With Every Word You Write

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/31987810.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: Supernatural
Relationship: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Charlie
Bradbury/Jo Harvelle, Balthazar/Meg Masters
Character: Dean Winchester, Castiel, Charlie Bradbury, Jo Harvelle, Meg Masters,
Balthazar (Supernatural)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Writing on Skin, Pride Parades, Mutual
Pining, mention of pandemic, Falling In Love, Castiel/Dean Winchester
First Kiss, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Soft Castiel/Dean
Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Smut,
Anal Fingering, Fluff, Fluff and Humor
Collections: Bottom Cas Big Bang 2020
Stats: Published: 2021-06-17 Chapters: 7/7 Words: 15866

With Every Word You Write

by noxsoulmate

Summary

Is it possible to fall in love with a person you have never met? Even in a world of
soulmates, even in a universe where soulmates can send messages to each other after both
turn eighteen – even there, it is a rare occurrence.

Rare, but not unheard of.

When the first words appear on Dean’s arm, he would’ve never thought that one day soon,
he would be one of those rare cases. He hadn’t intended for it – but with every word written
on his skin he can’t help but fall, truly and deeply, for the person on the other side of his
soulmate bond.

Notes

Hello and welcome to my entry for this years Bottom Cas Big Bang. When I realized my
posting date falls in the middle of Pride Month, I knew I had to write something for it

Happy Pride Month to all of you

I also noticed that I had never written a soulmate story for Destiel obviously, that had to
change...
 For the challenge, I had the big fortune that the amazing Diminuel jumped in as my pinch-
hitter you can find the masterpost of her incredible art here and all the pictures within
the story.
(The cover pic was made by myself.)

The biggest thanks and many, many kisses to my wonderful friend LunaRavenclaw9 for
beta reading this story for me

See the end of the work for more notes

 Prologue

Hello, my Soulmate. I hope you have a Happy Birthday.

The first words Dean Winchester ever read on his skin were rather simple.

Simple, and yet, they did so much to Dean. He had just turned eighteen and knowing stories of
people who had to wait some years before their counterpart would turn of age as well, he had never
put much hope into getting in contact with his soulmate right this very day.

But there it was.

In a very neat, curvy handwriting, black ink on his pale forearm.

Scrambling for a pen, he forced himself to take a few deep and calming breaths. He also forced
himself to wait until his hand stopped shaking. Only then did he put the pen onto his arm.

Hi, Soulmate! Happy birthday to you, too!

Staring down at his arm, Dean waited, counting the seconds to the rhythm of his beating heart –
although he was sure his heart was racing a mile a minute and going far quicker than the second-
hand on the clock on his wall.

It took 227 quickened heartbeats for words to finally form on his skin again.

Oh my God, there you finally are!! I really hope I’m not dreaming right now.
Huffing out a shocked laugh, Dean put his pen back to his skin.

That sounds like you’ve been waiting a long time for me. I’m so sorry.

The reply was instant this time.

It’s alright. It’s been a while, yes. But I bet it will be worth it.

How can you be so sure about that? I might be a total idiot…

Please don’t talk about my soulmate like that ;) I’ve waited a long time for them.

Dean was chuckling to himself by now. Still sitting cross-legged on his bed, he thought about what
to write next. This was so exciting and just like every other person on this planet, he had dreamed
of this moment ever since he had learned about soulmates. Ever since stories about Fate and
soulmate bonds were exchanged in kindergarten, ever since he had seen the writings on other
people’s skin, ever since his parents sat him down and explained it all to him in full.

And now, the moment was finally here. And by the way it sounded, his soulmate had been waiting
for him, probably writing the same message over and over on his skin, every year on their shared
birthday, waiting for Dean to be of age as well; hoping again and again, only to go without a reply.

No matter how sure his soulmate was that Dean couldn’t disappoint, he was still nervous.

Okay, I know this won’t work, but I still need to try it. Hi, my name is Dean

All that kept visible of his name was the first letter and even though Dean had known this would
happen, he was still a little disappointed by it.

It’s okay, I’ve tried this a few times as well. Hi, I’m C

He could tell that there was more to the name, could make out the approximate length of it, but
everything after the C blurred too much to read and quickly faded away.

No identifying information, thus were the rules of the universe.

No names, no places, no times.

Nothing to influence your own destiny. Nothing that might help you actively search for your other
half. It was mean, it was unfair, but those were the rules of soulmates.

Sighing, Dean accepted the limitations and instead of being moody about what they couldn’t share,
he lay back on his bed, eyes on his arm, pen in his hand, and began to enjoy all that they could
share.

~*~*~*~

After hours and hours of writing, Cas dropped back on his bed at last, looking at the ceiling.
Trying to reign in all his emotions.

They had finally replied. His soulmate was finally eighteen. He had waited three years for this
moment and now it was finally here. The best birthday present ever.

Smiling like a fool, he let out a little shriek of happiness, before getting up and getting ready for the
rest of the day. For a day he would probably walk around on cloud nine.
 2016

Whatcha doin today?

Dean hadn’t even fully kicked his shoes aside by the time he was already scribbling on his arm,
ignoring his mother’s call to not leave a mess in the hallway again as he beelined for his room.

C’s reply came quickly.

Ditching the last of my classes to go shopping.

Wow! Such a rebel ;)

Dean loved teasing C. They’d been communicating for close to five months now and by now, he
was pretty sure he knew all the basics about his soulmate. While he didn’t know where they lived
or exactly how old they were, comments like this at least told him that they were still in some kind
of educational area. His best guess was college or university and Dean sometimes spent hours
picturing C at a campus somewhere, nose stuck in a book, being all studious and clever.

Because that was another thing he had learned over time. C was definitely a very intelligent and
intellectual person. The thought of that kept Dean awake sometimes, seeing how he himself had
barely made his way through high school, and was now looking ahead to start working at his uncle
Bobby’s garage full time once school was over. The garage and scrapyard just outside the city
limits of Lincoln, Nebraska, wasn’t much, but it was like a second home to Dean and he loved it
there more than in his own room sometimes.

His mom and dad hadn’t been thrilled all that much about that perspective – but C had told him to
go for it if that’s where his heart was. You don’t need a college degree to get somewhere in life!
And you certainly don’t need it to find happiness, had been their exact words.

Not that they knew that Dean wanted to be a mechanic, of course – that would’ve been way too
much information, apparently. Not for the first time, Dean had grumbled over the stupid rules. As
if he would be the only mechanic in the whole wide world.

But it was what it was and despite not knowing all the details, C knew enough to know it was what
Dean wanted to do rather than what his parents wanted for him.

They had also given him the idea to make a deal with his parents; work at the garage for a year for
now, see where it’s going. If it isn’t what Dean would love to do for the rest of his life, he could
still go to college after all. Plus, he would’ve saved some money. He could even think about
getting a degree that would help him along in this field – really, there were so many possibilities,
and C had helped him see them all; had helped him lay them all out for his parents.

And above it all, the words You don’t need a college degree to get somewhere in life! And you
certainly don’t need it to find happiness, rang loud and clear in Dean’s mind every step of the way.
Words that he had quickly copied from his arm, written down on a piece of paper before they
would vanish from his skin. The blue paper was still pinned to his wall next to his bed and
whenever he doubted himself, he would look at it – wishing that he could see it in his soulmate’s
handwriting again but knowing this was good enough for now.

Given all that, Dean knew C was telling the truth when they said they didn’t give a damn about a
college degree – but the fact still stood that Dean’s soulmate was a smart cookie and sometimes he
wondered if he could keep up with that.

Which made it all the more surprising for him to hear that C was now ditching classes – to go
shopping, of all things!

But seriously, shopping?! What is so important that you ditch classes for that?

It’s the only day we (meaning my friends and I) all have time to go and look for what we wanna
wear during Pride.

Dean sat up so quickly his head spun.

Pride?!

Wait a second! Why isn’t the word Pride blurry??? Why can I read it??

Why would it be? It’s not really giving you any information, right?

Well it… tells me you’re… queer?

Does it though? ;)

Dean swallowed, thinking about it before he wrote more. There was a Pride parade in almost every
bigger city all over the country. Hell, Charlie had bucked him for years now to join her in going to
the one in Lincoln. All those parades were set at different dates, sure, but there were still too many
to really make anything of this information, time- or location-wise.

C also hadn’t told him why they wanted to go. Was C a gay or bi man? Was C a bisexual woman?
Were they pan or trans or ace or demi? Were they maybe an ally?

Dean had no way of knowing, so C was absolutely right.

No, guess not :(

Sorry, D. I wish we could talk about these things :(

Yeah, me too…

And Dean really wished he could. Not just because he would love to know if his soulmate was a
man or a woman. No, also because he knew that he could talk with them about everything. He
wanted to talk with them about everything. Especially things that made him who he was. Like the
fact that he knew he liked girls since he was twelve and that he loved boys since he was fourteen.
That it had been a hard time for him to come out to his parents but that his brother Sam and his
uncle Bobby hadn’t batted an eye about it. That he sometimes wondered… well… about so many
things, actually. He wondered about so many things that he wanted to share with C – but he wasn’t
able to.

And it would stay that way until the first time they touched. The first time their skin connected, the
universe (and their molecules) would know they met and all limitations were now null and void.

Until then, he wouldn’t even know how to picture the person that had become the most important
being in his life within a few short months. His confidant, his best friend, even his voice of reason
sometimes.

Sighing, Dean dropped his arm.

He hadn’t even met C yet. And already, he hardly thought of anything else other than meeting
them, hoping it would be soon.

The sensation of new words appearing on his arm made him lift it again.

My friends can be so annoying. They all want to go in golden g-strings (plus bras for the ladies)
and then simply paint our respective flags on our bodies. Help me find arguments why that is a
BAD idea!!

Dean laughed out loud.

What if I were to agree with your friends?

You WOULDN’T?!! … imagine me dramatically gasping in shock…

Does that mean my soulmate doesn’t have the body to pull that off? ;)

Well, according to my friends, your soulmate does… but I still don’t know what to think of that…

Wait a second. If you paint your flag on your body, would that carry over to my skin?

If I do it myself, yes. But it would react just like writing and vanish once you see it – which is why
someone else needs to paint the flags on me.

That made sense, actually. Only writing – and apparently coloring – done by one's own soulmate
would pass through the connection but not when someone else did it. Dean went for a joking reply.

So you’ll let someone else get all over that body of yours? ;)
:P just my besties!

Guess I can live with that. But hey, we seriously never tried colors before…

Is that you, asking to try it?

I guess? I’m intrigued now.

Okay, Hang on.

Dean waited with bated breath. It was a full two minutes before he finally saw something appear
on his skin.

It was a purple stripe, quickly followed by a blue one, then a green one. By the time the yellow
one appeared, Dean remembered to write back.

It’s working!! :D I can see the pride flag!!

The last two stripes were added before the flag vanished and then C’s writing appeared again.

It’s awesome, isn’t it? I admit, I tried to paint another flag first but that would’ve given too much
away, so it was blurred out :(

Damn, but clever of you to at least try!

Yeah, I tried. At least the rainbow flag is allowed, seeing how so many different options fall under
that color.

Gnawing his lip, Dean wondered what that other flag would’ve been. Would it be a bisexual flag
like his? Or the one for gay men? Damn, Dean wanted to know.

Being the little shit that he was, Dean got up from his bed as soon as C’s words faded away. He got
to his desk and after finding the right pens for it, Dean tried to color the bisexual flag on his arm.
But just like C had said, it washed out right away. Dean wasn’t so sure why that was – being bi
couldn’t possibly give anything away about his gender. But it was what it was, he had learned long
ago not to question the rules of the soulmate bond.

You just tried it too, didn’t you?

Dean chuckled, glad no one was there to see him blush.

… maybe ^^”

Dork <3

Yeah, yeah, I know :P go, have fun with your friends.

I will. Talk to you later!

Dean watched his arm until the last of C’s writing vanished and even the tingling sensation was
gone again. Only then did he march back to his bed and flop down on it. Right away, his eyes
wandered to the wonderful words on blue paper again.

You don’t need a college degree to get somewhere in life! And you certainly don’t need it to find
happiness.

The words had been such a source of strength for him ever since C had written them. Brushing his
thumb over his left forearm, Dean thought of all that they had shared in the past few months. How
could one long for a person so much when they hadn’t even ever met them yet?

He longed for C – the physical person and to have the opportunity to learn all the identifying
details of them, but he also longed for the character behind the person who has given Dean so
much strength.

Sitting up, Dean decided that there was something else he finally wanted to be stronger about. He
might have come out to his parents years ago, but after that, he always made sure to be discreet
about his sexuality, trying not to shove it in their face.

But he had enough of that!

Picking up his pen, he wrote down another message to C.

You know what? I don’t care what my parents think! I’ll go to Pride this year as well!!

There was no immediate reply, but Dean was confident that C would read the words within the
next twenty-four hours, so they wouldn’t vanish unread.

Putting his pen aside, he picked up his phone and scrolled to his conversation with his best friend
(aside from his soulmate).

Dean: Charlie!!! We’re going to Pride this year!

Charlie: Woohoo! YES, SIR!! Let’s go shopping and pick out something to wear!
Laughing out loud, Dean thought about it for a moment before messaging her back.

Dean: How would you feel about a golden g-string and bra combination with a pride flag
painted all over our bodies?

Charlie: Princess Leia style? HELL YES! Pick me up in ten!

And Dean did just that – wondering if maybe he would meet a group during pride that would be
dressed in a similar attire as them.

~*~*~*~

“I can’t believe this.”

“Believe what?” Zar asked while he inspected two different g-strings – at least Cas thought they
were different even though they looked completely the same for him.

Still shaking his head, he was quick to catch the tiny golden garment Meg threw at him. It was the
third she had given him as a possible option and, just like with the ones Zar was looking at, they
looked exactly the same to him.

“My soulmate thinks your idea is funny and approves of it.”

“Ha! Good taste on his part.”

“Their part!” Cas replied with a grumble, ignoring how his friends rolled their eyes. He hated when
they gendered his soulmate. As if it was a given that they were a man. Cas didn’t care either way –
that’s what it meant to be pan-sexual. Just because his partners had only been men so far didn’t
mean gender mattered to him.

Not that any of that even mattered in the whole soulmate business, of course. There was no
guarantee they would ever even meet or get together in that regard.

Not even when his heart really hoped that was exactly what would happen one day.

Ignoring his friends’ disregard of the matter, he resigned himself to the fate of going practically
naked to pride this year – just when his arm tingled again. Trying to convince Meg he really didn’t
care which kind of g-string he wore, “Just pick one,” he stole himself away again, reading the
message on his arm.

You know what? I don’t care what my parents think! I’ll go to Pride this year as well!!

A smile spread across his face at those words. Sure, he didn’t know what this meant, still didn’t
know anything about D’s gender or sexuality. But it sounded like there was something about them
that their parents hadn’t approved of and now they were finally breaking free. Picking up his pen,
he wrote back a note before joining his friends again.

That’s wonderful! I am so, so proud of you <3 And I can’t wait to one day celebrate together!
 2017

What are you planning for Pride this year?

Dean wiped away the sweat from his forehead with his right arm while already reading the words
on his left. Pulling out a pen from his back pocket, Dean scribbled back.

My friend is undecided so far. We thought about bringing back the golden g-strings and all… but it
would be lame to go the same way twice, right? ;)

God, you sound like my besties. I mean, not that I’m complaining, I don’t need the golden stripper
attire again. But still.

Dean was about to reply but felt more words appear.

In case you’re wondering, yes, we’re out shopping again. Same procedure as every year, and all
that.

What are the options this time?

No idea yet. My friends are still looking around. Thought I’d ask if you already had an idea.

Nope, sorry.

Ohh, wait. They just showed up with… I think it’s white masks????

What the heck?

Dean waited but there was no immediate reply, so he went back to work, bending over the open
hood of the Volvo he was currently tending to. After he had turned sixteen, he’d started working
for Bobby here and there; but for a year now, his job in the garage was full time – and still, there
was no job Dean could think of that he would love more than this. He still silently thanked C every
day for giving him the push he had needed to follow this dream.

After a little while, the tingling was back on his arm and immediately, Dean looked at it.

So, apparently, we’re all dressing as angels this year.

That sounds cool!

Yeah, well. The plan is that we will all buy white garments, masks, and wings – but the eye-catcher
will be the details we add to them in the form of our pride flags.
Dean’s mouth dropped open at the sheer picture C was painting here for him. In his mind, it all
looked so fantastic and he would love nothing more than to see them like that. Like the angel he
knew them to be. Damn, why was life so unfair? Why did it keep them apart instead of just letting
them be together?

Thinking of the attire though, he knew one other person who would look amazing as an angel.

C, that’s AMAZING! My bestie will LOVE it!

So you gonna follow suit again?

… it doesn’t annoy you that we copy your ideas, does it?

Are you kidding? I LOVE IT! Plus… maybe I’m hoping to run into a certain someone who is
dressed similar ;)

Dean bit his lip as he read those words, the smile breaking through anyway.

Maybe that was the plan behind all this…

One day, D, one day. And I can hardly wait for it.

Me neither.

Holding himself back before he added three little words, Dean put the pen back into his pocket and
once again got to work, letting his thoughts stray.

Was a year and a half of only writing to one another too soon to confess your feelings for someone?
Was it crazy that he even had these feelings, given that they had never met? Sure, they were
soulmates, so falling for the other one was the ideal outcome. But Dean had never thought it could
happen by simply exchanging words. He certainly had never fallen for one of his friends from just
messaging back and forth.

Though that reminded him…

Leaning back up, he pulled out his phone, opening up his conversation with Charlie.

Dean: Theme of the year is Angels; white clothes, masks, wings. And then our flags spray-
painted on them.

Charlie: Completely or just in parts?

Dean: Don’t know. C said something about ‘adding details’?

Charlie: That means just partly. Like maybe the tips of the wings or the seam of the masks.

Dean: … okay, if you say so.

Charlie: God, Winchester, what would you do without me?

Dean: Probably not survive this world lucky we never need to find out!

Charlie: Charmer. Also, love the theme! When’re we going shopping?

Dean: Weekend?

Charlie: It’s a date! Love you.

Dean:

~*~*~*~

“D approves of the theme.”

“Of course he does,” Meg called out as she searched for three matching white masks in the sea
of… well, masks. Seriously, why were there so many to choose from?

Not questioning it further, Cas turned around in search of Zar, who was apparently busy searching
the wings section… there was a freaking wings section? Shaking his head, Cas sighed, and simply
resigned himself to his fate. As it seemed, they were going as angels this year.

It could’ve been worse.

It could’ve been less golden clothes! If less than that were even possible.

So not complaining, he let his two best friends do as they pleased and simply went along for the
ride… spending the rest of the day daydreaming about a faceless person in angel attire.

No matter how hard he reminded himself that his soulmate’s gender didn’t matter, that he would
love them either way, that he knew he would still be attracted to them… more and more he
pictured a young man. After talking to D all this time, it was what his heart and his gut told him,
and who was he to question both those feelings? His soulmate was a man, of that he was sure.

A man he tried hard not to fully fall in love with simply from exchanging written words on their
skin.

If only his heart would play along and listen to his head.
 2018

The messages on his arm stopped right after Pride this year and Dean couldn’t help but wonder if it
was because he had finally met his soulmate in person. Cassie was… well, she was nice. She was
also hot, not that it would’ve mattered either way for Dean but it also didn’t hurt.

She’d worn a costume close enough to Charlie’s and his own – a garment put together from their
respective pride flags, not that it was all that original to be fair, but as always, C had agreed to what
their friends wanted and Dean and Charlie had followed along. Cassie’s attire looked like it had
been made by a professional, but who was to say his soulmate wasn’t talented when it came to
handcrafted things, right?

The length of her name also fit to what he remembered from that very first day, the little blurry
smudge that had been there before only the C kept present on his arm.

If that wasn’t enough already, she also beamed at him when he introduced himself as Dean – the
kind of happiness that told him without words that her soulmate’s name also started with a D.

So really, how could there be any doubt?

Apparently, there had been a lot of doubts right from the beginning. Neither of them brought up the
idea to put things to the test – namely, writing another message on their skin while watching each
other. It simply wasn’t talked about, both of their arms staying blank.

Instead, they enjoyed two short, turbulent weeks; until one late evening, Dean couldn’t take it
anymore. This nagging inside of him wouldn’t stop. The voice that told him that something was
wrong. That while Cassie was amazing, really, she simply wasn’t the one for him.

She wasn’t his soulmate.

Maybe he was too romantic for his own good but he had always thought that it would feel different
once he and C would finally meet and start dating. But this deep, deep feeling… it simply wasn’t
there whenever he was with Cassie.

They sat on the couch, watching a movie when Dean secretly pulled out a pen and wrote a simple
message on his arm.

I miss you.

Just as he had known it would happen, Cassie’s arm stayed blank, no words appearing whatsoever.

And he had never been more relieved in his life.

Yes, Cassie was a great girl – but she wasn’t his girl.

Maybe she could’ve been; in a world without soulmates, who knew what would’ve been possible.
Maybe he would’ve fallen in love with her – maybe he could even now, one day, if he really gave
her a chance.

But Dean had no desire to put it to the test. Because he had a soulmate – and Cassie wasn’t C.
Dating her had been nice and the time together certainly hot and passionate – but that was about it.
And it wasn’t all that Dean wanted.

He wanted so much more and in this very moment, his yearning for C was more desperate than it
had ever been.

When he moved, Cassie looked over to him, catching sight of the pen in his hand right away. Her
face fell and while there certainly was disappointment in her features, Dean couldn’t help but
notice that there was also an ounce of relief.

The same relief he was feeling as well.

“Well, it was nice as long as it lasted,” she mumbled, giving him a soft smile.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, it was.”

Dean left that night with a promise that they would still stay in contact – just because they weren’t
soulmates didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends, after all. It wasn’t until he was home and had time
to think that he realized another implication with his discovery.

C hadn’t messaged him in two weeks!

Checking his arm, Dean gulped when he still saw his own words on his arm. So C wasn’t even
reading his messages? Maybe they had been busy the past few hours, okay. But that didn’t explain
the radio silence over the past few weeks.

C? Where are you? You’re worrying me!

There was no reply and the words stayed on his arm before they vanished twenty-four hours later.
Unread.

Dean’s heart sank and he was unable to stop his mind from going to the worst possibilities right
away. After all, if a soulmate died before they had ever met, the other one would never know. He
couldn’t believe that he had been with someone else for two weeks while something had been
wrong with his real soulmate!

Shouldn’t he have known? He had known! He had, he simply hadn’t listened to that inner voice.
He had known it wasn’t Cassie but it had felt so good to finally be with someone again, to finally
hold another person in his arms again, that he had simply ignored all warning signs.

And now it looked like he had to pay dearly for it.

C, please! If you just wanna ignore me, okay. But please let me know you’re alright.

Another twenty-four hours and the message vanished as well.

 ~*~

C, please.

What happened?

I’m so worried for you.

Please just let me know you’re still alive.

Just a sign, please. That’s all I’m asking for.

I miss you so damn much, please don’t ignore me.

Have I done something?

If I did… if I’ve done something to anger you, I am so, so sorry. Okay? I’m sorry!

Whatever I did, I’m sorry. Please, C. Please forgive me.

C, I miss you.

Why would you do this to me?

At least tell me what I’ve done.

At least tell me you’re okay.

Please.
 *

C, there’s something I need to tell you and since you won’t read this anyway… I think I love you.

I should’ve told you before, I know, but I was too scared. But it’s still true. I love you.

I love you, C.

Please, answer me again.

Please don’t leave me, not like this.

Please, just one sign.

Please come back to me.

Please.

~*~

It had been three months since pride.

Three months without any word from his soulmate.

Dean knew his heartbreak showed, he knew he was lashing out at others, but he couldn’t change it.
He couldn’t stop the worry he felt, the sadness, the heart wrenching pain. It felt as if he lost a part
of himself. This was one of the worst things he had ever experienced. He couldn’t just pretend like
everything was alright yet.

He had to grieve.

The others at the garage as well as his friends and family quickly learned to steer clear of him and
after a few tries, they even stopped asking him questions. Dean was grateful for that small mercy.

~*~
It was the night of September 18th – a date Dean would probably never forget again because it was
the day his three months in Hell finally ended.

I’m here

Dean was so startled by the sensation on his skin, he actually banged his head against the hood of
the car he was currently working on. Quickly reaching for a pen, he scribbled back before the
words in his mind even made sense.

Oh my GOD! You’re back. Where were you? What happened???

I’m sorry

Dean’s heart beat so wild his hand was shaking, forcing him to really focus on replying to C.

It’s alright, C. Just tell me what happened, please?

Hospital

WHAT??

Coma

C, are you alright?

Tired, sleep

C?

It was the last message he got that day, his own reply staying unread once more. It had him pacing
like a caged animal. So bad that one of his coworkers informed Bobby, who promptly sent him
home.

Not that that was of any help, of course. It only gave him more time to brood about all the horror
scenarios imaginable. It was driving him crazy so he tried to focus on what little he did know.

Obviously, his soulmate had just woken from a coma. The handwriting looked like that of a kid
who’d just learned to write. Nothing like the elegant handwriting Dean had grown accustomed to.
The one-word-answers had been pretty telling as well and all Dean could imagine was his
soulmate, sleepy and still mostly dazed, just awoken from a coma – and the first thing they did was
to send a message to Dean.

It made the ache and the guilt in his own chest all that much more prominent, keeping him from a
peaceful sleep that night even though he finally knew that his soulmate wasn’t dead. It was the
sensation of more writing on his arm immediately that pulled him from his slumber early in the
morning.

D, I’m so sorry for worrying you. I’m alright now, I promise.

Wiping away the tiredness from his face, Dean blindly reached for the pen he had left lying next to
his pillow.

I’m so relieved to hear from you again. Are you feeling better this morning?

Yes. Sorry for yesterday. I was still pretty out of it but I wanted to let you know I was still alive.

Dean could feel the tension leaving his bones somewhat, now that he started to get full sentences
again. The handwriting was still a bit shaky but he imagined that C was simply still weak.
Yawning loudly, he pulled himself up into a sitting position, leaning over his arm to continue
writing.

What happened?

I was in a coma.

I gathered. How did it happen?

There was an altercation during the Pride Parade. I ended up in the middle of it.

Were you attacked?!?!

Dean’s heart felt heavy, as if a vice was squeezing it tight, making it hard for him to even breathe
as he watched words appear on his arm.

No, thankfully not. From what my friends tell me, I accidentally got hit by a heavy flag and
dropped so hard, I cracked my skull open.

Holy shit :’(

Yeah. I was brought in and fell into a coma. I only started responding to commands the other day,
woke fully yesterday. Was in and out all day. I messaged you as soon as I had my senses back.

Tears were welling up in Dean’s eyes as he read all that C had to tell him. He had been so close to
losing his soulmate, so close to losing the one person that meant more to him than anyone else. He
was shaking with emotions, with fear and relief, tears now running freely down his face.

C, I don’t even know what to say.

It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything. And I’m sorry if those short messages yesterday made
you worry even more.

Please, don’t apologize! Yes, of course I was worried last night, but at least I finally knew you
were still alive.

You thought I’d died… oh my God, I’m so sorry.

Don’t apologize! This isn’t your fault.

I am still sorry!

I’m just glad you’re okay again.

I am. Hey, the doctor just arrived and my family will be in soon. I’ll talk to you after my next nap.

Dean didn’t even know if he replied anything to that, too far in his head as this strange combination
of worry and relief washed over him in waves, again and again. He had to get up and walk around
his apartment, just to ease some of the nervous energy coursing through him.

C was alive.

C was okay.

C was going to be alright.

He had to repeat these words to himself, like a mantra, holding onto them and letting them erase
any worry. It was a long time before he could concentrate on getting ready for work and even
longer before he remembered to message his family and some of his friends that C was doing
alright.

~*~

My family told me how worried you’ve been for me these past three months and I don’t even know
how to make up for that.

First, you don’t have to! The best gift I could get is that you woke up and that you’re writing to me
again. And second, how did they know?

They saw some of the messages you wrote.

Dean felt a cold shiver run down his spine. Not that he was ashamed of anything he had written –
but there were certainly some things he’d rather C heard (or read) from him the first time instead of
from their family. So he couldn’t help but ask.

Some? Or all?

Not sure? They told me how you begged for me to come back and even that you asked if you did
something wrong. D! I want you to know that there is nothing you could do that would lead to me
just ghosting you!

Sighing in relief, Dean was sure that C’s family either hadn’t seen his love declaration or simply
hadn’t told them. Of course, there was also the option that C was ignoring it – but that sounded so
unlike his soulmate that Dean didn’t consider that option any further.

Instead, he focused on what C had written.

I think I knew that… deep down. But I was so scared and I needed to go over all these options.

I get it. But you did nothing wrong.

Dean bit his lip, hesitating for a moment. He wanted to tell C that he had done something wrong.
That he hadn’t realized their absence right away. But C had just woken from a coma, they certainly
had other things to worry about now. So Dean shoved his guilt aside and instead replied with,

Neither did you, so please don’t apologize. You still tired?

Yeah, a bit. I’m sleepy all the time.

Then get some sleep, C. We’ll write some more when you’re awake again.

I will, in a moment. Can you promise me something first?

Dean didn’t even have to think about that reply.

Anything.

Please don’t go and look for Pride-related accidents?

What?!

You were thinking about it, weren’t you?

Still gnawing on his lip, Dean thought about lying for a second – but this was his soulmate and the
last thing Dean wanted to do was lie to them.

Maybe…

Please don’t do it.

Why not?! Maybe this is our chance.

Because I don’t want you to go crazy. One of my friends did the same, just to see if you could
possibly pull some information from it. There were over a dozen accidents this year – I don’t want
you to travel to all those cities to see if you can find me.

… pretty sure not every accident ended with someone in a coma.

My family kept that information out of the media.

Oh.

Dean’s heart sank even though he hadn’t really planned on looking it all up. Thought about it, yes,
but more like a side note. Like a stray thought of ‘I could actually do that and maybe find them.’

But as always, his soulmate was right, of course.

Okay, I promise not to look it up. But in return, you need to promise me to take it easy, okay? Don’t
overdo it, set a slower pace, get well again before going back to your daily life. Please.

I promise. D?

Yes?

I miss you.

This pulled a sad little smile from Dean. They had never even met and still, Dean knew exactly
how C was feeling.

I miss you too.

~*~

C had to stay at the hospital for another two weeks and every day, Dean had to remind himself not
to talk about the fact that he had dated someone. He didn’t even know why it bothered him so
much – it wasn’t as if C and he were already together, it wasn’t as if no person on this planet had
ever had other relationships other than with their intended soulmate. But somehow, it did matter to
Dean. It felt like he had been cheating on C and that was something he couldn’t live with and he
was dying a little inside every day that he couldn't talk to them about it.

He also didn’t want to burden them with this the second C got home, of course. So it was another
few days until Dean was finally brave enough to breach the topic.

C, can I tell you something?

They’d been talking all day, Dean not feeling like doing much else on his day off but to be there for
his soulmate. Now it was getting late but he was still lying on his couch, no real energy to get up
and go to bed. Or maybe he was too nervous to focus on that. C had already retired to bed, even
though they didn’t plan on sleeping yet, simply lying down and getting comfortable and Dean was
glad to see that C was still taking it easy. Especially since they had physical therapy that morning,
they were always worn out afterwards.

You can tell me everything, you know that, D.

Dean bit his lip, not entirely sure how to even write what he had to say.

So, remember how you said that I did nothing wrong?

Yes?

The thing is… I did.

What do you mean?

I did something wrong. And of course you couldn’t have known but I do and it’s killing me and I
feel like I need to tell you. Even though you might hate me after this.

D, please calm down. You sound like you’re about to hyperventilate. Take a deep breath for me.

Dean huffed out a soft chuckle, amazed at how easily his soulmate was able to read him. Doing as
C ordered, he took a deep breath as he watched C write more words.

Now, tell me what you think you did wrong? But also please know that I could never hate you!

When you were in a coma?

Yes?
C, I… I didn’t even notice you were gone, at first.

Okay?

Taking another deep breath, Dean finally wrote the words that hurt himself even just thinking
them.

I met someone. During pride. I thought it might be you.

Oh.

Not for long! I promise, not for long. I soon noticed that it couldn’t be you. That that other person
couldn’t be my soulmate. So I ended things.

D, it’s okay.

Is it though? Because it doesn’t feel ‘okay’. It feels… weird! And I hate myself for not noticing that
you were gone.

You thought I was right next to you though.

Yeah, I know…

This is nothing you need to beat yourself up over, D. You hear me? It was a mere coincidence that
you met someone the moment I stopped writing to you.

I know that, C. I do. But that doesn’t make me feel any less guilty.

Guilty? Why would you feel guilty?

Because I was with someone that wasn’t you. And I KNOW it’s not uncommon, of course I know
that. But still…

There was a long pause before any words came back. So long so, it had Dean worrying his lips
until they hurt and still he didn’t stop. Needing the pain to distract him from the fear slowly
bubbling up inside of him. When the reply came, it wasn’t what he had expected – even though he
probably should have. He should’ve known his soulmate would be understanding.

I know what you mean. But D, please, really. It’s nothing bad or anything I would ever hold
against you. Just because we’re soulmates doesn’t mean we have to live as celibates until we meet.
I mean… there isn’t even a guarantee that we will end up together…

While he knew that C meant well, the words hurt more than any anger or yelling or even more
ghosting could have ever hurt, he was sure of that.
Oh…

Oh?

He probably shouldn’t ask. Shouldn’t dig deeper into this. But he had to know.

Do you have someone?

You mean right now? No, I don’t. Not for a few years now. But I’m not gonna lie to you… those
first few years I didn’t get a reply? Yeah, I was with people.

I can’t help but feel like that’s different though.

What? Only because I’m older?

Because you didn’t know me back then.

D, you don’t know me yet either.

But I kinda do, don’t I?

Dean didn’t know how to explain all those feelings inside of him. They didn’t make sense, he
knew that. Not really. But there was only one way to really explain how this situation felt to him.

I feel like I cheated on you!

You didn’t! Stop thinking that way. You’re not a bad person.

But it feels wrong! In hindsight, what I did feels so wrong. To be with another person when all I
can ever think about is you. You and your words on my arm.

But there were no words while you were with that other person. Which is why it was easy for you
to be with them.

Exactly. That’s why I had this crazy thought that it was you. I should’ve known better. Especially
now that I know where you really were :(

Please! Don’t beat yourself up over that. Not over the timing and especially not over being with
someone else. We wouldn’t be the first soulmates who didn’t wait for each other.

There it was again. Those words that, while true, hurt so much. And Dean couldn’t take it
anymore. He finally took a leap of faith.

No, that’s true. But I think I want to! I can’t even imagine being with another person anymore,
much less try a relationship with someone that isn’t you.
I see.

The reply was short and it had Dean pacing while he waited for more. When the words finally
came, he gasped in relief.

Honestly, I don’t want that either.

Encouraged by that, Dean took another step.

And at least on my part, it wouldn’t be fair to that person either.

Why is that?

Because…

Yes?

Because I have feelings for you already.

Dean waited with bated breath, his head spinning as his world seemed to zero in on his arm and the
words appearing there.

I’m so thrilled to hear that, D! I’m smiling like a fool right now, because I feel the same.

All his breath left his body in one big huff of air and laughter, a smile spreading all over his face. C
was feeling the same way! He wasn’t alone in this, his soulmate was right there with him. Dean
took a moment to let that feeling sink in before he went back to his arm.

Before you, I never understood how one can fall for someone they had never even seen, only talked
to. But now…

Now it’s become reality?

Yeah?

For me as well, D. For me as well.

~*~*~*~
Cas sighed as he dropped his pen. Reading that his soulmate had been with someone else… it hurt.
It truly did, though he knew it hadn’t happened out of malice. To be quite honest, he had long
realized that he had feelings for D beyond the normal soulmate connection. It might be the
demisexual side in him, but all the writing with D… yes, he knew he had fallen for his soulmate,
deeper and more thorough than he had ever heard from any of his friends or family about their
experiences with their own soulmates.

Those daydreams about a faceless man aside, he still didn’t care if D was a man or a woman or
anything else – which was the pan side of him, of course – all he wanted was to finally meet them.

So yes, it hurt that D had had a short fling with someone else… but Cas really couldn’t complain
about the result of it. Smiling to himself, he looked at his arm again, even though it was blank
now. Remembering the words there that D had written.

I have feelings for you already.

Reading those words had been the best news he had gotten in… well… in a long, long time. Maybe
even since the day D had finally replied to him.

Getting up from his bed, Cas carefully made his way over to his desk, still mindful of the injuries
he carried away from the accident. He had downplayed it a little bit for D – no need to worry his
soulmate too much. Sitting down at his desk, he pulled out the notepad with the colorful sticky
notes, scribbling down the words and the date before adding the post-it to the little box where he
kept some of the most wonderful things D had ever written to him.

It was the one thing he didn’t like about this whole soulmate thing – the fact that there was no real
way for him to keep all the words ever written between them. But he wanted to. He wanted to
remember so much about what they had exchanged, wanted to be able to look back at these words
in fifty years and know it happened.

So he wrote them down and collected them all.

Hoping that one day soon, he wouldn’t just read D’s words but also hear them for real.
 2019

Just made the mistake of looking at this year’s Pride Parade pics again.

Dean looked down at his arm and chuckled.

It’s been five months and you’re still hung up on that?

It was a TERRIBLE idea. I should’ve never listened to my friends.

You complain about your friends’ ideas every year and every year you join anyway – me thinks,
you only pretend to dislike it ;) Plus, this year’s theme was awesome!

These pictures prove you a liar!

:P

Oh, very mature!

Dean chuckled before he caught sight of the clock on his microwave. Putting down the pen, he
hastily stuffed the last of the pizza pieces in his mouth and got his stuff together before picking the
pen up again.

Just remember that it might’ve been the last Pride Parade with your friends in case you really take
a job in another city! So don’t look at these pics and be grumpy – look at them and be happy about
all these memories!

Okay, who are you and what have you done to my soulmate?

Ha ha!

No, seriously, D. Since when are you so wise? You almost sound… MATURE! It’s scary.

:P

Ahh, see, now that’s more like it ;)

Chuckling, Dean checked the clock once more and then grabbed his backpack and hastened to the
door as he kept scribbling on his arm.

Maybe I’m so mature now because I go to college ;)

That’s probably it. How are your classes going anyway?

Going great!

Yeah? Still as much fun as they were in the beginning?

Definitely. Thanks again, by the way.

What for?

You know what for, C! Without you, I might’ve never done it.

It was a rational next step. I’m sure you would’ve come up with it eventually.

Meh, probably not. But hey, what are soulmates for, right?

To help you reach your greatest heights and be the best version of yourself?

Exactly! Okay, gotta drive, catch you later.

Drive safe!!

Dean put the pen aside and started up his Baby, his wonderful Chevy Impala, his pride and joy. He
had found her in Bobby’s scrapyard and Bobby had allowed him to work on her in his free time.
Now she was his, restored and as beautiful as a car could be. She was the reason he had picked the
class he was currently heading to, an extra-curricular that would help him a great deal one day.

Just like getting this degree was.

He still worked at Bobby’s shop but now he was in the process of making more out of it. He would
get a degree in engineering, not only appeasing his parents but also making sure Bobby’s garage
might be able to get a certificate. Be more than just a place for high school dropouts and instead
become a real company. Everyone already knew that Bobby was looking forward to signing the
place over to Dean as soon as he felt ready.

With C’s help, Dean had realized that the only reason he didn’t feel ready yet was the missing
education, the thought of not being enough – but yes, also that nagging feeling that his parents
would always be disappointed in him if he didn’t go to college. Now he did and he couldn’t be
happier to have taken that step.

C had finished their education this year and had been busy recently with a few smaller jobs and
various interviews for permanent ones. It left them tired and drained and with Dean’s own busy
schedule of college and the garage, it wasn’t uncommon for them lately to only exchange a few
words every day. And Dean hated that.

Ever since last year when they promised to stay faithful to each other, their conversations had
become even more than they had been before. Dean would almost call it more private, more
intimate; but that would mean the years before hadn’t been exactly that. And they had, at least in
his mind.

But now, it felt more like… like they were dating.

It was such a wonderful feeling.

They both knew what they wanted and that it was only a matter of time until they finally met and
could be together for real.
Btw did I tell you I have a job interview today? I probably forgot, I’m sorry. God, there are so
many recently I don’t even know anymore which ones I told you about.

Dean read the new words at a red light but didn’t have time to answer before the light turned green.
The words disappeared and he could already feel the next ones appearing while concentrating on
getting to campus safely. It wasn’t until the next red light that he looked at his arm again.

Anyway, I’m on my way to it right now and this bus ride is driving me crazy. In case I don’t reply
later it’s because I’m in that interview. Not that you should have time to miss me anyway (yes,
that’s me, telling you once more to stop writing to me while in class!) Oh, here we are. Wish me
luck that I don’t get lost – yes, it’s once again an interview in a new city…

Dean had to squint a little to catch all of the small scribbles on his forearm, almost missing when
the lights turned green again. He had to chuckle at the rambling that was so atypical for C – unless
his soulmate was drunk. Seriously, those times were always hilarious. But usually, C liked to write
straight to the point. Seemed they were really nervous about this interview.

C was interviewing for so many different things, it was hard to keep it all straight. Dean would
have to remember to ask what this one was for later. Not that C would be able to outright tell him –
but they had found some ways to speak about it anyway. Dean knew that C worked with books and
had applied for some office jobs that weren’t described in any more detail. So yeah, later on, he
would ask and see what he could gather from the hints C was able to give him.

Right now though, he had to concentrate on getting to class.

Making it to campus in record time – possibly ignoring some speed limits – he parked his Baby and
hastily scribbled back a GOOD LUCK!!! before finally rushing out and across the parking lot.

Only focusing on the building he had to get to, Dean was momentarily distracted by someone
calling his name, waving over at him. Not slowing down, he raised his hand to wave – only to
barrel into another body a second later.
“Ouch, shit! Sorry, sorry.”

“I apologize, I didn’t–”

“No, no. That was my mistake,” Dean cut the other person off, already crouching down to pick up
the campus map the guy had dropped. “Sorry, I should’ve–”

All breath left him the second he finally looked up, staring into the bluest eyes he had ever seen.
Clearing his throat, he came to his senses, holding out the map.

“Sorry, that really was my fault. I should’ve watched where I was going.”

“So should I,” the guy replied, his voice shooting right through Dean. It was dark and rough and
Dean really tried to convince himself that the shiver running down his spine only had to do with
the cold November air and nothing with the stranger standing in front of him.

“Uhm,” he said, dumb as he was. Thankfully, he remembered the map in his hand, finally holding
it out.

Just like in a bad movie, the guy seemed to remember at the same moment, holding out his own
hand, making them smack together. At least, it had them both chuckle, even though Dean’s laugh
was coming out rather like a nervous huff of air.

“I apologize once again,” the stranger said, this time reaching for the map with a sure hand. “I’m a
bit nervous. And lost, which makes me even more nervous.”

“Oh, uhm. Where do you need to get to?”

“The main office?”

Dean smiled and then quickly stepped next to the man, turning so he was looking in the same
direction. “You’re on the right path. Just follow this route.” He pointed out where to turn left and
right and made sure the guy had it memorized, before finally quenching his curiosity. “What’re
you so nervous about?”

“Job interview.”

“Great! Hey, best of luck. I’m sure you’ll rock it.”

“Thanks,” the stranger replied, giving him a smile that honest to God made Dean weak in his
knees.

He had to shake his head minutely, reminding himself to get away and get to class – shit! He had
class!! – before this would get any more awkward.

“Anyway, gotta run. I’m late for class.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry for keeping you!”

“No worries man. I’m always a bit late, gotta keep my reputation,” he added with a grin and a wink
and then hastened away before he could embarrass himself even more. What the heck was that?
Did he just flirt with a total stranger? He should be thinking about C! Or at least his own class.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to not look back around as he pushed open the door to his
building and made his way inside. Leaving the strange encounter far behind him.

~*~*~*~

Cas forced himself not to stare after the handsome stranger as the man moved along. His whole
body was still covered in goosebumps and he couldn’t even explain why. He had never reacted to a
stranger like this, had always needed an emotional connection with a person to even consider them
desirable. Since the first day D had replied to him, even that had vanished.

And now here he was, a stranger eliciting such a reaction from him. Awakening feelings he hadn’t
thought possible.

For a fleeting second, he wondered if maybe this handsome stranger could be D for him to react
like that – but then he caught sight of the time and gasped in shock. He was going to be so late!
Focusing back on the directions the stranger had given him, he hastened along the path and
towards his job interview.

Hoping against hope that it would be the last one; that he had finally found his place to stay.

~*~

D!!! I got the job!!!

YES!!! I knew you would be amazing, I never doubted you!

Well, that’s sweet, but seeing how this was the… what was it?... One-thousandth interview? I kinda
started to doubt myself.

Wow, C. Never knew you were one to exaggerate that much :P

Hey, it certainly felt like that, so don’t laugh at me. But God, I’m so happy it’s finally over. Now I
just have to find housing and prepare for the move.

Which city are you moving to?

Haha, nice try :P

Hey, you never know. Maybe Fate takes a break for a second.

You’re so cute when you try these things. I wish it would work.

Me too. But hey, anyway, I’m so proud of you. Wherever you go.

Thank you, D <3

 2020

“Dean, you’re staring again.”

Right away, Dean snapped out of it and averted his eyes, looking back down at his notes. He could
feel the heat creeping up his neck and into his cheeks; Charlie’s chuckle certainly didn’t make it
any better.

“Shut up,” he mumbled, refusing to look up at his best friend.

“I’m sorry, Dean. But this little crush of yours is just the cutest.”

Now, that got Dean to look up after all. “It’s not a crush! I don't have a crush on the guy – I have a
soulmate!”

As usual, that only got him an eye roll out of Charlie. “Yeah, and so does about ninety-eight
percent of the world population. Doesn’t mean you can’t fall for someone else.”

“Charlie, stop it! C and I–”

“I know, I know,” Charlie interrupted, stealing one of his fries while ignoring his glare. “You two
promised to wait for each other. So romantic. You do realize though that not all soulmates are
meant to be together together in the end, right? I mean, look at–”

“For real now?” Dean was the one to interrupt this time. “You really think I need your list again?
Of people whose soulmates died and they’re now happy with someone else? Or the people who
met their soulmate but had no sexual interest in but realized they’re best friends for life? Because I
don’t need that list. Again!”

“Wow, someone’s grumpy today,” Charlie mumbled, stealing another fry.

Her comment had Dean sigh deeply, closing his book. He sent one more look over to where he had
tried to sneakily stare at Mr. Novak, then his focus was back on his friend.

“I’m sorry, Charlie. It’s just… it’s everything right now, you know.”

“I get it,” she told him, her cheery mood dropping a little bit as well.

“I mean… this whole pandemic… all the classes canceled or moved online – which is great for
stuff like this,” he said, pointing to his accounting book and the papers for the economics classes he
had to take. “But sucks big time for the stuff that’s more practical than theoretical. Can’t really
work on a car via Zoom.”

“As if you need any class on how to take apart a motor and put it back together.”

“No, of course not,” Dean sighed, “but it was a nice compensation to balance out all the numbers
and laws and whatnot I have to drill into my head.”

“I get it, Dean. Really.”

“But that’s not even all. I mean… the fact that we’re even allowed to still meet here?” He made a
wide gesture around campus where Charlie and he currently occupied a table, far away from
everyone else, sharing lunch while Dean studied for his classes and Charlie used the free wifi to
work on her codes for one of her programming jobs. “It’s all so…”
“Uncertain?”

“Yes, that. Then Pride also got canceled and it just… it makes me grumpy.”

“Aren’t you forgetting one more thing?”

Dean closed his eyes and breathed out heavily. “I was trying to push that out of my mind, but yes…
yes, that’s of course another thing. Not everyone of us was as lucky as you, meeting their soulmate
right before the pandemic hit and social distancing made it practically impossible to find them.”

“It’s not really impossible though,” Charlie threw in carefully but Dean already shook his head.

“Charlie, come on. Be realistic. Our skins would have to touch for us to realize that we’re
soulmates–”

“And again, you’re making it too easy. Dean, I’m telling you. It’s not like lighting strikes you or
anything. Jo and I didn’t even realize it until a few days later.”

“Yeah, I know. But still. I could meet the cutest guy possible, I could go out with him or hang out –
and we still wouldn’t realize it was the other one unless our skin touched at least once and we then
messaged each other. Tell me how that’s possible with social distancing.”

“Don’t be so dumb, Dean, please. Even with the pandemic, if you really, seriously date someone,
you can touch, of course.”

“Yeah… but I’m not gonna date anyone, now am I?”

“Okay, first, while I think your agreement with C is kinda cute and romantic… have you ever
thought about these details? Like, at all? How are you supposed to find each other when you don’t
ever give someone a chance?” Dean didn’t reply to that, so Charlie went on. “And second, did you
realize you just solely talked about meeting a guy? What gives?”

This time, Dean shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know. Maybe it’s because of that Cassie debacle
but… I can’t help but feel like C is a guy.”

“Would you prefer that?”

“No? Maybe? Honestly, I don’t care either way, I just finally want to find them. I know you and Jo
already liked each other while writing, but… with C and me? I think it’s already more than just
liking.”

“So you’re saying you’re already in love with them?”

Dean didn’t need to think about that before he nodded. “I’ve been falling for them for years now,
yes.”

“Wow. That’s really rare. I mean, not unheard of, of course. But still rare.”

“I know.”

“And still, now and then you can’t stop yourself from stealing looks at Mr. Hot Librarian over
there,” Charlie told him with a little smirk.

“Charlie!”

As Charlie’s laugh rang all around campus, Dean did his best to keep his head down. The last thing
he wanted was to draw attention to the fact that Charlie was laughing because of something
connected to the guy.

Ever since they had crashed into each other a little over half a year ago, Dean kept running into the
man. Which, of course, wasn’t that uncommon, seeing how frequently Dean had to use the campus
library and how Mr. Novak had gotten the job he’d interviewed for, apparently. It was a job at the
library where he was responsible for a lot of supervisory tasks as well as taking care of the books,
ordering new ones, throwing out some old, and restoring broken ones. Dean was impressed by the
passion the man put into his job – which, yes, he might know because he had talked with Novak
now and then. Not often, not even enough to be on first-name terms… but enough to know the guy
was one bright one. He was smart and had a quick wit and was genuinely a nice guy who loved to
help all the students around.

Right now, he was sitting on campus as well, enjoying some lunch while reading a good book, and
Dean’s eyes had wandered towards him more often than he cared to admit. Damnit!

He wanted to stay faithful to his promise with C. Hell, he would! But he also couldn’t help but
notice that Novak was exactly his type. Exactly the kind of guy Dean would’ve asked out on a date
if it hadn’t been for C… and the pandemic.

Hell, if it hadn’t been for the latter, he might’ve even asked Novak out after all, if only to see if he
was his C.

As it was, Dean kept his distance, as ordered, and only admired from afar.

Thankfully, Charlie soon had to get back to her apartment to have a quiet environment for a Zoom
meeting. It meant she wouldn’t bother him with more questions Dean didn’t have any answers to.
With no interest in sitting alone, Dean soon packed up his stuff and followed suit to his own car.
Stealing one last glance at Mr. Novak.

Not for the first time, he found the man’s eyes on him and the intense gaze made him swallow hard
and let him hasten his steps. It also had his heartbeat quicken. What was happening with him? He
had a soulmate, for God’s sake.

As it had happened so often over the past few months, the small but nagging question of ‘what if
he’s your soulmate?’ came back to him and Dean tried to ignore it. He would’ve felt it if that was
the case, right? Not that Dean could really trust his instincts anyway, as Cassie had proven
spectacularly.

Trying to ignore it all, Dean sat down in his Baby and took a few calming breaths. Pulling out a
pen, he began scribbling on his arm.

Whatcha doing today?

He didn’t have to wait long for a reply.

Working. Boring stuff but it has to be done.

Knowing you, it’s not really boring. You love your job.
That I do. And at least I can enjoy the sun while I work. What about you?

Just finished studying, also enjoying the sun. And lunch with my bestie.

Sounds great. Any plans for the rest of the day?

Same as ever? I mean… not that we can do much these days.

I know, it sucks.

Yeah. Especially with the Pride Parade canceled.

So true. I never thought your words from last November would ring so true so quickly.

Dean squinted at his arm, trying hard to remember which words C was referring to.

Which ones? About enjoying the memories of Pride cause it might be the last with your friends?

Exactly those. Scary, you kinda predicted the future.

Yeah, maybe. Didn’t know Fate would take my words so literally… But hey, it won’t always be like
this. The world has to get back to normal eventually, right?

I sure hope so. Actually, I refuse to think otherwise. And until then, all we can do is stay positive.

Dean raised an eyebrow at what he read on his arm and huffed a little laugh. He was about to reply
when new words formed on his skin.

NOT LITERALLY!! Don’t you dare say it!!

I wasn’t!

Oh you totally were! I know you too well to believe otherwise.

Chuckling, Dean started his car before scribbling one last note.

You totally do. Hey, catch you in a minute, wanna drive home real quick.

Drive safe!

~*~
While his original plan was to study for the rest of the day, that plan soon was erased for
something far more important.

Talking to C.

They had started back up the steady stream of conversation the moment Dean had stepped into his
apartment, only interrupted once when C had been on their way home as well. They came back
with a very interesting thought.

Hey, look. I know the Pride Parade is canceled this year, but we could still celebrate together if
you’re up to it.

Absolutely – what were you thinking?

Instead of a verbal reply, Dean had to wait only a few seconds – until suddenly, he could feel his
skin tingle in other places than his usual left arm. It started on his shoulder and right away, Dean
realized what C was doing. One after another, rainbow flags of all sizes appeared all over his body,
vanishing as soon as he saw them, making room for more, for bigger and brighter ones.

Laughing out loud, Dean scribbled a big smiley on his forearm before getting out of his shirt to see
where else C was drawing flags. While he watched – and enjoyed the new sensation, the rest of his
skin not used to the tingle of a soulmate message – he searched for some colorful pens himself,
joining in on the fun. Soon enough, it became a race, a game of how quickly they could draw the
flags before the other one would see it and thus make the colors disappear.

At one point, Dean even drew one on his bare ass cheek, to which he got a winking smiley back
that had him grinning like a madman.

Despite not doing all that much, this little game, their own little celebration, left Dean breathless
and giddy. He dropped onto his bed and closed his eyes for a moment, catching his breath before
lifting his arm again to write another message to C.

This was fun – thank you so much for thinking of this. Really cheered me up.

So you were also down because of this?

Yeah. You too?

Absolutely. And…

And what?

I really miss you, D. I know it sounds needy and terrible but this whole situation sucks so much.
I’ve never been the biggest on hugs but even I miss them.

I get you, so much, believe me. Just talked about it with my bestie, actually. And the thing is, I’m a
big hugger. I hug all my friends and I fucking miss it.

Think we’re all already touch-starved?

Definitely.

… which is all the more reason why I miss you so much. If we already knew each other, we could
hug all the time and never let go.

Dean had to swallow hard. C’s thoughts were scarily close to his own, proving once again just how
much they thought alike, how compatible they were as soulmates. Though he was sure that many
people thought exactly like that right now.

I miss you, too.

He finally settled on saying, his mood somewhat dropping. Enough for him to get up and throw
himself together some quick dinner before going back to their conversation while eating. They
didn’t stay on that topic for much longer though and by the time Dean was back on the couch, it
was light conversation again.

It was getting late by the time C asked him a question that let Dean know there was some serious
talk ahead of them again.

Can I tell you something?

You can tell me anything. So of course.

I know. But… this one is something you might not like. I don’t even like it myself.

Tell me anyway.

There was a brief pause but eventually, words formed on his arm again.

So, there’s this person. Before I go on, I swear that nothing ever happened or will happen. I’m still
true to my word, I promise. I still haven’t been with anyone since we started writing and it won’t
change until I finally find you.

Dean sat up straight and swallowed hard, trying to quieten the emotions inside of him.

Okay, so… what’s with that person?

Nothing, really. I mean, we’ve hardly ever talked. They’re a student at the place I work and
sometimes we see each other. Sometimes we exchange a few words, but nothing more.
But you feel attracted to them?

I guess? I could lie and say it’s simply because they’re insanely hot (they are, I’m not gonna lie)
but they’re also genuinely nice and those eyes are so warm.

Dean felt a knot form in his own stomach, bile slowly rising. Still, he didn’t interrupt as C
continued to write.

God, I’m so sorry. I’m gushing over another person here. To my soulmate! I don’t even know what
I wanted to accomplish here. I guess… I guess I just wanted to be honest with you. As I said,
there’s nothing to worry about.

Dean let the words sink in, trying to sort out his emotions. But it wasn’t all that easy and inside of
him, there was a little war going on between his emotional side that wanted to be jealous; and his
rational side that told him not to be a hypocrite.

It was his rational side that won for now, even though his emotional side was still loud.

I’m not worried, C. Sure, it’s… weird, reading this. But I understand.

You do?

Yeah. In fact… I have a similar issue.

Oh?

There’s this person on my campus and… yeah, they’re really cute.

Are you–

NO!

There was no way Dean would ever let C even think that way.

No, of course not, C! We made a promise to each other. And even without that promise, I don’t
think I would be able to do anything about it. That one time taught me and no matter how cute this
guy is, I wouldn’t be able to do that to you.

WHAT?

Dean stopped in his motions, pen resting a few breaths above his skin. Why was C screaming like
that?
What what?

D!!!! Do you realize what you just wrote?

Yes? That I wouldn’t cheat on you!

No!! I mean, yes, that’s amazing to read, but no! D!! You just wrote ‘this guy’! And it WASN’T
BLURRED OUT!!

Reading the word on his skin was so surreal, Dean stared for a second longer, even after the text
had already vanished. Getting his bearings together, he quickly wrote another message.

How’s this even POSSIBLE???

I don’t know!! But let’s try something. My name is Castiel. My friends call me Cas – HOLY
SHIT!!!

“HOLY SHIT!” Dean exclaimed, echoing C’s words… Cas’ words! Shooting up from the couch,
Dean tried to write on his arm again while his hand was shaking like a leaf.

I’m Dean.

OH MY GOD!! HOW??

I DON’T KNOW!!!

WHAT HAPPENED??

Pacing his room, Dean tried to find a thought aside from the constant repetition of, ‘oh my God, oh
my God, oh my God,’ that was going on inside his head. It had been months since last he had come
into contact with other people. How was this at all possible?

Dean?

I’m sorry, I think I’m kinda freaking out right now.

Me too!! Where do you live?

Lincoln, Nebraska

Dean!! That’s where I moved to a few months ago!!

We must’ve met and touched skin without even realizing

It’s the only explanation, yes. This is unbelievable!

While his thoughts were still in scrambles and lit on fire, there were only a few clear thoughts Dean
could focus on right now.

His soulmate was a guy.

And he was here. He was in the same city. They could finally meet!

CAS!

Do you wanna meet right now?

Dean breathed out a laugh that quickly turned into a fit of crazy-sounding laughter and he had to
concentrate to be able to reply.

I was just gonna ask the same! Because, yes, yes!! Absolutely! When, where?

I live right by Holmes Lake Park – would be a nice place for a first meeting.

Are you kidding me? That’s right around the corner from me!

If you tell me now that we’ve been neighbors since I moved here, I might wanna punch Fate in the
face.

Let’s find out. Meet you in ten?

I can’t wait!!

For a few more seconds, Dean ran around his apartment, almost headless. He was about to meet his
soulmate! It was finally happening and it was all because he’d been gushing about another guy and
hadn’t filtered pronouns and suddenly…

Dean shook his head. There was time for that later – and certainly no time anymore to think about
Novak. Because.

Cas.

His soulmate’s name, he finally knew it. It was Cas and Dean was grinning like a fool just thinking
about it.

Hastily grabbing his phone and his keys and an extra pen, he hoofed it out the door and into his car.
Technically, he could run to the park but that would cost him precious minutes and he would be out
of breath by the time he got there. He also knew they both faced getting into trouble, the park being
closed this time of night – but that thought quickly flew out of his mind and five minutes later, he
parked his Chevy right next to the entrance, rushing inside.
Looking around, he saw a sole figure pacing along the water’s edge, illuminated by the full moon
and the reflection of the light on the lake. Dean stopped for a moment and simply took in the view.

This was it. The moment he’d been wishing for since their first conversation, all of a sudden here.
This was it and there he was, his soulmate. Dean was unable to move for a second. Only for a
second though, because a heartbeat later, his feet suddenly moved on their own accord, drawing
him closer and closer to the figure.

That was, until Cas stopped in his tracks and looked up. The moonlight caught his face and the
sight that greeted Dean made him stop in his tracks, a bare few yards away from him. “You?” he
breathed out, the butterflies inside of him soaring.

Cas stared right back, looking equally shocked and amazed – until a wide grin spread over his
entire face. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean huffed out a startled laugh, stepping closer yet. “Hey, Cas.”

Their gazes locked and they both seemed to search for something – or were simply taking in the
other. It was Dean who spoke again first. “I can’t believe it’s you.”

“Hope you’re not disappointed,” Cas replied in a hushed tone, looking bashful at his words.

“Are you kidding?” Dean exclaimed, reaching for Cas’ hand. “I’m… I’m thrilled. I’m so fucking
amazed right now. Cas, it– it was you. The other guy I was talking about. The one that I’ve
admired from afar. That I’ve been crushing over for the past few months. That’s you!”

Cas’ smile turned wider, rivaling the light of the moon almost. “Well, that’s good. Because the
man I was gushing over? Was you, Dean. From the first moment we ran into each other, I couldn’t
take my eyes off of you.”

Hardly able to believe his luck, Dean pulled a little bit on Cas’ hand, drawing them closer together.
“I was so conflicted,” he admitted in a hushed whisper. “I wanted to stay faithful to the promise we
made each other – but you were drawing me in, so damn much. Those big blue eyes, and that smile
of yours. Not to mention your voice.”

“You like my voice?” Cas asked in wonder, sounding so surprised that Dean couldn’t suppress his
laugh.

“Yeah, absolutely. It’s– it’s so damn sexy and sinful and it makes me feel things whenever I hear
it.”

“I can’t believe we’ve both been pining over each other like this and never did anything about it
because as soulmates, we gave each other a promise.”

“I know, right?” Dean replied, huffing in disbelief as he shook his head over how stupid they’d
been. “Jesus, Charlie is going to have a field day with this. She’s my bestie,” he quickly added
when he saw the question in Cas’ eyes. “She’s told me for months now to take a risk and ask you
out to see if maybe you’re my soulmate.”

“Honestly… I have to agree with her,” Cas told him, his smile still wide. “You even knew C and I
both had a job interview the same day.”

Thinking about it for a second, Dean’s eyes grew wide at the realization. Cas’ loud laugh told him
that he saw the moment Dean made the connection. Dropping his head in his other hand, Dean
chuckled along before mumbling. “Well, now you see it for yourself. Your soulmate is an idiot.”
“Hey, none of that,” Cas admonished, bringing a hand up to gently cup Dean’s face.

Right away, Dean dropped his own hand, leaning into the warm touch. It felt…

God, it felt so good! Not only to feel another person’s touch again but to know that it was actually
the touch of his soulmate. Of the one that would be by his side for the rest of their life, now that
they had finally found each other. Their gazes found each other again and for the first time, Dean
really let himself get lost in those blue, blue eyes, no longer feeling guilty about letting their
tenderness touch his heart.

“Can I kiss you?”

Cas’ whisper so soft it was almost lost in the breeze around them. But Dean stood close enough to
catch it and in lieu of a reply, he simply leaned in, slowly, carefully. Trying to draw it out, the
moment of anticipation before their first kiss.

When their lips touched, it was everything Dean had ever dreamed of. He hadn’t believed in all
those movie cliches and TV tropes but it really felt like fireworks were exploding, like the earth
broke open and the axes aligned anew. Nothing around them mattered anymore, the closeness of
the man now in his arms was the only thing that counted.

How long they stood like this, he didn’t even care to tell. It didn’t matter – time and place held no
weight as long as he was with Cas. As long as he was in his soulmate’s embrace.

~*~*~*~

Lying in Dean’s arms that night was unbelievable. It was unlike any feeling Cas ever had; he felt
content and safe and warm but on the other hand, there was a mix of protectiveness and maybe a
little bit possessiveness, as well. This was his man, the man he loved, the man who loved him.
They hadn’t said it yet but they both knew.

This was his soulmate, and he couldn’t believe he was so lucky to finally have this and never have
to give it up again.

There was a slight hitch in Dean’s breathing and Cas looked up from where he had rested his head
on Dean's shoulder. Dean’s eyes opened slowly, a smile spreading over his lips even before his
gaze fully focused on Cas.

“Hey,” he rasped out and Cas couldn’t help but lean in to press a kiss against his neck.

“Hey,” he whispered back. “Good morning.”

“Is it morning already?”

“Not really. I think we only dozed for a few hours or so.”

“Mhh, good,” Dean replied, yawning as he stretched and pulled Cas closer. “Not ready to get up.”

“You sure about that?” Cas asked with a little smirk, moving his leg so it brushed against Dean’s
cock – which was very much up and awake.

The touch pulled a breathy moan from Dean, his arm around Cas flexing even more. “Totally
different,” he breathed out, tilting his head to easily capture Cas’ lips.

Cas didn’t need much encouragement, slowly moving so he was leaning over Dean, deepening
their kiss. It didn’t seem enough for his man, as Dean took hold of his thigh, pulling Cas up to fully
straddle him. Softly biting and nibbling on Dean’s lower lip, Cas smirked as he pulled the sweetest
sounds out of his man, still amazed that he was to finally have this, to finally bask in their intimacy.
And for just a moment, he was unable to stop his thoughts from wandering back over the past few
hours; reminiscing on how they’d gotten here, wrapped around each other like this.

Their rather chaste kiss by the lake had quickly turned to more, both of them starving for this,
starving for the touch, the connection, the closeness to the other. It had taken a lot of willpower to
not let it go too far right there by the water’s edge and instead make their way over to Dean’s car.
Even though Cas practically lived across the street, Dean still drove them there safely while Cas
never once fully let go of him. They both knew this was so much more than just sex. So much
more than to just reach the peak, to just find completion. It was about being able to finally get lost
in each other.

They tumbled into Cas’ house and barely made it to the couch, their clothes coming off in a weird
mix of hastily discarding them and reverently unwrapping the gift that was the other’s skin. With
every touch, their connection deepened; with every kiss, every sigh, every moan, the bond between
them grew. It was so intense, Cas was surprised when at some point, Dean had reached for his
cheek, brushing away tears he hadn’t even realized he had shed. Tears of emotion too intense to
keep bottled up.

Sometime in the middle of the night, they had made their way to his bedroom, simply snuggling up
against each other, whispering sweet little nothings into each other’s skin until they dozed off, still
wound tightly around each other.

And now here they were, ready for a second round and Cas knew it would be even more heated,
more intense. He wanted more this time, wanted it all, wanted to feel all of Dean, and Cas could
see his own want mirrored in his lover’s gaze.

Shifting his hips slowly, he let their cocks brush against each other while he still leaned down,
devouring Dean’s mouth. Strong hands, rough from years of work, gripped and guided him and he
easily gave in to the rhythm they set. Only breaking for a moment to lean over and get some lube
from his bedside table, one of Dean’s hands already sneaking its way over to his ass, grabbing it
tightly.

Cas took Dean’s other hand in his, squeezing a liberal amount of lube onto both of their hands
before guiding Dean’s to his back; closing his eyes as the first finger sank into him. The bottle
dropped from his hand as he leaned down again, pressing his ass into the touch as Dean caught his
lips again with his own, kissing him as if he was the first sip of water after a walk through the
desert.

Snaking his own hand between them, Cas wrapped it around both of them as best he could,
grinning at the muffled groan that came from Dean. Following the already set rhythm, Cas
marveled at how well they already fit together.

Another of Dean’s fingers slipped inside of him easily and the pleasurable feeling had Cas breaking
their kiss and sitting up to try and push them inside him more. Staring down at his soulmate, he
could feel their love for each other radiating through the room. He simply couldn’t wait anymore,
he needed to feel Dean inside of him.
Their gaze never broke as he sank down onto Dean, both of them groaning as they held onto each
other. Moving slowly at first, Cas soon set a steady pace, relishing how Dean’s fingers dug into the
flesh of his ass cheeks, helping him keep the rhythm. The sounds filling the air were music to his
ears.

They could’ve probably drawn it out far longer and someday soon, they would. Someday soon,
they would spend a whole day in bed exploring each other, and just stay intertwined and connected
in every way possible. Right now though, Cas was too overwhelmed by all the sensations to slow
down; especially when Dean bent his legs, giving himself leverage to meet Cas’ thrusts. It didn’t
take long after that before Cas was seeing stars. And given Dean’s deep groan and the shiver
running through his body, he was right behind him.

Sweaty and sated, they sank back into each other’s arms, Cas only strong enough to pull the
blanket over them before he stretched out his limbs and sprawled over his man, content and happy.

He had no idea how much time had passed, maybe they’d even fallen asleep again, maybe not, but
the next thing he was aware of was Dean’s hand softly brushing up and down his back.

“Hey, Cas?” he whispered into his hair before Cas could feel a kiss pressed there.

He only replied with a breathed-out moan, showing Dean that he was still alive. Dean’s soft
chuckle was his answer before his man spoke again. “There’s something I wanted to tell you for so
long now.”

“Why didn’t you?” Cas mumbled back, face still buried in the crook of Dean’s neck.

Dean’s hand came to gently rest against Cas’ cheek and he took it as a sign and lifted his head,
looking down at those wonderful green eyes.

“Because I wanted to say it in person for the first time.”

“What is it?” Cas asked, although he had a little inkling.

Dean’s eyes were so warm, so soft, and combined with that smile playing around his lips, his gaze
spoke of what Cas now knew for sure Dean was about to say. And he wasn’t disappointed.

“I love you, Cas. I’ve fallen for you, fully and completely.”

Cas closed his eyes for a moment, letting those words sink in fully and settle into every fiber of his
being while he nuzzled Dean’s hand. Before he finally opened his eyes again and replied with the
words he’d wanted to say for so many years already. “I love you too, Dean.”

And as they sank back into the kiss, they both knew that this was only the beginning of something
wonderful.

They also knew that it was certainly a Pride celebration they would never forget.
 2021

Babe, where’s my shirt?

Did you check in the closet?

Yes, of course.

Bathroom then, probably still in the clean laundry… which btw. I asked you to fold and put away
:P

FOUND IT! What would I ever do without you?

Don’t know? Walk around naked? ;)

Dean chuckled at the message on his arm, pulling on the shirt before he answered his boyfriend.

Don’t think many people would be complaining :P

I would be complaining! That’s mine ;)

So possessive!

You love it!

Yeah, I do…

Now stop teasing and get ready. Meg and Zar just landed so we’ll be home soon.

They really don’t wanna catch their breath before we leave?

No, they don’t wanna miss one second from the Parade, you know them. Now chop-chop!

Geez, yes, I’m going. Not only possessive but also so commanding…

:P

Dean chuckled but still did as Cas told him. He would always do what his man told him…

He also shot a quick text to Charlie, grinning when his friend sent him back a picture of Jo and
herself in their own outfits, strolling along the street that led from their home to Dean and Cas’
house. Quickly putting on the finishing touches, Dean made sure he hadn’t forgotten anything –
wallet, keys, phone, check, check, check – and then left the house.

Charlie and Jo joined him a few minutes later, the two looking amazing in their outfits. Now that
they were six friends, Cas had the idea to go as one big rainbow – and for the first time in years, his
two friends had given in and agreed to his idea. Jo was the sunny one, wearing all yellow, while
Charlie wore green, which went wonderfully with her red hair. Dean himself sported a purple
outfit.
 A few short minutes later, Cas’ car finally pulled into the driveway, the rainbow completed with
Cas in a matching blue outfit, Zar in bright orange that fit him more than should be humanly
possible, and Meg in her devil’s red dress.

It was a big round of hellos before the group started their way to downtown Lincoln, towards the
Pride Parade. There were many restrictions still, the pandemic not yet fully defeated – but there
was also a lot of reason for hope and at least, they were allowed to celebrate together again.

Dean reached his hand out and right away, Cas took it, leaning into him as they followed their
friends. They exchanged a quick kiss, smiling at each other as they remembered that Pride wasn’t
all that was special about today. It was also their one-year anniversary – and how fitting that it
would be celebrated in such a fashion and with so much love.

Together, hand in hand, they walked towards the first Pride Parade they would finally be able to
celebrate together for real. The first of many, many more to come.

End Notes

HAPPY PRIDE

Credit goes to the amazing 911 & 911 Lone Star Pride Week because I used two of their
prompts to kickstart my muse for this fic: “I know The Pride Parade is canceled this year,
but we still can celebrate together” and “Can I kiss you?”

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!