that was encircled on three sides by rooms that overlooked the pool. The first

floor on the eastern side was the restaurant. The DJ set up in front of the area

between the hot tub and the Tiki bar. There were banners strung up around the

pool advertising French Connection Events at www.Frenchconx.com , the

Hedonism III resort in Jamaica, the Desire Resort in Cancun, Great sex with Dr.

Robyn at www.TheDr.RobynShow.com, Barbi of www.Sexypartyclub.com, and

www.Blondeflasher.com, “recognized internationally as the World’s Biggest

Exhibitionist,” www.swinglife.com and mischief fantasy at

www.shopfantasy.com.

Couples were playing with each other in and around the pool. On day 2, the

younger group had to be stopped from having sex in the pool area after

complaints by the Tiki bar staff were brought to the host’s attention. Sage again

had to stop them later from having sex in the pool. Tom tipped the staff and

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apparently silenced the complaints. The researcher asked the bartender what had

happened and she said that the “young blonde was giving a blow job to her

boyfriend right on the side of the pool” (anonymous personal communication,

August 27, 2003). It had bothered them at first but then both bartenders

commented that this was Key West. The hotel manager said the same thing, that

strange things always happen in Key West and she had no problem with the

people as long as they were friendly.

The next event began at 1:15 p.m. when Tom asked for four sexy women to

come to the front of the pool area near the DJ. They were then taken to one of the

vendor areas and outfitted in the garments being sold in the vendor mall. They

modeled the outfits with Tom giving charming descriptions of each model and the

clothing. The women physically did not fit the common description of models,

but all seemed comfortable in the role and the audience cheered each of them.

The representative from Desire Resort and Spa, Lindsey, then took the stage at

the other end of the pool. A queen sized inflatable pool float had been placed on

the ground in front of her promotional display and covered with beach towels.

Four couples were asked to volunteer for some challenges to win prizes. They

were told that they would be given three minutes to assume as many sexual

positions as possible. The couple that demonstrated the most functional sexual

positions would win a prize. The blonde woman mentioned earlier rushed up,

squatted down and tried to lick Lindsey between her legs. She stepped back and

jokingly waved her finger saying “no, no honey” and telling the crowd the blonde

woman needed to cut down on the caffeine. This woman’s friend volunteered to

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be one of the contestants and again she rushed up and tried to lick her naked

friend’s labia. Lindsey jokingly chastised her and she returned to her group,

allowing the contest began. This proved to be a strategic game. The youngest and

the strongest couple failed to beat a couple who were in their fifties. The man

was built like a body builder and his mate was a petite woman, both appeared to

be in their late twenties. He flung her around like a rag doll but was only able to

come to eight functional sexual positions. The next couple was older, probably in

their mid fifties, and used a more effective strategy in getting into positions but

could not move fast enough to better the younger couple, matching them at eight

positions. The third couple was from the young group and moved quickly but got

into positions that were not functional, much to the pleasure of the audience that

laughed hysterically. They got five functional positions. The couple that won

moved into sexual positions quickly using economy of movement. They appeared

to be in their mid fifties and looked like a conservative Midwestern couple that

might be found on a golf course or at a church function. The winners received

three days and two nights free at the Desire Resort in Cancun. The other

participants won T-shirts and Lindsey threw a number of free T-shirts to the

audience.

After the pool party, from 2:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m., there was a class for

participants on Tantric sex sponsored by the Tantra Institute of Key West. The

researcher did not attend the meeting but observed some of the presentation from

the hallway. The presenter was showing gynecological photos of speculum

enhanced vaginal openings with headings such as some women pierce the clitoral

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hood or labia. The presenter later sold a CD of the course materials to the

researcher for $20.00. The presenter shared his opinion that the sex therapy field

was about the look of the therapist as well as his or her experience. It was his

contention that an attractive sex therapist would be seen as more credible and

would be more successful with this group (anonymous, personal communication,

August 27, 2003). The researcher returned to his room to record data and prepare

for the evening events.

The 4:00 p.m. event was hosted on the third floor of the Bull And Whistle Bar,

which is an open air, clothing optional bar called the Garden of Eden. The

researcher shared transportation with several couples and arrived at the site within

a few minutes. The venue was very hot and humid and seemed to get hotter as

more people arrived. The event was basically a friendly cocktail party. The

amply endowed, tattooed bartender and the petite waitress took off their tops and

began taking drink orders. People mingled with each other and some took off

their clothes but most stood around and conversed. An extremely tanned woman

in her late sixties or possibly early seventies stripped completely and sunned on a

lounge chair. There was a body painter available and some of the men and

women paid to have designs painted on their skin. Sally and John arrived and we

discussed some of their experiences. Sally spent a lot of time posing with Tina

and the Austrian woman for their websites. Tina had the body artist paint a parrot

on her stomach and breasts to prepare for the dinner theme.

Tom and Ted shared some of their methods of acquiring or making props for

the different theme parties they hosted. Ted said that he checked the surplus from

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theme parks in the Orlando area for things they could use at their events. He said

he had found beds, and props that he could convert to themes that were planned

for the conventions. He joked that he worked on these things in his drive way and

had to make up explanations for the neighbors who where curious. Ted

reminisced at how he had once located a surplus gynecological exam table

equipped with stirrups and excitedly called Tom to purchase it and plan how it

was to be used (anonymous personal communication, August 27, 2003). When

they shared their excitement with Sage, she was less than impressed with their

concept. She explained to Tom that this particular piece of equipment did not

create sexual excitement in women; in fact it would most likely have the opposite

effect. Tom explained that it was vitally important for them to gain the female

perspective on ideas they had because of things like the latter example. The

success of their ventures seemed to rely on their working as a team (anonymous

personal communication, August 27, 2003).

The host took the researcher to the next venue at around 6:30 p.m. The dinner

was scheduled from 7:00 p.m. until 11:30 p.m. at a clothing optional restaurant

named The Naked Lunch. The theme of the party was “Pirate’s Ball” and when

we arrived Tom changed into his pirate costume. People started arriving shortly

after for the Cuban style buffet. Dan the Man, the naked piano player and

comedian, provided the entertainment.

Andre’ and Lesley, the representatives from the Hedonism III resort, also

provided entertainment in the form of contests to win prizes. They set up a battle

of the sexes game where five woman and five men played against each other. The

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participants were given challenges involving audience members. For example

they were sent out into the audience to find a woman with a pierced clitoris, then

a guy with the hairiest penis. The last game brought women from the audience to

the men’s side and men to the women’s side. The team to get a man to ejaculate

first won. The women worked furiously at kissing, rubbing, sucking and pulling

on the men’s penises but many of them were unable to get erections. Finally, one

man ejaculated and the game was over. The researcher was called to participate

in the games by the Hedonism III representatives and declined.

The evening continued and at times appeared no different than one would see

in a bar having a costume party. The party moved to the hotel hospitality rooms

at around 11:30 p.m. Upon approaching the suite a couple told the researcher that

only one couple was having sex in the room and that they and several other

couples left because nothing was happening. The husband said that when a large

group was having sex they have no problem diving in but if there were only a few

people they felt like they were intruding. The researcher returned to his room and

found that approximately 15 people were in the pool area. He was told the next

morning by one of the men that the women were doing conveyer belt hand jobs

for the men and having a great time under the researcher’s window.

Saturday August 28th - Day 4

The researcher reserved a good position by the pool before things started. He

spoke to a couple that had been in the lifestyle for 4 years. The husband stated

that he and his spouse preferred this smaller convention to the larger one in New

Orleans. They felt that there were more opportunities to meet couples in the small

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Key West convention rather a convention with 1000 couples. He stated that one

could be easily overwhelmed at the larger events: “so little time, so many people

to do” (anonymous, personal communication, August 28, 2003). This couple had

met other couples at the convention with similar interests in common. They

planned a day of scuba diving together and other site seeing activities. They

shared that if they were going to have sex, they wanted to do it with people whose

conversation and sense of humor they enjoyed. Then if things did not work out

and they didn’t have sex, at least they still had a good time (anonymous personal

communication, August 28, 2003). It started to rain and the pool area cleared out.

The promoters from Hedonism III were under the Tiki hut by the hot tub so the

researcher took the opportunity to speak to them. Andre’ was concerned that the

rain would ruin their presentation and seemed lost in thought. The researcher

spoke to Lesley who shared that she was not a swinger and did not participate in

any of the sexual events. They both live in Jamaica (Kingston) and travel to

lifestyle conventions to promote their resort. She stated that said she could easily

separate her job from her life at home, where she said she lived the more

traditional Jamaican private life of going out with friends and to friends parties to

dance (anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003). While she was

sharing her experiences with the researcher, the massage therapy presenter was

busy massaging a woman’s genitals as her husband listened to his instructions.

He had set up a massage table by the hot tub for anyone that showed interest.

One clothing vendor that was nearby also stated that she was not a swinger

but attended all the different alternative lifestyle events. This woman said that she

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knew when it was time for her to leave a party. The people would politely tell her

that things were going to start. She stated that she felt respect for the people that

she had for customers (anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003).

The rain stopped and the Hedonism III promoters began the getting the

people back to the pool. The Andre’ encouraged people to participate in a

Jamaican dance class in which about ten people, some with bathing suits and

some nude, participated. He taught them contemporary dance moves while the DJ

played Reggae music. It was very entertaining, energetic and the dancers

appeared to have fun.

The next events presented by the Hedonism III representatives started with a

faked orgasm contest. They called for two female and two male volunteers. The

audience had broken up into private groups conversing with each other. This

made it difficult for the Andre’ to attract the crowd’s attention. He finally got a

young woman, who had previously been in a near manic state at the other contests

(she had attempted to lick the genitals of female participants at the other poolside

events), to participate. Her friend another blond female began performing

cunnilingus on her and she pretended to have a very loud orgasm screaming “Oh

yes, yes! Right there! Yes! That’s the best I’ve ever had!” The next woman in the

contest did a less dramatic, but still realistic performance. The first male

participant rivaled the first female participant in his enthusiastic display with a

female partner. The second male demonstrated a very quick orgasm, which

brought the audience to laughter. The winners received a t-shirt from the resort.

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 The next contest was called cookies and chocolate. Two men were asked to lie

on towels by the pool. A team of two women was assigned to each man,

consisting of one spouse or girlfriend of the participant and one volunteer. Andre’

and Lesley poured chocolate syrup all over the naked men, including their

genitals. Then they added crumbled chocolate chip cookies, which stuck to the

syrup. The researcher was positioned about twenty feet away and the smell of the

cookies and chocolate in the hot sun was nearly overwhelming. Andre’ explained

the directions, when he said go, the teams had three minutes to lick all the

chocolate and cookie crumbs off the men. The team with the cleanest man after

three minutes won the contest. There was a frenzy of licking, one woman used

her hair to mop up the chocolate, another tried to squeegee it to a central area with

her fingers, and then lick it up. The male contestant that won was the man in his

late fifties that had spoken to the researcher about rejecting blow jobs on the

cruise. Many people were watching the event while others were having a nice

time talking with each other in small groups and sunbathing. Nearly all the

couples were nude. Music was playing and the atmosphere was like being at a

nudist outing.

The next contest was called the golden shower. Three teams consisting of a

man and two women competed for a three-day vacation package to Hedonism III.

The male was asked to lie on a towel facing up while the two women squatted

back to back with their genitals directly over his face. Andre’ then poured a beer

in the natural crevice formed by the women’s buttocks being pressed together.

The man was to drink the beer coming out from the space between the women

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from underneath, without spilling any. Andre’ kept a humorous banter going

during the contest. Initially, the women were pressed together too tightly and the

beer would not pass through. When they finally got that part correct, most of the

beer flowed around the first man’s head and on to the towel. The woman sitting

next to the researcher said she did not think that the contest was very sanitary.

The next team started the process the same way except that the man nearly choked

on the beer and had to stop to get his breath. He made a second attempt, choked

again and stopped to get his breath. On his third attempt he choked again and

gave up. The third male contestant initially experienced the same difficulty; he

too choked and had to stop. On his second attempt he pushed his face into the

women’s genitals and was able to drink all the beer without spilling too much.

The third contestant won the trip for his team and this ended the contests. There

was an erotic massage class from 1:30 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. which couples were

invited to attend, but most seemed to be comfortable enjoying poolside activities.

The researcher returned to his room at 3:00 p.m. to prepare for the next event

scheduled at 4:00 p.m.

The Duval Street Poker Run Party was held at Rick’s Entertainment Complex.

Tom and Sage had rented the second floor of Rick’s bar. The Poker run was

described as a progressive party that had five stops. The participants picked a

card at each of the stops and their selection was noted in the poker run book. The

best poker hands won prizes. The first stop was the sunset cruise, the second was

Rick’s Bar.

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 There was contemporary music playing, a dance floor and two bars with a

balcony area overlooking Duval street. When the researcher arrived at 4:00 p.m.

there were only a few couples at Rick’s bar. One of the couples shared that they

avoided the club scene and enjoyed coming to these particular conventions. They

said that they preferred private house parties. This seemed to be the consensus for

the interviewees that seemed to be in their late forties or older (anonymous

personal communication, August 28, 2003). The manager of the bar wanted to

open the area to the public when less than twenty people showed up early in the

evening, but Sage and Tom were able to allay his concerns. By 6:00 p.m. there

were about fifty to sixty people in the bar dancing, drinking and having a good

time. One older gentleman suggested the researcher read a book called Group

Sex that was written in the early 1970’s by an anthropologist. He felt that this

book was based on scientific research practices and would be helpful to the study

(anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003). He introduced the

researcher to his wife who was dressed in bright festival wear with a bra made of

green leaves and a tiara with a plume of colorful feathers. Most of the women

were dressed in very sexually provocative clothing. Lindsey, the promoter from

Desire Spa and Resort, a statuesque young woman that stood over six feet tall,

wore a Little Miss Muffet costume with a mini skirt complete with spider

attached, high heels, and had her hair in pig tails. While she was line dancing the

woman behind her kept lifting the back of her mini skirt exposing white panties to

the crowd. Others wore what looked like lingerie and some wore mini skirts

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without panties. People were very friendly and approached the author to offer

information and ask questions about the research.

People were flirting, flashing each other, and fondling their neighbors. One

woman had two men sucking her nipples simultaneously. Another woman was

fondling a man’s penis while they were dancing. This was not a clothing optional

party because there were families walking on Duval Street. However, some of the

more well known participants began stripping for pictures on the balcony. Sage

allowed them to take a few shots and then herded them back into the bar area

away from the view of the tourists below.

Everyone was having a great time and Tom announced that the restaurant

needed an extra half hour to prepare for the group so the departure was moved up

to 8:00 p.m. The call was given by Tom at around 7:30 p.m. for the people with

mopeds to begin lining up in front of the bar for the scooter parade. The

researcher observed from the balcony as the parade began to get organized below.

When the convention participants began to line up they created quite a stir.

Most of the women were wearing mini skirts and no panties so when they began

taking photographs and flashing the crowd, people started coming out of the

surrounding bars. Guys with big smiles took pictures and joked with their friends,

some women with shocked expressions looked on and some people looked angry.

This seemed to be a situation that might end in a riot or arrests for indecent

exposure, but the parade started and moved down the street to the Southern most

point. The researcher was invited by a German couple to ride with them in their

Cadillac. From the vantage point of the car behind the mopeds, the looks of the

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passersby could be easily observed and ranged from laughter, shocked

expressions, looks of amusement and some of anger and disgust.

The parade passed a group of police officers and the researcher was sure he

was going to be arrested with the exhibitionistic revelers, but they just waved as

the parade passed them by. The participants honked their horns, waved and then

when they reached the Southern most point, several of the members stripped

naked and posed for pictures. There was a Japanese family (husband, wife and

baby in a carriage) taking pictures and one of the nude women grabbed the

woman and pulled her into the group of naked women to take a picture. Her

husband enthusiastically joined in the picture taking. After several group pictures

and a traffic jam created by passing drivers trying to get a look at the nude

women, the convoy headed to the restaurant.

The next activity, scheduled to run until 11:30 p.m., was the Duval Street

Poker Run Party at the Sands Beach Club, which included dinner and dancing.

The theme for the night was Fantasy Ball and participants were encouraged to

don feathers, body paint, and Mardi Gras masks. People came in a variety of

costumes, some brought them and dressed in the bathrooms after the dinner buffet

was over. When dinner was completed the tables were moved to open up the

dance floor and the DJ started the party. Awards and prizes were given to

participants but most of the evening was focused on the dance floor. Several of

the women were nude, others were topless or wearing very revealing fantasy

wear. People danced and made connections. Lesley and Andre’, the Hedonism

III representatives, came dressed as a leather fetish couple. Lesley sat at the bar

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and talked with the researcher while Andre’ danced with the women that

continually approached him. Another couple dressed in leather fetish gear

approached the researcher to discuss the study. The female asked if the researcher

was looking into the treatment of bisexual males in the lifestyle. She said that

males sexual interest in other males was taboo even though swingers say that they

are sexually open minded. Her husband stated that he had found that there was no

place for male bisexual expression in many of the clubs they had attended

(anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003). One the clubs the

researcher visited later did have nights set up especially for bisexual men and

women. This seemed to be a fairly new phenomenon as swinging continues to

change with the times.

Tom left the restaurant at 11:00 p.m. to set up the Hospitality Suites so the

researcher rode back to the motel with Sage. Couples were already playing in the

pool and hot tub when the researcher arrived at the motel. He helped Sage carry

some props to her room and as he was talking to her he noticed Sally and John in

the reflection of the mirror behind her. Sally was nude, rubbing her breasts

against the glass door and kissing it while John laughed and motioned for the

researcher to come to the pool. The researcher declined and returned to his room

exhausted. Swingers work hard and play hard.

Las Vegas Convention – November 9-13th, 2005

The convention in New Orleans that occurred annually in November was

touted as being the major convention of the year by swingers interviewed at the

Key West convention. Hurricane Katrina seemingly put an end to the year’s

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festivities, but when Tom and Sage were contacted, the researcher was invited to

join them at their new venue in Las Vegas. Because this event was put together

on short notice the organizers were not able to take over the whole hotel as usual.

This meant that there would be families and other conventions occurring at the

same hotel so the usual free expressions had to be limited. The organizers waived

the convention package fee of $525.00. This left only the cost of the flight, the

hotel stay ($625.00 for the four nights) and meals as expenses. The convention

rules were adjusted for Las Vegas (see Appendix B) and the program guide

clearly stated the surprisingly prudish restrictions of “Sin City” versus the

freedom participants enjoyed in New Orleans. Specifically, people were asked

not to flash each other or hotel guests and to refrain from nudity or sex in any

public place.

Wednesday, November 9th – Day One

Convention attendees were picked up at the airport by a limousine service

contracted by the hosts. The researcher was greeted by somewhat uncomfortable

expressions from the couples waiting to be transported to the resort. When a

couple (Sally and John) known to the author arrived and warmly acknowledged

him it served to create acceptance among the other couples and people were more

easily engaged in conversation. The limousine was a black bus that looked like a

nightclub inside. It had black leather seats with red leather lines that formed very

modern looking couches along the length of the bus with a bar area in the middle.

John stated that some of the buses at past events came outfitted with stripper

poles. The couples greeted each other and made small talk commenting on the

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amount of luggage they needed to bring to such an event. One gentleman stated

that he had shipped a few cases of wine and some of his wife’s clothes ahead of

time to reduce what they had to carry. Sally stated that the reason for the volume

of clothes was the need to change costume for each event, which meant changing

clothes three to four times a day. Sally also related that she and her husband

would be doing business in California after the event and needed appropriate

professional clothing as well (anonymous personal communication, November 9,

2005). The ride to the resort felt like sitting in a restaurant with a group of

professional business people discussing their vacation plans.

The resort was about 7 minutes from the airport and situated near the Hard

Rock Café Casino Resort. Check-in was simple as the rooms had been paid for

long in advance and registration consisted of signing a waiver stating that the

rules of the convention were understood and to be followed. The researcher

declined to sign the permission to be photographed as he did not feel comfortable

about how others would interpret any photos taken during the event. The packet

included an event program, the researcher’s survey, a yellow wristband that had

Hedonism III printed on it and had to be worn for the duration of the stay, as well

as advertisements and brochures from sponsors of the events. The researcher got

settled in his room and prepared for the first event.

The welcome reception was in the Ballroom from 6:00 p.m. to 8 p.m. and

consisted of a live Dixieland Jazz Band and a Cajun appetizer buffet. People

joined each other to catch up and introduce themselves. Several couples the

author met at the Key West convention greeted him and introduced him to other

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couples. One woman was very interested in the research but stated that she did

not want to share any information because she was going to write a book about

her experiences in the lifestyle. She seemed to be in her late thirties or early

forties and said that her mother was also a swinger (anonymous personal

communication, November 9, 2005). The couple the researcher met at Key West,

who were club owners in Colorado, Mary and Henry, were very helpful in

introducing the researcher to people they knew. They were happy to see that a

couple that they had introduced to the lifestyle had developed enough confidence

to attend the convention. Mary shared that initially her husband had called a club

without her knowledge and made the first anxious contact with them before

letting her know about it. Henry said he called to find out what kind of people

went to the club; he described himself as mid-forties, not a hard body, and

worried about not fitting in and of being rejected (anonymous personal

communication, November 9, 2005). This proved to be an exciting change in

their sex lives. Mary stated that because of their experiences they have

implemented a system for newcomers to have their questions answered and to

find out if the lifestyle is really for them. Mary and Henry both describe

themselves as bisexual and are very active in promoting the lifestyle (anonymous

personal communication, November 9, 2005). They were very helpful to the

researcher and spent more time with him than they probably wanted to just out of

kindness and provided him with invaluable insights into the lifestyle.

The music continued and there was a Mardi Gras style bead toss at 8 p.m.

People retired to their rooms to dress for the evening at Studio 54. Three large

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black limo busses were waiting at the back of the resort to transport the partygoers

to the club. It was quickly apparent to the organizers that there was not going to

be enough room for all the people. The busses had to make several returns to

pick everyone up. There were approximately 200 couples in the line. The women

were dressed in short flashy dresses and the men wore a variety of dress shirts and

slacks. While waiting in line to enter the club a young couple in their mid

twenties approached the researcher and inquired about the study. The husband,

Larry, said that he and his wife had started in the lifestyle about two years ago.

They were asked what they thought about the lifestyle and particularly, if there

was a problem related to age since the majority of the convention participants

were past their forties. Larry’s wife, Jenny, said that she enjoyed the social aspect

of the lifestyle and the conventions allowed them to have a good time with like-

minded people. She stated that she had not seen anyone that she wanted to sleep

with so far and that they might not hook-up with anyone during the convention.

Larry agreed and said that there was an issue with age and that they received a

great deal of attention from couples that they considered much too old for them.

They suggested that the researcher attend some of the events for younger swingers

to get a different view (anonymous personal communication, November 9, 2005).

The party seemed to be in full swing by the time the researcher entered the

club. The room at Studio 54 in the MGM Grande was dark with a small dance

floor and two bars on either side of the club. The party was held in the upper

room of the club and regular customers had to remain in the lower level. The

security personnel looked like secret service agents complete with flesh colored

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earpieces and black suits. There were no less than five of these men moving in

and out of the crowd the whole night. The attendees began dancing more

provocatively as the evening wore on, with a few brave individuals flashing and

fondling each other. The researcher witnessed one of the waitresses pointing out

a couple to the security person closest to her. The woman dancing was wearing a

mini-skirt with no panties. Her husband was rubbing her pubic area with his

fingers as he danced behind her. The guard immediately put a stop to this

behavior. This scenario played out several times throughout the night with

security acting as police to curb any inappropriate displays of affection or lust.

This event turned out to be the most restricted party the researcher observed since

the study began. However, the participants seemed to have a great time anyway.

There was a small balcony that was cordoned off for VIP’s and the researcher

was not allowed to enter this area. The VIP’s area had a small buffet and couches

to sit and socialize and seemed to be made up of employees and friends of the

hosts. The researcher assumed that Tom wanted his guests to enjoy the evening

free of concerns that they were being observed. This gave the researcher some

concern that his presence might not have been accepted by some of the guests and

that the host needed to limit his access for that reason. He made sure to be as

unobtrusive as possible for the rest of the event. Swingers were only engaged in

conversation if they approached the researcher and wanted to discuss the study.

The main area had couches and seats along the edges of the dance floor but the

music was too loud to really talk to anyone. Limo-busses were waiting to return

conventioneers to the hotel and the first day ended at 12:30 a.m. with a return to

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the resort with a group of couples talking about their earlier Las Vegas casino

excursions.

Thursday November 10th – Day Two

Setting up and organizing events for several hundred people is a difficult task

even when things are running smoothly. The researcher located the host, Tom, at

10:00 a.m. in the convention area of the resort. He was overseeing the set up of

the Tantra room, the BDSM room and the Ballroom. The Tantra room, which

was located in a large ballroom, was to be used for seminars during the day and as

a hospitality suite or orgy room in the afternoon and evening. Tom and Sage have

artistic backgrounds and the huge ballroom was transformed into a room that

looked to be transported from an Indian palace. The room was sectioned off by

flowing gossamer drapes that enclosed beds placed together to create areas for

couples to have sex together. The center of the room had two sections of beds put

together to create two large beds with a stage in the center of the room. The beds

had the same gossamer drapes decorating their perimeters with the use of

scaffolding. There were huge simulated stone carvings of Hindu deities on the

walls and pillows with Indian designs were placed strategically throughout the

room. Every detail from the lighting, the music and the general atmosphere

created was carefully planned out. When the researcher arrived an employee was

stuffing pillows while others were moving furniture and setting up lights. The

hotel housekeeping staff was supposed to have made the beds but this was not

done. What appeared to be sheets for the beds ended up being table linens and

Tom called the head of housekeeping to get the sheets delivered. There was a

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question as to who would change the sheets during the time couples were going to

be active in the room. Tom had planned on a few of the resort housekeeping staff

being assigned to stand by, but he decided it was probably a better idea for

members of his staff to do this chore.

The men setting up the BDSM seminar room, Master Lenny and Master

Timothy, were having trouble with the lighting and the set up of their room so

Tom went to check on them. The BDSM room was a conference room with two

leather and wood objects set up at the front of the room. One looked like

scaffolding with chains in each corner to bind the hands and legs spread apart.

The other was a beam of wood with a padded seat and handgrips. Two tables

along the walls on both sides of the room were stacked with all manner of fetish

paraphernalia, whips, leather hand and leg restraints, knives, etc. Master Lenny

felt that the light was too bright. Tom decided to use red gel to dim them and

provide the ambiance of a dungeon. The material to decorate the walls was

missing and Tom had to improvise with what he had by draping material half way

down the walls. Problems were constantly being thrown to him and he calmly

thought out solutions and gave orders. The whole morning had the feel of what it

might be like to set up a carnival or circus. The hosts relied on a staff of

professionals that followed direction like a military squad. Tom and Sage

appeared to be experts at handling problems.

The events for the day were broken up into three tracks to give a variety of

choices to those couples that were not exploring Las Vegas. The Erotic

Marketplace opened from 11:00 a.m. till 6:30 p.m. each day bringing the latest

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fashions and accessories to the discerning swinger. This consisted of a meeting

room with several booths selling fetish clothing and club wear. There was a

booth selling sexual toys and accessories, run by a thirty something couple and a

female friend. The husband said that this was the first convention that they had

attended to sell products and that things were going very well. The couple

repeated a common theme that many others mentioned, they felt that the people in

the lifestyle were much more friendly and open than the general population and

that they could talk about anything. They were curious about the study and

suggested some literature that might be useful (anonymous personal

communication, November 10, 2005). At the next table, a couple sold products

for shaving genitals as well as some sex toys and massagers. There was a young

woman standing at the table looking at a pussy shaver when the proprietor

approached the researcher. He was an older gentleman (possibly in his early

70’s) and had a black massage glove on his hand. He asked the researcher if he

wanted to learn how to get a woman to take him home, get into a warm tub with

him and allow him to bring her to orgasm. After answering his own question in

the affirmative, he asked the young woman mentioned earlier if she would

participate in a little role-play with him to show the researcher the technique. The

proprietor then proceeded to pretend he was holding a clipboard and told the

young woman that he was doing market research for the massage glove company

and asked if he could he touch her back. She agreed that it felt wonderful and he

continued with banter about the glove and asked if he could he test it on her chest.

This was also agreed to and he proceeded to fondle her breasts and move across

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the front of her body with the glove while talking about its sexual uses. The

woman responded with pleasurable moans to what normally would be considered

sexual battery. The performance proceeded to finding out if she lived alone and if

she had a bathtub in her home. He then offered to let her experience the greatest

multiple orgasms she could ever have because the massage glove was fully

waterproof. The woman played along and agreed to go home with him. The

gentleman turned to the researcher and stated that he sold most of the glove

massagers to young college men after he taught them the pitch because they

didn’t know how to get women to take them home (anonymous personal

communication, November 10, 2005). What the author observed frequently in

dealing with people in the lifestyle was that women and men will allow and make

breaches of personal boundaries that would not be tolerated in the society at large.

Many observations were made of people feeling someone’s breast or buttocks as

they were passing in the hall or at a party. Some of the women interviewed did

not like this part of the lifestyle and reluctantly put up with it. Many felt that it

was part of free expression and did not have a problem with it as long as people

respected them when they said no (anonymous personal communication,

November 10, 2005).

The researcher returned to following the host through the next few hours. The

dance instructors arrived for the dance lessons that were scheduled from 12 noon

to 1:00 p.m. and Tom paid them to teach whoever showed up. The couple turned

on the music and began swing dancing while Tom gave them instructions and

paid them. Many of the presenters seemed to have a similar eccentric flair.

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 There was a Rat Pack Party scheduled from 1:00 p.m. till 4:00 p.m. that was

an opportunity for people to meet each other and to dance to Frank Sinatra era

songs. Track 1 of the seminars was presented upstairs in the executive

boardroom. Master Lenny presented BDSM for couples from 1:00 p.m. to 2:00

p.m. which consisted of discussions about what defined that particular subject, the

reasons one should consider exploring it, and a few laymen’s perspectives about

the psychology behind their reasons for participating. Then Master Timothy

demonstrated Flogging for beginners from 2:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. From 4:00 p.m.

to 5:00 p.m. there was a discussion on the narrowing gap between swingers and

the BDSM crowd. Apparently, in the past these two groups did not care for each

other, each seeing the other in a negative light. The researcher attended 20

minutes of Master Lenny’s lecture and gathered information from other attendees

about the latter two sessions. They were all well attended for the room size,

which could only comfortably hold about 25 people.

Track 2 was held in one of the ballrooms and consisted of a presentation on

Practical Tantra by the Key West Institute for Tantra Studies and was held from

1:00 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. It was presented as a way for modern couples to integrate

ancient techniques into their lives. From 3:00 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. there was

supposed to be a group massage class and then from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. the

hospitality suites or group sex rooms were to open. This did not happen as

planned and was another unseen problem for Tom to handle.

The researcher attended Track 3, which was the education track and was held

in the first ballroom. From 12:00 noon to 1:30 p.m. a New Orleans police officer

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presented some of the 3000 photographs he had taken in the days following

hurricane Katrina. This was a powerful presentation and was attended by over 50

people. Much of the presentation also discussed the rebuilding of the city and the

need for people to realize that New Orleans would be ready to receive

conventions again in the near future. The officer and his wife appeared to be in

their mid-twenties and worked with Tom and Sage to help put together these

events. He shared that during the aftermath of the hurricane, Tom and Sage had

provided valuable assistance to many individuals in need (anonymous personal

communication, November 10, 2005).

From 2 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. there was a meet and greet seminar that discussed the

ins and outs of how to approach strangers in different situations such as on the

hospitality floor. The etiquette of the lifestyle was discussed at this seminar.

The next seminar, from 4:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. was a special screening of a

new cable television pilot about the lifestyle called Swing Club directed by Evan

Reinard and Nico Breidenthal. More information about the film can be found at

www.swingclubseries.com. The directors were present at the screening and were

very interested in the reaction of the audience. The film starred attractive young

couples, some sporting the tattoos and piercings popular with young adults. This

show was not received well by the audience the majority of whom were couples

that represented the 40 year to 50+ years age group and was primarily Caucasian.

One couple complained that the actors were too attractive and did not represent

the lifestyle community and that people might be intimidated by the perception

that everyone had to look like a supermodel to participate. Several people

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complained that the actors were too young and that the tattoos and piercings that

some had might frighten people, giving the impression that the lifestyle was made

up of weird people. Several people voiced concerns that the film did not show the

time couples spend getting to know each other and instead gave the impression

that they met and jumped right into bed. They felt the director should show them

doing normal activities that social couples do together to set the stage for the

sexual part of the lifestyle.

The director addressed the group and told them that one of the difficulties that

they had in creating the series was that real couples were reluctant to participate in

the show. He asked the group if any of them would be willing to sign up and the

room was silent. One gentleman said that going public was not as bad as people

would imagine. He remarked that, at least in his experience, there were no real

repercussions for his participation in a TV interview, and he encouraged others to

try it. The researcher considered this to be poor advice after having watched a

couple discuss how their participation in a film of the lifestyle, Sex With

Strangers, cost them their jobs (Gantz & Gantz, 2003). Several of the people the

researcher interviewed had serious concerns about the negative effects being

exposed would have on their lives (anonymous personal communication,

November 10, 2005). There were general complaints about things not being

representative of the audience’s experiences and that the show was focusing on

the sexual aspects because that is what sold on HBO. The researcher was

surprised by the negative reaction. The audience had appeared to enjoy the show

while they were watching it. The researcher approached the presenters after the

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audience had left and asked whether they felt that they might have had a different

reaction from swingers of a younger age group. The director stated that they had

presented the show to a group of younger swingers and that it had been received

very well. He stated that he was surprised at the reaction of this group but was

pleased that several of the couples attending had signed up to be a part of the

series. The presenters reported that they found definite difference in reactions to

their film based on age group (anonymous personal communication, November

10, 2005).

Upon leaving the filming, the researcher noticed a fire inspector speaking to

Sage. The Tantra room was locked and a couple standing nearby said that the

Alcohol Beverage Control regulatory division (ABC) had shut them down.

Apparently, a hotel guest that was not part of the convention found out what it

was about and called all the regulatory agencies. Later, Tom explained that the

officers from ABC told him that the hotel’s liquor license extended to all parts of

the hotel and that nudity anywhere in the hotel would endanger the hotel’s liquor

license. He stated that he told them that he would just move the parties to the

private suites. They told him that no nudity was allowed in any part of the hotel.

Tom suggested that it would make it difficult to bathe or use the bathroom if that

were true and they apparently conceded as the suites did open later in the night.

The section of the hotel that housed the lifestyle conventioneers was fenced off

and professional security was hired to keep out anyone who did not have a

convention wristband. Several other guards were posted at the doors to the

ballrooms and no one without a wristband was allowed to enter that area either.

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Once again the hosts put out fires and dealt with unforeseen problems in a

professional and effective manner (See Appendix D).

From 6:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. there was a reception in one of the main

ballrooms for the Ambassadors, couples that helped out with setting up the event

and provided support for the hosts and staff. At 7:00 p.m. a black and white

erotic art exhibit was opened in the hallway of the main ballrooms. This

consisted of interesting black and white photographs of nude women in artistic

poses. The exhibit remained open throughout the convention and the artist said

that he had sold a few pieces and made a few appointments to do some

photographs. Another photographer had set up a conference room with a bed,

green satin sheets and draping to do erotic photographs of couples. The

photographer’s wife told the researcher that they did quite a bit of business at the

convention. She was a strikingly attractive woman and the subject of the

photographer’s best photographic artwork. There were times that the researcher

had to take a break from the sexually charged atmosphere to regroup and regain

objectivity.

The vendors from Desire Resort in Cancun and Hedonism III in Jamaica

invited the researcher to join them for dinner. When asked about their

experiences, all three stated that they went to 12 or 13 of these events on average

each year and provided some form of fun and games for entertainment to

represent their companies. The representative from the Desire Resort, Lindsey,

was an exceptionally tall, attractive woman with a sharp wit and a great sense of

humor. The researcher asked her if the couples propositioned her at these events.

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She stated that for the most part they did not, that women sometimes approached

her but did not seem offended when she did not accept. Lesley, the female

representative from Hedonism III, said that couples asked her to come to their

rooms or parties and she agreed to be polite but did not attend (anonymous

personal communication, November 10, 2005). These three people were first

introduced to the author during the Key West convention in 2003. The changes in

them were obvious, they had grown as business people and seemed to have

become somewhat jaded by all the sexual activity and travel they endure. They

all agreed to meet at the busses later for the theme party later that night.

The theme of the party was Back in Black at Ice Las Vegas. There have been

white parties in the past according to the program and this was a change to

something different. Everyone was dressed in black evening clothes, the men

wore black suites or dress shirts and black slacks and the women were dressed in

black outfits of varying styles and lengths. This dance club had security prowling

the floors and the convention participants seemed restricted to behaviors common

to any club scene. There were a few women that put on a mild strip show for

their dates using a pole on the second level of the dance floor, but for the most

part this was just an evening of dancing and socializing that one would observe at

any club. The hosts had a semi-private party on the top floor, it was not exclusive

but required the purchase of a bottle from the club to attend. The researcher was

on a strict budget and could not afford to attend but did pass through the area

several times. People seemed to be sitting and socializing, again as you would see

in any club. People danced and at intervals determined by Tom, the room was

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blasted with some type of gas that created a fog and dropped the temperature in

the room dramatically. Later one of the staff members said that Tom spent a great

deal of money on this party because each time the gas was released it cost a small

fortune. This may have been true, as the researcher had observed that both Tom

and Sage were more interested in the guest’s enjoyment and comfort than saving

money. The researcher returned to the hotel at midnight and positioned himself at

the pool area to observe the after party activities of the participants. Four or five

hospitality suites were opened throughout the closed off area of the hotel. The

researcher decided to sit by the pool to observe the movements of the swingers

headed to the hospitality suites. He was stopped on the path by a young,

attractive, African American woman wearing only a see through red bra and

panties. She took a wrestler’s stance in a playful manner and would not let the

researcher pass. She was at the lead of a group of couples that were headed to one

of the hospitality suites and seemed to be very excited. The researcher turned

down another path to let them pass and the young woman followed him until her

husband called her to return to the group. The author observed this group go to

one of the hospitality suites, stay for a few minutes, then exit and move to another

suite. This occurred with several groups giving the appearance that some of the

hospitality suites were a better fit for certain people than others. Some of the

parties seemed to number easily more than fifty people, while others seemed to be

intimate groups of five to six couples. These parties continued until around 4:00

a.m. and people were having a great time judging from the laughter, moans, and

other sounds that could be heard from the researcher’s room.

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Friday November 11th – Day 3

The researcher located Tom, at around 10:00 a.m. and shadowed him for and

hour while he prepared the presentation rooms for the events of the day. He was

functioning on very little sleep but continued to be cordial and helpful to

everyone. He said that they had partied until about 4:00 a.m. We entered the

ballroom that doubled as the Tantra room and met two of the presenters preparing

for their class. Tom showed them how to use the CD player and the microphone

while he had others put finishing touches on the room. This was the hospitality

suite that could not be used for the intended sexual play because of the state

requirements.

The activities began at noon with a luncheon in one of the main ballrooms for

people who purchased the meal package. There was a continuation of the dance

instruction in the other ballroom and another Rat Pack Party from 1:00 p.m. to

3:00 p.m. where the representatives of the Hedonism III resort taught participants

how to tie a toga for the party that evening. The seminars in Track 1 were

Sensual BDSM for Beginner Couples by Master Bill from 1:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m.,

which was a classroom discussion on sensual bondage for couples new to BDSM.

The A, B, C, & D (cups) of Breast Bondage by Master Lenny, which was

described as a hands on demonstration of rope bondage techniques, specifically

with breasts. Yesterday, Master Lenny explained that due to issues with the hotel,

women would have to wear their bras to participate. He remarked that this would

make it difficult to truly experience these techniques but they had no choice.

From 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mistress Evil, who looked like a conservative

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businesswoman, created wax scenes using candles. Participants were cautioned to

wear undergarments for this activity as well.

Track 2 began at 12:00 noon with a seminar on finding your G-spot, by the

Key West Tantra Institute. The author had seen this presentation at the previous

convention and purchased a CD of the seminar from the presenter at that time.

The seminar consisted of gynecological pictures and an internal camera to allow

women to see their G-spots. The author did not attend and did not hear if the

hotel and state restrictions on behavior interfered with the goals of the

presentation.

The next seminar, Puja: Tantric Teachings was held in the Tantra Ballroom

from 2:00 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. Puja was described as a guided ritual that lasts

between 90 and 120 minutes and involves exploring different aspects of sensual

and sexual touch while rotating through a group of different partners. Twenty-

five couples were asked to form a circle around the bed/stage that the presenter

stood upon. The presenter was a woman of small, delicate physical stature who

dressed in silk and flowing gossamer material. She spoke with a sweet,

melodious French accent that fit the image she portrayed. Her assistant wore a

turban of gold colored material with a matching vest and sultan pants. He stood

easily around 6’ 5” tall, was thin and muscular, and manned the audio equipment

for her. He had a very peaceful demeanor and the researcher had difficulty

getting him to talk very much other than to praise the presenter.

She began the session with an explanation that no nudity or sexual activity

would be part of the presentation and that individuals were to respect each other’s

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boundaries. The couples were asked to form a circle with the men facing the

stage and the women facing the men with their backs to the stage. They were

then led through a series of choreographed activities that began with the couples

standing, pressing their palms against their partner’s palms. They were asked to

look at the light in each other’s eyes and to bow to each other. “Puja says it all

with the eyes, smile and body, whisper why you adore her so much, whisper why

he is so extraordinary to your eyes” The presenter stated. She said to say, “I let

you go because I know you will return to me and I am going to be charged by 25

others with god’s love.” The women were directed to move to the next partner to

their right each time a different exercise was completed. On the first day the

participants were put through exercises in which the women cradled the men in

their arms, followed by the men cradling the women in a similar fashion gently

caressing each other. Women were asked to straddle their partner and move up

and down their bodies in a massaging motion. Some of the men were very

comfortable and some appeared tense. Men were asked to lay their hands on top

of their partner’s head then in a fluttering motion move them up and down the

female’s body with gentle caresses. The women were told that if they were

uncomfortable having their breasts or genital areas touched, they could gently

move the partner’s hand away from these areas and this would be respected. No

one moved hands away and during some of the exercises some women partially

undressed and encouraged their partner to fondle and kiss their breasts. The

participants appeared to greatly enjoy the exercises and had no obvious problem

with the switching of partners multiple times. There were men and women of

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ages ranging from late twenties to late seventies with the majority being in the

forty to fifty year age range. The researcher observed a very elderly female

participant move from partner to partner without a hint of rejection from any of

the males. There was an atmosphere of politeness and a desire to please. This

applied to the group as a whole with some individuals being less physically

attractive than others yet all appeared to be treated with the same sexual

acceptance. The group was invited to participate in the next class to be held the

following day. The room slowly emptied and the teacher of the next class began

preparing for his presentation.

Couples massage class ran from 4:00 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. and was a hands on

course on the art of intimate touch. The write up in the program suggested that

massage was a wonderful prelude to sex and that couples and threesomes were

welcome to attend. The option of coming with their partner and switching was

also offered as a possibility. The researcher observed for the first few minutes but

the presenter did not appear comfortable with this scrutiny so the researcher

respectfully left the room. Several couples had entered the room and positioned

themselves on different beds while the presenter set up next to a centrally located

bed on the stage. The researcher had observed this presenter at a previous

convention giving massages in the pool area. During that time he and his

massage client had been nude and his massage included the woman’s breasts and

genitals. The area he was presenting in at the Las Vegas convention forbade

nudity and the researcher was not aware as to whether the class was done with

clothes on or in violation of the rules.

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 Track 3, the education track began at 12 noon to 1:00 p.m. with a discussion

on how to deal with jealousy in the lifestyle. The focus of this talk was to help

couples new to the lifestyle avoid problems by learning to communicate more

openly. From 1:30 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. there was a seminar on exploring fantasies,

the focus of which was to help the couples to expand their view of the world and

learn to fulfill their fantasies. At the next event, from 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. the

vendors from Castaways Travel hosted a seminar on lifestyle friendly, clothing

optional vacation getaways. There was a reception for couples from Louisiana

and Texas from 5:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. and then at 7:00 p.m. there was a fashion

show sponsored by the vendors from the erotic market place.

The entertainment started at 7:30 p.m. with the Erotic Hypnotist Show in one

of the main ballrooms. The stage hypnotists, a couple, put several suggestible

audience members through a number of sophomoric, silly situations that the

crowd seemed to enjoy. People sitting at the researchers table did not believe that

anyone was really hypnotized, because they remarked that some of the

conventioneers would behave the way they did just to get attention. Some of the

suggestions given to participants were that they were naked and had a very large

penis, a very small penis, body odor, etc. The audience was made up of couples

dressed in eveningwear and others dressed in togas for the dance. The show

ended at 8:45 p.m. and those not wearing togas retired to their rooms to put on

their costumes.

The Toga Party Dance started at 9 p.m. sponsored by Hedonism III resort.

The Andre’ helped the researcher don a toga for the party, which he wore over his

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cloths. The Hedonism III representatives both wore togas of red silk in the

fashion of a string bikini with nothing underneath and drew a great deal of

attention from the male and female participants. They led the audience in a

contest for the couple with the best togas. Couples lined up to be judged by

audience applause, they danced, flashed the judges and were good sports. There

were couples with professional costumes and those that had attended the toga

tying class earlier in the day. Andre’ and Lesley put on a show for the crowd,

leading them in suggestive dance moves and posing for pictures with audience

members. The researcher stayed by Lesley, with her permission, as a way of

blending in with the couples. This proved to be a fortuitous decision as couples

running the different hospitality suites later that night, invited the researcher and

Lesley to attend their parties. The researcher left with the group, Andre’, Lesley,

Lindsey and her date, to visit the hospitality suites after the dance was over.

The first room the researcher visited was small and crowded. The hosts of the

room were very friendly and offered everyone a drink called a hand grenade.

People were sitting around discussing sports and things to do in Las Vegas, no

one was doing anything sexual. The researcher observed Sally and John arrive

and assess the room. They were very polite and gracious to the hosts, made quick

small talk and asked to sign the host’s guest book. It was obvious that John was

looking for a more active crowd and within five minutes they had moved on with

the researcher’s group in tow.

The next room was a much larger suite, music was playing and people were

told that no clothes were allowed as they entered the door. The researcher

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followed Lesley into the room as she explained that she was just checking out the

parties for now. The researcher entered the suite and observed nude couples

sitting on couches, chairs and tables in the living room area of the suite. They

were conversing, smoking, having drinks, and some were fondling each other.

The only light came from the courtyard through the windows of the suite and left

everyone in near silhouette. There was a stairway directly in front of the door

leading to a loft. Some couples were congregated at the top of the stairs where

passionate moaning could be heard. The researcher climbed the stairs and

observed a couple having intercourse on a bed surrounded by observers.

Downstairs to the left of the entrance, the group the researcher was with was

congregated in a doorway to another bedroom of the suite. The researcher entered

and observed a rather obese naked woman sitting on the bed masturbating two

men lying on both sides of her. There were other couples on the bed, and

surrounding the bed masturbating, having intercourse and oral sex. There were

approximately 25 couples in this suite at the time the researcher entered and he

was told that later the number grew to more than 50 couples. It was impossible to

observe whether anyone was using condoms due to the dim lighting.

The group the researcher was with decided to go out for the evening and he

proceeded to observe other suites without them. In an effort not to create any

difficulties, the researcher observed movement in and out of the rest of the suites

but did not enter and could not report on activities in those particular suites. The

hospitality suites seemed to remain active until around 4 a.m. when no more

revelers could be heard from the researcher’s room.

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Saturday November 12th – Day 4

Track 1 seminars started from 1:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. with: Erotic Fetish Play

– Make It What You Want It To Be. This was a discussion on the many styles of

fetish play and the philosophy that fantasy is not limited by the rules of society.

Advanced flogging techniques such as the two handed flogging and Florentine

flogging were presented in the 2:00 p.m. class. The advanced rope bondage class

followed at 3:00 p.m. with intricate rope bondage and suspension scenes.

There was a room on the same floor that had a sign labeled the electric room.

The researcher did not enter this room as the door was always closed and there

was nothing in the program describing it. The researcher later spoke to a woman

that participated in the activities of the electric room. She was one of the

presenters and described the activity as using static electricity to enhance sexual

experiences. Specifically, the main presenter held on to some sort of static

electric generator while this woman held his hand, she would then place her hand

on a woman who was giving fellatio to a man lying on a massage table allowing

the electric charge to pass through them. She described it as a tingling feeling and

said the same process was used for cunnilingus. She had been very concerned

about the ban on nudity and they tried to make due by placing the nude or semi-

nude receiver under a sheet. However, the hotel security burst in on them without

knocking, put an end to their activities, and frightened this woman terribly. She

had managed to keep her participation in the lifestyle secret for seven years so far

and said that she really feared that she was going to be arrested in that incident

(anonymous personal communication, November 12, 2005). Luckily she did not

139
get into trouble, but security was definitely a dampening force during the

convention.

Track 2 seminars started a 12:00 noon with a couple teaching Tantric studies.

The researcher attended the Puja Part II: Tantric Teachings at 2:00 p.m. About

25 couples attended the seminar. They were again positioned in a circle with the

men facing the stage and the women with their backs to the stage, facing the men.

Most of the couples appeared to be in their forties but there were a few outliers

that seemed to be in their late sixties. The presenter rhetorically asked, “what is

tantric touch?” then explained, “it is a touch that is fully attentive, not grabbing, a

long flowing touch that flows like water all the way down.” “Touch like a stream

on her body, the body is a wide country to visit, are you staying in one place or

traveling far?” She continued with this type of sing-song language describing

metaphorically the connection the couples should strive for in Tantra.

The presenter told the women to offer one of their thumbs to the man in front

of them. She explained that this was the man’s Lingum (penis in Sanskrit) and for

the male partner to show the woman how he liked it to be touched. They were

asked to give a detailed demonstration to their partner, if they liked to be licked

first, etc. The ladies were each encouraged to listen carefully with their thumbs.

The women had a very positive reaction to the exercise. The women were then

asked to demonstrate what they had learned using the partner’s thumb. The

couples switched partners.

She then spoke about the Sanskrit word for vagina – Yoni, and called it the

sacred temple. The men were asked to each present their fist to the partner and

140
the women were to show the men how to approach their Yoni. After the women’s

demonstration the men were asked to take their partner’s fist and to show her

what they had learned. The couples exchanged partners and the women were told

to climb their new partner like a vine.

The couples progressed through a number of these rituals with different

partners and the author observed that one woman was wearing only a silver bikini.

Each of the participants seemed to be eager to please each new partner but this

particular person seemed to be more adept at the exercise. The woman in the

silver bikini seemed to place all of her expression and attention on the partner she

was with so that an observer might mistake them for people in a deeply loving

long-term relationship. She seemed to be totally comfortable with the men she

encountered along the circle. The researcher noted that within this group of

individuals, the level of comfort with sexuality was observed to be much higher

than would be expected in the general population. It appeared that there were

members of the group, like the woman in the silver bikini, who had reached an

even higher level of openness and comfort as evidenced by their interactions with

others. The seminar ended and the presenter approached the researcher. She

suggested that the researcher participate in some Tantric events with a partner to

get the real feel for what he had observed. The researcher explained the

boundaries that existed in this type of research and thanked her for allowing the

observation of her seminar (anonymous personal communication, November 12,

2005). The next group began to arrive for the couples massage class that ran from

4:00 p.m. till 5:00 p.m.

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 This massage class was modeled after a program called the CLIT (Couples

Learning Intimate Touch) Playshop taught by a former member that had passed

away. The author did not attend this seminar as his presence appeared cause the

presenter discomfort.

Track 3: Education – was presented in the first ballroom. The first seminar

was on body image and ran from 12:00 noon until 1:00 p.m. The presenters were

a couple that had been very helpful to the researcher at both conventions and

addressed issues related to self-image and self worth in the lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the only attendees were three couples and the researcher. The

presentation covered feelings of rejection and the fact that most of the people in

this group of swingers were not Ken and Barbie. The message was

psychologically sound and well presented, however, the lack of attendance might

reflect the threatening nature of the topic for this particular group. The presenter

was somewhat disappointed with the turn out but felt that changing the title of the

talk would make it more attractive to people next time.

The next group started at 1:30 p.m. and was presented by the stage hypnotist

from the previous night’s entertainment. Hypnotism for Lovers purported to teach

the secrets of hypnotism and ways to use the techniques to enhance relationships.

The presenter charged $20.00 per couple to attend. From 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.

there was a second screening of Swing Club.

During the other activities there was an internet meet & greet from 1:00 p.m.

until 3:00 p.m. in the other ballroom. Lifestyle related websites sponsored this

event (Lifestyle Lounge.com, SDC.com, SwingLifestyle.com, SexxyMofo.com,

142
& CouplesTouch.com) and website members were asked to wear name tags with

their website affiliation as a way of meeting other members of their online

community. Those individuals that were not members were encouraged to talk to

members to see the benefits that a particular site might hold for them. The

program stated that free trial memberships would be available at the reception.

The internet has been the single most powerful factor in the evolution of

swinging in the U.S. Individual’s commented frequently that the swingers of ten

years ago are not the swingers of today. Today individuals can share pictures and

make contacts in the safety and privacy of their own homes. Rendezvous and

parties can be set up from home, people can meet in chat rooms, and email can be

exchanged long before the people ever meet face to face. Through the groups that

sponsored this event, people interested in the lifestyle but unsure how to proceed

could easily find the information they needed to help them decide what the next

step should be.

There was a dinner party at 7:30 p.m. for those who had purchased tickets

ahead of time. The next event was the 7th Annual N’awlins in November Lifestyle

Awards Ceremony at 8:30 p.m. The award was given annually to a couple that

showed promise in shaping the future of the lifestyle. This award was given to

inspire future leaders and honor those individuals that were challenging those that

would restrict their lifestyle. People seemed to enjoy the presentations and

seemed pleased with the couple chosen for the award. The evening was just

beginning and people were told to change into their Mardi Gras gear for the

Masquerade Ball.

143
 The Mardi Gras Masquerade Ball started at 9:00 p.m. with a theme of purple,

gold and green colors. The researcher observed that the hotel had stationed three

armed security people inside the ballroom and two armed security personnel in

the hallway by the bar. This did not seem to affect the fun that people were

having, but definitely curbed the sexual expression of the crowd. The researcher

was unable to continue observation due to illness and missed the crowning of the

King and Queen of Mardi Gras. The hospitality suites were very active the last

night as evidenced by the revelers that could be heard by the researcher well into

the early morning hours of the next day.

Limousine buses were provided courtesy of the hosts for those leaving for the

airport and the researcher was able to get to his flight without incident. Looking

back on the event, the most striking issue observed by the researcher was the

number of problems that the hosts must contend with to make sure that people are

safe, happy and have a good time. They had to contend with being reported to the

fire marshal, the division of Alcohol & Beverage Control, and the threatened hotel

management, by a hotel guest who was not pleased about sharing a hotel with

swingers. The identification safe guards were breeched when some individuals

from another convention forged wristbands and made it past security. Security

people burst into conference rooms were seminars were being held, in order to

enforce the no nudity ban. The clubs that were set up for the evenings

entertainment all had the same restrictive security system that seemed designed to

keep people from doing anything sexual even though the places were taken over

by the convention. The researcher heard very few complaints by participants,

144
they seemed aware of the restrictions imposed by the government in Las Vegas

and adjusted accordingly. Some participants said that to get the real feel for this

event, one had to attend in New Orleans. The researcher was unable to observe

that event due to the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina.

Beach Parties

Sunday – June 6, 2004, 12:30 p.m.

The researcher attended two beach parties held by two local swing clubs on

different occasions. Both experiences were so similar that the researcher decided

to present observations from one to avoid being redundant.

The party was held at the clothing optional area of Haulover Beach in Miami.

The beach was very crowded but the researcher was able to locate the swingers

group very quickly. They had a large banner with their logo wrapped around

several umbrellas. There were attractive couples in small groups talking and

enjoying the sun. Everyone seemed very friendly and they were obviously

enjoying the company they were with. The researcher had been to this beach on

many occasions and observed very little difference from the usual experience

except that there were more people. He arrived at around 12:15 p.m. and may

have missed the exciting giveaways promised in the club advertisement. The

swingers in attendance were all very attractive and of different ages and

ethnicities. People appeared friendly but no one engaged in conversation with the

researcher.

145
Conclusions:

The researcher initially intended to provide a comprehensive view of the

phenomenon of swinging in its current form. The main focus of the study was to

gain as much information as possible about the Lifestyle and to present it in an

accessible form. Early into the research it was clear that the subject was much

more complex than had been expected and the scope of the study had to be

narrowed to those groups and individuals with whom the researcher could make

contact. The groups and individuals observed by the researcher were similar

those found in recent research and corroborated many of the demographic

findings of the most current studies (Bergstrand and Williams, 2000; Jenks, 1998,

2001).

The answer to the question of who were the swingers of today may have

changed a great deal in some areas during the past ten years. The internet has

opened the lifestyle to a larger group of people who have the ability to explore it

from the safety of their own homes. People who want to meet other swingers can

now make contact without the expense of joining clubs, going to conventions, or

putting ads in magazines. The number of individuals participating in the lifestyle

in this manner may be difficult to gauge. Who were the swingers the researcher

observed? The majority of participants were middle-aged, middle to upper-

middle class, Caucasian individuals. They were well educated and held

professional positions or were business owners of some sort. The researcher

interviewed police officers, government employees, real-estate agents and

moguls, businessmen and businesswomen, military officers, computer specialists,

146
club owners, professional artists and musicians, photographers, and individuals in

many other occupations. The average length of time they had been involved in

swinging was 5.8 years. Participants felt that men joined the lifestyle mainly for

sexual variety. The participants gave several reasons for women joining the

lifestyle which included: variety and sexual discovery; to feel attractive, sexy and

valued as a woman; to please their husbands; to have bisexual experiences; to

watch their partner have sex with another woman or for fun and excitement. One

woman suggested that some women appreciated having the pressure taken off of

them by having some one else responsible for satisfying their spouses sexually.

Future research might find interesting results using the Crowne-Marlowe Social

Desirability Scale with this population. The researcher found the individuals he

interviewed to be very open, polite, and helpful with few exceptions. Most of the

participants felt that swinging was a great experience for them, but an experience

that was not for everyone. When it came to sexuality, most of the participants

gave the impression of enlightenment compared to the general population. They

felt they were part of something special, exciting and forbidden. The lifestyle

could not be categorized using a simple term like wife swapping, it has evolved

into a multi-faceted experience. This population may constitute the majority of

swingers, however, while researching the subject several other groups emerged

that the researcher was unable to gain access to: African American swinger

groups, and younger groups of swingers whose age, the researcher was told,

averaged in their mid-twenties to early thirties. There was also some overlap of

groups such as nudists and BDSM groups that traditionally separated themselves

147
from swingers. These groups would be excellent sources for future research on

the subject.

The activities available to those involved in the lifestyle revolved around

social, sexual, and educational realms. The conventions provided a mixture of all

these areas and participants were encouraged to attend anything that peaked their

interest. For those in the lifestyle sex as a recreational activity opened the door to

many forms of adult play. Club owners, convention hosts, and those individuals

that hosted swingers parties had the daunting task of coming up with innovative

sexual games, fantasy play and ice breaking activities to keep their members

happy, interested and coming back for more. The danger for some more active

individuals was to become jaded. In addition to the activities described in the

study, the researcher found boat regatta swingers parties, fetish parties, cruises

and tours, and swinger events posted on internet websites. The interned provided

swingers with websites and information bulletin boards where individuals could

post and access profiles, participate in chatrooms, forums, and make connections

with other swingers. There are conceivable many more activities that the

researcher did not come into contact with.

How did participation in the lifestyle impact relationships? The question

was answered most succinctly by one woman who suggested if one felt that it was

not good then one should not do it. Most of the individuals reported that

becoming involved in the lifestyle had enhanced their sexual lives and had made

their relationships better. They cited more open communication of feelings and

148
decreased jealousy as some of the factors that improved their relationships as well

as a more exciting sex life.

Finally, the concerns swingers had about participating in the lifestyle were few.

Some stated that initially they feared that their spouses would find someone better

and leave them. This was a valid concern according to some of the participants

who reported having witnessed marriages broken up in this manner. About half

of those surveyed and most of those interviewed reported that they had concerns

about sexually transmitted infections and reported that they took precautions.

Upon further questioning some respondents reported that they did not use

condoms or did not use them all the time. Some individuals relied on the belief

that the people they were having sex with were in committed relationships and

therefore were safer sex partners. There was a culture of rejection of hard drug

use that possibly decreased the likelihood that they would come into contact with

an IV drug user or crack user. However, there is no prohibition against alcohol

use and overuse could influence the participation in higher risk behaviors than the

individual had originally planned. None of the individuals interviewed reported

hearing of anyone having a sexually transmitted infection. This was not

surprising to the researcher considering most of the individuals don’t even know

each other’s last names. But given the age group, sexual sophistication, social

status, and educational level of the participants it would also not be surprising to

find that incidents of transmission were much lower than other groups

participating in risky sexual activity.

149
 The limitations of the observational section of the study were great and the

findings could only be considered as anecdotal. The researcher was bound by

financial limitations, clubs and conventions are expensive to explore. There were

major areas of the lifestyle that were not accessible to the researcher, such as the

attendance of private parties, or the home meetings between two couples, or

attending events for young swingers. There was a great deal of information that

future research could address in this ever-evolving phenomenon. More research

is needed in the activities of other racial and cultural groups involved in the

lifestyle. There are websites such as USBlackswingers.com, Ebonyloveline.com

and Info@BlackSwingersAlliance.com, which boast over a million active

members.

Who are the swingers? They are your neighbors, your friends, your doctor,

your lawyer, your police officer, your public official, and maybe your parents or

grandparents.

150
 References

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[Motion Picture]. (Available from the Alexander Institute, 15030 Venture

Blvd., Suite 400, Sherman Oaks, CA 91403).

Bartell, G. (1970). Group sex among the mid-Americans. Journal of Sex

Research, 6, pp.113 – 130.

Bartell, G. (1971). Group Sex: An Eyewitness Report on the American Way of

Swinging. New Jersey: The New American Library, Inc.

Bellemeade, K. (2003). Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle.

New Tradition Books.

Bergstrand, C., & Williams, J.B. (2000, October 10). Today’s alternative

marriage styles: The case of swingers. Electronic Journal of Human

Sexuality, 3. Retrieved October 18, 2005, from

http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm

Butler, E. (1979). Traditional Marriage and Emerging Alternatives. New York:

Harper & Row Publishers.

Denfeld, D. (1974). An exploratory study of wife swapping. In Smith, J.R., and

Smith, L.G. (eds.), Beyond Monogamy: Recent Studies on Sexual Alternatives

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Gantz, J., & Gantz, H. (Producers & Directors). (2003). Sex With Strangers.

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Gilmartin, B.G. (1978). The Gilmartin Report. New Jersey: Citadel Press.

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Gilmartin, B.G. (1974). Sexual deviance in social networks: A study of social,

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Smith, J.R., and Smith, L.G. (eds.) Beyond Monogamy: Recent Studies of

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Gilmartin, B.G. (1975). That swinging couple down the block. Psychology

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Gould, T. (1999). The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers. New

York: Firefly Books Ltd.

Jenks, R.J. (1998). Swinging: A review of the literature. Archives of Sexual

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http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?index=195&sid=4&srchmode

=1&vinst=PROD& fmt=4&clientld=46826&RQT=309&Vname=PQD

Jenks, R.J. (2001). To Swing or Not to Swing. The Journal of Sex

Research,38(2), pp. 171-175.

Jenks, R.J. (1985a). A comparative study of swingers and nonswingers:

Attitudes and beliefs. Lifestyles: Journal of Changing Patterns, 7, pp. 5-20.

Jenks, R.J. (1985b). Swinging: A replication and test of a theory. The Journal of

Sex Research,21, pp. 199-205.

King, B.M. (1995). Human Sexuality Today. New Jersey: Prentice Hall.

Leigh, B. & Leigh, K. (2004). Single gentlemen in the lifestyle: How to win

success. Lifestyle Magazine, 1, pp. 18-22.

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30, 2006, from: Http://www.sexypartyclub.com/singleguy.htm.

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Levitt, E.E. (1988). Alternative lifestyle and marital satisfaction: A brief report.

Annals of Sex Research, 1. pp. 455-461.

Lindsey, R. (2004). Rule making and Breaking: Tips every couple should know.

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Marks, C., & Marks, S. (1994). “Swing”(Dawn of a New Era). Florida: M.S.W.

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Publishing Company.

Marks, C., & Marks, S. (1995). “Today’s Swingers”(The Complete Guide to

Successful Swinging). Florida: M.S.W. Publishing Company.

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Events, and Publications. California: NASCA International.

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New York: Springer.

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Johns Hopkins University Press.

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Lifestyle. Ohio: Peppermint Publishing Co.

Varni, C.A. (1974). An exploratory study of wife swapping. In Smith, J.R., and

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154
 Appendix A

Directions for survey packet

Thank you for agreeing to participate in this study. Please follow the directions below for completion of the
requested information.

1. This study is sexual in nature, if you have received this

information in error and are not involved in the Lifestyle/Swinging simply dispose of it.

2. Read and sign the consent form. You may make a copy for your
records, but I must have the original to be able to use your data.

3. Should you have any questions please feel free to call George
Kallas. Phone: xxx-xxx-xxxx.

4. Please answer the questions in detail and in clear hand writing.

You can use the back of the page to continue a question or add
paper to the survey as needed.

5. When you have completed the Consent form and the Lifestyles
questionnaire. Please give them to Xxx, Xxxx or George Kallas at the convention or if you prefer send
them to George Kallas, P.O. Box xxxxxx, Pembroke Pines, Florida 33024

6. If you have an interesting story about the lifestyle that

I could use in a future book I would appreciate speaking to you at a later date, please leave me a note with
contact information in the envelope.

7. Thank you for your participation. Keep this form for your
information, but please return all the other forms in the packet.

155
 Appendix A continued
The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists
At Maimonides University
North Miami Beach, Florida

Consent for Participation in Study

Thank you for choosing to participate in this doctoral dissertation. The goal of this study is to create an
overview of the swinging lifestyle and the people involved. To this end, each participant will be asked
questions related to different aspects of the lifestyle and how these things affect their lives positively or
negatively.

The interviews may be recorded to help in the process of gathering information and by signing this document
you grant the student permission to record your voice during the interview and to use the information. The
identities of all participants will be held in strict confidence.

Your participation in this study is completely voluntary and you may choose to withdraw at any time during
the study. Once the study is completed the information cannot be removed.

If you choose to participate you agree to the understanding that while participation should not cause you any
harm, it probably will not personally benefit you in any way either. You are voluntarily participating to
provide information that will help the student gain better understanding about the subject toward the
completion of a doctoral dissertation.

By signing below you also agree to indemnify and hold harmless the student George J. Kallas, the university,
professors, officers, employees or agents of The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists and Maimonides
University against claims, legal proceedings, damages, actions, expenses or any liability due to unforeseen or
unintentional harm caused by participation in this study. Thank you again for choosing to participate.

By signing below I am stating that I, ________________________, fully understand and agree to the above
statements and agree that my participation is completely voluntary.

______________________________________________ ____________________
Participant’s name (please print) Participant number

______________________________________________ ____________________
Participant’s Signature Date

156
 Appendix A continued

Lifestyles Questionnaire

Please answer the following questions as completely as possible. No identifying information will be
connected to your answers in the paper and only the author/student will have access to the information
given in this questionnaire. Please take your time and write clearly. If you need more space, write the
number of the question on the back of the page and continue there or add pages as needed. Thank you again
for volunteering to participate in this study.

Demographic Questions: If any questions don’t apply write NA in the space.

Age: _____ Female: _____ Male: _____ Marital Status: Married _____
Single _____ Divorced _____ Number of marriages: _____ Length of time with present partner:
_________

Religion: ___________ Religion of origin: __________

Cultural Background: ____________________

Race: Caucasian _____ African American _____ Hispanic _____
Asian/Pacific Islander _____ First Nation/Native American _____
Other _____________

Education – highest level: High School _____ Associates Degree _____

Bachelors Degree _____ Masters Degree _____ Doctorate _____
Professional School Certification _____ Other ___________________

Household income:
$10,000 - $20,000 _____ $60,000 - $70,000 _____
$20,000 - $30,000 _____ $70,000 - $80,000 _____
$30.000 - $40,000 _____ $90,000 - $100,000 _____
$40,000 - $50,000 _____ $100,000 + _____
$50,000 - $60,000 _____
Professional/Employment Description ____________________________________

Sexual Identification: Heterosexual _____ Bisexual _____ Lesbian _____

Gay _____ Transgendered _____

Republican _______ Democrat _____ Independent _____ Other _______

Politically: Liberal _____ Moderate ______ Conservative _____

1. How did you first hear about the Lifestyle/Swinging? What was your first reaction?

2. From your experience with other couples, who initiates conversations about swinging, the man or woman?

3. How long have you been in the lifestyle/swinging. In your experience with other couples, do you know
people that have left the lifestyle and why? Who ended the couple’s participation in the lifestyle?

4. In your opinion what is a man’s usual reason for swinging? What would be considered a good reason and
what would be considered a bad reason for a man to participate in the lifestyle?

5. What is a woman’s usual reason for swinging? What would you consider a good reason for a woman to
swing and what would be a bad reason for participating in the lifestyle?

6. What is your view of the lifestyle? How would you describe the people you know, what type of people are
involved? Do you consider the lifestyle to be normal/natural or do you see it as doing something taboo?

7. In your opinion what is the general public’s view of the lifestyle? If you have been a longtime participant
have you seen changes in attitude related to the public at large?

157
 Appendix A continued
8. How do you go about meeting other couples? What has been your experience with the internet, clubs,
conventions, swingers vacations? What has worked best for you and what has not worked?

9. How do you “hook up” with other couples in clubs or other venues? Who initiates the hook up with another
couple?

10. When/if you go to sex clubs, private parties, or conventions. Please describe what you will and will not do
sexually. What agreements, boundaries and rules do you have as a couple?

11. Are you concerned about sexually transmitted illnesses? What do you do to protect yourself?

12. Have any problems or difficulties occurred in you relationship as a result of swinging? How were they
resolved?

13. What positive changes have occurred in your life/relationship because of your participation in the
lifestyle/swinging?

14. How have you changed personally because of swinging? What positive changes have you noticed in
yourself? Please describe any negative changes?

15. How do you feel about the sex you have with other couples, is it good, do you reach orgasm? Are you
sexually satisfied after having sex with another couple, do you experience satisfaction of another kind? How
do you rate the sex?

16. Have you developed lasting friendships with any of these couples? Please describe your relationship with
them?

17. Do you socialize in other areas of life with friends in the lifestyle?

18. Are most women who swing enthusiastic about it? Do you think they enjoy the sexual experiences?

19. What was the best experience you have had in the lifestyle/swinging?

20. Describe your worst experience swinging?

21. What kind of problems have you had at clubs, parties, conventions?

22. Are their differences between clubs? What are they? Which are the best in your opinion? What would you
like to see in clubs? What would you like to be discontinued?

23. Do you feel that the lifestyle is run by women or men? Why?

24. How do you let a couple know that you do not want to have sex with them?

25. When a couple you are interested in says they are not interested in you, how do you handle it? How does
your partner handle being rejected?

26. What activities and events have you participated in at the clubs, parties and conventions? Whose enjoyment
are they geared toward, men or women?

27. Have you participated in any of the lifestyle conventions or trips? If so, what did you like or dislike about the
event(s) you attended? What would have made them better?

28. At what age did you become sexually active? Was your first sexual experience consensual?

29. What were your views about sex before you joined the lifestyle? Have they changed and, if so, in what way?

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 Appendix B

Convention in Las Vegas

Convention Rules and Guidelines

Please respect our rules and this will ensure a wonderful weekend for everyone.
Everyone will be required to sign a release stating that they understand and will
comply with our rules. If you have any problems, notify our staff at once.

1. Respect. “No means No!” Anyone that doesn’t understand this or makes
unwanted
advances will be politely asked to leave, without a refund..

2. No Nudity! We are in “Sin City” but this isn’t New Orleans. While
“flashing is ok in New Orleans, it simply isn’t ok in Las Vegas. Please no nudity
or sexual activity in any public places. Save it for your room!

3. No Drugs: This is simple “just say no” Anyone breaking this rule will be
banned forever, again-no refund.

4. Protect Yourselves: It is your responsibility to act responsibly when it

comes to personal protection.

5. No alcoholic beverages allowed to be brought in or taken from the

ballrooms: This is a state ABC law and we don’t need to give them any reasons
to give us any problems. The dances are not BYOB, so bring some cash, have a
drink and have a ball.

6. Listen to Security & Police: We count on our security to keep our event
discreet and private. Please do not give them any reason to stop this event and
ruin a great party. Be respectful and we will all have a great time.

7. Intoxication: If you become intoxicated and disruptive, you may be asked

to leave (without refund).

8. Wristbands are mandatory! You must wear your wristbands at all times.
Anyone without a wristband will be asked to leave. Anyone caught trying to trade
wristbands will be banned from all events.

9. No cameras, video equipment, recorders or cell phones with cameras:

Only people approved by N’awlins in November with a “Press Pass” and a photo
(bright orange vest) vest (sic) are allowed to take any photos. If someone takes
your picture, don’t confront them, see someone on our staff and we will help.

10. Most important rule. Have fun. It’s a rule, and it’s enforced.

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Appendix C

160
 Appendix D

XXXXXX in November in Las Vegas

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
When life gives you lemons, we made hand grenades. The State of Nevada
doesn’t like naked people. They’ve asked us nicely to not allow nudity in our
Tantra Temple and Hospitality Suites located across from the ballroom.

So we’ve already disassembled and recreated some beautiful hospitality suites

while you were having fun at Ice Please check out the following Hospitality
Suites which are open for your pleasure.

HOSPITALITY SUITES WILL BE OPEN 11:00 PM to 2:00AM

Room 2009 Red Room Sponsored by xxxxxx

Room 2301 Silk Palace Sponsored by xxxxxxx

Room 2906-2907 King and Queens Suites Sponsored by xxxxx

Room 2351 The Florida Mandigos Club Festival of Min

IR Hospitality Suite

Room 2457 The California Pleasure Suite for Real Players

Sponsored by xxxx
(also open from 3:00-5:30 pm for those looking
for some afternoon fun).

We want to thank our friends and sponsors who helped us weather

yet another storm by pitching in at a moments notice and putting
these hospitality suites together for us.

Please make sure to remember to be properly covered

coming and going to the hospitality suites.

Your Hosts,

XXXXXX

More Hospitality Suites will be announced tomorrow!

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