Are you overconfident?

It could be holding you back

Shouting about your achievements may really be a cry for acceptance, but 'overconfidence' can
still damage your career
Kate Nightingale
Wed 28 Aug 2013 08.29 BST

Confidence is one of the crucial ingredients of self-esteem. Another crucial ingredient is self-respect.
Only when you believe in your abilities and you respect yourself and your place in the world, can you
have a healthy level of self-esteem.

It is not actually possible to have too much confidence, contrary to popular belief. The loud outbursts of
self-appreciation that often accompany cries of overconfidence are not a sign of high self-esteem, but
typically highlight a lack of self-confidence and self-respect.

I was one of these "overconfident" people back in the day. I was loud about how great I was, I tended to
steer the conversation towards myself, even though I could also be a great listener. My parents raised me
to be very intelligent and question a lot, but that also made me slightly arrogant and I wasn't listening to
people who were wiser than me.

When I look back, I see quite a few moments when I was actually great and I just felt like no one was
noticing, so I shouted about it myself. But when you appear to be extremely confident, people don't
think that you need appreciation. They think you already know how great you are, so there is little point
in telling you. In fact, this is the one single thing that "overconfident" people really need: appreciation.
However, appreciation and acceptance from external sources isn't as powerful as appreciation from
within. Self-acceptance and honest self-appreciation are keys to building healthy self-esteem. I'm not
talking about loudly praising yourself constantly, but about quietly internally rewarding yourself for who
you are and your achievements.

Do not undervalue good work or how great you look, but instead honestly admit to yourself that actually,
you're brilliant. I always have that problem when it comes to writing. I never thought I was a good writer,
which always lead me to procrastinate due to fear of rejection.

Actually, most of the time people enjoy reading what I write and I usually receive praise for my work.
When I do, I try my best to reward myself for great work done because deep down I really believe I'm
brilliant in my own way.

The other, more dreaded side of self-acceptance is admitting what we don't like about ourselves and
what we're not so good at. Self-acceptance does not mean you always like what you see. It is important
to accept the fact that there is something you're not happy with. Only when we are conscious of that fact
and accept that it is currently the truth, are we able to move past it and start working on it.

If we reject it, it will just become stronger. What you resist persists, so instead of beating yourself up
about poor presentation skills, admit that you need to improve and take steps to change. You will see
how much easier it is to learn a new skill or change an old trait once you accept yourself fully.

We need to become conscious of how we feel about confidence and self-esteem and accept this current
state. Then we have the power to move forward and start building a healthy attitude towards self-
promotion, and that will show on the outside too.

Kate Nightingale is the founder of Style Psychology

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