Coaching with influence

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- Coaching has rapidly become the way most successful companies engage their
employees, because they realize it's more effective than traditional performance
management. As a coach, to be as effective as possible, you need to understand how
people think and behave. That's where the psychology of persuasion comes in.  Persuasion
helps you present your good ideas and feedback in the most compelling way possible. I'm
Brian Ahearn, and I've been teaching people about ethical influence and persuasion for the
past 15 years. I've been a coach to regional vice presidents and sales managers across the
country. In this course, you'll learn some of the basics when it comes to influencing and
persuading people. Case studies throughout the course will help you see how to apply that
skill in the coaching process. Every time you interact with another human
being, psychology comes into play, and when you're hoping to change their
behavior, that's where understanding persuasion is essential. I hope you'll take what you
learn in this course and apply it with those you coach, so they can enjoy more professional
success and personal happiness.

The coaching process

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- The late hall of fame football coach Vince Lombardi said, "most people have the will to
win, few have the will to prepare to win", many agree that everyone wants to succeed, but
not everyone is wiling to put in the time and effort to make it happen. As a coach, your job
is to help people prepare so their improved performance helps them achieve the goals
they've set. Coaching has been a part of sports going back to the first Olympics in ancient
Greece. Thousands of years ago athletes knew, having someone observe them, give
feedback, share ideas, and push them, would make them perform better. It only took
business a few thousand years to figure out having someone observe employees, share
timely feedback, collaborate on ideas, and hold them accountable, could improve job
performance. Coaching in sports differs from business coaching in two distinct ways. First,
in sports coaching is usually very directive, it's not uncommon to see a coach yelling out
instructions to players, as opposed to asking for their input. By contrast, coaching in
business tends to be a more collaborative process. Second, most sports teams practice far
more than they play, in business, everyday is game day, and practice is often limited to
workshops, training sessions, and conferences. The limited practice time in business makes
it even more important that practice be effective and efficient. Business coaching is a
process with three overarching steps. First is relationship building, is it 100% necessary that
someone likes you in order to benefit from coaching? No, but who do you think will be
more open to tough feedback? Someone who likes you or someone who doesn't? Building
strong relationships will make it far easier for those you coach to embrace your advice and
feedback. The second step is gaining trust, unlike relationships it's absolutely
necessary that anyone you coach trusts you. If they don't trust you, why would they ever
be open to your advice and feedback, they have no basis for knowing whether or not you
want to help them or your just out for yourself. And finally, accountability, this is where the
rubber meets the road. It's about getting people to take the necessary steps to make the
changes that will lead to improvement. Albert Einstein said, "The definition of insanity was
doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result", your observation and
feedback can break that cycle and become the catalyst to change. There are only three
steps in the coaching process, so it seems simple, right? Don't be fooled, getting people to
change is hard work, however the more you understand and apply the psychology of
persuasion to the coaching process, the easier the change will be.

Coaching skills

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- Success in any endeavor requires skill, and coaching is no different. There are core skills
you'll need to master to become an outstanding coach. Your effectiveness, coupled with a
willingness on the part of those you coach, can lead to great things. Let's look at several
skills that will help you master the art of coaching. Goal setting. Coaching is about
improving performance and results. The only way you know if you're improving is by using
some measuring stick. That's where goal setting comes in. You want to work in a
collaborative way with those you coach so they own their goals, rather than seeing them as
imposed on them. Ideally, you want to help coachees set goals that will require them to
stretch themselves. Listening. Stephen Covey, author of the Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People, said, "Most people don't listen with the intent to understand, "they listen
with the intent to reply." Listening is perhaps the most underdeveloped skill because
people mistake hearing for listening. More than any other skill, listening will help
you across all relationships, because good listening is so lacking in our fast-paced
world. Questioning. Good questions help people take ownership. Tom Hopkins, author of
How to Master the Art of Selling highlights this truth when he tells audiences, "When you
say it, they doubt it, "but when they say it, they believe it." Telling someone what to do will
never be as effective as helping them come up with a solution on their own using good
questions. Rapport. Have you ever met someone you liked instantly? Sure you have. You
probably liked them because consciously, or subconsciously, you had an immediate
connection. We call that rapport. Building rapport is important, because the more
someone knows and likes you, the easier it will be to take your coaching
feedback. Trust. Trust is vital to any strong relationship, because without it, there's no good
reason for people to go along with your advice. When there's a lack of trust, someone will
either shut down or question your motives. Trust on top of rapport is a powerful
combination to speak into someone's life. Accountability. Accountability is much
easier when you have a good relationship built on a foundation of trust. If someone likes
and trusts you, they'll be far more open to your feedback. Holding someone's feet to the
fire while keeping them motivated is what accountability is all about. There are other skills
that come in handy when it comes to coaching, but these six stand out because of how
vital they are. Which one can you do without if you want to be a successful
coach? None. When you apply these skills in your coaching practice along with some basic
psychology, you have a recipe for success.
Psychology in coaching

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- Persuasion is essential for good coaching because it's how you can move people to
action in non-manipulative ways. There are eight basic psychological concepts that come
in to play in most coaching relationships. They're important because they're universal
across the globe according the Robert Cialdini, the most cited living social psychologist in
the world when it comes to the psychology of persuasion. Let's review each so you have an
understanding as you move through this course. Reciprocity is the feeling of obligation we
have to give back when someone first gives to us. You were conditioned to do this from
childhood when your parents taught you to say thank you after someone did something
for you. Liking informs us of this reality. It's easier for us to say yes to friends people we
know and like. Conversely, it's easy to say no to strangers or people we don't
like. Sometimes it's not about what's being asked or rather, who's asking, that leads to
yes. Social proof tells us quite often we look to others to see how we should act in different
situations. When we see others doing something it's a cue that we might want to follow
suit. You're probably familiar with the term peer pressure when talking about
teenagers. Social proof is basically the same thing applied to adults. Authority is a
psychological concept that raises to the surface the truth that we feel more comfortable
when experts really smart people, give us advice. In fact, we can feel so comfortable in the
presence of experts that critical thinking is severely lessened making it easier for us to do
what experts recommend. Consistency is critically important in the coaching process. It
highlights the fact that people feel this internal psychological pressure as well as external
social pressure to be consistent in what they say and do. Most people feel bad when they
say one thing, then do another. Nobody enjoys feeling bad so whenever we can avoid bad
feelings we strive to do so by living up to our commitments. Scarcity tells us people are
more motivated by what they stand to lose as opposed to what they might gain. The
psychologist Daniel Kahneman won a Nobel Prize for his work in this area when he
statistically proved that human beings feel the pain of loss anywhere from two to 2 1/2
times more than the joy of gaining the same thing. Compare and contrast is a term we
use to describe this truth. People are always making comparisons between
things. Concepts like tall and short, expensive and inexpensive, heavy and light are nothing
more than comparisons between things. Finally, because. Because is a magical word. When
you tag a request with the word because and give a reason your odds of hearing yes can
go up significantly. In one study, people's willingness to let someone go ahead of them in
a long line at a photocopy shop was 50% more likely when the person asking said because
and gave a reason. Throughout this course, I'll tie these concepts to the coaching process
so you can see new ways to become a more effective coach. I encourage you to take a
moment to reflect on them and ask yourself if you've ever noticed people responding to
you because you knowingly or unknowingly tapped into any of them. Have you ever found
yourself saying yes because you realized one or more was used on you? Each is a powerful
motivator for yes.

The importance of relationships

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- Over the course of your career, you may have heard people say things like this. I'm not
here to be your friend, we don't need to like each other to work together, or my favorite,
don't take it personal, it's just business. Each reflects a short-sided approach to
business and would be a short-sided approach to coaching too. Successful coaching will
come about much easier and faster when there's a strong relationship in place. When two
people interact, boss to employee, peer to peer, or coach to coachee, there's a
relationship. The relationship may range from hostile to amazing but interaction always
sets the stage for some form of relationship. When I talk about relationship and coaching, I
mean there's some degree of mutual friendship. A strong personal and professional
relationship helps the coaching process for three reasons. First, it shows you care. When
your coachee knows you care about them, their desires, goals, future or well-being, it
makes it easier for them to take your coaching feedback. Second, it enhances
communication. When those you coach feel there's a strong relationship in place, they're
more likely to have open, authentic conversations. Third, it sets the stage for trust. The
more the person knows you like them, the easier it becomes for them to start trusting
you. One element of relationship that's particularly important is rapport. When you have
rapport with someone, you sense a connection. You might notice you think and act in
similar ways. It's a natural human reaction to like and trust people we believe are similar to
us. This comes from evolution and it's part of our biology. Over the course of human
development, people felt safer with those who are most like them but people who are
different might have intended harm. While it's not the case that we need to fear people
who are different in today's world, that doesn't change the wiring of our brains. Our brains
still operate today as they did tens of thousands of years ago. The more the person
believes you are like them, the easier it will be to work with you. Try your advise and take
your feedback. This is why building relationships through rapport and other techniques is
extremely important to your success as a coach. As you begin coaching someone, be
mindful of establishing a deeper relationship as quickly as possible.

Building relationships

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- There's no doubt that having a strong relationship with the person you coach will up your
odds of having a successful coaching partnership. In my experience, most people can
tell when they have a good relationship with another person. But when I asked them why
that's the case, oftentimes they struggle to come up with reasons. When I ask a follow-up
question, how do you intentionally build good relationships quickly? They struggle even
more to come up with ideas. If good coaching depends in large part on strong
relationships, then we should talk about some simple things you can do to build deep
relationships faster. Consider these techniques when building your coaching
relationships. It's natural for us to like people who are similar to us. When you find out
someone cheers for your favorite team or happens to be from your hometown, you almost
instantly like them. Knowing this, make it a point to look for what you have in
common, then talk about those things. Everyone feels good when they're paid a genuine
compliment. When we consistently receive compliments from someone, we begin to
associate those good feelings with that person, and we naturally like them. Everyone has
traits or actions worthy of compliments. So consciously look for the good in others then
make sure you compliment them. Mirroring is another way to let someone know you're
like them. When you're sensitive to another person's body language, you can quickly build
rapport by adopting a similar posture and movements. This isn't about mimicking a
person, it's about thoughtfully establishing rapport because they sense through body
language that you're similar to them. Pacing is like mirroring, except it focuses on voice. If
someone speaks fast and you speak slowly, you'll feel out of sync. However, if you pay
attention to pace and language then choose to modify your rate of speech and word
choice, rapport will come about naturally. Finally, giving engages reciprocity, and is one
more way to naturally make someone like you, why? Because when you give meaningful
ways, people feel good and associate those good feelings with you. Giving can be as
simple as compliments, extra time or resources. Be a giver. Imagine this. You're in a
coaching conversation, and your coachee shares a recent success, then leaning forward
with wide-eyed excitement as they talk, you lean in, smile, and show you're paying close
attention. You make it a point to share in their excitement as you compliment them, and
perhaps share a time where you had a similar experience. In the span of moments, you've
just incorporated similarities, giving, by way of compliments, and use both mirroring and
pacing. And now for the most important advice I can give you. Don't use what I've just
taught you to get people to like you. That might sound contradictory considering what I've
just shared, but it's not. I encourage you to engage all five techniques so you begin to
naturally like the person you coach. When your coachee senses you truly like
them, everything changes, and they'll become much more open to your coaching advice
and feedback. Why is this the case? Because we believe those who like us have our best
interest at heart. Abraham Lincoln was right when he said, "If you would win a man to your
cause, "first, convince him that you are his sincere friend."

Relationship case study

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- It's one thing to know something, but quite another to actually do it. When you're
working with clients, building a strong working relationship using rapport and reciprocity is
key. By doing this well, you create a connection  between you and your coachee, making
him or her more open to your coaching advice. There are some simple steps that will help
you kickstart your coaching relationship. To help you visualize this, we're going to use a
case study where you'll be working with a new coaching client, Pat. Pat is in a middle
management role at a medium-sized manufacturing firm where a senior executive has just
made it known he'll be retiring within three years. Pat wants his job and that's why she
decided to start working with a business coach. Before your first coaching session with
Pat, you'll want to know more about her. That means you'll need to do a bit of
homework. You learn Pat is in her mid-30s, married, and has two young children. She loves
to golf, but doesn't get out nearly as often as she'd like to. This is a good start, but you'll
want to dive deeper to find additional information that might help you build rapport. Pat's
LinkedIn profile gives you several things that might come in handy. You see she's
connected to several people you know and one stands out, a former coach of yours, Todd
Alles. Prior to your initial meeting, connect with Pat on LinkedIn. Do so by sending a
personal note mentioning the common connections you share. This helps set the stage for
your relationship because you're building rapport before you even meet in person. Now,
let's look at how you can apply this information-gathering to the conversation. At the
beginning of the conversation you might say, "Pat, I've been looking forward "to meeting
you. "I'm really curious, how do you know Todd Alles?" Pat tells you, "He was the
principal "at the high school I attended. "He took a liking to me and my sister "because he
saw our work ethic in sports. "He wrote one of my college recommendation letters. "How
do you know Todd?" You share with Pat that he was one of your high school coaches. You
tell her even though that was a long time ago, he still impacts you because of what you
learned playing for him and the work ethic he instilled in you. This is a wonderful discovery
for you both. Your relationship is off to an excellent start because you've established
rapport and next you'll build on it by engaging reciprocity. You continue the conversation
saying, "That reminds me, I have a book I want to give you, "Soar with Your
Strengths. "Todd recommended it to me years ago "and now I ask all the people I coach to
read it." This is an unexpected gift that has extra meaning because of the relationship you
both share with Todd. Great. Within minutes, you've established reciprocity on top of
strong rapport with Pat. This relationship is off to a solid start, which increases your
chances for success. Congratulations. As the meeting progresses, there are many
other ways you could take the conversation because you've done your homework. As your
coaching with Pat continues, you can come back to your mutual connections or find new
ones to keep building rapport. Based on what you learn about Pat's likes, experiences, and
background, you'll discover more ways to engage reciprocity that will be meaningful for
her. Remember, the more rapport you build with Pat and the more you give, the easier it
will be for her to say, "Yes," to your coaching advice and feedback.

The importance of trust

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- What is trust? It seems like we know it when we have it, but it's viewed or defined
differently by just about everyone. The late Stephen Covey, author of "The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective People," said this about trust. It's the glue of life. It's the most essential
ingredient in communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all
relationships. Before we define trust, let's establish this first. If you have not built trust with
the people you coach, they have no good reason to follow your advice. After all, if there's
no trust, then how do they know if your advice is intended for their good or to harm
them? What confidence will they have that your advice will help them reach their
goals? However, if they are confident that you have their best interest at heart and if
there's confidence that the direction you provide will give them the guidance they need to
succeed, then they'll be more apt to listen to and apply your recommendations. When I ask
people to define trust, I hear words like faith, confidence, belief, reliability, and
safety. While each of these words describes trust, it doesn't give much direction in terms of
building trust. The question is, how do I get people to believe me more or have more
confidence in me? Let's consider this by defining trust. The most practical definition of
trust I've encountered comes from Tim Kight, founder of Focus 3. He says trust is the
intersection of three things, connection, character, and competence. When it comes to
connection, that's really describing relationships. The more people like you, the more
willing they'll be to follow your lead. That's where the principle of liking becomes so
important. But remember, the key is that you like the other person, and when they sense
that, then they know that you have their best interest at heart. That's what really opens the
coachee to your feedback and advice. Character is being a person of integrity. Can you be
relied on to do what you say? If you're someone who consistently adheres to your
word and follows through on your commitments, that adds to your believability and
character. And finally, competence. Competence isn't just about being smart. It's about
using your smarts, experience, and teaching abilities to make the people you coach
better. Now consider this. If you knew someone liked you and had your best interest at
heart, they were reliable, always striving to do what they promised, and you knew they had
the skills, experience, and ability to make you better, would you trust them? Of course you
would. Now your job is to become that person for the people you coach.

How to build trust

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- Some people seem to be naturally trustworthy, while others make us skeptical. The truth
is, when you enter into a coaching relationship trust is something you can build or rebuild
when necessary. Let's take a look at several ways you can do that. By focusing on the other
person, showing you generally care about them and their success, you can enhance
trust. To do this, engage the principle of liking, because people are more willing to say
yes to those they know and like. Look for what you have in common, and talk about those
areas. Pay genuine compliments when the person you coach has done something
well. Sometimes, people need more confidence that what you're suggesting will actually
work. That is, they need to believe that what you're telling them will help them move closer
to their goals. Two principles come into play here: Social proof, and authority, so let's look
at each. Social proof is the human tendency to follow the lead of others. This has been
built into our brains over the course of evolution. Humans function better and survive
better by working together. When we learn that many people, or people just like us, are
doing something, we're more likely to follow their lead. As a coach, you want to make
sure whatever you're suggesting is backed up with information about how others have
benefited from the same advice. The principle of authority tells us people are more willing
to follow the lead of people they consider experts. Are you an expert? If not, you need to
become one through continued learning and experiences that stretch you. Even if you've
not established yourself as an expert, you can borrow expertise. For example, you may
have noticed during this course I've quoted many well-known people from different
fields. Why do I do this? Because I know you'll believe certain things more when you know
Einstein, Aristole, or Steven Covey said it. You can borrow authority in the same way. To
gain coaching credibility, share what you know and where you learned it. It takes a long
time to build trust, but trust can be broken or lost in a moment. Sometimes, that breach is
unintentional. What can you do to rebuild trust? Three things are a must. First, admit your
mistake. Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, was spot
on when he told readers, "if you're wrong, "admit it quickly and emphatically." I found in
30 plus years in business that people appreciate it when someone who makes a mistake
owns up to it quickly. Next, ask for forgiveness. Some people find it awkward to say, do
you forgive me? After you've apologized, simply say, are we good? Getting the other
person to acknowledge they forgive you will help you put the situation behind you
sooner so you can move past whatever caused the breach in trust. Finally, display integrity
immediately. The next time you get an opportunity, show you're trustworthy. You might
say, "Kelly, as I said last week, "I'm really sorry I missed our call. "I'm reaching out today just
to double-check "our calendars for next week's call." This shows you're trying hard to make
up for the mistake that you made. It can't be emphasized enough, trust is a skill you can
build. The more those you coach trust you, the more likely they are to follow your coaching
advice, and that should translate into success for your coachee and you.

Trust case study

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- Building trust is a skill and the better you are at it, the easier it will be to influence the
people you coach. To help you see how you can do this, let's catch up with your new
coaching client Pat. Pat is in a middle management role at a medium sized manufacturing
firm, she is a candidate for a senior level position that will come open within the next three
years. She's asked you to coach her so she's ready for that opportunity. You've already
built rapport and engaged reciprocity by talking about a mutual connection, Todd
Alice and giving Pat a book that he recommended. You have a good working relationship
with Pat and it's apparent she likes you but that's not necessarily enough to make her
follow your lead. It's important that Pat trusts you because it will give her the confidence to
take your advice, especially when it comes to trying new approaches. Let's take a look at
how you can gain trust in a coaching conversation. You might say, Pat I've been doing this
for 20 years and what I've seen works best for people in your position is, and you go on to
share your knowledge. The simple act of reminding Pat about your experience will help her
see you as an expert, which makes it easier to follow your advice. Another approach would
be invoking the power of the crowd, social proof. When we know lots of people are doing
something, or more importantly, people just like us, that gives us confidence to follow their
lead. You continue the coaching conversation and engage social proof by saying, Pat did
you realize more than 75 percent of senior managers have an MBA? Pat replies, I've heard
that statistic before. You follow up saying, all but one of my coaching clients who earned
their MBA made the leap to the next level within 18 months of receiving their degree. For
that reason, I strongly recommend to those I coach to go back to school using social proof
here is important for a couple of reasons, first, if Pat believes people like her have
succeeded, it gives her more confidence to take action. Second, if she realizes the people
her coach helped went on to successful careers, then she'll trust her coach even more. If
you knew this to be true, but failed to mention it to Pat, you hurt your chances of
persuading her to pursue her MBA. Not only that, it would really hurt her chances of
getting that senior level position she desires. In the short span of a few sentences, you've
earned more trust with Pat, she continues to see you as an expert because you drop in
reminders and she has confidence in your advice because of the success of your many past
clients. As your coaching progresses, there will be other ways you can build on your trust
foundation, remember trust is critical in coaching because when it comes to doing the
most challenging things, people will only strive to go beyond what they think is possible if
they see your track record for success.

Positioning ideas for accountability

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- Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it that makes the difference between
yes and no. This is where knowing how to use the principles of consistency and scarcity are
so important. The principle of consistency describes the internal psychological
pressure and external social pressure we feel to be consistent in what we say and do. Good
questions engage this principle in an easy, natural way. Consider this for just a
moment. Have you ever given your word to a friend but been unable to follow
through? Sure you have, we all have. And how did you feel? If you're like most people I
work with, you're probably thinking of words like awful, guilty, or terrible to describe how
you felt. Nobody wants to feel awful, guilty, or terrible so avoiding that pain is what drives
us to keep our word. Now here's the key when it comes to using the principle of
consistency. Telling someone what to do does not engage the psychology. However, when
you ask and they commit to you, then you've engaged the psychology and many studies
show people will be more likely to follow through after they've committed. Here's a simple
illustration. Pat, I recommend you read Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People. Versus Pat, will you read Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People? The first is a statement that doesn't demand an answer and therefore doesn't tap
into consistency. The second was a question that demands a yes or no response. With a
yes response, Pat will not want to let herself or her coach down. If she were to say no, as
her coach, you'd want to have a next best alternative ready to immediately put on the
table. This engages reciprocity because when you concede a little, usually people make a
concession in return. The principle of scarcity describes the reality that humans are more
motivated to take action when they believe they'll lose something versus gain
something. The noted psychologist, Daniel Kahneman, won a Nobel Prize for his work in
this area when he statistically proved human beings feel the pain of loss anywhere from
two to two and a half times more than the joy of gaining the very same thing. If you can
position an idea as loss instead of gain, the person you're coaching will be more likely to
take action. Here's another simple example. Pat, we need to get you enrolled in that MBA
program to ensure your success in getting that senior VP position. Versus, Pat, if you don't
get enrolled in that MBA program, the odds of you getting that senior VP position will be a
lot less. One last idea to share. If you use the word because with either principle, your odds
of success will go up even more. Psychologist, Ellen Langer proved this with her famous
copier study where people's willingness to allow someone to go ahead of them in a long
line went from 60% to more than 90% simply because the person asking said because and
gave a reason. Psychologists believe this works so well because of conditioning from
childhood. When kids ask why they have to do something, quite often parents say because
I said so. Framing your conversations using the principles of scarcity and consistency, then
adding the word because is especially important for accountability. Why? Because science
tells us these psychological concepts will be more likely to gain compliance from the
people you coach.

Giving feedback

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- The definition I use when it comes to coaching is this: Coaching is the ongoing process of
improving performance and results through timely feedback. Feedback is akin to stepping
on the scale, or monitoring your heart rate when you're trying to get healthy. It lets you
know if you're on-track or off-track, and it gives insight into next steps. Here are some
characteristics of effective coaching feedback. Timely. Good coaching feedback is
timely, meaning it happens as close to the actions as possible. Poor feedback, on the other
hand, is left to chance. Consistent. Good coaching feedback happens with regularity, but
poor feedback comes randomly. Specific. Good coaching feedback is specific to someone's
actions, whereas poor feedback is generic. Here are contrasting examples. Good feedback
would happen with regularity, and might look like this: Great job on that report. I
appreciate you getting it to me a day early, and that you kept it to one page. This feedback
would come shortly after the report has been reviewed. The person receiving the
feedback is likely to get the next report in before the due date, and will try to keep it very
concise. Poor feedback might be: Great job on that report. This feedback probably doesn't
happen often, or is more a function of how the boss feels as opposed to being thoughtful
and timely. While praise would feel good in the moment, it doesn't let the person know
why they did a great job. Now, let's talk about giving praise versus corrective
feedback. Praise lets the person know they met or exceeded expectations. Corrective
feedback is usually on the heels of something that could've been approached
differently, or done better. The goal of either is continuous improvement. Praise, everyone
likes it. Here are things to consider when offering praise. Praise needs to be sincere. People
can see through flattery, and eventually empty praise will fall on deaf ears. Praise needs to
be specific. The person needs to know what they did well, and why. It's usually okay to
praise in public, however, be sensitive because some people feel uncomfortable being
singled out, especially among peers. Praise to a third party. An example of this would be
praising someone's performance to their boss. This is a great approach, because that
praise usually makes it back to the person being coached and they feel really good
knowing their boss is in the loop about their performance. Feedback that's not praise can
be tricky, so here are tips to consider when giving constructive feedback. The person needs
to know you have their best interest at heart. This should be established early on in the
coaching relationship through rapport and trust, but reminders never hurt. The feedback
needs to be specific so the person knows what has to change and why. It should be done
in private, because no one wants to feel called out in front of others. Don't go to a third
party unless you've gone to the coachee first. Doing this allows them the opportunity to
make the necessary changes. Don't give a praise sandwich, where you give praise,
corrective feedback, then praise. Too often, this just leads the coachee to focus on the
praise, not what needs to change. In the coaching process, feedback is the key to let
people know if their performance is on or off-track. It's also their way forward, because it
lets them know what they can do to grow their skills and improve their performance.

Accountability case study

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- We've all been there before, you have a good relationship with someone, it's apparent
they like you and trust you, but getting them to do things is like pulling teeth. Relationship
and trust are important but not always enough to get people to change their ways. This is
where accountability is crucial. To help you see how you can utilize accountability, let's
look at your relationship with your coaching client, Pat. Pat is excited about the senior-level
position at her mid-size manufacturing firm that will come open in the next three
years. She reached out to you to coach her, so she would be ready when the opportunity
arises. A married mother of two, her life is busy, to say the least. Your relationship with Pat
is solid. She likes you, and over the last six months, your conversation have always been
upbeat. She also respects you because of your experience, past successes, and solid
advice. But there's a problem. Despite saying how much she wants the senior-level
position, you've noticed Pat isn't doing everything necessary to ensure she's the top
candidate. How can you reverse this trend? Accountability is a key to making sure people
follow through. Let's see how this might play out in a conversation. You open with, "Pat,
I'm enjoying working with you, "but I'm starting to see something that concerns me. "Are
you open to some feedback?" Pat responds, "The reason I hired you is to give me "the
advice and feedback I'll need to reach my goals." You come back with, "Great, that's what I
was "hoping to hear. "You've been clear about what you want, but I'm not seeing "the
follow-through necessary to get you there." Pat asks, "What do you mean? "I feel like I'm
doing all I can." So, here, you have a perfect opportunity to engage scarcity. Because
people will take more action to avoid loss than to gain, it's imperative that you frame your
conversation correctly. You say, "Okay, here's the deal. "Close your eyes for a moment and
imagine this. "It's three years from now, and the senior-level "position has been filled, and
you didn't get it. "In a moment of a candor, you look back "and realize you could have
done more. "For example, you talked about getting your MBA "but never even enrolled in
a program. "Open your eyes and tell me how you feel right now." It's very likely Pat will tell
you she feels awful. She might feel like she wasted time, money, and effort. She might also
have the pain of regret, regret at not pursuing that MBA. This isn't bad because it might be
these feelings that spur her on to make a different set of choices going forward, ones that
will increase her chances for success. Don't stop there, pursue the conversation a little
further, saying, "Sometimes we don't realize the magnitude "of the mistakes until it's too
late. "I know you don't want to invest time, effort, and money "only to come up short
because of something "that was within your control. "So, level with me, will you get online
this week "and register for that upcoming MBA program?" What's critical here is you asked
instead of telling. You'll gain a commitment by asking a question and getting her to say
yes. It's a common belief in coaching that you'll have far more success getting people to
take steps toward achieving their goals with this approach for two reasons: First, Pat
doesn't want to look bad in your eyes by saying one thing but doing another; second, and
more importantly, she doesn't want to let herself down. She knows what she agreed to and
will feel bad if she doesn't follow through. The principle of consistency is a
powerful motivator of human behavior. If you remember one thing from this case
study, when it comes to getting people to be more accountable, it would be this: Stop
telling and start asking. Ask, so people commit to you, and you'll be pleasantly surprised at
how much more they follow through.