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Boundaries 5/14/01 12:37 PM Page 58

58 Boundaries

has to do with performance, discipline, initiative, and planning.

Relational boundaries refers to the ability to speak truth to oth-
ers with whom we are in relationship.
Another way of looking at it is that functional boundaries
refer to our “Martha” parts, and relational, our “Mary” parts
(Luke 10:38–42). Mary and Martha were friends of Jesus.
Martha prepared dinner, while Mary sat at Jesus’ feet. When
Martha complained about Mary’s not helping her, Jesus said:
“Mary has chosen what is better” (v. 42). He didn’t mean that
Martha’s busyness was bad; it was just the wrong thing at the
wrong time.
Many people have good functional boundaries, but poor
relational ones; that is, they can perform tasks at quite high lev-
els of competence, but they may not be able to tell a friend that
they don’t like their chronic lateness. The reverse can also be
true. Some people can be absolutely honest with others about
their complaints and dislikes but be unable to get up for work in
the morning!

We’ve taken a look at the different categories of boundaries.

But how do you develop boundaries? Why do some people
seem to have natural boundaries and others have no boundaries
at all? As with many things, it has a lot to do with the family in
which you grew up.