Mark Anthony Demeterio Muya FSP Reflection Paper #2

Narration

From August 01-06, 2022, San Jose Seminary had its annual 5-day Ignatian Silent

Retreat. Every day, points for reflection were given by Fr. Bill Abbott, SJ. The theme was

focused on prayer and discernment with drawn insights from the life of St. Ignatius of Loyola,

Pope Francis’ Evangelii Gaudium, and the life of Jesus himself.

It was a restless retreat for me because I was in charge of our community and the

formators to be an assisting person to Fr. Bill’s needs during the giving of the recollection points.

I have to prepare the projector, set up the camera for recording, and remind confessors every

day of their schedule. Although these things were simple, and would only take a short time, I felt

preoccupied with coordinating things. I missed out on the so called rest during the retreat

because of all things going around in my mind.

We were recommended to see our spiritual director (SD) at any given time during the

retreat as need arises. I was able to see my SD on the third and last day of the retreat. The

theme of my sharing with my SD was about the appreciation of my community’s trust to me to

assist in all these things but felt the exchange in expense of my unrestful retreat. The spirit was

leading me to appreciate the ministry entrusted to me, and yet mindful the supposedly restful

retreat was a unique experience of restlessness.

In turn, the ministerial part of the retreat points struck me most. Fr. Bill Abbott said, look

at the icon of San Jose Seminary where you can find the Jesus in childhood observing St.

Joseph while working at the carpentry. He raised a question, “Did Joseph work for the sake of

working alone? Or should we interpret it that Joseph is in the ministry, is at work, because this

would be a place where Jesus can be further known, a place and time where Joseph can be

with Jesus?” I did reflect on these questions, arriving at an insight that I myself am offering to
Mark Anthony Demeterio Muya FSP Reflection Paper #2

become a priest of Jesus, not for the sake of the ministry, but for the sake that through this

ministry, I may be able to know, love and serve the Lord.

Sharing these restlessness and the insight about the ministry to my SD on the third day,

he asked me to prioritize my relaxation and rest, not focusing much on the recollection points.

Analysis

I became used to a restful Ignatian silent retreat. What is unique in my recent retreat is

the restlessness being a coordinator and assistant to the retreat points giver. I used to be a

participant rather than organizing the event for the community. In this kind of organizing, I must

ensure the flow is smooth and no disruption could happen. I was an over-thinker.

In our class, I found myself helped by the YouTube video of a German teacher Eckhart

Tolle entitled “How to Calm the Voice Inside”. He talked about spaciousness and consciousness.

We persons, he said, can easily identify people with mental illness who murmur with words

while they are walking around. But he asked, ain’t we also having the same status because our

thinking is continuous, thinking about the past or future, losing our own energy being anxious to

many things, and yet we forgot how life is so great in the present moment. Tolle said that we are

like dogs following a bone when one line of thought drops on our minds, and we just keep

following it. Then another line of thought comes in, and we endlessly follow it. Although we are

just sitting and thinking, we feel the heaviness and restlessness as if we have gone through a

difficult task losing great energy.1

I do think that this is what happened to me during our recent 5-day retreat. Being

responsible for the holding of the event, I was overthinking many things although this was not

that necessary at the very moment. I know that planning is important that things may turn in

1
Eckhart Tolle, “How to Calm the Voice Inside | Eckhart Tolle Teachings,”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBXpFbOPUdA, June 29, 2021.
Mark Anthony Demeterio Muya FSP Reflection Paper #2

harmony, and yet I do observe to myself that I had an anxious mind during the retreat. With all

these, I am grateful to the teachings of Tolle about spaciousness and consciousness.

Meaning

Being mindful of the present moment shall give me the spaciousness I need, a practical

breathable experience from anxiety. Spaciousness for Tolle is our capacity to be conscious of

ourselves, that we are alive and seeing life itself through the awareness of the here and now.

Consciousness is prior to the play of life, and ourselves being identified with it connects us to

the universal consciousness.

For me, having all these in mind, I am called to become more ever present than before

through practicing Tolle’s spaciousness and that this will result in the acceptance of every

circumstance of my life as a form of play of life. In the end, what matters most is that I have to

live the life freely given to me at this particular moment, not being anxious of the past nor of the

future. Cherishing the moment would develop in me a stillness necessary for a restful years.

Enactment

Grateful I am to the work and insight of Tolle, however good his wisdom I learn from him,

there is no greater teacher but to consistently practice mindfulness. It is good that I have the

ministry assigned to me and trying to become responsible with it, but I should always keep in

mind that I should cherish stillness and peace. It is important to trust as well that everything is in

care and in the hands of God. Planning is an important aspect when in ministry, and must be

given time to pursue it. But I must be aware that my self-talking anxiety might be in control in

relation to the work I have set during planning. I must be free of being controlled by my anxiety.

This is only possible if I do practice mindfulness through Tolle’s spaciousness and

consciousness. I do affirm Tolle’s view that we are greater than our minds. We are a person

connected to a universal consciousness that should be the source and strength of our lives.