Bulletproof Mindset

A Copywriter’s Guide To Removing Mental And

Emotional Blocks To Success By Reprogramming
Your Childhood Memories

By Ning Li
 Acknowledgements

I want to take a minute to thank a few people in my life who’ve made this book possible,
and who’ve helped me immensely on my journey.

Firstly, thank you Dan Ferrari for believing in me, investing in me, trusting in me, and
mentoring me. You helped me jumpstart my career and you’ve taught me more about
marketing than I’ve learned anywhere else. You are the big brother I’ve never had.

Secondly, thank you Brent Charleton for teaching me your framework, and for helping
me on my journey for inner growth. Your work has changed my life, and I am forever
grateful.

Thirdly, thank you David Sinick for paying me lots of money, providing the opportunity
and the network for me to learn and grow, and for investing in my growth. I’ll forever be
grateful for what I learned with you.

Lastly, thank you to my lovely wife Angeline Li, who’s stuck by my side this entire time
- all the way back to when I was a poor, triggered mess. Thank you for helping me grow.
Thank you for always supporting me. I love you and I’m always appreciative that I get to
grow old with you.
 Introduction

Hey, it’s Ning. Welcome to Bulletproof Mindset, your introduction to my world of

mindset coaching. As I’m writing this, it’s January 28th, 2022. I’ve been coaching
copywriters for more than 4 years and in the last cohort of students, my coaching has
become so ruthlessly effective that student’s incomes increase even after just 2 or 3
calls with me.

It’s not uncommon for students to talk with me for 15 minutes… and suddenly more
money kind of just “falls out of the sky” in the coming weeks. Yes, a lot of this is due to
the tactics and techniques I teach when it comes to copy and clients… but underneath
both of those areas is your mindset.

This is a key area that nearly every other copy coach ignores. Which is unfortunate,
because your mindset determines how fast you improve… how much money you make…
and what obstacles you run into. It runs you without you knowing. And it blocks your
progress without you seeing it.

My introduction into the mindset world began in 2019. An odd thing was happening in
my career. For my entire life, I tried to “prove myself” through 3 main areas.

In my early 20’s, it was through fitness. I ran a dozen marathons. I ran a few 50-mile
races. I bicycled across the country a few times. I tried to find my self worth through
incredibly painful physical tasks. Yet I still felt like I was a complete failure.

In my late 20’s, I thought that maybe dating a bunch of beautiful women would make
me happy. So I studied dating, did a lot of cringe-y pick-up artist shit, and found great
“success” in dating… yet my life was still a complete shitshow.

When I found copywriting, I thought that making more money would fill the “hole”
inside me. So I put my head down, worked my ass off, and found great success in the
professional world. Yet I found that I was no happier than when I started.

So if good health, relationships, and money didn’t make me happy… what the hell was
wrong with me?
That was the question turning in my mind when I started looking towards the world of
therapy and philosophy.

In the summer of 2019, I went to a workshop led by a man named Brent Charleton. He
was a licensed psychotherapist… and the workshop was a turning point in my life
because it showed me a world I didn’t know existed.

I dove headfirst into the world of “mindset work”... releasing years of shame, anger, and
frustration in huge bouts of crying and screaming, as well as experiencing incredible
moments of serenity, peace, joy, and love. I experienced psychedelic breakthroughs
with medicines like psilocybin mushrooms and ayahuasca. I unwired countless toxic
patterns I learned from childhood… and my entire life transformed.

This work turned my life from one filled with fear, anxiety, shame, and anger… to one
filled with abundance, peace, and love. All the while, my income has skyrocketed while I
worked fewer hours… I experience less “friction” in my life than ever before… and in a
word, my life is just peachy. Mindset work was the key to it all.

When I coached copywriters, I began seeing the same mindset blocks that held me back
in my students. Blocks like procrastination, imposter syndrome, anxiety, pain from
romantic breakups, and more. So I began building a mindset framework from all my
years of doing the work to help students overcome their blocks.

The journey helping these students has been amazing… CRAZY… unexpected… but
fulfilling.

I’ve had students in full sobbing breakdown in my living room as they released pent-up
shame and trauma… I’ve helped students overcome imposter syndrome… finally let go
of suicidal thoughts that have plagued them for 20+ years… even get over breakups so
they could focus on work again.

In this book, I’ll show you how my mindset system works, so you can begin the same
journey in your own life.
In general, the more of this mindset work you do on a certain area of your life, the
better that area of your life will become. For example… the more mindset fixes you do
on your relationship to money, the more money you tend to make. The more mindset
fixes you do on romantic relationships, the better those relationships become. And so
on and so forth.

When you do the memory releases I show you in this book, it’s one of the weirdest
feelings in the world. The next day, you’ll wake up and feel like you’re in a bizarre new
reality. But with time, you’ll learn that this new reality is healthier, filled with more joy
and appreciation for life, and it’s just a way more awesome experience than living a life
weighed down by a backpack of mental gunk. I can’t wait for you to experience it.

With this process, you’ll be able to reprogram your subconscious. You’ll be able to
change mental patterns you’ve followed your entire life. You’ll have an incredible tool
to help you overcome addictions… anxiety… depression… self-sabotage… and free
yourself from toxic relationships. You’ll make amazing changes in your life… ones that
right now, you may not even believe you’re capable of.

Are you ready to experience it? If so, flip the page and let’s begin!

- Ning Li
 How Do These Mindset Fixes Work?

//image of a circle inside another circle//

//outside circle is “thinking” / conscious brain

//inside circle is “emotional” / subconscious brain ←

I want to start by laying down a foundation to help you understand how these mindset
fixes work. Take a look at the picture I drew above for you. This picture is a
representation of your brain.

It’s composed of 2 parts. The first is your “thinking” brain… where your thoughts come
from. These thoughts are made up of words and sentences. If you’re like most people,
your thinking brain is active pretty much 24/7. You experience it as a running dialogue
inside your head… a constant stream of thoughts, running through your head like a
never-ending river. These thoughts sound like:

I’m hungry! Oh, what should I eat? I really want some mac n cheese. I wonder if that person
will text me back. I should probably stop procrastinating. Wait, lemme check Instagram
again. I wish my mother would stop calling me. I can’t believe I didn’t get that promotion at
work.

The second part of your brain is your “emotional” brain. Whenever you’re sad, angry,
happy, joyful, preoccupied, worried, or feeling some other emotion, this part of your
brain is active. Instead of thinking in words, sentences, and thoughts, your emotional
brain feels… and can be activated through images, music, art, and sound.

Now, the first thing to understand is this:

Your subconscious “emotional” brain CONTROLS your conscious “thinking” brain.

It’s like your thinking brain is a dog on a leash… and the owner holding the leash is
your emotional brain. Your thinking brain can tug on that leash all it wants… but in the
end, your emotional brain decides where to go.
That’s why when you’re angry… all your thoughts come out angry, and you get angry at
small stuff that usually doesn’t even bother you… and your anger only dissipates when
your emotional brain gets distracted with something else.

Same thing with being happy or sad. Your emotional brain sets the emotion for the
moment, and then the thoughts that come out afterward follow whatever emotion that
is.

Your subconscious “emotional” brain is the control center of your brain. Thus, it is the
source of all your mental suffering.

Because here’s the next big piece you need:

Your subconscious “emotional” brain is programmed by your childhood memories

(ages 3-18).

All the memories of your entire life are stored in your subconscious brain. The
memories between ages 3 and 18 are especially important because that growing
adolescent brain is very “spongy.” In order to learn how to survive in their new
experience on earth, kids’ brains soak up everything around them: emotions, thinking
patterns, action patterns, everything. And the main place kids soak these patterns up
from is their primary caregivers (usually their parents, but sometimes, a child is raised
by aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, etc.) and their immediate family (whoever was
your “family” growing up).

So think of your subconscious as a memory bank. Every time your parents or siblings
said something to you… or told you something… or wanted you to be a certain way,
your child brain picked that up, wrote that memory down, and stored it in your deep
internal memory bank. And you didn’t just store what your parents said to you or did to
you… you also observed all their behaviors and emotional patterns, and stored those as
well.

Your brain stored all these memories… and then pulls memories out of storage when a
situation happens in day-to-day life that triggers that memory.
Your brain uses this memory bank as a “playbook” for how to interact with the world
as you grow older.

For example, say you sit down and eat some McDonalds. As soon as this situation starts
unfolding, your subconscious brain does a quick scan: What memories do we have that
shows us how to react emotionally to eating McDonalds?

Then it pulls that memory up, runs that script, and voila: you get the emotions and
thoughts that run while you eat McDonalds.

For you, whatever script comes up will just feel “normal” - it’s what eating McDonalds
feels like, and you’ve never known it any other way. But for someone else, they may
have a completely different experience, because a completely different memory script
plays.

Because of this, one person eating McDonalds may be a happy experience (say, because
their family time growing up eating McDonalds was a generally pleasant experience)...

While another person eating McDonalds may have an experience filled with shame and
guilt (because their mom or dad fat-shamed them whenever they ate unhealthy).

It’s not just eating McDonald’s, either. You’ve got memory scripts running in the
background when you drink alcohol, watch porn, get in a relationship, have sex, eat
food, watch TV, play video games, go for a walk in the park, play with a dog, get a text
on your phone, absolutely EVERYTHING.

Your entire experience of reality (all your thoughts and feelings) is programmed
by your memory scripts.

And most people are totally unaware! They just go about their lives while these
memory scripts run in the background.

Now, you may find this incredulous… unbelievable or totally implausible, even. But I’ll
prove it to you with a simple exercise.
Think about whatever was stressful or emotionally charged about your day. What was the
main thing you were charged up about? Were you angry? Sad? Ashamed? Guilt-ridden?
Frustrated?

Think about what the main problem was - did it have to do with work? A client? A
romantic partner? An addiction?

Whatever the emotional trigger is, take a moment to stop… take 3 deep breaths… and
then think about your emotional pattern when it comes to this particular trigger. What
emotions keep happening in your life with regards to this trigger, and when do they pop
up? The more specific you get here, the better.

Now, I want you to close your eyes and ask yourself… when was the first time I felt this
way?

You can even try closing your eyes and visualizing a child version of yourself
experiencing this emotional trigger.

Some memories (or one very charged memory) should come up… and you may feel a
little uncomfortable as your subconscious scripts get activated.

Whatever memory comes up first - that’s the one with the most emotional charge
around it, and that’s the memory your subconscious is running as a script for this
particular problem in your life.

As you can see, the emotional charge in your stored childhood memories determines
how you feel day to day.

For example, I grew up with traditional Asian parents who were always angry at me if I
wasn’t perfect in school, so as an adult I would always get angry at myself if I wasn’t
perfect at work or with my hobbies (I was copying my parent’s emotional pattern towards
myself).
My wife grew up taking care of her two younger siblings (she had absent parents who
handed her the care-taking responsibility), so as an adult she always felt compelled to
take care of others and put the wants and needs of others above her own.

One of my friends has a severe eating disorder and body image issues because her
father used to pinch her belly fat and fat-shame her mercilessly.

Other people have alcohol addiction problems because of a traumatic childhood with
alcoholic parents, and they learned how to cope with stress from their parents: with the
bottle. Some people react to the same situation by going in the complete opposite
direction: they react to their parent’s behavior by never touching alcohol.

So let me ask you a question:

What are the main emotions stored in your memory bank?

If your parents put a lot of pressure on you to do a certain thing or to be a certain way,
you may experience a lot of shame and guilt around a similar topic in adulthood.

If your parents were physically or sexually abusive towards you, you may experience a
lot of fear, anger, or thoughts of self-harm.

If your parents were neglectful, you may be neglectful of your own wants and needs in
day to day life.

If you tend to shut down and not really feel anything, you may have learned to shut
down and put up walls somewhere in your teen years - or, you may have seen your
parents do the same thing.

Conversely, if your parents were loving, caring, understanding, accepting, and

supportive, you are probably a very well adjusted and happy individual with a high
sense of self worth.

Let me guess… if you’re reading this book, that’s probably not the case. Don’t worry,
99.9% of the population is right there with you.
Everyone’s carrying around a heavy backpack filled with dark memories.

The more memories with dark emotions you have, the heavier your backpack is. The
heavier your backpack is, the more pain and suffering you’ll have in your life.

The heavier and darker your memory bank is, the more problems you’ll have with:

- Substances
- Addictions
- Self-sabotage around work and clients
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Low self-worth
- Abusive relationships
- Extreme neediness
- Fear of being alone
- And on and on…

Basically, the darker your childhood, the more mental suffering you will endure and the
more psychological issues there will be.

So that begs the question… What the hell do you do about it?

We are going to reprogram the memories in your memory bank so they are filled
with understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and love instead of pain, shame,
guilt, fear, anger, and suffering.

That way, your day to day life will be filled with peace, joy, and self-love instead of all
the dark stuff.

As the memories in your memory bank change, they’ll be “let go” of your memory bank,
and they’ll lose their negative emotional charge.
You’ll still remember the memory, but your brain will naturally stop using it as a
“script” to run.

In that way, you’ll be freed from that emotional trigger pattern forever. I know that’s a
big promise. I’m here to deliver.

So to recap:

Your conscious, thinking brain is controlled by your subconscious, emotional

brain.

In other words, your emotions and emotional patterns control your thoughts and
actions.

Your subconscious, emotional brain is programmed by your memories -

especially childhood memories between the ages of 3 and 18.

These memories are the source of your emotional blocks.

We are going to reprogram those memories so those blocks no longer control

you.

Sound good?

Great!

Let’s get started!

 How To Access Your Subconscious
And Talk To Your Inner Child

I want you to imagine what you looked like when you were a child. It would be between
anywhere from 5 to 14 years old. Go with the first image that comes to your brain. What
clothes are you wearing? What expression does your child have on his or her face?

Close your eyes and imagine this child version of yourself for a moment. Feel his or her
presence sitting right in front of you. When you open your eyes, visualize your child in
front of you again and say this to him / her:

“[YOUR NAME], I love you. I haven’t talked to you in awhile… and I know you’ve been in
pain. I’m sorry I haven’t come to help you sooner… I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you or ignored you
in the past.

I want you to know that I love you, and I’m here now to help you. Wherever mom and dad
went wrong growing up, I’m here to fix. And I’m here now to help you heal.”

Go ahead, step forward, and give your child a hug. Squeeze him or her tight… and one
last time, tell them you love them.

Go ahead and do this little mental exercise right now. You may feel some emotions
come up. You may get some weird sensations in your chest, throat, or other regions of
your body. Understand that this is totally normal.

This is the beginning of your healing journey.

Last chapter, you learned that your subconscious is a memory bank. Inside, you’ve got
all your childhood memories between the ages of 5 and 18 stored.

In this chapter, I will teach you how to access your subconscious. In fact, if you did the
exercise above, you just accessed it.
You can access your subconscious by picturing and interacting with your inner child.

All you have to do is mentally picture yourself when you were younger - anywhere
between the ages of 3 and 18. This is your inner child. And all throughout the day,
unbeknownst to you, your inner child is replaying memory scripts inside your head,
while you interact with the world. In essence, for most of the day, your inner child is in
charge of you and your brain.

When you’re sad, your inner child is replaying a sad memory. When you’re angry, it’s
often the teenage version of your inner child acting out a memory script filled with
anger. The emotional state of your inner child basically controls YOUR emotional state.

You can practice doing this visualization right now. Picture your inner child in as much
detail as possible. You can even use an actual photo of yourself if necessary to help you
visualize. Ask them mentally how they are doing, how they are feeling. You may get
some surprising answers - ones that you weren’t expecting.

The crazy part about this exercise is, you can talk to your inner children and ask them
questions… and the answers they give you will always lead to the truth about your
subconscious.

Give it a try. Close your eyes, picture your inner child, and ask them:

How are you feeling right now? Is there anything bothering you?
Would you like to tell me why you’re feeling that way?
When was the first time you felt that way?

At the beginning, you may not have a great relationship with your inner child. He or she
may even shun you, yell at you, or even flat out ignore you. Don’t worry… with time, I
will teach you how to talk to him or her in a way that helps your inner child open up to
you and trust you.

Personally, at the beginning of my journey, my inner child was in pain. He wasn’t

feeling very loved. But with time and a lot of mindset fixes, he started hugging me and
telling me he loved me. The happier my inner child became, the happier I became.
So in broad strokes, this will be your journey. It may sound cheesy, but it will help you
feel better and improve your life like no other.

We are going to help your inner child feel better.

We’re going to do that by going into your memories and re-parenting your inner child.

Now, before we get into the specifics of how to do that, let’s lay down some guidelines
for talking to your inner child. In no particular order, let me give you the broad strokes
of the “do’s and don'ts” of talking to your inner child.

“DON’TS” When You’re Talking To Your Inner Child

- Don’t shame your inner child

- Don’t blame your inner child
- Don’t tell them what they’re doing is wrong
- Don’t tell them what they’re feeling is wrong
- Don’t tell them to STOP doing something
- Don’t tell them to STOP feeling a certain way
- Try not to ignore or suppress your inner child… this leads to repression, which
leads to your inner child throwing tantrums and whatever feeling you’re
suppressing exploding out of you in weird ways
- Don’t tell them what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do
- Don’t tell them what they “should” or “shouldn’t” feel

“DO’S” When You’re Talking To Your Inner Child

- Do listen to your inner child

- Do validate your inner child’s emotions, thoughts, and feelings - you can do this
by listening to their thoughts and feelings, and telling them “I understand. It
makes sense that you think and feel this way.”
- Do tell your inner child you’ll protect them if they feel threatened or afraid
- Do tell your inner child they are “good” and not “bad”
 - Do hug your inner child
- Do tell your inner child “I love you”
- Do tell your inner child “I forgive you”
- Do tell your inner child “I’m sorry”
- Do tell your inner child “I accept you the way you are”

In essence, you want to treat your inner child as if they were a real child and you are the
parent. And it’s your job to be a good parent to your inner child - because no one else
will do that for you. How do you be a good parent, you ask? Well that is the million
dollar question.

I’ll teach you all about that in the upcoming chapters. But to start, you can do your best
to show your inner child unconditional love. The more you love you show your inner
child, the more you will heal.

You can even make it a daily habit to wake up and talk to your inner child. You can do it
while lying in bed. While you’re walking to the grocery store. While you’re waiting in
line. You can do it anywhere, anytime. The closer you are with your inner child and the
better your relationship with them, the easier the steps in the coming chapters will be.

Alright. With that out of the way, let’s get to the real meat and potatoes of these
mindset fixes.

How To Reprogram Your Memories

By Re-Parenting Your Inner Child

Disclaimer here: when you do these mindset fixes, it’s emotionally taxing. It’ll be
somewhat intense… and you will feel the need to soothe yourself after. So keep that in
mind… and maybe don’t do any “big ones” before something where you have to focus
or use your brain a lot. I like to do these at the end of the day, where I can wind down
and relax afterwards.
And if you’re currently doing therapy - good. Any activity that involves introspection
and thinking about your own patterns, behaviors, and emotional reactions is good. This
is an inward journey of self-discovery. So keep going to therapy. This book is a good
supplement for that.

Also… before we get into this section, it’s important to note: if you are taking
medications, they may have an effect on this type of work. These medications often
close down your emotional range and prevent you from feeling certain emotions, which
will affect this process.

I recommend you make a decision for yourself. I won’t go against the advice of a
licensed professional. However, hopefully with enough healing you can live a healthy,
peaceful life without the need for extra help.

With that being said, let me share with you the entire 4-step process of Trauma Release
Therapy.

1. Identify the emotional trigger

2. Find the memory linked to your emotional trigger
3. Recognize the block in the memory
4. Reparent your inner child in the memory

That’s the whole process. Let’s get into more detail.

Step 1: Identify The Emotional Trigger

The first 3 steps of this process are all about self-awareness. You can only release pain,
toxic behavior patterns, and negative energy if you are aware of the blocks or triggers
that are causing them. The more self-aware of your patterns and triggers you are, the
more powerful your release will be.
Thus the first step is to get crystal clear on your patterns and triggers. We’ll focus on
just one trigger to start. So let’s begin with a simple question:

What’s bothering you right now? What was the most triggering part of your day?

Is it:

- Work problems?
- A romantic relationship?
- A friend relationship?
- Money problems?
- Sex / porn problems?
- Food or body image triggers?
- Family problems?
- Substance / addiction problems?

Feel free to journal for 5 minutes about one main emotional trigger you want to work
on today. If you can’t think of anything, simply lay down on the ground and don’t do
anything. I’m serious. Lay down on your back, close your eyes, and just breathe. Then,
see what your brain comes up with. Your most triggering issue will naturally surface.

Another way to identify it is to ask yourself: what’s the first thing you think about when
you wake up in the morning? Be brutally honest with yourself.

Once you’ve identified an issue to work on, think to yourself:

How does this problem make you feel? What kind of emotions are associated with this
trigger?

Write down all the emotions that apply.

- Anger / Frustration / Resentment

- Fear / Anxiety / Worry
- Shame / Humiliation / Low Self-Worth
- Guilt of doing something against one’s own moral code
 - Pain / Boredom / Sadness

Then, write down some of the thoughts that come up when you think about this trigger.
Try answering the question:

What are my patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior around this issue?

Try not to judge your own thoughts or what you are writing down - your thoughts and
feelings are always valid, no matter what they are. This is your chance to let your
thoughts flow onto the page.

It can be helpful to categorize this trigger in a TRIGGER / REACTION manner.

For example:

When __________________, I feel ______________________ (emotions)

When __________________, I think ______________________ (thoughts)
When __________________, I tend do ______________________ (behaviors)

For example:

- When she doesn’t text back, I feel worried that she doesn’t love me anymore
- When I check my bank account, I feel guilty about spending too much
- When my mom criticizes me, I feel angry because she’s always trying to control me

Identify the triggering situation first, and then identify what your reactions are (both
thoughts and feelings). Then, what behaviors do you usually do after? Do you stuff it
down? Act out the emotion in some way? Shut down? Build walls? Engage in some type
of soothing behavior?

When most people get triggered in a certain way, they’ll feel the urge to soothe. It’s a
way for them to deal with the emotion that’s riled up inside of them. Soothing
behaviors can include:

- Food
 - Porn
- Sex
- Validation / Attention
- Drowning the emotion with alcohol or other substances
- Video games
- Watching TV
- Shutting down
- Escapism or daydreaming
- Striving for or achieving something
- Extreme perfectionism

What are your soothing behaviors? What behaviors do you tend to default to when you feel
crappy? How do you feel better when you’re feeling crappy?

Most people’s behavior patterns follow the same structure:

TRIGGER (something happens in the world or someone says something or does

something)

|
|
|
V

YOUR REACTION (emotions, which cause thoughts)

|
|
|
V

SOOTHING BEHAVIOR (what you do to feel better)

Another way to get clearer on your trigger pattern is to identify what your nightmare
and fantasy scenarios are. In other words, write down what your nightmare scenario is.
When it comes to this particular trigger, what’s the worst thing that could happen?
Then, write down your fantasy scenario: When it comes to this particular trigger, what
do you desperately want to happen?

In this way, you can identify what you want to happen and what you DON’T want to
happen. These are both filters your subconscious is using to interpret reality - and both
filters come from your stored memories.

//image//

//Person’s Head// ----->//sunglasses// ----> //trees, sky, sun//

YOU The “trigger filter” you see Reality
The world through
(comes from your
Stored memories)

Before, you may have thought you were simply observing reality your entire life.
However, I’m here to let you know that the way you see the world is tinted by your
“trigger filter” - an interpretation based on your stored memories. Up until now, you
have only experienced the world through your triggers.

To remove a mental block, you must first realize what your “trigger filter” is and how it
is affecting your view of the world. That is what the exercises in this chapter are helping
you do.

You can also get clearer on what your “trigger filter” is by simply observing how other
people act when it comes to the particular trigger or issue you are working on. You can
even ask a friend what they think about the situation or what they would do.

Remember, they are viewing the world through their own “trigger filter” made up from
their stored memories. Thus, they may think, feel, and act differently from you when it
comes to whatever problem you’re working on. Neither you or the other person is
“right” or “wrong.” Everyone is “right” in their own minds because their thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors are based on their “trigger filters.” You and this other person are
simply interpreting the world with different filters.

This “trigger filter” based on your stored memories is basically what you may think of
as your personality.

Once you’ve completed the exercises in this chapter, you’re ready to move on to step 2.

Step 2: Find The Memory Linked

To Your Emotional Trigger

Okay, you’ve got a good sense of your trigger patterns. The next step is to find the
charged memories that are linked to these “mental scripts”.

What do I mean by charged? I mean that these memories will carry a lot of emotion.
The deeper the block in the memory, the more emotional charge the memory will carry,
the more pain and suffering this memory will cause in your life.

So let’s start by reading back through your responses for step 1. You’ve got a list of
thoughts, feelings, and behavior patterns when it comes to a certain trigger. I want you
to close your eyes, think about these thoughts and feelings, and answer the question:

When was the first time you felt this way?

Search your mind for a memory between the ages of 3 and 18. The memory will most
likely involve your immediate caretakers or your family members. In some cases, it may
involve an interaction you had in school with your peers.

It may be one single memory of a certain event in your childhood - or it may be a

memory of a pattern of events.
Trust your gut when it comes to this. Usually the first memory that comes up will be the
memory with the most emotional charge. That’s good - it’s the right memory you’ll
want to focus on.

Other times, multiple memories may come up. That’s okay, too. Go ahead and list your
memories in your journal under a section labeled “Linked Memories.”

You can describe each memory with 1-3 sentences so you remember which one you
want to work on.

If you’re struggling to find the memory linked to a trigger, you can get clearer on it with
the “memory link exercise.”

Simply lay down in a comfortable spot and close your eyes.

Focus on your breath. Breathe in cycles:

- Inhale for 4 seconds

- Hold for 4 seconds
- Exhale for 4 seconds
- Hold for 4 seconds

Repeat 3 times. This is done to quiet your mind.

Then, (eyes still closed) visualize your inner child and ask him/her:

When was the first time you felt this way?

Allow images, feelings, and memories to come up.

In your journal, write down what your inner child says or does.

Once you have 1 or more memories written down in your “linked memories” list, it’s
time to move on to step 3.
 Step 3: Recognize The Block In The Memory
(And Understand How You’re RECREATING
This Block In Your Current Life)

Okay, here’s where things get a little funkier.

You’ve got a list of memories. Each one carries trauma and emotional charge. You’re
going to want to do “releases” on each memory. However, we’re going to start by just
focusing on ONE memory so you get the hang of how it works.

So go ahead and pick the most charged memory out of your memory list. (Which one
feels like it carries the most emotion?)

Then, sit down with your trusty journal.

We’re going to:

1. Identify exactly what the block in the memory is

 2. Recognize how you are unconsciously recreating that block in this area of your
life

So let me start by introducing you to the 6 different types of mental blocks:

- Pressure block
- Attack block
- Neglect block
- Abandonment block
- Narcissism block
- Stifle block

Below, I’ll explain what each block is, how it manifests in most people’s everyday lives,
and most importantly - I’ll give you a preview of how to release this type of block from
your memory in the next chapter.

Your job is to note which types of blocks exist in the memory that you want to work on.

Let’s get started.

Mental Block #1:

Pressure Block

What a Pressure Block Is:

A pressure block is when your parents pressure you to be a certain way or to do a

certain thing. For example, my parents pressured me to work hard, get all A’s in school,
and be “impressive” so they could show me off for their friends. They pressured me to
NOT have fun, goof off, be wacky, be loud, or play too many video games. Nearly all
parents “pressure” their kids to some extent. Ideally, kids could grow up and their only
responsibilities would be to grow, learn, be loved, and have fun, and parents are there
to take care of them, love them, support them, and help guide them. In essence, a
healthy parenting style looks more like a counselor you would go to for help or ask
questions to, as opposed to a tyrant, which is what my parents were.

So what did your parents / caretakers pressure you to do or be? Some examples include:

- Many Asian parents pressure their children to be high achievers

- Many religious parents pressure their children to be chaste
- Some parents pressure their children to achieve in sports
- Some parents make their children take care of their siblings
- Some parents fat shame their daughters and pressure them to be skinny
- Many parents compare their children to other’s children when they pressure their
children to be a certain way, this also results in trauma

This is by no means an exhaustive list.

Pressure blocks can also exist at school. For example, growing up as an Asian American
in the white suburbs of Boston, I felt very different. I believed that girls thought I was
unattractive because I was an Asian man. I knew I looked different. And I wanted to
change my name from “Ning” to “Nick.” In essence, I felt like a piece of me was
unworthy of love, and I felt “pressure” to be different from who I was.

Pressure blocks essentially boil down to your identity… and will affect your self-worth.
Who do you feel like you need to be to be worthy of love? Who do your parents want
you to be?

In your journal, go ahead and write down what you were pressured to do or be.

NOTE: Throughout this section, I will be referring to “parents” as the source of your blocks. However, if
you were raised by someone who wasn’t your biological parents, you can substitute whoever that was for
whenever I say “parents”. Your source of mental blocks comes from whoever was your primary caretakers
growing up. For some people, that’s aunts, uncles, or grandparents. For others, it’s a sibling. Whoever
raised you growing up, you will view them as your “parent figures.”

How Pressure Blocks Manifests In Your Everyday Life:

If you experience a lot of pressure growing up, you tend to associate your self-worth
with whatever area of life they pressured you on. Thus, you will likely develop a severe
perfectionism in that area of life (believe it or not, perfectionism can be an unhealthy
behavior… more on that later). You will also likely develop feelings of shame, guilt, and
low self-worth whenever you “mess up” or are “not good enough” in this area of life.

For example, my parents pressured me in achievement at school, so I developed

extreme perfectionism at work that actually slowed down my productivity and made
work a lot more stressful than it needed to be.

My wife developed extreme “care-taking perfectionism” because her parents pressured

her to take care of her siblings as a “step in babysitter.” In reality, that could’ve been
her parent’s job, not hers.

So let me ask you… what area of your life do you have extreme perfectionism in? And what
memory or trauma is this linked to in your childhood? What did your parents pressure you
to do? Who did your parents pressure you to be?

Go ahead and write down your answers in your journal.

How To Re-Parent Your Inner Child In A Memory With Pressure

Blocks:

I’ll start off with a statement that may be quite jarring for you to hear.

Even if you were perfectly what your parents wanted you to be, and behaved perfectly like
they wanted you to behave, your parents would likely still not be happy with you.

Think about that for a moment. Were their times in the past when you were perfect for
them? Did you behave exactly like they wanted you to behave? How did that pan out?

You see, how happy your parents are actually has very little to do with you, who you
are, or what you do. It has to do with them, their triggers, and their past. You can do
whatever the hell you want, behave as perfectly as you can, but if they had a traumatic
past, they will find fault with the world around them - and that includes you.
So part of the re-parenting technique you will learn in step 4 will involve putting a
healthy mental boundary between you and your parents, and handing their pain back to
them. Their pain belongs to them, not you. Nothing you do can resolve their pain, and
it’s not your job to resolve their pain for them or to do what they want you to do. That’s
not your responsibility anymore. Your goal can now be to do what YOU want to do and
be who YOU want to be.

In step 4, we will be rewiring your memories by going into the memory as an adult and
relieving your inner child of this pressure block.

You can do this by telling your inner child that he/she doesn’t have to do ___________ or to
be ___________ anymore. Fill in the blanks with whatever your parents pressured you to do
or be.

Go ahead and write down these statements in your journal in preparation for step 4.

Mental Block #2:

Attack Trauma

What Attack Trauma Is:

Attack trauma happen when your parents attack you verbally, physically, or sexually.

Verbal attacks include insults, bullying, and excessive criticism, belittlement, or

judgment. My parents used to call me “big dumb son” in Chinese. They also used to
make fun of my eyes, which they told me were too small. Other parents pinch their
daughter’s belly fat and tell them they’re too fat and need to lose weight. You can also
suffer verbal attack trauma from bullying at school, which often leads to social anxiety
later in life.
Physical attacks includes beating, smacking, slapping, spanking, and other forms of
physical abuse. It can also develop from just the threat of physical abuse (“you better not
do XYZ or I’ll hurt you…”). One person I worked with was actually locked in a bathroom
by the person’s mother as a form of punishment. The first memory release we did
involved going back in the memory and visualizing bringing their inner child out of that
same bathroom.

Sexual abuse trauma is also a form of attack. This, unfortunately, is one of the most
harmful and damaging types of attack blocks, and will result in many, many
psychological problems growing up. Unfortunately, this type of trauma is more
common than you may think.

How Attack Trauma Manifests In Your Everyday Life:

Have you ever seen a dog who’s been beaten by a past owner? They cower in fear and
expect any new stranger to beat them. Well, the same pattern actually happens in
humans as well. This will give you a good idea of how attack trauma can leave mental
scars that wound you for the rest of your life.

The most common emotion that results from attack trauma is fear. Many people that
experience attack trauma feel a lot of anxiety and social pressure, because they feel
unsafe if they do something wrong. Your fear will likely be centered around the same
issue that your parents attacked you about. For example, those who get fat-shamed
growing up will develop body image issues (and linked eating disorders).

Sexual attack trauma will also come with a lot of guilt and shame. This type of trauma is
a severe boundary violation, and will make a person feel unsafe around sex (or even
around all men, if they were abused by a man).

How To Re-Parent Your Inner Child In A Memory With Attack

Trauma:
In the next chapter you’ll learn how to reprogram your memories and release the
emotional charge in them. If these memories contain attack trauma, we will focus on
protecting your inner child in the memory.

That means if there was sexual or physical abuse, you will visualize stepping in between
your parents (or whoever the source of the trauma was) and your inner child, and
STOPPING the abuse.

If it was a verbal attack, you will visualize stepping in between your parents (or whoever
the source of the trauma was) and your inner child, and letting your inner child know
that whatever they said, it’s not true.

This will help relieve a lot of the fear and anxiety stuck in your system.

Go ahead and write down in your journal what kind of attack trauma you experienced in
your childhood.

Mental Block #3:

Neglect Trauma

What Neglect Trauma Is:

Neglect trauma is when your parents neglect to take care of your wants and needs.
Growing up, a child needs ample amounts of:

- Food
- Water
- Clothing
- Shelter / a home
- Love
- Company
- Appreciation
 - Friendship
- Protection
- Support / guidance

… and more. If your parents neglected some of your wants and needs growing up… you
will likely learn to recreate this neglect around the same issue.

For example, one person I’ve worked with was the caretaker of her siblings growing up.
Her parents always made her take care of her siblings, make sure they do their
homework, and feed them - essentially her role was to be a mother for them while their
real mother went off and drank.

Thus, she learned that her role was to put the wants and needs of her siblings above her
own wants and needs. In her adult life, she recreated that same dynamic with her
friends, her romantic partners, and everyone else around her. She would never put her
wants and needs first… in fact, she rarely even thought about what she needed or
wanted - only what other people wanted.

Another example is a client who’s mother starved her as a form of punishment. She
would be sent to her room without dinner if she messed up or misbehaved somehow. In
her adult life, if she was stressed out, her hunger would disappear - she was
unconsciously recreating the starvation punishment.

You can imagine that for other people, their cravings skyrocket when they’re stressed,
and they tend to eat more. It all depends on what your relationship to food was when
you were growing up.

How Neglect Trauma Manifests In Your Everyday Life:

Like with all types of trauma, people tend to recreate their neglect trauma in their
everyday lives. Whatever wants and needs your parents ignored or neglected growing
up, you will likely do the same in your own life. In other words, you’ll tend to ignore /
neglect your own wants and needs or put other’s wants and needs above your own.
Take a minute and think about what wants and needs your parents took care of well
growing up… and what they didn’t take care of well.

For me, my parents provided for me financially. They fed me. Gave me a nice life in
America with a big, beautiful home. I got to play sports, and I had friends. In those
areas, they did a great job of taking care of me.

However, when it comes to showing love, appreciation, and being proud of me, they
didn’t do such a great job. They were always criticizing me, punishing me, angry at me,
yelling at me, and pushing me to work harder and achieve more.

Thus, when I grew up, that was the same mental dialogue I had with myself in my own
head: yelling, upset, etc.

In general, what a parent says to their child will echo in that child’s head his or her
entire life - unless he / she does deep inner work to unwire all of it.

Your job is to recognize when you’re hearing your parents' voices in your head - and do
this type of work to break free from it.

Men & women with neglect trauma will also tend to have trouble voicing their wants
and needs… and tend to default to what others want. This can build resentment and
pain.

Take, for example, the age old question: “What do you want to eat?”

For the longest time, my wife could only answer the question with: “whatever you want”
or “I’m fine with _______________” after I chose a restaurant. However, it was very difficult
for her to form a sentence like “I want to eat at _____________”, because she wasn’t given
that choice growing up.

If you have a lot of neglect trauma from your childhood, you’ll want to focus on paying
attention to your wants and needs - separate from anyone else’s wants and needs -
voicing your wants and needs, and taking care of those wants and needs.
How To Re-Parent Your Inner Child In A Memory With Neglect
Trauma:

In the next chapter, you’ll go into your memories and give your inner child what he or
she didn’t get enough of growing up. Listen to their wants and needs, and take care of
them.

Whatever wants and needs that your inner child was missing from your parents growing
up, you will visualize going back into those memories and giving it to them.

If it’s food, you will bring your inner child food and encourage them to eat. If it’s love
and appreciation, you will go back and let them know how much you love them and
appreciate them.

If it’s play time, you will go back into the memory and bring him / her to the playground
(or wherever he / she wanted to play).

Go ahead and write down in your journal any neglect trauma you can think of from your
childhood.

Mental Block #4:

Narcissism Trauma

What Narcissism Trauma Is:

Narcissism trauma happens when you have narcissistic parents. A narcissistic parent is
one who makes their wants and needs the most important thing in the house - and they
make it everyone else’s job to take care of their wants and needs.

In essence, narcissism means, “you are here to serve my wants and needs, even if you don’t
want to.”
A narcissistic parent doesn’t realize there’s another way to do things… that a parent
could take care of a child’s wants and needs, as opposed to the other way around.

A narcissistic parent is a bit like a tyrant. Interacting with them always feels like they’re
only thinking of their own wants and needs, and not yours. They’ll say things like:

“You must listen to me.”

“You are here to serve me.”
“As long as you live in my house, you have to follow my rules.”
“Whatever I say goes.”
“You should do whatever I want you to do.”
“ If I say the sky is green, you better shut up and just agree with me.”
“After all i’ve done for you…”

Parents like these will often justify this behavior by saying, “You should do whatever I
want you to do” because “I’m your father” or “I did XYZ for you”.

Some men & women find themselves unable to say no, because they feel compelled to
always put others wants and needs above their own.

How Narcissism Trauma Manifests In Your Everyday Life:

People who grow up narcissistic parents often re-create their trauma in either of two
ways:

1. They copy their parent’s narcissistic behaviors

2. They re-create the narcissism trauma by unconsciously surrounding themselves

with narcissistic friends, co-workers, and romantic partners

They don’t do this on purpose - it is simply the pattern they learned from their parents
of how people interact.
So if you have narcissism trauma in your childhood, ask yourself:

Where in my life am I re-creating this trauma?

Am I interacting with anyone who reminds me of my narcissistic parent?
Do I feel like I need to take care of someone all the time or keep them happy all the time?
Is there anywhere in my life where I feel like someone owes me something because I did
something for them?

In fact, one of the key ways you can identify these “narcissism trauma scripts” is when
you do something for someone or you automatically put someone else’s wants and needs
above your own.

You may feel like you have to take care of someone, or that it’s your responsibility to
“be unselfish.”

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with doing something for someone else - we just have
to be mindful of the place it’s coming from. Is it coming from a place where you
consciously decided to do that thing for someone else after considering both your own
wants and needs, and theirs? Or is something you feel obligated to do because you
default to putting others' needs before your own?

Ask yourself this… how comfortable are you with voicing your wants and needs and
telling them to other people? If you feel uncomfortable doing so, there are some mental
blocks underneath.

If you tend to ignore your own wants and needs and focus too much on others wants
and needs, you’ll tend to neglect yourself. This will lead to your life feeling out of
control and you feeling drained because you are constantly taking care of people… and
in some cases, resentment and anger build up because other people will take advantage
of you and “not appreciate” what you’ve done for them. As a result, many people who
have these types of scripts are introverted or prefer being alone, so they can finally
breathe and not have to take care of anyone else.

Here’s a good exercise: think about all the acts you do during the day… all the activities
and hobbies you are about with regard to the issue you’re struggling with, whether it be
a relationship, friends, work, or family. On a piece of paper, go ahead and write down
which of these things you do for yourself… and which of these things you do for someone
else. If you’re doing that thing for someone else… what kind of script are you running?
Who are you really taking care of? Most likely, you are running a script from childhood,
of taking care of a narcissistic parent.

Go ahead and write down any revelations you have in your journal.

How To Re-Parent Your Inner Child In A Memory With Narcissism

Trauma:

In step 4, when you revisit a memory with narcissism trauma, you’ll want to let your
inner child know that he or she doesn’t have to take care of your parent’s wants and
needs anymore. It’s not their job, and it’s not their responsibility. They simply don’t
have to do it anymore.

Instead, you’re going to be there to take care of your inner child’s wants and needs,
since they’ve been neglected and ignored for so long. It’s your job now to voice your
own wants and needs, and to be able to put them first.

Mental Block #5:

Abandonment Trauma

What Abandonment Trauma Is:

Abandonment trauma happens when you are abandoned or rejected by your caretakers.
Some parents simply were never home to take care of their children. Others were home
but were emotionally distant. Sometimes, just the threat of abandonment is enough to
create a traumatic memory.
In severe cases, a child is “kicked out” of their own family or extended family and
“disowned.” Children who experience their parent’s divorce while they grow up tend to
have abandonment trauma.

Also, just the threat or abandonment or rejection can lead to this type of trauma. For
example, if a parent threatens you, “if you don’t brush your teeth, I’m going to throw you
out of the house.”

How Abandonment Trauma Manifests In Your Everyday Life:

Abandonment trauma tends to get activated a lot in breakups, with friends, and in
relationships. Anywhere where there is intense fear of abandonment, this trauma is
being activated.

As you may know, a severe heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences anyone
can go through. That’s because it literally feels like a parent is abandoning you or
rejecting you as a child. It also leads to a person feeling scared to be alone and feeling
lonely.

This can lead to a low sense of self-worth, because the child grows up believing they
don’t deserve to be wanted or loved. If you have intense fear of abandonment, you
likely have this type of trauma in your past. Some people also have an intense fear of
cheating in their relationships, if they observed that kind of behavior growing up in
their parents.

So note any instances in your day to day life where you feel fear of abandonment or
rejection - this is where abandonment trauma is manifesting in your current life.

How To Re-Parent Your Inner Child In A Memory With Abandonment

Trauma:

In step 4, you can reparent your inner child in memories with abandonment trauma by
simply being there for your child, comforting them and being with them, and reassuring
them that you will not abandon or reject them.
This is, essentially, the opposite of abandonment.

Go ahead and make a note in your journal of any memories where you felt abandoned or
rejected by your caretakers.

Mental Block #6:

Stifle Block

What Stifle Blocks Are:

Stifle blocks occur when you feel like it’s not okay for you to feel certain emotions or act
in a certain way, so you stifle, repress, or push down that part of yourself. This results in
deep shame about this part of your personality, and you try to hide that part of yourself
from the world.

An easy way to find the stifle trauma in your past is to ask yourself…

What did my parents shame me for? What am I not allowed to do or feel? What rules did my
parents set for me?

A common type of repression for religious families is sexual repression. Religious

children tend to get a lot of sexual shaming, so they experience stifle trauma around
sexual thoughts, sexual behaviors, masturbation, and porn. This happens in
non-religious families as well.

As such, these repressed or stifled parts of yourself tend to explode out of you in weird
ways. In many cases, a repressed emotion becomes an explosive emotion.

You push it down, push it down, push it down, until that part of you explodes out in
inappropriate ways.
Stifled emotions will lead to a lot of self-sabotaging patterns… and it’s not just sexual
feelings either.

Some people are taught by their parents that they’re not allowed to be upset, or that
you can never be angry at family. Some people were yelled at by their parents growing
up if they were too loud, too happy, or played too much… so they learn to stifle that
part of themselves in their adult lives as well.

How Stifle Blocks Manifest In Your Everyday Life:

One of my clients had a case where she would always cry in her car… yet anywhere else,
she would never cry. We delved into this pattern and discovered that she had different
scripts for different locations.

For example, at home, her parents always forbid her from crying or showing emotions -
so she learned to stifle or repress her emotions there. She wasn’t even allowed to
express her emotions in her room.

Her car was the only place where she could process pain… so it became her “crying
place”, even in her adult life.

Whatever emotion, action, or part of your personality you were told to push down or
stifle in your childhood, you will tend to do the same in adult life.

As mentioned before, this can result in the “pushed down” part of you exploding up in
inappropriate ways.

Some people who grow up with parents who are more robotic and don’t show a lot of
emotional affection will end up becoming uncomfortable with showing emotional
affection themselves.

In other cases, if a person experiences a lot of this type of trauma and shuts down their
emotions continuously, it can lead to a decreased emotional range, where you struggle to
feel anything.
How To Re-Parent Your Inner Child In A Memory With A Stifle Block:

In step 4, we’ll concentrate on letting your inner child know that despite what your
parents taught them, it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling. We’ll validate their
thoughts and feelings, let them know that it makes sense and it’s perfectly okay and
normal, and teach them that it’s not a bad thing to think or feel that way.

We will allow your inner child to feel those feelings and to think those thoughts. And
that will release the shame embedded in the memory.

Step 4: Re-Parent Your Inner Child In The Memory

Great work so far. To recap, you’ve:

- Identified the trauma memories that are the source of your emotional pain
- Identified the types of trauma present, be it: pressure, attack, abandonment,
neglect, narcissism, or stifle
- You have a list of emotionally charged memories ready for release

In this chapter, you’re going to learn how to process each of these emotionally charged
memories, one by one.

I recommend you pick a memory connected to whatever mental block you’re

experiencing in your life for your first release.

Once you have your memory ready, I’ll walk you through these 4 steps:

1. Talk to your inner child in the memory

2. Establish a boundary
3. Undo the trauma
4. Talk to your parent in the memory
Okay, let’s begin.

Reparenting Your Inner Child Step 1:

Talk To Your Inner Child In The Memory

Let’s start by sitting down or laying down somewhere comfortable. Close your eyes and
take a deep breath, and then exhale. Simply sit and breathe for a minute or two. This is
done to quiet your mind and allow your mind to focus on the memory.

When you’re ready, bring the memory up in your mind and visualize your inner child in
the memory. This is where it will get quite uncomfortable and difficult as you start
processing the emotional charge.

I want you to talk to your inner child and acknowledge and validate his or her
thoughts and feelings.

Tell him or her that you understand they’re feeling anger, shame, guilt, fear, pain, or
whatever other emotion they’re feeling… and let them know it’s perfectly normal okay
and you understand why they feel that way. The more specific you can be, the better
here. Whatever thoughts they have, recognize and empathize with your inner child, and
simply listen to them share their thoughts and feelings. Let them know it’s okay and it
makes sense that they think and feel that way.

An example sounds like:

“Ning, I know that when someone makes more money than you, you think ‘I need to make
more money’ and this makes you feel shame and less than. It makes sense that you think
and feel this way. It’s okay to think and feel this way.”

Reparenting Your Inner Child Step 2:

Establish A Boundary
In this step, I want you to speak to your child in that memory… and let them know that
whatever your parent did or said, that came from your parent’s triggers and scripts.
Whatever your child learned from your parents doesn’t have to be their “truth”
anymore… and they don’t have to copy or react to your parents anymore.

Tell your child that he or she doesn’t have to be what your parents wanted him or her to
be… and they don’t have to do what your parents wanted them to do anymore.

The goal here is to establish a mental boundary between your inner child and your
parent’s influence in the memory.

Reparenting Your Inner Child Step 3:

Undo The Trauma

For the next part of this exercise, you want to visualize walking into the memory as
your current age… seeing your child in the memory… and then undoing whatever
trauma or block happened to your child in that memory.

If the memory involves you parent yelling at you and telling you you’re a failure unless
you do XYZ… you would tell your child in the memory that they’re not a failure and
that they don’t have to do XYZ, and that you love them even if they don’t do XYZ.

In one of these exercises, a student I helped was in a memory where their mom had
locked them in a bathroom as punishment. I had that student visualize unlocking the
bathroom door and leading their inner child in the memory out of the bathroom.

If you’re unsure how to “undo” the trauma in the memory… you can either ask me (if
you’re currently an active coaching student) or you can go back through the last chapter
in this book, where I describe each type of block and / or trauma. At the end of each
section, I go through how to undo each type of block.

Broadly speaking…

Removing a pressure block in a memory - tell your child that they don’t have to do
or be whatever your parents wanted them to be. If you have perfectionism around a
certain issue, you can let your child know they don’t have to be perfect in that area, and
that “reasonable” is okay.

Removing attack trauma in a memory - step in between your child and whatever the
source of the attack is in the memory and protect your child from the attack. Help your
child feel safe through reassurance that you will do your best to protect him or her. Try
to physically remove the attacker from the memory.

Fixing neglect trauma in a memory - attend to your child and just be with them -
they may be feeling lonely and in pain. Give your child whatever they were missing or
whatever you didn’t get enough of from your parents growing up.

Fixing narcissism trauma in a memory - tell your child that he or she doesn’t have to
take care of other people’s wants and needs anymore. It’s not their responsibility and
they don’t have to do it anymore. That you are there to help them take care of their own
wants and needs now.

Fixing abandonment trauma in a memory - this one involves being there for your
child and supporting them in the memory where they felt abandoned. Help your child
feel supported, accepted, loved, and validated.

Removing a stifle block in a memory - tell your child that whatever they are pushing
down, repressing, or stifling is okay. That part of themselves is acceptable, lovable, and
human, and that you accept that part of them, and they don’t have to stifle that part of
themselves anymore.

Reparenting Your Inner Child Step 4:

Talk To Your Parent In The Memory

At the end of the visualization, you can stand in between your child and your parent in
the memory, and speak to your parent. Tell your parent exactly what they did wrong in
the memory… and how that made you feel. Let them know that from now on, things are
going to be different, and that you are going to handle this part of your life differently.
Then, you can hug you inner child, hold them by the hand, and lead them away.
 Wrapping Up

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to mindset work. As you have probably
found out… this work is HARD to do on your own. And it takes a lot of mental energy.
That’s why part of my coaching program is me walking you hand in hand through these
visualizations so we can quickly and efficiently remove your mental blocks.

If you need help or have identified certain blocks you want to work on and need help
with, feel free to hit me up and let me know. I recommend keeping a journal of all your
thoughts and feelings… and updating it every night. For just 5 minutes or so, reflect on
any emotional patterns or thought patterns you noticed in yourself that day. Write
down:

1. The most triggering part of your day

2. What thoughts you had about that trigger
3. What feelings / emotions you had about that trigger
4. What memories come up when you ask your inner child “when was the first time
you felt this way?”
5. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up that morning?

Here’s a template for keeping this journal.

You can then begin this process of unwiring your block with the system I’ve outlined in
this book.

This is, of course, the process to do it on your own - it is much faster, more efficient,
and you get a more powerful release when I walk you through the visualization. That’s
why the students who make the most progress all go through my coaching program. If
you’re interested in that, you can visit https://www.ninglicopy.com/coaching
Let me know and best of luck on your journey!

-Ning

Acknowledgements pg. 3

Introduction pg.9

How Do These Mindset Fixes Work? Pg.13

A foundation to help you understand how these mindset fixes work.

How To Access Your Subconscious pg.22

In this chapter, I will teach you how to access your subconscious.

How To Reprogram Your Memories pg. 27

4-step process of Trauma Release Therapy

Mental Block #1: Pressure Block pg.40

Pressure block: when your parents pressure you to be a certain way or to do a certain
thing.

Mental Block #2: Attack Trauma pg.46

Attack trauma: when your parents attack you verbally, physically, or sexually.

Mental Block #3: Neglect Trauma pg.50

Neglect trauma: when your parents neglect to take care of your wants and needs.

Mental Block #4: Narcissism Trauma pg.56

Narcissism trauma: when you have narcissistic parents.

Mental Block #5: Abandonment Trauma pg. 61

Abandonment trauma: when you are abandoned or rejected by your caretakers.

Mental Block #6: Stifle Block pg.64

Stifle blocks: when you feel like it’s not okay for you to feel certain emotions…

Reparenting Your Inner Child Step 1: Talk To Your Inner Child In The Memory pg.69
How to talk to your inner child and acknowledge and validate his or her thoughts and
feelings.

Wrapping Up pg.74
https://www.ninglicopy.com/coaching