Get Off Your Phone

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/30121269.

Rating: Mature
Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/F, F/M, M/M
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Relationship: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene
McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter
Pettigrew & James Potter, Mary Macdonald/Emmeline Vance, Caradoc
Dearborn/Benjy Fenwick, Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom
Character: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Lily Evans Potter, Peter
Pettigrew, Mary Macdonald, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes,
Benjy Fenwick, Caradoc Dearborn, Emmeline Vance, Alice Longbottom,
Frank Longbottom, Severus Snape, Regulus Black, Minerva
McGonagall, Filius Flitwick, Horace Slughorn, Alastor "Mad-Eye"
Moody, Euphemia Potter, Fabian Prewett, Gideon Prewett (Harry
Potter)
Additional Tags: Texting, text fic, Drunk Texting, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter),
Marauders, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Alternate Universe -
Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - College/University, wolfstar,
dorlene, jily, Everyone Is Gay, LGBTQ Character, Gay Sirius Black,
Bisexual Remus Lupin, Pansexual James Potter, Asexual Peter
Pettigrew, Bisexual Mary Macdonald, Bisexual Lily Evans, Lesbian
Marlene McKinnon, Pansexual Dorcas Meadowes, Group chat,
Alternate Universe, Good Peter Pettigrew, Good Regulus Black,
Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon
Friendship, Latina Marlene McKinnon, Jewish Remus Lupin, Jewish Lily
Evans, marauders texting, Desi James Potter, Pop Culture, Mentions of
Taylor Swift, Swiftie Lily Evans, Flirting, Oblivious Remus Lupin,
Comfort/Angst
Series: Part 1 of Get Off Your Phone
Stats: Published: 2021-03-18 Updated: 2021-04-27 Chapters: 42/? Words:
84968

Get Off Your Phone

by thebiinbitch

Summary

texting fic about my favorite gays in university because i've been obsessed with texting fics
lately.
+ the twitter threads i've been doing on my tiktok acc (@siriusblackisalesbian) really
inspired me to start writing this.

this is mainly a wolfstar fic, but i could never not give you jily, dorlene and bisexual mary
macdonald :)

marleyandme: THANK YOU JESUS

marleyandme: LORD
marleyandme: HOLY FUCKING CHRIST YES

bigmac: dude ur an atheist

marleyandme: yeah and??

- rated mature due to *a lot* of swearing and sex jokes. nothing explicit, don't worry!

(also fuck jkr, dude..... but we all know that)

 CHAPTER 1: Damn Mamas Chill
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

9:03AM

padfoot: this is it

padfoot: im ending it all

prongs: lol what

padfoot: i physically cannot take this fucking class anymore.......fucking slughorn dude

prongs: u were the mf who CHOSE to take this course. you were asking for it. theory of color????

padfoot: i didnt think it would be this bad....... i can't take horace and his constant clapping. istg he
says a word and goes “so ”

padfoot: like dUDE

padfoot: WE’RE ALREADY PAYING ATTENTION ??????

prongs: speaking of paying attention

prongs: im in class rn

prongs: gtg

padfoot: NOOO

padfoot: PRONGS DONT LEAVE ME

padfoot: JAMES

padfoot: JAMES
padfoot: JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER

padfoot: i hate u

padfoot: ok i don't actually hate u but im very mad rn.

[Destiny’s Child]

11:42AM

marleyandme: im so hungry

marleyandme: anyone wanna go grab lunch???

bigmac: im having lunch with emmie today :(( sorry marls

marleyandme: whore

marleyandme: and oooh emmie??? nickname and all huh.......romantic

bigmac: lol no

bigmac: we’re just friends

bigmac: AND benjy is coming along too

marleyandme: but u like her tho

bigmac: i’d let her hit

marleyandme: fair

marleyandme: @barksexybark ???

barksexybark: im down

barksexybark: where do u wanna go

marleyandme: three broomsticks??

barksexybark: period

barksexybark: omw

bigmac: bring back something for me plsss :)

[Destiny’s Child]

12:19PM

marleyandme: hot girl alert hot girl alert hot girl alert

marleyandme: dude

marleyandme: REALLY HOT GIRL ALERT

bigmac: SEND PICS RN!!!!!!!

marleyandme: I CANT JUST TAKE A PICTURE SHE’S LIKE A TABLE AWAY

bigmac: >:(

barksexybark: i gotta agree she's really pretty

barksexybark: like if she asked me yes perhaps id fall to my knees and marry her on the spot

barksexybark: and im gay asf

marleyandme: im in love

marleyandme: like that's it

marleyandme: i will never be the same

bigmac: that's very shappic of u

marleyandme: i know

marleyandme: SIRIUS STOP STARING

barksexybark: wait i think i recognize her

barksexybark: i think she’s james’ friend fr

marleyandme: ONG???

barksexybark: ong

barksexybark: hold up im gonna check

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

12:25AM

padfoot: hey

padfoot: can u send me a picture of that friend of urs

padfoot: the girl in ur chem class that's always with u and pete

prongs: cas??

prongs: yeah sure

prongs:
padfoot: hmmm

padfoot: did she by any chance mention that she would have lunch at three broomsticks today?

prongs: yeah she said she’s meeting this guy she met on her yoga class

padfoot: oh

padfoot: so she’s.....straight

prongs: lmao no

prongs: she’s pan

prongs: but still

prongs: i don't think its a date

[Destiny’s Child]
12:31PM

barksexybark: we got her

barksexybark:

marleyandme: holy fucking shit

marleyandme: fucK

marleyandme: omfg im so embarrassed

barksexybark: LMFAO MARLENE LOOKS LIKE A TOMATO RN

bigmac: what happened????

barksexybark: SHE ACTUALLY *SHRIEKED* WHEN SHE OPENED THE PIC

barksexybark: SHRIEKED
barksexybark: AND THIS GIRL

barksexybark: DORCAS

barksexybark: THATS HER NAME

barksexybark: SHES LIKE A TABLE AWAY SO SHE OBVS HEARD IT

barksexybark: LMFAOOOOOOO

barksexybark: AND SHE JUST LOOKED AT MARLENE LIKE

marleyandme: i hate myself.

marleyandme: bUT WHAT DID JAMES SAY??? IS SHE STRAIGHT GIVE ME THE
DETAILS

barksexybark: damn mamas chill

barksexybark: anyway

barksexybark: she’s pan

barksexybark: so fuck yeah

marleyandme: THANK YOU JESUS

marleyandme: LORD

marleyandme: HOLY FUCKING CHRIST YES

bigmac: dude ur an atheist

marleyandme: yeah and??

barksexybark: oh he also said shes here to meet a guy

barksexybark: he doesn't know if its a date tho

marleyandme: no
marleyandme: no no no

marleyandme: men nEVER BRING ANY GOOD ITS PROBABLY A DATE

barksexybark: bro????

marleyandme: i dont recall stuttering.

bigmac: calm down marls

bigmac: u’ll tell if its a date or not

[MoonFlower <3]

12:42PM

therealslimmoony: i *will* kill you, lily june evans

therealslimmoony: i will never get there on time

gingertaylorswift: of course u will

gingertaylorswift: u have long legs u lanky son of a bitch

gingertaylorswift: RUN BOY RUN

therealslimmoony: remind me to never, EVER, skip class to catch up on drag race with you

gingertaylorswift: i could never do that

gingertaylorswift: you love crystal methyd way too much

therealslimmoony: ...........

therealslimmoony: ur not wrong-

[Dorcas Meadowes & Remus Lupin]

12:47PM

remus: hi! sorry im late :( be there in 5!

dorcas: no worries! my thursday afternoon margarita is keeping me company

remus: LMFAO

remus: i’ll be having one too........

dorcas: HAHAHA i’ll get one for u dw

[Destiny’s Child]

12:50PM

barksexybark: whoever this guy is

barksexybark: i would not assume he's straight.......

bigmac: why??

bigmac: is he there yet??

barksexybark: no but she just ordered 2 margaritas

barksexybark: on a thursday

barksexybark: while the sun is out.

bigmac: ???

barksexybark: margaritas??? drinking on a weekday afternoon??? drinking *margaritas* on a

*weekday afternoon*????
barksexybark: that's fruity behavior

barksexybark: cmon macdonald keep up

barksexybark: i trusted ur gaydar to be better than this

bigmac: IM NOT THERE YOU FUCKER

bigmac: and where's marlene??

barksexybark: she went to the bar to get us some

barksexybark: SANGRIAAAASSSS

bigmac: sangrias?? drinking on a weekday afternoon??? drinking *sangrias* on a *weekday

afternoon*???

barksexybark: bitch i never said *i* wasn't fruity

barksexybark: wait

barksexybark: yo

barksexybark: waiT A SECOND HOLD AWN

bigmac: what???????

[Smartasses (But Not Really)]

12:51PM

casdor: ayo potter

casdor: that best friend of urs

casdor: does he have long black hair??

casdor: so many ear piercings it looks like his ear is gonna fall off

casdor: dresses like my grandma but if she were a punk

terpot: yup that's sirius

terpe: that sounds very much padfoot

terpot: @terpe yeah lol

terpot: @casdor why??

casdor: he keeps.....staring at me

terpot: he’s gay so don't worry about *that*

casdor: oh ok ig

casdor: but he......keeps staring at me

casdor: the blonde girl thats with him too

casdor: shes cute tho so i’ll give her a pass

casdor: wait gtg remus is here

[Destiny’s Child]

12:54PM

barksexybark: YO

barksexybark: YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOY

bigmac: WHAT?????????

bigmac: BLACK SPIT IT OUT IM WITH OTHER PPL I CANT BE ON MY PHONE

barksexybark: SDCIJPWEJDJWEIOJWEJ
 marleyandme: now this is just hilarious

bigmac: WTF WHAT?????????

barksexybark: HOT GUY ALERT HOT GUY ALERT HOT GUY ALERT REALLY
FUCKING HOT GUY ALERT

barksexybark: PWEOKDWENCOJCPWKDPWDLKCVOIEJOVEROJF

marleyandme: if ur wondering @bigmac, he is, indeed, sweating.

Chapter End Notes

(UPDATE: i changed the name of the chapter -- which came from a text from sirius --
to "damn mamas chill". i had no idea l*sbo was a slur and i apologize. english is not
my first language, and ive only ever seen this word being used between the
community in a casual, jokingly way. im not a lesbian, so its not my word. i believe i
only used it this one time, but i'll look to see if i did it again and fix it as well. again,
i'm sorry)
 CHAPTER 2: Hayley Kiyoko and I

[MoonFlower <3]

10:33AM

gingertaylorswift: am i living or am i just waiting for april 9th.....thats what we all wanna know

therealslimmoony: what's in april 9th

gingertaylorswift: remus......

gingertaylorswift: you have to be kidding me rn

therealslimmoony: :///

gingertaylorswift: DUDE

gingertaylorswift: TAYLOR’S VERSION

gingertaylorswift: THE ALBUM

gingertaylorswift: honestly ur an embarrassment..

therealslimmoony: HAHHAHAHAHHAA I’M SORRY

therealslimmoony: u do know im not the biggest tswift fan tho

therealslimmoony: but i respect it #LoveIsLove

gingertaylorswift: i hate u

therealslimmoony:

therealslimmoony: wait why are u texting me rn

therealslimmoony: arent u supposed to be in class???

gingertaylorswift: i am but its boring....

gingertaylorswift: talk to me

gingertaylorswift: hmmmm lets see

gingertaylorswift: how’s dorcas??

therealslimmoony: uhm fine??? why do u ask?

gingertaylorswift: idk u two got along well that day didn't u

therealslimmoony: yeah..?

therealslimmoony: but we already kinda knew each other from yoga. we just decided to go out for
lunch

gingertaylorswift: she’s hot

gingertaylorswift: ur hot

gingertaylorswift: she’s pan

gingertaylorswift: ur bi

gingertaylorswift:

therealslimmoony: no

gingertaylorswift: cmon moony boy

therealslimmoony: wow cant a woman and a man be friends without people trying to romanticise
it????

therealslimmoony: i swear, society these days......

gingertaylorswift: shut up
gingertaylorswift: im just sayin yk.... maybe its time for u to start getting out there more

gingertaylorswift: its been over a year since u and kingsley broke up

therealslimmoony: i do get out there

gingertaylorswift: one night stands from tinder is not exactly getting out there

therealslimmoony: lily

therealslimmoony: im perfectly fine how i am now

therealslimmoony: dorcas is just a friend, and im sure she thinks the same about me

therealslimmoony: and also she kept eyeing this girl during the entire lunch

gingertaylorswift: oooh

gingertaylorswift: care to provide a name???

therealslimmoony: idk i didn't recognize her :/ but she was blonde with i think brown eyes?

therealslimmoony: kinda tanned skin

therealslimmoony: and she was with a guy

therealslimmoony: he had long dark hair

gingertaylorswift: OOOOH I MIGHT KNOW THEM

gingertaylorswift: JUST MIGHT BUT

gingertaylorswift: I THINK THEY’RE BOTH IN MY GENDER STUDIES CLASS........YUP I

THINK ITS THEM

gingertaylorswift: they always sit at the back and say nothing and then suddenly boom devil’s
advocate

therealslimmoony: in a gender studies class???

therealslimmoony: sus..
gingertaylorswift: no no they’re actually pretty chill

gingertaylorswift: the guy loves spiting those fuckers who go to this class just to pick up girls

gingertaylorswift: its pretty funny

gingertaylorswift: they're the devil’s advocates that we like and support and give our money and
families to

therealslimmoony: lol

therealslimmoony: ok i need to finish my hw

therealslimmoony: i’ll text u later and we can go for coffee??

gingertaylorswift: COFFEE YUMMM

gingertaylorswift: invite dorcas i wanna meet her

therealslimmoony: lol ok fine

[Destiny’s Child]

3:36PM

barksexybark: im still shaken......

marleyandme: oh for fucks sake

marleyandme: SIMP

barksexybark: fuck off hey mamas

barksexybark: and don't make me recall you CHOKING on ur drink when dorcas raised an
eyebrow at you yesterday

marleyandme: that never happened.

barksexybark: yes it did?

marleyandme: if im saying it didn't then it didn't

bigmac: can u two mfs stfu???

bigmac: im trying to do my assignment and my phone won't stop buzzing

marleyandme: put it on airplane mode??

bigmac: ehh im listening to music on spotify and i don't have the premium.......

bigmac: ok now shut up.

bigmac: thank you

[Destiny’s Child]

3:42PM

marleyandme: i need to get drunk

bigmac: I SAID SHUT UP

marleyandme: no

marleyandme: throw ur phone against the wall i don't care

marleyandme: bUT YOU CANT SILENCE ME

(bigmac removed marleyandme from Destiny’s Child)

barksexybark: ruthless
bigmac: she didn't get grounded enough as a kid

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

3:44PM

jojosiwa: TELL THAT FUCKING BITCH TO PUT ME BACK ON THAT MF GROUP

jojosiwa: IM NOT JOKING RN

jojosiwa: SIRIUS I WILL COMMIT ARSON

jojosiwa: TELL HER TO ADD ME BACK

jojosiwa: I HAVE BOTH AN INSTAGRAM AND PICTURES OF HER FROM YEAR 8

jojosiwa: IM NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM

frankiegrande: lol

[Destiny’s Child]

3:46PM

barksexybark: she's threatening to post pictures of u in year 8 if you don't add her back

bigmac: thAT FUCKING BITCH

(bigmac added marleyandme to Destiny’s Child)

marleyandme: may this never happen again.

bigmac: will you shut up now??

marleyandme: no. never.

marleyandme: n t ways

marleyandme: as i was saying

marleyandme: i need to get drunk

marleyandme: plastered

marleyandme: completely pissed

marleyandme: fucking paralysed

barksexybark: me highkey

marleyandme: right

barksexybark: i’ll see if james or pete know abt a party or sumn

marleyandme: me when he uses his brain:

[Sirius and His Servants]

3:54PM

padsies: hiiii bitchesssss

servant1: i will not be replying until you change the name back.

servant2: ˆˆˆ

padsies: ugh u two are no fun

(padsies changed the group's name from Sirius and His Servants to Marauderzzz)
(padsies changed servant1 ’s name to pwonggy)

(padsies changed servant2 ’s name to wormysoftboy)

pwonggy: better

pwonggy: HIIIIIII

wormysoftboy: HI PADS

padsies: HELLO HELLO MY BAKAS

padsies: SO

padsies: MY FRIEND MARLENE AND I WANT TO GET DRUNK

pwonggy: OH I LIKE MARLENE

pwonggy: .......AND I SMELL A

wormysoftboy: PARTY

padsies: PARTY

pwonggy: FUCK YEAH

pwonggy: MY PLACE

pwonggy: TOMORROW

pwonggy: SPREAD THE WORD LADS

[Destiny’s Child]

4:09PM

barksexybark: @marleyandme kiss my feet mf

marleyandme: FOUND A PARTY???

barksexybark: better

marleyandme: bitch......

barksexybark: party at JAMES'

barksexybark: TOMORROW

marleyandme: FUCK YES

marleyandme: PARTY AT THE RICH BOY’S FLAT

marleyandme: I KNEW YOU WERENT COMPLETELY USELESS

barksexybark: mf-

bigmac: god im so jealous of that guy

bigmac: imagine having ur own flat

bigmac: outside uni

bigmac: lucky mf

barksexybark: but he’s nice tho

barksexybark: and my best friend

barksexybark: we can eat the rich but not him

marleyandme: bro YOU come from a rich family

barksexybark: i dont recall

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

5:13PM

jojosiwa: hey girl in red

jojosiwa: wanna go get a coffee or sumn at puddifoot’s?

frankiegrande: u literally won't leave me alone will u??

jojosiwa: cmon clairo

jojosiwa: yes or no

frankiegrande: .......

jojosiwa: i’ll pay

frankiegrande: yup omw

[MoonFlower <3]

5:31PM

gingertaylorswift: where are u

gingertaylorswift: im inside

gingertaylorswift: should i get my coffee already???

therealslimmoony: yeah dw

therealslimmoony: had to pick up cas

therealslimmoony: we’ll be there in less than 5

gingertaylorswift: k :)

gingertaylorswift: wait

gingertaylorswift: omg its those 2 friends we were talking abt this morning

gingertaylorswift: yup its them they’re the ones in my class

gingertaylorswift: now we just need to connect the dots..... were they at three broomsticks
yesterday for lunch??

therealslimmoony: lily why tf are you so invested in this???

gingertaylorswift: i need a new obsession im officially done with red white and royal blue

therealslimmoony: i cant ever see that happening

therealslimmoony: ....

therealslimmoony: history, huh?

gingertaylorswift: STOPPPP

[Destiny’s Child]

6:19PM

marleyandme: have i mentioned how much i hate myself

bigmac: a couple times

bigmac: but what happened

barksexybark: LMFAOKDKNEJKDMWKNWJ

marleyandme: @barksexybark mf you have NO right to laugh

marleyandme: i'll get to you in a moment

bigmac: what happened????

marleyandme: so

marleyandme: hayley kiyoko and i were chilling by the counter waiting for our coffees looking
like the hot mfs that we are

marleyandme: as one does

marleyandme: and then a literal MASS of red hair just came jumping in our direction

barksexybark: she wasn't jumping lol

barksexybark: ......she was...skipping

marleyandme: anyway

marleyandme: turned out she’s actually in our gender studies class

marleyandme: and she just....approached us now

marleyandme: which was weird but yk

marleyandme: she was so bubbly and charismatic i was almost asking sirius if we could take her
home

barksexybark: i’d have said yes tbh

marleyandme: continuing

marleyandme: we started talking and turns out her name is lily and she has a cat back home......
called nuwanda

bigmac: NUWANDA?????

bigmac: AS IN CHARLIE DALTON??? THAT NUWANDA???

marleyandme: YES

bigmac: WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE HER HOME????

marleyandme: I THINK THAT WOULD BE KIDNAPPING BUT MARY I WAS SO CLOSE-

barksexybark: mckinnon

marleyandme: ok ok

marleyandme: anyway

marleyandme: we were talking and sirius ended up inviting her to james potter’s party tomorrow

marleyandme: which she obvs said yes

marleyandme: and she asked if she could take 2 friends

marleyandme: and sirius said that yes of course

marleyandme: and then

marleyandme: like liTERALLY 5 SECONDS AFTER THAT

marleyandme: SHE LOOKS AT SOMETHING OVER MY SHOULDER AND SMILES

marleyandme: AND GOES “OH HERE THEY ARE”

marleyandme: AND GUESS WHAT

bigmac: no way.....

marleyandme: YES WAY

marleyandme: IT WAS LITERALLY DORCAS

marleyandme: AND THAT GUY SIRIUS WAS DROOLING OVER YESTERDAY

barksexybark: marlene FROZE LMFAOOOOO

barksexybark: she barely mumbled a hi JDSKMXKXWO

marleyandme: TAKE UR LYING BITCH ASS OUT OF HERE

marleyandme: OF COURSE I SAID HI

marleyandme: IT JUST CAME OUT.........NOT AS LOUD AND CLEAR AS I HAD

INTENDED

bigmac: oh my god????

marleyandme: @barksexybark and u act like you can talk

marleyandme: mary he dragged me out of there before we could get the guy’s NAME

bigmac: @barksexybark who ARE you???

barksexybark: STOP OK

barksexybark: HE WAS JUST......REALLY REALLY PRETTY

barksexybark: AND I GOT NERVOUS

bigmac: jesus fucking christ

bigmac: what an embarrassment....

marleyandme: tomorrow i’ll try to throw some of my charm at her

marleyandme: it’s gonna work right

barksexybark: of course, mamas. of course.

marleyandme: i fUCKING SWEAR-

 CHAPTER 3: Collaborative Playlist
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Marauderzzz]

7:02AM

padsies: GUESS WHAT FUCKERS

padsies: ITS

padsies: PARTY

padsies: DAY

wormysoftboy: YUPPPPP

pwonggy: FUCK YESSSSSSS

pwonggy: should i be alarmed that its 7am on a saturday and ur awake???

padsies: i have not slept!!!!!!!!!

padsies: at all!!!!!!

pwonggy: whY

padsies: i spent the entire night finishing my piece for my contemporary arts class!!!!!!

padsies: and i had a lot of skittles!!!!

padsies: and rewatched season 6 of rupauls drag race!!!!!!

padsies: have i mentioned how much i love adore delano????

wormysoftboy: abt a million times

padsies: i love adore delano!!!!!!!!!!

pwonggy: im more of a bendelacreme type guy

pwonggy: anD MILK DESERVED BETTER

padsies: YES

wormysoftboy: 100%

pwonggy: glad we agree.

pwonggy: ok

pwonggy: i need to get back to my workout

pwonggy: talk to u later xx

wormysoftboy: dude who goes to the gym aT 7AM ON A SATURDAY

padsies: WHO GOES TO THE GYM AT ALL

pwonggy: gotta get the blood pumpin boys!!

pwonggy: this booty aint gonna get thicc by itself

padsies: whatever you say chloe ting

pwonggy: lol

pwonggy: alright byesiesssss xxxxxx

wormysoftboy: pads since ur awake

wormysoftboy: wanna come over and and try the best red velvet cake u’ll ever have in ur life??
wormysoftboy: its for class and i need opinions

padsies: fuCK YES I LOVE WHEN WORMY DOES HOMEWORK

padsies: I SWEAR BEING FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE MAJORING IN BAKING AND

PASTRY ARTS IS THE BEST DECISION I’VE EVER MADE

padsies: OMW BOYYY

[Smartasses (But Not Really)]

11:13AM

casdor: should i be offended that i got invited to potter’s party thru someone else???

casdor: debating

terpot: oh come on dorky don't be like that

terpot: u don't need an invitation

terpe: i would be.....

terpot: @terpe shush

terpot: anyway now im curious

terpot: who invited u

casdor: remus’ friend lily

terpot: don't know a remus and don't know a lily

terpot: but period

terpot: THE MORE THE BETTER

casdor: dude remus is that friend of mine from yoga class??

casdor: that i had lunch with like 2 days ago??

casdor: and TOLD YOU abt????

terpot: oH

terpot: FUN!!!!!!

casdor: yeah he’s the best

casdor: and his friend lily is the sweetest girl ive ever met

casdor: but she can surely cut a bitch

casdor: so yAY

casdor: and apparently ur friend sirius was the one who invited her

casdor: i actually kinda met him yesterday??

casdor: him and his cute blonde friend

terpot: oh thats marlene

terpot: i've met her a couple times

terpot: shes kinda scary but really nice and funny

casdor: yeah she was

casdor: uhm

casdor: kinda....weird??

casdor: like she barely said hi

casdor: and sirius was kinda weird too like he looked at me and remus like he had just seen a
ghost or sumn

casdor: but yk shes hot so i will continue to excuse such behavior

terpot: lmao

terpot: anyway
terpot: party starts at 10

terpot: there’ll be booze already but feel free to bring whatever u fancy

casdor: fuck yes im bringing wine

terpe: wine??? to a party??

terpe: why are u fifty years old

casdor: petey boy you have a lot to learn from mummy here

casdor: getting wine drunk in a party is

casdor: the actual

casdor: most fun thing

casdor: on planet earth

casdor: especially if its cheap wine

terpe: lmfao

terpe: but are u going to tesco then?

terpe: can u get me a smirnoff

terpe: i'll venmo u the money dw

casdor: smirnoff ew

casdor: but sure

casdor: want any mixers??

terpe: a tonic should be fine

terpe: cheers

casdor: k great
casdor: talk to u fuckers later

casdor: DORCO OUT

casdor: PEACE

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

2:34PM

prongs: i hope u have our eenie meenie routine memorized by now

prongs: cause the playlist for tonight is LIT

padfoot: prongs we’ve been doing this routine since we were 14

padfoot: i couldn't forget it if i tried

prongs: good

prongs: cause don't forget.....

prongs: YOUR part is justin bieber’s

prongs: mine is sean kingston’s

padfoot: bro YOU were the one who stole my part that time at our school graduation party

prongs: im sorry u know how much i love mr. bieber got too excited......

prongs: but just checkinnn

padfoot: lol dickhead

padfoot: yo send me the link to the playlist

padfoot: finna geT THIS PARTY STARTEEED

prongs: OK OK
prongs: ACTUALLY IM GONNA MAKE IT COLLABORATIVE

prongs: AND U CAN ADD UR OWN SONGS

padfoot: duDE

padfoot: CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG

padfoot: BUT I THINK I SMELL

padfoot: 2000s NIGHT

prongs: FUCK

prongs: YES

prongs: 2000s NIGHT

padfoot: DUDE THE WAY I’LL BE BLASTING PON DE REPLAY-

prongs: COME MR DJ SONG PON DE REPLAY

padfoot: COME MR DJ WONT YOU TURN THE MUSIC UP

[MoonFlower <3]

4:15PM

gingertaylorswift: im gonna be very nice and calm so you can understand AND cooperate

gingertaylorswift: dorcas just sent me the link to this james potter guy’s playlist for tonight

gingertaylorswift: its collaborative so we can add whichever songs we want as long as its 2000s

therealslimmoony: why did she send it to YOU??? ive been friends with her the longest.....

gingertaylorswift: she said she was gonna send it to u and then i had to stop her
gingertaylorswift: cause she doesn't know abt the conversation that we need to have

gingertaylorswift: regarding collaborative playlists

gingertaylorswift: ESPECIALLY a 2000s collaborative playlist

therealslimmoony: wdym

therealslimmoony: oh

therealslimmoony: OH

therealslimmoony: KCNEKNCEJKNCMCKLMCE

gingertaylorswift: remus PLEASE

gingertaylorswift: i will send you the link cause you have good taste

gingertaylorswift: but PLEASE

therealslimmoony: too late

therealslimmoony: u cant stop me

therealslimmoony: my mind is set on this already.

gingertaylorswift: REMUS PLEASE DONT ADD THE REAL SLIM SHADY BY EMINEM 10
TIMES

gingertaylorswift: YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME U GET AUX AND I HAVE TO PUT UP
WITH UR ROUTINE

therealslimmoony: IF U HADNT SAID ANYTHING ID PROBABLY HAVE FORGOTTEN

therealslimmoony: BUT NO

therealslimmoony: YOU REMINDED ME

therealslimmoony: AND NOW I HAVE TO DO IT

therealslimmoony: AND ITS NOT A MERE “ROUTINE” ???????

therealslimmoony: its a PERFORMANCE

therealslimmoony: PUT SOME RESPECT

gingertaylorswift: remus im begging you......

therealslimmoony: nope

therealslimmoony: link

gingertaylorswift: ugh

gingertaylorswift: i hate you so much

[Destiny’s Child]

6:53PM

barksexybark: marlene

barksexybark: why did you add a total of

barksexybark: 17

barksexybark: daddy yankee songs

barksexybark: to james’ playlist

marleyandme: please

marleyandme: as if i’d ever settle for exclusively colonizer music

marleyandme: NEVER

marleyandme: my mum would whoop my ass with a chancleta if she found out i was not
spreading latin american culture to y’all unspiced mfs

marleyandme: MY COSTA RICAN ASS WILL BE SHAKING SO MUCH TONIGHT ONG

marleyandme: I ADDED SOME NICKY JAM SONGS TOO

bigmac: shit im so ready for this

bigmac: drunk marls starts speaking spanish

bigmac: and dancing on tables

bigmac: and making out with everyone

bigmac: remember that time you even made out with BENJY

marleyandme: omg dont remind me

barksexybark: BENJY??

barksexybark: BENJY FENWICK????

barksexybark: WHY DIDNT I KNOW ABOUT THIS?????

barksexybark: ISNT BENJY GAY OR SUMN

bigmac: YES LIKE ASF

marleyandme: i never told you cause i’d never hear the end of it

marleyandme: so thanks macdonald

bigmac: always happy to help

barksexybark: LMFAOOOOOOO

barksexybark: A LESBIAN AND A GAY MAKING OUT

barksexybark: PLSSSSS

marleyandme: bruh u act as if i hadnt caught you making out with alice fortescue at caradoc’s
19th bday party

barksexybark: she wanTED TO MAKE FRANK JEALOUS AND I’M A GOOD FRIEND

barksexybark: also unrelated but a guy with a weird name added the real slim shady to the playlist

barksexybark: like
barksexybark: 12 times

marleyandme: lmfao wtf

[Marauderzzz]

10:24PM

padsies: mwrlene maary and i are pn owr wjy

pwonggy: translation

wormysoftboy: i believe he said marlene mary and him are on their way

pwonggy: oh ok

pwonggy: @padsies mate are u drunk already???

padsies:

padsies: we dpd a litttlr pre gwmyng

wormysoftboy: they did a little pre gaming

pwonggy: yeah i got that

pwonggy: but anyway hurry up

pwonggy: there are already a bunch of ppl here

pwonggy: AND

pwonggy: WE HAVE WORMY’S CUPCAKESSSSS

padsies: I LUV WORMHY’S CUBCWAKED

padsies: ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[Destiny’s Child]

10:49PM

bigmac: im sending this here so i can have it registered:

bigmac: i will NOT be taking care of any of u two idiots tnt

bigmac: YOU decided to pre game.......and i barely had a sip

bigmac: bc im what???

bigmac: responsible

bigmac: so please

bigmac: dont embarrass me.

barksexybark: OKKK MJUMMMMMM

marleyandme: PROMETO PORTARME BIEN MAMIIII

bigmac: fucking christ

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

11:12PM

jojosiwa: DDUDE

jojosiwa: SWRIS

jojosiwa: SSIRIDJ

jojosiwa: WHRE R U

frankiegrande: IM BY THR BARR

frankiegrande: WHT

frankiegrande: WHY

jojosiwa: DORCDS IS HWRT

jojosiwa: HERT

jojosiwa: HERE

frankiegrande: FCK

frankiegrande: THEY RLLY CWME

frankiegrande: SP

frankiegrande: SO

frankiegrande: THW GUY

frankiegrande: IS HRE TOO

jojosiwa: SI

jojosiwa: ÉL ESTÁ AQUÍ

frankiegrande: HWW CAN U TYPR PERFCTY IN SPANISJ EVEN WHN DRRUNK

jojosiwa: IM SUPERIIOR GWT USED TP IT

[Dorco & Jamie-o]

11:21PM

jamieasf: DORCO

jamieasf: JDNCEODCOEC

jamieasf: DORCS
 dormfcas: yes?

jamieasf: WHO IS THIIS GIRL WIT U

jamieasf: THW REDHWAD

dormfcas: oh

dormfcas: its lily

dormfcas: yk the one i told u abt

dormfcas: why??

jamieasf: IDJCOIEJCENDWENDOIJCKNEMKJNVNO

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

11:24PM

prongs: DUDE

prongs: DYDE

prongs: EKENKERNKJENKEMCKVNKR

padfoot: WAT

padfoot: WHAT

prongs: I THYNK IM IN LOVE

prongs: KDPOQKWPFOKENRICKLWDMENVH

Chapter End Notes

- in case anyone is confused: a chancleta is a flipflop (can also be called chancla, and
in some latin american countries it can be called chinela — such as my country). latin
american kids know the fear of a flying chinela/chancleta lmfao (no we're not
ok)
- prometo portarme bien mami = i promise to behave mummy (lol)
- also im aware eenie meenie by sean kingston is from 2010, but we're gonna pretend
its a 2000s hit. cool? cool.

thank you guys sm for all the comments and support omg????? im so happy wtffff <33
 CHAPTER 4: Brunch and Roll
Chapter Notes

kinda long cause i didnt know where exactly to split it..... enjoy besties!!!!!!! :))

[Dorco & Jamie-o]

11:31PM

jamieasf: dorc,,,,

jamieasf: you do rwalize u brout Thz luv of my liffe

jamieasf: to diss partty

dormfcas: bitch-

dormfcas: first of all:

dormfcas: how drunk are you

dormfcas: second of all:

dormfcas: where are you

dormfcas: and THIRD:

dormfcas: LILY????

dormfcas: LMFAOOOOO

jamieasf: YEES

jamieasf: LILY

jamieasf: EJNFEOFJIOEJFVPE

jamieasf: THATS THHE PRETTIZT NME IN DA WORLD

jamieasf: WATS HER LWST NAMR

dormfcas: ffs-

dormfcas: its evans ??

dormfcas: yeah i think its evans,,, pretty sure

jamieasf: JAMES EVWNS POTTR

jamieasf: ORRRR

jamieasf: JAMES POTTER EVVANS

jamieasf: OMGGKGGGHH

dormfcas: bro CHILL lmfao

jamieasf: JSJSJENIECEOKC

dormfcas: look

dormfcas: why dont u go get sum water

dormfcas: sober up a bit

dormfcas: n idk try talkin to her

dormfcas: SMOOTHLY potter

dormfcas: SMOOTHLY

dormfcas: shes nice so as long as u are not a dick i dont see why it would go wrong

dormfcas: but i do understand sumtimes u lack braincells......

jamieasf: OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOK

[Dorco & Jamie-o]

11:57PM

jamieasf: she hqtes me.

dormfcas: WHAT DID U DO LMFAOOOOO

jamieasf: i todl her her hair remnded me of

jamieasf: garfield

jamieasf: thr cat

dormfcas: oh mY GOD??????

dormfcas: JFCEKNCENRIJEKNEOEVENKLV

jamieasf: dont lauvgh

jamieasf: she looekd at me lik

jamieasf: dude

jamieasf: wats ur problwm

jamieasf: and NOT in a fynny wya

jamieasf: cas???

dormfcas: SORRY IM STILL LAUGHING JNJWNFIENEJICKJNFVER

dormfcas: SIRIUS JUST CALLED YOU STUPID BTW

jamieasf: siRIS??

dormfcas: yeah we’re out here on the balcony

dormfcas: i was feeling kinda dizzy cause of da wine and he was drunk asf

dormfcas: poor thing was.....rough lol

dormfcas: and i came out here to have lil joint as one does cause it helps sobering me up a bit

dormfcas: from alcohol that is lmao

dormfcas: and i just asked if he wanted one too cause im a nice lady and homeboy was GONE

dormfcas: and now we’re here

dormfcas: he’s actually not as weird as i thought

dormfcas: we’re friends now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dormfcas: WE ARE HIGH AND FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jamieasf: im nt sure if i apprve this freindship

jamieasf: it migt not b good for me

dormfcas: we’re too hot???

dormfcas: too much power??????

[Marauderzzz]

11:57PM

pwonggy: they ask u hw u r and you jst have to say that ur fine

pwonggy: but ur nnot rlly fine but u cant get into it cus tehy would nevr undrstandd

wormysoftboy: quoting katy perry

wormysoftboy: r u ok????

pwonggy: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wormysoftboy: yikes

padsies: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA

pwonggy: fuCK OFFFFFF

pwonggy:

pwonggy: i need 2 go mke out w someone

pwonggy: i need 2 heal ​♂️

pwonggy: @padsies r u still w cas ????

padsies: ily but im not making out w u

padsies: and dorcas says taht no fuckin way

pwonggy: duDE NO

pwonggy: shes freinds w fab prewett n hes cut

pwonggy: cute

padsies: oh,,

padsies: she says she doesnt knwo where he is

pwonggy: fffuck

pwonggy: imma go HUNT ​♂️ ​♂️ ​♂️

wormysoftboy: brO ITS AT LEAST THE THIRD TIME THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLAYS

wormysoftboy: ON REPEAT

wormysoftboy: WHO TF ADDED IT SO MANY TIMES TO THE PLAYLIST

[Lily Evans & Dorcas Meadowes]

12:02AM

lily: cas!!

lily: i need ur help....like rn

dorcas: hey lils

dorcas: where r u

lily: in the living room

lily: pls come here....PLEASE

dorcas: okokok im coming

dorcas: sirius black is with me btw

dorcas: what happened???

lily: do u know what song is playing???

dorcas: isn't it that eminem one

lily: ........

lily: pls come

[Destiny’s Child]

12:04AM

barksexybark: oh

barksexybark: my

barksexybark: god

bigmac: what

barksexybark: ooojjhh mmy goddd

barksexybark: someone please come to the living room

barksexybark: i need assistance

bigmac: im kinda busy rn

bigmac: @marleyandme ?????

barksexybark: dude its him

barksexybark: the guy

barksexybark: like teh actual hottest guy ive everr seen ??

barksexybark: dqncing on the coffee table

barksexybark: and singing

barksexybark: to the rael slim shhady

barksexybark: he hasnt missd a word

barksexybark: tihs is so strangely attrctive

barksexybark: SOMEONE COME !!!!!!!!!!

barksexybark: YALL NEEDD TO SEE DA MAN OF MY DRAEMS

marleyandme: IM PEEING

marleyandme: PISSS OFF

marleyandme: JNCJWJDOIWJEDNJWEIDNCIEDC

marleyandme: taht was goodd lfmao

bigmac: u’ll pay me for this

[Say No To Colonizers]

12:06AM
notvirginmary: BRO

notvirginmary: MARLENE

notvirginmary: KCNEKFEVOE

notvirginmary: OH MY GOD

notvirginmary: KEDWKFOEVKWKOKMC

notvirginmary: I PROBABLY SHOULDNT BE LAUGHING BUT THIS IS SO FUNNY

lesbianandharrystyles: whAT WAHT WJAT WHAT

notvirginmary: MARLENE

notvirginmary: THE GUY

notvirginmary: SIRIUS IS LIKE IN LOVE WITH

notvirginmary: OH MY GODNJVENFIRV

lesbianandharrystyles: MARY EHST

lesbianandharrystyles: WHAT

notvirginmary: BRUH

notvirginmary: HIS NAME IS REMUS

notvirginmary: AND

notvirginmary: I HOOKED UP WITH HIM

notvirginmary: LIKE LAST WEEKEND

notvirginmary: ERFJOIFEJVIOWDJNFIEOKDKWEJDWMFJE

notvirginmary:

lesbianandharrystyles: NOOOOJEDDEOFKEKC

lesbianandharrystyles: JEDJNFJNFEJEFEPKWP
notvirginmary: SIRIUS WILL CUT MY TITS OFF

lesbianandharrystyles: MST LIKELT

lesbianandharrystyles: MOST LIKELY

[MoonFlower <3]

9:37AM

therealslimmoony: yesterday was my 13th reason

therealslimmoony: really lilith

therealslimmoony: oh my fucking god

gingertaylorswift: at least ur self aware

gingertaylorswift: you know i stopped drinking after like half an hour bc of u

gingertaylorswift: u started taking vodka shots

gingertaylorswift: with that caradoc dearborn

gingertaylorswift: and then marlene mckinnon came along

gingertaylorswift: and made you take four shots of tequila with her

gingertaylorswift: which btw

gingertaylorswift: shes like

gingertaylorswift: the best????

gingertaylorswift: like the first thing she did when she saw me was DRAG me to play beer pong
with her

gingertaylorswift: against edgar bones and amos diggory

gingertaylorswift: u know those two guys in the debate club

gingertaylorswift: and when we won she started screaming “SUCK MY TITS

COLONIZERS!!!!! SUCK MY TITS!!!!!!!!!!”

gingertaylorswift: and some stuff in spanish that i didnt catch

gingertaylorswift: BUT i had to stop drinking after that bc SOMEONE

gingertaylorswift: is a lightweight and starts tripping over their feet after ONE BEER

therealslimmoony: oh my god

therealslimmoony: and then

therealslimmoony: the real slim shady......

therealslimmoony: how many times was it

therealslimmoony: 3??

gingertaylorswift: five

gingertaylorswift: and a half

therealslimmoony: oh my god???

gingertaylorswift: yeah.....

gingertaylorswift: until i texted dorcas and she tackled u to the floor

gingertaylorswift: who knew a yoga bitch could be so aggressive

therealslimmoony: shes like a blue belt in krav maga

gingertaylorswift: makes sense

therealslimmoony: that's it i wanna die

therealslimmoony: and i also feel like im dying

gingertaylorswift: i put some aspirin in the back pocket of ur jeans

therealslimmoony: i love you so much

gingertaylorswift: yeah yeah

[Destiny’s Child]

10:04AM

marleyandme: i will be offing myself in about 15 minutes so if you’d like to say ur last words to
me this is your last chance

barksexybark: you really do look like a hey mamas lesbian. i always meant it.

marleyandme: i will never be able to put into words how much i hate you

marleyandme: i cant even grasp how much i hate you

marleyandme: i hate u with a PASSION

barksexybark: stop ur too sweet

bigmac: lol

bigmac: are you *that* hungover??

marleyandme: uhm yES?

marleyandme: what a question to ask

marleyandme: you saw the state i was in last night

bigmac: i prefer not to be reminded

marleyandme: but *i* need to be reminded

marleyandme: i just remember glimpses of it

marleyandme: like random blurry images

bigmac: well

bigmac: you played beer pong against bones and diggory from the debate club

bigmac: and won

bigmac: and started screaming

bigmac: and calling them HIJOS DE PUTAAAA

bigmac: and telling them to suck ur tits

marleyandme: mi padre santo

marleyandme: alone????

bigmac: no actually

bigmac: u dragged a redhead to play with you

bigmac: i suppose that was the nuwanda cat girl lily...???

marleyandme: oH MY GOD

marleyandme: I REMEMBER IT NOW

marleyandme: YES I PLAYED BEER PONG WITH LILY

marleyandme: GOD THAT GIRL IS AMAZING

marleyandme: IM LIKE OBSESSED WITH HER

bigmac: she seemed really sweet

marleyandme: what else???

bigmac: you got up on the kitchen counter and started dancing rompe

marleyandme: well

marleyandme: as i should tbh

marleyandme: that song should not slap as hard as it does

bigmac: yeah sirius danced with u too

barksexybark:

marleyandme: ew

marleyandme: i might have to shower again

barksexybark: fucking jojo siwa dude.....

barksexybark: always with the jokes

barksexybark: good old jojo

bigmac: lol anyway

bigmac: you also took tequila shots with uhm

bigmac: ........

bigmac: the,,, guy....sirius is simping over

marleyandme: oh i think i remember that

marleyandme: wait.......

marleyandme: mary

marleyandme: LMFAONEJENJFWDMWJDOWKD

bigmac: WEDLKDOWJIWNDKQOWKDKWDWKC

barksexybark: what's so funny

barksexybark: did i miss something

marleyandme: OEKKEEPCEOCJRNVIWKQSKOKALS

bigmac: JWJIWDWICENCECIEJCIJW

barksexybark: BRO???????

marleyandme: mary

marleyandme: break it to him

marleyandme: rip off the bandaid

barksexybark: ??????

bigmac: LMFAO ok.......

bigmac: sirius

bigmac: so

bigmac: uhm

bigmac: lol

bigmac: remember last weekend

bigmac: i had a tinder date

barksexybark: tinder hookup*

bigmac: whatever u wanna call it

bigmac: with uhm

bigmac: that english literature major guy

barksexybark: yeah why

barksexybark: did u see him last night ??

barksexybark: was he there?

marleyandme: this is the best day of my life

bigmac: uhm yeah actually lol

bigmac: he was

bigmac: its

bigmac: its the guy

bigmac: ur like in love with

barksexybark: nO

barksexybark: THE REAL SLIM SHADY GUY???

barksexybark: YOU SLEPT WITH HIM????????

marleyandme: OJCEHCJEIDWODEJCJOWKSKNDWJICWJICJWICJ

bigmac: .......yeah

barksexybark: bITCH

barksexybark: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET THE CUTE GUYS BEFORE ME

bigmac: well

bigmac: have you seen me???

barksexybark: .........

barksexybark: ig that's fair

barksexybark: did u hook up with him last night???????

bigmac: oh no no

bigmac: after that eminem performance

bigmac: i could never do that to myself

barksexybark: god that was so hot

marleyandme: i didnt see it but i can imagine it wasnt

bigmac: no yeah it wasnt

bigmac: like not at all

bigmac: not in the slightest

[Unknown Number]

10:19AM

unknown number: hi!

unknown number: marlene?

unknown number: its dorcas!!

unknown number: from last night :)

[Destiny’s Child]

10:19AM

marleyandme: dude

marleyandme: DUDE

marleyandme: DUDEDUDEDUDEDUDE

bigmac: what what what

marleyandme: oH MY GOD

[Unknown Number]

10:21AM

marlene: uhm hi!!!

marlene: just curious

marlene: how did u get my number lol

unknown number: you....gave it to me

unknown number: last night

marlene: oh

marlene: right

[Destiny’s Child]

10:23AM

marleyandme: this is not a joke anymore i *will* be ending it all

bigmac: bro what's going on

marleyandme: GUESS WHO JUST TEXTED ME

marleyandme: FUCKING DORCAS DUDE

marleyandme: DORCAS

barksexybark: oH-
barksexybark: FCWDIWJIJWIJWFIEIJEIEICIEJCJ

bigmac: help???

[Unknown Number]

10:26AM

(marlene changed unknown number ’s name to dorcas)

marlene: sorry if i said anything stupid lol

dorcas: oh uhm... u weren't really....talking

[Destiny’s Child]

10:26AM

marleyandme: bitch i-

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

10:26AM

dorcas: that's why i texted u actually

dorcas: wanted to check up on u

marlene: oh

marlene: thanks that's rlly sweet :))

marlene: but uhm

marlene: can u remind me why...exactly..i wasnt talking...??

dorcas: oh you were throwing up really bad :(((

dorcas: i spent like an hour with u until sirius found us

[Destiny’s Child]

10:29AM

marleyandme: @barksexybark SU PUTO DE MIERDA

marleyandme: DIDNT YOU THINK ABOUT TELLING ME I WAS FUCKING THROWING

UP LAST NIGHT

marleyandme: AND THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS WAS NOT ONLY SEEING IT

marleyandme: BUT FUCKING HOLDING MY HAIR BACK

marleyandme: YOU SON OF A BITCH

barksexybark: oops

barksexybark: guess i forgot

bigmac: lmao omg

marleyandme: DUDE

marleyandme: DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING THIS IS

marleyandme: *SHE* TEXTED ME TO ASK IF I WAS OK

marleyandme: I COULDVE APOLOGIZED FIRST

marleyandme: BUT NOOOO

marleyandme: I HAD TO FUCKING *ASK* WHY SHE WAS CHECKING UP ON ME

barksexybark: look i actually forgot to tell you

barksexybark: so im sorry abt that

barksexybark: but that's really fucking funny bro ur life sucks LMFAO

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

10:32AM

marlene: omg im so sorry u had to see that

dorcas: hahah dont worry abt it

dorcas: i didnt mind it

dorcas: u can pay me back for it one day

dorcas: :)

[Destiny’s Child]

10:30AM

marleyandme: god im so fucking gay its not even funny

bigmac: wbk

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

10:32AM

dorcas: and since we’re here

dorcas: remus lily and i are abt to go have a reeeaaaallll greasy hangover brunch in like half an
hour

dorcas: maybe you’d like to come??

[Destiny’s Child]

10:31AM
marleyandme: @barksexybark IM GOING ON A DATE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

marleyandme: HAHA SUCK MY DICK

barksexybark: wHAT

marleyandme: DORCAS JUST INVITED ME FOR A HANGOVER BRUNCH

marleyandme: AND HIM AND LILY ARE GOING

bigmac: omgggg

barksexybark: WHAT NO I WANNA GO

barksexybark: THREE BROOMSTICKS SUNDAY BRUNCHES ARE THE BEST

barksexybark: ASK IF I CAN COME PLS PLS PLS

marleyandme: bitch ????? she asked me to go have brunch with her friends

marleyandme: this is like fucking meeting her family bruh

marleyandme: you cant ruin it with your simp nation ass

barksexybark: but u already know them

bigmac: if this mf is going then im going too

barksexybark: plssss marleyyyyy

barksexybark: i won't call u jojo siwa for a week i promise

marleyandme: ugh FINE

marleyandme: i’ll ask her

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

10:34AM

marlene: oh i’d love that !! :))

dorcas: yay!! :)

marlene: also uhm

marlene: its TOTALLY fine if u say no but

marlene: can i take 2 friends??

marlene: sirius and mary macdonald?? idk if u know her

dorcas: oh yeah sure!! idk mary but id love to meet her!! just send me her number

dorcas: and sirius is a sweetheart

dorcas: also james potter just texted me asking if him and peter pettigrew can come along too

dorcas: james wants to try a second good impression with lily lol

dorcas: i'll tell u abt it there

marlene: ok great !!! :))

[Destiny’s Child]

10:37AM

marleyandme: get dressed bitches we’re going to brunch

[Groupchat #1]

10:45AM
(dorcas meadowes changed the group’s name from Groupchat #1 to It’s Fucking Brunch Time
Bitches)

(dorcas meadowes added marlene mckinnon to It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches)

(dorcas meadowes added sirius black to It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches)

(dorcas meadowes added james potter to It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches)

(dorcas meadowes added peter pettigrew to It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches)

(dorcas meadowes added lily evans to It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches)

(dorcas meadowes added mary macdonald to It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches)

(dorcas meadowes added remus lupin to It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches)

dorcas meadowes: WHO’S READY TO BRUNCH AND ROLL WHORES

[Destiny’s Child]

10:37AM

barksexybark: whose kinky ass is called fucking remus lupin

bigmac: ......

marleyandme: ......

barksexybark: oh

barksexybark: oh my god-
 CHAPTER 5: Papas Pays the Bill

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

12:47PM

dorcas meadowes: so

dorcas meadowes: it was fun!!

sirius black: @james potter thanks for paying the whole bill papas

james potter: i will *not* be falling for that again

james potter: i’ll have u know this only happened because i was still a lil drunk

james potter: BUT NO MORE!

marlene mckinnon: how did he get you to pay the entire bill lol

james potter: he said my credit card looked too big

james potter: and that it probably wouldnt fit in the machine

james potter: ...........i said that of course not and i could prove him wrong

james potter: and he knows my pin

sirius black: sugar daddy asfffff

peter pettigrew: omg

mary macdonald: lol

dorcas meadowes: okok james is stupid

dorcas meadowes: but that's old news

dorcas meadowes: my problem here is

dorcas meadowes: y’all mfs were eating as if u had never been fed before in ur lives

dorcas meadowes: which led to us barely talking

dorcas meadowes: and there’s some ppl here i dont know that well

dorcas meadowes: and would love to!

[Destiny’s Child]

12:51PM

marleyandme: she’s talking about me ;)

bigmac: or me????

marleyandme:

marleyandme: nah its about me ;)

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

12:51PM

dorcas meadowes: so here's what we’re gonna do:

dorcas meadowes: we’re gonna say our names, major, star sign and idk something interesting abt
ourselves

dorcas meadowes: capiche??

lily evans: capiche!

peter pettigrew: capiche

marlene mckinnon: capiche

remus lupin: capiche

sirius black: capiche

james potter: capiche

mary macdonald: capiche

dorcas meadowes: perf :)

dorcas meadowes: i'll start

dorcas meadowes: hello kids my name is dorcas meadowes

dorcas meadowes: i major in environmental biology

dorcas meadowes: im a taurus

dorcas meadowes: and uhm

dorcas meadowes: when i was in year 7 i used to run a panic! at the disco fan acc.........

remus lupin: oh my god..???

sirius black: plssss i know you were *not* a scene kid-

dorcas meadowes: ..........

dorcas meadowes: i was indeed a scene kid.

mary macdonald: DCKWNCICJIEDOWKEDOWKCO

[Destiny’s Child]
12:56PM

marleyandme: @barksexybark cmon frankie grande

marleyandme: lets put u to good use

marleyandme: virgo and taurus

marleyandme: compatible?????

barksexybark: hmmmm

barksexybark: actually yeah id say so

barksexybark: 2 earth signs

barksexybark: with great chemistry

marleyandme: fuCK YES

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

12:57PM

james potter: LMFAO u never told me that

james potter: sirius was a theatre kid lol

sirius black: dude????????

lily evans: LMFAOO

sirius black: james joined the pottery club solely for his last name.

james potter: give me back the mug i gave u.

sirius black: nonono sorry sorry u know i love that mug its where i keep my brushes

sirius black: he painted a dog on it :)

james potter: :))

(dorcas meadowes changed their name to rawrdorkyXD)

rawrdorkyXD: also new rule we have to change our nicknames cause this is looking too boring
and its annoying me

rawrdorkyXD: alright who's next??

sirius black: me

sirius black: ok

sirius black: good afternoon fuckers im sirius black

sirius black: i major in fine arts

sirius black: im a scorpio (+ sagittarius moon and libra rising)

sirius black: and me coming home with my nails painted was the *very last drop* for my parents
to disown me at 16

rawrdorkyXD: oh my god???

rawrdorkyXD: sweetie im so sorry

lily evans: that sucks sirius im sorry :((((

sirius black: lol dont worry its fine

sirius black: like...... actually fine

sirius black: james’ parents took me in

sirius black: and then like a year later a very rich and very gay uncle of mine died and left a shit
load of money to me
sirius black: so purrrrr

sirius black: and then i got a scholarship for college!!!!!!

james potter: FUCK YES

james potter: SLUMBER PARTY ALL DAY EVERY DAY

sirius black: YUP YUP YUP

james potter: rip alphard tho

sirius black: yeah.. uncle alphie..... rest in peace, babes.. rest in piece luv

(sirius black changed their name to toohottohandle)

marlene mckinnon: ffs

lily evans: too hot to handle??? really????

toohottohandle: its my dream to go on that show.

remus lupin: i dont even think netflix renewed it tho.......

toohottohandle: i’ll find a way.

remus lupin: lmfao

[Destiny’s Child]

1:12PM
barksexybark: mission “make the hottie laugh”: accomplished

marleyandme: i dont think he's laughing with you

marleyandme: but *at* you

barksexybark: still made him laugh

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:12PM

mary macdonald: ok im next best friends

mary macdonald: im mary macdonald

mary macdonald: im a computer engineering major

rawrdorkyXD: oooohhh okay shes smarttttt

mary macdonald: purrrr

toohottohandle: mary macdonald is a computer nerd: confirmed

marlene mckinnon: it all started in year 4.... sims 3 had just been released....

mary macdonald: oh the good old days.......

mary macdonald: lol n t ways

mary macdonald: im a leo

mary macdonald: and interesting fact about me is that i slept with @remus lupin last weekend
rawrdorkyXD: bRUH-

remus lupin: DUDE EKCNKWDWDMKWCOWKCKCM

remus lupin: AKKMDLWMEDJWNIJERVJEJFIOEJCJEIEJCENCJECE

remus lupin: I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING AT BRUNCH BUT I THOUGHT IT

WOULD BE AWKWARD

remus lupin: OH MY GOD KENIJCICJNDMKJDIWECJWC

mary macdonald: KDJDCNJENCNECJNJCCNJCINNCN

lily evans: @remus lupin THIS is the mary from last weekend????????

remus lupin: YUP.

lily evans: OH MT GODCEIJEJVIEJVEVIEJOE

(mary macdonald changed their name to simmermary69)

simmermary69: that's my origin username............

jamespotter: 69???? in year 4??????

simmermary69: i had very early access to the internet as a kid..

simmermary69: ok now i nominate my luvr @remus lupin to go next

remus lupin: LMFAO ok

remus lupin: uhm im remus lupin

remus lupin: i am aware my name is the most ridiculous thing on the planet. no need to remind
me.
remus lupin: i major in english literature

remus lupin: im a pisces

[Destiny’s Child]

1:22PM

barksexybark: NO FUCKING WAY

barksexybark: THIS MF IS NOT A PISCES

bigmac: ??????

barksexybark: DUDE

barksexybark: SCORPIO + PISCES = SOULMATES

barksexybark: THIS IS MEANT TO BE IM TELLING YOU

marleyandme: sit ur fucking ass down simp nation

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:23PM

remus lupin: i dont really know much abt astrology tho so idk what it means

toohottohandle: it means you go well with scorpios

remus lupin: oh

remus lupin: cool ig

remus lupin: lol

[Destiny’s Child]

1:24PM

marleyandme: OOOOOHHHHH

marleyandme: OOOOOJHHJEJEJE

marleyandme: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING

marleyandme: NKNFEIJEFNWKDOWK

barksexybark: stfu

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:24PM

remus lupin: and fun fact

remus lupin: lily used to sell slimes at school in year 5

remus lupin: (illegally)

lily evans: BRO

lily evans: FUN FACT ABOUT *YOURSELF*

remus lupin: i used to buy them??

remus lupin: that caramel frapuccino with pink glitter one was The Bomb

lily evans: that was a bestseller my pride and joy

marlene mckinnon: wait so u two are like childhood besties??

remus lupin: yeah

remus lupin: we used to go to the same synagogue

remus lupin: and our parents are friends

remus lupin: but we got close cause i went to her bat mitzvah cause yk my family was invited

remus lupin: and that was easily the best fucking party ive ever been to to this day.

remus lupin: the evans really know how to throw a party i’ll tell you that

lily evans: YUP

lily evans: and we got so close that like 6 months later he transferred schools so we could study
together

lily evans: we’ve been kinda inseparable ever since

rawrdorkyXD: awww

lily evans: besties 4 life asfff

remus lupin:

james potter: ok mr lupin

james potter: now to the nickname

remus lupin: uhm ok..

remus lupin: lemme think

(remus lupin changed their name to remrem)

lily evans: ew wtf

lily evans: remrem????

remrem: i couldn't thing of anything ://

(lily evans changed remrem ’s name to sexymoonman)

sexymoonman: you are insufferable.

lily evans: ♥️♥️♥️

james potter: moon??

sexymoonman: yeah lily calls me moony since we were 13

sexymoonman: but that's a story for another day

[Marauderzzz]

1:31PM

pwonggy: DUDES

pwonggy: HE HAS A COOL NICKNAME TOO

padsies: yeah and?

pwonggy: IM SENSING THE COMING OF A FOURTH MARAUDER

pwonggy: CAN YOU IMAGINE

pwonggy: MOONY WORMTAIL PADFOOT AND PRONGS

pwonggy: FUCK IM GONNA GET THAT TATTOOED

padsies: uhm

padsies: shouldn't we check with him first??

padsies: and wormy?

padsies: where is he btw???

pwonggy: FUCK IT IM ADDING HIM HERE

padsies: james

(pwonggy added remus lupin to Marauderzzz)

(pwonggy changed remus lupin ’s name to bakamoonyasf)

padsies: omg not baka prongs ur gonna scare him off

bakamoonyasf: uhm

bakamoonyasf: hello?

pwonggy: YOUR DOPE NICKNAME HAS BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY, MY FRIEND

pwonggy: AND THERE’S NO ESCAPING NOW.

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:34PM

rawrdorkyXD: bro where tf is peter

rawrdorkyXD: he hasn't said anything in like 40 minutes

toohottohandle: i was wondering the same thing...

james potter: @peter pettigrew

james potter: @peter pettigrew

james potter: @peter pettigrew

james potter: @peter pettigrew

james potter: @peter pettigrew

james potter: @peter pettigrew

peter pettigrew: oh shit i forgot

peter pettigrew: sorry guys i was making croissants for class

peter pettigrew: what are we talking about???

rawrdorkyXD: say ur name, major, star sign and a fun fact

peter pettigrew: uhm.. ok

peter pettigrew: peter pettigrew

peter pettigrew: im a baking and pastry arts major

peter pettigrew: i dont remember my sign

peter pettigrew: @toohottohandle ???

toohottohandle: gemini

peter pettigrew: ok im a gemini

peter pettigrew: and im allergic to peanuts

peter pettigrew: which is not that good for someone with a major like mine

peter pettigrew: but yeah!!

marlene mckinnon: lol

marlene mckinnon: ok now you gotta change ur nickname

(peter pettigrew changed their name to buddyvalastro)

lily evans: who tf is buddy valastro???

toohottohandle: bro???

toohottohandle: cake boss????

toohottohandle: king of new jersey?????

lily evans: .........

buddyvalastro: uncultured....

marlene mckinnon: ok now to me

marlene mckinnon: marlene mckinnon

marlene mckinnon: majoring in political science

marlene mckinnon: im a virgo

rawrdorkyXD: oh i love virgos!!!!!

marlene mckinnon: :))

marlene mckinnon: oh and i moved from costa rica to the uk when i was 6

marlene mckinnon: and now im in colonizer land

marlene mckinnon: no fun

marlene mckinnon: but u do what u gotta do

(marlene mckinnon changed their name to marleynotbob)

lily evans: lol i love it

lily evans: ok my turn

lily evans: hiii im lily evans

lily evans: but u can call me lils

lily evans: or whatever really

lily evans: just dont call me garfield the cat.

rawrdorkyXD:

toohottohandle: @lily evans dude i love you so much lmfao

james potter:

lily evans: im a law major

lily evans: an aquarius

lily evans: and ive been to a total of 6 taylor swift concerts in my life <3

toohottohandle: taylor swift????

sexymoonman: oh no......

lily evans: goT A PROBLEM WITH THAT????

toohottohandle: not really its just that her music is kinda lame lol

lily evans: HA

lily evans: HAHAHA

lily evans: IM LAUGHING CAUSE I HOPE UR JOKING

lily evans: HAHAHAHAHA

lily evans: HE’S FUNNY GUYS

lily evans: SIRIUS BLACK

lily evans: FUNNY LITTLE MAN

marleynotbob: im begging u pls beat the shit out him

lily evans: @marleynotbob just might

simmermary69: lol lils just change ur nickname

(lily evans changed their name to fireballswiftie)

buddyvalastro: fire balls wiftie??

fireballswiftie: FIREBALL SWIFTIE

james potter: alright saving the best for last i see

james potter: ok my dudes

james potter: im james fleamont potter

james potter: im majoring in veterinary medicine :)

marleynotbob: wait wait

marleynotbob: ur middle name is fleamont????

marleynotbob: why do ur parents hate you

james potter: fleamont is my dad’s name................

marleynotbob: so your grandparents hate crimed ur dad and then ur parents decided to hate crime
you too???
marleynotbob: damn lmao

sexymoonman: lol that's rough buddy

fireballswiftie: look not trying to defend him

fireballswiftie: @sexymoonman but you’re one to talk remus JOHN lupin

simmermary69: omggg

rawrdorkyXD: LMFAOO

sexymoonman: yeah ok i’ll shut up

james potter: uhm

james potter: ok i’ll pretend im not offended

james potter: anyway

james potter: im an aries YUP

toohottohandle: YUP BAKA YUP

james potter: YUPPPP BHAUKA

james potter: OH and the fun fact

james potter: i uhm

james potter: used to write try guys fanfiction when i was 16

buddyvalastro: used to?

james potter: uhm

james potter: i just read it now..

simmermary69: dude THE TRY GUYS???

simmermary69: LIKE THE BUZZFEED TRY GUYS???

james potter: look in mY DEFENSE EUGENE WAS MY PANSEXUAL AWAKENING OK

james potter: LEAVE ME ALONE

marleynotbob: it just keeps getting better...

(james potter changed their name to himbosupremacy)

toohottohandle: my emotional support mama bear himbo

rawrdorkyXD:

himbosupremacy: AWWW

buddyvalastro: james im very emotionally distant but i agree with sirius ok

himbosupremacy: its alright petey i still love u

simmermary69: hate to be annoying but is that all babes??

simmermary69: i gotta go meet a friend

buddyvalastro: yeah and i gotta take my croissants out of the oven

fireballswiftie: yeah i think its all for now!

rawrdorkyXD: WAIT WAIT WAIT

rawrdorkyXD: leave ur instagram @s

rawrdorkyXD: i gotta go follow yalls cute asses

rawrdorkyXD: mine is casmeadowes

marleynotbob: hahaha

marleynotbob: marleymckinnon

himbosupremacy: jfpotter

fireballswiftie: lilyjevans !!

toohottohandle: siriusbblack

simmermary69: marymacdonald

buddyvalastro: peter_pettigrew45

sexymoonman: lupinremus

rawrdorkyXD: OKKK

rawrdorkyXD: IMMA GO FOLLOW

rawrdorkyXD: BYE DORKY’S DORKSSSS

fireballswiftie: hahah byeee

simmermary69: bye besties

himbosupremacy: BYEEEEE

sexymoonman: peace

[Destiny’s Child]

2:09PM

barksexybark: this man

barksexybark: cannot be

barksexybark: real

barksexybark: fucking god

barksexybark: LOOK AT THIS SHIT

barksexybark:
bigmac: DONT SPAM THE CHAT!!!! WTF!!!!!!

marleyandme: lmao whore

[MoonFlower <3]

2:13PM

therealslimmoony: bro
therealslimmoony: sirius black

therealslimmoony: started following me on instagram

therealslimmoony: and liked

therealslimmoony: all

therealslimmoony: of my pictures

therealslimmoony: like

therealslimmoony: he did not miss

therealslimmoony: a single one

therealslimmoony: should i be scared

 CHAPTER 6: Is This... Heterosexuality?
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Groupchat #1]

4:38PM

(dorcas changed the group’s name from Groupchat #1 to Pea & Bees)

(dorcas added lily to Pea & Bees)

(dorcas added remus to Pea & Bees)

dorcas: the fact that we didnt have a groupchat felt really homophobic

lily: YAYYYY

remus: love it

remus: but

remus: wtf is pea and bees supposed to mean

lily: yeah i also didnt get it....

dorcas: god

dorcas: i keep forgetting im smarter than most ppl

dorcas: P & Bs.....

lily: ..??

remus: peanut butter??..

dorcas: bro aren't the two of u bi??

lily: yeah

remus: yes

dorcas: so

dorcas: im pan

dorcas: u two are bi

dorcas: since im only 1

dorcas: its one p

dorcas: and 2 b

dorcas: so i just made a little play of words cause im funny like that

remus: wouldn't it be better if it were pee & bees

dorcas: dude i will not be referred to as actual piss but thanks for the suggestion

remus: LMFAOO

dorcas: ok anyways......

dorcas: i uhm

dorcas: i have a question

lily: sure

dorcas: does this girl look gay to u

dorcas:
remus: MARLENE??????

remus: LMFAOOKIEWJIFJWODKWD

lily: HAHAHHAHHAHAHA

dorcas: what

remus: can i kinda answer ur question with another question

dorcas: sure

remus: how good is ur gaydar

lily: plssss-

dorcas: uhm

dorcas: i cant say its the *best*

dorcas: but like

dorcas: i can tell most ppl

dorcas: like benjy fenwick

dorcas: also lily i knew instantly

dorcas: the clear phone case im not stupid

lily: BYEE

dorcas: and like sirius

dorcas: but james for example i was rlly fucking shocked

dorcas: who would think a himbo jock is pan

remus: so its not good at all is what you mean

dorcas: ??

remus: cause first of all you are here asking us if we think marlene mckinnon looks gay

remus: and you also thought james was straight while that guy SCREAMS everybody talks by
neon trees

remus: AND sirius black is not queer

lily: HSUXHWDWIJDIWDOWCOE

lily: OMG

lily: KFRKFNJ3NFIJEJENFKEOIVFPFIEJVIE
lily: IDK WHICH ONE OF YOU IS WORSE

lily: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

lily: EKEFJVJEVJENIJVOEEPOE

dorcas: lol

remus: ????

lily: DUDE

lily: SIRIUS BLACK IS NOT QUEER???

lily: HE IS THE TEXTBOOK DEFINITION OF QUEER

lily: OH MY GOD REMUS

lily: YOU STUDY ENGLISH LITERATURE UR SUPPOSED TO BE SMART

remus: he doesn't look queer to me

lily: ok hold on a second

lily: u think THIS

lily:
lily: mf looks straight?????

dorcas: is this.... heterosexuality??

lily:

dorcas: DKCJWIJWJDOW

remus: i-

remus: yeah ok ur right

dorcas: if he didnt look so fruity i probably would've thought marlene and him were dating tbh

remus: if MARLENE didnt look so fruity i would've thought sirius and her were dating
lily: but also remus what do you think he meant when he liked all of your instagram pictures last
week??

dorcas: HE DID???

dorcas: OMGKENDIFJEIIE

dorcas: THATS SO FUNNY LMFAO

lily: yeah like homeboy cant even be subtle smh

remus: idk

remus: my mum did the same thing when she got instagram

remus: maybe.. idk he just does it too??

lily: he didnt like any of my pictures

lily: in fact he only followed me back like last night

dorcas: lol

dorcas: yeah none of mine either

remus: yeah but its not like he’s interested or anything

remus: i think he was just trying to be friendly

remus: cause the guys added me to a gc

remus: they all have like weird nicknames and stuff

remus: so they added me

dorcas: my fucking god dont get me started on their nicknames

dorcas: james explained it to me once

dorcas: if u think the nicknames alone are ridiculous wait until you hear the reason behind them

remus: lol

remus: they are

remus: uhm

remus: that gc is quite...something

remus: but they’re funny i’ll give them that

dorcas: ok yeah but why are we changing the subject

dorcas: sirius liked all of remus’ pictures

dorcas: thats hilarious

dorcas: he’s so into you LMFAO

lily: rt

remus: dude he’s not into me???

remus: i dont think we’ve ever talked

remus: like one on one

lily: yeah but he clearly has a crush

dorcas: yup

remus: i dont think so

remus: and even if he does (which is totally hypothetical)

remus: im not interested

remus: at all
lily: wHY

lily: he’s so hot

lily: like

lily: insanely

dorcas: and he’s really nice too

remus: *is he*?? lol he just looks like an arrogant conceited prick

remus: but STILL

remus: i dont want another eyeliner wearer

remus: ring wearer

remus: pierced eared

remus: guy in my life

remus: ive had enough of that

lily: remus ffs kingsley was over a YEAR ago

remus: and???

remus: let sirius have a crush

remus: im flattered

remus: but its a no

dorcas: yeah yeah if you say so

dorcas: but back to me

dorcas: so marlene looks gay???

remus: yeah 100%

lily: without a doubt

lily: why tho

dorcas: lol

dorcas: i think im gonna invite her out for a coffee.......

lily: AWWW A DATE

dorcas: NOT a date

dorcas: just

dorcas: u know

dorcas: get to know her better..

dorcas: hang out a bit

dorcas: we've been kinda texting this week

dorcas: idk

dorcas: but no not a date

remus: yeah yeah if you say so

dorcas: lol fuck u

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

5:02PM

dorcas: hi marley!!

dorcas: are you doing anything today??

dorcas: or actually like

dorcas: rn lol
[Destiny’s Child]

5:02PM

marleyandme: look i dont wanna assume anything

marleyandme: but you might have to hold on to ur seats, children

barksexybark: why do i just know its something to do with dorcas

marleyandme: DMCOWKOCWCKMIW

bigmac: and here we go

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

5:02PM

marlene: hi!!

marlene: no not doing anything

dorcas: oh great!! :)

dorcas: i was wondering if u’d like to go grab a coffee?

dorcas: with me??

[Destiny’s Child]

5:03PM

marleyandme: YOOOO

marleyandme: IJWIEFJWEDFIWKCIWKD
marleyandme: SHE JUST ASKED ME OUT

bigmac: ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

bigmac: OMGGGG

bigmac: MARLS!!!!!!!!

barksexybark: omg i wonder if shes ok..

marleyandme: you fucking bitch

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

5:04PM

marlene: oh

marlene: omgg yeah sure!!

marlene: id love that!!!!!

marlene: is anyone else joining??

dorcas: uhm no actually

dorcas: just the two of us

dorcas: if thats ok with you???

[Destiny’s Child]

5:06PM

marleyandme: dude shes so in love with me

barksexybark: should i contact the psych ward???

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

5:04PM

marlene: no no thats totally fine!!

marlene: more than fine actually!!

dorcas: oh

dorcas: great!!! :)

dorcas: so meet ya at puddifoot’s??

dorcas: or would u like me to pick u up?

marlene: i’ll meet u there dw abt it!!!

dorcas: perf!

dorcas: see u in 15 ;))

marlene: :)))))

[Pea & Bees]

5:06PM

dorcas: aaand its a date

dorcas: wait no

dorcas: not a *date*

lily: oop
remus:

dorcas: i didnt mean a DATE date

dorcas: i meant that we are going

dorcas: u guys know that

remus: sure, cassie. of course we know

dorcas: FUCK YOU REMUS LUPIN

remus: ♥️

[MoonFlower <3]

5:09PM

therealslimmoony: ok now im bored :///

therealslimmoony: wanna watch some drag race???

therealslimmoony: we can watch all stars 2???

therealslimmoony: i know its ur favorite season

gingertaylorswift: uuuughhh thats very tempting

gingertaylorswift: but i cant :(((

gingertaylorswift: i have this huuge assignment for tomorrow and i haven't even started it yet

gingertaylorswift: sorry moony

therealslimmoony: ugh fine

therealslimmoony: but u owe me

gingertaylorswift: sure babes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

5:49PM

toohottohandle: hello children

toohottohandle: ollivanders is having a record sale

toohottohandle: 50% off in all the 70s shit

toohottohandle: does anyone want to join me on my hunt for hunky dory????

buddyvalastro: i cant pads im sorry

buddyvalastro: i have a lecture in like an hour

toohottohandle: :((

simmermary69: im meeting emmeline in 30 min

toohottohandle: ok im gonna let that pass cause ur gonna have to tell me everything once ur back

simmermary69: lol

himbosupremacy: im omw to zumba class :((((((

[MoonFlower <3]

5:54PM

gingertaylorswift: go with him

therealslimmoony: uhm..no?

gingertaylorswift: dude

gingertaylorswift: go with him

gingertaylorswift: u have nothing better to do

gingertaylorswift: u collect records too

gingertaylorswift: maybe u’ll find something u like

gingertaylorswift: just go

gingertaylorswift: have fun

therealslimmoony: its gonna look like a date

gingertaylorswift: bitch he sent it in the gc

gingertaylorswift: it would be a date if he private messaged u asking u out

gingertaylorswift: ORRR if u were interested............

therealslimmoony: yeah idk

therealslimmoony: kinda lazy to move actually

gingertaylorswift: ur making a big deal out of this

gingertaylorswift: he just wants company

gingertaylorswift: just go wtf

therealslimmoony: ugh

therealslimmoony: ok fine

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

5:57PM
toohottohandle: k im going alone

toohottohandle: thanks fuckers

toohottohandle:

sexymoonman: uhm

sexymoonman: i’ll go with you

toohottohandle: oh

[Destiny’s Child]

5:58PM

barksexybark: lol

bigmac: simp

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

5:58PM

toohottohandle: ok

toohottohandle: i’ll pick u up in 10 :)

sexymoonman: cool

[MoonFlower <3]

7:49PM
 gingertaylorswift:

gingertaylorswift: cute ;)

therealslimmoony: shut up

Chapter End Notes

the credits to the sirius fancast 100% goes to em (@someforeign band on tiktok and
also here on ao3)!! simply brilliant. it changed my life.
and go check out their works cause its AMAZING.
 CHAPTER 7: Gigi Goode & Crystal Methyd
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Marlene Is Mean]

9:21AM

hotandsexy: so

hotandsexy: how did it go with emmie yesterday

idetectlies: homeboy aren't u in class

hotandsexy: yes?

hotandsexy: i dont see how this has anything to do with my question

idetectlies: lol

idetectlies: it was great

idetectlies: she’s great

idetectlies: we just hung out really

hotandsexy: but you like her

idetectlies: i dont

hotandsexy: mary

hotandsexy: cmon

idetectlies: ugh idk

idetectlies: she’s amazing rlly

idetectlies: but i dont think shes interested in THAT way yk

idetectlies: not saying that *i* am

hotandsexy: except that u are

idetectlies: lol

idetectlies: we’ll see

idetectlies: but anyway

idetectlies: how did ur “hunky dory hunting” with mr english literature go

hotandsexy: good

idetectlies: wow

idetectlies: just “good”?

idetectlies: i was expecting u to be saying ur gonna get married or sumn

hotandsexy: lol

hotandsexy: idk

hotandsexy: he’s nice

hotandsexy: like

hotandsexy: really nice

hotandsexy: kinda closed off tho??

hotandsexy: like u know how i am

hotandsexy: i never shut up

idetectlies: true

hotandsexy: and at first i was like

hotandsexy: yup this is gonna be so awkward

hotandsexy: cause i would talk and he would just answer with like short answers

hotandsexy: or not even say anything at all

hotandsexy: but then he started loosening up a bit

hotandsexy: that mf is so funny

hotandsexy: like put that man behind bars

hotandsexy: who allowed him to be that hilarious

hotandsexy: and he doesn't even TRY

hotandsexy: i dont think he even knows he's funny

hotandsexy: we got along well

hotandsexy: but he’s def not interested

idetectlies: why do u say that

hotandsexy: when ppl are interested in me most of the time they are not subtle at all

hotandsexy: so he’s either not interested or he’s the king of subtleness

hotandsexy: and judging by that real slim shady performance we got

hotandsexy: i think the first option is much more likely

hotandsexy: but its fine

hotandsexy: it wouldn't be if we hadn't gone out

hotandsexy: and i hadn't seen that that bitch is such a fun time like holy shit

hotandsexy: so we can be friends its fine

idetectlies: hmmmmm

idetectlies: is it fine??

hotandsexy: yeah

hotandsexy: ig
hotandsexy: look i’ve known the guy for what 10 days?? less??

hotandsexy: im not gonna be heartbroken that he doesn't want anything to do with me lol

hotandsexy: do i want to get inside his pants???

hotandsexy: yes dont ask me twice

hotandsexy: but its fine

hotandsexy: i’ll survive

idetectlies: very mature of you, mr black

idetectlies: im impressed

hotandsexy: im a new man

idetectlies: lol

idetectlies: ok u dont wanna pay attention to class but i do

idetectlies: wanna come over later and binge parks and rec??

hotandsexy: yesyesyes

hotandsexy: i’ll bring the snacks

idetectlies: lol ok

idetectlies: bye love u

hotandsexy: luv ya

[Sirius Black & Remus Lupin]

9:45AM

sirius: dont wanna say anything

sirius: but ur insta feed has never looked better

remus: lmao prick

remus: i will be deleting it so enjoy it while u can

sirius: oh i will

sirius: i’ll take a screenshot and frame it

sirius: put it up on my wall

sirius: will u sign it for me????

remus: perhaps

remus: if you ask nicely

sirius: best day of my life

[Destiny’s Child]

10:03AM

marleyandme: does any of u have plans in like

marleyandme: 6 weeks from now??

barksexybark: i dont think so

bigmac: yeah me neither

bigmac: why

marleyandme: date of my wedding

barksexybark: LMFAOO

barksexybark: WHY ARE YOU SUCH A LESBIAN

marleyandme: DUDE SHE’S THE BEST

marleyandme: LIKE THE ACTUAL BEST HUMAN BEING I’VE EVER MET

marleyandme: SHE’S SO FUNNY

marleyandme: AND NICE

marleyandme: AND SWEET

marleyandme: AND SMELLS SO GOOD

marleyandme: AND LOVES ICED COFFEE

marleyandme: AND HAS FUCKING THREE DOGS BACK HOME

marleyandme: CALLED LUKE LEIA AND HAN

marleyandme: AND LOVES BROCKHAMPTON AND PARAMORE

marleyandme: but yeah it went alright

bigmac: LMFAOOOO

bigmac: ur so whipped

marleyandme: bro i am

marleyandme: but hopefully she didnt notice

marleyandme: that would scare her off

barksexybark: hopefully she didnt notice u were drooling the whole time

marleyandme: shES JUST SO NICE TO LOOK AT

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:17AM
jojosiwa: i saw remus’ post

jojosiwa: how did it go

jojosiwa: how u feelin

frankiegrande: im fucked

jojosiwa: i imagined

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

11:39AM

prongs: tell rebecca black i have arrived

prongs: CAUSE ITS FRIDAAAAYYYY

padfoot: JSUWHWJAJXIAJ

padfoot: FUCK YEAHHH

padfoot: plans????

prongs: hmm idkkk

prongs: any ideas???

padfoot: not really

padfoot: im hanging out with mary this afternoon

padfoot: but thats all i have

padfoot: and i just know abt gid and fab’s bday tomorrow

padfoot: nothing for tonight :((

prongs: yeah same

prongs: if we’re partying tomorrow i dont think we should go anywhere today tho ://

padfoot: yeah lowkey

padfoot: but i still wanna do something

padfoot: i think i’ll drown in my tears if i stay inside my dorm on a friday night

prongs: lol yeah

prongs: ooOOH I KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO

prongs: HAVENT WE BEEN WANTING TO START SEASON 5 OF DRAG RACE ALL

STARS???

prongs: WE CAN DO A LIL GET TOGETHER

prongs: INVITE SOME PPL OVER TO MY PLACE

prongs: AND WATCH IT

padfoot: dude.........

padfoot: YES

padfoot: LIKE 100% YES

prongs: YAYYYYYYY

prongs: I’LL CREATE THE GC

prongs: I KNOW SOME PPL WHO WATCH DRAG RACE

padfoot: yes period

padfoot: yo when does ur lecture end

padfoot: wanna go grab lunch??

prongs: yes yes yes

prongs: ends in 15

prongs: i’ll meet u at three broomsticks

padfoot: k

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:48PM

himbosupremacy: important question

himbosupremacy: who here watches drag race???

fireballswiftie: “watches” drag race

fireballswiftie: i breathe that shit

fireballswiftie: eat it up like four course meal

sexymoonman: lol i do

rawrdorkyXD: i do!!!!

marleynotbob: i do too!!!!

toohottohandle: @marleynotbob do u??

marleynotbob: yeah

marleynotbob: dont u remember lol

marleynotbob: im like the biggest drag race fan

marleynotbob: love drag race

toohottohandle: lmfao............

simmermary69: i dont :((

buddyvalastro: i do

himbosupremacy: YES ok

himbosupremacy: tonight

himbosupremacy: my place

himbosupremacy: we’re gonna watch all stars 5

himbosupremacy: everyone in???

toohottohandle: YUPPP

rawrdorkyXD: YEEESSSS

buddyvalastro: fuck i cant

buddyvalastro: i have homework

buddyvalastro: that is NOT BAKING DUDE

buddyvalastro: im starting to regret my life choices

buddyvalastro: but have fun without me :/

simmermary69: yeah im out

simmermary69: i wont understand shit

simmermary69: i’ll join y’all once i’ve watched everything

simmermary69: but tonight i’ll have to pass

sexymoonman: lily and i are in

himbosupremacy: YAYYYY

himbosupremacy: I’LL CREATE THE GC

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

2:52AM

jojosiwa: idk anything abt drag race

jojosiwa: u’re gonna have to help me

frankiegrande: i figured

[MoonFlower <3]

2:56PM

gingertaylorswift: you shouldn't have said i was in like that

therealslimmoony: tf???

therealslimmoony: dont u wanna go???

gingertaylorswift: no wtf of course i do its fucking all stars 5 bitch

gingertaylorswift: jujubee and shea coulee are you kidding

gingertaylorswift: but idk

gingertaylorswift: james might think im like interested if im not idk reluctant

gingertaylorswift: he's been stalking me

therealslimmoony: lily he hasn't been stalking u

gingertaylorswift: yeah ok he hasn't

gingertaylorswift: that was unfair

gingertaylorswift: wow that was rlly unfair i shouldn't have said that

gingertaylorswift: but idk

gingertaylorswift: im just worried that i’ll give him the wrong message

gingertaylorswift: dont wanna upset him or anything

therealslimmoony: lily its fine

therealslimmoony: dw abt it

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

2:56AM

prongs: SHES COMING!!!!

prongs: LILYYY IS COMINGGGG

prongs: I BETTER FIX MY HAIR

padfoot: good luck with that

[Groupchat #1]

3:15PM

(james potter changed the group’s name from Groupchat #1 to HALLELOO)

(james potter added sirius black to HALLELOO)

(james potter added dorcas meadowes to HALLELOO)

(james potter added marlene mckinnon to HALLELOO)

(james potter added remus lupin to HALLELOO)

(james potter added lily evans to HALLELOO)

(james potter added caradoc dearborn to HALLELOO)

(james potter added benjy fenwick to HALLELOO)

(james potter added amelia bones to HALLELOO)

james potter: HI GUYS

james potter: WE’RE HAVING AN ALL STARS 5 WATCH PARTY AT MY PLACE

TONIGHT AT 9

james potter: WHO’S COMING????

benjy fenwick: FUCK YEAH MAN

benjy fenwick: IM ALREADY THERE

caradoc dearborn: im in!!!

sirius black: YESYESYES

amelia bones: hahaha im coming

amelia bones: i might arrive a lil late tho :// if thats ok

james potter: no prob ames!!

dorcas meadowes: yayyyyyyy

dorcas meadowes: so excited!!!!!!!!!!!

james potter: YYYYEEEEESSSSSS

(james potter changed their name to bobthedragqueen)

bobthedragqueen: LETS GET THIS SHIT STARTEEEED

benjy fenwick: HAHAHAHAHAAH

(benjy fenwick changed their name to alaska)

amelia bones: LOOOOVEEE

(amelia bones changed their name to roxxxyandrews)

alaska: YES YES YES

(caradoc dearborn changed their name to detox)

detox: ROLASKATOX

roxxxyandrews:

(dorcas meadowes changed their name to trixiemattel)

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

3:24PM

jojosiwa: HELP HELP HELP

frankiegrande: KATYA

frankiegrande: CHANGE IT TO KATYA

jojosiwa: OK
[HALLELOO]

3:25PM

(marlene mckinnon changed their name to katya)

trixiemattel: OMG YES!!!!!!!!!!

katya: hahahahaha :D

(lily evans changed their name to biancadelrio)

detox: YES BIANCA

bobthedragqueen: BIANCA!!!!!!!

biancadelrio: HAHAHAHAHAHA

(remus lupin changed their name to crystalmethyd)

(sirius black changed their name to gigigoode)

gigigoode: oh

detox: gigi and crystal!!!! awww

bobthedragqueen: romatic

biancadelrio: cute ;)
 [Sirius Black & Remus Lupin]

3:31PM

remus: well hello, miss goode

remus: fancy seeing you here

sirius: i could say the same to you, miss methyd

remus: lol

Chapter End Notes

ok idk if many ppl will get the reference with gigi goode and crystal methyd so i'll
explain:
they are both queens from season 12 of rupauls drag race, and there were rumors that
they were dating and they just started going with it lol they are best friends but it was
really funny and cute and ugh i just love the both of them sm
buuuttttttt the *actual* reason why i made this reference was because im very gay and
a girl once said im the crystal to her gigi. she still calls me crystal. and yes im still in
love with her.
 CHAPTER 8: She's So Crazy I Love Her
Chapter Notes

hiiiiiii guys!!!!! this just hit 2k hits and uhm.... tysm this is insane. i started this fic like
saturday or friday i think and its TUESDAY lmfao... i cant thank you enough for all
the love and support!!!!! it means so so so much to me, u have no idea. i love yalls
cute asses so much and cant even thank u enough!!!! <33 mwahhh, tina xx

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[Marauderzzz]

2:58AM

bakamoonyasf: mariah should’ve stayed.

padsies: it was her time to go

bakamoonyasf: dude

bakamoonyasf: no????

bakamoonyasf: she still had so much more to prove

bakamoonyasf: she was on season 2 bruh

bakamoonyasf: she still had so much potential

padsies: she was clearly not up for the intensity of the competition anymore???

padsies: it was very clear

padsies: same thing with ongina

bakamoonyasf: you’re being stupid

bakamoonyasf: you only appreciate the new girls

bakamoonyasf: but the old schools is where its at

padsies: dude of course not

bakamoonyasf: yes

pwonggy: hey babes xx

pwonggy: can you two

pwonggy: shut the fuck up

pwonggy: im trying to watch asmr

pwonggy: and my phone won't stop buzzing

pwonggy: so

pwonggy: shut up

pwonggy: it already took you long enough to leAVE MY FLAT

pwonggy: good night luv ya xxxxxxx

[Sirius Black & Remus Lupin]

3:07AM

remus: JUSTICE FOR MARIAH PARIS BALENCIAGA

remus: IM WITH YOU BABES

remus: I WONT REST UNTIL YOU’VE HAD YOUR JUSTICE

sirius: bro LMFAOOOO

sirius: you are so stupid

remus: HUH?????

remus: ME????

remus: yeah right

remus: im the one saying it was mariah’s time to LEAVE

remus: she could’ve easily made it to the top 3

sirius: really???

sirius: with shea coulee in the competition????? jujubee???? alexis mateo???? miz cracker??????

sirius: come on moony boy

sirius: ur supposed to be the smart one

(remus changed sirius’s name to siriusisdumb)

siriusisdumb: ha

(siriusisdumb changed remus’s name to remusisdelusional)

remusisdelusional: have you ever considered a career in comedy??

siriusisdumb: i gotta leave that for you

siriusisdumb: i would be too successful

siriusisdumb: and i know its your dream

remusisdelusional: aww he’s so generous

siriusisdumb: always ♥️

(siriusisdumb changed the group’s name from Sirius Black & Remus Lupin to Charity Work)

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

remusisdelusional: oh my GOD
siriusisdumb: how do u think i got my scholarship????

remusisdelusional: please LMFAO

remusisdelusional: you are

remusisdelusional: the actual

remusisdelusional: most annoying person

remusisdelusional: i have ever met in my life

remusisdelusional: wondering what i could do to go back to a week ago and never have gone to
brunch

siriusisdumb: wondering what i could do to go back to a week + a day ago and never have seen a
certain real slim shady performance

remusisdelusional: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING IT UP

siriusisdumb: cause it was funny???

siriusisdumb: and like

siriusisdumb: probably the best thing i have ever seen in my life?????

remusisdelusional: haha

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: sure

remusisdelusional: tell that to lily and she will find a way to prove you wrong

siriusisdumb: why lol

remusisdelusional: she has some..... very interesting....... videos from when we were 13

remusisdelusional: she had just downloaded videostar and i was a mcr fan....... so
siriusisdumb: NO WAY

siriusisdumb: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

siriusisdumb: LMFAOOOCIJWIJDISCS

siriusisdumb: I NEED THOSE VIDEOS.

siriusisdumb: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND.

remusisdelusional: you will never

remusisdelusional: ever

remusisdelusional: see those videos

siriusisdumb: why???

siriusisdumb: is there a problem with *me* seeing those videos?????

siriusisdumb:

remusisdelusional: my god

remusisdelusional: no

remusisdelusional: there's a problem with *anyone* seeing them

remusisdelusional: dont flatter yourself

siriusisdumb: whatever you say moonbeam

siriusisdumb: mooncakes

siriusisdumb: moonymoons

siriusisdumb: moonshine

remusisdelusional: u done??

siriusisdumb: hmmmm
siriusisdumb: moonage daydream

siriusisdumb: ok im done

siriusisdumb: why moony????

remusisdelusional: why the nickname??

siriusisdumb: yeah

remusisdelusional: why padfoot??

siriusisdumb: asked you first

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: fine

remusisdelusional: lily could definitely tell this story better

remusisdelusional: she’s very good with the dramatics

remusisdelusional: but

remusisdelusional: when we were 13 one night the evans went to have dinner at our house

remusisdelusional: and my mum hadnt told me

remusisdelusional: and i had just come out of the shower

remusisdelusional: and was in my room

remusisdelusional: with like......only a towel keeping me decent

remusisdelusional: and blasting

remusisdelusional: and when i say blasting i mean

remusisdelusional: BLASTING

remusisdelusional: mcr

remusisdelusional: and so i didnt hear the door open

remusisdelusional: and she walked in

remusisdelusional: and it took me.....what it would be too long to see her

remusisdelusional: and then when i did see her

remusisdelusional: i got so scared that i dropped my towel

remusisdelusional: yeah so basically i mooned her

siriusisdumb: oH MY GODHENFEFJE

siriusisdumb: FJEFJIEJFJENUJVIWNKWOE

siriusisdumb: OMG??????

remusisdelusional: yeah funny wow

remusisdelusional: also then when i was 15 a dog bit my ankle and the scar kinda looks like a
moon

remusisdelusional: lily thinks its the best thing ever

remusisdelusional: i could see the TWINKLE in her eyes in the er as i got my stitches

remusisdelusional: so yeah i cant escape

remusisdelusional: i’ll be moony forever

siriusisdumb: lmfao

remusisdelusional: ok

remusisdelusional: now why padfoot??

siriusisdumb: oh its nothing much really

siriusisdumb: when we were kids

siriusisdumb: during the summer before i would go to james’ house

siriusisdumb: i would steal all my cousin’s pads

siriusisdumb: like for no reason at all

siriusisdumb: i would just throw them away

siriusisdumb: but i just always hated her

siriusisdumb: so my joy would come from her screams whenever she would get her period and
there were no pads lmfao

siriusisdumb: and when they would buy her more i would steal them too

siriusisdumb: but then one summer i went to spend a few weeks with james

siriusisdumb: i think we were 15???

siriusisdumb: and we wanted to go steal some of his dad’s alcohol lol

siriusisdumb: and for SOME REASON

siriusisdumb: i decided to stick those pads on my feet

siriusisdumb: so they wouldnt hear me

siriusisdumb: the floors there are really creaky

remusisdelusional: have you ever heard of socks???

siriusisdumb: what's that???

remusisdelusional: lol

siriusisdumb: but yeah this is why im padfoot

siriusisdumb: its very stupid, im aware

siriusisdumb: but like

siriusisdumb: peter is wormtail solely because he used to be obsessed with ratatouille when we
were kids

siriusisdumb: so im not the worst

remusisdelusional: but HOW DID IT GO FROM RATATOUILLE TO WORMTAIL??

siriusisdumb: oh there were so many different nicknames

siriusisdumb: rat boy, rat lover, squeaky man, lil rodent, mickey mouse
siriusisdumb: and then eventually we got to wormtail

siriusisdumb: and it just stuck the longest

remusisdelusional: my god

remusisdelusional: there's always a way to get worse

remusisdelusional: and prongs???

siriusisdumb: put a flashlight on his face and you’ll see.

remusisdelusional: oh my god LMFAO

remusisdelusional: really????

siriusisdumb: yeah LMAO

siriusisdumb: its so funny

siriusisdumb: oh and also his hair is always messy

siriusisdumb: and his mum used to say it looked like antlers

siriusisdumb: so

siriusisdumb: yeah

remusisdelusional: but at least you guys have like

remusisdelusional: relatively normal names under the nicknames

remusisdelusional: MOONY is better than remus lupin

remusisdelusional: u dont even wanna know what it means

siriusisdumb: remus is from the roman mythology abt romulus and remus right

siriusisdumb: and lupin is like.... basically wolf in latin

remusisdelusional: uhm
remusisdelusional: yeah

siriusisdumb: see

siriusisdumb: im not dumb

siriusisdumb: mr. wolf mcwolf

remusisdelusional: LMFAO GOODBYE

siriusisdumb: lol

siriusisdumb: and no i dont have a relatively normal name

siriusisdumb: james and peter might but i dont

siriusisdumb: im named after a fucking STAR

siriusisdumb: my parents were kinky like that

remusisdelusional: IDECECIECIOKSOWK

remusisdelusional: yeah its true

remusisdelusional: i hadnt even noticed

remusisdelusional: the dog star right

siriusisdumb: yup

siriusisdumb: canis major and all that

siriusisdumb: fucking hippies

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAHAHAH

siriusisdumb: wow

siriusisdumb: u know

siriusisdumb: moon
siriusisdumb: stars

siriusisdumb: the moon & the stars

remusisdelusional: nice

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: lol

siriusisdumb: nice

remusisdelusional: uhm

remusisdelusional: its 4:37am

remusisdelusional: i really have to sleep lol

remusisdelusional: im pretty tired

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: yeah same

siriusisdumb: night

remusisdelusional: :)

[MoonFlower <3]

8:48AM

gingertaylorswift: morning moonyyyyy

gingertaylorswift: im omw to puddifoots

gingertaylorswift: meet u in 10???

[MoonFlower <3]
9:04AM

gingertaylorswift: im here already

gingertaylorswift: u coming???

[MoonFlower <3]

9:13AM

gingertaylorswift: mf where are you

gingertaylorswift: u had like 2 beers last night u cant possibly be hangover

gingertaylorswift: im gonna order my coffee ok??

[MoonFlower <3]

9:26AM

gingertaylorswift: i just ran into sirius

gingertaylorswift: i gave him the link to my taylor playlist

gingertaylorswift: i’ll convert him soon enough you’ll see

[MoonFlower <3]

9:38AM

gingertaylorswift: k im leaving

gingertaylorswift: dhmu

[MoonFlower <3]

11:51AM
therealslimmoony: OH MY GOD

therealslimmoony: LILY IM SO SORRY

therealslimmoony: I OVERSLEPT

therealslimmoony: IM SO SORRY WTF

therealslimmoony: IM SORRY

gingertaylorswift: save your excuses ☝️

therealslimmoony: LILY IM SO SORRY REALLY

therealslimmoony: PLEASE DONT BE MAD

gingertaylorswift: lmao its fine

gingertaylorswift: im not mad bestie relax

gingertaylorswift: but why didnt u go

gingertaylorswift: didnt u set an alarm or sumn

therealslimmoony: i did but i didnt even hear it

therealslimmoony: i think i only fell asleep at like 6am

gingertaylorswift: wtf 6AM???????

gingertaylorswift: homeboy what kept u up until 6am????

therealslimmoony: uhm

therealslimmoony: i was just talking to sirius

gingertaylorswift: until *6am*????

therealslimmoony: yeah
therealslimmoony: yeah until 6am

gingertaylorswift: wow

gingertaylorswift: lol

gingertaylorswift: ok then........

gingertaylorswift: oh if you talk to him again like one on one tell me if he says anything abt taylor

gingertaylorswift: i dont think he'd say anything to me

gingertaylorswift: he wont want to give in

gingertaylorswift: so tell me!!!!!!

therealslimmoony: lol ok

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

1:37PM

prongs: did u tell moony the reason why im prongs?????????

padfoot: lol why do u ask

prongs: cause i was leaving the dance studio after my zumba class and he was coming in for yoga
and then u know he said hi and all

prongs: like normal

prongs: but then he just went HEY PRONGS WAIT

prongs: and when i turned around he put HIS PHONES FLASH ON MY FACE

prongs: HOW DID HE KNOW

padfoot: ok i told him lmao

prongs: ASSHOLE

[Destiny’s Child]

2:45PM

barksexybark: lip ring or nose ring??

bigmac: nose ring

marleyandme: why

barksexybark: just answer the question

marleyandme: idk i like both

marleyandme: why

barksexybark: im omw to get a new piercing yup!! ☝️☝️

marleyandme: BRO WHY DIDNT YOU CALL ME

marleyandme: YOU KNOW IVE BEEN WANTING TO GET MY SEPTUM PIERCED FOR
AGES

barksexybark: then come with me

barksexybark: i haven't left yet

barksexybark: im leaving in 5 i can pick you up

marleyandme: ok but can we take an uber i dont wanna ride on that greasy ass motorcycle of urs

barksexybark: lmfao ok fine

barksexybark: i dont rlly feel like driving anyway

barksexybark: ok so which one?????

marleyandme: fuck it get both

barksexybark:

barksexybark: k im getting both

bigmac: dude we have gid and fab’s bday tonight

barksexybark: and?

bigmac: dont you think getting 2 piercings before a party is a bit

bigmac: how do you call it

bigmac: UNSAFE

barksexybark: i like living on the edge

marleyandme: shes so crazy i love heeerrrrr cant take her anywhereeeee

barksexybark: ur paying for the uber now

bigmac: ugh

bigmac: ok then

bigmac: hope u get an infection

bigmac: OMG NO IM KIDDING

bigmac: IM KIDDING OK I RLLY HOPE YOU DONT

bigmac: STAY SAFE PLS I JUST GET WORRIED

barksexybark: lol <3

barksexybark: @marleyandme ready hoe??

marleyandme: yup

marleyandme: ready

barksexybark: k bitch lets hit the road

barksexybark: WHOS READY TO ROCK AND ROLL??

marleyandme: please shut up

marleyandme: bye mary love u

barksexybark: love u marilyn

bigmac: bye ily2 pls stay safe and pay attention to the care tips!!!!!

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

3:37PM

jojosiwa: did it hurt?????

frankiegrande: you know im right here dont u

frankiegrande: u can just like....talk

jojosiwa: i dont want the piercer to think im a little pussy

jojosiwa: cmon did it hurt

frankiegrande: the nose no the lip a lil bit

frankiegrande: but nothing unbearable

frankiegrande: relax president of the sapphicverse ive heard septum piercings dont hurt at all

jojosiwa: ok ok ok

[Destiny’s Child]

4:02PM

marleyandme: LOOK!!!!!!!!!!

marleyandme:

bigmac: AWW IT LOOKS SO CUTE MARLS

bigmac: @barksexybark let me see urs!!!!!!

marleyandme: he’s passed out lmao

marleyandme: we’re on the uber

marleyandme: he fell asleep in like 2 minutes

marleyandme: he said he barely slept last night

bigmac: oh :((

bigmac: i’ll see it later then

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

5:22PM

frankiegrande: ok

frankiegrande: do u think i look good????

frankiegrande:

jojosiwa: i think you look like a slut

jojosiwa: why
frankiegrande: ok so i look good???

jojosiwa: yeah u look good

jojosiwa: why

frankiegrande: im sending this to remus

jojosiwa: HAHUWHSWUSHWUHSUQAUQU

jojosiwa: WHY????????????

frankiegrande: ask him what he thinks of my new piercings.......

jojosiwa: in a picture like THIS??

jojosiwa: just send him a nude already

frankiegrande: lmao

frankiegrande: just might

jojosiwa: u do realize u can barely see the nose ring in this pic right

frankiegrande: he doesnt have to exactly look at it.......

jojosiwa: HAHAHAHAHA WHORE

[Charity Work]

5:31PM

siriusisdumb: hey!!
remusisdelusional: hi!

remusisdelusional: everything alright??

siriusisdumb: yeah yeah

siriusisdumb: uhm

siriusisdumb: i got 2 new piercings today!

siriusisdumb: what do u think?? :))

siriusisdumb:

remusisdelusional: looks cool dude!

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: ok

siriusisdumb: lol thanks

 [Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

5:37PM

jojosiwa: so??

jojosiwa: did u send it???

frankiegrande: yeah

frankiegrande: i sent it

jojosiwa: what did he say????

frankiegrande: [screenshot.jpg]

frankiegrande: lets never talk about this again.

jojosiwa: OMGMEDNCEEC

jojosiwa: LMFAOOOOOO

jojosiwa: that was ruthless

frankiegrande: mckinnon

jojosiwa: sorry

jojosiwa: lol

Chapter End Notes

- im sorry if u cant see the nose ring at all :(( i edited the piercings into the pic cause
im an editor like thaatt,, but i didnt want it to look too fake so.... this is what you'll get
and dont complain. just know its there.

- ALSO! in case u guys dont know, ive been writing another fic! its called "Abaffiato"
and u can check it out here on my account, if ur interested!!! (gotta do that self promo i
apologize)
 CHAPTER 9: Conversion Therapy

[Lily Evans & Sirius Black]

7:03PM

lily: did u listen to it????????

sirius: did i listen to what

lily: my playlist!!!!!

lily: the one i gave u the link to this morning

lily: did u give it a listen?????

sirius: no, lily, i have not

sirius: and i dont rlly plan on doing so

sirius: sorry

lily: WHAT WHY

sirius: i just dont like taylor swift’s music

sirius: its not my style

lily: “not ur style”

lily: ur not like other girls, are u

sirius: lol

sirius: sorry lils

lily: no no

lily: so what kind of music *do* you like then?????

sirius: uhm idk

sirius: mother mother

sirius: the nbhd

sirius: miley cyrus’ new album makes me straight for her

sirius: also like bowie and queen ofc

lily: oooooh

lily: so ur like the emo gay with an individuality complex

lily: gotcha gotcha

sirius: whATS THIS SLANDER FOR

lily: CAUSE U REFUSE TO GIVE TAYLOR A CHANCE

lily: I REALLY THINK YOU’LL LIKE IT

lily: I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES

lily: look do this

lily: go listen to her album reputation

lily: its really ur vibe

(lily changed the group's name from Lily Evans & Sirius Black to Conversion Therapy)

sirius: ok i’ll think abt it

lily: no no

lily: it has to be now

sirius: why?????

lily: because im close friends with gid and he’ll probably let me have aux at some point tonight

lily: so u know what's playin

sirius: and where do i come in this story????

lily: i need someone to dance with me!!!!!!!

lily: remus never does he’s too shy :(

lily: just plssss consider

lily: i know ur a good dancer

lily: i can see it in ur hips

sirius: HAHAHA

sirius: ok FINE

sirius: but u owe me a coffee

lily: YESSSSS

[Conversion Therapy]

7:18PM

lily: are u listening???????????????

sirius: yes

sirius: end game

lily: I LOVE THAT ONE

lily: THOUGHTS SO FAR??????

sirius: its not........ BAAAAD

lily:

[Conversion Therapy]

7:25PM

sirius: look what you made me do sucks

lily: yeah ok i agree thats not her best ://

[Conversion Therapy]

7:37PM

lily: ok sorry im stalking ur activity on spotifyyyy

lily: ur on dont blame me

lily: so?????

lily: sirius???

sirius: i might have just transcended spiritually.

lily: YESYESYESYES

lily: FUCK YES

lily: YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS
[MoonFlower <3]

7:45PM

gingertaylorswift: if u dont marry sirius i might just have to do it myself

therealslimmoony: whERE THE FUCK DID THIS COME FROM???????

gingertaylorswift: just sayin

gingertaylorswift: anyway

gingertaylorswift: picking u up in 2 hours

gingertaylorswift: be ready

therealslimmoony: yes maam

gingertaylorswift: good boy

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:23PM

rawrdorkyXD: WHO’S READY TO

rawrdorkyXD: PAR

rawrdorkyXD: TAAAYYY

himbosupremacy: YUP YUP YUP

simmermary69: YOU KNOW IT

simmermary69: @toohottohandle @marleynotbob you two fuckers better hold ur drinks tonight
marleynotbob: yes mum

toohottohandle: yes mum

simmermary69: thats what i like to hear

buddyvalastro: who's the driver for tonight???

toohottohandle: im staying at james’ and we’re gonna take an uber back home

simmermary69: marlene and i are also taking an uber

sexymoonman: im the driver for me and lils #SobrietyIsCool

fireballswiftie: my responsible little man

buddyvalastro: oh

buddyvalastro: prongs can i crash in too??

buddyvalastro: then i wont have to go home alone

buddyvalastro: remember the last time i tried to call an uber drunk by myself......

himbosupremacy: yeah it took us 9 hours to find you the next day...

himbosupremacy: of course u can wormy

buddyvalastro: cheers

rawrdorkyXD: can anyone give me a ride??

rawrdorkyXD: dont wanna take an uber alone at night and im definitely drinking tonight so im
not driving

simmermary69: we can!!

simmermary69: we can just ask the uber to stop at urs

simmermary69: no biggie

rawrdorkyXD: yaaay thanks!!!!

[Destiny’s Child]

9:48PM

marleyandme: ok

marleyandme: what do we think of the fit??

marleyandme:
barksexybark: you look like an old man

marleyandme: perfect

bigmac: looking hot mamas!!!

bigmac: ok im ready so we can go

barksexybark: i’ll be done in 5

barksexybark: then u can come pick me up

bigmac: ok perf
[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:07PM

toohottohandle: marley mary and i are almost there

toohottohandle: are u all there yet

himbosupremacy: YUP THE GANGS ALL HERE ALREADY

rawrdorkyXD: WAITING FOR UUUUUUU

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

10:09PM

dorcas: im by the balcony btw

dorcas: i can stya here if u want

dorcas: so u dont have to look for me

dorcas: :)))

marlene: hiii

marlene: thats perfect!!!!

marlene: thanks!! :))

dorcas: <3 xx

[Pea & Bees]

10:11PM

dorcas: fuck
dorcas: fuuuckk

lily: what???

lily: did anything happen?????

lily: where are u??

dorcas: i juts accidentally sent marlene a heART AND TWO KISSES

dorcas: OEVR TEXT

lily: oh!

lily: so ur whipped! cute!

dorcas: NONOONOMNO

dorcas: IM NTO NO

remus: are you tipsy?

dorcas: .....a lil bit..

remus: so u sent that to her... while tipsy?

dorcas: ur pointt???/

remus: lmao yeah ur whipped

remus: where are u btw

dorcas: by thebalcony

dorcas: that xenophilius guy is owing me a joint

dorcas: u????

lily: AT THE KITCEHN!!!!!

lily: WE’RE DOING THE AUGUST DANCE!!!!

lily: FOR MY TIKTOK!!!!!!

remus: lily you are well warned

remus: this will stay in ur drafts

lily: DCIWJOWEOWIFJEIFJIEWJD

[Charity Work]

11:16PM

remusisdelusional: hey where are you

remusisdelusional: lily is looking for u for some reason...??

remusisdelusional: she says its cause she’s getting aux..

siriusisdumb: MOOONHY

siriusisdumb: HIIIIIIIIIIUII

remusisdelusional: hey

remusisdelusional: can u come to the living room

remusisdelusional: she looks like a lost child looking for their mum

siriusisdumb: DID YUO LIKE MHY PIERCINSG???????????

remusisdelusional: lol
remusisdelusional: i said they looked cool didnt i

siriusisdumb: yeha ig....

siriusisdumb: nvm

siriusisdumb: COMIGNNNN

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:21PM

marleyandme: sicne when does siriss like taylpr swift????

sexymoonman: i think lily is growing on him

marleyandme: lmafao

[MoonFlower <3]

11:47PM

gingertaylorswift: sirus looskk good in tihs pic

gingertaylorswift: ;))))))

therealslimmoony: STOP LOOKING OVER AT MY PHONE PERV

gingertaylorswift:

[Charity Work]

12:22AM
siriusisdumb: MOONS CKME PLWY BEER PONGG WIHT MEEE

remusisdelusional: im driving tonight

remusisdelusional: cant drink

siriusisdumb: ILL DRJNK 4 UUU

siriusisdumb: COME CKOKE COMR COME

remusisdelusional: ok fine

remusisdelusional: where are you

siriusisdumb: KTHCENNN

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

12:46AM

simmermary69: I JSUT SAW BENJY AND CARADOC MKING OUT

simmermary69: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!1!!!!!!111!!

himbosupremacy: NOWAYYDH

simmermary69: YESS BY TEH BATHROOM

fireballswiftie: IVE BEEN WWAITYING FOR TIHS ONE

fireballswiftie: TURN IT UPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

[Say No To Colonizers]

1:35AM
notvirginmary: hey wehre r u ????

notvirginmary: nvm.,

notvirginmary: WDJCIWOEKDOWCIWCJECJIEJC

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

1:57AM

prongs: BRUUUUHHHHHH

prongs: WHERRE ARE U

prongs: PETE IS HIGH OUT OF HSI MINDDDD

prongs: DKWFWOFE

prongs: IST SO FNNY

prongs: COME WATCH

padfoot: bsuy

padfoot: busy

prongs: oojjjjhhhh

prongs: naughtyy

[MoonFlower <3]

2:32PM

gingertaylorswift: i saw itt btw..

gingertaylorswift: ;))))))))))))))))
therealslimmoony: ?????

gingertaylorswift: ewarliyer

gingertaylorswift: earlier

therealslimmoony: oh ffs

[Charity Work]

4:15AM

remusisdelusional: you’ll only see this when you wake up but i put a packet of aspirin and one of
engov in the pocket of ur jacket

remusisdelusional: idk how u get when ur hungover so i put both just in case

remusisdelusional: i told james to leave some water around too

remusisdelusional: so drink it alright??

remusisdelusional: i also asked him to give u some cotton or something in case ur piercing starts
bleeding again

remusisdelusional: so yeah

remusisdelusional: im on the uber taking lily home

remusisdelusional: shes snoring on my shoulder lol

remusisdelusional: ok idk why i said this

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: uhm

remusisdelusional: k bye

remusisdelusional: drink the water

remusisdelusional: bye

[Destiny’s Child]

7:09AM
marleyandme: i just woke up

marleyandme: and im not in my room

marleyandme: am confused

marleyandme: does anyone have any idea where i am?????

bigmac: oh yeah

bigmac: ur at dorcas’

bigmac:

marleyandme: COME AGAIN???????

 CHAPTER 10: Jeffree Star Looking Ass
Chapter Notes

you guys’ support and love is so overwhelming in the best way possible! like i said, i
cant even thank you enough!! sending it all back and so much more ur way!!! <33
tysm!! so glad ur enjoying the fic just as much as i am enjoying writing it! :)

[MoonFlower <3]

8:48AM

therealslimmoony: GOOD MORNING PRIIIIIINCESSSSSSS

gingertaylorswift: oh my god why do you have to scream

therealslimmoony: HAHAHAHAHAHAHWUSH

therealslimmoony: how am i screaming over text?????

gingertaylorswift: the caps are too loud

gingertaylorswift: ew i can still taste the strawberry and lime cider

gingertaylorswift: this feels like year 11 all over again

therealslimmoony: HAHAHAHA

therealslimmoony: i knew i was having some deja vu......

gingertaylorswift: ugh

gingertaylorswift: it was fun tho

gingertaylorswift: so i dont regret a thing!

therealslimmoony: lol

therealslimmoony: well thats great then

therealslimmoony: cause u did have quite the party

therealslimmoony: even begged me for us to take aN UBER BACK HOME

therealslimmoony: CAUSE EVERYONE WAS TAKING AN UBER AND U DIDNT WANT

TO FEEL LEFT OUT

therealslimmoony: my car is still there im gonna have to go get it

gingertaylorswift: yup as i should!! ☝️

gingertaylorswift: uni life yuhhhh

gingertaylorswift: and i’ll go get ur car for u dw

gingertaylorswift: ....i remember taking shots with mary

gingertaylorswift: AND OMG DANCING WITH SIRIUS

gingertaylorswift: TO TAYLOR

gingertaylorswift: WHAT SONG WAS IT

gingertaylorswift: WAIT

gingertaylorswift: ITS COMING TO ME

gingertaylorswift: DONT SAY IT

therealslimmoony: getaway car

gingertaylorswift: YOU SON OF A BITCH

gingertaylorswift: but yeah getaway car

gingertaylorswift: ahh sweet boy that one

gingertaylorswift: agree????

therealslimmoony: ...yeah???
gingertaylorswift: lol

gingertaylorswift: cute lil moment u two shared in the kitchen

gingertaylorswift: if my memory doesn't fail me

therealslimmoony: i think it does fail you

gingertaylorswift: nonono

gingertaylorswift: i remember what i saw

gingertaylorswift: just like i remember u looking at a picture of him on your phone...???

therealslimmoony: DUDE IT POPPED UP

therealslimmoony: AND YOU HAVE TO STOP LOOKING OVER AT MY STUFF

gingertaylorswift: hehe

therealslimmoony: and i was just helping him in the kitchen

gingertaylorswift: helping him in a very gay way

therealslimmoony: bro what else did u want me to do

therealslimmoony: leave the guy bleeding???

therealslimmoony: we were playing beer pong and that fucking edgar bones guy threw the ball at
his mouth

gingertaylorswift: oh ive played against him once

gingertaylorswift: homeboy has the worst aim..

therealslimmoony: yEAH
therealslimmoony: and then sirius’ lip started bleeding

therealslimmoony: cause idk if u saw but he got a lip ring yesterday

therealslimmoony: also a nose ring but thats unrelated

therealslimmoony: anyway

therealslimmoony: it started bleeding and it wouldn't stop so i took him further into the kitchen
and gave him a cloth

therealslimmoony: but he was so drunk that he was almost taking off the ring trying to clean it

therealslimmoony: and then i just went fuck it and took the cloth and did it myself

therealslimmoony: i would still be there rn if i had left it up to him

gingertaylorswift: yeah thats really fucking gay

gingertaylorswift: like

gingertaylorswift: easily the gayest thing ive seen you do in years

gingertaylorswift: maybe ever

therealslimmoony: dude he’s my FRIEND

therealslimmoony: i would’ve done the same for you

therealslimmoony: or anyone else

therealslimmoony: he was drunk and i helped him

therealslimmoony: he wouldve gotten an infection or something

gingertaylorswift: awww he careees

therealslimmoony: ???? of course i care

therealslimmoony: but that doesnt mean its anything but friendship

therealslimmoony: you have to stop thinking im lonely and try pairing me up with random ppl

gingertaylorswift: i know i do that

gingertaylorswift: and i apologize

gingertaylorswift: but only with the random people part..

gingertaylorswift: ANYWAY

gingertaylorswift: DID U SEE

gingertaylorswift: MARLENE AND DORCAS????

therealslimmoony: yES

therealslimmoony: it was hard to rlly miss tho..

[Destiny’s Child]

7:10AM

marleyandme: mary

marleyandme: dont play with me rn

marleyandme: where the fuck am i

bigmac: dude im telling u

bigmac: ur at dorcas’

bigmac: its where i left u last night

bigmac: we went home at like 3??

bigmac: u two were all over each other

bigmac: like......almost aggressively

bigmac: but i was tired so i called an uber

bigmac: and when when we arrived at hers to drop her off she asked if u wanted to go with her and
u didnt even hesitate

bigmac: so yeah

bigmac: thats where u are, naughty girl ;)

marleyandme: oH MY GOD

marleyandme: WAIT NO CAUSE

marleyandme: I MIGHT REMEMBER

marleyandme: JUST MIGHT

marleyandme: MY BRAIN MUST HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS A DREAM OR SUMN

marleyandme: but shes not here

marleyandme: im alone in the bed

marleyandme: wait

marleyandme: i hear footsteps

marleyandme: ok ig im at dorcas’ then

marleyandme: she walked in with her hair wet and said good morning and leaned in and kiSSED
ME..............

bigmac: JNWUWDUWJWIDUHUHVHC

marleyandme: i-

marleyandme: uhm

marleyandme: ok gtg

[Charity Work]

9:22AM

remusisdelusional: hey

remusisdelusional: how u feeling??

remusisdelusional: hows ur lip???

remusisdelusional: still there?

siriusisdumb: still have two

siriusisdumb: and they’re still on my face

remusisdelusional: a relief! ☝️

siriusisdumb: lol

siriusisdumb: sorry for last night btw

siriusisdumb: i was reeeaaally drunk

remusisdelusional: i could tell lol

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: sorry abt it

siriusisdumb: u didnt have to stay with me and think u have to take care of me or anything

siriusisdumb: so im sorry

remusisdelusional: dont worry abt it

remusisdelusional: its fine

remusisdelusional: like really

remusisdelusional: its what friends are for right??

siriusisdumb: yeah yeah

siriusisdumb: right yeah

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

9:39AM
frankiegrande: BITCH

frankiegrande: THE DETAILS

frankiegrande: HAND EM OVER

jojosiwa: JFVNERKFKFVIRFJEK

jojosiwa: IM GETTING DRESSED

jojosiwa: WE’RE GOING OUT FOR BREAKFAST

jojosiwa: I’LL STOP BY AT URS AND I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING

frankiegrande: OKOKOKOKOK IM OMW HOME ANYWAY

frankiegrande: bring me back something btw james only has protein bars and i refuse.......

jojosiwa: im bringing u a smoked bacon roll

frankiegrande: the way u know me..

frankiegrande: oh and some coffee too

jojosiwa: cold brew latte with almond milk

jojosiwa: yeah yeah i know

frankiegrande: love you

jojosiwa: fuck off

jojosiwa: xx

[It's Fucking Brunch Times Bitches]

11:47AM
simmermary69: dude

simmermary69: DUDE

simmermary69: HAHA

simmermary69: NO FUCKING WAY

himbosupremacy: what happened???

toohottohandle: ??

simmermary69: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THAT MF LUCIUS MALFOY LIVES

fireballswiftie: i think he has a place outside campus

fireballswiftie: why??

simmermary69: ADDRESS??????

toohottohandle: bro WHY

simmermary69: HIS FUCKING BITCH ASS STOLE MY JUUL

simmermary69: IM GONNA MURDER HIS JEFFREE STAR LOOKING ASS

sexymoonman: LMFAOOWDOD

sexymoonman: if u smoked hand rolled ciggies u wouldn't be having this problem tho

simmermary69: SHUT THE FUCK UP TIKTOK ALT BOY

fireballswiftie: heeey hey heyy

fireballswiftie: maybe lets not get aggressive over a juul?? :)

sexymoonman: I DONT LOOK LIKE A TIKTOK ALT BOY SIRIUS DOES

toohottohandle: bro im CHILLIN IN MY CORNER ???????

simmermary69: duDE I FUCKING SWEAR IM ABOUT TO HATE CRIME THAT BITCH

simmermary69: I DONT FUCKING CARE

simmermary69: IM BREAKING IN AND STEALING HIS HAIR BLEACH

simmermary69: PUT ME BEHIND BARS IDC

[Marauderzzz]

11:56AM

pwonggy: bro

pwonggy: her juul is with me

padsies: I NOTICED U HAD GONE QUIET

padsies: KIFWIEFJIWEJFUWEHFDIWEFIW

padsies: FJNRFIIVJEIRFJOEW

bakamoonyasf: HOW ARE YOU WITH HER JUUL

pwonggy: LUCIUS LET ME HAVE A HIT AND I JUST TOOK IT AND VANISHED

pwonggy: I THOUGHT IT WAS HIS

pwonggy: FUCKING HATE THAT GUY

pwonggy: and ive been wanting a juul for a while now.......

padsies: are you SURE its hers???

pwonggy: yes it has a pink M sticker on the front

padsies: EIEJIRJFIRJDEKDOWSO0WD

padsies: SHES GONNA KILL YOU

bakamoonyasf: shes not gonna KILL him

bakamoonyasf: just tell her the truth and give it back

bakamoonyasf: it was just a misunderstanding

padsies: moony you dont know how macdonald is with her juul

padsies: she loves it more than she loves her own mum

padsies: one day without it and she turns into a monster

padsies: she even named it

padsies: Juulia Roberts

bakamoonyasf: goodbye.

pwonggy: OK I KNOW WHAT IM GONNA DO

pwonggy: IM GONNA BUY HER 2 PACKS OF NEW PODS

pwonggy: AND SOME CHOCOLATE

pwonggy: STOP BY AT HERS AND APOLOGIZE

pwonggy: WHATS HER FAVORITE POD FLAVOR??

padsies: menthol

padsies: and her fave chocolate is dairy milk

padsies: golden crisp

pwonggy: OK OK WISH ME LUCK

padsies: good luck baka

bakamoonyasf: good luck

padsies: dude where's wormtail??

wormysoftboy: im trying to catch up on the drama

wormysoftboy: damn julia roberts is missing????

wormysoftboy:

[Pea & Bees]

12:28PM

(lily changed dorcas’s name to mckinnonslovergirl)

lily: well helloooooo

remus: YUP YUP YUP

mckinnonslovergirl: HAHAHAHAHA

mckinnonslovergirl: for christs sake

(mckinnonslovergirl changed lily’s name to nosy1)

(mckinnonslovergirl changed remus’s name to nosy2)

nosy1: dont care

nosy1: i fuCKING KNEW YOU TWO WERE GONNA HOOK UP

nosy1: FUCKING WRITTEN IN THE STARS

mckinnonslovergirl: what can i do..

mckinnonslovergirl: pretty girl looks at me.... i look at pretty girl....... and its on

nosy2: LMFAO

nosy1: so????

nosy1: how was it????

mckinnonslovergirl: sure u want the details??

nosy1:

nosy1: u know what i meant

mckinnonslovergirl: lol

mckinnonslovergirl: it was great

mckinnonslovergirl: shes great yk

nosy1: are u dating???

mckinnonslovergirl: waIT WAIT WAIT

mckinnonslovergirl: haha

mckinnonslovergirl: we just hooked up alright

nosy1: but you like her!!

mckinnonslovergirl: i never said that

mckinnonslovergirl: we’ve known each other for so little

mckinnonslovergirl: lets not skip steps

nosy1:

nosy2: agreed, cas

nosy2: dont listen to lily

nosy2: she thinks shes a matchmaker or sumn

nosy1: I DONT THINK THAT

nosy1: i just KNOW when there's chemistry

nosy1: mr i was just cleaning his lip

nosy2: oH DONT START WITH THIS AGAIN

mckinnonslovergirl: wait wait hold awn

mckinnonslovergirl: who was mr lupin cleaning the lip of

mckinnonslovergirl: and important question

mckinnonslovergirl: was it with his *own* lips??

nosy1: he wishes

mckinnonslovergirl: ayee

nosy2: k im out

nosy1: noooo dont go lover boy my lip is bleeding can u clean it for me pweeaseee
nosy2: i hate you

nosy1: JNCEIJCIJIODIEJIE

[Charity Work]

12:49PM

remusisdelusional: hey wanna go grab some lunch??

remusisdelusional: we can stop by at ollivanders too if u fancy

remusisdelusional: maybe they’ll have hunky dory this time

remusisdelusional: if ur still feeling hungover its fine dw

remusisdelusional: we dont have to go

remusisdelusional: it was just an idea rlly

siriusisdumb: moony

siriusisdumb: its fine lol

siriusisdumb: lets go

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: k great

remusisdelusional: but ur gonna have to pick me up cause my car is still at gid and fab’s

siriusisdumb: sure

siriusisdumb: have u ever rode a motorbike??

remusisdelusional: oh fuck no
 CHAPTER 11: They Were On A Break
Chapter Notes

i know i said in like chapter 2 that lily was excited for april 9th due to taylor's new
album and now boom suddenly its october and its almost sirius' birthday. i dont care.
time is just a concept and the fic is mine and i create the rules.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[Mummy & Boys ❣️ ]

9:34AM

Euphemia Potter: Good Morning , my loves ....!!! ☀️

JamieTheSecondFavorite: hi mum!!!

Euphemia Potter: Sirius, Sweetie I see you still haven’t changed Jamie’s nick name yet..

KingSiriusTheFavorite: why would i if its true effie??

KingSiriusTheFavorite:

Euphemia Potter: Silly Boy !!..

Euphemia Potter:

JamieTheSecondFavorite:

Euphemia Potter: HAhahahA LOL

Euphemia Potter: Always nice to tease , Jamie

JamieTheSecondFavorite: i’ll let it pass.... again

JamieTheSecondFavorite: so how’s everything, mum??

JamieTheSecondFavorite: how’s dad??

Euphemia Potter: Oh It’s All Marvellous , Darling !!!..

Euphemia Potter: Your Father and I miss you two very much...

KingSiriusTheFavorite: you can always come and visit!

KingSiriusTheFavorite: or we could go out for dinner?

KingSiriusTheFavorite: i know you’re a few hours away but we could all stay at james’ for a
weekend

JamieTheSecondFavorite: yeah!!

Euphemia Potter: Oh I’m afraid It’s not so easy, Dears ...

Euphemia Potter: But we’ll see what we can arrange ..!!!

Euphemia Potter: Especially with your Birthday coming up , Sirius honey!!

Euphemia Potter: # 2 #Weeks

KingSiriusTheFavorite: yeah!!!!!

Euphemia Potter: Are you Planning something ??..

KingSiriusTheFavorite: we’re having a party at james’

KingSiriusTheFavorite: halloween themed since its so close!

JamieTheSecondFavorite: :)))

Euphemia Potter: OH !! Amazing..!!!

Euphemia Potter: Oh and that reminds me ....

Euphemia Potter: Speaking of Parties

Euphemia Potter: James , Sirius told me about an occurrence 2 Weeks Ago ...

Euphemia Potter: I believe your Father and I taught you two boys very well about the dangers
and consequences of cigarettes ....

Euphemia Potter: Whether they are electronic or Not ......

Euphemia Potter: But I am aware there is Only So Much I can do..

Euphemia Potter: But stealing , James Potter???...

Euphemia Potter: I taught you so much better than this!!

Euphemia Potter: Stealing an electronic cigarette from a Friend, I’ve never seen such a thing !!!!

JamieTheSecondFavorite: mum it was just a misunderstanding

Euphemia Potter: You could've gone to Prison ....!!

JamieTheSecondFavorite: mum it was an accident!!

Euphemia Potter: I do not want to hear it ..

Euphemia Potter: I hope you have already apologized to the girl and returned her device ....

JamieTheSecondFavorite: i did mum i swear

JamieTheSecondFavorite: i returned it to her the next day

JamieTheSecondFavorite: it was just a misunderstanding

Euphemia Potter: I will be sending you a link to an Article on the dangers of Smoking , I thought
you had learned when you were 15

Euphemia Potter: Clearly not ...

KingSiriusTheFavorite: so disappointing
JamieTheSecondFavorite: im sorry mum

Euphemia Potter: Very Well

Euphemia Potter: Now get off your phone and pay attention to your lectures !!

Euphemia Potter: I Love You Two Very Much

Euphemia Potter: Have a Good Day , My Darlings

KingSiriusTheFavorite: bye effie!!!!!

JamieTheSecondFavorite: bye mum love you ♥️

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

9:52AM

padfoot: CEHIEIWJDOWEJCIWEJCIWEJDIWEJ

padfoot: EKRVIRFJORVORIRC

prongs: on a scale of 1 to 10

prongs: how dead do you think you are

padfoot: i’d say maybe 9.5?

prongs: do that times 1000

[Conversion Therapy]

3:45PM
lily: hiii lovie!!!

sirius: hey lils! :)

lily: are we ready to progress???

sirius: progress on what?

lily: sirius

lily: on taylor’s discography, of course!

sirius: HAHAHAHAHAHA

sirius: lily

sirius: just because i said one of her albums wasnt so bad

sirius: it doesnt mean im interested on the rest of her discography

lily: BRO

lily: YOU WERE DANCING WITH ME

lily: AT GID AND FABS

sirius: i was drunk

lily: when we’re drunk is when our true inner selves come out

lily: and i believe ur inner self is a true hardcore swift

lily: we just have to

lily: you know

lily: trigger it
sirius: yeah yeah sure

lily: question:

lily: have you ever been in love?

sirius: not that i remember

sirius: why

lily: well because it matters depending on which album you’ll listen next

lily: after being in love the taylor experience is just.... something else

sirius: have YOU ever been in love, mrs evans??

lily: oh yes

lily: preston fawley, year 7

lily: my first kiss

lily: i thought we were gonna get married, you see.....

lily: but no

lily: he had other plans

lily: “we are 12 evans we cant get married this weekend.... nor the next”

lily: and thats when the way i loved you came in

lily: and its 2am and im cursing your name.....

lily: ur so in love that you act insane......

lily: and thats the way i loved you...

lily:

lily: oh preston....

lily: i think he’s gay now

sirius: LMFAOO

lily: ANYWAY

lily: enough of my atrocious love life

lily: shall we listen to 1989??

lily: i think u’ll love it!!

lily: its one of my fave albums ong

lily: we have clean, new romantics (!!!!), style, out of the woods, i wish you would...

lily: its a whole Bop from start to finish

sirius: i’ll consider

sirius: maybe one day when i fall in love and have my heart shattered into pieces

sirius: i’ll hit you up

lily: uuuggghhh but i dont wanna wait until then

sirius: HAHAHAHAHSH

[Moony And Prongs Take On The World]

4:41PM

stagsarecool: hi moony man

badmoonrising: hey prongs

badmoonrising: what's up

stagsarecool: nothing much

stagsarecool: im leaving practice

stagsarecool: footie

badmoonrising: nice!

badmoonrising: my favorite jock

stagsarecool: :))

stagsarecool: uhm actually

stagsarecool: i wanted to ask u something??

badmoonrising: sure

stagsarecool: does lily idk

stagsarecool: not like me??

badmoonrising: uhm

badmoonrising: define not like

stagsarecool: oh its just that like

stagsarecool: ive sent lily some memes that i thought were funny

stagsarecool: and she always leaves me on read

stagsarecool: idk if im being annoying

stagsarecool: if she just doesnt like me

stagsarecool: idk

badmoonrising: ohh

badmoonrising: idk prongs

badmoonrising: its just

badmoonrising: i dont think shes interested in you

badmoonrising: the way u are u know

stagsarecool: ://

badmoonrising: yeah :(

badmoonrising: i dont think she doesnt *like you*

badmoonrising: i just think ur in different pages yk

stagsarecool: yeah yeah gotcha

stagsarecool: idk i just think shes so great

stagsarecool: shes so funny and smart

stagsarecool: like shes really fucking smart im scared sometimes

stagsarecool: and she smells so good

stagsarecool: like vanilla

stagsarecool: i love vanilla

stagsarecool: and shes so pretty

stagsarecool: idk i get nervous around her and i know she probably thinks im an idiot

badmoonrising: nooo she doesnt think ur an idiot

stagsarecool: yeah idk

stagsarecool: its fine tho

stagsarecool: just wanted to ask

stagsarecool: thanks :)

badmoonrising: no worries :)
badmoonrising: actually prongs

stagsarecool: yeah

badmoonrising: do this

badmoonrising: uhm

badmoonrising: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX5KpP2LN299J?
si=Mp986jcISYOJnRtAj0LCQg

badmoonrising: this is the link to her taylor swift playlist

badmoonrising: shes her all time favorite singer

badmoonrising: maybe give it a listen??

badmoonrising: u’d have something to talk abt with her then!

stagsarecool: fuck moons ur the best!!!!

stagsarecool: ive never listened to taylor swift before

stagsarecool: i’ll give it a try

stagsarecool: tysm!!!!!!! ur the best ever!!!!!!

badmoonrising: haha dw

badmoonrising: im an advocate for love ;)

stagsarecool: oooohhhhh

stagsarecool: romaaantic moooonssss

stagsarecool:

badmoonrising: HAHAHAHA

[Charity Work]
4:57AM

remusisdelusional: no no im done

remusisdelusional: i cant do this anymore

remusisdelusional: i physically cannot do this anymore

siriusisdumb: oh remus come on

remusisdelusional: no

remusisdelusional: im done with you

remusisdelusional: just block me already idc

siriusisdumb: remus PLEASE

siriusisdumb: you know im right

siriusisdumb: ur just too stubborn

remusisdelusional: too stubborn????

remusisdelusional: they wereNT ON A BREAK

remusisdelusional: how can u say that they were

siriusisdumb: BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY SAID THEY WERE ON A BREAK???

remusisdelusional: ROSS CHEATED ON HER

siriusisdumb: HOW DID HE CHEAT ON HER IF THEY WERE ON A BREAK

remusisdelusional: DUDE THEY WERENT

siriusisdumb: look

siriusisdumb: im not saying rachel didn't have the right to be upset

siriusisdumb: like im on her side on that

siriusisdumb: but like

siriusisdumb: they were, indeed, on a break

siriusisdumb: like we can rewatch that episode if you want and check

siriusisdumb: ross and rachel were on a break

remusisdelusional: fine

remusisdelusional: we’ll rewatch it

remusisdelusional: and you’ll see

remusisdelusional: what a moNSTER LOOKS LIKE

remusisdelusional: WHO FUCKING CHEATS ON RACHEL GREEN

remusisdelusional: THATS JENNIFER ANISTON DUDE

siriusisdumb: HE DIDNT CHEAT ON HER

remusisdelusional: oh yeah SURE

remusisdelusional: next thing you’ll say she was right abt not going to paris

siriusisdumb: .......

remusisdelusional: oH FOR FUCKS SAKE

siriusisdumb: SHE LOVED HIM

remusisdelusional: PARIS WAS HER DREAM

remusisdelusional: AND SHE STAYED IN NEW YORK FOR HIM

remusisdelusional: FOR FUCKING ROSS GELLER

remusisdelusional: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

siriusisdumb: THEY WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER

siriusisdumb: LOBSTERS, REMUS

siriusisdumb: LOBSTERS

siriusisdumb: I BET YOU SHIP RACHEL AND JOEY

remusisdelusional: nah not really

remusisdelusional: they were too good as friends

siriusisdumb: well if we go by the logic

siriusisdumb: then chandler and monica should've stayed friends too then

remusisdelusional: oh nO NO NO NEVER

remusisdelusional: they are fucking chandler and monica

remusisdelusional: monica and chandler

remusisdelusional: literal soulmates

siriusisdumb: aw there is a romantic inside of you after all

siriusisdumb: you loVE DENIER

siriusisdumb: ROSS AND RACHEL LOVED EACH OTHER

siriusisdumb: THEY HAD A DAUGHTER TOGETHER

siriusisdumb: RACHEL WOULDNT BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM IN PARIS

remusisdelusional: DUDE SHE WOULDVE BEEN IN FUCKING PARIS

remusisdelusional: FOLLOWING HER DREAMS

siriusisdumb: she CHOSE to stay

remusisdelusional: he BEGGED her not to go

remusisdelusional: he got inside her mind

remusisdelusional: thats like emotional manipulation

siriusisdumb: my fucking god

siriusisdumb: look

siriusisdumb: for my birthday

siriusisdumb: the best gift you can give me

siriusisdumb: is having common sense

siriusisdumb: like thats all i want

siriusisdumb: please i just want you to be able to have an actual conversation with me based on
the FACTS

remusisdelusional: when is ur birthday

siriusisdumb: nov 3rd

remusisdelusional: duDE THATS IN LIKE 2 WEEKS ????

siriusisdumb: ive heard

remusisdelusional: AND YOU DIDNT THINK ABT TELLING ME THAT???

remusisdelusional: WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A MONTH AND YOU DIDNT
TELL ME WHEN UR BIRTHDAY WAS

siriusisdumb: i said i was a scorpio?

siriusisdumb: u were supposed to know it was at least coming up

remusisdelusional: u think i know when its fucking scorpio season or whatever tf thats called

siriusisdumb: lol

siriusisdumb: but pls consider my gift

siriusisdumb: its all i want

siriusisdumb: then we can rewatch friends

remusisdelusional: no

remusisdelusional: we’re gonna rewatch it now

remusisdelusional: im coming over

siriusisdumb: what??

remusisdelusional: im coming over

remusisdelusional: like im literally putting my shoes on

siriusisdumb: but

siriusisdumb: uhm

siriusisdumb: its like past 5am lol

remusisdelusional: yeah and?

remusisdelusional: i dont have any classes in the morning tomorrow

remusisdelusional: do you??

siriusisdumb: no only at 2pm

remusisdelusional: so
remusisdelusional: i just left my dorm

siriusisdumb: ur dorm is on the other side of the campus

siriusisdumb: you’ll get caught

remusisdelusional: shivers me timbers

remusisdelusional: do u want me to come or not??

remusisdelusional: i can literally just turn around and go back to my room

siriusisdumb: no no

siriusisdumb: yeah u can come

siriusisdumb: lol

siriusisdumb: you can come

siriusisdumb: dw

siriusisdumb: u can come

remusisdelusional: lol ok

remusisdelusional: i’ll be there in 15

siriusisdumb: k

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

5:22AM

frankiegrande: MARLENE

frankiegrande: ARE YOU AWAKE

frankiegrande: MARLENE

frankiegrande: MARLENE
frankiegrande: MARLENE

frankiegrande: MARLENE

frankiegrande: MAR

frankiegrande: LENE

frankiegrande: MARLENE PLEASE

jojosiwa: dude wtf???????

jojosiwa: look at the time

frankiegrande: REMUS IS COMING OVER

jojosiwa: what

frankiegrande: REMUS

frankiegrande: REMUS LUPIN

frankiegrande: IS COMING OVER TO MY DORM

jojosiwa: why would he do that

jojosiwa: is he a masochist or sumn

frankiegrande: WE WERE TEXTING

frankiegrande: AND WE WERE TALKING ABT FRIENDS

frankiegrande: THE TV SHOW

frankiegrande: AND HE’S COMING OVER SO WE CAN REWATCH IT

jojosiwa: at 5:30am???
frankiegrande: YESKCD

jojosiwa: dude lock the door

jojosiwa: he’s about to rob you ong

frankiegrande: MCKINNON HELP

frankiegrande: WHAT DO I DO

jojosiwa: have you showered today??

frankiegrande: obviously

jojosiwa: are you lookin pretty?

frankiegrande: is that even a question

jojosiwa: so dont worry

jojosiwa: just watch friends with him you’ll be fine

frankiegrande: I HOPE

jojosiwa: ok just let me go back to sleep

jojosiwa: i know u dont have any morning lectures tomorrow but i do

jojosiwa: in like less than 4 hours

jojosiwa: so bye

frankiegrande: BYE THANK YOU XXXXXX

 jojosiwa: yeah yeah

[Charity Work]

5:47AM

remusisdelusional: which one is ur dorm

siriusisdumb: 3A

remusisdelusional: k

remusisdelusional: im in the building

remusisdelusional: im here

remusisdelusional: open the door

Chapter End Notes

the playlist link remus sent to james is literally spotify's This Is: Taylor Swift
LMFAOOOOO
i was gonna put the link to my own playlist BUT my acc has my full name and
yeeeahh i dont rlly feel like sharing that...so yeah :)
 CHAPTER 12: DILF Lover

[Pea & Bees]

1:48PM

mckinnonslovergirl: so...

mckinnonslovergirl: just saw a certain someone leaving sirius’ dorm..???

mckinnonslovergirl: @nosy2 care to explain, babes??

nosy2: how do you know u fucking creep

mckinnonslovergirl: im hanging out at marls’

mckinnonslovergirl: her building is the one right next to his

mckinnonslovergirl: and COINCIDENTALLY i was sitting by the window and saw you leaving
the building......

nosy2: and what makes u think i was at his??

mckinnonslovergirl: “how do you know u fucking creep”

nosy2: shit

nosy1: WAAAIT A SECOND HOLD AWNNNN

nosy1: @nosy2 YOU BETTER START TALKING SLENDERMAN

nosy2: it was nothing

nosy2: we were just watching friends

mckinnonslovergirl: at 1 in the afternoon???

mckinnonslovergirl: weird

nosy2: actually

nosy2: not rlly

nosy2: i went to his at like

nosy2: 5:30am?

nosy1: wtf

nosy1: why????

nosy2: we were just talking abt the show and i came over so we could rewatch some episodes

nosy1: u two were talking til 5:30 in the fucking morning??

nosy2: yeah

nosy1: damn

nosy1: be careful

nosy1: someone might say you like hanging out with him

nosy1: or worse

nosy1: that you *like* him

nosy1:

nosy2: i rlly dont wanna have this conversation again please

mckinnonslovergirl: then why did you react like *this* by being caught??

mckinnonslovergirl: be careful

mckinnonslovergirl: someone might say its because ur embarrassed..

mckinnonslovergirl: or worse

mckinnonslovergirl: embarrassed bc u *like* him...

mckinnonslovergirl:

nosy2: oh fuck off

nosy2: how many times do i have to tell you guys that we are FRIENDS

nosy2: you sound like kids smh

nosy1: he’s too mature for us cas

mckinnonslovergirl: yeah clearly

mckinnonslovergirl: cause this mf must think im stupid

mckinnonslovergirl: i did see the bed head from afar luv

mckinnonslovergirl: i have 20/20 vision ;)

nosy2: you know i didnt sit on a little chair in the corner all night right

nosy1: lol

mckinnonslovergirl: yeah but bed head.....

nosy2: bro i napped

nosy2: what do u want me to tell u

nosy2: i wouldve been awake for hours

mckinnonslovergirl: AWWW CUDDLES

nosy2: ok thats it
nosy2: bye

mckinnonslovergirl: CUDDLE BEAR

nosy1: HAHAHSHSHAHSHA

mckinnonslovergirl: simp in denial

mckinnonslovergirl: ok now imma go get my own cuddles

mckinnonslovergirl: ttyl

[Charity Work]

2:07PM

remusisdelusional: did u arrive too late for class

siriusisdumb: nah

siriusisdumb: only abt 2 minutes

siriusisdumb: had to do a good sprinting tho lol

remusisdelusional: yikes sorry

remusisdelusional: i shouldve set more than one alarm

remusisdelusional: im a heavy sleeper

siriusisdumb: nah dw i didnt really fall into deep sleep

siriusisdumb: with you breathing down my neck the whole time

remusisdelusional: you snore

siriusisdumb: lightly.

siriusisdumb: but yeah dw

siriusisdumb: it was just a little nap

siriusisdumb: and if i had heard that alarm more than once i swear i wouldve punched a whole
through the wall

siriusisdumb: that shit triggers my fight or flight istg

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: wait but i set the alarm for 10 minutes before the necessary

remusisdelusional: and u still got up late

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: i dont think it was 10 minutes lol

siriusisdumb: maybe you saw it wrong

siriusisdumb: gtg my professor is here

siriusisdumb: bye see u later

[James Potter & Lily Evans]

5:41PM

james: hey lils! :)

james: alright??

lily: hi

lily: alright

james: great!!!!! :))))

james: so
james: i was just wondering

james: if you already have ur costume picked

james: for sirius’ bday??

lily: uhm

lily: no not really

lily: its only in 2 weeks tho

james: yeah yeah!!!

james: cause i was thinking if maybe you’d wanna wear matching costumes?? :)

lily: oh

lily: uhm yeah i dont really think so james

lily: sorry

james: ohh

james: oh ok thats fine

james: dont worry..

james: do you know anyone else who’d wanna be james?? cause im pretty siked abt this idea lol

lily: wdym be james??

james: oh yk

james: my idea was that i’d be betty

james: and someone else would be james

james: cause yk im already a james so that wouldnt be much fun hahah

lily: wait wait wait

lily: betty??

lily: like

lily: taylor’s betty?????

lily: taylor’s james??????

james: yeah!

lily: i’ll be james.

james: really?????

lily: yes

lily: like a 100% yes

lily: god betty and james thats fucking brilliant

lily: yes yES I’LL BE JAMES

james: YAYAAYAYAY

james: i was thinking maybe we could dress like very folklore-y??? like cardigans and all
(especially since thats like.. bettys song)

james: im sure moony can lend us some

lily: I HAVE THE FOLKLORE CARDIGAN!!!!!!

lily: LOOK!!!!!

lily:
james: THATS SO COOL

lily: YEAH!!!!

lily: AND WE CAN WEAR LIKE NAME TAGS

lily: YK SO PEOPLE CAN KNOW IM JAMES AND UR BETTY

james: YES THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING!!!!

lily: YAY IM SO EXCITED!!!!

lily: MOONY WILL DEF LET U BORROW ONE OF HIS CARDIGANS

lily: HE HAS A COLLECTION AHAHA

james: JNEUWDWID

lily: THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN JAMES

lily: OR WAIT

lily: SHOULD I SAY

lily: THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN BETTY!!!!!!!!!!

lily: NJWODOWDOWKF

lily: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU LIKED TAYLOR SWIFT

lily: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME

james: oh

james: i think it just never crossed my mind hahahah

lily: shouldve told me!!!

lily: :D !!!!!!

[Moony And Prongs Take On The World]

6:01PM

stagsarecool: DUDE

stagsarecool: I COULD KISS YOU RN

badmoonrising: DID IT WORK?????

stagsarecool: YES YES SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!

stagsarecool: MOONY MY HEART IS HERS IM TELLING YOU

badmoonrising: CIEWJDWJCIJCIVIEWJDOKCOEJV

badmoonrising: FUCK YEAH PRONGSIE BOY!!!!!!!!

stagsarecool: IT WAS SOME VERY EXHAUSTING 24 HOURS

stagsarecool: I LISTENED TO TAYLOR’S ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY

stagsarecool: TWICE
stagsarecool: AND WATCHED INTERVIEWS

stagsarecool: AND SONG ANALYSIS

stagsarecool: BUT BRO HER SONG IS FIRE?????

stagsarecool: LIKE AT FIRST I WAS JUST DOING THIS FOR LILY BUT DAMN IT SLAPS
PRETTY FUCKING HARD?????

badmoonrising: HAHSHSUHSUWH

badmoonrising: im not the biiiiggest fan but being friends with lily..... you kinda learn to like it

stagsarecool: NEIEJDFIEJDIW same thing with padfoot

stagsarecool: cant be friends with him and not like fergie

stagsarecool: year 8 was just london bridge nonstop

badmoonrising: he likes fergie????

badmoonrising: LMFAOEIWEODK

stagsarecool: dude he loves her ong

stagsarecool: dont play big girls dont cry around him

stagsarecool: because according to him

stagsarecool: “big girls might not cry but big gays do”

badmoonrising: IDJIEWJIFJIWJFIJCIEW

badmoonrising: i can HEAR him saying that while straight up sobbing

stagsarecool: HAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH

stagsarecool: what a big baby... gotta love him

stagsarecool: dont tell him i told u abt fergie btw!!!!

stagsarecool: he says fergie is for his alter ego and his alter ego only
badmoonrising: lol ok fine

stagsarecool: ur gonna tell him wont u

badmoonrising: yeah i 100% will

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

6:45PM

jojosiwa: our costumes for ur bday

jojosiwa:

frankiegrande: BRO

frankiegrande: YEEES
frankiegrande: SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY

jojosiwa: knew you’d like it

jojosiwa: i call dibs on morticia

frankiegrande: NOOO I WANTED TO BE MORTICIA

jojosiwa: too slow loser

jojosiwa: ur gomez

frankiegrande: I ALREADY HAVE THE DARK HAIR THO

jojosiwa: i can easily get a wig you know that

jojosiwa: or i can just shave your hair off and make a wig out of it

jojosiwa: cheaper

frankiegrande: BUT ITS *MY* BDAY

jojosiwa: didnt ask

frankiegrande: fuck you

jojosiwa: aww you always know how to warm my heart

[It's Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

8:02PM

simmermary69: is everyone listening??

himbosupremacy:

rawrdorkyXD: yup

simmermary69:

simmermary69: thank you for listening

toohottohandle: couldn't have said it better myself

sexymoonman: wait wait wait

sexymoonman: lets switch the c for a g real quick

sexymoonman:
marleynotbob: oooOOOOHHHH YES

marleynotbob: I ♥️ MILFS

himbosupremacy: this is so true!!!!

fireballswiftie: this is not easy to say.

fireballswiftie: but i believe its my time to come clean.

fireballswiftie:
simmermary69: fuCK GEMMA CHANNNNN

buddyvalastro: shes very pretty!!!

rawrdorkyXD: anything for her

himbosupremacy: and since we’re on the marvel topic....

himbosupremacy:
fireballswiftie: who doesnt love a classic

marleynotbob: thats a dilf if i’ve ever seen one

toohottohandle: no but i’ll win now

toohottohandle: like no one

toohottohandle: will ever compare

toohottohandle: to this hottie right here

toohottohandle:
toohottohandle: now THATS a dilf

toohottohandle:

marleynotbob: why do you have to bring my dad into this

sexymoonman: thATS YOUR DAD??? LMFAOOOODWIEDWI

marleynotbob: james charles has no fucking boundaries i swear

toohottohandle: call me james charles again and the next name you’ll call me is ....hey new dad

fireballswiftie: oH MY GOD

simmermary69: KDIWJFIDJWIDJIWWW

simmermary69: LEAVE SEÑOR MCKINNON OUT OF THIS

toohottohandle: you call him señor mckinnon??

toohottohandle: sheesh

toohottohandle: its just sergio for me

sexymoonman: DCEWIJWIEJICJEDJEIC

sexymoonman: GOODBYE

buddyvalastro: padfoot why are you like this

toohottohandle: what??

toohottohandle: a dilf lover??

toohottohandle: i cant help it..

rawrdorkyXD:

(toohottohandle changed their name to dilfloverasf)

dilfloverasf: there

dilfloverasf: much more fitting

himbosupremacy: at least its not MY dad anymore

dilfloverasf: yeah it got weird after he called me son for the first time.. ://

dilfloverasf: but i will say he has been growing quite the beard......

himbosupremacy: EW PADFOOT

fireballswiftie: STOP THIS MADNESS

sexymoonman: LMFAOOOOOO
simmermary69: JNDIEJIJFIJF

dilfloverasf: IM KIDDING IM KIDDING

marleynotbob: mum can you come pick me up the kids are drinking alcohol

dilfloverasf: damn a milf too??

[Charity Work]

10:22PM

remusisdelusional: hey

remusisdelusional: very important question

siriusisdumb: yeah what's up

remusisdelusional: do u promise you'll tell me the truth??

siriusisdumb: yeah ig??

siriusisdumb: what's going on

remusisdelusional: do you.....

remusisdelusional: do you think i make the boys go loco loco??

siriusisdumb: oh my GOD

siriusisdumb: JAMES TOLD YOU DIDNT HE

siriusisdumb: MF I THOUGHT THIS WAS SERIOUS

remusisdelusional: JENEDIEFIEDOWKS

remusisdelusional: yeah he told me

remusisdelusional: and *this* is not serious

remusisdelusional: *you* are sirius

siriusisdumb: ......

siriusisdumb: ok ur forgiven

remusisdelusional: lol

siriusisdumb: anyway

siriusisdumb: i was actually just abt to text u

remusisdelusional: ohh

remusisdelusional: what for??

siriusisdumb: oh nothing

siriusisdumb: i was just wondering really

siriusisdumb: if you dont wanna go grab lunch tomorrow??

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: sorry i’d love to but i cant

remusisdelusional: have a bit of a thing ://

siriusisdumb: oh

remusisdelusional: sorry pads

remusisdelusional: i’ll owe you a lunch

siriusisdumb: lol

[MoonFlower <3]

12:43PM

gingertaylorswift: hey i just left my lecture

gingertaylorswift: meet u at three broomsticks for some lunch??

therealslimmoony: sorry cant

therealslimmoony: im actually omw to the city rn

gingertaylorswift: city?? tf

gingertaylorswift: what are u doing

therealslimmoony: im... kinda in a hunt??

therealslimmoony: i need to go find sirius’ birthday present

therealslimmoony: and i found this store online that might have it

therealslimmoony: but its in the city

therealslimmoony: so here i go!

gingertaylorswift: damn

therealslimmoony: what

gingertaylorswift: nothing

gingertaylorswift: well nvm then i’ll text mary and see if shes out of class already

gingertaylorswift: good luck moony!!

therealslimmoony: thx xx

[MoonFlower <3]

2:51PM

therealslimmoony: yES

therealslimmoony: FUCK YES

gingertaylorswift: found it???

therealslimmoony: sure did!!!!!

therealslimmoony:

gingertaylorswift: hunky dory

gingertaylorswift: i thought he’d already gotten it?

gingertaylorswift: that day u two went to ollivanders

therealslimmoony: yeah he didnt find it then ://

therealslimmoony: BUT I HAVE

therealslimmoony: do you think he’ll like it??

gingertaylorswift: remus honestly

gingertaylorswift: what a question

therealslimmoony: :DDDD
 CHAPTER 13: Orange Is The New Black Is Casting
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:33AM

frankiegrande: yo jojo

frankiegrande: can we learn the saturday night fever’s more than a woman routine????

jojosiwa: sup mamas

jojosiwa: yes

jojosiwa: we absolutely can

jojosiwa: why is that even a question

jojosiwa: send me the link

frankiegrande: nice

frankiegrande: https://youtu.be/FPUUvQVeqlA

jojosiwa: we’re *not* doing the kissing part tho

frankiegrande: yeah no shit

jojosiwa: just sayin

jojosiwa: ur kind of insane sometimes

jojosiwa: and u do be looking like a lesbian..

jojosiwa: ppl might expect the kiss yk

frankiegrande: omggg did u know orange is the new black is casting??? they’re looking for a hey
mamas lesbian i think you’d be perfect for the part

jojosiwa: yeah i got the call

jojosiwa: turned it down tho

jojosiwa: said i knew someone who'd be more fitting

jojosiwa: they’ll be contacting you soon

frankiegrande: honestly i wouldnt say no i lowkey wanna get that bag

jojosiwa: understandable

jojosiwa: hey

jojosiwa: ive been wanting to talk/ask(?) u abt something for a week now and i always forget

frankiegrande: fire away sugar momma

jojosiwa: dorcas told me abt a certain cuddling sesh u shared with mr remus lupin..??

jojosiwa: after the friends marathon thing

frankiegrande: oh

frankiegrande: how does dorcas know

frankiegrande: did he say something to her????????

jojosiwa: kinda ???

jojosiwa: she saw him leaving ur building and his hair was all messy and she just kinda got it out
of him

jojosiwa: he said u two were napping..?

jojosiwa: but i know ur bed is not big enough for two ppl to sleep in without *having* to cuddle

jojosiwa: that one time *we* took a nap at ur dorm still gives me nightmares..........
frankiegrande: lol

frankiegrande: remus and i weren't cuddling..

jojosiwa: sirius

frankiegrande: ok we were NWIJIEJIDCJ

jojosiwa: fucking knew it you whore

frankiegrande: but look it wasnt a cuddle like

frankiegrande: hey wanna cuddle and take a sweet lil nap together

frankiegrande: it was more like

frankiegrande: hey scooch over im gonna fall off

jojosiwa: hmmmm

jojosiwa: then why was his arm around ur waist

frankiegrande: dUDE HOW DO YOU KNOW

jojosiwa: u just told me

frankiegrande: damn ur good

frankiegrande: but idk it was just like...... draped.. over my waist

frankiegrande: not like

frankiegrande: i wanna cuddle and hold u tight and never let u go type thing

jojosiwa: why are you being like this??

frankiegrande: like what

jojosiwa: like denying shit

jojosiwa: being all like “oh it was nothing”

jojosiwa: i expected u to be freaking out

jojosiwa: im surprised u didnt even tell me abt it

frankiegrande: yeah idk

frankiegrande: its just

frankiegrande: idk

jojosiwa: i thought you liked him?

frankiegrande: idk its...... strange??

frankiegrande: like yes im very much attracted to him

frankiegrande: .....like.. have you seen him

frankiegrande: and ive been since day 1

frankiegrande: u remember that

frankiegrande: but then i got to know him and yeah he's like the best ever

frankiegrande: so fucking funny and smart and passionate and just amazing

jojosiwa: so you do like him

frankiegrande: yeah ok i do

frankiegrande: BUT

frankiegrande: he doesnt feel the same way

frankiegrande: that part is very much clear

frankiegrande: like i even invited him out for lunch last week and he made up a lame excuse of
having something else to do

frankiegrande: so idk im not gonna sit here and fool myself that ooohhhh we were cuddlinggg
how cute

frankiegrande: because i know thats not the reality

frankiegrande: we’re great as friends and thats that

jojosiwa: hmmph

jojosiwa: idk abt that tbh

jojosiwa: but whatever u say

jojosiwa: anyway my class ends in 10 wanna come to mines and order something??

frankiegrande: yesyes

frankiegrande: what do u fancy??

jojosiwa: i was thinking maybe some chinese??

frankiegrande: yummyyy

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:40PM

himbosupremacy: 5 DAYS

himbosupremacy: TIL BAKA PADFOOT TURNS 21

himbosupremacy: YUP YUP YUP

dilfloverasf: PURRRRRR AS I MF SHOULD

rawrdorkyXD: YAYYYY
rawrdorkyXD: SO EXCITED!!!!!!

fireballswiftie: ITS A PARTAAAYYYYYY

himbosupremacy: DO WE ALL HAVE OUR COSTUMES SORTED OUT???

sexymoonman: wait were u fr abt the costumes lol

himbosupremacy: uhm YES????

himbosupremacy: you know i have mine sorted out already

himbosupremacy: @fireballswiftie !!!!!!!

fireballswiftie: yesyesyeyseyses :))))))))

marleynotbob: kurt hummel and i have ours sorted out too

dilfloverasf: kurt hummel??? really??

marleynotbob: ur tryna tell me ur gay ass didnt dress like this in freshman year

marleynotbob:
buddyvalastro: sorry padfoot but u did

himbosupremacy: HE DID LMAO

simmermary69:

dilfloverasf: i-

dilfloverasf: well

dilfloverasf: eat ur heart out kate middleton

dilfloverasf:

marleynotbob:
sexymoonman: dont mean to interrupt this soul searching moment

sexymoonman: but i am so sorry to say that i will *not* be wearing a costume

dilfloverasf: hahahaha thats funny

dilfloverasf: hahahahahahah hilarious

himbosupremacy: poor thing ahahahahah

sexymoonman: im not joking lol

dilfloverasf: remus

dilfloverasf: im going to be very clear

dilfloverasf: no costume on you = no party for you

sexymoonman: dude

sexymoonman: i just dont like dressing up

dilfloverasf: ??? dont care???

dilfloverasf: better think of something boy

dilfloverasf: 5 DAYS!

buddyvalastro: its not hard moony

buddyvalastro: maybe you can even find a costume in your closet!

buddyvalastro: i didnt have to buy anything for mine :) everything straight from my own
wardrobe!

himbosupremacy: what are you going as, wormy??

buddyvalastro: ed sheeran

marleynotbob: oh my god

buddyvalastro: i did need the wig tho :/

buddyvalastro: but cas let me borrow hers!

rawrdorkyXD: bro........

fireballswiftie: @rawrdorkyXD why do you have a ginger wig

rawrdorkyXD: i was trying some things out in freshman year......

buddyvalastro: thanks for lending it to me cas!!! promise i’ll take good care

rawrdorkyXD: homeboy you can have it its YOURS

fireballswiftie: is there gonna be a contest for best costume??

dilfloverasf: nah i dont think so

dilfloverasf: would be unfair

dilfloverasf: marlene and i would win

marleynotbob: fuck yeah boy

simmermary69: nah i would win

simmermary69: my costume is just

simmermary69: chefs kiss

simmermary69: @marleynotbob u wont believe what it is

marleynotbob: ???

simmermary69: guess

simmermary69: a clue:

simmermary69: who was i obsessed with in year 9??

marleynotbob: NO

marleynotbob: NO WAYJFNEIEIIJ

marleynotbob: FUCKING BOB ROSS????

simmermary69: fucking bob ross bitch

marleynotbob: AMAZING

himbosupremacy: @simmermary69 you were obsessed with bob ross?????

marleynotbob: dude she had a whole crush on him

simmermary69: LIES

simmermary69: LIZA MINNELLI LIES

marleynotbob: dont deny it

marleynotbob: he used to be ur lockscreen

simmermary69: he's just.... so relaxing..

rawrdorkyXD: i didnt know you two know each other from school

simmermary69: yeah we do

simmermary69: been friends since year 5

marleynotbob: we met in year 3 tho

marleynotbob: but mary hated me

simmermary69: dude you bit me because i asked for the glue??

marleynotbob: i waS A SHY AND SCARED FOREIGN KID OK LEAVE ME ALONE

sexymoonman: LMAO

rawrdorkyXD: so im the only one in the group without any childhood friends

rawrdorkyXD: cool..........

dilfloverasf: oh no

dilfloverasf: scene kid dorcas is coming to surface.....

dilfloverasf: if you stay silent you can hear fall out boy in the distance.......

rawrdorkyXD: no but fr

rawrdorkyXD: marlene and mary know each other since they were 7

rawrdorkyXD: remus and lily are synagogue pals

rawrdorkyXD: and u, james and peter went to rich boarding school together

buddyvalastro: oh that was just sirius and james

buddyvalastro: i went to a *normal people* school

buddyvalastro: but james and i were next door neighbours growing up

himbosupremacy: we were old mrs bagshot’s worst nightmare

dilfloverasf: well she loved *me*

dilfloverasf: always gave me biscuits

buddyvalastro: bro i think she was in love with you

dilfloverasf: cant blame her

fireballswiftie: but cas its better to have no childhood friends in uni than to have a weirdo who
never got over the end of ur friendship

sexymoonman: is there something you’d like to tell me?

fireballswiftie: lmfao not YOU

fireballswiftie: you know who im talking about..........

sexymoonman: oH

sexymoonman: OH SNAPE

sexymoonman: THAT GUY HOLY SHIT

sexymoonman: my blood is boiling just by the thought of him

dilfloverasf: @buddyvalastro @himbosupremacy cant possibly be who i think it is

himbosupremacy: better not be cause i swear-

buddyvalastro: dude.....

fireballswiftie: you guys know him????

fireballswiftie: snape??

fireballswiftie: severus snape?????

dilfloverasf: ITS HIM

himbosupremacy: NOT SNIVELLUS

himbosupremacy: ANYONE BUT HIM

sexymoonman: how do you know him????

dilfloverasf: we got into a fight with him in a party once

dilfloverasf: over yk...... politics

dilfloverasf: at first he started calling us snowflakes

dilfloverasf: which was just funny honestly

dilfloverasf: but then he started being racist towards james, homophobic towards me, started
calling peter an incell???? like wtf

buddyvalastro: that dude is queerphobia’s pride and joy

buddyvalastro: asexual people exist you know

fireballswiftie: yup

fireballswiftie: thats him

fireballswiftie: good ol snape

sexymoonman: he is the actual most disgusting human being to have ever walked this planet earth
simmermary69: is it the guy with the greasy hair???

simmermary69: looks like he hasn't showered in months??

himbosupremacy: yeah

simmermary69: yeah he made a racist comment towards me once

simmermary69: i have one class with him

marleynotbob: oh he told me to go back to my country when he heard me speaking spanish on the

phone with my mum at the queue at puddifoots

marleynotbob: mf has no chill

fireballswiftie: he's attacked all of you??????

buddyvalastro: yeah i think so

simmermary69: yeah

dilfloverasf: ig

fireballswiftie: omg i am so sorry

fireballswiftie: im so sorry guys holy shit

fireballswiftie: you wouldnt have to deal with him if it wasnt for me

sexymoonman: lily its not ur fault??? in the slightest???

fireballswiftie: if it weren't for me he wouldnt be studying here

fireballswiftie: he only came to this uni to stalk me

fireballswiftie: the fucking creep

sexymoonman: yeah but thats on him

sexymoonman: he has always been the worst

sexymoonman: you need to stop blaming urself for the shit that guy does

sexymoonman: remember growing up he would always make antisemitic jokes around you

sexymoonman: you always let it slip because “sev doesnt know any better, he meant no harm”

sexymoonman: but he did

sexymoonman: and then you had enough

sexymoonman: as you should

sexymoonman: and the fucker chased after you

sexymoonman: fucking came to the same uni

sexymoonman: tf is wrong with him

fireballswiftie: yeah but still

himbosupremacy: lily its not your fault

himbosupremacy: no one thinks it is

himbosupremacy: shitty people exist and they are everywhere

himbosupremacy: ur not friends with him anymore and thats all that matters

himbosupremacy: dont blame urself

buddyvalastro: yeah lils its fine

marleynotbob: dont worry love

dilfloverasf: ˆˆˆˆ
rawrdorkyXD: idk the guy but i 100% agree

simmermary69: its all good lily <3

fireballswiftie: well

fireballswiftie: im still sorry anyway

fireballswiftie: but thanks guys <3

sexymoonman: what's done is done

sexymoonman: and i will not hesitate to beat the shit out of him again if i have to

fireballswiftie: LMFAO PLEASE DO

marleynotbob: HAHAHA I WANNA SEE THAT PLS

dilfloverasf: @sexymoonman youve punched him???

sexymoonman: yeah when we were 16

sexymoonman: fucking dick

sexymoonman: and i’d do it again!

himbosupremacy: DENJCJSIWJS

dilfloverasf: damn

dilfloverasf: i knew these muscles of urs were useful for *something*

sexymoonman: lmao

sexymoonman: they have more than one use i can assure you
dilfloverasf: lol

[Lily Evans & Marlene McKinnon]

3:17PM

lily: ok thats enough

lily: i need to talk to you

marlene: sure what's up

lily: uhm

lily: how close

lily: are you and sirius

marlene: way more than i’d like to be

marlene: why

lily: look

lily: i might be crazy

lily: but

lily: sirius

lily: and remus

marlene: ur very much not crazy

lily: U SEE IT TOO???

marlene: i would see it even with my eyes closed

marlene: and its not like its a reach to say something like this

marlene: its very much obvious

lily: I KNEW I WAS RIGHT

marlene: has remus said anything to you?????

lily: no he always denies it

lily: says they’re just friends and that i need to stop pairing him up with every single person he
meets

marlene: does he flirt in group chats with every single person he meets??

lily: NO!!

lily: THATS THE THING

lily: this teasing little flirting they have going on

lily: i mean come oooon

marlene: yeah

marlene: sirius must be losing his mind rn lmao

lily: he says stuff to you?????

marlene: yeah all the time

marlene: he’s such a simp its hilarious

lily: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

lily: THE MOMENT HE SPAM LIKED REMUS’ INSTAGRAM GAVE IT AWAY FOR ME

lily: LIKE WHO DOES THAT

marlene: a lunatic like him lol

marlene: but sirius is certain remus is not interested

lily: ugh

lily: its complicated

lily: like he *clearly* is

lily: but he doesnt want to be

lily: so he denies it

marlene: hmmm

marlene: sirius is amazing tho

marlene: i dont see why he wouldnt want to be interested

lily: i dont think its about sirius in particular

lily: its just that

lily: the last relationship he was in was like

lily: a year and a half ago

lily: but the guy cheated on him

lily: it ended pretty ugly

lily: and kingsley was all like pierced and tattooed and wore eyeliner and all that shit

lily: kinda the same vibe as sirius yk

lily: so i think remus just puts up this wall??

lily: like he sees sirius and is like “nope dangerous territory”

marlene: :((
marlene: poor thing

lily: yeah :(

lily: but ive never seen him like this

lily: even with kingsley

lily: like he adores sirius its crazy

lily: i think he’s scared that they’ve known each other for so little and already get along so well

marlene: yeah but sirius is the opposite

marlene: he thinks its incredible

marlene: but he’s all like “yeah we can only be friends so what can i do”

marlene: which i dont buy at all

marlene: i know he’s not all indifferent about it

marlene: sirius gets attached really easy

marlene: he puts his heart into everything

marlene: he looks tough and distant and all that shit

marlene: but he’s very far from that

marlene: he acts as if he’s emotionally capable of having a one night stand lol

lily: meanwhile we have remus “if its not a tinder hookup i dont want it” lupin

marlene: lmao

marlene: yeah

marlene: fucking hell what a mess

lily: right???

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

 3:29PM

frankiegrande: what do you think he meant by that????????

jojosiwa: dont be stupid

frankiegrande: marlene

frankiegrande: pleeeease

frankiegrande:

[MoonFlower <3]

3:33PM

gingertaylorswift: ur muscles have more than one use????

therealslimmoony: shut up

Chapter End Notes

i hate severus snape. all my homies hate severus snape.

CHAPTER 14: Yas Gaga You Look So Good
[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:22AM

himbosupremacy: IT

himbosupremacy: IS

himbosupremacy: TODAY

himbosupremacy: THE BIG DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

dilfloverasf: KEIEWDEIEOCKOKC

fireballswiftie: HAPPY BDAY SWEETIE

simmermary69: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL BESTIE <333

buddyvalastro: PADFOOT’S DAY!!!!!!!!

sexymoonman: FUCK YEEEAHHHHH

rawrdorkyXD: HAPPY BDAY SIRIUS LOVIE

marleynotbob: happy birthday dumb bitch

dilfloverasf: thank you thank you babes

dilfloverasf: and thanks for the ig posts too

dilfloverasf: i appreciate it a lot

dilfloverasf: you didnt have to

marleynotbob: “you didnt have to”

marleynotbob: suddenly this mf is humble

marleynotbob: imagine if we HADNT

marleynotbob: he would have left this gc in a matter of seconds

dilfloverasf: .......

dilfloverasf: ok you did have to but im still very much thankful

himbosupremacy: ANYTHING FOR U ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

dilfloverasf: LOVE YOU ♥️♥️♥️

himbosupremacy: LOVE YOU MORE ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

simmermary69: why are you two literally married

buddyvalastro: ive been asking myself this exact question for almost 10 years now.

fireballswiftie: EJDECDJIOWKOCK

dilfloverasf: yes he is my husband. and?

dilfloverasf: and since we’re at it

dilfloverasf: i would like to show my husband some appreciation beCAUSE WTF IS THAT
INSTA PFP?????

dilfloverasf: WHERE DID MODEL PRONGS COME FROM?????

himbosupremacy: JNDEDIEJIECJIVJIDJ

himbosupremacy: emmeline vance asked if she could shoot me

himbosupremacy: i obviously said yes

himbosupremacy: i think i just forgot to mention

marleynotbob: emmeline???

marleynotbob: @simmermary69

simmermary69: lmfao

simmermary69: she is working on a portfolio

simmermary69: she’s probably gonna be attacking the rest of u soon

simmermary69: photography majors..... u know how they be like..

simmermary69: she mentioned u recently @dilfloverasf so be ready

dilfloverasf: and i will be happy to help the girl out with my godly features!
dilfloverasf: although im aware it will never be as good as prongs'....

himbosupremacy: IJCIJIVJIEFJEIIEJCI

himbosupremacy: THERES MORE THAT I HAVENT POSTED YET YK

himbosupremacy: LOOK

himbosupremacy:
marleynotbob: OKAAAY

dilfloverasf: YAS GAGA YOU LOOK SO GOOD

rawrdorkyXD: wow james potter is suddenly..... valid???

buddyvalastro: where’s his glasses he cant see without his glasses

sexymoonman: LMFAOOOO NOT THE MY GIRL REFERENCE

sexymoonman: but prongs you really look so different without the glasses

sexymoonman: sTILL LOOKING LIKE A FINE ASS MF THO!!!!!!!

himbosupremacy: IDICJIDOKDOWKDOWKD

himbosupremacy: IM BLUSHING THANKS GUYS

himbosupremacy: AND MARY TELL EMMELINE SHES RLLY FUCKING TALENTED LIKE
WOW

simmermary69: will do! :) she'll be happy to hear that

[MoonFlower <3]

10:31AM

therealslimmoony: wow james looks so good in those pics

therealslimmoony: dont you agree lily flower???

gingertaylorswift: remus could you please list me the other uses for your muscles, please?

gingertaylorswift: BOY DONT LEAVE ME ON READ

gingertaylorswift: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:32AM

himbosupremacy: but today is not about me

himbosupremacy: today is all about our dear and beloved, mr padfoot

himbosupremacy: who we love so much

dilfloverasf:

marleynotbob: @himbosupremacy idk where you got that last part from.

dilfloverasf: how do you sleep at night knowing you are so obsessed with me it actually pains
you??
marleynotbob: you know i actually dont have that hard of a time sleeping..... of course if it wasnt
for a certain stupid bitch texting me at 5:30 in the morning, that is..

dilfloverasf: uhm ☝️

himbosupremacy: SO

himbosupremacy: BDAY LUNCH AT MY PLACE

himbosupremacy: 12:30PM

himbosupremacy: WHOS COMING???

rawrdorkyXD: i am!!!!!

sexymoonman: im coming too

marleynotbob: me too

simmermary69: i think we’re all coming honestly

simmermary69: its saturday

simmermary69: no classes

himbosupremacy: OK PERF!!!!!

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

12:44PM

marleynotbob: james ur mum looks exactly like you

marleynotbob: this is

marleynotbob: so scary
himbosupremacy: SHES SO PRETTY ISNT SHE

himbosupremacy: MY LIL OLD LADY

[Mummy & Boys ​ ​ ❣️ ]

1:05PM

Euphemia Potter: Who is this handsome young man in the maroon jumper ..???

KingSiriusTheFavorite: phone on the table effie???

Euphemia Potter: Shush, Silly ... We have to be subtle

JamieTheSecondFavorite: thats remus mum!!! he’s so nice, isn't he??

Euphemia Potter: He is Absolutely enchanting!! So Sweet And Polite ..... And very good
looking!

Euphemia Potter: Would be a Great Match for Any of You ....! ❣️

JamieTheSecondFavorite: nooo mum thats moony!! hahahah

JamieTheSecondFavorite: and im interested in lily :) shes the redhead!

Euphemia Potter: OH Yes she is absolutely Gorgeous , Dear ....Such a Beautiful Lady

JamieTheSecondFavorite: right???

Euphemia Potter: Sirius Darling Don’t You Find Remus Beautiful..?? You Two Would Look
Great Together... ️​

KingSiriusTheFavorite: we’re just friends effie

Euphemia Potter: Such pity

[Charity Work]

1:11PM

siriusisdumb: i think james’ mum is in love with you

remusisdelusional: tell her i feel the same way

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

3:29PM

rawrdorkyXD: easily

rawrdorkyXD: the best food

rawrdorkyXD: i have ever eaten in my entire life

marleynotbob: i second that

marleynotbob: god it was so good

simmermary69: yeah i feel like im gonna explode in the best way possible

simmermary69: @himbosupremacy your mum needs to come more often

himbosupremacy: HAHAHA i tell them this all the time

himbosupremacy: but my parents live kinda far away so they cant just come whenever :/

himbosupremacy: but they HAD to come for a little birthday surprise @dilfloverasf

dilfloverasf: best gift ever

fireballswiftie: they are so nice!!

fireballswiftie: your dad is hilarious james

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

3:34PM

prongs: my dad can be her father in law she just has to say the word....

padfoot: HAHAHAHAHAHA

padfoot: SIMP!

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

3:35PM

himbosupremacy: they loved meeting all of you!

himbosupremacy: they were sad they had to leave :( dad had work to do today..

himbosupremacy: mum would’ve stayed for the party lmao

dilfloverasf: that woman is a party animal

dilfloverasf: can chug a beer like no one

dilfloverasf: thats how she looks like shes still in her 40s

himbosupremacy: HAHAHAHAHA

buddyvalastro: gotta love her

buddyvalastro: and after 4 years i finally convinced her to give me the recipe to her biryani
dilfloverasf: ur making it for us i hope ur aware

buddyvalastro: i am very much aware

[Charity Work]

4:08PM

siriusisdumb:

siriusisdumb: you are

siriusisdumb: completely

siriusisdumb: insane

remusisdelusional: HAJASAHSIUWSUH

remusisdelusional: did you like it?

siriusisdumb: are you fucking kidding me

siriusisdumb: of course i liked it you idiot

siriusisdumb: i fucking loved it

siriusisdumb: holy shit

siriusisdumb: how did you find it????? you know i couldn't find it anywhere

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: i just stumbled upon it one day i had to go to the city

remusisdelusional: by accident really

remusisdelusional: lol

siriusisdumb: lucky..

siriusisdumb: honestly

siriusisdumb: i dont know how to thank you enough

siriusisdumb: im speechless

siriusisdumb: and that is saying something for someone like me

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAHA

remusisdelusional: well im happy you liked it

siriusisdumb: *loved it

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: im happy you loved it

remusisdelusional: :)

remusisdelusional: what are you doing all day?

remusisdelusional: the party is only at 10

siriusisdumb: oh i think im just gonna stay in tbh

siriusisdumb: listen to my presentttttt

siriusisdumb: maybe watch star wars idk

remusisdelusional: star wars??

siriusisdumb: yeah its my fave

remusisdelusional: i love star wars

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: do you wanna maybe like

siriusisdumb: come over??

siriusisdumb: you can have a listen of the record too

siriusisdumb: idk only if you dont have anything better to do

remusisdelusional: omw

siriusisdumb: :)

[Walburga’s Pride & Joy]

4:21PM

joy: happy birthday fucker

joy: enjoy ur 21st

joy: u deserve it

pride: HAHA

pride: thanks reg

pride: are you coming to the party??

joy: uhmmm

joy: i dont think so...

pride: duDE WHY

joy: i dont like crowds u know that

joy: sorry bro

joy: we can maybe have lunch tomorrow???

pride: ok ok......

pride: but you wont escape next year

joy: HAHAHAHAHA

joy: we’ll see about that

joy: so how’s ur day going

joy: feel older yet?

joy: any back pain..?

pride: LMFAO FUCK OFF

pride: and its going pretty great

pride: had lunch at james’ with my friends

pride: his parents came over to surprise me

pride: and now i have a friend coming over

pride: its been pretty nice

joy: thats cool

joy: im glad

joy: and is this friend someone...... i should know about..???

pride: LMAO no

pride: calm ur tits

pride: just a friend

joy: ok.....

joy: if you say so

pride: ok gtg he’s here

pride: i’ll text u tomorrow and we can meet for lunch

joy: ok

joy: enjoy ur day big bro

pride: <3

[Pea & Bees]

9:49PM

nosy1: ARE WE READY TO FUCK SHIT UP????????

mckinnonslovergirl: FUCK YEAHHHH

mckinnonslovergirl: im picking u up by uber today

mckinnonslovergirl: we will ALL be drinking our faces off tonight.

nosy1: YEEEESSSS
nosy1: are you all ready???

mckinnonslovergirl: YUP!

mckinnonslovergirl: just finishing up my make up really quick

nosy1: what are you going as???

mckinnonslovergirl: HA

mckinnonslovergirl: @nosy2 and i are going as mia wallace and vincent vega

mckinnonslovergirl: PULP FICTION!!!

nosy1: SO COOL

mckinnonslovergirl: yeah!!!!!!

mckinnonslovergirl: @nosy2 you wearing the wig right????

nosy2: think abt the question ur asking me.

mckinnonslovergirl: you are?????

nosy2: absolutely not.

nosy2: just the suit will do

mckinnonslovergirl: boring

mckinnonslovergirl: but anyway

mckinnonslovergirl: i’ll be ready in 5

mckinnonslovergirl: can i go pick y’all up then??

nosy1: yesyesyes

nosy2: actually i just left sirius’

nosy2: im almost at my building

mckinnonslovergirl: just left sirius’....

nosy1:

nosy2: oh ffs

nosy2: i cant tell u two anything

mckinnonslovergirl: <3

nosy2: anyway

nosy2: give me 15 minutes

nosy2: i’ll shower real quick and just get dressed

nosy1: ok lover boy

[Destiny’s Child]

9:55PM

bigmac: @marleyandme did the dress fit??

marleyandme: yup

marleyandme: thx for letting me borrow

bigmac: no prob

bigmac: @barksexybark did the suit fit?

barksexybark: sure did

barksexybark: thanks for letting me borrow

bigmac: no prob

marleyandme: how did *mary’s* suit fit *you*??????

barksexybark: i have a tiny waist

bigmac:

bigmac: ok are we all ready??

bigmac: can i call the uber??

marleyandme: im ready

barksexybark: ready

[Destiny’s Child]

10:11PM

marleyandme: @barksexybark dude where are you??????

marleyandme: we’re here already

marleyandme: the uber cant wait for too long

barksexybark: sorry forgot my rings

barksexybark: had to go back

marleyandme: bitch-

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:24PM

marleynotbob: bro

marleynotbob: we’re downstairs waiting for the lift

marleynotbob: and gid and fab just arrived

marleynotbob: *both* dressed as guy fieri.

marleynotbob: this is gonna be an interesting night.

himbosupremacy: IJDEIJDJQIWCNWIEIEJDICJ

himbosupremacy: CJME COME FCOME CLMR

himbosupremacy: WE ARW ALL HRE ALRYEADY

marleynotbob: and drunk too

himbosupremacy: IIENIECICIWODK

himbosupremacy: YEEESSSSDS

[Charity Work]

10:57PM

siriusisdumb: whre r uuuu

remusisdelusional: kktchen
remusisdelusional: watching teh beerpkng match

remusisdelusional: tihs girl is murdering eveyrone

siriusisdumb: JFIEJJCOJ

siriusisdumb: I ALREDY KONW WHO IT IS

siriusisdumb: MY COUSN ANDIE

remusisdelusional: ur family crme???

siriusisdumb: only andie

siriusisdumb: and her boyfirend ted

siriusisdumb: theyr senoirs

siriusisdumb: seniors

remusisdelusional: shes baeting evryone

siriusisdumb: shws a bbeerpong gpd

siriusisdumb: god

siriusisdumb: wait 4 me im cming

siriusisdumb: have 2 see tihs

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

11:07PM

frankiegrande: hes wring a suit

frankiegrande: remus is wearign a suit

frankiegrande: he loodks so hot inn a suit

frankiegrande: idk if ill b able 2 cntrl myself

jojosiwa: bjtch u better

frankiegrande: NDEICCOOIJCECIJKCM

frankiegrande: FFFFUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:49PM

buddyvalastro: WHOSE PLWYLIST IS TIHS

buddyvalastro: AND WYH IS IT THE 2ND TIME RAEL SLIMM SAHDY IS PLSYING

himbosupremacy: its pwdfoots lol;

fireballswiftie: sum1 pls come to the living room

rawrdorkyXD: do i hve 2 tackle rmus to teh gruond again????/

dilfloverasf: please dont

[Charity Work]

12:32AM

siriusisdumb: u still havnt deleted teh pic

remusisdelusional: wat

siriusisdumb: the pic

siriusisdumb: on ur instwgarm

siriusisdumb: of me

siriusisdumb: that day we wrnt out

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: ill nver delete it

siriusisdumb: good

remusisdelusional: good

remusisdelusional: how mch longer til ur lip ring hreasl

remusisdelusional: heals

siriusisdumb: i tihnk 1 more motng

siriusisdumb: mothf

siriusisdumb: month

siriusisdumb: why

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: nthing

remusisdelusional: i rlly lik e it

remusisdelusional: a lot

[MoonFlower <3]

12:37AM

therealslimmoony: i think im too drwnk

 CHAPTER 15: Katy Perry's Blue Bob

[Destiny’s Child]

9:49AM

bigmac: had a lil make out sesh with emmie yesterday

bigmac: just so you know

marleyandme: fffUCCKKKK YEEESSS

marleyandme: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

barksexybark: OKAAAY GET ITTTT

bigmac: lol

bigmac: and we’re going out for lunch today.....

bigmac: maybe we’ll talk...???

bigmac: idk

bigmac: but yeah

bigmac: this might be the time to admit to you guys that, yes, i do like her

marleyandme: omg you dont say

barksexybark: i would've never guessed

bigmac: lmao assholes

bigmac: how's the hangover going??

barksexybark: terrible
barksexybark: i dont think i’ll ever be hydrated again

bigmac: dude you HAVE to start drinking water before bed when ur drunk

bigmac: it helps so much

bigmac: i barely have a headache

marleyandme: yeah marilyn but you have to understand that *no one* was as drunk as sirius last
night

marleyandme: i dont think the atlantic ocean wouldve helped soothe his hangover

bigmac: valid point

bigmac: very valid point

barksexybark: i will be dying soon

barksexybark: i feel like i’m on my death bed

marleyandme: omg really????

marleyandme: can i arrange the funeral????

marleyandme: i already have the playlist ready

barksexybark: im too sick to return this comment

barksexybark: so yes whatever you want

marleyandme:

bigmac: how are u marls

bigmac: how’s dorcas

marleyandme: i have a headache but im relatively fine

marleyandme: and dorcas is sound asleep beside me rn

bigmac: cute

bigmac: and...hows that going??

marleyandme: wdym

bigmac: you know..

bigmac: u’ve been hooking up for a while now

bigmac: are you two dating.... friends with benefits....??

marleyandme: uhm

marleyandme: idk

marleyandme: i like her obvs

marleyandme: i think she likes me too??

marleyandme: we’re just spending some time together and seeing how it goes

marleyandme: nothing official

marleyandme: which i dont mind for now yk

bigmac: aww thats good

barksexybark: poor dorcas

marleyandme: i thought u were too sick

barksexybark: just threw up all of my insides so im bACK TO BEING A BITCH

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:05AM

frankiegrande: [screenshot.jpg]

frankiegrande: what do u think he meant by this???

jojosiwa: he asked when ur lip ring heals.

frankiegrande: yeah i got that part

jojosiwa: sirius

jojosiwa: he asked when ur piercing, which is located on your lips, making you unable to kiss
someone, heals

jojosiwa: because, once it heals, you will go back to being able to kiss someone

jojosiwa: and then, he said he likes it a lot.

jojosiwa: what else do you want me to say you stupid bitch

frankiegrande: uhm

frankiegrande: i’ll think on it and get back to you

jojosiwa: you can think??

frankiegrande: sometimes...........

jojosiwa: wow 21 comes with big changes ig

jojosiwa: anyway i think im gonna order something reeeallll greasy for lunch later

jojosiwa: care to join me??

frankiegrande: cant
frankiegrande: im meeting reggie for lunch

jojosiwa: oh ok

jojosiwa: send him some love for me

frankiegrande: will do

frankiegrande: any love for me??

jojosiwa: no u can choke

frankiegrande: oh ur always such a delight

[Lily Evans & Marlene McKinnon]

10:19AM

marlene: look

marlene: [screenshot.jpg]

lily: SHIT

lily: NOW HIS TEXT MAKES SENSE

lily: remus texted me last night saying he was too drunk

lily: just like out of nowhere

lily: no context

marlene: im so done with these mfs honestly.

lily: same

lily: what are u having for lunch

marlene: idk but something riiiich in fat

marlene: wanna join??

lily: yes yes yes

[MoonFlower <3]

10:23AM

gingertaylorswift: well hello there mr bluesky

therealslimmoony: uuuuuugggggghhhhhh

gingertaylorswift: growling over text

gingertaylorswift: you must be feeling like shit huh

therealslimmoony: yes

therealslimmoony: im *never* drinking again

gingertaylorswift: lol

gingertaylorswift: watch urself get plastered next weekend

therealslimmoony: im gonna need you to not mention alcohol for the rest of the day because i will
indeed throw up

gingertaylorswift: apologies

gingertaylorswift: uhm

gingertaylorswift: would you care to explain what that text you sent meant??
therealslimmoony: which one

gingertaylorswift: the last one you sent last night

therealslimmoony: uhm

therealslimmoony: idk i dont remember

gingertaylorswift: you dont??

therealslimmoony: no not really

gingertaylorswift: oh ok

gingertaylorswift: nvm then

gingertaylorswift: totally unrelated but how long do you think it takes for a lip ring to heal??

gingertaylorswift: like a month?? 2??

gingertaylorswift: moony??

gingertaylorswift: i cAN SEE UR ONLINE

[Marauderzzz]

11:47AM

pwonggy: DUDE

pwonggy: I WENT VIRAL ON TIKTOK

pwonggy: OH MY GOD

pwonggy: KRIJCEVIJCIC

pwonggy: THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME

padsies: holy shit really?????

pwonggy: YES

wormysoftboy: OMG PRONGS YOUR DREAM HAS COME TRUE!!!

pwonggy: I KNOW I KNOW

bakamoonyasf: dude thats so cool!!!

bakamoonyasf: which video was it

bakamoonyasf: i didnt even see it

padsies: yeah me neither

pwonggy: IT WAS THE VIDEO I POSTED LAST NIGHT

pwonggy: OF ME AND DEDA DIGGLE

pwonggy: CHUGGING THAT BEER UPSIDE DOWN

pwonggy: WELL JUST ME CAUSE HE WAS HOLDING MY LEGS

pwonggy: AND I HAD BENJY’S KATY PERRY WIG ON

wormysoftboy: the blue bob??

pwonggy: YES THE BLUE BOB!!!!!!

wormysoftboy: oh lord

padsies: LMAAOOO
padsies: HOW MANY LIKES DID U GET OMGGG

pwonggy: 374!!!!!!

bakamoonyasf: 374K????

pwonggy: NO NO

pwonggy: 374 LIKES!!!!!

bakamoonyasf: oh

pwonggy: im famous now asffff

pwonggy: if any of u wanna meet up at some point from now on im gonna have to check my
calendar

padsies: hahaha

padsies: yeah prongs

pwonggy: ISJDCIEJCICJ

pwonggy: IM GONNA TELL DEDA HE’S GONNA BE SO EXCITED

pwonggy: #FYP‼️

bakamoonyasf: yeah yeah do that

[Charity Work]

12:01PM

remusisdelusional: who's gonna break it to him

siriusisdumb: aint gonna be me

siriusisdumb: let the boy be happy

remusisdelusional: ur so kind

siriusisdumb: always and forever

siriusisdumb: also

siriusisdumb: i googled

siriusisdumb: and to fully heal my lip piercing might take up to six months

siriusisdumb: like 3 to 6

siriusisdumb: but i can do other activities yk

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: ok cool

siriusisdumb: why did u ask

remusisdelusional: just curious

[James Potter & Lily Evans]

12:23PM

james: im pretty sure that if there were a contest for best costumes last night we would’ve won

lily: HAHAHA YES FOR SURE

lily: tho not that many ppl got the reference :/

james: we still looked cute tho!!!

lily: we sure did, betty!!!!

lily: and honestly

lily: who cares ppl didnt get the reference

lily: *we did*

lily: and thats what matters

lily: (and that also just shows we are superior)

james: HAHAHAHA

james: VERY MUCH AGREED!!!

lily: :DD

[Walburga’s Pride & Joy]

12:34PM

joy: im ready to go btw

joy: and hungry asf

joy: where do u wanna eat

pride: anywhere i can eat loads of butter

joy: HAHA

joy: i see u had a fun time last night

pride: i sure did, lil bro

pride: i sure did

joy: lol

joy: so molly’s diner?

pride: no need to ask me twice

pride: omw

pride: want me to pick u up??

joy: i will not be riding that ridiculous motorbike of yours

joy: im taking an uber

pride: whY DOES EVERYONE HATE HER

joy: of course its a she.

joy: and u dont have to think too hard on that...

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

4:57PM

dilfloverasf: just wanna thank y’all for the party last night

dilfloverasf: it was brill

dilfloverasf: thanks guys

himbosupremacy: ITS WHAT U DESERVE BESTIE!!!!!

dilfloverasf: ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

rawrdorkyXD: it was so goooodddd!!!!!

rawrdorkyXD: im a Whore And A Half for costume parties

rawrdorkyXD: and my vincent vega @sexymoonman did not disappoint!

rawrdorkyXD: although he wouldve looked even better with the wig......

sexymoonman: i looked just fine without the wig

sexymoonman: get over it

rawrdorkyXD:

fireballswiftie: themed parties are the beeeest!!!

marleynotbob: well im glad u just said that, mrs evans

marleynotbob: because i just happened to be scrolling thru facebook 5 minutes ago

marleynotbob: AND

dilfloverasf: facebook????

dilfloverasf: why are you OLD??

marleynotbob: at least i dont look like james charles forgot to get a haircut

buddyvalastro: oof burn

himbosupremacy: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT

rawrdorkyXD: @himbosupremacy omg really??

himbosupremacy: what

marleynotbob: N T WAYS
marleynotbob: as i was saying

marleynotbob: i was on facebook

marleynotbob: and just saw that a new club has just opened 5 minutes away from campus

marleynotbob: its called godric’s tower

marleynotbob: and every night they have a themed night

marleynotbob: not rlly costume-y but

marleynotbob: u get the gist

marleynotbob: and next friday they’re having a 70s and 80s pop night

fireballswiftie: OMFG

fireballswiftie: SO LIKE

fireballswiftie: ABBA???

fireballswiftie: AND BEE GEES??????

marleynotbob: thats right

sexymoonman: dude i feel like a raisin rn and u guys are ALREADY talking about getting drunk
again???

dilfloverasf: we are YOUNG, moon boy

dilfloverasf: live a little

sexymoonman: i dont feel like im gonna have much more to live if we continue like this

dilfloverasf: SO ENJOY IT WHILE U CAN!!!!

fireballswiftie: WE ARE SO GOING

fireballswiftie: OMG
fireballswiftie: I DONT EVEN WANNA HEAR IT

fireballswiftie: WE

fireballswiftie: ARE

fireballswiftie: GOING.

rawrdorkyXD: period

himbosupremacy: YEAH!!!!!

dilfloverasf: i didnt even consider not going

buddyvalastro: im 100% in!

sexymoonman: cmon of course im going

sexymoonman: but if i die i’ll let the police know beforehand to look for y’all

sexymoonman: i will be leaving a note.

marleynotbob: cool so we’re all in

marleynotbob: get ur groove on babes!

marleynotbob: wait where's mary

simmermary69: sorry sorry

simmermary69: i was getting railed

simmermary69: by mY GIRLFRIEND

dilfloverasf: yeEEESSSSSS

marleynotbob: FUCK YEAH

rawrdorkyXD: the way she said it with such casualty

rawrdorkyXD: BUT YAYYYY MARY!!!!!

himbosupremacy: OMG EMMELINE????

simmermary69: THE ONE AND ONLY

simmermary69: SHE SAYS HI BTW

buddyvalastro: HI EMMELINE

sexymoonman: HIIIIII

simmermary69: JWEOWCCOJWCIWJCSWE

fireballswiftie: OKAY FUCKERS

fireballswiftie: 3 WORDS

fireballswiftie: GIMME

fireballswiftie: GIMME

fireballswiftie: GIMME

fireballswiftie: GET READY

sexymoonman: well technically it would be 6 words because gimme means give me but just
shortened

marleynotbob: oh my god

rawrdorkyXD: why are you so annoying

dilfloverasf: i gave up after the “technically”

buddyvalastro: wait give you what???

 CHAPTER 16: Our Rat Pics Match

[Marauderzzz]

9:41AM

wormysoftboy: hey guys

pwonggy: hiya!!!!

wormysoftboy: so

wormysoftboy: last week i got really high at sirius’ birthday

wormysoftboy: and i knew i’d had a very specific thought but i couldn't remember what it was

wormysoftboy: but suddenly

wormysoftboy: boom

wormysoftboy: it just back came to me

bakamoonyasf: i’m scared

padsies: brace yourselves, gentlemen

pwonggy: share your wisdom with us, mr wormtail, the I

wormysoftboy: yay ok

wormysoftboy: us

wormysoftboy: as rat pics

bakamoonyasf: huh?
wormysoftboy:

wormysoftboy: this is prongs bc i know he has to drink his choco milk every night before bed

pwonggy: AWWW

pwonggy: DAS ME!!!

padsies: omgJEJVOEJVODOKWOFVO

wormysoftboy:
wormysoftboy: this is padfoot being the artsy bastard that we know and love

padsies: YYEEEEESSSSSSSS

padsies: ATTA BOY

wormysoftboy:

wormysoftboy: this is moony for..... reasons

pwonggy: LMAAOOOOOO

padsies: JCIEDJIWDJIJCI

padsies: WHY IS IT ACTUALLY HIM THO

bakamoonyasf: you know

bakamoonyasf: i could be offended

bakamoonyasf: but this is oddly sweet

bakamoonyasf: so i’ll take it

wormysoftboy: AND

wormysoftboy:

wormysoftboy: THIS IS MEEEE

padsies: this is very much you wormy

pwonggy: it couldn't be anything else

wormysoftboy: RIGHT????

wormysoftboy: :))))))

wormysoftboy: OH ALSO

wormysoftboy:

wormysoftboy: THIS IS US 4

bakamoonyasf: my fucking god

pwonggy:

padsies: the fact that none of us are catholic makes it infinitely better

wormysoftboy: THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT!!!

wormysoftboy: SO FUN!!!

wormysoftboy: i have so many of these pics

wormysoftboy: some would even match the girls too!

wormysoftboy: and more of us!

pwonggy: wormy.

pwonggy: take it to the gc.

padsies: yes please.

bakamoonyasf: omg i need to see this

wormysoftboy: OK OK

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:02AM

buddyvalastro: hi girls!!

rawrdorkyXD: sup petey

marleynotbob: hey

simmermary69: hullo

fireballswiftie: hiiiii

buddyvalastro: i have something to show you

himbosupremacy: you guys need to see this

himbosupremacy: this man is a genius

dilfloverasf: amazing. simply amazing.

sexymoonman: i mean

sexymoonman: its definitely something

marleynotbob: i am between scared and curious

simmermary69: same.....

buddyvalastro: no need to be!

buddyvalastro: but how would you like

buddyvalastro: if i showed u pictures of rats

buddyvalastro: that represent you??

marleynotbob: are u fr

rawrdorkyXD: omg

simmermary69: i-

fireballswiftie: SEND IT RN!!!!

buddyvalastro: YAY

buddyvalastro: WILL DO

buddyvalastro: ok

buddyvalastro: starting off with..........

buddyvalastro: dorky!

buddyvalastro:
rawrdorkyXD: how is this me??

rawrdorkyXD: im literally the chillest person ever

marleynotbob: i care to protest ☝️

himbosupremacy: yeah me too.....

buddyvalastro: aren't u a blue belt in krav maga??

buddyvalastro: this is you!!!

buddyvalastro: ready for war a fighter!

rawrdorkyXD: i-

rawrdorkyXD: i hate that he has a point.

rawrdorkyXD: alright i’ll take it

buddyvalastro: now

buddyvalastro: to lils!

buddyvalastro:

buddyvalastro:

fireballswiftie: OMG THIS IS SO CUTE

fireballswiftie: I LOVE IT SO MUCHHHH

fireballswiftie: OMGGGG

buddyvalastro: ITS SO U RIGHT

fireballswiftie: YEEESSSS

buddyvalastro: now marlene!!

marleynotbob: oh god
buddyvalastro:

dilfloverasf: BRUH

dilfloverasf: WDIWEDWIVJNUCERNIF

marleynotbob: ok why am i obsessed with this

marleynotbob: like for some reason it just makes so much sense

rawrdorkyXD: it really does babe

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:17AM

frankiegrande: “babe” ?????

jojosiwa: we’ll talk abt this later

frankiegrande:
[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:18AM

buddyvalastro: AND MARY

buddyvalastro:

simmermary69: NCUEHCUEWDUC

simmermary69: NAH CAUSE THIS IS CUTE ASF

simmermary69: I VIBE WITH IT

simmermary69: ITS A YES

buddyvalastro: YAAAYYYY

buddyvalastro: ALSO GUYS I HAVE SOME RANDOM ONES TOO

buddyvalastro: LOOK

buddyvalastro:
buddyvalastro: this is moony and cas and their yoga pals

sexymoonman: this is-

sexymoonman: oh my god-

rawrdorkyXD: @sexymoonman the one in the right literally looks you

sexymoonman: i hate that it does

sexymoonman: but for some reason i also love it??

buddyvalastro: PRONGS!!

buddyvalastro:
himbosupremacy: HAHHAHHAHSHAH YEEES

himbosupremacy: DEFINITELY YES

dilfloverasf: that is, indeed, james fleamont potter

buddyvalastro: oh padfoot! also

buddyvalastro:
dilfloverasf: DUDE LMAO

marleynotbob: NEIJIJCIJCIWDIWJIWCJ

marleynotbob: OH MY GOD??????

buddyvalastro: OH MARLEY I HAVE ONE FOR U TOO

buddyvalastro: AND U AND PADS CAN KINDA MATCH

buddyvalastro:
marleynotbob: bruh........

fireballswiftie:

dilfloverasf: @marleynotbob damn babygirl we matchin???

marleynotbob: if anyone ever sees that our rat pics match my reputation *will* be destroyed.

simmermary69: “our rat pics match” thats literal poetry

buddyvalastro:
buddyvalastro: lily when someone mentions taylor swift

fireballswiftie: OMGGGG

fireballswiftie: HAHAHSHHUDHWUS

sexymoonman: i can confirm this is, in fact, her

rawrdorkyXD: @buddyvalastro homeboy how many rat pics do you have on ur phone????

buddyvalastro: i have an entire folder on pinterest

rawrdorkyXD: omg

buddyvalastro: OK NEXT

buddyvalastro:
buddyvalastro: moony and padfoot!!!!!

sexymoonman: what

dilfloverasf: what

simmermary69: uhm

marleynotbob: *bats eyelashes* *blank stare*

fireballswiftie: everybody look to their left..... everybody look to their right......

himbosupremacy: what's going on??

buddyvalastro: guys am i missing something

[Lily Evans & Marlene McKinnon]

10:29AM

lily: does *peter* know?????

marlene: its what it looks like..

lily: bitch hold the fuck up

[Groupchat #1]

10:30AM

(lily evans added marlene mckinnon to Groupchat #1)

(lily evans added peter pettigrew to Groupchat #1)

(lily evans changed the group’s name from Groupchat #1 to They Don’t Know We Know)

peter: hey guys!!

marlene: peter what the fuck

peter: what??

lily: you *know*????

peter: know what

marlene: my fucking god

lily: *know* about remus and sirius

peter: that they cuddle because they have the biggest sexual tension i have ever seen before??

peter: yeah i know that

peter: doesnt everyone????

peter: i thought *they* also knew ??

marlene: oh my.....

marlene: but how do you *specifically* know about the cuddling?

peter: oh cas told me last week at sirius’ party

lily: dude

(lily evans added dorcas meadowes to They Don’t Know We Know)

dorcas: pETER IM GONNA KILL YOU

peter: what did i do

dorcas: BRO HOW CAN YOU SIMPLY BRING THAT UP ON THE GC

dorcas: IT WAS A SECRET

dorcas: THAT I TOLD YOU WHEN I WAS >DRUNK<

peter: but i thought everyone knew

peter: not abt the cuddling

peter: but like

peter: i thought we were all waiting for the the day they’ll finally hookup

peter: its kinda uncomfortable to be around them sometimes..... they keep eyeing each other as if
they could see underneath the clothes..

peter: so weird

marlene: ew
dorcas: JESUS CHRIST DUDE

lily: does anyone one else know?

peter: james never said anything

peter: but idk

marlene: mary does

(lily evans added mary macdonald to They Don’t Know We Know)

mary: i hope this is not a gc to talk abt those mfs.

marlene: it is exactly what this is.

mary: i have officially reached rock bottom

mary: god i hate my life

lily: ok

lily: we need a plan

mary: plan???

mary: bitch i have a life

marlene: you just said you hate it

mary: i still have it

dorcas: idk what we *could* possibly do tho

dorcas: and after all they’re both very much grown up

dorcas: i know u love playing matchmaker @lily but i dont see what we could do

lily:

dorcas: lets all just

dorcas: idk

dorcas: agree that we all know what's going on

dorcas: even if THEY dont exactly know what's going on

dorcas: because i swear remus saves his braincells for school and his social life be damned

lily: thats true

marlene: sirius doesnt even save it for school

peter: thats true

dorcas: anyway

dorcas: lets all just keep it quiet

dorcas: and just let them sort themselves out

dorcas: agreed??

peter: agreed

mary: very much agreed

lily: yeah idk about that

marlene: lol

dorcas: bruh

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:38AM

himbosupremacy: guys??

himbosupremacy: @dilfloverasf if u have switched cuddle buddies dont even bother coming
home. the kids will be just fine.

himbosupremacy: although @sexymoonman do be looking real cuddly so ig i cant blame u

sexymoonman: what??

dilfloverasf: uhm

[Charity Work]

10:41AM

remusisdelusional: u and james cuddle???

siriusisdumb: sometimes

siriusisdumb: we used to cuddle more when we were kids tho

siriusisdumb: whenever i couldn't sleep

siriusisdumb: why do you ask?

remusisdelusional: no nothing

remusisdelusional: nothing

remusisdelusional: i just didnt know

siriusisdumb: oh ok

remusisdelusional: ok

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:42AM

rawrdorkyXD: anyway

rawrdorkyXD: can we talk abt something else

rawrdorkyXD: are we pre gaming before hitting the club tonight or..??

simmermary69: oh i dont think we should

simmermary69: lets just get our drinks there

simmermary69: leave less opportunity for damage

fireballswiftie: agreed

sexymoonman: yeah

sexymoonman: like i said last week

sexymoonman: i dont plan on dying *so* soon

marleynotbob: are we all meeting there or...???

dilfloverasf: i think its better

dilfloverasf: so what do u say

dilfloverasf: godric’s tower @ 10?

himbosupremacy: yeah im game

sexymoonman: same

rawrdorkyXD: rt

buddyvalastro: ˆˆˆˆ

dilfloverasf: ok

dilfloverasf: so i think the usual uber arrangement should be fine

dilfloverasf: see u fuckers there

dilfloverasf: have to go back to class

fireballswiftie: UR IN CLASS??

fireballswiftie: WE’VE BEEN TALKING FOR SO LONG

dilfloverasf: yeah and??

dilfloverasf: this is better than having to listen to slughorn

himbosupremacy: bro

himbosupremacy: BRO

himbosupremacy: MY CLASS ENDED I JUST REALIZED

himbosupremacy: IM ALONE

himbosupremacy: AND THE DOOR IS LOCKED

himbosupremacy: SEND HELP

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

11:51AM

frankiegrande: so...

frankiegrande: >babe<

frankiegrande: ????

jojosiwa: oh

jojosiwa: yeah

jojosiwa: i also dont know where that came from

frankiegrande: u said we would talk about it later ???

jojosiwa: yeah but im also really fucking lost bro

jojosiwa: i just said that to buy myself a bit more time to process why tf she’d just called me babe

frankiegrande: hmm i see

jojosiwa: idk

jojosiwa: i really like her

jojosiwa: im not sleeping with anyone else

jojosiwa: i dont even want to

jojosiwa: and i dont think she is as well

frankiegrande: cute

jojosiwa: yeah
jojosiwa: but now like

jojosiwa: babe??

jojosiwa: idk.....

frankiegrande: maybe try calling *her* something and see how she reacts??

frankiegrande: but like

frankiegrande: do it naturally

jojosiwa: yeah ok

jojosiwa: i’ll try tonight

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:54PM

dilfloverasf: marlene mary emmeline and i are on our way

rawrdorkyXD: we just picked up pete

rawrdorkyXD: so he lily remus and i are on our way too

rawrdorkyXD: @himbosupremacy ??

himbosupremacy: just got in the uber

rawrdorkyXD: sweet

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

10:02PM

marlene: we just arrived

marlene: want me to wait for u at the front??

dorcas: oh yes pls

dorcas: we’ll arrive in a min

dorcas: ok i see u

dorcas: and u look rlly hot ;)

marlene: only for you

dorcas: i hope so

dorcas: <3

marlene: <33

[Pea & Bees]

10:03PM

mckinnonslovergirl: im gonna call marlene my girlfriend accidentally any time soon

mckinnonslovergirl: i need to be tamed

nosy2: im surprised u still haven't called her ur wife

mckinnonslovergirl:

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:05PM
simmermary69: we got a little high table at the back

simmermary69: sirius is going to the bar to get the drinks

simmermary69: say what u want here so its easier

simmermary69: @dilfloverasf emmie wants a beer

simmermary69: i want a mojito

fireballswiftie: oooh mojito for lily too!!!

rawrdorkyXD: marley and i want cosmossss

buddyvalastro: beer for pete

himbosupremacy: tequila shots for james HIPHIP

marleynotbob: jesus christ

sexymoonman: a beer is fine

fireballswiftie: (for now)

sexymoonman: ;)

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:12PM

frankiegrande: god he looks so hot

jojosiwa: who?
frankiegrande: “who”

jojosiwa: lmao

jojosiwa: just testing you

[Conversion Therapy]

10:57PM

lily: WHRE R U

lily: THEYRE PLAYIN ABBAAAA

sirius: bthroom

sirius: cOMIN IM COMIN

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:24PM

buddyvalastro: just threw upin the bathrooom :((

marleynotbob: ALREAYD???

buddyvalastro: :((((((9

buddyvalastro: can anoyne get m anoterh beer pls

himbosupremacy: ISJDCIEWJCIEJVIECIWJCI

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

11:48PM

frankiegrande: BRO CJME

frankiegrande: MRE THAN A WPMAN

frankiegrande: TIHS IS OUR MLMENT

jojosiwa: OMW OMW OWM WMN OMGGGGGG

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:51PM

himbosupremacy: SMOEN RECORD SRIS AND MARLS

rawrdorkyXD: on it

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

12:36AM

jojosiwa: DUDEDCN

jojosiwa: SRUS

frankiegrande: WAHT

jojosiwa: WERE OUTSDE

jojosiwa: BC SHE WANTRD TO SMOKE

jojosiwa: AN D I CALLED HER LOVE

frankiegrande: DID U OMGGG

jojosiwa: YESHD

frankiegrande: AND/??/???

jojosiwa: SEH SMILED AND KISSD ME

jojosiwa: FJCECJIDJIDIUC

jojosiwa: IM SO GAY HJLY SHIT

frankiegrande: YEEEDSSS

[Charity Work]

12:39AM

siriusisdumb: hey lovve

remusisdelusional: waht

siriusisdumb: wat

[Charity Work]

1:02AM

siriusisdumb: wanna dpnce???

remusisdelusional: i dnt dance

siriusisdumb: oh
siriusisdumb: ok fjne

remusisdelusional: ill jst watch u tho

siriusisdumb: ur loss ..

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:07AM

fireballswiftie: NOOO

fireballswiftie: IM ON TEH LINE 4 TH E BATHROOM AND I CN HAER GIMME GIME

GMME

fireballswiftie: NNNOO

simmermary69: srius is pulling the shw 4 u dw

fireballswiftie:

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:15AM

buddyvalastro: OOOOHHBF WHOS TEH GUY PADS IS DZNCING WITH ???????

himbosupremacy: ITS DEDAAA

himbosupremacy: DIGGLEF!!!\!!!!

himbosupremacy: GET HIM PADFOTO!!1

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

1:16AM
jojosiwa: dnt do smthing youll regret tmrw

jojosiwa: *sumone’s** eyes hre seem 2 b burning

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:18AM

himbosupremacy: MANS IS GRTTING HEATEEEDDDG

sexymoonman: no need for cpmmentary

sexymoonman: we can see

himbosupremacy: damn srry

[Charity Work]

1:20AM

remusisdelusional: istg

siriusisdumb: ??u didnt want 2 drnce ????

siriusisdumb: go bck to ur drkn

siriusisdumb: wahts ur prpblem

remusisdelusional: several

[Charity Work]

1:58AM
siriusisdumb: wow

siriusisdumb: enjpy ur nite

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:04AM

himbosupremacy: wehres moony ????

himbosupremacy: i just got him anotehr bbeer

siriusisdumb: he left

himbosupremacy: ?????

himbosupremacy: wiht sumone???

himbosupremacy:

siriusisdumb: yrs

siriusisdumb: yes

himbosupremacy: @sexymoonman OMGNF TIGEER

himbosupremacy: WHHHOOOOO

siriusisdumb: gilderoy lockhart

[They Don’t Know We Know]

2:06AM

dorcas: omg

dorcas: not teh golf guy

 CHAPTER 17: He Dresses Like Ryan From High School Musical

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

7:10AM

himbosupremacy: YESTERDAY WAS SO MCUH FUN

himbosupremacy: I WANNA GO AGAIN

himbosupremacy: CAN WE GO AGAIN PLEEEEASE

rawrdorkyXD: first of all

rawrdorkyXD: stop being so loud you idiot its 7am on a hangover day

rawrdorkyXD: second

rawrdorkyXD: why are you literally a kid at an amusement park

rawrdorkyXD: and third

rawrdorkyXD: yeah sure

marleynotbob: it was great

marleynotbob: the place is so nice

simmermary69: yeeeesss omg

fireballswiftie: yesyesyes it was sooo good

fireballswiftie: i need to get that dj’s playlist ong

rawrdorkyXD: thE PLAYLIST WAS AMAZINGGG

fireballswiftie: RIIIIGHT
himbosupremacy: i need to know if our champ is alive @buddyvalastro

himbosupremacy: how u feelin my guy??

buddyvalastro: like the dead

himbosupremacy: yep i figured

marleynotbob: oh im not much different from u peter

marleynotbob: as @sexymoonman once said, i feel like a raisin

sexymoonman: lol

himbosupremacy: HE’S HEEEEREEEE

himbosupremacy: FUCKING TIGER

sexymoonman: haha

himbosupremacy: HOW WAS *YOUR* NIGHT, HANDSOME??

sexymoonman: why, you wanna hear the details??

himbosupremacy: IWEJDIJWIDJIFJV

himbosupremacy: DAYYYUMMM

dilfloverasf: details??

dilfloverasf:

himbosupremacy: PAAADSSS
himbosupremacy: UR ALIVE TOO

dilfloverasf: yeah

rawrdorkyXD: was it really gilderoy lockhart, remus??

sexymoonman: yeah

sexymoonman: why

rawrdorkyXD: uhm....

fireballswiftie: really remus??? fucking gilderoy???

fireballswiftie: the obnoxious guy in the golf club???

sexymoonman: im not seeing the issue here

marleynotbob: lol

dilfloverasf: excuse me

dilfloverasf: is this the guy??

dilfloverasf:
dilfloverasf: lmao

sexymoonman: ????

sexymoonman: i dont see what you think is so funny

dilfloverasf: oh no

dilfloverasf: its not funny

dilfloverasf: trust me

dilfloverasf: i just didnt know you liked blondes tbh

sexymoonman: when did i ever say i had a preference?

dilfloverasf: oh no no you never did

dilfloverasf: dont worry

dilfloverasf: you never said anything

dilfloverasf: i was just surprise, its all

dilfloverasf: i didnt think a guy like that was your type

sexymoonman: i dont have a type

sexymoonman: and why are you so bothered?????

sexymoonman: this has nothing to do with you

dilfloverasf: im not bothered

dilfloverasf: at all

dilfloverasf: dont flatter yourself

sexymoonman: i never did, dont worry about that

sexymoonman: so mind your own business

marleynotbob: we are

marleynotbob: still here

marleynotbob: btw

marleynotbob: can you take this somewhere else???

marleynotbob: ffs

[Charity Work]

7:22AM

remusisdelusional: you are being ridiculous

siriusisdumb: oh *im* being ridiculous???

siriusisdumb: thats cute

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: you are

remusisdelusional: wtf is ur problem?????

siriusisdumb: i dont have a problem

siriusisdumb: you do

siriusisdumb: you said it yourself last night

siriusisdumb: you have several problems

siriusisdumb: care sharing???

remusisdelusional: mind your own business sirius

siriusisdumb: trust me, im trying

siriusisdumb: but apparently *i* cant even dance with a guy without you bombarding my phone

siriusisdumb: so really

siriusisdumb: *i* need to mind my own business????

siriusisdumb: thats rich, coming from you

remusisdelusional: i didnt bombard your phone????? at all??????

siriusisdumb: you still were texting me

remusisdelusional: i just

remusisdelusional: dont like deda

remusisdelusional: its all

siriusisdumb: since when?????

siriusisdumb: isnt he in your classics class??????

siriusisdumb: and how is it any of your business if im dancing with a guy you like or not

siriusisdumb: i dont need ur approval

remusisdelusional: you are such a hypocrite

siriusisdumb: oh am i

remusisdelusional: yes

remusisdelusional: you are

remusisdelusional: literally shaming me for going home with a guy

remusisdelusional: wtf is wrong with you

siriusisdumb: im not shaming you ?????

remusisdelusional: then what is it that ur doing??

remusisdelusional: *why* are you being such a dick about it????

remusisdelusional: please, sirius, would you please provide me an answer?

siriusisdumb: oh fuck off

siriusisdumb: go back to ur fucking golf guy

siriusisdumb: dont bother wasting ur time with me

remusisdelusional: oh i will

remusisdelusional: dont even worry

remusisdelusional: cause he has more balls than most people, of that im sure

siriusisdumb: yourself included

remusisdelusional: wtf is that supposed to mean

siriusisdumb: you know what i mean

remusisdelusional: fine then

remusisdelusional: suit yourself

siriusisdumb: fine

remusisdelusional: fine

[They Don’t Know We Know]

7:36AM

marlene: judging by the silence

marlene: i believe the girls might be fighting..

lily: omw ​♀️ ​♀️ ​♀️

[MoonFlower <3]

7:37AM

gingertaylorswift: heyy

therealslimmoony: what is it lily??

gingertaylorswift: ???? ok rude

gingertaylorswift: whatever is going on with you there's no need to discount it on me

therealslimmoony: sorry

therealslimmoony: im sorry
therealslimmoony: hi

gingertaylorswift: hi

gingertaylorswift: how was ur night

gingertaylorswift: with.. gilderoy

therealslimmoony: meh

gingertaylorswift: so u *actually* slept with him??

therealslimmoony: yeah

therealslimmoony: i *actually* did

gingertaylorswift: oh....

gingertaylorswift: remus he’s not even cute

gingertaylorswift: like.... at all

therealslimmoony: trust me

therealslimmoony: if there’s someone who is well aware of that

therealslimmoony: its me

gingertaylorswift: then why??

gingertaylorswift: you can do so much better

gingertaylorswift: ive *seen* you with so much better

therealslimmoony: idk

therealslimmoony: he flirted with me

therealslimmoony: and idk

therealslimmoony: i was in the mood

gingertaylorswift: in the mood for what, exactly??

gingertaylorswift: for a hook up

gingertaylorswift: or to spite someone??

therealslimmoony: why would i want to spite someone

gingertaylorswift: well idk

gingertaylorswift: but i just think that you have too much self respect to hook up with someone
like lockhart just because

gingertaylorswift: and im sorry but sirius was right when he said that about lockhart not being
your type

therealslimmoony: i dont have a type

gingertaylorswift: well, having a type a type or not, knowing you how i know you

gingertaylorswift: you would’ve never gone for someone like fucking gilderoy lockhart

gingertaylorswift: remus he wears that fucking adidas topless cap around campus

gingertaylorswift: he tucks his polo shirt inside his khakis

gingertaylorswift: he WEARS polo shirts

gingertaylorswift: he wears KHAKIS

therealslimmoony: u done?

gingertaylorswift: honestly i could go on forever

gingertaylorswift: but you got the point

gingertaylorswift: are u still with him???

therealslimmoony: fuck no

therealslimmoony: i left as soon as it was over

gingertaylorswift: but remus why????

therealslimmoony: idk

gingertaylorswift: i think you do

therealslimmoony: i dont

gingertaylorswift: did you talk to sirius??

therealslimmoony: why are you asking me that

therealslimmoony: what does he have to do with this????

gingertaylorswift: its just that im in the gc yk

gingertaylorswift: calm down

gingertaylorswift: i saw that he was being a dick about it

therealslimmoony: yeah

therealslimmoony: i talked to him

gingertaylorswift: and??

therealslimmoony: now im this close to blocking him

therealslimmoony: so

therealslimmoony:
gingertaylorswift: why what did he say?????

therealslimmoony: dude he was just an ASSHOLE

therealslimmoony: like a complete ASSHOLE

therealslimmoony: god

therealslimmoony: just talking shit abt who i sleep and dont sleep with

therealslimmoony: what does he have to do with it?????

therealslimmoony: why is it any of his business??????????

therealslimmoony: its not like its any of *my* business who he sleeps with

therealslimmoony: or who he dances with even

therealslimmoony: and who he lets put their hands on his hips like that

therealslimmoony: did u see it?????

therealslimmoony: he was practically touching his ass

therealslimmoony: disgusting

therealslimmoony: that fucking dedalus diggle guy

therealslimmoony: honestly who THE FUCK is called DEDALUS

therealslimmoony: thats worse than remus

therealslimmoony: dedalus is worse than remus in every fucking way

therealslimmoony: fucking idiot

therealslimmoony: i dont give a fuck

therealslimmoony: its literally none of my business

therealslimmoony: im not nosy like he is

therealslimmoony: like literally i could not care less

gingertaylorswift: oh ok

gingertaylorswift: you sound very indifferent about this situation

therealslimmoony: its because i am

gingertaylorswift: yeah i know

[They Don’t Know We Know]

7:52AM

lily: the girls are, indeed, fighting

marlene: of course they are

marlene: dumb bitches

marlene: i think im gonna have to do my part now

mary: dont you two have ANYTHING better to do???

dorcas: actually, mary, marlene does have something better to do

dorcas: but she got out of bed and is now pacing around the room

mary: jesus christ

marlene: im sorry love but ur gonna have to wait a bit

dorcas: im gonna let it pass just because of the love part

dorcas: but u are on thin ice

marlene: :) <3

mary: u two are disgusting

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

7:55AM

jojosiwa: sirius

frankiegrande: what

jojosiwa: spit it out

jojosiwa: its 8 in the morning, im hungover, and im already stressed

frankiegrande: remus is being childish

frankiegrande: thats all

jojosiwa: thats *all*??

jojosiwa: u seemed pretty heated in the gc

frankiegrande: DONT YOU THINK HE WAS RIDICULOUS????

frankiegrande: LIKE LITERALLY WTF

frankiegrande: I *ASKED* HIM TO DANCE WITH ME

frankiegrande: HE SAID HE DIDNT DANCE

frankiegrande: OK

frankiegrande: ALRIGHT

frankiegrande: AND THEN JUST BECAUSE A GUY STARTED DANCING WITH ME HE

GETS ANGRY AND GOES HOME WITH A GUY WHO LITERALLY DRESSES LIKE RYAN
FROM HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

frankiegrande: AND THATS BEING NICE BECAUSE RYAN IS THE BEST CHARACTER
AFTER SHARPAY

frankiegrande: HE LITERALLY SLEPT WITH FUCKING LOCKHART AND FOR

WHAT??????
frankiegrande: I WASNT EVEN GONNA DO ANYTHING WITH DEDA

frankiegrande: I CANT EVEN DO ANYTHING BECAUSE OF MY FUCKING PIERCING

frankiegrande: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I SHOULDVE

frankiegrande: I SHOULDVE

frankiegrande: JUST SO HE’D SEE

frankiegrande: FUCKING BASTARD

jojosiwa: wow ok

jojosiwa: so im assuming u are angry..

frankiegrande: YES

jojosiwa: ok

jojosiwa: u two talked i imagine??

frankiegrande: yeah

frankiegrande: and he made everything worse

frankiegrande: he called me a hypocrite

frankiegrande: can you believe him???

jojosiwa: why did he call u that

frankiegrande: he said i was *shaming* him for going home with a guy after i said i didnt need
his approval to dance with someone

jojosiwa: well he's kinda right

frankiegrande: what???????
jojosiwa: i mean the dude has a point

jojosiwa: like u were out there saying u didnt need his approval to do whatever u wanted

jojosiwa: and yet u were complaining that *he* did whatever he wanted

jojosiwa: you dont owe him anything

jojosiwa: but so doesnt he to you

frankiegrande: yeah i know but thats not the point

frankiegrande: the point is

frankiegrande: that

frankiegrande: remus lupin

frankiegrande: is

frankiegrande: an idiot

jojosiwa: yeah he might be

jojosiwa: im not gonna fight you on that

jojosiwa: but him being an idiot or not

jojosiwa: you still like him

jojosiwa: and ur only doing this

jojosiwa: because you care

frankiegrande: gOD BEING A SAPPY GAY IS EXHAUSTING

frankiegrande: i fucked it up didnt i

jojosiwa: well i wouldnt say *you* fucked it up

jojosiwa: like i said, he really is an idiot

jojosiwa: but u two are being stupid

frankiegrande: yeah ok ur right

frankiegrande: i think i should talk to him

frankiegrande: but i also dont wanna talk to him

frankiegrande: and im pretty sure he doesnt wanna talk to me as well

jojosiwa: look do this

jojosiwa: give it a few hours

jojosiwa: its only 8 in the morning

jojosiwa: and then

jojosiwa: ask him out for brunch

jojosiwa: and idk apologize???

jojosiwa: he’ll probably apologize too

jojosiwa: remus is too nice

jojosiwa: especially when its about u

frankiegrande: ok ig thats a good idea

frankiegrande: i’ll try

jojosiwa: good

jojosiwa: ok i have to go back to my not girlfriend / wife

jojosiwa: we’ll talk later

frankiegrande: k

[They Don’t Know We Know]

8:12AM

marlene: ok i think sirius is gonna invite him out for brunch so he can apologize
lily: yeeees thats great!!!!!

[Charity Work]

11:05AM

siriusisdumb: hi

siriusisdumb: ok u didnt block me

remusisdelusional: why

remusisdelusional: do you have more to say????

siriusisdumb: no no

siriusisdumb: look

siriusisdumb: im sorry ok

siriusisdumb: i was an idiot

siriusisdumb: and i wanted to know if u dont wanna go to brunch with me??

siriusisdumb: its on me

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: yeah idk

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: ok its fine

siriusisdumb: really

siriusisdumb: dw

[Charity Work]
11:12AM

remusisdelusional: will u pick me up or do we meet there?

siriusisdumb: i can pick u up!!

remusisdelusional: ok

[MoonFlower <3]

11:19AM

therealslimmoony: im too weak

gingertaylorswift: <3

[Conversion Therapy]

11:23AM

lily: hi sweetheart

lily: https://open.spotify.com/album/1KVKqWeRuXsJDLTW0VuD29?
si=waCugb1iRJi9xn1jPZBW4g

lily: maybe have a listen whenever?? <3

sirius: hi

sirius: what is this??

lily: the album red by taylor swift

lily: <33
sirius: uhm... thanks??

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

12:41PM

frankiegrande: we’re good

frankiegrande: :)))

jojosiwa: thats what i like to hear

jojosiwa: ;)

jojosiwa: also i hope u brought me back something

frankiegrande: i’ll leave the banana muffin at ur door

jojosiwa: nice

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:13PM

buddyvalastro: hey guys

buddyvalastro: i fell asleep :(( i feel like i missed a lot

buddyvalastro: moony u slept with lockhart???

buddyvalastro: he’s kinda weird isn't he?? hahah

buddyvalastro: but whatever floats ur boat bro!!

buddyvalastro: i can assign him a rat pic too if u want!

buddyvalastro: look

buddyvalastro:
buddyvalastro: what do u think??? :)

dilfloverasf: ffs
 CHAPTER 18: That's Twink On Twink Crime
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

2:28PM

prongs: hey

padfoot: hiya prongsie

padfoot: alright???

prongs: yeah all good

prongs: u??

prongs: are u alright???

padfoot: yup

prongs: really??

padfoot: .....yeah??

padfoot: why

prongs: its just

prongs: u know u can tell me anything, right???

padfoot: yeah i know

prongs: and are you telling me everything??

prongs: i feel like ur hiding something from me

prongs: i mean

prongs: i saw u and moony on the gc saturday

padfoot: oh

padfoot: yeah

prongs: are u too cool??

prongs: abt this whole lockhart thing?

prongs: you know, its ok if you have a crush on him

padfoot: what?????

prongs: really, its fine

prongs: i mean

prongs: i wouldve never taken *gilderoy lockhart* for someone you'd be interested in

prongs: he always seemed like the kind of person you'd make fun of actually

prongs: but idk

prongs: maybe he's charming ??? idk

prongs: im not gonna judge u

prongs: im never gonna judge u

padfoot: prongs

padfoot: oh my god

padfoot: i dont have a crush on lockhart

padfoot: like

padfoot: at all.
prongs: really??

padfoot: yes.

padfoot: really.

prongs: oh ok

prongs: i thought u were mad at moony bc he hooked up with him

prongs: thought u were jealous or something

padfoot: oh

padfoot: yeah no

padfoot: no

prongs: ok then!

prongs: im glad lol lockhart is a weirdo

prongs: i think he’s pro life ong..

padfoot: damn lmao

prongs: lol yeah

prongs: but what was it then

padfoot: what?

prongs: why were u and moony bickering??

padfoot: oh

padfoot: i think we were just both in bad moods really

padfoot: but we’re good now

prongs: ohhh gooddd

prongs: ok i was just curious really

prongs: u and moony get along so well

prongs: i didnt want u two fighting over a guy lol

padfoot: oh no

padfoot: never

padfoot: lol

prongs: k great :DD

prongs: hey what are u doing

prongs: wanna come over an play just dance???

prongs: im feeling ready to get the gold star in pound the alarm

prongs: i can feel it in my bones

padfoot: lmaoooo

padfoot: i cant rn

padfoot: im omw to the art building to meet emmeline

padfoot: im doing that photoshoot with her today

padfoot: but when im done i’ll come over

padfoot: i dont think its gonna take too long

padfoot: maybe like 2 hrs???

prongs: yayyy okkkk

prongs: send her kisses for me

prongs: and eat the cupcakes she brings she makes them herself and they are sooo good
padfoot: okokok

padfoot: see u later

padfoot: love u xx

prongs: love uuuu xxxx

[Emmeline Vance & Sirius Black]

4:39PM

emmeline: hiii lovelyy !!!

emmeline: thx for coming again !!

emmeline: ur rlly helping a bitch out

sirius: HAHA

sirius: anytime babes

emmeline: :DD

emmeline: i’ll send u the pics as soon as they're ready !!

emmeline: i think by tomorrow they’ll be done

emmeline: then u can do whatever u want with them

emmeline: post them, frame them, make a shrine of urself ...

emmeline: whatever u want

sirius: LMFAO

sirius: why do i like the last option....

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

4:45PM

padfoot: OMW BOYYYYY

padfoot: U BETTER START WARMIN UPPP

prongs: HAAA

prongs: GET READY MF!!!!!!

[Destiny’s Child]

4:51PM

barksexybark: oh my GOD

barksexybark: this has GOT to be a fucking joke

marleyandme: idk what happened but im already laughing

bigmac: what happened lol

barksexybark: ok so

barksexybark: i just got to the parking lot after the shoot with emmie

bigmac: OMGGG HOW DID IT GO????

bigmac: DID U LIKE HER CUPCAKES??

bigmac: SHE WAS NERVOUS SHE DIDNT KNOW IF U LIKED BLUEBERRY

barksexybark: BRUH THEY ARE SO GOOD ONG

barksexybark: SECOND BEST IVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE THE ONLY ONE THAT WINS
THEM ARE WORMY’S
marleyandme: the story

barksexybark: oh yeah

barksexybark: ok

barksexybark: so i just got to the parking lot cause im going to james’

barksexybark: and guess who i run into

marleyandme: millie bobby brown???

barksexybark: ??????no ??

barksexybark: why would i casually run into millie bobby brown????

marleyandme: you told me to guess

bigmac: i hate it here sm

barksexybark: ANYWAY

barksexybark: yes, ladies

barksexybark: gilderoy fucking lockhart

bigmac: NO WAY LMFAOOOOO

marleyandme: HAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHHH

barksexybark: no no it gets worse

barksexybark: he started trying to chat

barksexybark: and

barksexybark: asked me abt remus

bigmac: HE DID NOT

barksexybark: he did

barksexybark: he said

barksexybark: hey ur friends with remus lupin right???? has he said anything abt saturday?? he’s
such a cutie, tell him i’d love to see him again

bigmac: BAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA

bigmac: LOOOORRRDDDDD

barksexybark: no istg

barksexybark: i was about to start swinging

barksexybark: i gonna kill that mf omg

marleyandme: thats twink on twink crime

barksexybark: and u wont BELIEVE what happened earlier today

barksexybark: james texted

barksexybark: asking me

barksexybark: if remus and i fought bc *i* have a crush on lockhart

barksexybark: a wednesday afternoon has never been so eventful

bigmac: OMGGGGGGGGGG

bigmac:

bigmac: GOODBYEE

marleyandme: why is ur life literally the worst

marleyandme: i kinda feel bad for u sometimes

barksexybark: i appreciate the sentiment

barksexybark: even tho i know ur saying this bc ur a bitch

[Charity Work]

5:13PM

remusisdelusional:

remusisdelusional: this u??

siriusisdumb: LMAO

siriusisdumb: hold on

siriusisdumb:
siriusisdumb: *this* u?

remusisdelusional: RESPECT MY MIRANDA SINGS PHASE. IT MADE ME WHO I AM

TODAY.

siriusisdumb: explains a lot..

remusisdelusional: dickhead

remusisdelusional:
remusisdelusional: im not even gonna ask. this *is* u.

siriusisdumb: UR SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH MARLENE.

remusisdelusional: lol ;)

[MoonFlower <3]

5:37PM

gingertaylorswift: hello babycakes

gingertaylorswift: wanna go for a coffee??

gingertaylorswift: im kinda dying for a cinnamon swirl rn

therealslimmoony: hahah

therealslimmoony: sure

[Charity Work]

6:46PM

remusisdelusional: hey

remusisdelusional: uhm

remusisdelusional: where are u??

remusisdelusional: ive been knocking on ur door for a while..

siriusisdumb: why are u at my dorm??

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: uhm
remusisdelusional: i went to have coffee with lily and brought u back a lemon muffin cause i
know its ur favorite

remusisdelusional: but thats not the point

remusisdelusional: uhm

remusisdelusional: there's also a guy here

remusisdelusional: he says he's ur brother???????

remusisdelusional: i wouldnt believe him but....he kinda looks like you??

siriusisdumb: reggie is at my dorm???

remusisdelusional: who tf is reggie

siriusisdumb: my brother

siriusisdumb: regulus

remusisdelusional: you have a brother????????

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: im at james’

siriusisdumb: im omw

remusisdelusional: what do i do???

siriusisdumb: tell him i’ll be there soon

remusisdelusional: and stay here with him?????

siriusisdumb: yes bitch i want that muffin

remusisdelusional: he’s staring at me

remusisdelusional: he’s scary

siriusisdumb: LMAO

siriusisdumb: he’s literally a freshman

siriusisdumb: he’s just shy

siriusisdumb: he’s not gonna bite ur head off dw

remusisdelusional: i wouldnt be so sure about that

siriusisdumb: remus relax

siriusisdumb: i’ll be there in 15

remusisdelusional: 15????

siriusisdumb: unless you expect my bike to start flying, yes, 15 minutes

siriusisdumb: i can assure you regulus is not gonna kill you

remusisdelusional: ok

remusisdelusional: hurry up

remusisdelusional: but not really its dangerous be careful on the road

remusisdelusional: ok i’ll wait

remusisdelusional: but i really dont wanna be the one to find out that ur brother is a murderer

[Walburga’s Pride & Joy]

6:59PM
joy: hey im at ur dorm

joy: this friend of yours just asked me what's my favorite color

joy: he didnt even tell me his name

joy: he’s kinda funny tho lol

joy: anyway we kinda need to talk???

joy: so yeah hurry up

[Charity Work]

7:04PM

remusisdelusional: sirius he’s sucking the soul out of my body

remusisdelusional: he didnt laugh at any of my jokes

siriusisdumb: you told him JOKES????

remusisdelusional: yeah the atmosphere was so awkward

remusisdelusional: wait ur on ur phone

remusisdelusional: where are u???????

siriusisdumb: im reaching my building

siriusisdumb: i hope the muffin is still warm cause i fucking swear

[Charity Work]

8:56PM

siriusisdumb: hey

remusisdelusional: hi
remusisdelusional: everything alright??

siriusisdumb: yeah yeah its fine

siriusisdumb: sorry for kinda making u leave

siriusisdumb: he wanted to talk in private

remusisdelusional: no no dont worry its totally fine

remusisdelusional: is he ok??

siriusisdumb: he’s....ok

siriusisdumb: its just my family

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: you dont have to tell me if u dont want to

siriusisdumb: do u wanna listen??

remusisdelusional: of course

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: ok

siriusisdumb: uhm

siriusisdumb: its my parents really

siriusisdumb: they want him to transfer

siriusisdumb: to a super expensive university in france

siriusisdumb: everything paid

siriusisdumb: so he can study economics and whatever they want him to study

siriusisdumb: for the family business and shit like that

siriusisdumb: but they’re not being......nice about it

siriusisdumb: they’re saying that if he doesnt go they’ll cut ties with him the same way they did
with me

siriusisdumb: and all that insane bullshit

siriusisdumb: off the will, everything

siriusisdumb: very Black family like

remusisdelusional: oh shit

remusisdelusional: well fuck

remusisdelusional: i didnt even know you had a brother

siriusisdumb: yeah its

siriusisdumb: idk

siriusisdumb: we didnt talk for a long time

siriusisdumb: after i got disowned when i was 16

siriusisdumb: i wanted him to go with me

siriusisdumb: and he wanted me to stay

siriusisdumb: and we had this huge fight

siriusisdumb: and we didnt talk for years

siriusisdumb: like literally just before he got into college

siriusisdumb: it was hard yk

siriusisdumb: our parents are insane but we always like...had each other???

siriusisdumb: and he was mad at me for a long time

siriusisdumb: i left and i had james, and the potters

siriusisdumb: but he didnt have anyone

remusisdelusional: but its not ur fault

siriusisdumb: no yeah i know

siriusisdumb: but sometimes i still feel like shit abt it

remusisdelusional: well you shouldn't

remusisdelusional: he’s here now

remusisdelusional: and you have him back

remusisdelusional: what's done is done

remusisdelusional: and no one is to blame but ur parents

siriusisdumb: i know

siriusisdumb: fuck i cant believe they are doing this to him

siriusisdumb: ive always been more detached emotionally from them

siriusisdumb: not completely

siriusisdumb: but it was kinda easier for me than it has been for him

siriusisdumb: but he is so fucking happy here

siriusisdumb: like wtf ive never seen him like this

siriusisdumb: he’s studying theatre remus

siriusisdumb: THEATRE

siriusisdumb: its what he's always wanted to do

siriusisdumb: the talented bastard even got a half scholarship

siriusisdumb: but ig thats enough to drive my parents crazy

remusisdelusional: look

remusisdelusional: you talked to him didnt you?

remusisdelusional: what did you tell him to do???

siriusisdumb: i told him to do what he felt was right

siriusisdumb: and that deep down he knows what is

siriusisdumb: and that no matter what he chooses im here for him

siriusisdumb: and also that mother is a bitch and blah blah blah

remusisdelusional: he knows what's right

remusisdelusional: u did ur part

remusisdelusional: now he just has to make his choice

remusisdelusional: and yk, between one bad joke and another bad joke that he didnt laugh at, i
have a feeling that he’ll make the right choice for himself

siriusisdumb: i hope

siriusisdumb: god its so funny

siriusisdumb: the first time he told me he wanted to be an actor i thought he was kidding

siriusisdumb: he’s so shy

siriusisdumb: he hates crowds

siriusisdumb: but idk he just transforms on stage its insane

siriusisdumb: it doesnt look like him and at the same time its him in every possible way

siriusisdumb: fucking christ i hate my parents

remusisdelusional: everything’s gonna be alright

remusisdelusional: i know it will

remusisdelusional: he’ll be ok

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: i think he will

siriusisdumb: thanks for listening

siriusisdumb: and thanks for the muffin

siriusisdumb: you really didnt have to

siriusisdumb: like really

remusisdelusional: you dont have to thank me for neither

remusisdelusional: i did it because i wanted to

remusisdelusional: *seriously*

siriusisdumb: lol

siriusisdumb: idiot

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: oh and btw

remusisdelusional:

remusisdelusional: this you?????

siriusisdumb: OH MY GOD AHSSHSHHAHAHAAHAH

siriusisdumb: YOU FUCKER

remusisdelusional: ;)

siriusisdumb: HSJJSJAJSJAA HONESTLY

siriusisdumb: but well then

siriusisdumb: answer the question.

siriusisdumb: do you????

remusisdelusional: hmph

remusisdelusional: i’ll have to sleep on that and get back to you later

siriusisdumb: HAHA

siriusisdumb: mf

siriusisdumb: well

siriusisdumb: this is you

siriusisdumb:

siriusisdumb: but from me tho

remusisdelusional: aw

remusisdelusional: look how nice u can be with a lemon muffin in your stomach

siriusisdumb: ur lucky it was still warm

remusisdelusional: :))
Chapter End Notes

all the memes are by @anxietyandeyeliner on insta !!!! go follow them they're so
funny asfff

- also thank u all for all the love and support like holy shit its so insane that i have so
many ppl reading this... ty ty ty <33
 CHAPTER 19: Wormtail Brad Pitt Charles Jr the II

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:41PM

buddyvalastro: GUYS!!!!

buddyvalastro: IM A DAD!!!!!

dilfloverasf: what

marleynotbob: huh

sexymoonman: i think i missed that episode..

himbosupremacy: wormy.. is everything alright???

himbosupremacy: do u wanna maybe talk??

himbosupremacy: its fine if you dont identify as ace anymore! its totally normal to identify with
other labels before finding the one that truly feels best! and ace is a whole spectrum too!

buddyvalastro: NOOOO NO NO

buddyvalastro: NOT IN THAT WAY HAHAH

buddyvalastro: but i appreciate the sentiment :)))

dilfloverasf: what is it then??

buddyvalastro: MEET......

buddyvalastro:
buddyvalastro: Wormtail Brad Pitt Charles Jr the II

fireballswiftie: AWWW HE’S SO CUTEEE

marleynotbob: jr the II??

buddyvalastro: i couldn't decide whether i wanted to use jr or the II so.... why not both??

buddyvalastro: i feel like it fits him!

buddyvalastro: and my son deserves both!

rawrdorkyXD: he’s so cute petey!!!!

rawrdorkyXD: it was abt time u got urself ur own little rat

buddyvalastro: i knoooowww i’ve been wanting one for so long

buddyvalastro: and wormtail charles jr the II is the best i could've ever asked for

buddyvalastro: he bites my finger and it tickles and he looks so cute

buddyvalastro: ive had him for 2 hours but if anything happens to him i will die.

simmermary69: he’s adorable!!!

simmermary69: is there a shorter name for us to call him??

buddyvalastro: king charles would be nice

marleynotbob: k-king charles....???

buddyvalastro: he’s kinda conceited.. :/

buddyvalastro: but no one’s perfect yk

himbosupremacy: i love him, Wormy Father

himbosupremacy: and i *have* to meet him

buddyvalastro: ahahah

buddyvalastro: i can take him to ur place today!!! and u can bond!!!!

dilfloverasf: YO CAUSE I WANNA MEET MY HOMEBOY TOO TF

fireballswiftie: me toooo!!!!

himbosupremacy: hey hey ok

himbosupremacy: what abt

himbosupremacy: u all come over for dinner

himbosupremacy: and we meet the One and Only, Wormtail Brad Pitt Charles Jr the II

himbosupremacy: and idk hang out

sexymoonman: ive never had better plans for a tuesday night

sexymoonman: its a yes

sexymoonman: i’d love to meet pete’s son

marleynotbob: me too..

fireballswiftie: I WANNA MEET THAT LITTLE BALL OF CUTENESS!!!!!!

rawrdorkyXD: yeeessss yes yes

simmermary69: im so in!!!!!!!

himbosupremacy: ok!!!

himbosupremacy: u can come at 8??

himbosupremacy: i think thats cool

dilfloverasf: period

dilfloverasf: will be there

buddyvalastro: I GOTTA GET HIM READYYY

[Destiny’s Child]

3:02PM

marleyandme: do y’all think peter would allow us to play strip poker in front of his son??

marleyandme: ive been lowkey dying to play and dorcas is game

marleyandme: but dont wanna be inappropriate in front of his hamster

barksexybark: i think it should be fine

barksexybark: but maybe ask him??

marleyandme: yeah ok

[Marlene McKinnon & Peter Pettigrew]

3:03PM

marlene: hey pete

marlene: i was thinking if we could play strip poker tonight??

marlene: but i dont wanna be disrespectful to king charles

marlene: i know he’s still fairly young

peter: hey marls!!!!

peter: i think it should be fine

peter: i can just turn his cage around so he wont see anything

marlene: good call

marlene: yay!!

[Destiny’s Child]

3:05PM

marleyandme: ok homeboy said its fine

barksexybark: thats my man

bigmac: sirius emmie is wondering why u haven't posted any of the pics from the shoot :/
bigmac: its been almost a week

bigmac: its fine if u dont wanna post anything but it kinda helps sharing her work yk

barksexybark: OHH

barksexybark: i was just deciding which one i liked best

barksexybark: i swear that girl is so talented its insane

barksexybark: i’ll post it today!!!!

bigmac: yayy okkkk

4:45PM
[MoonFlower <3]

4:48PM

gingertaylorswift: hey

gingertaylorswift: uhm lol

gingertaylorswift: i was gonna ask you if you saw sirius’ pic

gingertaylorswift: but

gingertaylorswift: judging by your twitter

gingertaylorswift: i believe i dont have to ask

therealslimmoony: what??

gingertaylorswift:

gingertaylorswift: u alright???

therealslimmoony: why would you possibly think this has anything to do with his picture
therealslimmoony: i didnt even see it

gingertaylorswift: yeah i would have no evidence that this was abt him

gingertaylorswift: but you are such a liar

gingertaylorswift:

gingertaylorswift: you literally commented on it.

gingertaylorswift: whY DO YOU ALWAYS GO QUIET

gingertaylorswift: REMUS

gingertaylorswift: AHAHAHAHHHA
gingertaylorswift: BITCH COME BACK

gingertaylorswift: REMUS

gingertaylorswift: DONT GHOST ME

gingertaylorswift: ADMIT UR A SIMP

gingertaylorswift: MOOOONNNNYYYYYY

therealslimmoony: i believe i said "dhmu"????

gingertaylorswift: lmao dickhead

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

6:33PM

buddyvalastro:

buddyvalastro: HE’S SO EXCITED GUYS!!!!!!!

himbosupremacy: send all the love to the prettiest boy in the world
himbosupremacy: and tell him uncle prongs cant wait to meet him

dilfloverasf: uncle padfoot tooooo

fireballswiftie: same for auntie lily!!

rawrdorkyXD: AND AUNTIE CAS

buddyvalastro: WILL DO WILL DO

marleynotbob: wormtail brad pitt charles jr the II is gonna grow up so spoiled istg

fireballswiftie: its what he deserves

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

7:56PM

fireballswiftie: ON OUR WAYYYYY

marleynotbob: us too

marleynotbob: what are we having for dinner

himbosupremacy: pizza

marleynotbob: dude when you said “we’ll have dinner” i thought you'd meant something fancy

marleynotbob: like a dish

buddyvalastro: king charles wished for pizza

buddyvalastro: so we’ll have pizza

marleynotbob: ok fair

marleynotbob: oh im bringing the cards for sOME STRIP POKEEERRRR

sexymoonman: strip poker???

marleynotbob: yup

marleynotbob: get ready boy

sexymoonman: jesus christ

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

8:48PM

simmermary69: peter i just found king charles in the bathroom ??????

buddyvalastro: duDE WHO TF OPENED HIS CAGE

dilfloverasf: he told me he wanted to wander around the flat :(

[Destiny’s Child]

9:05PM

marleyandme: the way remus keeps looking at sirius like we’re already playing strip poker

marleyandme: like calm down boi

marleyandme: @barksexybark that pic today must've shaken him ong..

barksexybark: ;))

[Charity Work]

9:09PM

siriusisdumb: hey

remusisdelusional: hey

siriusisdumb: hi

remusisdelusional: HSJDWSDHJSHDHWH

remusisdelusional: hi??

remusisdelusional: you know im like 5 feet away from you rn right

siriusisdumb: yeah i know

siriusisdumb: you look cute

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAHAHA

remusisdelusional: thank you??????

siriusisdumb: no prob

siriusisdumb: .....

siriusisdumb: why are you blushing

remusisdelusional: IM NOT BLUSHING??/

siriusisdumb: sure moony

siriusisdumb: sure

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:33PM

marleyandme: we are gonna start playing

marleyandme: @buddyvalastro wya??

buddyvalastro: james’ room

buddyvalastro: im putting my son to sleep

buddyvalastro: be there in 5

himbosupremacy: what a dedicated father ♥️

[MoonFlower <3]

10:12PM

gingertaylorswift: u okay there babes????

therealslimmoony: ?????

therealslimmoony: im fine

gingertaylorswift: i would ask if u cant stop twisting in ur chair because ur cold

gingertaylorswift: but you only have ur jacket off.......

gingertaylorswift: sirius on the other hand is practically naked..

gingertaylorswift: ..........

therealslimmoony: pay attention to the game evans

therealslimmoony: ur gonna lose ur shirt soon

gingertaylorswift: i dont mind

gingertaylorswift: i have nice tits

gingertaylorswift: but *you* better pay attention to the game lupin

gingertaylorswift: ur drooling

gingertaylorswift: ;)

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:54PM

simmermary69: sirius is literally the worst poker player i have ever met in my life

rawrdorkyXD: true

rawrdorkyXD: and why does he have to act like an actual stripper every time he has to take one
piece of his clothes off?????

dilfloverasf: hey im already awful at the game ok

dilfloverasf: at least i gotta own it

dilfloverasf: and work with what i’ve got

marleynotbob: no one wants to see you dancing while you take ur jeans off.

sexymoonman: yeah dude no one wants to see that

[Charity Work]

11:58PM

siriusisdumb: *no one*??

siriusisdumb: you seemed to enjoy it....

remusisdelusional: thats wishful thinking

siriusisdumb: oh is it

siriusisdumb: my eyes must have deceived me then...

siriusisdumb: perhaps a private show will change your mind...??

remusisdelusional: i think ur the delusional one between the two of us

siriusisdumb: hmph....

siriusisdumb: then how do i just *know* ur blushing again??

remusisdelusional: shut up

siriusisdumb: never

siriusisdumb: ;))

12:04AM

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

12:06AM

himbosupremacy: WORMTAIL DUDE

himbosupremacy: KING CHARLES SHAT ON MY BED BRUH

rawrdorkyXD:

buddyvalastro:

buddyvalastro: he says he’s sorry

 CHAPTER 20: #GirlBoss
Chapter Notes

OK OK THIS JUST HIT 10K HITS (and 700+ kudos!!) AND I'M. OMG.
this is actually so insane. 10k. thats a lot of ppl.
anyways... ty all so so so much for all the love and support, and for reading something
that will either make me lose a job one day or will be brought up when i go on jimmy
fallon. one way or another im still insanely grateful for all of you!!!!! im so glad u
enjoy the fic just as much i enjoy writing it!! ty ty ty, and sending SO MUCH love
back <333

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

8:34AM

dilfloverasf: i cant take this anymore

dilfloverasf: its too much

himbosupremacy: what's wrong boo bear??

dilfloverasf: SLUGHORN IS WHAT IS WRONG

dilfloverasf: annoying ass bitch

dilfloverasf: he’s giving me a headache

marleynotbob: im still yet to understand why the fuck you chose to take this theory of color
course

dilfloverasf: because im a masochist, marlene

dilfloverasf: happy??

marleynotbob: very much

marleynotbob: and dont forget

marleynotbob: if u ever think abt ending it all...

marleynotbob: my playlist is ready......

marleynotbob: that funeral is gonna be BOMB

dilfloverasf: im not even gonna fight u on this

dilfloverasf: i just hope u added the pussycat dolls

marleynotbob: of course i have

dilfloverasf: good girl

marleynotbob: ew

marleynotbob: next thing ur gonna ask me to call u daddy

dilfloverasf: well do u want to???

fireballswiftie: dear god

fireballswiftie: i dont think i’ll ever understand yalls friendship

simmermary69: @fireballswiftie it doesnt get any better with time

marleynotbob: @fireballswiftie friendship????

marleynotbob: are ppl going around saying we are.... f-friends..???

marleynotbob: omg i think *i* might be the one who's gonna end it all

dilfloverasf: I BETTER START WORKING ON THE PLAYLIST!!!!!!!

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

8:48AM

dilfloverasf: ok its done!

simmermary69: the playlist????

simmermary69: drop the link!

marleynotbob: bitch which side are u on

simmermary69: the one with the best wake catering

dilfloverasf: no, marilyn, the playlist is still yet to be made

dilfloverasf: i wanna take my time to make it

dilfloverasf: anyway

dilfloverasf: do u guys know that tiktok trend where u edit ur professors in random lgbtq+ flags???

marleynotbob: you did not

himbosupremacy: omg

rawrdorkyXD: ive just arrived and im scared of what's coming

sexymoonman: me too..... im trying to catch up and im frightened

dilfloverasf: drum roll please! ☝️

himbosupremacy:
dilfloverasf:

dilfloverasf: graphic design is my passion

fireballswiftie: OHHH MY GOD

fireballswiftie: EVEN HOOCH

fireballswiftie: GOODBYEEEEEE

marleynotbob: if she ever sees this she’ll most likely kill you

marleynotbob: i’ll make sure this gets to her.

sexymoonman: hooch is u guys’ gender studies professor right???

dilfloverasf: yeh

dilfloverasf: and shes scary asf...

dilfloverasf: but lowkey a milf???

marleynotbob: my fucking god

marleynotbob: the thing is... i dont disagree

rawrdorkyXD: wHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABT THE OLD MAN

rawrdorkyXD: WHO I ASSUME IS SLUGHORN????

dilfloverasf: you have assumed correctly, dorky

dilfloverasf: that is, indeed, horace

dilfloverasf: and the photoshoot papas did for that pic damn

rawrdorkyXD: oh my

himbosupremacy: WAIT PADS CAN YOU DO FLITWICK????

himbosupremacy: HE’S OUR CHEM PROFESSOR

himbosupremacy: FILIUS FLITWICK ON FACEBOOK

rawrdorkyXD: OMG PLSSSSSS

dilfloverasf: on it

dilfloverasf: be back in a minute

dilfloverasf: HERE HE IS

dilfloverasf:
himbosupremacy: perfect.

himbosupremacy: just. perfect.

rawrdorkyXD: i wanna frame this

dilfloverasf: i did save the best for last tho......

dilfloverasf:

himbosupremacy: MINNIE

dilfloverasf: MINNIEEEEEE
fireballswiftie: oMG DEAN MCGONAGALL?????

sexymoonman: LMFAOOOOOO

marleynotbob: why does she always wear this witchy hat

himbosupremacy: SHE HAS HER OWN STYLE LEAVE HER ALONE

dilfloverasf: #girlboss

rawrdorkyXD: @dilfloverasf you are a DANGER to society

dilfloverasf: as i should be

[Destiny’s Child]

11:47AM

barksexybark: lunch???

bigmac: meeting emmie :( sorry luv

barksexybark: boo you whore

bigmac: lol

barksexybark: @marleyandme what about you jojo?

marleyandme: dorcas..

barksexybark: oH MY GOD

barksexybark: I CANT WITH YALL WLW

barksexybark: SIMPSSSS

bigmac: have u tried seeing if remus can do lunch???

barksexybark: yeah but he cant he has an assignment to finish

bigmac: lmao

marleyandme: oh so we are your 2nd options???

barksexybark: mary? kinda

barksexybark: you? actually the very last option, but im polite so i asked u too

marleyandme: mf

barksexybark: ok im gonna see if lily can do lunch

bigmac: poor lily

bigmac: 3RD option..

barksexybark: lily????

barksexybark: no never

barksexybark: dont disrespect her like that.

barksexybark: its just that shes always busy and never has time for me so i end up not asking a
lot.....

marleyandme: ive never wanted to be lily this much

[Conversion Therapy]

11:54AM

sirius: hey fruitcake

sirius: are u too busy or are u free to go to grab some lunch with me??

sirius: my treat

lily: hi lovely

lily: im freeee

lily: yesyesyes lets do lunch!!!

sirius: ok i’ll pick u upppp

lily: uhm

lily: how abt *i* pick *you* up?? :))

sirius: no dont worry i can pick you up

lily: sirius.

lily: i really dont wanna ride on your bike.

sirius: wHAT WHY

lily: ive heard terrible reviews

sirius: from someone who i suppose goes by the name of remus lupin?

lily: yes..

sirius: fucking bastard

lily: lol

lily: look

lily: i have a car

lily: its very clean and comfy and it smells good

lily: im picking u up

sirius: ok ok FINE

sirius: but let it be known this is a one time thing

lily: of course cutie pie xx

[Charity Work]

12:02PM

siriusisdumb: yOU ARE GOING AROUND TELLING PPL RIDING ON MY BIKE IS NOT AN
*OTHERWORDLY EXPERIENCE*??????

siriusisdumb: wow

siriusisdumb: i thought you were bae

siriusisdumb: turns out ur just fam..

remusisdelusional: HAHAHASHSHAAHJAHAHA

remusisdelusional: “name something you’d hurt yourself riding on”..

siriusisdumb: uhm ME????

siriusisdumb: NOT MY MOTORBIKE

remusisdelusional: DICIWJIWJDIWJDUHSUHS

remusisdelusional: FFS

remusisdelusional: “oh lord..... you know what im thinking....”

siriusisdumb: hmph

siriusisdumb: care to share then..??

remusisdelusional: hmmmm

remusisdelusional: no not really, actually

remusisdelusional: and gotta go back to my work

siriusisdumb: idiot

remusisdelusional: xxx

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

12:34PM

padfoot: yo

padfoot: im having lunch with lily

prongs: yOU’RE ON A DATE WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE????

padfoot: hey buddy

padfoot: hate to have to remind ya

padfoot: but i like dicks and dicks only

prongs: oh shit true

prongs: sorry its just

prongs: just got a lil nervous idk

padfoot: forgiven

padfoot: n t ways

padfoot: she actually said some things abt you???

padfoot: like good things????

prongs: OH MT GOD

prongs: PADFOOT DONT JOKE WITH ME

prongs: DID SHE REALLY????

padfoot: yeah lmao

padfoot: i told her that story

padfoot: of when we were 14 and i put hair removal lotion on your shampoo

padfoot: and you went practically bald

prongs: you told her THAT???/

padfoot: yeah

padfoot: showed her the pic too

prongs: DUDE
padfoot: chill

padfoot: she thought it was hilarious

padfoot: and then

padfoot: she said that she thinks ur really funny

padfoot: and sweet

padfoot: and then i gave her a look like hmmm sweet??

padfoot: and she blushed

prongs: SIRIUS DONT PLAY WITH ME

padfoot: IM NOT BRO

padfoot: SHE THINKS UR SWEET

padfoot: I SWEAR

padfoot: SWEET LITTLE BOY YOU ARE

prongs: SIRIUS UR SAYING

prongs: THAT THIS

prongs:
prongs: GODDESS

prongs: THINSK IM FUNNY

prongs: AND SWEET???????

padfoot: YEAH DUDE

padfoot: but hey

padfoot: calm down ok

padfoot: she said that and point blank period

padfoot: i know you get excited cause you like her but CHILL

prongs: okokok

prongs: im throwing a party tomorrow.

padfoot: what????
prongs: yeah

prongs: look i need a casual social environment to have a convo with her

prongs: if not i get too nervous

prongs: so a party. tomorrow.

padfoot: jesus christ

padfoot: i was really expecting to not do anything this weekend

prongs: you have today to just stay in and chill

prongs: but tomorrow

prongs: ITS SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER BABEEEE

padfoot: lmao ok

padfoot: i’ll tell lily

prongs: OOOOKKKKK

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:25PM

dilfloverasf: hello servants

dilfloverasf: party at james’ tomorrow night

sexymoonman: do we ever get a weekend of peace?

dilfloverasf: no not really

buddyvalastro: PARTYYYYY
buddyvalastro: pete and king charles are in!!!

simmermary69: ur taking ur hamster to a party??

buddyvalastro: what can i do

buddyvalastro: the kid is a party animal!

buddyvalastro: and he’ll just stay inside my shirt pocket :)

fireballswiftie: yeeesss

fireballswiftie: can i get aux for the night james?? :))

himbosupremacy: of course!!!!!!!!! :)))))))

marleynotbob: wait wait hold the fuck up

marleynotbob: evans is just using the fact that potter eats off the palm of her hand to have aux

marleynotbob: i already have a playlist ive been working on this past week

marleynotbob: and believe it or not, its not the one for sirius’ funeral

fireballswiftie: he doesnt eat off the palm of my hand!!

fireballswiftie: its simply because i have better music taste than you

fireballswiftie:

rawrdorkyXD: HEY HEY HEY

rawrdorkyXD: now i have to come to her defense ok

rawrdorkyXD: my girlfriend has EXCELLENT music taste, thank you very much

sexymoonman: uhm..............
dilfloverasf: so.

[Destiny’s Child]

2:33PM

marleyandme: OH MY GOD

bigmac: MARLENE

bigmac: YOU DIDNT TELL ME U TWO WERE OFFICIAL ??????

marleyandme: *SHE* DIDNT TELL *ME*

barksexybark: LMFAOOODWIFJI

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:34PM

fireballswiftie: ur what, dorky??

simmermary69:

[Pea & Bees]

2:35PM

mckinnonslovergirl: HOW DO I DELETE A TEXT

mckinnonslovergirl: OMG

mckinnonslovergirl: GUYS
nosy2: you cant if most ppl have seen it already

nosy1: yeah

mckinnonslovergirl: OH MY GOD IM GONNA DIE

mckinnonslovergirl: I TOLD YALL THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN

mckinnonslovergirl: AND I DID IT OVER TEXT

mckinnonslovergirl: I *TYPED* IT

mckinnonslovergirl: OH MY GOD

mckinnonslovergirl: I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE

mckinnonslovergirl: OMG I CANT BELIEVE I DID THIS

nosy1: maybe dont? apologize??

nosy1: and just talk to her

nosy1: i mean cmon its abt time u two officialize this

nosy1: u already act like a whole couple

nosy1: and a little birdie told me that she’s crazy abt you.....so

mckinnonslovergirl: REALLY??

nosy1: YEAH BITCH

nosy1: GO GET UR GIRL

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

2:38PM

dorcas: hey

dorcas: i was thinking if maybe we could talk??

dorcas: i really wanna talk to u..

marlene: hii

marlene: yeah we can 100% talk

marlene: maybe come over??

dorcas: omw!!

marlene: <3

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

3:51PM

rawrdorkyXD: @fireballswiftie WANNA KNOW MY WHAT

rawrdorkyXD: DO YOU WANNA KNOW EVANS

rawrdorkyXD: MY GIRLFRIEND

rawrdorkyXD: MY

rawrdorkyXD: GIRL

rawrdorkyXD: FRIEND

marleynotbob: THATS RIGHT

marleynotbob: HER GIRLFRIEND

marleynotbob: SUCK MY DICK @dilfloverasf

dilfloverasf: dude what do i have to do with this

marleynotbob: NOTHING I JUST HAD TO OFFEND YOU SOMEHOW

dilfloverasf: i find it so sweet how i live in ur mind rent free 24/7

fireballswiftie: YAAAYYYYYYYY

fireballswiftie: YESYESYEYSES

simmermary69: I LOVE IT HERE SO MUCH

buddyvalastro: ok so you werent dating already??

buddyvalastro: being in this gc burns my brain cells

himbosupremacy: FUCK YEEEAHHH

himbosupremacy: FINALLY

himbosupremacy: !!!!!!!!!!!

rawrdorkyXD:

rawrdorkyXD: WE’RE NAKED RN!!!!!!

dilfloverasf: WE DIDNT NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!!!!

rawrdorkyXD:

sexymoonman: CONGRATS BABES!!!!!

marleynotbob: TY TY TY TY

buddyvalastro: ok so who's gonna be next??

buddyvalastro: i vote @sexymoonman + @dilfloverasf

 sexymoonman: dude???

simmermary69:

dilfloverasf: SO

dilfloverasf: PARTY TOMORROW!

Chapter End Notes

i've been getting this question a lot, so here it is for everyone to see:

my fancasts:
remus - matt hitt
sirius - tripp bowers (UPDATE! i do not support him anymore. he used a black man's
death to promote his music. fucked up. please, do not follow him or show support to
him of any kind)
james - adarsh jaikarran
marlene -ariarne lepine
lily - angelina michelle (her eyes are actually blue, but i edit them green lol)
dorcas - zoe kravitz
(still dont have a fancast for mary or peter :/
actually, im still trying to find out the name of the girl i chose for mary.... but yeah
thats all i have for y'all)
 CHAPTER 21: Louis Evans Potter
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Marauderzzz]

11:09AM

pwonggy: THIS THE NIGHT

pwonggy: I CAN FEEL IT

pwonggy: I CAN SEE IT IN THE STARS

pwonggy: FEEL IT IN MY BONES

pwonggy: LILY WILL LAUGH AT ONE OF MY JOKES

padsies: wow

padsies: i was expecting you to say this was the night she was gonna fall in love with you

pwonggy: what? no of course not

pwonggy: lets not rush into things alright

pwonggy: i want us to fall in love slowly... and then all at once

pwonggy: and get married and have kids

padsies: and name one of them after the best member of one direction?

pwonggy: and name one of them after the best member of one direction, yes

bakamoonyasf: louis evans potter doesnt sound as good as you think...

padsies: what???

padsies: dude its not LOUIS

bakamoonyasf: what's wrong with louis????

padsies: nothing

padsies: i have the biggest crush on him, trust me

padsies: but like..... its so not louis

pwonggy: ITS HARRY

pwonggy: DUH?????/

bakamoonyasf: ok i shouldve expected that

bakamoonyasf: but bruh would you rlly name your *child* after a member of 1d??

pwonggy: wouldnt you??????

wormysoftboy: #TeamNiall

padsies: everyone is #TeamNiall, wormy

padsies: niall is just... niall

bakamoonyasf: so true

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:22PM

simmermary69: just ran into caradoc

simmermary69: he told me the entire volleyball team is coming tnt

himbosupremacy: yyyAAAYYYY

himbosupremacy: ITS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUNNNN!!!!

himbosupremacy: does anyone have a preference for a particular beverage??

dilfloverasf: “particular beverage”???

dilfloverasf: okaaay SIR

himbosupremacy: does anyone want some fucking booze

dilfloverasf:

dilfloverasf: get you a man that can do both ☝️

dilfloverasf: im def not looking at a certain redhead rn

fireballswiftie: ???

simmermary69: i want some lime cider james!!

buddyvalastro: wormy wants BEEEERRR

buddyvalastro:

marleynotbob: my hot girlfriend and i want some rosé please

rawrdorkyXD: yethhh

dilfloverasf: are you two gonna keep referring to each other as girlfriend all the time now???

marleynotbob: yes

marleynotbob: why?? does it bother you???

marleynotbob: does it bother the single silly little guy????

marleynotbob: does it bother you that we are dating and you are single????

rawrdorkyXD: LMFAOOO

dilfloverasf: NO

dilfloverasf: ITS JUST THAT WE GOT IT. YOU’RE DATING. WE GOT IT.

fireballswiftie: @dilfloverasf dont ruin it!!!

fireballswiftie: i think its adorable!!

fireballswiftie: and also marls.... ive been thinking.... since yesterday

fireballswiftie: and you can have aux for tonight

marleynotbob: REALLY??????

fireballswiftie: yeah!!

fireballswiftie: so u can play ur love songs

marleynotbob: oh no bitch they’re not gonna be love songs they’re gonna be reggaeton

simmermary69: THIS IS SO DANGEROUS

simmermary69: @fireballswiftie TAKE AUX BACK PLEASE

marleynotbob: TOO LATE ITS MINE NOW

simmermary69: MARLENE YOU KNOW HOW YOU GET WITH ALCOHOL AND
REGGAETON

simmermary69: PLEASE
marleynotbob: NOPE

simmermary69: well

simmermary69: @rawrdorkyXD its on u now

simmermary69: im just the girl friend

simmermary69: ur the girlfriend

rawrdorkyXD: HAHAHAHAHAH

rawrdorkyXD: dont worry

rawrdorkyXD: she’ll behave

dilfloverasf: ooooh daddyyyy

marleynotbob: @dilfloverasf you ruin *everything*

himbosupremacy: ok does anyone else want to ask for a particular drink??

himbosupremacy: im hitting tesco in 5

fireballswiftie: i want some apple cider pls!! :)

himbosupremacy: on it :)

himbosupremacy: moony?? @sexymoonman

sexymoonman: oh i’ll have anything really

sexymoonman: dw

himbosupremacy: i’m getting some vodka and gin already

himbosupremacy: is that cool with u??

sexymoonman: yeah totally

sexymoonman: its chill

fireballswiftie: wowww

fireballswiftie:

fireballswiftie: get you a man that can do ANYTHING

fireballswiftie: def no looking at a long dark haired individual rn....

dilfloverasf: i dont get it

dilfloverasf:

fireballswiftie: sure, black

[MoonFlower <3]

1:43PM

therealslimmoony: you’ve been *particularly* nice to james lately

therealslimmoony:

gingertaylorswift: oh

gingertaylorswift: have i??

gingertaylorswift: omg

gingertaylorswift: i think i got so distracted by seeing you stare at sirius’ ass that i didnt even
realize i was being nice to james

gingertaylorswift: my bad
therealslimmoony: you think ur so funny, dont you evans??

gingertaylorswift: *and smart

gingertaylorswift: funny and smart

gingertaylorswift: ;)

[Moony & Prongs Take On The World]

2:55PM

stagsarecool: ok moons

stagsarecool: just confirming

stagsarecool: lily’s fave movie is dead poets society right???

badmoonrising: actually its perks of being a wallflower

stagsarecool: WHAT

stagsarecool: IVE NEVER SEEN THAT

stagsarecool: AND YOU TOLD ME SHE HAS A CAT CALLED NUWANDA

stagsarecool: THATS FROM DEAD POETS SOCIETY I LOOKED IT UP

badmoonrising: yeah but its not her *favorite* movie

badmoonrising: its one of tho so dont worry

stagsarecool: okokok

stagsarecool: i’ve watched dead poets society 3 times in the past 24 hours

badmoonrising: bruh WHY

stagsarecool: cause i wanna have something to talk to her abt!

stagsarecool: i dont want her to think im stupid or whatever

badmoonrising: prongs

badmoonrising: first of all

badmoonrising: lily doesnt think ur stupid, so stop with that

badmoonrising: ur so confident and all that, you shouldn't let someone make you feel insecure

badmoonrising: and i can guarantee that this is not lily’s intention at all, she'd hate to hear that u
think she thinks ur stupid

badmoonrising: second

badmoonrising: just be yourself bro

badmoonrising: u listened to taylor swift because of her, and that was nice

badmoonrising: u even got into it!

badmoonrising: but u cant forget about your *own* interests just bc of someone else’s

badmoonrising: if you want lily to like you, just be yourself

badmoonrising: she’ll never like someone who's just trying to impress her all the time yk

stagsarecool: yeah i guess ur right

stagsarecool: tysm moons

stagsarecool: ur the best, really

badmoonrising: no prob prongsie

stagsarecool: ♥️♥️

stagsarecool: and if u ever need some advice with luuuuv and that kinda stuff, im here yk

stagsarecool: ok maybe im not the best with *advice*

stagsarecool: but idk if u wanna just vent???

stagsarecool: im here always

stagsarecool: ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

badmoonrising: hahah thanks prongsie

badmoonrising: but dw... not so soon

stagsarecool: pity

stagsarecool: ur a good catch, moon boy!!

badmoonrising: lol

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

9:17PM

jojosiwa: hey are u ready??

jojosiwa: can u come help me pick out an outfit??

frankiegrande: cant u just send me the pics

jojosiwa: yeah but u could come over and keep me company while i finish getting ready

frankiegrande: where's dorcas???

jojosiwa: getting ready herself???

jojosiwa: what's ur problem

jojosiwa: look if u dont wanna help dw i can figure it out myself

jojosiwa: if u wanna be a little bitch for no reason

frankiegrande: im just asking cause yk

frankiegrande: u have other important companies now

jojosiwa: ???

jojosiwa: dude

jojosiwa: ur not JEALOUS are you???

jojosiwa: sirius oh my fucking god

jojosiwa: just bc i have a girlfriend now it doesnt mean im gonna forget abt u or whatever ur worry
is

frankiegrande: its just that

frankiegrande: idk

frankiegrande: u and mary both have girlfriends now

frankiegrande: and its not that im like

frankiegrande: oooohhhh im so singleee i hate my life

frankiegrande: yk im not like that

frankiegrande: but idk

frankiegrande: ur still my best friend

frankiegrande: idk im being weird

jojosiwa: ur not being weird

jojosiwa: look

jojosiwa: i get what u mean

jojosiwa: i think if u started dating someone and i was single id kinda feel forgotten or left out

jojosiwa: even if u weren't trying to make me feel that way

jojosiwa: i think thats normal

jojosiwa: but like

jojosiwa: i dont want u to feel that way

jojosiwa: and ik its not just saying that and u’ll stop feeling like this

jojosiwa: but really sirius

jojosiwa: you were my best friend before dorcas and you’re still my best friend with dorcas here

jojosiwa: nothing will ever change that

frankiegrande: ok

frankiegrande: ok its fine

frankiegrande: thanks

jojosiwa: ok never tell anyone abt this moment

jojosiwa: it'll be embarrassing

jojosiwa: you can have these with james

jojosiwa: im just feeling really uncomfortable.

frankiegrande: yeah me too LMFAO

frankiegrande: ok im coming over

frankiegrande: im not ready at all btw im still in my sweats

jojosiwa: just bring ur stuff here

frankiegrande: k

[Destiny’s Child]

9:51PM

bigmac: are we all ready hoes???

barksexybark: yuppp

marleyandme: yes ma'am

bigmac: marls are u wearing that shirt u got last week????

bigmac: send a pic i wanna seeeee

barksexybark: sneak peek

barksexybark:

bigmac: OMG IT LOOKS SO CUTE I LOVE IT

bigmac: AND THE NAILSSSS OMG

marleyandme: got them done todayyy

marleyandme: why is sirius a good photographer damn...... ur gonna start taking all my pics from
now on
barksexybark: as long as u pay me i’ll even take ur nudes for you

bigmac: ok i’m calling the uber

bigmac: i’ll arrive in like 5 minutes

bigmac: so u better be waiting

marleyandme: yes mum

barksexybark: yes mum

bigmac: okkk

bigmac: LETS GET WASTED BIIIITCHHHHHEEEEESSSSS

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:06PM

himbosupremacy: SIRIUS MARLS MARY WHERE ARE U

himbosupremacy: WE’RE ALL HEEERE

simmermary69: we just got out of the uber

simmermary69: we’re in the lobby

himbosupremacy: COOL COOL COOL

himbosupremacy: mary emmie is here already btw

simmermary69: yeah she told me

simmermary69: be right up!!!!!

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:24PM

buddyvalastro: DID ANYEON SEE MY SON OFMG

simmermary69: no

simmermary69: and im sitll yet to undesrtnd wyh u brought him

simmermary69: its so dwngerous

buddyvalastro: HE WNTED TO COME

buddyvalastro: I CANT SAY NO TO TOHSE EYRS

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:33PM

buddyvalastro: ok fpund him

buddyvalastro: he was inswide a cup

buddyvalastro: empty tho!!!!!1

himbosupremacy: YAYYAY

[Moony & Prongs Take On The World]

12:48AM

stagsarecool: okmoons

stagsarecool: im gnna try nwo

stagsarecool: im gonna tyr talkingg 2 lily

badmoonrising: good lcku babe

stagsarecool: thxxxx

stagsarecool: whre r u

stagsarecool: i need mroal support

stagsarecool:

badmoonrising: kitchn

badmoonrising: but cant

badmoonrising: teh beer pong game s very intrguign rn

stagsarecool:

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:14AM

simmermary69: I FKCUNG TOLD YALL ABT LETTING MARLENE PAYL HER MUSIC

simmermary69: SMOEN CONTRL HER WTF

simmermary69: nah im dnoe

simmermary69: im out

simmermary69: does james lck his room ????

simmermary69: nvm he doenst LMFAOSOOD

simmermary69: sock on teh doorkonb

simmermary69: dnt bothr

sexymoonman: LMDFOOAIIO
[Charity Work]

1:32AM

remusisdelusional: ehy

remusisdelusional: hye

remusisdelusional: fuck

remusisdelusional: HEY

siriusisdumb: JDIJIDEIWJDIW

siriusisdumb: hello hot stvff

remusisdelusional: hot stfyf??

remusisdelusional: im acc prtty cold rn

siriusisdumb: LMOAD

siriusisdumb: wyaawaa

remusisdelusional: KITFCHN

siriusisdumb: cming 4 u

remusisdelusional: ☝️

siriusisdumb: ur teh worsrt

remusisdelusional: xxxxxxxx
[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:55AM

rawrdorkyXD: @simmermary69 lily hs aux now

rawrdorkyXD: u can cmoen back

simmermary69: bitch NOW im bsuy

simmermary69: busy

rawrdorkyXD: AHHSXSJAHJAJAJHA

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:27AM

himbosupremacy: does anyoen know wher moonyis???

himbosupremacy: @sexymoonman

sexymoonman: i wnt home

himbosupremacy: WHYYSYY

sexymoonman: 2 tired :(((9 srry

himbosupremacy: ok:((((

himbosupremacy: @dilfloverasf WYA BOYYYY IM GNNA PLWY EENIE MEENJE !!!!!!

sexymoonman: he went hme 2

himbosupremacy: WAHT?????

sexymoonman: yeh

sexymoonman: but b4 me

sexymoonman: i saw him leavr

sexymoonman: dunno whre to tho

himbosupremacy: U TW O ARE SOODO BROIGNGGG

[Charity Work]

8:05AM

remusisdelusional: did u arrive ok???

siriusisdumb: from my journey across campus??? yeah i did lmao

remusisdelusional: just checking yk

remusisdelusional: i tend to worry

siriusisdumb: since???

remusisdelusional: ....always did

siriusisdumb: hmmmm..

siriusisdumb: so

siriusisdumb: yesterday was fun

remusisdelusional: it sure was

 remusisdelusional: and u know

remusisdelusional: its true what they say

remusisdelusional: lip rings really do make a difference..

siriusisdumb: oh?

siriusisdumb: i hope its a good difference?

remusisdelusional: oh definitely

siriusisdumb: ;))

Chapter End Notes

:D
! important !
i'll be writing one-shots of missing scenes in this fic so you can know exactly what
went down. i'll always tell you when it's out and link it here in the end notes, but you
can also find it in the series "Get Off Your Phone" in my account.
having said that here's the link to what happened in the kitchen ;)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/30438045
(i'm a dumb bitch and i dont know computers, so im having the hardest time to
actually add the link here. but u can just copy and paste)

OR just click on "next work" down here and it'll lead u straight to it :)
 CHAPTER 22: Gaslighting? Gasp!
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:09AM

simmermary69: ok

simmermary69: who’s the one who’ll be “feeling like the dead” this weekend’s hangover morning

buddyvalastro: me

buddyvalastro: again

himbosupremacy: i’m definitely being casted for the next season of the walking dead

rawrdorkyXD: @himbosupremacy there’s only one last season smartass

rawrdorkyXD: you lost ur opportunity

himbosupremacy: damn

marleynotbob: im feeling surprisingly fine ???

rawrdorkyXD: yeah love thats because you threw up everything you’ve ever eaten in ur life when
we stepped foot inside the uber last night

marleynotbob: oh.....my god

fireballswiftie: just had a detox smoothie and i’m feeling brand new!!

fireballswiftie: i posted the recipe on my ig stories btw in case anyone is interested!! :)

himbosupremacy: oooh i’ll check it out!!!

fireballswiftie: its only for the gays tho.

himbosupremacy:

dilfloverasf: im feeling wonderful actually

sexymoonman: yeah me too

sexymoonman: got home early

sexymoonman: and made sure to go to bed really hydrated

dilfloverasf: yeah same

dilfloverasf: sometimes having a full course meal before bed helps with hangovers, did you guys
know that??

dilfloverasf: amazing tip, 10/10 would recommend

sexymoonman: sources?

dilfloverasf: anonymous article

sexymoonman: hmmmph

himbosupremacy: wow i didnt know abt that

himbosupremacy: i’ll try it next time

himbosupremacy: anyway

himbosupremacy: i’m going for a hangover jog!!!

himbosupremacy: does anyone wanna join???

rawrdorkyXD: why do you even bother asking us this

himbosupremacy: u never know!

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

9:27AM

frankiegrande: good morningggg sunshine!!!

frankiegrande: u and me

frankiegrande: breakfast at molly’s diner

frankiegrande: butter butter and more butter

frankiegrande: just the way u like it

frankiegrande: my treat!!

frankiegrande: what do u say???? :)))

jojosiwa: omg u caught some dick

frankiegrande: what??

frankiegrande: no

jojosiwa: sirius u got dicked down

frankiegrande: i didnt!

jojosiwa: i cant believe this omg

jojosiwa: sirius who dicked u down?????

frankiegrande: dude no one

frankiegrande: im just in a good mood

jojosiwa: sirius

jojosiwa: who did you hook up with

frankiegrande: no one! i didn't hook up with anyone

frankiegrande: god

jojosiwa: wait

jojosiwa: its not who i think it is is it

frankiegrande: marlene i didnt hook up with anyone last night

jojosiwa: WAS IT REMUS WHO DICKED YOU DOWN?????

frankiegrande: YEAH DJCIEJICIDJIDIC

frankiegrande: JSDJWISJIWDJSJKA

jojosiwa: I KNEW IT YOU WHORE

jojosiwa: OH MY GOD DJEIRIEEID

jojosiwa: DUDE OMG

frankiegrande: I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW

frankiegrande: KDNCWDOCJIJCEFIC

jojosiwa: ok ok ok ok
jojosiwa: im at dorcas’ rn

jojosiwa: i’ll run to my dorm and take a quick shower and we’ll go for breakfast

jojosiwa: and you’ll pay for everything because you can't take back the offer anymore

jojosiwa: and you’ll tell me everything

jojosiwa: deal???

frankiegrande: deal!!!!

jojosiwa: ok

jojosiwa: give me like 25 minutes

frankiegrande: k !!!!!

[They Don’t Know We Know]

9:36AM

marlene: i suppose we can all imagine what happened last night.

lily: OMG

lily: I KNEW THOSE TEXTS ON THE GC SEEMED A LITTLE BIT SUS

lily: OMGGGG

lily: DID THEY REALLY?????

marlene: YEAH

lily: OMGGNNCJCIECICI

dorcas: fucking finally

mary: can we like

mary: forget about this now please

mary: like i love them but jesus christ

lily: NO???

lily: WE STILL NEED TO SEE WHERE THIS IS GONNA END UP

lily: I CANT BELIEVE REMUS DIDNT TELL ME

peter: u didnt see it??

marlene: you saw it????

peter: well kinda

peter: i was on the couch and saw them leaving

peter: they were reeeeal close

peter: and just like whispering to each other

peter: i just assumed they were finally gonna hook up

lily: AND U DIDNT THINK ABOUT ALERTING THE GC????

peter: i thought we had all seen it

peter: it wasnt so hard to miss them two leaving

peter: they probably thought they were being slick tho hahah

marlene: well we *didnt* see it

marlene: sirius told me tho

lily: REMUS DIDNT

lily: THE BASTARD

dorcas: lily u know how he is with this whole sirius thing

dorcas: good luck trying to get it out of him

lily: oh you’ll see

lily: i’ll make him start talking in no time

lily: just wait

[MoonFlower <3]

9:49AM

gingertaylorswift: well goood morninggg

gingertaylorswift: *someone* has the pregnant twinkle in their eyes...

gingertaylorswift:

therealslimmoony: what?????

therealslimmoony: someone has the what???

gingertaylorswift: WHO DID YOU SLEEP WITH LAST NIGHT????

therealslimmoony: no one

therealslimmoony: i said i went to bed early

gingertaylorswift: i detect LIES

therealslimmoony: wtf
gingertaylorswift: ur lying

gingertaylorswift: was it sirius????????

therealslimmoony: what

therealslimmoony: what no

therealslimmoony: of course not

therealslimmoony: why would it’ve been him lol

gingertaylorswift: u two were real cheeky in the gc

therealslimmoony: no we weren't

therealslimmoony: i think ur seeing things

gingertaylorswift: GASLIGHTING???

gingertaylorswift: GASP!

therealslimmoony: lmao

therealslimmoony: i didnt sleep with anyone

therealslimmoony: i went back to campus

therealslimmoony: and slept on my bed

therealslimmoony: ALONE

therealslimmoony: understood??

gingertaylorswift: whatever u say simon from alvin and the chipmunks

[Charity Work]

9:58AM
remusisdelusional: ok but why is my bed feeling way too cold rn..

siriusisdumb: HAHAHAHAHAHAH

siriusisdumb: ur *still* in bed????

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: the same way i was when u left.....

siriusisdumb: dont say that

remusisdelusional: ;))

remusisdelusional: where are u

siriusisdumb: waiting for marls so we can go for some breakfast

siriusisdumb: why

remusisdelusional: u could like....come back

siriusisdumb: i left like 2 hours ago

remusisdelusional: and?

siriusisdumb: HAHAHAHAH

siriusisdumb: ok

siriusisdumb: i’ll come by urs once im back

siriusisdumb: and i’ll bring u back something

remusisdelusional: what??

siriusisdumb: me!

remusisdelusional: ugh i wanted FOOD

remusisdelusional: but ig u’ll do

siriusisdumb: ur lucky ur pretty

siriusisdumb: cause if u weren't u’d have to be a lot nicer to me

remusisdelusional: well

remusisdelusional: im lucky im pretty then

remusisdelusional: cause that will not be happening

siriusisdumb: i love how you can just switch from wanting me to come back to basically telling
me to fuck off

remusisdelusional: you just have such a talent at being annoying!!

remusisdelusional: but can you come back soon please

siriusisdumb: god ur so lucky ur pretty

remusisdelusional: :)))))

[They Don’t Know We Know]

11:14AM

marlene: ok just came back from breakfast with sirius

marlene: and i did just drop him off at ravenclaw B, yes.

dorcas: not remus’ building GAWD

lily: oh LORD

lily: he’s seeing remus *again*???

marlene: yeah LMFAO

marlene: he told me everything

marlene: and showed me the texts

marlene: remus is surprisingly clingy???

lily: what???

lily: remus is *not* clingy

lily: he doesnt even text back his hookups

lily: i do suppose having hooked up with one of his friends he’ll kinda have to tho

mary: yeah i remember when we hooked he didnt text me back LMFAOOO

mary: i just wanted the jumper i had left at his dorm back like damn

dorcas:

lily: LMAODCJWJC

marlene: no but fr

marlene: he was the one asking sirius to come back

marlene: sirius was even like “dude i literally left 2 hours ago”

marlene: which was also kinda off character ???

marlene: but i can imagine he was jumping behind the phone LMAO
mary: oh yeah i can definitely see that

marlene: right??

marlene: anyway

marlene: remus is clingy

marlene: and sirius is a simp so he’s back at his dorm

marlene: and in the next episode...

lily: honestly im feeling very much in disadvantage

lily: remus refused to admit it

lily: so i have like...no infos :/

lily: BUT i can say that

lily: remus is being very out of character too

lily: so

marlene: hmph..

lily: hmph indeed

[Marauderzzz]

1:33PM

padsies: so prongsie

padsies: how did it go with flower girl last night

pwonggy: uuuuugggggghhh
padsies: ok got it.

bakamoonyasf: did it really go that bad???

pwonggy: it didnt go BAD

pwonggy: but like

pwonggy: it didnt go GREAT too

pwonggy: and honestly idk if there is an actual environment where i am indeed able to talk to her
without sounding like an airhead

pwonggy: i just freeze dude

pwonggy: i thought a party would help me

pwonggy: u know alcohol i'd be more chill and stuff

pwonggy: less anxious

pwonggy: but NO

pwonggy: i still fucked it up

bakamoonyasf: ok but like

bakamoonyasf: how did it *exactly* go??

pwonggy: ok so

pwonggy: moony i know u told me to talk abt my own interests and stuff but dead poets society
has been playing on my mind nonstop for the last 24 hours and its all I can think about so really i
just ended up bringing it up

pwonggy: so like

pwonggy: i mentioned it

pwonggy: and we started talking and it was all going great

pwonggy: BUT THEN

pwonggy: she said “oh yeah and dont even get me started on how gay todd and neil are”

pwonggy: and i was like “pffft what”

pwonggy: and she was like “yeah like they’re clearly gay”

pwonggy: and i went “no of course not they’re just friends”

pwonggy: and then she started talking abt queer coding in media or whatever honestly i have no
idea i really tried to understand but i in fact did not

pwonggy: but she was *angry* dude

bakamoonyasf: oh yeah u hit a soft spot

bakamoonyasf: this todd and neil thing..... she has to rant abt it at least once a week

padsies: no but shes right tho

padsies: they’re 100% gay

bakamoonyasf: no yeah they are super gay

wormysoftboy: so true kings

padsies: oh hi wormy

bakamoonyasf: hi pete

wormysoftboy: hi cuties!

padsies: :)

pwonggy: well i know NOW

pwonggy: cause that fucking woman man

pwonggy: shes a GENIUS

pwonggy: of COURSE they are gay

pwonggy: AND I HADNT NOTICED IT BEFORE

pwonggy: DUDE I SPENT 2 HOURS AFTER THE PARTY GOING THROUGH PINTEREST
AND I HAVE AN ANDERPERRY FOLDER NOW FULL OF FANARTS

bakamoonyasf: LMFAOOONEDCEI

padsies: plsssss

padsies: wAIT IS THAT WHY SHE SAID THAT THING ABT THE SMOOTHIE BEING
ONLY FOR THE GAYS THIS MORNING????

pwonggy: YES

padsies: OMGGGG

padsies:

padsies: I LOVE THAT GIRL SM ITS UNREAL

pwonggy: ANYWAY

pwonggy: ITS TOO LATE NOW

pwonggy: I ALREADY SAID I THOUGHT THEY WERE STRAIGHT

pwonggy: GOD DID I EVEN WATCH THE MOVIE??????

pwonggy: I CANT BELIEVE MYSELF

wormysoftboy: yeah prongs i cant believe u either

wormysoftboy: neil and todd man..... they were super in love

padsies: facts asf

bakamoonyasf: im gonna cry if we start talking abt this

wormysoftboy: nooo dont cry

wormysoftboy: isnt padfoot with u go cuddle him!

bakamoonyasf: what?

padsies: no im not with him

padsies: what makes u think that

wormysoftboy: marlene said u were with him

wormysoftboy: well at least earlier

wormysoftboy: are you two naked together?

bakamoonyasf: NO

pwonggy: what is going on??????

padsies: NOTHING

bakamoonyasf: WE’RE NOT NAKED TOGETHER

wormysoftboy: oh

wormysoftboy: ok then

wormysoftboy: my bad

[They Don’t Know We Know]

1:47PM

peter: i dont think they’re having any sex after all

marlene: ????wtf

lily: lol what?

peter: yeah look

peter: [screenshot.jpg]

marlene: fucking christ..............

[Charity Work]

9:22PM

remusisdelusional: hey

remusisdelusional: so.. abt earlier

remusisdelusional: the peter thing

siriusisdumb: yeah lmfao

siriusisdumb: wtf was that

siriusisdumb: i got actually scared for a second that he had a secret camera in ur dorm..... cause
like...... we were naked together lol

siriusisdumb: do you think he knows anything???

remusisdelusional: yeah idk

remusisdelusional: thats kinda the thing ??

remusisdelusional: uhm

remusisdelusional: idk if u told marlene anything

remusisdelusional: but like

remusisdelusional: i didnt tell lily

remusisdelusional: and she did ask

siriusisdumb: oh

remusisdelusional: yeah idk

remusisdelusional: like u can tell whoever u want

remusisdelusional: but i ..wont ???

remusisdelusional: and its not because of you at all

remusisdelusional: its just that i know my friends

remusisdelusional: *our* friends

remusisdelusional: and they’re gonna start thinking this is something serious and stuff

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: uhm

siriusisdumb: i mean yeah fine

siriusisdumb: yeah i see ur point lol

siriusisdumb: like

siriusisdumb: something serious

siriusisdumb: yeah lol i get it

siriusisdumb: i wouldnt want ppl to think that too

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: and like in the gc

remusisdelusional: they would start making jokes

remusisdelusional: and like

siriusisdumb: no i got it
 siriusisdumb: lmao

remusisdelusional: oh ok

remusisdelusional: :)))

remusisdelusional: well then

remusisdelusional: are we still up for lunch tomorrow??

siriusisdumb: yeah sure

remusisdelusional: k :))

remusisdelusional: night padfoot :)))

siriusisdumb: night moony

[Conversion Therapy]

9:35PM

lily: OMG UR LISTENING TO COME BACK BE HERE

lily: !!!!!!!!

sirius: please stop stalking my spotify activity

lily: NO!!!!!!!!!

lily:

Chapter End Notes

ok!!!! amazing reader daPixie69 made a playlist for the fic!!!!! yayyy!!!
u can check it out here!!!
ty again for taking ur time! it meant so much!
(and anyone else is also free to make a playlist for the fic as well if they'd fancy! tysm
for all the love and support, once again <3)
 CHAPTER 23: Ultra HD
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[James Potter & Lily Evans]

4:46PM

james: hi lils!

lily: oh hi james!

lily: everything alright?

james: yeah yeah!

james: uhm

james: i know its been a while since the party and all

james: but i just wanna let u know that i do believe todd and neil were gay, and you’re completely
right

lily: oh

lily: i wasnt expecting this lol

lily: god i had even forgotten about that

james: oh

james: idk i’ve just been thinking abt it since then lol

james: i didnt want u to think I was stupid or anything lmao

lily: omg no HAHAHAHAH

lily: i mean its totally normal to not see it sometimes ????

lily: like really its no biggie

lily: ur not stupid for that HAHA dont worry!!

lily: and tbh moony had to point out to me that that scene on high school musical 2 with chad and
ryan was gay when were 16

lily: so i’ll give you a pass :) lmfao

lily: and i do tend to get a little too heated so lol

james: oooh no i didnt think u’d gotten too “heated” or anything

james: i actually thought it was really cool how passionate you were about it!

lily: oh

lily: thats nice! :) thx

james: no worries! :)

james: and that chad and ryan scene was pretty gay yeah....

lily: right???

lily: i still cant believe i had never noticed it lol

lily: so we’re 100% good!!

lily: honestly im surprised u came to apologize, it was such a silly thing!

james: oh idk

james: i just wanted to let u know really

james: i mean u were totally right

james: they were in love and thats a fact.

lily: HAHAHAH im glad i converted u then!

james: u certainly did :))

james: anyways

james: just wanted to tell u :)

james: oh and happy hanukkah!

lily: oh

lily: tysm!

lily: :)

[MoonFlower <3]

4:52PM

gingertaylorswift: tell me james potter is not growing on me rn.

therealslimmoony: james potter is, indeed, growing on u rn.

gingertaylorswift: ffs

therealslimmoony: LMFAOOOOO

therealslimmoony: what happened??

gingertaylorswift: idk he just texted me *apologizing* for saying that todd and neil from dps were
just friends

gingertaylorswift: like deadass

gingertaylorswift: he fucking apologized remus

gingertaylorswift: and i was like omg dw that was like what 2 weeks ago ???

gingertaylorswift: and he went oh idk i was just worried and wanted to let u know ur right

gingertaylorswift: i was like.... damn... thanks omg

therealslimmoony: aww thats cute

therealslimmoony: gotta love him

gingertaylorswift: and also he wished me happy hanukkah and i just thought that was sweet

gingertaylorswift: like he’s not jewish yk he didnt have to

gingertaylorswift: idk just made me warm inside

therealslimmoony: thats called being horny.

gingertaylorswift: IM NOT HORNY

gingertaylorswift: FUCKING HELL REMUS

therealslimmoony: lol

therealslimmoony: ok..then.......

gingertaylorswift: god i hate you

gingertaylorswift: anyway

gingertaylorswift: speaking of horny......

therealslimmoony: no

gingertaylorswift: WHYYYYY

gingertaylorswift: REMUS

gingertaylorswift: I KNOW YOU

gingertaylorswift: I KNOW WHEN UR HAVING SEX WE’RE LIKE CONNECTED AT

BIRTH

gingertaylorswift: WHAT YOU FEEL I FEEL TOO

therealslimmoony: ok this was... disgusting??

therealslimmoony: and yes i am indeed so close to blocking you, if ur wondering

therealslimmoony: i can even TASTE the block button omg..

therealslimmoony: yuuummmmy block button

gingertaylorswift: DO IT PUSSY

gingertaylorswift: I DARE YOU

(therealslimmoony blocked gingertaylorswift)

[MoonFlower <3]

5:04PM
(therealslimmoony unblocked gingertaylorswift)

therealslimmoony: it was good while it lasted

gingertaylorswift: fucking dickhead

therealslimmoony: you love me really

therealslimmoony: what would your life be without me?

gingertaylorswift: i hate that it would be miserable

therealslimmoony: thats my girl

therealslimmoony: ♥️

gingertaylorswift: ugh

gingertaylorswift: anyways what are u doinnnn

therealslimmoony: are u feeling it????

therealslimmoony: can u feel it??

gingertaylorswift: what?

therealslimmoony: the AMAZING sex that im having rn????

gingertaylorswift: STOP THIS MADNESS

therealslimmoony: YOU SAID THAT NOW YOUR WORDS SHALL HAUNT YOU
FOREVER
gingertaylorswift: i think i hate myself more than i hate you

gingertaylorswift: and thats saying something

therealslimmoony: im touched

gingertaylorswift: are touched or are *being* touched???

therealslimmoony: EVANS

gingertaylorswift: SORRY OH MY GOD

gingertaylorswift: i need to be tamed. this is not a drill.

therealslimmoony: truly

gingertaylorswift: ANYWAYS

gingertaylorswift: wanna come over and watch the kissing booth?? :)))

therealslimmoony: im more of a to all the boys i’ve loved before type guy

gingertaylorswift: we can do that!!

gingertaylorswift: so???

therealslimmoony: yeah i cant im kinda busy ://

gingertaylorswift: with??

therealslimmoony: stuff
gingertaylorswift: TIGER

therealslimmoony: LEAVE ME ALONE

gingertaylorswift: fine

gingertaylorswift: goodbye then.

therealslimmoony: dude

therealslimmoony: u didnt even wish *me* happy hanukkah

gingertaylorswift: oh

gingertaylorswift: happy hanukkah sweetie ilysm

gingertaylorswift:

therealslimmoony: i swear my mum sent me this EXACT message yesterday

gingertaylorswift: hope lupin is who i aspire to be.

therealslimmoony: lol

therealslimmoony: happy hanukkah lils

therealslimmoony: ilyt

therealslimmoony: we can have a little hanukkah party just two of us tomorrow if u want??

gingertaylorswift: yesyesyes!!!

gingertaylorswift: i can ask my mum for her challah recipe!!!

gingertaylorswift: ok

gingertaylorswift: now go get urself naked!

therealslimmoony: i will have to reconsider my offer.

[Moony & Prongs Take On The World]

5:17PM

badmoonrising: dude

badmoonrising: its working

badmoonrising: just so u know

stagsarecool: what is working??

badmoonrising: you

badmoonrising: charming lily

badmoonrising: u are, in her words, “growing on her”

stagsarecool: oh!

stagsarecool: thats so good to hear!!

stagsarecool: but what, she just said that out of nowhere???

badmoonrising: didnt u text her apologizing for that dead poets society thing

stagsarecool: yeah but that wasnt me idk trying to *charm* her

stagsarecool: i just idk i felt bad about it

stagsarecool: i really just apologized cause i felt like i needed to

stagsarecool: especially cause she was 100% right

badmoonrising: oh
badmoonrising: oh ok

badmoonrising: thats actually really nice of you

stagsarecool: it was nothing really

stagsarecool: but i’m glad she appreciated it!

badmoonrising: she did!

badmoonrising: well, just so you know then :)

stagsarecool: great! :D

stagsarecool: also, happy hanukkah, moons!

badmoonrising: haha thanks prongsie

badmoonrising: :)

[MoonFlower <3]

5:29PM

therealslimmoony: james just wished me happy hanukkah and i do not feel “warm inside”

therealslimmoony: so yeah ur just horny

gingertaylorswift: OOOOH MY GOD LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE

gingertaylorswift: GO POUND SIRIUS IDGAF ANYMORE

[Conversion Therapy]

5:31PM

sirius: yo evans
sirius: stfu

lily: HA

lily: I KNEW YOU WERE WITH HIM

lily:

lily: CAUGHT YOU IN 4K MF

lily: ULTRA HD

[MoonFlower <3]

5:32PM

gingertaylorswift: YOU TWO ARE SO STUPID ISTG

therealslimmoony: WE’RE JUST HANGING OUT

gingertaylorswift: wait

gingertaylorswift: wait wait

gingertaylorswift: im....kinda feeling it omg ???

therealslimmoony: god you are so fucking weird

gingertaylorswift: CAUGHT YOU SLIPPING DUMB BITCH

therealslimmoony: you caught me NOTHING

therealslimmoony: we are HANGING OUT

therealslimmoony: end of story

[Pea & Bees]

7:21PM

mckinnonslovergirl: god im so fucking tired of having to see remus leave gryffindor A

nosy1: HAAAAA

nosy2: can i get one SINGULAR moment of peace????

nosy2: anD DORCAS GET OFF THE WINDOW ????? WTF YOU CREEP

mckinnonslovergirl: marls is showering... i have nothing better to do

mckinnonslovergirl: and omg... her view is just always such a delight

nosy1: DICJEIJICVIXIO

(mckinnonslovergirl changed nosy2’s name to blacksloverboy)

nosy1: perfection.

blacksloverboy: @nosy1 ur next bitch

[Dorcas Meadowes & Remus Lupin]

7:26PM

dorcas: your shirt is backwards btw

dorcas: thought i’d let you know

remus: shit

remus: dorcas
remus: please

remus: you cant tell anyone

dorcas: yeah i got u

[They Don’t Know We Know]

7:27PM

dorcas: lupin is *so* certain no one knows

marlene: WHAT A LOSER AHAHSHSHSAHAH

mary: jesus lol

lily: WHY WONT HE TELL ME ALREADY

marlene: honestly lily probably bc he knows you know and wants to spite you

marlene: or maybe he really is as dumb as we thought and he thinks u dont know and wants to
keep it a secret

marlene: which, btw, im starting to not vibe with that idea.

dorcas: why

marlene: dick move with my homeboy

marlene: marlene does not approve.

mary: so doesnt mary.

dorcas: yeah true

lily: look

lily: lets just wait to see how this unfolds

lily: if this bullshit continues, we’ll intervene

mary: lily what *exactly* would you say it is that you’re doing rn if its not intervening

lily: im just tryna get the tea leave me alone

[Charity Work]

10:54PM

remusisdelusional: LOGAN

siriusisdumb: someone better put u in a psych ward asap

remusisdelusional: dude????

remusisdelusional: im not gonna discuss with you the obvious again.

remusisdelusional: logan is the best big time rush and thats on that. like its just a fact

remusisdelusional: a fact is a fact and you cant change a fact

siriusisdumb: its carlos

siriusisdumb: its just SO OBVIOUS that its carlos

remusisdelusional: im so tired of you

remusisdelusional: honestly

remusisdelusional: first “ross and rachel were on a break”

remusisdelusional: now this mf goes “logan is not the best time rush”
remusisdelusional: what else are you gonna tell me

remusisdelusional: ur on kanye’s side with the whole taylor swift thing??

siriusisdumb: bro NEVER say that

siriusisdumb: god

siriusisdumb: that mf disrespected The Queen

remusisdelusional: The Queen??

siriusisdumb: dont tell lily

siriusisdumb: im still planning on how im gonna come out to her

remusisdelusional: good luck

remusisdelusional: honestly she’ll probably just throw herself at you the moment you say the
words

remusisdelusional: “lily, im a swiftie and you were right all along”

siriusisdumb: hey

siriusisdumb: maybe calling myself a *swiftie* is too much.....yet

siriusisdumb: im not quite ready for such commitment

siriusisdumb: maybe when i *am* indeed ready i'll bake lilith a cake and come out to her

remusisdelusional: or you could just *come out* of a cake with a banner saying “I ♥️ TAYLOR
SWIFT”

siriusisdumb: or write it on myself

siriusisdumb: WITH CAKE

remusisdelusional: yeah but then that wouldnt be for ...lily

siriusisdumb: hmmmm

siriusisdumb: jealous, moon boy??

siriusisdumb: jealous that our dear and beloved redhead might see my very sexy body with cake
on it????

siriusisdumb: cake that forms the words “i will worship taylor swift until the day i die”????

remusisdelusional: wow

remusisdelusional: i actually think you are ready for such commitment

siriusisdumb: stop

siriusisdumb: i still need to prepare myself mentally

remusisdelusional: wait

remusisdelusional: wait wait you distracted me

remusisdelusional: i still need to have my go at you for saying logan is not the best big time rush

siriusisdumb: you can have a go at me any time you want ;)

remusisdelusional: can you keep it in your pants for a second??

remusisdelusional: this is serious business.

remusisdelusional: im not even gonna let you make the pun so you can know this is, in fact

remusisdelusional: SERIOUS.

siriusisdumb: YOURE DRIVING ME CRAZY

remusisdelusional: thats the idea

remusisdelusional: but we can leave that for later

remusisdelusional: ;)

siriusisdumb: look ok

siriusisdumb: the second is over

siriusisdumb: can we agree that james is the hottest and settle for that??

remusisdelusional: yeah but what about kendall???

siriusisdumb: kendall is just chillin man

siriusisdumb: dont get kendall into this drama

remusisdelusional: ok ok ALRIGHT

remusisdelusional: ig i can settle for james being the hottest

siriusisdumb: always a pleasure to make business with you, sir

siriusisdumb:

remusisdelusional:

siriusisdumb: so...

siriusisdumb: to more important business now...

siriusisdumb: what are you wearing rn??

remusisdelusional: JAHSJHAJHAHASHAHHSAHSJAHSH

remusisdelusional: YOU ARE

remusisdelusional: THE WORST

siriusisdumb: wat
siriusisdumb: moomoooo

remusisdelusional: STOP

remusisdelusional: IM GONNA THROW UP

siriusisdumb: whyyy

siriusisdumb: sowwy moomoo

siriusisdumb: didnt mean too

remusisdelusional: god ive already blocked lily today

remusisdelusional: another block is too much for just one day

siriusisdumb: what would you do without me to make you laugh at 11pm at night???

remusisdelusional: i’d be sleeping.

siriusisdumb: you could be sleeping right now

siriusisdumb: but no

siriusisdumb: ur talking to me!

remusisdelusional: what have i gotten myself into

siriusisdumb: heaven, moonbeam

siriusisdumb: HEAVEN

remusisdelusional: i doubt it

remusisdelusional: ok but fr now

remusisdelusional: i actually rlly need to sleep

remusisdelusional: gn fucker

siriusisdumb: ok old man

siriusisdumb: gn to u too

siriusisdumb: thanks for the “fucker”

siriusisdumb: it warms my heart

remusisdelusional: ;)

[Charity Work]

11:38PM

remusisdelusional: i cant sleep

siriusisdumb: same

remusisdelusional: fuck

remusisdelusional: i wish u were here

remusisdelusional: its easier to sleep with your snoring

siriusisdumb: my LIGHT snoring, thank you very much

siriusisdumb: and i wish i were there too

remusisdelusional: you could like....come???

remusisdelusional: oh yeah

remusisdelusional: i forgot ur not an outlaw like me who goes on adventures around campus at
night
 remusisdelusional: sirius??

remusisdelusional: look its fine u dont have to come

remusisdelusional: dw abt it lmao i was being weird

remusisdelusional: ur probably sleeping now already

remusisdelusional: i swear u sleep in a matter of seconds

remusisdelusional: how do u do that???

remusisdelusional: do u take melatonin or sumn????

remusisdelusional: my mum said those are kinda dangerous but ive been tempted

remusisdelusional: ok im gonna stop bothering u lmao its just the lack of sleep

remusisdelusional: sorry

remusisdelusional: night pads

remusisdelusional: :)))

[Charity Work]

12:04AM

siriusisdumb: if YOU fell asleep im gonna kill you you fucking idiot

siriusisdumb: oPEN THE FUCKING DOOR

remusisdelusional: ON IT ON IT

Chapter End Notes

it has come to my attention that marauders stan twitter is lowkey going crazy over this
fic and my bitchass would’ve never known cause im not on stan twitter *at all*.... so,
being the nosy bitch that i am, i searched for "get off your phone" on my search bar
and i. have no words. this is literally insane.
i've found so many cool memes???? and just the sweetest feedbacks ever????
y'all really do know how to make a bitch happy.
tytytyty sooo much, i cant even put it into words..
i'm following all of you with my personal account and trying to reach out to the most
ppl i can just to thank you for this insane amount of love (so if u see a mf with an i <3
milfs pfp and their entire account in portuguese... know its me) <33 thank you so
much, once again! i'm so excited for what's coming next, and i hope u are too.
I LOVE U MARAUDERS STAN TWITTER AND YALLS CUTE ASSES!!!!!!!!
SENDING LOOOOVE AND KISSES CAUSE WE KISSIN IDC!!!! mwahh, tina xx

btw, i followed the 2021 jewish calender, so hanukkah would fall from nov 28 to dec 6
-- just so we're good with the timing of the fic :)
also, i'm an atheist. i have no grasp of religion whatsoever (except for a bit of general
catholicism that i still remember from growing up), so i'm doing my best with my
searching and trying to get the most education i can. in case i make any mistakes,
*please* dont hesitate on letting me know so i can correct them!
 CHAPTER 24: I Don't Speak Swiftie
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

5:03PM

simmermary69: ok

simmermary69: i started watching drag race.

fireballswiftie: OMG REALLY???/

dilfloverasf: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

dilfloverasf: when did u start it u didnt even tell me ????

simmermary69: 2 days ago!!!!

dilfloverasf: omgomgomg

dilfloverasf: ok so ur like still on season one right

simmermary69: bro im on season 3 already.

fireballswiftie: DJCIEJIEJDJID

sexymoonman: i dont think its even *possible* to watch almost 3 seasons of a reality show in 2
days

sexymoonman: like does the time even.... idk

sexymoonman: work???? like does it all fit in 2 days?????

simmermary69: well if it didnt before than i have some news for isaac newton

sexymoonman: he...... discovered gravity.....

sexymoonman: he has nothing to do with time......

simmermary69: look im a computer nerd *and* hot dont demand me to know science

sexymoonman: uhm

sexymoonman: ok thats fair

himbosupremacy: omg yeeees

himbosupremacy: who’s ur fave so far????

simmermary69: raven. forever and always.

simmermary69: oh and also jujubee

simmermary69: but from season 3 i have to say manila

rawrdorkyXD: oh i LOOOVE manila

rawrdorkyXD: but...

rawrdorkyXD: raja tho.....

buddyvalastro: I LOVE RAJA SHES THE BEST

simmermary69: oh no i love her but manila won my heart

dilfloverasf: thats fair thats fair

dilfloverasf: it will only get better marilyn so brace urself

dilfloverasf: season 6 is SUPERIOR

fireballswiftie: so true

sexymoonman: season 6 is top tier

marleyandme: yeah!

dilfloverasf: ........

dilfloverasf: LMFAOO

rawrdorkyXD: lol

marleyandme: ?????

marleyandme: what are u laughing at

dilfloverasf: you

marleyandme: why?????

dilfloverasf: marlene, babes

dilfloverasf: what's ur favorite season of drag race???

marleyandme: season 6 i agree with u guys

marleyandme: its so good

dilfloverasf: LMAOOOOO

rawrdorkyXD: marls
rawrdorkyXD: u can stop with this now

rawrdorkyXD: we’re already dating

marleyandme: ????

dilfloverasf: marlene she knows

marleyandme: YOU TOLD HER????????

rawrdorkyXD: he didnt really have to

rawrdorkyXD: it wasnt hard to miss him whispering to you every 2 seconds that night at james’

dilfloverasf: she did pull me to the side when i went to the loo to ask me if u really knew anything
about drag race tho

marleyandme: oh mY GOD ?????

marleyandme: oh my god.

rawrdorkyXD: but i thought it was sweet!!!!

marleyandme: but it was a secret

marleyandme: shit u take to the grave

marleyandme: @dilfloverasf you are dead.

dilfloverasf: im already dead inside

dilfloverasf:

sexymoonman: and his bella swan in new moon jumped out

dilfloverasf: WHATS THIS SLANDER FOR

dilfloverasf: DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE TAKING SIDES LUPIN

sexymoonman: you deserve the slander

dilfloverasf: i think i deserve other things

sexymoonman: lol

buddyvalastro: when did this gc turn into an orgy

dilfloverasf: uhm ?

simmermary69: i was just trying to talk about my newest obsession

simmermary69: but oh well

[Marauderzzz]

6:44PM

pwonggy: @padsies DUUUDE

pwonggy: HAHAHAAAA

pwonggy: COME HERE YOU SEXY MF

padsies: sexy mf???

padsies: only minnie can call me that....

padsies: during our sweet secret trysts on friday nights.....

bakamoonyasf: ew
pwonggy: BRO

pwonggy: ok

pwonggy: i was leaving footie practice

pwonggy: AND

pwonggy: dirk asked me about you!!!!!

bakamoonyasf: dirk??

padsies: dirk cresswell????

pwonggy: the one and only!!!!

pwonggy: he said u looked..... really cool .....with ur new lip ring

pwonggy: AND asked me for your number!!!!!!

pwonggy: of course i didnt give it to him before checking with u first

pwonggy: bUT PADS!!!!

pwonggy: DIRK!!!!

pwonggy: U HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON HIM IN FRESHMAN YEAR!!!!!

padsies: oh yeah

padsies: thats true

bakamoonyasf: dirk cresswell???

bakamoonyasf: who tf is this guy??

pwonggy: HES THAT BRUNETTE WITH GLASSES THAT ALWAYS CARRIES A BOOK
AROUND BUT IS RIPPED ASF

pwonggy: i mean i knooow it can be a surprise that pads had a crush on him
pwonggy: he doesnt usually go for the nerdy type

pwonggy: @padsies LOL

pwonggy: but he was always up to making exceptions!!!!

bakamoonyasf: nerdy type?

pwonggy: yeah

pwonggy: like these smart guys yk

pwonggy: but padfoot always said he was “nerdy hot”

pwonggy:

padsies: lol

bakamoonyasf: nerdy hot???

pwonggy: moony no offense but i thought you could read HAHAH

pwonggy: yes yes nerdy hot

pwonggy: not what padfoot would usually go for but..... dirk has always been something else i cant
disagree

bakamoonyasf: oh

bakamoonyasf: lol

pwonggy: @padsies so?????

padsies: oh

padsies: yeah idk

padsies: i’ll see

pwonggy: oh

pwonggy: ok its chill

pwonggy: im surprised tho

pwonggy: i thought u’d be super siked abt it

padsies: oh idk

pwonggy: okok

pwonggy: just....hit me up then

wormysoftboy: pads doesnt usually go for the nerdy type???

wormysoftboy: boy oh boy hahah

wormysoftboy:

bakamoonyasf: ????

pwonggy: wormy u’ve been kinda confusing me lately

[MoonFlower <3]

7:13PM

therealslimmoony: hey

therealslimmoony: really random question

therealslimmoony: but

therealslimmoony: what do you think of this guy

therealslimmoony:
therealslimmoony: do u think he’s hot???

gingertaylorswift: hi

gingertaylorswift: uhm

gingertaylorswift: yeah he’s pretty cute

gingertaylorswift: like i’d go for him

gingertaylorswift: why???

gingertaylorswift: ur not about to (try to) tell me *he’s* the one you’ve been sleeping for the past
*3 weeks* with right???

therealslimmoony: what????

therealslimmoony: no

therealslimmoony: wtf no
therealslimmoony: i think he’s ridiculous

gingertaylorswift: ohh he’s not ridiculous

gingertaylorswift: he looks sweet

gingertaylorswift: and cmon he’s very far from ugly

therealslimmoony: he’s ugly

therealslimmoony: like very much so

therealslimmoony: and who captions their instagram pictures with fucking oscar wilde
quotes?????

therealslimmoony: how corny do you have to be???

gingertaylorswift: why are u asking me this

gingertaylorswift: where tf did u find this guy?

gingertaylorswift: dirk cresswell?????

therealslimmoony: oh i just came across him on instagram

therealslimmoony: just wanted ur opinion

[Charity Work]

8:51PM

remusisdelusional: hey

remusisdelusional: look uhm

remusisdelusional: its fine if u wanna go out with that dirk guy

remusisdelusional: like fr

remusisdelusional: dont worry about me

remusisdelusional: if thats why ur reluctant

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: yeah uhm

siriusisdumb: idk

remusisdelusional: yeah no its fine

remusisdelusional: like i dont mind it

remusisdelusional: i dont even have the right to mind it

remusisdelusional: or reason to

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: you dont?

remusisdelusional: no

remusisdelusional: uhm

remusisdelusional: its just

remusisdelusional: no yeah

remusisdelusional: no

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: ok then ig

siriusisdumb: but still

siriusisdumb: i dont think im in the mood ??

siriusisdumb: to like

siriusisdumb: idk sleep with someone else

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: well you could

remusisdelusional: if u want to

remusisdelusional: we were clear abt this not being serious

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: no yeah i know

siriusisdumb: ur free to do whatever u want too ig

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: and this dirk guy seems nice

siriusisdumb: i didnt know you knew him

remusisdelusional: oh i dont really

remusisdelusional: i’ve uhm

remusisdelusional: i’ve seen him around campus

siriusisdumb: but how would you know that was him?

remusisdelusional: oh idk

remusisdelusional: just had a feeling i suppose

siriusisdumb: i see

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: anyway

remusisdelusional: dont hold yourself off because of me

remusisdelusional: like its cool

remusisdelusional: really
siriusisdumb: i wasn't going to, dont worry

remusisdelusional: fine

remusisdelusional: good for you

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: good for me

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

9:04PM

frankiegrande: i fucking hate my life

frankiegrande: fuck why did i let it get to this point

frankiegrande: we’ve been sleeping together for 3 WEEKS

frankiegrande: 3 FUCKING WEEKS

frankiegrande: THATS ALMOST A MONTH

frankiegrande: WE ARE TOGETHER FOR *HOURS* EVERY FUCKING DAY

frankiegrande: and he goes on to say its fine i can see other ppl becAUSE HE DOESNT CARE

frankiegrande: AND NOW I JUST *KNOW* HE’S SEEING OTHER PEOPLE TOO

frankiegrande: god im so FUCKING STUPID

frankiegrande: but just wait

frankiegrande: he’ll see

frankiegrande: i will see other people

frankiegrande: i’ll see a BUNCH of other people

frankiegrande: i wont even bother to learn their names

frankiegrande: and then he’ll see

frankiegrande: the fucking idiot

jojosiwa: i love how you treat me like ur own diary

jojosiwa: but yes be a petty bitch

jojosiwa: we love to see it

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:16PM

dilfloverasf: hey prongs

dilfloverasf: you can give dirk cresswell my number

himbosupremacy: OMG YAY

himbosupremacy: OKOK I’LL TEXT HIM UR NUMBER!!!

dilfloverasf: yes do that please

marleynotbob: ;)

fireballswiftie: dirk cresswell???

fireballswiftie: oh

buddyvalastro: ok now *i’m* confused

[MoonFlower <3]

9:22PM

gingertaylorswift: so
therealslimmoony: dont even bother

[Lily Evans & Marlene McKinnon]

9:24PM

lily: ok just between us squirrel friends

lily: oh shit i forgot you dont actually watch drag race

lily: ok

lily: just between us two

lily: i really think this way more serious than i thought it was

marlene: trust me

marlene: it is

lily: fuck

[Charity Work]

9:29PM

remusisdelusional: i dont understand why you had to take it to the gc tho

siriusisdumb: ?????

siriusisdumb: why is it any of your business?

siriusisdumb: i thought i was free to do whatever i wanted, remember?

remusisdelusional: you are

remusisdelusional: im just saying

siriusisdumb: well then dont say anything

remusisdelusional: are u mad at me????

siriusisdumb: no

siriusisdumb: why would i be mad????

siriusisdumb: there's *no reason* to be mad

siriusisdumb: im not mad at all

siriusisdumb: i just dont understand why you fucking bothered to say “you shouldn't have taken it
to gc” as if its any of your business what i do

siriusisdumb: when you say that, you know what it sounds like??

siriusisdumb: it sounds like you care

remusisdelusional: i do care

remusisdelusional: of course i care

siriusisdumb: you made it clear that you didnt

remusisdelusional: i care about you

remusisdelusional: i just said it cause i dont think you should expose who you hook up with in the
gc for 6 other ppl to see

remusisdelusional: you could've just told james in private

siriusisdumb: oh my god

siriusisdumb: oh my fucking god

siriusisdumb: you are unbelievable

remusisdelusional: what????

remusisdelusional: why am i unbelievable??????

remusisdelusional: sirius

remusisdelusional: sirius cmon

remusisdelusional: so ur just gonna ghost me????

remusisdelusional: sirius

remusisdelusional: look im sorry

remusisdelusional: im sorry i shouldn't have said what i said

remusisdelusional: i know am an idiot

remusisdelusional: thats old news

remusisdelusional: im sorry

remusisdelusional: please

remusisdelusional: cmon

remusisdelusional: sirius?????

[Lily Evans & Marlene McKinnon]

9:37PM

lily: all too well

lily: sirius is listening to all too well

marlene: i dont speak swiftie ur gonna have to translate this for me

lily: shit is going down.

lily: oh also i love clairo!!

marlene: how do you know im listening to clairo???

lily: ......

lily: i tend to stalk my friends’ spotify activity..

marlene: that says so much about you as a person

[Charity Work]

10:41PM

remusisdelusional: please open the door

remusisdelusional: i know ur in there

remusisdelusional: and i know u heard me knock

remusisdelusional: please

remusisdelusional: im sorry

remusisdelusional: i’ll sit here in the hallway if you want

remusisdelusional: also my hall mate pandora bakes muffins and i got one from her

remusisdelusional: i brought u a banana muffin

remusisdelusional: please

remusisdelusional: im sorry

remusisdelusional: just open the door

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

11:37PM

frankiegrande: im incurable.
 jojosiwa: mi padre amado

jojosiwa: :((((

Chapter End Notes

brace yourselves, lovelies. in lily evans' words, "shit is about to go down."

 CHAPTER 25: The Husband Of My Dreams

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

3:07PM

prongs: ok

prongs: what's wrong?

prongs: what are you hiding from me?

padfoot: what??

prongs: what are you hiding from me??

prongs: and dont tell me its nothing

prongs: i know there's something going on

prongs: and i feel like im the only one who doesnt know anything

prongs: so cmon

prongs: spit it out

padfoot: prongs come on

padfoot: its nothing really

prongs: sirius

prongs: cut the shit

prongs: what's been up with u???

prongs: suddenly ur snappy

prongs: and start being all bitchy

prongs: especially to remus

prongs: and you also say ur *always* busy

prongs: like wtf

prongs: im trying to piece shit together but i have nothing

prongs: im ur brother

prongs: i thought u’d always tell me everything

prongs: is it something with ur family???

prongs: or idk

prongs: one of us???

prongs: remus??? ur rude to him out of nowhere like i said

prongs: something happened in class?? someone said something to u??

prongs: come on man

padfoot: i like someone

prongs: oh

prongs: OH

prongs: OH MY GOD PADS THATS SO DOPE!!!!

prongs: do i know him?????

padfoot: no not rlly

padfoot: and not that dope

prongs: whyyy :(

padfoot: ehh its never gonna work out

padfoot: which is fine idk

padfoot: i’ll get over it

padfoot: ig thats why i’ve been snapping at everyone

padfoot: sorry
prongs: nonono its fine!!!

prongs: and im sorry abt it pads :(((

prongs: what's his name?? do you want me to have a talk with him??????

padfoot: NO

padfoot: no

padfoot: its fine lol

padfoot: really

padfoot: and i’d really like to keep it private????

padfoot: pls dont be upset its just that i really dont wanna expose this

padfoot: so

prongs: ok

prongs: ok ok its totally fine

prongs: i respect ur wishes

prongs: but if anything happens, lemme know

prongs: u know what these hands are capable of

prongs: im not scared to fight a bitch

padfoot: lol

padfoot: i will

prongs: wait

prongs: is that why u were hesitant on going out with dirk earlier this week???

padfoot: yeah
prongs: oh shit

prongs: and i gave the dude ur number

prongs: man im so sorry pads

padfoot: no no chill its fine

padfoot: like really

padfoot: and dirk texted me

padfoot: he’s a nice guy

padfoot: so

prongs: oh

prongs: thats good then??

prongs: maybe it’ll help u?

padfoot: yeah

padfoot: ig

prongs:

prongs: well

prongs: i love you

prongs: and if everything goes to shit we can just run away together and get married ourselves and
raise sheeps

padfoot: the husband of my dreams ♥️

prongs: HAHAHAHA

prongs: right back at u, honeybun

prongs: ♥️♥️♥️♥️
[Charity Work]

4:39PM

remusisdelusional: hi

siriusisdumb: hey

remusisdelusional: everything alright?

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: you?

remusisdelusional: yeah yeah

remusisdelusional: how’s ur day been?

siriusisdumb: what's with the small talk??

remusisdelusional: im sorry

siriusisdumb: you’ve said ur sorry

siriusisdumb: i said its fine

remusisdelusional: yeah but i know ur still pissed

remusisdelusional: and you have the right to be

remusisdelusional: i was a rightful dick

siriusisdumb: yeah i cant argue with you on that

siriusisdumb: but really

siriusisdumb: dont worry

siriusisdumb: its fine

siriusisdumb: i let you in, didnt i?

remusisdelusional: im afraid u let the muffin in and i just went along

siriusisdumb: cant argue with you on that either

siriusisdumb: lol

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: uhm

remusisdelusional: are u free tonight?

remusisdelusional: i was thinking maybe you could come over

remusisdelusional: we could watch star wars??

remusisdelusional: i know the third one is your favorite

remusisdelusional: with all the anakin stuff lol

remusisdelusional: and maybe idk order some food

remusisdelusional: maybe some italian???

remusisdelusional: its on me btw

remusisdelusional: or idk whatever you’d like to do

remusisdelusional: i’ve barely seen you all week

remusisdelusional: so i was just wondering

siriusisdumb: i have a date tonight

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: you have a date

siriusisdumb: yeah

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: ok

remusisdelusional: i suppose with dirk cresswell?

siriusisdumb: yes

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: oh ok its fine

remusisdelusional: dont worry really

remusisdelusional: we could leave it for some other time

remusisdelusional: or not idk

remusisdelusional: dont worry

remusisdelusional: have fun tho

remusisdelusional: :)

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: thanks

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

6:07PM

jojosiwa: ur really going out with that guy??

frankiegrande: dirk?

frankiegrande: yeah
frankiegrande: i am

frankiegrande: i told u i was

frankiegrande: why?

jojosiwa: nothing

jojosiwa: just

jojosiwa: idk

jojosiwa: take care ok?

jojosiwa: dont do anything stupid that you might regret

jojosiwa: i know *i* call you stupid all the time, but ur not

jojosiwa: so

jojosiwa: keep that in mind

frankiegrande: yeah dont worry

jojosiwa: sirius

jojosiwa: please

frankiegrande: i know i know

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

6:15PM

marlene: cas

marlene: i need a favor

dorcas: hiii

dorcas: yeah anything

marlene: what are u doing tonight??

dorcas: i was planning on doing you, actually

dorcas: but if you have any better options....

dorcas: i doubt they would beat my own idea tho..

marlene: ok if u help me out i’ll gladly grant ur wishes

dorcas: fire away then

marlene: are your wigs from freshman year still in good condition?

[Dorcas Meadowes & Remus Lupin]

7:21PM

dorcas: hi lovely

remus: hey

remus: what's up

dorcas: oh nothing really

dorcas: just wanted to check on u

dorcas: uhm

dorcas: how’s sirius?

dorcas: you know you can talk to *me* since i know

remus: he’s fine

remus: i guess

remus: has a date tonight so

remus: good for him

dorcas: yeah marls told me

remus: hmmm

remus: sorry cas but is that all??

remus: i kinda wanna be left alone

remus: its been a tiring week

dorcas: yeah yeah its all

dorcas: uhm

dorcas: im going out for dinner tonight

dorcas: so

remus: oh

remus: date night??

remus: cute

dorcas: ehh not really

dorcas: im going alone

remus: oh

remus: is everything alright???

dorcas: no no dont worry everything's great

dorcas: im meeting her after

dorcas: just idk

dorcas: like to spend some time in my own company

remus: oh thats good

remus: where are you going??

dorcas: oh scrivenshaft’s

remus: the italian??

dorcas: yeah that one!

dorcas: ever been there??

dorcas: its my first time, but i heard its good

remus: i usually order food from there

remus: its really good

dorcas: ok great!

dorcas: well, i wont bother u anymoreee

dorcas: take care, alright love??

remus: u too

dorcas: <3 xx

[Sirius Black & Dirk Cresswell]

8:21PM
dirk cresswell: hi!!

dirk cresswell: ur building is gryffindor A right??

sirius black: yeah

dirk cresswell: great!

dirk cresswell: then im here already!

sirius black: be down in a sec

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

8:43PM

dorcas: i look so fucking ridiculous

dorcas: blue is NOT my color

dorcas: and its itching

dorcas: i had no wig caps left

marlene: im sure you look beautiful

marlene: keep me updated

dorcas: was there really no way you couldn't come?

dorcas: there’s still time

dorcas: they’re not here yet

dorcas: you could just go to my dorm and get a wig for yourself

marlene: sirius would’ve been able to smell me there like a fucking dog

marlene: you’ll be fine

marlene: and u’ll get ur reward later

marlene: now

marlene: take care of my gay son!

dorcas: honestly the things i do for you

dorcas: ok they’re here

dorcas: damn dirk is fiiine

marlene: u think??

marlene: god to me he looks like those dudes people use for wattpad covers

dorcas: .....

dorcas: yeah ok i see ur point

dorcas: oh and he’s such a gentleman!!

dorcas: pulled out the chair for sirius and all

marlene: thats really gay

marlene: how does sirius look??

dorcas: uncomfortable

marlene: as i had predicted

marlene: keep em coming!

dorcas: god im gonna need a drink

[Dorcas Meadowes & Remus Lupin]

9:09PM

dorcas: i know i said i wasnt gonna bother u anymore

dorcas: and ur gonna call me insane

dorcas: but i have a blue wig on and there’s two very familiar guys a couple tables away from me
rn

remus: ur spying on sirius’ date?????????

remus: dude????????

dorcas: marlene asked me to!!

dorcas: look i just thought u’d like to know that im here

dorcas: so

remus: ok

remus: just tell me if anything happens

remus: like

remus: if anything sirius happens

remus: SERIOUS****

remus: GOD IT KEEPS AUTOCORRECTING

remus: i think he did that himself

remus: i dont know how to fix it

dorcas: mary might be able to help u out

remus: yeah not doing that

remus: it would require explanation

remus: just
remus: make sure he’s safe

remus: and that that dirk idiot doesnt do anything

dorcas: i sort of came here for this

dorcas: so

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

9:22PM

dorcas: ok second bottle of wine

dorcas: god sirius is not laughing at any of his jokes

dorcas: im starting to feel bad for the guy

marlene: not the time for pity

marlene: is dirk trying to get him drunk?????

dorcas: not really actually

dorcas: i think i saw him sip his wine once

dorcas: sirius is the one who keeps ordering more

dorcas: oop

dorcas: homeboy just took a whole ass swing off the glass

dorcas: aaaand ordering more

dorcas: jesus christopher

[Sirius Black & Dorcas Meadowes]

9:47PM
sirius: yur not as subtle as u tink

dorcas: oh hello lovie!

dorcas: how’s ur date going?

dorcas: marls told me you had a date tonight!

sirius: i saw this cheap ass kwty perry california girls wig aruond campus way more thn i wouldve
liked to in frehsman year

sirius: could recpgnize it anywehre

dorcas: oh!

dorcas: ur in scrivenshaft’s too?

dorcas: omg what a coincidence!!

dorcas: do u like my look?

dorcas: i think im gonna start bringing the wigs back, what do u think?

sirius: wat r u doing here ?????

dorcas: IM SORRYYYY

dorcas: MARLENE ASKED ME TO KEEP AN EYE ON YOU

dorcas: she was afraid u’d do something stupid :((((

sirius: that cow!!1!!!

dorcas: im sorry she just worries!!

dorcas: and pls dont ask me to leave my pesto pasta is sooo good :(((
[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

9:28PM

dorcas: got caught

dorcas: he really can sniff ppl like a dog smh

marlene: my god

marlene: how is he??

dorcas: his head keeps lolling to the side....

dorcas: and dirk wont shut up i dont think he's even noticed the 3rd bottle is almost empty

dorcas: sirius just stood up to go to the bathroom

dorcas: aaand is tripping over his feet

dorcas: wow he’s so elegant!

[Charity Work]

9:32PM

siriusisdumb: fyck

siriusisdumb: hi

siriusisdumb: i shdoulve stayed in

siriusisdumb: with u

remusisdelusional: are you drunk???

siriusisdumb: jussss a ,lillll

siriusisdumb:
remusisdelusional: is he trying to get you drunk??

remusisdelusional: what did he give you to drink

siriusisdumb: noooo oo

siriusisdumb: i dont htink hes even noticed im drunk lollll

siriusisdumb: he wont shut up

siriusisdumb: wont let me talk

siriusisdumb: u alwrys let me talk

remusisdelusional: ur not driving are you???

siriusisdumb: nooo we came byuber

remusisdelusional: ok dont go anywhere

remusisdelusional: im coming to get you

siriusisdumb: no ur nto

siriusisdumb: not

remusisdelusional: yes

remusisdelusional: i am

remusisdelusional: u cant be drunk like this with a guy you barely know

remusisdelusional: stay where you are

siriusisdumb: ahhahsahhaha noooo

[Dorcas Meadowes & Remus Lupin]

9:09PM

remus: do you have any idea how drunk he is????

dorcas: he looks a bit tipsy

remus: he just texted me

remus: im coming to get him

remus: make sure he doesnt leave

dorcas: ok ok

dorcas: oh shit

remus: what??????

dorcas: just come

dorcas: fast

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

9:37PM

dorcas: just stole a bottle from another table on the way back to his

dorcas: he’s downing it

dorcas: holy shit

dorcas: ok the wig is out

dorcas: ttyl
marlene: dorcas???

marlene: dorcas for the love of god

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

10:05PM

marlene: what is going on????

marlene: how is he????

marlene: dorcas

dorcas: we’re on the uber back to campus

marlene: you managed to get him to go home??

dorcas: no

dorcas: actually remus came to get him

dorcas: apparently sirius texted him and remus saw he was drunk and came here

marlene: oh my fucking god

marlene: and what about dirk wtf

dorcas: remus told him to fuck off

dorcas: the prick seemed to be enjoying it

dorcas: disgusting

dorcas: he started laughing when remus tried getting sirius out of the restaurant

dorcas: almost threw my drink at his face

dorcas: fucking hate wattpad guys

dorcas: sirius is sleeping on remus’ shoulder rn

dorcas: not quite the moment but they look really cute

dorcas: anyway

dorcas: we’ll arrive in like 5

marlene: ok i’ll wait for u by the entrance to help

marlene: xx

dorcas: xxx

[Marlene McKinnon & Remus Lupin]

10:48PM

marlene: how is he???

marlene: im so sorry i have no idea where i put the spare key to his dorm

marlene: and the fucking idiot lost his

marlene: sorry

remus: its fine

remus: really

remus: he’s sleeping already

marlene: ok good

marlene: thank you

marlene: and u??

remus: on my chair

remus: better start making myself comfortable here

remus: you know, they really could start providing us some chairs with cushions
remus: im gonna wake up tomorrow with a squared ass

marlene: lol

marlene: thank you so much remus

marlene: you didnt have to

remus: i did

remus: we all have bad dates sometimes hahah

remus: and really im just glad he’s ok

remus: so

marlene: you’re good for him

remus: yeah idk

remus: anyway

remus: gn marley

marlene: night xx
 CHAPTER 26: Call Me By Your Wig
Chapter Notes

holy shit. 1k kudos. thank you so much????? i love y'all wtf <3333

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:04AM

simmermary69: could someone care to explain me why @rawrdorkyXD posted a picture on her
priv story of a blue wig scattered on the ground at fucking midnight last night????

marleynotbob: hold on to your seat

himbosupremacy: is the wig era coming back???

himbosupremacy: that bubblegum pink long one was everything

buddyvalastro: nooo the platinum was The Moment

rawrdorkyXD: well my loves

rawrdorkyXD: i had my totally spies! moment last night

rawrdorkyXD: felt pretty badass, if i do say so myself

dilfloverasf: felt pretty *intrusive

rawrdorkyXD: sirius, love

rawrdorkyXD: i’ve seen a picture of your dick once

rawrdorkyXD: nothing can be called intrusive anymore

dilfloverasf: what?????

dilfloverasf: @marleynotbob what????????

marleynotbob: im sorry but if you send me a picture of your dick saying “do u think my dick
looks weird here :/” while my girlfriend is right beside me......

marleynotbob: somethings cant be helped

rawrdorkyXD: somethings cant be UNSEEN

fireballswiftie: once again

fireballswiftie: i dont think i will *ever* be able to understand you guys’ friendship

dilfloverasf: its a two way friendship, evans

dilfloverasf: she receives my nudes beforehand to judge

dilfloverasf: and i help her wax her lady parts

simmermary69: “lady parts”

simmermary69: how modest of you

dilfloverasf: i help her wax her bussy

marleynotbob: can you like

marleynotbob: not?????

marleynotbob: fucking christ you ashame me

[Charity Work]

10:12AM
remusisdelusional: im hoping to dear life shes not talking about the nudes that *i* receive

siriusisdumb: of COURSE shes talking about the nudes that you receive ?????

siriusisdumb: they need to be good enough for mr moonlight!

siriusisdumb: dont u send lily ur nudes before sending them to me??

remusisdelusional: i...dont send you nudes ????

siriusisdumb: well you should start

siriusisdumb: ;)

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:13AM

simmermary69: look i just want a storytime

simmermary69: i really dont enjoy where this conversation is going

himbosupremacy: same

himbosupremacy: and im intrigued now

himbosupremacy: so someone should start talking

dilfloverasf: basically dorko went to spy on my date last night.

rawrdorkyXD: you say it as if it were a bad thing!

rawrdorkyXD: i was just keeping an eye on u!

rawrdorkyXD: which yk....came in hand

himbosupremacy: why??? what happened???

marleynotbob: turns out dirk

marleynotbob: is a dick

marleynotbob: dirk dick

marleynotbob: dick dirk

marleynotbob: HA

simmermary69: its 10am and the word dick has been said way too many times for my personal
liking

dilfloverasf: no but yeah

dilfloverasf: the date went bad

dilfloverasf: and i got wine drunk.....asf

rawrdorkyXD: but hero @sexymoonman came for the rescue!

sexymoonman: just in time to see cas YEET that wig across the restaurant

sexymoonman: a beautiful moment in history, really

dilfloverasf: she said

dilfloverasf:
rawrdorkyXD: LMFAOOOEJEDIED

rawrdorkyXD: you can call me iconic, its fine

himbosupremacy: oh my god??????

himbosupremacy: and how did moonbeam come in the story

himbosupremacy: did he go to spy too???

sexymoonman: no no i was summoned

sexymoonman: by a drunk text.

buddyvalastro: oooooohhh

himbosupremacy: god i cant believe dirk is an asshole

himbosupremacy: he's always been so chill

himbosupremacy: might have to have some.......words...with the gentleman

sexymoonman: tell me when you do cause i’ll join

dilfloverasf: dont worry besties its all good

dilfloverasf: remus took us home and we’re all safe and sound

rawrdorkyXD: i still regret not having thrown my drink at that idiot’s face

rawrdorkyXD: wipe that ridiculous smirk off

rawrdorkyXD: stupid fucker

sexymoonman: you should’ve

dilfloverasf: yeah then i would never been able to come back to scrivenshafts

rawrdorkyXD: i think its too late for that

rawrdorkyXD: you quite literally stole a bottle of wine from another table

dilfloverasf: gotta spice up some dinner dates!

rawrdorkyXD: sirius the couple looked like they were in their 60s.

dilfloverasf: i definitely provided them some giggles later on

simmermary69: you know

simmermary69: sometimes i feel like i miss out on the fun

simmermary69: but then the next morning i find out what the actual fun was

simmermary69: and its always such a relief i stayed home

sexymoonman: justin bieber - that should be me

[Charity Work]

10:27AM

remusisdelusional: no but fr now

remusisdelusional: how are you???

remusisdelusional and did u managed to get inside ur dorm????

siriusisdumb: dude im FINE

siriusisdumb: really

siriusisdumb: thanks to you, also

siriusisdumb: i think if only dorcas was there i wouldnt have gone home

siriusisdumb: so thank you

siriusisdumb: really

siriusisdumb: and im sorry

remusisdelusional: you dont have to be sorry

siriusisdumb: i do

siriusisdumb: that was so fucking embarrassing

siriusisdumb: and we’re even now

remusisdelusional: what i did is fairly different from what you did

siriusisdumb: you apologized for something, i apologized for something

siriusisdumb: please remus

siriusisdumb: i really just want to be even

siriusisdumb: and also my hall mate evan knows some paper clip tricks so.... i got in just fine

remusisdelusional: ok

remusisdelusional: ok fine

remusisdelusional: we’re even

siriusisdumb: perfect

siriusisdumb: bc.....i rlly wanna watch star wars 3 tonight

siriusisdumb: if ur still up for that

remusisdelusional: of course im still up for that

remusisdelusional: :)

siriusisdumb: great

siriusisdumb: LETS WATCH ANAKIN WREAK HAVOC!!!!!!!

[MoonFlower <3]

10:38AM

gingertaylorswift: sweet of you to have gone help sirius

therealslimmoony: it wasnt “sweet”

therealslimmoony: he needed help

therealslimmoony: and i went

therealslimmoony: easy as that

gingertaylorswift: still
gingertaylorswift: you dont give yourself enough credit

gingertaylorswift: you *do* care

gingertaylorswift: you do stuff and you always say it was the “bare minimum”

gingertaylorswift: but really moony

gingertaylorswift: it was a sweet thing to do

gingertaylorswift: and im talking fr now, no meaning behind it

therealslimmoony: well

therealslimmoony: thank u then ig

[Euphemia Potter & Sirius Black]

1:22PM

Euphemia Potter: Hello , my darling ..!! ​

sirius black: hiii effie!!!

sirius black: how’s everything???

Euphemia Potter: OH Honey everything is Marvelous ....

Euphemia Potter: And you ..??

sirius black: same here :D

sirius black: all good

Euphemia Potter: HMmm

Euphemia Potter: Is it , Sweetie?

sirius black: yeah!

sirius black: why?

Euphemia Potter: Well ..... I probably shouldn't be doing this... But I can’t Help it ..!

Euphemia Potter: Jamie told me you’ve been fancying Someone ....

sirius black: oh

sirius black: did he?

Euphemia Potter: Yes, my Love ..

Euphemia Potter: Now , Don’t get angry with him

Euphemia Potter: He only told Me Because he Cares .....

Euphemia Potter: He says you’ve been sort of down About It ??...

sirius black: oh

sirius black: its complicated

sirius black: i dont know

Euphemia Potter: OH My Honey

Euphemia Potter: The last person you Fancied was Reginald Cattermole when You were 17 If I
do remember correctly ....

sirius black: yeah but

sirius black: this time its definitely... not the same

sirius black: that was 17, teenager stuff

sirius black: this is

sirius black: i dont know

Euphemia Potter: It is That Lovely Boy Remus Isn’t it? ​❤️​

sirius black: how do you know??????

Euphemia Potter: Mums always know , Sirius darling

Euphemia Potter: I saw It On Your birthday ....

Euphemia Potter: The Way you looked at him..

sirius black: that was over a month ago

sirius black: a lot has happened since then

Euphemia Potter: And I assume by “a lot” You Mean it has only grown stronger ...?

sirius black: it has only gotten worse, actually

sirius black: we

sirius black: we’ve been..... together

Euphemia Potter: OHHh Amazing!!! ️​

Euphemia Potter: Using Protection, I Hope !!

sirius black: effie!!

Euphemia Potter: Always have to Make Sure

sirius black: well if you HAVE to know.... yes

sirius black: but... i dont know its all just really confusing

sirius black: he says its just a casual thing

sirius black: and i want it to be a casual thing too but my brain just wont let me

sirius black: and then we fight over the most stupid things
sirius black: and i went on a date yesterday and it went horrible

sirius black: and HE went to pick me up because i got drunk and texted him

sirius black: just so embarrassing

Euphemia Potter: Well , if Remus got Out Of his way to go get you ... That must mean something
..!!

sirius black: no i dont think so

sirius black: he would’ve done it for anyone

sirius black: he’s too good

Euphemia Potter: Still , Darling

Euphemia Potter: He did it for you ...

Euphemia Potter: And Not only did I see the Way you looked at him on Your Birthday .... I saw
the way he looked at you .....

Euphemia Potter: Mums always know

Euphemia Potter: I do not believe it is as hopeless as you may think...

sirius black: it’s complicated

sirius black: he doesn’t want anything serious

Euphemia Potter: But you clearly do

Euphemia Potter: You can’t Put Someone’s wishes above yours ....

Euphemia Potter: Tell Him how you feel ... What you want..

Euphemia Potter: If He is not on the Same Page , you’ll have to move on

Euphemia Potter: Which is a part of life , Sweetie

Euphemia Potter: But you have to prioritise yourself, As Well

Euphemia Potter: You tend to put other people above you sometimes ...

Euphemia Potter: Just Like him , you are too good

sirius black: but what we have is better than having nothing

Euphemia Potter: But you are not entirely Happy , So what’s the point ???

sirius black: oh i dont know

sirius black: i just dont think im ready to let go of it yet

Euphemia Potter:

Euphemia Potter: Here Sweetie , Do This

Euphemia Potter: Bring Him to our New Years party

Euphemia Potter: I think Jamie will be inviting all your Friends anyway ...

Euphemia Potter: It Would be Lovely if he could come..

Euphemia Potter: And Then ... You can see what You’d Like to do

Euphemia Potter: And I would also love to see him again .... Such a Sweet Young Man

sirius black: hahahah ok

sirius black: james really did mention inviting everyone... so i think he’ll be doing it soon

sirius black: he would also want lily to go, so

Euphemia Potter: OH , Lily !!!

Euphemia Potter: What A Lovely Girl , She Is !!!...

Euphemia Potter: Bring Everyone!!!

Euphemia Potter: Lovers and friends..

sirius black: hahahha we will

Euphemia Potter:
Euphemia Potter: Well , I believe that is all ....

Euphemia Potter: Call me if you need anything , Love

Euphemia Potter: And I'll see you in 10 Days for the Holiday Break!!!

sirius black: we’ll see you!!

sirius black: miss you

Euphemia Potter: Miss you too , Sweetheart

Euphemia Potter: Take care

Euphemia Potter: Love You Very Much

sirius black: love you too ♥️

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:58PM

himbosupremacy: hey guys!!!

himbosupremacy: i was wondering...

himbosupremacy: does anyone have plans for new years???

simmermary69: my family’s probably gonna do something but i can get out of it i think

marleynotbob: dont have anything

buddyvalastro: no plans!

rawrdorkyXD: me neither!!
fireballswiftie: same

sexymoonman: ˆˆˆˆ

himbosupremacy: THE STARS ARE ALIGNED!!!!

himbosupremacy: here’s the formal invitation to the Potters’ (+ One Black) New Years Eve
Party!!!!!

dilfloverasf: i was literally talking to effie abt nye like an hour ago

dilfloverasf: AND she wants you all to come

dilfloverasf: especially her newest crush @sexymoonman

sexymoonman: HAHAHAHHSHAH

sexymoonman: well

sexymoonman: how can i say no to that??

marleynotbob: im going for sure

marleynotbob: anything is better than having to deal with tia valeria drunk before 8pm

simmermary69: marlene

simmermary69: i’ve spent nye with ur family once

simmermary69: you and your tia valeria are..... literally the same person

marleynotbob: no no

marleynotbob: i get drunk AFTER 9pm

marleynotbob: we are *not the same*

fireballswiftie: HAHSHHSAH
fireballswiftie: im going!!!

buddyvalastro: already there

rawrdorkyXD: same!!!!

himbosupremacy: YAAAYYYYYY

himbosupremacy: i’ll text u the details closer

himbosupremacy: its gonna be soooo much funnnn

dilfloverasf: you’ll have the opportunity to see the party animal that is euphemia potter come to
life

sexymoonman: i wouldnt miss it for the world.

[Charity Work]

3:09PM

siriusisdumb: ok

siriusisdumb: im gonna come out to lily at the party

siriusisdumb: what do u say

remusisdelusional: omg YES

remusisdelusional: PLEASE

remusisdelusional: ITS GONNA MAKE HER ENTIRE LIFE

siriusisdumb: ok its on.

siriusisdumb: i really think im gonna bake that cake

siriusisdumb: i could ask wormy to do it for me

siriusisdumb: but i rlly want it to come from the heart

remusisdelusional: do you.....know how to bake at all??

siriusisdumb: no!!!!!! not at all!!!!!!

siriusisdumb: but its the thought that counts!!!

siriusisdumb: i’ll watch some tutorials on youtube im sure i’ll be fine

remusisdelusional: ok just remind me to not eat it

siriusisdumb: NO

siriusisdumb: YOU’LL EAT IT

siriusisdumb: AND YOU’LL GET THE FIRST SLICE

siriusisdumb: no actually you’ll get the second cause the first we’ll go to lils

remusisdelusional: ugh ok fine

remusisdelusional: the things i do for you

remusisdelusional: just make it chocolate then

siriusisdumb: im not a fan of chocolate cake

siriusisdumb: but ok

siriusisdumb: the things *i* do for *you*

remusisdelusional: HAHA

remusisdelusional: what are u doing rn???

siriusisdumb: some sketches for class

siriusisdumb: why?
 remusisdelusional: oh i was just wondering if u wanted to come over earlier

remusisdelusional: i said it yesterday that i’ve barely seen u all week... which is fine but idk

remusisdelusional: but if ur busy dw u can just come by at 7

siriusisdumb: no no i can come now!

remusisdelusional: no dont worry!! if ur doing hw

siriusisdumb: remus

siriusisdumb: i wanna come now

siriusisdumb: can i please come now?

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAHA

remusisdelusional: ok then ig

siriusisdumb: “ ” he says

siriusisdumb: ur so detached!

remusisdelusional: just. come now.

siriusisdumb: omw boy!!!!!

remusisdelusional: :)))))

Chapter End Notes

euphemia is based *so much* on my grandma, just so you know... especially the way
she texts. my grandma texts me the exact same way. so supremacy to tina's
grandma!!!!!!! coolest woman in the world (who was also vaccinated recently so fuck
yeeeeessss)!!!!!! <33
 CHAPTER 27: Bully 1 Get 2 For Free
Chapter Notes

ok besties we reached 20k hits and, once again, this is completely insane. thank u all
soooo fucking much, holy shit. ilysmmmm <33

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:05AM

himbosupremacy: TODAY IS THE DAAAAYYY

dilfloverasf: YUUUPPPP

dilfloverasf: last day of the year!!!!!!

marleynotbob: fucking finally

marleynotbob: im officially done with this bullshit

fireballswiftie: oooh come on its been a good year!!

fireballswiftie: we all met this year!!

marleynotbob: but it also meant i had to tolerate sirius for a whole other full year

marleynotbob: i’ll be fully gray by my 30s

dilfloverasf: and u’ll rock that salt n peppa mama!!

rawrdorkyXD: marls you met me!!

marleynotbob: ok

marleynotbob: only good thing from this year

marleynotbob: but that is all

sexymoonman: what about meeting *me*???

marleynotbob: .....

marleynotbob: y’all hear sumn???

simmermary69: ​♀️ ​♀️

sexymoonman: gasp!

sexymoonman: i feel affronted!

himbosupremacy: lol

himbosupremacy: any new years resolutions???

buddyvalastro: i wanna grow out of my peanut allergy. its not looking cute anymore

fireballswiftie: uhm... i dont think thats how it works pete....

buddyvalastro: dont stop believing!

dilfloverasf: HOLD ON TO THAT FEELING

buddyvalastro: STREET LIGHTS

himbosupremacy: PEOPLEEEEEE
marleynotbob: ok glee club

marleynotbob: my new years resolution is having a hot girl summer

marleynotbob: and also dyeing my hair pink

marleynotbob: been wanting it for years

rawrdorkyXD: u’ve already been having a hot girl YEAR, marls

rawrdorkyXD: hot girl LIFE

marleynotbob: <333

dilfloverasf: uhm... ok, REGURGITATES

rawrdorkyXD: what's YOUR new years resolution then dumbass

dilfloverasf: easy

dilfloverasf: i want marley to start being nicer to me

marleynotbob: save that for 2087 you dumb fuck

dilfloverasf: see!!!

dilfloverasf: bully!!!

dilfloverasf:

marleynotbob: as i should be

fireballswiftie: well

fireballswiftie: my new years resolution is to start reading more

fireballswiftie: i have so many books sitting on my shelf that are untouched

sexymoonman: god i dont even know for how long you've had carry on

fireballswiftie: right???

himbosupremacy: wait

himbosupremacy: carry on?????

himbosupremacy: simon snow and baz?????

fireballswiftie: yeah that one

himbosupremacy: yOU MEAN CARRY ON AS IN ENEMIES TO LOVERS IN A BOARDING

SCHOOL AND ALSO GAY????

fireballswiftie: yeah lol

himbosupremacy: DUUUUDE

himbosupremacy: ITS MINE AND PADFOOT’S FAVE BOOK

himbosupremacy: WELL ACTUALLY BOOKS CAUSE THERE’S 2

dilfloverasf: BRO ITS SO GOOD ONG

dilfloverasf: I MISS OUR LITTLE BOOK CLUB PRONGS

dilfloverasf: WE SHOULD DO A REREAD!!!!

himbosupremacy: SO TRUE

marleynotbob: omg potter and black know how to read!

marleynotbob: the more you know

himbosupremacy: i thought *sirius* was your target for bullying

marleynotbob: you two come in a bundle

marleynotbob: bully 1 get 2 for free

himbosupremacy: but im more sensitive than him.....

marleynotbob: oh ur gonna cry??? poor little boy is gonna cry????

himbosupremacy: STOP

sexymoonman: LMFAODNEIDJ

simmermary69: i dont think i have any new years resolution actually

simmermary69: im already hot, smart, funny, sexy and have a girlfriend

simmermary69: what else could i want?

fireballswiftie: humbleness????

simmermary69: nah that can wait

simmermary69: thanks for the suggestion tho

sexymoonman: no but fr

sexymoonman: i dont think i have any either

sexymoonman: maybe idk.... should start working out ????

dilfloverasf: uhm

dilfloverasf: i dont feel like u need it lol

dilfloverasf: if u want to of course like

dilfloverasf: lol

dilfloverasf: but like

dilfloverasf: you dont have to yk

dilfloverasf: like u look just fine

dilfloverasf: lol

marleynotbob: the second hand embarrassment im feeling rn lmfao

sexymoonman: well thank you SIRIUS

sexymoonman: MARLENE you can suck my dick

marleynotbob: i think i’d be murdered for that

simmermary69: ELECTRIC CHAIR FOR HER!

himbosupremacy: lol ok

himbosupremacy: well u all got my address right???

rawrdorkyXD: yup

rawrdorkyXD: finally gonna meet the potters’ residence!

simmermary69: yeah got it

buddyvalastro: its.....the house down the street right???

himbosupremacy: LMFAO

dilfloverasf: uhm james could u actually give me address again to make sure??? i got lost last time

himbosupremacy: HDUHUSUASUWSU

himbosupremacy: idiot

himbosupremacy: anyway

himbosupremacy: mum is so excited to see u all!!!

himbosupremacy: u can come by at like 8??

rawrdorkyXD: will be there!

[MoonFlower <3]

10:26AM

gingertaylorswift: dude

gingertaylorswift: do u think he gave us the right address???

therealslimmoony: well

therealslimmoony: obviously ???

therealslimmoony: why

gingertaylorswift: idk

gingertaylorswift: like..... he says he lives in surrey

gingertaylorswift: like

gingertaylorswift: *surrey*
therealslimmoony: yeah

therealslimmoony: you know the guy is rich

therealslimmoony: you’ve been to his flat

therealslimmoony: that place is huge

gingertaylorswift: i know but

gingertaylorswift: holy shit

therealslimmoony: lol

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

1:38PM

frankiegrande: bruh

frankiegrande: did u hear jojo siwa came out as pan???

jojosiwa: yeah yeah!!!

jojosiwa: so cool

frankiegrande: yeah but like :// im gonna have to think of another name for you now...

frankiegrande: ruined my joke

frankiegrande: like dont get me wrong im so happy for her

frankiegrande: like you go jojo fuck yeah

frankiegrande: but like.... now i gotta use my brain

jojosiwa: poor you

jojosiwa: god only knows how long it has been since ur brain has been touched

jojosiwa: its probably collecting dust

frankiegrande: ok lets think

frankiegrande: i want someone GOOD

jojosiwa: kristen stewart??

frankiegrande: ha you WISH

frankiegrande: no

frankiegrande: not kristen stewart

frankiegrande: i was thinking maybe ellen degeneres but its already the name of our gc

frankiegrande: would be repetitive

jojosiwa: jesus ANYONE but ellen degeneres

frankiegrande: fuck now im tempted

frankiegrande:

frankiegrande: but ok it wont be her

jojosiwa: kate mckinnon??

jojosiwa: even has my last name!!

frankiegrande: shes too funny to be associated with you

jojosiwa: you fucking bitch-

frankiegrande: uhmmm

frankiegrande:

frankiegrande: wAIT
frankiegrande: I THINK I KNOW

jojosiwa: jesus christ

(frankiegrande changed jojosiwa’s name to janelynch)

janelynch: are u fr???

frankiegrande: yes!!!!!!

janelynch: if u tried to make fun of me then i’ll let you know u failed

janelynch: jane lynch is cool asf

janelynch: such a milf too

frankiegrande: well

frankiegrande: then have this as my annual good deed

janelynch: i’ll take it

[Charity Work]

3:45PM

siriusisdumb: ARE YOU READY

siriusisdumb: ARE YOU READY ARE YOU READY

siriusisdumb: REMUS ARE YOU READY

remusisdelusional: i guess im.....ready???

remusisdelusional: what is it
siriusisdumb: BRACE YOURSELF

siriusisdumb: FOR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATION OF MINE YET

remusisdelusional: oh god

siriusisdumb:

siriusisdumb: SO???

siriusisdumb: WHAT DO YOU THINK?????

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: my god

siriusisdumb: LOOKS SO COOL RIGHT

remusisdelusional: its definitely a cake!

siriusisdumb: oh come oooooonnn

siriusisdumb: it looks so cute!!!!

siriusisdumb: it has the album covers!!!!!!!!

remusisdelusional: are the pictures *actually* paper???

siriusisdumb: no no i drew them myself

siriusisdumb: of course they are actually paper you dumbass

remusisdelusional: dude you cant eat paper LMFAO

siriusisdumb: really

remusisdelusional: yeah ????

siriusisdumb: damn

siriusisdumb: james told me it should be fine

remusisdelusional: who trusts you two in a kitchen together without supervision???

siriusisdumb: effie went to the market ://

remusisdelusional: im gonna text her to go home

remusisdelusional: saying its an emergency

remusisdelusional: im surprised u didnt set the house on fire

siriusisdumb: you think too little of me!!

siriusisdumb: .....but it did kinda come close.

remusisdelusional: LMFAO

[MoonFlower <3]

5:21PM

therealslimmoony: ur gonna pick me up right??

gingertaylorswift: of course

gingertaylorswift: we’re gonna have to pick up marls and cas too ok??

therealslimmoony: sure no worries

therealslimmoony: what r u gonna wear

gingertaylorswift: im between that silky orange dress i have or a new sparkly silver one i got

therealslimmoony: go for the silver one

therealslimmoony: the orange will clash with ur hair

gingertaylorswift: hmmm

gingertaylorswift: yeah ig ur right

[Charity Work]

7:02PM

siriusisdumb: are u on ur way already???

remusisdelusional: lily should be arriving soon

remusisdelusional: why

siriusisdumb: uhm

siriusisdumb: i

siriusisdumb: kinda miss u....????

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: its been what, 10 days??

siriusisdumb: yeah i knoooow

siriusisdumb: but facetime doesnt quite do the trick

siriusisdumb: in like...all aspects

remusisdelusional: lmao

remusisdelusional: well i gotta agree with u there

remusisdelusional: and i do miss u too

remusisdelusional: i’ll be there soon

siriusisdumb: perfect

siriusisdumb: :))

siriusisdumb: what are u wearing

remusisdelusional: you’ll see when you see me

siriusisdumb:

siriusisdumb: can we like

siriusisdumb: facetime rn
remusisdelusional: dude im literally on my front porch waiting for lily LMFAO

siriusisdumb:

siriusisdumb: no fun

siriusisdumb: sometimes we gotta take risks, moonboy!

remusisdelusional: HSUXHUSUSHWUSU

remusisdelusional: well

remusisdelusional: if you manage to keep it in your pants for at least a moment

remusisdelusional: then.....you’ll see

siriusisdumb: cant wait

siriusisdumb: ;))

remusisdelusional: lol ;)

remusisdelusional: ok she’s here

remusisdelusional: i’ll see u soon

remusisdelusional: xxx

[Conversion Therapy]

7:21PM

sirius: hello honeycomb

sirius: i hope ur excited for the party

sirius: cause i may or may not have a little surprise for you ;))

lily: this is remus on her phone because lilith is a responsible driver

lily: she says this sounds dirty

lily: but that she’s surprisingly intrigued??

sirius: LMFAO

sirius: tell lily she can calm her tits

sirius: and that its nothing dirty

sirius: at least not for her

sirius: for the cute guy on the passenger seat, on the other hand.....

lily: the cute guy on the passenger seat is deleting this last text

lily: (but he is also intrigued. not surprisingly tho)

sirius: KDIDJIEDUSJSDIJD

lily: marlene saw ur name on the screen from the backseat and told me to tell you to fuck off

sirius: i literally did nothing

lily: she says she’s aware

sirius: tell her i love her and wanna have her kids

lily: she says she has puked a little inside her mouth

sirius: always such a delight

lily: ok we gotta go

lily: lily says the notifications are interrupting her music

lily: and she’s not playing taylor swift for once so we gotta appreciate it
 sirius: lol

sirius: what is she playing

lily: abba

sirius: ok i’ll shut up

sirius: this really is a sacred moment

sirius: i’ll see u in a bit

sirius: xx

lily: see u xxx

[They Don’t Know We Know]

12:07AM

dorcas: saw remus and sirius kissing at midnight

dorcas: super cute and romantic

lily: AWWWW

lily: I MISSED IT

lily: :((((

marlene: mAYBE BECAUSE U WERE FULL ON MAKING OUT WITH JAMES LIKE A
SECOND AGO??????

lily: uhm.

Chapter End Notes

ok a couple of things:

- i changed the name of the very first chapter of this fic to "damn mamas chill" --
which came from a text sirius sent. i had no idea l*sbo was a slur and i'm deeply sorry.
english is not my first language so the only times i've ever heard this word was in
between the community, and always in a jokingly, friendly way. i also fixed the other
times the word was used. again, i'm so sorry.

- i created a tumblr!!!! i'm still learning how to use (why i never had a tumblr phase
growing up lol), but i thought it would be fun to have a little space where we could
chat a bit abt my fic(s) and just chill, really. feel free to ask me questions, i'd looove to
answer them. i'll also be sharing some of my own thoughts and ideas as well! you can
access my acc here!
- amazing reader kitchenr011 wrote an *amazing* one-shot about the first chapter of
this fic and its. so fucking good. like im obsessed. please go take a look here,
its truly amazing and im so in love with it. tysm again, lovely!

- and lastly, here's the link

to *my* one-shot of the new years party. definitely recommend reading it. like, please
go read it lmao

xx <33
 CHAPTER 28: I Stand By Crotch
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:02PM

rawrdorkyXD: there is

rawrdorkyXD: so much

rawrdorkyXD: to unpack from last night

buddyvalastro: i dont think my stomach is ready to be reminded of alcohol

himbosupremacy: same

marleynotbob: i would ask how y’all are feeling but im worried about someone else

marleynotbob: james how is your MUM

simmermary69: omg yeah

himbosupremacy: well

himbosupremacy: not good.

himbosupremacy: i went to her room after u guys left to check up on her and she said “close the
fucking curtains you little bitch boy” when i tried to just bring some light into her batcave

marleynotbob: LMFAODEIUEJF

marleynotbob: i didnt know ur mum cursed

himbosupremacy: only in urgencies

fireballswiftie: no but she really is an icon

fireballswiftie: she *offered* to take tequila shots with me

fireballswiftie: and the whole beer chugging competition with ur dad

fireballswiftie: omg

simmermary69: i wanna be like her when i grow up

himbosupremacy: HAHAHAH she’ll love to hear that

himbosupremacy: but it’ll have to wait cause if i go in her room again she might abort me

rawrdorkyXD: how would she abort you.....20 years too late???

himbosupremacy: i can assure you she would find a way

buddyvalastro: she rlly would

marleynotbob: lol

marleynotbob: anyways

marleynotbob: there’s 2 bffs missing

marleynotbob: @sexymoonman @dilfloverasf ???????

simmermary69: hmph!

himbosupremacy: sirius is passed out on the couch downstairs lmao

himbosupremacy: like. completely. dead.

himbosupremacy: oh and actually about that!

himbosupremacy: we have enough rooms for all of us and y’all just crashed on the couches????
himbosupremacy: mum made the beds so pretty for u guys :((

simmermary69: lmao im SORRY if i couldn't bring myself to walk up the stairs

simmermary69: too much work for a drunk bitch

simmermary69: it would end up in at least someone decapitated

marleynotbob: true that

marleynotbob: and james u act like ur couches aren't fucking amazing bro

marleynotbob: i slept like an aaangel

buddyvalastro: woke up like a demon

marleynotbob: RATATOUILLE?????

buddyvalastro: sorry marley but..... i slept on the armchair beside you

buddyvalastro: not the nicest view :///

dilfloverasf: SO TRUE KING

dilfloverasf: THIS NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT MORE!!!

himbosupremacy: HE’S ALIIIIIIVE

dilfloverasf: YUP

dilfloverasf: alexa play stayin alive by bee gees

marleynotbob: alexa add stayin alive by bee gees to the playlist “sirius’ funeral - the twink is
dead”
dilfloverasf: will you please give me your hand in marriage???

rawrdorkyXD: get in line bitch

sexymoonman: well hello

simmermary69: mans has arrived ppl!!!!!

fireballswiftie: zaddyyyy

sexymoonman: evans wtf.

himbosupremacy: ok

himbosupremacy: now that REMUS is here

himbosupremacy: i just have to say that

himbosupremacy: @dilfloverasf TRAITOR

dilfloverasf: what???

himbosupremacy: HA

himbosupremacy: DONT ACT DUMB. THATS MY BRAND.

himbosupremacy: YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABT.

dilfloverasf: james.

dilfloverasf: i do not know what you are talking about.

himbosupremacy: I SAW YOU TWO

himbosupremacy: CUDDLING ON THE COUCH

himbosupremacy: WHEN I WENT DOWNSTAIRS TO GET SOME WATER

himbosupremacy: dude i thought we had something. we were cuddle buddies.

himbosupremacy:

buddyvalastro: AAAND WORMY STRIKES ONCE AGAIN

buddyvalastro: FUCKING KNEW I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT RAT PIC

buddyvalastro: U TWO ARE SO ADORBS

marleynotbob: LMAOOO

dilfloverasf: james it was a mistake!!! it meant nothing!!!

dilfloverasf:

sexymoonman: yeah. i was just a rebound.

sexymoonman: he was trying to get over the fact that you were cuddling with uhm

sexymoonman: *someone else*

simmermary69: oop

simmermary69: he went there

sexymoonman:

sexymoonman: @fireballswiftie speak up ginger!

fireballswiftie: we werent cuddling..

dilfloverasf: i did see you going up to his room tho ???

rawrdorkyXD: HAHAHA YOU ARE BOTH CHEATERS!!!!!

rawrdorkyXD: the drama omg i love

himbosupremacy: guys

himbosupremacy: lily and i werent cuddling

simmermary69: pfffftttt

[Marauderzzz]

2:34PM

padsies: PRONGS YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR OH MY GAAAWWWDD

pwonggy: bro im not lying

pwonggy: fr

pwonggy: we didn’t cuddle

bakamoonyasf: but she went up to your room

bakamoonyasf: wow

bakamoonyasf: are u that kinda guy who doesnt even cuddle after intercourse

padsies: PLSSSS “intercourse”

pwonggy: dude we didnt hook up

pwonggy: like really

wormysoftboy: you didnt???

pwonggy: no
pwonggy: we kissed a little

pwonggy: but we didnt even sleep in the same bed

padsies: why????

pwonggy: because ????

pwonggy: dude she was drunk

pwonggy: i was drunk too

pwonggy: i would never just sleep with her just cause

pwonggy: and also i just gave my bed to her and slept on the sofa in my room

pwonggy: i didnt wanna be a creep idk

pwonggy: just gave her her space

padsies: oh......my god

padsies: why are you an actual prince

pwonggy: it was literally the bare minimum lol

bakamoonyasf: @padsies i think he’s the knight in a white horse ur looking for

padsies: no yeah cause fr

padsies: if evans doesnt want u anymore hmu

pwonggy: LMAO

wormysoftboy: awww prongsss

wormysoftboy: have u guys talked yet??

pwonggy: no not yet

pwonggy: i think i might hit her up ???

pwonggy: maybe idk.... ask her out

pwonggy: and take her to dinner once we’re back at uni

padsies: OMG YEEEESSSSSSSS

pwonggy: hahahahah

pwonggy: dont know if she’ll say yes tho

pwonggy: maybe it was a one night thing and i just got lucky

bakamoonyasf: prongs

bakamoonyasf: trust me

bakamoonyasf: it wasnt

bakamoonyasf: she’s been brewing this crush on u for a while

bakamoonyasf: but lily was too stubborn to admit it

bakamoonyasf: im glad she finally did something about it

pwonggy: :))))

pwonggy: well

pwonggy: i’ll text her later then :))))))

bakamoonyasf: yesyes do that

[MoonFlower <3]

2:57PM

therealslimmoony: NEW SHIP ALERT

therealslimmoony: ATTENTION EVERYONE

therealslimmoony: JILY IS REAL

therealslimmoony: ITS CONFIRMED

therealslimmoony: JILY

therealslimmoony: IS

therealslimmoony: REAL

gingertaylorswift: omg get a HOBBY

therealslimmoony: AJDWJDWDJWDJW

therealslimmoony: U AND JAMES!!!!!

therealslimmoony: FINALLYYYYY

gingertaylorswift: SJDIEJDIDIJDJ

gingertaylorswift: yeah yeah......

gingertaylorswift: it happened

gingertaylorswift: but rlly remus

gingertaylorswift: jily???? thats the best u could come up with????

therealslimmoony: i also thought of lames.

gingertaylorswift: wow i suddenly love jily!

therealslimmoony: LMFAODKOD

therealslimmoony: ok!!!!! he’s so nice isn't he!!!!!

gingertaylorswift: ......
therealslimmoony: lilith

gingertaylorswift: OH HE’S SO NICE MOONY

gingertaylorswift: AND SO SWEET

gingertaylorswift: AND HE WAS LIKE NOOO UR DRUNK LETS NOT DO ANYTHING

gingertaylorswift: AND HE GOT ME SOME WATER

gingertaylorswift: AND WAS JUST SO SWEET LIKE HE GAVE ME HIS BED AND
EVERYTHING

gingertaylorswift: GAVE ME HIS PJS SO I DIDNT HAVE TO SLEEP IN A DRESS

gingertaylorswift: AND KEPT TELLING ME HOW BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING I WAS

gingertaylorswift: JIFJEDEIEFJIEDJIEDJ

therealslimmoony: YEEEES

therealslimmoony: i’ve been telling u he’s the best!!!!!

gingertaylorswift: honestly in the beginning i was like pleeeease no not another pretentious jock

gingertaylorswift: but when he came up with that james and betty costume idea.....

gingertaylorswift: bruh i shouldve just kissed him then

therealslimmoony: HAHAHAHHAH

therealslimmoony: so what now????

gingertaylorswift: hmmm idk

gingertaylorswift: we’ll see

gingertaylorswift: but yeah

gingertaylorswift: :)))

therealslimmoony: !!!!!!!!
[Dorcas Meadowes & Remus Lupin]

4:03PM

remus: look..

remus: abt midnight

dorcas: remus

dorcas: dont worry

dorcas: i dont think anyone else saw it

dorcas: so

remus: okok

dorcas: but like

dorcas: why are u so worried about ppl seeing it???

dorcas: it looked pretty....cute

dorcas: and u two were even cuddling after so

remus: its

remus: idk

remus: its complicated

remus: and we didnt even mean to sleep like that ig it just happened ??

remus: but really

remus: idk its complicated

dorcas: its doesnt *have* to be complicated tho

dorcas: thats the thing

remus: hmmm

remus: its hard

remus: its not just me being a dick, please know that

dorcas: i dont think ur a dick

dorcas: i know ur not a dick

dorcas: but honestly like

dorcas: it was cute asf

dorcas: and i love marls’ special little view of u leaving his building looking like a train just ran
you over so ;))) keep doing u, doll!

remus: LMFAO FUCK OFF

(dorcas changed the group’s name from Dorcas Meadowes & Remus Lupin to Mean People’s
Simps)

dorcas: nevaaaahh

remus: good lord

[James Potter & Lily Evans]

8:39PM

james: hey lils!!

james: :))

lily: hiii :)))

lily: thx again for letting me sleep on ur bed, u really didnt have to settle for a fucking sofa lol
james: nah it was nothing really! dont worry abt it!

lily: :))

james: and sorry if it was kinda awkward in the gc.... u know the guys talking about it

lily: HAHAHAH noooo it was fine!!!!

lily: it was really funny actually

lily: and i know how moony is so

lily: he’s actually super siked abt it lmao

lily: texting me saying JILY has finally happened

james: HAHAHAHAH

james: finally??

lily: well

lily: kinda yeah :)))

james: hahah

james: :)))))

lily: i’ve noticed a pattern with the smiley faces between us

james: HAHAHAHAHAH YEAH

james: :)))))))

lily: :))))))))))))))
james: :):):):)):):):):):))):)::))

lily: JSHUWSWDJWSWDHWJS

lily: ENOUGHHHH

james: HAHAHAHAH

james: oh

james: i was wondering actually

james: if u didnt wanna go out??? with me??

james: once we’re back in school

james: maybe go for some dinner...???

james: or whatever u’d like to do!

lily: oh

lily: omg yeahhh dinner sounds fun!!!

lily: i’d love to!!!!

james: really???

lily: of course!!

james: omg ok

james: hahahah ok omg

james: uhm

james: so

james: once we’re back i’ll text u??

lily: yes pls!

james: hahah okkk

james: so i’ll see u when we’re back!!!

lily: yessssss

james: :)))

lily: :)))))

james: :)))))))

lily: please dont turn this into a competition cause i’ll win

james: HAHAHAHAHAHAH

[Charity Work]

8:59PM

siriusisdumb: ok prongs just came jumping into my room like a fucking lunatic screaming “SHE
SAID YES!!!!! SHE SAID YES!!!!!!”

remusisdelusional: why am i afraid that he actually *proposed* to her???

siriusisdumb: its not unlikely!

siriusisdumb: but i think this time its just a date so we’re safe for now

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAHAHA
remusisdelusional: these are gonna be the longest 3 days of his life

siriusisdumb: YEAH LMAO

siriusisdumb: and *i’ll* have to deal with him

siriusisdumb: 3 days, remus. 3 fucking days.

siriusisdumb: i think when they finally go on this date he’s gonna come back pregnant

remusisdelusional: mpreg???

siriusisdumb: damn

remusisdelusional: trope comes to life!

siriusisdumb: life imitates art!

remusisdelusional: LMAO

remusisdelusional: anyway

remusisdelusional: also....like..3 days

siriusisdumb: yeah.....

siriusisdumb: also 3 longest days of *my* life

remusisdelusional: we’ve survived 10 others

remusisdelusional: we’ll make it through

siriusisdumb: not *now* that i got a sneak peek in the potters’ bathroom

remusisdelusional: please dont mention it cause i *will* get in my car and drive to fucking surrey
siriusisdumb: i wouldnt dare stopping you

remusisdelusional: LMAOOO

remusisdelusional: thats dangerous

remusisdelusional: but i would advise u to wait by ur door

siriusisdumb: i’ll wait for u in my front porch

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHA

remusisdelusional: oh the romcom feels!

siriusisdumb: LMFAOOO

siriusisdumb: well i do miss u

siriusisdumb: no jokes now

remusisdelusional: yeah i miss u too

remusisdelusional: maybe when we’re back we can also go for dinner

remusisdelusional: or just stay in and order something idk

siriusisdumb: omg is remus lupin asking me out on a date?????

remusisdelusional: hmm i wouldnt call it a date

remusisdelusional: more of a “remus lupin takes advantage of rich boy so he can get food for
free”

siriusisdumb: HAHAHAHHAHAHA

siriusisdumb: ASSHOLE
remusisdelusional: SJDIWJDIDJIWDIDJ

[Walburga’s Pride & Joy]

9:15PM

joy: hey

joy: how’s everything

pride: heeeey reggie boyyyy

pride: all’s good

pride: how was ur new years???

pride: had fun at barty crotch’s???

joy: HAHAHAHA CROUCH*

pride: i stand by crotch.

joy: lmao

joy: and yeah its fun here

joy: but uhm

joy: actually i texted u cause i think we need to talk

joy: in person

pride: oh

pride: is everything ok????

joy: yeah idk

joy: i just really need to talk to you

joy: so

joy: see u in 3 days?

pride: yes

pride: yes sure

pride: text me if you need anything

joy: k

joy: luv ya

pride: ly

pride: really

[Charity Work]

9:23PM

siriusisdumb: [screenshot.jpg]

siriusisdumb: look

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: sirius

remusisdelusional: holy shit

siriusisdumb: yeah

remusisdelusional: its gonna be a good thing

remusisdelusional: i can feel it

siriusisdumb: yeah idk

siriusisdumb: he says its not everything alright

siriusisdumb: so

remusisdelusional: but it will be

remusisdelusional: im sure

siriusisdumb: yeah maybe

remusisdelusional: ://

remusisdelusional: look i would actually go to surrey rn but my parents went out for dinner and
they have the car

remusisdelusional: but i really would

siriusisdumb: no no dont worry

siriusisdumb: we were joking before

remusisdelusional: yeah but im not now

siriusisdumb: remus its fine

siriusisdumb: im just worried cause he’s my brother

siriusisdumb: but

siriusisdumb: can i call u rn???

siriusisdumb: for nothing really

siriusisdumb: idk i just wanna talk

siriusisdumb: abt anything

 remusisdelusional: yes yes 100%

(Incoming Call: remusisdelusional)

Chapter End Notes

ok i gave in and made a playlist for the fic LMAO. some songs were mentioned
already, some are yet to be mentioned, some just give me the vibe of the characters
and some are just..... some things that might come up.. so yeah!!!!! you can listen to it
here
if you'd like!! hope u enjoy! :))
 CHAPTER 29: This Conversation Stinks of Homophobia
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Charity Work]

2:11PM

siriusisdumb: HE’S STAYING

siriusisdumb: HE’S FUCKING STAYING

siriusisdumb: REG IS STAYING

remusisdelusional: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

remusisdelusional: REALLY????????

siriusisdumb: YES YES YES YES

siriusisdumb: HE’S STAYING HERE!!!!!!!!!!

remusisdelusional: OH MY GOD YES

remusisdelusional: FUCK YES

remusisdelusional: I FUCKING KNEW IT

remusisdelusional: DIDNT I TELL YOU

siriusisdumb: YES YES YOU TOLD ME IDFJIEDJJDJDIJE

remusisdelusional: god sirius im so happy for you

remusisdelusional: and for him too

remusisdelusional: really

remusisdelusional: i knew he would make the right choice

siriusisdumb: yeah deep down i knew it too

siriusisdumb: but knowing how my family is

siriusisdumb: idk they are absolutely deranged

siriusisdumb: so

siriusisdumb: but aLL IS FINE ALL IS GOOD ALL IS PERFECT CAUSE REGULUS IS
STAYING WHICH MEANS HE’S STAYING AWAY FROM THEM

remusisdelusional: AHSDDHDAJDHJHD

remusisdelusional: YEEEEES

remusisdelusional: and how is he???

siriusisdumb: oh he’s.... fine

siriusisdumb: not reeeeally cause i think he still needs time to process it

siriusisdumb: he says its a pretty bittersweet feeling

siriusisdumb: which like i get it

siriusisdumb: it was the same thing when i left

siriusisdumb: that freeing feeling but still like fuck man they’re my family

siriusisdumb: but he’ll be fine

siriusisdumb: just needs some time

siriusisdumb: i just have to be there for him and he’ll be good

remusisdelusional: and how’s ur family??

remusisdelusional: like did he say anything??

siriusisdumb: oh yeah they stayed true to their word

siriusisdumb: they took him off the will the day after he told them

siriusisdumb: and said they dont wanna be associated with him in any way and that they will do
everything in their power to make sure of that

siriusisdumb: which basically means they will act like he’s not their son and never was
siriusisdumb: #beenthere

remusisdelusional: he’ll be ok

remusisdelusional: as long as he has u

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: we’ll be fine

remusisdelusional: are u still with him??

siriusisdumb: no i just dropped him off at his dorm

siriusisdumb: we went out for luuuuunch and then we got some ice cream

siriusisdumb: and because im the best big brother in the world i paid for everything

siriusisdumb: OH ALSO

siriusisdumb: i forgot

siriusisdumb:
siriusisdumb: he wanted me to send u this

siriusisdumb: this is him saying hi

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHA I CANT BELIEVE HE REMEMBERS ME

siriusisdumb: of course he remembers u

siriusisdumb: he says it was one of the funniest encounters he has ever had in his entire life

remusisdelusional: awkward*

siriusisdumb: same thing

remusisdelusional: well

remusisdelusional: im happy i made him laugh then

remusisdelusional: he’s a good kid

siriusisdumb: “kid” he’s liTERALLY 2 YEARS YOUNGER

remusisdelusional: fuck i always come back like this after visiting with my parents

remusisdelusional: too much time with my dad

siriusisdumb: he calls u kid????

remusisdelusional: dude

remusisdelusional: lyall lupin calls *everyone* kid

remusisdelusional: i’ll never forget the time we went to the supermarket and he said “cheers kid”
to the cashier

remusisdelusional: it was 60 year old man.

siriusisdumb: LMFAOOOO

siriusisdumb: what a legend

remusisdelusional: he’s a 6’4 bald ex english professor with a coffee addiction

remusisdelusional: he really is a legend

remusisdelusional: like.....

remusisdelusional: as in i dont think he’s even real

siriusisdumb: so a myth?

remusisdelusional: yes

remusisdelusional: exactly

remusisdelusional: lyall lupin is, indeed, a myth

siriusisdumb: fucking iconic

[Marauderzzz]

4:38PM

pwonggy: ok besties

pwonggy: i just got off the phone with lils

pwonggy: and everything’s set for our date tonight

pwonggy: !!!!!!!

padsies: already???

padsies: damn u humping bunnies cant keep it in ur pants can you

pwonggy: SHUT UP

pwonggy: anyway

pwonggy: i need help with the fit

bakamoonyasf: fire away papas

pwonggy:
pwonggy: what do u guys think of the shirt?????

padsies: hmmm

padsies: its a vibe

padsies: like i dig it

pwonggy: really????

padsies: yeah

bakamoonyasf: yeah i like it too

wormysoftboy: same
pwonggy: okokok

padsies: what are u pairing it with

pwonggy: oh some jeans and a denim jacket

padsies: why do you always have to go denim on denim????

pwonggy: becAUSE ITS ALWAYS IN FASHION

padsies: BRUH IT WAS NEVER *IN* FASHION IN THE FIRST PLACE

bakamoonyasf: prongs

bakamoonyasf: dont listen to him

bakamoonyasf: i rock with the fit

bakamoonyasf: denim on denim is cool

bakamoonyasf: and padfoot dresses like forever 21 went on sale

pwonggy: thank you MOONY

pwonggy: and try checking the tag of his rolling stones shirt lmao

padsies: DUDE

padsies: ITS A CUTE SHIRT AND IT WAS CHEAP LEAVE ME ALONE

wormysoftboy: not really pads :/// but u get what u pay for!

padsies: this conversation STINKS of homophobia.

bakamoonyasf: we’re all queer

padsies: i stand by what i said.

pwonggy: OK BACK TO ACTUALLY IMPORTANT ISSUES

pwonggy: so the fit is cool????

wormysoftboy: yup

bakamoonyasf: yes

padsies: depends on what shoes u wear

pwonggy: i was thinking my comme des garçons converse

padsies: ok NOW we’re talking!!!!!

padsies: those go so hard!!!!!!!!!

pwonggy: RIGHTTTT

bakamoonyasf: where are u taking her

pwonggy: oh we’re going to this mexican place near campus

pwonggy: she was the one who suggested it

wormysoftboy: nice

bakamoonyasf: its gonna be great prongs

bakamoonyasf: i’m sure

bakamoonyasf: she’s super excited about it too

pwonggy: jnfiejfiejfiejiejfiejfijfr

pwonggy: lcekekcekcecicj

padsies: someone better go check on him i think he’s having a heart attack

[MoonFlower <3]

5:47PM

gingertaylorswift: thats it!!!!! i give up!!!!

gingertaylorswift: i’m not going anymore!!!!!!!!

therealslimmoony: what why????????

therealslimmoony: what's going on?????

gingertaylorswift: dude i have NOTHING to wear

gingertaylorswift: like literally NOTHING

gingertaylorswift: i’ve gone through all my clothes

gingertaylorswift: im gonna commit a hate crime istg

therealslimmoony: oh not u freaking out about the outfit too

therealslimmoony: james was enough

gingertaylorswift: REMUUUUUSSSSSS

therealslimmoony: lily you have an unhealthy amount of clothes

therealslimmoony: like i may or may not be considering sending you to hoarders

therealslimmoony: its time for an intervention

gingertaylorswift: FUNNY HOW I LOOK RIDICULOUS IN ALL OF THEM

therealslimmoony: you dont look ridiculous in any of them

therealslimmoony: and u could wear a fucking bin bag and james would still think ur the prettiest
person alive

therealslimmoony: but ok

therealslimmoony: if u still need help

therealslimmoony: that purple flowery dress u have is really cute

gingertaylorswift: i’ve already tried that one

therealslimmoony: and?

gingertaylorswift: hated it

therealslimmoony: u know

therealslimmoony: i’ve seen u in that dress a thousand times

therealslimmoony: i might be crazy for this

therealslimmoony: absolutely mental

therealslimmoony: but i think you might just be......nervous

gingertaylorswift: PFFFTTT

gingertaylorswift: IM NOT NERVOUS

therealslimmoony: mhm
gingertaylorswift: remus im so nervous

gingertaylorswift: i dont even know why im so nervous

gingertaylorswift: wtf

gingertaylorswift: i dont like it.

therealslimmoony: its gonna be fine

therealslimmoony: and at least *one* of u has to stay chill if not i think ur both just gonna
combust

therealslimmoony: james is already shitting his pants

gingertaylorswift: UUUUUGGGGHH

gingertaylorswift: he’s so sweet

gingertaylorswift: nervous bc of me

gingertaylorswift: but honestly i cant blame him i would be nervous bc of me too

therealslimmoony: lol

therealslimmoony: ok

therealslimmoony: how about those black baggy pants u have???

therealslimmoony: with the embroidery on the back pocket????

therealslimmoony: maybe a green top??

therealslimmoony: u look good in green

gingertaylorswift: u think?

therealslimmoony: yeah

gingertaylorswift: ok
gingertaylorswift: okok i’ll try it

gingertaylorswift: you fucking genius

therealslimmoony: heheheh :)

[Charity Work]

6:22PM

remusisdelusional: i think im gonna go crazy

remusisdelusional: first prongs

remusisdelusional: now lily

remusisdelusional: both freaking out bc of fucking *clothes*

remusisdelusional: honestly...... im gonna look like my dad by the time i turn 25

siriusisdumb: HAHAHAHAH

siriusisdumb: james just facetimed me asking which cologne he should wear

siriusisdumb: had to explain to him that. i could not smell him.

remusisdelusional: LMFAOOIEJIEF

remusisdelusional: what did he say

siriusisdumb: he said “ok then which bottle looks prettier??? it’ll be the one i’ll go for”

remusisdelusional: packaging is always important!

siriusisdumb: mhm

siriusisdumb: god i would die to spy on this date

siriusisdumb: BUT im not dorcas and i respect other ppl’s privacies

siriusisdumb: and james would actually kill me if he saw me there

remusisdelusional: lily would rip ur head off

siriusisdumb: our* heads off

siriusisdumb: u’d be coming with me fruitcake

remusisdelusional: i knew u’d make me go with you

siriusisdumb: u say it as if you wouldn't be *dying* to spy on lilypads and prongs

remusisdelusional: .........

remusisdelusional: ok yes and i actually want to so bad but im not going to its disrespectful to
them

remusisdelusional: and lily really would be so fucking mad

remusisdelusional: i wouldn’t live to see another day

siriusisdumb: true

siriusisdumb: so

siriusisdumb: speaking of

siriusisdumb: are you still taking me out

remusisdelusional: i think u’d be the one taking me out cause, as i said, this is me taking
advantage of you for free food

remusisdelusional: and! free food only!

siriusisdumb: yes sure take advantage of the gay guy

siriusisdumb: the homophobia’s been RAGING today good lord

remusisdelusional: KSJIDJDCJCIJCIJ

remusisdelusional: ur such an idiot

siriusisdumb: but u like this idiot!

remusisdelusional: thats wishful thinking ☝️

siriusisdumb: dont be mean moomoo

remusisdelusional: every day im closer and closer to blocking you

siriusisdumb: OOOOOKKKK

siriusisdumb: so

siriusisdumb: do u wanna go out tonight???? or..?

remusisdelusional: hmmmm tonight??

remusisdelusional: im kinda lazy

remusisdelusional: we could if u want to but

remusisdelusional: speaking for *myself*....

siriusisdumb: ok thank god cause im so fucking tired LMAO

siriusisdumb: its been quite the day

remusisdelusional: JDNIEIJDIEJDIJDJ

siriusisdumb: you can still come over tho

siriusisdumb: we can get some piiiiizzzzzaaaaa

siriusisdumb: watch something

siriusisdumb: not watch anything at all

siriusisdumb: its up to u

remusisdelusional: ok i’ll be there in 30

remusisdelusional: just gotta organize some things that i took when i went home

remusisdelusional: put them back in place

siriusisdumb: kaaaayyyyy

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

6:51PM

frankiegrande: hey momma

frankiegrande: what are u dooooinnnn

janelynch: nothing much

janelynch: why

frankiegrande: im boredddd

frankiegrande: there's a hot mf coming over tho

frankiegrande: but in the meantime i thought i could just bother u

janelynch: oh god

frankiegrande: ok u do know james and lily’s date is tnt right????

janelynch: omg its TONIGHT???

janelynch: she called me last night and she mentioned it but she said she didnt really know when
they were actually gonna go

janelynch: bro we’ve been back for 24 hours

frankiegrande: yeah they’re fast LMAO

janelynch: YEAH LMFAO

janelynch: omg speaking of fast

janelynch: u wont BELIEVE who broke up

frankiegrande: who??????

janelynch: hestia jones and evan rosier

frankiegrande: NO WAY

janelynch: YUP

janelynch: mary told me

frankiegrande: bro i swear they dated for like a WEEK

janelynch: RIGHT????

janelynch: god

janelynch: but i cant blame her for ditching his ass

janelynch: he’s so ugly

frankiegrande: YEAH LMFAOKDOWKDC

frankiegrande: and he smells so bad......

frankiegrande: he's my hall mate......

frankiegrande: deodorant dude!!!!! always nice!!!!!

janelynch: omg u know who else smells so fucking bad???

janelynch: like fucking STENCHES

janelynch: that mulciber guy

frankiegrande: gaige mulciber???

frankiegrande: he *looks* like he smells bad

janelynch: he dooooeeees bro

janelynch: he’s in one of my classes

janelynch: its pure torture

frankiegrande: isnt adelaide mendler in one of ur classes??

janelynch: THE SHRIEKING BITCH NOOOOO

janelynch: YES SHE’S IN MY EARLY POLITICAL THOUGHT CLASS

janelynch: SHE’S SO ANNOYINGGGGG

frankiegrande: NO CAUSE SHE WAS BEHIND ME AT THE LINE IN PUDDIFOOTS AND

SHE STARTED JUST SCREAMING “WHERES MY COFFEEEEE ITS TAKING TOO
LONGGGG”

frankiegrande: i think my ears are damaged forever

janelynch: try having to hear her sharing her “thoughts” in class

janelynch: which, btw, i dont think she has any

frankiegrande: KDCIEJIEDIEJCIECJ
frankiegrande: omg we’d so be cancelled if someone saw this

janelynch: YEAH DELETE THIS FNRJNJEVNECC

frankiegrande: DCIEJIVCIEJCKCNK

frankiegrande: ok remus is here

frankiegrande: ttyl

janelynch: send me updates in the james and lily date thing if u get any

frankiegrande: will do

[Marauderzzz]

8:21PM

pwonggy: ok we just arrived at the restaurant

bakamoonyasf: and ur on ur phone????

pwonggy: CALM DOWN she went to the loo

pwonggy: my hands are so sweaty

pwonggy: LIKE WTF

pwonggy: i feel like a clam

padsies: relax prongs

padsies: its gonna go great

padsies: sending positive energy ur way bruh!

buddyvalastro: just be careful on the pepper! u know how u get :/

pwonggy: thanks thanks thanks

pwonggy: ok shes back gtg

[MoonFlower <3]

9:36PM

therealslimmoony: soooo

therealslimmoony: how’s everythiiiiingggg

therealslimmoony: lilyyyyy

therealslimmoony: yo evans

therealslimmoony: lily

therealslimmoony: lils

therealslimmoony: updates??????

therealslimmoony: lils

therealslimmoony: l i l s

therealslimmoony: !!!!!!!!!

therealslimmoony: l

therealslimmoony: i

therealslimmoony: l

therealslimmoony: y

gingertaylorswift: OH MY GOD SHUT UP

therealslimmoony: HIIIIII
therealslimmoony: HOW IS IT GOING??????

therealslimmoony: SIRIUS AND I WANT UPDATES

gingertaylorswift: if im not replying then it must mean that its going good isnt it???????

therealslimmoony: JDNCIECIVIJCIJC

therealslimmoony: KFVIVJN IVIRJC

gingertaylorswift: ok now stfu before i block u

therealslimmoony:

[Marauderzzz]

11:39PM

padsies: PRONGS

padsies: PROOOONGS

padsies: ITS ALMOST MIDNIGHT U DICKHEAD WE’VE BEEN DYING HERE

bakamoonyasf: YEAH!!!!!!

wormysoftboy: pls what if lily is actually a serial killer

bakamoonyasf: i honestly cannot guarantee you anything

padsies: JAMES

padsies: @pwonggy

padsies: @pwonggy
 padsies: @pwonggy

padsies: JAMES FLEAMONT

padsies: !!!!!!!!!

pwonggy: oh

pwonggy: hello!

bakamoonyasf: “hello!” he says

bakamoonyasf: hOW DID IT GO??????

pwonggy: well

pwonggy: the three of u are gonna have to rock paper scissors to see who’ll be the best man

pwonggy: cAUSE IM SO MARRYING HER OMGGGGG

pwonggy:

padsies: JDCUVRUVIRJFIEJIVJ

padsies: YEEEEEEESSSSSSS

wormysoftboy: OOOKAAAAAAYYY

bakamoonyasf: FUCK YEEEAHHHHH

Chapter End Notes

obviously regulus would be timothee chalamet. obviously.

 CHAPTER 30: Damn Sir, Ring Size?
Chapter Notes

30K HITS BESTIES WTF!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!! SM!!!!!!!

[MoonFlower <3]

9:14AM

therealslimmoony: THE DETAILS

therealslimmoony: RIGHT NOW MISS

gingertaylorswift: HAHSHSHAHHSHHA

gingertaylorswift: i’ll come by ur dorm and tell u!!!

therealslimmoony: uhm

therealslimmoony: u wont find me there

gingertaylorswift: huh?

therealslimmoony: UR DATE!!!

gingertaylorswift: remus where are you

therealslimmoony: WAS THE RESTAURANT NICE????

therealslimmoony: I LOVE MEXICAN FOOD I WAS THINKING ABT GOING THERE

SOME DAY!!!!

gingertaylorswift: ur at sirius’ arent u

therealslimmoony: DID U GUYS KISS?????

gingertaylorswift: i swear you’ll make me go bald one day

gingertaylorswift: but ok fine

gingertaylorswift: IT WENT SO GREAT!!!!!

therealslimmoony: TELL ME EVERYTHING

therealslimmoony: I NEED TO KNOW ALL THE DETAILS

therealslimmoony: RIGHT NOW

therealslimmoony: THIS CANT WAIT

gingertaylorswift: DIJCIRJIRFJIFJIJFIC

gingertaylorswift: ok ok

gingertaylorswift: ok so he picked me up

gingertaylorswift: anD DUDE HE BROUGHT ME FLOWERS

gingertaylorswift: LILIES

gingertaylorswift: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PINK LILIES

gingertaylorswift: and then i was already hooked and we weren't even at the restaurant yet....

gingertaylorswift: ok so we got to the restaurant

gingertaylorswift: OH I FORGOT HE LET ME HAVE AUX IN THE CAR???

gingertaylorswift: and i played taylor as one does and he was fucking. singing along.

gingertaylorswift: i was like damn sir ring size????

gingertaylorswift: ok RESTAURANT

gingertaylorswift: at first it was kiiiinda awkward

gingertaylorswift: i think bc we were both nervous

gingertaylorswift: i was afraid we wouldnt have anything to talk abt

gingertaylorswift: BUT. bc im a well prepared bitch i......might’ve prepared a lil sumn

therealslimmoony: what did u prepare omg lmao

gingertaylorswift: look

gingertaylorswift: dont call me a simp ok

gingertaylorswift: yes he’s amazing but he’s still a man dont call me a simp for man

therealslimmoony: ur gonna make me call u a simp (for a man)

gingertaylorswift: uuuuugh

gingertaylorswift: ok

gingertaylorswift: i started reading carry on

therealslimmoony: HAHAHAHAH NO WAY

gingertaylorswift: yes ok

gingertaylorswift: i haven't finished yet obviously cause i didnt have enough time but..... just to
have a little idea of the plot and stuff

gingertaylorswift: so i told him i was reading it

gingertaylorswift: he got really excited and started talking about it and all

gingertaylorswift: (didnt give me any spoilers so i appreciated)

gingertaylorswift: and then we got into talking abt some books and stuff

gingertaylorswift: he recommended me some even

gingertaylorswift: the raven cycle??? he says its a saga

therealslimmoony: oh ive heard abt it

therealslimmoony: ppl on booktok say its good

gingertaylorswift: and also the song of achilles

gingertaylorswift: he said he’s a secret greek mythology nerd hahahah

gingertaylorswift: ok im not here to talk abt his book recs wtf

gingertaylorswift: ANYWAY

gingertaylorswift: we started talking and talking and literally i dont know why i was so scared to
not have anything to talk to him abt

gingertaylorswift: we literally didnt shut up for a second

gingertaylorswift: and ooooh idk it just went so well moony

gingertaylorswift: we went for some ice cream after

gingertaylorswift: and then he dropped me off

gingertaylorswift: and we kissed a lil

gingertaylorswift: but yeah

gingertaylorswift: it went so much better than i expected it to go

gingertaylorswift: like.... >so much better<

gingertaylorswift: i honestly thought he was gonna spend the entire night talking about himself

gingertaylorswift: and interrupting me whenever i tried to talk

gingertaylorswift: but no!!!

gingertaylorswift: he seemed so interested in literally anything i had to say

gingertaylorswift: it went amazing really

gingertaylorswift: and i think we might go for a coffee later today

therealslimmoony: YEEES FUCK YEAH

therealslimmoony: I KNEW IT WOULD GO GREAT

therealslimmoony: honestly u 2 look so great together

therealslimmoony: and james is the best and ur the best

therealslimmoony: there was no way it could ever go wrong

gingertaylorswift: hahahahahah yeah :)))))

gingertaylorswift: well

gingertaylorswift: i think thats kinda it

gingertaylorswift: i’ll see where this takes me

gingertaylorswift: but im really excited about it ???

gingertaylorswift: so yeah!!!!!!

[Marauderzzz]

9:37AM

padsies: PRONGS MY GUY

padsies: ITS SO ONNNN

padsies: SHE LOVED UR DATE

padsies: SAID SHE HAD AN AMAZING TIME

pwonggy: omg she texted u telling u that????

padsies: uhm

padsies: texted moony

padsies: i just saw it

pwonggy: how?

padsies: DUDE UR EVEN GOING FOR COFFEE TODAY!!!!

padsies: LIKE DAMN SEEING EACH OTHER 2 DAYS IN A ROW

padsies: SO THIS IS LOOOOVE..... MMMMM

pwonggy: DKCEJIEFIECJICJ

pwonggy: she’s literally the best holy fucking shit

pwonggy: i still think im just having a *really* lucky week

bakamoonyasf: no prongs

bakamoonyasf: u deserve it

bakamoonyasf: u two deserve each other actually

bakamoonyasf: ur both amazing

bakamoonyasf: and she had a great time last night

bakamoonyasf: and says she’s really excited abt it!!!!!

pwonggy: OOOOOH SHES GONNA MAKE ME TURN INTO A SIMP

padsies: you....quite literally.....have been a simp for months now

wormysoftboy: yeah like the moment you laid ur eyes on her bro

wormysoftboy: that was way back in september lol

pwonggy:

pwonggy: shes just so pretty and funny and amazing im gonna cry

pwonggy: as queen phoebe bridgers once said

pwonggy: whatever sheee wants..... whateeeever she waaants....

bakamoonyasf: SJDEUDHUCHD

bakamoonyasf: OH U TWO ARE SO ADORABLE

padsies: #Jily4Life

pwonggy: omg do u guys think it would be too much if i got that tattooed????
[Pea & Bees]

11:08AM

blacksloverboy: YES EVERYBODY THE MOMENT HAS COME

blacksloverboy: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

mckinnonslovergirl: HIT IT

nosy1: dont worry i can do this myself

(nosy1 changed their name to potterslovergirl)

potterslovergirl: because im not a little bitch like some

mckinnonslovergirl: okaaaay sasha fierce

mckinnonslovergirl: tell him!

blacksloverboy: i dont hear anything

blacksloverboy: do yall hear anything??

potterslovergirl: u better start cleaning ur ears hoe

potterslovergirl: cause what *i’ve* been waiting for still hasn't arrived yet.....

potterslovergirl: and the package is HUGE

blacksloverboy: omggg do an unboxing video then plsss

potterslovergirl: you silly goose

potterslovergirl: imma catch u

mckinnonslovergirl: okaaay miss thing got a taste of pottery barn and is feeling feisty today!!

mckinnonslovergirl: i love to see it

potterslovergirl: alexa!

potterslovergirl: play look what you made me do by taylor swift!

blacksloverboy: yeah imma head out

blacksloverboy:

[Charity Work]

11:29AM

remusisdelusional: honestly at this point its just hilarious to tease lily

remusisdelusional: JJCIDJCOKOCKOKC

siriusisdumb: lol wdym

remusisdelusional: look

remusisdelusional: [screenshot.jpg]

remusisdelusional: LMFAOCIJCIC

siriusisdumb: lol

siriusisdumb: blacks lover boy????

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: i didnt even realise

remusisdelusional: thats just dorcas being stupid haha

siriusisdumb: oh lmao

siriusisdumb: but uhm

siriusisdumb: do you think about actually telling lily??

siriusisdumb: just asking really

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: yeah i dont think so

remusisdelusional: i dont see why

siriusisdumb: hmm

siriusisdumb: k gotcha

[Destiny’s Child]

11:41AM

barksexybark: ok bffs

barksexybark: i think im at lost

bigmac: why????

marleyandme: wym

barksexybark: look

barksexybark: i really dont know what to do about this remus situation anymore

barksexybark: i dont think it will ever amount to something

bigmac: have you tried telling him how you feel???

barksexybark: i

barksexybark: thats the thing ig

barksexybark: i stop myself every time cause i know what the answer is gonna be

barksexybark: james’ mum told me to talk to him too but

barksexybark: fuck man

marleyandme: do you want me to be honest????

marleyandme: i think he’s being a dick

marleyandme: there i said it

marleyandme: i love him to death but holy shit dude

marleyandme: like wtf does he want

barksexybark: been asking myself the same thing

bigmac: yeah i agree with marley

bigmac: its not that nice sirius

bigmac: and u cant just do whatever *he* wants to do

barksexybark: but i like him

barksexybark: u guys know that

barksexybark: fuck i’ve liked him since the first time we spoke dude

barksexybark: i told james’ mum this, i rlly dont wanna throw away what we have now

barksexybark: its better than having nothing

barksexybark: and there's the whole friend group too

barksexybark: and james and peter and ugh idk

barksexybark: if it goes to shit then it will REALLY go to shit

barksexybark: like it wont stay just between me and him yk

bigmac: i see ur point

bigmac: and i get it

bigmac: but still lovie

bigmac: u gotta take care of urself

bigmac: this might be going too far....

barksexybark: ffffffuuuck

barksexybark: i think im just gonna listen to some pierce the veil and paint a really angsty
painting

bigmac: oooor you can go have lunch with me

barksexybark: ur not with emmie????

bigmac: nope! all urs!

barksexybark: ok ilysm yes pls

marleyandme: hey!!!!!!

marleyandme: what about me?????

barksexybark: babe

barksexybark: mary and i are regina george and gretchen wieners

barksexybark: you are just.....cady

marleyandme: ruuuude

marleyandme: im coming idc

marleyandme: u cant stop me

bigmac: then ur paying doll

marleyandme: im not the rich one here!!!

barksexybark: yeah but the rich one is going through a crisis rn

bigmac: and im the hottest

bigmac: hot ppl dont pay for stuff

marleyandme: ok FINE

barksexybark: the things she does to fit in

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

4:55PM

buddyvalastro: guuuys

buddyvalastro:
buddyvalastro: he misses u :((((

himbosupremacy: AAAAWWW

himbosupremacy: i miss his cute lil face too

dilfloverasf: king chaaarleeeesssss

fireballswiftie: look at this adorable little cupcake!!!!!!

rawrdorkyXD: this is a wormtail brad pitt charles jr the II stan acc

sexymoonman: absolutely

simmermary69: HE JUST LOOKS SO SQUISY I WANNA DIEEEE

marleynotbob: calling a hamster squishy might be dangerous bruh

marleynotbob: can end in murder

marleynotbob: with *you* behind bars

simmermary69: NOT MY FAULT HE’S JUST SO CUTE

buddyvalastro: hahahahahah its fine!!!!!!!

buddyvalastro: and he appreciates it!!!!!

buddyvalastro: he’s sending u all kisses and cant wait to see u again!!!!!!

buddyvalastro: and he’s been behaving so well

buddyvalastro: he stopped biting my finger!! my sweet lil boy

buddyvalastro: and he’s the one who’s been keeping me company now that ur all..... busy

dilfloverasf: wdym

buddyvalastro: oh u knooow

buddyvalastro: marley and cas

buddyvalastro: mary and emmie

buddyvalastro: now james and lily fuck yeah!!!!!!

himbosupremacy: wow hahah

buddyvalastro: and also moony and pads so

buddyvalastro: im proud of who i am always but being aroace in a group of ppl who cant keep it
in their pants..... its tough man

buddyvalastro: gets lonely and whatnot

dilfloverasf: heeey hey hey

dilfloverasf: hahahah
dilfloverasf: uhm

dilfloverasf: i didnt get why moony and i were mentioned

buddyvalastro: u knoooow

buddyvalastro: cause

buddyvalastro: moony and u

sexymoonman: HEEEEY

sexymoonman: hahahahaahahah

sexymoonman: no need to explain wormy!!!!!

himbosupremacy: relax wormy

himbosupremacy: moony and pads spend a lot of time together yes but that doesnt mean you cant
join them

himbosupremacy: and you can always be with me too

himbosupremacy: lils and i are taking it slow!

fireballswiftie: yeah :)

buddyvalastro: uhm i dont think it would be really nice for me to join them lmao??

[Charity Work]

5:17PM

siriusisdumb: look peter is the actual love of my life

siriusisdumb: but what. the fuck.

remusisdelusional: uhm yeah ??????

remusisdelusional: lmao

remusisdelusional: im asking myself the same thing

remusisdelusional: you dont think he knows do you???

siriusisdumb: idk

siriusisdumb: pete can be hard to read sometimes

siriusisdumb: we didnt *tell* him anything thats for sure

siriusisdumb: and i dont think we’ve been making it seem like... idk there's something going on

remusisdelusional: yeah i think we’ve been doing a great job

siriusisdumb: yeah

remusisdelusional: well

remusisdelusional: whatever really

remusisdelusional: anyways

remusisdelusional: can u come over?

siriusisdumb: we saw each other this morning lol

remusisdelusional: yeah but uhm

remusisdelusional: its cold

siriusisdumb: then get a blanket dumbass ?????

siriusisdumb: lmao

remusisdelusional: ur gonna make me say it arent u

siriusisdumb: ????

remusisdelusional: i miss you and i want u to come over

remusisdelusional: bc. i miss you.

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: oh ok

siriusisdumb: im omw

remusisdelusional: :)))) xx

[Destiny’s Child]

5:31PM

barksexybark: im going to remus’ rn!!!!

barksexybark: and im not telling him so soon btw!!!!!

barksexybark: love yaaa!!!!!!!

bigmac: ur a lost cause

barksexybark: i know!!!!!!!
 CHAPTER 31: WLW Relationship 101
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Destiny’s Child]

2:33PM

marleyandme: i am fully aware its only been 10 days since the start of the year

marleyandme: but

marleyandme: one of my resolutions

marleyandme: done!

bigmac: !!!!!!

barksexybark: what do u mean???

marleyandme: well.....

bigmac: GO CHECK HER INSTA!!!!!!!

barksexybark: im scared

barksexybark: should i be scared?

bigmac: JUST GO DICKHEAD

bigmac: !!!!!!!!!!

marleyandme: lmao

barksexybark: ok ok
barksexybark: BITCH

barksexybark: BIIIIIITCH

barksexybark: YOU DID NOT

barksexybark: OH MY GOOOODDDDDDDDD

barksexybark: OMG ????????

bigmac: YESSSS

marleyandme: HAHAHAHAHAAH

marleyandme: YES I DID

barksexybark: DUDE OMG

barksexybark: I CANT BELIEVE U DID IT

barksexybark: AND WHY DO YOU LOOK SO HOT

barksexybark: LIKE U COULD TURN ME STRAIGHT IN SECONDS

bigmac: RIIIIIGHT??????

barksexybark: IT LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD

barksexybark: LIKE IM OBSESSED ????

bigmac: THANKS TO MY TALENTED HANDS

bigmac: IF COMPUTER ENGINEERING GOES TO SHIT AT LEAST I HAVE A PLAN B

marleyandme: NSXUUWSUUSUJAJWAJ

marleyandme: PLEEEEASE

marleyandme: THANKS THANKS THANKS

barksexybark: HAS DORCAS SEEN IT YET??????

barksexybark: SHES GONNA LOSE HER SHIT

marleyandme: i didnt tell anyone but mary before doing it

marleyandme: so i dont think so

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:42PM

rawrdorkyXD: WWWWAAAAIT

rawrdorkyXD: HOLD ON A SECOND

rawrdorkyXD: HOOOOLLLLYYYY SHITNCFJ

fireballswiftie: what's going on????

rawrdorkyXD: DJCIEDODKDICLK

himbosupremacy: is she alright????

sexymoonman: i dont think so

rawrdorkyXD: JIJDJJDSKXCJKSSK

rawrdorkyXD: NOT TO BE A SIMP ON THE MAIN BUT

rawrdorkyXD: HOLY SHIT HAVE Y’ALL *SEEN* MY GIRLFRIEND????????

buddyvalastro: bumped into her a couple times yeah

marleynotbob: HAHSHAHAHAHAHHAH

rawrdorkyXD: DUUUUDE

rawrdorkyXD:

rawrdorkyXD: IS THIS A JOKE?????

rawrdorkyXD: LIKE IS THIS FUCKING REAL

rawrdorkyXD: IS THIS THE REAL LIFE

rawrdorkyXD: IS THIS JUST FANTASY

rawrdorkyXD: I-

dilfloverasf: i knew she would love it but omg ????? LMFAOCIDJICJC

fireballswiftie: OMG MARLS U LOOK SO PRETTY!!!!!!

sexymoonman: it looks so fucking cool omg

simmermary69: she looks so gay and so pretty!!!!! thats my besfrannnnn!!!!

himbosupremacy: i love it!!!!!

buddyvalastro: yyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhh

marleynotbob: HAHAHSHAHHA THANKS GUYS

marleynotbob: and thank YOU @rawrdorkyXD

marleynotbob: ily ily ily !!!!!!

rawrdorkyXD: ILYT!!!!! SM!!!!!! U LOOK SO FUCKING HOT I NEED SOME TIME TO

BREATHE!!!!!!!!

dilfloverasf: ok hold on a sec besties.

dilfloverasf: what was that ?????

dilfloverasf: “ily”???????

simmermary69: uhm yeah.

simmermary69: where tf did that come from?????

marleynotbob: ?????

marleynotbob: what are u talking abt???

rawrdorkyXD: yeah lmao

sexymoonman: you..... just said i love you

marleynotbob: yeah and???

dilfloverasf: since when?????

marleynotbob: i think last week??

rawrdorkyXD: yeah about a week ago

simmermary69: BRUH YOU DIDNT EVEN TELL US ????

marleynotbob: oh sorry

marleynotbob: didnt know i had to announce to the world that my girlfriend and i love each other

rawrdorkyXD: yeah i think i missed that part on the wlw relationship 101 book

dilfloverasf: DUDE OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO TELL US???????

fireballswiftie: YEAH LIKE WTF

fireballswiftie: HOW CAN YOU GO AROUND BEING *IN LOVE* AND NOT TELL YOUR
FRIENDS

fireballswiftie: HOW DO YOU LIIIIVE WITH YOURSELF???????

marleynotbob: oh

marleynotbob: sorry then

marleynotbob: guys

marleynotbob: dorcas and i love each other

rawrdorkyXD: ​❤️​ ​ ​❤️​ ​

himbosupremacy: YEEEEESSS

dilfloverasf: GO WLW GO!!!!!!

dilfloverasf: LOOK AT THEM GO!!!!!!!

sexymoonman: yes besties!!!!!!

fireballswiftie: AWWWW

simmermary69: so happy for u!!!! <33

buddyvalastro: YAS KWEENS!

marleynotbob: LMFAOOCJIEDJCJ

marleynotbob: thanks dudes

rawrdorkyXD: we appreciate the support

rawrdorkyXD: lol

dilfloverasf: FOREVAHHH

dilfloverasf: YOU GUYS EVER JUST WANNA JOIN SOMEONE ELSE’S RELATIONSHIP
LIKE SCOOT OVER I LOVE YALL

simmermary69: not this bitch quoting that facebook meme wtf LMAOOO

fireballswiftie: GOODBYEEEE

rawrdorkyXD: LOOOOL

rawrdorkyXD: well
rawrdorkyXD: n t ways

rawrdorkyXD: if y'all excuse me

rawrdorkyXD: i have something to do. and it cant wait.

sexymoonman: someone*

dilfloverasf: i like referring to marlene as “it” sometimes so i dont think cas is entirely wrong

marleynotbob: jAMES CHARLES ISTFG

rawrdorkyXD: GET THE BED WARM BABAAAYYY IM OMW!!!!!!

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

3:04PM

padfoot: speaking of luuuv

padfoot: how is our ginger queen doing??

prongs: HAHAHAHAH

prongs: everything’s good!!!!

prongs: like

prongs: actually perfect

prongs: i feel like im dreaming

padfoot: boyfriend & girlfriend??

prongs: ooh idk man

prongs: we agreed to take things slow and im so chill with that

prongs: cause i *really* want this to be perfect yk

prongs: its what she deserves

prongs: so idk we’re taking this in a small pace

prongs: so nothing official yet

padfoot: ur literally the sweetest person ever fuck you

prongs: HAHAHAHAHAHA

prongs: what can i do man

prongs: lady gaga said i was born this way so....

padfoot: lmao

padfoot: u know her bday is in the end of the month right??

padfoot: the aquarius goddess

prongs: yeees i know

prongs: and i have a little idea planned

prongs: but idk if it might be crazy....

padfoot: knowing u, it probably is

padfoot: but its the good kinda crazy so ur good

padfoot: what is it

prongs: well im not gonna tell u before i know for sure that its gonna happen

prongs: but i can give u a lil spoiler..

padfoot: what what what

prongs: it involves the club we went that time

prongs: godric’s tower......

padfoot: oooohh interesting..

prongs: yeth

prongs: very

padfoot: am excited!

prongs: hahahah

prongs: well

prongs: speaking of luv too

prongs: how’re things

prongs: yk... with the secret mr

padfoot: oh

padfoot: its chill idk

padfoot: chill as in pretty much nothing so lol

prongs: is that good or bad

padfoot: cant tell

prongs: hmmm

prongs: u sure u dont wanna tell me who it is?

prongs: no pressure

prongs: its just..... u know what these hands are capable of

padfoot: HAHAHAHAH i do know

padfoot: but its nothing you’d have to literally fight him abt

padfoot: everything’s fine

prongs: mmkay

prongs: oh gtg i have zumba in 15

prongs: bye ly

padfoot: love u

[They Don’t Know We Know]

6:35PM

marlene: so pete

peter: hi!!

marlene: i’ve been wanting to say this

marlene: but you *have* to start being more subtle man

lily: yeah lmaoo

peter: subtle??

peter: wdym

marlene: u just throw stuff in the gc abt remus and sirius

marlene: i think they’re starting to catch on that other ppl know

marlene: well sirius knows mary and i know but still

dorcas: remus knows i know

lily: oh so the fucker really just decided to not tell *me*??

lily: thats always wonderful to hear about your best friend

mary: oh remus doesnt know i know

mary: im pretty sure he thinks sirius only told marls

dorcas: yeah and i kinda caught him so he couldn't deny it

lily: hmmm

lily: so basically he’s just stupid

marlene: yeah but wbk

peter: hey hey but what do u guys mean by subtle??

peter: do u think i make it too obvious that i know???

marlene: uhm yeah ??? lmao

peter: oh

peter: but when?? like in what moments did i do that

peter: cause to me im super casual abt it

dorcas: bruh idk how many times u pretty much said that they’re having sex in the gc

dorcas: like its funny cause we know but..... they’re gonna start catching on
dorcas: and then *our* fun is over

peter: oooh ok got it

peter: its just that i cant really tell what is common knowledge and what isnt

peter: bc deadass guys

peter: they’re just so obvious about it

peter: they keep undressing each other with their *eyes* do u know how its like to be in the same
room as them????

marlene: yeah. i do. and ur correct.

mary: its literally so weird goodbye

dorcas: i swear we can be having coffee and i’ll feel like im interrupting something

lily: LMAOO

peter: ok guys i’ll try being a bit more careful

peter: sorry

marlene: yeah no worries dude

lily: its fine love

dorcas: !!

mary: well im here just to gossip but ig its fine for me too LMFAO

mary: but some comments u make are just hilarious pete so dont be afraid to make them
sometimes
mary: when u said u wouldnt want to join them that day i was literally ROOOLLING on the
fucking floor bro

peter: hahahahahah

peter: well

peter: at least im providing some giggles!

[Charity Work]

8:49PM

siriusisdumb: soooo

siriusisdumb: what are u doing rn???

remusisdelusional: finishing this book for my classics class

remusisdelusional: mansfield park by jane austen

remusisdelusional: ever heard of it??

remusisdelusional: sirius???

siriusisdumb: sorry i fell asleep cause this sounds so BORING

remusisdelusional: AHSUQAIAJIAJSIA FUCK OFF

siriusisdumb: well

siriusisdumb: if ur sooo busy

siriusisdumb: then i believe you wouldn’t like to hear my offer.......

siriusisdumb: that involves me......in a bed

remusisdelusional: i’m listening

siriusisdumb: come over and watch a movie with me!!!!!

remusisdelusional: hmmmmm

siriusisdumb: pleeease

siriusisdumb: aaand

siriusisdumb: i was thinking maybe...... the silence of the lambs..

siriusisdumb: these nerdy movies that u like so much

remusisdelusional: its not NERDY

siriusisdumb: whatever you say sheldon from the big bang theory

siriusisdumb: soooo???

remusisdelusional: ok u know im coming

remusisdelusional: be there in 15

siriusisdumb: i knew u couldn’t say no to me + nerdiness

remusisdelusional: shut up

siriusisdumb: make me ;)

remusisdelusional: ew cringe

siriusisdumb: yeah ok ur right

siriusisdumb: anyways im waiting for uuu

Chapter End Notes

hi besties! new one-shot is up and you can read it here!

its not quite a missing scene, but its context for remus' tweet. i had so much fun
writing it and reeeally liked the way it turned out (for once)... please go read it, if
you'd like. not mandatory, but it adds *a lot* to the story!
 CHAPTER 32: Robert John Little
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

9:49AM

janelynch: am i a whole lesbian?

janelynch: yes

janelynch: do i have a girlfriend who i love very much?

janelynch: also yes

janelynch: now.... would i let my world politics professor who happens to be a whole dilf do
whatever he wants to me?

janelynch: im not gonna deny it.

frankiegrande: LMFAOEIFJVNKFDK

frankiegrande: SHUT UPPPPP

frankiegrande: WHO IS HE

janelynch: ur gonna make fun of me

frankiegrande: probably

frankiegrande: but do go on

janelynch: uhm......

janelynch: its that man with the red glass eye....

frankiegrande: UR JOKING

frankiegrande: NOT MAD EYE

janelynch: is that his name around campus??????

frankiegrande: YEAH

frankiegrande: EVERYONE KNOWS HIM

frankiegrande: I CANT BELIEVE YOU AHHSSHAHSHAHHAHA

janelynch: look stop ok he just has..... an energy

janelynch: and its professor moody put some respect on his name!

frankiegrande: HAHAHHSHAHSHAHAHHA

janelynch: and boy ur one to talk

janelynch: the way u talk abt dean mcgonagall who’s old enough to be your mom

frankiegrande: well....

frankiegrande: yeah

frankiegrande: we’re both gay but...... exceptions

janelynch: LMAO NOOO

janelynch: NEVER

janelynch: i would never go near a man and i know u have never seen a pair of tits in ur life that
weren't mine but i just had to share......

frankiegrande: LOOOLLLL NO YEAH

frankiegrande: just for shits and giggles!

janelynch: forever and always

janelynch: wellllll

janelynch: up for lunch later???

frankiegrande: having lunch with remus already

frankiegrande: sorry

janelynch: hmph

frankiegrande: stop

frankiegrande: he asked me

frankiegrande: and i was literally with him so i couldn’t just say no

janelynch: u kinda could

janelynch: but its fine

frankiegrande: dont be silly

frankiegrande: ik u worry but its actually been really fine these past couple days???

frankiegrande: like he’s been.... strangely sweet

frankiegrande: and i knoooow im not gonna fool myself but

frankiegrande: idk its been good

frankiegrande: so calm ur tits alright

janelynch: ok ok ok i wont say anything

janelynch: have fun

frankiegrande: thx momma

[Charity Work]
11:53AM

remusisdelusional: hii!!!

remusisdelusional: are u out of class yet???

siriusisdumb: will be in just a bit

remusisdelusional: alright

siriusisdumb: where do u wanna go??

remusisdelusional: oh u can choose

remusisdelusional: whatever u want is fine!!

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: ok lol

siriusisdumb: three broomsticks then??

remusisdelusional: yeah sounds great

siriusisdumb: okokok

siriusisdumb: meet u there!!

remusisdelusional: i can pick u up

siriusisdumb: no its fine dw

siriusisdumb: its out of ur way

remusisdelusional: no no i dont mind

remusisdelusional: i’ll pick u up

siriusisdumb: hmmm ur being weird

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: sorry

siriusisdumb: no no

siriusisdumb: good weird

siriusisdumb: and u can pick me up

siriusisdumb: i’d love that

remusisdelusional: lol ok

siriusisdumb: :))))

siriusisdumb: see u soon xx

[Mean People’s Simps]

12:01PM

remus: [screenshot.jpg]

remus: do u think im being weird????

dorcas: hmmm

dorcas: i think ur being *sweet*

remus: ok so he’s right im being weird

dorcas: ur not being weird

dorcas: being sweet is not weird

dorcas: there's no problem with that

remus: yeah but not when like

remus: oh nvm

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:09PM

himbosupremacy: hate to be *that* guy

himbosupremacy: but i need to get drunk omfg

buddyvalastro: it’s been 84 years...

simmermary69: god me too

simmermary69: i swear the next time i touch alcohol i am set to be in the same state i was in
marlene’s quinceañera

marleynotbob: god so ur SERIOUS about this huh

marleynotbob: even *you* were speaking spanish in my quinceañera

simmermary69: i am desperate.

sexymoonman: you guys are aware its been .... 2 weeks since new years right

sexymoonman: like it hasn't even been that long

himbosupremacy: YES but that was with my parents and old people ....
himbosupremacy: i need a cheap, university party where i can be a SKANK

fireballswiftie: a what?

himbosupremacy: KIIIDDINGGGGG

fireballswiftie: boy.......

dilfloverasf: LMFAOOCICJEIJ

dilfloverasf: but yes i very much agree!

dilfloverasf: sirius black is in need of a *real* party

himbosupremacy: and i shall provide you such, my subjects

simmermary69: YEEEESSSS

himbosupremacy: friday at my palace, as always

simmermary69: IM GONNA START PARTYING AT THIS SECOND

marleynotbob: mary its wednesday

simmermary69: pov: me if i cared

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

3:22PM

janelynch: hey can u come over real quick

janelynch: i need help waxing

frankiegrande: im not at campus rn

janelynch: wtf why??

frankiegrande:

frankiegrande: does this answer ur question?

janelynch: bro ur *still* with him

frankiegrande: no no this is just a hologram

frankiegrande: yes im still with him wtf

janelynch: is..... is he wearing ur jacket..???

frankiegrande: mayhaps ...

janelynch: dude can u stop being a whore for a quick second the wax is still hot

frankiegrande: then unhot it ??

janelynch: how in the fuck did you get a scholarship???

frankiegrande: cant mary help u today???

janelynch: she wasnt kidding when she said she was gonna start partying

janelynch: JUST COME I CANT DO IT ALONE

janelynch: i promise i’ll give u a whole photoshoot if u do

frankiegrande: u aint no emmeline

janelynch: SIRIIIIUUUUSS

frankiegrande: relax babycakes i’ll be back soon to help u wax all ur modesty away

janelynch: you are literally so gross

janelynch: be quick bitch

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

4:03PM

simmermary69: I SHDOULV E SEEN IT BFROEEEEE

simmermary69: UR ALL I TIHNK ABT BBAAAABBBBYYY

simmermary69: I EAS SO STUDPID FOR LERTTING UGOOO

simmermary69: BUT IIIIII KNWO UR STIFLL THE OENN

himbosupremacy: OMG

himbosupremacy: YOU MIGHT HAVE MOVED ON BUT GIRL YOU SHOULD KNOW

himbosupremacy: THAT IIIII KNOW UR STILL THE ONE

simmermary69: I KNOW ITDS SAYIGN TOO MUUCHHHH

himbosupremacy: BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UUUUP

simmermary69: I WAS SO TSTUPID FOR LETTIGN U GO

himbosupremacy: BUT IIII KNOW UR STILL THE ONE!!!!!!!

rawrdorkyXD: what. the actual fuck. is going on.

buddyvalastro: i believe mary really did get drunk on a wednesday afternoon

simmermary69: SUUURUEEE DIIIIDD

simmermary69: WIHTT SUM WHITE WIIIINEEEE

rawrdorkyXD: @himbosupremacy and u went to get drunk with her???? i thought u were
responsible..

himbosupremacy: i didnt go get drunk with her

himbosupremacy: i’m as sober as a turtle

rawrdorkyXD: ...?????? wtf is that supposed to mean

fireballswiftie: LMAAAOOOOO

himbosupremacy: means that no! i did not go get drunk with mary!

himbosupremacy: tho it does seem like shes having an 1D party and now i’m tempted

simmermary69: CCOOOOMEEEE IM HAVIGN SO MUCH FUUUNN

simmermary69: EVRYOEN CAN COMEEE

fireballswiftie: ...

fireballswiftie: james?

himbosupremacy: ...

himbosupremacy: lilypads?

fireballswiftie: let’s?

himbosupremacy: let’s!!!!

fireballswiftie: @simmermary69 SAVE SOME WINE FOR US BITCH WE’RE ON OUR

WAY!!!!!!

[Mean People’s Simps]

7:17PM

remus:
remus: uhm

remus: just leaving this here.

remus: alright bye!!!!!!!

dorcas: HAHAHAHAHAHA

dorcas: REALLY LIVING UP TO THE GC’S NAME HUH MISTER

dorcas: but i gotta admit he looks illegally fine

dorcas: u lucky bastard

remus: ;)

[Charity Work]

7:49PM
siriusisdumb: thanks for the comment sugar pie

siriusisdumb:

remusisdelusional: one time thing.

remusisdelusional: i was in a good mood

siriusisdumb: mhmmmm i see

siriusisdumb: i better start working on keeping u in that mood then

remusisdelusional: ....you better

siriusisdumb: and i think i know just the right thing

remusisdelusional: oh?

siriusisdumb: check ur snapchat ;)

remusisdelusional: what are u, 14????

remusisdelusional: and i dont even have a snapchat

siriusisdumb: yes you do???

remusisdelusional: no i dont

remusisdelusional: i deleted my acc 2 years ago

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: oH MY GOD

siriusisdumb: ok!!!!!! i’ve been sending nudes to rjohnl for a long time now!!!!!!!!!

remusisdelusional: YOU HAVE NOT-

remusisdelusional: OH MY GOOOODD CHDNCRVCUFVUEDUECJV

remusisdelusional: DO THEY OPEN IT???

siriusisdumb: i’vE BEEN GETTING SOME BACK THATS MY ISSUE!!!!!!!!

remusisdelusional: JDNCEUVJDNVCJ

remusisdelusional: DJCRVIJIJEDIVJIVIVJFIV

remusisdelusional: don’t you know how *i*....look....like?????

siriusisdumb: i convinced myself it was just the lighting and/or angle

siriusisdumb: i hate my life. so much.

remusisdelusional: UDCUDIEJIJV

remusisdelusional: WELL I SUDDENLY LOVE MINE

remusisdelusional: i cant believe you’ve been trading nudes with richard john lewis

siriusisdumb: hey!!!!

siriusisdumb: could be ronald john lee

siriusisdumb: you never know

remusisdelusional: maybe robert john long

siriusisdumb: robert john LITTLE, trust me

remusisdelusional: LMFAOOEFICJICJIC

siriusisdumb: i should’ve known it wasn’t you then

remusisdelusional: i’m weirdly flattered

remusisdelusional: but you did succeed in maintaining my good mood!

siriusisdumb: might fuck around and do a quick sprinting! across campus

remusisdelusional: has to be quick... u never know how my mood is like

siriusisdumb: boy i better put my running shoes on!

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:28PM

himbosupremacy: thinkin abt larry ...

marleynotbob: who tf is larry

himbosupremacy: larry stylinson

himbosupremacy: duh???

rawrdorkyXD: are u still drunk?

himbosupremacy: ..maybe

himbosupremacy: mary’s 1D party got me in my feels tho ....

fireballswiftie: james

fireballswiftie: go to sleep

himbosupremacy: ok

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:35PM

himbosupremacy: do u guys think it happened tho??

marleynotbob: potter

himbosupremacy: sorry
[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:42PM

himbosupremacy: does anyone have good larry fic recs??

buddyvalastro: i have some!

himbosupremacy: ew not u

himbosupremacy: u use wattpad

buddyvalastro:

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:53PM

himbosupremacy: “come so far from princess park”

himbosupremacy: i mean i need some explanation for that

rawrdorkyXD: bro go to bed.

himbosupremacy: i think i’m gonna dm louis tomlinson

himbosupremacy: i think he’ll answer

himbosupremacy: what do u guys think

himbosupremacy: guys??

himbosupremacy: opinions!!
 himbosupremacy: ooookaay im going to bed

himbosupremacy: while listening to always you

himbosupremacy:

Chapter End Notes

james would be a larrie y’all cant possibly prove wrong. he would be a sucker for
anything remotely gay. i know it because he told me
 CHAPTER 33: Fairies Are All Fruity
Chapter Notes

just have to thank all of you again for the immense love and support i've been getting
recently, on twitter, tiktok, and here. it's literally insane, i cannot wrap my head around
it. i don't think i'll ever be able to thank you enough, but again, thank you so much.
like really. you really do know how to make a bitch happy. <333

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

4:09PM

himbosupremacy: TODAAAAYYYY

himbosupremacy: IS THE DAAAAYYYY

dilfloverasf: PARTY DAAAAYYYYY

himbosupremacy: THE DAY WE BRING SHAME TO OUR FAMILIES

himbosupremacy: THE DAY WE LOSE OUR DIGNITIES

himbosupremacy: THE DAY WE COMPROMISE OUR HEALTH

dilfloverasf: i’ve already done 3/3 so

dilfloverasf: BUT IM STILL UP FOR MORE

buddyvalastro: SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOTSHOTSHOTSHOT

buddyvalastro: SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOTSHOTSHOTSHOT

buddyvalastro: EVERYBOOOODYYYYY

rawrdorkyXD: you three are completely terrifying

rawrdorkyXD: i’m glad there’s at least remus to be the voice of reason between y’all

dilfloverasf: remus???? voice of reason?????

dilfloverasf: that mf is at tesco rn buying cheap vodka because, according to him, “even my mum
is gonna feel drunk tonight due to the amount of alcohol in my system”

marleynotbob: how in the actual fuck would that happen

dilfloverasf: womb?? mum stuff????

dilfloverasf: idk my mum didn’t quite birth me

dilfloverasf: she shat me

dilfloverasf: so i’m no expert in that matter

dilfloverasf: but he’s the smart one here so it must make sense somehow

simmermary69: i’m sOOO FUCKING PUMPEEEDDDD

simmermary69: IT’S GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN

simmermary69: I CAN FEEL IT

fireballswiftie: mary how can you already be excited by the idea of alcohol after the hangover you
put us through wednesday

fireballswiftie: same question to you james

fireballswiftie: fucking christ

simmermary69: I’M IRON WOMAN!!!! NOTHING CAN BEAT ME!!!!!

himbosupremacy: YUUUUUPPPPPP

simmermary69: AND YOU BETTER GET UR SWEET LIL ASS READY EVANS

simmermary69: CAUSE SHIT’S ABOUT TO GET LIT TONIGHT

marleynotbob: marilyn wtf happened to you this year

marleynotbob: you used to be collected

simmermary69: THE LION INSIDE ME CAME OUT

simmermary69: ROAR BY KATY PERRY NOW PLAYS EVERYTIME I WALK DOWN THE
HALLS OF THIS UNIVERSITY

simmermary69: IM GETTING RIPPPPED TONIIIIGHT

rawrdorkyXD: sweet jesus

rawrdorkyXD: i better get to my >rolling< cause idk about alcohol tonight.....

rawrdorkyXD: dont wanna end up like her

himbosupremacy: DORKY!!!!

himbosupremacy: WHY NOT BOTH!!!

rawrdorkyXD: bad idea bruh

dilfloverasf: wondering since when that has stopped you

dilfloverasf: i mean. u date *marlene*.

marleynotbob: im putting venom in ur drink tonight

marleynotbob: watch out twink

dilfloverasf: ig im just gonna need the frog to kiss me then

dilfloverasf: will you do the honors, lil marley poo??

marleynotbob: nevermind. im putting venom in *my* drink.

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

5:14PM

padfoot: how’s the playlist going, my guy???

prongs: you tell me

prongs: justin bieber

prongs: lady gaga

prongs: rihannaaaa

prongs: 1D of course

padfoot: oooooohhhh me likes it!

padfoot: where’s nelly furtado tho

prongs: of COURSE there’s nelly furtado

prongs: how could i forget

prongs: oh and also taylor for u and lily (and also for me hehehehe)

padfoot: knew i could trust you ♥️

prongs: no eminem for moony tho!!

prongs: last time he almost broke my coffee table

prongs: he looks skinny but the bastard is HEAVY

padfoot: ur making a mistake......

prongs: i can assure i’m not

prongs: and lily would thank me for this lmao

padfoot: sirius wouldn’t....

prongs: bro do you really like his real slim shady performance LMFAO

prongs: fucking hell

padfoot: no its just

padfoot: i think its funny

padfoot: thats all

prongs: well i apologize but im not doing that to myself tonight

prongs: u’ll just have to ask him for a private show then lmfao

padfoot: uhm

padfoot: well..!

[Charity Work]

5:27PM

siriusisdumb: i have one good and one bad news

siriusisdumb: which one do you want first

remusisdelusional: the bad always

remusisdelusional: cause then i can comfort myself with the good one

siriusisdumb: ok

siriusisdumb: the bad news is

siriusisdumb: james will not be adding the real slim shady to the playlist tonight

siriusisdumb: so you won’t be able to pull ur little performance that i love so much

siriusisdumb: the GOOD news is

siriusisdumb: you can just give me a private show later!

siriusisdumb: (clothing optional)

remusisdelusional: i believe i asked for the bad news FIRST and the good news SECOND

remusisdelusional: you quite literally did the opposite

siriusisdumb: well

siriusisdumb: i guess i just went by own judgement

siriusisdumb: but!

siriusisdumb: and it’s a big butt

siriusisdumb: still up for that private show????

remusisdelusional: how can that MESS ever possibly turn you on???

siriusisdumb: moony, darling

siriusisdumb: it’s not hard when its about you

siriusisdumb: i mean, it IS

siriusisdumb: but u get it

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAHAHAH OH MY GOD?????

remusisdelusional: you go about with ur life thinking ur the biggest flirt, dont u??

remusisdelusional: im sorry to break it to you

remusisdelusional: but ur the actual worst.

siriusisdumb: still got u naked didnt i?

remusisdelusional: what's the name of the gc again?

remusisdelusional: “charity work”??

remusisdelusional: oh ok that’s what i thought

siriusisdumb: GASP!

siriusisdumb: ok but that was so hot!! be mean to me!! really gets me going!!!

remusisdelusional: OH MY GOD STOP THIS MADNESS YOU DICKHEAD

siriusisdumb: YEEESSSS

siriusisdumb: MOREEEE

remusisdelusional: i am once again so close to blocking you

siriusisdumb: u sweet lil thing

remusisdelusional: continue like this and you will not get a TASTE of the £2 vodka i bought

siriusisdumb: well

siriusisdumb: scientifically speaking

siriusisdumb: you’ll get a taste of it

siriusisdumb: and i’ll get a taste of you

siriusisdumb: so, at the end of the day

siriusisdumb: don’t we all end up in the same place?

remusisdelusional: who says you’ll get a taste of me??

siriusisdumb: not only did you say it this morning

siriusisdumb: but in a couple hours you’ll be saying it again

siriusisdumb: so ;)

remusisdelusional: i hate u, u know that???

siriusisdumb: eehhh i dont think you hate me

siriusisdumb: i believe ur quite far from that

remusisdelusional: not really

remusisdelusional: uhm i gtg

remusisdelusional: see u later

[Destiny’s Child]

8:33PM

bigmac: omg does anyone wanna pre game at my dorm????

marleyandme: mary wtf is up with you LMFAOOCNJ

marleyandme: what's with this sudden burning desire for alcohol

marleyandme: it’s like we’re 16 again

bigmac: dude I DONT KNOW

bigmac: ITS ALL I THINK ABOUT FOR SOME REASON

bigmac: SOMEONE MUST’VE HYPNOTIZED ME

bigmac: ONE OF U BETTER BREAK THE SPELL

bigmac: PLEASE I DONT WANNA BE 16 AGAIN THOSE WERE DARK TIMES

marleyandme: yes we came home from a *birthday party* once and u tried to sleep inside my
refrigerator!!

marleyandme: i also dont wanna go back to that!!!!!

bigmac: no but that would’ve been a great idea it was fucking summer marlene

bigmac: the breeze.... the white noise of a refrigerator.... the snacks and water would be right
there....

bigmac: i really wanna have that experience at least once

barksexybark: omg imagine if we lock you inside a refrigerator for years and you just like didnt
age and then we’d open the door and you’d be like super strong with like powers but still really
young

barksexybark: omg i should totally sell this idea i’d be so rich

marleyandme: thats literally the story of captain america you fucking moron

barksexybark: oh

barksexybark: shit ur right :(

bigmac: OH MYYY GOD ECJECIDIWCICICJ

bigmac: sirius honey you amaze me sometimes

bigmac: ANYWAY who wants to pre game???

marleyandme: mary maybe lets not

marleyandme: i can sense the absolute wreck that we’ll be during and after the party

marleyandme: don’t fancy losing my liver so soon

marleyandme: ask me again in 2 years, then i’ll consider

barksexybark: funny enough, i agree with sapphic tinker bell

barksexybark: let’s maybe not

marleyandme: “sapphic tinker bell”

marleyandme: isn’t she already kinda fruity??

barksexybark: that’s silvermist

barksexybark: and vidia

bigmac: bro they are FAIRIES

bigmac: they’re ALL fruity

marleyandme: you do have a point

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:47PM

himbosupremacy: WAITING FOR U MY CUTIE PIES!!!!!!

sexymoonman: ON OUR WAY BABE!!

simmermary69: SAME HERE!!!!!

himbosupremacy: WOOOHOOOO

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:43PM

marleynotbob: woh was thee absolutr *not* genuis that added nelly furtado to teh playlyst

marleynotbob: DNGEROHS
marleynotbob: DANGEROYS

marleynotbob: DANGEROUS****

marleynotbob: FOR SIRIUS

himbosupremacy: HE LVOVES IT!!1 I HAD TO!11

sexymoonman: let me enjwy it

sexymoonman: lrt HIM*** enjoy it

buddyvalastro: HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

buddyvalastro: KINKYYYYUYY

[Moony & Prongs Take On The World]

11:56PM

badmoonrising: plahy it again

stagsarecool: wat ????/

badmoonrising: nelly

badmoonrising: playit. agin

stagsarecool: ive alrewady played it a bnch of times

badmoonrising: agsin

badmoonrising: pls

badmoonrising: maneater
stagsarecool: siris almost broke my avse

stagsarecool: vase

stagsarecool: :((

badmoonrising: prongd

badmoonrising: prongs.

stagsarecool: ooooookkkkk

stagsarecool: didnt knwo u liked nellly

badmoonrising: i do

badmoonrising: npw

badmoonrising: now

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:58PM

marleynotbob: NOOOTTT AGAGINNNNN

marleynotbob: WHHHHOOOOOO DID TIHSSS

marleynotbob: im gnna gp make myself busy

marleynotbob: @rawrdorkyXD

rawrdorkyXD: ​♀️ ​♀️ ​♀️

[Charity Work]

12:07AM
remusisdelusional: im nt gonna say it

remusisdelusional: but

remusisdelusional: bthroom

remusisdelusional: now ....\

siriusisdumb: HAHSHFDJSHAH

siriusisdumb: thas funnt ......

siriusisdumb: wyh bathroom??

remusisdelusional: i want *my* priv shpw.....

siriusisdumb: r clotinhg optional???

remusisdelusional: tey r prohibited

siriusisdumb: HAHSHAJHSJAJSJSFF

siriusisdumb: cqming

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

12:32AM

prongs: OPEM TEH DOOR!!!!!!!

prongs: LLILY AND I WANNA USE TEH LOO!!!!

padfoot: WAT????

padfoot: WYH DO U THINK ITDS ME

prongs: I REDCOGNIZED UR SOCK ON TEH KNOB

prongs: CMONNNNNNN

padfoot: U HVE A BEDROOOM

prongs: MARLEY N CAS ARE IN TEHRE

prongs: SIRIUDSSS

padfoot: CANT

padfoot: BEYYYY

padfoot: BYE’

padfoot: NOT BEY

padfoot: TAHTS BEYONCE

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

1:44AM

buddyvalastro: MMMYY TURN 2 DNCE ON TEH COFFFEE TABLE

buddyvalastro: S&M

buddyvalastro: RIHNNA

buddyvalastro: BAD GAL RIRII

buddyvalastro: BYE BITHECSSSSS

rawrdorkyXD: oh gpd

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

8:55AM

simmermary69: i wanna die.

marleynotbob: it was to be expected

sexymoonman: im never drinking cheap vodka ever again

sexymoonman: from this point on

sexymoonman: im only drinking luxurious alcohol

sexymoonman: i wanna live like a sugar daddy

sexymoonman: no

sexymoonman: actually

sexymoonman: i wanna live like a sugar baby

rawrdorkyXD: you have the potential

fireballswiftie: yeah u have that sugar baby face

sexymoonman: thank you so much

himbosupremacy: dorcas are you SURE the walking dead are in their last season cause i
genuinely think i’d get a good check

himbosupremacy: i feel like a turtle

rawrdorkyXD: yes im sure

rawrdorkyXD: and what's with ur turtle obsession???

himbosupremacy: i relate to them a lot

dilfloverasf: my organs are eating me from the inside

dilfloverasf: how long do i have left until i can become a dilf???

dilfloverasf: being young is exhausting

dilfloverasf: the uni life will kill me before i even get the chance to do it myself

buddyvalastro: thats grim

dilfloverasf:

fireballswiftie: i already told u guys about my green smoothie

fireballswiftie: u can make them its super easy!!!!

fireballswiftie: the recipe is in my insta highlights

fireballswiftie: rlly helps with hangovers

himbosupremacy: i think i might go for a run

himbosupremacy: it helps me

fireballswiftie: also really good option!!

sexymoonman: you two are the absolute worst ppl to be around

himbosupremacy: <33

rawrdorkyXD: SJDJSJHAHAJJSHAHH

rawrdorkyXD: OH MY OFVJIDIJC

rawrdorkyXD: ICJJAHAHAHAAHAH

simmermary69: what???

dilfloverasf: ????
rawrdorkyXD: BRO

rawrdorkyXD: @sexymoonman YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE SO PHOTOGENIC

rawrdorkyXD:

sexymoonman: oh my GOD

sexymoonman: WHERE DID YOU GET THIS

rawrdorkyXD: ITS A PICTURE FROM LAST NIGHT

rawrdorkyXD: I JUST ZOOMED IN ON YOU

rawrdorkyXD: HAAHAHHSJHSJAHS

rawrdorkyXD: I THINK *THIS* IS THE CURE FOR MY HANGOVER

fireballswiftie: HAHAHAHSJAHAJSH I LOVE THE SPOTTING REMUS IN PARTY

PICTURES GAME

fireballswiftie: I HAVE ONE FROM NOVEMBER

fireballswiftie: WAIT

fireballswiftie:
himbosupremacy: LMFAOODCCIDICCN

sexymoonman: CAN YOU GUYS NOT

dilfloverasf: BRUUUHHH LMFAOCNDIC

simmermary69: NO WAIT

simmermary69: I HAVE THE BEST ONE

simmermary69: FROM THAT TIME EMMIE TOOK HER CAMERA TO ONE OF BENJY’S
PARTIES

sexymoonman: oh god

simmermary69:
simmermary69: THIS YALLS MANS?????

sexymoonman: MARY WTF

marleynotbob: WHY IS HE STANDING LIKE THAT GOODBYEEEE

rawrdorkyXD: “last night was a movieee”

rawrdorkyXD: last night:

fireballswiftie: NO CAUSE NCEIDUICIVIF

sexymoonman: I DONT ENJOY THE BULLYING.

sexymoonman: IM AWKWARD AROUND CAMERAS LEAVE ME ALONE.

himbosupremacy: “yo my boy over there thinks ur cute”

himbosupremacy: his boy:

dilfloverasf: SHUT UPPP DIJSSUASUHDUSUCU

sexymoonman: mum can you come pick me up the kids are being mean

buddyvalastro: NO WAIT I HAVE A GOOD ONE

buddyvalastro: AND FROM LAST NIGHT TOO HAHAHSHAHA

buddyvalastro: LOOK

buddyvalastro:

buddyvalastro: sorry padfoot i had to crop u out

dilfloverasf: im in this picture???

buddyvalastro: yeah

buddyvalastro: right next to moons

buddyvalastro: u were the one who was talking

buddyvalastro: HAHAHAHSHHAHS

fireballswiftie: well this one is

fireballswiftie: is just cute

fireballswiftie: actually

rawrdorkyXD: yeah....

dilfloverasf: oh

dilfloverasf: its cute really

dilfloverasf: @sexymoonman im glad u pay so much attention when i talk

sexymoonman: uhm yeah

[Mean People’s Simps]

9:12AM

dorcas:

dorcas: caught in 4K?

remus: no

remus: i cannot do this this early in the morning

dorcas: so cute!!!!!!

dorcas: literal heart eyes!!!!!

 dorcas: im gonna cry!!!!!

remus: me too

Chapter End Notes

the maneater / nelly furtado moment is dedicated to alex (moonbeamstoast on tiktok),

who came up with it. you absolute genius.
 CHAPTER 34: Sirius, Oh Sirius, My Darling Sirius
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[MoonFlower <3]

9:33AM

therealslimmoony: omg omg omg

therealslimmoony: 1 week!!!!!

therealslimmoony: 1!!! week!!!!

gingertaylorswift: HAHAHAHAH yeeeesssss

gingertaylorswift: which means

gingertaylorswift: one year and a week left until i can absolutely BLAST 22

gingertaylorswift: remus i’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life

gingertaylorswift: “idk abt u but im feeling 21” sounds too weird

therealslimmoony: LMFAO

therealslimmoony: but u’ll have to wait until then

therealslimmoony: but on the meantime!!!!!!

therealslimmoony: u can enjoy ur 21st!!!!!

gingertaylorswift: LOOOL AND I SURE WILL!!!!

therealslimmoony: any plans????

gingertaylorswift: hmmmm idk yet

gingertaylorswift: i was thinking maybe we could go out and have some dinner??? like all of us

gingertaylorswift: idk nothing too big

therealslimmoony: “nothing too big”

therealslimmoony: ur going out with james potter u do know that?

gingertaylorswift: LMAO yeah but i dont think he has anything planned????

gingertaylorswift: idk i dont expect him to have anything

[Marauderzzz]

9:45AM

pwonggy: GUYS

pwonggy: OMGGGG

pwonggy: AAAAHHHHHH

padsies: what what what

pwonggy: OK

pwonggy: I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH STAN

pwonggy: HE’S THE OWNER OF GODRIC’S TOWER

pwonggy: OMGGGGG!!!!!!!!

bakamoonyasf: ....waiting for context

pwonggy: AAAHHHHH

pwonggy: EVERYTHING IS SET FOR LILY’S BDAY!!!!!!!

padsies: jaMES WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING

pwonggy: ICIEDIECJEICICJ

padsies: DUDE U SAID U’D TELL ME ONCE U KNEW IT FOR SURE IT WOULD HAPPEN

pwonggy: NAAAHHH I DONT WANNA TELL U ANYMORE

padsies: BRO

pwonggy: SORRY

pwonggy: BUT IT HAS TO BE PERFECT

pwonggy: I REALLY DONT WANT HER TO SUSPECT A THING

pwonggy: MOONY

bakamoonyasf: yeah

pwonggy: WHO IS AN ARTIST THAT LILY ABSOLUTELY *DOES NOT* LIKE???

bakamoonyasf: hmmm

bakamoonyasf: idk if there’s any artist she *hates*

bakamoonyasf: but she doesnt really vibe with drake and that kinda stuff

bakamoonyasf: says its too hetero

padsies: lmao

pwonggy: OMG YES PERFECT

pwonggy: GUYS

pwonggy: LILY’S BIRTHDAY

pwonggy: GODRIC’S TOWER: DRAKE AND TRAVIS SCOTT NIGHT

bakamoonyasf: ????

padsies: ???? are you kidding

pwonggy: NOOOO!!!!!

pwonggy: AAAAAHHH ITS GONNA BE SO GOOD

[Charity Work]

9:54AM

remusisdelusional: i’m....so confused ???

siriusisdumb: me too

siriusisdumb: like

siriusisdumb: i know james’ mind is an interesting place but .... idk what he’s thinking with this

remusisdelusional: yeah ..

remusisdelusional: well

remusisdelusional: if anything, its at least gonna be funny

siriusisdumb: LMFAO YEAH

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

11:51AM

frankiegrande: hello mother of my children

frankiegrande: lunch???
frankiegrande: its on u

janelynch: ???

janelynch: ur inviting me for a lunch that *i’ll* pay??

frankiegrande: thats exactly what im doing

frankiegrande: so???

janelynch: why would i say yes to that??

frankiegrande: becaaause

frankiegrande: i bet u’d die to know the juicy gossip i overheard today in class

frankiegrande: arabella cheated on ernie???

janelynch: NO WAY

frankiegrande: yes way babe

frankiegrande: and i have the succulent details

frankiegrande: caradoc really needs to learn to keep his voice down

frankiegrande: so what do u say pumpkin pie????

frankiegrande: can u resist some scalding tea??

janelynch: YOU WON

janelynch: YES I’LL MEET U AT THREE BROOMSTICKS IN 10

frankiegrande: oh such lovely girl

[Effie’s Boyz ASF]

1:17PM

prongs: dont think i forgot abt u

padfoot: what??

prongs: padfoot

prongs: *your* special day is also on the way

prongs: that happens to be 1 week after lily’s bday

padfoot: oH

padfoot: OMG YEAH

prongs: im sure u didnt forget

padfoot: pffttt what???

padfoot: of course not

padfoot: how could i forget

padfoot: i mean its the 7th year already

padfoot: i’d never forget it

prongs: you forgot it you idiot

padfoot: SORRYYYY

prongs: how could u forget a day that is about *you*????

prongs: where has ur mind been lately

padfoot: ugh idk what happened

padfoot: my mistake

padfoot: 100%

padfoot: sorry

prongs: padfoot padfoot.....

prongs: well

prongs: we’re still up for karaoke then right?

prongs: cause i gotta call abe to make the reservation

prongs: we gotta get The Booth

padfoot: HAHAHAH YEES DO THAT!!

padfoot: u better get ur teenage dream ready boy!!

prongs: its been ready since i was born hoe

prongs: u aint got shit on my teenage dream

padfoot: LMAO

padfoot: i better start working on *my* song then

padfoot: something VERY homo, for the occasion

prongs: eat the chromatica oreos for inspo bff

padfoot: i dont tell you how much of a genius you are enough

prongs: ☝️

[Mary MacDonald & Remus Lupin]

3:36PM

mary: hii lovie

remus: ello marilyn!!!

remus: how’s everything?

mary: goood

mary: u??

remus: perf

remus: oh

remus: i just realized

remus: i think the last time we spoke one on one through texts was to arrange our.......hookup

mary: OOOOHHHHH

mary: IJFEIJIVJIJDIFC

mary: I JUST SCROLLED UP

mary: LOOOORRRDDD

remus: LMFAOOOODNECRIJIRJ

mary: BOY YOU NEVER REPLIED TO ME WANTING MY JUMPER BACK

mary: WHATS UP WITH THAT YOU THIEF

remus: HAHAHAHAHAHH SORRY

mary: ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS

mary: I WANT IT BACK

remus: its mine now ...

mary: you want a bubblegum pink jumper that surely does not even fit over your head??

remus: im a collector!

mary: MY LATE GRANDMA MADE IT FOR ME

remus: omg really??

remus: shit mary im so sorry

remus: i’ll try to find it dont worry

mary: LMFAOOOOO DONT WORRY SHE DIDNT

mary: AND SHES STILL HEALTHY AND VERY MUCH ALIVE

mary: i just wanted to see if emotional blackmail would work

mary: and it did!

remus: you fucking-

remus: you lost ur jumper privileges!!

mary: DNCEUUEFUEDH

mary: well i’ll let u keep it

mary: u can have a lil piece of me

remus: thats very kind of you, macdonald

mary: i’ve been told i’m very generous

remus: HAHAHSJAJHAHAH

mary: well, sweetheart

mary: i actually texted u cause

mary: idk if u know hestia jones??

remus: ooh yeah i think i do

remus: why??

mary: oh love

mary: she’s close friends with emmie u see

mary: and she’s mentioned u once or twice to her

mary: girly has a crush!

mary: can’t blame her but

mary: i was wondering if emmie and i could play matchmaker and give her ur number??

remus: oh

remus: uhm

remus: yeah i dont really think so :// sorry

mary: :((

mary: she’s really pretty, u know

mary: and really nice!!

mary: quite the catch

remus: no no yeah
remus: im sure she is

remus: im just

remus: idk not interested

mary: oh

mary: have u been seeing someone??

mary: is that why??

remus: oh

remus: no not really

remus: its really that im not interested :/

mary: ooh ok

mary: thats fine then!

mary: u know i have some really cute friends

mary: just let me know if anyone catches ur eye!!

remus: lol yeah i wouldnt really wait for that if i were u

remus: but thanks for asking :)

mary: no worries babe <3

[Say No To Colonizers]

3:51PM

notvirginmary: [screenshot.jpg]

notvirginmary: knew it
lesbianandharrystyles: good

lesbianandharrystyles: good good

lesbianandharrystyles: i’m glad to know he’s behaving

notvirginmary: LMFAO MARLENE

notvirginmary: relax

notvirginmary: i know how u get over sirius but really

notvirginmary: chill

notvirginmary: i knew he would say no

lesbianandharrystyles: i know but

lesbianandharrystyles: idk i just wanted to check

notvirginmary: yeah so u made *me* check

lesbianandharrystyles: and ur a fucking goddess for that and i love you

notvirginmary: yeah yeah what's new

notvirginmary: honestly i think they ... like each other

lesbianandharrystyles: do u want me to be honest?

lesbianandharrystyles: i think it might be a little more than that

notvirginmary: oh?

lesbianandharrystyles: yeah

notvirginmary: damn
lesbianandharrystyles: mhm

lesbianandharrystyles: anyway

lesbianandharrystyles: is hestia really interested in remus??? LMFAO

notvirginmary: JDIEJDIEJIEJ PLEEEASE NO

notvirginmary: she was literally the first name that popped into my head

notvirginmary: “close friends with emmie”

notvirginmary: emmeline cant stand her

lesbianandharrystyles: IJCIEJDIDICJIED OH MY GOOODDDD

notvirginmary: YEAH JEICEIJCCD

notvirginmary: he better not spread this shit cause i *will* get in trouble

lesbianandharrystyles: LMFAO i dont think he will

lesbianandharrystyles: he’s not sirius

notvirginmary: he’s the one who’s been going out with him

notvirginmary: so you never know

lesbianandharrystyles: u have a point

notvirginmary: i always do

notvirginmary: anyway

notvirginmary: wanna come get high??

lesbianandharrystyles: at 4pm on a thursday??

notvirginmary: yeah ??

lesbianandharrystyles: dont u have idk some nerdy codes to figure out

notvirginmary: already did them

notvirginmary: yes or no honeybun????

lesbianandharrystyles: of course its a yes

lesbianandharrystyles: im omw

[Charity Work]

4:48PM

remusisdelusional: hey

remusisdelusional: what are u doin

siriusisdumb: got back from james’ like literally 5 minutes ago

siriusisdumb: beat him at just dance. again.

siriusisdumb: who’s surprised???

remusisdelusional: not me

siriusisdumb: thank you

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: well

remusisdelusional: i was wondering if u wanted to come here ....

siriusisdumb: ://

siriusisdumb: i do have some school work to do

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: well its fine really

remusisdelusional: dont worry abt it :)

siriusisdumb: .....

siriusisdumb: i can come over for a bit tho ......

siriusisdumb: but only

siriusisdumb: and just only

siriusisdumb: if u say you *want* me to go

remusisdelusional: ur the most annoying person i’ve ever met, you know that??

siriusisdumb: ur not the first person to tell me that

siriusisdumb: u better come up with something better

remusisdelusional: lol

siriusisdumb: well?

remusisdelusional: really???

siriusisdumb:

remusisdelusional: KDNCIEIEDIJJCIJC
remusisdelusional: sirius, oh sirius, my darling sirius. would you please do me the honour of
visiting me at my room, located at building Ravenclaw B, at Hogwarts University, and provide me
the pleasure of having your company? i miss you, my kind sirius. i long for your company, my dear
sirius. please, oh please, would you grant my so wanted wish?

siriusisdumb: that was kinda gay im ngl

remusisdelusional: CMON ASSHOLE

siriusisdumb: why did u switch back to informalities

remusisdelusional: OH MY ONE AND ONLY SIRIUS, PLEASE, I CANNOT STAND TO

MISS YOU ANY LONGER. I CAN ONLY BEG, ON MY KNEES, FOR YOU TO COME AND
BE BY MY SIDE. I WEEP AS I WRITE YOU THIS, LONGING FOR YOU. WOULD YOU BE
KIND ENOUGH TO PROVIDE ME SUCH HAPPINESS, AND JOIN ME?

siriusisdumb: oooh when you say it like thaaat

remusisdelusional: DCJIDJDCIDJCJ JUST COME

siriusisdumb: only cause u asked .....

remusisdelusional: I AWAIT FOR YOU, MY BEAUTIFUL AND DARLING SIRIUS

siriusisdumb: gay

remusisdelusional: only for you

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

8:27PM
frankiegrande: hi

frankiegrande: do you remember like

frankiegrande: when we first met remus

frankiegrande: and we still didnt know his name

frankiegrande: how did you refer to him

janelynch: hey

janelynch: idk

janelynch: the guy you were drooling over

janelynch: the guy you were in love with

janelynch: why?

frankiegrande: did you mean that??

janelynch: what

frankiegrande: when you said that

frankiegrande: uhm

frankiegrande: when you said i was in love with him

janelynch: well obviously not lol

janelynch: it was just a joke

janelynch: why, did u tell him that

janelynch: what did he say lol

frankiegrande: no

frankiegrande: uhm

frankiegrande: its just

 frankiegrande: i dont think its a joke anymore

frankiegrande: marlene???

janelynch: where are you

frankiegrande: i just left his building

janelynch: i’ll meet you at your dorm

Chapter End Notes

i feel like this pov has been waited for, too :) i hope you like it, cause i personally
really do (it was the first one i wrote after the first kiss scene). you can read it here.
i'd really recommend you to. again, not quite mandatory, but adds a lot to the story <3
thank you all for all the support, i love you all immensely.

(also. from: tina, to: marauders stan twitter -- i'm not a larrie. chill lmao. some jokes
are made so others can be made in the future. tho watching y'all freak out over it has
really made my weekend, i'm not gonna lie)
 CHAPTER 35: May Gay Jesus Bless You
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[MoonFlower <3]

9:09AM

therealslimmoony: SATURDAY NIGHT

therealslimmoony: SATURDAY NIGHT

therealslimmoony: ITS SA TUR DAY NIGHT

gingertaylorswift: dont come quoting friends to me boy

therealslimmoony: PARTY TODAY!!!!! LILY’S BDAY!!!! UR BDAY!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!

gingertaylorswift: lol yeah

therealslimmoony: hmmmmm

therealslimmoony: remus lupin feels like lily evans is not much excited about her birthday

therealslimmoony: remus lupin wonders why that is

therealslimmoony: because remus lupin recalls lily evans as someone who tends to be very
excited about her birthday

gingertaylorswift: oh idk

gingertaylorswift: i mean im fine with us going out tonight

gingertaylorswift: it wasnt my plan u know that

gingertaylorswift: but if everyone is feeling like it then yes lets do it

gingertaylorswift: and its not *actually* my birthday yet, thats only on monday

gingertaylorswift: but idk

gingertaylorswift: this whole rap night at godrics’s tower is really not my thing

therealslimmoony: oh

gingertaylorswift: yeah :/

gingertaylorswift: and i told james that maybe we should all just do something else bc you know
.... i’ll just be kinda out of place there

gingertaylorswift: but he was all like “NO CAUSE WE HAVE TO GO WE CANT MISS IT
AND BLAH BLAH BLAH”

gingertaylorswift: i was kinda like ..... damn. like its *my* birthday you know

therealslimmoony: ohh

therealslimmoony: yeah i get it

therealslimmoony: i see where ur coming from

therealslimmoony: and ur right

therealslimmoony: honestly lily we dont have to go if you dont want to

therealslimmoony: it really *is* your birthday

therealslimmoony: you make the rules

gingertaylorswift: yeah ik

gingertaylorswift: i think im gonna talk to james

gingertaylorswift: he’s the one who’s so excited abt this

gingertaylorswift: maybe he’ll listen to me. like. i hope.

gingertaylorswift: cause honestly this is such a turn off

therealslimmoony: :///

[James Potter & Lily Evans]

9:18AM
lily: hey james

james: LILYYYYY

james: HIIIIII

james: EXCITED FOR TONIGHT??????

james: ITS GONNA BE SO FUNNNN

lily: uhm

lily: actually i wanna talk to u about that

james: SURE FIRE AWAY

lily: look i’m really not a fan of like rap music and that kinda stuff

lily: like travis scott and all

lily: its really not my style

lily: i dont think i’d have fun at godric’s honestly

lily: if ur so pumped about it its totally fine u can go, like dont worry im not gonna be mad

lily: but i think i’ll just pass tbh

james: oh

james: i really think u’d have fun tho

james: you might be surprised by how much!!

lily: i really dont think so

lily: u can go tho

lily: im sure sirius or pete would go with u

james: but its ur birthday!! i wanna spend it with you!!!

james: trust me lily

james: i think ur gonna have so much fun tonight

james: give it 5 minutes alright???

james: if u get there and dont like it, we can go anywhere else

lily: uhm

lily: yeah ok

lily: fine ig

lily: 5 minutes

james: :D !!!

[Marauderzzz]

9:25AM

pwonggy: IM SUCH A GENIUSSSSSS

pwonggy: OOOOHHH YEEESSS

bakamoonyasf: if ur referring to lily’s party tonight, then i gotta tell you prongs

bakamoonyasf: i really dont think so

pwonggy: YES IM TALKING ABOUT LILY’S PARTY TONIGHT

pwonggy: AND I STAND BY MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT

pwonggy: I, JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER, 20, SEXY MF, AM A BLOODY GENIUS

pwonggy: AND NONE OF YOU EVEN *KNOW* HOW MUCH

pwonggy: YOU CANT EVEN *GRASP* HOW MUCH OF A GENIUS I AM

pwonggy: ALL OF YOU CAN ONLY WISH FOR A SINGLE BRAIN CELL OF MINE
padsies: wow prongs

padsies: you *really* dont know how much

wormysoftboy: please share your wisdom with us, king

pwonggy: classes will start on tuesday at 5pm at my flat

pwonggy: it will be £50 an hour

bakamoonyasf: *£50* an HOUR????

bakamoonyasf: mf ur ALREADY rich

pwonggy: GOTTA KEEP THAT NET WORTH GROWING!

padsies: you know, once i told the girls that we could eat the rich except for you

padsies: im really considering taking it back

bakamoonyasf: *you* are rich

bakamoonyasf: only wormy and i are allowed to eat the rich here

wormysoftboy: uhm ... i’ll pass ??? lol

wormysoftboy: u can continue to eat yours tho moony

bakamoonyasf: my belly is empty.

[Charity Work]

9:37AM
siriusisdumb: want me to go fill it for u??

siriusisdumb: ;))

remusisdelusional: dirty talk and its not even 10am??

remusisdelusional: im not gonna fight against it ;)))

siriusisdumb: i meANT IF U WANTED ME TO BRING YOU FOOD

siriusisdumb: OH MY GOD YOU FILTHY ANIMAL

siriusisdumb: YOU HAVE THE MIND OF A 12 YEAR OLD BOY WHO HAS JUST
DICOVERED THE ANONYMOUS SEARCH ON GOOGLE

remusisdelusional: YOU SENT THE WINKING FACE

remusisdelusional: HOW WAS I TO KNOW

siriusisdumb: IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMILEY FACE

siriusisdumb: LIKE THIS :))))

siriusisdumb: AND REALLY ITS NOT EVEN THAT BIG OF A DIFFERENCE THE FAULT
IS YOURS

remusisdelusional: SMILEY FACE IS FOR WHEN UR BEING NICE

remusisdelusional: WINKING FACE IS FOR WHEN UR BEING NAUGHTY

remusisdelusional: EVERYONE KNOWS THAT PADFOOT

remusisdelusional: IT *IS* A BIG DIFFERENCE

siriusisdumb: NO ITS NOT

siriusisdumb: YOU KNOW

siriusisdumb: I COULD JUST GIVE IN AND SAY “OK THEN LETS BE NAUGHTY”

siriusisdumb: BUT NOT ANYMORE.

remusisdelusional: thank god cause that would’ve been the corniest shit ever

remusisdelusional: i would definitely have to stop seeing you after that.

siriusisdumb: ok then.

siriusisdumb: stay with your empty belly and your empty bed.

siriusisdumb: FOREVAH.

remusisdelusional: JSEDJDJCNJENCJDNSJIC

remusisdelusional: STOP

remusisdelusional: I WAS JOKING YOU SENSITIVE PRICK

siriusisdumb: prick??? again????

siriusisdumb: CALL ME SELFISH AGAIN THEN

siriusisdumb: EGOTISTICAL

siriusisdumb: I CAN TAKE IT LUPIN

siriusisdumb: GIMME ALL U GOT

remusisdelusional: wait i gotta check my “adjectives for sirius” list

remusisdelusional: brb

siriusisdumb: YOU ARE EVIL

siriusisdumb: EVIL MAN

siriusisdumb: who will stay with an empty tummy

remusisdelusional: no.

siriusisdumb: yes

siriusisdumb: omg think about it

siriusisdumb: i could go to not puddifoots, but MOLLYS DINER

siriusisdumb: i mean its 10 min from here, i could just get on my bike

siriusisdumb: quick trip, no biggie

siriusisdumb: and, in an alternate universe, i’d do it for you

siriusisdumb: AND

siriusisdumb: omg i could get WAFFLES

siriusisdumb: WITH THOSE CHOCOLATE CHIPS THAT YOU LOOOVE

siriusisdumb: OOOH AND PANCAKES

siriusisdumb: BUTTEEERY PANCAKES

siriusisdumb: SCONES TOO OMG U LOVE SCONES DONT YOU LUPIN

siriusisdumb: but of course, “lets not be naughty”

siriusisdumb: and apparently ;) does not equal :)

siriusisdumb: i guess i’ll just have to eat it all by myself......

remusisdelusional: omg i just checked my “adjectives for sirius” list!

remusisdelusional: all it says is here is

remusisdelusional: gorgeous

remusisdelusional: funny

remusisdelusional: smart

remusisdelusional: very sexy

remusisdelusional: gorgeous, again

remusisdelusional: amazing

remusisdelusional: all that is good in the world!

siriusisdumb: ur hilarious, lupin

remusisdelusional: nooo u

remusisdelusional: thats all you, you intelligent prince

remusisdelusional: go get food for us so we can eat and kith ​❤️​ ​ ​❤️​ ​ ​❤️​ ​

siriusisdumb: YOU ARE SUCH A KISS ASS

siriusisdumb: OH MY GOD

remusisdelusional: ANYTHING FOR YOU

remusisdelusional: soooo

remusisdelusional: shall i wait for the most beautiful, handsomest human being and the most
delicious food that he will bring for me because he is the kindest to ever exist???? ♥️♥️♥️♥️

siriusisdumb: i still haven't changed my mind from when i called you insufferable, just so you
know

siriusisdumb: but yes wait for him ig

remusisdelusional: YES

remusisdelusional: I’LL WAIT FOR YOU WITH A SURPRISE

remusisdelusional: ;))) (<-- winking on purpose)

siriusisdumb: NOW WE’RE TALKING

siriusisdumb: god i love you

siriusisdumb: THIS******

siriusisdumb: I LOVE THIS

siriusisdumb: autocorrect

remusisdelusional: haha

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:05AM
frankiegrande: oh my god

frankiegrande: oh mY GOD

frankiegrande: ???!!!!!>>?!>!??!?!!?!

janelynch: everything looks to be under control.

janelynch: what did you do?

frankiegrande: [screenshot.jpg]

frankiegrande: i-

janelynch: OH

janelynch: AHAHSHAHSJAJSAJSHASJHAHJS

janelynch: SJSHAJSHHAJSHAHAH

janelynch: HJSJHAJJAHSHAJHSHASHA

frankiegrande: BITCH STOP LAUGHING

janelynch: OH MY GOD UR LIFE SUCKS

janelynch: LMFAOODOCNICJI

frankiegrande: STOP

janelynch: “autocorrect” HAHAHSJASHASJAH

frankiegrande: IT SLIPPED

frankiegrande: is this how its like to be in love?????

frankiegrande: cause i hate it.

frankiegrande: ive never been in love before

frankiegrande: 0/10

frankiegrande: i wanna go home.

frankiegrande: ok actually 2/10 bc im in love with a very amazing person like wtf how is he real

frankiegrande: but sTILL

janelynch: maybe ... you shouldn't have said it was autocorrect ??

janelynch: and just have left it like that

frankiegrande: AHAHAHAHAH

frankiegrande: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

frankiegrande: omg i always forget how funny you are

frankiegrande: HAJSJAJSHAHAHHA

janelynch: sirius

janelynch: fr

frankiegrande: love u too bye gtg

frankiegrande: im gonna go get some breakfast for me and my unrequited love!!!! byesies

janelynch: may gay jesus bless you

frankiegrande: i need him more than ever

[Dorco & Jamie-o]

6:03PM

jamieasf: bff

jamieasf: i need ur help

dormfcas: yes?

jamieasf: ur going tonight right???

jamieasf: to godric’s tower??

dormfcas: yeah we’re all going as far as i know

dormfcas: ..but..... rap night

jamieasf: ok perfect

jamieasf: i need a blonde wig.

dormfcas: what????

jamieasf: you read it right

jamieasf: the one i bought at party delights looks too cheap

dormfcas: james.

dormfcas: context.

jamieasf: can you keep a secret?

dormfcas: depends on the secret

jamieasf: dorcas

dormfcas: yes i can keep a fucking secret

jamieasf: its not a rap night at godric’s

jamieasf: come to my flat and bring all your blonde wigs

jamieasf: i need you.

dormfcas: HASJAHHHASJHHA

dormfcas: YOU-

dormfcas: OMG ??????

dormfcas: OK IM OMW

jamieasf: cas dont tell ANYONE

jamieasf: im sure you can keep your mouth shut for a couple hours

dormfcas: JEUJDJICJDCM

dormfcas: we’ll see if the blonde matches your eyes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:51PM

simmermary69: 11pm. dont be late. the sooner we get there the sooner we can leave.

fireballswiftie: we’re on the uber already

fireballswiftie: you???

simmermary69: same

simmermary69: we’ll be arriving in 6

fireballswiftie: 8 for us
dilfloverasf: @himbosupremacy are u on ur way???

himbosupremacy: IM HERE ALREADY!!!!

dilfloverasf: what???

himbosupremacy: IVE BEEN HERE FOR 30 MINUTES

himbosupremacy: !!!!!!!

dilfloverasf: why?????

himbosupremacy: COME COME COME

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:58PM

marleynotbob: oh. my god.

marleynotbob: tell me we’re in the wrong place.

fireballswiftie: is it that bad?? :(

marleynotbob: you tell me

marleynotbob: there’s a huge banner above the dj's cabin that says “HAPPY 22(-1) LILY
FLOWER”

marleynotbob: and james fleamont potter is wearing a blonde wig and a sparkly rainbow fringe
dress

fireballswiftie: what??????????

fireballswiftie: are you kidding????

marleynotbob: i couldn't possibly make this up

fireballswiftie: thats

fireballswiftie: thats taylor’s tour dress for delicate

fireballswiftie: marlene what's playing??

marleynotbob: taylor swift

marleynotbob: OH

marleynotbob: OH NOW I GET IT

marleynotbob: ITS A TAYLOR SWIFT NIGHT

marleynotbob: oh ok it makes sense now i was kinda confused

fireballswiftie: HWAT???????

fireballswiftie: WE JUST LEFT THE UBER

simmermary69: marlene come join us

marleynotbob: james is embarrassing me

marleynotbob: i just saw he has a microphone too

dilfloverasf: he taped it to his hand.

marleynotbob: oh my fuck

[Marauderzzz]

11:29PM
bakamoonyasf: james where tf did you get this dress.

pwonggy: MY AUNT MIRAI MADE IT FOR ME

pwonggy: DO I LOOK SEXY AND HOT AND BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY AND HOT????

bakamoonyasf: yes you do

bakamoonyasf: lily is drooling over you also

padsies: cant tell if she wants him or the dress

bakamoonyasf: she’ll probably have him, and then later get the dress

padsies: good point

pwonggy: DO YOU GUYS THINK SHE LIKED IT????

pwonggy: i know i had to lie abt this whole thing but i really wanted it to be a surprise

bakamoonyasf: are you kidding???

bakamoonyasf: dude this is probably the best night of her life

bakamoonyasf: cant you see her????

bakamoonyasf: she looks like shes gonna explode

padsies: james where did you come from???? fucking perfection land????

pwonggy: KDEDJEVCJCJC

pwonggy: I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE A GOOD BIRTHDAY

pwonggy: AWWW MAN LOOK AT HER FACE

pwonggy: IM SO GONE FOR HER

bakamoonyasf: i believe she’d say the same about you

bakamoonyasf: especially after today

pwonggy: DKCDIIJICJJNN

pwonggy: :DDD

pwonggy: where's wormy btw????

padsies: saw him running past me 2 minutes ago on the way to the loo

padsies: he had. 1 beer dude.

padsies: im on my second and am still typing just fine.

bakamoonyasf: same here

pwonggy: JDNEJRJIRJRIICV

padsies: well gentlemen

padsies: if i do recall correctly, sirius black is indeed also a swift

padsies: omw to the dance floooorrrrr

[James Potter & Lily Evans]

11:55PM

lily: JAMES

lily: U R

lily: INSWNE

james: JHAAHAJSJAH
james: DID U LIKE IT????/

lily: DID I LIKE IT??

lily: TIHS IS THE BRST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DPNE FOR ME

lily: HOW DID U MANAGR TO DO THIS

lily: AND TEH WIG ????? TEH DRESS ???????

james: HAHAHA it wqs a bit of workk

james: but anytihng for u :))))

lily: UUUUGHHHH

lily: HONESTYL

lily: TYSM

lily: like i dnt think u understnd

lily: how happy i am

lily: thansk to u

james: its no prqblem

james: really

lily: where are u???

james: by teh bar

lily: can we talk??

lily: outsyde???

james: yeah
james: yeh yeah sure

[Marauderzzz]

12:19AM

pwonggy: uhm

pwonggy: not to brag or anyting but

pwonggy: i have a girlfriend!!!!!

padsies: OGM

padsies: OMG

bakamoonyasf: RLLY?????????

pwonggy: YESH WE JUST TALKED

pwonggy: OH MT GD I FEEL LIKE IM DREAMIGN

padsies: IDIECJJNJCJDNKSK

bakamoonyasf: and u ll nevr stop feeling like ur dreaming prongs

bakamoonyasf: trust me

pwonggy: AWWWWW

pwonggy: U ROMANTC

padsies: mmoony is a romantic ????/??

padsies:
wormysoftboy: OF CROUSE HE IS,,PADSS

wormysoftboy: YOUDD KNWOOO

padsies: i thougt u were gone brhyh

padsies: bruh

wormysoftboy: AM ALIVVVR

[Charity Work]

12:24AM

siriusisdumb: u cute lil tihng

siriusisdumb: ur so prreety u know that

siriusisdumb: and cute

siriusisdumb: adn amazing

siriusisdumb: and fjnny

siriusisdumb: i lov this

remusisdelusional: HAHAHJSJKA

remusisdelusional: wat do u lov e??

siriusisdumb: this

remusisdelusional: tihs???

siriusisdumb: yeh

remusisdelusional: i love it too

Chapter End Notes

i think you'll start getting tired of me constantly thanking you guys, but i don't think i'll
ever be able to stop. thank you, thank you, thank you. the amount of love i've been
receiving is absolutely crazy. i read all your comments, see all your tweets (also, im
sorry if i dont actually reply to any of them, but my acc is personal, and i dont wanna
mix the 2 up. i do try liking all that i see tho!), all your videos on tiktok. i don't think
i'll ever have words. you spoil me too much, i'm still trying to understand what i did to
deserve this.
and a specific thank you to everyone who has complimented my writing. english is not
my first language, and to hear that people love the way i write i just ..... like wtf man.
its easily one of the best compliments i could ever receive. so thank you so so much.
i love you, and i'm sending *so* much love your way,
tina xx
 CHAPTER 36: ESFP Regulus Era
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[Destiny’s Child]

8:12AM

marleyandme: don’t get me wrong

marleyandme: i absolutely love lily june evans

marleyandme: honestly the loml

marleyandme: love that girl

marleyandme: but wasnt saturday enough???

marleyandme: why did she HAVE to make us *all* go to her dorm and drink AGAIN????

marleyandme: its fucking tuesday morning and if i squint my eyes i can see my dead abuelita
waving at me saying “ven conmigo, mi amor...”

marleyandme: im in between life and death rn

bigmac: you shouldn't have drunk so much

marleyandme: HA

marleyandme: says the bitch whose motto after 10pm is “1 tequila shot + 1 tequila shot = 3
tequila shots. and if 3 tequila shots, then 5 tequila shots, but we could just round that up to 6”

bigmac: basic maths

bigmac: when remus said “i feel like a raisin” .... truer words have never left his lips since then

bigmac: @barksexybark how you feeling cutie patootie?

barksexybark: currently wondering if marlene’s abuelita is calling me too

barksexybark: cause i swear im hearing a voice

marleyandme: i refuse to let you come with me

marleyandme: you dont deserve eating my abuela’s arroz con leche

barksexybark: :((((

barksexybark: god i have class in less than 20 minutes

barksexybark: and i have not moved.

bigmac: then start moving hoe.

barksexybark: cannot. function.

marleyandme: i have class at 9

marleyandme: sirius ur going to our gender studies class at 10:30 right

barksexybark: yes princess

barksexybark: will be attending

barksexybark: plus lilith should be there and i *will* give her shit for her atrocious idea of
drinking on a monday

barksexybark: its not her bday anymore. she has no excuse to not get the slander.

bigmac: sucks to be you two

bigmac: i have no classes this morning

bigmac: only at 2pm

bigmac:

marleyandme: bitch
bigmac:

barksexybark: ok i better get going bffs

barksexybark: i wont even be able to stop to get some coffee

barksexybark: i hate my life

barksexybark: this morning has been very homophobic thus far if i do say so myself

marleyandme: why do you call *everything* homophobic???

barksexybark: everything *is* homophobic

barksexybark: the world is against the gays! whats new!

[Walburga’s Pride & Joy]

8:33AM

joy: hello big bro

joy: you will never guess who im with rn

pride: millie bobby brown???

joy: ??????? no??

joy: why would it be millie bobby brown

pride: ugh i’ve been hanging out with marlene way too much

pride: every time i tell her to guess someone she says millie bobby brown

pride: anyway who are you with???

joy:
joy: HA

pride: WHAT???????

pride: how in the actual fuck did this meet-up happened???

joy: well

joy: i was here at puddifoots having some breakfast

joy: and he was here too

joy: and he looked absolutely deceased

joy: (you can see it in the pic)

joy: and i was like “hey! its sirius’ friend! i’ll go say hi!”

pride: since when are you such extrovert that you just walk up to people and say hi????

pride: as far as i remember you *hide* when you see ppl you know on the street

pride: once you hid from andie. andie.

joy: i woke up in a good mood! maybe i became an extrovert!

joy: infj be gone

joy: this is esfp regulus era

joy:

pride: im an esTp

pride: we’re not that similar

joy: we share the same genes after all!

joy: anyway

joy: the guy is really funny!

joy: especially when he’s looking/feeling miserable

joy: did you guys drink last night???

pride: we did

pride: dont remind me

joy: yikes

joy: anyway

joy: i ship it

pride: what????

joy: come ooon

joy: i may be younger but im not stupid

pride: uhm

pride: ok??
joy: and judging by your reaction i was right! ha!!!

joy: god im loving this regulus esfp era

joy: i feel powerful!

pride: wtf is in your coffee?????

joy: soooo much caffeine dude

joy: i think im scaring ur friend

joy: i wont shut up!!!!!! HAHAHAH

joy: this is weird

joy: i feel weird

joy: i might shut down at any second

joy: i slept at 5am last night did you know????

joy: stayed up late watching glee

pride: glee?????

joy: yeah!!!! its so bad isnt it

joy: but like

joy: its good

joy: its good cause its bad

joy: LOOOOLL

pride: you’re scaring *me* and im not even the one with you

joy: i asked for double caffeine. in both of my coffees

joy: dangerous? perhaps

joy: but i like living on the edge!!!!

joy: oh

joy: maybe im an estp

joy: we really are brothers after all

pride: oh my god

pride: do you have class today???

joy: yeeees at 9:15

joy: i think im gonna run there

joy: walking is boring

joy: this is my first time drinking coffee btw

joy: i usually get tea

pride: its your first time drinking coffee and you asked for double caffeine??? and u drank 2???

joy: thats exactly what i did

joy: should i go full millennial and post “but first, coffee” on my ig stories???

joy: that would be funny

pride: regulus.

pride: dude.

pride: and how is remus???

joy: looking at me like im a lunatic

joy: HAHAHAHAH

joy: ok gtggggg

joy: im gonna show him a picture of the latest lego building i did
pride: since when do you play with legos???

joy: started last week

joy: its very relaxing

[Charity Work]

8:51AM

siriusisdumb: coffee date with my brother??

siriusisdumb: trying to get with the whole family???

remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAAJSAJAHHA

remusisdelusional: dude

remusisdelusional: your brother ...... oh my god

siriusisdumb: im so sorry for what you had to experience.

siriusisdumb: he’s never had coffee before

siriusisdumb: he really is a kid that has to be looked after

remusisdelusional: yeah it looked like it

remusisdelusional: jesus christ

remusisdelusional: but he’s quite the character

remusisdelusional: really funny

remusisdelusional: and a very talented architect

siriusisdumb: oh my god
remusisdelusional: HAHAHAHAHAH

remusisdelusional: i was really surprised he approached me

remusisdelusional: i was just staring at my cup

remusisdelusional: regretting all my life decisions

remusisdelusional: and he was like “hey! remus right? hi! hello!”

remusisdelusional: he already had a cup in hand so i feel like that was mostly the caffeine

siriusisdumb: i have no words ???

remusisdelusional: LMFAO

remusisdelusional: he looked happy tho

remusisdelusional: like behind all the coffee

remusisdelusional: he looked happy

remusisdelusional: he made the right choice to stay

siriusisdumb: im glad

siriusisdumb: and relieved

siriusisdumb: i was afraid he would be miserable

remusisdelusional: he doesnt seem to be at least

siriusisdumb: thank god

remusisdelusional: are you in class??

siriusisdumb: yeah

siriusisdumb: but got .... >distracted<

siriusisdumb: but yes im in class

remusisdelusional: lmao

remusisdelusional: i have class in a bit too

siriusisdumb: sweet

siriusisdumb: have fun

remusisdelusional: u too

remusisdelusional: uhm actually

remusisdelusional: idk if you remember

remusisdelusional: but like

remusisdelusional: a month ago we kinda said we were gonna go have dinner??

remusisdelusional: are you still up for that???

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: omg yeah

siriusisdumb: yeah im still up for that

remusisdelusional: ok great!!

remusisdelusional: just tell me when

siriusisdumb: tomorrow??

siriusisdumb: i know its a school night but

remusisdelusional: yeah tomorrow is cool!!

siriusisdumb: okokok
siriusisdumb: omg im gonna shower

remusisdelusional: with soap???

siriusisdumb: with soap

remusisdelusional: would you really do this for me??

siriusisdumb: remus lupin asking you out for dinner so he can eat for free doesnt happen that
often!! i need to prepare myself for the occasion

remusisdelusional: awww

remusisdelusional: you do know we’re getting pizza right

siriusisdumb: i’d block you if we weren't gonna get pizza

remusisdelusional: omg maybe lets not get pizza??

siriusisdumb: GASP

siriusisdumb: go eat your fancy food, then

siriusisdumb: dont forget ur wallet!

remusisdelusional: pizzzaaaaaa

remusisdelusional: im glad we’re on the same page

siriusisdumb:

[It's Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:33PM
marleynotbob: lilith july

marleynotbob: i still haven't forgiven you

fireballswiftie: for wanting to have a good bday with my friends???

fireballswiftie: :((

marleynotbob: for making me sUFFER TWICE IN LESS THAN 4 DAYS

marleynotbob: ur paying for my health insurance

rawrdorkyXD: mine too

dilfloverasf: what they said ˆˆˆ

fireballswiftie: send me all your bills babes

fireballswiftie: my boyfriend will take care of it

sexymoonman: >boyfriend<

himbosupremacy: HIII GF!!!

fireballswiftie: ♥️ hi bf ♥️

dilfloverasf: omg ur worst than dorcas and marlene

dilfloverasf: regurgitates

rawrdorkyXD: ur life is sad, black

rawrdorkyXD: just get over it

buddyvalastro: u two are the cutest heterosexual couple made of two non heterosexual people

buddyvalastro: AWWWW

simmermary69: thats the only way i’ll stan a hetero couple

fireballswiftie: awww

himbosupremacy: guuuysss ♥️♥️♥️

sexymoonman: i mean

sexymoonman: at least we can count on lily to give our lives some drama every time she gets a
pregnancy scare

rawrdorkyXD: omg lily can i text u every time i get bored??? would u do that for me????

marleynotbob: THE TELENOVELA DRAAAMAAA

marleynotbob: YO NECESITO

marleynotbob: LILIAN POR FAVORRRR

fireballswiftie: y’all need to get a hobby. oh my god.

fireballswiftie: i will not risk getting pregnant just so you can have *something going on in your
lives*

buddyvalastro: b-b-but ... harry potter

fireballswiftie: huh?

dilfloverasf: james wants to name his child harry after harry styles
fireballswiftie: harry styles .... taylor swift’s ex??

himbosupremacy: uhm

himbosupremacy: cmon lils they are friends now ....

fireballswiftie: lets just name our second child john after john mayer then huh?????

fireballswiftie: what about jake????? jake gyllenhaal????

dilfloverasf: oop

sexymoonman: she’s gonna have a pregnancy scare now just to be petty

fireballswiftie: ​♀️

[Charity Work]

9:05PM

remusisdelusional: its. so fucking cold.

siriusisdumb: i’d come over but im busy with school stuff

siriusisdumb: i’ll never not get disappointed every time i have homework that does *not* involve
painting of any kind

siriusisdumb: apparently i have to know how to write now???

remusisdelusional: dont say its homophobic

siriusisdumb: it IS homophobic!!!!!
remusisdelusional: lmfao

remusisdelusional: and i was just saying really

remusisdelusional: i have a reeeeal cozy jumper on rn

remusisdelusional: LOOK

remusisdelusional:

siriusisdumb: adorable

remusisdelusional: arent i????

siriusisdumb: but your camera quality is disgusting

remusisdelusional: not all of us can have the newest phone

siriusisdumb: oh this is the camera of your PHONE???

siriusisdumb: i thought it was a picture taken by a disposable camera

remusisdelusional: no
remusisdelusional: the quality would be better

siriusisdumb: true

remusisdelusional: omg im gonna put my fuzzy socks on

remusisdelusional: ooooohhh yes

siriusisdumb: the star wars ones??

remusisdelusional: nope those arent warm enough

remusisdelusional: im gonna put my lilo & stitch socks on

siriusisdumb: why are you a child

siriusisdumb: i bet if i told people that remus lupin, the alternative mysterious guy majoring in
english literature, has fuzzy lilo & stitch socks

siriusisdumb: no one would believe me

remusisdelusional: thats exactly why i tell *you*

remusisdelusional: because NO ONE would believe you

remusisdelusional: and you will have to suffer knowing that you can never tell anyone about it
because its pointless

siriusisdumb: YOU EVIL MASTERMIND

siriusisdumb: I HATE YOU

remusisdelusional: you dont

siriusisdumb: .....

siriusisdumb: i dont
 siriusisdumb: which makes me hate you more

remusisdelusional: cute

siriusisdumb: i know

siriusisdumb: ANYWAY

siriusisdumb: you better not eat anything tomorrow for the entire day

siriusisdumb: because we’re getting SOOOO MUCH PIZZA

siriusisdumb: we might bankrupt the restaurant

siriusisdumb: (but actually do eat something stay healthy ok)

remusisdelusional: if we’re getting so much pizza then i think we’ll make them rich????

siriusisdumb: im not good at physics remus

remusisdelusional: what does that have to do with physics-

Chapter End Notes

hey guys! really quickly, just wanted to let you know i go by she/they pronouns,
thought i'd let you know :) i don't mind feminine terms tho, like "girl" and stuff like
that, so don't worry. in portuguese and spanish i still go by feminine pronouns, just so
you know.

also! a bot for the fic was created on twitter!!!! @goypbot!!!! its so much fun and im
so thankful for @BREKKERSPRONGS for having created it! so go give them a
follow :))))
 CHAPTER 37: Semus Sounds Like Semen
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

2:09PM

himbosupremacy: it is wednesday my dudes

buddyvalastro: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH

simmermary69: wow! vine quoting! amazing!

rawrdorkyXD: truly outstanding

himbosupremacy:

himbosupremacy: u’re boring

himbosupremacy: anyway

himbosupremacy: i say its wednesday BECAUSE

marleynotbob: it is, in fact, wednesday?

himbosupremacy: yes but

himbosupremacy: it is wednesday already

himbosupremacy: which means we have 5 days to organize PADSIE POO’S BIG DAY!

himbosupremacy: @dilfloverasf

dilfloverasf: FUCK YEAH BOY

marleynotbob: jesus i’d forgotten about that

fireballswiftie: ???

fireballswiftie: wasnt sirius’ birthday back in november??

sexymoonman: yeah ...

simmermary69: its not his birthday

himbosupremacy: ITS HIS GAYVERSARY!!!!

himbosupremacy:

rawrdorkyXD: huh???

marleynotbob: sirius has his “gayversary”

marleynotbob: that is the anniversary of when he came out to james

marleynotbob: it obviously started with just them

marleynotbob: but then mary and i got included in the celebrations once we met sirius

marleynotbob: sirius’ birthday and gayversary used to be the only occasions we’d hang out james
and peter

buddyvalastro: yeah i started going when we got to college

buddyvalastro: cause they were always away for school when we were kids so i never really
celebrated with them before uni

simmermary69: yeah

simmermary69: sirius trying to bring the 2 friend groups together like

fireballswiftie: g-gayversary ...???

himbosupremacy: YEEESSS

dilfloverasf: james came up with the name

dilfloverasf: it was birthgay for the first few days tho

sexymoonman: oh my god???

sexymoonman: so you guys celebrate this every year???

himbosupremacy: YUP

himbosupremacy: this is the 7th gayversary

rawrdorkyXD: do *you* have a gayversary too for when you came out, james??

rawrdorkyXD: like a ... idk panversary???

dilfloverasf: oh james never came out

himbosupremacy: yeah

himbosupremacy: i just kinda .... always knew??? like from very early on

himbosupremacy: and then i just idk lived my life.... never really came out

himbosupremacy: sirius tho *had* to have a full coming out moment

dilfloverasf: of course i did?????

dilfloverasf: what else did you expect??

himbosupremacy: idk but i wasnt expecting you to kneel in front of me and start crying asking if
i’d accept you

himbosupremacy: with my pansexual flag hanging on the wall behind me

dilfloverasf: i had to make sure

himbosupremacy: you didnt have to cry

dilfloverasf: i needed the dramatics

fireballswiftie: holy hell

fireballswiftie: what do u guys do to celebrate it then

himbosupremacy: karaoke. every year.

dilfloverasf: yup

dilfloverasf: we always choose the gayest songs we can think of

dilfloverasf: i usually go with something madonna

dilfloverasf: cant go wrong with madonna

himbosupremacy: when we were kids we’d do karaoke in our room

himbosupremacy: BUT

himbosupremacy: we got to uni and we found this really cool karaoke place near campus

himbosupremacy: hog’s head

himbosupremacy: we always go there

simmermary69: *always*

simmermary69: i cant take it anymore

dilfloverasf: mary you’ve only been to 2 gayversaries

simmermary69: soon to be 3

simmermary69: im exhausted

rawrdorkyXD: ok

rawrdorkyXD: what is it that you have to organize then??

marleynotbob: everyone always has to bring something

marleynotbob: like a banner, balloons, cake

marleynotbob: something

marleynotbob: but you have to be creative with it

dilfloverasf: and you cant tell me what it is

sexymoonman: so this is is basically one more day in the year where all our attention has to go to
you @dilfloverasf ???

dilfloverasf: exactly!!!!

marleynotbob: its hell, trust me

dilfloverasf: cmon marley

dilfloverasf: ur just jealous cause u dont have a gayversary

marleynotbob: i never came out

marleynotbob: just like james

marleynotbob: my gayversary would be the day i was born

simmermary69: i mean
simmermary69: we could get the day i went to your house for your mum’s birthday and caught
you watching the can’t remember to forget you music video on repeat .....

simmermary69: cause i knew it right then

sexymoonman: LMFAO

sexymoonman: that shakira and rihanna song???

marleynotbob: ...no

simmermary69: yes

simmermary69: yes, remus. that one.

sexymoonman: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

fireballswiftie: marlene ur so right about it

fireballswiftie: speak ur truth!

marleynotbob: thank you very much lilian

marleynotbob: im glad to know i wasnt the only one who felt .... things .. with that music video

fireballswiftie: ooooh u weren't, trust me

fireballswiftie:

himbosupremacy: HAHAHAH

himbosupremacy: well

himbosupremacy: think of a song u’d like to do

himbosupremacy: and think of something to bring!!!

simmermary69: james are you doing teenage dream again this year???

himbosupremacy: obviously?????

buddyvalastro: bruuuh

simmermary69: dude every year you do teenage dream

dilfloverasf: its true

dilfloverasf: i dont think i remember you ever doing another song, prongs

sexymoonman: teenage dream is not really gay tho

buddyvalastro: prongs makes it gay with his dancing

himbosupremacy: its simply one of the best songs in existence????

himbosupremacy: and why would i not do it >now< that i have someone to dedicate it to??

fireballswiftie: AAAWWWWW

fireballswiftie:

fireballswiftie: IM GONNA CRYYYYY

fireballswiftie: ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

himbosupremacy:

simmermary69: i take back everything i said about you two being the only straight couple i stan

simmermary69: this right here is disgusting

fireballswiftie: mary i’ve seen urs and emmeline’s texts.

fireballswiftie: ur even worse than us

simmermary69: in PRIVATE

rawrdorkyXD: okokok

rawrdorkyXD: i better get to work

rawrdorkyXD: that being go through my beyonce playlist

rawrdorkyXD:

dilfloverasf: BEYONCE YES

rawrdorkyXD: BEYHIVE UP IN THIS BITCH YUP!!!!!!

[Marlene Is Mean]

4:12PM

hotandsexy: ok

hotandsexy: look

hotandsexy: i just need to tell you

hotandsexy: that i have plans tonight.

idetectlies: ...... good.. for you????

hotandsexy: mary

hotandsexy: i have plans tonight

hotandsexy: with remus

hotandsexy: like.....plans
hotandsexy:

idetectlies: oMG YOU HAVE A DATE?????

idetectlies: LIKE A >DATE<

idetectlies: SIRIUS OH MY GOD!!!!!

hotandsexy: ok here’s the thing

hotandsexy: we never said it was a >date<

hotandsexy: like.... we’re going out

hotandsexy: for pizza

hotandsexy: but like..... we’re >going out<

hotandsexy: >for food<

hotandsexy: we >arranged this<

hotandsexy: but i dont wanna fool myself and stuff

idetectlies: sweetie i dont think ur fooling urself

idetectlies: like

idetectlies: ur going out in what really looks like a date

idetectlies: maybe none of u exactly called it a Date

idetectlies: but like..... its what it looks like

idetectlies: arranging a dinner

idetectlies: im sorry but

idetectlies: fruity

hotandsexy: lmfao

idetectlies: no but fr

idetectlies: thats definitely not a no homo situation

idetectlies: you know that

hotandsexy: im nervous

idetectlies: another sign that its actually a date

idetectlies: and dont be nervous

idetectlies: this is amazing

idetectlies: i mean fucking finally

idetectlies: its gonna go great

idetectlies: does marlene know??

hotandsexy: no

hotandsexy: i didnt tell anyone

hotandsexy: and i dont doubt marlene would get mad at me lmao

idetectlies: lol yeah

idetectlies: she worries tho

idetectlies: thats why

idetectlies: you know how she is

hotandsexy: yeah i know

hotandsexy: anyway

hotandsexy: ig i’ll update u????

idetectlies: ooohhh yes pls!!!!

idetectlies: have fun lovie

hotandsexy: <333
[They Don’t Know We Know]

4:31PM

mary: god i’ve officially hit rock bottom

mary: but.....i come with news

mary:

mary: i hate my life

lily: oooOOOHHH!!!!!

marlene: do tell us

mary: sirius and remus have a date tonight

dorcas: yikes

dorcas: the two of them? at the same night???

dorcas: this is not gonna end well

mary: no you dumbass

mary: *they* have a date tonight

mary: they’re going on a date. together.

lily: omgomgomg!!!!!!

marlene: really???

mary: yup
mary: sirius just told me

marlene: mf didnt tell me

lily: u get used to it

mary: he didnt wanna tell u cause he thought u’d get mad at him

mary: and also he didnt exactly know if it was a date or not

mary: i told him that it was

dorcas: omg should i get the wig???

lily: dorcas no

lily: you already spied one of sirius’ dates

lily: you cant spy on another one

lily: its against the rules

dorcas: i’ve never spied one of *remus’* dates tho

lily: i do not want to be there in case he sees you

marlene: oof

marlene: he would have your head for dessert

dorcas: :(((

dorcas: boring

mary: dont worry guys

mary: sirius told me he would keep me updated

mary: so i’ll send what he says here

marlene: good

marlene: very good

marlene: glad ur learning, bitch

mary: fuck off

mary: never ask me for this again

lily: you kinda volunteered??

mary: dont remind me

[Charity Work]

7:43PM

siriusisdumb: 8:30 right??

remusisdelusional: yup

remusisdelusional: im picking you up

siriusisdumb: no

siriusisdumb: im picking you up

remusisdelusional: sirius

remusisdelusional: forget it

remusisdelusional: im picking you up

siriusisdumb: no!

remusisdelusional: you wanna have a fight over this???

remusisdelusional: cause i *will* win

siriusisdumb: its not a fight sugarplum

siriusisdumb: im just stating a fact

siriusisdumb: im picking you up in my motorcycle

siriusisdumb: vroom vroom!

remusisdelusional: please please no anything but the motorcycle

siriusisdumb: yes the motorcycle

siriusisdumb: either that or im not going

remusisdelusional: ugh FINE

remusisdelusional: this one time

remusisdelusional: and only this time

siriusisdumb: yeah we’ll see about that

siriusisdumb: she’ll grow on you eventually

remusisdelusional: she wont

remusisdelusional: trust me

siriusisdumb: she’ll grow on you eventually

remusisdelusional: she will not

siriusisdumb: she’ll grow on you eventually

remusisdelusional: you are so annoying

siriusisdumb: HUNGRY FOR PIIIZZZZAAA

siriusisdumb: see u in an hour!!!!!

siriusisdumb: better get ur helmet ready!!!

siriusisdumb: mwahh!!!!

remusisdelusional: what did i do to deserve this

[Marlene Is Mean]

8:25PM

hotandsexy: leaving to go pick him up!!!!

idetectlies: yayyy good luck babe!!!

idetectlies:

[They Don’t Know We Know]

8:26PM

mary: [screenshot.jpg]

mary: aaand here we go bitches

mary: buckle up
lily: yeeeesss

marlene: “marlene is mean” tHATS THE NAME OF UR GC WITH HIM????

marlene: YOU TWO BITCHES

marlene: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

mary: lol

peter: i better get my popcorn!!

lily: pete ur here!!!!

peter: yees im here for the show :D #excited

dorcas: this is gonna be something i just know it

[Marlene Is Mean]

8:44PM

hotandsexy: just got here

idetectlies: good good good

idetectlies: where did u go

hotandsexy: fortescue’s

idetectlies: yummyyy

idetectlies: have fun

[They Don’t Know We Know]

8:45PM

mary: they just got there

marlene: nice

[Marlene Is Mean]

8:51PM

hotandsexy: got some water

idetectlies: bitch i dont need updates on THAT

idetectlies: get off your phone

idetectlies: enjoy ur date

hotandsexy: sorry sorry sorry

[They Don’t Know We Know]

8:53PM

mary: i know im queer too but wtf sometimes homophobia doesnt sound that bad

dorcas: LMFAO

dorcas: what happened

mary: the latest update was that sirius ordered water.

mary: like ???? ok ??

lily: aww thats good for him

lily: he told me he was trying to quit soda

peter: yes!!! super proud of him for that!!!!

peter: u go pads!

marlene: see how its like now marilyn???

mary: never. again.

[Mean People’s Simps]

9:09PM

remus: hey

[They Don’t Know We Know]

9:09PM

dorcas: NO

dorcas: I’VE BEEN CURSED

dorcas: NOT ME

[Mean People’s Simps]

9:10PM

dorcas: hey babe

dorcas: whats up

remus: uhm

remus: im out with someone

remus: and im kinda nervous

dorcas: ur out with sirius

remus: how do you know?????

remus: dorcas are you here in a wig??

dorcas: lucky guess

dorcas: and no im not

dorcas: tho i could if it would bring u comfort ...??

remus: dont you dare

dorcas: alrightsies

dorcas: so ur on a date with sirius

remus: not a date

dorcas: u went out with him for dinner and ur nervous

dorcas: yup its a date

remus: stop

dorcas: remus its fine if ur on a date with him lmao

dorcas: really cute

dorcas: like im not gonna judge you??? at all?????

dorcas: sirius is one of the best ppl i’ve ever met im happy to know u two are seeing each other

remus: i dont think he thinks its a date tho

remus: so like

remus: idk

remus: and also like this whole thing.....

remus: its dangerous

dorcas: its not dangerous

remus: you dont know

dorcas:

dorcas: where is he??

remus: went to the loo

remus: i put a hand on his knee earlier

remus: do u think thats cool??? like should i do it again once he’s back????

dorcas: u two have been sleeping together for months. i think a hand on the knee is pretty chill.

remus: okokok

remus: fine ok

dorcas: dude relax LMFAO

remus: im relaxed

remus: im super chill

remus: im the chillest that has ever chilled

remus: ok he’s back gtg

remus: also pls dont tell anyone abt this

dorcas: dont worry babe ur secret's safe with me

[They Don’t Know We Know]

9:18PM

dorcas: [screenshot.jpg]

dorcas: this.

mary: welcome to the club

marlene: MEAN peoples simps????

marlene: why are all ur gc names dedicated to calling me mean????

mary: u.... are mean

marlene: only when necessary

marlene: its not my fault its always necessary

dorcas: ur a hot mean love

marlene: .....thank you very much

lily: look at moony omg

mary: yeah lol

marlene: he’s so weird AHAHAHAHAAAAA

dorcas: i refuse to have to deal with this child. i refuse.

dorcas: i made the choice of not wanting to have kids for a *reason*

marlene: omg u dont wanna have kids??

dorcas: no

marlene: thank fuck holy shit i despise kids

dorcas: thats why we’re meant for each other ♥️

marlene: ilysm

lily: bro

lily: i dont think remus has ever been in an actual date before LMFAOOOSCNDSJ

lily: maybe thats why

lily: i dont think he has any idea what to do

peter: no date??? like ever??

lily: not really

lily: i mean he went out for some drinks with his ex boyfriend before
lily: like before they started dating

lily: but like A Date Where You Sit Down And Eat And Talk??

lily: i dont think so

marlene: damn lmfao

[They Don’t Know We Know]

10:35PM

marlene: any updates mary???

mary: no

marlene: cas??

dorcas: nope

peter: maybe they killed each other

peter: maybe they were tricking us all along

lily: maybe they’re hooking up in the bathroom

marlene: both options are plausible and we shall not discard them

[Marlene Is Mean]

10:52PM

idetectlies: how we feelin doll??

[Marlene Is Mean]

10:58PM

idetectlies: sirius???

[Marlene Is Mean]

11:04PM

idetectlies: ????????

[Marlene Is Mean]

11:12PM

idetectlies: bro are you dead

hotandsexy: hey hi!!

idetectlies: where were you???

hotandsexy: on my date ??

idetectlies: and where are you now

hotandsexy: on my date’s dorm

idetectlies: aaaand??

idetectlies: how did it go?????

hotandsexy: no words

idetectlies: OH NO BITCH U BETTER START TALKING

hotandsexy: no

hotandsexy: like actually

hotandsexy: no words

hotandsexy: idk what to say

idetectlies: oh!

idetectlies: so it went great then??

hotandsexy: yeah

hotandsexy: very

hotandsexy: like wtf

hotandsexy: oh my god

hotandsexy: ok i gtg he’s back from getting a muffin for me from his hall mate

idetectlies: omg u love muffins

hotandsexy: i do!!!! i fucking love muffins dude!!!!

hotandsexy: he always gets one for me

idetectlies: cute

hotandsexy: :)))))) yeeesss

hotandsexy: byeeeee
[They Don’t Know We Know]

11:18PM

mary: [screenshot.jpg]

mary: we’re safe

mary: they’re alive

mary: and probably naked

mary: so it all went well

lily: aaawwWWW HE GOT A MUFFIN FOR HIM-

lily: IM GONNA DIE OMGGGGGG

lily: literally SOBS

peter: adorbs!!!!!

peter: love semus!!

dorcas: please do not make semus a thing

peter: why not???

dorcas: it sounds like semen

marlene: marilyn.

marlene: change the fucking gc name.

marlene: right now hoe

mary: ur living up to it right at this second

 marlene: maryy pweease change the gc name for me?? u know im not mean ily

mary: ew go back to being a bitch wtf

Chapter End Notes

hi everyone, really important:

i do not support tripp bowers (the person i, and many people, have/had as a modern
sirius fancast) anymore. he used a black man's death to advertise his music, and i
believe i don't even have to explain how fucked up that is — and instead of
apologizing, he told people to shut up. just so fucking sick and twisted.
i deeply apologize to all the people he has offended. it is not hard to see how harmful it
was. i'm with you, forever.
i do not support him, and neither should you.
now, about goyp, which i was asked about these past 2 dayside — this has been very
stressful for me because, as you know, i use a lot of pictures in the fic because i feel
like it brings more reality to it.
the fic is over halfway through, and i feel like suddenly changing the fancast would
cause discontinuity to it (at least in my perfectionist eyes). having said that, i will not
be changing it, though i will try to limit the tripp pictures to a minimum.
i don't care if he apologized eventually, said whatever. it's not my place to accept it or
not (but honestly, what fucking half assed apology. saying "im sorry to who i
offended" after seeing ur losing followers ??? wtf man. and he is also being a dick and
a half about this whole situation and its just disgusting). i do not associate with tripp as
a person anymore, but for now i'll continue to use his face because i'll get really
anxious and discontent with suddenly changing it, because of my perfectionism — i
always want things to look as accurate as possible (its horrible and im really trying to
grow out of it).
although, in case anyone is uncomfortable with my choice of not changing it, please let
me know, and i will change all the pictures from all chapters. i don't care if it will take
me ages, i don't wish to be insensitive. i just want everyone to feel ok.
once again, i feel for all of you who were offended by his words. he's an asshole, but
that goes without saying.
 CHAPTER 38: Congrats! You're Gay!
Chapter Notes

happy lesbian visibility day to all my lovelies! i love you all, wishing you an amazing
day cause ur all just so cool and awesome omg teach me ur ways. enjoy, angels <3 u
deserve it.

(also take a shot every time the word "gay" is mentioned omg LMFAO)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:45AM

himbosupremacy: ITS TODAAAAY

himbosupremacy: 7 years since my cutie patootie came out to me

himbosupremacy: im not emotional

difloverasf: PWWOOONGSSS

himbosupremacy: i know the speeches are only later tonight

himbosupremacy: but i just want you to know

himbosupremacy: that im so insanely proud of you like holy fucking fuck i love you much like
you know if everything goes to shit we’re getting married and running away to raise sheeps and
we’re naming one of them minnie after our lovely minnie and i just love you so so so much dude
you’re the fucking best friend i could’ve ever asked for especially for the gay part cause you know
i dont really vibe with straight people like i know love is love and i know im in a straight
relationship but cishet yeah no man thats a big fat no for me i just really really love you pads and
im so glad i can see you grow more and more everyday thank you for being the best person i’ve
ever met ilysmmmm

simmermary69: the speeches are for later??

rawrdorkyXD: i wonder if we’ll ever leave hog’s head tonight once he starts the *actual* speech
buddyvalastro: i doubt it

difloverasf: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BRO LIKE OMG ITS INSANE THANK YOU FOR
BEING THE MOST SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVER LIKE IM SO FUCKING LUCKY TO HAVE
YOU THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME NO MATTER WHAT AND ACCEPTING ME FOR
WHO I AM IM SO HAPPY WE CAN BE GAY TOGETHER BUT LIKE NOT *TOGETHER*
TOGETHER BUT QUEER BESTIES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LIKE UR LITERALLY
EVERYTHING TO ME

himbosupremacy: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PADS

difloverasf: I LOVE YOU MORE

himbosupremacy: NO I LOVE YOU MORE

difloverasf: NOT POSSIBLE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE

fireballswiftie: should i give you two privacy?

fireballswiftie: @dilfloverasf next time i leave his place i’ll just let you know so you can take over

simmermary69: such husbands

sexymoonman: im not quite sure about the “not *together* together but queer besties” part

difloverasf: WE ARE HUSBANDS

difloverasf: BUT PLATONIC HUSBANDS

himbosupremacy: MARRIED IN THE NAME OF FRIENDSHIP

difloverasf:

rawrdorkyXD: jesus christ

fireballswiftie: yes, my boyfriend has a husband

fireballswiftie: and im not even surprised

himbosupremacy: DOES EVERYONE HAVE THEIR SHIT FIGURED OUT FOR

TONIGHT???

simmermary69: yup!!!

marleynotbob: does toxic by queen britney sound good enough to you???

fireballswiftie: omg ur doing toxic???

marleynotbob: sure am

himbosupremacy: FUCK YES

fireballswiftie: so iconic

difloverasf: omg the girlbossery werk kween!!!

marleynotbob: i hate you

sexymoonman: is this karaoke thing *really* mandatory??

sexymoonman: cant i just ... skip it?

simmermary69: no

simmermary69: you cant

simmermary69: we’re all doing it

simmermary69: its tradition

simmermary69: pick a gay anthem and get ready cakepop

simmermary69: you’re singing

sexymoonman: i cant sing

sexymoonman: like i REALLY cant sing

marleynotbob: you think any of us can???

sexymoonman: lily has a nice voice

fireballswiftie: i can hold a tune but i cant properly sing

fireballswiftie: cut the shit remus

fireballswiftie: ur doing it

sexymoonman: guys just let me skip it

sexymoonman: really its for your own sakes

dilfloverasf: moony

dilfloverasf: come on

dilfloverasf: please

dilfloverasf: for me

sexymoonman: ok

sexymoonman: ok fine i’ll do it

dilfloverasf: :)))

buddyvalastro: semus

rawrdorkyXD: what did i fucking tell you rat boy

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:58AM

frankiegrande: hey my little meatball!!! my sweet princess!!!!! light of my life!!!!

frankiegrande: stop kicking my fucking chair you absolute idiot!!!!!!

frankiegrande: thank you very much!!!!!

janelynch: ur not hearing me call you

frankiegrande: oh i am

frankiegrande: im just ignoring you

frankiegrande: STOP KICKING MY CHAIR YOU ASSHOLE

janelynch: why didnt u sit next to me today

frankiegrande: ur smelling

janelynch: no im not

janelynch: i showered this morning

janelynch: and i naturally smell good

frankiegrande: this last sentence would raise eyebrows

frankiegrande: kICK MY CHAIR ONE MORE TIME BITCH AND I FUCKING SWEAR

janelynch: do you have anything you’d like to tell me??

frankiegrande: not that i remember, no

frankiegrande: thanks for checking in tho

frankiegrande: ur very kind

janelynch: im gonna ask you again

janelynch: do you, sirius black, have anything you’d like to tell me, marlene mckinnon?

frankiegrande: no

janelynch: oh ok

janelynch: so you didnt go on a fucking date with remus fucking lupin last wednesday

janelynch: oh ok thanks for clearing that up i thought i was going crazy

frankiegrande: IM GONNA KILL MARILYN

janelynch: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME

frankiegrande: YOU’D BE MAD AT ME

janelynch: NO I WOULDNT

frankiegrande: YOU SEEM PRETTY MAD

janelynch: WELL I AM *NOW*

janelynch: CAUSE YOU DIDNT TELL ME WTF

janelynch: HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT

frankiegrande: look you would’ve been mad

frankiegrande: dont lie

frankiegrande: dont try to hide it from me

frankiegrande: i know ur pretty iffy about this whole situation

janelynch: im not *iffy*

janelynch: i just want you to take care of yourself

janelynch: you know that

janelynch: especially now that i know how deep ur into this

janelynch: im happy for you

janelynch: i mean fucking hell sirius you fell in love dude

janelynch: i never thought ur brain had the capacity for such strong feeling

janelynch: i thought you were just like

janelynch: happy, sad, angry, hungry, sleep

janelynch: im really surprised with you

frankiegrande: ur a bitch

janelynch: but you cant live without me

janelynch: and????

janelynch: so???

janelynch: how did it go????

frankiegrande: ok do you really wanna know because ur curious or because u wanna idk lecture
me at the end

janelynch: im genuinely curious

janelynch: start talking bitch

frankiegrande: ok

frankiegrande: ok im gonna sum it up

janelynch: HAHAH

janelynch: no ur not ???

janelynch: i want the juicy details

frankiegrande: t-the *juicy* details..???

janelynch: U KNOW WHAT I MEANT

frankiegrande: lol

frankiegrande: ok

frankiegrande: ok so i went to pick him up

janelynch: omg on your bike?

frankiegrande: yes on my bike

janelynch: how did you convince him to that

frankiegrande: i kinda said i wouldnt go if i couldn't pick him up on my bike

janelynch: but you would’ve

frankiegrande: of course i would’ve but i really wanted to take him on my bike cause he holds
onto my waist like he’s about to die its so cute

janelynch: adorbs

janelynch: keep going

frankiegrande: ok

frankiegrande: so we went to get some pizza at fortescue’s (rlly yummy btw i totally recommend)

frankiegrande: and at first bitch i was so fucking nervous like omg

frankiegrande: like it was kinda awkward at first like idk it was like we had never seen each other
before idk???

frankiegrande: and he looked SO CALM ?????? like he wasnt saying anything but he just looked
so ... nonchalant

janelynch: fancy word you used there

frankiegrande: nonchalant??

janelynch: yes

frankiegrande: its not a fancy word

janelynch: for you it is

frankiegrande: ANYWAY

frankiegrande: he looked so calm and unbothered and NONCHALANT and i was like

frankiegrande: like damn bitch if ur so indifferent abt this you can go home dont worry
frankiegrande: BUT THEN

frankiegrande: he put a hand on my knee

frankiegrande: and it was *shaking*

janelynch: omg

frankiegrande: yeah

janelynch: omg he *was* nervous

frankiegrande: well it seemed???

frankiegrande: like.... either that or i have to take him to the hospital

frankiegrande: but like he put a hand on my knee but omg i ordered so much water cause i didnt
know what to do anymore and so i fucking drank all the water and then i had to pee and i was like
ok im gonna have to get up and then his hand wont be on my knee anymore

frankiegrande: BUT

janelynch: he put it again

frankiegrande: he put it again.

frankiegrande: and then i was like yes im marrying this man. and?

janelynch: LMFAO ur such a simp

frankiegrande: im such a simp marlene its not even funny

janelynch: actually it is

janelynch: maybe just for me tho

janelynch: but keep talking

frankiegrande: and then it just all started going great

frankiegrande: like ?? everything started flowing and we were back to normal

frankiegrande: and he was just .... omg

frankiegrande: like i literally have no words for him he’s so funny and sweet and smart like i
already *know* all this stuff but he has the *nerve* to remind me every time i see him???

janelynch: outrageous

frankiegrande: infuriating

frankiegrande: and omg we saw that absolute nasty thing of a being

frankiegrande: snape

frankiegrande: he was there

frankiegrande: like he didnt see us but he was there

frankiegrande: and remus kept throwing little balls of paper through a straw at him

janelynch: omg those disgusting little balls u have to spit on??

frankiegrande: YES!!

frankiegrande: and it all stuck to his hair

frankiegrande: he didnt notice it one SINGULAR time

frankiegrande: i think remus got about 18 in total

janelynch: jesus christ

janelynch: you are both 5 years old

frankiegrande: hey come on

frankiegrande: im 6
frankiegrande: i didnt throw any balls at him

janelynch: but how do i *know* you peed urself a little laughing at him??

frankiegrande: ...

frankiegrande: moving on

frankiegrande: ok so it was all like more than perfect we wouldnt shut up we threw spit paper
balls at a nasty guy

frankiegrande: literal fairytale

frankiegrande: and then we left (i paid cause im polite) and we were gonna get ice cream .... but
then we didnt

janelynch: because you were horny

frankiegrande: look i wouldnt use that word

frankiegrande: i was just like....omg ur like the man of my dreams and i already know that but
everyday you fucking remind me that ur the man of my dreams i really wanna kiss you and never
stop so like pls lets just go to ur dorm or mine idc

janelynch: shit

janelynch: ur down bad

frankiegrande: marlene im down so bad

frankiegrande: life is pure hell rn

frankiegrande: ok so we went to his

frankiegrande: and he was like “ok since you paid for dinner im gonna go get you dessert”

janelynch: please tell me he didnt dress up in anything.

frankiegrande: KDDKEJIEF HE DIDNT

frankiegrande: he went to get me a muffin from his hall mate!!!!

janelynch: dude muffins are your favourite

janelynch: you worship muffins

frankiegrande: I DO

frankiegrande: BUT LIKE HE ALWAYS GETS ME A MUFFIN LIKE IJEFIEFNEJIF HOW

AM I NOT GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM

frankiegrande: LIKE ACTUALLY TELL ME

janelynch: be a lesbian?? works for me

frankiegrande: i dont believe that is very likely to happen

janelynch: i’ve ran out of ideas then

frankiegrande: and then i ate my delicious muffin and we got intimate!!!

frankiegrande: and it was perfect bff like everything was perfect

janelynch: cute very very cute

janelynch: and how’s everything now??

janelynch: like after the date

frankiegrande: splendid

frankiegrande: superb

frankiegrande: extremely gay

janelynch: always great to hear things are extremely gay

janelynch: so he’s not suddenly weird is he??

frankiegrande: no which really surprised me tbh??

frankiegrande: i kinda expected it??

frankiegrande: but he’s better than ever

frankiegrande: i .... feel like we’re making progress ??

frankiegrande: idk maybe thats wishful thinking but

janelynch: i dont think its wishful thinking

janelynch: you know i always tell you how it is

janelynch: i genuinely dont think it is

janelynch: it really looks like....ur both *there* yk

janelynch: maybe just need a little push

frankiegrande: dont you dare give that push

janelynch: that was just a way of saying dumbass

janelynch: the push can be anything

janelynch: maybe.... courage to tell him??

frankiegrande: yeah idk

frankiegrande: i’ve been thinking about it

frankiegrande: we were talking about maybe going out for food again next weekend so..??

frankiegrande: maybe there

janelynch: right before valentine’s day

janelynch: damn boy

janelynch: ur brave
frankiegrande: someone has to be

janelynch: agreed

janelynch: yeah take him out again

janelynch: tell him

janelynch: it will all work out fine

frankiegrande: yeah

frankiegrande: omg change of topic but lily is *ending* this guy

janelynch: she always does

janelynch: she always sits on the front row and never shuts up

janelynch: gotta love her

frankiegrande: she pretends she doesnt even knows us here LMFAO

janelynch: as she should tbh lol

frankiegrande: whY DID YOU KICK MY CHAIR AGAIN

janelynch: for finality

[Pea & Bees]

4:09PM

mckinnonslovergirl: omg besties ok

mckinnonslovergirl: what are we bringing tonight

mckinnonslovergirl: i need to know cause i also need opinions on mine

potterslovergirl: ok i found this confetti ... bomb?? whatever its called

potterslovergirl: but i found it and all the confettis are gold and rainbow colours and also there’s
like these strings that are attached to the thing that kinda form a rainbow

blacksloverboy: that was .... such a bad explanation

potterslovergirl: im feeling very low on words today

potterslovergirl: 21 has not been treating me as good as i thought it would

mckinnonslovergirl: ok lover boy what are *you* bringing

blacksloverboy: i got this cake that is rainbow inside

blacksloverboy: and im gonna idk kinda decorate the top ig

mckinnonslovergirl: cute cute very adorbs

mckinnonslovergirl: ok

mckinnonslovergirl: uhm

mckinnonslovergirl: im bringing a cardboard life size cut out of frankie grande .....

blacksloverboy: YOU ARE NOT-

blacksloverboy: LMFAONCJECR

potterslovergirl: JNCJEIEVNE

potterslovergirl: PLEEEASE

potterslovergirl: HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND IT

mckinnonslovergirl: i know a guy who knows a guy whose cousin did it for me

blacksloverboy: frankie grande omg

blacksloverboy: he’s gonna die LMFAO

mckinnonslovergirl: marls couldn't stop laughing when she saw it

mckinnonslovergirl: shes bringing a banner btw

mckinnonslovergirl: that says “CONGRATS! YOU’RE GAY! BIG SURPRISE, TWINK!”

blacksloverboy: KDJJNFJCNEJNCKCK

blacksloverboy: jesus christ

blacksloverboy: i feel like im gonna come back homophobic from tonight

potterslovergirl: istg

potterslovergirl: what song are you guys doing??

mckinnonslovergirl: beyonce’s sweet dreams

potterslovergirl: omg so good

mckinnonslovergirl: right???

potterslovergirl: im doing rich girl

potterslovergirl: gwen stefani

mckinnonslovergirl: love it sm

mckinnonslovergirl: @blacksloverboy u?
blacksloverboy: still thinking

mckinnonslovergirl: come oooon remus

mckinnonslovergirl: u’ve only got a couple hours

blacksloverboy: cheers for reminding me!

blacksloverboy: but guys i honestly cant think of anything

blacksloverboy: i listen to indie bisexual music not gay icons music

potterslovergirl: well

potterslovergirl: you must be forgetting about a certain guilty pleasure of urs....

blacksloverboy: wdym

blacksloverboy: oh-

blacksloverboy: lily....idk

potterslovergirl: you know all the songs back to back, dont hide it

potterslovergirl: just...think abt it

potterslovergirl: it *would* be rather iconic

blacksloverboy: lily thinks so?

potterslovergirl: lily does think so

potterslovergirl: and lily thinks remus would own it

blacksloverboy: well... if lily thinks so then remus might consider

mckinnonslovergirl: why are you two weirdos talking in 3rd person

mckinnonslovergirl: and what are you talking abt

mckinnonslovergirl: what’s the guilty pleasure

potterslovergirl: rah rah-ah-ah-ah roma roma-ma

mckinnonslovergirl: NOOO WAY

mckinnonslovergirl: JDFHJDIJVEI

mckinnonslovergirl: OH MY GOD YES

mckinnonslovergirl: SCREAMS

[Charity Work]

6:09PM

siriusisdumb: hey

siriusisdumb: ur going tonight right

remusisdelusional: ehh not really

siriusisdumb: what

siriusisdumb: why??

remusisdelusional: dont really feel like it

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: ok then

siriusisdumb: suit yourself

remusisdelusional: DNIEIEJVNWIVENC
remusisdelusional: OF COURSE IM GOING

remusisdelusional: HAHSJSHAHAHAHSHAHA

siriusisdumb: you are EVIL

remusisdelusional: i’ve been told

siriusisdumb: i’ll continue to tell you

siriusisdumb: evil EVIL LITTLE MAN

remusisdelusional: but you love this evil little man

siriusisdumb: what

remusisdelusional: no

remusisdelusional: wait

remusisdelusional: i mean

remusisdelusional: i didnt mean you love *me*

remusisdelusional: like its not what i meant

remusisdelusional: i meant that like you love that i tease you

remusisdelusional: like that you *like* it not that you love it

remusisdelusional: it wasnt what i meant im not trying to say anything lol

siriusisdumb: moony

siriusisdumb: i got it lol

remusisdelusional: oh ok hahah
siriusisdumb: but i do love

remusisdelusional: what????

siriusisdumb: that you tease me

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: then i’ll continue to tease you

remusisdelusional: and make fun of you

remusisdelusional: and make ur life a living hell

siriusisdumb: you already do but i just gave up on trying to stop you

remusisdelusional: very smart of you

remusisdelusional: am impressed

siriusisdumb: lol

siriusisdumb: what are you bringing tonight

remusisdelusional: i thought we weren't supposed to tell you

siriusisdumb: yeah but im curious

siriusisdumb: james always tells me after the third time i ask

remusisdelusional: well im not james

siriusisdumb: moony what are you bringing tonight??

remusisdelusional: im not telling you

siriusisdumb: moony what are you bringing tonight????

remusisdelusional: padfoot

remusisdelusional: no

siriusisdumb: moooony what are you bringing tonight??

remusisdelusional: AHAHAHAH give up

siriusisdumb: moony what are you bringing tonight???

remusisdelusional: a cake

siriusisdumb: HA

siriusisdumb: knew you were gonna give in

remusisdelusional: ur just too annoying

siriusisdumb: you wound me

siriusisdumb: but it did take u longer than james to start talking so thats a win

remusisdelusional: definitely is

siriusisdumb: ok but how is the cake??

remusisdelusional: gay

siriusisdumb: flavour??

remusisdelusional: lemon drizzle

siriusisdumb: you know me well

siriusisdumb: ok i gtg

siriusisdumb: have to start getting readddyyyyy

siriusisdumb: see u in a bit honeybun

remusisdelusional: see u

remusisdelusional: xx

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

8:32PM

himbosupremacy: where are u guys??

himbosupremacy: lily sirius and i are already here

simmermary69: marley and i are almost there

rawrdorkyXD: same for me and remus

himbosupremacy: perf

himbosupremacy: we’re in a booth at the back

himbosupremacy: but u’ll surely find us with all the confetti around us

himbosupremacy: or with our pride feathery boassss

simmermary69: feathery boas??

himbosupremacy: yeah thats what i brought!!

himbosupremacy: i brought one for each and they are all the colors of our pride flags!!

rawrdorkyXD: omg so cute!!!!!!!!

himbosupremacy: right??

himbosupremacy: hurry upppp

buddyvalastro: guys

buddyvalastro: sos

buddyvalastro: im outside

buddyvalastro: my balloon got stuck inside the uber and it wont get out

fireballswiftie: ur balloon??

buddyvalastro: yeah

buddyvalastro: i got a really really huge unicorn balloon with sirius’ face on it

dilfloverasf: what??

dilfloverasf: why?? when??? where?? how?????

dilfloverasf: i have so many questions

buddyvalastro: its so adorable i promise you’ll love it

buddyvalastro: but pls come help it wont get through the door
dilfloverasf: how did it get through the door in the first place

dilfloverasf: when u got inside the uber

buddyvalastro: magic??

buddyvalastro: idk man idk biology

sexymoonman: uhm-

buddyvalastro: GUYS SOMEONE COME HELP THE DRIVER IS GETTING ANGRY

himbosupremacy: prongs is coming for the rescue wormy dont worry

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:21PM

himbosupremacy: guys

himbosupremacy: send ur songs here

himbosupremacy: so i can give them to abe and he can get them ready

simmermary69: boys - charli xcx

dilfloverasf: ilysm for this

dilfloverasf: erotica - madonna

himbosupremacy: ooooohhhh spicyyyy

dilfloverasf:
fireballswiftie: rich girl - gwen stefani

marleynotbob: toxic - britney spears

buddyvalastro: survivor - destiny’s child

simmermary69: oh my gOOODDDD PETERRR

buddyvalastro: am i iconic or aren't i iconic

simmermary69: iconic behaviour

rawrdorkyXD: sweet dreams - beyonce

himbosupremacy: okokok

himbosupremacy: moony??

sexymoonman: poker face

sexymoonman: lady gaga

fireballswiftie: AAAAAHHHHHHH

fireballswiftie: I LOVE IT HERE

sexymoonman: chill ginger

himbosupremacy: okaaaayyy period

himbosupremacy: ok and im teenage dream

himbosupremacy: okok
himbosupremacy: brb

[Charity Work]

9:26PM

siriusisdumb: poker face??

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: didnt i ever tell you i like lady gaga?

siriusisdumb: no

remusisdelusional: well

remusisdelusional: now you know

remusisdelusional: ;))

remusisdelusional: are you blushing??

siriusisdumb: dont know what ur talking abt

remusisdelusional: mhm

remusisdelusional: did you like ur cake

siriusisdumb: yes

siriusisdumb: very much

siriusisdumb: very funny little decoration you did there!

remusisdelusional: im glad u appreciate my humour

remusisdelusional: lily took a picture of it

remusisdelusional: wanna see

siriusisdumb: yes yes

remusisdelusional:

remusisdelusional: what do you think

remusisdelusional: now ur blushing

siriusisdumb: i think

siriusisdumb: im going to the loo

siriusisdumb: and im gonna forget to lock the door

remusisdelusional: thats dangerous

remusisdelusional: yk

remusisdelusional: forgetting to lock the door .... someone might come in

remusisdelusional: and *i* was abt to go to the loo

siriusisdumb: i’ll wait for you

remusisdelusional: ok

remusisdelusional: be discreet

[They Don’t Know We Know]

9:30PM

marlene: oh PLEASE

marlene: COME ON MAN

dorcas: LMFAONDEUVNU

marlene: i cannot believe this

marlene: they think they’re being so slick

mary: the indecency

mary: its fucking monday

mary: we’re not even drunk yet

lily: and we’re *not* getting drunk

marlene: oh we are

marlene: i wanna see if james can get drunk enough to pull that ending performance he pulled last
year

mary: OH EIJFIRVEIWVN

mary: I’D FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT

marlene: I NEVER DID

mary: LMFAONCIEIV

lily: what ending performance??

peter: james knows nicki minaj’s monster verse back to back

peter: and he ..... performed it last year for us

marlene: it was one of the funniest things i’ve ever experienced

marlene: the secondhand embarrassment

marlene: omg

marlene: priceless

marlene: and with that im getting another round

marlene: brb

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:45PM

sexymoonman: lily STOP SCREAMING

sexymoonman: i cant even hear james

rawrdorkyXD: she’s showing her boyfriend support!!

rawrdorkyXD: its cute!!!

marleynotbob: someone record her and post it on youtube

marleynotbob: “ginger gets pregnant just by watching her boyfriend sing teenage dream by katy
perry (Full Version)”
sexymoonman: LMFAOCNEWCNIENCEIFV

[MoonFlower <3]

10:11PM

gingertaylorswift: EROTIC WROTIC PUT UR HANSD ALL OVER MY BODY

therealslimmoony: ur drunk already

gingertaylorswift: EROTIC EROTIC

gingertaylorswift: PUT UR HWNDS ALL OVR MY BODY

gingertaylorswift: cross yur legs bae

therealslimmoony: shut up

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:33PM

marleynotbob: guys my girlfriend is so hot

marleynotbob: cant do this today

fireballswiftie: “blondie gets pregnant just by watching her girlfriend sing sweet dreams by
beyonce (Full Version)”

marleynotbob: fan behaviour ginger

marleynotbob: come up with ur own jokes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

10:40PM

rawrdorkyXD: OK NOW SOMEONE RECORD REMUS

rawrdorkyXD: SERIOUSLY

rawrdorkyXD: I’LL HAVE TO REWATCH THIS EVERY DAY SOMEONE PLEASE

simmermary69: why dont you record him??

rawrdorkyXD: im gonna livestream this

rawrdorkyXD: omg his mum follows me NRFJWFNJDN IMAGINE IF SHE JOINS

rawrdorkyXD: okokok someone record it

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:41PM

janelynch: omg this is so embarrassing for you CROSS YOUR LEGS

frankiegrande: LEAVE ME ALONE DO YOU THINK I CAN HELP THIS?????

janelynch: literally EW

[They Don’t Know We Know]

11:05PM

marlene: OMG I CWLLED IT

marlene: HES GOINGT TEHRE

mary: he’ll do it.

mary: ik he will

dorcas: im so scarwd

marlene: and

marlene: aND

marlene: AND

marlene: YEERDSSS

marlene: KNEW ITTTTT

marlene: ok everybody suht up

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

11:13PM

dilfloverasf: duDE SOMEPNE GET JAMES OFF TEH STAEG

dilfloverasf: WE’RE GONNA GRT KICKED OUT

marleynotbob: NO

marleynotbob: DNT

dilfloverasf: HE’SS SANG NICKI’S VRSE TWICE ALREADY

dilfloverasf: WE GET IT HE’S A BARB WE KNWO THAT

dilfloverasf: BUT HE NEEDS TP GET OFF THE STAGE

simmermary69: AHDBQHAHSAJAJSHAJHHAHSHSHA

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

12:01PM
 fireballswiftie: he’s well tucked in bed

fireballswiftie: sleeping like an angel

dilfloverasf: thank you evans

dilfloverasf: tomorrow we’ll remind him of everything

buddyvalastro: and he’ll want to die

dilfloverasf: thats my favorite part

Chapter End Notes

the remus + poker face headcanon goes to alex cause she's an absolute genius and
came up with it (again). honestly at this point i'll just get her to write the fic for me.
go follow alex on tiktok (@moonbeamstoast)!!!!!!! :))))
 CHAPTER 39: Power To The Barbz
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

8:33AM

himbosupremacy: i wanna die

himbosupremacy: can i die

himbosupremacy: holy shit i wanna die

dilfloverasf: not so soon apple pie!

dilfloverasf: we gotta recap everything!

himbosupremacy: please. do not.

buddyvalastro: i believe we should

marleynotbob: im begging you to

marleynotbob: omg it was even better than last year

dilfloverasf: almost getting kicked out was better than last year??

marleynotbob: yes

marleynotbob: crossing my fingers that next year james will top himself and actually manage to
get us kicked out

simmermary69: level up level up levelupleveluplevelup

himbosupremacy: pls. omg.

fireballswiftie: guys he’s suffering

fireballswiftie: im beside him rn and i told him good morning and he went “too....loud...cant..bear
it....”

marleynotbob: i love my life

marleynotbob: james potter, the healthy bastard, hungover on a tuesday???

marleynotbob: what a gift

himbosupremacy: ur evil, mckinnon

marleynotbob: not the first time i’ve gotten this

marleynotbob: come up with something better

himbosupremacy: i find it impossible that none of u are feeling even *a little bit* shitty rn

himbosupremacy: i cant be the only one

simmermary69: im kinda nauseous but thats it

simmermary69: ur the one who’s dying

rawrdorkyXD: what's ur name b.o.b. so they calling you BOB

rawrdorkyXD: good morning chat

rawrdorkyXD: how we feelin!

dilfloverasf: james’ life is flashing before his eyes

rawrdorkyXD: aww we love to see it

sexymoonman: am awake

marleynotbob: HERE’S OUR PRECIOUS LITTLE MONSTER

marleynotbob: ROMA ROMA MA

marleynotbob: I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON UR DISCO STICK

sexymoonman: am back to sleep

marleynotbob: oh no u better keep ur sweet ass awake moonboy

sexymoonman: dealing with you so early in the morning is a huge no, thanks

marleynotbob: why is everyone being mean to me today??

himbosupremacy: take a guess

marleynotbob: GASP

marleynotbob: literally im just trying to show support to our performers

marleynotbob: and *this* is the treatment i get????

dilfloverasf: ur just jealous ur toxic performance wasnt as good

dilfloverasf: u were definitely the worst of the night

marleynotbob: i gave it my ALL

marleynotbob: u bitches are too demanding

marleynotbob: im officially homophobic from this point forward.

marleynotbob: #SUPERSTRAIGHT
buddyvalastro: ew

rawrdorkyXD: dont worry love i thought ur toxic performance was very girlboss

marleynotbob: tysm my darling this is why i love YOU and despise all the other 6 in this group

himbosupremacy: the door is right there

marleynotbob: @fireballswiftie since when is your man mean

fireballswiftie: hangovers tend to do that to him

marleynotbob: potter how abt you go take one of those hangover runs that you love so much! in
the woods! and like! get lost!

himbosupremacy: i’ll bring u with me bitch pack ur bags

marleynotbob: i miss the pet himbo we used to keep around

dilfloverasf: shall we start with moony’s poker face?? prongs’ monster verse?

dilfloverasf: wormy doing an OUTSTANDING performance of survivor????

dilfloverasf: thE FUCKING FRANKIE GRANDE CARDBOARD CUTOUT??????

rawrdorkyXD: teehee

simmermary69: ok i think first we should crown the best of the night

simmermary69: and i believe its very unanimous

sexymoonman: it is, indeed

fireballswiftie: its not even a question

simmermary69: and the award goes to......

simmermary69: @buddyvalastro !!!!

rawrdorkyXD: EVERYONE CHEERED

buddyvalastro: oh my god

buddyvalastro: this is such an emotional moment for me

buddyvalastro: i’d firstly like to thank my parents. i wouldn’t be where i am without them. also
would like to thank my granny nancy for always sneaking in some money in my bday cards. she
has nothing to do with this but she’s a real one. i would also like to thank the academy, it was an
honour just to be nominated. and lastly, my friends for believing in me. this is just the beginning.

buddyvalastro:
buddyvalastro: feeling: grateful

fireballswiftie: love the shades!

buddyvalastro: arent they so swaggatron??

dilfloverasf: omg peter award winner era

dilfloverasf: so proud

himbosupremacy: so deserved!!!

himbosupremacy: even brought a wig for dramatic effect last night!

buddyvalastro: hairography IS important!

simmermary69: ok

simmermary69: now that thats out of the way

simmermary69: @sexymoonman shall we move on to you, doll?

sexymoonman: i think we should go to james actually!

simmermary69: i was asking just to be polite

simmermary69: we’re moving on to you

simmermary69: OK SINCE WHEN IS BESTIE REMREM A LITTLE MONSTER???

sexymoonman: “bestie remrem”???

sexymoonman: this is a hate crime

fireballswiftie: he IS a little monster

fireballswiftie: im glad i can finally share that piece of information

fireballswiftie: he’s always loved gaga.... but he always hid it

rawrdorkyXD: always??

sexymoonman: uhm

fireballswiftie: ALWAYS

fireballswiftie: since

fireballswiftie: this very bright age

fireballswiftie:

sexymoonman: LILY

marleynotbob: OOOooooOOoOOhhhhHHH

marleynotbob: OOOHENEDEDN

marleynotbob: OH MY GOD THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER

marleynotbob: NEW LOCKSCREEN OH MY GOD

dilfloverasf: THE BANGS I WANNA DIEEEEE

sexymoonman: LILIAN UR DAYS ARE COUNTED

sexymoonman: ENJOY UR LIFE WHILE U CAN

fireballswiftie: i’ll die happy knowing i shared good things with the world

marleynotbob: remus you dont understand

marleynotbob: this is the best thing that has ever happened to me

marleynotbob: im tearing up

marleynotbob: this is such a special moment

sexymoonman: @fireballswiftie DO YOU SEE IN WHOSE HANDS THIS PICTURE IS

NOW???

marleynotbob: im so making a QR code of this pic and spreading it around uni

marleynotbob: literally best day of my life

sexymoonman: ur the worst person i’ve ever met

marleynotbob: i love you SO much its unreal

simmermary69: thank you, lily, for your contribution

simmermary69: but now to the PERFORMANCE

simmermary69: that was just .... omg???

buddyvalastro: so girlboss
himbosupremacy: it was AMAZING

himbosupremacy: from the strutting around the stage to changing the lyrics from “fuck her face”
to “fuck you marlene” to the lap dance you gave pads

himbosupremacy: so good

rawrdorkyXD: HO HO HOOOO

rawrdorkyXD: ITS BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS

sexymoonman: it wasnt a lap dance omg

dilfloverasf: are you denying it??

dilfloverasf: are u a lap dance denier???

dilfloverasf: i... i thought we had something

dilfloverasf: i thought we had shared a moment there

dilfloverasf: MEN! am i right

sexymoonman: *that* was not a lap dance

sexymoonman: you clearly dont know what a proper lap dance is

dilfloverasf: care to show me??

sexymoonman: you better make it rain

buddyvalastro: i feel so uncomfortable rn

himbosupremacy: oh pads knows what a proper lap dance is! he’s practised on me!!

himbosupremacy: i did not get a boner! but im sure a lucky lad would one day!
dilfloverasf: prongs *some things* we dont have to share

rawrdorkyXD: you two scare me so much.

fireballswiftie: im still torn between which of sirius’ friendships confuse me more: his and james’
or his and marlene’s

marleynotbob: dont say “friendship”

marleynotbob: if you say it, it makes it real

simmermary69: it was a lap dance

simmermary69: well, close enough

simmermary69: sirius was sitting down. you stood over him. like. his legs were between yours

simmermary69: u might’ve not gone full magic mike, but u were on the right path

sexymoonman: its what lady gaga does to me. i do not speak for myself when lady gaga is
playing.

dilfloverasf: it has all been a lie all along

buddyvalastro: im sure it hasn't pads!!

buddyvalastro: #Semus4Ever

rawrdorkyXD: peter do you EVER listen????

himbosupremacy: listen to what

rawrdorkyXD: nothing

rawrdorkyXD:
[Dorcas Meadowes & Peter Pettigrew]

8:57AM

dorcas: ???

peter: it slips out sometimes!!

dorcas: i told u semus sounds like semen dude

dorcas: please stop this madness i *will* lose my mind

dorcas: aND WATCH YOUR MOUTH BRO JAMES IS ACTUALLY *STARTING* TO GET
CONFUSED

peter: isnt he always confused??

dorcas: confused WITH A REASON

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

8:58AM

rawrdorkyXD: anyway!

rawrdorkyXD: now to the main event!!

rawrdorkyXD: @himbosupremacy

himbosupremacy: oh please no

simmermary69: PINK WIG THICK ASS GIVE EM WHIPLASH

simmermary69: I THINK BIG GET CASH MAKE EM BLINK FAST

simmermary69: keep going boy

himbosupremacy: ....

himbosupremacy: NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU JUST SAW

himbosupremacy: THIS IS WHAT YOU LIVE FOR

himbosupremacy: AAAAAAAHHH

himbosupremacy: IM A MF MONSTER

simmermary69: beautiful

sexymoonman: prongs i didnt know u knew nicki minaj’s music

dilfloverasf: “knew nicki minaj’s music”

dilfloverasf: he’s a whole barb and a half

dilfloverasf: since we were kids

dilfloverasf: he learned the monster verse when we were 12

himbosupremacy: i got detention once cause i couldn't stop singing it in class

himbosupremacy: itS STRONGER THAN ME

himbosupremacy: POWER TO THE BARBZ

marleynotbob: @fireballswiftie *this* is the man you wanna lay next to every night?

fireballswiftie: yes, your honour

simmermary69: i think i’d actually *die* if james one day manages to get us kicked out of
somewhere because he cant tame his barb persona

simmermary69: like i would indeed lose my fucking mind

dilfloverasf: unfortunately its very likely to happen

marleynotbob: scratch the “un”

marleynotbob: its my dream

marleynotbob: omg it would be so funny

himbosupremacy: my mum would MURDER me

marleynotbob: even better holy shit

simmermary69: ok but the winner for best “something brought”

simmermary69: obviously cas

rawrdorkyXD: WHAT AN HONOUR

dilfloverasf: it is well deserved

dilfloverasf: i appreciated it a lot

dilfloverasf: tho james’ pride boas were so good

buddyvalastro: aww they were so cuteeeee

simmermary69: LOVED IT

simmermary69: me lily and remus were matchy matchy with our pink purple and blue boas!!!!

fireballswiftie: ROCKING THAT BISEXUAL PRIDE YUP

sexymoonman: *sweater weather plays in the distance*

buddyvalastro: my aroace one is so cute

buddyvalastro: i felt so special and unique!!!

himbosupremacy: AS U MF SHOULD!!!!

dilfloverasf: mine is now a new piece of deco in my room

dilfloverasf: along with the frankie cutout

rawrdorkyXD: you took it back home???

dilfloverasf: of COURSE i did

rawrdorkyXD: omg im gonna actually cry

[Charity Work]

9:22AM

remusisdelusional: omg please hide that thing when im there

siriusisdumb: “that thing”

siriusisdumb: the amount of disrespect!

remusisdelusional: i dont want frankie grande staring at me when im there wtf

siriusisdumb: he’ll be watching over us

remusisdelusional: i cannot do this anymore.

siriusisdumb: MOOMOOOO

remusisdelusional: im gONNA PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH THE WALLLLLL

siriusisdumb: UEDJWEJNJCNSKNC

siriusisdumb: i loooove driving u crazy

remusisdelusional: i can tell!

siriusisdumb: do u have any classes this morning?

remusisdelusional: i have a literary theory & criticism lecture at 10

remusisdelusional: but i could skip it if anything better is offered to me..

siriusisdumb: CUDDLEEEESSSS

remusisdelusional: yes please

remusisdelusional: omw

siriusisdumb: xxxxxx

remusisdelusional: please. hide frankie.

remusisdelusional: im not ready for him to see me being very queer.

siriusisdumb: im sure he’d accept you just fine

remusisdelusional: im nervous.....

remusisdelusional: coming out to frankie grande is a big deal

siriusisdumb: i’ll try to prepare him

siriusisdumb: maybe prepare a slideshow?

remusisdelusional: i’d come out to him and he’d just go “YAS KWEEN BOOTS THE HOUSE
DOWN MAMA SNATCH MY WIG”

siriusisdumb: STOP HE WOULD

siriusisdumb: anyways COME COME COMEEEEE

siriusisdumb: im little spoon today

remusisdelusional: but i like being little spoon

siriusisdumb: TOO BAD

siriusisdumb: COMEEEEEE

siriusisdumb: WAITING FOR UUUUU MY BEAUTIFUL QUEER BLESSED BY FRANKIE

GRANDE

remusisdelusional: my mum has called me that once

[Mean People’s Simp]

9:37AM

remus: hey

remus: can we talk real quick??

remus: like *actually* real quick cause im omw to sirius’ rn

dorcas: hiii

dorcas: yesyes sure what is it

remus: uhm ok

remus: idk how to exactly phrase this

remus: im *very* bad with words

remus: but like. im very happy rn.

dorcas: aww thats so good!

remus: it is

remus: like yeah i mean being happy is always good yk

remus: and like

remus: its about sirius

dorcas: oh!

dorcas: so one thing is leading to another, i see

remus: yeah

remus: cas im very bad with words

dorcas: ok ok i’ll help u out

dorcas: sirius is making you very very happy right now

dorcas: i suppose he has been for a while now

dorcas: you like him

remus: i do

remus: so much

remus: like

remus: wtf
dorcas: remus thats AMAZING

remus: its not, thats the thing

remus: im gonna hurt him

dorcas: ur not gonna hurt him, remus

remus: dorcas i will

remus: its what i do

dorcas: stop this ok

dorcas: you wont

dorcas: i know you very well

dorcas: ur one of the most amazing people i've ever met

dorcas: you need to know that

dorcas: dont be afraid of liking him

dorcas: of liking him *a lot*

dorcas: you deserve it

dorcas: you deserve to be as happy as you are right now

dorcas: and you deserve to let yourself make him happy too

dorcas: and he looks very happy when he’s with you

dorcas: and thats coming from someone who sees you two mostly when we’re all together, and
only with that i can already tell

remus: i really dont know

remus: my anxiety has sky rocketed these past weeks

dorcas: oh lovie

dorcas: have you tried talking to lily?

remus: no

remus: i haven't told her about any of this

remus: i feel terrible about it

dorcas: :((

remus: i think i’m gonna tell her

remus: im probably going out with him this next weekend again

remus: i think idk

remus: i'll...see how it goes ??

dorcas: sounds great

remus: you think?

dorcas: yes!

dorcas: she’ll be so happy to know

dorcas: take care of yourself, sweetheart

dorcas: and dont beat urself too much for this

dorcas: u really do deserve to be happy

remus: yeah ig

remus: i just dont trust myself much

dorcas: well *i* trust you

dorcas: that must mean something

remus: thank you

remus: idk i just really needed to talk to someone abt this

remus: and ur the only one who knows, so

dorcas: oh yeah yeah

dorcas: and im here if u need me, any time

remus: ok gtg just arrived at his

dorcas: oH I CAN SEE U

dorcas: WAVE BACK TO MEEEE

remus: i refuse

[Charity Work]

9:39AM

remusisdelusional: cant u hear me knocking??

remusisdelusional: open the door!!!!!

siriusisdumb: passwoooord??

remusisdelusional: openthedoor123

siriusisdumb: password denied

siriusisdumb: try again

 siriusisdumb: u know the password, moonboy

remusisdelusional: really?

siriusisdumb:

remusisdelusional: siriusismygorgeousoneandonlyS2

siriusisdumb: AWWW

siriusisdumb: U CUTE THING

siriusisdumb: PASSWORD ACCEPTED!

Chapter End Notes

fancast for peter is lewis capaldi! (creds to someone who suggested it on one of my
lives! cant remember who it was, sorry :/)

guys i'll be writing one shots abt the date, karaoke night & the jily convo at lily's bday
party! i'll *try* to write them this week, cant promise anything tho... but i'll try!!
 CHAPTER 40: A "Did It To 'Em" Prongs

[Marauderzzz]

2:04PM

pwonggy: ok

pwonggy: very important question

pwonggy: do you guys think that if i take enough paracetamol i’ll manage to enter another reality

pwonggy: like a parallel universe

padsies: what

bakamoonyasf: i dont even know what to say

wormysoftboy: would you please elaborate, mr prongs?

pwonggy: ok so i was thinking

bakamoonyasf: should’ve stopped there

pwonggy: SHUT UP NERD

padsies: LOOOL

pwonggy: ANYWAY

pwonggy: i was thinking

pwonggy: and first i was thinking abt how we probably live in a simulation

pwonggy: i mean dont you guys think the sims is pretty accurate???
bakamoonyasf: i wonder WHY

pwonggy: i thought i’d told u not to speak, nerd

pwonggy: so i was thinking abt this whole simulation thing

pwonggy: and then i started thinking about other realities and parallel universes

padsies: i told you to stop watching shifting videos on tiktok

pwonggy: ITS ALL OVER MY FYP WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO

pwonggy: and it has nothing to do with shifting

pwonggy: i was thinking abt other universes and realities and all that stuff

pwonggy: cause i really do believe that there are other versions of us

pwonggy: i mean omg imagine if there’s a straight prongs out there in the galaxy???

pwonggy: a prongs who can tame his hair???

pwonggy: omg a did it to em prongs??????

pwonggy: isnt it insane???

bakamoonyasf: you fascinate me

pwonggy: tysm nerd

pwonggy: so then yes i came to the conclusion that somewhere in the galaxy these alternate
versions of me exist

pwonggy: but how do i find them?

pwonggy: how do i channel them??

padsies: you *want* to find this straight, did it to em, combed hair version of yourself??
pwonggy: ok first of all those characteristics are 1) examples 2) all divided into different ppl

pwonggy: i dont think there’s an actual STRAIGHT DID IT TO EM COMBED HAIR PRONGS

pwonggy: all in one being

pwonggy: that would be so scary

pwonggy: BUT im weirdly intrigued to meet the chap tbh

pwonggy: i mean it would be funny at the very least

bakamoonyasf: do you believe there’s a non himbo version of yourself out there?

pwonggy: i just got goosebumps

pwonggy: i dont wanna think abt that

pwonggy: its sounds terrifying

wormysoftboy: HIMBO PRONGS IS THE ONLY PRONGS

pwonggy: tysm for the appreciation wormy

pwonggy: i feel like ur the only one taking me siriusly rn

pwonggy: SERIOUSLY****

padsies: BAHAHAHSHAAA

bakamoonyasf: @padsies yoU DID THIS TO HIM TOO??

padsies: yeth

pwonggy: HELP ME FIX IT

pwonggy: MOONY DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX IT

bakamoonyasf: NO MY PHONE HAS BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE LAST YEAR

padsies: omg i love my life

padsies: my next target is marlene

pwonggy: what about wormtail??????

padsies: no

padsies: wormatil is my protégé

padsies: my precious

padsies: no harm shall come to wormtail

wormysoftboy: i luv uu

padsies: ilyt

pwonggy: UNFAIR

wormysoftboy: i find it fair

wormysoftboy: wormfoot friendship at its best ♥️

padsies: WE LOVE TO SEE IT

bakamoonyasf: im enraged

bakamoonyasf: prongs would you please continue with your universe analysis cause i cant stand
sirius anymore.

padsies: then kneel bitch

pwonggy: OK THEN

pwonggy: CONTINUING

pwonggy: OK so there *is*, indeed, a parallel universe with different versions of ourselves

pwonggy: how do i know?

pwonggy: cause i’ve been told

pwonggy: by who, you ask?

pwonggy: by myself

padsies: “that’s not a reliable source” - Cardi B

pwonggy: so i was wondering

pwonggy: how does one get to the parallel universe? to the alternate reality?

pwonggy: there must be a way

pwonggy: a portal, maybe?

pwonggy: and if there’s a portal, how do you open it?

pwonggy: so paracetamol

bakamoonyasf: ...??? simply like that??

bakamoonyasf: nothing links to paracetamol?

bakamoonyasf: you just assumed, out of nowhere, that the way to open this portal is through
taking a certain amount of paracetamol??

pwonggy: it seemed kinda obvious

bakamoonyasf: ..huh????

padsies: i hate that he has a point

bakamoonyasf: whERE IS THE POINT????

padsies: idk but its somewhere

pwonggy: NO BUT THINK ABOUT IT

pwonggy: haven't u guys ever seen that theory that those drugs like shrooms and stuff actually
make us see the world how it *actually* is??? and when we’re “sober” we kinda have this filter on
that stops us from seeing things that when under the influence of those drugs we do see??

pwonggy: why would it be different with paracetamol?

bakamoonyasf: do yoU WANT ME TO ANSWER THAT??

pwonggy: look i know im being a genius rn and maybe ur feeling intimidated moony cause *ur*
supposed to be the smart on here but hey

pwonggy: dont be a conceited prick, alright?

bakamoonyasf: i-

bakamoonyasf: just pls dont tell me ur actually gonna *try* taking all those paracetamols and
getting to a parallel universe

pwonggy: OH NO

pwonggy: WHAT DO U TAKE ME FOR??

pwonggy: do u think im stupid????

pwonggy: no no i could never do such thing

pwonggy: its so bad for your health and it could end badly

pwonggy: what if (i dont think i am) what if im wrong??? then what??

pwonggy: no no

pwonggy: too dangerous

pwonggy: its just gonna have to be a question i wont ever have the answer for

pwonggy: but it is what it is

padsies: im glad ur health is ur main priority prongs

pwonggy: forever and always

pwonggy: and it should be everyone’s main priority!

pwonggy: having said that

pwonggy: i gtg

pwonggy: chloe ting calls for meee #NoPain #NoGain

pwonggy:

wormysoftboy: lol

wormysoftboy: so

wormysoftboy: are we partying this weekend??

pwonggy: didnt u listen to anything i said???

wormysoftboy: i did

wormysoftboy: but still bro

wormysoftboy: yolo

wormysoftboy: i wanna get wasted

padsies: LOL

padsies: well idk abt tomorrow

padsies: i have a bunch of school stuff to do ... have a gigantic piece to finish

padsies: and i know marlene has a huge assignment due monday that she hasn't even touched yet

padsies: so idk if everyones gonna be game

wormysoftboy: ugh
wormysoftboy: ok so TGIF is a no

wormysoftboy: saturday??

padsies: uhm

padsies: idk

wormysoftboy: whyyyyy

padsies: kinda busy

bakamoonyasf: yeah me too :/

wormysoftboy: wormy is squinting suspiciously

wormysoftboy: u two are so boring

padsies:

[Charity Work]

2:28PM

remusisdelusional: so....saturday??

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: yeah i just thought we’d do something??

siriusisdumb: we mentioned it

siriusisdumb: sorry i shouldnt have assumed

remusisdelusional: no
remusisdelusional: sirius lol

remusisdelusional: its fine

remusisdelusional: obviously

remusisdelusional: we did mention it

remusisdelusional: and im glad u remember lmao

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: well of course i do

siriusisdumb: i’ll alwaaaays remembeeer yooouu

remusisdelusional: what song is that

siriusisdumb: no idea

siriusisdumb: just came up with it

remusisdelusional: genius. so original.

siriusisdumb: right???

siriusisdumb: OMG forgot to tell u

siriusisdumb: there's this song

siriusisdumb: that really reminds me of you

remusisdelusional: what song

siriusisdumb: fuck you by lily allen

remusisdelusional: HAJSJAHAHAHHSHSSAJAH

remusisdelusional: HAHAHASHSHAJSJHA
remusisdelusional: UR THE ACTUAL WORST

siriusisdumb:

remusisdelusional: well funny enough

remusisdelusional: there's also a song that reminds *me* of *you*

remusisdelusional: i dont fuck with you

remusisdelusional: big sean

siriusisdumb: AWWW

siriusisdumb: UR THE CUTEST EVER OMG

remusisdelusional: arent i

siriusisdumb: yes

siriusisdumb: so much

remusisdelusional: LMFAOOONEIEJVC

siriusisdumb: well

siriusisdumb: but there is

siriusisdumb: actually a song

siriusisdumb: that reminds me of you

remusisdelusional: lol what now

siriusisdumb: no

siriusisdumb: like really

remusisdelusional: hmmm

remusisdelusional: and what is it

siriusisdumb: my favorite part

siriusisdumb: mac miller

remusisdelusional: oh

remusisdelusional: i’ve never heard it

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: well lol

siriusisdumb: ok so saturday??

siriusisdumb: we can see what we’re gonna do

siriusisdumb: tomorrow is friday so we’re not doing anything i imagine so we can maybe see each
other idk only if u want

siriusisdumb: anyway hit me up if anything

siriusisdumb: byesies

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

2:43PM

frankiegrande: [screenshot.jpg]

frankiegrande: i hate myself

janelynch: really living up to the “chaotic gay” part of the gc’s name huh

frankiegrande: MARLENE
frankiegrande: i hate myself

frankiegrande: why do i TALK

frankiegrande: like who allowed me to TALK

janelynch: im still looking for them

janelynch: and i swear its on sight once i find the bastard

frankiegrande: MARLENE

frankiegrande: COME ON DUDE

janelynch: ok ok bitch relax

janelynch: he said he’s never even heard the song before

frankiegrande: BUT HE’S GONNA LOOK UP THE LYRICS

frankiegrande: omg i quite literally just told him “hey like ur beautiful wtf i love every single part
of you”

frankiegrande: should i just say i love you already??

janelynch: yeah lol

frankiegrande: STOP

frankiegrande: and god he didnt even say anything ????

frankiegrande: like he didnt even say “oh i have a cute song that reminds me of you too”

frankiegrande: IM SO STUPID

frankiegrande: STUPID LOVESICK IDIOT

frankiegrande: god im so embarrassed

janelynch: maybe because he said “oh idk this song” and u went “well lol ADIOS”
frankiegrande: I PANICKED

frankiegrande: I THOUGHT HE’D KNOW MAC MILLER

janelynch: its a character flaw, yes

janelynch: but apparently he doesnt

janelynch: bro dont fret

janelynch: look

janelynch: breathe alright

janelynch: saturday ur going out with him and u’ll talk to him

janelynch: rip off the bandaid

janelynch: but thats until saturday

janelynch: today is thursday

janelynch: come get high with me and mary

frankiegrande: at almost 3pm??

frankiegrande: dont u have that giant assignment to get done

janelynch: i have my priorities sorted

janelynch: so??

janelynch: im going to mary’s anyway and u know she’s always got the good stuff

frankiegrande: tempting

frankiegrande: ok

frankiegrande: going

[Mean People's Simps]

3:01PM
remus: hey

remus:

remus: HELP

dorcas: oooohhh i love this song

dorcas: mac miller is one of my favorite artists

dorcas: didnt know u listened to him

remus: I DONT

remus: sirius told me this song reminds him of me

remus: anD I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE SONG WAS

remus: AND I WAS LIKE UHM NEVER HEARD OF IT LOL

remus: CAUSE WE WERE ALSO KINDA TEASING EACH OTHER TELLING EACH OTHER
TO FUCK OFF THROUGH SONGS

remus: he’s so funny he started with it honestly i cannot deal.

remus: AND THEN HE WAS LIKE NO IM SIRIUS NOW

remus: BROOOO ****SERIOUS

remus: (tell marlene to keep her phone near her when sirius is around btw. trust me)

remus: AND HE SENT ME THIS AND THEN I SAID I DIDNT KNOW THE SONG AND
THEN HE WAS LIKE OH OK WE’LL TALK LATER

remus: and now i. dont know what to do ??

dorcas: i-

dorcas: this is the cutest shit ever

dorcas: like. omg.

dorcas: i think *i* wanna start hooking up with sirius like damn what an adorable human being i
think im in love with him

remus: bitch dont you dare

dorcas: LMFAOOO JUST KIDDINGGG

dorcas: but

dorcas: anyway

dorcas: relax babe

dorcas: dont worry

remus: i lost the opportunity to say something nice back

dorcas: you didnt lose the opportunity

dorcas: are u still going out with him this weekend?

remus: yeah

dorcas: then dont worry

dorcas: relax

dorcas: wanna come over do some yoga?? chill a bit??

dorcas: i’ll light up an incense

remus: yes

remus: yes pls

remus: omw

[MoonFlower <3]

3:16PM

therealslimmoony: hi

therealslimmoony: are u busy this sunday?

gingertaylorswift: hiii

gingertaylorswift: sunday??

gingertaylorswift: no i dont think so

gingertaylorswift: why??

therealslimmoony: do u wanna go grab some lunch with me?

gingertaylorswift: wow

gingertaylorswift: why u asking me so early on lol

therealslimmoony: i wanna talk to u

gingertaylorswift: oh

gingertaylorswift: oh ok!

gingertaylorswift: yeah sure!!!

gingertaylorswift: would love to

therealslimmoony: ok

therealslimmoony: ok ok

therealslimmoony: ok

gingertaylorswift: ....ok??

therealslimmoony: ok

gingertaylorswift: this is not the fault in our stars bitch goodbye

[Charity Work]

7:33PM

remusisdelusional: the prettiest star

siriusisdumb: what?

remusisdelusional: the prettiest star

remusisdelusional: david bowie

remusisdelusional: reminds me of you

siriusisdumb: oh!

siriusisdumb: oh ok

siriusisdumb: okokok

remusisdelusional: yeah lol

siriusisdumb: i love it
siriusisdumb: i love that song

remusisdelusional: i love it too

remusisdelusional: so much

siriusisdumb: :))

remusisdelusional: uhm also i listened to that song u said

remusisdelusional: earlier today

siriusisdumb: oh

siriusisdumb: how did u like it??

remusisdelusional: loved it

remusisdelusional: not really my style

remusisdelusional: but idk

remusisdelusional: was surprised

remusisdelusional: i really loved it

siriusisdumb: oooh im so glad!!

siriusisdumb: i love it a lot

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: can i come over

siriusisdumb: yeah 100%

remusisdelusional: :)))
[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

7:39PM

frankiegrande: im gonna explode jesus christ

janelynch: so nothing out of the ordinary here

 CHAPTER 41: A Game Is A Game
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

12:34PM

rawrdorkyXD: JUST LEFT CLASS HOES

rawrdorkyXD: TGIF!!!

rawrdorkyXD: anyone wanna go for drinks????

fireballswiftie: oh my god?

fireballswiftie: its not even 1pm yet

rawrdorkyXD: but its fridaaayyy

rawrdorkyXD: who’s game for a lunch with cocktails???

buddyvalastro: MEEE

buddyvalastro: cause apparently thats all we’re gonna get today cas

rawrdorkyXD: what????

rawrdorkyXD: wdym

buddyvalastro: yeah

buddyvalastro: sirius has school stuff, so does ur gf

buddyvalastro: and i dont even think there’s any parties happening this weekend

buddyvalastro: these before-1pm cocktails are all we’re gonna get

rawrdorkyXD: NOOOO
rawrdorkyXD: are you serious??

rawrdorkyXD: @dilfloverasf see that? ;)

dilfloverasf: ur on my list

buddyvalastro: yes im serious

buddyvalastro: apparently our friend group is a complete BORE

buddyvalastro: i hate it here

marleynotbob: soRRY THAT I DONT HAVE TO FUCKING COOK FOR HOMEWORK????

buddyvalastro: MY HOMEWORKS DONT INVOLVE ONLY COOKING, MISS THING.

buddyvalastro: BUT I DO THEM BEFOREHAND SO THAT IM >FREE DURING THE

WEEKENDS<

buddyvalastro: NOT MY FAULT YOU SPEND THE WEEK GETTING HIGH INSTEAD OF
DOING UR WORK

marleynotbob: AUDIBLE GASP

marleynotbob: NO I DO NOT

buddyvalastro: marlene at this point ur natural odor is weed

buddyvalastro: come on

marleynotbob: IT RELAXES ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH?

marleynotbob: AND UR ONE TO TALK MR HERBS

buddyvalastro: I NEVER SAID I DIDNT GET HIGH BUT I PREFER DOING IT ON THE
WEEKENDS

buddyvalastro: FIX UR SCHEDULE MCKINNON

himbosupremacy: aaand wormy is pissed

buddyvalastro: YES IM PISSED I WAS PLANNING ON FORGETTING MY OWN NAME

THIS WEEKEND

himbosupremacy: you can forget ur name next weekend!

buddyvalastro:

rawrdorkyXD: peter are you joining me for lunch or not???

buddyvalastro: yeees plssss

marleynotbob: im coming too!!

buddyvalastro: not miss laganja

marleynotbob: bRO SORRY IF UR HAVING LUNCH WITH MY LITERAL GIRLFRIEND

AND I WANNA JOIN

buddyvalastro: ur on thin ice with me, mckinnon

marleynotbob: why have y'all been treating me so poorly these past couple days???

himbosupremacy: taste of your own medicine?

marleynotbob: HA HA

marleynotbob: funny potter

marleynotbob: i’ll come back stronger

marleynotbob: you’ll see

rawrdorkyXD: ok kelly clarkson lets go

[Charity Work]

12:48PM

remusisdelusional: come have lunch with meee

remusisdelusional: im gonna order something

siriusisdumb: oooh yes

siriusisdumb: what's on the menu??

remusisdelusional: i was thinking some thai??

siriusisdumb: I LOVE THAI

remusisdelusional: i knooow

siriusisdumb: COMINGGGG

[Pea & Bees]

3:09PM

mckinnonslovergirl: are we really not doing anything today??

mckinnonslovergirl: im so boreeed
potterslovergirl: :(( i dont think we are

potterslovergirl: half of us have stuff to do

potterslovergirl: and we went three times already in less than 2 weeks

potterslovergirl: maybe lets just stay in

mckinnonslovergirl: “three times in less than 2 weeks”

mckinnonslovergirl: THATS OLD PPL TALK

mckinnonslovergirl: WE’RE YOUNG

mckinnonslovergirl: WE NEED TO ENJOY OUR EARLY 20S

blacksloverboy: it doesnt matter cas

blacksloverboy: there isnt even anything we *could* do

mckinnonslovergirl: :((

mckinnonslovergirl: i could go out just pete and me but im not taking care of drunk peter on my
own

mckinnonslovergirl: so thats a no

mckinnonslovergirl: and marls has stuff to do so im only seeing her a little later today but i’ll have
to come back to my dorm at some point

mckinnonslovergirl: UUUGHHH

potterslovergirl: yeah im going to james’ in a bit but i’ll be back around 8

mckinnonslovergirl: remus i assume ur ... busy already

blacksloverboy: i’ll leave that to ur imagination

mckinnonslovergirl: i really dont wanna leave that to my imagination, thank you

mckinnonslovergirl: i rlly wanted to do something :(((((

potterslovergirl: dont sulk honeybun

potterslovergirl: soon enough we’ll be out partying

potterslovergirl: we just have to be responsible for a moment

potterslovergirl: grown adults!

mckinnonslovergirl: i hate being a grown adult

[Marlene McKinnon & Dorcas Meadowes]

3:21PM

dorcas: can i come over nowwww

marlene: LMFAO of course you can

marlene: you dont even have to ask

marlene: but i might not be able to give u much attention :(

marlene: unleeeess u wanna help me with my assignment

marlene: its for my contemporary political ideologies class

dorcas: marlene im an environmental biology major do you think i know anything about
contemporary politics ideologies???

marlene: ur smart!!!

marlene: im sure u can provide me some ideas!!!

dorcas: uuuuugh

dorcas: i’ll awake my big brain then

dorcas: ONLY if you promise me a good cuddle

marlene: you have my word

dorcas: AAAHHH ILYSM OMWWWW

[Charity Work]

5:02PM

siriusisdumb: ok we need to sort this out

siriusisdumb: what are we doing tomorrow

remusisdelusional: hmmm idk

remusisdelusional: u can choose

siriusisdumb: i have no idea

remusisdelusional: me neither

remusisdelusional: not pizza again tho

siriusisdumb: no yeah def not

siriusisdumb: maybe that mexican restaurant james and lily went to??

siriusisdumb: james said it was really good

remusisdelusional: oooh yeah that sounds nice

remusisdelusional: mexican it is

siriusisdumb: perf

siriusisdumb: wAIT
siriusisdumb: OH SHIT

remusisdelusional: what??

siriusisdumb: FUCK I LEFT ONE OF MY RINGS AT URS

remusisdelusional: one of the 13 rings you wear at once???

siriusisdumb: YES

siriusisdumb: can you look for it for me????

remusisdelusional: you saw the state that was my room im not gonna find it now

siriusisdumb: MOOOOONY PLSSSS

siriusisdumb: I NEED TO KNOW IF MY BABY IS SAFE

remusisdelusional: i am safe, thank u

remusisdelusional: lol

remusisdelusional: uh i’ll look for it

remusisdelusional: oh it was just under my bed

siriusisdumb: SIRIUS SIGHS WITH RELIEF

siriusisdumb: thank you very much

siriusisdumb: u can give it back to me tomorrow

siriusisdumb: keep it safe

remusisdelusional: i WILL you idiot

siriusisdumb: MY HEROOOO

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:54PM

buddyvalastro: thinking about how i would be on the line to get a beer rn....

buddyvalastro: i would be dressed in my fave burgundy jacket....

buddyvalastro: pitbull would be playing through someone’s speakers

buddyvalastro: i would be happy.

fireballswiftie: oh my GOD LMFAOOONECENCCN

fireballswiftie: ffs pete

simmermary69: im with u peter!

buddyvalastro: SHES ALIVE

simmermary69: yes im alive?

simmermary69: a goddess like me is IMMORTAL

simmermary69: i just spent the entire day finishing all my stuff for school

simmermary69: tO FIND OUT WE’RE NOT GOING OUT TONIGHT ???

simmermary69: i feel BETRAYED

simmermary69: my heart: shattered

marleynotbob: sorry guys

marleynotbob: but its hard out here for a bitch

marleynotbob: i had to kick my girlfriend out an hour ago

marleynotbob: do you understand how much im struggling???

rawrdorkyXD: our cuddling sesh was so good

dilfloverasf: CUDDLING SESH, GIRL IN RED???

dilfloverasf: SO YOU WERENT STUDYING

marleynotbob: YES I WAS SHE WAS HELPING ME BUT WE TOOK A BREAK TO

CUDDLE

marleynotbob: oooh boy u’ve clearly never had a wlw cuddle omg its irresistible

rawrdorkyXD: i love one (1) woman

marleynotbob: ILYT !!! SO MUCH !!!

dilfloverasf: why are you so nice to her??

marleynotbob: what??

dilfloverasf: ur so nice to her ur literally the biggest bitch to us

sexymoonman: for the love of god no keeping up with the kardashians quoting tonight. thank you.

fireballswiftie: please

marleynotbob: fuck they clocked it

sexymoonman: what
dilfloverasf: we quote the kardashians sometimes and wait to see if anyone catches on

himbosupremacy: BIBLE!

dilfloverasf: YUP

marleynotbob: sirius, would you stop taking pictures of yourself? james is going to jail

marleynotbob: im saving this one for next year when james gets us kicked out from hog’s head

simmermary69: LMFAOOOO

himbosupremacy: not cool!

buddyvalastro: does anyone wanna play among us??

sexymoonman: god no

rawrdorkyXD: i’ll pass

buddyvalastro: uuuhhh online uno??

marleynotbob: i hate uno

dilfloverasf: only cause u dont know how to lose

dilfloverasf: and u *always* lose

marleynotbob: not true

simmermary69: yes it is

marleynotbob: thats homophobic

dilfloverasf: come up with *your* catch phrase bitch

buddyvalastro: GUYS CAN WE PLEASE JUST DO SOMETHING

fireballswiftie: UGH ok

fireballswiftie: how about 2 truths 1 lie

sexymoonman: what are we, 12 years old??

fireballswiftie: hmmm

fireballswiftie: truth or dare??

sexymoonman: what are we, 11 years old???

himbosupremacy: OMG TRUTH OR DAREEE

marleynotbob: but how would we do the dare

fireballswiftie: we could do an online dare??? or something that would be visible for someone else
to see???

fireballswiftie: like marlene if u picked dare sirius could see if u actually did it yk

fireballswiftie: idk if that makes sense lmfao

marleynotbob: no yeah i got it

marleynotbob: ok i’ll play truth or dare

simmermary69: me too

dilfloverasf: yeees

rawrdorkyXD: hiphip!!

sexymoonman: do u guys really wanna play truth or dare??

sexymoonman: cant we just idk

sexymoonman: go on netflix party and watch something together??

buddyvalastro: STOP BEING OLD MOONY

buddyvalastro: TRUTH OR DARE TRUTH OR DARE TRUTH OR DARE

sexymoonman: yeah we’re *clearly* 11 years old

rawrdorkyXD: OK I’LL START

rawrdorkyXD: james

rawrdorkyXD: truth or dare

himbosupremacy: so we’re just gonna randomly pick who’s gonna ask who??

rawrdorkyXD: yes because i make the rules

rawrdorkyXD: come on potter

rawrdorkyXD: truth or dare

himbosupremacy: to start off easy

himbosupremacy: truth

rawrdorkyXD: hmmm

rawrdorkyXD: OOH I KNOW

rawrdorkyXD: who was your first kiss???

rawrdorkyXD: JNCJECURCJC

buddyvalastro: LMFAOOOONCENEUCU

himbosupremacy: idk why ur laughing! im not ashamed!

himbosupremacy: my first kiss was with the beautiful mr padfoot ♥️

marleynotbob: NO WAY

marleynotbob: LMFAOO

dilfloverasf: yes way! we were 13

dilfloverasf: and i gotta say, he’s very gentle

dilfloverasf: 10/10 would recommend

fireballswiftie: i constantly feel like *im* the mistress

himbosupremacy: ur my one and only forever lilyflower <3

himbosupremacy: ok

himbosupremacy: now to sirius then

himbosupremacy: truth or dare

dilfloverasf: here we go

dilfloverasf: dare
marleynotbob: jesus

himbosupremacy: i dare you

himbosupremacy: OMG

himbosupremacy: i dare u to text my mum and say ur straight

dilfloverasf: BOY- LMFAOOOO

simmermary69: DO IT PLEASE OMG

buddyvalastro: DO IT DO IT DO IT

dilfloverasf: ICJCUDCUE OK OK

dilfloverasf: hold on

[Euphemia Potter & Sirius Black]

10:23PM

sirius black: hey effie

sirius black: are u busy??

Euphemia Potter: Hello Love ...

Euphemia Potter: Not at all when it comes to you..

sirius black: i kind of need to talk to you about something..

Euphemia Potter: Oh..!

Euphemia Potter: Is Everything Alright , Beta ???

sirius black: uhm... sort of

sirius black: its just something i have to tell you

Euphemia Potter: Sure thing, angel

sirius black: i’m straight

sirius black: effie?

Euphemia Potter: Yes ?

sirius black: i’m straight. i’m not gay

Euphemia Potter: No you are Not

sirius black: what??

Euphemia Potter: You are not Straight , Sirius

Euphemia Potter: You are Queer ..

sirius black: effie, things change

Euphemia Potter: Sexualities do not change, Sirius !

Euphemia Potter: You are born Queer , you die queer!

Euphemia Potter: It’s how things are..! And you are my son.. My beta... My beta is Gay ...

Euphemia Potter: Honestly Sweetie , I Love you and Jamie more than anything ... But Straight
??? Really..?? I Expected so much more ....
Euphemia Potter: But it is your life, I believe ...

sirius black: DJIDCIWIDJNCJWS

sirius black: IM KIDDING!!!!

Euphemia Potter: You are grounded ..

[It’s Fucking Brunch Time Bitches]

9:34PM

dilfloverasf: DONE

dilfloverasf: [screenshot.jpg]

sexymoonman: KDNCKECWCWDCN OMG

fireballswiftie: PLEASE THE DISAPPOINTMENT-

marleynotbob: imagine almost getting disowned for the second time

marleynotbob: and for the exact OPPOSITE reasons

dilfloverasf: some things only i can master!

himbosupremacy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHSH YEEEES

himbosupremacy: good job pads

dilfloverasf: thank you very much

dilfloverasf: now

dilfloverasf: to marlene
dilfloverasf: truth or dare

marleynotbob: oh god

marleynotbob: dare

dilfloverasf: OOOH

dilfloverasf: break up with dorcas and marry me??

marleynotbob: BITCH

rawrdorkyXD: BOY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND CAUSE I’LL HELP YOU FIND IT

marleynotbob: dare denied

marleynotbob: thank you tho

fireballswiftie: LMFAOOOO sirius you literally just wasted the opportunity of daring her to do
something good

dilfloverasf: it was worth it for me even tho my heart is bwwoken now

marleynotbob: im gonna throw up

marleynotbob: MARY

marleynotbob: truth or dare

simmermary69: truth

marleynotbob: HA

marleynotbob: I WAS HOPING YOU’D CHOOSE TRUTH

marleynotbob: so

marleynotbob: tell us, marilyn, what was the real nature of your hookup with mr remus john lupin
all those months ago??

simmermary69: MARLENE

sexymoonman: shit im involved

himbosupremacy: ooooh i had forgotten u two had slept together once LMFAO

marleynotbob: always a great reminder tbh!

marleynotbob: speak up princess!

simmermary69: oh come on marlene

sexymoonman: no no

sexymoonman: now *i* wanna know

simmermary69: ok

simmermary69: but pls dont get mad

simmermary69: i slept with u to deny my feelings for emmeline

sexymoonman: WHAT

sexymoonman: LMAOOO

sexymoonman: YOU USED ME???

simmermary69: LOOK I DIDNT USE *YOU* I USED MY HOOKUP WHO

COINCIDENTALLY HAPPENED TO BE YOU
sexymoonman: so i was basically a rebound??

simmermary69: ...yeah basically

simmermary69: BUT HEY

simmermary69: everything turned out fine cause im dating her now and we’re friends

sexymoonman: i was just a body...

simmermary69: yeah you were just a body

simmermary69: BUT I STILL LOVE YOU!!

simmermary69: @marleynotbob SEE BITCH U TRIED TO CAUSE DRAMA AND IT DIDNT

WORK

simmermary69: HA

marleynotbob: oh fuck off

marleynotbob: NO FUN YOU TWO

marleynotbob: THESE GAMES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SCANDALOUS

marleynotbob: ARE SUPPOSED TO MAKE US ALL GASP

marleynotbob: but apparently i chose the wrong friend group

simmermary69: too bad booboo

simmermary69: ok

simmermary69: LILY

simmermary69: truth or dare

fireballswiftie: ooooh dare!!

simmermary69: perfect
simmermary69: go outside. and scream ur credit card info

fireballswiftie: BITCH

fireballswiftie: IM NOT DOING THAT

simmermary69: its either that or going outside and running around naked

fireballswiftie: credit card it is!

rawrdorkyXD: is anyone’s building near hers so we can get it recorded?

simmermary69: mine is

simmermary69: she’s in slytherin a and im in slytherin b

simmermary69: why do you think *i* asked??

simmermary69: i saw a really cute pair of boots at harrods last week that i really want

fireballswiftie: BITCH

fireballswiftie: HARRODS IS A HIGH END STORE

simmermary69: exactly

simmermary69: go ginger go!

simmermary69: [video.mp4]

simmermary69: AAAND HERE WE GO

simmermary69: enjoy loves

dilfloverasf: omg you just did gods work

dilfloverasf: thanks for the piercing im getting next week lily!! ♥️

fireballswiftie: i hate the life i have settled for.

fireballswiftie: NEXT THEN

fireballswiftie: PETE BOY

buddyvalastro: YAYYYY MEEE

buddyvalastro: DARE!!!

fireballswiftie: hmmm ok

fireballswiftie: i dare you to rank us

fireballswiftie: from prettiest to ugliest

sexymoonman: OH LILY COME ON

simmermary69: lily...

fireballswiftie: WHAT

fireballswiftie: ITS A GAME

fireballswiftie: AND I WANNA HEAR THE TRUTH

fireballswiftie: peter is always speaking facts

buddyvalastro: oh its easy

buddyvalastro: 1) me

buddyvalastro: 2) lily

buddyvalastro: 3) everyone else

buddyvalastro: 4) sirius

sexymoonman: LMFAOOONEJCIEVIIVE
marleynotbob: SO TRUE LMAOOOOO

himbosupremacy: BRUUUUUUUHHH HAHAHAHAH

dilfloverasf: YOU TRAITOR

dilfloverasf: I WAS DEFENDING YOU YESTERDAY

dilfloverasf: YOU WERE MY PROTÉGÉ

buddyvalastro: pads ily but its just my opinion!

buddyvalastro: ur still beautiful on the inside ♥️ thats what counts

dilfloverasf: IM SUPERFICIAL, YOU RODENT

buddyvalastro: sorry! but i was dared! a game is a game!

buddyvalastro: aaand moving on

buddyvalastro: MOONYYYYY

sexymoonman: oh fuck no

sexymoonman: im not playing

himbosupremacy: YES YOU ARE

himbosupremacy: COME ON MOONY

marleynotbob: dont chicken out remus

sexymoonman: i dont like this game

buddyvalastro: yes you do!

buddyvalastro: come on

buddyvalastro: truth or dare

sexymoonman: not playing

dilfloverasf: moony just play with us

dilfloverasf: its fun

sexymoonman: i hate you all

sexymoonman: truth

fireballswiftie: OH NO

fireballswiftie: he chooses dare

sexymoonman: what????

fireballswiftie: remus every time you play (which is really not that many) you choose truth

fireballswiftie: and all the questions you answer with a shrug saying “wouldnt you like to know”

sexymoonman: lol

fireballswiftie: peter

fireballswiftie: give him a dare

sexymoonman: FINE

sexymoonman: dare then

sexymoonman: but a reasonable one

buddyvalastro: hmmm ok

buddyvalastro: oooh

buddyvalastro: post a nude on your instagram!!

sexymoonman: no????

buddyvalastro: :((

buddyvalastro: ok guys i need help

himbosupremacy: go run around naked??

sexymoonman: no

marleynotbob: send ur dad a nude and pretend it was an accident

sexymoonman: EW WTF

sexymoonman: NO??????

sexymoonman: NO ONE IS SEEING ME NAKED.

rawrdorkyXD: remus come on just pick something u still have to truth or dare me

rawrdorkyXD: and im starting to feel sleepy

simmermary69: oooh remus

simmermary69: send ur mum a text and tell her u got a girl pregnant

sexymoonman: she would have a heart attack

fireballswiftie: send her a text and say *i* got a pregnant

sexymoonman: she would DIE

sexymoonman: look

sexymoonman: give up

sexymoonman: i pass my turn

sexymoonman: dorcas

sexymoonman: come on

sexymoonman: choose one

buddyvalastro: NOOO MOONY DONT BE A SPOILSPORT

buddyvalastro: CMON PLAY WITH US

buddyvalastro: IM SURE THERES SOMETHING YOU’D DO

buddyvalastro: OOOOHHH

buddyvalastro: OH I KNOW

buddyvalastro: I KNOW

buddyvalastro: HA

buddyvalastro: i dare you, remus lupin, to admit that ur in love with padfoot!!

fireballswiftie: oh my god

buddyvalastro: HAHAH

buddyvalastro: moons???

himbosupremacy: what now??????

rawrdorkyXD: oh shit
[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:22PM

frankiegrande: ??

frankiegrande: marlene?????!!!

janelynch: !!!!!

janelynch: idk!!!!!

frankiegrande: im shaking

frankiegrande: marlene

frankiegrande: what do i do

janelynch: go talk to him!!

frankiegrande: right now???

janelynch: yeahhhh

janelynch: just text him and then go over there and kiss and kiss and kiss!!!

janelynch: go get ur man!!

janelynch: tell himmmm

frankiegrande: ok

frankiegrande: wtf

frankiegrande: omg ok

janelynch: !!!!! :))))))

[Charity Work]

10:31PM

siriusisdumb: hey

siriusisdumb: well uhm

siriusisdumb: wormy’s got quite the mouth on him huh lol

siriusisdumb: but uhm

siriusisdumb: actually in a way i’m kinda glad he said something ..??

siriusisdumb: uhm cause

siriusisdumb: idk about u but

siriusisdumb: i’ve been kinda wanting to talk to u ??

siriusisdumb: for a while now

siriusisdumb: and i know these aren't the best .... circumstances hahah

siriusisdumb: but like

remusisdelusional: he was joking

siriusisdumb: what??

remusisdelusional: peter

remusisdelusional: he was joking

remusisdelusional: i mean u know how he is lol

remusisdelusional: always joking and whatnot

siriusisdumb: he was joking..????

remusisdelusional: uhm yeah

remusisdelusional: you know peter

siriusisdumb: oh

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: actually i think he might’ve just mixed up the names honestly

siriusisdumb: the names?

remusisdelusional: yeah uhm

remusisdelusional: i think he meant to say

remusisdelusional: lockhart

siriusisdumb: what??

siriusisdumb: lockhart??

siriusisdumb: gilderoy lockhart?

remusisdelusional: yes

remusisdelusional: i’ve been

remusisdelusional: seeing him

remusisdelusional: too

remusisdelusional: so

siriusisdumb: you’ve been

siriusisdumb: how would peter know??

remusisdelusional: oh he

remusisdelusional: he gave me a ride to his place last week

siriusisdumb: a ride to his place????

remusisdelusional: yes

siriusisdumb: you never told me

remusisdelusional: i didn’t know i had to

siriusisdumb: but

siriusisdumb: you’ve been sleeping with other people?

remusisdelusional: yeah

remusisdelusional: you haven’t??

siriusisdumb: well, no

siriusisdumb: since

siriusisdumb: since we started

siriusisdumb: i thought you knew

remusisdelusional: no

remusisdelusional: i didn’t

remusisdelusional: and i thought we were in the same page about this not being sirius

remusisdelusional: fuck ****SERIOUS

siriusisdumb: yeah but

siriusisdumb: really???

remusisdelusional: yeah really

remusisdelusional: sirius i told you about you not having to hold your self off for me

remusisdelusional: don’t say i didn’t warn you

siriusisdumb: “don’t say i didn’t warn you” ???????

siriusisdumb: are you fucking kidding me right now?????

siriusisdumb: we’ve been sleeping together for MONTHS for you to not even TELL me you’ve
been seeing other people??????

siriusisdumb: you fucking asshole

remusisdelusional: i didn’t think i had to tell you such thing

remusisdelusional: i was clear from the beginning

siriusisdumb: oh my god

siriusisdumb: i’m so fucking STUPID

siriusisdumb: i really

siriusisdumb: oh my god

siriusisdumb: and you know that don’t you?????

siriusisdumb: you fucking KNOW how stupid i am

remusisdelusional: i don’t think you’re stupid

siriusisdumb: you must be LAUGHING right now

siriusisdumb: you fucking IDIOT

siriusisdumb: literally you can just call me stupid i don’t mind

siriusisdumb: please remus, don’t hold anything back because of *me*

remusisdelusional: hey come on

remusisdelusional: don’t say that

siriusisdumb: “don’t say that”

siriusisdumb: you’re a rightful bastard, you know that?????

siriusisdumb: you think you know SO MUCH

siriusisdumb: everything has to be YOUR WAY

siriusisdumb: sorry to break it to you, but you know SHIT

remusisdelusional: i know

siriusisdumb: honestly i’m begging you to just call me stupid to my face, just save me the trouble

siriusisdumb: im just so fucking tired of this

siriusisdumb: im fucking tired of YOU

remusisdelusional: sirius

remusisdelusional: i would never call you stupid

remusisdelusional: look

remusisdelusional: i worded myself badly

remusisdelusional: really, really badly actually

siriusisdumb: and why are you still bothering to reply?????????

siriusisdumb: you’re probably on your way to someone from your list of hookups of the week,
aren't you???

siriusisdumb: please, don’t waste your time with me!

siriusisdumb: you know what

siriusisdumb: i’m actually just gonna make this easier for you

siriusisdumb: since you’ve been seeing so many people

siriusisdumb: i’m sure one less won’t be much of a difference

remusisdelusional: sirius

(siriusisdumb blocked remusisdelusional)

remusisdelusional: sirius

(Calling siriusisdumb...)

CALL DECLINED

(Calling siriusisdumb...)

CALL DECLINED

(Calling siriusisdumb...)

CALL DECLINED

[Chaotic Gay + Mean Lesbian = Ellen DeGeneres]

10:53PM

frankiegrande: can you come here

frankiegrande: right now

janelynch: ????? wtf

janelynch: i thought you talked to him

 frankiegrande: i did

frankiegrande: and i really need you rn

frankiegrande: marlene

frankiegrande: please

frankiegrande: are you coming or not???

janelynch: yes yes i’m omw

janelynch: i’ll be there in 2

janelynch: don’t worry

Chapter End Notes

sooo.... im going to starbucks does anyone want anything???

- effie calls sirius “beta” in the sense of “son” :)

 CHAPTER 42: Bingo For The Himbo!
Chapter Notes

this chapter stays mostly in just 1 groupchat. hope you enjoy (arent i so funny!)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[They Don't Know We Know]

11:19PM

(lily evans added james potter)

marlene: PUTO IDIOTA YO NO PUEDO CREER

marlene: COMO PUEDES

marlene: JURO POR MI MADRE MUERTA

marlene: ÉS BUENO QUE ALGUIEN ESCONDA MIS CUCHILLOS

marlene: TAN ESTUPIDO

marlene: JURO POR TODO

marlene: YO LO MATARÉ

marlene: MARCA MIS PALABRAS

dorcas: .....

lily: uhm

mary: she’s angry

mary: marlene switches to full spanish when she’s either drunk or angry

mary: when she’s drunk AND angry then..... good luck

mary: marlene
mary: cálmate

marlene: MARIA YO NO CONSIGO CREER EN ESO

mary: called me maria

mary: she’s furious

mary: give her a moment

peter: guys i’m so sorry

peter: oh my god i’m feeling terrible

peter: i shouldn’t have said anything

peter: holy shit

dorcas: its not your fault pete

dorcas: you did nothing

peter: i opened my mouth

peter: i dont know what i was thinking

peter: i thought he’d laugh it off or joke about it

peter: or really maybe just ignore it like he always does

lily: don’t worry peter

lily: ur definitely not the one in the wrong here

lily: honestly a mess had been brewing for a while now

lily: im surprised it took fairly long for everything to explode

peter: but *still*

peter: i still shouldnt have said anything

peter: my god i feel like absolute rubbish rn

mary: i mean yeah *maybe* it would've been better if u ... hadnt said anything

mary: but dont stress it pete

mary: you never had bad intentions, it was just a joke that landed (really) badly

mary: *something* was gonna happen eventually with you having said something or not

james: i’m still so confused

james: i need explanation

james: context

james: anything

marlene: ok im calmer now

marlene: barely

marlene: but im back to english

dorcas: where are you

marlene: at sirius’

marlene: he just explained everything to me

marlene: honestly lily WHAT THE FUCK

lily: ????? why me????

marlene: remus is *your* best friend

lily: yeah but that doesnt mean i have to take responsibility for the shit he does

lily: when he fucks up im always the first one to call him out
lily: and also, btw

lily: what the fuck did he do????

lily: i saw sirius' tweet but

lily: marlene ur the only one that knows

marlene: well

marlene: our dear and beloved moon boy

marlene: just flat out told sirius

marlene: “hey lol i’ve been sleeping with other ppl all this time hahah dont get mad tho like we
have nothing going on anyway”

marlene: (through texts btw, which makes everything just so much more pleasant)

dorcas: what???

marlene: yeah!

marlene: also

marlene: he’s been sleeping with fucking LOCKHART????????

mary: huh?

marlene: yeah!!!!

mary: that guy he went home with back in november??

marlene: the one and only!

marlene: @peter and he said that YOU gave him a ride to his place last week

marlene: were you perhaps too busy to tell us?

peter: what??

peter: i didnt do that

marlene: its what the gem said

peter: i didnt

peter: like i couldn't even have done it

peter: my car was at the mechanic all week last week

peter: i only got it back yesterday

mary: now *im* gonna pull a james and say that im really fucking confused

james: i still am btw

james: what is going on

james: im trying to piece all of this together but

james: nothing

marlene: lily why do you have to date a himbo

lily: respect my man hoe

james: thanks babe

dorcas: james

dorcas: haven't u been noticing anything different abt remus and sirius??

dorcas: in the past idk

dorcas: almost *4 months*

james: well no not really

james: i mean

james: not like sirius + remus

james: but about sirius yes

james: he told me he’s been liking this guy

james: never told me the name tho

james: so idk

mary: bruh you were THERE

james: what?

mary: you literally said “sirius + remus”

mary: ........

james: wdym

james: wait

james: omg

james: wait really?

marlene: share ur thoughts potter

marlene: they’re rare we need to hear them

james: MOONY AND PADFOOT?????

james: TOGETHER????

marlene: bingo for the himbo!

james: OH MY GOD

james: OH MY GOD??????

james: OH MY ... GOD!!!!!

dorcas: yeah

james: AND YOU *ALL* KNEW?????

lily: well

marlene: look i knew sirius had a crush on remus since before we even knew his name

marlene: so its not my fault that i knew when they finally hooked up

mary: yeah same for me

mary: sirius told us before anything happened

mary: there was no way remus could stop us from knowing

lily: i always suspected it

lily: at first i was kinda joking really but then idk

lily: it seemed too obvious that there was something going on

lily: remus never exactly told me tho

lily: scratch that

lily: never told me at all

lily: like refused to tell me

dorcas: and i just caught remus leaving sirius’ one day

dorcas: so he had to tell me

dorcas: but i knew it before then

lily: i knew it too, remus just didnt know

lily: doesnt know

james: @peter and you?????

peter: i knew they were gonna fuck the first moment i saw them in the same room

james: BROOOOO

peter: IM SORRY BUT IT WAS TOO OBVIOUS

peter: THEY WERE ALWAYS JUST SO ALL OVER EACH OTHER

peter: i cant believe u didnt see it prongs

james: WELL I DIDNT

james: AND NONE OF YOU TOLD ME

mary: remus didnt want anyone to know

marlene:

james: does he know all of us know??

marlene: well he definitely knows *i* know

marlene: and cas obviously

marlene: but mary and lily i dont think so

mary: definitely not

james: i cant believe they didnt tell me

james: i cant believe *sirius* didnt tell me

dorcas: remus asked him not to tell anyone

dorcas: well

dorcas: didnt *ask* him

dorcas: but he didnt want people to know

marlene: puto inmundo

lily: marlene

marlene: dont start defending him evans

lily: im not DEFENDING him

lily: its just

lily: you guys dont get it

lily: its all

james: so its just been going on for 4 months???

mary: pretty much yeah

james: but like WHEN

james: when did it start happening?

james: i didnt notice any change

peter: the first time was at that party you threw so you could talk to lily, prongs

james: dude..

james: u could’ve just said “the party you threw in november” bro

peter: i had to specify!!

lily: james you threw a party just so you could talk to me????

james: ...mayhaps

lily: AWWWW

lily:

dorcas: can we like

dorcas: focus

dorcas: marls how is sirius

marlene: bad

marlene: crying

mary: crying??

marlene: yeah

mary: shit

mary: he’s not a pretty crier

marlene: definitely not

marlene: im trying to distract him but literally nothing works

marlene: i asked if he wanted to listen to some charli xcx

marlene: he’s a club house gay he loves charli xcx

marlene: but he started crying MORE

marlene: i’ve never seen such thing

james: try asking him if he wants to watch 10 things i hate about you

james: its one of his favorite movies

marlene: ok good idea

marlene: FUCKING STARTED CRYING MORE

marlene: WTF IS GOING ON

marlene: DOES LITERALLY EVERYTHING REMIND HIM OF REMUS????

dorcas: they do spend an unhealthy amount of time together

dorcas: where are you

dorcas: like is he next to you?

marlene: no im sitting on his desk chair

marlene: he’s in his bed staring at the ceiling

marlene: occasionally he’ll mumble something like “im such an idiot” and stuff like that

dorcas: sweetheart :(((

lily: this doesnt make any sense to me

lily: like it doesnt add up

lily: remus has *not* been sleeping with gilderoy that i know

lily: he would’ve told me that

lily: i mean he didnt want to tell me abt sirius but he would’ve told me abt other ppl

lily: but he never did

lily: and like where would he even get the time to spend with someone else that isnt sirius

lily: i swear they cant go 12 hours apart

marlene: its what he told sirius

lily: maybe he lied

lily: i think he lied

mary: why would he have lied????

lily: i

lily: its complicated

marlene: he’s an asshole if he lied

marlene: i mean fucking hell

marlene: wait

marlene: wait wait everyone shut up

dorcas: we are TEXTING everyone is quiet

dorcas: what's going on??

marlene: there's a knocking on the door

marlene: HAHA

marlene: this bitch is brave, i’ll tell you that

dorcas: did sirius hear it

marlene: yes

marlene: he’s staring at me like

marlene: duDE HE WONT STOP

[Marlene McKinnon & Remus Lupin]

11:38PM

marlene: would you please stop with the knocking??

remus: marlene

remus: please

remus: i just wanna talk to him

marlene: well ur not going to

marlene: not now

remus: look im a dumbass

remus: i just really need him to hear me

marlene: no

marlene: sorry

remus: marlene please

remus: i’ll sleep in the corridor

remus: i can wait

remus: i dont mind

remus: please

[They Don't Know We Know]

11:43PM

marlene: i cant believe this

marlene: brb

[They Don't Know We Know]

11:51PM

marlene: ok

marlene: i told sirius to go take a shower

marlene: and i went outside to go talk to remus

dorcas: you made him *leave his room* to go to the shower block ?????

marlene: rich boy has an in-dorm bathroom

lily: i thought he was here with a scholarship

marlene: he offered to pay for the dorm if he could get his own bathroom.

marlene: yes. obnoxious. wbk.

marlene: anyway

marlene: i went outside

marlene: and we had a little talk

peter: omg did u hit him

marlene: no i did not hit him

marlene: he looked too miserable to be hit

marlene: but i told him that he should just leave

marlene: and not bother sirius

marlene: for a long time

marlene: and that if sirius ever wanted to talk to him again then he’d look for him himself

marlene: but that for now he just really has to leave him alone

marlene: he asked me to ask sirius to unblock him

marlene: and i was like “boy read the fucking room u cant ask me that”

marlene: but then he was like “yeah ok ur right im sorry i shouldn't have asked”

marlene: i told him that he really fucked up with someone that really cared about him and that
there might be no way back now

marlene: so yeah i just told him to leave and leave sirius alone cause he was just so tired of it all

marlene: and yes @lily he did lie

lily: really??

lily: did he tell you that???

marlene: he did

marlene: he said “i haven't been sleeping with anyone since him, just so you know. its only been
him”

marlene: and i said “well its a shame you told him otherwise”

marlene: (ended him)

marlene: idk what he expected me to do

marlene: and then he left

lily: i knew he’d lied

lily: i know him

lily: i think i should go to his

mary: yeah it might be a good idea lils

james: marls do u want me to come help??

marlene: no its fine dont worry

marlene: he needs someone .. logical rn

marlene: james if u saw him crying u’d start crying too and i would just lose my shit

marlene: maybe wait until he’s calmed down

james: .... yeah i would

james: ur right ok

marlene: but honestly how much of an idiot do you have to be to LIE

marlene: like wtf

marlene: its not like he hurt him with the truth

marlene: he CHOSE to hurt him

marlene: it was a CHOICE

lily: marlene

lily: stop

marlene: lily you cant defend him

marlene: you know he fucked up

lily: i know he did thats not what im saying

mary: lily im sorry but he's been quite the dick to sirius for a long time now

mary: marls and i had been trying to tell sirius but he wouldnt listen

mary: i mean he *knew* but he just liked him too much

mary: dont defend remus

mary: he just didnt care enough

lily: of course he cared

lily: haven't you guys been here all this time????

lily: remus didnt have to tell *me* anything for me to see how much he cares about him

marlene: then why did he do all this bullshit?????

marlene: im still trying to understand

lily: its just

lily: you guys weren't there

lily: a year and a half ago

lily: you just dont know what i know

mary: then tell us

mary: cause fucking hell

lily: this is not my story to tell

dorcas: lily

dorcas: this is not the moment to “respect people’s privacies”

dorcas: its too late for that

dorcas: im sorry, it sucks, but i think it’d be better if you just tell us

lily: ok

lily: fine

lily: look

lily: remus was dating this guy

lily: kingsley

lily: he was from durmstrang

james: that uni 30 min from here??

lily: yeah

lily: they met at a bday party of a mutual friend

lily: and remus was instantly hooked

lily: like the guy was a stunner

lily: all tattooed, pierced all over, eyeliner and everything

lily: does that ring any bells???

marlene: keep going

lily: so they started dating shortly after

lily: and you know everything was great

lily: remus adored him

lily: even *i* liked him

lily: he was so funny and charming and nice

lily: and remus was happy, so what could i say

lily: but i’ve always known he was just too good to be true

lily: but remus fell in love

lily: and blah blah blah

lily: and then

lily: kingsley cheated on him

lily: at a party, and *i* saw it

lily: told remus, he was devastated

lily: kingsley apologized “idk what happened, i was drunk” and all that bullshit

lily: what did remus do? he forgave him

lily: everything was great again

lily: and then it happened again

lily: and then again and again

lily: and remus kept taking him back

lily: bc u know he was in love with him

lily: and it was just so ugly

lily: remus was miserable all the time

lily: he lost count of how many times kingsley cheated on him

lily: it was terrible

lily: and i just had to sit there and *watch* because he just wouldnt listen to me

lily: but then eventually he got tired, and broke it off

lily: went to kingsley’s

lily: and .... it wasn't pretty. at all.

lily: kinglsey instead of being like “yeah ur right i fucked up and i accept that u want to break up”

lily: he blamed everything on remus

lily: basically said that if remus wasn’t so “remus” then he would’ve been just fine

lily: that it was all his fault

lily: that remus couldn’t blame him for cheating on him

lily: and that he was the one who ruined the whole relationship

mary: holy shit

dorcas: are you kidding??

lily: not even a little bit

dorcas: give me this kingsley guy’s address istg its on sight

lily: lol he transferred to germany last year

lily: so sorry cas but you cant go after him

dorcas: i’ll find a way

marlene: so remus just thought sirius would be like kingsley because they have the same fashion
style???

marlene: from what ur describing since the very first moment i think he’d be able to tell that sirius
is definitely not like him

lily: marlene didnt u understand????

lily: kingsley blamed the entire relationship on remus

lily: and he BELIEVED it

lily: he still does, he’ll tell you if you ask him

lily: which is so fucked up

lily: i just

lily: i think he lied, and was so strong abt keeping it all a secret bc he just really cared about sirius

lily: owning up to an actual relationship would lead to remus hurting him

lily: thats how his mind works

lily: im NOT defending him, im well aware he fucked up, but i see where he’s coming from
because i was there

lily: i dont think he ever meant to hurt sirius at all

lily: i think what he was trying to do was the complete opposite

lily: but by doing that, he hurt both sirius and himself

marlene: im sorry but he still fucked up

dorcas: marlene

dorcas: come on

marlene: look im SORRY

marlene: no one’s perfect, i know that

marlene: trust me, i do

marlene: we all have flaws, thats what makes us HUMAN ffs

marlene: i mean fucking hell

marlene: i know i can be pretty insensitive at times

marlene: and sometimes i feel like im so mean without even realizing that i think im too toxic to
my friends

marlene: mary is self absorbed as shit

marlene: dorcas and lily both of u are really nosy, and intrusive

marlene: peter cant read a fucking room to save his life, which we got a clear example of today

marlene: and james is a fucking larrie

james: hey!!!!

marlene: potter. its a character flaw. you have to work on it.

mary: she’s right

dorcas: yeah
james: :((((

marlene: and sirius is not perfect, I KNOW

marlene: aren't i the one who’s always saying that???

marlene: he’s the biggest people pleaser ever

marlene: its annoying

marlene: and its really bad for him

marlene: and yes remus can be selfish, thats one of his flaws

marlene: we’re all human for that, we all have flaws

marlene: i KNOW

marlene: but just because we KNOW we’re flawed it doesnt excuse our mistakes

marlene: we still have to apologize

marlene: and most importantly, we have to try and fix those flaws

marlene: some we cant, and its fine, but the ones we can we have to TRY

lily: i know marley

lily: i do

lily: but you have to know its not as easy when those flaws come from something that happened to
us

marlene: lils i know

marlene: fuck man

marlene: i love remus

marlene: he’s one of my closest friends, i fucking LOVE him

marlene: and im not mad at him

marlene: im mad at what he did, and those are 2 different things

marlene: i know i can get a little bit aggressive when it comes to sirius, and that i’m very
protective over him
marlene: but its just

marlene: me and him its just different ok

marlene: you’ll never see me talking like this about him again so enjoy it while it lasts

marlene: but you hurt him, you hurt me

marlene: and it works both ways

marlene: he’s family to me

marlene: now dont get jealous potter

marlene: he’s still your brother

marlene: but its just.... its not so easy to not get overprotective of him when he’s also of me

marlene: its just how we work

marlene: i’d give my fucking left leg to him without even hesitating if he asked

marlene: but you wont ever see me hugging him

marlene: but yeah

marlene: im sorry if im being a bit .... too much

marlene: but idk man

lily: its fine

lily: i get it, moony and i are very similar to this

lily: but its just yk

lily: its not like remus is a monster

lily: shit happened to him

marlene: i know

marlene: sorry im just stressed

marlene: its just this whole thing

marlene: like

dorcas: ???mary wtf ?????????

lily: ???

james: what happened

marlene: what did she do now

dorcas:

dorcas: right now ????? really ???

mary: look we have to try and help the best we can

mary: i solemnly believe a picture of me could easily lighten up the mood

mary: at the very least

james: ffs

lily: what, do you expect them to bond over a picture of you???

lily: “omg look how hot mary is” “right???” “yeah also im sorry” “ok i forgive you”

mary: well in my mind they would compliment me a bit more before moving on to other topics but
ur version is fine ig

peter: jesus christ

mary: pete you can just call me mary, its fine

marlene: didnt i say she was full of herself??

mary: gotta live up to that then

lily: anyway.... moving on

lily: i just got to remus’

lily: he wont open the door

lily: i’ll give him 30 more seconds before i break in

peter: how are you gonna break in?????

dorcas: breaking in???? what a badass

lily: ....i have the spare key

lily: ok fuck this brb

 lily: ....

lily: crying ?

marlene: really?????

lily: mhm

lily: this is so scary

lily: i haven't seen him cry in so long

lily: should i pat his back

lily: give him some tissues??

dorcas: BITCH *YOU’RE* HIS BEST FRIEND

dorcas: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD KNOW

lily: I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

Chapter End Notes

mary's fancast is tamika fawcett! :)

Works inspired by this Oneshot:

one Get Off Your Phone, Marls!! by kitchenr011

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