Red=Revisions/Edits Blue=Take out completely Green=Awkard

When I found out that it was the last late-start day of the school year, I was overwhelmed with relief. Finally, my daily five-hour sleep will be extended another houror so I thought. Sadly enough, my joyous celebration came to an end when my mom came into the room to remind me to sleep early(NOT NECESSARY; THESE WORDS CAN BE BETTER UTILIZED). As it turns out, I had to go with my parents to renew our U.S. residence papers the next morning; just my luck (REVISE IT SO YOU GET STRAIGHT TO THIS SITUATION). I woke up as grumpy as I had slept, for I was actually an hour short of my daily sleep. As we drove to the office miles away, I could not help but mumble to myself the bitterness I felt for being sleep-deprived. Just when I thought things could not get worse, my dad announces that I will be late to school. At that moment, I thought I would once again surrender to Murphys Law. Nothing could have been worse than being late on late-start day. ^^THE ENTIRE TWO PARAGRAPHS ABOVE CAN BE GREATLY SIMPLIFIED; GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. NO NEED TO MAKE IT DESCRIPTIVE (YOU DONT NEED TO GO INTO SO MCUH DETAIL ABOUT HOW YOU FELT) I SAY TAKE OUT ESSENTIALLY THE PARAGRAPHS ABOVE and just start with the growing up paragraph. Remember to mention how you immigrated from Vietnam at a late age and how you had difficulty transitioning to the American culture. Talk about the world (how you left Vietnam in the pursuit of better opportunities).

Being the only English speaker amongst the three of us, I had to fill out our papers and direct my parents to their seat. We ended up sitting there waiting for quite some time. My mom then handed me my green card and ID. I could not recognize that tomboy in the picture. There was hardly a resemblance between us. And yet, if it was not for that little girl, I would never become who I am today. Growing up, I hardly knew what a normal childhood was. At the age of six, my normal was defined as weekly encounters of bullies, daily lonesome walks around the school campus during breaks, and constant frustration over trying to understand my fellow classmates and teacher (REMEMBER TO TALK ABOUT THE REASON YOU WERE BULLIED WAS B/C THE OTHER KIDS SAW YOU AS DIFFERENT SINCE YOU COULDNT SPEAK ENGLISH AND STUFF). Though these experiences could have scarred me, it became my

biggest motivation to make a change in my life (THESE EXPERIENCES HAVE TAUGHT ME TO NOT LET OTHERS PUSH ME DOWN OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES). I was so determined to learn because I was utterly frustrated and humiliated (sounds a bit dramatic; write so that you give out the impression that you wanted to learn English not for others (nor to stop getting bullied and wat not) but to assimilate and adapt to the american society) for not knowing a word of English. Gradually, with each new word added to my vocabulary, I became among the top students in my class. Now, I am acknowledged among my peers and teachers as a dedicated and well-rounded student with a number of leadership roles in my school and community (IF YOU ARE GOING TO INCLUDE IT, YOU NEED A STRONGER LINK B/E YOUR TRANSITION TO AMERICAN SOCIETY TO YOUR EVENTUAL LEADERSHIP ROLES; THE COMMUNITY SERVICE/LEADERSHIP ROLES PART FEELS TACKED ON). However, beside that little girl were pictures of two young, hopeful faces of my loving, yet stubborn parents. Amidst my prior experiences, my parents careful guidance has also molded my aspirations. Their hardships over the years to attain a home of our own and daily necessities have stirred me to work harder and endeavor for higher goals(THIS, ALONG WITH YOUR TRAVELS TO THE U.S. FROM YOUR PREVIOUS LIFE, SHOULD REPRESENT THE WORLD YOU COME FROM). As my parents back bend more and more each year through their minimum-waged jobs, my fingers have developed bumps through the tedious hours I have dedicated toward my school work. Their perspiration inevitably has become my inspiration over the years. Thus even with their English deficiency, they too have directed me down a path of a brighter futurewhere even Murphys Law cannot get the best of me (dont mention murphys laws; the admission ppl might not be as nerdy as us and prob. Wont understand it =)).

YOU MUST TALK ABOUT YOUR DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS AND HOW THE WORLD YOU COME FROM HAS INFLUENCED YOUR DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS. REMEMBER TO ANSWER THE PROMPT ENTIRELY.

SPEND I SAY AT MOST 150 WORDS (IDEALLY LESS) TO TALK ABOUT THE WORLD YOU COME FROM.

THIS ESSAY IS BASICALLY ASKING YOU WHY YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE. MAKE IT CLEAR AND OBVIOUS.

REMEMBER TO CRAFT EACH ESSAY SO THAT EACH ESSAY COMMUNICATES CERTAIN TRAITS (DIFFERENT ONES FOR EACH ESSAYS).

CALL ME IF YOU NEED ADDITIONAL HELP! =)