Health 7 M2

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Health and Life Skills 7

Module 2: Relationship Choices
Student Module Booklet
Alberta Education
ISBN 0-7741-2626-4
Alberta Education acknowledges with appreciation the Alberta Distance Learning Centre and Pembina Hills Regional
Division No. 7 for their review of this Student Module Booklet.
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Teachers ✓
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General Public
are not always cited and the content may not be accurate. Therefore, students may wish to confirm
Other facts with a second source.
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We hope you enjoy your study of Health and Life Skills 7.
It is recommendedModule 2: Relationship
that you complete Choices
the following modules in their given order.
Module 1 Module 2 Module 3
Wellness Relationship Life-Learning

Choices Choices Choices
Module 1 contains general information about the course components, additional

resources, icons, assessment, and strategies for completing your work. If you do not have
access to Module 1, contact your teacher to obtain this important information.
6 Module Overview
8 Section 1: Feelings
9 Lesson 1: Thinking Patterns
and Feelings
29 Lesson 2: Challenges and

Concerns
46 Lesson 3: Support for

Emotional Concerns
58 Section 1 Conclusion

59 Section 2: Interactions
60 Lesson 1: Healthy
Relationships
73 Lesson 2: Dealing with

Conflict
83 Lesson 3: Group Roles and

Processes
96 Section 2 Conclusion
97 Module Summary

Module Overview
Module 2 of Health and Life Skills 7
focuses on relationship choices. A
person’s emotional health involves his
or her feelings and interactions with
others—family members, friends,
schoolmates, classmates, teachers,
neighbours, and others you encounter
in your daily life. Tong has a special
relationship with his parents and sister.
His family makes a special effort to
spend some time together. In doing so,
his family members show support and
caring for each other.
Positive emotional health involves knowing how to deal with emotional concerns, challenges, and
difficult times. It also involves the development of healthy relationships with those around you as well
as being aware of factors that may affect your relationships in negative ways. Knowing how you deal
with the sources of stress in your daily life and your relationships can affect your emotional health
positively. Also, feeling safe in your relationships, as well as feeling cared for and respected, influences
your emotional health in a positive way.
This module will help you develop effective skills that show responsibility, respect, and caring. With
these skills you will be able to establish and maintain healthy interactions with others.
Module 2: Relationship Choices
Section 1 Section 2
Feelings Interactions
6 Health and Life Skills 7

Assessment
This second module of Health and Life Skills 7 is comprised of a Student Module Booklet and two
Assignment Booklets. At the end of each lesson, you will be assigned a number of questions to answer
in your Assignment Booklets. Submit each Assignment Booklet as soon as you have completed all
of the required work. Contact your teacher or school if you have questions about submitting your
assignments.
The mark distribution for the assignments in Module 2 is as follows:
Assignment Booklet 2A
Section 1 Assignment 50 marks
Assignment Booklet 2B
Section 2 Assignment 50 marks
Total 100 marks
Be sure to check with your teacher if this mark allocation applies to you. Your teacher may include
other reviews and assignments.
Note: By now you should have received and begun working on either Part A: Human Sexuality or
Part B: Journal Project. Remember, you must complete and submit one of these components for
assessment with Module 3 Assignment Booklet 3B.
Health and Life Skills 7 7

S

ection 1
Feelings
Feelings are a completely natural way of reacting to the people, events, and things around you. Your
feelings protect you and guide you through life. Feelings are private. They happen inside you. Often
they have a physical effect upon you, such as when your stomach tightens, you cry, or you laugh.
Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They are simply a normal part of who you are as a person. You
have a right to your feelings.
No one will ever know you are experiencing certain feelings unless you express them in some way.
The ways you express your feelings are a reflection of who you are as an individual. The way you
choose to express your feelings may have positive or negative effects on yourself or others. For a
healthy well-being, it is best that your feelings have positive effects.
In this section you will explore ways of handling your feelings so that your health is affected in
positive ways. You will learn about dealing with emotional concerns, challenges, and difficult times.
You will identify sources of stress in your daily life and your relationships and think about strategies
for dealing with that stress. You will become aware of short-term and long-term support sources
available for coping with emotional concerns and challenges. You will also consider the ways in which
you can provide support to others through listening and feedback skills.

L esson 1: Thinking Patterns and Feelings
Have you ever heard the expressions “happy as a lark,” “grouchy as a bear,” or “timid as a mouse”?
People often use these kinds of expressions to describe feelings. A connection is being made between
human feelings and the behaviours of certain animals.
Your feelings are connected to your behaviours and your thinking. The thinking patterns and habits
you develop help you deal with situations you face. Your thinking patterns provide you with tools to
deal with difficult situations and negative feelings.
In this lesson you will focus on
• how your feelings, thoughts, and behaviours are interconnected

• how thinking patterns can influence feelings
• positive thinking patterns
• negative thinking patterns
• handling your feelings
Section 1: Feelings 9

What Are Feelings?
feelings: private Feelings are the reactions people
emotions that an have inside as they experience
individual experiences
different situations. Feelings are
experienced when people are alone
as well as when they are with others.
Feelings include emotions such as
happiness, sadness, love, anger, and
fear. Feelings influence the decisions
people make and the way they behave.
Feelings are a natural reaction to
the people, events, and things that
happen around an individual. They
are unique, personal responses to
situations you encounter.
There are different factors that influence the ways you react to these situations.
Your family, the people around you, and your experiences all contribute to the ways
you express your feelings.
Thinking About Feelings

Many people do not associate feelings with thinking. But your feelings start with
your thoughts. When you think about an event, a situation, an experience, or a
person, it triggers a feeling. These feelings can result in positive behaviours. They
can also result in behaviours that are negative or destructive.
Some days can be much more

positive than others. It is not always
possible to enjoy everything you
have to do each day. It is, however,
possible to develop positive
ways of viewing your activities,
responsibilities, and commitments.
It is often the way you think and
feel about things that influence how
well you do them. Handling your
emotions with a healthy approach
and positive thinking will help you
physically, intellectually, socially, and
emotionally.

Your feelings and emotions can affect your health and well-being in different ways.
This is shown in the following diagram.
Being excited
When you about a project
are excited, your you are working
adrenaline on can help you
increases. do a good job.
Physical Intellectual
Emotional health Love involves

If you are caring, sharing,
afraid, your affects other areas and respecting
muscles of your personal others.
may tense up. well-being.
Social
Grief is a
normal way to react
to loss.
patterns: things that Your thinking patterns are formed by the ways you choose to react to people,
are repeated over and
over again
events, or situations. They are called patterns because they are a way of reacting
that you frequently repeat. In this way they can become habits that you follow in
habit: a behaviour you mind.
that happens so
frequently it almost
becomes automatic Thinking patterns can be influenced by what you learn at home, at school, in your
neighbourhood, from friends, or with other people. They are the ways that you cope
with your feelings. You learn to manage your feelings by
• observing family, friends, and others who act as role models
• considering the reactions of others to your behaviour
• responding to both non-verbal and verbal messages from others to your

expressions of feelings
• accepting responsibility for your own feelings

Thinking patterns can result in positive, healthy ways to manage your feelings and
behaviours. They can help you deal with sadness or anger. They can help you use
your feelings of happiness or excitement in constructive ways.
1. Consider the events, individuals, or situations around you that might create
certain feelings within you. Copy and complete the following unfinished
sentences in your notebook.
a. Three things that create strong feelings of anger in me are . . .

b. Three things that create strong feelings of pride in me are . . .
c. I feel fear most strongly when . . .
d. I can hardly keep from laughing when . . .
e. I feel saddest when . . .
f. Sometimes I get really frustrated because . . .
g. I am happiest when . . .
2. Use the ideas you wrote about in the sentences in question 1 to create a chart
like the following one. In the first column, you are given examples of situations
or events. Add three of your own examples. In the second column, identify the
things you may think or say to yourself in response to the situation or events.
Situation/Event What I Think/Say to Myself
When I win a race . . .
When I succeed at a test . . .
When I achieve a goal . . .
When I lose something . . .
When I have a bad day . . .
When I have a fight

with a friend . . .
Compare your answers with those at the end of this lesson.

Positive Thinking
Your feelings are linked to your
behaviour and your thinking.
Have you ever been told to “think
positively” when you are feeling
positive thinking: down? When you use positive
letting into the
mind only positive
thinking, you allow only encouraging
thoughts, words, and or beneficial thoughts, words, and
images
images into your mind. Positive
thinking can influence how you feel
and act. They can help you deal with
situations that you feel good about
and with situations that you don’t feel
very good about. Positive thoughts
are favourable for growing physically,
emotionally, and mentally.
Positive thinking is your key to success. It brings inner peace, better health, and
improved relationships. It helps improve mood, self-esteem, and sense of well-being.
It decreases feelings of depression, anxiety, and hostility. With positive thinking you
will probably find your daily routines will move more smoothly.
It’s pretty obvious that positive thinking works. It

makes everyday stuff a lot easier because you’re
not dragging around all that heaviness. When I think
positively, I feel like my life is a lot brighter. I’m happier
and more satisfied. What else can I do to think
positively?
There are many things you can do to practise

positive thinking. Let’s take a look at some of
them now.

Taking Action
The following are strategies you can use to practise positive-thinking:
• Appreciate kindness in your friends.
• Express appreciation for acts of kindness from others.
• Practise kindness in your relationships with your peers, mentors and others
who are important to you.
• Recognize that it’s okay when things don’t go your way.
• Recognize the positives in your circumstances.
• Share your dreams and passions with parents, trusted adults, and friends.
• Use positive words such as “I can,” “I am able,” “it is possible,” “I can do it,”
and “I can achieve my goals.”
• Do things that make you happy such as playing your favourite sport.
• Associate with people and friends who think positively.
3. What do you do to think positively?
Compare your answer with the one at the end of this lesson.

Negative Thinking Patterns
Negative thinking patterns can be damaging. These are patterns you should avoid
or change.
all-or-nothing People who practise all-or-nothing thinking see things black and white. Something
thinking: thinking
in black-and-white
is either all right or all wrong. Jerome provides you with an example of this kind of
categories thinking. He’s playing ball and, on his first time to bat in the game, he strikes out.
At that point he says, “I guess I’m just going to be a strike-out batter. I didn’t even
get on base. I spent so much time practising, but it was a waste.”
Of course, Jerome is not the perfect batter, but he may hit the ball on his second
time batting. He still is a fine person. He should give himself a break!
There are many ways to avoid all-or-nothing thinking. Here are some of them.
• Focus mainly on effort rather than on

results. You have done your part if you
have given your best. Remember, you
can’t always control results.
• Avoid situations and people that make

you stressed if you don’t measure up
to their expectations. You should feel
comfortable with the standards that
you have set up for yourself.
• Give yourself credit for making

the effort. Keep in mind that
many worthwhile endeavours are
complicated.
perfectionism: a Another kind of negative thinking pattern is perfectionism. People who follow
tendency to set
extremely high
this thinking pattern set expectations for themselves that are almost impossible
expectations of to achieve. All-or-nothing thinking forms the basis for perfectionism. It is fine
personal performance
to strive for excellence, but you must be aware that perfection is very difficult to
achieve. Unless every detail turns out just right, it is not very likely to happen. It is
important to set goals and standards for yourself, but you must be realistic.

If you expect perfection, you will have to learn to be disappointed much of the time
because your expectations and perceptions will not conform to reality. It is very
difficult to hold yourself and others to impossible standards. You must bend a little.
overgeneralization: Overgeneralization occurs when someone views a single bad situation as a

the taking of one
situation and applying
never-ending pattern of bad situations. This person says, “It’s happened to me once,
it to others, even so it will always happen to me!” like when Jerome says, “I’ll never play ball. Why
when the situations
are not at all related
even bother to try again if I can’t even get to first base?” This thinking makes a
person feel hopeless.
4. Define each of the following thinking patterns.
a. positive thinking
b. all-or-nothing thinking
c. overgeneralization
d. perfectionism
5. Add a third column to the chart you made for question 2 so it looks like the
following one. Write what thinking pattern you used in your response to each
situation/event.
What I Think/ The Thinking Pattern

Situation/Event
Say to Myself I Am Using
When I win a race . . .
When I succeed
at a test . . .
When I achieve
a goal . . .
When I lose
something . . .
When I have
a bad day . . .
When I have a fight

with a friend . . .

Changing Negative Thinking Patterns
If you have identified your negative thinking patterns and would like to turn them
into positive ones, you can. The following strategies will help you.
• List the advantages of a negative feeling, thought, belief, or behaviour. (You

will probably find very few, if any.)
• Substitute more positive and realistic thoughts.
• Talk to yourself with the same understanding you might use with a close
friend who is upset.
• Instead of thinking about your problems in black-and-white categories,

evaluate things in shades of grey.
• When you label yourself as “inferior” or “a loser,” ask yourself what you mean
by these labels.
• Substitute language that is less emotionally loaded for “should” statements

and labels.
• Instead of blaming yourself for a problem, think about all the factors that may
have contributed to it.
• Instead of defending yourself against your own self-criticisms, find truth in

them and accept them.
6. In your notebook create a think-feel chart like the following one. Describe a
situation or event for each thinking pattern in the chart. Then write what you
might think and how you might feel using that particular thinking pattern.
Thinking Pattern Situation/Event What I Think How I Feel

Positive Thinking
All-or-Nothing
Thinking
Perfectionism
Overgeneralization

7. Make a chart in your notebook like the following one. In the first column,
record two situations or events that generate negative thoughts. In the
second column, write an example of a negative thought each brings out. Then
in the third column, rewrite the negative thought to make it positive and
encouraging. An example is given to help you.
Situation/Event Negative Thoughts Positive Thoughts

I lost the race. What a loser! I don’t feel good about
losing that race. I will have
to train harder for the next
one.
8. a. What are common elements of positive behaviours?

b. What are common elements of negative behaviours?
Keep a journal for one week in which you note your positive and negative thinking
patterns. Write a summary at the end of each day, and identify the positive or
negative thinking patterns and how you felt at each of those moments. At the end
of the week, make a list of any positive thinking patterns you noticed. Make a note
of any negative patterns, and describe how you can change them into positive
thoughts.

Handling Your Feelings
Have you ever felt anxious before writing a test, giving a report, or speaking in
front of others? When you are anxious or afraid, you may find yourself taking
shorter breaths. Your heart may beat faster, and your muscles tense up. You may
not sleep well. Anxiety, however, is not all bad because it can help you do better on
a test by releasing energy to help you work harder. There are some things you can
cope: to deal do to cope with anxious feelings. They include
successfully
• talking about how you feel

• learning to laugh at yourself
• using relaxation techniques
• planning ahead
People express emotions in different ways. Some are

healthy and some aren’t.
Some of my friends slam doors, clam up, or

cry when they are unhappy. When they are
happy, they laugh, joke around, and smile
a lot. One of my friends dances when he’s
happy, but bangs the wall when he’s not.

Although it is normal to feel angry at times, anger is one emotion that often is
expressed in unhealthy ways. When angry, some people yell or hit. Others keep
their angry feelings inside. Following are healthier ways to deal with anger:
• Listen to music.
• Take a deep breath and calm down.
• Talk to someone.
• Sing a song.
• Visualize a relaxing experience or a peaceful place.
• Focus on exactly what made you angry.
• Run a lap.
• Think of words to express your true feelings.
• Slowly repeat a calming word or phrase such as “relax” or “take it easy.”
• Tell the person you’re angry at how you feel.
Everyone can learn how to express emotions in healthy ways. One way is to
communicate how you feel. Effective communication is a two-sided experience.
It means speaking in a way that helps others understand you. It also involves
being an active listener. Being an active listener means looking at the person who
is speaking to you and paying attention to what is being said. When the person
has finished speaking, respond in an interested way that shows you understand
what was said. If there is something you didn’t understand, ask questions for
clarification. Good communication skills can help you understand other people’s
feelings.

9. You are the only person who can decide how you will react to different
situations in your life. You are in charge of the habits you develop in order
to manage your feelings. In your notebook create a chart like the following
one. In the second column, describe the feelings you may experience for each
situation/event given in the first column. In the third column, provide an
option that illustrates positive behaviour and one that illustrates negative
behaviour.
Situation/Event Your Feelings Options for Behaviour
You tell the teacher you

are disappointed with the
mark and ask how you could
You receive a low improve it.
mark on a test at disappointed
school.
You complain to the teacher
that the test was unfair and
then run out of the classroom.
One of your parents

tells you that you
can’t do something
you want to do.
A friend receives
an award that you
wanted.
You have a big exam

coming up.
You accomplished
a goal you set for
yourself.
Your pet has died.

What the Community Can Do
What can your community do to help promote positive thinking? It can
• focus on solutions in municipal government council meetings
• focus on solutions in school council meetings
• focus on the positive in local publications, such as community newsletters or

newspapers
• feature inspiring, positive, and hopeful stories in appropriate newspaper

sections
• use World Kindness Day (Nov. 13) for community-based projects
• honour community volunteers for their kindness
Investigate how organizations in your community promote positive thinking.

Organizations you might investigate include
• government organizations (health and wellness programs)

• fitness centres
• gyms or recreation centres
• medical offices and clinics
• community league centres
• counselling offices
Use the information you collect to create a reference binder that will become your
own guide to positive thinking strategies.

A Career Choice for You
Social workers help people improve their lives, particularly those with social
and health disadvantages. Barriers that people experience may include poverty,
mental illness, child abuse and neglect, emotional instability, illness, economic
uncertainty, domestic violence, homelessness, and drug abuse. Social workers
enable people to overcome problems in these areas. Social workers operate in many
different settings. They may be found in hospitals, mental health and community
centres, schools, social service agencies, and rehabilitation facilities.
If you are interested in a career as a social worker, you may want to do some
research. If you have a relative or friend who is a social worker, find out from him
or her what the job is like. You can also explore this option at the following website:
http://www.alis.gov.ab.ca/occinfo
Then click on “Search by Title” and enter a keyword search of the career choice you
would like to research.
Volunteering
There are many opportunities to develop and promote positive thinking in
volunteer activities. Whether you are involved in activities with younger children,
your peers, or adults, you can model and promote strategies that emphasize
positive interactions. You can also learn positive thinking strategies from children,
peers, and adults with whom you work and associate.

J ournal Entry
Reflect on what you have learned in this lesson. Your feelings influence
your thoughts and behaviours. Positive thinking patterns can be used to
deal with your feelings and help you develop effective and encouraging
behaviours. There are strategies you can use to develop positive thinking
patterns and avoid negative ones. These strategies involve avoiding negative
thinking patterns, such as all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, and
perfectionism. They also involve developing strategies that focus on your
strengths and interests. It is important to be aware of the tools you can use
to maintain a positive approach to your health and well-being.
Complete one of the following entries in your journal:
• I control my own thoughts by . . .

• To think positive, I say to myself . . .
• Positive thinking helps me . . .
• Negative thinking gets in the way of . . .
• To overcome negative thinking, I . . .
Be sure to express your own ideas and opinions and support them with
personal examples.
Now, assess your journal entry using the scale that follows.
JOURNAL RESPONSE

0 1 2 3 4
Undeveloped Partial Adequate Interesting Powerful
If you are comfortable doing so, share your journal writing with a friend, a
parent, or another interested adult. Ask this person for his or her reaction.
In this lesson you studied thinking patterns and feelings and discovered
how thinking patterns affect the way people behave. You examined thinking
patterns such as positive thinking, all-or-nothing thinking, perfectionism, and
overgeneralization.
Now open Assignment Booklet 2A and respond to questions 1 to 4.

Remember that the answers you submit in your Assignment Booklet will
contribute to your mark in this course, so be sure to do your best work.

Glossary
all-or-nothing thinking: thinking in overgeneralization: the taking of one
black-and-white categories situation and applying it to others, even
when the situations are not at all related
cope: to deal successfully
patterns: things that are repeated over and
feelings: private emotions that an individual over again
experiences
perfectionism: a tendency to set extremely
habit: a behaviour that happens so high expectations of personal
frequently it almost becomes automatic performance
positive thinking: letting into the mind only

positive thoughts, words, and images
Suggested Answers
1. a.-g. Your responses to the unfinished sentences will vary, depending on your own
feelings and reactions to different situations. Everyone has different interests and
talents, and the situations or circumstances that make you happy or angry may
not evoke the same reaction in someone else. When you complete the sentences,
consider the following aspects of your life:
• the things that make you proud, happy, angry, sad, or frustrated at school or
home
• the feelings you have when you are with peers or friends
• the feelings you experience when you are involved with sports or other
recreational activities
2. The responses you record in the chart will vary. As you complete your reaction to each
situation, consider how you feel, think, and behave.
3. Responses will vary, depending on the things you do to think positively. Do you use any
of the strategies that were suggested for promoting positive thinking?
4. a. Positive thinking involves using positive and encouraging strategies to deal with
situations, events, and relationships.
b.
All-or-nothing thinking involves using absolutes or black-and-white terms to deal
with feelings.
c. Overgeneralization involves turning a negative event into a never-ending defeat.
d.
Perfectionism can cause a person to believe that he or she has to be perfect all the
time; to be a hero, to be popular, or to be liked and admired is to have no flaws.

5. The responses in your chart will vary. Use the following examples to help you
understand how different thinking patterns can influence your thoughts and
behaviours. Think of positive responses to each of the negatives given.
What I Think/ The Thinking Pattern

Situation/Event
Say to Myself I Am Using
Way to go! I knew you could
When I win a race . . . positive thinking
do it!
I feel satisfied with my
When I succeed at a test . . . positive thinking
achievement.
When I achieve a goal . . . I’m so proud of myself. positive thinking
How embarrassing. Why do I
When I lose something . . . all-or-nothing thinking
always lose things?
When I have a bad day . . . I can’t do anything right. perfectionism
When I have a fight with I’m angry. Everyone seems to
overgeneralization
a friend . . . be against me.
When I asked someone
I’ll never get a date. Why even overgeneralization or
on a date and was turned
bother to try again! all-or-nothing thinking
down . . .
When I make a mistake . . . What a dummy! I’m hopeless. all-or-nothing thinking
When I only got a C on
My essay wasn’t perfect, so it
an essay that I worked perfectionism
was worthless.
so hard on . . .
6. The situation/event you list and your responses about what you think and feel will
vary. The following examples are some possible answers for describing how different
thinking patterns can result in different thinking and feeling behaviours.
Thinking Pattern Situation/Event What I Think How I Feel

I score in the happy, proud, ready
Positive Thinking I’m a good player!
basketball game. to try again
The first stages of my
All-or-Nothing I don’t finish carving depressed,
statue are too rough,
Thinking my statue.
so why finish?
discouraged
I’m stupid, so no
Perfectionism discouraged,
I fail a test. wonder I fail tests all
ready to give up
the time.
I hand in another I’m not good at depressed,
Overgeneralization
assignment late. anything. inadequate

7. Your answers will vary, depending on the situations/events you identify and the
negative thoughts they generate. Compare your responses in the third column with the
strategies that you have learned for positive thinking. For instance, instead of blaming
yourself, consider all the factors that may have contributed to the problem.
8. a. Positive behaviours have common elements such as talking about your feelings and
emotions; thinking of others; and asking for help, reasons, or explanations.
b.
Negative behaviours have common elements such as ignoring or repressing your
feelings, using inappropriate actions to deal with your feelings, being inconsiderate
of others in dealing with feelings, and not taking the time to think about where
your feelings have come from or why you are experiencing them.
9. Your responses to each of the situations in this question will vary. Depending on what
you know about your own feelings and reactions to different situations/events. Use the
following examples to help you think about other options for behaviour.
Situation/Event Your Feelings Options for Behaviour

You tell the teacher you are disappointed with the
You receive a low mark and ask how you could improve it.
mark on a test at disappointed
school. You complain to the teacher that the test was unfair
and then run out of the classroom.
One of your You calm down and tell your parent why it is
parents tells you important. Ask him or her to explain the reasons for
that you angry not allowing you to do what you want.
can’t do something
you want to do. You yell, whine, beg, slam doors, or run away.
You congratulate your friend on her

A friend receives accomplishment and tell her you are proud of her.
an award that you jealous
wanted. You ignore her, complain about her to others, or get
revenge.
You prepare for the exam by studying and asking
You have a big fearful, parents or friends for help.
exam coming up. nervous
You pretend to be sick, stay at home, or don’t study.
You keep it to yourself, thank others for their help,
You accomplished or say thanks when people compliment you.
proud,
a goal you set for
happy You brag, make others jealous, or talk about
yourself.
yourself a lot.
You cry and grieve and then talk to someone about
sad, the loss you are feeling.
Your pet has died.
depressed You take it out on something or someone else, or
you act as if it doesn’t matter.

Image Credits
All images in this lesson were created by or for Alberta Education with the following noted
exceptions:
Page
9 Photodisc/Getty Images
10 top: Brand X Pictures/Getty Images
bottom: Photodisc/Getty Images
13 all: Photodisc/Getty Images
15 Rubberball Productions/Getty Images
18 Brand X Pictures/Getty Images
23 Abraham Menashe/Digital Vision/Getty Images

L esson 2: Challenges and Concerns
Change is a part of everyday life. The challenges and emotional concerns that result from life changes
are very common. Stress is a reaction that people experience when they go through change.
Everyone experiences stress at one time or another. It is common for people to have stress in their
relationships. As you grow and change, so do your feelings about the different kinds of relationships
in your life. Stress can cause physical, emotional, and social responses. It is important to understand
the causes and effects of stress. It is also important to know how to deal with the feelings and the
reactions that result from it.
In Lesson 2 you will focus on some common emotional concerns and challenges that can cause stress,
and you will examine some strategies for dealing with stress.

Stress
stress: a state of “You’re a teenager—you can’t have any stress! You don’t have bills to pay. You
tension or pressure don’t have to take care of the rent. You’ve got parties, sports, lots of free time. Okay,
maybe you have the occasional zit . . . but that’s definitely not stress. Adults have
stress!”
Does that sound like something you’ve heard before? Some adults have the idea
that stress only affects people once they hit a certain age and that until you reach
that age, life is always fun and easy. But when you’ve got a huge test to study for,
a practice to get to, someone hounding you to clean your room, a part-time job,
crazy changes in your body, and worries about the fight you had with your brother,
it can add up to stress—no matter what your age. Teenagers feel stress just as
much as adults.
It may sound unbelievable, but some stress is necessary in every person’s life. When
we don’t have to deal with everyday things that make us think and respond, life can
get pretty boring.
If you’ve ever sat around in late August, looking forward to school starting again,
then you’ve felt the effects of too little stress. You may have been bored because you
didn’t have enough mental stimulation—nothing to make you think or take action.
Too little stress can be as bad as too much stress, since boredom can make a person
feel sad or depressed.

Sources of Stress
A common source of stress is loss. Most people experience feelings of loss when
relationships change. These changes can occur for different reasons and through
different circumstances. Some of the common experiences of loss that teenagers go
through include
• moving
• breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend
• loss of a friend
• changes within a group of friends
• the death of a grandparent, parent, or friend
1. What are some factors that may cause stress in your relationships?
Ways to Handle Stress

Stress doesn’t have to be something that takes over your life. Keep reading to learn
some special coping techniques for handling stress. Fortunately, there are many
ways that you can manage stress successfully. They include
• exercising
• hanging out with friends
• being involved in
extra-curricular activities
• breathing deeply and

practising relaxation
techniques
• keeping things in
perspective
• changing gears or leaving

a situation that is causing
stress
• learning to relax

Exercising
A great way for teenagers—or
anyone, for that matter—to deal with
stress is to exercise. This may sound
strange. You might not think that
exercise would be the cure for stress,
but physical activity not only gets
your body in shape, it also helps your
mind. Exercise provides you with a
sense of calm and well-being. If you
don’t play sports and aren’t used to
doing a lot of exercise, don’t worry.
You can start just by walking or
riding your bike a little bit. Don’t feel
you need to add a huge exercise program to your already stressful schedule. Any
exercise is helpful in controlling stress.
Many people who are stressed enjoy yoga or other kinds of meditation. It helps
them become flexible and teaches them how to relax at the same time. If yoga isn’t
martial arts: any of your thing, you can try martial arts. These activities can help you learn to focus
several Asian arts of
combat or weaponless
your mind and relieve stress. Simple stretching can help you relax. Even focusing
self-defence, such as on taking a few deep breaths can help to relieve stress.
karate, judo, or
tae kwon do, practised
as sports
Hanging Out with Friends
Another effective way to deal with stress is to hang out with friends. Doing
something you enjoy with people you like is a sure way to help you refocus.
A Frisbee game in the park, shopping at the mall, taking in a movie, or going out to
eat can make you feel more relaxed and in control of your stress. Together, you and
your friends can come up with other ways to beat stress.
What if you’re stressed out because of your friends?
It’s true that during your teen years, friendships

might sometimes be a source of stress. The
best thing to do is to figure out how to
work through your problems with friends
(talking it out with friends or a parent may
be helpful) or to focus on new activities that will
help you meet new people.

Participating in Extra-Curricular Activities
Hobbies, extra-curricular activities, and after-school clubs can all serve as excellent
stress busters. When you have an activity that keeps you busy and provides you with a
sense of accomplishment, you’re on the way to managing stress. This activity can be
with a big group of people, a small group, or even by yourself. The goal is to become
involved in something that will help you release tension. In addition, you might meet
some new people and make friends, which can help relieve stress even further.
Looking for some ideas for what to do? Check out after-school clubs, and see if
anything interests you. You might also become involved in activities sponsored
by a church, synagogue, mosque, or temple. Or, how about volunteering in your
community? You’ll be reducing stress and helping the world! You can also pick a
hobby—from learning to play the trombone to making tie-dyed T-shirts. As long as
it makes you happy and relaxed, it’s your call.
Deep Breathing
Have you ever heard anyone recommend taking a deep breath and counting to ten?
Breathing exercises expand on that same idea. Breathing deeply and getting more
oxygen into your body can make you feel calmer. These exercises are especially
good for stress reactions. They help fight the kind of anxiety that precedes getting
on a stage or taking a test. Check out different kinds of deep breathing and
relaxation techniques, and choose a few to try out. Keep in mind that it might feel
funny to do these exercises at first, but you’ll get used to them!

Keeping Things in Perspective
Keeping things in perspective is an important part of relieving stress in your life.
It forces you to recognize that not everything is under your control and that not
everything is as important as you may have believed. This doesn’t mean that you
shouldn’t worry about things anymore. If you didn’t worry a little bit, you wouldn’t
be human. But when you are faced with a very stressful time or situation, it helps if
you remove yourself from it mentally and think about it as an outsider.
For example, if you are very stressed out about a test you’re taking, make yourself
step back for a minute. Is the test really going to be as hard as you think it will be?
And if you don’t do well, what is the worst that will happen? Will the test really
ruin your life?
Finally, if one of your friends is really stressed out about a test, what suggestions
would you make to her or him? Sometimes imagining you are talking to a friend
can really help. Again, it forces you to look at things from another perspective.
Chances are that at least some of the things you feel stressed about have a solution.
In the overall plan of your whole life, they are important, but not as important as
they can seem when you’re really upset about them.
Changing Gears
Changing gears definitely helps to reduce
stress. It means leaving the situation that is
causing stress and then doing something else.
That something else could be walking, listening
to music, being involved in creative activities,
or writing in a personal journal.
Learning to Relax
Another way to reduce stress is to learn how to
relax. This may involve spending time listening
to soft music, walking, stretching, doing
yoga, reading a book, or watching a favourite
television program.
If you’re interested in learning about reducing stress in your life, view the segment
“Emotional Balance” on your Health and Life Skills 7 CD. This clip discusses
various strategies and skills you can use to maintain emotional balance in your life.

Adding More Stress
When people feel stressed, they often search for something to make it go away.
Sometimes, what they settle on is unhealthy. Some teenagers—and adults—try to
cope with stress by smoking, drinking, or taking drugs. And while these things may
give someone the feeling that his or her stress has gone away, that really isn’t the
case. Using drugs or alcohol can, among other things, make you feel depressed and
out of control. It definitely is not the recipe for becoming less stressed out! Drugs,
alcohol, and tobacco all have one thing in common: they are addictive. If you were
already stressed out, coping with an addiction will only complicate your life further.
Too Much Stress

Even though stress is a normal part of life, sometimes it can feel too difficult to
handle by yourself. If you’ve had some big changes in your life and you are finding
it really hard to deal with the stress—maybe you are even having a difficult time
doing normal things such as going to school—you may need to talk to an adult. A
parent may be helpful. If you don’t feel like talking to a parent, speak with another
person you trust such as a teacher, a trusted neighbour, a school counsellor, or an
elder, priest, rabbi, or other spiritual mentor. All of these people can refer you to
someone who can help you cope with stress. Many schools have psychologists or
counsellors who are specially trained to help teenagers deal with stress.
2. How do you deal with stressful situations?

Dealing with Change
Although change is a natural part of life, it can also be a source of stress.
Moving
Moving is one of the major stresses in life. It can cause anxiety for all family
members. It is difficult to leave behind friends and familiar places, old routines,
support systems, and important activities such as school sports or clubs. Yet
people do move. Why? They move because of job demands, family needs, schooling
and other education needs, death, divorce, illness, or simply for the sake of
experiencing a different place.
If your family is moving, be open
with family members, and talk
to them about the move. Let
them know how it is affecting
you. They may have the same
concerns or fears.
If you have a hard time talking

to a parent about these kinds
of issues, ask a trusted family
friend, relative, or school
counsellor to talk to your parent
with you.
There are many ways to make a move easier. You can begin by getting to know
your new community. Visit the library and the Internet for information about your
new community. Make a list of the extra-curricular activities, hobbies, and clubs
available that match your interests. Then find the locations and phone numbers
of places where those activities take place in your new community. Are there
deadlines for enrolling in clubs, sports, or other activities? Be sure that you don’t
miss them.
Investigate opportunities for trying new activities. If you have a part-time job,
explore employment possibilities in your new community. Ask your present
employer to write a reference letter for you and to be a reference on your résumé.
Depending on the kind of job you have, you might be able to arrange for a transfer.
Keep an address book containing your friends’ phone numbers, e-mail addresses,
and home addresses. With e-mail, you can keep in close contact with your friends.
You can also download photos for your friends to see. You may be able to arrange to
go back to see old friends or to have them visit you.

3. What are three methods for dealing with the stress of moving?
Healing a Broken Heart

Almost everyone experiences a relationship break up at one time or another.
Hundreds and hundreds of songs and poems have been written about broken
hearts!
It is not easy when a relationship ends. There are, however, some things you can do
to help ease the pain. Here are some suggestions:
• Share your feelings. Talking about how

you feel with someone you trust can be
comforting. A school counsellor, your
parents, or another family member can
help you feel better again. Often, just
being with a caring person can lift your
spirits. If you find that you are still very
depressed, talk to a psychologist or
other mental-health professional. For
some, crying seems to help.

• Spend time with your friends. You need to maintain the healthy
relationships with your friends. Hang out with them and do the things you
normally enjoy, such as playing your favourite sport, seeing a movie, or going
to a concert.
• Take good care of yourself. During this stressful time, you need to get lots
of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly. Don’t skip school or avoid
your usual activities. You are best off with your regular routine.
• Remember what’s good about you. Often, people with broken hearts start to
blame themselves for what’s happened. Remind yourself of your good qualities
and features. As well, consider what you have learned about the experience
and move forward.
• Give yourself some time. Getting over an old relationship doesn’t happen
immediately. How long does it take? That depends on how you deal with loss.
Healing is a process that takes time.
• Keep yourself busy. What often really helps is focusing on other things, such
as redecorating your room, trying a new hobby, or volunteering.
4. What are three methods for dealing with the stress of a loss or change in a
relationship?

Prejudice and Discrimination
prejudice: a What is the difference between prejudice and

judgement or
opinion formed
discrimination?
without knowledge
or examination of the
facts
Prejudice is a value placed on someone based
on a pre-formed, unproven opinion. It is an
discrimination: the
unfair treatment of a
unfavourable opinion formed without examining
person based on class the facts. Discrimination is the unfair treatment
or category rather
than individual merit
of a person, often based on race, religion, gender,
sexual orientation, age, disability, class, or lifestyle.
Discrimination does not take into consideration
individual merit or worth.
Prejudice and discrimination are often based on
• gender • race
• religion • age
• class • disability
• ethnicity • sexual orientation

Unfortunately, you will find many instances of prejudice and discrimination in
the world. You may also encounter some at school, at work, or in your home. You
may have heard others making negative comments about certain religious groups,
nationalities, or lifestyles. Sometimes, people who say these things are angry or upset
and want to lash out at others. When an act of violence is the result of prejudice
hate crime: an act of against a certain group, it’s called a hate crime. There are laws that punish hate
violence that is based
on prejudice and
crimes.
targeted towards a
specific group
There are no two people exactly alike in the world. All people have their own
experiences, opinions, and viewpoints. Therefore, it is important for all people
to respect individual differences including cultural aspects such as food, music,
language, religion, or dress. When you show respect, it means you accept people for
who they are. Likewise, respect should be shown to you by others.
Here are some ways this can be done:
• Don’t prejudge people. Take the time to learn about people. Get to know
someone as an individual before you decide whether or not you like him or her.
• Treat people the way you want them to treat you. This means accepting and
respecting customs and beliefs that differ from your own.
• Keep an open mind toward all kinds of people. By doing this, you will learn
new things about many cultures and meet people who have other perspectives
on the world. You will experience conversations, foods, books, music, art,
sports, religious ceremonies, and more.
• Be informed about what is happening in the world. Join a cultural club at

your school or in your community to learn more about history, countries,
peoples, traditions, and events around the world.
• Report incidents of prejudice or discrimination. Whether this act is witnessed

by you or actually experienced by you it is important to inform the appropriate
authorities.
• Challenge people who practise discrimination. Don’t remain silent when you
hear or see people express discriminatory views. If discrimination is directed
at you, seek support from friends or family. Then report the incident to the
appropriate authority.
5. What are three methods for dealing with discrimination and prejudice?

What stressful situations might a grade 7 student face? Following are some
examples:
• Rakesh has just moved in with his dad, and he is feeling overwhelmed with
new responsibilities, including preparing meals and doing his own laundry.
• Dierdre’s diabetes treatment is making it difficult to participate in social

activities with her friends.
• Lee is frustrated because of difficulties keeping up with schoolwork, especially

because she finds math challenging.
Develop a short script around one of these scenarios, or use one of your own. In
your script have your character explain why he or she is experiencing stress and
what he or she is going to do to deal with it.
Sketch an outline of a plant showing its flower, stem and leaves, and roots. Draw
weeds beside the plant. Express how you feel about a particular loss in your life by
writing a response to each of the following questions beside each element in the
drawing.
• flower: If I accepted this loss, what would the results be?
• stem and leaves: Who or what gives me nourishment and support?
• roots: Who or what has anchored me in the past? How have my previous
experiences helped me learn about loss?
• weeds: What is holding me back, robbing me of growth and of healing?

J ournal Entry
Reflect on what you have learned in this lesson. There are many different
sources of stress that affect teenagers. You explored the stresses of moving,
of loss or rejection in a relationship, and of prejudice and discrimination.
All of these sources of stress involve dealing with feelings.
• Three sources of stress in my personal relationships include . . .

• I deal effectively with stress by . . .
personal examples.
JOURNAL RESPONSE

0 1 2 3 4
In this lesson you discovered that stress is a natural part of life but that coping with
it positively is key. You examined how to deal with the stress that can result from
changes in your life. These changes can include
• moving
• breaking up
• experiencing or witnessing prejudice and discrimination
Now open Assignment Booklet 2A and respond to questions 5 to 10.

Glossary
discrimination: the unfair treatment of a martial arts: any of several Asian arts of
person, often based on class or category combat or weaponless self-defence, such
rather than individual merit as karate, judo, or tae kwon do, practised
as sports
hate crime: an act of violence that is based
on prejudice and targeted towards a prejudice: a judgement or opinion formed
specific group without knowledge or examination of
the facts
stress: a state of tension or pressure
Suggested Answers
1. The factors that may cause stress in your relationships will vary because they are
influenced by your personal circumstances. You may have included some of the
following in your list:
• change in the family, such as a new baby, divorce, separation, a new job, a lost job
• loss of a friend
• moving
• an argument with a brother or sister
• going to a new school
• getting in trouble in school
• illness
You may have listed others.
2. The strategies you use to deal with stressful situations may include the following:
• exercising
• hanging out with friends
• being involved in extra-curricular activities or clubs
• breathing deeply
• keeping things in perspective
• changing gears
• learning to relax
You may have identified other strategies that you use.

3. Your answer may include ideas you obtained from reading your notes as well as some
of your own methods for dealing with stress. Methods for dealing with the stress of
moving may include
• talking to your parents or other adults about the concerns you have about moving
• asking a trusted family friend, relative, or school counsellor to talk to your parents
with you, if you cannot do it alone
• getting to know your new home

• finding out about activities and opportunities in your new community
• participating in the move and keeping busy so the process of moving will feel like
your own experience rather than something that is being done to you
• dealing with your fear of losing friends by finding ways to keep in touch with them
4. Your answer to this question will be unique. It may include ideas you got from reading
your notes as well as some of your own methods for dealing with stress. Methods for
dealing with the stress caused by a loss or change in a relationship may include
• sharing your feelings with someone you trust

• being with someone who cares about you
• reminding yourself of your good qualities
• keeping yourself busy
• giving yourself time to heal
5. Methods for dealing with discrimination and prejudice may include
• not prejudging people by taking the time to learn more about people and finding
out what your similarities and differences are
• challenging people who are behaving in a discriminatory way either to you or

someone else
• treating people the way you want them to treat you
• being open to new experiences—conversations, foods, books, music, art, sports,

and religious ceremonies
• filing a complaint with the appropriate authority (police, school administration,

employer, or human rights organization) if you witness or experience
discriminatory behaviour

• joining an organization that combats discrimination and prejudice
• appreciating that everyone has something to offer, even if it’s something

unexpected, like a new idea or a new way of looking at something
You may have identified other methods.
Image Credits
exceptions:
Page
37 top: Photodisc/Getty Images
bottom: © 2004–2005 www.clipart.com
39 top, left: Photodisc/Getty Images
top, right: Kevin Peterson/Photodisc/Getty Images
bottom: Abraham Menashe/Digital Vision/Getty Images

L esson 3: Support for Emotional Concerns
As you grow and develop into an adult, you will face both exciting and difficult times. At all times, it
is valuable to have support and encouragement around you. This support and encouragement is an
important part of your relationships with others.
Everyone needs some help with emotional problems from time to time. You will probably experience
difficult moments in your life. You may need some help to cope with your emotional concerns. Where
can you turn to if life becomes just too stressful? Often all you need to do is to let someone know you
need help. People should not be ashamed of asking for help. If you don’t seek help when you need it,
you may experience greater emotional pain.
In this lesson you will focus on both short-term and long-term support for coping with emotional
concerns and difficult times.

Who Can You Talk To?
support system: a Your emotional support system may include many kinds of people. Your parents
network of people
or groups in one’s
may be the first people you go to for help. You know them, and you may find it
life who provide easier to talk to them than to strangers. Getting love and support from your parents
emotional help,
guidance, and
can help you feel better about yourself. And that may be all the help that you need.
education
If your parents are very busy, pick a quiet time when they aren’t occupied to talk to
them—after dinner or before bed. If you need to talk to them immediately, they will
probably not mind an interruption.
Sometimes parents, however, are not

able to provide emotional support
for their child. If this is the case, it
is important to find other support
systems.
If you feel uncomfortable talking to

your parents about medical concerns
or issues related to a boyfriend or
girlfriend, you can talk with your
school nurse or your family doctor.
These professionals can assist with
problems related to health care.
Other family members, such as an aunt, uncle, cousin, or older sibling, can also
be helpful. If you want the information you are sharing with other people to be
private, you can ask them to keep your conversations confidential. Most people will
respect such a request.
If you’re not comfortable talking to your parents about a problem, or if you’d like to
talk to someone else first, there are other resources you can call upon. For example,
if you are having problems with friends, teachers, or parents, consider talking to
your school guidance counsellor or other teachers. A guidance counsellor is trained
specially to provide help and support in these types of situations. He or she can also
refer teens to other areas for help.
For really serious situations, for instance if someone you know is suicidal, has an
eating disorder, or is being abused, talking to your parents or other adults is an
absolute necessity. It is best to not try to handle such situations by yourself. If there
is a problem that can seriously affect you or a friend physically, emotionally, or
mentally, talking to an adult is always your best choice. This adult will be able to
help you contact the right person or find the best resources to get help.

Sources of help can be either long term or short term. Long-term support lasts
throughout many different stages of your life. This type of support is from your
parents, older siblings, aunts, uncles, or friends. Short-term support is more
immediate. Some examples include support from the school guidance counsellor,
the school nurse, or family doctor.
1. What are your sources of support? Create a sphere-of-influence chart such as the
following one. Start with your own positive thinking patterns in the middle circle.
Then identify ways that your friends and family provide you with support. Finally,
identify how your school and community provide emotional support for you.
My positive
thinking
patterns help
me by . . .
My friends and family

help me by . . .
My school and community

help me by . . .
2. What are some situations in which emotional support might be needed?

Other Sources of Help
Your sources of support definitely depend on the people you are most comfortable
with. There are many different people who can help you deal with your feelings
and the challenges you face in life. The person you choose to ask for support may
depend on the type of situation you are in and the problem you are experiencing.
Other good sources of help and support include the following:
• spiritual community, for example, clergy

member, priest, pastor, rabbi, or elder
• youth group leader
• parents of a close friend
• psychologist—a health professional who treats

mental and emotional health issues using one
or more types of counselling
• psychiatrist—a medical doctor who treats

serious mental and emotional health issues
hot-lines: special • hot-lines—telephone lines staffed by people trained to listen to and help
telephone lines that people experiencing a crisis
people can call when
stressed
Use the following Internet site to search for additional information on sources of
support:
http://kidshelp.sympatico.ca/
Kids Help Phone does the following:
• provides information and support on health-related issues for youth
• offers discussion groups that allow students to share their experiences in a

safe online environment moderated by counsellors
• provides a site to host messages posted from across Canada
Look in the library for books and articles that discuss different groups,
organizations, or agencies that provide support to teenagers. Summarize the
information you find in a chart with the following headings.
Resource What I Learned

Using a Journal
Many people don’t feel like talking to others about problems they are dealing with.
If this is the case with you—or even if it isn’t—journal writing can be a good
substitute. Placing problems on paper can help you see things more clearly and
that makes it easier to think of solutions.
Use strategies such as the following in your journal writing to explore your feelings
about stressful situations:
• Think about what is troubling you.

• Write down what comes to your mind about it.
• Examine your feelings, and try to put them into words.
• Reflect on how writing in your journal made you feel after completing the entry.
3. What are some sources of support for difficult times?
4. In your notebook create a chart like the following one. In the first column, list
the people who could provide support to you. In the second column, describe
the ways they can support you. Then in the third column, indicate whether
each person provides you with long-term or short-term support.
Ways in Which I Am
Source of Support Type of Support
Supported

Providing Encouragement
You can give and receive support by listening and providing encouragement. You
can do this by
• making others feel that they are not alone

• encouraging others to talk about their concerns
• sharing strategies for dealing with emotional concerns
• listening
• giving positive messages
Positive messages can be given in the following ways:
• through body language, such as nodding or smiling

• through a pleasant tone of voice
• by choosing words carefully
• by showing interest and concern
Giving and Receiving Feedback

Another way to provide support and encouragement is through constructive
feedback. Feedback is a way of telling another person how his or her words and
actions affect you. It lets the person you’re talking to know how he or she comes
across to you. Feedback also helps people keep their behaviour on target to better
achieve their goals.
Have you ever given feedback to someone and it had a negative effect instead of the
positive effect that you intended? Have you ever received feedback that didn’t help
you to better understand the effect that you were having on others?

Remember that the goal of feedback is to improve the situation. Following are
guidelines for giving and receiving effective feedback.
Giving Constructive Feedback
• Supply feedback only if it is asked for.
• Focus on the behaviour not the person. Talk

about the behaviour that is seen. Describe the
behaviour—don’t evaluate it.
• Tell how you feel using “I” statements. Do not

use “you” statements.
• Make sure that your comments are specific.

Avoid statements that begin with “You
always . . .” or “You never . . .”
• Talk about the behaviour that the person can

change. It is important to remember that
there are some things that a person has no
control over.
• Give well-timed feedback to a person in a private place. The feedback does not
have to be given on the spot, but it should be given as soon as possible. The
longer you wait to give feedback, the less effective it will be.
• Give feedback to the person directly. It should not be hinted at, and it should
not go through a third party. In other words, don’t tell another friend to tell
the person your feedback.
• Do not give feedback when it’s meant to hurt. Then it is just an attack.
• Keep in mind that any feedback you give is just your opinion. The other
person may have different goals and expectations.
• Ensure that your feedback takes into account the needs of both the receiver
and the giver. Feedback can be destructive when it serves only one person’s
needs and fails to consider the needs of the person on the receiving end.
• Share positive feedback frequently.
• Consider offering suggestions. Don’t give advice, just reactions. Remember

that giving advice is often seen as a communication roadblock.

Receiving Feedback
For feedback to be effective, the receiver of the feedback should consider these
guidelines:
• Ask for feedback.
• Receive feedback openly.
• Don’t get defensive, and don’t make excuses. Try not to justify your behaviours.
• Count to ten if you feel angry. Take a deep breath, if necessary.
• Discuss the feedback. Don’t ignore what was said or the person who said it.
• Paraphrase the feedback, and ask for further clarification. Ask questions.
• Evaluate the information. Even negative feedback can have some truth to it.
• Think about the feedback, and try to build on it.
• Indicate what you intend to do with the feedback.
• Thank the person for the feedback. Giving feedback can be as difficult as
receiving feedback.
5. a. What is feedback?
b. What are some ways to give feedback?
c. How can you give others positive messages?
If you wish to learn more about coping with emotional challenges and concerns
and finding sources of support, you may wish to find out about the strategies that
other people use. Ask your friends and parents what kinds of strategies they use
to deal with stress and the different situations that cause it, how they ask for help
when they need it, and how they provide support to others. Then compare these
strategies with your personal experiences.

You may wish to investigate the people, organizations, facilities, and services
that are available in your community for support. Collect information from
these sources about ideas and strategies for providing emotional support. Create
a reference binder or a brochure that will become your own guide to support
resources. Community support resources include the following:
• teachers, school guidance counsellors, social workers—Find out how these

people provide support to help students solve problems and succeed.
• doctors, nurses, psychologists, psychiatrists—Medical workers in clinics can

help young people with health problems. Find out about the types of support
these health professionals provide.
• youth leaders—Leaders of groups such as Scouts or organizations such as

the YMCA and YWCA are ready to help young people. Find out what kinds of
programs they offer.
• counselling offices—Interview a counsellor about strategies for finding and

accessing emotional support.
• crisis centre volunteers—These people offer emergency help. Find out what
kinds of emotional problems and concerns a crisis centre would deal with.
• support group leaders—In support groups, teens can talk with other teens
who have similar experiences and concerns. Explore whether or not there are
any support groups in your community.
Plan to interview a person at one of these facilities. Use a format similar to the
one in Module 1: Section 1, Lesson 1 to organize and record your interview
information. Share your interview results with other interested people.

Two careers that deal with feelings are counselling and psychology. If you are
interested in either of these career choices, do some research. If you have a friend
or relative who has such a career, ask him or her what it is like. You can also
explore these options at the following website:

J ournal Entry
Reflect on what you have learned in this lesson. Your feelings, thoughts,
and behaviours are influenced by the relationships in your life. Part of
every relationship involves giving and receiving support. The support
you get from other people can help you learn how to deal effectively with
emotional concerns such as the stress created through change or loss. It
involves learning effective communication skills such as positive messages
and feedback techniques.
• My most valued sources of support are . . .
• Three situations in which a grade 7 student might need short-term

support include . . .
• Three situations in which a grade 7 student might need long-term

support include . . .
• I can use feedback provided to me in order to learn more about

myself . . .
personal examples. Now, assess your journal entry using the scale that
follows.
JOURNAL RESPONSE

0 1 2 3 4
In this lesson you learned that people need support at various times in their lives. You
or your friends may need support during difficult times or in dealing with emotional
concerns. You can provide support to others by the way you communicate with them,
including both listening and providing feedback and responses.
Now open Assignment Booklet 2A and respond to questions 11 and 12.

Glossary
hot-lines: special telephone lines that support system: a network of people
people can call when stressed or groups in one’s life who provide
emotional help, guidance, and
education
Suggested Answers
1. The information you record in your sphere-of-influence chart will vary, depending on
your personal experiences and the people who provide you with support especially for
emotional concerns. Following are some ideas that you may have included in your chart:
• My positive thinking patterns help me by

– cheering me up
– keeping me focused on the tasks ahead
– encouraging me to move forward with my dreams
– keeping me away from whining or being depressed
• My friends and family help me by

– sharing their experiences
– comforting and encouraging me if I feel down
– providing me with love and relaxation
– pushing me to achieve my goals
• My school and community help me by

– teaching me new things
– offering me challenges
– providing me with resources
– giving me the opportunity to have new experiences
– encouraging me to be responsible and caring
2. Situations that require emotional support include the following:
• having problems with friends, schoolwork, teachers, or your parents

• having medical concerns
• having questions about relationships and attractions
• reassuring your parents about certain issues such as drugs, alcohol, independence
• thinking you or a friend is in jeopardy physically, emotionally, or mentally
3. Sources of support for difficult times include
• parents • parents of a close friend

• guidance counsellor • clergy
• school nurse • hot-lines
• family doctor • a journal
• other family members

4. Your chart may have answers similar to the following one.
Ways in Which I Am
Source of Support Type of Support
Supported
my school guidance helping me cope with the short term

counsellor problems I am having making
new friends at school
my psychiatrist helping me cope with major long term

depression resulting from my
parents’ divorce
5. a. Feedback is a way of telling another person how certain actions affect you. Feedback
helps a person realize what his or her words or actions mean to the other person.
b.
When you give feedback, you should do the following
• Focus on the behaviour not the person.

• Avoid statements like “You always . . .” or “You never . . .”
• Give well-timed feedback to the person directly in a private place.
• Do not give feedback that is meant to hurt.
• Tell how you feel using “I” statements. Do not use “you” statements.
• Share positive feedback frequently.
• Consider offering suggestions. Don’t give advice, just reactions.
You may have identified other methods.
c. You can give others positive messages in the following ways:
• through body language, such as nodding or smiling

• through a pleasant tone of voice
• by the words you choose
• by asking questions that show interest and concern
Image Credits
exceptions:
Page
46 Brand X Pictures/Getty Images 50 Photodisc/Getty Images
47 Eyewire/Getty Images 51 Photodisc/Getty Images
49 Digital Vision/Eyewire/Getty Images 52 Brand X Pictures/Getty Images

S ection 1 Conclusion
In this section you have explored ways you can handle your feelings so that your health is affected
in positive ways. You investigated dealing with emotional concerns, challenges, and difficulties. You
examined sources of stress that might arise in your daily life and your relationships, and you received
some strategies for dealing with that stress. You are now aware of short-term and long-term support
sources available for coping with emotional concerns and difficult times. As well, you should be
familiar with ways that you can provide support through listening and giving feedback.
Your relationships are affected by the way you express yourself. Expressing your feelings so that they
have positive effects on you and those around you ensures a healthy well-being. Expressing your
feelings is a natural way of reacting to people, events, and things around you. They can be expressed
negatively or positively. Expressing your feelings in a positive way as often as you can is best for your
well-being.

S

ection 2
Interactions
Have you ever stopped to think about how many people you interact with in a day? Your list probably
includes your friends, family, neighbours, classmates, sports teammates, and teachers. These
relationships are all part of your emotional and social health.
Your emotional health involves your interactions with others. Your social health is influenced by your
sense of belonging to various groups—family, friends, peers, school groups, sports or recreational
teams, and even communities.
In this section you will focus on the characteristics of healthy relationships, strategies for dealing
with conflict in relationships, and belonging to a group. You will learn about some influences on
your relationships with others, particularly the influence of violence in the media. You will look at
how conflict can be part of all relationships, and you will consider strategies for resolving conflict
in healthy ways. You will also study the negative influence of youth gangs. And you will examine the
process groups use to set goals and work together.
59

L esson 1: Healthy Relationships
Positive emotional and social health involves the development of healthy relationships with those
around you. It also involves being aware of the risk factors that may affect your relationships in
negative ways. Feeling safe in your relationships, as well as feeling cared for and respected, are things
that you can influence through your behaviours and actions.
You can make choices and develop skills that will help you build and enhance healthy relationships.
These skills will help you make positive life choices in many situations and settings—at home or at
school, whether you are working or playing. The choices you make and the skills you develop will
help you as the relationships and interactions you have with others develop and change.
Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

Your social health is directly related to the interactions you have with others. The way you interact
with others involves your actions and your behaviours. Your interactions also involve your feelings
and beliefs. Did you know that your self-concept is closely linked with the relationships you have with
your friends, classmates, family, and other people in your life? It is, therefore, important to learn how
to relate to others. This knowledge will enable you to better understand and communicate with the
people with whom you interact.

relationship: a People have similar needs in their social lives. They need to have relationships in
connection between
people which they feel secure. They need to know that others care about them. They also
need to know that they belong and are accepted by others.
One of the first steps in understanding the characteristics of a healthy relationship

is knowing the qualities you bring to your relationships. Are you a good friend?
Do you care for and help other family members? Do you listen to and respect your
classmates? Do you find it easy to talk to people you don’t know?
Relationships involve your rights, your feelings, your expectations, and your
behaviours. A relationship is a two-way street. While you have the right in a
relationship to expect things from the other person, the other person also has the
right to expect things from you.
1. List three people who are important in your life. Create a chart such as the
following one in your notebook. In this chart list two things you expect from
each person and two things these people can expect from you.
Three Important Two Things I Expect Two Things This Person

People in My Life from This Person Can Expect from Me
Section 2: Interactions 61

Why Are Friends Important?
Some of your friends may have been part of your life for many years, while other
friends may be more recent. Your friends are special. Friends bring a number of
different things into your life—new interests, new ideas, different perspectives, new
activities, and other people.
You choose your friends because of what

they are like. You may choose friends for the
following reasons:
• You have the same interests.

• You are involved in the same activities.
• You can depend on them.
• They listen to you.
• They are loyal and trustworthy.
• They are fun to be around.
• They share with you.
Your relationships with your friends are probably very important to you. Have
you ever wondered why? Is it because friends make you feel as if you belong? Is
it because they do not nag you to do your homework or chores? Is it because you
and your friends have similar interests? Is it because they provide a needed sense
of security? Is it that they make you feel safe expressing yourself? All of these are
typical reasons for why friends are so important.
Friendships are also important because they help you learn how to
• get along with others

• develop decision-making skills
• accept the consequences of your decisions
• become more independent
• gain a sense of belonging and acceptance
Qualities that are important for developing a safe, healthy relationship include
• dependability
• loyalty
• honesty
• helpfulness
• caring
• sincerity
tolerance: willing to • tolerance
accept and respect
beliefs, customs, etc.,
• understanding
that differ from one’s • reliability
own
• supportiveness

These personal characteristics are part of healthy relationships. You may want to
think about your relationships and how these traits play a role in them. Healthy
relationships also require actions to keep them positive.
You probably practise many of the following actions in your relationships:
• laughing together
• accepting differences
• sharing
• compromising with each other
• talking easily
• working out disagreements positively
• respecting one another
To learn more about positive relationships, view the segment “Relationships”

on your Health and Life Skills 7 CD. The segment deals with the importance of
relationships. A relationship works best when you know what you want out of it and
what you can contribute to it.
If you’re interested in learning more about relationships with friends, teachers,

parents or guardians, brothers, sisters, boyfriends, or girlfriends, visit the following
websites:
• http://www.teenhealthcentre.com
• http://www.region.peel.on.ca/health/commhlth/dating/ready.htm
• http://www.region.peel.on.ca/health/commhlth/dating/whats.htm

2. a. In your notebook create a chart like the following one. In the second
column, identify the personal characteristics and actions that you think
are important in a healthy relationship. Then interview a friend or family
member about what he or she considers the characteristics and actions of
healthy relationships, and record the information in the third column.
What Someone I
Healthy Relationships What I Think
Know Thinks
Personal Characteristics
Actions
b.
Complete the following sentence:
The relationships I have with others could be improved if I . . .
Influences on Relationships
There are many influences on
relationships that may determine
whether your relationships will be
healthy or not. You probably already
know that your friends and family
have a great deal of influence on your
thoughts, actions, and behaviours.
Their influences shape and develop
the way you view your relationships
and affect the skills you use to interact
with others. The media also can affect
the way you view your relationships
and the types of skills you develop in
dealing and interacting with others. In
violence: deliberate particular, violence in the media can
action to cause pain,
fear, or injury to
have an impact on shaping attitudes
others and skills you use in relationships.
The Influence of Violence in the Media

Watching displays of violence in the media may influence the feelings and actions
of people negatively. Media violence can be either physical or emotional. Physical
violence can include pushing, shoving, hitting, punching, kicking, and attacking
with a weapon. Emotional violence includes such things as yelling, putting
someone down, name-calling, and uttering threats.

Did You Know?
• By the end of high school, most teens will have spent 11 000 hours
in school and 15 000 hours in front of the television. They will have
witnessed 18 000 murders on screen.
• There are approximately 26 acts of violence per hour on children’s shows,

but only nine acts of violence on adult shows during prime time.
• Perpetrators of violent crime on television go unpunished in 74 percent of

violent scenes.
• Handguns are involved in 25 percent of violent television scenes.
• Only 4 percent of television shows have anti-violence themes.
3. a. What is violence?
b. What kinds of media violence have you seen?
There are potential dangers in the amount of violence

portrayed in the media. Research carried out by social
scientists show that this violence has the following
effects on children and teens:
• Children learn to be aggressive in new ways by

watching violence on television. If kids believe
that violence is the solution to conflicts, they may
choose to fight—physically or verbally—with
siblings, parents, classmates, and dating partners
rather than look for non-violent solutions.
• Seeing television characters get what they want using violence teaches
children also to use violence to get what they want. If children and teens
believe that violent acts usually go unpunished, they may also choose violence
to get what they want or to seek revenge.
• The types of youth crimes are changing—more violent behaviour, more

weapons, more gang-related behaviour. Some believe that increasing violence
in the media is one contributing factor.

desensitize: to make • Viewing repeated acts of violence can desensitize young people to violence.
less sensitive
They may become more accepting of acts of violence in school and the
community.
• Teens that become desensitized through repeated exposure to violence may

empathy: have little or no empathy for someone who has been hurt. They may be less
identification with
and understanding likely to come to the aid of a victim even if they are the only ones in sight.
of another’s situation Children and teens may be less empathetic to the pain and suffering of others,
and feelings
particularly those who have been involved in violent crimes.
What can you do to keep a realistic view of violence? You can do the following:
• Be aware of the fact that violence on television

is most often not realistic. Entertainment uses
sensationalism, props, stunts, special effects,
and graphic visual detail to increase ratings.
Looking real is not the same as being real.
• When you see a violent incident, remind

yourself that violence is not the only way adults
choose to solve their problems. Ask yourself how the character could have
acted differently to achieve a non-violent solution.
• Watch for consequences to violent acts on television shows. Are the

consequences realistic?
• When you view violent events in the media, be aware of your own reaction.
Do you feel horror, empathy, or revulsion? Do you find yourself saying “Hey,
cool!” or not reacting at all? If you don’t experience negative reactions to
violence, examine the reasons why.
• Take a good look at your own ways of resolving conflict. Do you use
non-violent ways to handle conflict?
4. How can watching violence in the media affect teenagers?

Information on Media Violence
The Canadian Association of Broadcasters (CAB) has developed a voluntary
code that sets out guidelines regarding the depiction of violence for children’s
programming in television. Following is a brief summary of some of the guidelines.
• Only a small amount of physical or emotional violence is allowed in kids’ shows.
• Real-life characters can only use violence when it is needed to develop the story.
Cartoons can contain some non-realistic violence, but not actions that kids
might try to imitate.
• Television shows must not make kids feel threatened. They have to be sensitive
when dealing with issues that kids might be experiencing themselves, such as
domestic conflict, the death of someone close, the death of a pet, street crime,
or the use of drugs.
• Producers of television shows must be careful about how they portray

dangerous acts that kids might try to imitate, such as using plastic bags as
toys, lighting matches, playing with dangerous household products, climbing
apartment balconies, or going on rooftops.
• Violence can’t be shown as the only way to handle problems between people.
• Kids’ television shows can only contain frightening special effects if they are
necessary for the story.
• Adult shows and advertisements that contain scenes of violence can’t be

shown before 9 p.m. Because older kids might still be watching television after
9 p.m., broadcasters have to include a warning for parents at the beginning of
programs that contain violence.
5. Are these good rules? Why or why not?
Find five examples from the media that portray some kind of violence. Your
examples can include newspaper articles, television shows, print or Internet
advertisements, Internet or video games, song lyrics, or music videos. Cut out the
print sources you find. Write a description or draw a picture that describes the
examples that come from other sources (television shows or ads, song lyrics, music
videos, video games). Create a collage, using the five examples you have collected.
Develop a slogan for your collage that contains a warning for teens about the
impact of media violence.

Your community can help promote positive relationships between the people who
live in it. To do this, your community can
• encourage people to get together at community events
• promote positive strategies for reducing violence in the media
• use local publications, such as community newsletters or newspapers, to focus

on the positive things that people do for each other
• feature inspiring, positive, and hopeful stories about relationships in

appropriate newspaper sections
You may wish to investigate how organizations in your community promote

positive relationships and interactions with others. Collect brochures or pamphlets
from these organizations about ideas and strategies for promoting healthy
relationships and interactions between people. Use them to create a reference
binder or a brochure that will become your own guide to building and enhancing
healthy relationships. These services and facilities can include the following:
• counselling agencies—Interview a counsellor about the characteristics of a

healthy relationship.

• public agencies that offer support to people in your community—Interview
a person who works at one of these agencies about ways in which it can help
people develop skills for building healthy relationships.
• community leagues—Community leagues often hold events that bring

neighbours together. Interview a community league executive member about
the value of promoting positive interactions with people in a community or
about ways that conflict can be resolved in a community.
• media organizations—Interview someone who works for the media, such

as a local newspaper, radio, or television station, or a media “watch-dog”
organization, about the impact of violence in the media and how people can
be affected by violence.
Plan to interview a person about healthy relationships. Use a format similar to

the one in Module 1: Section 1, Lesson 1 to organize and record your interview
information. Share your interview results with other interested people.
Volunteering
Volunteering provides an excellent way to learn skills that will help you develop
healthy relationships. You can meet new people and become involved in different
activities. You may find that volunteering provides you with opportunities to work
with small or large groups of people. Whether you are involved in activities with
younger children, your peers, or adults, you can apply strategies that emphasize
positive interactions with others.

J ournal Entry
Reflect on what you have learned in this lesson. The interactions you
have with others influence your health and well-being. Understanding
the characteristics of healthy relationships can help you ensure that
your relationships are positive. Dealing with negative influences, such as
violence in the media, can also help you think about how you can make
your relationships healthier.
• The interactions I have with others are positive when . . .

• The interactions I have with others are negative when . . .
• My relationship with is healthy because . . .
• One of the strongest influences on my relationships with others is . . .
• When I see violence on television, music videos, or in video games, I . . .
personal examples.
JOURNAL RESPONSE

0 1 2 3 4
In this lesson you
• examined the characteristics of healthy relationships

• answered the question, “Why are friends important?”
• investigated the influence of violence in the media
Now open Assignment Booklet 2B and respond to questions 1 to 3.

Remember that the answers you submit in your Assignment Booklet will
contribute to your mark in this course, so be sure to do your best work.

Glossary
desensitize: to make less sensitive tolerance: willingness to accept and respect
beliefs, customs, etc., that differ from
empathy: identification with and one’s own
understanding of another’s situation and
feelings violence: deliberate action to cause pain,
fear, or injury to others
relationship: a connection between people
Suggested Answers
1. The answers you record in your chart will vary, depending on the relationships you have
with the people you identify. From people who are family members, you may expect love
and support and help in meeting basic needs. They may expect love and support, help
with household chores, and responsible behaviour from you. From friends, you may
expect concern, care, support, listening, and willingness to take part in activities. These
may be the same things they expect from you.
2. a. Your responses in each column of this chart will vary, depending on what you
identify as the characteristics of a healthy relationship and the person you
interview.
Following are examples of personal characteristics:
• honesty
• trust
• positive thinking
• courtesy
• loyalty
Following are examples of actions:
• laughing together
• accepting differences
• communicating with each other
• compromising with each other
• working out disagreements positively
• respecting others
• sharing
You may have listed others.

b.
You may have used the ideas in the actions row of your chart to help you complete
the sentence starter. Following are examples.
The relationships I have with others could be improved if I . . .
• make more effort to listen

• work on improving my communication skills
• tell people that I respect their opinions, even if they are different from my own
3. a. Violence is a deliberate action to cause pain, fear, or injury to others. It can be

physical or emotional.
b.
The kinds of media violence you have seen may include the following:
• physical—shoving, hitting, punching, kicking, bullying, shooting, stabbing

• emotional—yelling, put-downs, name-calling, threats
4. Watching violence in the media may have the following effects on teenagers:
• Seeing television characters get what they want by using violence teaches
teenagers to use violence to get what they want.
• The types of youth crimes are becoming more violent—they feature more weapons
and more gang-related behaviour.
• Teens may be less empathetic to the pain and suffering of others, particularly those
who have been victims of violent crimes.
• Viewing repeated acts of violence can desensitize young people to violence. They
may become more tolerant of acts of violence in school and the community.
You may have identified other effects.
5. You may decide that the rules are good. You may also think that more restrictions could
be added to ensure that people and relationships are represented in the media with
respect and that violence in the media is reduced. Whether you agree or not, have you
provided some examples that support your response?
Image Credits
exceptions:
Page
60 Brendan Byrne/Digital Vision/Getty Images 64 Photodisc/Getty Images
61 Photodisc/Getty Images 65 © 2004–2005 www.clipart.com
62 Photodisc/Getty Images 66 © 2004–2005 www.clipart.com
63 Brendan Byrne/Digital Vision/Getty Images 69 Brendan Byrne/Digital Vision/Getty Images

L esson 2: Dealing with Conflict
Everyone faces some type of conflict in his or her relationships and interactions with others. Conflicts
arise among friends, family members, and groups in a community and, more broadly, among different
communities, cultures, and countries.
Conflicts do not always have to be major disagreements. They can arise in normal, ordinary
circumstances. A conflict can occur between two friends who each want to do something different
on a weekend. A conflict can occur between a parent and child over how much television is watched,
what shows can be watched, or what video games can be played.
Conflict is a part of life. The important thing is that you work toward achieving a resolution. In this
lesson you will explore ways of dealing with conflict and receive some strategies that will help you
resolve conflicts you may have.
1. What types of conflicts do grade 7 students typically have? In your notebook brainstorm some
examples of conflicts that you have had with others or that you know some of your friends have
had with others.

Conflict Resolution Styles
conflict: disagreement Conflict is present in everyone’s life. It is an inescapable fact of life. What is conflict?
between two or It is is a struggle, disagreement, or a difference of opinion among individuals
more individuals
over a topic, feeling, or groups. There are three common ways of resolving conflict. They follow the
behaviour, issue, or patterns of lose-lose, win-lose, or win-win.
belief
Lose-Lose
A lose-lose conflict-resolution style means that neither party involved in the
conflict is satisfied with the solution. This type of conflict resolution may happen if
a third party imposes a solution on the two parties in conflict.
Win-Lose
One person leaves satisfied with a decision, while the other person remains very
dissatisfied. This can happen in situations in which a person in authority imposes a
solution on the other person.
Win-Win
A conflict does not have to result in a winner and a loser. Resolving a conflict
compromise: can mean reaching a compromise—something that both people can be satisfied
a settlement of
differences in which
with. For example, the two friends who each want to do something different on a
each side gives in on weekend may decide to do one activity this weekend and the other activity the next
some issues but not
others
weekend. Parents and children can discuss reasons for rules on television time and
arrive at an agreement over when television can be watched.

In this type of conflict resolution, both sides come to an agreement. This describes
the win-win conflict resolution style. This style of conflict resolution involves
compromise and effective communication. Afterwards, both sides of the dispute
feel they have won and walk away from the conflict satisfied with the solution. Both
sides benefit from such a scenario.
Following are some commonplace, practical communication “dos and don’ts” that
help make win-win resolutions.
Communication “Dos” Communication “Don’ts”

• listen • interrupt
• maintain eye contact • name call, ridicule, or label the person
• hear the person • cast blame
• resist distractions • use force or threats
• keep an open mind • assume you know what the person is saying
• assume responsibility for two-way dialogue • make snap judgements
• use “I” messages
Hints for Effective Communication

Following are some communication hints to help you when you are having
problems with someone.
• Say what you mean and be honest. Don’t say one thing and mean another
and hope the person will understand. It is important that you state your
feelings clearly.
Make sure your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body posture match what
you are saying. For example, if you say “I am so glad to see you!” but roll your
eyes and frown, a mixed message is being given.
paraphrase: reword • Paraphrase to avoid misinterpretation. People can misunderstand one

the main idea another. One can easily misinterpret what someone says and means.
Paraphrasing means rewording the main idea of what was said. It is helpful to
paraphrase to clear up any misunderstanding.
“Science class was great!”
“You mean you liked dissecting the frog?”
“No, Michelle said she’d go with me to the party

on Friday night.”

• Listen to what others have to say. Listening is one of the most important
communication skills you can learn. If you take the time to listen carefully,
you can learn and understand more. While you listen it also helps to maintain
eye contact with the other person.
• Respect one another. It is important to treat other people the way you would
want to be treated. No one wants to be laughed at or put down. Evaluate
words and body language carefully before you communicate with others.
These communication hints will not always eliminate problems that develop in
relationships. By using some of the suggestions, however, you may be able to
reduce the friction that sometimes develops. These hints may also help you come to
a compromise for any problem more quickly.
2. Describe a situation in which you experienced poor communication. Look at the

four communication hints you have just studied. Could one or more of these
have helped you in this situation? Be specific in your explanation.
The Process of Conflict Resolution

conflict resolution: Fortunately, conflict can be dealt with creatively through conflict resolution.
the process of finding
a solution to a Bob and his brother, Liam, disagree over what show to watch on television. Listen
conflict in on their conversation.
Liam: You’re always watching

hockey games. This movie is hard
to get on video, so I may not get the
chance to see it again.
Bob: C’mon, chill out. This is a

huge game between Edmonton and
Calgary. Whoever wins will be in the
playoffs. If you don’t see the movie
on TV, for sure you can rent it at
some video store.
Liam: You always have to get your

own way! Poor little Bob. He’ll have
a hissy fit if he can’t watch his stupid
hockey game.

Bob: Look who’s talking! I suppose you’re going to whine to Mom, and she’ll
take your side like she always does. What a spoiled brat!
Liam: Spoiled brat?! Just for that I’m going to tell Mom you took off to the
pool hall last week. You’ll be sorry you called me that.
Bob: You’re a liar. You promised me you wouldn’t tell. I should’ve known not
to believe you. You’re dead if you touch that television.
Liam: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I wish you weren’t my brother!
Conflict cannot be avoided entirely. It can, however, be minimized. The main thing
to remember is to prevent little disputes like the one between Bob and Liam from
evolving into a shouting match with all sorts of unrelated issues brought in.
The following five-stage process is an effective method for resolving conflict:
• Stage 1, awareness, simply involves recognizing that a conflict exists. This

sounds simple, but sometimes people try to ignore a developing conflict or
pretend that it isn’t there. This usually just postpones dealing with it until it
becomes too big to ignore.
• Stage 2, setting limits, is the time when it’s decided precisely what the
argument is about and what position each side is taking.
You mean, like, you each make sure you understand

where the other guy is coming from?
That’s right. And you make sure you stick to

the problem at hand. Do not bring up issues
that have nothing to do with the problem. In
Bob and Liam’s situation, for example,
Liam dredges up things like Bob sneaking off to
the pool hall. Doing this only makes solving the
problem less likely.

• Stage 3, arguing, is when the parties make their cases as clearly and as
effectively as possible. Liam and Bob do this fairly well. Bob makes it clear that
this was an important hockey game while Liam points out that he wants to see
this particular movie badly and that he might not get another chance. Many
disputes, of course, are far more complex and require more explanation.
negotiating: • Stage 4, negotiating, is very important. Bob and Liam never make it this far.
bargaining or making
deals
As a result, they don’t solve their conflict. When you negotiate, you bargain
with each other. You suggest solutions that might be acceptable to both
parties. Each side should be willing to compromise—to give on some points—
so that a solution can be reached.
• Stage 5, following up, is simply the stage when the negotiated agreement is
put into effect and all the loose ends are tied up. Usually, the most important
aspect of the follow-up period is getting back to normal. Both sides should
make an effort to patch things up, get rid of any lingering feelings of anger,
and get on with life together.
Explore the following websites to find some strategies for resolving conflicts with
parents, siblings, and teachers.
• http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/question/emotions/fight.html
• http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/school_jobs/school/teacher_relationships.html
3. Thinking back to the conflict between Bob and Liam, suggest a compromise
solution that the two might have arrived at if they’d actually negotiated.
4. What are some strategies you use for resolving your own conflicts with others?
5. How do you make sure that both parties involved feel that they have won
something?
Describe an example of a win-win conflict resolution from your life. In your

description indicate
• what you said and did

• ways the other person responded
• the things you still need to practise

If you are interested in helping people settle disputes or conflicts, you may consider
a career as either a mediator or an arbitrator.
A mediator is a neutral third party who helps settle conflicts between people. A
mediator uses the conflict resolution stages, such as negotiation, to help individuals
or groups resolve disputes.
An arbitrator listens to disputes and provides a legal solution. An arbitrator’s duties

are comparable to those of a judge.
You can explore either of these options at the following website:

J ournal Entry
Reflect on what you have learned in this lesson. There are strategies you
can use to deal with conflict and resolve it in positive ways. These strategies
involve using effective communication, showing caring and understanding,
listening to other perspectives and points of view, and expressing your
opinions and feelings honestly.
• I like the win-win type of conflict resolution because . . .
• When I have problems, I practise one communication hint in

particular: respect one another because . . .
• I believe that the communication dos in this lesson are helpful in

making a win-win resolution because . . .
follows.
JOURNAL RESPONSE

0 1 2 3 4
In this lesson you studied the following three conflict resolution styles:
• win-win
• win-lose
• lose-lose
You also examined a process of conflict resolution for finding a solution to a

conflict.
Now open Assignment Booklet 2B and respond to questions 4 to 6.

Glossary
compromise: a settlement of differences in conflict resolution: the process of finding a
which each side gives in on some issues solution to a conflict
but not on others
negotiating: bargaining or making deals
conflict: disagreement between two or
more individuals over a topic, feeling, paraphrase: reword the main idea
behaviour, issue, or belief
Suggested Answers
1. The types of conflicts mentioned will vary. You may have listed family conflicts such as a
brother and sister arguing over what to watch on television. Other possibilities are
• a parent and teen disagreeing on what time the teen should be in on school nights
• two friends unable to agree on what movie to see
• a brother nagging his younger sister to stay out of his room
You may consider how conflict can occur in various relationships such as those with
• family members, such as parents, siblings, aunts or uncles, cousins, grandparents

• friends
• classmates, teammates, or peers
• teachers
• neighbours
2. The situation in which you experienced poor communication may have been with a
friend, a family member, or a teacher. You studied the following communication tips:
• Say what you mean, and be honest.

• Paraphrase to avoid misinterpretation.
• Listen to what others have to say.
• Respect one another.
Have you indicated that any one or more of the communication hints would have been
helpful?
3. Answers will vary. Here are some possibilities you may have suggested:
• If the family owns a VCR, Bob could watch the game while taping the movie. Then
Liam could watch the movie later.

• They could have agreed that if Bob watched the game, he’d pay for the rental of a
DVD of the movie for Liam.
• They could have checked the times of the shows they wanted to watch more
carefully. Perhaps Liam could have watched his movie while leaving Bob time to
see the third period of the hockey game.
• Perhaps they could have bargained with other things. For instance, if Liam had
agreed to take Bob’s turn shovelling snow, Bob might have been willing to let
Liam watch the movie.
4. You may use some of the following strategies for resolving conflicts:
• Talk the situation over.

• Allow for a cooling down period.
• Try to understand the other person’s perspective.
• Express yourself honestly and gently.
• Be sensitive and caring.
• Explore solutions to the problem.
• Agree to disagree.
• Apologize and forgive if you can.
5. Following are some strategies you might have included that can help resolve conflicts
so that both parties feel that they have won something:
• Talk through situations in a calm way so that arguments do not escalate.
• Listen to other points of view so that both parties in the conflict feel that they
have been heard and respected.
• Be willing to compromise so that both parties in the conflict feel that their
opinions count.
Image Credits
exceptions:
Page
73 Eyewire/Getty Images 76 Photodisc/Getty Images
74 Photodisc/Getty Images 77 left: Kevin Peterson/Photodisc/Getty Images
75 left: Kevin Peterson/Photodisc/Getty Images right: Photodisc/Getty Images
right: Photodisc/Getty Images 79 Photodisc/Getty Images

L esson 3: Group Roles and Processes
What groups do you belong to? To be an effective member of a group, you need to understand how a
group works together. Groups of friends can satisfy your desire to be liked and needed.
It is important to remember that friends can have a positive or negative influence on you. If the
influence is positive, it will benefit you. If the influence is negative, you will experience some harmful
effects. An example of a positive influence is if your friends encouraged you to become involved in a
new sport, such as basketball, even though you felt unsure of your ability. An example of a negative
influence is if your friends encouraged you to hurt someone they do not like. It is important to realize
that even a very positive group of friends may sometimes exert negative influence on you.
1. What kinds of groups do you belong to now. What kinds of groups have you belonged to in the
past?
2. a. What have been the benefits of belonging to each of these groups?

b. Have you experienced any negative effects? What have they been?

Read the following information about geese. As you read it, think about how the
information relates to what some people might feel about belonging to a group.
In the fall you often see geese flying in a V formation heading south for the winter.
You might be interested in knowing what science has discovered about why they fly
that way. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately
following. By flying in a V formation, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent
greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.
When a goose falls out of formation, it feels the drag and resistance of trying to go
it alone. It quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power
of the bird immediately in front. When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back and
another goose flies to the point. The geese honk from behind to encourage those up
front to keep up their speed.
Finally, when a goose gets sick or is wounded and falls out, two geese leave the
formation and follow it down to help and protect it. They stay with it until it is
either able to fly or until it dies. Then they fly off to catch up with their group.
3. In your notebook create a chart like the following one. Use your chart to help
you compare how flocks of geese work to how groups of humans work. An
example is provided for you.
Flock of Geese Group of Humans
Flying together creates an uplift for the Group members can help each other and
bird immediately following. do things better than if a person tries to do
something on his or her own.

Belonging to a Group
Belonging to a group can have many benefits. Besides the obvious benefit of
sharing tasks and responsibilities, group membership provides friendship and
support. Usually groups make you feel welcome because you share the same
interests and activities.
People have formed groups since the beginning of time—in families to provide for
their young, in armies to defend their territory, in teams to win a challenge, and in
recreational groups for play and relaxation. No matter what their purpose or
make-up, groups are most successful when they work as teams.
Teamwork
When you work on a class assignment, you are, in a way, working with a group. You
are working side by side with other classmates, sharing tasks and responsibilities.
If, however, you work on your own assignment, receive your own mark, and don’t
really interact with the others in your class, you are not part of a team, even though
you are a member of a group (your class).
Successful teamwork requires effort, practice, and time. All members of the team
must interact with each other. Everyone on the team must be able to
• communicate
• listen
• negotiate
• compromise
• share

Many teens meet their needs through the groups they belong to. You may have a
few close friendships, a larger group of friends at school or within a community,
and other friends through the groups that are part of the activities you are
interested in. In many instances, you choose your friends. Some teens, however,
may not be able to choose the groups they really want to belong to and may be
attracted to groups like gangs that behave in inappropriate and dangerous ways.
Gangs
What is a gang? A gang is a type of group that consists primarily of teenagers and
young adults who are frequently and deliberately involved in violent and illegal
activities. They share a common group identity—usually through a gang name or
symbol. Members may also wear a certain colour or type of clothing, use special
mannerisms, and guard turf (territory) in order to show their gang identity. Teens
that are gang members are much more likely than other teens to commit serious
and violent crimes.
Young people join gangs for different reasons. These may include the following:
• A young person wants to be recognized or to feel important. He or she wants

to belong to a group and be able to take on a group identity.
• The gang can provide support to the young person, similar to the kind of
support received by family members.
• A young person thinks that he or she will gain financially by joining the gang.
• In joining a gang, a young person may be seeking excitement.
• A young person is intimidated into joining a gang because of a threat from

gang members. Threats can include violence. A young person thinks that he
or she needs to join the gang for survival.

What is the difference between a team or group and a gang? Look at the following
diagram.
Both teams or Membership in a gang

Members of a team requires recruitment,
or group are groups and
gangs involve an initiation, and
typically free to join ongoing loyalty. Once
or to leave when people
associating you're in, it's difficult
they want. to get out.
together.
What other differences do you think there are between groups and gangs?
4. a. How are a group or team and a gang different?

b. How are a group or team and a gang the same?
Gang Warning Signs

Studies show that a child who is most likely to become involved with a street gang
• lacks a strong sense of self-worth

• lives in a gang-oriented neighbourhood
• has relatives in a gang
• has problems at home
• has problems at school
• lacks recreational and vocational skills
Check for the following warning signs of gang membership. If you are seeing some
of them in your siblings’ or friends’ behaviour, talk to your parents or a trusted
adult.
• wears the dress colours and jewellery of a gang

• draws gang graffiti
• uses gang slang
• flashes (uses) gang hand signs
• has a gang tattoo
• carries gang paraphernalia

5. In your notebook create a chart like the following one. Brainstorm examples
of the advantages and disadvantages of being a member of a group. To help
you brainstorm, think of different types of groups you might be a part of. Ask a
friend or parent to add some ideas to your chart.
Type of Group Advantages Disadvantages
Family
Classroom
Working Groups
Sports Teams
Gangs
Peer Groups
6. In what situations would a person choose to leave a group?
Group Goal Setting

Being part of a group means having common interests or tasks with your other
group members. Working or playing with a group requires skills. These skills will
help your group develop into a smooth-running team. One of these skills is learning
how to set and accomplish common goals. Goals are an end toward which one plans
and works. Having a goal is like having a road map. It helps the group members
decide how to get from where they are to where they want to be. Knowing the goals
of the group and moving toward them means
• clarifying the steps

• looking at plans to reach that goal
• making a timetable for achieving the goals
7. a. What is a goal?
b. What have been some goals of the groups that you have belonged to in the
past or that you belong to now?

collaborate: to work When setting goals for a group, the members of the group must collaborate. That
together co-operatively
is, they must co-operate.
What is involved in setting goals for a group? Consider the following steps:
• Brainstorm goals. Write down every suggested goal. Get input from all
the group members. Group members are more likely to work toward
accomplishing the goals because they were involved in setting them.
• Prioritize the goals. Number them in order of importance to the group.
• Assign the time needed to accomplish each goal. This can range from
months to years. Large long-term goals should be broken down into smaller
short-term goals. As each short-term goal is accomplished, the group moves
closer to realizing its long-term goal. Once time lines have been established,
the group can set deadlines for reaching each goal. Sometimes the deadlines
will have to be changed to guarantee achievement.
• Review the group goals and make changes if necessary. Sometimes when
evaluating the progress, obstacles that are hindering the achievement of goals
are found. When obstacles are located, the group can make plans to remove
them.
• Celebrate the successful accomplishment of each goal. This motivates the

group to continue with its goal-setting strategies.

8. Create a web such as the following one. For each of the three areas, list ideas for
group goals.
volunteering improving
with a group class grades
Group Goals
helping a group
work together
more effectively

Coaches recruit, train, and instruct athletes to achieve the best athletic
performances possible. If you are interested in a career as a coach, you can explore
this option at the following website:

A community is a place where many groups live, work, and play together. Your
community is a group itself. A community can promote positive interactions
between groups of people by
• opening a recreational facility or a teen centre

• offering Chamber of Commerce junior achievement and teen business courses
• supporting student business and recreational initiatives

What can you do? You can take action to promote healthy interactions and activities
for teens in your community. Work with a group of friends in your community to
• propose teen recreation nights to your municipal council
• propose and organize teen recreational events, and solicit appropriate adult
supervision
• propose a teen centre run by teens with parent and community volunteer
supervision
Volunteering
There are many opportunities to learn group skills and group goal setting in
volunteer activities. Volunteer experiences often involve working with a group and
focusing on an aim or goal. Many volunteer organizations promote effective group
interaction skills and encourage their volunteers to learn leadership and group
goal-setting skills.
To learn more about interacting effectively with groups, you may wish to explore
other people’s experiences with groups and teams. Ask your friends and parents
what their experiences have been. Then compare them with your personal
experiences.

J ournal Entry
Reflect on what you have learned in this lesson. Groups are a part of everyday
life. You work in groups, belong to teams, live with family members, and
spend time with friends. Learning to work effectively in groups affects your
emotional and social well-being. It is important to be aware of how your
social health is influenced by your sense of belonging to various groups—
friends, school, sports teams, and family—and to also understand the
negative influence that groups, such as youth gangs, can have.
Belonging to groups can have many benefits. One of these is working

together to share and accomplish tasks. There are processes and skills that
groups use to do this.
• When I work with a group, I feel . . .

• To deal with group pressures, I . . .
• Spending time with a group of friends makes me feel . . .
• When I hear about the risks involved with youth gangs, I . . .
• To improve the way I interact with others in a group, I . . .
• Setting goals with a group results in . . .
follows.
JOURNAL RESPONSE

0 1 2 3 4
In this lesson you studied group roles and processes. You examined the differences
between groups and gangs. You also studied strategies for setting goals in a group.
Now open Assignment Booklet 2B and respond to question 7.

Glossary
collaborate: working together co-operatively
Suggested Answers
1. The list of groups you belong to or have belonged to will vary. It may include the
drama club, the swim club, the school band, the baseball team, the track and field club,
Scouts, Girl Guides, or 4-H. There are many others.
2. a. Some benefits of belonging to a group include
• a warm feeling of belonging

• enjoyment because of what the group does
• support
• friendship
• the sharing of common interests
You may have mentioned others.
b.
You may also have experienced some negative effects like being uncomfortable
because you were not wearing what the rest of the group wears or you were not
thinking the way the rest of your group thinks. Some groups practise bullying, and
you may be against this kind of behaviour. There are others.
3. The examples provided in this chart will help you compare the story to characteristics
of belonging to a group.
Flock of Geese Group of Humans

Flying together creates an uplift for the Group members can help each other and
bird immediately following. do things better than if a person tries to
do something on his or her own.
When a goose falls out of formation, it feels When a group member leaves a group, he
drag and resistance. or she may feel that things are harder to
accomplish.
Geese take turns flying the lead. Group members can take turns fulfilling the
leadership role of the group.
The geese behind the lead goose encourage Group members can encourage each other.
others to keep up their speed.
When a goose gets sick or is wounded and falls Group members can help others who are
out, two more geese leave the formation to having trouble.
help and protect it.

4. a. A group or team and a gang are different in the following ways:
• Membership in a gang requires an initiation and ongoing loyalty—once

you’re in, it’s difficult to get out.
• Members of a team or group are typically free to leave when they want to.
• Gangs engage in criminal and illegal activity while groups do not.
b.
Both teams and gangs involve people associating together.
5. The responses you record in your chart will vary. Some examples are provided for you.
Type of Group Advantages Disadvantages

Family • love and care provided • difficult to get support if
• support available abuse or neglect occurs
• activities done together
• responsibilities around
home shared
Classroom • work responsibilities • have to get along with
Working Groups divided others you may not know
• support for group members well
provided • must accommodate
• a sense of accomplishment different working styles
Sports Teams • a sense of belonging • possibility of inappropriate
• team effort and behaviours that can be
accomplishments violent or alcohol-related
Gangs • a sense of belonging • a risk to safety
• exposure to danger and
criminal activity
• difficulty leaving
• requires constant loyalty;
little freedom to make
choices in group
Peer Groups • a sense of belonging • peer pressure that pushes
• care and support provided kids to do things they don’t
• allows for doing activities want to
together
6. A person might choose to exit a group for reasons such as the following:
• The person has different values than the group.

• The person has different beliefs than the group.
• The goals of the group have changed, and the person does not agree with the changes.

7. a. A goal is something to aim for.
b.
A group can have a common aim that all members of the group work toward. For
example, a classroom group may have a project it is trying to complete. This group
may also have a goal of working together more effectively or improving listening
skills. A sports team may have a goal of winning the divisional championship.
8. The ideas you record in your web on group goals will vary. Some examples of goals that
a group, such as a class or volunteer organization, can have are as follows.
resolve as a
raise money for class to eat, sleep,
a local charity and exercise
contact well spend more
people for time helping
help with the each other
organization in class
volunteering improving
with a group class grades
encourage
recruit more another class
volunteers member once a
Group Goals day to complete
class work
helping a group
work together
more effectively
listen more use time
effectively in more effectively
the group
share jobs
more equally
Image Credits
exceptions:
Page
84 © 2004–2005 www.clipart.com
85 Brendan Byrne/Digital Vision/Getty Images
86 Brand X Pictures/Getty Images
91 Eyewire/Getty Images

S ection 2 Conclusion
In Section 2 you focused on
• healthy relationships
• strategies for dealing with conflict in relationships
• group roles and processes
The interactions you have with others influence your emotional and social health. To ensure that your
emotional and social health is positive, apply the skills you developed in Section 2 to help you interact
and work more effectively with groups.
Knowing these skills is important because you interact with so many people in a day. Relationships
with your family, friends, neighbours, peers, teachers, classmates, teammates, and people in your
community are all important because they are a part of your social health. The skills and knowledge
you gained in this section will help you to keep these relationships healthy.

Module Summary
This module has prepared you for developing effective skills that show responsibility, respect, and
care. These skills will enable you to establish and maintain healthy interactions and relationships
with others.
Relationships and interactions with others affect your emotional health. To maintain positive
emotional health, you must know how to deal with emotional concerns, challenges, and difficult
times. Knowing the following can affect your emotional health positively:
• how to handle feelings

• how to deal with stress in your daily life and your relationships
• how to deal with change
• how to deal with conflict
Feeling safe in your relationships, as well as feeling cared for and respected, can influence your
emotional health in a positive way.

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© 2005 Alberta Education

© 2005 Alberta Education

Health and Life Skills 7

Students ✓ • Alberta Education, http://education.alberta.ca

THIS COURSEWARE IS NOT SUBJECT TO THE TERMS OF A LICENCE FROM A COLLECTIVE OR

© 2005 Alberta Education

Module 1 Module 2 Module 3

Wellness Relationship Life-Learning

Module 1 contains general information about the course components, additional

29 Lesson 2: Challenges and

46 Lesson 3: Support for

© 2005 Alberta Education

73 Lesson 2: Dealing with

83 Lesson 3: Group Roles and

© 2005 Alberta Education

Module 2: Relationship Choices

6 Health and Life Skills 7

© 2005 Alberta Education

The mark distribution for the assignments in Module 2 is as follows:

Health and Life Skills 7 7

© 2005 Alberta Education

© 2005 Alberta Education

In this lesson you will focus on

• how your feelings, thoughts, and behaviours are interconnected

© 2005 Alberta Education

Thinking About Feelings

Some days can be much more

10 Health and Life Skills 7

© 2005 Alberta Education

Emotional health Love involves

• observing family, friends, and others who act as role models

• considering the reactions of others to your behaviour

• responding to both non-verbal and verbal messages from others to your

• accepting responsibility for your own feelings

© 2005 Alberta Education

a. Three things that create strong feelings of anger in me are . . .

Situation/Event What I Think/Say to Myself

When I win a race . . .

When I succeed at a test . . .

When I achieve a goal . . .

When I lose something . . .

When I have a bad day . . .

When I have a fight

Compare your answers with those at the end of this lesson.

12 Health and Life Skills 7

© 2005 Alberta Education

It’s pretty obvious that positive thinking works. It

There are many things you can do to practise

© 2005 Alberta Education

• Appreciate kindness in your friends.

• Express appreciation for acts of kindness from others.

• Recognize that it’s okay when things don’t go your way.

• Recognize the positives in your circumstances.

• Associate with people and friends who think positively.

3. What do you do to think positively?

14 Health and Life Skills 7

© 2005 Alberta Education

• Focus mainly on effort rather than on

• Avoid situations and people that make