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Attachment Styles and Stress Responses - Attachment Project
Attachment Styles and Stress Responses - Attachment Project
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This article addresses the link between attachment theory and stress responses. In the aftermath of the
pandemic and the midst of a cost-of-living crisis, understanding how our attachment styles influence
how we cope with stress is of utmost importance. Awareness is the first step toward progress.
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over
another.”
William James
Stressful situations are unavoidable. These situations could be psychological stressors, such as the
prevailing worry about the end of a relationship. Or perhaps environmental ones like a dysfunctional work
environment. Regardless, most of us usually recognize the common symptoms of stress; anxiety, a
pounding heart, beads of sweat, and difficulty breathing.
Stress on a short-term basis is necessary for responding to the inevitable challenges we encounter
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regularly. However, long-term stress can be damaging both emotionally and physically. Whether we
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cope with stress effectively or allow it to become long-term is usually dependent on our stress
responses.
An expanding area of research focuses on how the attachment styles we develop in our early years
influence our ability to cope with stress. So, to help answer any questions you may have about how your
attachment style can impact your stress response, this article covers:
• What stress is
• The symptoms of short-term (acute) stress
• Long-term (chronic) stress effects
• Each attachment style’s (secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) stress response
• How to cope with stress based on the traits of your attachment style
What Is Stress?
Stress is an emotional and physiological response to circumstances in which we feel under pressure or
threat. It usually occurs when we have a perceived lack of control over what is happening around us.
Stress usually comes in two forms; short-term (acute) and long-term (chronic).
As we discussed in our previous article, The Scare Factor: How Your Attachment Style Influences Your
Fears, the fight or flight response helps to keep you out of harm’s way by raising your levels of focus and
awareness. It does so by facilitating the release of the stress hormones; adrenaline and cortisol. These
hormones send a surge of physical and emotional responses through our bodies that enable us to either
fight against the perceived threat or flee from it. Essentially, this short-lived response to a challenging
situation is called acute or short-term stress.
In general, acute stress induces several emotional reactions. The following are the most common of
which:
• Irritability
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Difficulties concentrating
• Feelings of being overwhelmed
• Sleep disturbances
• Low mood/depression
• Eating more or less than usual
• Forgetfulness
• Using substances (e.g., alcohol) more often
• Sweating
• Pounding heart
• Headaches
• Stomach upsets/gastrointestinal issues
• Muscle tension
• Increase in illness/infection
• Dryness of mouth
Due to raised levels of stress hormones over a lengthy duration, chronic stress can create mental health
difficulties, as well as physiological harm. Common causes of chronic stress include a maladaptive
family environment, persistent relational issues, job dissatisfaction, and poverty. Essentially, people
coping with chronic stress feel a long-term lack of control over their circumstances.
Due to how chronic stress can persist in the absence of a clear, stressful situation, its symptoms can be
challenging to detect. Furthermore, the symptoms span the cognitive, emotional, physical, and behavioral
domains, as well as vary from individual to individual.
Having said as much, the following are some known indicators of chronic stress. If multiple of these
symptoms persist for longer than a couple of weeks, you may have chronic stress:
Continuous maladaptive responses to stress can have serious implications for our quality of life,
productivity, well-being, and relationships. Fortunately, understanding how our attachment styles
equip us to deal with stress can help us mitigate its effects and regulate more effectively.
The Secure
Attachment Style
Stress Response
In a nutshell, secure attachers typically can
manage their fight or flight response to stress
by quickly engaging their secondary, more cognitive (rational) strategy. As we’ve established in
previous articles, people with a secure attachment style were shown consistent affection and validation
as children. Thus, they typically have healthy levels of self-esteem and self-worth, as well as established
connections with others. Their experiences taught them that the world, and the people in it, are to be
trusted.
As adults, secure attachers have an in-built protective system against the adverse effects of stress.
They understand that they can rely on others for support, as well as self-soothe when stressed.
Ultimately, secure attachers have the resources to cope with stress and are typically great problem
solvers. Therefore, they are equipped to get through difficult situations and regulate their emotions
effectively.
Anxious attachers also tend to lack a sense of permanence in their situation and feel a sense of
helplessness when faced with stress. They also typically feel overwhelmed and sensitive to the reactions
of those around them. As a result of these feelings, someone with an anxious attachment style engages
their “fight” response when stressed. So, they vigilantly search for reassurance and support – especially
in their relationships. But they may not think of engaging their internal self-soothing strategies as a
result.
Unfortunately, along with their hyperresponsiveness to stress, anxious attachers also often struggle to
recover from difficult ordeals. Hence, anxious attachers may be more prone to chronic stress than
other attachment styles. They may feel burnt out, but might still come across as “needy” to others in
their search for consolation.
tackle a problem independently, so they typically don’t ask for outside help. In many ways, this can be a
useful trait – for example, during a workplace problem. However, it’s not a sustainable strategy. These
inclinations may make avoidant attachers less skilled at dealing with personally challenging situations,
such as relational or familial problems.
So, although avoidant attachers may successfully manage short-term stress because they disengage
their emotions, their feelings are still there. Just bubbling under the surface. Therefore, continually
dealing with life’s difficulties alone can lead to emotional and physical burnout.
Disorganized attachers tend to display an “I hate you/Don’t leave me” attitude towards others. So, they
both desire and push away support during times of stress. This pattern of behavior leaves them feeling
conflicted about the best course of action to take, so they may vacillate between switching off their
emotions, to becoming hyperresponsive.
Because of their difficulties regulating their emotions, people with the disorganized attachment style
may be particularly prone to experiencing burnout and chronic stress. Furthermore, they may attempt to
cope with these experiences through increased alcohol consumption or drug usage.
The following tips may help you understand how to manage stress with consideration of the traits of your
attachment style:
Alternatively, if you’re prone to suppressing your feelings of stress, express how you’re feeling to someone
else in a way that doesn’t compromise your need for boundaries. For example, by saying, “Do you mind
helping me figure
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Final Words
Stress may be an inevitable part of life, but this doesn’t
mean it should affect your quality of life. If you have been
experiencing chronic stress, make sure to talk about your
experiences with loved ones, employers, or friends.
Alternatively, there is a range of mental health
professionals who are trained to help you cope in adaptive
ways. You are not alone – and a problem shared is a
problem halved.
Refe re n ce s
Khodarahimi, S., Hashim, I., & Mohd-Zaharim, N. (2016).
Attachment Styles, Perceived Stress and Social Support in
a Malaysian Young Adults Sample. Psychologica Belgica, 56(1), 65-79.
Kidd, T., Hamer, M., & Steptoe, A. (2011). Examining the association between adult attachment style and
cortisol responses to acute stress. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 36(6), 771-779.
Leiter, M. P., Day, A., & Price, L. (2015). Attachment styles at work: Measurement, collegial relationships,
and burnout. Burnout Research, 2(1), 25-35.
Levy, K., Ellison, W., Scott L., & Bernecker, S. (2011). Attachment style. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 67(2),
193–203.
Mikulincer, M., Florian, V., & Weller, A. (1993). Attachment styles, coping strategies, and posttraumatic
psychological distress: The impact of the Gulf War in Israel. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
64(5), 817–826.
Mikulincer, M., & Florian, V. The relationship between adult attachment styles and emotional and
cognitive reactions to stressful events. In: Simpson, J., & Rholes, W. (1998) Attachment theory and close
relationships. The Guilford Press, 143–165.
Myers, S., & Wells, A. (2015). Early trauma, negative affect, and anxious attachment: The role of
metacognition. Anxiety, Stress, & Coping, 28(6), 634–649.
Simpson, J.A., & Steven Rholes, W. (2017). Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships. Current
Opinion in Psychology, 13,19-24.
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