Why does the spark fade away after some

time in a marriage
By Quratulain Altaf Husain

The Intimacy Coach

It is a common phenomenon for a couple to lose interest in intimacy or view it as something that
they do just for the sake of momentary, physical satisfaction, after a few months others. Instead
of viewing it as something very natural or commonplace, let us change the lens and try to
examine why this happens?

There must be some reason for a couple that connected on so many levels at great depths to start
drifting apart, let go off the spark and allow room for growing disinterest. Growing familiarity
may be one of the reasons, but have we ever heard of parents losing interest in the well-being of
the child they take care of right from the day they are born to whatever age the parents are alive
with their child around irrespective of the age? NO??? Why??? Doesn’t this relationship between
a child and parents that of a very high level familiarity as compared to that between a couple?

Let us examine a few possible reasons why the spark dies down between a couple in marriage
and they no longer view intimacy as a time to bond, connect and rejuvenate not only their minds,
bodies and souls but also their relationship.

Communication

Whether we like it or not, it all boils down to communication. Communication or lack of it may
build, strengthen, weaken or destroy a marriage. As the time passes we tend to

 Stop listening to understand for meaning because it is humane to perceive that the other
person must have a clear view of your view point after so many years of marriage or so
much time together. This may not always be the case, therefore communication is better
than assumption
 We as women automatically start letting our lives revolve around the needs, desires and
pleasures of the man even if it means we have to indulge into activities (in or out of the
 bed) that do not interest us while actively and deliberately refraining from
communication. This abstinence from communication comes primarily from the we
women are born to compromise and vocal women aren’t good wives values fed into our
brains by our societies. Consequently, everything in or out of the bed becomes a chore.
Passion never stems from a place of lack of interest, hence the dying down of spark in
and out of the bed.
 Mostly communicating issues which men or anyone would perceive as the attitude of
non-gratitude. Never ever waste your morning and bed time rituals in talking about
complains. Would you like it if you are looking to relax and your partner starts
complaining about stuff putting you off?
 Not actively communicating to make marriage practically a two sided game. This is very
common for Asian and Muslim women especially who are not knowledgeable about the
entire institution of marriage (rights and duties of both parties involved).

Submerging ourselves into chores and letting go off ourselves

It is very important to never let go off yourself while being submerged into daily chores. Many
couples experienced the diminishing spark when the other partner did not take care of
themselves, let themselves include into unhealthy habits and stopped making efforts to dress up
nicely for their partners. These findings are for males and females both. I in no way mean to
body shame anyone or criticize anyone for their choice of clothes, I just want to lay emphasis on
the fact that treat the meeting with your partner after one of you or both of you return from work
as a special meeting for which we want to look presentable. Start treating the evening tea time
special and things would start lighting up (in a good way) once again. Most importantly,
communicate this to your partner so that he too is aware of the effort he should be making for
those times by doing what you may express as pleasing (for example dress in your favourite
casuals, wear a certain perfume etc.).

Other factors that may lead to the spark dying down are discussed in the next article.