Allah said: “Friends on that Day will be foes to one Abu Dharr said, “The Prophet sallallahu alayhe
u alayhe wa sallam the truth. Similarly, we must order them to what is good
another except the pious and righteous persons” (Qur'an
43:67).
Choosing A Companion and Friend
The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam forbade that we
should keep company of unrighteous people. This is
because an evil companion will always have a negative
impact on one’s character.
Abu Moosa Al-Ash'aree reported that the Prophet
sallallahu alayhe wa sallam said, “The example of a
righteous companion and an evil one is that of a carrier
(seller) of Al-Musk (best kind of perfume) and a blower
of bellows. As for the carrier of Al-Musk, either he will
give [Al- Musk] to you as a gift, or you will buy from
him, or you will find a pleasant odor emanating from him.
And as for the blower of bellows, either he will burn your
clothes or you will find a foul odor emanating from him”
(Bukhari & Muslim).
Loving Someone for the Sake of Allah
Mu'aadh Ibn Jabal reported that he heard the Messenger
of Allah sallallahu alayhe wa sallam say, "Allah said: My
love is compulsory for those who love one another for
Me; for those who sit with one another for Me; for those
who visit one another for Me; and for those who spend
[charity] on one another for Me" (Sahih, Ahmed).
The highest level of companionship is to love someone
– not for material gain, not to achieve an important
position, not for any short-term or long-term worldly
benefit – but only for the sake of Allah.
Also, when two people love each other for the sake of
Allah, they should search their hearts every once in a
while, and check – has anything mixed with their love
and contaminated its purity?
Elements of Friendship: Cheerfulness, Gentleness,
Love, And Kindness
It is basic Islamic etiquette for a Muslim to meet another
Muslim with a smile every time each meets the other.
said to me, 'Do not belittle in the least any good deed,
even if it is to meet your brother with a cheerful face’”
(Muslim).
Gentleness, love, compassion, and kindness – these
strengthen the ties of companionship, for, Allah is "Rafeeq
(kind, gentle, merciful), and He loves Ar-Rifq (kindness,
gentleness, and mercy). He gives for gentleness that
which He does not give for harshness and that which
He does not give for anything else” (Muslim).
In Mas'ood related that the Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa
sallam said, "Forbidden upon the Hellfire is every
easygoing, flexible, easy- to-deal-with, and easy-to-be
sociable-with person" (Hasan, Ahmed).
One of the ways of increasing love between companions
and of removing rancor from their hearts is for them to
give gifts to one another.
In his Muwattah, Malik related that the Messenger of
Allah sallallahu alayhe wa sallam said, “Shake hands with
one another: rancor will go away [from your hearts]. And
give gifts to one another: you will love one another and
[all] enmity [between you will go away” (Hasan).
Be Sincere and Give Sincere Advice to Each Other
Tameem Ibn Aous Ad-Daaree related that the Prophet
sallallahu alayhe wa sallam said, "Religion is An-
Naseehah." Tameem related, "We said, 'To whom, O
Messenger of Allah?'" He said, "To Allah, to His Book,
to His Messenger, to the Imams of the Muslims, and to
the Muslim masses” (Muslim).
The Prophet's saying, "The religion is An-Naseehah,"
means that An-Naseehah (to give sincere advice) is the
best and most complete aspect of Islam. Ibn Al-Jawzee
explained: To give sincere advice to the Muslims means
to want good for them; this includes educating them, or
at the very least teaching them what they need to know,
and guiding them to the truth.
Therefore, to be sincere to our companions, we must
want good for them, we must clarify the truth to them,
and we must not, through flattery, deceive them about
and forbid them from what is evil. By flattering our
companions and being flexible with them in the sense
that we tolerate their falsehoods, all in the name of
friendship, we are not showing the sincerity that the
Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam commanded Muslims
to show.
Mutual Cooperation Among Companions
"And Allah helps His slave as long as His slave helps
his brother" (Muslim).
Being Humble with One Another
Believers are to be humble and easygoing while dealing
with each other, which help develop strong relationship
between them. If they behave with pride and haughtiness,
the bond between them will be weak. Not only that, pride
and haughtiness lead to transgression, wrongdoing, and
oppression.
Although Allah created people with different level of
lineage, status, and wealth, these differences are not an
excuse to belittle others. Abu Hurairah reported that the
Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhe wa sallam said, "No
one shows humbleness for the sake of Allah except that
He (Allah) raises him" (Muslim).
Good Manners
The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, who had the
best of manners, said, "The best among you is the best
among you in manners" (Bukhari). Ibn Mansoor said, "I
asked Abu 'Abdullah about good manners, and he said,
'For you to not flare up in rage, nor even to become
angry..." Ishaaq Ibn Raahawiyyah said, "It is to have a
cheerful face, to not become angry, and other similar
qualities."
Good manners play an important role in relationships
among companions. When two friends have good
manners, their hearts will become united and all malice
will be emptied from their hearts. They will then meet
each other with smiling faces, and they will choose the
best of conversation for their meetings; they will avoid
base talk, and when one of them makes a mistake, the
other will find an excuse for him.
Having A Heart Free from Rancor and Enmity
From the supplication of the Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa
sallam was: "And remove the rancor of my heart” (Sahih,
Ahmed).
Few are those who are free from feelings of rancor and
malice - few because it is difficult for a person to give
up his rights to others. If we manage to meet the
wrongdoing and ignorance and transgression of others
with a pure heart that is free of malice, if we manage
not to reciprocate their evil with another evil, and if we
manage not to hate them for the wrong, they did to us,
then we have reached a very high level of nobility and
goodness in our character.
Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah
sallallahu alayhe wa sallam said, "The believer is Ghirr
(one who is not deceptive by nature, and one who is
deceived because of his kind disposition and noble
character) and noble; the evildoer is Khibb (clever and
deceptive, always looking for ways to deceive people)
and ignoble" (Hasan, At-Tirmidhi).
Having Good Thoughts About One's Companion
Allah said, "Avoid much suspicions, indeed some
suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one
another" (Qur'an 49:12). We should have good thoughts
about our companions. When they make a mistake, give
them the benefit of the doubt; and when they say
something we don't like, interpret their words in such a
way that reflects best on their character as we have been
forbidden from Adh-Dhan (suspicion).
Forgiving Others’ Mistakes
Allah said, "...who repress anger, and who pardon men;
verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinoon (the good-doers)"
(Qur'an 3:134). When we forgive someone for a
mistake or an act of transgression, we are not showing
a sign of weakness; to the contrary, we are showing the
nobility and honor of our character.
To forgive someone also means to accept his apology.
Al-Hasan Ibn 'Alee said, "Were a person to curse me
in this ear of mine and to apologize in the other, I would
accept his apology." And Al-Ahnaf said, 'If a person
apologizes to you, then meet him with cheerfulness."
Keeping A Secret
Jaabir Ibn 'Abdullah related that the Prophet sallallahu
alayhe wa sallam said, "When a man says something
and then turns around (to make sure that no one is
listening), then it (what he said is a trust (i.e., a secret
that you must keep)" (Sahih, Ahmed).
When we are entrusted with a secret, we may not reveal
it to anyone, no matter how close a person is to us.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam made it clear
that a secret is a trust and that it must be kept safe.
Even if a person does not outright say, "This is a secret;
don't tell anyone about it," but instead simply turns around
to make sure no one is listening, we must treat what he
says as a secret.
The Wickedness of Being a Person of Two Faces
The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam said, "You will
find that among the wickedest of people with Allah on
the Day of Resurrection is he who is two-faced: who
Sincerity
goes to these (a group of people) with one face, and
to these (another group of people) with [another] face"
(Bukhari).
"The difference is that a two-faced person praises the
group he is with and finds fault with the other group,
and he does the same when he is in the company of
the other group. On the other hand, the praiseworthy
person goes to each of the two groups with words of
reconciliation, finding excuses for one group while he is
to Each Other
with the other, trying to convey good points of the other
group while hiding their faults" (Fathul-Baaree).
Source: The Book of Manners. Chapter: The Manners
of Interacting with One's Brothers. Pages 424-450.
From The Book of Manners by Fu'ad Ibn 'Abdul-'Azeez
Pamphlet Prepared by Nasrin A. Ash-Shulhoob.
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