No one gets me,

All the time I am asking my parents if I look different to others because I have always found I
am being treated differently to others. Things need to be explained twice to me and no one
wants to take the time out of their day to explain it to me, I just get told I should have
listened. The kids at school have always treated me as the innocent dumb friend and that
I’m cute that I don’t understand, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. But right now, I feel that
way, at the moment I feel like I can never do any right anymore. My teachers are always
asking for more, when I physically can’t give them anymore, my mom is always asking me to
be tidier, but I don’t have the time, with dance, schoolwork, friends, family there is always
something going on that I need to sort out. I have wandered a little from the point of this
that nobody gets me, no gets that I hide my feelings from others, people have bigger
problems than me so I feel that my small insignificant problems get pushed down and then
more get added and they get pushed down and then it just builds up. No one gets how I
think, it takes me ages but even thinking is difficult, in my head when people talk, I turn
their words into coloured letters and then I read what they have just said to myself then I
have to read it again to understand it. I am even doing it right now. It sounds very confusing,
and it is but as I assume no one gets it. I have adapted a phrase that I say all the time ‘you
know?” no one ever does, but I say this to see if anyone understands me, people find it
funny that no one understands me, I definitely don’t, I find it very frustrating. There is one
thing I get clearly in my head, that is dance. Its my thing. It always has been. No words, no
writing, no numbers, it’s just movements and music. That’s my language. I understand it
clear as day. When others don’t I am first to help out, this is because I don’t get that in
everyday life so I want to help others understand, which is something I don’t. I don’t get
myself sometimes, ill cry and I wont know why, ill say something and I dint know why, ill do
something and I don’t know why. I did all of those recently and I told the only person I fully
trust and I’m still left confused. I don’t know what I wanted them to say or react, I just
wanted to be told that mistakes happen, but I told this person in a way they couldn’t
understand how I was feeling. I texted it. I have always hated texting; group chats are the
worst. What this person doesn’t know is how and when I texted them, I was sat in my dad’s
car, away from everyone else tearing up and waiting for a responds. I feel like I spend a lot
of my time waiting recently and there will be a lot more of it to come.

No one gets how I get treated at work, most days its all good nothing too bad I can’t handle
but other days its terrible. It makes me angry what they say. If I was a boy, they wouldn’t be
saying any of it. But It’s because I’m a girl and somehow its ok to say.