30/10/2021, 12:35 If You Use These 5 Phrases in an Email, You Sound Passive Aggressive | by Matthew Royse | Change Your

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If You Use These 5 Phrases in an Email, You

Sound Passive Aggressive
These common email phrases make you sound petty

Matthew Royse Follow

Oct 12 · 4 min read

Photo by Verschoren Maurits from Pexels

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30/10/2021, 12:35 If You Use These 5 Phrases in an Email, You Sound Passive Aggressive | by Matthew Royse | Change Your Mind Change Your …

For better or worse, we live in our email inboxes. We get tons of emails every day.

Email is where business gets done. Relationships are formed. Information is

communicated.

“Email is here to stay — it’s time we got better at using it.” — Shiva Ayyadurai, an engineer,
politician, and entrepreneur

As a result, frustration and miscommunication can occur over email. Context and tone
can be lost over email. This increases anxiety. Email is where hours are wasted, and
emotions boil up.

Email is a place where people come across as passive aggressive.

Digital communication such as email is where people try to express their irritations and
displeasures with situations.

There are five common phrases that people use in emails that come across as passive
aggressive. Let's dive into what they are.

1. Per my last email

This phrase basically means that the recipient didn’t read the email, and you must pay
attention. It can also mean, go back, and read my email and stop asking dumb questions.
This phrase is for people who don’t communicate clearly in their emails.

In other words:

It’s not me; it’s you.

What you should say instead

Instead of saying something like this, show some empathy. Encourage the recipient to
read your messages by asking questions such as, “would you please [insert task]?” You
could also express more appreciation with “thank you [insert task]” and more “great job
on [insert project].”

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Pro tip: if you don’t get a reply, switch channels to a phone call or a Zoom meeting.

2. For future reference

This phrase means that you should flag my email for future reference. In other words, I
sent this email for a reason and so please treat it as such. This phrase could also mean,
let me correct your mistake.

What you should say instead

Spell out your instructions better with bullet points and bold sentences, so your recipient
understands the essential parts of the email. Put the ownership of the communication
on you and more clearly communicate the value of the email you are sending.

Pro tip: Make sure you master your email subject line.

3. Bumping this to the top of your inbox

This phrase means that this is the second or third time I have followed up with you about
this topic. This phrase also means that we need to make this project or task happen, and
I’m tired of asking you.

What you should say instead

Following up on an email is frustrating, so make sure you include the previous email you
sent, so the recipient knows what you are following up on. Make the act of follow-up, not
your words, speak louder. People have a lot of their plates, so you need to be patient
with a reply.

Pro tip: Put the words “follow up” in your email subject line.

4. Just to be sure we’re on the same page

This phrase means that I am protecting myself against future consequences or things
that happen after this email communication. It also means that I was correct. It is a cover
your a*& email.

What you should say instead

Add a brief recap of what you are asking. You could recap what your main point is and
what you want the other person to do. You could say, “here are the dates that I could
meet with you next week. What works best for you?” Some people need to be told
precisely what they need to do.
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Pro tip: Be clear with your call to action.

5. Going forward
This phrase means don’t do that ever again. It also means we are moving on and don’t
waste my time again. You may not realize you are using this phrase and how it comes
across as passive aggressive.

What you should say instead

Instead of calling someone out for messing up, put yourself in their shoes. Ask yourself
why you think the recipient does not understand what you want them to do. You could
say, “here’s what I want from you.”

Pro tip: Assume good intent and give the benefit of the doubt.

Bringing It All Together

If you use one of these five phrases in your emails at work, you sound passive aggressive.
Per my last email, for future reference, bumping this to the top of your inbox, just to be
sure we’re on the same page, and going forward. These phrases make you sound petty
and should be avoided at work.

Sometimes it is best to wait to send an email, especially when you are angry or
frustrated. Don’t respond to an email right away. Give it some time to rest. You don’t
want to regret sending an email.

Draft an email, let it sit, and then revisit it when you are in a better mood. You don’t have
to respond quickly to every email you receive. Fight your urge to send a petty reply. Don’t
escalate the tension — lower the anxiety for yourself and the other party. It will help you
not come across as passive aggressive.

Join my email newsletter for a free eBook and more helpful insights.

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